#uncle zenkichi conspiracy board

[yusuke-of-valla]

Whumptober Day 4: Fun Uncles

AO3

Written for the prompt: Shock

Nineteen years ago…

When the last mourner leaves there’s an air of finality. Like now that they’ve finished with the funeral, Dad is really dead.

Zenkichi, Tsuru, and Mom all just sort of sit around the family room, not saying anything, until someone’s stomach growls.

“Tsuru, could you please make some dinner?” Mom asks.

Tsuru wordlessly gets up and heads into the kitchen, but soon enough there’s a loud crash and the sound of plates breaking.

“Damn it, Tsuru!” Mom snaps, and Zenkichi follows her into the kitchen, where Tsuru’s standing, surrounded by shards of ceramic. 

“Sorry, I was just—”

“I don’t want to hear it! Go grab something to clean this up.”

Tsuru hangs her head and runs out.

“That girl, she doesn’t know how lucky she is, beautiful, never has to worry about her weight, if she could be bothered to behave properly men would be lining up to marry her,” Mom huffs. “Couldn’t even wear proper clothes throughout the whole ceremony.”

“Mom, it’s hot out. You know Tsuru doesn’t do too well in the heat, especially not decked head to toe in black. Dad certainly wouldn’t want her collapsing from heatstroke just because of him.”

“Even more reason she should focus on being a proper housewife! She can’t even go out, so she could damn well learn to keep house.”

“Ok, ok, I think we’re all tired,” Zenkichi says. “How about we just call Oishi’s and get some food delivered. One less thing to worry about.”

Tsuru comes back in with a broom. 

“You’re bleeding,” Zenkichi says as Mom snatches the broom out of Tsuru’s hands.

She starts sweeping the mess, and Zenkichi pulls Tsuru into the bathroom where they keep their first aid kit.

“I can do it, it’s not that deep,” Tsuru mumbles.

“Eh, come on, let me do it.”

“How mad is Mom?”

“She’s stressed.”

“Sure, but how mad is she at me?”

“Look, it’s been a long day, she’ll be over it in the morning. We’re gonna call Oishi’s and get some delivery.”

“Can we go pick it up?” Tsuru asks. “When you leave, I won’t have anyone to go out with, might as well spend as much time as I can outside of this place.”

“Why don’t you ask mom? Or one of your friends, didn’t you mention—”

“She doesn’t know about them,” Tsuru says, “for a reason.”

“Tsuru, you’re being dramatic.”

“No, I’m not. She’s worse when you’re not here.” Tsuru sighs. “Hurry up and get a job already so I can move in with you in Tokyo.”

“I still have five more months of training at the police academy. I might not even be stationed in Tokyo, you know.”

“I don’t care. Anywhere is better than here. Anyone is better than her.”

“She’s our Mom.”

“She sure doesn’t act like it.”

“You know she’s only like this because she’s worried about you, right? Now that Dad’s dead, she’s worried no one will take care of you if she dies.”

“Won’t you be around?”

“Well, you know how she is, she thinks that when I’m a family man, I’m not going to have time to look after my baby sister.

Tsuru kicks him. “I’m not a baby, dummy.”

“Sure sound like one, calling people dummy.”

Tsuru cracks a smile for the first time since Zenkichi came home for the funeral. “I guess if three years difference makes me a baby, you can carry me all the way to Oishi’s.”

“Yeah, no.”

“Come on!”

“No.”

Present

According to the forecast, the day they leave Sapporo is the hottest of the summer, and Yusuke can definitely feel that.

He feels like he’s wading through soup with all the humidity. 

“Yusuke? Are you alright?” Morgana asks while  they pack up.

“The heat,” Yusuke says. “And I’m sore from our fight with Shadow Mariko yesterday.” His neck and shoulders hurt, but they’re nothing compared to the pressure in his chest.

“Why don’t you rest for a bit then,” Haru says.

“I don’t want—“

“Nah dude don’t give us any of that ‘I don’t want to be an inconvenience’ crap,” Ryuji says, “rest a bit, we don’t mind.”

Yusuke’s too tired to insist otherwise, so goes to sit on the bench.

He sees Inspector head over to them.

“You kids almost ready?” he asks, but strangely it’s being drowned out by the ringing in Yusuke’s ears. Everything sounds vague and distant, and he can’t follow the conversation at all.

