#uh that one ghoul guy idk he dead

[ghulehthezombiequeen]

little sunshine. - i wanna dance with somebody (who loves me)

cardinal copia x sister of sin! reader part 6.

masterlist. / little sunshine masterlist.

taglist: @gothicwonderlust, @jaymechaos, @siouxbauhaus, @millerthats

a/n: dude... idk why this took me so long to write but i really really hope you enjoy it! this is the longest chapter i've ever written (i think) as well! also we're not gonna talk about the theme being winter when valentine's day is literally next week,,,,,, i swear i started this in january ok

warnings/things to note: female reader, pet names, autistic Copia (perhaps), established relationship, this is basically the 'prom' episode of the series ykwim

enjoy <3

word count: 3,012 words.

The weeks preparing had flown by, the decorations slowly but surely popping up around the halls of the Ministry. You were walking to pick up your dress from the dry cleaner’s. It wasn’t new (you’d found it hanging in your closet left by the previous Sister who’d moved away), but it fit you perfectly, as if the previous owner had left it for you on purpose. The dress itself was drop-dead gorgeous— a wine red with some black lace trim on the Halter-strap bodice, and the Grucifix logo embroidered on the left side of the hip, the skirt flowing downwards in a trumpet style. 

As you carried it to your room, your friend Sister Lucie was walking along with you, chatting about some sort of ghoul drama. 

“Allegedly he tried to bury them in the garden, but one of them escaped the hole and lit half of the plants on fire!” She tittered, holding her royal blue dress delicately. 

You couldn’t help but giggle as well. “That seems so silly. Do you know whose ghoul that was?” “Oh, uh… I think it was your boyfriend’s.” 

That made you stop in your tracks, your heart dropping to your stomach. “Boyfriend? What are you talking about?”  Lucie stopped as well. “Well, yeah… you and that Cardinal dude, the one with the rats? You guys fucked, didn’t you?” 

You coughed, your face heating up. “Just because I spent the night in his room doesn’t mean we fucked!”  Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment. “Oh… sorry. But you guys are an item though, right? Sister Audrey caught y’all making out in the kitchen a few weeks ago.” 

You rolled your eyes in annoyance, “It’s fine. And yes, we did. But we’re not… official yet, I don’t think. I mean, I’d like to be, but he’s, y’know, pretty shy about all this, so..”  She nodded in understanding. “I get it. But really?? Copia, of all the Cardinals?? I don’t mean to be rude, but girl— you can do better than him!”  You shook your head and smiled. “I know, but I really like him!” 

Finally, you reach your room, where Sister Leah was already starting to get ready, her hair in silk curlers which she’d left in overnight. “Who’s your date, hm?” You teased as you hung up your dress, sitting on your side at the shared vanity space.  

“I’m going by myself, you know me. I like being single, thank you very much.” Leah replied, rolling her eyes as she slid into her dress— a black-and-gold fitted dress, with off the shoulder sleeves. 

You checked her out and smiled. “You’re gorgeous, girlie! What are you going to do with your hair though?”  She took out her curlers and lightly combed her raven-colored hair, matching perfectly with her tan skin. “No idea. Maybe just this or have Melissa braid it for me when I’m there so it won’t get in the way when I dance. Oh, I forgot to ask! You’re coming down with us, right?” 

“No, no this time.” You shook your head and smiled. “I’m going with Copia!” 

Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Seriously?! You were for real about that?! Is he, like, holding you at gunpoint or something?! Did his rats bite you and you’re contracting rabies?!”  You laughed. “No! I just… I like him a lot. He’s actually really sweet and considerate. He’s very old-fashioned, you know? Not because he’s old, but— you know what I mean, right?” 

She made a face, sitting next to you as she started to apply her makeup. “Whatever you say.” 

Around 7pm, you were ready to go. Leah and a few of your friends were making TikTok’s about their outfits and hairstyles. You wore dark red-to-black eyeshadow, fiercely sharp cat-eye black eyeliner, and of course, deep red lipstick to match your dress. You’d also put your hair half up half down, lightly curled and adorned with golden rose charms. Your friends were all gorgeous, but your beauty was unmatched.

“Ugh, all my friends are hot!!” Sister Calista whined as she looked at the photos on her phone.

You and Copia had been texting back and forth as well, sending snippets of each other’s outfits. The one that made you audibly snort was when he tried taking a mirror selfie, but he was holding Biscotti in one hand and on the verge of dropping him as Biscotti seemed more interested in chewing the phone case than posing for the photo. 

You made it your lock screen because it was just so adorable. 

Five or so minutes later, you heard a knock on the door, causing everyone’s heads to turn. You stood up in your black platform Mary Janes, making you maybe two or three inches taller than usual, and opened the door to see a nervous Copia standing in front of you with a bouquet of roses. His suit was similar to his Cardinal’s robes, probably a standard uniform for formal events, you figured. Only this time he was wearing a tie with the Grucifix logo printed on it as a design. 

Upon seeing your beauty, of course his face would immediately flush almost as red as your dress. “Eh…. You look… Wow. I-I mean—! Ugh, why is this so difficult…” he mumbled, turning his head and holding out the bouquet for you. “These- these are- they’re for you. You like roses, yes? Please say yes…” 

You were so touched by the romantic gesture, taking them delicately and cooing. “You’re so sweet, thank you! Give me one minute, I’ll put these by my bed.” 

“Oh, okay. Good. Yeah, go— go do that. Mhm.” He nodded awkwardly, giving you a lopsided smile as you closed the door briefly, showing off the flowers to your girlfriends, who also collectively ‘aww’ed. 

“I’ll see you guys there!” You called as you opened the door again, stepping out and holding your black clutch bag. “Aww, you got all dressed up for me.” You purred, smirking mischievously as he stood staring at you like a dumb fool. 

“Eh? Oh! Y-Yes, hello!” He cleared his throat and fixed his tie before offering his arm out. “I-I can take your bag? Or you can keep it, that’s- that’s fine too.” 

You handed your clutch to him with a small titter, lacing your arm into his as well. “I-I’m so glad we can do this… you are the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen, amore mio…” he mumbled timidly. 

“And you are the most handsome, sweetheart.” You smiled and he flushed even redder, this man was pathetic. But you loved him either way.

The formal was being held in the main chapel of the Ministry, all the pews cleared off to the sides and replaced with round tables and chairs. There was an opening in the middle, presumably the dance floor. To the left, a photobooth where a group of Siblings were bombarding the poor photographer. To the right was the dessert and beverage bar, ranging in many different cuisines to fit everyone’s dieting habits. Everything was decorated with icicles and snowflakes, little ice skates placed intricately around the room and miniature light-up snow globes as centerpieces. Copia let out a low whistle as he checked out the area. “Wow… very fancy-shmancy, ain’t it?” 

You nodded with a soft chuckle. “Yeah, they really went all out this year. Wonder why?” 

He shrugged. “Did you, um… want to take a photo when it’s not busy? O-Or we don’t have to! I… I don’t know. I just wanted a nice photo of you for my wallet. N-Not in the stalker way, though! Like, eh… W-We’re together now, right? S-So– I-I mean!–”  

He buried his face in his hands again, and you pried them away gently with a soft smile playing at your lips. “You’re so silly. Never change, Copia. Never change.” 

He gulped and nodded, unable to look you in the eye as his cheeks continued to burn red. “You’re too good to me. I-I don’t deserve you… I’m so pathetic.” 

“Hey, hey.” You took the sides of his face in your hands, forcing him to meet your gaze. “Don’t talk like that. You are just as deserving of love as anyone else in this room, okay? Now, we’re here to have fun and celebrate the new year, yeah?” 

He nodded, an apologetic smile on his face, leaning to yours and lightly pecking your nose. “Thank you, amore.”

You hummed in contentment, releasing his face but not before you returned the gesture, your lipstick transferring onto his nose but neither of you noticed. As you sat at your assigned table together, chatting about some of your interests (he was heavily invested in some retro game called ‘Driving Miss Daisy,’ which you’d never heard of before), a ghoul approached you both and got you two as it was your turn for the photo booth. 

“Ahm.. good. Good-good, let’s go, yes?” he smiled crookedly, offering his arm yet again.

You walked arm in arm and stood in front of a periwinkle backdrop decorated with sparkly blue and white streamers, along with snowflake cutouts and a few blue and silver balloons. The ghoul told you both that you could take up to four photos, and pointed to the table nearby where there were cutout props and cheap boas in different colors. You took a white one and wrapped it around Copia’s neck, drawing him in closer until your bodies were flushed together. You smiled and looked at the camera, where the ghoul was ready to take the first photo. Copia on the other hand was mumbling a multitude of unintelligible words in Itanglese as the ghoul snapped the photo, the flash stinging your eyes a bit. “Aw, c’mon, baby! Smile!” you giggled and tossed the boa back to the table, now switching your pose to the classic prom pose, only your arms were around his waist, his back pressed against your chest as you hugged him closer. 

“Eh… Amore, this– this is the wrong way,” he mumbled. “I’m supposed to be holding the girl, n-not– um..” 

“But you’re the babygirl in this relationship,” you teased as you propped your chin on his shoulder, your cheeks grazing each other’s. He squeaked and whimpered a weak reply, his voice unable to be comprehensible. 

The ghoul took another photo, cooing softly at the sight of you two being so affectionate. 

You took two more photos, one of him with your lips hovering over your cheek and you copying him in the other. However, you actually kissed his cheek, and this time you did notice that your dark lipstick had left an imprint on his pale complexion. You chuckled but didn’t say anything, taking his hand and waiting for the ghoul to put the photos in a collage and print out two copies. 

Copia kept glancing around nervously, as if he was ashamed to be seen with you in fear of others thinking you took him to this event out of pity. 

You lightly squeezed his hand, causing his head to snap back at you. He gulped as he saw your warning expression, causing him to nod and take a deep breath.

The ghoul chirped to get both of your attention, holding out the photo strips for you to take. You thanked the ghoul and gave him a few appreciative scritches to his chin, causing him to trill and clap his hands in joy. 

You handed him his copy as he led you back to the table, noticing a few Siblings giving him playful smiles as he still hadn’t noticed the kiss mark you left on him. However, he turned to you as you both sat down, looking at you timidly. “Do I… have something on my face?” 

“Oh, only a little gift I left you from earlier,” you hummed and opened your clutch, handing him your compact mirror so he could see. His eyes widened as he saw the outline of your lips on his left cheek. 

“S-Sorella! Amore mio, perché non me l'hai detto prima? I-I-I look like un idiota!” he sputtered out quickly, taking his glove off and rapidly swiping at it to get it off. His face was almost as scarlet as your dress from how embarrassed he was. 

You couldn’t help but laugh, taking out a makeup remover wipe and helping him. 

“Ugh, you torture an old man,” he groaned. 

“Oh, honey, it’s not that bad.” 

“It is! Now I look even more pathetic…” 

You were about to say something sarcastic in return, but more Siblings and their dates had arrived at your table and kept grabbing your attention. However you kept your hand securely fitted with Copia’s under the table, trying your best to include him in the conversation but it seemed like the Siblings were too scared to confront him due to his rank. 

As more people filed in, Copia’s hand gripped your own hand tighter. He was anxious, he had never been good with big crowds of people that he knew. Sure, he could sing nonstop for two hours for thousands of people, but these were people he saw on a day-to-day basis. 

You held up his hand and pressed a kiss to the back, running your thumb on the side soothingly in hopes to calm him down, which evidently worked; he took in a deep breath and smiled weakly. 

“I-I’ll go get some drinks. Did you want anything, water, soda?” he offered, he was so polite. 

You opted for water, smiling and watching him as he wandered to the beverage bar. The Siblings sitting at the table with you took this opportunity to talk to you alone. 

“Girl, why?” Brother Nathan asked. 

“What do you mean ‘why?’” 

“Because he’s– eugh!” Brother Theo made a sour face, holding onto Nathan’s hand tightly. “He’s a Cardinal, much higher ranking than you! Is he your sugar daddy or something? Because honey, we can call someone to raise your paycheck at the library–” 

“Stop, ew! He’s not doing anything like that!” You scoffed. “I actually really enjoy his company. He’s just shy, if you would just give him a chance to warm up to you, and maybe even warm up to him in return, you'll know he’s very sweet and considerate!” 

