#ugh i can’t give it up im so at peace when it’s just me

[sailermoon]

i stay up late to be happy for a few more hours

[ifwdominicfike]

giving virgin sub!chris his first blowjob

this is inspired by @mattybsgroupie virgin!chris with milf!reader, so go check her out i lovelovelove her fics!!!

── .✦. ──

“p- please mama..” you hear the boy whine while clenching his fists, not knowing where to put his hands. “please what sweet boy? m’gonna need a little more than that” you grin, your eyes low as you continue to rub over the forming bulge through his jeans. “need- need your m-mouth” he murmurs, clearly embarrassed. “need my what? c’mon honey.. one more time”

he can’t help but grind his hips up into nothing at your teasing words, he knew what you were doing and he was willing to do anything to have your pretty mouth around him. “you’re that desperate? fuck baby.. just say it one more time and i’ll give you whatever y’want” he shudders when he feels you apply more pressure to his hard dick, begging to be freed from the uncomfortable layers.

“please mama! n- ngh- need your mouth” his voice now a little louder than before, you smile and begin to unbutton his jeans pulling them down to reveal him. “such a good, perfect boy, yeah? look at you, s’all for me” you wrap your hand around him and begin to slowly stroke him.

“m-mama.. mm” all that is heard from him is mumbles and incoherent nonsense, “yeah baby?” he can hear the smirk in your tone, his hips buck again as if trying to silently say that he wants needs more.

you finally take him into your mouth, hollowing your cheeks around him. “o-ohh mam- fuck! r-right th-there” his hands start to scatter not knowing where to put them, you rest both of them in your hair. your continuous humming and moaning around him pushes him closer and closer to the edge and his hands steadily grip onto your now messy hair.

it doesn’t take him long to feel that pit in his stomach become stronger “m- m’gonna cum c-can i cum mama please!” his soft whimpers and whines signal that he’s close, you pull off for a split second. “go ahead baby, cum for me” you focus your attention on his sensitive tip and stroke the rest of him. “please please please-“ he doesn’t even know what he was begging for, just babbling off nonsense as he reaches his high.

“good boy you did s’good for me, my sweet boy” you let off of him and swipe over his tip with your thumb, teasing him. “n-no more please.. m’tired” he whines while trying to swat your hands away. “okay baby, no more. m’so proud of you” you climb up onto the bed and he rests his head on you, letting his tired figure settle onto your chest before curling up and dozing off into a peaceful sleep.

- avery’s note ˚ 𝜗𝜚˚⋆｡-

ok so im SOAKED thinking about virgin!chris SIGHHHH ugh anyways i feel like its so awkward towards the end when ending smut IDK but i hope you enjoy!!

𝐭𝐚𝐠𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭 - @ellaapsworld @chrissv4mp @jetaimevous @mattsbrowser @submattenthusiast @flouvela @sturniolosiphone @chrislova @sophand4n4 @mattsfavoritestar @mattslolita @y3sterdaysproblem @strnilolover @cayleeuhithinknott @cherrynflowergarden @sturnsmia @slut4chris888 @marrykisskilled

[purin-gambler]

‘what are we?’ - miya osamu

wc: 1k

cw: timeskip spoilers

⚄ notes: timeskip osamu, fem reader, fluff, established friendship, playful flirting, fake dating, (affectionately) teasing atsumu

☁︎ a/n: first short work on here, and it's for samu! i always go through some sort of inarizaki character brainrot, and at this moment its for osamu, so im giving him some love!

“how’s the meal, sweetheart? enjoyin’ it?”

“you always know my taste, dear.”

“oh yeah? ‘s the best ya ever had?”

“mhm~. always is, samu.”

you could practically feel the piercing daggers being pointed towards your direction and to where the other stood in front, behind the counter. an irritated groan emitting from beside where you were seated.

in your peripheral vision, you noticed the incredibly obvious eye roll done by the artificially blonde man on the stool beside you. an action done purposely to showcase the annoyance plastered onto his face. “ugh, can ya two get a room-?! can’t eat my meal in peace without ya both giving each other those googly eyes… ‘s gross.”

in a childish manner, he pretended to gag, emphasizing and displaying his disgust further to you both. you tried to stifle an arising bubble of laughter, but the smile on your face was all too present to be missed. the other man across the counter, whose features resembled the other beside you, noticed this. though rather than the similar expression of disgust painted on his twin's face, he presented an amused expression in return.

osamu turned his full attention to atsumu, whose mouth was stuffed with an onigiri created by his twin. a stupid smirk of pride now upturning the corners of his lips, atsumu starring deadpanned. “what? jealous yer single?” osamu challenged, watching the way atsumu’s mouth dropped, now agape despite the halfly chewed meal still sitting in his mouth.

“likh i’d be jwewous owh ya-!” atsumu wasted no second to raise his defense, words too muffled by his meal to be properly decipherable. osamu raised an eyebrow at atsumu’s remark, his eyes glazing over to yours and giving you an all knowing look as a signal practically saying ‘he’s totally jealous.’

osamu only shrugged in response to atsumu’s outburst before muttering, “whatever ya say.” which added some sort of salt to atsumu’s wound considering the way he emphasized another facial display of an incredibly obvious eye roll.

this routine was common between you and osamu. a silly banter that turned into somewhat of an inside joke pinned to his twin’s face. playful flirting that insinuated a close connection between you and the restaurant owner, despite no real relationship besides friendship being the label plastered between you both.

you had known the twins were close and would always pry into each other’s lives whether intentional or not. so on a fateful day when the three of you were at onigiri miya just as you were now, osamu had given you a special custom order including all of your favorite ingredients. it was an order you hadn’t even asked him for, just something he had simply made for you when he heard you would drop by in the afternoon.

you lit up at this, osamu not missing your reaction, a light smile present on his lips as you took the plated meal from his hands with gratitude. a happy “thank you, samu!” being exclaimed from you, and an all too gentle “no problem.” being softly spoken by the restaurant owner.

this was a gesture osamu had only provided for the closer ones in his life, and now, of course you. but it was nonetheless a gesture and interaction that just so happened to have atsumu questioning your relationship together.

“is there somethin’ ya both aren’t telling me? ya both datin’ or what?”

the two of you gawked at first to atsumu’s question, a storm of laughter erupting into the atmosphere of the restaurant due to how ridiculous his question had sounded. at the time it was as if it were the funniest question in the world, you and osamu simply being nothing more than good friends.

so you couldn’t exactly understand what had prompted his interrogation to begin with. atsumu’s expression falling flat as he watched the way you both wheezed hysterically at his question.

with tears of laughter piling up in the corner of your eyes, you had choked back another cackle, “us-? dating…? seriously?” another roar of your laughter ripped through the air, osamu just as entertained as you were.

“where did’ya get that idea from?” with a look of interest, osamu had questioned him whilst studying the look on atsumu’s face.

atsumu only groaned, “oh come on.” he leaned his body forward against the counter. “it ain’t that weird to ask! both of ya are just givin’ me that vibe!” his finger now pointed at the two of you, eyes darting towards the special little onigiri customized just for you by the restaurant owner.

it was easy to say, that situation had definitely left a lasting impression on you two. all very much to the point where you and osamu began to exaggerate your interactions together whenever atsumu were around you both.

it started with the little side comments whenever osamu served you both your meals.

“this one’s for smelly tsumu, and this one’s for my ‘girlfriend’.”

“take some food to go, can’t have my ‘girlfriend’ go hungry.”

only over time, osamu grew bolder, switching to more intimate remarks at you to gauge a reaction.

“wanna try my new menu item, baby?”

“how ‘bout i feed you?”

even to more physical advances too.

holding hands across the counter, all so casually but far too evident.

long hugs, with his large hands that would affectionately squish the softness of your body.

gentle kisses, placed on your full cheeks.

it wasn’t until you began flirting back, atsumu became truly confused of you two. curious of the truth, until his curiosity eventually became an annoyance with the two of you. part of him knowing you both just enjoyed messing with him and teasing him for a simple question he had asked before, regretting that he even bothered butting into your love lives out of interest. he was still surprised you both are still holding it above his head. at this rate he could assume maybe you both do have something going on and he was the only one noticing it.

“i don’t care if ya both really are datin’ or not, just let me eat in peace.” he took a large bite from his onigiri, shaking his head in disapproval.

you brought your hand up, patting the setter’s back. “its okay, tsumu! you’ll find someone soon.” you cooed, osamu snickering on the side watching his twin’s face fall flat once more.

[patchiko]

Hear me out

AK!Jason with a s/o whose love language is sharing food, but them being the one who gives him the biggest and tastiest slice, the one who pours a little more juice or soda on Jason's glass and the type of givin AK!Jason the cleanest spoon.

im making this angsty and comforty because. because. because.

tw; eating disorder, throw up/vomit, canon torture affects implied,

i want to hold him.

an s/o like this would be soooo lovely for him because, however. (this takes awhile)

listen you could give him the most amazing meal, and he’ll scarf it down but not because it's amazing. but it's because you gave it to him. he doesn’t want to make you feel any type of way; but the way his heart shudders when he scrambles out your window late at night, the way he can't stop himself from retching in a trash can makes him feel borderline unlovable.

hearing his mothers voice ring about how they ‘couldn’t afford to be wasteful’

he can’t stop wondering if this is his body rejecting purity after being indulged in hatred for so long. he can’t help but wonder if he’s even meant to be in your presence. he can’t help but wonder if he was even meant to eat in the first place.

hearing the lunatic who he believed to make more of a man out of him then his father say he was ‘being wasteful’

he can't stop wondering if you poisoned it. he can’t stop wondering if the meat wasn’t fully cooked. he can’t stop wondering if someone else poisoned it. he can’t stop wondering if something had gone rotten and you hadn’t noticed.

Jason was wondering the wrong thing, because he hadn’t expected to turn around and you staring down at him from your window.

Jason slurred out something about a ‘Stomach Issue’ and how the food was still amazing.

He didn’t know at the time that this random white lie would save his predicament.

Whenever he came over you paced him, giving him small portions at a time, having him pour his own drinks.

Purposely sitting on the couch and asking him if he could serve himself, watching how much he did to replicate.

Making a less food so he wouldn’t feel overwhelmed with the leftovers he saw in the pots.

Making lighter meals whenever he came over.

His problem didn’t go away like he was perfect, he would still vomit those small meals, gag after a half of a coke. Even when he was young and just began living with Bruce, he couldn’t always stomach those hefty boujee steaks.

But just one meal at a time, watching you cook, how sweet you were when you held his hair out of his eyes while he was throwing up in your toilet, the way you rubbed his shoulder when you noticed he was slowing down on the meal, letting him take home leftovers, just those baby steps mean a lot to him.

Jason figuring out that you give him the cleanest spoon to go with his freshly tossed salad and giving him prettiest peace of chicken you made, and the way you piece the cup before setting it down in front of him. It meant a lot to him.

ugh, he has heart eyes while watching you fuck up that salad.

[archive4pervs]

same beer belly anon here! hi! :3 also.ajdjwldnwkkansns raaaarrrgh your fuckign brain!!!!!

leon would be pretty insecure and would need quite a bit of reassuring! he would miss what he thinks was his 'prime' (I.e re4 build) and reader would literally be on their knees, worshipping all that he is and showing just how much they love Leon for him, regardless of his body <3

your dark leon got me acting up in a way that sets feminism back a couple hundred years uhmm😳😳😳 he would be bad! terrible, even! you would only fuel his alcoholic behavior rather than fixing him (there is no fixing him and you were a fool to think that in the first place.)

but pros are uhm uhm he suffocates you with his belly on the regular soooooo🤷‍♀️ like i had this image of Leon laying on top of reader, their stomach is pressed down to the floor, meanwhile his tummy is pressed right up against readers back, trapping them essentially. they have to deal with Leon's body weight pressing down on them, his arms wrapped around them and his sheer strength keeping them in place. and he's smirking the entire time as he watches reader struggle to move. he! would! be! awful!

NONNIE!!!!! IM GONNA KISS YOU!!!! this is literally sensational LIKE YOU GET ME!!! YES!!!!!! BEER BELLY LEON AGENDA IS GETTING SPREAD AND THE WORLD CHEERED!! world peace has been restored :33

insecure! leon is sooo regretful :(( like he looks at himself in the mirror and even though his tummy doesn’t take away from his skills AT ALL, he still feels so inferior, like he looks around at the people around him and even though change comes with time, their changes weren’t the same as him gaining weight so he’s literally crashing out — but YOU!!! at least help alleviate the deep rooted anxiety and just inner self loathing he’s developed over the years.

i think it’s hot idc!! riding him or sucking on his cock while he has a beer in hand, like he’s so “im disgusting, don’t do that,” like hello im currently between your thighs with my hands down your pants what are you saying??

just think abt it with me nonnie… sucking on his fat cock (hard or not) while he’s sitting back on his couch and drinking a beer.. he’s so embarrassed?? like cmon! don’t lower yourself to his level, find a better man, a man that’s not broken, one that’s not an alcoholic and not one that’s let himself go ;(( he’s drunkenly babbling but your kissing his into thighs and tummy before popping his cock in your mouth and sucking slowly while telling him that he’s the most attractive man in the world STOP!!! he cums so fast it’s so humiliating BUT IT HELPS!!! cuz you reassure him that he’s all you’ve ever wanted :33

now..dark! leon is a whole other story i fear.. he would be a horrible partner but IDC!! i still want his ass in my bed and on top of me 🔥 NO LITERALLY, there’s no way to fix him, he’s too far gone! at one point you tried to point out his addiction and it turned into an argument and you kinda stopped trying.. like yea you’re an enabler but whatever he physically can’t be in a relationship with someone trying to fix his issues it will make him crash out. he uses alcohol as a way to cope and i fear he’s never gonna give it up (>_<;)

and YES!! he does use his strength and weight against you :(( you can complain and whine all you want, but you and him both know you enjoy it. (me too girl) like he’s quite literally folding you in half, he doesn’t care if you’re flexible or not. in any context, dark! leon loves when you cry, dacryphilia king!! he just loves making you cry and seeing you squirm and try to fight to get him off of you.. like aw, sweetheart, did you really think some pushes and kicks would work against him?

him pressing his tummy against your back…UGH.. you’re so right, his cock is so girthy inside you, he gets so painfully rough with you :(( shoving his cock deep again your cervix and keeping you still..his arm wrapped around your neck as he holds you in a head lock :( and idk if you fw this but him slapping you around while you’re sucking on his cock >_< like you gag & squirm and he pinches your nose and gives you a few hard smacks across your face so you can get it together!! CMON!! you know better than that 😒 but again..YOU TWO BOTH KNOW YOU ENJOY IT!! smh! don’t try to hide it!!

