#ugh it's a whole process and I'm not sure if I want to deal with that right now

[rat-detector-24s-ghost]

Well damn, this isn't how I expected to go out. Hey just wanted to say, living with y'all was a lot of fun, but now begins the hauuuuntingggg. I know this is scary to some of you, but I'm a good ghost, in promise. Not one of those evil ones. Please don't pay attention to the blood dripping down the walls. That's just ghost aesthetic.

@the-great-old-one I demand a refund! Wtf is this? You made my music experimental!

[tumblingxelian]

Chloe Knows:

Apparently game Chloe knows Marinette is Ladybug, so I wrote this:

Summary: Chloé Bourgeois is perhaps the last person Marinette expected to see on her roof after having lost the Miraculous to Felix.

Chloé Bourgeois is also probably the person Marinette least wants to see on her roof.

Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, Chloe knows more than she's ever let on and that complicates things, but it just might end up helping too.

Chloe Knows:

The last thing Marinette expected to deal with right now was Chloe hanging out on her roof, arms folded and tapping her yellow jacket impatiently.

It was also the last thing Marinette wanted to deal with, save maybe finding Hawk Moth waiting for her. & that thought just sent her gut into a tailspin, so Marinette forced open her ceiling hatch and stalked onto the roof.

Chloe zeroed in on her instantly, hissing, "You kept me waiting!"

Marinette barely resisted the urge to grab and shake the blonde, because she had only just finished re-tethering herself after the disaster of losing the Miracle Box.

Still, she had just enough restraint to only force her way into Chloe's space, grounding out, "How did you trick my parents into letting you up here, Chloe?"

The blonde blinked confusedly, "I climbed?" She motioned to a discarded pair of gloves sitting in the rooftop bin. "Why would I talk to your parents about that anyway? This is our business."

Marinette tried very hard to parse that question but she was still trying to process Chloe having scaled her walls!?

"Because they-, I-" No she as not dealing with that right now. "Chloe we don't have business!" Marinette settled on, arms flailing.

"Normally we wouldn't, you made sure of that-"

"Oh I made sure of it?"

"Yes you," Chloe huffed, somehow the one affronted, "When you got me to be terrible for my mother, then made it impossible for me to be good as Queen Bee by taking Pollen. Now you go and lose her & the others? I thought you were at least cunning to pull that scheme off Dupain-Cheng, or are you just lucky!?"

Marinette technically 'heard' what Chloe said, but she didn't have the wherewithal to react to it. Not right now as her whole world felt like it was suddenly unreal and empty and yet crushingly full all at once.

"Hah, haha, what are you t- talking about? Me, take a pollen? I don't know what that is? I don't even like wasps!"

Chloe dragged her hands down her face, screaming into her palms, "You cannot be this thick, no one can, for the- I know you're Ladybug, I've known your Ladybug for ages. Now tell me how you lost the Miraculous!"

"I could never be-"

Chloe stepped forward, counting off on her fingers.

"Rena is Alya, Nino is Carapace, Sabrina the Hound, Max is Pegasus, Kim is monkey guy and Zoe is Vespera, very petty of you, kudos really. Need I list more?"

"I"

"I've seen your Kwami, do I need to grab your damned earrings!?"

Marinette's hands flew to them, and she flung herself back, then started to giggle, maniacally.

"Hahaha, of- of course, this is a nightmare! All a nightmare! I didn't fail, Chloe doesn't know anything, I didn't get tricked by Felix and doom Paris! Hahaha- OW!"

Chloe pulled her hand back and out of pinching distance.

"You're awake Dupain-Cheng & finally answered my question to boot. Felix, ugh!! What, did he pull that stupid 'I'm Adrien' stunt and you just tripped over yourself?"

"Actually-" Tikki cut in gently, drifting out of her bag. "There was no tripping that I recall, & he'd had help this time, as Adrien wished to stay in Paris so it was more believable."

Marinette felt like her throat was closing up as she rasped, "Tikki, why!?"

The Kwami turned to her, big eyes doleful, "I am sorry Marinette, but it was obvious she knew and has evidently known for sometime. I felt you continuing to try and cover this up would only make things worse not better."

"Good thing too, I was about to tackle her and shake you out of that bag-ah!"

Marinette grabbed Chloe, spun her around and trapped her against the nearest wall. Eyes wild and frantic, the command phrase to transform dancing on her lips.

"Where's Hawk Moth? What's your game Chloe!?"

"If this was a game I'd be having fun, also," Chloe brought her hands up, and sharply but lightly 'chopped' her way out of Marinette's grip with the sudden pressure on her elbows and then shot out of grabbing range.

"Uhu, you had your chance to straddle me and passed it up."

Marinette's overtaxed brain wanted to 'scream' at that particular mental image. But Ladybug Brain was taking over and she snapped.

"How long have you known? It can't be that long or Hawk Moth would have found out already. After Penal-Team, no after-"

"Are you kidding? I've known way longer than that," Chloe boasted.

"Then why doesn't Hawk Moth know? Why didn't you just Akumatize and bring him the Miraculous!?" Marinette hissed.

"Because I don't want him to win, obviously!"

"You say you want him to win all the time!"

"I say stupid stuff when I'm angry, sue me!"

"Marinette!" Her parents called, and she could hear them racing up the ladder and nearly tripping over one another in a bid to make it to the rood.

Tikki vanished back into her purse and Marinette stood stock still frozen as her parents clambered out. Her mother hugging her close and her dad stepping between her and Chloe.

"How did you get up here?" Her father groused.

"Marinette, are you OK?" Sabine asked, fretfully.

A million and one excuses flew through Marinette's exhausted brain. Class project, Chat Noir dumped Chloe on her roof, she was Ladybug & Chloe had come to yell at her- No wait, that was the truth!

"What business is it of yours?" Chloe snapped back, evidently not intimidated by her father.

"Because this is our home, and our daughter and you are trespassing." Tom rumbled.

Chloe leaned to the side and looked at Marinette, still in her mothers arms, and then pointedly looked 'past' them.

"That doesn't answer my question, Marinette and I's business is none of yours."

Her mother frowned, "You've never had business with our daughter, just sharp words at best. You have no right to her or anything here."

"Ch- Chloe was just checking up on me, after Monarch's announcement." Marinette rambled, trying to piece the pieces together into something workable that wouldn't send Chloe into a fit.

Both her parents looked stunned and also like they wanted to ask if she was concussed.

Fortunately, Chloe managed to pick up where she'd left off.

"Exactly, we certainly aren't friends, but I felt obliged to check up on someone else I knew Ladybug wouldn't check on."

"What?" Her mothers hug tightened, and her voice actually quivered.

Her father looked between the two sides, seemingly lost for what to do with himself.

The pieces fell into place and Marinette came to the truth, in a sense.

"I was Multi-Mouse, when my science teacher god Akumatized, Ladybug needed someone who was good at multitasking."

"Marinette," Her father rushed forward and pulled her into a hug that knocked the air out of her lungs.

"I... I helped her, I did OK I think."

"You got the Miraculous back so you did your job," Chloe cut in, neither warm nor scathing.

Her mother evidently didn't agree, "It shouldn't have been her job, either of your jobs. You're children!"

"Mum, dad, it's fine, really it's fine!"

Her mother ran a hand through her hair, "I feel like there's something you aren't saying sweetheart."

She glanced at Chloe who was watching the exchange with an inscrutable expression. Some strange mix of confusion and almost starvation like hunger that was honestly painful to perceive.

Marinette licked her lips and pressed on.

"Chloe was right that Ladybug might not check up on me. At least not in a way I could see."

"She's usually such a good hero?" Her father said, sounding despondent.

"It's because I asked her too! I... When I was Multi-Mouse, I used the other Miraculous. A lot. I shouldn't have, but nothing bad happened!" she hastily added, at her parents near frantic looks of worry.

"Ladybug warned me, but I misunderstood and she said even though I was OK this time I shouldn't use magic again for a long time. I was upset, I wanted to help her, I-"

Why was she crying?

"I wanted to be a good hero, but I just screwed up and now," she was sobbing. Gods she was sobbing in her mothers arms.

"There there, my treasure, I am sure you were brilliant, let it out," her mother stroked her hair while her father hovered protectively, one large hand rubbing circles on her back.

Fortunately, Marinette had already cried her heart out once tonight and was too tired for a truly spectacular breakdown.

She managed to half slip her mothers grip, wiping at her eyes. "Thanks, both of you," she glanced at Chloe who was back to not quite staring at them. Her face was a mask of forced, haughty neutrality that looked like it was being kept in place with wires buried beneath her skin.

"Thanks for checking up on me Chloe, and for somehow not telling Hawkmoth our, my, anyone's identities when he had you Akumatized all those times." Because she still needed an answer to that, only the fact Tikki hadn't seemed panicked was keeping her grounded.

Chloe swallowed, hands clenching and unclenching before she spoke.

"Yes, well, I might not be Queen Bee or a hero anymore, but ridiculous circumstances demand ridiculous actions. So for tonight I'm a hero and it's the duty of a hero to look out for people. Even one's they hate."

OK, ow.

Chloe pressed on, "As to identities," She shrugged. "If that idiot Hawkmoth, Shadowmoth or whatever he's calling himself had that kind of control he wouldn't have to wait for people to break before getting them under his thumb. Even when I let him in the last few times, I never let him dig deep and I'd just kick him out if he tried to paw at any of my secrets."

Marinette felt like her heart was going to collapse in on itself because, "Even knowing everything you do, you just- I can't- I don't understand you at all Chloe!"

That actually seemed to draw the blonde up short, "That's a surprise, I thought you knew me better than anyone. You're certainly good at," Chloe looked at her parents ten back to Marinette, "Hitting my weak spots when we come to blows."

It felt like there was a lot to unpack there and for the first time in a long time, Marinette knew she'd actually have to spare no small amount of time and thought on Chloe's inner workings.

For now though.

"Even if you 'can' just kick him out."

"You know I can!" Chloe stomped her foot. "You saw me do it when I was Penal-Team!"

"That's my point! Isn't that like willingly helping him!? Other people have to be tricked!"

Chloe scoffed, "Tricked she says, don't over-sell it, it's being angry or sad, or whatever and taking a deal. Besides, does it look like I'm helping? I played soccer for an hour then quit."

"You had a bunch of people trapped in deadly orbs Chloe!"

