#unaliving myself bye

[willowser]

gojo is the dad that hugs his kiddo close when he's holding them 🥺 supporting their butt with both arms, resting his head against theirs 🥺 pressing a kiss to their fat cheek 🥺

[samoankpoper21]

With Love, Oikawa

A/N Still reeling from the loss of my cousin '^^ It's not an easy experience to lose someone, it never will be. Surround yourselves with your loved ones, tell them you love them daily because you never know when they'll pass. I'm glad I was able to tell my cousin that I loved him before he passed so please don't mind this post '^^ I just needed to get this out of my system ^^ hope that makes sense and as usual hope y'all enjoy this drabble. T/W: Small mention of unaliving oneself

Word count: 1880

It was a freak accident. At least that's how the doctor's described it.

Morning of you woke up and your inner being was off, something felt misaligned. You peered over to your smirking husband as he reached over to tuck a stray hair behind your ear. "Morning love."

"Morning." you whispered. Years of dating and 2 years of marriage Oikawa could sense when something was bothering you. His eyebrows scrunched together studying your face. "What's wrong?" Taking a shaky breath you answered, "Honestly I don't know. I woke up feeling...weird."

"Anything I can do to alleviate that weirdness?" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively pulling you closer to him. You giggle giving him an eskimo kiss. "I'm sure it's nothing babe." You both lay there staring at each other, the love for one another apparent in your eyes. He sighs contently kissing your forehead. "What did I do to deserve you?" you hum in response. "Come on babe, gotta get ready for work." He groaned, interlocking your legs together. "Gimme 5 more minutes. 5 more minutes."

"Babe I would love to but I have an important meeting today." He pouted hugging you impossibly tighter. You couldn't resist his pouty face so you chuckled, hugging him back promising, "5 minutes top Toru."

"Yes!"

15 minutes had passed and Oikawa was walking you to the door watching as you slipped your flats on. "What do you feel like eating for dinner babe?"

"You know I'm fine with-you know what, scratch that. Maybe bone broth soup? It's starting to get cold."

"Ok love, I'll get it from that shop in town."

"You're a god send."

"You're just now realizing." You pinched his arm pulling him close. Leaning down to your height, cupping your face, he says, "I love you you know that? Not more than myself but you're alright." You giggled lightly smacking his arm. "I guess you're alright too." He pecked you once, twice, the third time his arms snaking around your plush waist pulling you close, your hands instantly weaving in his light brown locks, his cologne and scent filling your nostrils. "Okay, okay I have to go. Seriously Toru." Trying to pry his arms away from you he pouted dramatically. "What am I gonna do without you for 8 whole hours?"

"Babe you're more than enough entertainment for yourself. Chill."

"You're right. I am pretty awesome." Chuckling, shaking your head, you gave him a quick peck again turning around to wave at him. "I love you."

"Love you more."

The meetings seemed to drag forever. You just wanted to rush home into your husband's arms as he held you. Just one more hour. This was the mantra that was getting you through this work week. It finally hit 5PM and you rushed to the kiosk swiping your card. "Bye everyone! Have a good weekend! Good work today!" you rushed out bowing to your superiors before rushing to your car pushing on the accelerator. Pulling into the driveway you noticed Toru's car not there. Probably went to get dinner. Stepping out you couldn't help but notice how eerily quiet your neighborhood was. Usually there would be some type of noise but everything was...still. You tried shaking off the anxious, dreadful feeling that stayed with you since the morning but it just wouldn't dissipate. Slipping off your shoes at the entrance you changed into your house slippers when the shrill notes of your ringtone broke the silence. Frowning at the unrecognized number you debated on whether you should ignore the call but something in you urged, nagged, you to pick up. "Hello?"

"Hello is this Mrs. Oikawa?"

"This is she."

"My name is Ito Asahi. I'm calling from Midori hospital in regards to your husband." With a quivering voice and shaky hands you ask, "Is...is he ok?"

"Your husband was involved in an accident."

