#ugh white mushrooms are so hard to photograph

[seabeck]

Mushies

[artificialqueens]

Breakfast Tacos with The Run-Off-The-Mill Transvestite Bisexual Hooker (Trixya) - Spoky

A/N: A lesbian AU for Cat who doesn’t like dicks, but likes Trixya.

Summary: Trixie’s life is very domestic. Katya’s is not. A combination of the two creates romance and sex, mostly sex.

Breakfast Tacos with The Run-Off-The-Mill Transvestite Bisexual Hooker

The ceiling of the unfamiliar bedroom Katya woke up in needed re-painting. So did the toe nails of the girl snuggled to her side. There was a heavy, hairy arm wrapped around her chest, painfully pressing on her left breast, and a pounding headache that reminded her of the fact that she was no longer eighteen. She could taste yesterday’s cigarettes on her tongue and smell the stale scent of sex in the stuffy bedroom; combination of cum and sweat.

The curvy body on her left stirred as she slowly moved the hairy arm off of her and wiggled her way out of the double bed. Where the fuck was her underwear?

There were piles of clothing scattered around the bedroom floor and only the fourth one brought any results. Katya pulled the t-shirt on and glanced at the couple on the bed. What the fuck was wrong with modern society so that twenty-something-year-olds needed to “spice up” their sex life with additions such as her?

The walls were decorated with multiple framed photographs of the couple’s trips abroad, their happy moments. There was a statue of a cat on the dresser and candles Katya figured were lit on special occasions to set the mood. Fuck romance, she personally couldn’t even fucking spell the word.

The fifth pile of clothes was a jackpot, containing mostly just her items. She dressed as quietly as she could and licked her teeth. Ugh, wrong move. Her breath must’ve been foul.

She grabbed her bag and tiptoed next to the guy on the bed. Men did the paying in hetero relationships, right? She had nothing against the bear, or hairy dude – straights didn’t get called bears, did they? – and didn’t want to wake him, but she really needed the agreed $180. Money in the dresser, girl! Had she learned nothing?

“Dude,” Katya whispered, trying not to wake up the missus. “Fuck man, wake up.”

The bear stirred and looked up to Katya, clearly hungover.

“Dude, I need the money.”

The beast groaned and sat up. He pointed lazily to his left and Katya rolled her eyes. Maybe it was too much to ask of the males of the species to communicate in full sentences? She eyed the direction the bear was pointing at and spotted his wallet – or, she assumed it was his. She grabbed the thing and gave it to the man who after a brief pause handed her $200 in twenty dollar bills.  

“Thanks, man,” Katya whispered. Whore or not, she hadn’t been raised by fucking wolves. She weaved her way quietly to the door and was about to leave when a low grunt made her turn once more. What now?

“Same time next week?” the bear asked and Katya smiled politely.  

“Sure, text me,” she said and closed the bedroom door behind her.

*

The morning sun was bright and hot. Katya knew exactly how bad she smelled as she dumped the mints, the coke and the cheapest bag of crisps she could find in the gas station onto the counter.

“And Lucky Strikes, the click and roll ones,” she said to the severely overweight cashier.

“ID?” the man asked in a low baritone and Katya wanted to roll her eyes. Instead she flashed him her driver’s licence, revealing her age close to thirty, and smiled the sweetest smile she could muster.

The horizontally challenged cashier wiggled his plump ass to the cigarettes and back, tempting Katya to ask for another pack, just to give the bastard some exercise, but she figured that in a state where a Mars bar costed half the price of a fresh salad the man was probably doing his best anyway and so she decided against it.  

“Anything else?” the man asked and Katya snorted.

“A condo with a working bathroom, pretty wife and a job where I can keep my clothes on?”

The man blinked lazily, and Katya figured he was incapable of understanding humour so early on a Saturday morning.

“No, that’s all,” she corrected and handed the cashier the amount required.

She walked back to her car and took a seat. She really wanted a cigarette and had just lit one when her phone beeped for a received text message.  

T: I’ve got breakfast.