[bloodweep]

HIHI! DO YOU WRITE FLUFF? YOURE LIKE ONE OF MY FAVORITE WRITERS ON TUMBLR SO I WANTED TO ASK🤭 IF YOU DO, I WAS JUST THINKING ABT BROZONE (OR JUST JD) WITH A READER WHO ALSO MAKES MUSIC? YOU CAN HAVE THE HCS TURN OUT HOWEVER YOU WANT I JUST HAD THAT GENERAL IDEA🙏🏽🙏🏽

OKFG PLEASE IM NOT THAT GOOD

And yes I do 🥺👉🏻👈🏻 it makes me so happy and giggly like the bitch I am jfjfhfhfhfh

YOU KNOW MY HEART IS GONNA GO TO JD FIRST I WANT HIM IN EVERY WAY I CAN

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

JOHN DORY:

‗ ❍ I love him so much but I just know he would be a bit of an asshole at first, far better than before, don’t get me wrong! But he will still ask what you’re going and provide “tips” to make it better, but will be quickly silenced if you glared at him

‗ ❍ he is literally the definition of “oh I hate that man, I hate that man! But oh cara mia how I love him”

‗ ❍ after a while he would be silent and just listen to you, he would highly enjoy your music btw

‗ ❍ would get stuck in his head constantly where he is humming it wherever he is, bobbing his head to the beat

‗ ❍ would so just hold you close, arm around your shoulders watching you write away, nuzzling into your hair

‗ ❍ would beg to have a duet with you, no lie, will literally beg on all fours to have one

‗ ❍ UGH ITS STUPID BUT HE WOULD SO GRAB TOU AROUNF THE HIPS AND PULL YOU ALONG THE ROOM TO DANCE

‗ ❍ he would hold you so tight and kiss along your head while he sways with you and sings

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Bruce:

‗ ❍ he would be so fun to write songs with, so attentive, leaned back and just listening

‗ ❍ wouldn’t say anything until you were finished and asked for tips

‗ ❍ “play it again” he would say just so he can hear your voice again and listen to the melody

‗ ❍ he would do this a few times before you caught on and playfully punched his knee

‗ ❍ he would just laugh and shake his head “nothing needs to be changed it’s wonderful ”

‗ ❍ he would so sing the songs you make while surfing too

‗ ❍ he’s your number one biggest fan, will fight anyone to get that position

‗ ❍ he will be the loudest person in the audience and dancing in the crowd

‗ ❍ sings it for his kids any song you create

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Clay:

‗ ❍ he’s such a little nerd, would be vibing to anything so hard

‗ ❍ he will fight whoever even if it’s his own brothers to be the number one fan

‗ ❍ he would so teach you how to dance to whatever you’re writing

‗ ❍ his hands holding your hips to help you move better

‗ ❍ begs to hear you sing all the time because he likes it so so much

‗ ❍ makes up all your choreography for you, and isn’t upset if you desire to change it

‗ ❍ he would so so beg to dance with you on stage at least once (he’s a lair all the time he wants to dance with you forever)

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Floyd:

‗ ❍ He would be so happy to see you write and create music

‗ ❍ he would relax back and listen with such a peaceful smile on his face

‗ ❍ he would so love to do duets with you too

‗ ❍ they would be so soft and gentle; you’re very mindful of what happened to him and don’t want to push him to hurt himself - even if he says he’s fine and can handle whatever

‗ ❍ holds your hands while you practice with him, showing you his full attention and encouraging you whenever you stumble or feel like you can’t get something right

‗ ❍ UGH his smile will be so fucking soft and gentle as he looks at you

‗ ❍ when he watches you from the crowd he is just smiling and dancing slightly the whole time

‗ ❍ UGH tells you how proud he is of you all the time, and you deserve all the fans and happiness

‗ ❍ if he ever preforms with his brothers he definitely invites you in and puts you right next to him - holding your hand tightly the whole time

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

‗ ❍ GOSH that stupid look he gives when he really loves someone??? That look the whole time

‗ ❍ fully understands if you don’t feel comfortable singing with him or in front of him just yet

‗ ❍ or even if you just want to do it on stage only

‗ ❍ if you feel self conscious about a song he will preform it with you and his brothers so you feel better

‗ ❍ never ever tells you to change it because there’s no such thing as “perfect” and a song is what is felt from within - things no such thing to be perfect

‗ ❍ every time you do sing in front of him he will drop everything he’s doing and listening to you

‗ ❍ he’s so giddy to hear you sing but doesn’t go over the top to stress you out

━━━━━━━ ✦❘༻༺❘✦ ━━━━━━━

Im sorry it’s so short I struggle with sfw for some reason because fluff makes me so giddy and excited and I feel gushy

[crystaldivination]

hi again bby! hope ur feeling nice <3

i can't believe i won the game bc i was not really sure about saying the same sign twice lol

my pick is messages from my future spouse

(i remember your preferred pronouns as he/him so i'm gonna do it that way)

here's my exchange:

ok, first of all i wanted to channel all things he wanted to say as sentences like a list but for some reason he wanted to say things in a love-letter like way & i wrote some explanations for the things that were emphasized in parentheses

hi dove, (he might see you as dove-like fragile and beautiful)

i hope you're doing good and not just trying to get by, you deserve to live through every day like you're having a birthday party (he might be really into celebrating birthday parties) it won't be like that when i'm with you tho, i'll try to make every day worthwhile for you even if we have some silly fights here and there. you give me peace through the dark days & the sunlight through the good days, you're lighting me up like i'm the moon and you're the sun even though we might be far apart, you still bring out the best in me somehow (he's coming through as kinda poetic) done talking about how you'll make me feel and let's start talking about how i'll make you feel i'll make you feel like you're lying on a grassy ground and breathing fresh air, the smell of an old place that's nostalgic but making you feel happy anyways, like you're pacing through the amusement park with a wide smile on your face, like you're just a child who's happy to experience little joys, but honey ain't nothing good little when it's with you, you make smallest acts of love seem like grand gestures, like how you'll turn the first little spark you'll ignite in me when i first will see you into a fire inside my heart. i'm not gonna say you're my missing half and make you feel like you need me to complete you but baby you're whole as you are right now, you don't need anybody but you but you're still gonna want me anyways that's how precious i am to you ^~^ (a little bit cocky but funny haha as he should be you're that bitch to be with and he's damn right to feel that way)

anyways bby, that's all i could get from channeling your future spouse, i hope it resonates 🤍

also i kept hearing the song timeless by taylor swift so it could resonate with your love story somehow

hi hon! im doing so well, I hope you’re too <3 I love the reading. I thought it resonated with me. why does it sound like he’s kinda old or there’s a theme of the past going on here? either way I can’t with him why is he so cocky ugh 😩

now here’s yours, do tell me how you find it:

channeled song: unconditionally - katy perry

[ "Come just as you are to me | Don’t need apologies | Know that you are worthy | I’ll take your bad days with your good | Walk through the storm, I would | I do it all because I love you | I love you" ]

You don’t realize how often I think about you. Even before we meet, even before I can reach for you, I feel you. There are nights I close my eyes, and I swear, I can almost hear your thoughts like a distant echo I’m supposed to remember but can’t quite grasp yet. You’re close, I know it. I wonder if you feel me too. You are not easy to forget. Even people who only know a fraction of you carry pieces of you long after you’re gone. And I? I will never let you go. I wasn’t meant to. I have a strange feeling that when I finally meet you, I won’t believe it at first. That somehow, I’ll hesitate- not because I don’t recognize you, but because I’ll be afraid of how much I do. I already know you’ll be the person who shifts something in me, someone who forces me to see myself in ways I never have before. And that’s terrifying. But I want it. I want you. You’re going to be my home. I know that sounds dramatic, but it’s the only way I can describe it. I can feel it already. You’ll be the person I don’t have to explain myself to. The one who sees through me, past every defense, past every carefully controlled version of myself. And you’ll still stay. I don’t want a love that fades. I don’t want something that only exists in the right lighting or the right circumstances. I want a love that survives, the kind that holds on through the storms, the kind that isn’t afraid of what’s difficult. And I know, deep in my bones, that you are that love. If you’re ever wondering if you’re too much, if you take up too much space, if you feel too much, think too much, want too much, know this: you will never be too much for me. I want all of it. Every version of you, every shifting piece, every unspoken thought. I want to know the you that you don’t show the world. I want to hold the parts of you that no one else has ever asked to see. When I find you, I won’t let the world pull us apart. I won’t let fear, or hesitation, or anything else get in the way. Because I already know that losing you would feel like losing a part of myself.

[allamericanb-tch]

crimson rivers thoughts (10) 

@tastetherainbow290

chapter 20

i’m scared for this chapter

my death predictions are vanity, peter, irene, and one of the death eaters (i can’t remember their names) (please let me be wrong please let me be wrong)

i’m only reading this one for now bc it’s “quick” according to the author

sirius pov! ok that’s good

ugh slughorn. die.

oh no the death eaters found peter

peter noooo omg. do not die right now.

they’re just. beating him to death. 

WHY DOES PETER ALWAYS BETRAY THEM IN EVERY FIC

james pov ahhhh dramatic irony

VANITY NO

and there goes willa

VESPA NO you will be missed

hodge no not vanity please

poor james oh my gosh

no vanity vanity no why no

tears

ok i need to be somewhere in 20 minutes this is horrible timing but i have to stop reading now

guys im back. it’s been like an hour i am not ready

“She never got her first kiss. She never got to fall in love. She never got to go home. Her prince never saved her. Her prince killed her. Her prince is dead.” SOBBING

why would you write this. i’m so serious rn WHY WOULD YOU WRITE THIS

peter saving regulus ❤️

IRENE NO

why would you write this. 

ugh poor mathias. they didn’t mean to 💔

irene no what are you doing

MATHIAS TOO NO

JAMES NO what’s gonna happen i’m scared

i know james isn’t dead but regulus doesn’t and no one can tell him james is still alive ugh poor regulus 

sirius pov

yes sirius send regulus a secret message

rip juniper 💔 i know i would’ve been sad if we saw more of her

every time the death count shows at the end of the chapter i get so sad when i see evan’s name

chapter 21

maybe this one is happier?

ugh i hate slughorn

the two victor thing this is just like the hunger games (every time i say smth like this it’s like… yeah… that’s the whole point 😭)

sirius you’re so smart i love you

dorlene yay!! i love them even tho this is SAD

dorcas running FOUR MILES to see marlene 

i love them.

dorcassss tell her about the orderrrrr

“you’re a good friend” ❤️‍🩹

remus pov switch

regulus putting everything in the river ok

he’s keeping his own stuff that’s good

is regulus going to LEAP ACROSS THE RIVER

okay he didn’t. good.

run regulus run go find james

“It reminds Remus vaguely of dogs getting the zoomies” 😭

i lowkey forgot to be writing my thoughts down

“fancy a trip to space” sirius 😭

hanky panky time

MOON

AHHHHHHHH

why are they stopping 😯

oh poor sirius ☹️ ugh i just feel so bad for him like. the way the hallow treated him was so unfair 

chapter 22

james pov!

james 💔

“happy birthday hodge” TEARS

eeee regulus is going to find james

james talking to regulus in his head

“regulus never fails to look up” 😭😭😭😭😭😭

poor james just out here suffering

james getting high off anesthesia 😭

come on regulus you can do it go find james

HE FOUND HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

james thinking regulus was sirius ☹️

regulus just going with it

the james pov of this 💔

not him trying to sell sirius about regulus’ “parting gift” 😭 i hope he does get to tell him eventually

he’s realizing

“you came and found me” “of course i did” AHHHHH

kiss kiss kiss

ok they’re hugging i love them

this is so sad but reunion!!!

sirius pov

joffery?! what is your offer

chapter 23

regulus telling james abt irene ☹️

why is this sad

they’re flirting

ope nevermind flirting over

regulus holding james ❤️‍🩹

i bet the audience is eating this up. which is kind of really sad. like. they’re having a moment and everyone’s just. watching.

SOUP 

they’re literally katniss and peeta in that one scene

“thank him” im just as confused as you are regulus

regulus feeding james (this is giving me the ick lowkey)

them talking about their relationship i hate that regulus is only doing this for the games

ugh i hate that james is being so james right now like. i want them to do this in peace and privacy and without the context of the games

“I used to collect brown rocks if they reminded me of your eyes” if someone did that for me i would cry

regulus telling james he was his first love

KISS ALREADY

i feel bad rn bc im like. the audience. intruding on their private moment. i know this is purely fiction but still. 