"So what!? People try to kill me all the time! Ivan tried to smear me on the pavement! Nathanial tried to chop my legs off! Mommy murdered me and no one cared! No one!"

There was a choked edge in that but Chloe pressed on. "Because it's not a big deal, and anyone trying to make it a big deal is just looking for sympathy points, so there." 

She huffed and unfolded her arms, "Anyway you've clearly got people to tend to and I got what I came for. See you at school, Multi-Mouse."

With that she marched across the rooftop to her sky-box. "I'm not climbing the walls again if I don't have to so I'll just leave out the front and avoid the stray dog."

Before she reached the door, Marinette was surprised to see her mother reach out and gently grasp Chloe's shoulder.

"Chloe," She said firmly, as the blonde practically froze up, looking half ready to bolt, or shout. "Thank you for checking up on our daughter, that was a good thing and for whatever it's worth. People should have cared, I'm sorry those who should don't."

There was a moment where Marinette honestly expected Chloe to start crying, to fling herself at her mother and howl and sob. She was sure she saw something glisten in her eyes before Chloe wiped it away, and swallowed.

Her voice was rough as she said, "It's... Thanks, or whatever, doesn't matter. I don't need anyone's help."

"Everyone needs someone, so if your feelings change, don't be afraid to ask, people can surprise you. Especially if you don't break into their house." Her mother said the last part with a sort of forced, hopeful smile.

Chloe nodded, like taking an instruction, a rasped something escaping her lips before she achingly pulled away and climbed down the ladder.

A million and one feelings, questions and terrors still swirled in Marinette's mind but as her father and mother gently guided her down the ladder, intent on hot coco and comfort talk. She knew they'd have to wait. Could wait, until she was rested and ready.

Even still, a part of her would linger on the question of Chloe. What to think, to feel, to do, certainly. But also on the quieter, more uncomfortable thoughts.

Like who someone who felt they had no one would turn to if they were desperate and at the end of their rope.

'& it's not just Chloe either, who does Chat Noir have besides me?'

It was an uncomfortable thought, but one buoyed by a new revelation. No matter how omnipotent Hawk Moth seemed, no matter how all knowing he claimed to be; he was clearly far less than that.

It wasn't much to build on, but it was something, a foot hold from which she could dig in her heels and drag him down from his perch.

Golden hair flashed in her mind again and another thought echoed in her head.

'One good foot hold may be enough to bring down Hawkmoth. So what could it do for someone else?'

Because no matter what she said or had done, Chloe made a choice tonight, and had been making choices for longer than Marinette realized. Not having fallen down the slope but merely standing on the brink.

'But she took a step back tonight, to somewhere I can reach.'

& maybe all Marinette needed was one good foothold to pull Chloe all the way back, perhaps Farther than she'd ever been, or Marinette even realized was possible. 

It was a tender little hope, strange and unsure, but somehow, in Marinette's mind, it felt like solid gold. 

NOTES:

Wrote this is one sitting, then edited it, I hope it reads well XD

I have no plans to continue this, though if someone else wants to take it and run with it please feel free. I kind of envision Marinette re-inviting Chloe to the class group chat as a sort of olive branch and them slowly working through their respective issues.

Also Chloe turning up at Felix's with a tazer and the same martial arts skills that let her fight Mayura to a stand still and possibly, violently reclaiming Doosoo, cos you can pry Jock!Chloe from my cold dead hands!

[frostyhelltime]

hihi!! i love your work, i was wondering if i could request hazbin hotel characters x male or GN socially awkward reader who stutters a lot? preferably the characters angel dust, husk, vox, and velvette please, thank you in advance! you don't have to do it if you don't want to ofc, take your time and stay safe :D

Aaaaaaaaa this is such a cute prompt! I would be glad to Nonnie!! Also love that Velvette is in here too. Love her but she's not quite as popular as some other characters so I was super excited to see your request!

Did I Stutter?

Ft. Angel Dust, Husk, Vox, and Velvette x male!reader

Angel Dust

Is genuinely trying his best to be kind to his boyfriend, really.

And he succeeds most of the time, but there was definitely a learning curve at the beginning of the relationship.

The awkwardness Angel didn't mind at all. Just thought you were that smitten with him that you got tongue-tied and acted a little awkward because he was just that hot.

However as the relationship progressed and you continued to stutter and are still a little awkward he brings it up.

Once he realizes that's just how you are he's a little dismayed that it wasn't him that made you do it. But doesn't mind it once he gets over that.

He's one of the more patient ones, for sure. When you have trouble getting something out he doesn't make a big deal of it or draw attention to your stutter, he just keeps his face normal and neutral as he patiently waits for you to finish, like you aren't struggling for words.

It actually helps a lot because you don't feel the pressure to get it right and get it right fast that you feel with others.

Although he does have a habit sometimes of intentionally riling you up or being extra seductive with you to worsen your stutter because he thinks it's cute when you stutter his name with wide eyes like that.

"Ya know we've been together awhile now, right? Ya don't have to be so nervous around me all the time. I mean the stutter is cute and it's adorable when ya trip over your words, and I know I'm hot, but I'm starting ta wonder if you're ever going to get used to me." Angel Dust laughs as the two of you walk through Pentagram City, Angel walking beside you. He has one of his hands holding yours, and the other wrapped protectively around your shoulders as you make your way through the streets.

A rare day off and all he wants is to spend it with you to recharge himself.

You huff a moment, trying to think of how to explain it. You hadn't realized he thought it was a nervous habit and not just...what you do.

"T-This is....h-how I normally talk." You eventually get out, speaking slowly to try and reduce the rate at which you stutter.

At that Angel Dust stops and frowns and you're worried that perhaps this quirk of yours is too much for him to deal with now that he knows it isn't temporary. But he just pouts and looks at you as he starts walking again.

"It isn't because I'm super hot? Ugh. How disappointin." He huffs, throwing his head back and looking up at the sky a moment.

"Ya lucky you're so cute. I'll pretend not to be sad that you weren't swooning over me this whole time." Angel Dust looks back down at him.

But in a rare show of courage, his boyfriend clears his throat and forces out something a little bolder than usual.

"W-Who said I w-wasn't?" A coy grin on his face just made Angel stop a moment again, eyes wide as he processed what he had said.

"Ya can't just surprise me with that kind of smooth shit when I'm not expecting it." He grumbles, but from how affectionately Angel grips his hand just a little tighter it's clear he's not actually upset.

He'll just get him back later tonight. He may not be the cause of the stutter, but he knows how to make it worse when he gets a little to close to him, hands running over his body as he whispers to him.

Husk

Another one who is also very understanding.

Literally never once brings it up.

When he figures out that's just how you talk, he shrugs it off.

But he does think it's cute when you stutter on his name when you're trying to get his attention.

But he'll keep that to himself.

When you're struggling he actually makes it really easy on you, busying himself with menial work behind the bar: Organizing bottles, messing around with a new cocktail he had an idea for, cleaning glasses. Whatever he can find so he isn't looking at you, but still waits patiently for you to speak. Him not staring at you, waiting for you to get the words out was actually really helpful.

He also doesn't mind the social awkward aspect. He's not exactly a social butterfly himself, or a people person.

Besides, he's served plenty of awkward people who relax a bit when they have some liquid courage. So those types of people never bothered him.

"A-A-And do you k-know what that, that, t-that- UGH." Husk's boyfriend shouts in frustration eventually. Husk looks over as you lay your head down on the bartop in frustration.

Husk just grabs a glass and pulls out a few bottles, busying himself with making...some sort of new concoction.

"Take your time." Is all he says, the only acknowledgement he gave that he recognized you were struggling.

He's purposefully not looking at you, letting you take a moment to calm and collect yourself without feeling the pressure.

You take a deep breath and try again, speaking slower this time so your upset doesn't make it worse.

"W-Wanna know....what that a-asshole said?" You eventually get out as he pushes the finished drink towards you to try.

"Oh I'm real curious." Husk says plainly, and to others around he might sound only as interested as a bartender normally is in their patrons sob stories. But you can hear in his undertone he does actually want to know.

"H-He said, w-with that cheap o-o-outfit, he's surpr-prised I, I, I...can even afford a drink!" You throw your hands up as you finally finish lamenting about the jerk you met last night when you decided to go clubbing with Angel Dust and Cherri.

Husk frowns a moment at the insult, not liking that he wasn't there to correct the guy. But he can at least settle for making you laugh as you take the first few sips.

He leans forward then, his elbows on the bartop as he lays his head in one hand and looks at you.

"You don't need to afford any drinks. You're fucking the bartender. You get 'em free." He smirks, holding back a laugh as he watches you almost immediately spit out that first sip, and watches you laugh for the first time since you sat down here in such a foul mood.

Vox

Surprisingly, genuinely the most empathetic about the whole thing.

When you first started dating him, he tried to help you. Lots of famous orators had stutters and they overcame them!

But he realizes eventually you don't want him to be so focused on fixing it, just help you get through it when it gets frustrating.

Once you get past that miscommunication, it's a lot smoother.

If you're struggling exceptionally bad he just pulls out his phone and hands it to you in a non-chalant manner so as not to draw attention to you, to let you type what you want to try and get across to him.

Genuinely scrubs social media down there of any shit-talking he sees people might do about 'Vox's stuttering mess of a boyfriend'. He controls pretty much all of it anyway. So it isn't the hardest thing.

He doesn't want you to see what some stranger who isn't worth anything is saying about you if it might make you feel bad.

The reason he is the most empathetic is because he does also have a tendency to stutter too, technically. When he glitches out, he can often stutter or repeat words and it's always intensely frustrating to him because it shows someone how he's feeling an intense enough emotion to glitch out like that.

Always does his best to retain as much control as he can when he glitches because of this, but when it's just the two of you he doesn't...really mind if you hear his computer equivalent of stuttering.

"S-S-Stupid FUCKING Val!" Vox yells as he throws some stupid object on his desk against the wall, narrowly missing you when you walk in to see him. His normal bright blue face is a bright and angry red and Vox is immediately simmering down, eyes wide when he realizes he almost nailed you with it. What had he even thrown? His eyes glance down and he sees it was a stapler and he winces. Yeah, with his strength and throwing that, that could have done a lot of damage if it had connected.

"S-Sh----iiit! I-I'm sorry!"

But Vox's boyfriend doesn't even seem bothered, just jogging over to him quickly and holding his hands, using his thumbs to rub circles on Vox's palms. Clearly trying to calm him down and...damnit it's working. The red begins to fade to blue once again as Vox lets out a deep sigh.

