#uhhh don't use telegram i guess

[destielmemenews]

"Russian-born Durov was detained Saturday at Paris’s Bourget Airport on a warrant related to Telegram’s lack of moderation.

Those charges include allegations that his platform was complicit in aiding fraudsters, money launders, drug traffickers and people spreading child sexual exploitation content, French prosecutor Laure Beccuau said in a statement Monday. Beccuau added that Durov is accused of refusing to communicate “information or documents” related to the investigation."

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[khodorkovskaya]

17.04.23

i keep manifesting B, i can't deal with this anymore! and it feels like my fault, but in reality it's just that our city is small and we hang out in the same areas so ofc there's a big chance of us bumping into each other every now and then. but still...

my zurich friend came into town this weekend and we went to church together for easter and it was fun. there's something so intimate about going to church with someone, don't you think? like sometimes i go to church and there's a person praying or lighting a candle and it feels like you're looking at something you're not supposed to look at. like prayer is such an intimate thing. and during the easter service there were so many people and we were all standing there, some people humming to the hymns of the choir or whispering to themselves or exclaiming "he has risen" and it was such a funny sensation. (the lady standing next to me was singing soooo out of tune lol! i was like girlie we're all passionate about jesus here but let me listen to the choir plsss!)

we left at 2am because i was sleepy and i felt bad bc i told my friend that i thought a lot during the ceremony and he asked me if it was positive or negative thoughts and i said positive bc like duhh he has risen! and he said that he thought a lot too but for him it was negative thoughts. and i feel like maybe he wanted to talk but i was too tired and stupid to ask him to elaborate, so he didn't. and we walked in silence for a bit. idk maybe he wanted to talk...? so i suggested we go for coffee the following day but he couldn't make it. i feel like a bad friend and i really hope he's okay.

we also talked a lot on telegram and he told me he enjoys writing. and i was like oh me too!!! like idk it's such a surprise to me whenever i meet people who like writing. but at the same time, although i identify as like a person who enjoys writing, i never write. the only thing i write is well... this blog. and it's not really writing writing, is it? i can't remember the last time id written like a proper story. my friend said he wants to write about his trip to poland and id be very interested to read that. his polish trip does sound very intriguing.

then i thought about what if i were to write something about my recent trips. and my trip around the balkans in 2019 came to mind. it's one of my favourite memories i have to say. but it wouldn't make a great story. because it wasn't like thought provoking or anything, nothing really happened, i just had fun and that's it. i guess i could write a descriptive text about like the mountains and the views or whatever, but that wouldn't be an interesting read. and tbh the moment i remember the most vividly from that trip is uhhh having the best sex of my life with B. and that could be a fun descriptive text, like i could compare it to the texture of velvet and the colour purple and the taste of that armenian walnut jam with purple walnuts that look like geodes, you know the one im talking about. i could come up with all kinds of metaphors.

so i was walking thru the train station on my way to the tram, thinking about the things that feel like being in love with B in sarajevo did. i started to miss it a bit. and then i got on the tram, turned around and... there he was.

i saw him walking out of the train station and at first i thought it was some random guy who looked like an uglier version of B. in my head i was like "ooo he kinds looks lik- ohHHH". he got a haircut, so his hair didn't look as bad as the last time i saw him. but something about his facial expression and his stride... idk he looked so mean. he had this arrogant air about him, as if someone had just told him off and he was making that face of "ugh fuck off, im so much better than you". like the way he caried himself gave off such "im better than you" vibes and his facial expression was very mean. idk, like i said, he looked like an ugly version of himself. i didn't pay attention to what he was wearing but he had his backpack with him. and it was the backpack that made me realise it was him.

i waved at him from the tram and he looked me in the eye and idk if he didn't see me or just ignored me.

and i was a bit disappointed. bc like i was really getting into the having sex with him in sarajevo memory and i thought maybe i could think about it again before bed today. but now his ugly face is ingrained into my brain and i can't think about sarajevo anymore. i need to hang out with more hot people so that i could at least sexually fantasise about someone. like im in my twenties, come on, why are my options so limited???