#u would think if they got to the interview stage!! and took the time out of their day to meet with you in person!!!

[officialrapunzelfitzherbert]

the job market is soooo bleak rn and i am !!! very afraid !!!!

[a7xbrazilianfans]

Avenged Sevenfold members were interviewed to end-of-year issue of Rock Classic Magazine. Check out the full interview below:

Stranger things: Avenged take metal on a trip. Earlier this year, powered by existentialism and hallucinogens, Avenged Sevenfold crafted the weirdest album by a major heavy metal band in decades. Frontman M Shadows and his wife, Valary, were having a night out at a local bar when the psychedelic mushrooms began to take hold. A new Avenged Sevenfold album was already in the works, but the singer wasn’t seeking chemically enhanced inspiration at that moment – until the feelings of love and happiness got intense.

“Then we got home,” Shadows recalls, “and we just had this connection, being so sure that we had travelled through space and time to be together in every life that we meet up in – the ultimate love story.”

From that experience, Shadows wrote the lyrics to Cosmic, a sweeping ballad with influences ranging from Elton John to Daft Punk and 808s-era Kanye West, and nothing to remind you of metal. It’s also the longest track on 2023’s mind-expanding Avenged Sevenfold album Life Is But A Dream…, with a romantic vocal that promises: ‘As we chase through the stars beyond forever, I’ll follow you.’

The music is fuelled by wild experimentation, balancing heavy riffs with textures and ideas taken from other genres and dimensions. It is the band’s magnum opus, an album of miniepics and pocket symphonies, absorbing sweeping moments of pop, prog, jazz, gypsy folk, hip-hop, Daft Punk-style robotics, classical melody, the Phil Spector ‘Wall Of Sound’, and even some crooning from the Frank Sinatra school. Shadows is excited to watch the fallout.

“I want to make an impact. I want to make bold art,” he says of the album. “I think after people get used to it, it won’t be so crazy. And then it’ll be like: ‘Well, what’s next?’ That’s the journey we’re all on.”

That makes Life Is But A Dream… both a confrontation and an invitation, as the band seek to change the definition of what an Avenged Sevenfold track is supposed to sound like. This time last year, Shadows posted his top five most-played artists on Apple Music, which might have been a clue to his state of mind: The Commodores, Weezer, Kanye West, Queens Of The Stone Age and Billy Joel. And yet just the other day he had Slayer’s Divine Intervention on repeat in the car, happily feeding off its raw power.

“I consider us a metal band,” he says. “We’re definitely influenced by Slayer and Pantera and Metallica and some quirkier things. We’re just trying to put our own twist on it.”

The first public glimpse of the new album was its debut single, the nearly-six-minute Nobody, which mixes ominous guitars with a trap beat and a full orchestra, male harmonies more R&B than metal, and, shortly before an epic guitar solo, a mysterious declaration from Shadows: ‘I’m a god, I’m awake, I’m the one in everything/I’m alive, I’m the dead. I’m a man without a head.’ Initial reactions were mixed – surprised, angry, confused, ecstatic. Some Avenged fans embraced the sound immediately; others didn’t get it at all.

“They’re like: ‘That is fucking shit! These guys forgot how to write a song! Why would you put a solo at the end?’” says Shadows. “We were just laughing. That was more fun to us than someone saying: ‘This is great.’ We always gear towards a little bit of ruffling feathers.”

That song only hints at what the rest of Life Is But A Dream… offers. Working with Joe Barresi, who also produced Avenged’s previous album The Stage, guitarist Synyster Gates calls it “a full U-turn. It’s just like a blast off into outer space”.

Work on Life Is But A Dream… began after Avenged Sevenfold cancelled the final leg of their 2018 tour, due to a viral infection that affected Shadows’s vocal cords. The band returned home to Huntington Beach and started writing new songs. Shadows and Synyster would sit together for hours, hashing out their ideas, usually at the latter’s house. The album took nearly five years to complete.

“It feels like an entire lifetime,” says Gates, whose daughter Monroe was born in the interim. “We needed a break after two decades of doing stuff, but we needed to go to work because there was a creative itch.”