"W-What happened?" You ask him curiously, looking up at him.

"Fucking VAL happened, of course. Ripped apart one of my best news anchors because he found out they were fucking one of his favorites and he doesn't like to share. Now I gotta find someone else who is just as good or I'll be running the 6 o'clock segment until I do." Vox grumbles. He could just slap someone in there of course, but he hadn't built VoxTek into what it was today by accepting second best.

You tug him down, him eventually getting the message and leaning down to be within your reach more. You lean forward and gently place an affectionate kiss on his screen.

"H-How about....I or-or-order food to-to go? W-We'll sit here and...look at c-candidates." You suggest and Vox's face softens again, glad that although Val had ruined his nice relaxing dinner date with you, that he at least still got to spend time with you. Val couldn't ruin his night at least, it seems.

Vox smiles again, his normal exuberant and charismatic showman personality back on full display as he feels better with a plan in place.

"Hey I could always say screw it and let you have a whack at it." He teases, not even feeling bad about the cute look of panic in your eyes as you immediately shake your head no. He can't help but laugh and quickly shakes his own head.

"Kidding! Kidding! I want to still have a boyfriend by the end of tonight." He chuckles, earning him a gentle hit to his shoulder from you at his joke.

Velvette

Admittedly...the least kind about it...at first anyway.

She has little patience or time for things in general. So a stutter was actually a little aggravating to her at first. Until she realized one day she kinda thought it sounded a little cute coming from you.

It was something unique about you, and hey, fashion is all about being unique.

She almost certainly did make fun of you in the beginning before she developed feelings, and whenever Val or Vox bring it up to tease her about it, she winces.

Yeah....not something she's proud of now that she actually likes you and is dating you.

But once she gets past that hump, she's pretty accomodating...sometimes a little too much even.

But her heart is in the right place.

The easiest way she accomodates you is having a lot of conversations over text. Which isn't even an adjustment for her.

Plus it means she can re-read all your sweet words to cheer her up when Val fucks up her best model again. She thinks the world would be more peaceful is someone just fucking castrated him or something...

One of the ways she tries to be helpful and sweet to you but actually makes it worse is when you're trying to talk in a group of people, and when you start to have trouble, sometimes someone just starts to talk over you to move the conversation along.

And then she frowns, cocking her hips to the side with her hands on them.

"Uh? Excuse me. He wasn't done talking, yeah?" She shuts them up, giving you back the floor as your cheeks flush.

But now all the attention is on you and it makes it worse.

But her heart is in the right place, like I said.

She also doesn't care about the social awkwardness.

In her words "Doesn't matter how you are in real life, no one has to know if you don't post it online."

Plus, you're with her. She's plenty adept enough to navigate any social situations you have trouble with.

She's a bit tired of Vox talking over you while you all sat around and had cocktails with dinner. She knows it's in his nature, but that doesn't piss her off any less whenever she sees you sigh and give up on trying to say whatever it is you were trying to say.

"Oy, Box Brain! I know you love the sound of hearing yourself talk, but how about you let someone else get a word in edgewise, yeah?" She's not even trying to hide her annoyance and Vox just rolls his eyes.

"Don't you fucking roll your eyes at me! I'll start fucking up the signal of all your broadcasts if you don't shut the fuck up and let someone else talk!" She's getting just a bit more heated now, narrowing her eyes. You grimace and lean over, placing a hand on her arm to try and show that it's really okay. You loved that she fought so passionately for you...but not everything needed to be a battle.

Vox leans forward himself now, while Valentino just leans back, blowing out smoke and enjoying the show with an amused grin on his face. You certainly couldn't count on him to break this up.

"You wouldn't dare." Vox says with narrowed eyes himself, face closer to hers, and she snaps back at him without thinking.

"Did I fucking stutter?!"

Valentino is the first one to register the hilarity of what slipped out of Velvette's mouth, and he's almost spilling his cocktail from laughing so hard. It's only when he starts laughing that she realizes what she said and feels embaressment wash over her as she turns to you with wide eyes.

"Babes, I didn't mean-"

But you stop her before she can finish, smiling assuringly at her and rubbing her arm.

"I-It's okay....You gotta a-admit...It was pr-pretty funny." You laugh a bit yourself, and only when she sees you laugh does the tension leave her shoulders. She still feels embaressed...but at least you weren't upset.

"Hey, stop fucking laughing you two. It wasn't that funny." Velvette grumbles, hiding her face behind her cocktail as she takes a sip, feeling you press a kiss to her cheek to try and make her feel better as Vox and Valentino continue to enjoy Velvette's mistake.

[thetinylittlespider]

What once was

"Hey, wake up sleepy head, it's 10 in the morning, half the day is lost."

Her voice, soft and sweet, a gentle touch to my ears every time I heard her words resonate in my head.

"Ugh, let me be, woman. My body is aching and I'm still tired."

And there I was, grumpy, wounded, and slowly recovering by her expert hands.

"Oww, did I made my wittle prince angwy?"

She said in a mocking voice, and using a silly tone that in other circumstance, it would've annoyed me. But she made me smile, take her joke, and open my eyes with care.

"Do you know the consequences of interrupting royal slumber?"

She released a chuckle, lowering her index finger to the top of my head, caressing my hair with a warm and sincere smile.

"Uhm...Maybe I'll get my fingers cut! You know, just like you said when we first met, same fingers that seem to help you sleep all nights~"

I felt that weird sensation on my cheeks, flustering, she called it...but it was only an event that happened when I felt close to her, finding every degree of joy, when she calles out all of my bluffs.

"Well, I guess I can forgive your crime if you let me make breakfast this time."

This thoughts of offering myself to serve someone else, they never crossed my mind before, what had changed? What had happened with me?

"Love, you are still injured, it's been more than a year and you have recovered a lot since I found you but, this is indeed a slow-rate healing process. You are not human so I'm not quite sure how much...but I don't want to risk it and-"

I had worst damage done to myself, that was true. From deep cuts, to heavy hits in every inch of my body. It was really a miracle that I was able to walk away in the middle of the forest. But I couldn't stand a single day more being just a patient.

"Hey, Look at me. I can stand on my own, I can climb with no issue, and I can safely sleep besides you. Right now I only have a sore shoulder and maybe just a bit of abdominal pain, but I can walk it off! I promise!"

"I don't know, things in the kitchen might be quite heavy-"

I interrupt her, finally standing up from the pillow I was resting on, her hand taking some distance. And dear gods above...The sight I'm welcomed with, her whole frame resting like a mountain right in front of me, looming with both a powerful stare, and one that reflected compassion, love, and care.

For the past year we had shared our lives, our memories, and even our dreams. It was safe to say that she was my world, my entire universe, the life I wanted.

"Hey, c'mon, I want to do more than grant you a few words everyday, I want you to let me share with you, I desire for you to be treated like a queen..."

I stopped in my tracks, giving a little massage to my throat after saying that, she seemed surprised by the comment as well. But her surprise was a positive one, I could feel it, her emotions, raw in my entire body, a force so strong it made my heart rate increase.

Rules be damned, if I could ever go back to my kingdom, she could rule it alongside me. The first human, and the only one I ever loved.

"Fine, little dummy, but first sign of you being in pain, I'll be taking your cute self back to bed, we have a deal?"

I agreed with a smile, trying to brush off any bit of shyness that I felt expressing my emotions. She carried me delicately between her fingers, no silk was softer than her skin, no sensation was better comfort than to be with her.

And we both enjoyed together what must've been the longest breakfast preparation ever, I had no idea what I was doing, and while she assisted me with the heavy lifting, trying to repeat what I usually saw her doing day after day was complicated. I was making a fool out of myself, and she seemed amused from above at my attempts to make something as simple as a pancake mix.

We both skipped a meal that day, but we were far too distracted to even get bothered by hunger. The kitchen was a mess, and the afternoon set in, I laid sit in the table, and she rested her head on it, she wanted to have a good look at me, she really...liked me. The little cursed thing that I am.

After our laughs came to a cease, we both just stared at each other, time getting slower, my mind just getting more and more distracted on those beautiful gems she had for eyes. I had to say something before I started looking like an hypnotized idiot.

"I don't know how you get the patience to deal with this disaster you call boyfriend."

She held me closer to her, a palm working as a wall that pushed me near her face, a warm sensation washed over me.

"You are not a disaster, Morgan. Maybe you were a little shit once, but the man I see now is the sweetest person I've ever known, someone who, against all my wishes of making you rest, keeps pushing forward to make me smile, surprise me with literal magic! And securing I have the best dreams every single night. I love you, and I chose you. So don't say nasty things about yourself ever again, my King."

"I promise, never again, my Queen."

With my surrender regarding her comment, something else I feel the need to say. All the bad things done, my sins and crimes as royalty, the real reason I was found with my curses. I wanted her to know who I was before crashing in her life, to know the truth. Even the dangers that could've been done by my hand before.

But before I could release a word, a kiss came to me with no hesitation, darkness trapped me between her lips and the palm of her hand. But a sudden sensation of coldness made itself present. She wasn't there anymore.

"Sweetheart?"

My breathing accelerated, I entered in panic looking around for her.

"Love!?"

In a blink, I was no longer in her old cottage, back at our forest, enjoying a regular afternoon together. I was alone, resting on the floor of an abandoned building. With an empty potion bottle of growth laying at my side, police sirens as background noise.

"Right, not dreams, just memories..."

I said to myself, tired, checking on my old cellphone what new contract was there for me to grab.

[polyhexian]

Okay so revewing your pre-canon Grimwalkers and events, I think I'm seeing the path Belos's mindset is taking that eventually leads to Hunter.

A lot of the Grimwalkers are aware that they're Grimwalkers. It's a little different every time, but this is clearly a model that has been working for Belos, so he uses it a lot. Currently I think the only Grimwalkers who DON'T know they're Grimwalkers are Temperance and Hunter.

I get the feeling that Belos is usually pretty cool with the Grimwalkers knowing what they are. Probably easier for him that way too, since he doesn't have to keep up a whole song and dance. But I think he kinda started experimenting a bit with Temperance, if not earlier, probably due to what went down with Tell and the aftermath of that. So I think over time the thought process is…

Tell-no-lies - Knows he's a Grimwalker, is good at his job, also manages to have a secret lover that leads to his betrayal. Crap.

