#ual emotion and care and attention. n then the next night he sent me a dozen links 2 love songs n like. if he just cared abt me like that al
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gumdecay ยท 6 years ago
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#i honestly cant comprehend that weve been 2gether ovr a yr and were literally in the exact same position we were the second we started datin#g (othr than he doesnt pay me nymore UNFORTUANTELY) like. seeing each othr once a month or so n him saying its bc of work n that itll get be#tter after x happens (x being ny number of things that sounds just reasonable enough i cant tell 4 sure if its a lie or not :')) n then. not#hing fucking changing obv. like i rlly thot we broke up in july?? i thought i was p fuckin clear abt it?? and then the NEXT DAY he asked 2#see me n my dumbass said ok so like :')) lol :')) ig i wasnt clear enough @ all :')) n i dont kno how 2 do it ny differently ive literally o#nly evr ghosted ppl i dnt kno how 2 break up w them i dnt want 2 break up w them i just want it 2 b Done so i can stop feeling so fucking us#ed n lonely n unlovable lol :'))))#but like also ive nvr evr been ** **** w someone b4 n i still am now evn if i desperately wish i werent so like. how do u. end st when u sti#ll feel things?? when u still want them 2 get better but u kno it wont?? when its not evn just Bad or Unhealthy its just. not as much as u#need?? n like. i was honestly ready 2 do it bc i Kno our relationship isnt good n it isnt healthy 4 me evn if the relationship itself isnt u#nhealthy its just.not what i need. like i had a rlly long convo abt it w my best friend n was ready 2 like. end things ig. n then w/o me say#ing nything abt it or at all i dnt think i evn texted him after i had that talk?? he just started talking 2 me the way he used 2 w like. act#ual emotion and care and attention. n then the next night he sent me a dozen links 2 love songs n like. if he just cared abt me like that al#l the time?? or like. evn just Frequently????? i cldstill deal w barely seeing him. ive dealt w it 4 ovr a yr n 4 the first 8 months it wasn#t evn. like An Ordeal. it was just 'ok this is what i have 2 deal w until things get better' bc we like actual had conversations every day n#he wld text me first n engage w me n like. seem interested in being w me n now he literally just seems. bored and disinterested n i cant sta#nd it. GBHDJFGBHD IM :')crying :') lol :') i hate ppl getting tired of me n i TOLD HIM it wld happen n he said it wldnt n like :') surprise#surprise :') it happened :') but like 4 those 2 days it seemed like it did b4. like he cared abt me n wanted 2 b w me n wanted 2 talk 2 me#but like now its back 2 getting nothing :') n like this feels so idk manipulative or w/e to say bc like. we Do talk every day but its litera#lly just good morning n goodnight texts half the time n the othr half its me trying 2 engage w him n getting the same responses over n ovr a#gain n like. i feel bad 4 wanting more but everyone i talk 2 says i desrve more so :') idk! im just tired. im tired. this was supposed to b#good and easy and it just isnt and that doesnt feel like a good enough reason 2 end it but im always miserably waiting 4 him 2 remember i ex#ist n i fucking hate it. n i hate that imletting it happen bc im scared no one will love me as much as he does evn tho im not evn sure if he#loves me lol :') like :') im tired of getting attached im tired of being unlovable im tired of being unwanted im tired :')))))#and im fucking crying in front of ppl its pathetic! i hate it!
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