#uhhhhh i have no idea how else to tag this

[bisquid]

Clothing repair is not a moral imperative and you shouldn't feel bad for not doing it

One of the most frustrating things about the whole 'just repair your clothes!' thing is that so many clothes just aren't easily repairable, and yet so many of the takes I've come across act like anyone not repairing their stuff are either lazy or stupid and Contributing To Climate Change.

My favourite pair of jeans was three years old when they ripped along where the back pocket was attached. I darned it. The first time I wore them again they ripped along the edge of the darn line.

I patched and redarned them. They ripped along the other pocket. Patch and redarn. They ripped where I'd sewed the patch on, even though I'd tried to weave in every stitch from more than an inch away

Every time I tried to repair them the denim basically disintegrated, because it was incredibly cheap and thin, so the repairs were stronger and just ripped free

One of my favourite dresses got mangled in a washing machine incident because it was a jersey knit stretch fabric and I have no idea how one goes about patching something that needs to stretch in every direction

I wanted to lightly modify the pocket situation on a denim jacket but couldn't, because I physically couldn't get a needle through the four layers of denim I needed to

One of my favourite t-shirts failed at the underarm seam and I couldn't fix it because they'd cut off and overlocked the majority of the seam allowance, and that had frayed when the seam failed

Another pair of trousers came entirely unseamed up one leg the first time I wore them because the (almost certainly overworked and underpaid) person who sewed it had failed to catch the thread in the hem, so the whole thing just unraveled. I did manage to resew that seam, but it took four weeks and three tries, and it's a bit wonky to this day

I have a favourite hoodie that's hanging up, unwearable, with almost an entire sleeve missing, because it got eaten by mice but I'm too attached to it to bin it, but I have no idea how to even START fixing damage like that.

'Twelve cool visible repair designs!' cool cool so that four colour embroidery over a one inch hole is going to cost approximately as much as just replacing the item cheaply and take how many hours to complete? And how many hours to develop the skills to make it look good?

I don't own a sewing machine. I don't particularly want to own a sewing machine, because they're expensive and take up space and require an entire skillset to use effectively. I have to repair or modify everything by hand. I don't have time for that, generally.

There's so much out there that's treated like a moral choice (clothing repair! Food delivery!Plastic straws!) without any examination of the barriers preventing people from doing the (please note the quote marks) '''right thing'''.

The people who most need to be able to repair their clothing are also the people most likely to only be able to afford the cheapest and therefore least repairable clothes. And also least likely to have the time and/or equipment to do so.

[samstinysymphony]

what's up cool people

✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️✨️

howdy howdy, welcome to my silly side blog for the little guys in my brain!

I'm sam, and I've got more interests and hyperfixations than I can count lol but here it's mostly just gonna be looney tunes because I am having massive brainrot.. some of my other interests might cameo from time to time though! I draw sometimes and write at others. might post some of my own characters at some point. we'll see. in the meantime, make yourself at home :)

I follow/interact thru @brinkle-brackle, college buddies if you stumble across this account no you didn't <3

(also don't mind brennan. he's just there)

[nnugatoryextravagance]

EDIT: THIS IS NOW CLOSED BC I HAVE JUST BEEN GIVEN THE GAME FOR FREE BY SOMEONE WHO SAW THIS AD iifucking love this website imgonna cry

This is the best AD I've ever made

But uhhhhhhhh YEAH my commissions arent formally open yet (still deciding on it) but also I thought id like, give this a shot because I wanna play this game so fucking bad youdont understand

keep in mind though this is like, solely customer request here on what kind of drawing you want by the way (like, lined or lineless, fullbody or not, what background or scene sorta thing ya want etc etc) so please god be as specific as you can or think you should be (if you want me to just go ham thats cool too but make sure to tell me lol)

(Ive got plenty of answers for questions and plenty of examples for drawin's so just shoot anything at me like we're about to old western high noon this shit baby)

[dandyshucks]

going to cry because i am worried i won't finish all the crochet gifts in time :''")

[anangelcalledinquisitor]

Can I just say thank you to everyone who has been good about tagging their Help Wanted 2 spoilers? I'm not being as diligent with it as I was for Security Breach in general, but it is one that I want to try to experience as much as I can when I can actually play it (word is there will be a Non-VR version soon-ish? And since I can't play VR for medical reasons, I have to wait).

(and to all of you who don't tag your Ruin spoilers, seriously, why you gotta be like that?)

[zephyrstargame]

well here's something I can do!

this is a little spin on an idea i've been seeing around that i think is wonderful... I personally, am not in the best financial place to be donating, but i can use my platform as a game developer to help out and do something cool at the same time :3

In exchange for donating esims to gaza, I'm gonna populate the world of Zephyr Star with your characters as NPCs! currently: OPEN!!

Here's the deal-- scurry on over to gazaesims.com to figure out how to buy and donate an esim to the people who need em-- any plan works for me, as long as you're gettin something out there!

then slip into my DMs (or anywhere else you can contact me directly) and show me a screenshot of the email, preferably with timestamps for proof that it's from after this post was posted... or really, any proof that you did do the thing-- also show me:

a reference image for what character you want me put in the game

what this character should say as an NPC (just a few lines at most) (optional; if you'd like i can just write some general dialogue instead)

how you would like to be credited in the in-game credits (ie what name i should put)

below the cut are some submission guidelines and extra notes, please also read that if you're interested :>

here are some general submission guidelines:

nothing too lewd, please!

or racist

or otherwise offensive

fandom ocs MIGHT be fine if they're Legally Distinct enough from the source material, but try not to get me sued here

In general, this game's world has No Humans, but that's not a strict requirement-- just a general suggestion

and keep in mind that characters with super intricate details might have to be simplified in order to work as pixel art

otherwise, anything works! furries, robots, sentient objects, your cat, whatever

and here's some notes, so you know what to expect:

i'll take anywhere between a few hours to a few days to finish, depends on how i'm feeling... either way, i'll tag you in a new post when i'm done!

the character will be done in small pixel art, with maybe some additional effects if i feel it works for the design

i will adjust the sprite size depending on the character-- an average sized character is drawn on a 32x32 canvas but if it's like a giant or really tall or something, i'd make it bigger so that the scale is accurate

everyone also gets a zoomed in headshot for the dialogue portrait

no secret bosses, shopkeepers, or other special story purpose for now, sorry! these are just some guys that stand around and say 1 or 2 lines as you go about your adventure

im putting the characters in various places at random, but if you want your guy to be in a certain type of location in-game let me know

this game is STILL in relatively early development-- but i do promise that each and every submission will be in there by the end! it might take yeaaaars for the full game to finally be out, but i'll be posting screenshots as I put em in the game so you know im not slacking around :>

and alongside the screenshot, i'll also post the sprites on their own if you'd like to save them for yourself

legal stuff uhhhhh im not good at legal stuff-- by participating, you are giving me permission to use your submitted character in the final game-- credit will be given in-game where you would expect to see it (the credits) and i will not claim ownership of any of your guys

(cartoon mafia boss voice) if at any point you want your character scrubbed out of the game, or you want anything changed, let me know in my DMs or anywhere else you can contact me and *click* *sinister laugh* we'll make it happen

no money goes to me ever, im not even gonna be the middlesnake between you and the esims-- i just think its less of a hassle to work this way -w-

did i get everything? i think that's everything... if i forgot something important sorry i'm a scatterbrain failgirl who has never done anything like this before im trying my best okay

may the rift be filled with your cool little guys! but more importantly, let's keep gaza connected! free palestine! 🍉

[deedala]

🍃w e e k l y t a g w e d n e s d a y🍃

thank you to @energievie for writing the game this week and thanks for tagging me!! also thanks for tagging me for this and also for the pinterest game which im putting down below @lingy910y @gallapiech @suzy-queued @creepkinginc @thepupperino @blue-disco-lights @crossmydna @jrooc @heymacy @wehangout @mybrainismelted @xninetiestrendx @heymrspatel XOXOXO all of you 💖💖💖

Name: deanna

Age: noel-aged

Location: ooohiooo

And now...