😯 they kissed

a sad kiss but a kiss nonetheless 

they’re kissing for real now eeeee

“That was one of the happiest moments of my life” ☹️☹️☹️

“now James knows that Regulus would kiss him in the pursuit of saving his life, if there literally was no other option” i am so sorry james

“peter wouldn’t betray me like that”

the tension rn (and not in a good way)

my sister is watching my favorite episode (s2 e13) of regular show rn im getting so distracted this is going to be my last chapter

“You can't protect me from this, because I'm already here” 💔

why is this SO SAD

“If there's one thing all of this has taught me it's that I've always cared” 

the end notes: “everyone: WHEN WILL THEY KISS??? me: be careful what you wish for” this feels targeted

[wlwloverwrites]

Im bored at work but I feel like this is how kate would be when it’s 3 and she wakes up r to say a random ask thing or ask a silly question 😭

“ would you love me if I was still a worm ?”

Just all up in r’s face

roommate kate means having to deal with her every single day. she would come back from an evening class and is forced to leave because you threatened her her just an hour prior… “kate you are literally bouncing off the walls with that much fuckin energy. take a walk” kate’s jaw drops, not because of your sudden lash out —she is used to those — but because that doesn’t sound like a bad idea. she has all this energy that she knows you don’t appreciate when she takes it out on you. so she smiles before giving you a big kiss and grabs her headphones. “you’re so smart baby. i’ll be back.”

she practically skips out the door before you can stop her, you weren’t serious (yes you were) you sigh finishing up your last assignment for the night and climb up to your bed. before you know it you fell asleep. you ignore the door opening and try to go back to sleep, shutting your eyes but they open wide when you hear sniffling. ripping the covers off of your body you squint at the bodily figure that is glistening with sweat and tears.

“kate, babe, what’s wrong?”

she says nothing as she walks to you bed. her sweaty head rests on the edge of your bed but you don’t care. you just want to know what happened. you reach out for her hand, trying to comfort her in anyway possible.

“tell me.”

her mouth opens, showcasing that she might tell you. she sniffles one more time and wipes her eyes. you don’t know if she wipes sweat or tears. your praying tears because small drops fell onto your freshly washed covers.

“would you still love me if i was a worm?”

“kate bishop! you fuckin idiot. I was trying to sleep and you scare with me with you crying- Ugh! I cant believe you. jump in the shower. you reek.”

you can’t help but giggle at kate’s truly shocked and offended gasp as the door shuts behind her. she walks into a shared bathroom with a towel. you sigh at the peace and quiet but it doesn’t last long. kate’s head sticks out from the closed door as she whispers at you to get your attention.

“wait. baby, you didn’t answer the question. would you?”

“no.”

[materialgyaaaal]

💌, 💄, 🤍, & 💋

awwweee thank you for the ask 🫶🥹

im going to choose my marvel s/o for this question— Miguel O’Hara!!

💌 - who confessed first and how did it happen?

zzz IT WAS ME… I was high on painkillers tho and in a hospital bed and it was a very sad slow burn / SUPPOSEDLY unrequited feelings typa situation! we’d been dancing around our feelings for a while cus of my position as an anomaly in his reality (story time? 👀) and all the issues we both have at the time.

I basically confessed and that asshole said ‘it’ll pass.’ IM SO SERIOUS!!! now that I look back on it I can’t do a damn thing but smoke an imaginary cigarette like why would you say that to someone in the hospital??!! of course it hurt my feelings and it was awkward going back to work after that but I got my lick back. That’s all imma say.

💄- what are petnames you have for eachother?

I’m not too much of a person to give nicknames. I call him amor only after we start a family. That’s when I trust enough that I can actually call him a pet name. Before that, it’s nothing but teases and shit he hates— miguelito , miggywiggy, migul, stuff that’ll make him mad when someone else hears it.

He keeps it simple— he calls me amor too, but I love when he says my full name. Down to the surname. Mx Indigo. Madam Spider. (It’s not even my fucking spider alias but he’s an idiot. A class act idiot.)

🤍 - what are your love languages VS. your s/ o's? How do you show theirs and how do they show yours?

For Miguel, his love languages are a mix of all five but he cherishes quality time. He really needs the mere moments of silence between us, or when I offer my ear and maybe even some advice. And words of affirmation. it makes his sassy ass feel good when i tell him he’s right or that he did the best he could. I’m also a mix of all five but I love when he gifts me simple things I simply brought up. It could be a food craving or him handling a chore just to do it, just to lessen the weight off my back. Ugh my man my man my man—

💋- what are you most excited to experience with your s/o and why?

im really just excited to laugh with him again. he’s so fucking funny and im not trying to sound like a pickme, he has me ugly laughing in the most inappropriate moments. this is a touch private but. Im excited to experience a peaceful life after all this stupid multiverse business. I’m excited to see him with Gabriela again. he’s a sweet man but he holds everything on his shoulders. I just want to see him happy.

[ruminate88]

The intensity of starting toxic relationships and then being in a regular one after:

when you’ve been in toxic relationships, they all start out super intense! (At least it did for me) and each new relationship is exciting. Trying to get to know them is often a mystery. Andrew left so much to the imagination yet he would give me crumbs of himself and it kept me chasing him. (He knew what he was doing) it’s so quick and like a whirl wind!!!! They blow into your life and then blow out. You’re left like “whoa!!! WHAT HAPPENED??” And you were so high that now you’re so low you don’t want to take a step forward but you have to.

whenever I met my husband, that’s the first “normal” truly normal relationship I’ve had and it’s boooooooring. It’s a slow process to learn each other and nothing is fast, intense or crazy. Every thing is calm and chill. No strong reactions or cold shoulders. No hot or cold. No up or down. Just…. Balanced. Normal. Steady. Goood 🙏🏻 everything I should’ve had all along and should treasure/cherish it but not very exciting. Just facts.

now there was the thrill of first meeting my husband and having all our 1st together. 1st kiss, 1st “date” altho I married my husband so fast because I was desperate to stop hurting over Andrew and we really didn’t get to be “boyfriend and girlfriend” I mean we were but it was so short because we married so quick. He was pretty much my husband the day I met him. I knew he was different in our 1st conversation ever. I recognized he was peaceful and drama free. His atmosphere he carries is clean air compared to the toxic and dirty air I was breathing in when talking to my exes.

However, I’ve only known toxic men and their crazy wild energies. The constant shift of one minute they’re happy with me and obsessed with me but the next minute they’re triggered some reason and giving me the business. Andrew could act crazy affectionate and warm with me then suddenly shift like “I have a headache and I’m just tired” and he’s treating me like I’m the most annoying person on the planet 😓😭 I never knew which mood I was getting out of him. I was up and down daily. The emotional charge and energy was overwhelming and kept me in constant chaos and turmoil ….

I’m very aware of the differences in energies and behaviors. I realize I was in toxic relationships so long that I got comfortable there even though it was harmful for me and now I’m in a better place. I’m trying to accept the change and navigate this new life I’m in. Despite feeling “bored” I’m trying to embrace my husband and make the relationship better and more exciting but it takes 2 as well. My husband also has to be open to actively making our relationship exciting. (If that’s even the right word to use)

part of me misses the thrill of when you meet someone new but like I said, with the toxic ones, it’s not just “new” but it’s overwhelmingly intense and mysterious. They hide so much from you and mirror you. They say all these big grand gestures to get you to talk to them. They want to jump your bones day one. 😳 Andrew was proposing to me the 1st week we talked and telling me “how great I am”. Ugh I never knew what a red flag that was. I told him like, “how can you wanna marry someone you just met????” 😜

I know I married my husband fast but wasn’t week 1. lol It felt fast to me cuz I wasn’t healed from Andrew and didn’t understand it back then like I do now. Wasn’t fair to my husband that I had Andrew on my tail and he had to threaten Andrew to leave me alone but I can’t change my mistakes .

my husband doesn’t hold my past over my head thankfully or ever bring it up. Im the one struggling to forgive myself and move on but it’s a process I’m trying to navigate and understand it all.

[chuuyascumsock]

To my darling pookiw wookie Dambi ❤️❤️

I missed you too much so I’m paying just to message you my love 😫

THANK FUCK YOU BROUGHT YOUR BOTA BACK I WAS DYING NO JOKE. I NEED MEED *NEED* to have a femzai or femchuuya (or you😘😘) fuss over me and then dick me down while I turn into a pathetic little puddle because people are so fucking SHIT!!! (I’m loving this holiday I’m on as you can tell 😭😭)

like no joke I wake up and five mins later I have to run up a steep ass mountain because people wanted to go there before it closed ☹️ IM NOT MADE FOR RUNNING!!! MY SHORT LEGS CANNOT TAKE ME FAR!!!

AND ALSO

I’m going to eat all your friends, don’t worry my love. I SHOULD HAVE NEVER LEFT FR 😭😭 I hope you know I think you’re an amazing and wonderful person and I always get giddy when interacting w you and I like to think of you as my friend too!!

keep smiling and THANK YOU SO MYCH FOR BRINGING BACK YOUR BOTS THEY ARE AAVING ME RN!!!!

and ugh. I want to make bots but I’m too silly too- but like… FEMZAI AND FEMCHUUYA SCHOOL/UNI ERA??? 😩😩 they’re so hot im sad because I can’t give you a lovely insane picture bc I’m awayyyy :((

I miss you snookums ❤️ but I’ll be back to terrorise you and the rest of tumblr in a week. Have a peaceful time without me

love from, Moya

Hiiii Pookie, I missed you *giggling and kicking my feet*

I feel so honored that you would pay just to talk to me 🥰😚

And yessss, I’ve been wanting to bring the bots back (and make more in general) because they’re fun to mess with when I get bored. I’ll do whatever you want me to babygirl 😩

I’m sorry your trip is dog water rn, I hope by the end you at least had a little bit of fun (I like nature stuff, I wanna go hiking when it’s not hot as balls out).

It makes me so happy that you enjoy interacting with me because I love interacting with all my mutuals and anons because you guys are so funny 🫶

I think you should make bots if you really want to, would love to see it.

Be back soon, I can’t goon all by myself over here 😔❤️

[deceptive-daydreams]

Underground update! 😍 im so pleased that a longer chapter won out. thank you for giving us the choice 🖤

Her character is getting more concrete in these flashbacks. Her choosing to sit on her own rather than with Steve to avoid his friends, being known as one of the shy ones, her berating herself over thinking anyone would even be interested... its all so heartbreaking. I feel like loneliness is such a big theme in this chapter, she was lonely at school and she's lonely present day, thinking everyone has essentially been having a laugh at her expense.

Especially Steve, so he was there for the falling out that she describes as heartbreak, helped her through it and cant not have known there were bigger feelings there for Eddie, whatever happened. Yet Steve still chose to get his 'selfish needs' met with him. Thing is, his needs being met wasnt her issue at all, just who he chose to meet them with. The way Steve thinks about this kinda makes me think it might just be hooking up, no big feelings, and i cant decide which would be worse, him choosing someone who hurt her just for the hell of it or that they do genuinely like eachother. But then if they do really like eachother, where does that leave R? I need so much more information! The flashback parts seem to say Eddie was into her just as much as she was him, which even Steve saw! (Plus Eddie's internal conflict over selling, not wanting to become his father - so sad 😢) I wonder how a conversation went between Eddie and Steve after last chapter. I kinda want them to call their thing off, but what if they are in love and stuff? I mean, I dont think they are..

And then R and Eddie's interaction present day, she thinks hes a liar but whhyy? What did you lie about Eddie?! I mean, he says nothing.. so who's in the wrong here? And he seems just as angry at her.. I need more info before i pick a side 🤣 and then her feeling so alone, not wanting to bother anyone and feeling so isolated from all her friends 💔 Plus still having to go into work because bills and just the stress that situation will have caused her, felt it big time. I hope Will in particular doesn't let her keep feeling that way.

Then both boys at the coffe shop and thier totally different approaches was interesting. Steve getting straight in her face didn't do much good, and Eddie's peace offering.. yea it was sweet, but pal, it's going to need much more than a coffee. Loved this as always, got me in all the feels 🖤🖤

you have no idea how excited I was when I woke up and this was in my inbox 🥹 I LOVE YOUR COMMENTARY AND I LOOK FORWARD TO IT EVERY TIME

lmao me worrying about it being 9.9k when the poll said like 10k-12k IT WAS ALMOST 10 OKAY but it needed to end where it did

Yeah loneliness fucking sucks even when you do have people around you cause it’s like well why are you lonely? And it’s just this thing you can’t really explain so you self isolate and make it worse especially in times of need. UGH SHES REALLY GOING THROUGH IT

I can’t say a lot but Steve done fucked up

we’ll have to see their story unravel more to see who’s right about the past and whether Eddie actually lied or not cause after all, there’s two sides to a story and then there’s the truth.

yeah Steve is a little inept in that way, tbh everyone is just so emotionally stunted in some way or another in this situation 🫤

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING I ALWAYS LOOK FORWARD TO YOUR THOUGHTS AND IT MAKES ME ALL GIDDY AND EXCITED

[ngailanthai-23]

I think I’m so hard on myself because I don’t feel like my family is particularly kind to me. Like I don’t feel like they understand me, and they’re always making easy jokes about how I’m shallow and self absorbed and mean and passive aggressive and naive snd don’t know anything. And it wears me down, because ideally they would be the people I turn to for advice and guidance but it feels like they’ve written me off. But like babe if you’re writing me off, you’re really not left with much. If I’m a write kff, you have two failed to launch children.