There were reasons why Katya was in love with Trixie Mattel, her immaculate timing being just one of them.

K: there in 15min

She started the car, dropped the half smoked cigarette on the parking lot and sighed. She really should’ve showered at the couple’s place…

*

Trixie Mattel was everything Katya Zamolodchikova aspired to be. She was smart, beautiful, cocky, artistic, occasionally cunty, sure of herself, add here your favourite adjective and just a fucking decent human being. Trixie was interesting and rarely judgemental, something Katya appreciated in a woman. She was also an amazing cook and whenever she invited Katya over, Katya never thought twice, a home cooked meal always sounding better than her favourite song on the radio.

Standing in Trixie’s clean apartment with white walls, expensive cutlery and modern art was always a little distressing. Katya usually avoided moving around too much, afraid of contaminating the place with grunge and stupidity. She therefore tended to hover somewhere in between the kitchen and the bathroom, never feeling entirely comfortable. Of course there had been times when Trixie had dragged her into the bedroom and fucked her senseless, but those occasions rarely occurred on Katya’s own initiative. Not because she didn’t want to, but because she was always expecting permission.

“Scrambled or fried?” Trixie asked gently and Katya chuckled.

Eggs. Who the fuck cared? Either. Both? They would be amazing regardless. The only way Katya ate eggs on her own was price reduced and overcooked.

“Whichever is easier,” she ended up saying, knowing that Trixie wouldn’t appreciate the reply.

“Easiest is to mash them to your head and be done with it.”

Katya sniggered. “Scrambled,” she ordered through her chuckles.

“Good girl,” Trixie said and dropped a hasty kiss to the corner of Katya’s mouth before walking to the stove.

Katya pulled herself a chair from underneath the kitchen table and took a sip of the drink Trixie had mixed for her. The drink tasted like something in between of strawberries and vodka.

“There’s towels in the bathroom,” Trixie said in passing as she crouched to get something from the fridge. Mushrooms?

“Is that a hint?” Katya asked and swallowed, trying hard to hide her disgust. How did you tell someone that perfectly good eggs shouldn’t be spoiled with literal fungus?

“Did you know that the FDA legally allows 19 maggots and 74 mites in every 3.5-ounce can of mushrooms?”

Trixie paused and turned to look at her, unamused. “No, I did not,” she admitted. “But for someone who smells like half decayed dead sewer rat, you certainly have a lot of opinions about free food.”

Katya smirked. There were many reasons why she loved Trixie Mattel, her quick-wit being just one of them.

“Fine. I’ll shower.”

“And I’ll accommodate to your uneducated taste buds.”

Katya figured it counted as team work. She should put it on her CV.

*

Katya reached over the sink to wipe a reflective surface to the misty bathroom mirror. She sneered at the revealed image and reached for the modified pantyhose she’d left on the toilet seat. Due to damp skin it took some effort to wiggle her way into the self-made binder, but she eventually made it and covered the damn thing with a red tank-top before jumping into her briefs. Pulling the wet strands of her blond bob out of her face she stepped to the hallway and made her way back into the kitchen.

Trixie was standing at the kitchen sink, her hands hidden in dishwater and bubbles. The woman noticed Katya’s presence as she arrived and turned to look at her. The pure lust in her eyes made Katya smirk cocksurely.

“Don’t get cocky,” Trixie snorted, taking notice of Katya’s expression.

“But surely that’s the point?” Katya asked, walking behind Trixie. She brushed the bubblegum pink curls over Trixie’s shoulder and pressed herself against Trixie’s back while grabbing her breasts gently, giving them an affectionate squeeze. The woman shivered under Katya’s touch.

“Your hair’s wet,” Trixie whimpered as Katya reached further down, forcing Trixie to abandon the dishes.

“I didn’t think wet would be a problem,” Katya said. Her voice now low.

Trixie licked her lips. She placed her hands on either side of the sink, leaning on them slightly for support as she felt Katya reaching lower, all the way down to her crotch and giving her pussy a firm rub over her dress.

“Fuck,” Trixie sighed quietly.  