What is your DJ name? i dunno, when i worked in college radio it was something about a fish... okay wait yes, lets go with DJ Fishy 🙃

If you were a genre of music, what would it be? whatever chappell roan's the rise and fall of a midwest princess is

What would you title your biography? Wellp

What are the first three things you'd do if you were invisible? i like this idea of sneaking onto expensive modes of transportation. i would do that assuming i had no where else to be and no responsibilities to see to 😆 and i would also rob rich people... and maybe i would go for walks int he middle of the night by myself and feel safe lol

What subject do you wish was taught in every school?  all the important money and personal finance basics that they used to teach but then stopped because it made it easier to prey on adults who didnt know how to manage their credit and debt or do their taxes correctly 😜

When was the last time you tried something for the first time and what was it?  uuhhh...the only thing i can think of right now is a lavender flavored matcha drink that was recommended a few months ago? ive gotten it again a few times (including today!) and its very good. im so happy i know what lavender tastes like now 😆

What is the most underrated city you have ever visited?  this is very hard...i dont even really know how to know how most cities are rated anyway?? i feel like all the cities ive been to and loved are pretty universally rated highly lol. uhhhhh...i dunno.. Heidelberg, Germany? Luxembourg City? one of those.

What day in your life would you like to relive? uuhh i dunno, im going with wedding day because i barely remember any of it, it was such a blur. i would be less responsible and have more fun 😅

If you could eliminate one thing from your daily routine, what would it be and why?  i really love sleeping and going to bed and falling asleep. but i hate waking up and i hate losing the time to unconsciousness. so if i could stay alive and not be tired and never sleep that would be so cool.

How long would you last in a zombie apocalypse?  i like to think i could last pretty long because i am a huge wimp and have great Nope It's Time To Go instincts. Also im good at climbing.

What would be the most surprising scientific discovery imaginable? uuhhh backwards time travel

If you could have any view out your office window, what would you choose? puget sound with the olympic mountain range in the distance

☀️pinterest tag game☀️

i was tagged to do this pinterest game where you search Fashion, Pantone, Mood, and Food and post the first pin from each of the search results. gotta be honest buddies i dont really use pinterest very often and when i do its for random photo references sooooo...

x x x x

i do not know what is happening with that outfit. that is not really a color i would pick but its fine? the mood is pretty but looks kind of melancholy. that last photo though??? oh my god let me climb into there i wanna sit in the cozy rustic kitchen and eat pastries pleaaaaassseeeee!!!!!!

and now to tag in more folks to play either or both of these games!! 💖💖 @michellemisfit @darlingian @too-schoolforcool @the-rat-wins @lee-ow @mmmichyyy @iansw0rld @transmickey @burninface @loftec @metalheadmickey @gallawitchxx @gardenerian @vintagelacerosette @palepinkgoat @sam-loves-seb @samantitheos @sleepyfacetoughguy @sickness-health-all-that-shit @sleepyheadgallavich @rereadanon @mikhailoisbaby @mickeysgaymom @themarchg1rl @callivich @softmick @captainjowl @howlinchickhowl @spookygingerr @spoonfulstar @steorie @whatwouldmickeydo @burninface

[fractualized]

hi I sent that last ask and I appreciate you so much. I love how chill you are. I love that you speak up and aren't afraid of others people's opinions of you -- because you talking about that helps me realize exactly what you were talking about about.

my critical online space that shaped my brain was Tumblr growing up, much in the same way reddit or 4chan or anything else was for others, and as positive as it was and as much as I stay here, there were some HEAVY years of thought policing and performing perfectly at all times and I really think it fucked with my head!

not to trauma dump, but the way it related to starting off by policing each other in fandom just happened to spill into every other aspect of my life too. every thing is black and white. every interaction is perfect or you are flawed and not worth anything at all. people literally judging you off stupid fandom shit behind a fake name dressed up in sparkles and curiosity was enough to call you a monster who deserved to be alone. the fuck??

from fandom cops telling me that portrayals of fictional characters in my head were an actual meter that we can base if we're deserving of human connection made me think about what ELSE could be important. aren't there things a little more pressing than fictional characters?? the words I use. the way I behave. move my face. micro express, leave pauses in sentences, judged by everything! I've been taught that the LITTLEST OF INDICATIONS OF HUMANITY were going to be the death of me. I couldn't exist. all because of fictional themes that creators are allowed to make, but fans are not allowed to enjoy unless it's the "right way". even though the people CREATING it are also exploring it. rules for thee but not for me.

it's gross. I felt like a monster and when the only other people who are kind to you are monsters, it really makes you wonder why fandom cops find themselves so much morally superior to others 👹

People have told me I'm chill before and I'm always like, "excellent, they can't tell I'm yelling on the inside." 😂

Sometimes I wonder if I would be different if the show Heroes hadn't ended as such a clusterfuck. And by that I mean that my experience with that show ended on such a sour note, I wound up drifting away from fandom for 5-ish years. And it wasn't because of the Heroes fandom itself! It was because by the end I was hate-watching the show, and that kind of headspace is just no good. I wasted too much energy being mad at something that wasn't going to improve, and my other fandom interests weren't strong enough for fic, etc. I still lurked here and there, but otherwise I focused on life stuff.

At the point I left, tumblr was popular but I was still a livejournal (and journalfen) holdout. As a result, I was simply absent during the most intense tumblr years. I have a general idea of what it was like from everyone's descriptions, but from my point of view, five years passed, Telltale Batman: the Enemy Within came a-calling, I started writing fic again, and uhhhhh things sure were different.

Not entirely for the worse. For one thing, as someone who unavoidably grew older, yeah, I do keep in mind that there are children running around these parts. The increased focus on tagging your work is also good, so people can avoid what they don't want to see. And it's just always been a good general rule to be mindful when getting into sensitive topics, and I was seeing more of that.

Buuuuuuuut yeah, with that it seemed like "don't like; don't read" was out, and witch hunting was in. Some slight mistake might indicate you were actually one of the Bad Ones all the long! And everyone must know! I mean, there's always been fandom police, but fandom's mainstreamification definitely made it worse for a host of reasons. And I actually was unnerved by it for a while, even though the Enemy Within finale had me indulging in fluff. I was probably safe-- but then again who knows what blunder or improper deference to a sensitive subject could bring a swarm of strangers!

But eventually I was fluffed out, and chatting batjokes with people was giving me new ideas that would have me explore and indulge in (gasp) darker ideas. And by that point I was just like, I'm a freaking adult. I tag my shit. I'm here to have a good time with people I like, not worry about a bunch of randos who probably get as much anxiety making a cold call as I do. And yeah, why are fans supposed to be judged on a different metric than the creators?? I'm going to do what I want!

And with that rallying cry… I mean, nothing ever happened. 😂 Not the first time I've built up worries in my head for nothing.

I can see it taking me longer to get to that point if I'd fully marinated in the thought policing, though. I think people get that instinct because of the age-old lack of control elsewhere in life (especially nowadays, with all the… everything). Surely if someone can get everyone in their orbit to behave in just this way, then at least things there will be okay. Nothing bad will happen! (It's not as if rigid mindsets hurt people and their relationships, or performatively good people still do atrocious things. No, surely not.)

I don't have a good closing, so here's an Reno 911 icon from the old days:

[trickstarbrave]

WIP Wednesday

i got tagged by @saltymaplesyrup (why will tumblr not let me tag wtf) for wip wednesday. i dont have any new writing bc uhhhhhhhhh reasons (yknow my. dog) but i do have some art ive been working on

veeeeeeeery rough atm. like a lot of my art at first HGHGBRHGEBGH

this is actually nerevar! i have a hc he's part nord, with a chimer mom and nord dad. in my fic it's established nerevar's dad went back to skyrim to settle an inheritance dispute and uh. died. and after his mom found out nerevar was already like, 10. so she just up and left him in the care of his maternal uncle.

but i was thinking what if his dad hadn't died and he was raised in skyrim? he would be in the rift, bordering on the velothi mountains, only hearing about skyrim and seeing the stray cliff racer. after his dad dies for real this time his mother takes him to resdayn/morrowind

idk i just kinda like the idea of fur wearing, axe wielding, braids in his hair nerevar. in a lot of ways he'd be different and in others he'd be the same. definitely still hot tho (imagine voryn getting a look at him and immediately dropping everything in his hands to stare LMAO)

this also works for moon and star for uhhhhh reasons. i can explain how this would end up happening if you ask ha ha i dont want this post to be even longer explaining a lil sketch

tagging: @your-talos-is-problematic, @boethiahspillowbook, @mulberrycafe (do u like tagging games. i dunno. if not u can ignore this bghgbreh) uhhhhhhhhhh idk who else wants to that hasn't been tagged yet........ anyone reading this can def do it i wanna see ur stuff :>

[pawseds]

I convinced our Delta Green game master to have a play-by-post (basically text roleplay) section in our game's server and uhhhhh maybe I've been having too much fun with it. Writing is faster than drawing comics, what can I say?