Then Inspector Hasegawa seems to nice him and the Inspector’s immediately concerned 

He opens his mouth to say something that’s probably “Kitagawa?!” but Yusuke can’t hear it specifically because he’s too focused on the way everything’s spinning.

~

“Niijima, call an ambulance. Sakamoto, help me lie him on the ground,” Zenkichi says.

“Wh-what’s—” Niijima stammers but Zenkichi doesn’t have time for this.

Sakamoto helps him lay Kitagawa on the ground. “Good, now raise his feet slightly above his head,” Zenkichi instructs.

“Ok.” Sakamoto does, and there’s a small crowd coming to the scene, but Zenkichi doesn’t even have to tell Amamiya to keep them away.

Kitagawa still isn’t responsive, but starts taking gasping breaths that are fewer and farther between, so Zenkichi moves to perform CPR.

Old habits really do die hard. It’s been years since Zenkichi spent his summers taking CPR training, but his hands move on his own at the right rhythm.

He feels Kitagwa’s ribs cracks, and Sakamoto winces in sympathy, but Zenkichi isn’t bothered. He keeps going until Kitagawa’s eyes flutter open, just as the ambulance arrives.

Zenkichi follows the paramedics, who give him a questioning look, but Zenkichi doesn’t want to bother with it.

“I’m his uncle.”

The paramedic nods and lets him in.

Eighteen years ago…

There’s an inexplicable feeling of dread when Zenkichi comes home. No movement, not from Tsuru in her art room nor Mom in the living room. 

His visit home was supposed to be a surprise, but he didn’t expect them to be out.

After waiting a second, Zenkichi grabs his gun before heading inside. 

He feels some sort of relief when he realizes the door is still locked and has no sign of being forced open. 

Unfortunately, he relaxed too soon.

Because when he enters, he sees his mother’s cold, dead, body at the bottom of the stairs, surrounded by days-old dry blood.

Zenkichi wants to scream, cry, and throw up all at once.

Instead he runs upstairs to check Tsuru’s room.

It’s completely empty, but there are signs of a fight with broken canvases and paint cans that look kicked over. Normally, Tsuru’s window is always locked, but now it’s wide open and there’s the remnants of what looks like a sheet tied to the table. 

Other than that, there’s no sign of Tsuru in the house.

Present

There’s a whirr of activity that eventually settles with Zenkichi sitting in the hospital room with Kitagawa.

A doctor comes in. “Hello, you’re his uncle?” she asks. “Have you contacted his parents?”

“No, they passed away,” Zenkichi says. “But I’m responsible for him at the moment.”

“Do you have his medical information?”

“No, but his mother suffered from hypertrophic cardiomyopathy.” 

“Of course, probably complications from the heat. Make sure he’s rested and hydrated and doesn’t stay outside for too long. You administered CPR?”

“Yes.”

“You did a good job. Cracking the ribs is a normal occurrence so I don’t want you to think—”

“I know, I did it to his mother too,” Zenkichi admits. He’d been absolutely panicked when she collapsed during a school picnic and spent the whole time inconsolable until his father explained he hadn’t made it worse.

“Ah, well I just didn’t want you worrying you did something wrong. You saved his life.”

“Thank you, Doctor.”

“Do you know of any medications he’s taking?”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Well, I’d like to keep him for a bit just to make sure there’s no complications. I’m sure you’ve noticed but he’s severely underweight and suffering from anemia. We might end up keeping him overnight.”

“Alright, thank you.”

The doctor leaves and Zenkichi practically collapses into the nearest chair.

God, he’s more exhausted than he’s been in a long time. They’ll probably end up staying in Sapporo an extra day and—

Oh. Oh no.

Zenkichi pulls out his phone and calls Akane.

“Where are you?” Akane asks as soon as the phone picks up.

Zenkichi sighs. “Look, I’m not going to be home tonight.”

“WHAT?! What are you doing?!”

“I’m sorry! I don’t want to do this, but your cousin had a heart attack.”

“Huh? Grandma and Grandpa didn’t—”

“No, on my side of the family. My sister’s son.”

“Are you serious? You can’t come up with a better lie?! You only mention your sister sometimes and I sure as hell haven’t met her.”

“It’s really, really complicated. I promise I’ll explain tomorrow.”