“Right… and this is the guy that has like… fifteen rats?” Sibling Everest grimaced. 

“Oh, stop it, E.” Sister Nicole huffed. “Don’t say that like we don’t have a pet snake in our room.” 

“But it’s only one of Nugget! There’s multiple rats!” They defended themself. 

“Guys, maybe we should chill. I don’t think he’d appreciate us talking smack about him behind his back like this. We’re supposed to be having fun, remember?” Theo spoke up before the argument got heated. 

Everest sighed. “Whatever.” 

Copia returned not a minute later, holding five drinks in both hands. “Eh… I got you all some, uh.. Some water. Here,” he passed them along the table, now noticing some tension in the air from the previous conversation. 

“Ah… it’s about my rats, isn’t it?” he chuckled sheepishly. “They are perfectly healthy, no- no bad germs, I can assure. And they mostly stay in my room, don’t worry.” 

You chuckled as he attempted to socialize, holding his hand gently in reassurance. The rest of the Siblings nodded and tried to be more friendly, though every time they spoke to him, they gave you all skeptical looks. 

After everyone had filled their stomachs with food and drinks, Sister Imperator made a few announcements congratulating the upper ranks on a very successful turnout of new Siblings and churchgoers, along with a few achievements from the newly summoned ghouls. She made it pretty short as Papa Nihil needed some medical attention and was wheeled out of the room on oxygen, clutching his saxophone and grumbled in a rusty voice, “I can still play, Seestor! Let me play just once!” 

Soon after, I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston started playing, courtesy of the ghoul manning the DJ booth. Siblings just sat awkwardly, unsure if they could dance on the floor or not. You took this opportunity to grab Copia’s hands and yank him out of the chair, pulling him to the dance floor. “C’mon, baby! Let’s go make this official!” 

“A-A-Amore, I cannot dance!” he whimpered shakily as you took him to the middle of the dance floor, suddenly twirling him around and making him do the same to you, causing you to giggle. “Yes, you can dance! I’ve seen you on stage before!” “Well, y-yes, but not like this!!” he gasped as you dipped him, pecking him on the lips once more, the watchful eyes of the Siblings widening and a few gasping in shock and amusement. Not a moment later, more Siblings were slowly crawling to the dance floor, singing along and dancing with their friends or partners. 

“I-I don’t know the dance to this song, amore!” Copia mumbled, letting you take the lead as you sang the lyrics to him, laughing. “There’s not supposed to be a certain dance, hon! Just feel the music!” 

As the song continued, Copia began to feel more confident, finally twirling you around a few times and dipping you in return. “Is it like this, eh… baby?” 

“Mhm,” you smiled, wrapping your arms around his neck as he brought you upright again. You both took a breather to gaze into one another’s eyes, a faint blush on both of your faces. Copia gulped before impulsively leaning in and pressing his lips to yours, holding the kiss for several seconds. You could feel his hands starting to coil around your waist as you both ignored the collective oohing from your peers, and just as he pulled away you followed him, kissing back. This wasn’t a kiss of lust, nor of desire. This felt natural, as if you two were meant to be together, in each other’s arms. It felt like true love. 