(Long ramble about writing stories below hehe oops)

While we're here! A bit about writing: I like writing! I've written for loger than I've drawn for (because school). I think I'm better at writing than drawing for that reason (I'm more confident at least). I've written short stories. I've written short stories about TTRPG things. I've also written a ~100k word novel by hand for 2 years. While writing it, I had 'writing class' (technically AS/A level Ennglish Language classes). It was the only class I had confidence in and high expectations for.

With those 2 combined, I burnt out pretty quick LOL. Specifically, I had a big perfectionism issue because of the high expectations I had from my teacher and especially myself -- it was the one thing I knew excelled at in school, so I better do it well! After I was done with the novel and A levels, I was supposed to edit the novel. It's been years and I haven't done it yet, and I wouldn't write non-assignment stories (except 2) until now. Writing became more nerverwracking than it was fun, so why would I?

To get back to the PBP thing: I've been in a campaign that was fully PBP. With my mindset being the way it is, hey! This is just one big writing exercise, so I ran along with that and had fun with it. I saw how some players would make their own PBP and essentially monologue/have a scene only with their PC. That was cool to see.

And now, my current Delta Green campaign (tagged 'Helvetia'). Hrothgar (guy in drawing) and his kids were ported over from a previous D&D campaign (the fully PBP one!), so the crew had a very well defined background already. Of course I get tons of drawing ideas for them, except I don't have the time to draw them all (compsci hard). But since the server has a PBP section, I had like 2 weeks to kill between session 0 and 1, and I was bursting with ideas... I made a lot of solo PBPs that were essentially short stories.

It didn't quite hit me until some time ago, but the PBPs actually made me enjoy writing again -- enjoy it a lot more, in fact! I think the format of Discord threads and messages removed most perfectionism tendencies I had. I just had to fire the story away, message by message. It didn't have to be amazing, and it was fun! (Also I really don't know how to shut up with them LOL)

I'll definitely be cleaning these PBPs up and posting them here as stories. Some of them are just silly, fun, slice-of-life character sketches. (These were the stories I wrote after my novel... and yes, they were about my other set of Delta Green characters LMAO) (and I've posted them here under pawsedswrite btw!) But some I see as legitamite short stories that I would edit more heavily and present as a short story. They were the kinds I could see myself writing on a document rather than on Discord.

Well, I lied. 'I would edit' is false. I have already edited one, because I spent like 5-6h writing this one PBP (oops) instead of writing the draft for my short story class/elective (oops 2). I joked to my two friends saying that I could just submit it as my assignment. Apparently, they both really liked it and said the dialogued slapped. So I did!

I procrastinated like hell on it though, because I was very nervous to go back into the PBP with an axe to edit it. Being in a writing class where nearly everyone else has been formally studying writing for some years kinda puts some pressure on ya!

Like the last assignment (which I'll post here after editing), I had a lot of worries. But the feedback and grade I got from my last assignment, the peer review I got from the current one, and also the support from those two friends (shoutout @katastrofish <3) made me feel more confident in myself. And also the fact that I had a lot of fun editing the PBP!

Uhhh this ramble was way longer than expected LMFAO if you've made it this far, damn, thanks for reading! If you also write or have similar experiences, feel free to share em. And have a good day!

(bonus POV editing)

[fandomscraziness22]

20 Questions for Writers

tagged by @legolasghosty thank you friend!!!!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

88!! that's crazy!

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

257,528 which is also freaking insane

3. What fandoms do you write for?

lots of different ones! i have the most for julie and the phantoms, but also lockwood and co, the bright sessions, and jurassic world: camp cretaceous/chaos theory. i do have ones for leverage, the flash, the 100, and a few others i think

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

love came crashing in (lco)

Butterflies and Glitter (jatp)

it's like this heart is defenseless (lco)

watching is worse (the second time around) (jatp)

stand up when it's all crashing down (pjo)

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! i used to be much better at always responding, but now i can't always muster up the energy to do it

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

literally all of them???? uhhhhh for jatp i've killed just about everyone but the most unmentionable ones are learn to live with the unimaginable (carlos) and i miss the days when (luke survives). for lockwood it's probs but the wolves came and went (and we're still standing) aka my torture fic. one of my personal favs is my flash fic, Betrayal (Or, how he finds out) ALSO ALMOST FORGOT i thought i was innocent (but there is blood all on my hands) for bright sessions!!

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

i do happen to have some fluff fics!!! you are alive. is one of my favs of my jatp ones, and what a glorious feeling (i'm happy again) for lockwood. also shoutout to i need you like water for my happy green boys kissing in the rain

8. Do you get hate on fics?

nope! i think i maybe sorta did once, but i just screenshotted it to share with my friends and laugh about it lol

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

no, but im not opposed to someday doing it. the closest i've gotten is i hate you i love you (i hate that i want you) for bright sessions or what a glorious feeling for locklyle

10. Do you write crossovers?

i sorta did once, but that fic is abandoned. i tend to do more of aus "just the one scene" combining my fav things, but not really crossovers

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I know of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Nope, though i wouldn't be opposed!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

yes! me and @anthonyjlockwood have our club au series for jatp, and then our green boys fluff come meet me at the end of the (cereal) aisle

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

oh i cannot ever pick!!! percabeth is a childhood fav, elias/laia from an ember in the ashes (my favorite book of all time), bellarke (i refuse to believe rothenburg on that), juke and locklyle and green boys and nahri/ali from the daveabad trilogy (i love them)

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

joan helps caleb actually!!! i wanted to change how college tapes went, but idk if it's gonna happen. i just want joan to set caleb straight lol

16. What are your writing strengths?

physical injuries/angst is what i'm best at! also comign up with teh most niche of au ideas but only for one scene and nothing else lol

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

i wish i could write flowery language and amazing metaphors, but alas, i cannot

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

i've only really done it for jatp which i feel like was what everyone was doing in that era? idk, i try not to do it too often. tho i do still really want to include sign language into a fic because i actually know that

19. First fandom you wrote for?

the 100, though i wrote some of my own stuff for Lost and Narnia before that

20. Favorite fic you've written?

can't pick, and i've mentioned a lot fo my favs already. i'll give a shoutout to i know where i belong, my leverage parker happy feels fic, and i keep getting better at slowly getting worse my habor crest fic for caleb and mark!

tagging @sabetha and @anthonyjlockwood and anyone else who wants to do it!

[lostinthewoodsomewhere]

Tagged by @phenanthreneblue and @star-spangled-bastard, thank you both!!!!

ARE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?

Not really. Though there is a character in one of my mother's favourite programmes that has my name, and it's one of the places they got the idea from!

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED?

Oh, quite recently. It's mostly been because of bad news, but I did wholesome cry at one of my flatmates because she was happy crying!

DO YOU HAVE KIDS?

I don't, but I definitely want some in the future!

WHAT SPORTS DO YOU PLAY/HAVE YOU PLAYED?

Uhhhhh, I did netball in high school, but that's about it and I was terrible at it! I'm not a sporty person... I did do some dance, though it was mainly musical theatre stuff!

DO YOU USE SARCASM?

Absolutely, all the time!!! Love the stuff!!

WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE?

Huh, you know I have no idea! I'm extremely un-perceptive, like, if I was a DnD character my passive perception would be 0, maybe even -1. I'd say most likely it's clothes and accessories because I like them :)

WHAT'S YOUR EYE COLOUR?