Katya chuckled at Trixie’s swear and lifted the hem of her dress just enough to thread her hand into her knickers.

Trixie bit her lower lip as she moved her feet slightly more apart before thrusting her hips ever so slightly against Katya’s cupped palm.

“You like that?”

Katya wrapped her other hand around Trixie’s waist and pulled the woman firmly against her as she massaged her palm in firm waves over Trixie’s labia. The woman smelled like candied apples with a hint of soft, sweet peony. The hem of Trixie’s floral dress caressed Katya’s naked thighs and she could feel her fingers getting slick as Trixie got more aroused.

“Yeah,” Trixie moaned, barely above a whisper.

“Yeah?” Katya asked, pressing her middle finger slightly in between Trixie’s pudendal lips, not quite in straight contact with her clitoris.

“Fuck yeah,” Trixie groaned and bent her knees to thrust against Katya’s hand more firmly, craving for more stimulation.

“Turn,” Katya instructed and pulled her hands off of Trixie.

Trixie swirled around in one quick movement and placed her hands on the kitchen counter for support as Katya got down on her knees, swiftly making her way underneath Trixie’s knee length hem. Katya dragged Trixie’s white cotton panties down to her ankles and helped her to step out of them before pressing her nose against her pussy, bringing it into a sweet sweet contact with Trixie’s clitoris.

Trixie whimpered and thrust her hips violently against Katya’s face, begging her to fuck her.

The desperate movement made Katya grin and she dug her fingers into Trixie’s ass, grabbing it tightly with her left hand before tracing Trixie’s pussy with her already wet fingers.

“Stop teasing you cunt!”

Katya smirked but didn’t need telling twice. She pushed two fingers up into Trixie simultaneously as she opened her lips to press an open mouthed kiss over her clitoris. Trixie groaned loudly, melting into the touch and pressing herself firmer against Katya’s mouth and fingers, asking for more.

“Please please please,” Trixie whined, her voice wavering. “Just, just…”

Trixie was squeezing the kitchen counter tightly, leaning onto her hands, as she rubbed her pussy against Katya’s slick tongue. She needed more, wanted her deeper, firmer, faster and rose onto her toes, knees bent, to create more leverage.

“Fuck yeah, eat that pussy,” she moaned and fucked against the open mouth before surrendering to the shivers and vibrations that flashed through her body in tidal waves.

Katya could feel Trixie’s thighs shaking and just held her firmly as the woman shivered above her. She didn’t know when Trixie had gotten onto her toes but as she lowered her heels back down and straightened her knees, Katya’s tongue lost contact with her. She could hear her panting and could imagine her eyes closed, lips slightly ajar, completely consumed by the sweet lull of her afterglow. As a soft reminder of her existence, Katya crooked her fingers slightly inside of her.

“Stop it, bitch.”

Katya laughed at the words and pulled out. “Sensitive, are we?”

Trixie snorted and dragged Katya up to her feet before kissing her hungrily, tasting herself on Katya’s lips. How the fuck had she fallen so hard for this run-off-the-mill transvestite hooker, Trixie would never know, but the woman fit perfectly against her as she wrapped her arms around Trixie’s waist.

“Breakfast?” Katya mumbled between the kisses and Trixie couldn’t resist the opportunity.

“What, you want more than tacos?”

Katya’s shrieking laughter sounded like a cat in heat.

[wolfhourr]

100 questions

I was bored af and tried to do these questions.

