#um. first of all. i am a lesbian. second i am asexual. again DO NOT TAKE WHAT I SAY AT FACE VALUE

[stevienixxes]

first of all: hello . i was originally just going to leave you be bc this is your private blog and this is YOUR space and i don’t feel like i have the right to infiltrate the space where you do you. HOWEVER, i get incredibly irritated when you put words in my mouth so here is some clarification (and this will be the ONLY time i interact with this blog before i hide it from my view and leave you to it)

my post was referencing this one of yours:

and i did get very irritated at the sight of it bc first of all, i never said those things, and second of all, you’re putting words in my mouth. i did not want to reblog that and argue with you (see my previous reasoning) but this post appeared on my dash after i had interacted with your account prior and i might as well say something.

THAT post was directed at me. i know it was directed at me, you know it was directed at me, and i was irritated that instead of coming to me so we could sort this out and i can tell you what i was trying to say, you instead turned to a community of people you knew would side with you and further vindicate you and your angry. that’s not how mature people handle situations, especially situations that cause you a lot of stress. please try to be mature.

1) you can also not see in my head. if i am attempting to be mean or rude, you will KNOW bc i will be aggressive (as in i will say very obviously nasty shit that cannot be misconstrued as anything but mean). the “talking shit” thing you mentioned was NOT talking shit, it was me just saying “wow, it sucks that my fav villain character is turned into a pedo in 3/4 fics he appears in.” and to further that, I DID NOT KNOW IT WAS WRITTEN BY YOU. it was anonymous, and you wrote me as someone who specifically targeted you for doing that. i did not. i have written similar fics (i have not published them except for maybe one sh fic to the mgst fandom and orphaned it) as a way to cope with my own trauma and mental health. i never made that post to attack you or talk shit abt ur fic, instead i was just expressing one of my frustrations in a lighthearted way (bc that was its intended tone). and again, bc it genuinely irritated me when ppl put words in my mouth, i never said joseph wouldn’t do that. i said he was depraved, just not sexually and that was that (which was also a half joke).

2) stop with the tracy situation. the tracy situation is OVER, and it has BEEN over for quite some time. i have SEVERAL TIMES taken accountability for the things that i said to her, and while i am still vaguely hostile toward tracy bc she did call me a waste of oxygen, if she ever chooses to upload another dark fic, i will not interact with it. it’s called learning and growing and bringing up old shit that’s been done is a step in the wrong direction.

my question to you is this, can YOU see inside my head? you cannot, and that’s why communicating like mature people is very important. yes, i have a DNI proshippers because i prefer not to even look at that content bc it genuinely frustrates me. i have put and said several disclaimers on my PINNED POST to not take what i say at face value bc half of the time, i don’t take myself seriously and no one should either.

that’s my only statement to you on this bc this is your personal account where you do stuff that’s purposefully not on your main and i understand it was very shitty of me to totally invade this blog, but i did really want to talk to you abt this. if you would like to talk more, you can DM me on this blog.

genuinely, i am sorry for any distress i have caused you. i never meant it that way, and if you took it that way i am BEGGING you to just tell me and i could’ve responded with a quick “nah i didn’t mean it that way, mb” and eased maybe just a bit of that tension. i hope that you’re doing alright. i know the struggles of sh and having such a fragile mental state that absolutely anything could send you over the edge. i get it. the only way i got through it was when i asked the people causing the stressors in my life for clarification— sometimes it ended badly, sometimes it didn’t.

you don’t have respond if you want, that’s perfectly fine. but just read it, that’s all i ask of you

"just @ me" bitch there's 1-1000 people I am talking about at one time. I will not "just @ you" because there are about 20 other people I'd need to "just @". And because you actually don't know shit about who I'm talking to. Can you see inside my goddamn head (and fucking understand this is why I still cut and why I still think like this and no I can't stop stopping is not an option that is why I made an entirely separate blog for this shit and the thought of cutting myself open and bleeding out has not left even though I'm scared of dying and don't actually want to do it). And none of you are @ ing me anyways so fuck off.

[incorrectchoniberonicaswangs]

hey baby won't you look my way (i can be your new addiction)

Chapter 7: gays you ever just ahsnfdjsl?? part 1

Chapter Summary: Holiday parties are planned, Cheryl and Toni are Kevin's sapphic moms, an intervention is held, Alice and Hermione are adorable and everyone loves them, Kangs has some news, and Sweet Pea runs away from his problems.

Notes: theMANtle: reggie

ao3

Friday, 3:17 PM

gays united

hbicheryl: its winter break!! finally a respite from the chaos!!

jugheadalones: im so excited!

hbicheryl: hold up, hobo is excited about something??

hisshissmotherfucker: ^^ jones are you sick

jugheadalones: okay, first of all fuck you

jugheadalones: second of all im excited to return to the near-comatose state i maintain every time we have a long period of time off from school

nopeaz: that makes more sense

veroffica: as enjoyable as that likely is to you, holden caulfield, it won't be happening this break. i'm hosting a christmas eve party at the pembrooke starting at 8:00 pm and you are all invited.

veroffica: and you'd better all show up, or else i'll sic my new bodyguard on you.

goingtoheller: i assume you mean betty.

wannabett: guilty :/

spillthefogarTEA: ill be there. and NOT because of your threats

spillthefogarTEA: even though betty is kind of intimidating

goingtoheller: i'll come as well.

nopeaz: cher and ill come too

hisshissmotherfucker: i love parties im there

jugheadalones: i dont suppose i really have a choice do i?

wannabett: not really. sorry jug

jugheadalones: fine.

hbicheryl: speaking of holiday parties

hbicheryl: new years eve party, thistlehouse, time tbd, if you arent there youre dead to me

veroffica: b and i will be there.

spillthefogarTEA: me too

goingtoheller: i'll be there.

hisshissmotherfucker: i hear cheryls parties are infamously dramatic

hisshissmotherfucker: so im definitely coming

hisshissmotherfucker: as long as i dont end up doing seven minutes in heaven with archie like veronica

veroffica: will nobody ever let me forget that??

hisshissmotherfucker: nope

jugheadalones: why do all these party invites come with threats of retribution if you dont attend?

hbicheryl: bc if there wasnt then youd never come

jugheadalones: ill come. begrudgingly.

nopeaz: and ofc ill be there obviously

jugheadalones: wait am i missing something? why is that obvious?

hbicheryl: oh right we didnt tell you lol

hbicheryl: tt moved in with me

goingtoheller: WHAT??

goingtoheller: my sapphic moms moved in together aND I HAD NO FUCKING IDEA??

hisshissmotherfucker: why is keller suddenly chonis kid when did this happen??

hbicheryl: please kevin is basically toni and i's love child

hbicheryl: he has my sass (well not as good as mine but hes trying), my gayness, and my strange desire for dumbass serpents

nopeaz: and my propensity for saying 'this is riveting i cant breathe'

goingtoheller: aw, thanks, moms! mostly! :)

nopeaz: no problem son

hbicheryl: yes we are very proud of you kev (mostly)

jugheadalones: huh i never actually thought about it but that... works?

wannabett: okay cheryl and toni are like the least qualified people here to be anyones lesbian moms?? theyre literally gang members??

hbicheryl: stfu nightmare smurfette do not EVER criticize my parenting skills

hbicheryl: toni and i have slaved for weeks, even MONTHS to make sure that kevin turns into a proper young gay man

hbicheryl: and you have the AUDACITY to suggest that just because my gf and i are deeply flawed people we would corrupt poor kevin??

wannabett: uh... no?

hbicheryl: thats what i thought

nopeaz: wow angry cheryl is scary but hot

spillthefogarTEA: topaz, you are so whipped

spillthefogarTEA: and REALLY fucking gay

nopeaz: yeah ik

jugheadalones: moving on

jugheadalones: speaking of people taking a big step and deciding to live with each other... betty and veronica, we need to talk.

veroffica: um... what?

veroffica: is this some sort of intervention?

hisshissmotherfucker: yes

spillthefogarTEA: moving in together might be considered friendly if, say, betty didnt already have a house that she lives in

nopeaz: but this decision is beyond simple friendship

hbicheryl: and its certainly anything but heterosexual

wannabett: why are you guys finishing each others sentences?? did you plan this??

hisshissmotherfucker: no shit sherlock

veroffica: how do you guys even have this information??

goingtoheller: we have our ways.

wannabett: archie somehow saw our texts through my window

wannabett: jughead told me last night, sorry i didnt tell you v, i didnt know that this was going to happen

nopeaz: dammit jones why do you have to ruin all our fun!!

jugheadalones: i didnt realize that this was a rule?

jugheadalones: so anyway

jugheadalones: b&v, now that you have been confronted with cold hard proof of your undying love for each other, what do you have to say for yourselves?

wannabett: guys im straight!!

goingtoheller: ooh, betty's pulling the straight card.

hbicheryl: i called it! tt, sp, fangs, and jughead, you all owe me $10

hbicheryl: cousin betty is nothing if not predictable in the face of her sexuality being questioned

veroffica: hey, you made bets on this?? not cool!

wannabett: ^^^^

wannabett: and i am NOT predictable!!

hbicheryl: i predicted she was going to say that

hbicheryl: thats another $10 guys

hisshissmotherfucker: for once i trusted in someones willingness to admit when they were wrong and now because of that cheryl is robbing us blind! smh never again

spillthefogarTEA: veronica? you never answered the question

veroffica: uh...

veroffica: i mean, um...

veroffica: we've never even kissed! i'm pretty sure we aren't dating!

nopeaz: to be fair though i wouldnt be surprised if you two were dating without knowing it

veroffica: guys, now really isn't a good time.

jugheadalones: mmmhmm

wannabett: no seriously v and i are getting ready for the christmas eve party

wannabett: its in three days remember

hbicheryl: ugh fine i suppose thats a reasonable explanation

veroffica: and since i know that you won't let this go, at the party you can ask us whatever you want about this.

goingtoheller: wait... for real?

wannabett: uh yeah really v??

veroffica: within reason, of course.

spillthefogarTEA: wow this is more than i expected to come from this

veroffica: one condition, though. you can't pester b and i about it before the party.

veroffica: deal?

hisshissmotherfucker: deal

wannabett: now that thats settled v and i are going to get to work

veroffica: we'll probably be off the grid until maybe a few hours before the party.