"I don't-I don't understand." the dispatch cleared his throat, clearly uncomfortable with the news he was about to deliver. "Mrs. Oikawa, your husband was hit head on by a drunk driver and was pronounced dead-" the phone dropped, everything sounding muffled, your breathing ragged. You clutched at your chest, tears falling down your eyes, trying to focus on what to do next. Why was it so got damn hard to breathe? "Mrs. Oikawa? Mrs. Oikawa? Mrs. Oikawa?!" Ito's voice slowly brought you back, your hearing now accompanied by a ringing in your ear. "He...he's dead?"

"I'm sorry." you broke down sobbing clutching at your chest. Fumbling for your phone you dialed Hajime. "Hey Y/N-chan."

"Ha-Hajime," your voice broke.

"Y/N? What's wrong? Are you ok? Is everything ok?"

"T-T-Toru,"

"What about him? Did he hurt you?" shaking your head you continued. "T-T-Toru -hic- i-is -hic gone. -hic- He's gone Hajime!" The sound of shoes fumbling and keys being thrown into a pocket could be heard when Hajime blurts out, "Stay there I'm coming to get you."

Hajime found you sitting on the floor in the dark staring numbly ahead. Gently he helped you up, put on your shoes and coat, and asked where Oikawa was. Surprisingly you were able to utter, "Midori Hospital." The drive there was silent, Hajime having already called your mother-in-law. You watched as the green trees and pink hued sky zoomed by, your ears still ringing. The emergency room doors slid open, the bustling of the the patients being wheeled past and nurses zooming by brought you back to the present. You could hear monitors beeping, the intercom paging a doctor to the maternity ward, nurses taking note of vitals from patients sitting out in the lobby. Hajime lead you to the reception area stating, "Hello. We're looking for an Oikawa Toru." the nurse quickly clacked away at her keyboard when she affirms, "Go through the double doors on your left hand side, his room is 1-B which will be on your right. We were waiting for next of kin before wheeling him away."

"Thank you."

You were numb. Everything felt off. It was as if your body was merely a shell and you were just a third party watching, observing as you and Hajime made your way to his room. With shaky hands, Hajime slowly peeled the green curtains back only to find Oikawa's lifeless form covered by a white and green plaid blanket. "Oi," Hajime's voice broke. "Oi trashy-kun wake up. Wake up! Oikawa Toru wake up!" the sobs began racking through Hajime's body, you began rubbing his back. Shortly after your mother-in-law appeared beside you, her shrill wailing piercing the air, your tears silently falling.

The funeral procession went by smoothly and quickly, you being on autopilot. Former and present teammates came to wish their condolences. You instantly recognized the short, orange haired wing spiker and Oikawa's junior setter looking down cast for the first time. "Thank you for being here." you mutter. Numbly you watched as the casket lowered into the ground, the thud of the casket deafening. Iwaizumi escorted you home. "Are you sure you'll be ok Y/N-chan?"

"I'll be fine thank you Hajime."

"Are you sure? If you need anything-"

"I just...I just need time alone." Worried he gave you one last glance before engulfing you in a hug. "Call me? For anything."

"I will." The door silently clicked close as you dragged your feet towards your shared bedroom. Plopping down on the bed you clutched and inhaled Oikawa's San Juan jersey. You got a whiff of his scent and cologne, the dam you tried to hold in your chest finally bursting. Your sobs came out in waves racking your whole body folding the jersey within the confines of your pudgy body, your chest.

4 months later

Since Oikawa's passing you have been on leave for bereavement; you weren't ready to face work, reality really. Hajime and your mother-in-law made it a habit to check in on you; concerned when you brought it to their attention that you would be taking a trip to Kamakura. You reassured them that you would be okay and that you had no intention of ending your life. Walking the shores of Kamakura you peered out towards the ocean with Oikawa's jersey in your beach bag. Laying your towel down in a spot near the shade, you took out your notebook, his jersey and began journaling.

