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meandmyechoes · 4 years ago

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The more I think about my first romance novel, the more I find something odd.

[28th March 17:46]

I keep referring to it as a ‘favourable experience’, and there is no question the writing is what made me fall totally head over heels about quin tress, but I also just, can't?

I mean, yes. It's very passionate, dramatic, scenes and gestures I can only dream of. And it's all very bisexual and fantastical of me. But I also, don't really see it in that 'omg they totally belong together here are my sixty headcanons of them' sense?

I am very involved in the pairing, but also don't really, actively 'ship' it — like the way I have the ability to with Rhayme or Latts (since it's the same author that indoctrinated me to Captain Rhayme). I could imagine them being happily ever after and silly shenanigans and slow-burn. But the concept of a quin tress fairytale ending is so wild. I can only ask if this has to do with my personal view on relationships. Does this tie back to how I say the hottest thing a heterosexual couple can do is fuck (and the spiritual experience is emphasized with a same-sex partner)? - anyway, ace brain (probably) speaking.

I know the plot leaves little room for 'the future' and fed me well on all tropes possible. But, it just never occurred to me to put them in any other clichés or invent a missing scene.

Winding up, I don't think their relationship is 'weak', but it's very motivated by circumstances and once you take that out of them, you are a little bit lost. For example even during the illicit affairs month, I… can't really propose one date that does not seem tonally insensitive. (I can think of them being cloak dorks and Vos bringing her to ice-cream, that's it, after a long hard moment) Really, all I possibly want is that sweet, sweet angst and canon is already there so I have no complaint.

It's just… I don't really get why it has to be the two of them that fall for each other. I understand why they did, and I believe it— Perhaps it's much more a physical attraction thing that I don't really have personal experience with.

I don't know if quin tress classify as slow-burn because 10 chapters still seem a little quick in the grand scheme of things. (aside: I'm quite disappointed Ventress wasn't doing much in the last quarter of the book.) My point is, they do feel a little bit puppet to tropes, and while it's deliciously written, there's not much potential outside of canon. And that lack of inspiration makes me grimace a little.

[3rd April, 01:39]

I’ve scrolled through the dd tag and let the book sank a little. I am better articulated to talk about the sexist criticism now.

It's a romance story, and when I judge it by that (lower) standard, it ticks the boxes. However, it might be a weakness as well, due to the projectability of the heroes. And yes, the whole assassination is dumb. Yet, tcw has been consistently this dumb at us. The last two times when she's more rooted in the dark she failed, sent Savage and failed, so she's gonna do it again with Vos… after she put down her desire for revenge. right. ans surprise! Our "assassination" plan is to find Dooku and duel him directly. right…

I've read a review that says the romance takes away from the plot. However, the romance IS the plot. The book IS supposed to revolve around the two of them. I do agree them becoming begrudging allies then partners is a more unique approach, more rewarding as foils as well. but I guess a romance is easier for the convention to process ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

With the "Ventress lose agency in falling for Vos". Now, I can't dictate how each of us buy into their physical attraction and chemistry (or lack thereof), and there's no denial that a conscious human being is making that choice for the fictional character, I think the stance on this topic is really tinted by the above two factors, which are very different starting points.

I kept Katie. Lucas's foreword vividly in mind while reading. She said this is a story about people seizing chances to rebuild. That there's always a choice. Cliché as it is, I believe ~the power of love~. I believe there exists someone you're willing to sacrifice everything for, to overlook everything for, to forgive - to love them, warts and all. So, yes whether you think Ventress loses her agency to the romance, or if that's a conscious choice on her behalf, is swayed heavily by how much you buy that they are the one.

[10th April, 10:30]

So Mr. Partner has finished the book too. He didn't offer particular insights, but we discussed briefly the overall pace and bits of characterization. He did made me rolled with laughter describing Vos through a childish, tropey lens. Regarding the topic of this documentation - the quin tress relationship, I've been more or less really enjoying it as a guilty pleasure. I don't read romance novels at all, and this is tooth-rotting sweet angst.

Yesterday I’ve been thinking a bit more about this. I do love this ship, I just don’t believe they’d be two people who find each other again and again in every life time, in every universe. That’s why, as magnificent as fireworks, it also won’t last.