On the new tracks there are riffs as tough and heavy as anything from the band’s past, but the context is completely different. A frantic beat kicks off the crazed We Love You, shifting into the grinding guitar that accompanies Shadows as he chants a wish list of society’s insatiable appetites: ‘More power! More pace! More money! More taste! More sex! More pills! More skin!’ There are moments of stuttering electronics and Beatles melody, closing with guitarist Zacky Vengeance sounding like George Harrison on a 1920s acoustic and a bit of bottleneck to create a warm sound of gypsy jazz, as the band’s chorus of tattooed dudes hums along.

“Me and Gates get [a lot of] joy out of playing crazy jazz chords that we’ve never, ever incorporated in Avenged Sevenfold,” says Vengeance.

Getting the band there was a long, strange trip that included psychedelic experiences for two of them in the form of mindaltering venom – aka 5-MeO-DMT – from the rare Sonoran Desert toad.

“When we went deep into the 5-MeO-DMT stuff, it was before covid,” Shadows explains. “But you don’t just go into that, right?"

The Stage was already starting to deal with these existential things – like: ‘Gimme all the information of what we know about why we’re here.’”

The Stage, released in 2016, was a concept album about artificial intelligence that closed with a 15-minute meditation on the Big Bang, narrated by astrophysicist Neil deGrasse Tyson.

“I want to form my world view based on facts and science, which a lot of times is very nihilistic, then reading philosophy or really great novels about this sort of thing,” says Shadows.

“And then that record dove into the sort of AI element, which we’re dealing with now. And it dove into the Big Bang. This record [Life Is But A Dream…] dove into: ‘Now what do we do with all that information as a human that has emotions, that evolved to this spot where we have our upper brain [wired for reasoning] and lower brain [wired for primitive responses] and they’re battling each other?’��

For the 5-MeO-DMT experimentation, which he hoped would pause that battle, Shadows flew in a shaman, whose skills had previously been employed by engineers at SpaceX and Google. He went through three days of sessions, including one with Gates and another with Valary.

“I don’t promote this,” he’s careful to say. “I don’t want to say that everyone needs that.”

For Shadows, the trips were eye-opening and difficult, resulting in a “pure existential crisis for a year” and loss of ego at one point, but eventually also a feeling of deep connection to the world.

“You come to terms with how important everyone thinks everything is, and how they work themselves up,” he says. “And none of it means anything. You work your fingers to the bones and everyone tells you you’re great your whole life. Then all of a sudden you look back on your life and you go: ‘What the fuck was that?’ Ha ha ha!”

[importantgalaxyrunaway]

Interviews 🌊 finnick odair x y/n part 4

I twisted my ring on my finger nervously. I was worried. About many things, about the rebellion plan, about telling my love to the captial and if I would lose the love of my life. But I mustn’t think that. However it is in the back of my mind. Me and finnick both agreed that we would tell the world of our relationship during the interviews. I also am very nervous due to the fact of I have always been insucure. What if he doesn’t like my dress? What if he thinks I’m ugly? I doubted In my mind.

(The dress you wear I love it so much)

Cordia then did my makeup. I could see they were going for a Ocean theme. It was different hues of blue with a bubbly look. They pin my hair up in a French braid.

As I looked deep into the blue of the dress I couldn’t help but feel homesick. I missed the sea.

————

As all the tributes are waiting backstage, I hear someone wolf whistle from behind me. I turn to see finnick chuckling. He looking you up and down blushing a bit while smirking “you look great darling”

I smile. Even though he has proposed to my sometimes I still can wrap my head around the fact that we’re together. It feels like a dream.

one by one the tributes go up on stage. They give their sob story to Cesar and the capital. They cry, they guilt trip, they do anything they can to attempt to stop the games. But things are now in motion that cannot be undone. Snow can’t backtrack, not now he gone too far. And he is not the forgiving type. And all to soon they are calling for me to come up on stage.

“y/n!” Ceaser grinned as if he was happy to see me. Of course I returned the smile. “It’s been a long time since we saw you last” I sit down on the chair next to him

I chuckle lightheartedly though there is nothing funny about going into competition where we fight to the death “yes it has”

“now- tell me how do u feel about going back into the arena. Happy, scared ? Maybe optimistic”

“cautiously optimistic” I say “I have a very strong team of allies”

And he seems satisfied until “now tell me do you have someone—speacial at home?”