And I definitely think it would be helpful for me to disengage from my parents opinion of me.

I just read a reddit page about disengaging from your parents disapproval, and one thing that stood out for me was the idea of questioning whose voice it is that’s saying the things you say to yourself. For example, when I critique myself for being « too gay », that’s definitely an outside voice of judgement that I’ve internalised. Who’s deciding what’s too gay? What’s wrong with being visibly gay? Sounds a lot like internalised shame to me. But then you have Alan Downe’s voice that says « you’re just covering up your gay shame with beautiful artifice and using femininity to hide from your rejection by masculinity ». Can’t a girl just have a break?

Doctor give me a new brain

I have this song on repeat lying on the hotel bathroom floor with my phone torch as my light source.

Im trying to give myself peace by saying that this is just a difficult period of reckoning because my brain is growing — I have enough maturity to notice that something is wrong, but not quite at the stage I can fix it. So I end up in one big spiral. 🌀

Ugh no wonder I have a retail therapy problem — anything to escape or distract this brain for one second

[m1ckeyb3rry]

Digging thru ur blog to reach this response because I forgot I sent oops (I passed by a lot of pokemon though??? Omg pokemon revival on tumblr time??? The impact of pursuit…..)

Anyways I’m FINALLY FULLY BACK TO CHRONICALLY ONLINE but FR get used to the fame it only goes up from here you’re about to become a household name for karasu nation being perceived truly is so weird though but as a proud miraverse citizen (??) I love seeing you in the tags of stuff or mentioned because I’m like “YOOO I KNOW HER YEAH SHES FAMOUS GO READ” anyways

OOOH ok duly noted I’ll listen to it every time you change it LMAO

NIKO AS THE TICKET SELLER SOOOOO REAL im crying Niko is too hilarious it’s amazing how I’ve actually grown fond of him (in an oaeu way) via our chats the emo haircut is perfect for scaring the shit out of Karasu OAEU FOR LIFEEE it’s everywhere and adds that dash of humor and goofiness for a perfect world building balance

Oh yeah!! They named them in the first volume too iirc they left them out in this volume of the egoist bible which is why I was shocked to find they didn’t bother naming ANYONE NEW HSHDJDOSKA atp with kaneshiro stalking you Karasu’s sister WILL be yayoi also I love the name akane for chigiris sister….(also yes the red thing is correct!!) something about it feels so strong like vibe wise it’s giving girlboss

NO FR they popped off with the Reo animation (where was karasus moment…) also PLEASE the old people cafes im crying maybe you’ll find one of their grandsons soon….

FRRR kaneshiro reveal yourself right now….i urge you to take notes from our convos too can i make a wishlist and slap it here to get kaneshiro to see it

I swear i press on one once daily and I don’t even realize it until im thrown out of the app and into my browser like ok you did not need to do that let me scroll in peace….

OH YEAH I SAW CLIPS def a lot better than the end clip of s1!!! Actually pretty happy with it i agree im not the biggest fan of otoyas though but on that note im begging you to listen to hioris because I got flooded with it and I can’t with the accent this isn’t even because I generally like him as a character the accent has me ROLLING (also to note his va is deku/midoriya from mha im sure you’ve seen his face before so I’ll let you process that….and Karasu being bakugo too has me crying like this cast)

But ALL GOOD tbh even if you sent doubles I’ll enjoy it just the same because I’ll see it again and be like “omg I forgot about this glorious edit thank you Mira”

OMGGG THE DUB VOICE EDIT?? Side note I actually love the diva audio they used all the edits that use it SLAP also at least otoyas sound effect sounds really funny LMFAOOO

I SAW THIS ONE BUT FRRR ugh his voice there >>>>> I love Karasu thank you blue lock

IM CRYING I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THAT MEME AUDIO ITS SO FUNNY I was lowk trying to think about who in bllk but YUKI AND TABIEITA SO REAL

LMAOAAO the timing is perfect yes Isagi get your fish lens face out of the way I’ve had enough of you

Why would you send me itoshism content…but that account put too much effort into that edit omg…

Omg nagi truly majestic….im really glad we got some good nagi content in his interactions with yuki last ep it’s been awhile!!!

UGHH FR nagi scoring the first goal of u20 was insane work someone get this man a new motivator he was unstoppable then

Wait unrelated but the subtitle for this one saying Liam when it’s supposed to be Rin had me laughing so hard also the way the dub actors say their names also always has me laughing a bit I feel like it’d sound more natural if they just kept it localized to the eng pronunciation but I admire their attempt at keeping it #authentic LMAOOO also wait why did I think nagi was bald when he turned into a puzzle piece LMFAOOO

THE ACCOUNT BEING AIKUS SOCKS LFMSOSODOSHAIAPAOAO IM CRYING ALL THE PEOPLE WITH INSANE NAMES ARE ALWAYS AIKU FANS I SWEAR but I have in fact not seen this one!!!! KARASUUUUUUUU I need more Karasu scenes asap lowk a little worried cause he doesn’t get that much spotlight in the u20 despite being top 3 (still gets more than yuki and otoya though) im still never getting over how the whole top6 thing kinda just went out the window but WHATEVER (kaneshiro if you’re reading…) if only fwtkac Karasu bfb Karasu pursuit Karasu oaeu Karasu existed irl man

KARASUUUUU x2 I love this man also PLEASEEE NOT THE FANON SHIDOU EX FRIEND REFERENCE it’s so funny how that’s become her little nickname now wait YOU WERE AN EDITOR??? Time to get back on that grind…/j LMAOA the fear of being outed to irls is so valid too ok but also so real for the ldr though I used to listen to her more but at some point just kinda stopped for idk why maybe I should go on a binge listen session

MEEE also the way I alr knew the audio from that line before I even pressed play LMAOO Karasu what a magnificent man someone get me a Karasu right now

Ok pause I can’t even lie you truly put me on the Barou agenda I appreciated him as a character before but now (esp after that one edit you showed me) plus that one convo we had about the snow shoveling idea and also oaeu Barou…..Barou <3333 anyways

TW KAISER LMFAOOOO this better not get my fyp on the Kaiser algorithm /j ok that edit was a little too good to be a Kaiser edit can this account swerve to Karasu next wtf

OTOYA AND THE PITBULL AUDIO otoya just serving s2 era is truly otoyas era he’s thriving now

IVE SEEN THESE the way they’re drawing it fully traditionally too with a pencil is insane I can’t imagine how long that takes!!! “Hey god it’s me again” PLEASEEE THIS COMMENT HAS ME HOWLING so real

The caption on this last one might be me also this audio too…karasu the loml…ok that was a great scrolling tiktok session I NEEDED THAT TY

- Karasu anon

LMAOOO lowkey i figured you did but i needed you to watch the tik toks so i had to remind you rq LSKFJHSD anyways yeah i think all of the pokémon is my mutual suo he’s been going through some of the games and updating me as he does!! truly we began a pokémon renaissance on here though

OMG YAYYY I’M GLAD YOU’RE BACK I MISSED HAVING OUR DAILY CONVOS even though now i’m the one taking a sec to respond but that’s temporary trust i will be back to the typical crazy response time by like sunday at the latest LMAOOO omg yeah it’s so weird when i see people actually reading my work on here…in a sense i’m used to it?? before i deleted everything off of wattpad one of my aot fics was at like 200k reads and pomegranate ink was at like 80-90k or something so this isn’t like the FIRST time i’ve had large amounts of people reading my stuff but for some reason maybe because the bllk fandom is smaller it feels more intimate when people recommend my work 😭 whereas with like pomegranate ink for example i was literally just one of the first people to write a yuta x reader EVER and definitely the first/only one to write something that long for him (if you go on ao3 and go in the jjk manga fandom, filter by works tagged as “reader-insert”, and sort by word count, pomegranate ink is like ninth or tenth and it’s def the first that isn’t for gojo or nanami LMAOAOA) so it makes sense that it gets recommended a lot (i think it’s at almost 30k reads on ao3?? and same with my one aot fic which isn’t a lot by wattpad standards but is by ao3 standards i think)

AHAHAH you’ll have to lmk what you think every time i change it…sometimes i put songs that are just relatable to me personally and sometimes they’re songs that fit the dynamic of a fic i’m thinking of (feels like we only go backwards isn’t a particular fic but it’s somehow very karasu coded to me idk why)

I LOVE OAEU NIKO HE’S THE GOAT FR he’s sooo funny omg him selling tickets with his emo haircut and scaring the shit out of karasu cracks me up especially because he wouldn’t even be trying to do so…omg oaeu fr makes every au sm more elevated they even pulled up in the one kaiser fic (well only niko but aiku was probably there too in the background somewhere) and added more angst and drama like they are my go to side characters atp

LMAOAOAO if we ever find out that her name is fr yayoi or otoya’s younger sister is seiko i’m taking that as my final proof that he’s onto me SKDFJHSD and yeah i really like akane for her!! i wanted a name that didn’t end with “i” because it would feel too staccato with her last name being chigiri but many feminine names in japanese tend to end with “i” i think?? and i wanted something with either a prominent “a” or “o” sound because of hyoma…akane has the “a” while following a diff structure than hyoma’s name so it flows well with his name without sounding too similar!! plus i feel like it’s such a manga thing to name your characters and then base their design on it kinda like how karasu has the crow vibe going on (i’m sure there’s more examples but i can’t think of any off the top of my head it’s def a popular thing) so her name being based on the word for red and her having red hair (maybe her hair is more red than pink like chigiri’s too??) makes sense in my mind LKSDHFSDK okay another akane chigiri is another established certified miraverse canon fact now we just have to have her cameo in something…maybe her and yayoi can be besties they’re probably around the same age (at least in the miraverse they are because in bfb yayoi and reader are two years older than karasu?? and if chigiri’s sister is 21 rn and karasu is 18, then yayoi would be 20 so depending on the cutoff of their birthdays and whatnot they could even be in the same grade)

LKDSJFHLSDK that’s so real i need to become besties with all of the elderly people so they can enter their aiku eras and set me up with their grandchildren…HAHA i know kaneshiro is out there somewhere he’s been too inspired by me especially lately it’s uncanny

HIORI’S ACCENT CRACKS ME UP especially because aren’t he and karasu supposed to have the same accent lowkey?? i don’t know enough about the region to say for sure but if so why is it only hiori who’s been texas-ified (not that i’m complaining LKDHFSLK I WOULD’VE CRIED IF THEY GAVE THAT ACCENT TO KARASU TOO)

I LOVE THE DIVA AUDIO but yeahhhh omg karasu’s dub is so good this season like i went on an entire rant in the ask before this describing why i like it sm but ugh it’s truly amazing def one of my favs besides shidou’s (his fits him really well imo), barou’s (also fits SUPER well and sounds rlly good), and anri’s (i love how much stronger and more confident the dub makes her sound compared to the sub)

LMAOOO just smth about the way he’s like “go look in a mirror 😒” is sooo attractive and also the way he’s not afraid to sass shidou despite seeing him try to beat the shit out of rin mere minutes earlier SLDKFHSHJD shidou do everyone a favor and get in a fight with karasu so we can see him sweaty and with messy hair…bonus points if you somehow manage to rip his shirt off or smth…haha…shidou please…

wait speaking of which i forgot we get the scene of them in the locker room during the u20 match where they’re all shirtless and there’s that panel of karasu smirking deviously and high fiving otoya or smth LET’S GOOO SHIRTLESS KARASU THEY BETTER NOT FUMBLE (they probably won’t for some reason 8bit always goes insane with the shirtless scenes)

HAHAHA IT’S LITERALLY YUKIMIYA AFTER SECOND SELECTION bro got a new partner and IMMEDIATELY dipped omg i have a meme idea for this i’m going to post it after i finish responding to asks

FACTS ISAGI GET OUT OF HERE bro isagi fans are so funny they always get so pressed defending him like i’m sorry not everyone likes your fav??? TRY LIKING NAGI IN THE CURRENT CLIMATE 😭 i think the most unproblematic fans by far are the barou fans because barou himself is such an elite pick…like yeah they may be a bit cocky at times but it’s DESERVED like barou truly IS that guy almost every other character has kinda annoying fanbases 😩

THAT’S WHAT I’M SAYING like the rin editors always put their hearts and SOULS into those edits there are sooo many good ones i need the nagi editors to get on that type of timing because in terms of season 1 clips nagi and rin are about equal and i think team z vs team v is probably peak blue lock animation so there’s definitely enough material to edit nagi like that (PLUS the epinagi movie…come on now y’all) okay wait also something that cracks me up is that in the first popularity nagi won second and rin got sixth or smth (presumably because he was still a newer character atp) how times have changed…😓💔

HELP NOT BALD NAGI the thought is cursed…ngl sometimes i try to imagine my favs when they’re older grandpa vibes and idt any of them could pull off the bald look KSLJDHF KARASU AND BAROU WOULD LOOK RIDICULOUS i think reo could pull it off maybe?? and yukimiya but idk about anyone else 😭

LMAOOO PLEASE IT TRULY IS ALWAYS THE AIKU FANS they’re the next generation of toji fans who are the next generation of levi/chrollo stans SKDJFHS but yesss KARASU i was talking to jeirin (also maybe you in the other ask i don’t even remember) and i really do think karasu otoya and yuki are giving baddie of the week vibes rn (both in terms of being opponents and also baddies because they’re hot) like as soon as the u20 game starts everyone is going to jump to aiku and sae then once we get to nel it’s going to be kaiser and the master strikers (probably also barou and nagi in their respective matches) so this really is the peak of it i think…sigh…i’ll still be here though

i was in fact an editor i have lived many lives LSKDJFH but yeah i am so scared of being outed to irls so i had to delete especially since tik tok is such an OPP like it’s always sending your business to everyone else and suggesting accounts and stuff HAHA anyways yess i think my favorite ldr songs (in no specific order) are california, white mustang, ultraviolence, chemtrails over the country club, sad girl, pretty when you cry, black beauty, swan song, did you know there’s a tunnel under ocean blvd, venice bitch (also taco truck x vb which is basically a remix of venice bitch), tomorrow never came, summer bummer, and honestly way more but those are a few i can think of off the top of my head!!

barou <333 i never talk about him but he’s so beloved and dear to me he just has the misfortune of being third to nagi and karasu

WASN’T IT LOWKEY FIRE come onnn if we can make these kind of edits for KAISER (who’s manga only) WHY CAN’T WE GET THIS KIND OF HEAT FOR KARASU AND YUKIMIYA????