It's very nostalgic to indulge in a heterosexual relationship, and pair it up with taylor swift songs. If I have a boyfriend as devoted as Vos, I'd fall one hundred percent. And if I'm faced with an bombshell like Ventress, I would not be able to have any agency I swear. Either way, in my headcanon, Ventress is happily away on adventures with Lassa :3

To explore this, it’s not entire impossible for quin tress to separate peacefully after this incident, but would that cheapen the build before? The entire motivation of dark!Quinlan hinges on his vision of their future. And say, Ventress did saved him and survived. How would he balance being a Jedi and his feelings - that’s publicly exposed to the Council? (sidenote: i really don’t like Ch. 27 where a bunch of old men are questioning their love life, but uhhh yes, I’m a sensible person!) For now, I’m seeing another Obitine situation. And honestly how bad that an outcome is. It’s not like Ventress died for her war crimes! The show gave her a full pardon! So Idk man. Why can’t she leaves him because she loves him and she exiled herself and they never see each other again WHY NOT FILONI WHY NOT.

Now I’m lamenting more what could’ve been with the two arcs. In Filoni’s original sketch, Aayla and Maul were involved. Man, that could’ve been the dream. I skipped to translating the last two chapters and all the way I was just fuming at how stupid it was. There are difficult technical terms but I really enjoy voicing the characters. But it just takes away bit of that formality and Shakespearean tragic factor having them talk in my native tongue???? haha

Prelude: [12th March 22:37]

since dark disciple heteronormatively gave Rhayme and Ventress boyfriends, I'm gonna go ahead and sign the charter that says "all sw characters are bi"

which got me thinking, I insist that Quinlan and Ventress must fuck (and I insist they did, with the implication from when Quinlan "had seen her by starlight, just her"), but why didn't I think that way with Rhayme and her? Maybe it's because the story never pushed me there. I'd wish it indeed have more to do with I'm aspec than internalized homophobia (that I look down on everyone), but I also think, fucking is literally the hottest thing a heterosexual relationship can do? Every selling point, either be appearance or intellect, leads up to the ultimate goal of reproduction?

But oh my god, space lesbians, beating up pirates, sharing a wine, teasing hairs and finger tips. That's so goddamn romantic

