#unbearable is too dramatic of a word but yknow | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

scary-monsters · 2 years ago

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simply Do Not Look here if you don’t like vent-y posts!!! i need a moment

i feel like i can’t keep up with anything right now.. it’s like im in this slow motion bubble but everything around me is FAST and i HAVE to keep up and if i don’t then i WILL SUFFER and probably DIE or at least have my life RUINED (words emphasized to match the obnoxious tone my inner voice uses) i’ve been trying so hard to stay positive and maintain a pleasant demeanor but i feel it breaking and i know it’s because i’m just so exhausted and tired of pretending

i’ve snapped at several people at work recently, some of which have asked me if i’m okay and i fucking Hate that bc i don’t want anyone to be concerned with me, but also i do because i want people to care about me, i crave it so fucking badly bc most of the time i feel so lonely and insignificant, but at the same time the guilt that comes with people caring about me is unbearable. i cannot figure out what i want!!!

am i actually too tired and depressed to talk to anyone or am i this way BECAUSE i don’t talk to anyone???? am i doing too much? too little?? do i deserve to feel comfortable? have i really earned that? is that something i NEED to earn? am i letting people down? or am i smothering them? am i too much or not enough? am i even anything to anyone??? i don’t know i don’t know i don’t know

that’s all. i’m just feeling very very Lost lately and i can’t figure out where i want or need to be or if there’s even a place for me anywhere. that sounds so dramatic but it’s just how i feel, yknow.. just throwin it out there into the void. so if i’ve felt really off or rude or distant lately then.. trust me i notice it and i’m trying to figure out the best way to solve it

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