“I uh” I twist the ring on my finger and mumble out”I-I-do” I look up and and see all of the cameras trained on my face.

“well who are they? And what are they like?”

“oh Caesar if I told you. You would laugh and not believe me” I say with a chuckle

“oh now I must know”

“ well all I’ll say is *there’s nobody better than you it took me a while to know, but you know it from the start,* and when I go onto that arena with you… I may die but I won’t go out without protecting you”

many a gasps arise from the crowd as they make the connection. But all I know is that I Can finally show those girls in the capital who is truly dating

“ well folks looks like there won’t be just one pair of star crossed lovers in the arena this time” Cesar concludes ending the interview

Note: oh my gosh, I am so sorry guys for being gone for so long. I passed out hit my head really hard got a bad concussion which I’m still not recovered from and got diagnosed wi with disautanomia so it’s been a pretty rough time. Sorry for not posting. What do you think of this? I’m sorry if it’s bad, please don’t hate though.

[diamondtaem6v6]

✨ 190327 - Taemin’s interview for his photo collection 「PORTRAIT」

In November 2018, Taemin had landed on the mainland of Okinawa, which was blessed with a good weather. During the first national solo tour TAEMIN Japan 1st TOUR ~SIRIUS~ which gathered approximately 100,000 people, he got out of his everyday life for a while, about 2 days in Okinawa for a shooting. 10 years after his debut, what kind of “portrait” the 25-years-old artist who gets busy with activities as SHINee (member) and solo Taemin would like to leave? We talked to Taemin, who came back to Tokyo after finishing his performance ‘SMTOWN SPECIAL STAGE in SANTIAGO’ held in Chile, South America.

- You’re spending intense days, aren’t you? I heard that you just returned from Chile today.

Taemin: That’s right. The travel time is long, also waited for about 8 hours for a stopover in Los Angeles... And since there was 12 hour time difference, I'm a little sleepy now. (laughs)

- For today's interview for the photo book, do you remember something about the shooting time?

Taemin: (*Looking at the photos*) This shooting is... (I guess it's) from half a year ago.

- It's from only 2 months ago.

Taemin: What? Only two months have passed. I'm surprised. Is it jet lag? (laughs) I feel nostalgic, Okinawa.

- Then let's hear the story while remembering (laughs). First of all, tell us why you chose the offshore location.

Taemin: I didn't know much about Okinawa, I had this image of "a place where your mind can relax". So when the staff told about the location, I decided that I absolutely wanted to go to Okinawa. If you actually go, it's the best comfort beyond imagination. The sunshine unique to Okinawa remains in the impression.

- How many times have you been to Okinawa?

Taemin: This is my 2nd time. It's been since the MV shooting of SHINee's 8th single "Boys Meet U" (2013). The air I felt at the time of shooting was left in the impression, the feeling of being a nice place, I thought that maybe I could express my present form more straightly. Actually I was able to shoot with a very good tension (relaxed).

- I heard that there was 1 day off before shooting.

Taemin: That's right. During the tour "SIRIUS", I flew to Okinawa right after the performance... The next day I slept until noon, I did scuba diving, I went to Churaumi Aquarium despite being last minute before it was closed. I also ate Agu Pork steak at night. The Agu Pork was really delicious so I also ate an Agu Pork shabu-shabu* for a night meal in the location (laughs).

* Shabu-shabu is a Japanese hot pot dish with thin sliced beef or, in this case, pork meat.

– You really enjoyed it (laughs). Did you actually want to dive?

Taemin: I actually don't like to set up plans, I'm not good at it. Even if I make plans, since I often chance my mind during the day, all in the heat of the moment, I'm the type who decides as an improvisation. So I went to Okinawa without making a schedule this time. I got up in the morning, took a quick look at a pamphlet to see what I could do, and (decided that) this was it! And an Agu Pork restaurant, here too! (laughs). The restaurant that I happened to find by chance seemed delicious, so I entered it intuitively. It was all right. Fun and delicious, it was a great day. I did dive in Bali before but the sea in Okinawa was more beautiful.

