#undrunkconfessions

[undrunkconfessions]

My True FairyTale - If we want honesty, then I want men to be the sensitive, emotional, fearful, and lonely creatures they really are - that most hide. 

I want the “princes” in every damn Disney movie to act like they love the princess but still flirt with or even fuck another girl. I want the princess to find out he’s a liar, but I want her to still give him another chance. I want her to still shower him with love, look at him as one who holds no flaws. I want him to tell her she’s perfect, unique, worthy, and enough. I want him to say he’ll do whatever it takes to make her happy, because she deserves it. I want the Disney movies to show a scene of how the prince is laying on his bed listening to music and overthinking about whether or not the princess’ love is true and for him. I want them to portray how deep the prince overthinks everything. And how he may even cry because he thinks he’s not enough. Or doesn’t deserve anything. 

And then one day, I want the prince to ignore her. Everything he said he would do, he never did. He never would do. And I want the Disney movies to show how the princess is sad, but to explain that she’s sad because of the side of her she lost. And lastly, I want them to portray that there is never a promise to a happy ever after. That life is messy. That life can intrude someone’s thoughts. That only perception is the true reality. And that we should follow our intuition. And if we don’t know how, well, we better fucking learn to love ourselves first. 

[undrunkconfessions]

Imp3rfections

You know, we start off at a young age with a preconceived idea of what love is or how it should look like. We are introduced to fairytales which in the name itself, displays contradiction. Our mothers tell us what to look for in men, our fathers tell us to stay away from them in general. Our elementary school categorizes both genders as having a viral disease, or in other terms, 'cooties'. And as we grow up, we can't help but compare our relationships to how other preconceived thoughts expect them to be. What I don't understand is, why. Why does society feel the need to put a stamped opinion on whether a relationship is categorized as good or bad, healthy or unhealthy. Shouldn't this be done by the person themselves? Do you believe people change? Do you believe people actually have the ability to change their mindset, an alteration of one's true being? Do you believe that a person can change another? Perhaps, a soulmate? Speaking of which, do you believe in soulmates? and why? If there is such thing as a soulmate, how do you know? is it the typical saying, 'when you know you know?' or is it a spark that flares every time you see that person. or is this both? If you ask me. If you ask me what I believe, if you ask me if I have felt this flared spark. I'd tell you no. I'd tell you that I once thought my life changed when I met one individual. And yeah, call me crazy. Tell me I shouldn't have that much desire for another person like I once did for him. I say my life changed, I say that because for a moment it did. For a moment I started viewing the world in wonder. More than I did before. And yeah, when I'm finished writing this, hopefully you'll understand that I don't regret anything in life. I live day by day, and meeting him was a day I would never take away. But, Have you ever met someone that by just one look, by one glance, one smirk, you find yourself emerged in their soul? and its not someone you even have time for your mind to start going off with 'holy fuck he's hot' or 'fuck me now', kind of vibes (lol). But seriously, someone who by just one look and your whole body goes numb, your eyes can't look away, your heart slows down with every slow exhale you take. Because in all one full second, you feel divergent. You feel as if everything around you is frozen, and your eyes flutter. You see his stainless, caring eyes and its like he pulled you in. He pulled you in with no words, nothing. And tell me, can you guess, what happens next? You cave. You cave in, unintentionally, but full heartedly. His mischievous ways, he knew exactly what he was doing. And you don't think about it, you follow your heart, right? Because as little girls we were raised by fairytales and happy endings that if you follow your heart you get your prince. But this is the misconception of worldview. This is why we must know virtue. Because if we get that wrong, we get it all wrong. So, you slip into his bed. And he sets fire to every part of your body. He awakens you, gives you new breath. What you have been craving and longing for, this one guy had. And you feel like he held this recipe for how to satisfy your every need, in his back pocket. Like he was designed to meet you. Like that one look, that one glance, that one smirk, was the universes plan. And you tell yourself it was meant to be. You tell yourself that what you feel, he feels too. Because how could he not? How could he not feel that unspoken spark? But then.You find yourself waiting, expecting a text. . or a call. And then it hits you, you realize what happened .. just.. happened. But then of course, like us ladies tend to do, we go to our best friend/s. And we pour out everything in detail - and this is when the table can turn, or flip. Your friends will either tell you that what you feel is magical and real and everything you must go after. Or, your friends will tell you to accept what was and continue to just live your life moving forward. And how you choose what path to go down, determines, ultimately.. how bad you want your heart to break, or not. So of course, we politely thank our friends and agree. But ladies common now, we still make this decision for ourselves. I mean, no matter how obvious the situation is, we still tell ourselves what we W A N T. and men, let me be the first to say... we, we do what we want. and we do it in a fucking complicated matter. We tell ourselves that no matter the situation, that theres still a chance that they are wrong. That he really does like you, that he really did feel something, that maybe he's busy or playing hard to get or what the fuck ever. So we do what our friends recommended, we live our lives moving on...but with him in the back of our head. As if theres a string attached and every time a new male comes in, He yanks the string and your soul shuts the other male out. But. You start comparing what you're going through in this weird, undefined, relationship. You tell yourself you deserve better. But lets pause. Why do we do this? Why the hell , and when the hell, did we start to say we deserve better. and what the fuck does that actually mean? this is the problem with media, we're told at such a young age that men are suppose to take care of the women, that they work while the wife stays at home to clean... now, I'm not writing this to start a debate or come off as feminist. I'm simply giving my view, saying that as women we're told to act a certain way and choose our men a certain way. Pause. Side note: I'm not saying men weren't raised with a certain expectation either. But simply, thats not what this topic is about. Un-pause.. And if we don't, based off societies expectations, what happens to our heart, well..... doesn't fucking matter because we didn't fucking listen to the 'rules'. If you can't tell by the amount of 'fucks' I just wrote, this irritates me. The fact that we're meant to be so precise and nitpick on who we choose to like, disgusts me. We should like who we like. We should do what we like to do. We should make our own decisions. and why do things need to be labeled? Personally, I love communication. I think with solid communication and understanding, there is no need for a label. Who cares? A piece of paper justifies your love for one person? Fuck that. I love and I love hard, and I love, loving. And when I meet my soulmate, if I haven't already, then we both know this. We both know our love, and we love hard. That should be it. Anyways, I derailed. So soon enough you realize that night meant nothing to him. But, you realize you start changing. You start reading things you've never read before, just so you can share similar interests. You realize you start prioritizing ways to make yourself better; to stand out. You loose interest in your desires and start focusing on him. You place him on this pedistole, you tell yourself your not good enough so you get your hair done. You wear a little more makeup, and/or you go to the gym more often. . . and don't lie to yourself because we do this. And honestly, ladies, its normal. But my question is why? why is it normal for women to feel the need to make themselves better for someone whom gives two absolute shits. Love is free. Kindness, is free. Living life for one person, that isn't living. Living life with your soulmate, together, thats living. Thats living freely.