Hi babe, it's me again. It's been 4 months since you've been gone and I can't say that it's getting easier. Hajime and mom have been checking up on me regularly, making sure that I put a little something in my stomach, especially on the days that I don't feel like it. Remember babe when you promised me that we would go to the beach? You kept telling me about how beautiful the beaches in San Juan were and how they don't compare to your beauty so I'm taking a solo trip to Kamakura. I figured this beach is probably on par as San Juan and your essence ha ha ha. How are you? I miss you. I'm taking it minute by minute, the whole bullshit about taking it day by day is hard. As each day comes to a close it gets hard to sleep because I'm always expecting you to come through the door yelling, 'Baaaaaaabeeee I'm hooooooomeeeee.' Each day has its struggles. Some days I'm okay, other days I find myself sobbing nonstop, others I sit there numbly staring at the wall. Pathetic huh? I just know you're probably giving me shit about not doing things extravagantly ha ha ha When is this gonna end? This empty feeling I mean. Since you left there's a gaping hole in my heart that will be tough to fill. Tough but not impossible. You wouldn't be you if you didn't leave me with a little surprise. I found out earlier this week that I'm pregnant. We're having a boy baby! Can you believe it?! When the doctor told me I had tears of joy, sadness, and just remember this feeling of being scared. How am I gonna do this without you? :(( I'm thinking of naming our son either Touki for winter pleasure since that's when he's due or Towa for eternal peace; I'm leaning towards Towa kekeke Oikawa Touki? Oikawa Towa? Has a funny ring to it ^^ What do you think? I've already told mom and Hajime that I have news for them once I get back home late tonight. I want them to be the first to know. I miss you babe. I love you. I will tell our son all about how flamboyant, egotistical, loving, and romantic his dad was and how amazing of a setter you were. Are you playing up there? Wherever you are. Every time I see a clear, starry night it takes me back to when you asked me to marry you^^ Sorry. I know I'm going all over the place but I just really, really, really wanted to let you know that I love you. so so very much. And I miss you more than words can describe. Talk to you later. Sending kisses to the sky. Wait for me my love. I have a lot of work to do here before I can join you^^ love love love you. With love, Y/N.

[kamiversee]

The way I started sobbing when I saw that ONLY 6% voted for the sae n shidou fic like that deserves an award omg (I'm just down bad for you /j) I almost cried while reading that on wp

BUT ANYWAYS IM SO READY TO FUCK THE LIST!!(was that funny)

BUT PAUSE I GOT A WHAT IF

what if reader and choso doesn't work out and reader thinks she can trust sukuna more (BYE NAWW) because he made the list?? and she goes back to him and actually becomes his fwb AND they end up having feelings for eachother and they establish a relationship n choso gets mad and does stuff to sukuna out of jealousy (with gojo pooks dw) without reader knowing,and sukuna just dies because of this and readers really devastated and choso tries to get back in a relationship and she does just that but reader finds out ab this LIST THAT CHOSO HAS INCLUDING PEOPKE READER HOOKED UP WITH BEFORE AND PEOPLE THAT TRIED TO GET CLOSE TO HER AND HE UNALIVES PEOPLE ON THAT LIST AND READER FINDS OUT THAT HE UNALIVED SUKUNA.... (Idk I'm jus a delusional girl on your page)

-🐺

I can’t even see the results unless I vote on smth myself 😭 but omg why did I not realize you’re from wp? The Shidou & Sae fic was my proudest achievement before TFL but dw, all of these fics will come eventually ofc!

& yes the lil ftl joke was funny 😭 made me giggle

The what if you gave is uhhh, chaotic 💀💀 but it was fun to think abt! I’m not taking anymore requests for whatif’s but ty!!

