#uhg I always feel weird being so openly mushy on main about him

[thana-topsy]

Hey, I wanted to ask you.

I do not follow everything you do but I know I appreciate the way you write and think those writings, so I wondered...

Why Neloth ?

Ow of course I have my ideas but I'd like to know what makes you tick on this character, what you like to explore about him and such. I'm a curious lil scrib, tell me everything.

Oh boy oh boy... special interest request unlocked. I've been in such a Neloth mood recently, too. This comes at a great time.

I'll probably put most of this under a cut, because I have no idea how long I might ramble about this. Could be just a couple of paragraphs... could be more. Who knows. But just suffice to say, I have a lot of feelings. And it all began as a "joke" and then, of course, inevitably got to the point of "haha I don't think this is a joke anymore..."

So it all started when someone dared me to write Neloth smut (cough, Wolf I'm looking at you). I won't link to the first story, but the premise was basically "Neloth Sex Pollen Trope Go". And so I did. And it was light-hearted and not super serious, but it gave me a taste for the character and a sort of... longing to do something with a little more depth. I'm a huge fan of "crack treated seriously". So I added a second chapter to that first fic, and it dug a little deeper into Neloth's psychology. And then I was fully invested because this man was REPRESSED. And I love nothing more than a repressed character having their walls knocked down.

So then I move onto my flagship fic, "Breathing Water", which wasn't meant to be shippy when I started writing it. I mostly just wanted to put Neloth and Teldryn in a room together and see what they'd do. And they didn't disappoint -- just absolutely some of the most fun banter and snark to write. But, then, Teldryn (especially as the Nerevarine) allowed me to peel back even more layers to Neloth, because I got to see how he treats someone who's actually earns his respect.

Then it just kind of spiraled from there. Working with a character who has such low empathy but also a latent and repressed desire to connect with people--to experience love and to be loved in return--but just was never really taught how or shown what it looks like. I find him fascinating and a little heartbreaking and very worthy of my time and energy. I want to see him grow into something that is approximate to a good person, in his own strange way. He'll never be a do-good hero. But he can learn what caring for others looks like, and I think that's my goal with him. And why I love him so much. I'm just rooting for him, endlessly.