1. Is a kiss considered cheating? ya.

2. Have you ever faked an orgasm? Not one I could think of

3. If you could have one superpower, what would it be? probably flying

4. Do you think you are going to be rich in 7-8-9 years? hopefullyyyyy

5. Tell us some funny drunk story. Oh my god I know so many but a bunch of friends and I were celebrating midsummer and we had this wooden cross which we’d decorate with branches and flowers and one of my friends (he’s got long wavy hair) stole my flower crown and carried that cross halfway home through half of the town we live in and it was like half past 1 in the morning and the people on the streets were shouting ‘oh my god it’s Jesus’ all the time and that was freaking hilarious

6. Why are you no longer together with your ex? long distance isn’t cool

7. If you had to choose one way to die, what would it be? I don’t think of shit like this often but I’d like to have it quick and simple

8: What are your current goals? becoming a pro in photography (concerts mainly) and drone videography (basically shooting aerial footage for music videos and movies, that would be the most rad thing)

9. Do you like someone? I actually like a lot of people

10. Who was the last person to disappoint you? ugh, there are a few people who do that frequently but mostly band members

11. Do you like your body? parts.

12. Can you keep a diet? Nope I’m pretty weak regarding food

13. If the whole world listened to you right now, what would you say? Stop fucking killing each other and try to love everyone regardless of their origin or religion or sexuality or views

14. Do you work? I study Scandinavian Studies but I’ll be working as an aupair in Finland starting in August 2017

15. If you could choose only one food to eat for the rest of you life, what would it be? This is the toughest freaking question anyone has ever asked

16. Would you get a tattoo? I actually have 5

17. Something you don’t mind spending all your money on? concerts, cameras, things that make me genuinely happy

18. Can you drive? what? A car? A person insane? Like a fucking champ

19. When was the last time someone told you you were beautiful? my best friend aka Julienne that gorgeous shining bean

20. What was the last thing you cried for? my dad being my dad

21. Do you keep a journal? I have a scrapbook where I put random little things like receipts from vacations or stuff like that in and I also print out mini photos for it

22. Is life fun? What kind of question is this? Life’s an up and down

23. Is farting in front of people irrelevant? as long as they don’t hear it and you can smell it away

24. What’s your dream car? VW Golf R in metallic dark blue

25. Are grades in school important? As long as you don’t fail the class entirely or get kicked out of school it’s fine. Grades are so fucking overrated these days

26. Describe your crush. Ahahahaha he’s suuuuch a dork, especially whenever he’s drunk haha no but seriously he’s a dork and he get’s pretty touchy then

27. What was the last book/movie that really impressed you? uhh, can’t rememberrrr

28. What was your last lie? I really don’t lie often but maybe I said I wasn’t feeling well just to avoid going out with some friends

29. Dumbest lie you ever told? I think there are a lot of dumb things I told so I can’t really think of one specifically right now

30. Is crying in front of people embarrassing? depends on the people but generally yes even though it shouldn’t be

31. Something you did and you are proud of? my photographs of band members

32. Favorite cocktail? Not tasted all of em but I love Mojitos

33. Something you are good at? sleeping, eating, taking photos, being dumb

34. Do you like small kids? depends on the kids

35. How are you feeling right now? stuffed with lunch and tired but generally fine because life’s good

36. What would you name your daughter/son? daughter: Ebba son: Heinz-Ewald!

37. What do you need to be happy? music, positive vibes and photography

38. Is there someone you want to punch in the face right now? I’m a very non-violent person so nope.. maybe Trump tho

39. What was the last gift you received? my grandma bought me a new handbag yesterday and it’s fabulous

40. What was the last gift you gave? frozen flavoured water to my beloved Fachschaft

41. What was the last concert you went to? A Finnish band called ‘Wake The Nations’, I had the pleasure to take pics for them there hehe

42. Favorite place to shop at? C&A, H&M

43. Who inspires you? Sawyer Hartmann & Logan Henderson, actually a lot more human beings

44. How old were you when you first got drunk? I’m pretty good with alcohol so I have to drink a ton to get drunk and I’m a poor student so basically I was 20 (and I still am 20 lol)

45. How old were you when you first got high? never got there

46. How old were you when you first had sex? never got there either

47. When was your first kiss? 2013 lol

48. Something you want to do until the end of this year? staying in Finland haha

49. Is there something in the past you wish you hadn’t done? A lot of embarrassing things honestly

50. Post a selfie there are photos of me on this blog come on

51. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friends of course!