“Yeah, whatever. See you.” The line clicks, and Zenkichi throws his head back. Why is his life like this?

“Is that your daughter?” 

Zenkichi snaps his head up, and Kitagwa���s awake. 

“Kitagawa!”

“Lying to the hospital is one thing,” Kitagawa says, “but there’s no need to lie to your daughter for my sake.”

It’s funny that for all Kitagawa inherits from his father, he makes the exact same look as Tsuru did when she caught Zenkichi in a lie. 

Daring him to try and dig himself deeper.

“Er, right.” Zenkichi scratches his head. “Look, Kitagawa. I wasn’t… exactly lying.”

“So what you told the doctor was true? You’re my uncle?”

“You’ve been listening in that long, huh?”

“Why didn’t you say anything?”

The way Kitagwa’s glaring at him, Zenkichi feels a pang of nostalgia. Honestly, it’s been so long, he even misses Tsuru being mad at him. “I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t know the right time. It’s not like I can just walk up to someone I’m investigating and say ‘hey, I’m your long lost uncle!’”

“Are we still just people you’re investigating at this point?” 

“Well…”

Kitagawa’s frown gets deeper. “Fine. Did you know my mother died? Why did you never come to pay your respects?”

“That’s… I didn’t think she’d want me there. Or to have anything to do with you,” Zenkichi says.

“Then tell me why. I think you owe me that, at least.”

Zenkichi takes a deep breath. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Eighteen years ago…

Zenkichi hasn’t slept in weeks. If he’s right, he’s tracked Tsuru to Tokyo of all places. Supposedly someone’s seen her working at this ramen shop, so Zenkichi settles in to a seat by the door, and waits all day.

His tab is pretty expensive by the time Tsuru shows up, slipping in discreetly by the back and relieving a stressed-out high school student. She goes to talk with the owner and locks eyes with Zenkichi.

They stare at each other across the shop for a second, before Tsuru whispers something quickly to the owner, clearly apologizing, then heads over to Zenkichi.

“Let’s go outside,” she says, and Zenkichi lets her lead the way out.

They go around back, and the second they’re out of sight of any cameras, Zenkichi pulls her into a hug.

“Are you ok? You’re not hurt, are you?” 

Tsuru blinks at him. “W-wow, I thought you’d open with yelling.”

“Who’s behind this? The owner?”

“W-what? No, behind what?”

“Who kidnapped you?”

Tsuru groans. “Oh, ok is that how Mom’s dealing with it? Of course not, it’s never her fault.”

“Tsuru, Mom’s dead.”

Tsuru’s face goes pale. “W-what? W-what happened?”

“Blunt force trauma to the back of the head, what do you mean ‘that’s how she’s dealing with it?’”

“I wasn’t kidnapped,” Tsuru says. “I ran away.”

Zenkichi feels his eye twitch. “What?”

“I ran away.”

“What do you mean you ran away?”

“I couldn’t stay in that house anymore, so I ran away.”

“On your own?! Tsuru, do you know how worried I’ve been?! Of all the stupid little—”

“Stupid?! Are you kidding me, I tried to tell you so many times, but you never believed me?”

“What about the canvases then?”

“Mom broke them! She’s been breaking them for years when she’s mad at me!” Tsuru snaps. “And I could never bear to throw them out, so I kept them and left them in my room so she’d remember why I left!”

“I thought someone had broken into your room because you felt like being dramatic?”

“Gah! This is why I didn’t talk to you!”

“Tsuru I haven’t slept in weeks trying to investigate your disappearance and mom’s death.” Suddenly Zenkichi stops, and he steps back from her. “...did you do it?”

“Do what?”

“Did you kill Mom?”

“What? Have you gone crazy?”

“You had a fight, you pushed her down the stairs, and then you panicked.”

“First of all, that’d have to be a pretty hefty shove, and as you’ll remember I can barely throw a ball 30cm. All my life it’s been ‘oh no Tsurur you’re too small for that, yu’re too weak for that, you can’t do that,’ but now you think I can shove someone with 30 pounds on me hard enough to send them down the stairs?!” Tsuru gasps. “Besides, If it was an accident I would have called you.”.

“You didn’t call me when you decided to run away to Tokyo!”