Grey!

SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS?

Hmmm, I do love me some good horror (though not really movies, more games and TV, and I'm very selective!!!), but I do love happy endings!!! Just nice and wholesome, something to bring joy and make me feel fuzzy! A healthy mix of both is best!!

ANY TALENTS?

Uhhhh, I'm pretty good at embroidery and making felt pillows and things!

WHERE WERE YOU BORN?

The Midlands, England

WHAT ARE YOUR HOBBIES?

Drawing, gaming, writing, embroidery and felt craft!!

DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?

I don't, but oh when I get the opportunity I'm getting one so fast!!!! I need a little dog or cat in my life!!!

HOW TALL ARE YOU?

4'11 :)

FAVOURITE SUBJECT?

I loved Drama, English lit and History! My academic specialties are adaptation theory and children's media!

DREAM JOB?

Currently doing my PhD in hopes of becoming an academic and a lecturer so, that!

Tagging @taniushka12 , @joecool-afterschool , and anyone else who wants to <3

[illarian-rambling]

Thanks for the tag @nczaversnick!

Big OC Questionaire

I kinda feel like talking about someone I haven't discussed much, so let's go with Kaulakri, my neurotic little selkie cartographer! Since this is gonna be a long one, I'll put my answers under a cut. I'll also tag @just-emis-blog @mr-orion @the-golden-comet @fortunatetragedy and anyone else who wants in :)

Questions are also under the cut in a block

What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?

It's rare, but I do get burnt out on occasion. When I was alive, I would go for a swim and enjoy a night on the beach. That's a little harder now, so I practice my flute instead.

If you could choose anyone in the world to be your sibling who would it be?

What was the worst day of your life?

What's so special about a sibling? I suppose I like Pash well enough, though he stresses me out, and Faalgun makes for good company. But why would I hang out with my siblings especially? That's so odd.

What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten and why?

Maybe it's a little strange for one of the halawemavish, but I love sugar. Most surface foods turn my stomach, so people are always surprised by that. The best, sweetest thing I've ever eaten was this singular Cantran dessert. They called it a marshed mallow.

Well, the last one, I suppose. I never knew what disease killed me, but it was sudden and miserable and spread like a flood through the crew I traveled with. Even in the midst of that agony, watching then all fall around me, it wasn't the idea of death that scared me, but the knowledge that my life would be for nothing. Hopefully, my afterlife will be different....

What’s your worst nightmare?

If a monster asked you your worst nightmare what would you tell it and why?

Like, literally or metaphorically? The worst nightmare I've ever had was when I was ten. I stood with my back to an endless drop while a wave of frothing rats skittered towards me, aiming to sweep me away with them. My 'worst nightmare' in a broader sense is leaving things incomplete. Projects, relationships, all of it. I dread being unable to finish what I've started.

I wouldn't tell it anything. Why does a monster want to know what my worst nightmare is? ....Wait is this the sort of thing I'm supposed to lie for? I suppose I could say my worst nightmare is meringue tarts, but that doesn't seem very convincing.

Would you give away secret information if tortured? Be honest.

Who could you trust most with a secret?

What sort of torture? I don't think waterboarding is all it's cracked up to be, but if you tore out my fingernails or, I don't know, ripped up my maps, I'd probably talk.

Myself, obviously. I have the most stake in keeping my own secrets a secret. But in terms of others, probably Anarac. He hardly talks at all, so I doubt he'd repeat anything I told him.

Uhhhhh.... I'm... I'm lost?

You have been caught somewhere you should be! Quick, what is your excuse?

How good is your sleep schedule?

People always say you can sleep when you're dead, but that's patently false. You don't need to sleep at all when you're dead. I still do most nights, just to keep a semblance of order, but even if I only get a few hours, it doesn't really affect much.

Do you have any siblings? If so, is your relationship good?

Siblings? Oh yes, I forgot you humans are superstitious about blood relations. I suppose I had a few, but I was never especially close with any of the enclave kids. I was a bit more of the... indoor type.

What’s the toughest time you had to endure growing up?

Deciding to leave my enclave. It was all I had ever known, and I was apprenticed to our shaman. I was terrified that I was making the biggest mistake of my life by going to study on the surface. For those first few nights away from home, I thought I was the loneliest person on Illaros.

Again with these blood relation superstitions. As you would think of it, my entire enclave was my family. The person I was closest to was Lishvan, the shaman. He indulged my many, many questions and, I think, took a bit of pity on me for my difficulties socializing. I still remember all the songs he taught me.

What’s your relationship with your family like?

Do you have any hobbies? If so, what ones?

Cartography and natural history are my passions. Yes, they're also my job, but nothing brings me more joy than cataloging a new island species or watching a map slowly spring from a blank page. Apart from that, I've always enjoyed music and storytelling. The crews I sailed with always compliment my flute playing as quite good.

No. I did in life, but now that I think about it, I've never had a dream while dead. I suppose they aren't for us.

Do you dream often?

What do you dream about?

Have you ever been in love?

When I was alive, my dreams were mostly nonsense. Usually, they took place on ships, which makes sense considering where I spent much of my time. Some were anxious, others were happy, but overall, most of my dreams were about doing something that made no sense upon waking.

Who's to say? I... I'm not good at being close to people. My work has always taken priority and I can be distant even when I'm not on assignment. The closest I ever came was a three month long fling with a sea captain whose ship I had chartered with a sizable grant. She was the perfect partner - everything I could've asked for. Attentive, not overly touchy, and a superb conversationalist. I think she really liked me and I... I might’ve loved her. Of course, I only realized that when I'd finished my mapping trip and by that time, her ship had long sailed over the horizon.

Rats. You wouldn't think it's possible for someone to hate an animal to such a degree, but believe me, I fucking do. They're disgusting creatures who get shit everywhere, eat rations, and eat my damn maps! Not only do they do all of that, but they carry disease everywhere they go. Considering how I died, you shouldn't be surprised when I tell you that I'll kill any rat I see.

What is your least favorite thing in the world?

What is your pet peeve?

Poor organization rubs me the wrong way no matter the scale. This world runs on order and efficiency, and there's no reason to make everything more difficult for everyone else just because you can't be bothered to take notes.

Would you consider yourself different?

How far would you go to save a loved one?

I.... Oh, what a question. I've always been... apart from my peers. Too serious, too obedient, too off in my own world. I didn't have many friends as a kid for all of those reasons. No one outright bullied me, but even I'm not oblivious enough to miss hands going up to cover whispers every time I'm around. It was better when I went to school. The people there were more like-minded. But by then though, I'd learned to hold myself apart from others. It's not as if I crave company. I'm perfectly happy to keep to myself and my maps. It's just... sometimes I wish I could find someone with passions that matched my own. We could share a journal and know that every annotation actually means I love you.

Murder. Anything below that is fair game, but I think one murder would be my limit. I'd find another way.

I don't really have a worst enemy. Should I? Could it be rats? I think I could team up with rats if my crew was on the line, though I might wear gloves and a mask the whole time. Just because I'm dead doesn't mean I shouldn't be concerned with hygiene.

Would you team up with your worst enemy if it was your only option?

What is the worst insult you can give?

I don't really like giving insults - I'd rather just walk away. There was one time though, that I told Nyda she'd set Illari progress back by centuries due to her own idiocy, and that countless sailors had probably died because she'd been too busy chasing pointless glory to write down her damn equations. Oh, and also that she was a fool for trying so hard to be a warrior when it was clear she would never have the skill to fight off more than a frog. Maybe I went a little overboard there, now that I think about it.

What is the nicest thing someone could say to you?

Are you a jealous person?

Oh spirits, I'm not sure. I think if someone said my maps had saved them from being lost at sea, I'd just lay down and cry.

I don't know, what constitutes jealous? I'm going to go with a tentative no.

Have you ever committed a crime?

Why would I tell you that? ...Well, I suppose I'm dead now, so it won't make much of a difference. I, uh, would loot money from shipwrecks sometimes, to pay for my expeditions. Technically, scavanged goods are supposed to go to the company the ship belonged to, but they won't miss it. I hope.

Are you neat or messy?

Neat. Messy things stress me out.