Virtue - Knows he's a Grimwalker, is decent at his job, I'll humor his plan but actually it's kinda stupid and he likes the palismen so nevermind we're done here.

Enoch - Tell-no-lies's daughter, not a Grimwalker but it's cruelly cathartic playing house like she's my niece, it's a shame I was never able to control Evelyn and her whelp like this, this whole situation is very amusing--oh gdi she tried to kill me.

Temperance - Maybe it's the Grimwalker thing that's causing problems, maybe telling them they aren't real people is what makes them so determined to act like real people. I'll let this one think he's a real person. With amnesia. And no one knows who he is or where he comes from so that takes care of the backstory. Now he can focus on his job - oh okay he'd rather look for answers instead. Shoot.

Jasper - YOU KNOW WHAT, BACK TO THE KNOWING-YOU'RE-A-GRIMWALKER MODEL, BUT MORE INTENSE THIS TIME. NO PERSONHOOD FOR YOU. NO EMOTIONS FOR YOU. ANY FEELINGS YOU FEEL ARE FAKE, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THEM. Just focus on your job. Oh. Oh, wow, that worked. That worked really well. I can even rip his spine out and he just thinks that normal. And he is VERY good at his job, not that I'll tell him that. Wow, he's even lasted 12 years! Incredible! I'm looking forward to killing him but this one's had a good run! Clearly I just need to make them repress all their emotions and thoughts and feelings forever and that'll make them efficient and--why is he stealing the baby. How can your mental health be in shambles when you don't have a mental to health? Ugh, die.

Hunter - So I COULD just kill this kid and start over, but. Jasper DID posit an intriguing idea. This COULD actually be a Grimwalker-who-doesn't-know-he's-a-Grimwalker that works. It didn't work with Temperance cuz he couldn't just accept that he'd never ever learn his backstory. But Hunter here could literally just grow up in his backstory. He'd never question it. It's perfect. It's annoying that he's gonna be a useless baby for so long but I can deal. I've missed having a nibling to torment. Sure, Enoch tried to kill me, but she had a mother to give her other perspectives on life; this kid has NO ONE. I can DEFINITELY do better molding this one into what I want him to be! It's perfect!

And thus why he tells the Collector, a minute after Jasper's death, that raising Hunter will be an interesting experiment. It's a set of variables he's never had a chance to work with before, building on the methods he's already tried in the past.

I really do like the fact that Jasper's deathbed bargaining gives a good reason for Hunter, specifically, to grow up from infancy, while most (all?) other Grimwalkers in your headcanon were older when they got picked. Canon implies that there've been so many Grimwalkers that they really can't have had a regular lifespan, so most of them being picked as adults makes sense, and then Jasper's story makes Hunter's lifespan also make sense.

Also, I think I feel the worst for Temperance, in terms of his understanding. He never knew the truth, and he barely got a lie. Hunter at least thought he knew who he was, even if Belos lied the entire time; Temperance never even got that much. What a sad existence. :(

YESSSS YOU CAN SEE THE THROUGH LINE!

He is ALWAYS playing a game with them. He literally does not need the Grimwalkers. They exist only because he wants something to hurt, some way to keep punishing his brother again and again and again. Every time he tries something different because it is FUN to him. A way to pass the time, even. He wants to make something perfect. A perfect soldier, servant, brother, father, son, wife, friend. Something he can hurt as much as he wants. Something that will never betray him no matter what. Something good at its job but also without it's own life beyond him. And jasper was almost there. He was almost perfect. He lasts a very long time because of it.

But Hunter is presenting him specifically with the opportunity to redo a unique situation he'd already tried and failed, and now with some new ideas on how to do better. AND the opportunity to continue to punish a dead man- the same way he's punishing tell now.

And honestly the only reason he DID fail with hunter is he stopped playing the game. Luz showed up and he was SO much more interested in her he basically stopped managing hunter which meant he got so much more leeway to exist beyond his brainwashing. If Belos had been on the ball hunter would probably never have left. As usual, Belos is the one fucking himself over with his own cruelty.

[faunastanza]

hi can you give me a rough breakdown on andre as a character (this is for a project i'm working on)

Oof, this is a bit tricky.

Andre is an Angel (not clear what an Angel is) that's part of a group called The Troupe, which are manifestations of various creative processes. In his case, he's the Painter.

In his initial appearances, he was a prankster who liked trolling people with his position of authority as Arch-Magni. He was fairly light-hearted and just seemed amused by what was going on. He liked appearing in pieces of art to sometimes offer pithy comments. He was egotistical and self-absorbed in a fun way and seemed a little unfamiliar with mortal concerns. He cared about Beleth though and was rather kind to them while they were dying which was nice of him.

Eventually Glip started projecting on him and he got angsty. At one point it's revealed that Andre's done lots of paintings but he doesn't like them, and each painting is a world. Instead of burning them, he keeps them since he feels like they still have value. All those negative feelings coalesced into Mr. 5... at least, originally. That could have been retconned, Mr. 5's whole deal is a mess.

For his backstory, the Troupe originally started in a place called Cenastre (which might have been the setting for PMD-E? Making it another meta thing) and performed (?) in a big theater, but the theater caught on fire and burned down, and the troupe had to escape. Andre sacrificed a sibling to escape, I think Double by having Double pretend to be him and burn in his place. Except Double is fine but whatever, I hate the Troupe, they're so irritating. He angsts about this sometimes. In the angel world whenever the stage shows up, Andre's portrait has a big hole in it. He seems to be the only one in the Troupe that interacts with people normally and regularly on the normal plane of existence.

Andre got more angsty as Glip went through some stuff, sort of like Glip resented how popular he was but I'm just guessing. He got angry about people misinterpreting him and mostly served as a way for Glip to vent about people not appreciating their art, or sometimes served as a punching bag for behavior you didn't really see him do. More recently, Andre caught a variant of the Itchy Itchy disease and had to be reborn to get rid of it... I think. So Andre maybe died (not sure) and was reborn as Stolas and Phesund, who are both irritating and don't have any of the fun qualities Andre used to have. Glip's said that Andre has like a million different forms and is like fifty characters all at once now, which, ugh.

Andre is friends with Paige, the spirit of writing. Despite being a Troupe member and having godly powers, he defers to Baphomet. He had Double take his place for a while which is when he has his cracked mask. He's not into the whole Demon-Angel war and wants it to end. Currently he's just a mess, he's all over the place characterization-wise and every time he shows up he looks different. Despite dying to make Stolas and Phesund he still appears anyway? I dunno man. He's difficult to get a read on nowadays since Glip projects all over him.

[electricaquarius]

Alright, it's been asked for so I'm posting it. This is my self insert Tav Joanna taking a bath with Astarion, Gale, Shadowheart and Karlach. No smut, a little Gale/Tav but mostly just yearning. Casual nudity but that's as spicy as it gets. I have no idea about formatting etc so I apologise if this is sloppy.

Some notes about my Tav before we start: She's my self insert so she's tall, has long hair, and is chubby. She's chronically ill (asthmatic) so that's what she made a deal with her patron over. As an aside, if anyone knows which god would be appropriate for that I'd love to hear, as far as I'm aware the Baldur's Gate universe doesn't have an equivalent to Papa Nurgle.

Joanna stretched out her arms and rolled her neck before gathering up her clothes.

'Kaaaaaarlaaaach...' She drawled, in that very obvious 'I-want-something-from-you' tone. She and Karlach were close, perhaps closer than anyone else in their little party, and Joanna knew she could get away with asking a favour.

'Yeah, what do you need from me this time?' Karlach sighed, but was grinning all the same. 

'I need to take a bath and do some laundry, you mind coming with to warm up the water?' A snort, and the sound of someone choking on liquid caused Joanna to swivel her head. '... what? Something wrong?'

Wyll could barely put his cup down without spilling it the coughing fit was so strong. Halsin moved to clap him on the back but was waved away. 'You're going to be taking a bath... together?' Eyebrows fully raised, he couldn't and didn't hide the shock on his face. 

'... yeah, why?' The whole camp was now oddly silent. 'What, are you telling me I'm the only one here who's used a bath house before?' Joanna was incredulous, she hardly thought a little communal bathing was all that shocking especially when the tadpoles meant that her soul was laid bare before her companions despite her wishes. 'Ugh, never mind. Karlach, you okay with joining me?'

Karlach nodded furiously, overjoyed at the thought of even casual touch after so long. 'Hey, offer's open if anyone else needs to get clean, y'know, just for efficiency.' Her smile was wide enough she felt her cheeks might fall off. 

His courage now gathered after the initial shock, Astarion piped up. 'Oh, I suppose my clothes pile is getting rather big, I might as well partake, too.' Karlach looked like she might faint from happiness.

Joanna's stomach fluttered slightly, but she kept it to herself. Astarion was beautiful, charming, but she knew danger when she saw it. Danger, it turns out, has crimson red eyes that glitter in the sunlight. She swallowed hard. 'Sure. Anyone else joining before we head out?'

In all, there were five of them. Gale had joined supposedly to help 'keep a lid on things' but his true motives were hardly so selfless. Shadowheart was also present, needing to take down and wash her pretty black hair for the first time in a while. Thus assembled, they made off for the lake, chatting away. Shadowheart took the time to point out flowers that interested her and Gale's voice was a near constant, talking about the process of learning a spell from a scroll. While he loved to share knowledge, there was an elitist streak in him that Joanna loved to call attention to. She remembered how he'd barely hid his derision on learning she was a warlock, and hadn't *studied* and *learned* magic like he had. There was no animosity there though, or very little. Gale simply didn't have the capacity to hold a grudge for such a minor slight. 

Arriving at the pool, Karlach designated a nearby rock as the 'laundry pile' and began to strip off, then took a running leap to cannonball into the water. 'Ah, crap, it's freezing! No wonder you wanted me here!' She shuddered dramatically but soon was in her element, leaning back and swimming back and forth. 

Joanna, Shadowheart and Astarion similarly undressed, Gale following after a slight pause. He was uncertain, having hardly been a social butterfly before this tadpole business. Now he was suddenly presented with the opportunity to bathe in the company of some of the most beautiful people he'd ever seen and it gave him pause. Still, he decided it would be far stranger to remain clothed in such a situation and soon followed suit.

There was a happy silence as the group set about washing themselves, enjoying a moment of peace aside from the madness. The water was pleasantly warm thanks to Karlach and being able to wash off days worth of grime was the small mercy everyone needed. 