YAYYY HAPPY TO PROVIDE trust i will always be ready with edits to send SDKJHFS like at the SLIGHTEST provocation i’ll send you 50 /hj

[treatbuckywkisses]

It's happened she LITERALLY did this for ME🥺😭 

the warning............ already has my stomach tense as fuck🫠

Thor is such a sassy king in this LOLL dramatic man with power 😮‍💨

A formal gala, with Bucky dressed up in a suit and you in the most alluring dress in your closet, could be the perfect place to earn a second warning. LMAOOOO YOU GO BABE !!!!!! 

“Okay darling, they’re closed.” He plays along, knowing that when it comes down to it, he would do anything you ask him without contest because it’s for you. My God shutup this whole encounter between them is literally the most freaking precious thing EVER☹️☹️

Bucky’s fearful that you won’t actually believe his statement, even though they are perhaps the most honest words that have ever left his lips. It’s no secret that before he met you, Bucky had enjoyed sleeping around - had entertained more than his fair share of attractive women in his bed, but after just one month officially as your boyfriend, becoming intimately familiar with your beautiful soul, he has zero doubts that you are the only woman he wants in that position for the remainder of his life. Em I'm SICK this is everything☹️❤️

You playfully slap his chest, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and then proceeding to rub your lipstick stain off, before pushing him along to get you a drink. He looks back at you as he walks away, almost bumping into the Chief of Surgery, apologising profusely with a guilty glance to you, before he shuffles off towards the bar. THE LOVE THEY HAVE IM SCREAMING 😭😭

“Months… how much can someone really change in a couple of months? There’s so many of us around the hospital he’s fucked. You really think he’s loyal to you?” You recoil at her words, not having expected the conversation to turn into whatever this was becoming, nor so soon into your small talk. I just gasped so loudly.............what a bitch 

“You don’t know him like I do and have no right to speak about him like that.” You state firmly with a small humph. If you weren’t at an event packed with your colleagues, you’d slap her. YESS STANDING ON BUSINESS BABY 

Coming to a compromise, your brain instead decides that being frozen in place, unable to look away like an impending car crash, is the best place for you to be. But that is also pure torture. this is so realistic😔 poor baby I'm feeling so bad for her rn

What if you are just Bucky’s practice run at being in a relationship, the one who fixes him up, teaches him all the valuable lessons, only for him to leave you and be the perfect partner to someone else? UGH EM the writer that you are !!!!! Seriously!!! The self doubting and silent spiral is so me lol so I can confidently say you wrote this out so well ❤️‍🩹 

There’s a split second where the whole world stands still, everyone at the gala other than the two of you disappear and it’s like you’re standing right in front of him, regardless of the space separating you. Their love 🥺🥺🥺 I will never be over them 

You lean your head on Bucky’s shoulder as he continues to rub your back. Why can’t the world just exist like this? Just the two of you in peaceful, quiet, solace. He kisses the top of your head and in that moment you know he’ll wait patiently, all night if that’s how long it takes, for you to explain how you’re feeling. I'm going to cry over this forever 

YOU'RE MY FUTURE YOU'RE MY EVERYTHING BE SO SERIOUS RIGHT NOW EM 

Fracture into a million pieces, the fabric of reality tearing apart at the seams around you as euphoria flows through you like wind on the surface of water. Every single cell in your body feels like it’s been lit on fire, burning bright like a shooting star soaring through a galaxy assembled by your love for him.  How actually dare you write this

“I love you.” Bucky confesses with a shaky breath, even though he is assured in his affection. Though you’re not conscious to receive his words, something about disclosing his most closely guarded secret to your beautiful face, finally admitting his profound feelings aloud, feels like an enormous step for him. Never in a million years did he think he could open his heart up far enough to allow space for these types of feelings to nestle within. “You are the most precious thing in my life. I’m never going to compromise what we have, never going to take you for granted. I’m going to love you and only you for every day I have left in this life and even when I’m no longer here, my soul will forever be yours.” A SLEEP CONFESSION I'M SO SICK HES SO FUCKING PRECIOUS 

A male paramedic was shot.  ........I know you did not do what I think you did.......... 

And then you see it. The thing that flatlines your heart. No.

You try not to break down seeing the sheer amount of blood, Bucky’s blood, soaking the gauze they are pressing into his shoulder wound, how pale and fragile he looks strapped down to the gurney. You’re an emergency medicine doctor, you’ve treated wounds like this before, confronted much more blood than this from a patient. But nothing in your training prepares you for observing your soulmate barely clinging to life, their claret staining your gloved fingers as you help maintain pressure, how cold his skin is to the touch, how his face looks almost serene even though these could be his final moments on earth, that he could be abandoning you for the warm embrace of death.   No simply no what the fuck hey what the hell 😃 em what the fuck! My heart is in my asshole right now you're so evil what the fuck is this babe!! (This is really written so beautifully but I'm mad at you currently) 

James Barnes simply wouldn’t exist anymore. STOP??????????? DON'T SAY SHIT LIKE THAT WHAT THE FUCK. 

You’d never hear his voice again. Or his laugh. I'm literally sobbing RN

Neither comes. You are fated to live in excruciating limbo, your lungs burning, as if you can’t take a breath until Bucky’s destiny has been sealed. Me fkin too 😭😭😭😭😭 

So I'm basically feeling all stages of grief RN but mostly denial🫶🏻 I simply refuse to believe you would do this to ME SPECIFICALLY?????? HOW DARE YOU😭😭😭 YOU GIVE ME ALL THE BEAUTIFUL THINGS SO WONDERFULLY AND LOVEY AND SOFT AND PERFECT AND THEN TO RIP IT ALL AWAY SO FORCEFULLY LIKE I'M THE ONE BEING SHOT WHAT THE HELL EM RESPECTFULLY WHAT THE FUCK. talk about a twist bc I was in denial from the beginning I really was thinking you'd make it Steve to throw us off but no she had to go and pull the trigger on my fucking man I'm so sick rn I'm going to bed until bucky wakes up.

In Situ

[He’s Hazardous To My Health Series]

Paramedic!Bucky Barnes x Resident!Fem!Reader

< < PART 8 | Series Masterlist

In Situ - meaning in the natural position (ie. Bucky’s place next to you)

Summary: You ask Bucky to accompany you to the hospital's fundraising gala.

Warnings: strictly 18+, unprotected soft loving sex, creampie, graphic depiction of gunshot wounds & significant bleeding to a major character, a bit of angst as they struggle to reveal their feelings, will we finally get an ‘I love you’??, certain ex-fling of Bucky’s makes an appearance, this part has a bit of everything, fluff, angst, smut all rolled into one; I will apologise in advance you have every right to hate me given the ending of this

Word count: a whopping 10.3k (buckle up)

A/N: this part is dedicated to the wonderful @treatbuckywkisses and @yenzys-lucky-charm, I haven’t updated this series in so long and I genuinely thought no one would care about it being incomplete but you both have left such sweet comments on the other parts that inspired me to continue with my vision for paramedic!bucky, so I hope you both enjoy my darling friends 🩵 banners by @vase-of-lilies

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It’s the start of a very long shift when the person you least want to encounter, Dr Thor Odinson, approaches you with a glowering expression which looks like the most accurate embodiment of ‘I would rather be anywhere else’.

You would rather quite literally be in any other room of the hospital than in trauma room 2 right now, but as your direct superior, you have to constantly take direction from the same man who tried to compete with Bucky for your affection, and then blacklisted you at work after you turned him down.

“Before you say no to this, I need you to know this is a requirement of your employment here and you cannot get out of it, no matter how much you might want to.” Thor states with the same amount of joy as if he were inviting you to a funeral. His hands fidget almost unconsciously with a sealed envelope as he speaks, before offering it to you with a firm, outstretched hand. “Believe me, I’ve already tried.”

You consider him for a moment, his eyes not quite meeting your examining gaze and nervously grinding his back teeth. Taking the envelope, you notice your name written in messy, scrawled handwriting on the front.

“Not sure why I wouldn’t want to, whatever you’re inviting me to sounds like the absolute time of my life.” You jest in an effort to diffuse the tension between you. Thor, however, doesn’t seem to find it funny as rather than a chuckle, you elicit the most forced eye roll you’ve seen in a while.

“It’s a fundraising gala, mostly for the research labs associated with the hospital, but part of the proceeds go to supporting patients without healthcare who otherwise would not afford our help.”

Though the thought of contributing to those of the community who are less fortunate, and find themselves in the unfortunately common situation of being in debt to a healthcare system which was designed to further cripple the already vulnerable, the lack of enthusiasm Thor is conveying during the conversation makes you wary of what important information you’re likely missing about the event.

“You’re allowed to bring a plus one.” He adds with a rising inflection, almost as if it’s a question rather than a statement.

Silence falls between you two, and for a moment you fully believe Thor is waiting for you to confirm whether you will be bringing Bucky as your date, which would just make this uncomfortable encounter even more awkward, but thankfully he speaks again before you need to say anything.

“You’ll be representing the ED, and more importantly the hospital, at this event. You and whomever you bring better be on your best behaviour, I don’t want to have to write you up again.” A smirk curves on your face as he walks away. Although there is a finality to his voice in which you know you won’t get out of this work event, Thor has reminded you of the very public display of affection Bucky showed you in the emergency room which had earned you an official warning from hospital HR.

A formal gala, with Bucky dressed up in a suit and you in the most alluring dress in your closet, could be the perfect place to earn a second warning.

* * *

The night of the Gala, Bucky knocks on your front door, feeling rather uncomfortable in this taut suit with the unnatural feeling of the shoulder pads compressing against his already broad shoulders.

He tries adjusting them as he waits, he wants to look his absolute best for you, to rival even a fraction of the radiance he’s sure you will exude tonight. But they feel even more out of place now he’s fiddled with them and regrets the decision until he hears the pattering of your footsteps behind the door.

“You have to close your eyes before you come in.” You call out to him in a playful voice, without opening the door. “I’m not ready yet.”

Bucky’s positive that in any state of undress or stage in the process of getting ready you are the most beautiful girl in the entire world, but a warmth spreads through his chest at the notion you’re wanting to look your best for him.

“Okay darling, they’re closed.” He plays along, knowing that when it comes down to it, he would do anything you ask him without contest because it’s for you.

Bucky hears the lock click as it opens and a small giggle, before the light pressure of a pair of lips on his.

“No peeking.” You request as you take his hand and lead him inside. Bucky knows your place like the back of his hand already and doesn’t need his eyes open to know that you take him towards the couch. “I’ll be right back, don’t you go anywhere.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.” With each beat of Bucky’s heart his anticipation of seeing you only grows. He’s seen you in every way imaginable, naked and writhing for him, vulnerable with sickness, beaming with pride and joy, and yet every time he sees you he is continually flawed by how stunning you are in every scenario.

“Buck, you can open them.”

Bucky is simply lost for words. Never in all his life has he been in the presence of someone so utterly breathtaking. Looking at you now, practically radiating golden light, a brilliant smile tugging at the corners of your mouth, and your body looking downright heavenly in a form fitting dress which compliments the colour of your eyes, Bucky believes angels do actually exist.

“You are so beautiful.” He manages to stammer out once he’s picked his jaw up off the floor.

“Not as handsome as you in this suit.” You grip the lapels of his jacket to pull him even closer to you, straightening his tie in an action that overwhelms Bucky with a need to kiss you.

“What, this old thing?” He attempts to brush off your flattery, because next to you, there is positively no way anyone could compete with your beauty.

Bucky gulps the excessive saliva pooling in his mouth as his eyes roam your frame once again, because he can’t help but literally drool over how stunning you look - can’t believe that he gets to be the one who walks into the gala tonight with you on his arm.

The only other time he has felt this utterly floored by someone’s appearance was the first time he laid eyes on you as you strolled across the ER on that now historic day when he could not believe someone in scrubs and a lab coat could look so breathtakingly beautiful.

“You are genuinely the most gorgeous woman I have ever laid eyes on.”

Bucky’s fearful that you won’t actually believe his statement, even though they are perhaps the most honest words that have ever left his lips. It’s no secret that before he met you, Bucky had enjoyed sleeping around - had entertained more than his fair share of attractive women in his bed, but after just one month officially as your boyfriend, becoming intimately familiar with your beautiful soul, he has zero doubts that you are the only woman he wants in that position for the remainder of his life.

You kiss him in the breath after he finishes speaking, in that luscious, sensual way that no one else has ever kissed him and evokes a warm, fuzzy, almost life-ruining devotion, dare he say love, in his chest.

“Let’s just stay here tonight.” Bucky mumbles against your lips, his hands finding the zipper on the back of your dress and slowly unzips to let the fabric fall from your décolletage.