[wannabett is offline]

[veroffica is offline]

hbicheryl: toni and i are already headed over to pops, anyone want to join us?

jugheadalones: wont we just be three-wheeling?

hbicheryl: not if we are in a large group

hisshissmotherfucker: ill come if you come jones

jugheadalones: sure.

hisshissmotherfucker: ill be there in five

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: kevin, fangs?

spillthefogarTEA: im good

goingtoheller: ^^

nopeaz: okay otw

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: leaving now

[jugheadalones is offline]

6:35 PM

nopeaz: GUYS YOULL NEVER BELIEVE WHO JUST WALKED IN

spillthefogarTEA: who is it??

spillthefogarTEA: tell me you know im not good with suspense!!

jugheadalones: its alice cooper and hermione lodge!

hisshissmotherfucker: it seems as though archies intel was correct again

hisshissmotherfucker: damn that omniscient fucking northsider

hbicheryl: now i really wish that betty and veronica werent offline so they could hear about this

goingtoheller: why? do you hate them?

hbicheryl: hate is a strong word

hbicheryl: id say that i just occasionally want them to suffer

goingtoheller: that isn't much better...

hbicheryl: i guess ill just have to wait until the party to tell them

nopeaz: okay so they just got a booth and its basically diagonal from ours

jugheadalones: but theyre so enamoured with each other i dont think they even noticed that were here

hbicheryl: wow i dont think ive ever seen aunt alice this happy before

spillthefogarTEA: ugh this sounds so adorable i wish i was there

hisshissmotherfucker: dont worry well narrate their every movement so well itll be like you are

nopeaz: oh shit they keep reaching for each other like every five seconds

spillthefogarTEA: im WEAK

jugheadalones: its so hard to believe that they ever hated each other with the way theyre acting now

jugheadalones: homophobia can really fuck shit up huh

goingtoheller: this is the couple i never knew i needed, but now that i have seen that it's possible, i'm in love.

hisshissmotherfucker: im in shock i cant believe that the same alice cooper that grounded her daughter from any and all contact with the outside world is now just essentially the personification of heart eyes

hbicheryl: this town is so small were all basically inbred

hbicheryl: next thing you know fp and fred are going to be fucking too

jugheadalones: okay i did NOT need that image

nopeaz: AHHHH THEY WENT IN FOR A KISS MAYDAY MAYDAY THIS IS NOT A DRILL

spillthefogarTEA: AHHHHH

goingtoheller: AHHHHHHH

nopeaz: AHHHHHHH

jugheadalones: even i, being asexual and aromantic, have to admit that im loving living vicariously through these two

hisshissmotherfucker: k so they stopped

hisshissmotherfucker: wait no theyre kissing again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: and again!

hisshissmotherfucker: okay now theyre just making out

nopeaz: get it girl(s)

hbicheryl: its getting pretty heated

hbicheryl: it feels like the windows are going to start fogging up

jugheadalones: oh damn they stopped

jugheadalones: ms cooper is waving pop over now

goingtoheller: is it creepy that we're so invested in their date?

spillthefogarTEA: probably not

hisshissmotherfucker: nah

jugheadalones: lets go with no

nopeaz: nope

hbicheryl: its only creepy if we get turned on

goingtoheller: moving on... what's happening now??

nopeaz: they got the check and now theyre paying

nopeaz: they can barely keep their hands off of each other

nopeaz: now theyre leaving

nopeaz: should i follow them to keep narrating?

goingtoheller: won't they notice??

jugheadalones: no theyve only got eyes for each other

jugheadalones: follow them SUBTLY while we hold down the table

nopeaz: roger that

hbicheryl: youre such a nerd

nopeaz: you love it

hbicheryl: duh

hbicheryl: now follow them!!

nopeaz: already doing it

nopeaz: so they made it to their car

nopeaz: okay wow wasnt expecting that but im not complaining

spillthefogarTEA: whats happening???

nopeaz: alice just shoved hermione up against the car door and now theyre hardcore making out

nopeaz: damn i wonder if theyre even going to get home or if theyre just going to do it in the parking lot

hisshissmotherfucker: i cant believe alice cooper and mayor lodge BOTH have better sex lives than i do wtf

goingtoheller: who knew that hermione lodge was such a bottom??

hbicheryl: well you know what they say about people in positions of power

hbicheryl: top in the streets bottom in the sheets

jugheadalones: wait cheryl that could apply to you as well

spillthefogarTEA: ooh is the class president getting the strap from the vice president

nopeaz: fuck off fangs

nopeaz: okay so they finally managed to regain some semblance of control

nopeaz: aaaaand theyre driving away

nopeaz: shows over folks

hbicheryl: lets clear out men

nopeaz: meet me by the bike cher

hbicheryl: be there in a sec babe xx

jugheadalones: wait are you telling me that cheryl blossom rode a motorcycle??

hisshissmotherfucker: yeah red i thought you said they were death traps

hbicheryl: well yeah but that was before i got on it

hbicheryl: its like a giant vibrator

hbicheryl: and riding it with toni is basically just the most acceptable type of public sex

goingtoheller: gross.

hisshissmotherfucker: never thought id agree with keller but yeah tmi

nopeaz: whatever

nopeaz: bye fuckers see you all at veronicas party

[nopeaz is offline]

[hbicheryl is offline]

jugheadalones: im headed out too

[jugheadalones is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: me too

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Monday, 6:43 PM

wannabett: b&v are back bitches!!

veroffica: and, looking through the chat from the past few days... i'm glad i was gone.

wannabett: although now i know what 'hot date' my mom was talking about :/

wannabett: even though i never wanted to know

wannabett: some things are best kept secret especially when your mom goes out on a date with your best friends mom!!

hbicheryl: youre welcome :)

veroffica: cheryl, at this very moment, i simultaneously respect, despise, and fear you.

hbicheryl: aw thanks thats what im always going for!

veroffica: anyway, the party will be starting in an hour or so, but some of my relatives will be over in the meantime. if you've got anything to say that doesn't involve the date my mom and betty's mom have, feel free. if you don't, go to hell.

hisshissmotherfucker: hey im in the neighborhood and i dont have anything else to do would you mind if i came over now

veroffica: sure thing!

hisshissmotherfucker: are you sure your relatives will be fine with me being there?

veroffica: yeah. i mean, betty's here too anyway!

hisshissmotherfucker: k

6:48 PM

goingtoheller + veroffica

goingtoheller: hey, would you happen to have some time you could set away during the party? fangs and i have an announcement we'd like to make.

veroffica: sure thing, kev. how does around 10 sound?

goingtoheller: perfect. thanks, v!

veroffica: no problem.

7:22 PM

gays united

hisshissmotherfucker: rn betty looks like she cant decide whether to be a guard dog or an excited puppy lmao

jugheadalones: context?

hisshissmotherfucker: veronicas greeting her relatives and bettys following her so closely shes practically stepping on her heels

goingtoheller: well, v is definitely holding betty's leash.

nopeaz: yeah veronicas got her by the collar

spillthefogarTEA: if betty doesnt watch her step then shes really going to be in the doghouse

wannabett: stop with the dog puns!! i am not a dog!!

hbicheryl: okay but you have to admit those were pretty good

wannabett: i will admit no such thing! now if youll excuse me im going to go back to talking to ronnies relatives with her

[wannabett is offline]

hisshissmotherfucker: i guess ill keep you all informed on their gay shenanigans

nopeaz: who even says shenanigans anymore??

hisshissmotherfucker: uh i do fight me

nopeaz: square up bitch

hbicheryl: if i had a dollar for every time tt and sp said that they were going to fight i would have enough money to rebuild thornhill

goingtoheller: cheryl, you're the one who burned it down in the first place.

hbicheryl: yes and??

goingtoheller: ...nevermind.

hisshissmotherfucker: im snoRTING

jugheadalones: what happened?

hisshissmotherfucker: so veronica was talking to one of her relatives right

hisshissmotherfucker: and the relative asks her if she has a boyfriend

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica laughs a little and says no so her relative looks at betty whos still trailing behind her like a shadow

hisshissmotherfucker: and knowingly says "oh i see, a girlfriend"

spillthefogarTEA: ajklfshagak i cant even

hisshissmotherfucker: both of them are sputtering uncontrollably unable to formulate a response im dying

hbicheryl: ahahah it was only a matter of time before something like this happened but im really glad it did

nopeaz: i mean relatives are supposed to know you better than anyone else right?

jugheadalones: oh b&v you oblivious wlw

goingtoheller: we're never letting them let this down, are we?

spillthefogarTEA: not a chance

hisshissmotherfucker: IT GOT BETTER

hisshissmotherfucker: veronica finally managed to speak and she (unconvincingly) insisted that she and betty were just friends etc etc and her relative just raised her eyebrows and went "mmhm"

nopeaz: drag themmmmm

hbicheryl: omg we stan

hisshissmotherfucker: im trying to stifle my laughter bc betty and veronica look like they want to murder me

hisshissmotherfucker: but you know what screw it its worth it

hisshissmotherfucker: oh shit bettys coming over here and she looks pissed

hisshissmotherfucker: hello punks, this is betty. i hope youve had your fun listening to sweet pea narrate everything but now im taking his phone and wont be giving it back until the party starts

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

jugheadalones: awww

goingtoheller: at least the party starts soon anyway. then, i'm sure we'll get even more beronica fodder.

jugheadalones: true

hbicheryl: see you then losers

spillthefogarTEA: back at ya cheryl

7:48 PM

nopeaz: cher and i are on our way

goingtoheller: fangs and i are leaving now.

jugheadalones: and im at your door at this very moment

jugheadalones: let me in

jugheadalones: okay great im in

hisshissmotherfucker: and i just got my phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: i will not stand for this tyranny! this is a republic not a monarchy!

wannabett: keep it up and im taking your phone back

hisshissmotherfucker: the oppression continues...

wannabett: sweet pea...

hisshissmotherfucker: fine

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

veroffica: now, let's get this party started!