How do you feel about crying? Let it out or hold it in?

Crying is a very important emotional release and you should never be ashamed of it. Not for me though - I'm ashamed.

Who do you live for? Why?

First off, I'm not alive. Secondly, when I was alive, I lived to finish my maps and chart every island in Janaz. Part of that was to help other people sail more safely, yes, but part was because I simply had to know what was out there. So... I guess I don't know.

Who has betrayed you most?

My own health. Right when I was nearly finished with my work, my own damn body gave out on me. Now it and my maps are rotting on a deserted island somewhere, never to be seen by a living soul again.

What style of accessories do you wear? Is it willingly?

I don't like the feel of jewelry. Anything on my hands at all makes me uncomfortable, really. I suppose I still have the little belt bag I died with. That's a pretty handy accessory.

What is your favorite thing to do to avoid responsibility?If you could choose anyone in the world to be your sibling who would it be?What is the most sublime thing you have ever eaten and why?What was the worst day of your life?What’s your worst nightmare?If a monster asked you your worst nightmare what would you tell it and why?Would you give away secret information if tortured? Be honest.Who could you trust most with a secret?You have been caught somewhere you should be! Quick, what is your excuse?How good is your sleep schedule?Do you have any siblings? If so, is your relationship good?What’s the toughest time you had to endure growing up?What’s your relationship with your family like?Do you have any hobbies? If so, what ones?Do you dream often? What do you dream about?Have you ever been in love?What is your least favorite thing in the world?What is your pet peeve?Would you consider yourself different?How far would you go to save a loved one?Would you team up with your worst enemy if it was your only option?What is the worst insult you can give?What is the nicest thing someone could say to you?Are you a jealous person?Have you ever committed a crime?Are you neat or messy?How do you feel about crying? Let it out or hold it in?Who do you live for? Why?Who has betrayed you most?What style of accessories do you wear? Is it willingly?

[silvfyre-writings]

I don't want to worry you (BSD Fanfic)

I think bramran is a fitting way to end the year, don't you?

I do believe that this will be my last fic of 2023 unless I can finish the other one that I'm working on, but uhhhhh, I don't think I will, so yeah, here we are!

I am so in love with this ship, and playing around with their dynamic is fun, and something I'm enjoying a lot!! And this was my first time writing from Bram's POV, so I think I did okay.

So without further ado, I HOPE YOU ENJOY!!! Leave a kudos or a comment or both as well!!!!

Bram stares at his phone with such an intense look that it’s a surprise that the device doesn’t catch on fire. He knows that staring at it won’t do anything, that it won’t make a new message appear on the screen no matter how desperately he wishes for it. He eyes the read nine days ago tag attached to the last message he’d sent, and tries not to worry. After all, his lover works hard at his job, and often forgets to reply when he gets focused, and normally Bram wouldn’t worry, but normally, Ranpo doesn’t send him one worded answers, or brush him off when he tries to organise a date, but recently, that’s what he’s been doing, and as such, Bram worries.

There are few things that he actually does worry about, mostly because it takes a lot to make him worry in the first place, but his lovers wellbeing is one thing that makes him worry a lot, hence why he’s been staring at his phone all day in the hopes of getting a response to the last message he sent: Ranpo, are you okay?

Bram tries not to worry, telling himself that Ranpo is fine, and that he’ll simply message him when he gets time; he remembers Ranpo telling him about a big case that’d come through, and that it was all hands on deck—even his. But it’s been nine days, and no matter how difficult a case is, Ranpo has never needed more than three to solve one. And sure, Bram could reach out to Ranpo’s friends and co-workers, but he doesn’t want to distract them from their work, doesn’t want to make them worry either since they already worry enough about their head detective.

He sighs, and checks his messages again, even though he knows that no new ones have come through, and his gut churns as he, once again, focuses on that nine day old tag, because it’s not normal, and although nothing about him and Ranpo is normal to begin with, their communication is the most normal thing about them, which is why Bram knows that something is up, and that perhaps, he shouldn’t wait any longer this time, that maybe he should be the one to take initiative this time.

It’s decided. He’ll go to the Agency and check to see if Ranpo is there, and if he isn’t, then he’ll stop by Ranpo’s home and check there.

Bram stands up, swipes his phone off the counter and strides over to the coatrack he’d been gifted by… someone—Dazai he thinks, but to be honest he isn’t sure, since it just turned up in his apartment one day without his knowledge—and pulls his coat off of it, and then tugs it on. Once he makes sure he has his keys, he leaves his apartment behind and sets off down the street. He has a vague idea of how to get to the Agency without using his phone as a navigation aid, no thanks to said Agency making him study the maps of Yokohama since he made the decision to stay.

A decision he was still adjusting to, but so far, hadn’t regretted it.

The walk to the Agency is peaceful, and gives Bram a chance to think over what he plans to do. His main goal of course, is to find out where Ranpo is and why he’s been ghosting him this entire time, but he also wants to do so in a way that doesn’t worry anyone else. Because if there’s one thing that Bram’s learnt since meeting Ranpo, it’s that the genius detective doesn’t like being fussed over, no matter what. Ranpo could be bleeding out, or suffering from some kind of plague, yet he would still insist that he’s fine—thankfully, his fellow detectives were on top of things, and did their best to stop Ranpo brushing them off, but sometimes, he did manage to fool them.

Before he knows it, he’s at the Agency, and climbing the stairs, only to run into the Agency’s doctor halfway up. Bram stops and stares at her, eyes widening just a little, and Yosano’s mouth drops open a little bit at the sight of him. “Bram, what brings you here? Is Ranpo alright?”

Yosano’s words cause Bram’s own question to die before he can even voice it, and he frowns, because why is she asking him about Ranpo? Ranpo’s been at work, hasn’t he? Bram thinks, and then elects to just speak the truth. “I haven’t seen Ranpo in two weeks, and I haven’t heard from him in nine days. He told me he had a case, so I assumed he would be here, working.”

Now it’s Yosano’s turn to frown, and she shakes her head slowly. “No�� Ranpo called out sick a couple of weeks ago, said he’d be back once he felt better. We simply assumed he was staying with you while he got better.”

So Ranpo had lied to both Bram and his co-workers… but why? Were they in danger from a new threat, and Ranpo was trying to protect them? Was there something going on with Ranpo that he didn’t want those closest to him to know about? There were so many possibilities, and Bram couldn’t stop running through them in his head, trying to figure out which one is the most plausible. But not one possibility calls to him, which makes him think he’s wrong, but the churning in his gut makes him think he’s also on the right track.

“Is… there someone closer to Ranpo than either of us?” Bram asks after a moment of silence. He knows that Ranpo has people closer to him than just Bram—he knows that Yosano is one of them, and that the president of the Agency is another, but other than that, he has no clue. He in Ranpo are still in the ‘learning about each other’ stage of their relationship after all, it makes sense for him to not know everything yet.

“Well, there’s Fukuzawa—he’s known Ranpo since he was young after all.” Yosano brings a hand up to scratch at her chin in, deep in thought. “And well, me and the rest of the Agency, but we already established that that’s not helpful… maybe Poe? He’s a friend of Ranpo’s, and I know that Ranpo sometimes visits him.”

Bram nods, and files away the information for later. He feels like he’s been told this before, since the names feel familiar, and then a bit of guilt wells up inside him that he should already know this, but he squashes it down and blames it on the worry he’s feeling. “Would it be possible to speak to Fukuzawa?”

“Sure, he’s in his office. First door once you get up the stairs.” Yosano points behind her and then steps past him, calling over her shoulder. “Good luck, Bram!”

Her abrupt departure leaves Bram alone on the stairs, and he watches after the doctor until she disappears from sight, just blinking from how short and simple the conversation was. Usually conversations with any of the Agency members took several minutes—sometimes hours if stuck with certain members—and not… a minute. But no matter, the conversation had given him a starting point, and that was what mattered, so he turned on his heel and made his way up the stairs, spotting the office he was supposed to enter the moment he got to the top.

Bram paused outside the door, wondering for a moment if he was being too forward, and that he’s bothering someone who is busy just because he’s just a little worried, but once again, he squashes that feeling down, knocking on the door.