[vtoriacore-rbs]

would you like to FUCKINF work please god i don't have the time for this bullshit im throwing this god damn pc out the fucking window £1300 for it to be this fucking slow 💀💀💀 bitch you better be joking or im actually unaliving myself if you make me fail this VERY important assignment im actually gone bye

[vespertine-legacy]

Picked Herald as Dag’s specialization, and I can definitely see myself unaliving her with the Facet of Nature since I’ve been favoring using Mallyx over the other Legends, and Mallyx’s Facet transfers conditions from allies onto you and I will absolutely forget to use the Consume ability to then transfer those conditions onto enemies. So instead of it being a transitive haw haw stop bleeding yourself, I’m just gonna be standing there like a dumbass taking way more damage than I’m supposed to like “why my health go bye bye :(“

[myownwholewildworld]

okay someone come and hold me for one damn second, pat my head and tell me everything's gonna be okay because WHAT THE FUCKTUAL FUCK MATE. all that yearning, all the longing, all the freaking feels — i felt EVERY. SINGLE. WORD. as if i was Javi himself.

this whole story is so tragic, so full of misunderstandings, so intricate and elaborate that my mind is literally blown to fucking pieces. you can follow Javi’s thought process to the T, his insecurities and his hopes, but also his fears and his true love for her. how he thinks himself somewhat undeserving?? idk just rip my heart out and end this suffering already because i don‘t think i can take it anymore.

leaving some of my fav bits under the cut bc i’ve been manically crying and laughing like that one pedro gif for the last 10 minutes, thank you very much.

Somehow Javier has the feeling that this is what love must feel like, though he’s never felt it before.

like he’s so young and he already KNOWS. she’s his first and last love. period. i dare you to try to change my mind.

Yours is all he really knows how to be.

this one??? art. fucking art. a picasso made words.

He’ll tell you. He’s going to tell you. He has to tell you.

the way i was actually screaming at my screen “TELL HER” ain’t normal, ain’t sane, but hey ho i’ve not been mentally stable since i read part 1.

It sucks the ocean from him, dries his every river and vein, leaves his tongue thirsty as a sponge—how you love him in not quite the right way.

SHE DOES LOVE YOU THE RIGHT WAY, JAVI. SHE DOES. CAN’T YOU SEE IT? CAN’T YOU FEEL THE LOVE TONIGHT??? <gets possessed by Elton John>

I’m sorry I left you, too. […] believing with a dark heart that you’ve denied him in the way he always feared you would.

brb I was bawling my eyes out by this point. picturing him waiting for a call back that never came??? i can never rest in peace after this.

A man of his word, Chucho puts the ring that for decades sat on his wife’s hand in the kitchen drawer for Javier that evening, and for the better part of a week Javier checks it’s still there twice a day like it might suddenly sprout legs and run off.

PERDÓN?????? THE WAY I CHOKED WITH MY OWN SPIT? NOT EVEN FUNNY. i almost unalived myself. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? HE WAS GOING TO PROPOSE? tell me there is an alternate universe where this happens, and reader says yes. otherwise i’ll never believe in true love again, like ever.

But it isn’t his at all—it’s your heart that Javier feels ripping into two clean halves.

hers and mine both. deceased.

“You’re here,” you say, your voice half hope and half broken glass, and he knows right then—though he’s yet to see the ring already sitting on your hand—that he won’t be reaching for his mother’s ring. You won’t be taking it.

a lost soul wandering this dead earth, that’s what i am rn. a shadow of what i once was before i started reading this fic.

look, i don’t really know how this masterpiece is going to end. i truly don’t — a happy ending? a sad one? an angsty one? but i do pray, wish, beg, implore & yearn for the first one. because they deserve to be happy together — and so do we after all this suffering lmao. BUT jokes aside, however it ends, happy ending or not, i know it’s going to be fucking epic & worth it, and i know i’m gonna love it even through all the tears i’ll shed. I CAN’T WAIT FOR PART 3 EEEEEEK.

okay bye now, see y’all on the other side. 🫡

DARK HEART

an I'LL CARRY YOU one shot

RATING: Explicit (18+) | PAIRING: Javier Peña x f!Reader WORD COUNT: 4.5k CW: Mild allusion to smut, mention of drinking, and a fuck ton of yearning.