10:03 PM

spillthefogarTEA: hey guys i know this is fun and exciting and all but would you mind congregating out in the living room? ive got some news

hisshissmotherfucker: anything for my best bro

jugheadalones: sure thing

10:07 PM

hisshissmotherfucker + theMANtle

hisshissmotherfucker: hey mantle are you free rn

theMANtle: yeah, you want me to come over to your trailer?

hisshissmotherfucker: yep im on my way there too

hisshissmotherfucker: see you in ten?

theMANtle: none of your friends will be there, right?

hisshissmotherfucker: nah theyre all still at veronicas party they wont even notice that im gone

theMANtle: not that im complaining, but why arent you?

hisshissmotherfucker: i needed a break

theMANtle: so you were hoping that i could help you blow off some steam? ;)

hisshissmotherfucker: that was the general idea

theMANtle: youre in luck, then. i currently have a lot of free time and what many call an impressive amount of stamina.

hisshissmotherfucker: perfect

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

10:15 PM

gays united

spillthefogarTEA: hey has anyone seen sweet pea? i could have sworn that i saw him before kevin and i made our announcement but now i cant find him anywhere

nopeaz: hes probably just in the bathroom or brooding in the corner somewhere

hbicheryl: dont worry about him just celebrate! youve officially got a new boyfriend!

spillthefogarTEA: "dont worry about him" have you MET me??

goingtoheller: babe, he probably just got bored and bailed.

goingtoheller: i know that he's your best friend, but he isn't who you're dating--i am. can't you forget about sweet pea for a little while and just relax?

spillthefogarTEA: i guess so

goingtoheller: great!

spillthefogarTEA: ill just text sp real quick and attempt to verify that hes still alive first

goingtoheller: whatever you need to do, fangs. i'll see you afterward.

10:19 PM

spillthefogarTEA + hisshissmotherfucker

spillthefogarTEA: hey sweets, i just wanted to make sure you didnt do anything stupid

spillthefogarTEA: i know that you arent kevins biggest fan, but youre my best friend and i dont want to lose you over him

spillthefogarTEA: i wish you were here to celebrate with me but i get it if you cant

spillthefogarTEA: please, just text me back whenever you see this to let me know that youre okay.

[spillthefogarTEA is offline]

10:41 PM

hisshissmotherfucker: thanks for being so understanding fangs but ngl i dont know if i can handle you dating keller

hisshissmotherfucker: i mean like you said

hisshissmotherfucker: we're best friends

hisshissmotherfucker: so i shouldnt have a problem with you going out with whoever you want

hisshissmotherfucker: but something about him just rubs me the wrong way

hisshissmotherfucker: sorry if that wasnt what you wanted to hear

[hisshissmotherfucker is offline]

Notes: Sorry, this was supposed to just be a long holiday chapter, but I had so many ideas I had to split it into two. Bear with me, please! Also, happy new year, gays! As 20gayteen comes to a close, I hope you find even more peace, prosperity, and (of course) bisexuality in 20biteen!!

[embersofstardust]

For the OC ask, if you don't mind, all of them? I like all the names and am curious about snake boi! 😊

:D absolutely!!!! But it’s gonna get long, so i’m throwing it under the “read more” (also sorry it took so long! I tried to do it before work, but didn’t have enough time so i had to wait until i got home)

ok, so i’ll do snake boi first then!

Full Name: he doesn’t have one yet lolGender and Sexuality: Male (currently debating nonbinary), and asexualPronouns: He/HimEthnicity/Species: He is a snake hybrid sort of deal. Not a naga, but has reptilian eyes/toungue and is coldblooded and prefers his food extremely rare even though it might stain his nice dress clothesBirthplace and Birthdate: No birthplace, but birthday is April 19thGuilty Pleasures: His favourite band is ABBA but he thinks it’s embarrassingPhobias: Crickets. they terrify himWhat They Would Be Famous For: writing the book he’s been working on for the past 10 yearsWhat They Would Get Arrested For: god um, maaayyyybe being involved in a fight? but only like, if one of his friends was getting the shit kicked out of them. he hates confrontationOC You Ship Them With: none atm!OC Most Likely To Murder Them: i honestly don’t knowFavorite Movie/Book Genre: movie is suspenseful thrillers, but book is romcom novels! another guilty pleasure tbh. even tho he’s asexual he likes the romance side of it and the cheesy lines always make  him laughLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: the fact that EVERYONE has to end up with somebody, and it’s usually a straight coupleTalents and/or Powers: no powers, but he can touch the bridge of his nose with his tongue! also he loves gardening and has a green thumbWhy Someone Might Love Them: he’s really just a mellow sweetheart with questionable fashion sense. he has green hair/stubble but likes to wear warm coloured dress clothesWhy Someone Might Hate Them: he really is almost unbearable mellow. he doesn’t get riled up very often and can talk for HOURS on book analysisHow They Change: he really hasn’t too much besides going from a more closed off type of character to just laid-back and sweet!Why You Love Them: he is literally the ONLY one of my characters with a decent amount of chill and i love his design so much

up next: Callalily! (also i’m  just realising i forgot two whole ocs, but i’m not gonna throw them in bc i don’t have anything other than their design and that they’re dating)

Full Name: Callalily MortrinskaGender and Sexuality: Female, lesbian (she dated a few guys, but eventually decided not for her)Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: black and cyborg! and not shy about it either, she makes sure her cyborg parts are made of shiny gold. it was the only thing they could do for her after a nasty accidentBirthplace and Birthdate: i don’t think i have a birthplace for any of them tbh but her birthday is November 3rdGuilty Pleasures: nothing is really a “guilty” pleasure for her? She is pretty open about everythingPhobias: one of her parts malfunctioning, someone she cares about getting hurt, miceWhat They Would Be Famous For: shooting someone who deserved it (she’s a sniper)What They Would Get Arrested For: shooting someone who only SHE thought deserved itOC You Ship Them With: none atm!OC Most Likely To Murder Them: none atm!Favorite Movie/Book Genre: probably the political fiction stuff!Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: how pink = girly girl and that they’re always airbrainedTalents and/or Powers: an incredible sniper! Also a really smooth flirt when she wants to beWhy Someone Might Love Them: she has a huge heart for people she cares about and is willing to go to the ends of the earth for themWhy Someone Might Hate Them: if you’ve pissed her off there is no mercy or second chances unless your apology is REALLY goodHow They Change: hasn’t really! i like it too much :)Why You Love Them: i love the thought of a badass, sniper cyborg woman who loves pink, skirts, and girls and has both aesthetics at the same time

Xinae!

Full Name: XinaeGender and Sexuality: agender/omnisexualPronouns: they/them she/her he/him (technically her race doesn’t deal with gender/pronouns/sexuality? they’re heavenly bodies soooo)Ethnicity/Species: a living starBirthplace and Birthdate: noneGuilty Pleasures: her moonPhobias: being locked away and forced to forget her moon (which has since happened)What They Would Be Famous For: defying a sunWhat They Would Get Arrested For: defying a sunOC You Ship Them With: her moon, who doesn’t have much of a design yetOC Most Likely To Murder Them: the jealous sunFavorite Movie/Book Genre: soft romance and fantasy fictionLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: forced romances that don’t develop/make senseTalents and/or Powers: she has intense light and heat, and can maneuver her way across the night sky to light the way for lost wanderersWhy Someone Might Love Them: she is gentle and kind, motherly almostWhy Someone Might Hate Them: she can sometimes not keep her mouth shut and if the reward outweighs the risk she’s not afraid of  consequencesHow They Change: no changes, shes new!!Why You Love Them: i love her story and design

Alrighty! Onto the twins Aven and Neva!