The door swings open after a few seconds, and reveals the man at the head of the Agency—and a man that Bram realises is familiar, and that he’s met before at a recent dinner that Ranpo had dragged him to; some kind of family dinner that Bram vaguely recalled as also serving as an introduction between him and one Fukuzawa Yukichi.

Fukuzawa is shorter than Bram, so he has to look down to meet the older mans eyes, and for minutes, the two stare at each other, with no words being spoken.

Bram is the one to break the silence, giving a polite bow as he’d been taught was custom. “I do not mean to disturb you, Fukuzawa, but I have come to ask you of something.”

“You wish to know of Ranpo’s whereabouts.” It’s not a question, but a statement, and Bram blinks, surprised that Fukuzawa is aware of what he’s after—which means the man also has the answer he’s seeking.

“I am. I haven’t heard from him in several days, and I am growing worried.”

Fukuzawa hums, his eyes closing as he thinks.

Bram simply waits patiently while he does.

After a while, Fukuzawa opens his eyes again. “He’s currently staying with me. He’s been… unwell lately, so I’m keeping an eye on him.”

“But you are here.” Bram says.

Fukuzawa nods. “Ranpo insisted I still come to work because he did not wish to worry anyone. I was about to leave to go and check on him, but I won’t begrudge you from going in my place if you would like to soothe your worry.”

“That would be much appreciated, thank you.”

Fukuzawa gives another nod before reaching into his sleeve to pull out a key and his phone. He holds out the key towards Bram, and taps away at his phone. “This is the key to my apartment, and I will text you the address—Ranpo gave me your number after dinner.”

Bram nods, and pulls his own phone out of his pocket once the message tone goes off. “Thank you. I will do my best.”

“I know you will, Bram.” Fukuzawa gives him a soft smile, one that makes Bram feel warm inside. “You care for Ranpo deeply, and that is something I appreciate.”

Bram didn’t know what he was expecting when he steps into Fukuzawa’s apartment, but total silence isn’t it. Fukuzawa had said that Ranpo was unwell, and Bram distinctly remembers the last time that Ranpo was sick; he’d laid on the couch, filled with complaints and glasses of juice, watching whatever was on the television at the time. And yet, here, there is no Ranpo in sight, no mess to even indicate that he’s even here in the first place. But he has to be, because that is what the Agency president had said, so Ranpo simply must be elsewhere in the apartment.

With that in mind, Bram steps further into the apartment, barely remembering to pull of his boots in time, and looks around. The apartment is neat and tidy, freshly cleaned from the looks of it, although there is a bottle of water, and a couple of what looks to be medicinal pills next to it. Underneath the bottle is a note that must’ve been written by Fukuzawa before he’d left that morning:

Take your medication please, Ranpo. You know it helps. I’ll be by to check on you at lunch.

- Fukuzawa

Bram studies the note, and then eyes off the water and medication, before grabbing both and continuing on his search for Ranpo.

It doesn’t take long to figure out where Ranpo is, since there are only two other rooms in the apartment, and only one of the doors is closed, which means that the younger detective must be there. First, Bram knocks on the door, but when he doesn’t get a response, he quietly opens it and steps into the darkened room, closing the door behind him with a click.

It takes a moment for Bram’s eyes to adjust to the darkness—not total darkness, because even though the curtains are drawn, there’s a light plugged into the wall, providing a glow that allows some visibility—but once they do, his attention is drawn immediately to the lump in the bed, currently drowning in blankets. Bram steps closer to the lump, making sure that he can be heard so as not to spook Ranpo when he sits on the edge of the bed. “Ranpo?”

The lump under the blanket jerks, and then shifts before a head slowly appears with tangled hair, and eyebags so heavy that it makes Ranpo look like someone has punched him in the face. Even his eyes, which are normally so green and bright, and full of life, look nothing more than decaying herbs as they seem to stare right through Bram, unblinking, until Ranpo lets out a sigh and drags the blankets back over his head. “Go away…”

Ranpo’s reaction stumps Bram, who has never seen his lover as anything other than cheerful and energetic, so he’s not entirely sure what he’s meant to do here.

But then Bram remembers Fukuzawa’s faith in him, and his determination returns full force—he needs to do good; he needs to be helpful; he needs to take care of Ranpo.

“I will not.” Bram says, reaching over to tug the blankets down until Ranpo’s face is visible again. “It’s been nine days since I last heard from you, so I got worried, and it seems like I was right to worry in the first place.”

Ranpo grunts, refusing to look his way again. “How did you even get in? Fukuzawa isn’t home.”

“I went to the Agency to see if you were there, because you told me you had a case.” Bram said, watching Ranpo’s head turn the tiniest bit to look at him. “I ran into Yosano, who directed me to Fukuzawa, who told me you were unwell, and then he gave me a key.”

“Of course he did.” Ranpo sighs, eyes disappearing from view again. “Well, you’ve seen me, so you can go now.”

“No, because something is wrong and I want to help.” Bram says and places the water on the bedside table next to an empty cup, and grabs the medicine from his pocket. He taps Ranpo on the shoulder, until Ranpo groans and just rolls over to face him. “These were on the kitchen bench when I got here, you should probably take them.”

Ranpo eyes the pills, and Bram turns to grab the water, holding both out to his lover. He watches the younger’s eyes flit from his hands to his face, a variety of emotions crossing it before resignation settles there, and he pushes himself onto his elbow to take them from Bram’s hands. Ranpo throws the medicine into his mouth, and swallows the pills with a mouthful of water; then the water is being pressed into Bram’s hands again, and Ranpo turns back to face the wall.

A silence falls between them, Bram using that moment to study Ranpo carefully. Aside from the bags under his eyes, and a pale complexion, there isn’t really anything that says Ranpo is sick; he’s not coughing and his skin is free of fever-sweat. Which leads him to think that whatever’s going on, it’s something else and being sick is just the coverup excuse. Injured? No, I’d smell blood if he was wounded. Maybe the illness is something else…?

In the end, Bram just decides to ask. “What’s wrong with you?”

Silence, and then a huff that could have been a laugh. “That’s a bit of a blunt question.”

“You told me you preferred me being blunt.” Bram shrugs.

Ranpo hums, but doesn’t say anything more, not even to answer Bram’s question, which he thinks means that he can continue with his observations.

“You do not seem to be sick in the way that you were the last time you were sick—”

“That’s because it’s not your usual sickness.” Ranpo interrupts, and then curls up into a tiny ball. “’m just a little bit sad, that’s all you need to know.”

“Ah, I understand.” And Bram did understand. After all, one doesn’t exactly handle just being a head and a body for so many years by being happy, and even before that, when the people of his homeland turned against him and called him a monster, no matter how many times he tried to tell them that he wasn’t the one responsible for their people dying, one wasn’t exactly happy about that, especially when it ended in your near death. And those were just the ones with reason; there’d also been times where, seemingly for no reason, he’d felt less inclined to getting out of bed that day.

So he did understand.

And it tugs at his heart that someone important to him is going through such a thing.

Bram stands from the bed, and in no more than a few seconds, he’s pulling all the blankets off of Ranpo and lifting him from the bed.

“Wha—hey! Put me down!” Despite his protests, Ranpo doesn’t try to fight him.

“No.” Bram says, adjusting his grip on Ranpo so he can carry Ranpo easier. The moment he does, arms come to wrap around his shoulders, and Ranpo hides his face into the crook of Bram’s neck.

“Please put me down.”

“No. You are suffering from… I think they call it depression now, so I will do what I can to help you deal with it easier, and that means taking care of your physical needs so you can fight the demons in your mind.”

Ranpo sighs and tightens his hold, but he doesn’t say anything as Bram carries him from the room, which is fine with him, since he would much rather Ranpo not fight him as he tries to help.

It’s silent between the two of them as Bram carries Ranpo into the bathroom—not after struggling to find it in the first place—and seats him on the edge of the toilet seat so that he can get the shower ready. Ranpo’s head droops where he sits, his hair hiding his face from view as the rest of his body trembles; it looks like it’s taking all the energy that Ranpo has left to stay upright, and it tugs at Bram. He steps away long enough to turn the shower on before returning to kneel in front of Ranpo, raising a hand to cup his lovers cheek, running a thumb over Ranpo’s cheek.