'Hey, you want me to wash your back soldier?' Karlach offered after seeing Joanna struggle with reaching the spot between her shoulder blades.

'Ugh, would you? I just can't quite get it.' She turned and pulled her hair over one shoulder, exposing her back. Karlach paused for a moment, taking in the sight. They were friends, certainly, but did she feel something more? Did she want that? Karlach shook her head slightly and picked up the bar of soap, content with feeling Joanna's soft, creamy skin beneath her hands. She strayed up to Joanna's shoulders, noticing the tension there. 

A small, satisfied moan escaped Joanna's lips before she clapped her hands over her mouth and giggled nervously. 'Oh gods, sorry, that just feels really nice.' Karlach didn't draw away but laughed herself, reaching for a small cup to rinse off the soap. 

'Oh, please!' Astarion spat, voice thick with derision. 'This feels obscene! Gale, didn't you come here to put a stop to this sort of thing? And you people tell me I'm badly behaved!' 

Gale couldn't help but laugh. 'Come on now Astarion, I'm hardly here as a chaperone. Provided we don't stray below the belt I can hardly complain at two friends helping each other wash.'

'No, I suppose you wouldn't! Too busy enjoying the view, eh? I know your sort, you love to watch!' The men continued to squabble, or perhaps flirt with each other. Joanna couldn't tell, and didn't mind much. She felt loved, and at peace for once. Karlach tapped her on the back.

'Alright lovely, you're all done.' Karlach loved being able to casually touch once more. Hugs, pats on the shoulder, ruffling hair, she'd ached for it for so long, and now she could do it once more. Joanna turned and smiled.

'Would you like help with your hair? I saw you messing with it at camp earlier.' Karlach thought she might die from happiness at that moment.

'Would you? Only if you don't mind, I know it's a mess, and tangly, and-' She was cut off by Joanna hopping out of the water. 

'Sure, let me grab my comb.' Joanna strayed back to the laundry rock and rifled around in her belongings, unaware of Gale's eyes raking across her form. He stopped dead mid-sentence and Shadowheart had to stifle a laugh. He was so completely transparent, everyone knew and Astarion took great joy in mocking him whenever Joanna was barely out of earshot. Gale had just recovered enough to continue with his diatribe as Joanna returned to the lake, sitting on its edge. 

'Alright gorgeous, spin around for me.' She made a spinning gesture with her hand and Karlach was happy to comply. Casual terms of endearment weren't unheard of between them and Karlach was all too happy to hear them. Besides, Joanna would say, Karlach *was* gorgeous, what was wrong with acknowledging it?

She set about work slowly undoing the braids in Karlach's hair and working through the larger tangles with her fingers. Now wet down, Karlach's hair looked far less intimidating to detangle although Joanna worked gently all the same. Karlach closed her eyes and leant back slightly, enjoying someone playing with her hair for the first time in... ever. Concentrating on her task, Joanna began to sing to herself. 

'Daisy, Daisy... Give me your answer, do...' It began as a totally unaware expression of joy to be with people she loved, but Karlach made her aware by continuing the verse. 

'I'm half crazy, all for the love of you~' She waved her hands back and forth as if conducting herself. Joanna laughed, a blush rising in her cheeks although she didn't mind it, not at all. For once in her life, she felt at ease with being vulnerable with these people, with them knowing exactly who she was and what she was like. After a lifetime of orphanages and distant schoolteachers, she felt at home. 

'Sorry, I'll stop now. I'm nearly done.' Karlach had hardly felt the slightest tug of the comb but when she reached up to check her hair felt smooth and silky, no tangles at all. Karlach patted Joanna's thigh reassuringly. 

'Hey, I didn't hear anyone complaining. I think everyone's just pleased to see you happy.' Gale nodded in agreement from across the pond, temporarily breaking his death stare on Karlach. It wasn't that she'd done anything wrong of course, he was just green with envy at the thought of taking her place. A small laugh from Joanna was all she had to say in return, needing nothing more than to know she was appreciated. 

Everyone now washed, there was a slight squabble over towels before Astarion reluctantly rescinded the one around his hair to Gale so he also could get dry. Their bath together had left him with a lot to think about, and reminded him he needed to act quickly if he wanted to let Joanna know how he felt. To burden her with knowledge of his feelings when she was already with someone else would be too much for him to bear. But, it was for another time. Right now everyone needed to gather their clothes and make back to camp.

Now with tags! @the-samsquantch @kuper5tons @salty-scribe @666spaghetti-ohno Thanks to everyone for expressing interest :3

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

WEVE BEEN FED ONCE AGAIN‼️‼️‼️‼️YIPPPEEEEE🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 I was in a painting class when this dropped,, longest hour of my life, my hands are still covered in blue paint as I write this

first paragraph got me thinking I should leave freelancer alone w Dr. Brachium 😳....and of course he's the cutiest sweetie pie,,,, my baby girl 🤭🤭

not kody bru cmon now. and OF COURSE he's freaky about it what are we doing guys. KEEP THAT WIERDO AWAY FROM THE BODIES I DONT TRUST HIM.

sunshine pixie cut? blue car? *VERY LOUD CORRECT BUZZER* (pls tell me it was a nissan)

ok.. I always write my comments as I'm reading ur story

my face dropped and my heart just fucking sank,,,, kody what the fuck

I feel nauseous- that line just gave me whiplash....the rainstrom..I'm on the floor

it's these little details that make your writing so immersive for me. LMAO U DIDNT EVEN PUT HIM IN THE TAGS 😭😭 get clapped idiot hope they leave ur ass in a burning building

I was fortunately remedied by caelum content even thought its sad he's much better off w gavin and FL. BUT OKAYYYYY GAVIN 🤑🤑🤑🤑 4 DIGITS????

FL taking charge on checking tank, yeah girl this is what I'm talking about ++ THE ADVICE YEAH GIRL THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!! ugh.. guys can we all just pinky promise to be super nice to eachother and not be evil and we'll hold hands and get ice-cream and watch silly movies and-

AND DESPITE WHAT EVER THE FUCK IS HAPPENING FL is still talking about hot men,,,, same Freelancer,,, same 🫂🫂

the story just gets better and juicier with every upload, another great read keep it up bestie!!!!!

-🦀

Happy to provide for you my friend!! I'm so honored that this fic has you so excited!!

Oh yes, Freelancer is a giant flirt and pretty much spends all of their time observing how attractive the people around them are. Person after my own heart, when they see somebody hot, they are ogling.

Yeeaaaahhhh Kody is a creep. He's supposed to give "no empathy for the dead people" and he finds the fact that Brachium has so much empathy a little bit funny?? He just thinks it's stupid to talk to the bodies. Brachium is used to that, though. Some of his colleagues believe that it's unprofessional, but Brachium finds it to be a central part of his process when it comes to dealing with his job. He can't separate himself emotionally from death, so he has to plunge himself into the acceptance of it head first.

Thank you, thank you, I love a manic pixie dream Sunshine for sure. For you, crab anon, their car is now canonically a Nissan.

I'm sorry for the surprise, but I felt that was how the line had the most impact. I actually forgot to put Kody in the tags at all lol I will amend that. Yeah I wanted to line to come on fast, since that is often how these things happen. That single moment changed a lot for Freelancer, and so it abruptly changes the tone of the chapter. I'm so glad you liked it.

And yay Caelum!! He's a cutey, even when he's traumatized and in shock lol. He's for sure better off with Gav and FL, and Gavin will spare no expense when it comes to Caelum. He makes his fair share of money and he won't let Caelum want for anything ever again. It does result in Caelum being spoiled, but that's neither here nor there.

Freelancer is Capable and once they past their insecurity, they show it. Their greatest strength as a medical professional is their empathy, same as Brachium. The fact that they put their whole heart into things. The person who can help Darlin' through this moment is only that person because they were victimized. They can use that for good now. Not that that's required, of course, just how Freelancer prefers to deal with it.

Freelancer WILL drool over a hot man every chance they get. And David Shaw is a very hot man.

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying this piece buddy. I look forward to your asks every time I post. More soon!!!

[the-ace-with-spades]

I've had mixed feelings about this season of 9-1-1...

Some of the issues about this season are, I'm pretty sure, caused by how short it is and the pacing being messed up for a lot of plotlines there.

The first two episodes felt overstretched to me, like the whole cruise bit could have been fit in two episodes instead of three - the third cruise ep was better but that's because it was oversaturated with characters and side plots and you couldn't compress that much of it. The first two just felt very slow and had put a lot of boring exposure on Lola and Norman that didn't really parallel the struggles Athena and Bobby had that well in my mind. 9-1-1 was always really heavy on narrative parallels in episodes (rescued people's dilemmas paralleled the crew's personal problems and guided them to have a look inwards into their own lives - it's quite common in procedural dramas and serves well if done with heart) but this time it feels very disconnected and mismatched.

Buck's arc was mostly good, very in character and paced in a way that didn't feel very rushed - stuff happened fast but it still felt realistic and natural. I do think it could've been done more in depth and show Buck's thought process more in some occasions but it wasn't bad.

I didn't like the wedding episodes as much as I thought I would (Jennifer and Kenneth were brilliant acting wise tho). I have a big problem with how Maddie's relationship with her and Buck's parents is treated in the show (mostly I don't think 'the united front' was really there as much as the writers tried to push but that's a typical depiction of 'parents are always going to be your parents no matter how shitty and deserve countless second chances' that you see in media and never like) but the idea of a huge wedding for Maddie and Chim seemed so out of character for them and the hospital wedding was also less private and romantic than what I'd imagine for them. I didn't like the bachelor party bit, it seemed very pointless to me and took some time from Chim's story that could give it a better pacing. Not to mention the depiction of encephalitis was very jarring as someone who actually had treated patients with encephalitis...

Eddie's arcs are... well, a bit ridiculous this season. Marisol has zero depth from the beginning, adding that whole almost a nun background didn't make it better. It might be just me, but in the scenes where Eddie is alone (not with another main cast member) he almost seems to be lacking personality?? Like his behaviour feels like a plot device more than something that matches what we could see of him beforehand?? The Catholic guilt took the worst turn possible with the whole nun bit, there's so many ways you could show Catholic guilt without making it about something as shallow and impersonal as having sex with an ex almost nun. It's literally not related that much to what Eddie's Catholic guilt (that is implied to have existed for years in him) would relate.