Full Name: Neva CarmondyGender and Sexuality: female, bisexualPronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: human, idk ethnicity just yet but she’s pretty tan naturallyBirthplace and Birthdate: birthday is March 7Guilty Pleasures: Cheap beerPhobias: she’s actually really afraid of needles and blood in general for some reason?What They Would Be Famous For: whatever she got arrested for tbhWhat They Would Get Arrested For: public disturbance or climbing something she shouldn’t. maybe getting in a fightOC You Ship Them With: none atm!OC Most Likely To Murder Them: her brother tbh lolFavorite Movie/Book Genre: she doesn’t really read books, but she likes audio ones! and actually really loves historical fictionLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: I hate you! oh i love you now!Talents and/or Powers: well i actually have them in BNHA, so they do have powers! She can alter/add something to people’s memories! she also took gymnastics for 8 years as a kid so shes pretty flexibleWhy Someone Might Love Them: shes fun! and totally willing to throw down for someoneWhy Someone Might Hate Them: a bit airheaded and doesn’t like to focus on serious things, she’d rather focus on having funHow They Change: honestly not too much? maybe a little less thot and a little more party but nothing major lolWhy You Love Them: it’s just a fun character!! and her dynamic with her brother is great

Full Name: Aven Carmondy (their 1st names are just reversed of each other lol)Gender and Sexuality: male, questioningPronouns: he/himEthnicity/Species: again, idk ethnicity yetBirthplace and Birthdate: March 7Guilty Pleasures: dumb looking t-shirtsPhobias: worms (his sister thinks its hilarious)What They Would Be Famous For: being a philanthropist idk he hates being the center of attentionWhat They Would Get Arrested For: beating somebody for hurting his sisterOC You Ship Them With: none!OC Most Likely To Murder Them: none atm!Favorite Movie/Book Genre: sci-fiLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: inaccurate fake science lolTalents and/or Powers: again, has powers so! He can erase parts/whole memories!Why Someone Might Love Them: is the Mom Friend and very caring and protectiveWhy Someone Might Hate Them: painfully shy at first and a buzzkill at times worrying too muchHow They Change: he’s actually gotten a little more reserved! sorry buddy lolWhy You Love Them: i just do! also looking back at it we are pretty similar 

And now onto the big two!!!! :D

Full Name: Kronixus (Krow) Lioneheart (lion-heart)Gender and Sexuality: male, GAAAAYYYY AFFFFFFPronouns: he/himEthnicity/Species: changes depending on my mood bc i use him in a bunch of stuff? but always a mixBirthplace and Birthdate: October 31stGuilty Pleasures: pop musicPhobias: snakes, has a legit phobia of a certain shade of pink its weird as hellWhat They Would Be Famous For: being a mad scientist/famous inventorWhat They Would Get Arrested For: beating somebody for hurting his sister/just getting in a fight in general OC You Ship Them With: none atm! (it’s usually with canon characters lol)OC Most Likely To Murder Them: ravenna tbhFavorite Movie/Book Genre: sci-fi and gritty romanceLeast Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: ALSO inaccurate fake science. if its not plausible he throws a fitTalents and/or Powers: very smart!!!! has a great knack with machines, but shit at math it’s weird. also pretty musically giftedWhy Someone Might Love Them: he looks like a hard ass but is pretty sweet when you get to know him and v sensitive but still ready to fight someone for you w/ no questions askedWhy Someone Might Hate Them: ready to fight someone w/ no questions asked. also everyone thinks he’s straight so a lot of people get mad that their girlfriend thinks he’s hotHow They Change: was actually originally just a genderbend version of my main oc, but now is his own character completely with a different (more chaotic) personality! also was pan, but slowly evolved into just gay lolWhy You Love Them: he’s great! he’s such a chaotic gay energy but hides it under a hard-ass facade and i love him. i’ve also had him a while so yeah lol i put him in a lot of different aus/fandoms

The main one!!! My babey!!!!!

Full Name: Ravenna (Raven) Lioneheart (lol get it, raven and crow?)Gender and Sexuality: female, pansexual!!!!Pronouns: she/herEthnicity/Species: again, idk ethnicityBirthplace and Birthdate: October 31stGuilty Pleasures: ummm? partying i guess? sometimes she loves it alittle TOO much lolPhobias: snakes, the dark, swimming (shes says drowning buttttt)What They Would Be Famous For: her music getting bigWhat They Would Get Arrested For: getting in a fight, public disturbancesOC You Ship Them With: none! just canon characters ^^’OC Most Likely To Murder Them: none?Favorite Movie/Book Genre: high fantasy and sci-fi!Least Favorite Movie/Book Cliche: dumb romance/heavy political stuffTalents and/or Powers: she has powers depending on the universe, and they change on my mood so not listing that. But she’s pretty good with machines (Krow is better) and really good at the arts! Much better than Kronixus! also very smartWhy Someone Might Love Them: will go to the ends of the earth for the ones she cares about, and it takes a lot to break her trust once she has it. can be very lovingWhy Someone Might Hate Them: is loud and not afraid to voice her opinions. thinks she’s bigger than she is and sometimes gets her ass kicked for itHow They Change: she was actually originally a self-insert a LONG time ago, but has grown with me and developed into her own person! obviously we still share similarities, mostly in what we like, but i’ve had her for so long it’s really hard to remember what it was like without herWhy You Love Them: again, i’ve had her FOREVER! and i just love tweaking her to fit whatever au i’m doing atm!

[not-rome]

Tree Tattoos

Summary:  Whenever you turn 16, whatever happens to your body happens to your soulmate's body. Connor Murphy's soulmate loves trees and flowers, but is also suicidal and anxious. He writes reminders about how they should take their medications, and that today was going to be a good day. He's paired up with Evan Hansen, the boy who he tried to get away from after signing his cast, in Biology 2. He offers to hang out after school, and Evan accepts. The sad thing is that everything flips there. Word Count: 7.1K Trigger Warnings: self-harm, mention of suicide attempt, and panic attacks.

Fifteen tattoos were littered all over Connor’s body.  They were small, and he had been getting them since he was 16, and his mother wrote out a thing saying he had parent’s permission to get tattoos.  Cynthia only did that because all the drawings were soulmate markings.

Whenever your soulmate drew on themselves, it appeared on the other’s skin as well.  Connor’s soulmate was obsessed with trees and books, so that’s what littered his body.

Cynthia had tiny tattoos of candy canes and Christmas trees.  Her first husband had died, and that’s where she had received all of those. Even though people thought that you only had one shot with soulmates, that wasn’t true.  There were options of soulmates that the universe granted people.

Connor didn’t like the idea of soulmates, because he didn’t love himself and how could anyone love him? All he knew was his soulmate drew beautiful trees with colorful pens, and sometimes would draw rainy clouds.

There would be times when the only thing on his body was a reminder to stay strong that he soulmate wrote on his wrists every day.  Connor knew that it was for him, so he got it tattooed on him.  His soulmate would write over it in different colors, even though he had it to.

Anything that you did to your body was reciprocated to your soulmate’s body.  The only catch to all of this was that it all started when you turned 16.  So that was his birthday present whenever the first drawing showed up.

It was a cute array of hearts with the bisexual, gay, asexual, lesbian, and transgender flags. There was a note telling Connor that his soulmate would love him no matter what.  So Connor got the gay flag, and that was how he came out to his family.

The second one was of an oak tree, it took up the entirety of his left bicep, but it was beautiful. It took his soulmate three days to draw it, so Connor got it tattooed.  That was the only big tattoo that he had.  The others were just small doodles that he found neat.

Sometimes Connor drew doodles corresponding with his soulmates, only to get back little messages telling him to draw more.  Connor ignored the comments, but would sometimes wake up to little cuts on his thighs. They didn’t hurt, but it broke his heart that his soulmate was doing this to themselves.

“Please stop cutting,” Connor wrote over the cuts.

“Maybe if you draw over them,” the message under Connor’s said.

So Connor did, and it was the prettiest thing he had ever drawn.  It was a bunch of blue and purple flowers, and when you put your thighs together; it created a vine of flowers.

His soulmate got that tattooed on, and as far as Connor knows, that’s the only one that his soulmate has tattooed on without the help of Connor.

So Connor’s collection began to grow, and then June before his senior year; he saw scratches on his arm. He showed them to his mom, freaked out, and she said that they looked like scratches you get from hitting tree branches while falling.

“Your soulmate must’ve fallen, don’t worry your bones don’t break whenever things like that happen. Just what it looks like,” she reassured, and talking about things like this were the only times they never fought.

----

Senior year rolled around, and Connor had debated on killing himself before school.  The only problem was leaving his soulmate behind with no new messages from him, but from someone else.  Even if they didn’t know who the other was, he felt love for the person who wrote on their skin every day.

So, here he was sitting in Biology 2, wanting to leave.  At least it was fifth hour, and his free period was the last hour of the day.  He could leave earlier, and not have to deal with this hellhole until tomorrow.

It was the second week of school, and he looked over to see everyone in the class.  Then his eyes landed on his huge signature on Evan’s cast. He felt terrible about pushing the boy down, and then stealing his letter.  So he tried to periods, so he didn’t bother Evan, but turns out changing schedule made this arrangement happen.  He felt bad about a lot of things, but he was going to pretend that he was some angst ridden teenager.

“Class, I’m going to be dividing you all into groups.  Evan, can you pass out these handouts to everyone?” Mrs. Gragg asked, and a small antsy boy ran up to get the handouts.

Connor remembered when Evan only wore short sleeved shirts to school, it was last year.  This year he was wearing a jacket, and the taller boy wondered if that was going to be a theme.  He liked the look of Evan in a jacket, but then again he liked the look of the other boy in general.

He found him cute, and there had been times last year where he was tempted to kiss the boy whenever he saw him in the hall.  Just casual gay things that crossed his mind, but he didn’t do that out of respect for his soulmate.  

Last year was the first year Evan had been in the school district, and Connor realized that he could’ve made friends with the boy.  The only problem was he was in and out of mental and rehab facilities to be friends with anyone.  So, Kleinman took Evan as a friend, but Connor had overheard the two and how Jared always told Evan to tell his mom that they were hanging out so he could get some money.

That wasn’t friendship, and Connor knew it.  Sure, most of his friends were people online and from the facilities he’s been to, but he’d never do something so cross.  Of course, there were the times he caught Jared comforting Evan during a panic attack, so the brunette didn’t really know if it was friendship or not.  Maybe Kleinman was trying to pretend he didn’t care when he actually did.

“C-Conner,” Evan stuttered out, and Connor realized that he hadn’t been paying attention.  He looked up at the blonde, who looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown.  Honestly, when didn’t Hansen look like he was about to have a nervous breakdown?

“Yeah?” Connor asked, he sounded tired, and struggled to stay awake.  His soulmate had been cutting again, and Connor had to help them out. It was simple reminders where the scars and cuts were to just be positive.