Ranpo’s eyes flit to him.

“You don’t need to do anything, alright?” Bram reassures, leaning up to press their foreheads together. “Just let me take care of you, and I’ll do the rest.”

For a moment, Ranpo stares at him, and then drops his head to rest on Bram’s shoulder. “… okay.”

Bram nods, pleased with Ranpo’s answer, and sets about doing as he said he would; helping. He pulls away slowly, and stands, gripping Ranpo’s arms with his own and guiding his lover to his feet. He continues to hold Ranpo up with one arm, and with the other, he unbuttons Ranpo’s shirt, and tugs it off the others body. Next come the pants, and it’s the only time Bram asks Ranpo to help, continuing to hold his love upright as he shrugs off his pants and the underwear underneath, and then, it’s time for the shower.

He doesn’t hesitate to step under the spray, ignoring how his clothes become soaked in an instant and stick to his skin because it’s not important. It’s much more important for him to take care of Ranpo right now, since his love has been struggling to take care of himself if the state of him is anything to go by. It makes Bram wonder what exactly Fukuzawa has been doing to try and help the situation, but he tries not to judge—in situations such as these where the person important to you is suffering, you simply do the best that you can, and sometimes that means taking each day as it comes. Depression is ugly at times, he knows this from experience, which is why he’s determined to try and help. Bram doesn’t expect to magically fix how Ranpo is feeling right now, but he hopes to make him feel a little better at least.

With that in mind, Bram guides Ranpo to sit on the floor of the shower, following him down to kneel behind him. He reaches behind him, grabbing blindly for the shampoo until his hands knock into the bottle and that of the conditioner beside it. It only takes him a second to decide on grabbing both, and brings them into his view; he elects to just squirt the shampoo straight onto Ranpo’s head, and begins to drag his nails through tangled black hair, taking care to get the tangles out in a way that won’t cause Ranpo any pain.

Ranpo lets out a sigh, and shifts to rest his head on his knees, eyes closed as he gives in to Bram’s ministrations. It’s hard to see his expression from here, but Bram imagines it to be a little content, but emotionless all the same.

“Tilt your head back.” Bram says once he’s finished, and places a hand on Ranpo’s forehead to encourage him into following his words. Then, he rinses out the shampoo and starts the process over again the conditioner.

Once that’s done, Bram stands and turns the water off before guiding Ranpo up again and helping him out of the shower. And like before, it’s done in silence, and Bram doesn’t break that silence as he grabs a towel and drapes it over Ranpo’s head. He starts to dry it, only to have Ranpo’s hands come up to grasp at his own.

“I can do this…” Ranpo says, looking up into Bram’s eyes. “You go get changed. Fukuzawa has spare yukata’s; he won’t mind if you borrow one.”

“You are sure?”

Ranpo nods.

“Alright.” Bram leaves Ranpo to finish off, going to hunt down a yukata and get out of his wet clothes. In hindsight, getting into the shower without getting undressed first was a poor decision, but Bram hadn’t exactly been thinking when he’d done it. But what’s done is done, and now all that’s left to do is get Ranpo fed, a task that seems simple enough considering how much the detective likes to eat on a daily basis, even if it is mostly sweets.

But that was when Ranpo was feeling good.

Because right now, Ranpo is refusing to eat anything that Bram offers him.

“Why not just some toast?” Bram suggests after having yet another meal shot down, now dressed in a fresh yukata that’s a tad too short for him, and he’s pulled his damp hair into a bun.

Ranpo pulls a face and shakes his head. “I’m not hungry…”

Bram hums, worried, because he’s pretty sure that Ranpo hasn’t eaten anything in recent days—it doesn’t take a genius to see that his love has lost weight since he last saw him—and while he’s resigned himself to not getting Ranpo to eat an actual meal when he feels as terrible as he does, he refuses to let Ranpo eat nothing. “What does Fukuzawa usually do when you aren’t hungry?”

The expression on Ranpo’s face tightens even more before it just disappears entirely and is replaced with defeat. Ranpo stretches out across the table. “He usually cuts up an apple… or any kind of fruit, really…”

“Apple it is then.” Bram moves towards the fridge, quickly finding the apples, and from there it only takes him a couple of minutes to slice it up and put it on a plate. He slides into the seat next to Ranpo and picks up one of the slices and holds it out. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yeah.” Ranpo shrugs, and after eyeing the slice of apple carefully, takes it and nibbles on it.

“You could have stayed with me if you were feeling like this, I would not have judged you, so why did you not tell me?”

For a while, Ranpo is silent, and Bram thinks that he’s not going to get an answer, but then Ranpo shrugs and begins to speak. “I don’t know. Didn’t want to burden you or worry you, I guess, so I just lied and hid.” Ranpo gives an empty laugh. “But I failed anyways.”

“I care about you.” Bram argues gently, choosing to be soft instead of blunt for a change. “So of course I was bound to worry when you stopped talking to me.”

Ranpo hums, and picks up another apple slice. “You don’t need to worry, I’ll be fine. I’m safe here.”

Bram understands the implication of the words without having to question them, and it makes sense why Ranpo chose to come to Fukuzawa rather than himself. Fukuzawa has known Ranpo for years after all, has probably seen this side of Ranpo many times over and knows exactly how to handle it, unlike Bram who is witnessing this side of the person he’s chosen to love, for the first time. And while he trusts Ranpo’s words when he says that he will be fine, Bram also wished that Ranpo would accept help just a little bit more; it might make these days more bearable.

“I understand that you come to Fukuzawa because he is familiar, and understands you best,” Bram begins to say, reaching over to draw Ranpo into a one-armed embrace, pressing his lips to Ranpo’s crown, “but I ask that the next time you feel this way, that you let me know. I want to help you when you cannot help yourself.”

Ranpo flushes, and turns to bury his face into Bram’s chest, hands coming up to clutch at the yukata he’s wearing. He makes a noise like he wants to say something, but then falls silent.

Bram doesn’t hesitate to wrap his other arm around Ranpo and draw him closer. “You don’t need to answer. I don’t expect one. Taking in what I say is enough.”

“… thank you.”

When Fukuzawa steps into the apartment late in the evening, he certainly didn’t expect it to be silent—well, he did, because his apartment’s been silent for the past two weeks—but somehow, the silence seems different this time, and he’s almost certain it’s because of Bram. He’s not sure what Ranpo’s boyfriend… partner… lover—he’s not entirely sure what the two have labelled themselves with if he’s being honest—has done since he sent him over, but he knows that something occurred here.

If not for the apple scraps on the bench, and the fact that Ranpo’s meds are gone from where he’d left them on his way out of the apartment that morning, then it would be the sheets that Fukuzawa had been trying to change for days, hanging on a rack, freshly washed along with two towels, that gave it away.

Quietly, he makes a beeline for Ranpo’s room, since neither he nor Bram are within his sights, and he’s rewarded when he opens the door and sees the two of them crammed into Ranpo’s too small bed, asleep. Fukuzawa’s lips twitch into a smile as he observes the way that Ranpo is curled against Bram’s chest whilst Bram holds him protectively; Ranpo’s head is tucked underneath Bram’s chin, and Fukuzawa can see from his spot that Ranpo’s hair has been washed, and he gives Bram a silent thanks.

Getting Ranpo into the shower when he was in the midst of a depressive episode was a battle that Fukuzawa seldom won, so he’s grateful that Bram’s somehow achieved that.

A noise from Ranpo catches his attention, and it sounds like he’s about to wake up, but then Bram’s arm moves to run up and down his back in a soothing manner, as if he’s had to do this before, and Ranpo falls silent, face softening back into sleep. Bram’s hand slows until it stops, but not before he tightens his grip on Ranpo.

Fukuzawa’s smile widens a little, and he carefully shuts the door as he leaves the two to sleep.

Love doesn’t cure all, but it can certainly help ease one’s pain, and that is what Fukuzawa clings to as he goes to make himself some tea.

Tea for three.

