#uhhh some general content warnings… i keep everything kinda vague tho

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i have something i have been needing to kinda vent abt and this is my private echo chamber bc i have no clout but also i think enough time has passed for me to be able to talk abt it

in sept 2022 my someone i considered my best friend was arrested for a heinous crime. it quite literally changed my life overnight bc this friend and i had what i considered a great life. they were living in their apartment with their gf, their job sucked but it paid amazing, and they were pretty and popular in various community spaces. i was enjoying my life too bc i enjoyed my job in the mountains, loved my coworkers,my family was having a peaceful period, and i was enjoying being single again after my relationship with that one crazy bitch. the queen died that morning (memes were crazy) and i was driving home from work, excited to smoke weed and lay in bed before my weekend started (my job was a 4/10 at a mental health clinic, so i was off fridays+weekends). and then exbesties gf messaged the gc and told us that exbestie was arrested. i immediately messaged the gf, who i call Roomie when i talk abt her on here, to stay put and i drove over to figure out what happened. everything was confusing and there was a lot of information that wasnt lining up. two of our other friends came over and for support and after talking we put the pieces together and realized that whatever exbestie was arrested for… was probably actually true. (in the spring of 2023 they ended up being convicted and found guilty on two counts of … crimes against a minor ☹️)

Roomie n i ended leaning on eachother for a lot of support (i was the bsf and she was the gf). we ended up having romantic feelings for eachother and i honestly struggled with it at first bc i felt like i was betraying my best friend (exbestie is dead to me now). Roomie ended up having a housing crisis bc the income was gone bc exbestie is in jail. we were both having mental health issues and are frankly traumatized by the event. craziness ensued, i lived in that apartment with Roomie for a few months before i had to move us in with my parents (both my parents ended up sick and needing different surgeries and were out of work for months). more chaos bc my parents (dad) are controlling and emotionally abusive. roomie had a mental health crisis and had to be hospitalized for a while last summer. covid hit the house. ive been dealing with untreated pstd. my beloved childhood cat passed away. holidays were tense and sad. i struggled with feeling motivated or hopeful or happy for a long time because of everything.

anyways … currently roomie n i are in love and living with my parents. its not easy and we want to plan to save up and move out again, so we are taking small steps at a time. its hard to feel motivated or have any hope at all, but i love Roomie very much and being with her fills me with happiness and joy and i daydream (with limits) about the day we move out of my parents place and get to be together in our own space and free to live how we want. i have a lot of debt due to my massive manic episode in 2019 but im taking small steps to crawl out of it. anyways