Sure being positive was bullshit according to Connor, but he wanted his soulmate to be happy.  He loved them more than he ever thought, and they didn’t know who the other was.  All he knew was that he constantly reminded his love to take their medication every day, and even if it wasn’t the best; he felt good about it.  He liked having his soulmate reassure him that they were okay, or whenever they said they weren’t okay.  He liked speaking to them.

“W-we were paired t-together,” Evan said, and Connor nodded.  Evan sat down in the chair next to him, and quietly started to doodle in his notebook.

Connor didn’t know what to say, so he just stared at the stay strong on his wrist.  Wondering if his soulmate put it on there for him, or for themselves.  Maybe he should write a reminder later about how they need to remember that on if they don’t relapse in a month; they’ll meet.

“When do you want to work on this project?” Connor blurted out as he pulled his jacket sleeves over his hands.  He was thinking too much about a person he’d never met before.

“Oh, I, um, I don’t really know, uh,” Evan said and Connor nodded.  He related to the stuttering, he wished he could be able to do that so he could actually express his feelings of discomfort.

“Me neither, want to get ice cream after school?  Meet before we actually do our project?” Connor asked, he was being ballsy currently. He didn’t know what was possessing him, but he knew that this was the only time to ever become Evan Hansen’s friend.

“Oh, um, okay.  I don’t have what people call an eighth period, but I’m not skipping if that’s what you’re thinking.  I don’t skip, I mean like class!  Sometimes I like skipping down sidewalks, wow is it hot in here?” Evan rambled out and Connor chuckled slightly.

“Meet me in the main office at 2:15, and we’ll get some ice cream.  I just want you to be comfortable around me before we do this,” Connor said, he had a soft voice and Evan just nodded in response.  The two went back to minding their own business.  Connor couldn’t have been happier.

---

Evan was terrified currently.  Not necessarily of Connor, but the situation.  All that ran through his mind was what if Connor is going to beat you up, and then he’ll get more scars.  He’ll cut again, his soulmate will be disappointed, and Evan will cry himself to sleep again.  All the scars will be another sick reminder of how fucked up he is, and then his soulmate will have some weird ass tattoos because of him, like the vine one.

Actually Evan loved the vine one that his soulmate drew.  It was beautiful and fit Evan very well, but he wondered if it fit his soulmate.

It probably did, because his soulmate was bound to be beautiful, because he was ugly.  The universe put all the beauty in one person, so then the other one wouldn’t leave.

“Whatcha thinking about tree boy?” Jared asked, he was walking to lunch with the blonde.  Evan was shaking from nerves, and everyone could see it.  Jared was actually concerned, he’d never seen the kid so riled up before.

“I, um, oh my, what am I thinking about?  Uh, that’s a very good question, you should become, what are those things called? Oh! A detective!” Evan said nervously and Jared rolled his eyes and didn’t ask any more questions.

He felt something on the inside of his palm, so he opened it to see a little message writing on his hands. Evan loved when this happened because his soulmate wanting to talk to him.

“Tell Evan Hansen that he’s cute.”

That’s when the blonde began to freak out.  What if his soulmate knew who he was, and was trying to hint at it?  Why wouldn’t they just tell him?  If they think he’s cute, then just tell him that to his face. Wait, never mind, do not do that.

He wasn’t ready to meet the person who convinced him not to kill himself almost every other week. They had mentioned that they weren’t perfect either, but he was just terrified that they were going to be perfect. Who would want someone as broken as him? Like he wouldn’t want that, he was disgusting.

Evan was having a panic attack over this.  It wasn’t good that he had been cutting last night, then Connor wanting to hang out, and now his soulmate knows who he is.  It wasn’t a good time for him, that’s for sure.  Too much was going on for anyone to be calm in this situation.

So he found his way to the bathroom, and cried in a stall.  He also ate his sandwich while in there, might as well kill two birds with one stone.  His thoughts kept racing, and he pulled out his pen.

“Who is Evan Hansen?” He wrote, and there was almost an instant response.

“This anxious kid, who probably needs reassurance.  He reminds me of you,” the message said, and Evan felt better that his soulmate didn’t know who he was.  “How are you today?  I’m worried about you, baby.”

The pet name helped Evan to calm down.  His soulmate loved him like he loved them, it was okay.  It really wasn’t, but it was all okay.

“I’m having a panic attack in the bathroom, that’s about it, haha,” Evan wrote on his left arm.  Maybe he should wash it off and pretend it never happened.

“Baby, talk to me.  I promise I’m here,” a message wrote, and Evan started to sob again.  He was dragging everyone down with him, how pathetic.

“I’m just overwhelmed,” Evan wrote before trying to control his breathing.  There weren’t any more messages after that.  His soulmate knew that Evan’s anxiety was far too extensive to say ‘be positive’ to.

The bell rang for sixth hour, and he had finally stopped crying.  He still looked like a mess, but he didn’t care at that very moment.  No one would mention his puffy eyes, or his messy hair.  At this point, he couldn’t care in the slightest.  

He just decided to go to AP English, and deal with his crazy teacher Mrs. Oss.   She wasn’t crazy, but she liked to bring squirrels to class so everyone could meet them.  Okay, maybe she was crazy.

When he arrived to class, she sent him a smile and sat down in his seat.  He pulled out a book he was reading, and began to indulge as he read. Every moment he read was a moment of peace to him.  Reading was just like being surrounded by trees for him.

He especially loved reading books about trees, his favorites.

The class was free time to just do whatever you wanted, so Evan finished the book he was reading. Fangirl by Rainbow Rowell, and he was frustrated with the ending.  How dare she end it like that?  What the hell?  Cath and Levi just needed to stay together forever, why did he have to fucking leave?

Evan was seething slightly, and read the last chapter again.  Just making sure what he read was real, and it made him angrier the second time. His eyes flickered at the clock in the front of the room.  It was a clock where you had to solve math problems to figure it out.  Everyone hated it, but it was easy if you just knew the placement of a normal clock.

He had five minutes to spare, so he got on his phone and started looking up some facts on the book. He needed to see if there was going to be a sequel.  All he found was Cath’s fanfic for Simon and Baz.  So, he went to Booksamillion.com and ordered it.  Anything pertaining to Rainbow Rowell was soon going to be in his possession.

When the bell for seventh hour rang, he remembered that he was meeting up with Connor at the end of this hour.  He felt his anxiety hit him like a wave, and he hated that he was this way.  Annoying Evan who can’t stop crying over anxiety all the time.

He wondered if his government teacher would let him go cry in the bathroom for the hour.  Of course Evan wouldn’t actually ask that, but it sure was a tempting thought.  

Or maybe he should just read on his phone?  Reading was a coping skill his therapist told him about, but he didn’t know what to read. Maybe he had another book in his bag. Or had he read the three books in his bag already.

Mr. Brown wasn’t going to teach, he’d pass out handouts over the chapter and remind them of the test they had on Friday.  It essentially was the chilliest class ever, and that’s why Evan was in it.  He needed his last hour to be a time to breathe. If he didn’t have that time to breathe, then his mom would pick up a sobbing kid.

He cried a lot, but usually at home alone.  It felt nice to cry, so then he didn’t hurt himself.  It would make his soulmate happy, and that didn’t make him cry.  His therapist told him that crying wasn’t a coping mechanism that he could always use, but he really wanted to.

Shit, he hadn’t told his mom about Connor.  She probably already woke up, got ready, and was going to be pissed at him.  Heidi wouldn’t show it, but he knew that she’d be thinking about disowning him for being pathetic.

Evan: I’m going to get ice cream after school with my bio partner, I’ll have him drive me home. Sorry for the late notice.

Mom: Okay!  I’m proud of you for making friends!  Have fun!  And don’t worry, I just woke up!

Evan sighed due to his mother’s behavior.  She was obsessed with him getting friends, but he was happy alone.  He thought it made it easier whenever he decided to kill himself.  He had already failed last June, and that crushed him.

He told his soulmate all about it, and they wrote little messages everyday about taking his medications and how he’s beautiful.  He cried every day because he knew that he didn’t deserve this, but here he was with the best soulmate ever.

“Ask Murphy to take you home,” Evan wrote on his hand to remind him later.  He wrote it below the message about him being cute.

“Wait, what?” The response asked, and Evan smiled at that.  His soulmate’s handwriting was terrible, it was like chicken scratch.

“This kid named Connor Murphy is taking me to get ice cream,” Evan wrote, and his history teacher smiled at him.  The teachers loved it when their students wrote to their soulmates.

“Is it a date?” His soulmate asked, and Evan frowned at that.  Was his love getting jealous?  If they are, then they better realize that he loves them.

“No, I love you.  Why would I date someone else?”

“Evan, is it a date?”

Evan was shocked at this question.  How did his soulmate know who he is?  He already had a breakdown at lunch, he can’t do it again.  If he did it again, then he’d probably go into a state of not caring. He doesn’t stutter as much, but is still a mess.

“This is Connor btw.”

That’s when Evan lost it, he was grinding his teeth together, eyes filling up with tears.  He made eye contact with Mr. Brown and then looked at the door, the teacher nodded.  He let Evan go cry every time he needed to.  Evan thought of the real MVP meme, but Mr. Brown was truly the real MVP.

“I’m in the bathroom by Mr. Brown,” Evan wrote before locking him in stall and freaking out.  “I don’t know why I said that, shit.”

After three minutes, the bathroom door opened.  Connor knew he was in there from the sobs, and Evan knew the other boy was in there due to the door.

“Evan?” Connor asked, and that made Evan choke on his tears.  Nope, he couldn’t do this.  Why had he even write that down?  He was an idiot.  Might as well kill himself in this moment.

“Hey, it’s okay.  Don’t forget that I’m here,” Connor said through the stall door.  He wasn’t pushing boundaries, because he knew who Evan was truly.