[lollytea]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Mar tagged me in this. Thank you Mar <333

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

22

2. What’s your total AO3 word count?

358,837

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Owls....for now and the foreseeable future. Other things in the past but....owls. Owls and nothing else.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

There's Sunshine in Your Smile

Atlas and the Avid Reader

A Little Change

An Exercise in Understanding

Girl Talk

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I don't, I'm sorry!! When I first started posting on ao3, I answered every comment I got, but as more came in, I realized I was running out of ways to respond and it felt like I was just copy and pasting "thank you so much omg!!!" again and again and it felt awkward and disingenuous. (I meant it tho!! I did!!)

Also I never have any idea how to respond to long essay type comments that were picking the fic apart and highlighting everything they like about it. I ADORE those comments!!! They make me happier than anything else on earth but HOW can I respond to them?? A one liner thanks feels cheap and meaningless, but a long ramble about my own stuff feels arrogant.

So I just stopped replying to comments altogether. But listen please listen!!! I do read them!!! I read every single one of them and I love and appreciate them with all my heart!!! Thank you so so SO much to anybody who's ever left a comment on anything I've written!!!

6. What’s the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

I don't really write angsty endings. I guess atlas and pages both ended on a bit of a bittersweet note? Maybe.

That one ducktales fic Fearless left off on a kinda angsty cliffhanger, only because I never finished it. So it's technically an ending

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Man I dunno most of them are kinda open ended (or unfinished) I suppose A Little Change ended on a sickeningly sweet note. Like disgustingly sweet (because I was 19 and stupid and had no concept of subtlety) Penniless Promises ended with a marriage proposal.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No the only hate comment I've ever gotten is this one

It kinda annoys me. I consider your first hate comment to be a special milestone in your fanfic writing history. I've been waiting years for this. And then I FINALLY get it but I have no fucking idea what it means.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I've written bits and pieces over the years but I don't post any of it. I think the last "smut" I posted was weird werewolf knotting shit in like 2017

What kind? Fuckin uhhhhh. It's always very fluffy. Usually there's nothing weird going on. Sometimes there's monsters involved but the monsters are usually massive sweethearts who just want love.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

No

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Yes. A few times. And it's always fucking wattpad. At one point, somebody put my fic through Google translate and reposted it in Spanish. I would have been completely unaware if somebody hadn't messaged me about it.

The process of getting them to take it down was a fucking circus. Their ability to use Google translate suddenly vanished the moment I contacted them.

I reported it and had to go back and forth with Wattpad support because the fic was IN SPANISH, so they just kinda glanced at it and were like "This is not the same thing that you wrote. These are different words. Spanish words." I was losing my MIND!!!!!!

They took it down eventually. Anyway...sorry I went on a tangent, I just think this is a funny story. Moral of the story is there are probably several stolen fics on wattpad and run through translators, and we have no idea. There might be more of mine on there but honestly I do not have the energy to be monitoring the stupid site. I hate wattpad so much its unreal.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

As we have just learned from the above story, yes :D!!

But also yeah, some people asked permission to translate my stuff and post it with credit. Sunshine has been translated into Spanish and Ukrainian!

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No I can barely manage to write them myself

14. What’s your all-time favourite ship?

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish, but doubt you ever will?

Undocumented Events of March 23rd. I might update it at some point in the next five years. But I had so many chapters planned that it will probably never reach the ending at the pace I'm going with it. But I love the jungle book husbands. I get back to them at some point in time

16. What are your writing strengths?

Word disease is the worst fucking thing ever but it CAN be a good thing in some circumstances. A huge meaty chunk of a fic. Something to dig into. Having a lot to say can lead to a lot to write. And the more you write, the more likely you'll get some quality stuff in there.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I repeat. Word disease is the worst fucking thing ever. And when it's coupled with a complexity addiction, UGGH!!! It's a blight on my life. I can't just write a simple straightforward fic, without getting carried away and the ideas just get bigger and bigger. Suddenly I'm implementing more elaborate concepts, scenes that need to be handled delicately. Everything takes absolutely all of my brainpower because I'm a neurotic overthinker who can never just RELAX and write something fun. And I WANT all of it. I want to execute all the plans that exist in my head but then I get overwhelmed by how big and complicated everything has gotten and I get burned out. Which is why things so rarely get done.

I'm a perfectionist. A horrible terrible one. I struggle to write ANYTHING without carefully constructing every individual line of it. Which makes progress so slow and tedious. I get scared to even START fics because I'm afraid I'll make myself feel awful again if they don't turn out good.

My grammar is very imperfect but I'm working on that.

I can be very unnecessarily wordy and take forever to get to the point. I've reread my own stuff and even I have difficulty following it because the sentences just have so many bells and whistles for no good reason. I completely forget a huge chunk of vocab and don't realize they are simpler way to phrase things.

My attempts at executing believable emotional scenes often fall kinda flat. Writing drama is hard but I'm amazed by some people's capability to master it so I'm chipping away at it, hoping to get better.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I don't really have any thoughts at all about them. Literally none.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

I'd like to say it was Trolls but it was actually Hetalia when I was like 14. But I do everything within my power to distance myself from Hetalia, so I like to say it doesn't count. But....need to be honest.

20. Favourite fic you’ve ever written?

Currently, at this point that I am at, the ones I used to be the most proud of now feel like they were a waste of time. I'm sure that will change again in a few months. How I feel about my own stuff is never consistent. The way that this question is phrased implies a forever favourite. Something I loved then, I love now and will love in future, and that is just never the case.

But also I don't wanna be an Eeyore about it, so I'll say a trance, a dance, a romance perchance?

I really do love my fairy Willow. She's so special to me :D!!

Tagging: after writing this whole post, I now feel very weird tagging people specifically and being like "HEY YOU! Look at this post I made <33" This is like a don't look at me post. BUT I do have lots of writer mutuals. And writer followers. If you're one of them and you see this....you!!!! Tag youre it!!!!

[1mnobodywhoareyou]

20 questions for writers

EEK! thank you @floating-in-the-blue - I'm always, always, always honoured to be considered for a tag!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

57

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

224,067

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Julie and the Phantoms. Though some ideas are brewing for others... We'll see.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

The Phantoms watch Julie and the Phantoms (166)

I'm Underneath the Undertow (79)

ya couldn't find a kinder devil (58)

Kiss! Kiss! Kiss! (54) ((huh. colour me surprised))

emotional damage (44)

5. Do you respond to comments?

yes! (though i've been ignoring my inbox for the last bit. they will be responded to soon!)

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

uhhhh... ending? honestly i don't know. UtU is definitely the "angtiest" fic I've done though but i tried to leave the ending hopeful-ish

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

uhhhhh all of them? depends on what you consider happy too... cuz. i'm inclined to say that everyone's pretty happy at the end of pretty pretty princess (rated E, proceed with caution)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

negatory

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

apparently. yes. uh. so far we have M/M/M/M/M and M/M/M and F/F (jokes have been made that the next one will be a singleton. we'll see)

10. Do you write crossovers?

not as of present. but i have one cursed idea thanks to @bethaven in my brain that @narcissusbrokenmirror shamelessly encourages. we'll see if anything ever comes of it.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not to my knowledge

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

no

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

not technically. i think i'd be open to it

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

i can't answer this as "all-time" but in this exact moment? Ginny/Marcus (Ginny and Georgia) wins out every time. I just love so many things about them.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you will?

i don't think i've had any of them long enough to determine this. but i guess the least likely of the things I have going on that are actively WIPs? Probably SC and clothes.

16. What are your writing strengths?

I have been directly complimented on my dialogue and characterization. So I'm gonna own that.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

conflict 😩

but i think i'm getting better!

and editing. if i could never ever ever edit anything I'd be so happy.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

not likely to attempt anything beyond short phrases that are internet verifiable. *if* i were to do anything that's actually a dialogue between multiple characters it would probably be (canadian) french but even still. highly unlikely.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Julie and the Phantoms

20. Favorite fic you've written?

I'm interpreting this as favourite AU i've created and going with Bex. Cuz I love that family.

No pressure tagging: @60sec400 @mac-lilly @lou-writes-things @legolasghosty @invisibleraven and anyone else who feels so inclined <3