SUMMARY: A retelling of part II from Javier's point of view.

part I & II | series masterlist | series on ao3 | main masterlist

Your body melts against his, but with you it’s always been easy in a way it never is with anyone else. Like your bodies knew each other from the second you met. Like meeting wasn’t meeting, but coming home. You lean forward to nudge your beer onto the coffee table, then return to lay one arm across Javier’s hips and set him on fire. Every cell of him begs for you, howling and needy as a dog—don’t you feel it? It feels like you must. It’s on the tip of his tongue now, just has to spit it out. I don’t love her I’m leaving her I just want you.

READ DARK HEART ON AO3.

dividers by @thecutestgrotto - tag list & some mutuals below the cut!

@pedritosgfreal @thundermartini @guiltyasdave @jolapeno @reluctanthalfwayoptimism 

@myownwholewildworld @sunnytuliptime @indiegirlunited @anoverwhelmingdin @pedrospatch

@perotovar @pedgito @harriedandharassed @casssiopeia @sweetpascal 

@noisynightmarepoetry @pedritosgfreal @theoraekenslover @luxurychristmaspudding @kyberblade

@itsokbbygrl @wannab-urs @milla-frenchy @yopossum @beezusvreeland

@katw474 @bluesweaters15 @jessthebaker @encasedinobsidian @ppascalrain

@yxtkiwiyxt @schnarfer @bbyanarchist @amanitacowboy @iknowisoundcrazy

[thelovelybitten]

vera's first watch of south park -- season four (part 2)