He can feel you smile against his lips but then you bruise his heart by pulling away and saying “As much as I would prefer to spend the whole night naked here with you, I’ve already been told I cannot miss this event.”

However, they aren’t words which scare Bucky away from a challenge, he dives back into the kiss, the tip of his tongue tangling with yours. He thinks he has you convinced when your hands start playing with the hair at the nape of his neck - you know how much he likes it and do it constantly to turn him on, but then you pull back and Bucky sighs.

“You’re insatiable, aren’t you?”

“Only when it comes to you.” He responds with a chuckle. You’re the only woman who’s ever had him whipped before, and Bucky’s not sure you realise how powerful the hold you have over him is.

“I promise, all we have to do is last an hour at this thing, and then you can take me home and have your way with me.”

* * *

You walk into the Gala, which is already packed with hospital staff dressed to the nines, hand in hand with Bucky who, in your opinion, looks magnitudes more handsome than any of the other men all dressed in black suits.

You turn to him and he’s already looking at you with that sparkle in his eye, like you’re absolutely perfect, just as you are, and there is nothing about you he would ever dream of changing.

“What?” You ask when those twinkling eyes don’t look away, but instead study your features as if there’s words left unsaid on the tip of his tongue.

“Just imagining pulling you into one of the on-call rooms, tearing this dress off you and tasting every inch of you.” Bucky shifts his hand to rest on the small of your back, his breath warm against your ear sending a shiver down your spine.

“Well, we have done some of our best work in there.” Bucky hums in agreement, both of you taking a second to remember the first of many visits to the on-call room which left you with shaking legs, but was also the first time either of you acknowledged that your feelings were deeper than simply hooking up. “I think you need to grab us both a drink to quench that thirst of yours, James.”

You playfully slap his chest, giving him a kiss on the cheek, and then proceeding to rub your lipstick stain off, before pushing him along to get you a drink. He looks back at you as he walks away, almost bumping into the Chief of Surgery, apologising profusely with a guilty glance to you, before he shuffles off towards the bar.

While Bucky is busy with that task, you instead make your way over to the other side of the atrium to take a look at the items available for the hospital's silent auction. You have to chuckle to yourself looking at the prices listed on the bidding sheets - as if anyone with medical school debt could afford to pay for even one of the allusive holidays or artefacts they had obtained for the fundraiser.

But you suppose your job tonight isn’t to bid on the items themselves, but to shmooze the wealthy guests in attendance into bidding with their spare millions.

Searching out one of the items at the lower end of asking prices, you decide to put an almost embarrassing low bid on an all expenses paid weekend to Mexico, that you know someone will outbid you on, just to say you participated in the night without needing to lie through your teeth.

You stroll through the busy hall, keeping your eyes peeled for Bucky near the bar but it seems you’ve lost him in the packed crowd. It’s usually fairly easy to spot your tall, broad boyfriend, and your heart sinks a little that you’re forced to walk aimlessly around the event as everyone else is wrapped in conversation.

“Doctor, lovely to run into you like this.” You hear a voice you’ve heard before but cannot place from behind you. And though you can’t actually see their face, the tone of their voice contradicts their words - they don’t seem pleased to see you at all.

Turning around, a face that evokes prickly apprehension in your chest comes into view. She’s hauntingly beautiful, the type of beauty which artists spend hours trying to commit to canvas and which is just not attainable for regular people like yourself. She holds herself like she’s closing out a Victoria Secret fashion show and is fully aware of the enchanting effect she has on any man who sets eyes upon her.

“Jacqui… I didn’t know pharmacy staff were invited to this thing.” Even with her disagreeable inflection, you do your best to sound pleasant.

“Oh well you are when you’re heading up the department.” She boasts, with a little wobble of her head which you mostly think is to draw attention to her shiny, voluminous blonde hair.

So is she just here to rub her new job title in your face?

“Congratulations, I didn’t know you got promoted.” You try to sound genuine even though you really couldn’t give a shit.

“I saw you walk in with Barnes. Where did he scamper off to?” You are now actually very glad to not have found Bucky in the crowd earlier. Something about the way she is trying to control the curiosity in her voice, and that she was actively watching the two of you together, makes you cautious of her intentions.

“Not sure, I was just looking for him.”

There’s a long pause where both of you refuse to be the next one to speak. You just want this conversation to be over. But you aren’t that lucky.

“How long have you two been together now?” The inquiry is almost punctuated with sharp spite, and though you don’t want to indulge her line of questioning, there’s a voice in the back of your head that’s telling you you need to defend your Bucky from whatever that time is implying.

“A couple months.” Is the defensive response you retort - it’s technically correct, though you’ve only been official for a month of that.

“Months… how much can someone really change in a couple of months? There’s so many of us around the hospital he’s fucked. You really think he’s loyal to you?” You recoil at her words, not having expected the conversation to turn into whatever this was becoming, nor so soon into your small talk.

Where the fuck was this coming from?

“I trust him implicitly.” You attempt to control the absolute bewildered facial expression that’s trying it’s very best to overtake your features.

“Oh you poor, naive thing.” She says with a tone you use when delivering bad news to patients' families. “Men don’t change, they just hide their true nature from you. Wait a few months, he’ll be back to his fuckboy ways, guys like him can’t resist cheating. I guarantee it.”

Most men are like that, at least in your experience. But Bucky has never given you any cause to believe he would treat you like that. Just because he had a reputation of casually sleeping around before meeting you, doesn’t mean once he’s in a relationship he’ll be unfaithful.

You can’t imagine the sweet man who walked into your place tonight with his eyes closed, waiting for your consent to see you fully dolled up in your gown and then proceed to call you the most beautiful woman he has ever laid eyes on, would ever cheat on you.

“You don’t know him like I do and have no right to speak about him like that.” You state firmly with a small humph. If you weren’t at an event packed with your colleagues, you’d slap her.

The look in her eyes appears like you’ve challenged her, but you don’t want to think about the connotations of that right now. Without saying goodbye, you turn on your heel, needing to get as far away from her as quickly as possible.

Rippling anxiety bubbles in your chest that in your experience only Bucky’s touch can soothe. You frantically search for him in the sea of black suits, trying to also keep half an eye out for Jacqui so you don’t accidentally run into her, but he is again nowhere to be found.

Where the hell is Bucky? Your mind practically screams as you bump into a strapping chest, but this one unfortunately belongs to the one and only Thor Odinson.

God, could he have worse timing?

You plaster on your best smile, trying your best to keep a calm facade as he introduces you to two older gentlemen he appears to be chaperoning for the night.

As wealthy and influential as they are, having made their billions from a tech empire started with a little trust fund from their families' generational wealth, you can’t find it in you to care at the minute. You just want to find Bucky. Need him to hold you until the tornado of anxiety dissipates in your chest.

But Thor doesn’t allow you to slip away unnoticed, instead he prompts you to talk up the work the team does in the emergency room, speaking about the people you save from all walks of life, from those without health insurance to the affluent who can afford the life saving medical procedures others fail to receive.

Knowing their donations tonight could mean the difference between many getting life saving medicine and not, you summon the will to engage in conversation, trying to push down the acidic bile bubbling in your stomach that had risen as result of your interaction with Jacqui.

The sharp taste remains on your tongue as you’re now caught in philanthropic discussion, silently cursing Thor who stands beside you for ever inviting you to this damn gala in the first place.

It’s at least fifteen minutes later when you finally excuse yourself from their presence, the two men having pulled out their cheque books, much to Thor’s delight, preparing to make generous contributions that would have the hospital naming wards after them.

You hate to think what trouble Jacqui could get up to in that time frame. But you don’t have to wait long to find out.

Finally, after searching near the whole hall for Bucky you find him. Goddess like Jacqui by his side.

She stands there, supermodel tall, blonde bouncy hair, beautiful, toned legs on display through the slit in her dress, a flirty smirk curving on her face, tucking strands of loose hair behind her ears like a schoolgirl with a crush.

The nerve of her, approaching Bucky at all, but especially after the words spoken between you earlier.

Just seeing them together, the most exquisitely gorgeous woman flirting with the man whom you love and confirmed less than half an hour ago to her you are in a relationship with, makes your insides tightly twist with jealousy, as if someone were wringing out a wet towel.

Half of your mind is telling you to stalk over there and possessively claim your man in front of everybody, but the other half, the insecure side which believes Bucky could do so much better than you, who would want someone as beautiful as Jacqui by his side, and which is currently winning the battle in your mind, wants to run off crying into the furthest corner of the hospital.

Coming to a compromise, your brain instead decides that being frozen in place, unable to look away like an impending car crash, is the best place for you to be. But that is also pure torture.

Bucky smiles, not quite his signature cocky smirk that never leaves his face when the two of you are together, but it’s definitely a smile nonetheless and your heart sinks through the pit of your stomach.

Men don’t change. He’ll be back to his fuckboy ways.

You’re not sure why you’re letting Jacqui’s words penetrate your mind, burrow into the deepest crevices and allow them to make a home there. You suspect it’s because at one point in time Bucky thought she was desirable enough to take home and do unexplainably filthy things with. Does he still have that same attraction for her?

What if you are just Bucky’s practice run at being in a relationship, the one who fixes him up, teaches him all the valuable lessons, only for him to leave you and be the perfect partner to someone else?

Practically paralysed in place as you watch their interaction, it feels like your heart has stopped beating all together when Jacqui strokes his arm. But buoyant relief comes near milliseconds later when Bucky brushes her off. That’s your man.

You can’t hear what they’re saying, but you distinctly see him mouth the words ‘I have a girlfriend’, which relieves some of the tension in your tightly wound heart.

Bucky frantically searches around the room, and appears to have found what he is looking for as his eyes settle on your face.

There’s a split second where the whole world stands still, everyone at the gala other than the two of you disappear and it’s like you’re standing right in front of him, regardless of the space separating you.

But when your mind catches up to all the drowning emotions swirling in your chest, an uncontrollable sob bubbles up your throat and tears sting your eyes. You’re not even upset with him, but the fear of what Jacqui had been planning on trying with him still manifests as a choking lump in your throat.

The physical distance between you throughout tonight has let doubt and hesitancy creep into the only small space in your heart Bucky’s affection has not yet touched. Jacqui planted the seed and it’s already bloomed into a large tree, branches crowding space in your tightening chest.

The last thing you remember seeing is Bucky taking a large stride towards you, before your hands fly to cover your mouth and you take off, walking as quickly as you can in your heels, to where you know the nearest on-call room is.

* * *

Prickling panic fills Bucky’s lungs.

Has he inadvertently just ruined the best thing in his life?

Jacqueline’s voice calls his name as he chases after you, watching as you weave between guests and make your way to the nearest exit, which only takes you deeper into the hospital.

He was naive enough to think Jacqueline’s intentions were innocent when she approached him for conversation, just two colleagues catching up at an event that neither of them were fully participating in, but he was sadly mistaken.

He’ll never make that blunder again.

Watching you shuffle into the nearest on-call room, Bucky takes it as a positive sign that he’s not the one you’re upset with, at least not completely, when you don’t slam the door in his face but instead leave it open knowing he’ll follow you inside.

Bucky stays by the doorframe for a split second, watching as you work to steady your breathing, hands wiping the corners of your eyes, but the overwhelming urge and the need to comfort you wins out and he can’t help but hastily rush to your side.

“Darling…” He starts to say but when you look at him with big, wide eyes that are filled with tears, his mind goes blank and all he can think about is holding you.

You turn into his chest, face nuzzled into his lapel, and his arms instinctively close around you.

It’s the little sob which escapes your lips that does Bucky in completely. He hates to see you upset, but never in the months of knowing you has he been privy to this amount of genuine distress. He’s seen some not so great days, shaking frustration, even teary eyed with sadness, but never breaking down weeping.

He would move heaven and earth to ensure you never feel this way again.

He places a feather light kiss to your hairline whispering, “I’m right here. Nothing can hurt you.”

Though it was not his intention, his words provoke more sobs to escape your throat and Bucky pulls you ever closer. He’s practically holding up your entire body weight, and decides you’ll probably be much more comfortable on the bed this on-call room provides.

Even seated, you cling to him like he’s your lifeline, and Bucky can’t ever imagine letting go. He’d drown if it meant holding you safely out of the rough, relentless rapids currently flooding your mind.

As a paramedic, he’s so used to taking action, launching into a crisis with the equipment to be able to provide aid, to prevent further suffering. But right now all you need is his presence, to be the anchor grounding you to this world as a reminder that you have someone in your corner fighting for your happiness.

He hates not being able to do more for you.

“Can you tell me what’s wrong?” Bucky asks after minutes of comforting you without words.

God, you feel so stupid. Crying at a work function because one of your boyfriend's ex-flings decided to flirt with him.

But it’s more than that - it’s the disrespect, the fact that she seems so entitled to Bucky’s affection simply because at some point in his history he slept with her, regardless of if she hurts you along the way to get to him. Do all the women at the hospital look at you like you’re an inconsequential ant they can step on to get what they want?

It doesn’t help that she's also the most stunning, physical personification of a man’s wet dream you’ve ever seen.

“It’s not you Buck, it’s her.”

He doesn’t answer immediately, just continues rubbing his large hand up and down your back, which tells you he’s confused by your statement. Perhaps you’re not making any sense in this outburst of emotion, you can barely keep your thoughts in a logical stream let alone expressing them eloquently.

“Jacqui, she… I told her we were together, she knew I was your girlfriend, and she still had the nerve to flirt with you.”

“I didn’t flirt back.” Bucky says defensively, and as much as you adore him, it’s making you frustrated having to spell it out for him how her actions have made you feel when your throat is aching from pure emotion.