“Because you’d tell Mom, and it wouldn’t be safe for—” Tsuru clutches her stomach and looks away. “That’s different, ok?”

“Then maybe when you left you left the window open and someone broke in and killed Mom,” Zenkichi says. “Either way you still killed her.”

“That’s— that’s not true.”

“Come on, we’re going to the police station.” Zenkichi says, grabbing for her wrist, but Tsuru snaps it back.

“What? N-no, I didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I’m betting you were hired under a fake name,” Zenkichi says. “You may have tampered with a crime scene.”

“I told you I didn’ kill Mom!”

“Well I can’t believe you now, can I?” Zenkichi says. “I thought you’d tell me about something like this, so how can I know you’re being honest with me now.”

“You’re not even working Mom’s case. They wouldn’t let you.”

“Oh so you want to call an officer and wait for a police car?”

“You’re just doing this because you’re mad at me!”

“No, I’m not, I’m acting as an officer of the law, and since you were the last one to see Mom alive, you’re a suspect, and should be interrogated.”

Tsuru looks down on the ground and mutters something.

“What was that?” 

“...I hate you,” Tsuru says without raising her voice. “I’ve been so worried I was wrong not to trust you, and here you are proving my right. I hate you! I hate you so much!” Then she walks off.

“Where are you going?”

“To the police station, that’s what you wanted right? Then once they explain you’re ridiculous for thinking I could kill Mom, then I’ll decide if I ever want to talk to you again.”

Present

Yusuke doesn’t know how to feel after Inspector Hasegawa— should he call him Uncle?— finishes. He grasps for the first thought he can force into intelligible words.

“And after that?”

“I got chewed out for accessing information on a case I wasn’t working on to track down your mom, she showed her train ticket to prove she was already gone by mom’s ETD, and then she never spoke to me again,” Inspector Uncle Hasegawa says.

“Were you still angry with her?”

“I held out for a year being stubborn. Then I didn’t know how to talk to her.”

“Did you know about me? Did you know she’d died?”

“Yes. It’s not like I was stalking her or anything, but I… kept tabs on her. When she died, I’d heard you were living with a family friend, so I figured that’d be better for everyone.”

Yusuke would be lying if he said he didn’t see Hasegawa’s side of things. It’s not like he’d know what to say.

But another part of him is stewing in an ice cold rage. Madarame had always said he should be grateful, that Yusuke had no other family who would want to take him in. Was that just another lie or an accidental truth considering his uncle had never even tried to reach out to him after his mother’s death.

His mother’s death stands out as the one sharp point of the haze of his early childhood, and he remembers it being just him, Madarame, and a few other mourners. If Hasegawa had been there, he never spoke to Yusuke.

Though, given the look on Hasegawa’s face, now’s not the time to go into that. 

So Yusuke swallows his rage. “Can you send the doctor in? I suppose I need to give her my medical information.”

“Oh, sure, of course. I’ll go tell your friends everything.”

Inspector Uncle Hasegawa gets up, and something in his bearing makes Yusuke feels as though he’s only added to the weight the man has been carrying all these years.

[valdrinors-writing]

and another one - persona 4 with persona 5's cast

this is just me spitballing some concepts lol

zenkichi and akane are in dojima and nanako's position. yusuke is in yu's postion (based on the brilliant wolf uncle conspiracy board by @yusuke-of-valla)

makoto is in naoto's position and like naoto is deeply trans coded dressing as a guy to get around work sexism

im thinking sumire in chie's position (both are athletic young woman with big appetites and secret insecurities) but idk who's gonna be the magician - i was thinking ann (with shiho as saki) or someone else - akira would also work as like yosuke he's an outcast

haru as yukiko, writes itself

ryuji as kanji makes a lot of sense - theyre the same picture - but i imagine ryuji's problem is more around his intelligence and anger issues than his sexuality/gender presentation

morgana as teddie is another 'they're the same picture' but i couldnt see him going through the same stuff that teddie does. i think sophia from strikers also fits this role as well - replace bear puns with robot puns and we're set!

akechi in rise's position - hear me out - both have issues with the way the media presents them and struggle to find their true self, both are outwardly completely different to how they behave 'in character' etc. plus navigator akechi is funny

i have no fucking idea where futaba is but tbh she reminds me a lot of both of the sun arcanas and it would be fitting to have her be in that position

morgana as marie - both amnesiacs, a bit grouchy and i love them both equally. imagine ikeman morgana but more surly and grouchy than how he was in royal. perfect

uh yeah thats all i got. im p sure ichinose is the killer instead of adachi bc theyre both similar with maybe the fake out culprits being mishima as mitsuo and maybe akira konoe as namatame?