As you finally pulled away with a chuckle, you could swear you could hear Copia singing under his breath, “I wanna dance with somebody, with somebody who loves me…”

~~~

previous chapter. | ???

[mariacallous]

I'm in a toweringly bad mood

I called Trump a rapist because you know, I'm not a court of law and so I feel like what they said he did qualifies as rape in common terms and a bunch of smug reply guys on twitter have been bombing me with "uh actually thats exactly not what the jury found 😏" and just... I was ready for Trump supporters to deny the whole thing and call her names and say "well it's New York!" etc but like claiming that because the jury believed her totally they couldn't prove technical legal rape as some kind of win... like... I don't know if its bad faith or just "I no read past headline" but it made me glow in the dark angry.

which is just adding to, I hoped the Ghouls would shut up about DiFi but she's back and since she showed up in a wheelchair because she's 89 years fucking old, and didn't do the Willie Wonka roll entry there's an over the top feeding frenzy about how she's 9/10ths dead some one is dropping the names, pictures, and salary of her staffers demanding... idk what? they resign? they make her resign? idk so thats making me very mad.

and finally the Santos thing, just like... there was a time when being accused of that shit was automatic resign, getting charged? my god, but today the whole GOP is like "what about Biden and our shitty flow chart?!" like die. All Republicans drop dead challenge.

Those people are just fucking obnoxious and awful.

[everythingbagelordr]

ghouls should be loved an beloved by there regents. instead we have

Mercurio- neglected but always expected to be perfect at all times. probably has anxiety and a parent complex from all the things and people he has to take care of. shushes masquerade breaches on instinct now like its a swear.

Knox- guys been a ghoul less then a year an he already has to talk to dangerous kindred on Bertram’s behalf cause his master had a dish with his girls family and who knew how long that nos was gonna be hiding for.

Heather- god give this girl some interaction options. people out here want wholsome shit but looking like permanent stockholm sufferer no matter how nice you are to her. has she even left the apartment?? cause that Sabbat lair dont count.

Vandal- dude have you seen this guy??

Patty- was probably the only appreciated ghoul but now she’s orphaned and desperate to nanny some would be lucky vampire. but everyone calls her annoying and want her dead cause shes on withdraw.

Paul Anderson- loved his girlfriend. would support sex work if he knew cause he loves her. but proceeded to die of the plague instead.

Romero- guy volunteered for the the cemetery job to fast track his career. everyone then forgot he was up there and he’s still loyal enough to beg a random ass fledgling for some alone time so he doesnt have to bother his regent about vacation time. but of course thats not surprising cause Isaacs over here with his astonishing. but not all that shocking. track record of love em then leave em and-

[obsessive-ego]

Talking in you sleep

Musical beetlejuice x reader

Reader says Beetlejuice's name 3 times in their sleep, but hes already in their home

Sfw

Idk been thinking about this for ages

Just a small fic

It was an accident

It was no secret to anyone that you talk in your sleep, not full sentences, just a word or two, nothing too abnormal, you didn't know about this little quirk of yours until a certain foul mouthed undead demon wormed his way into your life, he was the one who told you.

...

"Ya know you chatter on in your sleep?" He'd  chuckle as if he found something truly embarrassing to bug you about.

"How'd you know? Am I that loud you can hear me in the livingroom?"

"Nah, I watch you sleep" he said it so plainly as if it wasnt super creepy.

The ghoul eventually upped his late night habits from watching you sleep, to sleeping in the same bed as you, he did this so often you stopped setting up the couch for him and just accepted your fate to be spooned every night by a creepy old dead guy who you may or may not have a crush on

...

The nights you've babbled in your sleep always brought on annoying mornings of beetlejuice teasing you, probably lying through his teeth over how you moan his name in you sleep to get you worked up for his own amusement, unfortunately you couldnt prove you didnt since your dreams never really stuck with you long after waking.

Hell with your late night chatter you even manged to summon beej once in your sleep, a night he was spending over at the Deetz, you manged to say his name 3 times in a row, spoken, unbroken, in your sleep, and boy was your face red when you woke up and saw the bastard in question sitting inches from your face with the widest shit eating grin you've ever seen on his face, that was an instance you couldnt deny saying his name in your sleep and dreaming about him, you missed him, of course you think about the demon when you two are apart, even the few days he's with the Deetz and the maitlands.

Tonight wasnt one of those nights, beetlejuice has spent the entire day glued to your side, chatting your ear off about all the scares he and lydia pulled in your absence, his stories always made you smile, the way he practically glowed green with excitement as he retold his showmanship to you.

The night went on with bad jokes and fun stories as the demon filled you in on all the fun you missed while you were doing boring adult breather things and how the two of you should mess with some unlucky breathers so he could show you how amazing he truly was, as if you needed proof that the ghoul was a ham who loved to show off.

As the two of you sat on the couch laughing away, forgetting the movie that basically became White noise to your conversation, a yawn escapes your lips

"Getting tired babes? Am I really that boring" the ghoul teased pinching you cheek

You groan and pull away "well, yeah, unlike you mister freeloader, I worked all day" you shrug before letting out another yawn

"Freeloader? Oh sugar, your words hurt" the ghoul fakes hurt, giving you an over exaggerated gasped face, with his hands over where a person's heart would be "I thought we had the mutual understanding that I was your trophy husband"

You give the demon a soft laugh "you wish-"

"Every night baby~" he purrs pink stripes slowly appearing in his hair

You freeze, it wasnt uncommon for beetlejuice to openly flirt with you, but that doesnt mean it didnt make you freeze up everytime, you werent exactly the type people lined up to date, nor were you very popular growing up, so the sudden and intense attention the demon gave you always made your heart pound.

"Uh, um, I think I'm gonna head to bed" you stammer before getting up "night beej" you mumble before disappearing into your bedroom.

The demon stifles a laugh, god slash satan you were a delight to get worked up, not to mention easy. He loved it, his favourite little breather was always so hot when they were an embarrassed mess.

The ghoul decides to finish the movie the two of you had on in the background, before heading to bed with you, he didn't need to sleep, just enjoyed being snuggled up to that soft warm body of yours, and it was more rewarding to sneak in after you were out cold, bed would be already warm, and with the added thrill of not wanting to wake you.

As the credits roll beetlejuice snaps his fingers and tv goes dark, the ghoul raises from the couch and gives a yawn and a long stretch as if he was exhausted. The demon makes his way to your room, standing outside your door he pauses at the sound of your voice

"Beetlejuice"

It was soft, barely audible, but herd it, guess you were still up, beetlejuice phases through your bedroom door, to be greeted by your sleeping form.

He stifled a chuckle, you were dreaming of him, tomorrow was gonna be great, the ghoul was already busy thinking about ways to poke fun at this in the morning, moaning out his name in you sleep? What kind of dream were you having babes? He could see your face now.

"Beetlejuice" you mumble again in a whisper

"Whoa there babes, you know the rule, one more time and I'm out" he whispers making his way to your bed.

"Beetlejuice" you sigh

"Y/N!" was the the only thing he had time to shout before vanishing.

His shout was enough to make wake you, but not enough to clue you in to what you just did, you grumble out a swear before rolling over and going back to sleep.

The next morning you wake up, a tad confused to not have a snoring dead guy weighing you down, normally on nights beetlejuice would stay over he'd slip into bed with you after you've fallen asleep, using your chest as a pillow.

You dont think much of it at first, heading to the kitchen to make some coffee before getting dressed, you did notice there was no beej there either, waiting for you kettle to boil you give your little home a quick sweep for the demon, nothing.

He's vanished to do his own thing before, he was a grown man, sometimes he'd duck out and mess with the neighbors in your apartment complex, but he would at least leave you a note or something.

You started to worry, what if something awful happened to him? Then it clicked, lydia must had summoned him away to hang out, that had to be it, and with that thought all dread left you so you could carry on with your day, since bj wasnt around you took the opportunity to get a few odds and ends done.

The day drags on into the late evening, you were enjoying the peace as you catch up on some reading.

Your phone rings, looking at the screen you see its lydia, that's odd, she normally texts you if anything

"Hello?"

"Y/n I need to ask beetlejuice something"

"Isnt he with you?"

"What? No-"

Dread returns to you chest, you havent seen him since last night, he left no note, he wasnt with lydia, did something awful happen? was he bored with you? You felt like you were going to be sick

"Y/n?"

"I gotta go" was all you could say before hanging up,

"Beetlejuice!"

Nothing

"Beetlejuice!"

Again nothing, he normally came after the second yell, anxiety for your dear friend make you since to your stomach in fear for the worst, you steady yourself and take a deep breath and say it for a third time

"Beetlejuice"

With a puff of green smoke there stood the ghoul, unfortunately sporting a purple hue

"Bee-"

"It took you that long to notice I was gone?"

"No, I-"

"Why did it take so long then? Enjoying your time without me?!" Red streaks began to show up amongst the purple

"I thought lydia summoned you back-"

"And you waited till now to check?!"

"I DIDNT WANT TO BOTHER THE TWO OF YOU" you yelled back, beetlejuice is taken abck by your volume, you take a deep breath "if I knew why you were gone I would have said something sooner, what happened?" You say calmly gently taking the demon's hand, red now fading away, though the purple stayed

"You sent me away, you said my name 3 times in your sleep and sent me back to the netherworld" he refused to look at you as if you did this on purpose to mess with him.

"Bee, I'm sorry, I would have never done that on purpose, i- i love having you around, and I, god, i miss you when you're not here, with me" now it was your turn to refuse eye contact, admitting such a cheesy thing, you wanted to just die, not that it would help.

The purple hue is quick to leave the ghoul's form in replacement with a much softer pink, you missed him, music to his ears.

"Sugar" beetlejuice grabs your chin and forces eye contact

You give him a soft smile seeing that he was no longer purple, but also when he pulls you into a rather over exaggerated dip and sloppy kiss "so how bout we make up for some lost time and you can make this little misunderstanding up to me, what do you say babes?~"

You only stutter and choke on your words as the demon spins you around

"Would you like to scare some delivery guy and watch a bad slasher?" You finally get out

The demon pauses for a moment, as if to think about this offer.

"Normally I'd be delighted honey, but I think you owe me~ how bout you have to sit on my lap the entire film~" he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively at you, you swallow the lump in your throat, this was gonna be a long night

Bonus

The two of you were snuggled together on the couch, Beetlejuice's arms were around your waist, his head on your shoulder, your bum on his lap.

"So babes, whatever you dreaming about last night?"

[robotslenderman]

Eternal Hearts Liveblog, pt 1

Special thanks to @missn11​, who is probably mortified their name is associated with this travesty of a post, for letting me get my filthy little hands on this piece of embarrassing VTM history.

Okay guys, time to do the thing that’s gonna get me cancelled by fifteen-year-olds in the year 2032:

I’m gonna liveblog Eternal Hearts.

I once promised myself I would never make a rape joke, but today I break that vow because even the rape scenes are (sometimes) just that fucking ridiculous that I had to make fun of them.

This book is just.

Guys.

It’s GLORIOUS.

In the first twenty-four pages alone we have:

A guy is confronted by a locked door, so he whips his dick out. Everyone else acts like this is completely normal.

A guy meeting Final Death because a politician sat on his face. RIP in pieces Noah.

A mortal setting herself on fire, waving her arms around and running at a bunch of vampires yelling “DIE, YOU BASTARDS!”

A guy using his dick as a key ring. (Yeah, it’s the locked door guy.)

Lucita given the Hallowe’en treatment, in that she’s covered with sewage -- but sexy!

Daddy kink on top of the Washington monument.

Only some of the above makes sense in context. Some of it is as baffling in context as it is out of context.

This is the funniest shit I’ve ever read. Nobody told me about this when I went in holy shit.

Time to open this sucker up!

Liveblog under the cut!

DEAD DOVE, DO NOT EAT, THIS IS YOUR FINAL WARNING. IF YOU DO NOT KNOW WHAT ETERNAL HEARTS IS, DO NOT READ THIS LIVEBLOG, HOLY SHIT.

You’re in for a ride, and it’s the edgiest, unsexiest ride ever.

First thing I notice: Eternal Hearts is, in fact, written by a woman. Which may mean that if she wanted to scare the shit out of her female readers, she'd know exactly how to do it.

gulp.

(^ I wrote that back when I thought I was gonna traumatise myself by reading this. OH BOY)

Next bit, the rape book is opened by the following foreword:

What follows is an essay that basically boils down to "no! :D but we wrote it anyway!”

Partway through that is this quote:

We’ll come back to that quote later. Several times, I predict.

Aaaand we open straight into a gang rape scene! Oh joy. And there’s church spires, to make it extra edgy.

Oh but then they give her the Kiss so she enjoys it! Yay!

Oh.

She's a shovelhead.

They never mentioned THIS part of the Sabbat recruitment process.

and now she's underground and buried and being raped again? Somehow. Like somebody’s got their entire goddamn fist in there. While under six feet of dirt. I know someone’s got their entire damn fist in there because the Shovelhead’s thinking about how somebody got their entire goddamn fist in there.

(Yeah this is the bit I had to make jokes about because it was that fucking ridiculous. I started this out trying to be respectful. I failed. Miserably. I just can’t fucking do it this is too -- too -- Eternal Hearts-y.)