You take a deep breath, allowing oxygen to diffuse into the deepest alveoli of your lungs, calming the constant stream of anxious thoughts, and letting you regain control of the tears falling from your eyes.

You lean your head on Bucky’s shoulder as he continues to rub your back. Why can’t the world just exist like this? Just the two of you in peaceful, quiet, solace. He kisses the top of your head and in that moment you know he’ll wait patiently, all night if that’s how long it takes, for you to explain how you’re feeling.

“I don’t know if it’s jealousy or insecurity. I genuinely don’t care how many women you were with before me Buck, it’s just a number, it doesn’t matter.” You sit up and look him in the eye, needing to convey just how vigorously you believe your statement. “It’s just… it's a soul crushing feeling that people in the hospital, people I have to work with every day, use the fact that you’ve slept with them to make me feel uncomfortable. That somehow because they know what you look like naked it diminishes our relationship and then they feel entitled to flirt with you and try and fuck you even though they know you’re dating me.”

The misery in Bucky’s eyes is almost tangible, and maybe it’s just an illusion from tears in your own, but seeing you hurting makes him start to cry too. His large hands engulf both of yours and his thumb strokes the backs of your hands resting comfortingly in your lap.

Previous partners have always brushed you off, gaslit you or raised their voice and called you crazy when you expressed an ounce of self-doubt or insecurity, but Bucky listens to each of your words with a determined focus, taking the weight of them on himself, as if they have just as much significance to him as they do to you.

“Darling, I’m so sorry Jaqueline made you feel that way. She had no right. But you need to know there is not a single woman on the face of this earth that could tempt me away from you, no matter how hard they try. No one has ever had me like you do.”

The panic beating of your heart starts to calm when Bucky places gentle kisses to your knuckles. His eyes brim with trepidation, as if he’s just realised how fragile relationships can be and he’s desperately trying to hold onto you, preventing you from ever letting go again.

“I can’t change my past, as much as I might want to, but all I know is you’re my future.” Tears trickle out of the corners of your eyes, but now the reason being due to happiness at Bucky’s sweet confession.

What did you ever do to deserve him?

“My life before I met you was dull, black and white reruns of the same shit each day. Since I met you, everything is in vivid colour. If I could go back in time and wait for you, I would. If I knew you were around the corner, there wouldn’t be any other women. But to me, you’re the only woman that matters. It’s so profoundly better with you because I-, because I care about you beyond comprehension. There were never any feelings with anyone else. You are the only person I have ever felt this way for. You have nothing to be insecure about or anyone to be jealous of, you’re the only woman in my eyes, and I-, you’re my everything.” For someone who constantly says he isn’t very good with words, Bucky always seems to know exactly what to say to make you fall even more in love with him. They are perfect words. Precisely what you need to hear from the man who has quickly become the reason for your being.

There’s a buoyancy in your chest as those familiar eyes, so blue you could drown in, examine your face for any non verbal cues of how you’ll react to his words.

“You really feel that way James?” You ready yourself, inadvertently grinding your teeth, waiting, hoping, wishing for him to say those three little words that will take your relationship to the next level.

But that hope pops like a bubble floating in the wind.

“Darling, I would never lie to you.” He punctuates with a kiss to your lips, slow and fervent, full of meaning. The look in his eye tells you he wants to reveal more, but it passes in a blink. “C’mon, let me take you home, and I’ll show you just how much I care.”

Bucky’s firm hold on your hand never leaves yours as he leads you back through the gala. You notice some glance at you, but all you’re focussed on is your boyfriend, his head held proudly high, not giving a damn what other hospital staff are whispering under their breaths.

* * *

Bucky slowly unzips the back of your dress, the material slowly falling away from your shoulders. A shiver runs down your spine as his lips kiss down the path of the zipper, starting between your shoulder blades, careful not to miss a single inch of skin as your dress bunches around your stomach and hips.

“You were the most beautiful woman there tonight. You’re the most beautiful woman in the whole world.” He whispers against your skin, in such a sure tone you can’t help but believe him. His hands roaming over the base of your spine before gently pulling your dress over your hips. “Can’t believe I got to be the man who walked in with you as my partner.”

Bucky turns you around to kiss you once you’re bare for him. The passion, zealousness of his lips feels like you’re drowning in a tender devotion he could not articulate with just words themselves.

You don’t need to break away from the kiss to push his jacket off, unbutton his shirt, nor unbuckle his belt. He’s as hard as a rock, standing at attention ready for you as soon as his trousers hit the floor.

“My darling girl…” He practically growls in your ear when you cup his balls with one hand as the other starts stroking him, using your thumb to spread the pearly bead of precum over his tip whilst placing kisses to his chest. “This will be a very short, one act play if you keep doing that.”

“I’ve barely touched you Buck.”

“Mmm, I know. That’s just how much you turn me on.” The signature smirk he shoots you turns your stomach to mush, and makes you feel like you’re the dazzling sun at the centre of his universe.

Bucky’s large hands pull you down on the bed, on top of him. He sits you on his thick thighs, tongue sweeping into your mouth, hands exploring your every curve.

You wish you could live in this moment forever, relishing in how much care Bucky holds you with, but still manages to make you feel like you’re the sexiest woman in the solar system.

It hits you square in the chest when his soothing, wide blue eyes look up at you with a familiar tenderness that gives life to butterflies in your stomach, that you would do anything for the man underneath you, the man you love.

“What do you want, darling?” Bucky asks between breaths as he sucks on your hard nipple, his tongue swirling, doing magical things that could make you cum just like this. “What do you need?” He adds, switching to your other breast, which makes it hard to control your stream of thoughts - but there is one thing at the forefront of your mind that you don’t have to consider to know you need desperately.

“You.”

He lets out a groan around your nipple and you suspect thrusts his hips up involuntarily, just to feel closer to you.

“I need you Buck.” You repeat, tucking your finger under his chin and bringing his lips up to tenderly touch yours, as the urge to kiss him overcomes you. If it were up to you, the remainder of your life would be spent with your lips locked with his.

“How?” His stubble scratches the tips of your fingers as you cup his face. The desire brimming in his eyes, the hunger to ravish every part of you, the yearning to have you so close to him you can’t tell where you end and he begins, leaves you breathless.

“Just like this, please.” Your voice is barely above a whisper, but your imploring tone inspires Bucky on, not wanting to waste a single second more where the two of you are not joined.

Your forehead rests against his, his eyes boring into yours as he simultaneously uses one hand to assist you lifting yourself to hover over him, and the other to line his tip up to your dripping entrance.

An obscene sound from the back of your throat topples from your lips as you sink down on Bucky's cock. He doesn’t take his adoration filled eyes off you for a single second, even to blink, as he fills you up completely. A whine escapes his lips once you’re seated on his thighs, appreciating how your pussy is swallowing his entire, impressive length.

“You enjoy sitting on your throne?” You can tell he’s trying to tease, a mischievous twinkle in those deep blue eyes, but his voice quivers slightly, almost as if it’s strained, which you know him too well to realise is a dead giveaway for just how aroused he is.

How aroused he is by you.

That fact alone is enough for you to start grinding against him, hips moving back and forth, working up a rhythm that has you seeing stars and him groaning your name.

Both of his large, calloused hands are resting on your hips, helping you keep the tempo, making sure each rock of your hips results in your clit being stimulated against his pelvis. His lips find your collarbone, teeth scraping your delicate skin, the sensation of which clears your mind of any coherent teasing response you could have come up with.

“Fuck, look at you fucking yourself on me. You’re a fucking dream.” Bucky’s mouth is one of the most arousing parts of him, not only for what his lips and tongue can do to your body but also for the salacious words he speaks in that gravelly tone which turns you on just as much as his body does. “That’s it, fuck me darling, this cock is all yours.”

“Buck you’re so deep.” Is all you can think, all you can feel is how his length is nestled within you, how much he fills you up. You’re bursting because of how satiated you feel with him inside you, but Bucky’s musky, woody scent, as well as his warm, tender touch surrounds you from the outside, you feel like he’s everywhere all at once, and it brings you right to the brink of coming undone.

“Be a good girl and cum for me.” In this moment you want to give him everything you have, give him everything he’s asking for and more. His voice is gentle the next time he speaks, a murmur just for you, and matches the softness in his gaze. “It’s okay, I got you. Let go for me.”

Bucky sucks the pulse point on the side of your throat and it’s the complete end of you. You shudder, feeling safe caged in his arms as ecstasy fires up from the base of your spine through every neuron in your body, your toes curling, fingers scratching down Bucky's back - you can even taste it on the tip of your tongue as you scream his name.

Your legs shake uncontrollably, unable to continue your pattern of movement grinding down against him, but Bucky takes matters into his own hands by wrapping his arms around your waist and fucking up into you to prolong your high.

Once you’ve finally stopped seeing stars, your vision coming back into focus, all you can see is the adoration, pure captivation as he looks up at your sweaty form trying to catch your breath.

“That’s the most beautiful sight I’ve ever seen.”

No one’s ever looked at you like this before, as if you’re the only girl in the world, the only person that matters to them, the one who holds their fragile heart in the palm of your hands and trusts you not to break it.

A dangerous thought flashes through your mind - do you dare tell Bucky that you love him for the first time right now, in the middle of the throes of passion. You have always wanted to let him set the pace of the relationship - he was the one who wanted to take it slow, not rushing into anything, but you can tell by the blooming warmth spreading through your chest, you have never loved someone more than you love him right now.

Bucky reaches up and affectionately brushes his thumb over the apple of your cheek, and before you can think twice about if you truly want to confess your devotion in this moment, he’s kissing you again.

Before you can even recognise what he’s doing, his toned arms have engulfed you in a tight embrace, and without pulling out of you, he flips you onto your back, making sure your head rests gently on one of your pillows. His body weight presses you deliciously into the mattress, it feels like being tucked in securely with a weighted blanket that just so happens to look like a Greek god.

“Need to feel you cum on my cock again, it’s so fucking addicting.” Bucky practically growls in your ear, his breathing heavy. His long chestnut hair falls into his eyes, but it doesn’t prevent him from gazing at you with a tangible combination of awe and lust.

The thrust of his hips is downright sinful. You feel the longing absence of each inch of him as he pulls out, only for him to split you apart again as his hips snap forward. Bucky starts out slow, his fingers intertwine with yours, forcing your hands above your head, but when he starts placing open mouthed kisses on the underside of your jaw, his strokes pick up momentum.

James Barnes has you in a trance, caged in by the sheer size of him, each languid, sensual thrust into you tightens the knot twisting into shape at the bottom of your belly.

He’s so breathtakingly beautiful, the most gorgeous person you’ve ever laid eyes on. As his shining pupils fixate on the pleasure contorting your face you ponder if he is possibly thinking the exact same way about you.

The moans dripping from his lips, mixed with grunted curses, along with the telltale crease in his forehead, and the fact that his teasing mouth can’t come up with anything coherent is evidence of how close he is. But you know Bucky’s generous heart better than anyone, perhaps even himself, and you are sure he’ll be determined not to cum before you.

One of his large hands continues to pin your wrists down as the other moves to wrap your legs tighter around his waist. Then he has the fucking audacity to rub the pads of his fingers over your clit in tight circles. You’re so done for.

“Bucky, oh fuck… yes, just like that.” You manage to stammer out, barely able to move with his weight pinning you beneath him, knowing your body is hurtling towards an inescapable, forceful orgasm, and all you can do is feel as Bucky plays your body like a fiddle.

“Please, need you to… I can’t last like this.” You can feel the desperate, animalistic timbre of his deep voice in your chest and his hot breath against your neck. “Darling please.”

And then you shatter.

Fracture into a million pieces, the fabric of reality tearing apart at the seams around you as euphoria flows through you like wind on the surface of water. Every single cell in your body feels like it’s been lit on fire, burning bright like a shooting star soaring through a galaxy assembled by your love for him.

Bucky speaks your name as a prayer, a vow, a promise. Over and over again. A reminder that you are who he is coming apart for.

It almost makes you dizzy how lost he is in the feel of you, how his hands spread you open as far as your legs will flex, but then you hear the wanton whimper as he spills his orgasm inside you and it’s almost enough to make you cum again.

As your heart rates slowly return to normal, Bucky lays down beside you, cupping your face tenderly as his tongue slips once again into your mouth. You would have thought given the display of passion just produced he’d have had his fill of physical affection, but he continues to surprise you.

Who would have guessed that Bucky ‘doesn’t go on second dates’ Barnes would now be clinging to you like a koala, not being able to get enough of your touch.

* * *

“Sweet dreams Buck.” You whisper in that tired, yet sickly sweet tone that Bucky associates with the contentment of falling asleep beside you.

”They’ll all be about you.” He responds with a delicate kiss to your forehead, fingers tracing gentle lines up and down the expanse of your back.

“Then I wish you nothing but dirty dreams.”

He rarely dreams of anything else nowadays, but it makes him smile nevertheless that your minds think in such similar ways.

You really are the girl of his dreams.

Even more than that, if there was an expression which captured just how significant you had become intertwined in his life after a relatively short period of time. His brain could not have concocted someone as perfect as you, even in his wildest fantasies.

He holds you close to him in the total darkness as your breathing slows, but there are too many thoughts racing through Bucky’s brain for him to fall asleep.

Tonight was perfect. Complete, utter perfection. Not that he expects any less of a night spent with you.

So why, even after building the courage all week ahead of the gala, (and if he was honest with himself, since the week he swapped to be on the night shift with you), had he yet to utter those three magic words?