[yusuke-of-valla]

Technically @askmarietheapprentice made the connection first but I’ve always said we know so little about Yusuke’s family that it’s really easy to justify him being related to a lot of characters, because it’s not like he would know either.

Also also Yusuke’s movie date in P5 is to the Les Mis parody and Zenkichi’s persona is Jean Valjean so like it works pretty well

@yusuke-of-valla made an interesting connection that foxes and wolves are a part of the same animal family… and we dont know much about yusuke’s family… hmmm…………. 

[yusuke-of-valla]

I am only just now realizing how much Zenkichi’s backstory makes the AU where he’s Yusuke’s uncle even more *internal screaming* because like

You’re Zenkichi Hasegawa, you’re a cop, your wife died two years ago, your daughter hates you and you kind of hate yourself because you’ve been forced to drop the case surrounding your wife’s death

You get assigned to this case and while investigating you stop by a coffee shop where there’s a painting that looks eerily similar to your dead sister (who like, best case scenario was already estranged from the family, worst case scenario Madarame actively manipulated your sister’s child to keep him away from the family)

You get bullied mercilessly by some teenagers and then have your mind blown by alternate worlds and talking cats and now you’re working with these teenagers who you are also supposed to maybe arrest at some point

So you get a call to meet the kids in Sendai because they found another Jail and get them access to a launch party, and specifically tell them not to make a scene. They make a scene anyway because their target said a painting by one of the teen’s mother belonged in the trash and while Sakamoto’s trying to convince you that “it wasn’t that bad, seriously I mean Yusuke coulda decked the guy and then we’d be in real trouble” you learn that the painting by the kid’s mom is a self-portrait— the same one that was in the cafe— meaning this kid is your nephew

Your nephew is also specifically the one who cries every time he eats because all evidence points to this being the first time in months where he’s been having regular meals, if not literally since he left Madarame’s.

So you’re kind of left to stew on that and the way to broach the topic of “sooo we might be related?” to the kids who specifically do not trust you

Then while that happens the anniversary of your wife’s death comes up and you’re late to pay your respects and then these kids barge into your house and stay over and it’s actually kind of nice because your daughter is happy for once but this only confirms the fact that she hates you so that sucks.

Then you take a trip to Okinawa and get even more bullied by the group of teenagers until you get chased and cornered by a mob of angry locals who’ve been brainwashed

And now you’re sitting alone in a creepy lab AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T BROUGHT UP THE PART WHERE YUSUKE’S YOUR NEPHEW

[yusuke-of-valla]

So I’ve been working on a proper Uncle Zenkichi AU fic since I beat Strikers almost a year ago now and obviously that isn’t coming together but I do like how this scene turned out even if I’m not sure it’ll even be in the final fic so... here

~

Zenkichi’s sister, Tsuru, had always been the more artistic of the two of them. She just sort of had an eye for color and patterns that Zenkichi could never understand or follow. Maybe if he practiced he’d get it, but it never really interested him so he never bothered. However, even without his sister’s talent, even he could tell that the nursery looked awful

Aoi had been so stressed preparing for the baby, that Zenkichi had hoped he could help by getting this out of the way while she was away at her parents’ for the weekend. They’d discussed what colors and designs they wanted, and Zenkichi made sure to keep track of all of it to be extra sure he got it right. Then it was simply a matter of painting the walls, right?

Easier said than done.

“Wow, Uncle! That looks really bad.” Yusuke pointed out helpfully from behind his mother.

“Yusuke!” Tsuru whispered.

“No, it’s fine,” Zenkichi sighed. “He’s right. I mean, the walls look like they’re melting.”

“You put the paint on too thick,” Yusuke explained. 

Zenkichi collapsed into the nearby kitchen chair. “Aoi’s going to hate me.”

“Aoi will not hate you,” Tsuru said, “because we are going to fix this. She’s not coming back until the day after tomorrow, right?”

“Right.”