Like the author just turned to the other people in the credits page and pitched this idea: “guys. Hear me out. What do you think is scarier than being raped or being buried alive?”

“idk what?”

“being raped after being buried alive!”

“That’s a GREAT idea!”

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” Remember that quote? Thank god for that.)

Jean - for that is our poor Shovelhead's name, RIP - seems only mildly concerned about the rape. and the fact it’s still happening.

Like yeah, serious talk, putting my respectful hat on: to be fair, everyone responds to trauma differently. You know how I respond to trauma? I make jokes about it. Like I’m the kind of person to say “what are you gonna do, STAB ME?” for the lols when a guy is pointing a knife at me.

Okay, respectful hat back off, back to edgy humour.

Anyway she’s being fisted by somebody while also six feet underground, somehow, and daydreaming about the guy she’s stalking and about how she’s in love with him, hmm, maybe he had something to do with it? She’s not entirely sure.

(ETA: So an anonymous Discord friend was reading my liveblog and said this:

and I laughed so hard my dog actually pawed at me because she was worried.

Yeah, I’m going to hell, but at least I know I’m taking you guys with me.)

Anyway she starts digging her way out, and I guess she’s still being fisted while she’s digging her way out???? IDK they didn’t say it stopped??? Like that’s gotta make digging your way out difficult.

And then cut to Lucita!

Walking past a protest outside a sex shop. There’s a bunch of Christian protestors outside because they’re bored or something. We get straight back into rapiness with a Dominate:

Damn Lucita, if jizzing your own brains isn't the hottest image you can give a guy, I don't know how what is.

Lucita decides to snack instead of raping him, but does sexually assault him by taking his dick from his pants and leaving it in his hand when he’s unconscious.

Lucita walks into a meeting at a brothel. There are “slaves”. I’m not sure if they’re sex slaves or if they’re actually ghouls, but then again, this is Eternal Hearts so probably both.

She expects Pieterzoon to be there, but he's not. When the others start talking like he's missing, she is completely unconcerned and immediately starts talking as if she knows he's missing.

They move on. Pieterzoon has paid Lucita to assassinate Marcus Vitel. Good fucking luck with that one. Everyone at the meeting is trying to stop her from doing it. Lucita’s like “tough shit he’s already paid me bitch is gonna die”.

Also the Brujah woman present is apparently this scene’s titillation or something because the author loves to remind us about how tight her clothes are and how she's "seductively cuddling" people.

no fucking kidding

I like how the VTM universe goes out of its way to avoid using the terms “son” and “daughter” to avoid the Unfortunate Implications when people inevitably start fucking their Sires

and the author’s like "nah fuck that let’s daddy kink it up.”

Oh and he does it ON TOP OF THE WASHINGTON MONUMENT!! Like gang rape in a churchyard wasn’t edgy enough I guess.

the author can't go a paragraph without reminding us that sex exists and everyone is utterly sex crazed. The bit I blacked out above? That was Lucita daydreaming about hiring a prostitute. Like that’s not erotica, erotica is arousing, this is just voyeurism.

Lucita apparently hasn't yet noticed she's in a porno.

Somebody makes a joke about the Christian protestors gang raping the prostitutes outside. It’s a Ventrue. Of course it is.

Apparently the slave (I guess the word “ghoul” isn’t sexy enough) in the above screenshot is a fucking senator. Pun not intended. She soothes the cranky Brujah by suggesting they get somebody called Torres deported? I have no idea what that has to do with Lucita assassinating Marcus Vitel, but there's almost certainly going to be fucking involved.

(ETA 23/1/21 -- I regret to inform you all that there wasn’t “fucking” involved so much as gang rape. Never mind.)

Lucita and the Brujah guy almost start stabbing each other (so much for that soothing), but somebody has just set the brothel on fire so they have to GTFO.

The mortal senator can't quite fit inside the escape tunnel because her skirt is huge and keeping it on is apparently more important than not dying of smoke inhalation. But it’s okay, she manages it.

The skirt will be important later, unfortunately.

They come to a locked door in the passage. Oh no, whatever will they do?

Will they take a key out of their pocket and unlock it?

Nah, that’s too fucking sensible.

The Brujah that tried to punch Lucita whips out his dick.

Yes.

He actually fucking does that.

Weird flex, but okay.

(ETA 21/1/21 -- I just realised... what if it’s somebody ELSE’S penis he just whipped out? Like the thing was actually just chilling out and he pulls it out the way somebody else pulls out a cucumber. It’s not attached to his body, it’s just THERE?)

Everyone is completely unfazed by this. Both by the fact he whipped his dick out, and the fact he uses it as a fucking key ring.

Like. Is this a habit of his????? APPARENTLY IT IS.

(ETA: Anonymous Discord friend says:

SDFADLFJASDLFJASDF)

They end up in a sewer.

Garinson keeps a key to a sewer on his dick key ring.

(”Lucy didn’t even break the rules as much as I was willing to let her” yeah I just remembered another place more fitting for a sewer key)

THEN!!!

PLOT TWIST!!

The senator suddenly threatens everyone with a lighter!!

After the kindred are done laughing their ass off, she covers herself in whiskey, sets herself on fire and charges them.

I'm sorry but the way it's worded - pin wheeling, cringing - just makes this the funniest shit. It gets even funnier when you remember they’re knee-deep in water. Ever tried to run in water? It’s. not exactly easy. So presumably she’s tripping and stumbling the entire time and somehow still on fire as she does so.

A kindred tries to escape by clawing his way up the wall. He falls. The senator assassinates him by flinging her skirt over his head and sitting on his face. That part of her is also on fire. The skirt and her thighs are on fire.

And I guess they’re obviously not thigh-deep in water any more ‘cause the poor fuck doesn’t survive this.

what a way to fucking go: death by fire pussy.

Everyone panics, except Lucita, who's like "fuck this", cuts off her head, puts out the corpse, then, uh. uses it as a shield against the remaining flames. as you do.

(Between that and the above screenshot, there’s graphic descriptions of what, exactly, the fire is doing to the senator, and how said senator doesn’t give a flying fuck that fire is kinda hurty because she hates vampires that fucking much.)

Lucita meets a Nosferatu who offers to guide her from the sewers. On the next page, we have an illustration of Lucita, in sewage, looking up at the Nosferatu.

You couldn’t possibly make that picture sexy, could you?

Welp the artist went “Challenge accepted!”

So I wanted to show you guys the picture but I didn’t want to get too banned from Tumblr for an Eternal Hearts liveblog, so I went to my friends for help. One of them, @intimidatethevoid​, answered the call to arms:

Well.

This is awkward.

And so she bestowed upon me this glorious, but also cursed, image:

Yeah.

Her shirt’s somehow come off. And she isn’t wearing any knickers. Hence the Filthy Frank sticker.

And that’s gonna wrap up part 1 of my Eternal Hearts liveblog!

For more, like this post in secret shame so that none of your followers have to see it. To cancel me, send angry anon messages and death threats to my inbox.

[scarecrow-forest]

OC FALLOUT COMPANION MEME

didn’t get tagged, but this just looks so fun! I could’t help myself:’D 

If he’s not a courier, he would be a... idk, some worn out conman/mercenary or something... XD

NAME: Jax 

COMPANION PERK: Busted Luck (+6 Luck, +20 Sneak, +10 Speech, Banned from all the casinos in the Mojave)

WEAPON OF CHOICE: (★)Buzz-Buzz (Laser Rifle(+scope), +2 Perception, +2 Luck, -2 Int)

I THINK WE SHOULD TRAVEL TOGETHER:

(first meeting) “Ah hell, Why not. I was bored, anyway.”

(Ed-e or Rex is already in the party) “aww, Who's gownna kill those bawd mawns? Yews you awe! You'we gownna kill them! ...Uh, umm. *coughs* ... Can we go?”

“Huh. Didn't you say I'm too chatty to be with? anyway, none taken.”

“Ah! I know you'll need a lucky charm. Who can blame you? I'm damn lucky and got plenty of charms, ay.”

USE MELEE:

“Well... How can I tell you this delicately. ...I'm really suck at fist fight. ...Huh, that was easy.”

“I though we are gonna handle this more gracefully. ...Y'know, with guns?”

“*Sigh* O...kay, hope we got a butt load of bandages and shits.”

USE RANGED:

“FINALLY!”

“Alright! Can fuckin' do that!”

“OOH! NOW you can count on me, babe.​“

OPEN INVENTORY:

“NOW WHAT? UGH. Could you STOP picking up some random crappy shits?​“

(Whisky in his inventory) “Hey, don't you ever think about touching my whisky!”

(No whisky) “You know what i really like? Nice whiskies and caps. I'm just saying.”

STAY CLOSE:

“Cool, not a bad idea.​​“

“Aw. That's sweet. Are we gonna hold hands too?”

“OOH-. How close, babe? *giggles*”

KEEP DISTANCE:

“Yeah. Why not. Just ...don't leave me behind.”

“Cool. This will work.​​“

“Oh no. We are getting apart! *mimicking echo* Hey-, can you hear me-? *chuckles* ...Aw, come on. It was fun!”

STEALTH:

“*psst* Hey pal. I think you should duck much lower.”

“Uhh, It's nothing, but if someone starts to shout 'Thief!', just stay calm. Alright?”​

BACKUP:

”I don't think I was standing that close, but okay.”

“Oop, my bad.​“

BE PASSIVE:

“Yeah, right. ....But you should know, if they jiggle their guns out, I'll happily jiggle mine too.”​

BE AGGRESSIVE:

“OOH-YEAH! Shoot before you get hit. That's the only way to win.​“

USE STIMPACK:

“I could use more strong stuffs, but 'kay, That's good too.”

“Could you give me another one, or three? Just, I'm good with even numbers.”

“Ah, good. Can I have some whisky now?​

WAIT HERE:

(outside) “Oh great. What could go wrong? Even if a molerat can see my ass right now. ...Yeah, just don’t forget to pick me up.”

(indoor) “You go have fun. I have this whole bottle anyway.”

(without whisky in his inventory) “Didn't you forget something? ...Anything? Aw, that's just cold.”

FOLLOW ME:

“Fuckin-. phew, I thought you left me too...*Cough* I-, I mean. It’s really nothing.”

“Already? Then let me...*Gulps* Okay, now we are good. let's hit the road?”

(Without whisky) “ABOUT DAMN TIME! This fucking boredom is starting to give me a hangover!​“

DISMISSED:

“Aw shit. Was I too chatty again?”

“Umm, okay. You.. Umm, will you come to see me soon, or...? Nah, never mind.​“

SEND HIM HOME (FOLLOWER BASE):

“HOO-! Fancy presidential suite, here I come! Alright, later pal!”

���While I'm there, Can I use your bed? Your one looks way nicer.”

ENEMIES (LONG RANGE - OR COMPLIMENTS ON PLAYER CHARACTER’S CONFIRMED KILL USING A SNIPER RIFLE ON LONG RANGED TARGET):

“Oh, FUCK.​“

“Is it too late to hide? If we have a stealth boy.... Ugh, alright.”

“Oh, ohh. Yeah... I saw that one too. ...I think.”

“AGH! WHERE?! WHERE?!”

“Get down! Get down!”

“Gotcha, you assholes!“

ENEMIES (CLOSE RANGE):

“BAD GUYS!”

“HOLY-, where the hell did those come from?”

“I can see them! ...Wait. *screams* THEY CAN SEE ME TOO!”

AGGRESSION: Aggressive

CONFIDENCE: Average

ASSISTANCE: Helps nobody (will be changed to Helps Friends and Allies, after the personal quest)

Karma: Neutral

​

​

+and for fun, i added one more thing (you can delete this if you don’t have any)

PERSONAL QUEST:

​

[ ONE MINUTE PAST ETERNITY ]

​

- Jax will ask player to help finding Eternity, Jax's old ghoul friend. a little over 20 years ago, she left Jax alone in some small town in Mojave and vanished.

- player can search her trace one by one. and after the tracking the Eternity's trace, player can find Eternity's hideout.

- If player arrived at the hideout with Jax, Eternity will not show up, but if player arrived at the hideout without Jax. player can meet Eternity. 

- Eternity will tell the truth about why she had to left Jax. Eternity will give player a special star bottle cap(which Jax gave it to her almost 40 years ago) and ask player to tell Jax she is dead. player can accept or refuse the bottle cap, but either way, player have to tell Jax about her situation.

- If player has given Jax a special star bottle cap, Jax will made it into a necklace and give it to player. ((★)Damn Good Lucky Charm(+2 Luck, +15 Crit Damage, +15% damage with Guns))​

- Player can tell Jax about the truth or just simply tell as Eternity asked for or tell him couldn't find her, or even can tell him player killed her.

- If player didn’t choose the 'I killed her' option, Jax will accept it and respect her decision. if player chose 'i killed her' option, Jax will get furious and attack player immediately.

​

Tagging @rogue-snorunt , @val-rampage , ooh also @impr0bablyhighrn and @wailful-waffle 

[ain-t-bovvered]

14x10 Commentary

Zeta and Giuls scream together, and then die.

Me & Zeta will watch together season 14′s episodes as they come out and we’ll do our commentary while watching.

1 2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9

14x10 Nihilism 

-I did not want to see Jack like that again thanks

Zeta: true

- And there was a need for some wings there honestly .

[ comes back crawling]

HERE

Zeta:  the bar sceeeene

-.....THAT’S A DAMN SQUIRREL WITH A AVIATOR CAP ON ( also I re wrote squirrel four times before getting it right) 

- MOOSE!!! 

-......The Moose has a tag with “FAMILY BUSINESS” written on it----lol Jensen

Zeta: What’s her name

- PAMELAAAAAAAA . Damn woman I went a bit Bi there

Zeta: OH YES.

- [Music: and I’m searching for a rainbow] .....WOW

-[on the counter] Daphne loves Fred.

 my monkey dirty brain: Daddy loves tips. 

-hot. want that.

Zeta: the tequila or the bartender?

Bitch please . both.

- D: “ What are we, savages?”

Zeta: Oh the lips

-Cosmic Cowboy. *chokes*

-FB

-why is it always a ghoul case?

-Lol but who’s the drunk guy tho

Zeta: Bitch, look at her biceps

- some Bi slippage there too I see. FOCUS

Zeta: also indeed. Who is he?

-D:”I’ve never had anything this nice”

Also....I would be like Dean if I had a bar. One for the costumer and one for me! woohoo .

- D: “How come you always have a boyfriend?”

  P: “How come you always want what you can’t have?”

[looks into the camera like in the office]

- D: “This is my dream” 

I kinda see it tho....old grumpy Dean Winchester being the Bobby while running a bar like that. Yes....I like it.

- I knew it . I wanna see someone closed behind that “closet” *wink wink*

Zeta: Oh oh

Zeta: the slo mo.

-NICE .You are welcome for this gif where I let you enjoy the full over the count jump. Nice healthy middle age man over the fence jump ( nevermind this is an italian oil ad ).

-The blood. So cute

Zeta: I’m famous

- mmm

Zeta: shit

-Hello M boi, I missed you fam

Zeta: Changed clothes

- OMFG are you saying that the Archangel Michael macVanity von DramaQueen really just angel mojo changed into his Peaky Blinder wanna be in front of them?

He’s so flamboyant , I love him .

Zeta: The close up

- M making three men kneel with so much as lift his hands.  WHAT A MOOD. WHERE CAN I GET THAT? I WANT 10.

- M : “ I saw everything”  Yeah no shit we kinda see that coming too

-DoN ‘T IntERrUPt mE 

Zeta: Don’t interrupt me

-I’m-

I’m so bothered right now. Dom Michael for the win

-OH WOW

- Sam just “assbutted” Michael lol.

Castiel : Sam....did you just molotov my brother with holy fire?