jfc i want 2 unalive... slowly

EPISODE 6: THESE THE BOYS ARE SO FERAL BYE messing w the sub with switching names NO KYLE IS SICK :’((((( MY POOR BOY NOT BUTTERS HE’S SUCH A CUTE CARD I LOVE BUTTERS SM miss information…. bffr garrison writing a SMUT FIC BYE MDFNVIFDMIMMVS miss information BYE STAN IS TRYING 2 HELP there’s only so much natural herbs can do :’( “KYLE’S MY BEST FRIEND IN THE WHOLE WORLD” SO TRUE SO TRUE CRYINGGGGG “I’LL GIVE HIM MY KIDNEY I’LL DO IT” stan would die for kyle and that’s on god babe not cartman being the only person in south park that matches kyle SMH kenny and cartman being actual kids ofc cartman won’t give it up “how much is ur life worth to u, kyle” cartman u fucking JACKASS if kyle dies i’m gonna be pissed stan worried abt kyle :’(((((( kenny >:( rightfully so garrison just come out as gay babe it’s not that hard clyde and tacos >>>> kyle’s life this is so fucked ew oh stan is serious he’s gonna get his kidney i forgot abt cartmans pig cartman is so smart okay that kinda slayed stan DON’T CRY “nobody cares if i die” KENNY THAT WAS OUTTA POCKET BUT ALSO SO TRUE MY SON “I HAVE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS BULLSHIT. SCREW U GUYS I’M GOING HOME.” PIANO FALLS ON HIM :’( very cartman of u kenny OH THEY KILLING HER OOF wait how is cartman not dead ?!?!?!/! his whole ass kidney was cut off by an eight year old oh they defo put his kidney into kyle’s bod but faked it for cartman epic EPISODE 7 Chef winning U GET THEM KING. Ending racists PERIOD who TF is this teacher Cartman winning debates ??? Weird Oh LMAO THE CLASS AGREES HES A RAT MY FUCKING FAVE KIDS ON TEAM CHEF !!! WENDY, BEBE, CLYDE AND BUTTERS. ICONS Stan obvs on his uncles side but BIG BOO WENDY GET THEM BABY WENDY TELL UR MAN HES AN IDIOT STYLE VS WENDY AND CARTMAN ??? oh this abt to be good cartman tho… fat boo Chef schooling the kiddies (style respectfully) WENDY PROTECTING STYLE SO REAL THUMBS DOWN CARTMAN BOOOOOOOO NOT THE KKK 💀💀💀💀 THE MAYOR RLY DIDNT DO SHIT oh crap leaving it up to the kids WHACK Wendy and cartman in the same frame is just giving me the ICK NO WENDY DONT LAUGH ALL CUTELY AT HIM EW no bc cartman and Wendy together makes me physically I’ll wtf KENNY EATING THE MINTS “FUCK YOU” so real “I don’t think we stand a chance in this debate bc Wendy’s leading the other side” “Dude, ur just saying that bc she’s your gf” TRUE AND REAL Kyle so real for that omg OH SHIT KENNY NOOOO HE EXPLODED NO CRYING not Wendy & Cartman again LORD ARE U TRYING TO TEST ME I WANNA OFF MYSELF WHY IS TREY AND MATT GIVING WENDY AND CARTMAN AN ENEMIES TO LOVERS ARC HES EVERYTHING SHE HATES AND VICE VERSA STAN PLS COME COLLECT UR GF IM GONNA THROW UP MY DINNER NOT THE HAND TOUCH IM UNALIVING I CANT I FUCKING HATE IT HERE NOT WENDY FANTASIZING CARTMAN I WANNA SKIP IT SO BAD BUT I NEED TO HAVE AN HONEST FULL REACTION NOT THE ROLL DOWN THE HILL WENDY WOKE UP IT WAS A DREAM THE LORD SAVED ME FROM THIS HELL Wendy me too bc what the fuck Dunks head in water me too Wendy seeing cartman everywhere and haunting her NOOOOOO Wendy “please don’t let this be happening” I WISH IT WASNT BABY GIRL This KKK stuff is weird “BEBE IM ATTRACTED TO CARTMAN” Bebe IMMEDIATELY SCREAMS THATS MY DAUGHTER SHES THE MOOD no but Bebe is me rn BEBE NO DONT TELL HER TO KISS HIM ?!1?1!1) THE FUCK ARE U DOING Wendy PLEASE DOR THE LOVE OF GOD DONT I DONT NEED THAT IN MY BRAIN PLEASE IM BEGGING WHAT WOULD STAN THINK ??!?!? WENDY ARE U DELULU STANS LOOK OF CONCERN AS HE LOOKS AT WENDY STUTTERING AND PANICKING NO WENDY ARE U FUCKING FOR REAL NOOOOOO STANS FACE NO IM BREAKING IM DESTROYED IM IN SHAMBLES HIS SAD FACE NO STAN IM SOBBINGGGGGG cartman feeling so smug abt Stan’s girl kissing him I know stan is gonna go HAM ON HIS ASS Stan still upset NO I HATE IT HERE I HATE IT CARTMAN IS ADDING FUEL TO THE FIRE TEASING STAN OH STOP IT STAN IS STILL SHOCKED STILL. S T I L L S T I L L S T I L L IM SOBBING AT STAN 😭😭 CARTMAN HAS FEELS FOR WENDY OH FUCK defo my least fave episode out of all seasons so far

[suuho]

woozizi_1122 / do not edit.

[mjalti]

i know u said unaliving urself is always an option so why not try living instead but what if a bitch already did try anything she could to make life bearable and good bye t nothing worked. i think unaliving myself is my destiny it truly feels that way

whatever you conceptualize as your destiny will come to fruition; in your wildest dreams, what do you conceptualize for yourself?

I mean it genuinely, unaliving yourself is always an option. but if you know you're going to unalive yourself, give this world a final year to make its case to you. travel to Iceland and Thailand and try to skydive, parasail etc. Be brutally honest with people who are around you instead of sparing their feelings--connect with someone deeply.

I can't make this world more enticing to you but you can. you do have to commit to action though; I don't know what you're going through but I promise you that there are so many things to experience here & basically..we're all going to die anyway. if you're reading a shitty book that has half the pages unwritten, write something interesting in the other pages. live for you, only for you, for a year. and after that, see if the ennui was resolved.