“Great! So first things first,” Tsuru knelt down next to Yusuke, “hey bud? How about you start painting over the bears in the corner while I talk with your uncle for a bit?”

Yusuke poked his head around his mother to look into the nursery. “I think they’re supposed to be houses,” he said.

“Flowers,” Zenkichi sighed, not lifting his head from the table. “They’re supposed to be flowers.”

“Why are they brown then?” Yusuke asked.

“I was going for red.”

“Oh well, next time you should--”

“Yusuke!” Tsuru coughed. “Just get started. Let me know if you need help, ok?”

“Ok!” Yusuke happily grabbed a paintbrush and went into the nursery, leaving Tsuru and Zenkichi alone.

“Is he going to be okay?” Zenkichi asked.

“Oh Yusuke’ll be fine. I’ll have to wash some paint out of his hair later but he can handle painting over some stuff.” Suddenly Tsuru stopped. “Oh, shi- I mean shoot, unless there was anything you wanted to keep?”

“Tsuru, even the toddler saw it was a mess, there's no salvaging that.”

“Since when are you such a pessimist?” Tsuru asked. “Water? Tea?”

“I’ll take a coffee with a cup of whisky mixed in.”

“Yeah, no. You clearly need a nap.” She slid a glass of water over to him and sat at the other side of the table. “So seriously, what’s going on? You look like shit, when was the last time you even slept. It can’t just be the nursery.”

Zenkichi lifted his head. “Tsuru, if I can’t paint a room, how the hell am I supposed to be a good father?” 

“Oookay,” Tsuru whistled. “So you definitely need a nap. But to answer your question, you’re gonna be a great dad. That’s just nerves talking! Believe me, I was the same way with Yusuke. The room isn’t some portent of your ability to raise a kid.”

“But if I fuck up with the kid, I can’t just call you to help fix things!”

“Well for one please don’t curse within earshot of Yusuke,” Tsuru said, “and for another, who says you can’t? I called you when I needed someone to watch Yusuke while I was at the doctor’s or working. It’s ok to ask for help.”

“That’s not the same thing!”

“What, are you worried you’re going to drop the baby? You never had a problem with Yusuke.”

“No. What if I, I don’t know, forget to pick her up from school or something?”

“Well then you should pick her up, and apologize. Preferably with ice cream. Then don’t do it again. Put it on your calendar or something.”

“How can you be so flippant?” Zenkichi snapped. 

“I’m just trying to make you see that you don’t need to worry!”

“This is a human child, Tsuru! They’re not something you can take lightly! ”

“I know that! Try raising a kid on your own while holding down two jobs and then we’ll talk about taking things lightly!” 

Tsuru took a sip from her glass. “Da- darn it, maybe I’m explaining this wrong. I know you can fuck up a kid, you know I do. But it takes more than forgetting a few dates or picking a wrong outfit, you know? With those things, it’s like when you fuck up with any person. You apologize and you do your damndest to make sure it doesn’t happen again. You talk and find a way to compromise and you work together. And maybe the kid isn’t as good as that as an adult is, but if you’re patient with them, you can figure it out. The way you fuck up with a kid is not caring at all, or being so stuck in your ways that you don’t listen. Just trying, and letting them know that you’re trying, goes a long way.”

“You make it sound so simple,” Zenkichi sighed.

“Lots of things sound simple on paper,” Tsuru replied. “Or maybe I’m completely wrong and when Yusuke grows up he’s going to have all sorts of issues because his mom asked how he was feeling too much and smothered him and then she died.”

“Now who's being morbid?”

Tsuru chuckled. “All I know, Zen, is what I hated about growing up, and try to steer as far away from that as possible. I just want things to be better for Yusuke. That’s all any of us can really do.”

[yusuke-of-valla]

Post Strikers Akekita + Uncle Zenkichi AU where Goro is surprised when Yusuke invites him to Kyoto to meet his family because last time Goro checked Yusuke’s family was dead, but then Goro was considered dead a month ago so he can’t complain.

Then it turns out Yusuke’s uncle is also a Phantom Thief which was during a whole thing in the summer and ok. Sure. Goro’s missed a lot. Random old guys are Phantom Thieves now, whatever

The biggest shock is Yusuke’s cousin who is a MASSIVE Phangirl and despises Akechi for shit talking the Phantom Thieves

It’s an interesting dinner

[hauntingmiser]

*appears behind you* THAT SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD IDEA!