They both knew how hard it was for Evan to even talk, and he somehow told the brunette to come save him. He didn’t know why, but part of him felt happy that Connor showed up, but he was still freaking out.

“Why are you even here, I’m just worthless,” Evan choked out and his sobbing increased steadily.

“Evan, you’re not worthless. I’m here because you want me to be,” Connor said, there was anger in his voice.

“I’m sorry.  God I’m so sorry.”

“Evan, why the fuck are you sorry?” Connor snapped, and the blonde boy wailed.  He hated having multiple panic attacks in a day, he became useless.

“I’m sorry, I’ve made you mad,” Evan cried and Connor unlocked the door by draping his arm over the door and undoing the latch.

The stall opened, and there stood his supposed soulmate.  Connor started taking off his jacket, to reveal a short sleeved black shirt.

This kid must really like black.  He has two layers of it on, and nail polish too, Evan thought.

That’s when Evan saw the huge tree tattoo that he made last year.  He was proud of that, and found a way to remove it from his arm so he could wear short sleeved shirts again.

Evan also the small cut lines from last night on Connor’s right arm.  The bare arm, for Evan mostly drew on his chest and left arm.

“I’m not mad at you,” Connor said as he squatted to be eye level with Evan.  He cupped the smaller boy’s face with one hand, and sighed sleepily.

“You just s-s-sounded mad.”

“I have anger issues, depression, anxiety, and a substance abuse problem.  I think my voice is in a permeant state angry,” Connor said, he voice was still harsh, but Evan could sense some kind of sincerity.

“T-that makes, um, that makes, you know, um, sense,” Evan mumbled, he hated talking to people. Connor pulled out a pen, and handed it to Evan.

“Write to me,” Connor said and Evan took off his jacket.  His cast was fully in view, and so were the tattoos Connor had.  “Wait you don’t have a tree tattoo?”

“My mom said that it was too big, so I got rid of it,” Evan wrote and it appeared on Connor’s arm.

“Wait, how?”

“My mom did it, I can’t remember how.”

Connor went silent, he was staring at the floor.  Evan was staring at his hands.  Wow this was awkward, and it was because Evan is annoying.

The blonde wanted to strangle himself, was that possible?  Could you actually kill yourself by choking yourself?  That would actually be really interesting.  He was totally going to look that up later, maybe use it in his next panic attack.

“What’s your favorite kind of ice cream?” Connor asked, and Evan’s head jerked up to look at the brunette in front of him,” I like peanut butter ice cream.”

“W-well, I, um, I really like, that one ice cream, you know the one.  It tastes really good, you know, um, birthday cake,” Evan managed to get out, and Connor’s perpetual frown softened sort of.

“You don’t have to force yourself to talk if you don’t want to,” Connor snapped slightly, but groaned at the harshness of his voice.  He hated being like this.  “I didn’t mean for that be so aggressive.”

Evan shook his head, and his crying was beginning to stop.  Connor knew this side of Evan already, the anxious and depressed side. It was easy to see whenever he was trying to breathe, and when he was forcing himself.

“School is almost out, want to leave?” Connor asked, he managed to make his voice sound casual and not like he wants to the other boy to die.

Evan nodded, before getting up and grabbing his backpack.  Connor turned to look at him, and wiped the remaining tears away.  His gaze was soft, but everything about him was harsh and aggressive.

“I’ve wanted to do that for a while,” Connor said, and Evan knew he meant whenever the blonde started cutting last year.  Connor would write to him, telling him to wipe away the tears, and pretend it was him. He just wanted the boy to feel loved.

Evan then followed Connor to the boy’s jeep.  It was a black jeep, and Evan almost laughed at how much this kid liked the color black. He knew it was the brunette saying that he was depressed, but Evan didn’t even think black meant depression.

“What kind of music do you like to listen to?” Connor asked and Evan looked at him embarrassed. Connor was going to hate his music choice, and then hate Evan.

“I like, uh, classical, and, uh, you know, Owl City,” Evan said, looking at the floor and Connor chuckled slightly.

“God we’re opposites, but at least we know we’re meant for each other.  I do like classical though, I really love Grainger.  I’m going to play some of his music,” Connor rambled as he opened Apple Music and started playing a random playlist.

They drove to the ice cream place, just letting the alto saxophone fill the car.  Evan felt himself relaxing slightly, this felt nice. Just two dudes chilling, nothing gay going on.  Everything was chill, chillness is great.

In reality, Evan was just repeating the word chill over and over, but it wasn’t working that well. Suddenly they were at A La Mode, and Connor looked over at the blonde.

“I’m going to go get us ice cream, you said you liked birthday cake.  I’ll get you two scoops in a cup, so you don’t have to worry about it melting all over you,” Connor said and Evan looked at him questioning,” no you don’t have to come in.”

Once Connor left the car, Evan let the entire situation hit him.  He remembered the gay flag that Connor tattooed on his hip.  Evan had wanted to get the bisexual flag and transgender flag, but he was afraid that this soulmate would hate him.

Evan started to control his breathing, he didn’t want to think about being transgender.  He didn’t want to think about that, it wasn’t what he wanted to do right now.

He had been fortunate that his insurance paid for his top surgery when he was 16.  He was home schooled for a while, and then last year he transferred over to this school district.  It hadn’t costed much to do the online schooling, so Heidi took it in a heartbeat.

Connor opened the door, and handed Evan his ice cream.  The brunette had thrown his hair up in a bun, it was too hot to be wearing a jacket. So Connor had gone out with all his arm tattoos showing.

“What’s wrong?” Connor asked, Evan could hear the strain in voice from trying not to snap.  It wasn’t like he was angry, but he was used to putting off teenage angst all the time.

“Nothing, it’s all okay, no worries!” Evan exclaimed and Connor looked at the blonde concerned, but let it slide by.  He started the car and started driving to some field.

Evan thought the orchard was beautiful, and loved all the flowers and trees.  The trees were so beautiful, and then he realized that this was over by the place he had jumped out of the tree.

“I thought you’d like this place since I have so many tree tattoos on me,” Connor joked and Evan smiled at the brunette, clearly happy about the considerate thought.

Connor was nervous about this, because clearly Evan had thoughts about the other boy from the rumors around school.  He noticed the other boy’s anxiety rising throughout this little get together, and felt bad that his soulmate was uncomfortable around him.

Of course he felt uncomfortable around himself as well, so he couldn’t really blame the blonde boy. Evan seemed to be shimmering now, but that was due to all the trees and flowers.

“I want to show you this huge Oak tree, it’s on the top of the hill over there.  We can eat our ice cream together,” Connor said, and Evan nodded.

Once they arrived to their destination, Evan plopped down at the base of the tree.  He leaned his head against the wood, and sighed happily. Connor smiled at the sight.  The person he had been talking to for almost two years seemed so happy and content.

The brunette slowly sat next to the other boy, and Evan looked over at him.  His smile was still shining vibrantly, and he looked like he was about to cry.

“Thank you,” Evan said, the first time all day he hadn’t stuttered or rambled on.  Connor was taken aback at the comment.  He didn’t know why the blonde would say that.

“For what?”

Evan leaned his head on Connor’s shoulder.  He didn’t care anymore about anything anymore.  His anxiety was just melting away.

“For always being there for me.  You know, with the cutting and suicide attempts,” Evan said and Connor looked at him with tear filled eyes.

“I tried to kill myself twice before I turned 16, and ended up in mental facilities.  I never hated it there, it was actually nice to be surrounded by people who actually care about you.  So I vowed that once I turned 16, I’d stop hurting myself to save you,” Connor said, and Evan started to cry.

Connor then lifted his sleeve on his right arm, and there were scars where the stay strong was located. Scars from when he was 15, and so alone. Every day was another day of trying to survive in a world of hate.

“I’m glad that the soulmate thing only happened when both parties turn 16.  I just don’t like that you both have to be 17 before you can start writing names,” Evan said, and Connor nodded.

Silence fell over the scene, and they ate their ice cream in peace.  Everything felt perfect for once, and Connor loved this moment.

“Do you care that I’m a boy?” Connor asked, and Evan looked up from his ice cream to Connor.  He had some ice cream on his face, but the brunette wasn’t going to mention it.

“I’m bisexual, so I was ready for anything.  Do you care?” Evan asked, and Connor laughed slightly.  He raised his shirt so Evan could see the rainbow hearts tattooed on his hip.

“Oh yeah, I forgot about that.”  He hadn’t actually, he was just making sure that Connor actually liked him.  It was reflex to reassure himself that people could actually like him, though it was unlikely.

Connor chuckled before closing his eyes and just taking a moment to take in the view.  Evan sighed before laying in the grass.  The sky was so blue, and somehow gave him courage.

“Would you care if I was a transboy?” Evan asked, and Connor looked over at the boy.  There was curiosity in his eyes, it shone brightly.

“Why would I care? You’re a boy if you say you’re a boy,” Connor said with a shrug, and Evan smiled at him.  It hadn’t been like the other smiles, but one with all his teeth showing.

“I was just terrified. I moved school districts when I started transitioning, and then moved back whenever I got top surgery and hormones, and no one knew who I was.  I was amazed that no one spoke to me, and I liked it because then I didn’t have the chance for anyone to ask questions about who I used to be. You know?  It was nice to start over fresh,” Evan rambled, he was staring at the sky blissfully.

“Wait, you used to go to school with us?” Connor asked, and Evan nodded.  He grabbed his phone, and went to look for a photo of seventh grade him. He handed the brunette the phone, and Connor remembered the kid instantly.

Taylor Hansen, the prettiest girl in seventh grade who left half way through the year.  She had waist length blonde hair, bright blue eyes, and a dazzling smile.  Connor was in love with her because she loved baseball, and told dirty jokes.