52. Name one thing that terrifies you. insects

53. What kind of books do you read? none honestly

54. What would you tell your 12 year old self? “Nick Jonas won’t marry you and never fall for boys, they won’t value your good heart”

55. What is your favorite flower? white roses

56. Any bad habits you have? I have many, can’t choose

57. What kind of people are you attracted to? ugh, I deffo don’t have a specific type of person, it really strongly depends on the person. It can be the metalhead in one of the other Fachschaften and it also can be the hot model or the mysterious musician whose head is in the clouds 99% of the time. As long as the person treats me right and isn’t suuuuuper weird it really can be anyone.

58. What was the last thing you cried for?  didn’t we have that question already

59. Is there something you don’t eat? Some food that truly disgusts you? Yaaaaa. I hate mushrooms, any sort of fish, snails, insects, basically all that stuff that Germans don’t eat, and oh yeah we have that thing called blood sausage here which is the most awful thing ever

60. Are you in love? all the time

61. Something you find romantic? lying in the grass at night time staring into the sky and talking is something I wanna do with someone special

62. How long was your longest relationship? 6 months? long distance I mentioned that

63. What are three things that irritate you about the same sex? - why do girls bath their faces in tons of make up EVERY SINGLE DAY like I don’t even wear more than mascara EVER - why do girls have to be so disgusting when it comes to public toilets and stuff - arrogance

64. What are three things that irritate you about the opposite sex? - superior behavior - beards - can’t think of the third rn

65. What are you saving money for? for my further studies in October 2018

66. How would you describe your bad side? bad..? 

67. Are you actually a good person? Why? I always try to be nice to people and approach them without any prejudice and I try to make people feel good in my presence

68. What are you living for? music and photography haha

69. Have you ever done anything illegal? I parked illegally a couple times lol

70. Do you like your body? check out question 11

71. Have you ever made someone feel bad about themselves intentionally? I strongly hope I haven’t

72. Ever sent nudes? lmao nope

73. Have you ever cheated on someone? In my mindddddd lol

74. Favorite candy? Ferrero Rocher. I’d die for them.

75. Is there a blog you visit every day or almost every day? Tag it! nopeeee I’m sorry I’m lame

76. Do you play any computer games? What’s your favorite? I used to play Rollercoaster Tycoon and Sims 2-4 a loooooot

77. Favorite TV series? Riverdale!!!! And the old German series ‘Wege zum Glück’ which is such a soap opera but I’m a sucker for it still

78. Are you religious? Does God exist? There have been so many “coincidences” that make it hard to believe he isn’t existent. And also there’s so much positive stuff in my life right now, I think he led me where I am right now.

79. What was the last book you read? Did it impress you and why? I read a Swedish book from Henning Mankell about murders and it was cool

80. What do you think about vegetarianism/veganism? everyone is allowed to eat what they want, I don’t even careee

81. How long have you been on tumblr? since 2011/12, not sure

82. Do you like Chinese food? every now and then, yes.

83. McDonalds or Subway? Megges!

84. Vodka or whiskey? V!

85. Alcohol or drugs? only done alcohol so that’s it for me

86. Ever been out of your province/state/country? of course!!!

87. Meaning behind your blog name? it’s my favorite song by the Swedish band called ‘DNKL’

88. What are you scared of? not finding someone to spend the rest of my life with

89. Last time you were insulted? I tend to suppress things like this

90. Most traumatic experience? being taken away from my grandparents regularly when I was young

91. Perfect date idea? it has to do with sunsets and the ocean

92. Favorite app on your phone? Instagrammmmm

93. What color are the walls in your room? white

94. Do you watch Youtube? Who is your favorite youtuber? I love the vlogs from Lex&Los and I am obsessed with the videos of the Swabian comedian Dodokay.

95. Share your favorite quote. boy there are so many I can’t even come up with one right now

96. What is the meaning of life? finding that one passion and doing everything to live that passion every day

97. Do you like horror movies? N O P E

98. Have you ever made your mum cry? What happened? probably my birth has made her cry at some point

99. Do you feel lucky or special in a way? the way some bandmembers treat me is truly something special hehe yes

100. Can you keep a secret? for sure!