– The sea of Okinawa seems to be popular among divers in the the world. You like it (the sea), right?

Taemin: Since I go to many places with SHINee or solo, it wasn't a long time since last saw the sea, I could see the sea from the balcony in the hotel room this time and it was really beautiful, I could see the emerald green sea in the morning. I think it's important to take a time to look at such sceneries. Feeling refreshed, I think I can organize my mind and my heart.

- Where was the most memorable place for shooting?

Taemin: The place of the first page of the photo book. Huh, it was a little above a cliff. It looks like l'm going to fall if I slide my leg. And it's impressive because it started from the location on that sea scene. The morning light is beautiful, I think it's a good photo (laughs).

- If there was a Japanese word you didn't know that appeared during the shooting, it was impressive how you would always confirm the meaning and pronunciation with the staff.

Taemin: Really? Actually, even if I hear words that I usually don't know, I spend some time pretending that I know (laughs). Then I try to confirm later by asking "What did you say earlier?" (laughs).

- It's great if you can confirm later. Is that how Taemin improves in Japanese?

Taemin: When I'm in Japan, I'm always being careful when picking all the words (I say) as much as possible. But I think, I'm still 30~40 points on my level (in Japanese). I haven't made any effort at all... (*wry smile*) I don't have enough time to read books and study at the desk. For when the tour is over and I go back to Korea, I made these 3 promises to a Japanese staff: "I'll study Japanese", "I'll have voical trainings", "I'll practice piano". I didn't do anything yet (laughs). I'm sorry. I'm thinking of starting with buying a piano first (laughs).

- A piano that you can carry around?

Taemin: No, it's... I don't have to practice to the point of carrying it around, right? (*Looks scarily at the staff*) That's a little too hard... (laughs).

- In this photo book, you have been dressed in many outfits in each scene, do you have a particular interest in clothes?

Taemin: My knowledge about fashion is poor and l'm not confident, so at each place, after understanding what was required, I would convey my opinion firmly to the stylist. (I would) Take a look at places and clothes and from this, create a view of the world inside my mind and changing the clothes. This time too, as I often changed clothes after arriving at each shooting location, (I would) look at the place first and decide the outfit after thinking about the colors and atmosphere that fit there. Also, not increasing the number of similar costumes in the whole book, even in performances, even on TV, I think that I always stick with it. (*Turning over the pages of the photo book*) Wow, maybe l'm a genius. It went quite well. There are many outfits (laughs).

- How does it feel like to see your own photos like this?

Taemin: To be honest, it's still embarrassing. It's also different from looking at a mirror at home or in the hotel.

– Over 10 years have passed after your debut. You've done countless shots already, right?

Taemin: When shooting, I don't think of anything because I'm concentrated and working hard, if you look at it when it becomes raw, I think it's cool (laughs). That is expression and it's my job.

– Comparing to the photos of when you were a teenager, how do you see yourself now? (Do you think) Maybe your face has changed, or something like that?

Taemin: Something like this, l'm worried that the wrinkles in my eyes have increased. The resilience (of my skin) seems to have disappeared (laughs). Maybe I ate a little too much delicious foods while on tour. My face is slightly round in this photo collection. It's reflection.

– What is your first memory from birth?

Taemin: Everyone may think that this is absolutely a lie but I have a memory of when I was 1 year old. My parents moved home when I was 1 year old, (I have) the memory of the house before moving. There was a slide there, I still have this image, probably seen while being held by my mother.

– What kind of child were you?

Taemin: I was a child who never cried at all. And (I was) shy and introverted, I liked to always hide behind my mother, I felt safe there.

– When going out, you liked to grab on her skirt to walk?

Taemin: That's right, exactly. I really didn't like to have other people seeing me.

– Why is that?

Taemin: (laughs) Maybe it was a bit of pride, I was pretty cute when I was a kid (laughs). I was a child that was getting bored to people around me looking at me and saying "Oh, what a cute boy" (laughs). I think it would have been nice to remain at that time.

– (laughs) As an introverted, you were indoors? Like playing in your room?