Larry was obsessed with baseball, and back then, Connor had been too.  Of course it was so he could try to be friends with the girl who knew everything about baseball.

“I was hideous back then, but I mean I’m hideous now too,” Evan said as he took his phone back, he chuckled slightly as if he wasn’t self-deprecating himself.

“You’ve never been hideous,” Connor stated, and the blonde laughed at the comment.  Evan disagreed way too much with that statement.

“I hated myself even more back then, than I hate myself now.  I felt dirty due to having to dress like that every day when all I wanted to do was wear a t-shirt and some jeans.  My mom wanted me to be happy, but didn’t know how to accomplish that.  At 13 years old, I tried to kill myself only for my mom to find me.  That put me in a facility for two months,” Evan rambled.

Connor could see the anger in the other’s eyes.  He wondered if he ever looked like that, and how people could stand to be around him if he grumbled constantly and lashed out.  Evan seemed to be pissed off at Connor’s comment though.

“Do you understand how much it sucks to look in a mirror and just feel disgusted at who you’re looking at? That you’re looking at the girl everyone likes instead of the tree loving boy who wants to play baseball?  I was hideous, and I still am,” Evan snapped, and he had tears running down his face.

Connor moved over the other boy, and started to play with his hair.  Evan had mentioned that whenever they met, Connor had to play with his hair.  It calmed the shorter boy down, but no one ever did it to him.

“You’re a beautiful boy, Evan,” Connor said softly and the blonde started to cry harder.  He cried a lot, and man in this moment it was truly needed.  “You’re beautiful no matter who you are, because you are you.  That’s all that matters.”

//////

The drive to Evan’s house was filled with Owl City playing.  The two didn’t feel a need to talk, because the orchard had been their place to speak and just be in each other’s presence.  Connor parked in the driveway, and Evan just sat there in the jeep.

His mom wasn’t home, and he didn’t want to be alone.  He hated being alone, it’s when he overthought and ended up hurting himself.

“Do you want to stay over?” Evan asked, and then his face started going red from how that sounded. Connor was smirking in the driver’s seat from the short boy’s mess up.  “I don’t mean, you know, when two people, do that thing, and suddenly there’s HIV or kids from it.”

“It’s okay, Evan, I knew what you meant.  Is your mom not here?” Connor asked and Evan nodded, not looking up at the brunette.

“I-I just don’t, um, don’t want, t-to be alone,” Evan stuttered out, blushing vibrantly and Connor smiled at him fondly.  God, Connor was right about his soulmate being beautiful.

“I’ll stay, it’s 5 right now, right?” Connor asked and the blushing boy nodded.  He got so embarrassed easily, but the brunette was fine with it.  “I can spend the night, if you want.  I just have to run by my house really fast to get clothes.”

“C-can I go with you?” Evan asked, looking at his hands, and Connor made a noise confirming that it was okay for the boy to come over.

“Warning, my family hates me.  So they may make rude comments,” Connor warned, his voice had no emotion in it. That didn’t mean he didn’t care, it meant that he care so much that he had to pretend he didn’t care.

The five minute car ride was silent.  Fireflies – Owl City played and Evan was dancing slightly.  He was enjoying the music and himself.  People made jokes about the band, but he really loved them for their techno sounding music.

Connor tapped his fingers to the beat of the song, he enjoyed the song.  He related to all the memes of the song, and assumed Evan did as well.  It was cute watching the other boy dance in his seat and mouth the words with a smile plastered on his face.

Pulling up into the driveway was the first experience, because his mom was getting home at the same time that he was.  He really didn’t want to see her, because he was terrified of Evan seeing him lash out. It seemed deceitful, but Connor didn’t want to be the way he was.  He wanted to be someone that knew how to love others, and not hurt people.

“Connor, how was school?” His mom asked happily.  She then saw Evan behind him, and a smile grew on her face.  “Also, who is your friend here?”

“My day was okay, and this is Evan Hansen, my soulmate,” Connor said and Cynthia smiled so wide. She stepped over to Evan and hugged him.

Evan was taken aback, but wrapped his arms around the women as well.  She was squeezing him tightly, and sighed as she pulled away.

“Evan, it’s so nice to finally meet you.  If I can say, you’re an amazing artist,” she said, referring to all the tattoos Connor had.

“Oh, um, t-thank you Mrs. Murphy.  I mean, like, I’m not t-that great!  I’m not trying to b-be, uh, rude, I just, uh, you know, um, don’t have, s-self c-confidence,” Evan managed to get out.  She laughed slightly before placing a hand on the boy’s shoulder.

“It’s okay, Evan.  Are you staying over?” She asked and Connor suddenly came into the conversation.

“No, I’m staying at his house because his mom is coming home late,” Connor said, there was anger in his voice and he was mad at himself for getting annoyed.  It was just he wanted to keep Evan to himself before introducing his family to him.

“Oh okay, just make sure to sleep in separate rooms.”

Evan was a blushing mess at that comment.  He looked like he could have a fever from how red his cheeks were and his face paling out. Cynthia was already in the house when the two boys finally got off the initial shock of what she said.

“I p-p-promise, I-I’m not like, you know, like t-that.  I-I-I-I just w-w-wanted to c-cuddle or t-t-talk,” Evan stammered and Connor looked at his soulmate with annoyed eyes.

He was pissed at his mom now for making the blonde so uncomfortable.  He was trying to take deep breaths, and grabbed Evan’s wrist as he dragged him into the house.  Connor gave no time for any admiring of the house, which Evan really wanted to do.

“Ow,” Evan said and Connor realized that he was strangling his wrist.  He dropped it, and looked at Evan terrified.  Of course he was going to hurt Evan, he hurt everyone.

“Maybe, I shouldn’t come over?  I can just take you home?” Connor asked anxiously, he could feel himself breaking down. He hurt his soulmate, the one thing he didn’t want to do ever.

“Oh, I mean, if you want,” Evan said sadly, his eyes prickling with tears.  Of course Connor didn’t want to spend time with him.  Evan was pathetic anyways, who wants to hang out with a pathetic piece of shit?  Jared didn’t unless he was getting paid, so Connor probably felt the same.

Connor stared at Evan, lost for words.  They were so close to his room, but he could feel Zoe staring at them from the crack in her door.  She was always watching, waiting for him to mess up.  She’d tell their parents, and they’d hate him for another reason other than him being alive.

“W-we should p-probably go,” Evan mumbled and Connor pulled them into his room.  He sat the two of them on the dark gray comforter.  Taking his wrist, examining what kind of damage he did to the fragile boy.

Evan’s wrist had a red hand print from Connor, the brunette wanted to scream.  It hurt to touch his wrist, for both of them.  Whenever your soulmate inflicted harm on you, it hurt both parties.  It was meant as a mechanism to stop domestic abuse.

“I’m fine, really,” Evan said, his voice was high pitched.  Connor obviously knew he was lying, and kept looking at it.  It looked like it would heal in an hour, but he still felt terrible.

“I’m sorry,” Connor whispered, he was afraid of Evan’s reaction to the entire thing.  His blue eyes met Evan’s, and there wasn’t anger in his eyes.

“It’s fine, we all do things we don’t mean to,” Evan said reassuringly.  His voice was soft and calming to Connor.

“I just, you don’t want someone who just hurt you to come over,” Connor said, his voice cracked. All of this had been too much for him. From finding out his soulmate to this very moment.

“Connor, I promise that I want you to come over.  I want to be friends,” Evan said and that punctured Connor’s heart.  Just friends, not even anything more.  Who could blame the blonde?

“Are you sure?” Connor asked and a hand went to brush through the brunette’s hair.  It was softly tugging through tangles, and it grounded the brunette.

“Of course, we’re going to be together forever.  You’re my soulmate, and the least I can do is stay here for you like you stayed here for me,” Evan said before his head fell onto Connor’s shoulder, his hand still running through the other boy’s hair.

Connor felt himself crying, the tears streamed down his cheeks, and he never knew that he could feel at home in his actual house.  But here he was, feeling like he was somewhere so familiar and welcoming in a place he hadn’t felt that before.

“I love you,” Connor cried and Evan kissed Connor’s shoulder.

“I love you more,” the blonde whispered.  His breath was warm on the brunette’s shoulder.  Connor pulled the two up the bed, and placed his head in the crook of Evan’s neck.

Evan continued to play with his hair while humming an Owl City sing.  It was lulling Connor to sleep, being this relaxed was so nice. Why hadn’t anyone told him about being with the person he loved before?

“Wanna just stay over here?” Connor sleepily asked, and he felt Evan nod.  The blonde was being lulled to sleep, and the two just loved the feeling of being with one another.  “Good night.”

“Good night, love,” Evan’s soft voice was the last thing Connor heard before falling asleep.  He could feel and hear Evan’s sporadic heartbeat, and found it as yet another thing to ground him from overthinking.

People would say that it was weird that the two already loved each other, but they had been through so much with the other.  His mother had once told him that it was strange for them to be so lovey with each other when they didn’t even know the other’s name.

Connor determined that it meant that they were compatible and actually soulmates, even if the universe had already told them.  Sometimes the universe was wrong, but it wasn’t wrong this time.

[hisshissimnagini]

Joy

Sebastian sobbed and dropped the bloodstained blade on his bed. He was so distracted by the pain and the overwhelming smell of blood that he didn’t hear his little brother, Jack, come into his room.

“Seb?” Sebastian immediately covered his arm that was riddled with cuts and scars. He looked up to see an absolutely horrified look on Jack’s face as he looked at Sebastian’s wrist. Sebastian tried to give him a reassuring smile but Jack could see right through it.

“I’m fine Jackaboy. Go back to bed,” Sebastian’s voice was weak and gravelly. Jack shook his head violently.