Sam: uh ....No?

- HE ANGRY

- Dean’s not home right now...

Zeta: Please leave a message

*giggling* I love him

Zeta: His voice GOD DAMN

-yes

- Castiel hair tho.

Zeta: Do you? Cocky much

-but needs to play it cool. Can’t risk to mess up the pomaded hair.

- S:” We the angel cuffs on , Michael is under control”

 M: “Keep telling yourself that “  ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

I *clap* LOVE *clap* HIM *clap*

- S: “Dump him in the trunk of the Impala” ... DUMP HIM .ahahahahaah

-Garth is in the trunk

Zeta: it’s a big trunk

-M: “ It’s a party!”

- J: “ It’s not like any of us can fly”

 M : “ Well one of us can”

 S: “ STFU”

- J:” Sam, are we gonna die here?” ... wow Jack...babe...stfu

-Yes OMG I forgot about the stalky reaper

Zeta: You mess up so many things

- it ain’t wrong

- [in john Mulaney’s Trump voice] we locked Death away and enslaved the reapers

Zeta: Poor Cas

- ok but WHO....death? Michael is asking himself that too.

-Yes , put him in the dungeon. HOT

Zeta: shit

-I can hear you

Zeta: Shit

-Ahahahahahaahah

Zeta: SHIT

-I’m loving this

Zeta: Bring back Crowley.

Zeta: We left Garth in the trunk looool

- that....everytime we don’t see a character for long that’s it...they are in the trunk.

Zeta: Castiel

-CASTIEL . so strange, I love him, he’s such a sarcastic asshole.

- M: “Yes, uh, put a chair against the door”

Zeta: This pretty smile as I rip you apart

-I’M SHAKING. YAS.

Zeta: Control yourself

- S: “Cass this is all we’ve got”

Zeta: Again?

- well it is a loop.

-MORE SHOTS.  (me)

Zeta: The only thing missing is “heat of the moment”

- what if the woman is his conscience trying to get him out and if he sign he’s out? ...like....testing his resolution?

-Little insulting

Zeta: you’re nothing

Zeta: Why is he so perfect in this?

- J: “Dean---is strong”

  M *disgusted face*: “ Is a gnat “ . WOW

-OH SHUT UP OOOOH

Zeta: Emotional abuse.

- M: “ he was not happy, but he didn’t care-- Cause you are not Sam, you are not Cass.” 

[ me looking smiling to the Castiel/Misha hateclub]

-M: “You are a weak helpless thing”

- Jack , babe ....get away tho 

Zeta: LISTEN TO YOUR DAD

- M: “no I’m not and I can still hear you”

Zeta: Prick

- Love that prick..... literally 

- I care so little for the others I swear

- M: “Look at you, play nursemaind for a nephilim”

-C: “You are confusing loyalty and compassion for weakness”

Zeta: Damn what am I watching?

- [looks into the camera like in the office] Sexual tension

Zeta: so done. this. Close up

- M “and now...that I’m in here, I know why” 

-CHUCK

Zeta: He churn our draft after draft

- M speaks like he’s singing and mocking you at the same time. He has this musicality in his speak and I love it

- C: “Why would he do that?”

 M: “BECAUSE HE DOESN’T CARE!”

- good lord I swear all the angels are just brats throwing temper tantrum because they have a trash dad.

- M: “But now , I just want to burn every one of his little worlds until I catch up to the Old man”

Zeta: Even god can die.

- oh ok....overachiever much

Zeta: Hurt Jack

- No no Jack babe...keep your fucking soul .

Zeta: Cool science project

- Michael’s mind: if you mess up my perfectly combed hair Cass I swear-

- M: “ I give it a solid B- .....uh oooh”

 me nervously: .....wtf lol 

- M: *snorts* Oh Cass, I believe in you.

So rude...so nasty 

- j: “ What should I do?”

Zeta: Pray

-Thanks Cas, that’s-......that’s great

Zeta: You are all mine

- ..... YESSIR TAKE ME

Zeta: Dean’s mind.

- ..... if it was a funny episode they could have made so many jokes about being empty lol.

- me looking around haters mind ^

Zeta: This is what you are gonna become

-omg

- THAT WAS DEAN IN HELL.

- Dean’ “NOOOO “ at Castiel death is vibrating into my bones.

- S: “Dean is strong”

- C: “Sam, we’ve been through a lot and Dean is more than strong”

- S: “Dean thrive on trauma.” 

WE’VE BEEN KNEW

Zeta: Smart moose

- Somebody has been reading some meta tumblr posts

- P: “You really know how to talk to a lady don’t you?”

 me already at Castiel’s feet : wha

- That’s us fans watching 14 seasons of supernatural ^

-Bloody Cass is 100. *licks lips*

- P: “get me a shot. With your braaaain”

Zeta: Well hello.

- C:” That was- that....DeAN ThAt WaS An ACcidENT”

Zeta: Babyyyy

- them baby faces

- C:” WE NEED YOU TO COME BACK”

- S:”POUGHKEEPSIE”

- Dean’s mind : [ old modem sounds]

-M [Slow clap it out.] : Hey Fellas

-AND THE HAT IS BACK

Zeta: I’m you

Zeta: He gripped you tight and raised you from perdition

-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH I’M DYING SO BAD.

-BITCH I’M DEAD AND GIGGLING I CAN’T.

-but also....but the fuck is Mary at?... like wow.

- also....everything that Micheal is saying right now is causing me actual fucking pain.

- Ok and both Sam and Cas faces? well thanks

Zeta: He’s buying time

-WOW. Slow smile, oooooH

-S: “So in here, you are all talk”

- oh that’s why he doesn’t use his powers. Serviceable .

Zeta: So happy. Fuck

Zeta: Prove it

- Um...yes hello 911? 

Michael getting his hands dirty is too hot for me.

-Fucking Tiger man.

-Come on baby 

Zeta: Jack will do something “stupid”

- Well he is his parents’ son *shrug*

Zeta: that

- D:” Then we don’t kick him out, we keep him in”

-oooooh M goes in the closet, lol

Zeta: Oh my god.

- ....Well that was stupid AHAHAHAAH 

- I can’t stop laughing .

- M [ROAR] 

  me: ....

Zeta: I’m the cage.

-HE IS THE CAGE. That doesn’t seem right tho...come on.

Zeta: So now Dean has Michael locked up

-ooooh the magic hurt him. Forgot about that. My baby.

Zeta: Concerned Dad.

- The way Cass say : “you understand?” killed me....so soft...so worried...

- The little smile! Kill me now.

Zeta: He’s not ok.

-Dean is not ok.

Zeta: [henley alert]

-He’s like....naked. ( still has another tshirt under it tho)

-Oh he’s mad 

- I’M CRYING . HE LOOKS LIKE MY CAT WHEN I REFUSE TO LET HIM OUT .

amazing.

( Sorry for the not that clear gifs but I wanted to cut and past all the bits of that because it’s amazing)

Zeta: He’s suffering so much.

-That troat

- That door is not that sturdy tho

Zeta: Oh hell no

- oh hello death . 

-Aw hell naw.

- Death :” Except one”

-AW HELL NAW

Zeta: Which one?

- UGH

Zeta: No

-NO

Zeta: NOOO so much hurt

-OH FUCK

Zeta: Actual literal pain in my chest

YA KNOW WHAT?....I DON’T LIKE THAT LOOK .

NOT ONE BIT.

.

- lol I don’t even wanna look at tumblr now

Zeta: well you know me....I have

- of course you did

post gifs comment: I didn’t do my crack gifs for now, but they will be done in a separate post.

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If you want to get tagged in the future ones send an ask HERE or to @waywardbaby or a smoke signal, idk whatever I’m tired af.

TAGS: @supernatural-teamfreewillpage  @destiel-honeypie   @mariekoukie6661   @dragontamerm    @closetspngirl @rainflowermoon @mattiecat   @bunnybaby121115  @aliaitee @jacks-word-of-the-day @4evamc

[asaeria]

The Red Flags in my Past Relationship

I think my relationship with my first ex is probably the funniest. I reread my diary and god was I so stupid. There were so many red flags that got ignored due to me being blinded by love. It was so toxic and bad for me and yet I took all of the shit. SIGH.

It all started when I got into high school. I noticed him walking down the halls (he was in grade 11 at the time) and I was smitten with him. I've had crushes before, my first one lasted 7 years, so I was used to imagining myself in situations with my crush that were wayyy over romanticized. Just as dramatic and cringey as the Twilight saga. So I pretty much "stalk" him for my grade 9 year. Stalk as in notice him in the halls and I'd stare at him till he was gone from view. I think I started talking to him in grade 10 when I joined a musical ensemble that he was in. And this is where it started.

I was given my first red flag before we even began dating...

Flag #1. We had our "first" date at his house during school hours, so yeah I had to skip class for this. We watched a scary movie and the entire time he asked if I needed comfort, which the shy lil' me at the time kept declining. But I mean, what guy would ask a girl over to watch a scary movie with him if he intend for it to be a date..? So almost 5 months past (Oct - Feb) and nothing really happens between us. At our school for Valentines Day you can choose to buy a rose (or roses) for people which get delivered on the day of Valentines Day. I obviously bought one for him. I ended up finding out he bought a rose for another girl who only walked with him during a fashion show in school. They knew each other as much as he and I knew each other so when I found out he did that I was devastated. He must've not seen me as worthy of being chased by him if he's gonna drop me after our first date and go after another girl, right? AND YET I STILL confessed my love to him in April. Ironically he gave me a rose when he responded to my confession. LOL I learned that if your dude can jump from girl to girl that quickly just avoid him entirely.

Flag #2. A month after we started dating I already had insecurities. This was also the month he made his first major move towards me, a kiss. And around 3-5 months in he had already fingered me. I was 15-16 at the time as well. I never had a relationship before so I didn't know that there were boundaries I had to set up. I didn't think that him touching me in such places meant he was taking advantage of me because I was so blinded by my dumb love for him. I didn't say no to anything because I was naive and thought that he's only doing these things because he loved me too. I found out a year after our relationship started that he only started "liking" me 6 months into our relationship. Which meant he kissed and touched me inappropriately before he even liked me back. I started to feel disgusted at my OWN body and that is NOT okay. If you don't feel ready to have sex, let alone being touched inappropriately do not be afraid to say NO!

Flag #3. So around January (9-10 months after the relationship started) he told me his dad used all the internet for the month or something so I won't be able to reach him through Facebook or any other social media for at least 3 days. He also bought the new 3DS and the new Monster Hunter game around the time his internet ran out too. The 3 days past and I missed him terribly and I figured he probably missed me as much as I missed him. He invites me to play Terraria with him and not even 5 minutes into it he leaves me for his 3DS. You see, I started playing Terraria with him because I wanted us to have some sort of game we can play together. This was our "couple game" sort of. I waited 10-20 minutes for him to finish so that we could play together but he ends up ending our call to eat dinner. I figured, ok he will probs play with me after dinner. The moment he comes back he says "sorry in a fight LOL" which I guess he meant a fight in Monster Hunter, "glhf (good luck have fun) in terraria." So I logged out of Terraria, why would I play a game you invited me to by myself? He notices this 10 minutes later and says "o guess you're not playing." are you mf serious? I told him "uhm cuz it's not fun playing alone??" which he replied with "ok maybe later then LOL" <- this was at 9:30 pm. That was around the time I would be sleeping. He knew I slept early too. This shows how little he cared for me and our relationship.

Example of how our conversations would usually go:

A day later I hit him up with "I'm backk... from the dead"

A: "still assuming you're mad at me ok bye"

Me: "I'm not D: Well I was. But not anymore."

A: "You get mad at me too often LOL"

Me: "^^^ maybe because you're oblivious" and just when I sent that...

A: "NADDHUAGDAIDDB. NEWWW TOKYO GHOUL. SWAG SWAG. SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG SWAG"

Me: "I should date women instead. LOL oh yay. wait what new?"

A: "NEW SEASON. oh ok. I c how you feel about me"

Me: "I watched the first ep. Too gruesome. so I stopped ;n; and uh idk"

A: "AYYEEEEE GRUESOME"

Me: "boys have trouble paying attention to detail."

A: "^"

Me: "nonono. I can't watch gruesome stuff ;n; I like watching things like Spirited Away"

A: "afk. Tokyo Ghoul <3"

Me: "oh gawd. yup yup."

By this point I got so fed up with him. I get that he had his own hobbies and stuff but like it felt more like he didn't want anything to do with me despite me being his girlfriend. It's like he didn't even like me to begin with. My boyfriend now showers me with attention and affection. Even when he goes off to play games he'd always make sure that I was higher priority.

Flag #4. A few times after we have had sex he'd jump right on to his computer and he'd start a League of Legends game just as I'm putting my clothes on. I would even have to see myself out of his apartment and walk myself in the dark to the bus stop in a sketchy ass neighbourhood. I started to feel like he was only dating me just so he can have sex with someone.

Conclusion:

After dating him I realized that I deserve and need to seek way better. He was not right for me as I was not right for him. However, the way he treated me and our relationship was complete ass. I've had people talk shit about me because I'm so vocal about how badly he treated me and honestly? I don't give two fucks about what you think about me because I KNOW I deserved better and can call whoever I want out. I was taken advantage of and I was taken for a fool. Maybe he actually had sincere feelings of love towards me at some point, but it doesn't excuse how he treated me for most of our relationship.

Sucked that this life lesson took 1.5 years of my life.

[livelovelaug-h]

Harder

Warning - it's gonna seem sexual but like April fool's. LMAOOOO you'll see.

Dean x reader

A/n- This is for @butiaintgonnaloveem Tiff’s WTF*ck Challenge. My line will be in bold. My line: "Harder is not a good safe word" thanks for letting me participate!! Sorry for taking so long.

Nachzehrer- ghoul like vampire creature. (German). Also all spelling mistakes are mine.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You and the winchesters have been doing cases one after the another after the another. And the worst part is your barely getting any sleep which means everyone is pretty cranky or on edge.

"hey can we stop and get some coffee?"

"yeah already heading there"

You guys got your coffee and sat at a booth. You just didn't know what creature it was this time, they were barely any leads.

You spoke up first "so who do we interview?"

"well the reports it says "there were graves that were undug and new bodies that were put down there had half their flesh ripped off. Then three nights before that there was a girl found in a dumpster that had her hesrt ripped out." Sam says.

"then the girls family?" You asked looking at Dean.

"yep. Let's go"

You interviewed the family and you found out that the girl started hanging out with a new friend two weeks ago, that seemed like trouble her mom said so now you have to find this guy. Also the day she died she went to a party with a few friends. You spoke up to Dean

"I don't really think it's that guy though all parents say that about girls friends or boyfriends."

"well doesn't hurt to check".

"Let's split up. You and sam go talk to the friends. and ill go talk to the Sheriff's and go to the graveyard, see if you can find any clues."

"okay, be careful please." You said and Sam ans you went to go steal a car and talk to her friend carrie.