Taemin: When I became an elementary school student, I started to go out to the park to play but rather than meeting up with my friends, I was asked by the children in the place (to play with them). Hide and seek, soccer... I liked moving my body and by going to the park I was able to join nature and the children who were there. It may have changed socially little by little.

– What are the memories that you have of your parents?

Taemin: (*Thinking for a while*) I think it was a very ordinary family. No episodes come out at all.

– Isn't there a memory of anger?

Taemin: Usual things, like having a fight with my brother, lying, in moments like these there was a moment of anger, but... I was the type to run away when someone was angry, my brother was the type to apologize. That's it. But I think no matter what I've done, I grew up really loved.

- With no big incidents, everyone is loved.

Taemin: Ah, there is this case that my mother still talks about. It was about when I was in kindergarten. Because I was introverted, I didn't like kindergarten very much. One day, as usual, I left the house saying "I'm going~", but instead I went to a nearby park alone without going to the kindergarten. When I was hungry, I ate the lunch and played a little until I thought it was almost time for kindergarten to be over and I went home. Since I didn't go to the kindergarten, they contacted (my parents) and asked: "Is Taemin absent?". I suppose I left everyone worried because I became a kindergarten child missing. But came back home with the feeling that it was noon already but apparently it hasn't been an hour since I left home (laughs). But because of that, I was able to quit kindergarten (laughs).

– You have very understanding parents.

Taemin: Even from such a small age, (they) already had that much respect for me. My mother is a very emotional person, I remember that I was treated with much love.

- Are you good friends with your father?

Taemin: We are good friends. We don't talk so much but I understand that he is always cheering (on me). I'm grateful. But after my 20 years old, I barely have time to be with my parents.

– Being part of such a normal family, how did you get into singing and dancing?

Taemin: When I was around 8 years old. I watched Michael Jackson's performance on internet, that was the first shock I received. Maybe it was too early... Precocious. Then I would hide in the house, watch it repeatedly and try to imitate the dance. I did my best and danced. Then, some people around me recommended me: "If you like dancing so much, there is an audition for SM ENTERTAINMENT". So I was able to get into SM. It's hard and fun to practice with friends who have the same dream, it was a good experience.

– When you started to dance, did you approach the artists you dreamed of when you were 8 years old?

Taemin: Not yet, but I think I could get close to it. I was actually a great fan of Michael Jackson at that time, I dreamed of (being) a solo singer. Even when I was an SM trainee I worked hard aiming to become a solo artist. The chance came up quickly, I made my debut with SHINee and furthermore, I also had the opportunity of solo debut earlier than I thought, I think I'm happy.

– While working with SHINee, did you have any aspirations as the solo artist Taemin?

Taemin: Yes I had. The images of my childhood are very strong and remain in my head but now I can do both SHINee's activities and solo activities, very rewarding, I think I have a good balance in myself. More than trying the solo more strongly, I understand the greatness of a stage that shows teamwork in a group. After all, the fact that the other members always come together may make me feel stronger. I think that previously I was greedy or still too young. During SHINee's activities, there were moments when I was quite individual. Prioritizing myself when I should work for SHINee. It might have been annoying to the members too.

– How did you feel when you were on a solo performance?

Taemin: Of course there was pressure to go up to the stage on my own, it would be always like this but, of course, I could feel the team work of the members. When I don't know (how to do something), I can leave it for the others (to do it). When I am as a solo singer, I have to communicate with staff and fans a lot. But of course, since I was introverted, I wasn't good at speaking properly. I think now I can do something about it.

– Did you keep in touch with the members while on a solo tour?

Taemin: Yes. Ah, but... The members contacted me first. They would support me by saying things like "congratulations" or "good luck". Of course, because I'm the younger (laughs). Everyone is worried and will take care of me.

– It's your image of "cute maknae" but there is no such thing in fact! What do you think about this?

Taemin: No... I think that is probably my honest appearance. I don't dislike it. Maknae... (laughs). I overdo it and put it cool, I don't do anything to deceive my appearance. If you can see that, you will understand that.

– Then, even for such a young boy like Taemin, there is actually a place for a manly person. What do you do if there is something to appeal?

Taemin: I don't want to do much appealing things... (laughs) I think masculinity is kindness. I want to be kind to everyone and I want to be able to smile.