*kicks down door* *Flips table*

YUSUKE DESIGNS AKANE A VTUBER MODEL TO USE IN HER STREAMS

*somersaults out the window*

[yusuke-of-valla]

Very funny set up for Uncle Zenkichi AU is: Zenkichi is absolutely overthinking this because he and Mama Kitagawa did not leave off on good terms and also he’s supposed to arrest the PT so he’s just over here *internally screaming*

Meanwhile Yusuke is just like “literally every single other person I consider family has randomly barged in on my life so like this isn’t actually THAT weird” and is just absolutely chilling with Akane who’s like “it’s kinda weird my dad disappeared for work and came back with a cousin I’ve never heard of and a bunch of other teenagers but they’re super cool and like the Phantom Thieves and are generally interested in my existence so I like them” and they’re talking about stuff and Akane is showing him how TikTok works and info dumping on their special interests while Zenkichi is having an existential crisis in the next room.

Bonus points if the Phantom Thieves try to help Yusuke get along with Zenkichi and Akane and so one of them let’s it slip that, you know Yusuke designed the Phantom Thief logo and Akane absolutely loses her mind.

[yusuke-of-valla]

God I’m thinking about Uncle Zenkichi AU but Zenkichi and Aoi take Yusuke in after his mom died so Yusuke grew up with them and Akane and the absolute chaos when Akane finds out Yusuke’s a Phantom Thief

[yusuke-of-valla]

Yusuke making Akane a logo for her stream. She hugs him.

She would be so touched he designed something for her and you know Yusuke would have watched a bunch of her old streams to get the vibe

[yusuke-of-valla]

Tragically I cannot put polls on the reblog so I can't do a follow up but here's the context

AITA for accusing my sister of (accidentally) killing our mom?

I (22M) was recently made a police officer and I went home to surprise my mother and sister (19F) with a visit but when I got there, my mom was dead, my sister was missing, and a bunch of my sister’s stuff was broken.

While I wasn’t allowed to officially work the case since I’m personally involved and it’s in an entirely different jurisdiction, I did investigate to track down my sister and found her living in Tokyo.

When I went up to her, she said she wasn’t kidnapped but had run away from home and her canvases and art supplies were trashed from a fight with our mom, and that she hadn’t even realized our mom was dead.

Given she wasn’t kidnapped, that made her a suspect in our mom’s death, even though I know she wouldn’t do that. I thought it was an accident and told her we had to go to the police station, but she got really mad at me and ran off, saying this is why she knew she couldn’t trust me enough to come get my help in the first place.

[yusuke-of-valla]

Local Fox Nephew and Wolf Uncle compliment each other whilst Stabbing Everything

[yusuke-of-valla]

Baby Canidae cousins on the loose, what crimes will they commit?

[yusuke-of-valla]

Okay but Yusuke and Akane having a Yu and Nanako-esque relationship in the Uncle Zenkichi AU?

Yes exactly. That is exactly the vibes

[yusuke-of-valla]

I know nothing about Zenkichi other than some stuff from the trailers but AUs where he is Yusuke’s uncle are good because

1) Wolves and Foxes are in the same animal family

2) Jean Valjean was arrested for trying to feed his sister and her children so like I can make that work

[yusuke-of-valla]

So it’s not an Alto AU™️ without AUs of the AU so presenting: Uncle Zenkichi AU but with ageswapped Akane and Yusuke because I feel like Akane would really love having a younger cousin to dote on.

Not super thought out but some ideas are

Akane became a bit of a delinquent due to her mother’s death. Part of it was lashing out, part of it was her breaking into places she wasn’t supposed to to try and get proof Owada did it

Zenkichi is even more at a loss with what to do with her than he is in canon

Natsume, after a 13 year old tells him his book sucks: who is this sassy lost child

Akane still does streams, but also records her doing Phantom Thief parkour and investigates some cold cases. She’s more actively pursuing justice like the Phantom Thieves

Akane: I have known Yusuke for a day and a half and if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself

This is mostly just a headcanon I have in general for Yusuke as a kid but he carries around stickers everywhere and likes to put them on things

Zenkichi is not chill about a middle schooler being a phantom thief, even before realizing the middle schooler is his nephew