~~~

"Thanks for letting us come in" you say.

"yeah no problem. So what would you like guys like to know?"

"do you know that guy that she was hanging out with by any chance?"

"are you talking about mace? The guy she met two weeks ago?"

"yeah him. Do you know where we can reach him by any chance"

"um no he said he just moved here and we never really hit it off so I never got his phone number".

"Oh alright".

~~~~~~~

The next friend - jamie-

"do you know where we can reach the guy by any chance that she met two weeks ago?"

"no. She didn't really ever ask to text or anything. He was new to town but he seemed weird."

Ofc. She didn't have it 😐

Well after interviewing the next friends and getting no where becuz no one had his number, you all decided to met Dean at a bar.

"did you find anything at the graveyard" you asked Dean.

"nope. nada"

"ugh this case is a dead-end."

You guys were sitting on barstools; it was Sam, Dean and then you on the end. A girl came up and sat right next to you.

"hey" she said. "hey"

"strange little town ain't it?"

"yeah it is"

"there's been like a strange vampire or creature thing happening here." She says and laughs.

"yeah.... Haha" you look over towards Dean he looks just as confused. " Do you believe in Vampires?"

"uh not really but its like the only explanation for this stuff. But idk I think it might be that new guy in town"

"new guy?" Dean asked.

"yeah his name is Josh. He hung out with the girl who died but it probably was just all coincidental. I think it's her other friend Alex. He was always started drama and he was so jealous of her."

"Probably. Do you happen to know where he is?" You asked her because she was mainly focusing on you; which was strange considering dean and Sam the two hottest guys sitting there RIGHT next to her. Just then a guy walks over to her hugging her and quickly kisses her lip. Ah maybe that's why she didn't look....

"what ya guys talking about?" He asks.

"you know that new guy in town Josh? Well they I was telling them about him. Do you mind showing her where he works?" She asked him all sweetly.

"yeah sure thing sweetheart".

"I'll show u guys the other guy"

"woah i wanna go with her" dean said. you looked at Dean & then the girls face she spoke up: "it's okay she'll be fine my husband is very protective". Her husband smiled big at you.

"Okay.... Wait.." dean came over and gave you a hug and whispered in your ear. "Remember the safeword".

"yeah. I love you too dean" you said and pulled away trying not to look suspicious.

You got in the car with the guy and it was pretty awkward since you didn't know him. You started asking him questions like how did him and his wife meet etc. He was a pretty nice dude. You got to the place the guy worked at and he said he was friends with him so you guys could go through the back door. Only problem was it was very dark in the back and there was an alley next to it; since Dean wasn't there you didn't really feel well protected.

You were looking down when he was just about to open the door when you felt someone head butt you and push you into the wall. Mad your head get all fuzzy. "

"You freaking Hunters weren't supposed to find us"

"yeah well we did so-". Next thing you know your world went black.

You woke up and of course you were tied to a chair. So you started working on getting out.

You didn't even notice it until he said it.

"oh so you're gonna be awake for this feeding"

You looked down at your side and saw blood oozing out not a time because it was slowing down.. you wondered how long you been out for.

"leave me alone"

Just then his wife comes in.

"I'll be back just give us a minute. you sit tight"

HA! You mocked him. You actually caught the one Rope free from your hands and started working on the other hand. It's been about 5 minutes and you got loose. you knew he would be back soon so you ran down the long hallway of where you were. You were completely out of breath when you hide behind a wall and heard your phone ringing.

You were huffing "h-h-hello?" It was dean thank God.

"Y/n? Where have you guys been?"

"..w- wh- with - that guy-...

"what are you guys doing? are you guys....?"

Before you could answer the guy grabbed your throat. You remember you could say the safe word. He was squeezing your throat so hard

So you moaned out "harder".

it sounded like you moaned In pleasure and Dean saw red and thought you were cheating on him. He told Sam to find your location and off they went to go find you.

When they went in it was dark and empty like no one was there. But then Dean saw you tied in a chair. He felt really guilty how could he think you cheated on him? I mean those sounds just sounded so real.... Like sex.... But rn he has to focus on getting you out of there alive. How could he not remember the safe word. You guys just made it this morning.

He saw your neck and side all bloodied

"well well well back to see the rest of the show?"

"let her go"

"she's almost finished though"

Dean heard a growl behide him and turned around punching whatever was behide him. He stabbed the vampire in neck with a small wooden steak. Then the wife from earlier comes charging at Dean and the guy starts fighting with Sam. He bites Sam a little but Sam and Dean both defeat the two Nachzehrer's. Their main concern is getting you home and untied.

"Y/n hey, hey wake up". You didn't answer. Dean cut your ropes and carried you to the impale the whole time praying to Cas.

Sam started driving to the bunker and you finally opened your eyes.

"hey"

"Hey there. How ya feeling?"

"I've been better"

"yeah you scared me. I thought you cheated on me and I saw you were bleeding. Harder is not a good safe word."

"Its not. And why did you think I cheated on you?"

"well you guys were gone for awhile and then you were out a breath and then you moaned harder what am I supposed to think?"

"Hahahaha. That's cute I love you too much I wouldn't cheat on you. but I moaned it because he was squeezing my throat"

"yeah I get that now. I'm sorry I love you too. From now on our safe word is----"

"spaghetti!" You said.

"yeah okay your back to normal" dean said and gave you a kiss on the lips.

The end!!

[elizabethrobertajones]

12x15 watching notes

I actually finished watching the episode hours ago but right after I went and literally watched a big chunk of season 8 instead of this episode which is metaphorically a big chunk of season 8 >.>

this "expectations" thing is turning into a bit of a joke because I never know what to expect any more. This was much easier in Carver era :P From the previews it looks like a bit of a "monster of the week" with a hellhound and I sort of feel things are about to go up shit creek for Crowley and he's distracted with the Winchesters which is his life story, but MAY let them find out finally. Gonna make Mary working with the BMoL look like a good decision.

Also may be a way to un-Buckleming Crowley's choice with some better characterisation...

[rare edit to yell at past me oh my god. Also at Davy OH my GOD - note to self stop being so cynical about literally anyone but those guys writing :P]

As far as I can tell from the outside looking in, though Dabb's been working through a really serious important list of loose ends, this is from the odd pile of things that end up on his desk complaining about one of his episodes which is "we need more Winchesters in glasses!!!!" after he gave us a few minutes of it in 8x14, and he shrugged and went, okay, someone find a reason to put them in the glasses again. Why not.

-

Oh yeah we're on the monsters' side. Starting again with the cute vampire girl from last episode saying "they're dead. they're all dead" and Mary shown killing a vampire. Before any title cards. Mary's POV is on the other side of it. Telling us the world is changing and then Sam squinting suspiciously at Mick's briefing about exterminating all the vampires. And the "pick a side" thing for Sam - monsters on one side, mom on the other.

-

Awwwwww 5x20 Crowley and his hellhound. A simpler time. When they were trying to cram Lucifer back in the cage. Funny reminder now to have moments before Lucifer bound in Crowley's spare room.

-

Oooh right there's Kelly and Dagon stuff in this episode. I think Cas too? You know I completely forgot because the previews were avoiding them but I'm pretty sure one of the episode descriptions actually mentioned them... Whoops. I guess this episode is going to be split between all that. At this point I don't really trust the writing not to be ridiculously more complex and layered than I can guess from right here, so I'll just enjoy these cold open people camping and laugh that I wrote a Winchester family camping trip as the code to 12x14

-

I can't believe this guy is looking up bear attacks in the woods while they're camping. And she's a vet. Pfft :P How does he even have signal though.

Awww no they're going their separate ways. She seems unconvinced that it's going to work out anyway :<

He needs to stop asking trees to marry him.

Oh no now I'm invested in these people. They do not deserve to be eaten by hellhounds.

-

Nooooo

-

Oh no that was unintentionally hilarious with the puffy jacket throwing fluff everywhere.

-

Pfft some extras from the Walking Dead wander into the Bunker making obvious pop culture references. Do we even analyse that mention of Dad or do we just laugh hysterically and move on?

-

Wait so that time when they seemed to have it on set they weren't just fucking around with the baseball bat because they felt like making one but it was actually going to be in an episode oh my god

-

I wonder if Mary has been watching The Walking Dead or if she hasn't had time.

-

Being distracted by Mittens:

Wait - Sam is clean... is this meta or are we still in the pop culture reference?

mittensmorgul The things on Dean, "ghoul, wraith, siren."

elizabethrobertajones yeah They fought a SIREN WHAT HAPPEN I want to know everything

mittensmorgul I DON'T KNOW?!

elizabethrobertajones I bet if it was "back to back to back" they didn't have time for it to be complicated

mittensmorgul I mean, DEAN fought the siren, Sam is completely clean

elizabethrobertajones WHY IS SAM CLEAN

mittensmorgul And Dean's been wearing his underpants for four days People are screaming OOC

elizabethrobertajones oh god

mittensmorgul I have no idea

elizabethrobertajones Ahahahahah  "Frodo"

mittensmorgul Sort of reminded me of how he looked after he killed the stynes

elizabethrobertajones Is that a thing

mittensmorgul :D

elizabethrobertajones maybe they intentionally USE those code names maybe Mary talked to Sam wait if Mick is telling Sam where to go has he given them "back to back to back"

mittensmorgul yes...

elizabethrobertajones and Dean did all the killing and Sam was clean Okay THERE'S the symbolism I was looking for :P

mittensmorgul do go on... :D

elizabethrobertajones I am literally paused just at "Frodo" and his missing campers message so idk what happens next but yeah :P Dean's being used as the weapon here and Sam's coordinating Aka trying to turn him into Ketch or Mark!Dean Sam doesn't have any blood on his hands for these hunts and they're coming too fast for Dean to process them and work out shades of grey ....

mittensmorgul Yep

elizabethrobertajones which means the Negan thing is probably a reference to how bloody it has all been and not just a joke >.>

mittensmorgul nope

elizabethrobertajones they're trying to turn him back into a bloody single minded hunter like John this is awful I LAUGHED now I feel horrible about it all :P

elizabethrobertajones Also Dean not being a germ freak about it all is probably a bad sign >.>

-

elizabethrobertajones Oh no Sam lying epically

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones reminds me of 8x01 when he tells Dean how he found Kevin but he actually did that Dean like Purgatory Dean Wait fuck that baseball bat is his purgatory weapon *slides under the table* Go away Negan This is worse than the Eliot Ness thing

-

this show is getting too meta for its own good... Is this what happens after 12 years?

-

Anyway Sam comes up with something to baffle Dean with his technology know-how implying Dean is too dumb to follow - Sam rattling off computery sounding things and Dean sitting there bloody and unwashed and the John-Negan baseball bat in front of him and Sam like "the computer told me" and Dean being like "lol computers are good at monsters and porn" - he really is in a bad way :< I think one of those things where they balance Sam and Dean out. But Sam is WORKING on Dean as he said he would last episode - he's intentionally wearing him out, letting him channel that need to kill things in a way Ketch couldn't get Dean to indulge in because Sam knows Dean better and where his lines are. Taking him back to back to back to back on hunts stops Dean from having down time and appreciating the finer things in life, so he gets less and less nuanced as Sam works him down >.> Because as last episode showed, Sam aligns with Mick, Dean with Ketch but, like, obviously NOT because they're both competent and kind and multifaceted. But Ketch is the Mark!Dean parallel, and wearing Dean down like this... yeah.

-

Honestly though baby wipes are so good they probably COULD get all that gunk off in an emergency

elizabethrobertajones Wait Dean is rejecting the Bunker's shower after flicking siren bits everywhere and being gross this is actually 8x14 inverted

mittensmorgul RIGHT?!

elizabethrobertajones we start with him loving the Bunker and bitching about Sam messing it up and in 8x13 he goes on about the water pressure and now he'd just be happy with baby wipes

mittensmorgul D:

elizabethrobertajones .... and in 8x14 he puts that pic of Mary down and it feels like home :<

mittensmorgul I think they really are doing their best to invert 8.14

elizabethrobertajones 10x22 also used that pic of Mary I hope it's inverted in other ways

mittensmorgul but...

elizabethrobertajones like signing up for crazy ventures to get rid of all demons/monsters

-

"You smell like roadkill" ominous.

"I'm using that fancy shampoo you keep hidden" I love that they read a bunch of fan fic before they joined the show

-

Okay so Mittens informed me there's mass hysteria about the next moment because of audio nonsense, which means I swapped from fuzzy bad sound to full crystal clear noise cancelling headphones with all the sound settings done properly, and caught Sam saying "love you too" to Mary and Dean like "catch ya later" to Cas. 

[side note: had no idea what she meant because I hadn’t heard a word of it before she told me there was hysteria] 