“You have to get cleaned up Seb. You can’t let dad see those.” Jack gestured to Sebastian’s cuts with a worried look on his face. Sebastian nodded slowly.

“Okay Jack. I will. Now go get in bed.” Jack eyed Sebastian wearily but complied. Sebastian slowly got up to clean himself up. As he walked down the hallway, he heard a voice that he dreaded more than anything.

“Ophelia!” Sebastian stayed completely still, terrified to move. He tried to take a step and winced as the floorboard creaked. “Ophelia I said come here!” His speech was slurred. He’d been drinking again. Sebastian decided that it would be less painful if he faced his father immediately. He pulled his sleeves down and stepped into the kitchen. His father noticed that his sleeves were all the way down over Sebastian’s hands and started to make his way towards him. He grabbed his wrist and pulled up his sleeve to reveal the fresh cuts. Sebastian’s father spat at him and threw his arm down. “You’re not a boy, Ophelia, you’re a girl.”

“I’m not! My name is Sebast-!” He was silenced by a strong hand smacking him to the ground.

“You’re a freak. You’re nothing. You’re worthless you f-” Sebastian didn’t hear the rest as he ran to his car sobbing. He started the car and turned on the radio. As Sebastian sped away from his house he tried to get lost in the lyrics. Hello darkness my old friend. Sebastian wiped away some of the tears and tried not to think about the fact that he had left Jack alone with their father. Fools, said I, you do not know. Silence, like a cancer, grows. Sebastian quickly turned off the radio and tried to focus on the road but the tears were making it almost impossible to see anything. He drove for a little while longer until he found a nature park. Sebastian didn’t bother taking the keys out of the ignition as he stumbled out of the car and into a public bathroom. He gripped the sink to steady himself but the room kept spinning and the next thing he knew someone was shaking his shoulders and trying to get Sebastian to wake up.

“Hello? Dude, can you hear me?” Sebastian slowly opened his eyes and propped himself up on his elbows. He looked at the girl next to him and rubbed the back of his head. She smiled at him and chuckled softly. “Girl, how drunk did you have to be to wander into the bathroom and pass out?” Sebastian shook his head lightly.

“I wasn’t drunk,” Sebastian corrected her. She frowned and furrowed her brow.

“I was joking. It’s pretty obvious that you’re in a rough place right now and I just tried to ease the tension. I didn’t just want to say, ‘hey I noticed that you passed out because of self-inflicted blood loss’. That just wouldn’t be very friendly.” Sebastian rolled his eyes and stood up to leave. He looked her dead in the eyes. “And I’m not a girl.” He tried to move past her but she stepped in front of him. “Wait a sec. I didn’t even catch your name.” Sebastian sighed but was slightly shocked she didn’t ask what he meant when he said that he wasn’t a girl, seeing as he looked very feminine and hadn’t had top removal surgery yet.

“Sebastian. Sebastian Blackwell. You?” He didn’t bother trying to hide his annoyance. She quickly straightened up and put a serious face on.

“Joy Saperstein. Pleasure to make your acquaintance.” She curtseyed and smiled at him. Sebastian couldn’t help but smile a little bit. Seeing a girl like Joy-ripped skinny jeans, a baseball hat, and dirt all over her face-curtsy wasn’t something you saw everyday.

“Well it was great to meet you Joy,” Sebastian left the bathroom and was absolutely shook; his car wasn’t there. “Crap!” He couldn’t believe that he had been so stupid.

“What’s wrong?” Joy had followed him out of the bathroom.

“My car was stolen. I didn’t take the keys out of the ignition when I went into the bathroom.” Sebastian could feel tears start to form in his eyes. Joy placed her hand on Sebastian’s shoulder reassuringly and pondered his situation.

“You could ride with me. I can take you home and you can report a missing car in the morning.” Joy saw him wince when she mentioned his house. “Or you could just crash at my place.” Sebastian’s eyes lit up.

“Really? I can stay with you?” Joy laughed.

“Yeah, but don’t get any funny ideas.” Sebastian smiled.

“I wouldn’t worry about that!” Sebastian kept laughing but Joy stopped abruptly as an offended look spread across her face. She huffed and grabbed her keys and tossed them to Sebastian.

“Why don’t you get in my truck. I’m gonna put my bike in the back.” Joy stomped away as Sebastian’s smile faltered. He climbed into the truck as he wondered if he’d done something wrong. He heard a thud in the bed of the truck and soon Joy climbed into the truck with him. Joy started the engine and pulled out of the gravel parking lot.

“So what were you doing at the park at this time of night?” Sebastian said, trying to ease the tension. Joy responded without looking at him.

“I ride through the trails at night to escape from all of the pressures that I face in my day-to-day life.” Sebastian’s eyes widened. Joy seemed so laid back but this painted an entirely different picture.

“What kind of pressures?” He asked carefully. Joy groaned.

“My dad’s super rich so he always has guests at his house and expects me to always be his perfect little angel. He uses me as a way to brag to his coworkers too. Oh look at my little Joy, she’s so perfect. She’s so confident about being lesbian. She got a full paid scholarship to Yale. She’s gonna be a lawyer just like her daddy. Oh don’t you wish you had my little girl!” Joy mocked her father’s words in a high-pitched voice. “It’s why I moved out as soon as I graduated.” Sebastian looked into his lap as he thought about how much he would love to have a dad like Joy’s. She glanced over at him and decided to break the silence. “So what’s your story? How’d you end up on the floor of the bathroom?” Sebastian subconsciously moved to cover his arm.

“Um, my mom died of cancer when I was twelve. She left me, my brother, Jack, and my dad to fend for ourselves but that hasn’t really worked out well for us. My dad started drinking so I had to take care of my three year old brother by myself. He turned violent whenever I would ask for menial things like food so I started doing this.” Sebastian held up his wrist to show Joy. “Fast forward through the next six years of my life when I’m struggling to get through school because being trans, asexual, and in an abusive household doesn’t really help you focus on graduating but I did it and now I’m looking for a cheap apartment to get away from my dad and try to get Jack away from him too.” Sebastian looked at Joy and saw that there were tears running down her face. “Hey, are you okay?” Joy looked at him with eyes full of guilt.

“I’m so so sorry. You’ve been through so much and here I am complaining about my pampered life.” Sebastian shook his head.

“You don’t have to be sorry, Joy. You’re doing so much for me just by letting me crash at your place.” Joy smiled and wiped away her tears and pulled up to a really expensive house.

“We’re here.”Joy took her house key off of her key ring and handed it to Sebastian. “Go ahead and get inside, I’m just gonna put my bike away.” Sebastian nodded and went inside her house. He was amazed at the size of Joy’s house. He assumed that her father had paid for it when she told him that she wanted to move out.

“It’s a really nice house,” Sebastian said as Joy entered behind him. She came up beside him and Sebastian could see how uncomfortable she was. “So, um, I can sleep on the couch tonight,” Sebastian tried to change the subject. Joy scoffed and playfully punched his shoulder.

“Um, I don’t think so. You’re sleeping in the guest bedroom and when you get up we’ll talk about what happens next.” Joy smiled as she ushered Sebastian up the stairs when he stopped in the middle of the stairs.

“Which-”

“First door on the left,” Joy interjected. Sebastian smiled and walked into the bedroom.

Sebastian woke up to the smell of bacon and eggs cooking downstairs. He walked to the kitchen and saw Joy sitting at the table eating and watching tv. “Well look who’s woken up! Good to see you alive and well.” Joy smiled brightly. “Your breakfast is on the counter go ahead and eat it while it’s hot.” Sebastian grabbed his plate and sat it on the table across from Joy.

“So what’s the plan?” Sebastian asked her. Joy muted the tv and looked him in the eyes.

“Well I’ve been thinking all night and I’ve decided that you’re gonna stay with me until further notice.” Sebastian looked at her in disbelief until he remembered Jack.

“What about-”

“Jack? Remember how I told you my dad is a lawyer? Well I’m gonna have him help you get Jack out of there. I just have to drive over to his house today.” Sebastian couldn’t believe his ears. He was actually going to have a better life.

“Joy, that’s amazing! I can’t believe you’re doing all of this for me.” Joy smiled and shook her head.

“It’s really no big deal. Now eat the rest of your breakfast. I’m gonna go talk to my dad.” Joy grabbed her keys and walked towards the door. Sebastian ran after her and stopped her from getting into her second car.

“Joy!” She looked at him with a questioning gaze. “I just wanted to thank you. For everything.” She smiled and waved as she got into her car and pulled out of the driveway. As Sebastian closed the door he heard tires screeching and someone scream as a truck collided with a car. Sebastian immediately opened the door and ran towards the scream. He slowed down as he reached the horrific scene. Joy’s car was in a ditch and he could see Joy’s body lying a few feet away. Her bright green eyes were open as blood dripped from her head. Sebastian turned away from her and started running. No, no, no. This isn’t happening. She isn’t dead. She just isn’t. Sebastian thought to himself. It’s all my fault, it’s all my fault. She wouldn’t have been driving if it weren’t for me. She had such a bright future. Her dad lost his pride and joy all because of me. It’s all my fault. It’s always my fault. He immediately stopped running as he found himself in front of his house. His dad’s car wasn’t in the driveway so Sebastian decided to go inside. He didn’t hesitate to go into the bathroom and grab as many pills as he could find and bring them to his bedroom. I always ruin everything. I’m worthless. I’m a freak. I killed her. I can’t go on. My joy died with her. Sebastian’s usual demons came back along with a few new ones. He swallowed every pill and immediately felt his body failing. Sebastian collapsed on the bed and looked at the door as Jack stood there with a scared look on his face.

“Seb?”

“Jack,” Sebastian breathed as the world around him faded to black.