Kim is a whole other thing. Not an affair but still feels like an affair. The most unrealistic, farfetched way to deal with guilt and resentment for your dead wife ever. People don't just meet doppelgangers of their dead wife and decide to use them to deal with their issues and said doppelgangers don't just agree to it and find it normal. It's just some messed up way to push Eddie into that direction faster but it's just taking away the complexity of Eddie's feelings about Shannon and pushing it into a couple of short scenes that seem like they were taken out of a bad soap opera.

Mara's story line is...ugh. Look, foster kids in TV are my pet peeve. Especially troubled foster kids and the way people treat them and how people treating them is portrayed. Karen wanting her rehomed the minute she showed troubled behavior took away a lot from her for me, even if she retracted later, this just shouldn't be the first instinct of a foster parent and should not show. The way how they portrayed the whole investigation of Mara's past also pissed me off - this is not how it'd look in real life, so many of the foster parents just don't know what happened to the kid and have to work on figuring it out with the kid, on earning their trust by putting actual work into the relationship than just playing a detective and finding out how they got 'messed up'. Denny is literally having the most empathy out of all of them and that's just so bad. The way Mara magically opened up in such short notice and seems to be now an angelic child that trusts Hen and Karen completely is also something so jarring.

Involving a councilwoman into it all felt like such an overinflated way to stir trouble again. The realistic problems foster parents and adoption parents face are much more mundane than a whole ass politician suddenly deciding to run a vendetta on Hen. Hen and Karen are lesbians and black, Hen works a demanding job with long hours. CPS could get fussy about such a small thing as a teacher that is not the most tolerant reporting them for late pickups or forgotten lunches or even someone from social services Mara isn't making enough progress fast enough. The adoption judge themselves could be biased towards them and make the process difficult. There's so many ways it could have been done without involving the councilwoman and the incidents Hen's been either cleared off charges or acted with the protocol. That is, in my opinion, a cheap way to make it a conflict that is relying, emotionally, on hating the villain only (the councilwoman) and not showcasing the real struggles Karen and Hen could actually have, which would take time to expose in plot.

I did like Bobby's episode(s). A lot. Amir, as a character, is well rounded as well, it's just that any time other characters interact with him, they just seem to be acting so illogical and out of character - this is mostly about Maddie and Athena, I can understand why Bobby would act the way he does. I think Bobby is by far one of the best explored characters in the show and they didn't mess it up this season like they've done with the rest - the rest feels actually a bit two dimensional almost.

On another note, this season feels like a drama rather than procedural drama. I barely remember any rescues and emergencies and the ones that happened were really short and uncomplicated and brought almost nothing into the episodes.

[darkpoisonouslove]

4. 5. 8.

For whichever fic has been heaviest in your mind.

That would be Fallen Love.

4. Is there anything in the fic you're unsure about including?

TW for miscarriage

There are several things, actually. Now I already worked in Icy and Stormy's deaths into this (they are both 4 at this point) so I feel like I have to mention Darcy's death as well (that Everyone Dies tag ain't there for shits and giggles). However, I don't want to make her not Griffin and Valtor's daughter... which means that Griffin had a spontaneous abortion after she ran away from the Coven. I mean, it works really well with the rest of the story but... ugh, I don't know. Don't get me wrong, I have put this into the story's DNA already so it's definitely going on the page but I am extremely anxious about it.

One of the other things is Griffin's motivation about leaving Valtor. I don't know if this is galaxy-brain plot-twist emotional devastation or absolute nonsense. I'm pretty sure it can work but it's so big that if it doesn't, it will be an epic fail. Also, I have no idea how to bring the story back to some semblance of sanity after this. I'm pretty sure I'll include it but I'll have to think about it more. Btw Valtor is lucky he's immortal because his head is going to explode once he learns about this.

5. Is there any scene you're excited about writing?

The argument in the end of chapter 2. They. Are. Both. So. Petty. It's fucking hilarious. Griffin decides that "Hey, he just killed all my friends as revenge for my betrayal. You know what would be the best course of action? To test his patience." I can't really say much without explaining the whole scene and I don't want to spoil the gut-punches outside the context that makes them so impactful. So let's hope I can get this written soon.

8. Which character is gonna have the biggest storyline?

Surprising no one, that's Griffin. There is so much happening here. She has to accept the deaths of the Company and the tragedy on Domino, has to deal with the irrational jealousy she feels over the people who actually helped Valtor accomplish all his goals, has to process the change in their partnership over his lingering feelings of betrayal, has to work through her anger towards both the Company and Valtor, has to find it in herself and step up to be the leader CT needs and all of that while failing to find the cancel button on the pop-up that flashes the words "KISS HIM" in neon red in the front of her mind. It's... a lot.

[leffee]

what do you wish Vinnie would’ve had in the show?

favorite Vinnie dance move?

Oh boy, that's an interesting one. Well, first of all, a few smaller things like:

more songs, solo or a duet with someone, I especially crave Vinnie and Zoe duet. Songs where most/all pets sing are great of course, but often you can't hear each individual vocal hence I want something where I can hear him well. We all know he's a great singer B)

basically just more interactions with other pets apart from Sunil. I love my Vinnie/Sunil interactions of course, but after season 1 it seems those two just were glued to each other a lot and there was not many moments when he was interating alone with some other pet because they were always paired together

I'm not sure if that counts for your question, but there is one thing that I haven't seen anyone mention ever - his voice changed between first and second season, did anyone notice that and just never said anything or do I just pay too much attention to him? The voice actor remained the same of course, but it's like? A different tone? Really, if you compare Vinnie's voice from season 1 and any other season he sounds different and I'll be honest, I liked the season 1 voice more, so if it was up to me, I'd leave it like that.

I think that's all of the smaller things, I could maybe add here that I would personally redesign him a bit, but idk if that's what you're asking for so I'll leave it at that.

Now for bigger things that I would have loved to see with him:

this is a classic episode trope but I would have so loved to see it: Vinnie (stupid character [ugh]) by some means gets smarter (like a classic bonk on the head or something) and for an entire episode he and Russell compete against each other intelligence-wise, with Russell being considered the smartest pet Vinnie would want to beat him, and he does. Of course, by the end he somehow returns to his normal self and misses when he was smarter, thinking that he was much better than

another thing is from an actual epsiode, that episode being "Why Can’t We Be Friends?". When watching this episode for the first time I was so sure this was going to be Vinnie episode, with this beggining who could blame me, it pointed at that. Well, it turned out it was more so Sunil's episode, which tbh back then I was delighted about because he was then my favourite character. I still love him of course, but now, I would have loved if this episode (or some other one) was about Vinnie dealing with this whole "I want to eat flies and it's in my nature to catch them and because of my instincts I make a mess which pisses my friends" conflict.

While we're at it, also more emphasis on him being a reptile surrounded by mammals. There's a lot of potential here, you know? He could very easily get jealous of them: they're warm-blooded and so don't have to make double-efforts to be warm, which to him is a luxury; usually people like mammals more and think they're cuter, reptilies on the other hand are cold to the touch, scaly and sticky not all that cute; and what I mentioned before - they have families and he (maybe) does not. All in all, jealousy potential

speaking of which, I would have loved if there was something like that with his dancing. Let him be jealous, or even better - dissapointed when seeing someone else be a better dancer than him - someone who doesn't put nearly as much effort as he does and yet they're better. The thing is, there was very much an episode that could have easily done that - "Plane it on Rio!" when Minka was the one who lead the whole dancing part. It would have been so easy for Vinnie to have some sort of thought process that would go like this: "Wait, Minka is good at dancing and leading us? That would normally be me... A-And she never really dances, she's into painting, how come she's better than me?" or, different but similar scenario that plays with the same thing: one pet, let's say Russell, since in the "in the loop" episode he was shows learning other pets' talents, wanted Vinnie to give him some dancing lessons. So Vinnie does, but very soon he notices that Russell is better than him, he doesn't trip, and once he gains confidence in dancing after some practice he can do various moves easily. Vinnie has been practicing for years and it turns out that all it takes for someone to beat him are just a few days? Oh, the potential disappointment. I love it

Well shit, that's just a lot of angst, sorry :'(. I could probably go on, but I figured that's enough for now, I hope these answer your question because I'm honestly not sure xd.

Favourite dance move? Probably moonwalk, he did it a few times and I think it's great. But I also like when he breaks into some breakdance moves. There might be more that I can't think about on the spot, but if I do I think I will just reblog it and add it. It's important info after all :}.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Anything you wanna share about upcoming fics?

Ugh yes absolutely!! I can't write at the moment, like my brain just can't do it because I'm still dealing with ???? fatigue, which is extremely frustrating, but I am thinking about them a lot so I can write once whatever this is passes. I've actually been dying to just post some WIPs here but I'm too obsessive to do that. I have a dormant West Wing WIP I might be willing to do that with if any of my TWW pals are interested.

In the brief window recently where I could actually write, I pulled out a WIP I have about Sidney visiting Maine in 1979, and it's sort of almost done. What's left is the scene that was the original point of the fic, and I know how that conversation goes, I just need to make sure the balance of everything is right because I ended up adding a lot of extra stuff before this conversation. The premise is that the DSM-3, which is the first edition to include PTSD, is about to be published (1980) so Sidney brings an advance copy to Hawkeye and they talk about it. The title comes from that. But then I wrote this whole scene in a cemetery.... anyway, once I can write again, that one will probably be posted fairly soon, because it's pretty close to done.

Here's a snippet from the aforementioned cemetery scene:

“How well do you remember her?” Sidney asks.  She liked asters, and maple syrup, and loved the first snow of the year more than Christmas. He knows her face from the picture on the end table. If he concentrates, he can almost hear her voice. “Not as well as I’d like,” he admits. 

The other one I pulled out was Trapper thinks Hawkeye is dead, runs into Charles, they have two very different conversations culminating in Trapper finding out Hawkeye is alive. It's grown to include a lot of Trapper stuff (Charles is probably going to get a companion piece). But the way I figured out my brief writing functionality left is I figured out all the beats for this one and then I looked at the document again and couldn't really process where anything was supposed to go. But all I need is a couple good writing days once my energy is back, so that one could show up soon too.

I'm also trying to work on my GFA time loop WIP because I wanted to finish it for the Fourth of July but every time I think I know where that fic is going I don't. I'm still hopeful, though.

And finally I made a note that says "write a fic where Hawkeye and Radar eat waffles and nothing bad happens." I have that all plotted out too, just a short little thing.