[edit: i know that is an extremely skewered and unfair view, but i’ve met maybe, one, boy on my intellectual level. it’s a game of probability ok]

~~~

Part 2: [26th April, 15:15]

It has been… a month, since I finished Dark Disciple and I feel like it’s time to conclude all the thinking this book has made me do.

On the wider reflection about attachment and the Order, I still have to do more reading on it to form a concrete opinion. This theme won’t be touched on in this post yet, but I cannot shake how intriguing it is to compare “falling” in love to falling to the dark side. The temptation, and the submission to their emotions, the irrationality, the newfound curiosity, it all incites. Very curiously, it was Anakin. Skywalker who commented that one is “blinded by love”

Okay, so what I’ve been scratching my head off the past two weeks is how I look at the romance between Asajj. Ventress and Quinlan. Vos. How would I define it?

Now this is as much as an exploration of how I view romantic relationships. Well, I’ve decided it wasn’t “love”, it was an “affair”. It was an affair because it’s a rush of passion, it’s a secret, it won’t last. Before I chop my own head off for bluntness, I mean it in, of course they are hopelessly in love with each other, that’s the exact premise of why it moved me so. But it wasn’t a complete relationship, wasn’t a healthy, sustainable one by any objective standards. Then, that’s the exact contradiction. Oh to throw caution in the wind with you, or to build a future with you?

Both are things I want a lot, and the ideal is of course one after the other. What quin tress had (in the end) is definitely not something I’d want for myself, but it’s so fantastical, it’s alluring, just like the concept of falling in love - opening up yourself and trusting another person, is - it’s risky. That’s why it’s a sweet, sweet drug.

I’ve been so angry at all the red flags in this relationship. Reading this book, getting into both of their shoes, yelling NO like their best friends. But ultimately, what they had is unique to them and I can’t influence it in any way. Re-reading, I find myself holding myself back at all the places I was furious about going ‘You are smarter than this!’. Because it’s a tragedy, and the beautiful thing is they chose each other (I guess).

The other day something on the dash inspired me to really think about ship dynamics. I, unashamedly admit, I’m VERY into Obi/Quin/Ventress in any and all combinations. *cough* I will not explain further.

Aside, the elephant was I’ve never been in a relationship or felt physically attracted to any person in my life. I suppose that’s a reason it took some time for me to really buy into them more than friends. I do accept the premise and I did discover they share quite a bunch of traits, but it confused me a while what made them cross the boundary, and it was, physical attraction (that the book was selling so hard I was blushing hot). But what really frustrates me, not that I couldn’t invest into two paper people’s love story, but was why my body is governed by hormones so bad. I could say things I wouldn’t dare depending on the day of the month. I have to be honest, I love them both a lot, and I would like to date them both, and I can see myself in either of them. Again comes another contradiction, is it a good thing to have characters so easily projectable, or do I want to see myself in more complex characters like them?

I probably lost quite a few cars stalling this train of thought. This book brought me a lot of emotional upheavals and a lot of food for thought. It brought me down to reflect on my romantic worldview and sexuality because I have nothing better to do. It totally challenged me as a writer and it’s just a really good novel by its right, regardless of the absurdity that is The Clone Wars. It’s a lot of firsts for me. And I really should find something better to do.

#echoesdiary

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detoxdolan · 7 years ago

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Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely. 8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige 13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year. 16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever. 17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes. 20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress. 21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me??? 25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl 28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge) 31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair - In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back. 36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go. 37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish. 40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents) 45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley 46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao 48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk.

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn. 60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated 😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes 72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

#Im sorry im always late #i love yall #i wonder who actually read my answers #if u made it this far u a real one #drop some purple hearts in my ask box if u made it to the bottom

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herbivorousviolin · 8 years ago

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tag thingy

aI got tagged by awesome and super talented @varrix (OMG!! HELLO SENPAI!)

Rules:

1. Always post the rules

2. Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

3. Write 11 questions of your own

4. TAG PEOPLE

1. Best day of your life

I can’t decide whether the moment when I graduated from college (I actually graduated with honors can you believe that cause i can’t haha) OR the moment where we visited Osaka, Japan (and saw Colossal Titan in USJ and went to Animate Tennoji and just fangirled and stuff).

2. Earliest childhood memory

Dancing to some silly song with my sister while my mama and papa are watching and papa was recording our dance with a video cam.

3. Most stressful experience

Thesis Presentation/Defense? i’m not quite sure?? i want to forget about stress lol 4. Most relatable quote

My sister and I just finished playing Episode Prompto....i really liked the quote of Aranea there...not the exact words but it’s something like: you’re so busy living your life for someone else so why not just live your life for yourself. Like how sometimes we care too much about others that we end up forgetting to take care of ourselves....

5. Scariest movie you’ve seen

Until now, I’m scared of Sadako from The Ring...I’m really weak at horror movies.

6. Person/people who restores your faith in humanity

ummm, maybe my family...

7. Something you could literally kill for

uhhh...a stress-free life....i guesssss?

8. Most beautiful person you’ve ever seen

my perception about who is considered beautiful frequently changes...but as of now, Emma Stone?? idk.. 9. Any phobias?

i have many fears....but i am super scared of worms!!!

10. Place you feel most safe at

my room at our home.

11. Last thing that made you laugh to tears.

woahhh, i cannot remember. but it’s probably something between me and my sister cause she’s the on that makes me laugh often? or maybe with my family?

I’m going to tag these wonderful people: @zedsdead1001 @survey-corps-rookie @erwinsalive and @a-youngblood-killjoy (you don’t have to do this if you don’t want to :D <3)

These are your questions:

1. Favorite Song

2. Favorite Character

3. Favorite Food

4. Hardest Thing you Had to Do in Your Life

5. What Makes You Happy

6. What Makes You Sad

7. Do you play musical instruments?

8. Video Games/ Any Games that You Play

9. Activities You Do to Relax/Unwind

10. What is your height?

11. Do you have siblings?

#tots

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