I'd already squeed just to see them pull up having these conversations because the set up is beautiful: Sam has picked a side and Sam and Dean are now at odds, and THESE are their sides. After last episode we could only hope/guess that it was logical that Dean n Cas might be a bit of a team in opposition to Sam, Mary and the BMoL but obviously that was just guesswork. Knowing Sam already IS a faction with Mary and Dean doesn't know it, Sam starting this with a mention of "mom" as they get out the car and this little, uh... symbolic diorama? unfolds shows very clearly he's communicating with his faction; Dean also on the phone shows that they have a split, that he's in contact with someone who could be HIS faction and even before he said Cas I kinda knew because see above, guessing, and also the fact that he IS in contact with Cas more. So yeah, lines drawn between them. Something about them getting out the car together but not looking at each other, talking to their respective sides is just... really really well done. Also the way they're talking over each other? They're distracted with their own things, and not communicating, not listening in on what the other's up to.

-

Of course then they summarise to each other - DOUCHEBUSTERS.

I am offended

-

Mostly because it's like "lol Brits"

I feel bad there are hunters they hate more than the Ghostfacers, honestly.

Dean has better news - something's killing angels in IDAHO. Specifically, the town that 7x15 took place in. So that's 9x06 and 7x15 all at once. Wheee.

-

"Diner waitress Sara Deshenski has met an untimely and violent demise at the hands of an irate alien, so says her diner manager, Herb Nelson"

Bloody hell another dollar in the space jar

they really are going for it this season

they're finally sending Dean to space :')

-

The picture of burned angel wings in a trashy newspaper is so sad though... Look at Cas being sad.

Look at him still not knowing how to do the badge thing. I cry. My heart is overflowing with love for Cas. He needs Dean beside him to turn his badge around and laugh gently at his mistakes.

It does suggest he's kind of stagnated as a hunter, because he hasn't managed to figure this out yet >.>

-

He's trying though - he's Solange now! He knows you rotate out the identity from time to time.

-

Oh dear, Cas dealing with a real conspiracy nut. In 6x21 we were ROBBED of Cas's side of the investigation into HP Lovecraft, probably because lovable comic beats were not how to make us think Cas was the bad guy but they’d be nothing else but, because that’s who Cas is, ALWAYS. Now, though, he's got to do all the social stuff on someone who's basically Ronald Resnik'ing this. I hope he has better luck not dying >.>

He has a pic of the Queen's head taped to an alien which just makes me wonder if this is a thing to do with the BMoL and their terrible terrible bad wrong intel... Sometimes they know a thing, mostly they don't... But they managed to scrape up a few grains of truth here and there. Obviously she's not an alien or lizard person but who knows what else she might be >.> I like the whole Torchwood thing where the Queen was a werewolf and that was a royal family thing :P

-

Cas hanging his head in despair that he's actually considering waiting to see what this guy's evidence is.

Poor Cas

-

*Cas attempts to smile*

-

this description of the alley fight is hilarious

Kelly as the brood queen - remember the season 10-11 hiatus stuff about Bugs as the mytharc after we spotted the little VFX insect escaping Amara's cloud?

-

Aw no the way he describes angel blades as "star metal" it feels weirdly poignant... Angels are cosmic - who knows what those blades are made of

(Zerbe knows, but aside from Zerbe)

-

"man in black - well, beige!" if this isn't foreshadowing Cas getting a better coat.

I love how yellow eyes is still like, actually really deep and weighty and dramatic and scary still. Most things on this show have been completely run down INCLUDING Lucifer into being over-done. Such a good pick for this season.

-

Obligatory bear or cougar reference. I know it's not hellhounds but 8x16 has Prometheus actually killed by a bear off screen and I find that hilarious and I'm thinking mid season 8 now. I think it was also initially reported in one of the cracky publications like the one Cas got ahold of (knowing he has to read that sort of nonsense to get a lead also is a sign of him developing as a hunter).

-

Oh gosh the perfect blurring of Baby's engine over hellhound growling. Listen to her, she's such a sexy beast :D

[edit at past!me: Okay I’m useless at predicting stuff but I wasn’t to know Dean x Baby would be a thing this episode so I’m proud of this at least... can you even objectify a car? She’s already an object]

-

Now we know that Gwen knows for sure about big invisible wolves coming after her, the promo scene where Dean jokes about what truth they could tell her and Sam describes how they lie (a lot) to her is even worse, because of course Sam and lying is clearly a huge thing this episode and he describes how the lie will "give her peace" and help her sleep at night. Dean's being manipulated by Sam (PS I did not sign up for this) is probably very similar - Sam thinks Dean will sleep better at night if he doesn't understand all the details of these jobs they're doing and he's keeping Dean in happy dumbed down hunter mode.

Playing INTO the top layer of Performing Dean, really.

-

Dean's only joking about the ridiculous truth because he doesn't know how important it is to HAVE the truth yet, and he's empathising with Gwen's position of being told the truth and finding it completely unbelievable because he's also at the point where he can't concieve of the truth.

-

Guys there is a hellhound sniffing your BUTTS

-

Sam n Dean are wearing black coats and hold their badges the right way up

-

Omg it followed them in.

AAAAH that's intense okay that's good writing. Thanks Perez. You are so good at tension. They all sit down and chill.

-

this completely changes "elephant in the room" to "hellhound in the room"

-

Anyway Sam does the Ronald Resnik thing with Gwen telling her with authority as the FBI that there was nothing supernatural about it

"You're no longer in any kind of danger okay?"

-

Also they really don't have the right approach because telling her there's no danger??? WRONG. They need to at LEAST follow the lead on her BF's deal to tidy up loose ends, such as the fact that demons often catch a dozen people at a time when they're doing the crossroads thing... They'd need to AT LEAST go back to where the deal was made and check nothing else happened?? Where is your instinct???????

Too busy lying to her

-

It's so horrible that their visit allowed the thing in and now it's in there with her

I AM SO WORRIED ABOUT GWEN HOLY CRAP

-

"Oh yeah she's gonna sleep like a baby" *cut to Gwen being stalked*

-

Oh no now she heard it

GWEN

-

Omg she's okay

-

*heart slows down*

-

Some nice relaxing Crowley and Lucifer nonsense to chill with

-

Crowley is really enjoying having a proper nemesis since the Winchesters are more like friends now so it's not as fun to catch them and chain them up and taunt them.

Crowley says he's ten steps ahead of whatever Lucifer thinks he's doing. HM. Well he sure wasn't LAST episode.

-

Well he's behind on his paperwork anyway. The ridiculous windows also suggest peeking in on it - the sense the secret will come out.

This is such a great writing/directing combo

-

Cut to Sam and Dean actually telling the truth

-

Sam leaves out the detail about Dean being the cuter brother

-

Pfft

-

Okay I nearly spat tea at Dean being like "make you feel better. It was his idea"

This whole lying thing really isn't working out for Sam. And Dean's reaction to it is killing me.

-

"Did you really want something like, a hello kitty backpack. or the death of an enemy"

-

Dean and kids... he gets them

- mittensmorgul tort reform

elizabethrobertajones what like the cake

mittensmorgul basically to eliminate the sort of "law suits" like that ridiculous baby nonsense torts are civil legal cases

elizabethrobertajones Aah so if he'd actually listened he could have got rid of all the silly petitions :P

mittensmorgul like suing people over EVERYTHING. Usually considered frivilous, petty, or vindictive nonsense yeah :P and it was item #42 on his list (which also made me think of Door #42 in Heaven, aka the "escape hatch"

elizabethrobertajones that seems like a fairly apt summary of the problems :P if they just listened and paid attention they would eliminate so many stupid problems by actually dealing with things like the bigger picture things like reforming the way things work

[here follows about 10 minutes of sending pictures of cake back and forth while we debate what a torte is in our respective countries]

-

Why is Crowley still clutching the key for Lucifer's Facilities room?

-

NOT MOOSE

PEACHES

-

God dammit has Berens been chatting to Perez about Drowley

-

GWEN. She's like the ultimate outside eyes on their life, suddenly getting the whole truth when Crowley bitches them out for the Gavin thing on speaker phone

It's brilliant

how has this NEVER happened before

12 seasons and there's still new nonsense to explore

-

"have the kennel guards killed" YoU'RE STILL ON SPEAKER PHONE GWEN CAN HEAR THIS

Dean doing the "blah blah" gesture while they're all listening in on this NONSENSE like it's no big deal, overhearing a meeting between the King of Hell and his advisers

(Also this is a great way to tie the seemingly unconnected minions to the main story aside from having them deliver news since they didn't come specifically to tell Crowley about what's up with the MotW it's all completely incidental and if Sam and Dean hadn't already been on the case, well...)

(ALSO I love how in one episode the whole dynamic of Crowley and Hell somehow feels so much more like a proper court? And he's got proper assets and people and... I don't know, I love this depiction of his life)

-

Crowley dropping in on the random MotW conversation

Aaah it's all shaken up

-

eeep clear shot of the moose skull in Cas's truck. DO NOT WANT

-

Aw Cas has a friend. Kelvin! Do things EVER go well when he and random angels work together? NO. But I like Kelvin because he seems to like Cas for now, and they're working on the same thing... HOW CAN THIS GO WRONG?

Aside from the fact he mostly appears to be here to be a redshirt for Cas unless he has Vital Info or something because Heaven has much better resources to track her than Cas who is doing it the hunter way.

-

Mom Hellhound... What a shocking twist :P I mean, I wasn't expecting this backstory because I didn't think there'd be one, but the fact this is the Mother of All Hellhounds and she was preggers when she escaped and Lucifer took her in like... wooow.

-

*snorts at how cool Gwen is at Lucifer being locked up* Like, cool, well, at least he's not our problem. I mean I have the king of hell in my living room but he seems reasonable, and they're all reassuring me that Lucifer is safely locked up so I'll just... Yeah. Good.

Also Dean again repeating the lie that's been told to him and backing up the story etc, happily going along with the truth as he knows it while we - and someone in the room - knows it's a lie

-

God really sucks at making things though. Like, he put so much violence into the world? Eve and Leviathans were his creations too and they were... not exactly perfect. Pfft.

-

Crowley is excited to work the case... Oh dear, now he's learning to be a hunter

-

"Just when I thought this gig couldn't get any weirder" "Oh it can always get weirder"

Thanks Dabb

-

Aww the demon minions are so competent at being sneaky good for them. I have no idea who I root for here. I don't LIKE Lucier or want him free, but Crowley's minions being hilarious is like... my favourite thing. Whatever they're doing. I just love it. So... little bit conflicted about what I want here

-

Although making demands of Lucifer is a bad idea.

-

When Dean says sticking with Sam to keep her safe, he MEANS it I mean Sam once fucking GUTTED a hellhound SINGLE HANDED like dang he's the best bodyguard you could ask for right now

"Take care of her" "of course" or does he trust-

wait

no he's just being precious about the car. A beautiful, beautiful woman.

I guess we know why Sam doesn't get to drive so often; Dean just is THAT precious about her

-

Sam is not here for Dean fantasising about the car

-

Crowley like "you."

"... why of everyone ever did I have to fall in love with YOU" probably

-

Uhoh Cas and an El Sol sign... He and Kelvin seem to be drinking water. The director appears to be like "how many angles of Misha's face are necessary? Better try one more just in case" *rotates camera to bask in him some more*

Heaven is stable in a way where there's nothing drastic to report. All the huge dramas since it was last a big plot thing itself have meant the angels have been trying to deal with everything and so busy headless chickening about all that they haven't really been in-fighting. The death of all the alpha personalities helps too I guess.

-

"This is an all hands on deck situation Castiel. Including yours" "Okay so you're here for my hands" Yeah that was snark. A grade snark. In a Cas way.

"you got more field experience than the next thousand angels combined" I don't know if I should be more sad for Cas or Heaven

-

El Sol over Cas as Kelvin asks him if he would go back to Heaven - all his sins wiped clean... And challenging him over what he feels is home. Earth is quirky and smells like hay (pfft Cas's truck) but does it FEEL like home to Cas? he already FINALLY feels welcome in his family with the Winchesters and has expressed openly that he loves them and they proved that he was family to them, so emotionally he's really tied down already. But what feels like HOME to Cas?

-

And yeah this is happening in Idaho. 9x06. The FIRST time Cas gets asks what he is, what he wants to be... Oh gosh. Finally. FINALLY. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH

-

*quietly takes off my Dean!girl hat and puts on the Cas!girl one*

-

Now this mission has a different hook for him. The angels know he's already working it but Kelvin offers him a different sales pitch because they know that Dagon is going around killing angels just as Cas does, or at least SOMETHING massively more powerful than the average angel is - his help is suddenly very necessary because they are SCARED and Cas is COMPETENT. So they can give him the resources he needs - much like the BMoL are offering to Sam and Dean. Do the dirty work for them and be rewarded with a platinum membership card

-

Holy fuck Joshua

-

Dabb...

...

...

I don't have the brainpower to hold together the threads of the show directly connected to Dabb

-