And yeah I'm still actively thinking about ghost AU/will be working on it once I can and I also have another WIP that was supposed to be a quick one shot like six months ago (so it goes) that I'm really excited about but not sure how to describe.

[the1975attheirverybest]

An overview is more than ok!

Hmmmm...I'm trying to think what my process even looks like, hahah. idk if this will even make any sense but here we go

I'm mostly interested in "intimacy" I guess? i think thats usually easier to see in blurbs and one shots than, like, longer things like "Education" or that multi chapter fic. But I genuinely find people really interesting and the idea of a close romantic relationship where both people's flaws, passions, insecurities, all come out is extremely fascinating to me, lmao. A lot of the time it's two people trying to love each other but in completely different ways, and misunderstandings inevitably happen.

Not to get all existential on y'all but like isn't it insane that we are all just...trapped in our own bodies and consciousness. and that love is the only way that we can escape that and exist with/for/alongside someone else? Idk i think thats just so cool. Matty says it more eloquently than me in "Inside Your Mind." it's basically that stuff....

BECAUSE im interested in intimacy I'll usually try to start out with a specific, concrete example. Like, if someone asks for an angst concept where an argument happens, or if im trying to write the next installment of Education, I try not to think about it in terms of genre like "ok time to write angst." instead, I try to think "if an argument were to happen between Matty and someone he loves, what would it be about? what kinds of things would he be unwilling to budge on."

so, like, that last piece I wrote where they argue about the new show etc. That's how that one happened. I couldn't imagine him being legitimately upset about like dinner or laundry or an outing, not enough to start a fight because of it. Idk...he just doesn't strike me as the kind of person who cares THAT MUCH about simple stuff. BUT he does care A WHOLEEE LOT about every tiny detail of his show and chooses everything for a specific reason and with a specific goal in mind. So, if someone were to have an issue with his art, of course it would become an argument, cuz his work is a reflection of himself. And since he's been under fire this year about the limits of irony and some fans online (even here on tumblr, ive legit gotten asks about this) have been like "ugh i hope he doesn't do the whole acting thing again" I imagine thats a legit concern that he has to deal with. So, the more specific the idea is, the more real it feels/ in line with who I think Matty might be, the better it is going to end up.

This is where I struggle the most: im not that great at detail, description, emotion etc. but i find dialogue natural to write. So, usually, my starting point is dialogue. Like, once I had the idea for what I wanted the fight to be about, I imagined Matty in that situation and how he would be a bit sarcastic and say that thing about how hes imagining someone asking him about the new show where he says "oh yeah, its going great! i mean, my missus hates it, but at least Rolling Stone thought it was alright" or whatever. And I start out with that and build the scene around that kind of interaction.

Same with longer plots and stories. Like, I had the idea for Education after we were all talking about inexperienced!Y/N and Matty being patient and teaching her. So thats half the plot. the other half is, again, what I imagine Matty would be like. He's had a few slutty phases recently. And if it were a friend/ non-gf situation im sure he'd be dumb enough (hes a man after all, bless him) to like continue sleeping around. and ive been doing a thing, though im not sure its clear enough for y'all to have noticed lmao, where like, whatever "lesson" he teaches her in bed has a common theme with the plot of the chapter.

Like, for example, the next one is gonna be called "Mistakes are how we learn" or some shit. no spoilers but, thats gonna be the theme of what happens both IN and OUT of the bedroom, so. But again, the plot sorts itself out around the moments that I imagine in their dynamic. Matty's super gentle, physically affectionate, etc. So, while it's not quite the same as romantic intimacy, he is the type to look out for his friends. and we've all seen how comfortable he is with kissing/hugging etc. So, I try to work with that and then expand it to work with what the plot of the chapter is.

I will say that I used to think that getting his "englishness" down to a T would be important cuz i didn't wanna make him sound american. though I have to say, sometimes that shit ends up being so forced and unnatural cuz *i* dont talk like that hahahaha. So, I've stopped trying. It's a hard balance to walk cuz you don't want him to sound like hes from fuckin texas or whatever. but you also dont wanna sound like hes a 56 year old newscaster at the BBC's 6pm news. you know? wish i had better advice on that one.

does any of this make any sense? idk. might be total bullshit. not sure that im the most organized person haha sorryyyy

[gomoryscamel]

Fragmento de Hi Ren.

Este sí pegó profundo.

La canción presenta un diálogo interno entre dos partes de una sola persona, Ren. Un Ren representa la enfermedad mental y el otro la sanidad. De la interacción puede inferirse que hay periodos en los que el Ren(fermedad) está muy presente y otros en los que no, esta fuerza maliciosa demuestra intenciones de aferrarse y dominar a Ren haciéndole saber que es parte imprescindible de él.

You think that you can amputate me? I am you, you are me, you are I, I am we We are one, split in two that makes one, so you see You got to kill you if you wanna kill me.

La canción por completo me parece un material artístico súmamente valioso por retratar con extrema fidelidad síntomas de la enfermedad mental como los pensamientos intrusivos y la autocrítica excesiva, el flujo del pensamiento y la contraargumentación instantánea que ocurre en segundos cuando te preguntas si estás o no tratando de engañarte a ti mismo.

Man, you sound so pretentious Ren, your music is so self-centred No one wants to hear another song about How much you hate yourself, trust me You should be so lucky, having me inside you to guide you Remind you to manage expectations Provide you perspective, that thing you neglected, I get it You wanna be a big deal, next Jimi Hendrix? Forget it

Man, it's not like that Man it's just like that, I'm inside you, you twat No, it's not man, you're wrong, when I write, I belong Let me break the fourth wall by acknowledging this song Ren sits down, has a stroke of genius He wants to write a song that was not done previous A battle with his subconscious, Eminem did it Played on guitar, Plan B did it Man, you're not original, you criminal, rip-off artist The pinnacle of your success is stealing other people's material Ren, mate, we've heard it all before Uh, "she sells seashells on the sea shore" Fuck you, I don't need you, I don't need to hear this 'Cause I'm fine by myself, I'ma genius And I will be great, and I will make waves And I'll shake up the whole world beneath us That's right, speak your truth, your fuckin' God complex leaks out of you It's refreshing to actually hear you say it instead of downplay it "Ugh, music Is all about the creative process and if people can find Something to relate to within that, then that's just a bonus"

Escribo este post en mi blog principalmente para compartir la parte que considero más bella de toda esta canción. Hace mucho que no sentía nada así ante una serie de palabras. Estas las dirige Ren a su parte enferma.

Hi Ren, I've been taking some time to be distant I've been taking some time to be still I've been taking some time to be by myself And I've spent half my life ill But just as sure as the tide starts turning Just as sure as the night has dawn Just as sure as rainfall soon runs dry When you stand in an eye of the storm I was made to be tested and twisted I was made to be broken and beat I was made by His hand, it's all part of His plan That I stand on my own two feet And you know me, my will is eternal And you know me, you've met me before Face to with a beast, I will rise from the east And I'll settle on the ocean floor And I go by many names also Some people know me as "hope" Some people know me as the voice that you hear When you loosen the noose on the rope And you know how I know that I'll prosper? 'Cause I stand here beside you today I have stood in the flames that cremated my brain And I didn't once flinch or shake So cower at the man I've become, when I sing from the top of my lungs That I won't retire, I'll stand in your fire, inspire the weak to be strong And when I am gone, I will rise, in the music that I left behind Ferocious persistent, immortal like you, we're a coin with two different sides

La canción termina con una reflexión de Ren sobre cómo fue evolucionando lo que él creía que era estar mentalmente enfermo. Primero parecía sentir que era una batalla contra una oscuridad mucho más grande que él, pero con el tiempo descubrió que no se trataba de una guerra porque no había ganadores nunca: solo víctimas y estudiantes. Entendió que se trataba de un péndulo que eternamente viajaba de la oscuridad a la luz y que entre más intensa era la luz, más oscura la sombra que evocaba.

No se trataba de una batalla que ganar, sino de una danza en la que al principio estaba rígido, por lo que le resultaba difícil. Con el tiempo, aprendió a relajarse y la danza se volvió más sencilla. Estas palabras me llenaron de ilusión y cambiaron mi perspectiva sobre mi padecimiento, no tengo que luchar mi condición sino aprender a lidiar con ella y sé que no siempre será así de difícil.

[1d1195]

SAM MY LOVE IM BACK!!!My feedback is going to a bit jumbled so i'm sorry if none of it makes sense lol

OKAY SO I LOVED DING  ROUND 3!!!!! Ngl I was a tad bit frustrated with Harry in this one but only because my guy is just a bit impatient when it comes to her lol And I know he means NO harm when asking her about what happened the night of her date and why she ended up in the classes like he truly just CARES about her so I get him! Plus with knowing his backstory of how he has always been a “protector” and his whole deal with how he processes his own emotions, it makes sense his behavior! But Cupcake is also going through it and it’s clear that they are on opposite spectrums on how they deal with things. AND it is something very hard to process no matter the outcome of it and it’s harder to say it out loud because it feels like it makes it ‘real’ if that makes sense lol. Anyways TELL ME WHY THAT GROSS MAN IS AT HER BAKERY?!?! I WANT TO SCREAM AND SCARE HIM AWAY FROM HER!!! BUT I'm glad that this was a nice way to lead Harry and Cupcake to have their own vulnerable moments! BUT AHHHH I LOVED IT SAM! YOU DID GREAT AS ALWAYS!!

NOW THE NEIGHBORS EXTRA 😭I LOVE RORY SO MUCH😭I think last month or so (i have no concept of time anymore) I re-read the whole story and extras in one go… I have no idea why my brain does this but it was worth it lol ANYWAYS ugh i loved it! I do love that bit of angst and once again it makes sense for Harry to feel like that! Was it the best way to react, not really but given the circumstances it was kinda the only option aside from talking it out lol But I really was NOT worried because they are END GAME! It was so cute! I just love them so much! But that's nothing surprising since I love everything you put out lol

Now my reasoning for my slight disappearance lol I have had two midterms this week and basically from now until the end of the quarter it’s mainly exams! I think I will end somewhere in June, I'm starting week 5 out of 10 next week! And I fear I will be taking summer courses :( I really fucked up my second year so that’s kinda why I need to take some courses in order to graduate on time lol . But I've only had a few TAs where I personally have been attracted to which have all been from my psyc courses lol and Ugh I MISS  MY HOT PROFESSOR 😭 I LONG for that man and its pathetic😭 and literally if you did call me an idiot, I would NOT blame you because I am one the majority of the time 😂 oh I wanted to be on my knees when he gave his lecture lol

And it really was nice! I got a limited edition Paramore/David Byrne vinyl and Lauefy’s A night at the symphony vinyl! And some other classical records! My main reason for waking up early was to get a Paramore poster and Sam when I tell you I CALLED all the stores within my city/county and only ONE had them, I wanted to cry! I didn't get it because the line was HUGE and the moment I found out they ran out I wanted to jump off a building 😀 But overall i had a nice time! And ooo what color is your record?