Steve would say there was one final wall around Bucky’s heart he had yet to pull down for you, to reveal his deepest darkest vulnerability that he could barely admit to himself, let alone the flawless woman who consumed his every waking thought.

The insecurity he had been plagued with since he was fourteen years old and his father had wished death upon him.

The fear that he is innately unloveable.

Just because he loves you in a way that influences his every decision, impacts every aspect of his existence, and alters the chemistry of his brain, doesn’t mean you are as hauntingly consumed by devotion as he is.

And even though the rational part of his brain tries reminding him you would not have shown such patience and stuck around as he clumsily attempted to manoeuvre being in a relationship for the first time if you truly did not want to be with him, that nagging insecurity is always at the back of his mind like a fog that won’t clear, doubting whether after everything he has endured, if he is deserving of being loved the same way he adores you.

But at some point Bucky knows he needs to find the bravery to take that leap, even if your possible rejection would be his ultimate downfall.

“Darling?” Bucky whispers as quietly as he can into the still night air. You don’t stir, nor do you respond, which is exactly what he’s hoping for. “Darling, are you awake?” He questions slightly louder so that you couldn’t help but hear him considering his proximity.

You continue to rest peacefully, lips slightly parted and breathing steadily, which is precisely how you always appear when sleeping beside him, but given the gravity of what he is about to reveal to you, Bucky has to be absolutely positive you’re in a deep slumber.

“Chicken butt.” He says randomly, hoping that if you are feigning sleep this will cause a crack in your rather convincing facade. But to his delight, your expression doesn’t change in the slightest, no muscle in your face so much as flinches, and Bucky is finally convinced.

He takes a deep breath, readying himself even though he knows you’re unable to hear him.

“I love you.” Bucky confesses with a shaky breath, even though he is assured in his affection. Though you’re not conscious to receive his words, something about disclosing his most closely guarded secret to your beautiful face, finally admitting his profound feelings aloud, feels like an enormous step for him. Never in a million years did he think he could open his heart up far enough to allow space for these types of feelings to nestle within. “You are the most precious thing in my life. I’m never going to compromise what we have, never going to take you for granted. I’m going to love you and only you for every day I have left in this life and even when I’m no longer here, my soul will forever be yours.”

You provide no response, features stay perfectly still, breathing rate doesn’t change. Which is of course exactly the reaction he’s hoping for while you rest, but he can’t stop his mind from wondering what your reply might be if you were awake; if you’d profess the words back to him, or if instead you’d recoil, shying away possibly because Bucky was moving too quickly.

Nevertheless, Bucky knows better than most that life can be painfully short, everyone has their expiration date, and you need to tell the people in your life how much you care about them before it’s too late.

“I love you.” He repeats with a smile and a kiss to your bare shoulder. Though he is navigating the all consuming, anxiety riddled, life ruining feeling of falling in love for the first time, Bucky knows with absolute certainty that he would go through it all again, one hundred times over, if it meant getting to spend his life with you.

But now for the difficult part - he has to say those three life changing words when you’re actually awake to hear them.

* * *

When the irritating ringing of your alarm wakes you up the following morning, a wave of disappointment washes over you. The night before with Bucky had been nothing short of memorable; complete with overflowing emotion, devotion, and no hint of apprehension from the man who had previously told you himself he wanted to take the relationship slow.

It was the most tangible display of pure love you have ever beheld.

But now, you lay alone in a web of cold sheets, Bucky’s place beside you unnaturally empty. When he has an early shift, typically he wakes you before he leaves, and at the very least gives you a kiss on the forehead, if not a much more intimate show of affection. But today, you have no recollection of being woken, no memory of his pillow soft lips on yours.

You find it takes a much more determined effort to get out of bed without an energising kiss from your Bucky.

The gala is the talk of the hospital, those who did not receive an invite interrogating everyone who attended for all the latest gossip. You hear your and Bucky’s names dropped a couple times in passing conversation, but all that does is remind you of the night before, and Bucky proclaiming his devotion to you while extracting a pleasure from your body no one else has been able to produce.

Tonight, you promise yourself, those three small words that have been tugging at your mind for the last month, tonight you’ll tell Bucky.

His declaration of wanting to take your relationship slowly was all the way back before your second date, before you officially became his girlfriend, before you held him as his mother underwent life saving surgery, before you knew of his traumatic past, before he switched to the night shift just so he could see you more often, before last night where he told you you are his everything.

Regardless of if he says the words back, you need to tell him. Need him to know that he is the love of your life, that synapses in your brain have reformed so your train of thought always comes back to him, that he has rewritten the molecular code inscribed in your cells so that they crave him like water, drawing him in like osmosis.

Your thoughts are interrupted by your pager going off, calling an all hands on deck emergency.

The ER is a frenzy of nurses clearing trauma rooms, doctors discharging patients who have already been seen to and Dr Strange shouting at surgical staff to prepare the operating rooms.

“There was a shooting at the mall. Police and paramedics are on scene, but it sounds bad.” Wanda fills you in as you both wash your hands and put gloves on, getting ready for the volume of blood and carnage that comes with gunshot wounds.

Dr Strange gathers the emergency medicine team together to brief you all on what you’re about to face. His face is stoic, having treated too many disasters to even seem phased by the decimation of so many lives.

You have not mastered that, but you also like having your humanity, caring about people is what you do best.

“So far we know of eight victims being routed here. There will most likely be more. All G.S.Ws, five women, two men and a child, about eight. One of the men was a paramedic on scene.” The last sentence out of his mouth gives you pause.

A male paramedic was shot.

“A paramedic? Did they say who? Give a description?” All eyes turn to you and no one needs to say it aloud to know exactly what you’re thinking.

“No, that’s all the information we have at this time. They should only be a few minutes out.” You’ve never known Dr Strange to be very sympathetic, but the look he shoots at you is what you assume to be the most compassion he is capable of.

The nagging part of your brain that always finds a route to the most devastating scenario, no matter how unlikely, is screaming so loudly you cannot ignore it.

What if that paramedic is Bucky?

There would have to be thousands of paramedics in a city of this size, what would the chances actually be that Bucky is the one paramedic in critical danger at this very moment.

But the universe has always found a way to be cruel to you, with the exception of when it brought devilishly handsome Bucky Barnes into your life. But what could be more cruel than introducing you to unconditional love and then destroying your heart by taking it away just as swiftly?

Wanda, sensing your paralysing worry beside her, comfortingly strokes her hand up and down your upper arm. “He was working the morning shift today, his shift will be well and truly over. He shouldn’t have been working when the shooting happened.”

“Yeah… he was on morning shift today.” Reminding yourself how you woke up in bed alone. Your lips tremble as you attempt to talk yourself down from the ledge of sheer panic. But your best friend can tell this fact doesn’t convince you.

“Call him.” Wanda instructs with a level voice, only a small glisten in her pupils gives away that she too is worried for his safety.

Your hands are shaking uncontrollably as you locate his contact in your favourites, accidentally dialling your mum first before you see the picture you have of the two of you together set as his contact pop up as it starts ringing.

Time stands perfectly still, the bustling hospital which is always full of movement, the constant beeping of patients pulse oximeters, announcements sounding over the PA, it all goes dead silent and all you hear is the ring tone of a phone call which Bucky isn’t answering.

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

It goes to voicemail, his voice filling your ears but it’s of no relief because it’s only a recording.

You press his contact again.

And again.

And again.

The fourth time you’re forced to listen to his infuriating voicemail, you leave a panicked message. “Bucky I’m so worried about you, please ring me back as soon as you get this. There’s been a shooting. Please, I need to hear your voice, hear that you’re alright. Please.”

You thought he’d pick up the phone and relieve you from this torment, but now knowing he hasn’t answered after multiple calls, you’re more convinced than ever it’s him that’s been shot.

“Wanda if it’s-”

“You can’t think like that.” But that's all you can think about. Your job, the duty you have to these patients who are en route to the hospital, none of that comes close to the need to know Bucky is unharmed.

The world starts moving in slow motion as the first of the patients arrives. Time runs like molasses, but the anxiety in your chest turns up one hundred fold, as if flashes of lightning strike your chest one after another.

A woman gets pushed in on a gurney, light brown hair stained with blood, and even from the sight of how the paramedic needs to hold her skull flap to her head to prevent her brain being exposed, you know she won’t make it as much as the surgeons will try to save her.

There’s a child, not much bigger than Sasha who you treated the day you first met Bucky, that gets pushed through next. In complete juxtaposition, she’s sitting up talking to paramedics, arm in a sling, but mostly looks unharmed.

And then you see it. The thing that flatlines your heart.

Chestnut hair and an EMT uniform.

You’d know those thick, wavy locks anywhere.

“Bucky!” You don’t even recognise your own voice with how much terror it is consumed with. This can’t be happening. This can’t be real.

In a flash you’re by his side, keeping pace as they wheel him deeper into the hospital, your lungs and throat scorching with distress.

You try not to break down seeing the sheer amount of blood, Bucky’s blood, soaking the gauze they are pressing into his shoulder wound, how pale and fragile he looks strapped down to the gurney. You’re an emergency medicine doctor, you’ve treated wounds like this before, confronted much more blood than this from a patient. But nothing in your training prepares you for observing your soulmate barely clinging to life, their claret staining your gloved fingers as you help maintain pressure, how cold his skin is to the touch, how his face looks almost serene even though these could be his final moments on earth, that he could be abandoning you for the warm embrace of death.

Not your Bucky. They can’t take your Bucky.

“Buck, can you hear me?” Your hand cups his cheek, and he’s as cold as ice. His eyes are shut so he can’t even look at you to give you one last chance to memorise the astonishingly blue irises which have been your source of solace since meeting him.

A mask covers his mouth and nose, delivering rescue breaths. You try to place a block in your mind to stop it from retrieving the medical knowledge you have spent years memorising - you don’t want to know how catastrophic a situation his body must be in to be needing rescue breaths.

“I love you, James. You hear me? I love you!” It almost ends your existence when he doesn’t answer, doesn’t even so much as flinch at your confession. You hope any part of him that is still alive inside the casing of his cold body manages to hear those words.

Dr Strange and Wanda have to physically restrain you from following the team treating Bucky and prevent you entering the operating theatre.

Dr Strange’s voice sounds like a hum, too far away to make sense of even though he’s pushing you away from the OR. All you’re focussed on is keeping your eyes on Bucky for as long as you can.

Is this the last time you will ever see him alive?

It’s only once he is out of sight, that your brain starts to catch up to the realisation of what has actually happened.

Bucky was shot. A bullet ripped through his skin, tearing muscle and fascia, lacerating his organs, possibly fatally wounding him.

Bullets are designed to kill. To end the life of the organism the gun barrel is aimed at. There is no mercy from a gunshot wound, you had seen too many to believe better.

A guttural cry forces its way out of your parched windpipe without you being able to prevent it, your kneecaps sting as you fall to the ground. Hot, large tears cascade onto your cheeks as Wanda’s arms engulf you.

Any second now, James Buchanan Barnes’ heart could be taking its final beat and you wouldn’t be any wiser. His lungs would stop breathing, preventing oxygen from binding to hemoglobin in his blood and reaching his brain. Everything else would shut down quickly from there.

One second he’d be here and the next he wouldn’t.

James Barnes simply wouldn’t exist anymore.

You had seen it too often, heard from bereaved family members time and time again how quickly it had all happened, but it wasn’t until this very moment that you understood the magnitude of that sentiment.

How could he go from telling you yesterday night that you were the most beautiful sight he had ever laid eyes on to now possibly his cold, lifeless body laying on an operating table with his soul having crossed over to the afterlife?

You’d never hear his voice again. Or his laugh.

Never see his dazzling sapphire eyes as they regard you with overwhelming affection.

Never feel that warm rapture blooming in your chest when he’d proclaim himself as yours and kiss you in the same breath.

He’ll never get to know you love him.

It feels as though you are tumbling wildly down into an abyss, waiting for the inevitable crash at the bottom that would either end this eternal suffering or that sudden jerk, the lurch as you wake up from this cruel nightmare.

Neither comes. You are fated to live in excruciating limbo, your lungs burning, as if you can’t take a breath until Bucky’s destiny has been sealed.

Oxygen would be the gift you’d allow yourself once your love was awake and talking again; cracking stupid jokes with his signature cocky smirk and flirting with you like you were on your first date again.

And if he were to pass into the next life, taking your heart with him, then you would simply refuse to take another breath until you were reunited with him once again.

Part 10 coming soon

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He’s Hazardous To My Health [Paramedic!Bucky Barnes] Taglist: @lavenderpenumbra @crazyunsexycool @eralen @buckbuckyoongs @blackwidownat2814 @crayongirl-linz @ozwriterchick @desert-fern @misshale21 @chalesleclerc164 @rookthorne @janineb86 @emmabarnes @scarletbich @princezzjasmine @thebuckybarnesvault @doasyoudesireandlive @solitarioslilium @iamfandomwasted @tanyaspartak @pop-rocks-818 @Dumdidditydumdoo @missvelvetsstuff @kayden666 @amiimar @katheryn1 @safew0rd @kentokaze @thewackywriter @lady-loki-barnes-djarin @badasswlthafatass @loveoldmenlikelana @00cmh @pointless-girl @honeyglee @nerdxacid @ashhsage @prettylittlepluviophile @otomefromtheheart @sjsmith56 @mandijo17 @lokidokieokie @oceansandblackhearts @rebeccapineapple @soorwellystan @excusememrbarnes @lofaewrites @snapcapquartet @wishingwell-2 @aya-fay @lowkeysebby @redbarn1995 @lex-is-up-all-night-to-get-bucky