elizabethrobertajones "The Gardener's got a plan" this does make me think of Metatron though I like Joshua but... it's sort of ominous these small time angels with a big time connection to God and God is not so great himself

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones in the 9x23 thing [rewatch; not currently posted because this is literally how far I am] I got distracted writing about Metatron answering to "God" because he's modelling himself AFTER god and later talks about how God was not such a great Creator and how Metatron saw behind the curtains like.. Metatron's plan is sneaky and awful and cruel but he was behaving like God??

mittensmorgul yeah, but Joshua was the gardner God talked to. Joshua just listened, and tended the garden Chuck thinks of as his "greatest creation

elizabethrobertajones who has some sort of cruelty in his own creation making hellhounds and leviathan

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones Joshua seems nice and all but God related to him as a gardener just as he related to Metatron as a writer

mittensmorgul after he locked up the darkness, he was trying to create that balance on his own, but he really lacked the finesse to do it properly

elizabethrobertajones which is ominous :P

mittensmorgul yeah

elizabethrobertajones Hm and the writing is controlling the narrative on a BIG scale

mittensmorgul yep

elizabethrobertajones gardening, if you were controlling the world, would be clipping it into shape like just tidying it up taking out some weeds like say eliminating all monsters

mittensmorgul but if we're about balance and finding better ways, and Chuck's still talking to Joshua... now that he's reunited with Amara maybe things CAN be better now?

elizabethrobertajones maybe?

mittensmorgul hopefully?

elizabethrobertajones I haven't watched to the end of this scene don't know if Joshua is still talking to God :P

mittensmorgul BUT CHUCK SAID THAT DEAN WAS THE ONE CARRYING THE STORY NOW

elizabethrobertajones yeah

mittensmorgul he put the earth in DEAN'S hands

elizabethrobertajones Dean gets to decide what happens and he doesn't approve >.>

mittensmorgul Dean's the gardener now

elizabethrobertajones :D And he tends to the garden in the traditional ways which WORK and keep a good sort of peace

mittensmorgul I think he likes the weeds

elizabethrobertajones eyah he relates to the weeds knows some dandelions can be pretty

mittensmorgul he thinks he's one of the weeds

elizabethrobertajones no need to rip them ALL up yeah >.> poor Dean

mittensmorgul heck, most of the "weeds" are food for the bees balance

elizabethrobertajones CAS SAW IT ALL back in 7x21 the whole plan it was perfect

-

Anyway Cas has some shit to think about while Dean gets his act together to just ask him to marry him and put an end to all this uncertainty

-

Awww this guy wants to be the king of the crossroads I'm rooting for him

-

ew the other demon wants to make hell great again. Kill the white guy. Leave the new king of the crossroads alive

-

Nooooo

-

I am disappointed.

-

Also annoyed Lucifer is free again

-

But blah I liked that guy :< This show sucks. Stop killing the great one off PoC

-

Thinking of which, I hope Gwen survives because she's brilliant and also incidentally hispanic which shouldn't be a thing at all except now I'm terrified she's going to be added to the show's stats because I just don't TRUST them

-

Dean in glasses! Crowley flirting with him... Dean being flattered (smiling to himself ew) but telling Crowley to shut up for appearances sake

-

Crowley saving Cas being the thing that finally makes Dean say thank you and feel like Crowley has gone a bit soft. (Also stop being genre savvy about saving the girl of the week, Dean :P)

-

Glasses give him +5 nerd points

-

"Maybe I've rubbed off all over you" *Dean comically shudders*

They're getting along. It's horrifying.

Berens definitely pulled Perez aside and gave him a talking to with diagrams and flowcharts about how this all happened

-

This is such a good scene I watched it like 3 times but the third time I went back too far and saw Lucifer kill the poor demon guy I liked again so my mood is yo-yoing around

-

I seriously appreciate the subtext for the whole bi!Dean project and the fact that they're exes who've now moved to this weird comfortable happy place where this all happens? The way Dean reacts? God, why did it have to be Crowley but now we're here, I am so appreciative for the sake of the bizarre way this show is running on and on and on past several points it could have ended and made Drowley less of a strange point of CONSISTENT data. But here we are. Dean is cheerfully wandering around with Crowley, deflecting flirting, smiling to himself, being nice about the whole saving Cas thing because of course this is a bizarre point in the love triangle too - I mean... So weird. God, this never should have got this far. So Crowley can make a joke about rubbing off all over Dean, and Dean just playfully shudders about it, and and... what the heck is this even any more? The show has been playing along with it for so long... I don't even know if they're DOING anything with it, except for their vague horror that they have to preserve this dynamic and are being faithful to the characters to move them through all this as realistically as they can.

-

Anyway in more current developments thoughts, Dean again being honest and emotionally genuine and friendly. Crowley might be lying about Lucifer but Dean, who is caught in the middle of everything but in a really good place of his own, responds really well to everything. Him being happy and sweet and OPEN is all the more crushing because you know terrible stuff may be about to happen with reveals of more deceit or manipulation, but Dean's being put in this "can do no wrong" place while he's unaware of everything, so reaching back out to Mary, not falling for Ketch's shit last week, thanking Crowley this week... Always being caught in the place of dramatic irony with lies Crowley and Sam are telling... yeah.

-

Sam in glaaaasses

can he even legally drive with the distortion of wearing glasses that aren't his prescription?

-

Gwen, don't puke in the car

-

Dean is so distractingly attractive

-

yeah that's it that's the entire scene

-

Gwen manages not to puke in the car, because Sam pulled over in time. I SWEAR it is the same place Dean pulled over to puke in in 11x10

-

She takes on all the guilt and responsibility for her boyfriend's death just for having invited him out to the woods, as their goodbye thing, when she never loved him as much as he loved her; she was going through the motions before breaking up with him and moving away.

"Why couldn't I just tell him the truth"

Liiiies

"I lied to make things easier!"

-

Ooh Mittens pointed out Gwen is a vet too - Sam and vets is a thing because AMELIA. (And a dog just hit them lol)

-

Poor Baby. And Dean was just worried Sam would fuck up her brakes! Dean's concerns again being based on small scale what he knows and not the big horrible truth, which is that Ramsey is gonna jump all over his car

Although not strictly Sam’s fault here

-

The car is almost sort of Hellhound proof? She's not breaking through the windows?

-

"We should leave!"

Can you drive faster than a hellhound? I'd LOVE to watch Sam try. But he decides to fight instead of driving off to try and prioritise getting Gwen away from danger

-

I love that the view through Sam's glasses showing us Ramsey is all fucked up and distorted because they're the wrong prescription glasses... BUT it gives us a similar "eye" back to her like the distorted view when the camera pretends to be her.... She and Sam staring each other down :D

-

Oh fuck if Sam kills her could he start doing the trials again? Like, working with the BMoL, casually bring it up at staff meeting and suggest that he's ready to go for round two?

-

Bad idea Sammy

-

COOLER TO THE HEAD. ILY GWEN 

Yeah I was getting Baby (the episode) vibes from Dean's love of the car and the fact that was the last time she got smashed up but now the green cooler is back in play I'm yelling :P She protects her boys and everyone who rides in her.

-

I LOVE THIS SO MUCH LOOK AT THIS *gestures the entire scene wildly*

-

Aw crap no the blood splattered Sammy in the right place and everything

Sam no

Don't even THINK about it

-

*Sam huffs his shoulders*

He did also get the blood all over him unlike how Dean was the one splattered at the beginning of the episode, so I guess all that stuff that wigged me out has a flipside - that Sam still is a great hunter who will get his hands dirty and take the burden onto himself. It was unsettling, yeah, but Sam's still Sam? Maybe? I'm not sure what this is saying tbh because it was SO clear in the opening but I don't know enough has changed right now, and ALSO in the next scene Sam is clean again like he washed off and changed before he even reconnected with Dean which just makes me think he felt guilty standing around splattered in hellhound blood because they remember what THAT led to last time... Sparing Dean's feelings or hiding what he's up to?

-

"And this is why you don't drive!"

-

AHAAHAHAHHA someone hugged Crowley

-

Best moment.

-

He's been thanked by everyone now, and got to see the gratitude of the random girl of the week... If Lucifer weren't waiting for him back home he'd almost have had a good day, if he could nurture something like that in his twisted black heart :P

-

"He seems nice"

"Yeah" *Sam and Dean pull faces*

-

Crowley like "welp that happened" when he walks in to see Lucifer gone

-

Lucifer wings!

-

Oh :P Crowley's got him on a leash or something. Nice. Lucifer underestimates how many steps ahead Crowley is even after he TOLD him it was 10, he remembered 2...

-

Wow he's powerful over Lucifer

-

Now the part where Lucifer doesn't have any chains but he's still trapped

Hah okay that was masterful

-

Perez owns Buckleming. He's 10 steps ahead when they think they're 2 :'D

How do you EXPLOIT their bad writing like that for your own diabolical ends? That's just

wow

that exposition and set up for Lucifer and Crowley in 12x13 was some of the shittiest writing the show has ever produced about a major plot event and that's saying something. I felt my soul leave my body. And I was so upset Perez had that big spooky reveal at the end of 12x12 and Buckleming got handed the "here's how to explain it" brief and I don't care if they knew what was coming later, they wrote 12x13 as the shittiest episode ever, with no effort on their part. I was like, wow, this is stupid, and it FIT their style. It was part of their THING to make Crowley look like an idiot and make us question wtf he was doing and they presented it all so terribly, so boringly, so... unimaginatively...

we actually bought that was what had happened

so the actual reveal that Crowley is 100% in charge and always has been

actually

came

as

a

fucking

plot twist

-

I'm sending Davy a fruit basket

-

Yay Dean talking to Cas on speakerphone

Oh no is Cas at the playground?

-

Oh dear, he's actually going back to Heaven... That can't end well

-

Dean: "Does he sound weird to you" YEAH OKAY it definitely IS dodgy. We listen when Dean doesn't think Cas sounds all right, because DEAN KNOWS. HE ALWAYS KNOWS. DEAN IS THE MOST ACCURATE COMPASS FOR TELLING HOW CAS IS AND HE ALWAYS KNOWWWS

How can Davy ruin me with Destiel in an episode where they talk twice briefly on the phone and there is barely anything about them in the structure?

Pfft

Dean also has a better instinct for Cas working with Heaven the BMoL parallel/they a parallel for Heaven, than he does for Sam doing it apparently.

ANYWAY ET GOES HOME. We powered through season 8 just there I guess :P But it's not the end of season drama it's happening in episode 15.

The whole thing that this is the Question for Cas. The BIG question. The ENDGAME question... Of course we have to make him jump through a ton of loops and explore what he really wants, but if this is powering him towards an actual DECISION?

-

But he was doing well as hunter!Cas without their resources and he loves his human family and they love him, and unlike 8x23, since everything is being inverted, he is more emotionally aware now not to run off and leave in the same way he was planning to in 8x23

-

Anyway this did not go how I was expecting! I was expecting Sam to not tell Dean right away but instead we end another episode with Dean getting the SAME news in the same spot (hi table) and... taking it in about the same way over 1 conversation he did in 2 episodes. He already had to deal with Mary, and at this point it just seems like his family are going after the BMoL like lemmings.

Boy is he betrayed though.

Sam's compartmentalising things again. Because of HIM the alpha is dead. They were as helpless as the "girl of the week" if Sam hadn't been there. Sam saved all their butts from the alpha vamp while making it sound like THEY did it.

-

I suppose Mick made him the bullet

to his recipe

that he then magnificently got from Mick

and you know

actually shot the alpha vamp with

-

Also ARGH "How much you hate them" "No, WE hate them, us, together" - just, Sam. Sweetie. They tortured you. Even YOU felt upset to hear Mary was working with them and needed 3 days to box it all up enough to talk to her. 

Sam seems to be acting like Dean's just being over-protective now to hate them irrationally because they hurt Sam, while Dean can't even believe he has to make this into an issue which should be one of those unbreakable brother things they they do as a team. He's not even the literally injured party here, not in the same way.

-

Dean looks gorgeous while he's thinking it over. Flippin' heck. Stop.

-

Anyway he gives Sam the same basic talk he gave Mary, essentially, about not liking it. Admits Sam is right about working with people they don't like, and that clearly he's wrong. He TRUSTS Sam and wants to trust Mary. And she has given Ketch the burn it all down speech, where Dean now says they get out as soon as it stinks.

-

I don't like that Dean thinks working with Crowley is comparable. Crowley is someone Dean has learned to trust in his own very specific way after being burned MANY times by him but also having a sort of attachment they've grown through all the years of being nemeses. They're used to each other and can generally rely on each other for exactly the things they rely on. Saying, well we just worked with Crowley, let's give these guys a shot because we don't like either of them, does not BEGIN to cover the range of issues with the BMoL... Even the ones they KNOW about

-

"The second something seems off, we bail" Okay I haven't seen a promo for 12x16 but I know the synopsis so I don't think it'll last long :P

-

Dean's FACE in that last moment though

Ow.