I totally get the shopping part! I too have my fair share of body image issues so I don’t blame you for feeling like that. But I'm glad you were able to find some clothes that you feel at least okay in! I'm sure you’ll look lovely in your choices! And I'm glad you had a nice break! You for sure have earned that little break! And don’t ever feel bad about not staying on top of your writing schedule, it’s a BUSY season for high schoolers and if you're helping with senior activities it’s so stressful! So be kind on yourself and if you need to miss a day or a few weeks of posting that’s okay💗

Hope you had a nice week back! I miss you! Hope you have a lovely weekend! Love you!!!-💜

So glad you liked Ding and Neighbors! I was a bit worried about Neighbors--I struggle with angsty stuff sometimes but I guess maybe it's the whole it's coming from my brain thing again. Maybe I'm biased but I love Ding a lot 😭 I'm really excited about it (so excited that I may have written the last part before parts 4, 5, and 6 lol)

ANYWAY.

OMG JUNNNNNEEEEE?! Ma'am I'm so sorry that seems so far away--I'm sure you'll crush it and it will be here before you know it (I'm VERY excited for June--I can't last much longer in my classroom I'm going out of my mind. This week felt endless and exhausting and I keep thinking every week is going to get better, less tiring and they're just NOT. Idk what the problem is.) I miss your hot professor for you 😭 I'm glad you have hot TAs you can sub in for him--def not the same but will help for the next five weeks.

There are no wrong paths in college. If you take extra time (or have to take summer classes) it's where you're supposed to be and it's not a big deal. You'll get it done and do fantastic 💕

So cool about your records! I love that for you! It's so funny you called stores for a poster 😭 (Fun fact: I HATE phone calls. Like an OBNOXIOUS irrational fear) I'm sorry you didn't get it, I hope you can find it at some point in time! I'm glad it was enjoyable overall and you got the ones you wanted. My one lonely record is bright yellow and kinda see through--it's really pretty! I'm not sure why I'm surprised. Everything Harry does is pretty.

Honestly, I think I will def be missing a few posting dates. I don't want to, but I think it's inevitable. I can't wait for summer 😭

No plans for this weekend! Hopefully it will be relaxing but I'm afraid I'll be filling it up with a million things I need to get done that didn't get done during the week. I plan on making sure I read and go for a walk on both days so as long as I do that I think it will be okay--and of course write Ding Part 4. (I also need to fold my laundry and vacuum but those are my fave chores). I hope you have a fun weekend planned--you deserve it after exams and not getting your poster 💕

Love you, bestie!!!!

xoxo

[rainbowbarnacle]

Okay, so, to start: it's okay to feel like this! Clothes may simply not be your jam, and that's fine. I had this problem too, though. I didn't really think I was capable of having that "!!!" reaction to a piece of clothing for a really long time. But that changed. Eventually that feeling of, "wow nothing in here is screaming at me, this all looks awful, why and how do other people get so excited over clothes?" turned into, "I have no idea what's in this clothing rack. For all I know something might surprise me". I arrived on this thought because one day in college I decided I really, really liked long, colorful hippie skirts.

Skirts were easier to figure out than, say, jean sizes. (They also tend to be more available for my body type, as a big gal--plus sized shopping can make this whole process really miserable sometimes.)

I could also figure out which types of skirts felt better to wear and narrow it down that way. (For example: long 3-tiered midi skirt = YES, long skirts split up the sides = nooooo)

(And part of the reason I fell in love with skirts was because, when I was a kid, I used to have this absolutely gorgeous therapist who liked to wear these lovely ankle-length colorful skirts with clogs and black shirts, and tiny!me went "I'M GONNA BE LIKE HER WHEN I GROW UP :D" But I digress. I'm going to digress a lot, I hope you don't mind, heehee.) After I figured out skirts, I found a nice tunic that went with one of them, and then I found out I really liked tunics. Then it was clogs. Then it was knee socks. Then it was brightly colored bracelets. It took a while to figure it out! I'm still finding stuff I didn't know I liked. But soon, the pile of stuff you're sure about grows, and you can see how random racks of clothes might contain useful treasures.

So that's my big suggestion: start with something small. If you have trouble picking out what that thing might be, try something you need in your wardrobe first instead of trying to figure out something you want. As for colors and proportions and cuts and how they're supposed to flatter one's figure/complexion/whatnot, ugh, I hear you, I wish so much that I knew more about that stuff too. (One day I was shocked to learn from someone else that my eyes looked greener or browner to him depending on if I was wearing a lot of brown or olive, it was WILD, I had no idea.)

Unfortunately, the best way I've learned to deal with "what the crap does wearing this color/cloth shape/pattern do for me" is to just trial and error it. I look at something, I think "I would wear that", I try it on, and sometimes I find out it's great and sometimes I find out that I, personally, look awful in this otherwise very pretty jacket. It's not always a fun feeling, discovering a shade of green I really like makes me look kinda jaundiced, but I'll also never know if I don't try it on. And if it doesn't work, I tell myself it's simply made for someone else who will look amazing in it and put it back. If anybody has resources regarding this sort of thing, I would be delighted to hear about it. Now, that voice saying "I would never wear this?" Listen to that. It's not necessarily a bad thing to know you'd never want a sequin-y prom dress or polo shirts or blue jeans or whatnot. Strike those off the list, it's one less thing to worry about. And there's something kinda nice about feeling like you can just skip parts of the clothing store, they do not apply to you.

But the voice saying, "I would never have an occasion to wear this"? If you're feeling "meh" about the item of clothing, then trust your gut.

But be careful with that "what if I don't neeeed it" notion. You can experiment a bit without needing an occasion for a piece of clothing. You can look and see if just looking at it makes you feel happy. You're allowed. There's also nothing wrong with wearing something just to wear it. Wear it at home. Wear it to the store. You can do whatever you like with it. You might even find uses for it you hadn't considered. (I have fishnet tea gloves and I have never been to a real tea party in my life. That doesn't stop me from wearing them for no reason other than to wear them. I might need them for something else one day. And hey, if I ever find myself about to attend a real tea party, I'll have gloves. :D) Spending money is incredibly anxiety-inducing for me. I really like window shopping and making wishlists like a happy magpie, but I still have trouble not jumping down my own throat in a giant shame ouroboros about even really affordable stuff sometimes. I noticed that was a big factor in making shopping for clothing feel really overwhelming too, like, GREAT, I don't know what I want and I'm spending money, what am I even doing. Suddenly none of the clothes feel right because I feel awful. (I even had this thing growing up, where, like, you know how in cartoons or video games the protagonist has One Outfit Ever? I decided when I was a kid I was gonna have one necklace that everybody just knew me by, and if somebody drew me in a comic it'd be in the notes that I always had to be wearing it. And while there's nothing wrong with this--I mean, finding a necklace you never, ever wanna take off? SUPER LUCKY!--in hindsight it makes me kinda sad, 'cause, y'know, combine an extremely controlling parent with incredibly limited finances and of course I'd end up with an idea like that as a defense mechanism. So what if my schoolmates had tons of jewelry, I had One and it was Special.)

But I've learned there's something freeing in making little impulse buys you might never 100% need, though. I try not to do it a lot, mind you, I am absolutely not saying "buy everything that slightly tickles your fancy!", but doing so every so often reminds me all over again that my life will not completely go down the crapper if I occasionally buy a bracelet.

Anywho! WOW this ran long. I hoped it helped some. <3

I was kind a late bloomer when it comes to liking clothes, but I've learned to love dolling up! And it took me forever.

I didn't want much to do with clothes at all growing up because I wasn't really allowed to go see what I liked, and so I just kind of lived in jeans and t-shirts because that's what was comfortable. When I did try and see what I liked, mom would pull out the excuses.

"You can't wear that top, it's not your color." (Note: she never told me what my colors ever were, just what they weren't.) "You can't wear those colors, you'll look like a clown." (OH NO NOT THAT) "You can't wear that tank, it shows your arm flab." (?!?!?!) "I know you like that dress but why would someone like you wear it? You don't go out." (I WANNA WEAR IT SITTING A LOUNGE CHAIR READING A BOOK, MOTHER.)

It wounded me. Just. Holy crap. She told me these things as though it was some obvious, awful rule that I just didn't get. To hear her talk, you'd think that everyone else was already aware of my fashion sins and whispering about them, and (worst of all!!) it embarrassed her so much.

The alternatives to my choices were sooo depressing too. Khaki capris. Piles of denim, especially these weirdly stretchy uncomfortable bell bottoms that always got soaked in rain puddles? Cardigans. Nothing joyful.

(This is not to say that bell bottoms and cardigans and capris can't have their uses, and I am not questioning or judging anybody who likes these things, it was just miserable being shoved into them like a doll because This is What People Wear According to Mom.)

I was taught I should HATE plaid and paisley and polka dots, and to this day I have to shove an instinctive feeling of shame away when I look at my closet, because guess what, it turns out I have a looot of paisley AND I LOOK NICE IN IT. 8)

And just. Oh man. If I could tell tiny!Aud about how I get to match (or contrast) different colors with the blue dye in my hair? Or how I have a closet full of long skirts and headscarves and pretty shirts? Or the joy of finding jewelry that POPS? I bet she would be so happy. I never imagined myself looking like me when I was little, I always imagined myself looking sort of like mom.

Anyway, the whole point of all this blathering is that it took me an absurdly long time to figure out that clothes were FUN because the only person who should be making those kinds of decisions about them is meee. Once I figured that out, it was like a whole new world opened up.

And that goes the same for you. Go wear that Thing you like with joy. Embrace your favorite colors and patterns. Wear a biker jacket, wear a mini skirt with those long socks you like, wear that one shirt that is Incredibly Gender. WEAR ALL THREE AT ONCE.

Wear what's YOU because it's YOU.

<3