- When there are painful things or sad things, how do you deal with them?

Taemin: I most often meet and chat with my friends. Drink some alcohol. I talk to my friends about a good subject. But I have to be with someone. If l'm with my friends, I don't worry about my problems at that moment. I can forget it. I try to prevent myself from feeling depressed. Then, if time passes, the troubles will be solved well before they happen.

– When you analyze yourself, what kind of person is Taemin? Optimistic or pessimistic?

Taemin: This question is asked often but it's really difficult to answer no matter when you ask. People, of course myself included, don't always have the same form and mind. Sometimes l'm noisy and sometimes l'm quiet, sometimes I smile or have a sad and painful face. Same as everyone, I'm a man who has all kinds of emotions. It's difficult to express (with words) this kind of personality.

- Do you like yourself?

Taemin: Sometimes I might dislike myself. Same as the previous answer, my mind is always moving like a pendulum. But I think it's not good to dislike yourself, so I try to imagine that I like myself. If you dislike yourself, you will lose your confidence, this is the worst. If I lose my confidence, I will have a negative impact on my surroundings. Members, staff and my family. And even all the fans. No one wants to see a performance without confidence, so I try to control myself in order to get better quickly.

– This is great. It seemed like the strength was visible beyond the amazing smile of Taemin. Is that what you have been trying since then?

Taemin: I feel that I didn't have such capacity or strength in the past. Maybe it could be the place where I grew up most since I had my debut. It's all about experience. I think you shouln't waste a failed experience as you head in a better direction. I would work while I was nervous, but now I have come to think that it may be possible to work while enjoying more. Failures, bad things, I will try to experience anything. (laughs) I think that's important.

– Now, it's said that it's a time for a big change, how do you see yourself many years ahead from now?

Taemin: How is it... I have 2 images. In one I'm married and in the other one l'm alone without getting married.

– These 2?! I guess usually there's only one of them. How old is this Taemin?

Taemin: Around 50 years old (laughs).

- Would you like to get married?

Taemin: I don't think about this at all for now. There is a mountain of things for me to do now. I'm 25 years old. To be honest, I feel that marriage doesn't suit me. Will I be able to live the same life forever? I'm sure I will seek for change. Changes, freedom.

- What is the image of Taemin's future as an artist?

Taemin: I think I will be able to dance the same way up to the age of 35... But after that, I don't know. It will be difficult to dance just as it is now. I think I'll grow and prepare for that time. However, it's important to think about the future, but I cherish the things one by one in front of me now.

– Can the fans expect more from this Taemin coming?

Taemin: (*Grinning*) Yes. I think maybe it's good. I always think about showing a new side of myself, the staff around me also cooperates on it, so I think that it will surely be delighted by all the fans. If they can't... well, it's inevitable. (laughs)

– (laughs) But are you confident?

Taemin: Yes, l'm confident!

– Well then l'll wait to see the "new Taemin" next time.

Taemin: Thank you very much. Please come and see the "new Taemin" by all means!

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Credits: Taemin’s 「PORTRAIT」 photobook

JPN - ENG translation: @DiamondTaem

[dankusner]

The day Sinéad O’Connor came out

Former Curve magazine editors-in-chief Merryn Johns and Diane Anderson-Minshall have a conversation about a pivotal Curve cover story.

Back in the 1990s and 2000s, in the heyday of Curve as the nation’s most prominent newsstand magazine for lesbians, the pressure to put high profile queer women — and women of interest to lesbians —on the cover was meaningful.

It helped sell copies of the magazines in a competitive newsstand environment where Curve found itself side by side with all the other women’s magazines on the shelf.

But also, high profile covers were about positive representation, visibility, and giving voice to the women who were standing with our community.

We wanted their affirmation, we wanted to pledge allegiance to them, and we loved reading about them.

Occasionally, a star would come out in Curve—for example, after years of being in the closet in Nashville, Chely Wright came out in a cover story and was the first country star to come out, period.

But before Chely was Sinéad, and in this the year of the “Nothing Compares 2 U” singer’s death, I wanted to revisit the August 2000 issue of Curve in which O’Connor came out.

On the cover.

As a lesbian.

Or did she?

To get to the bottom of the story I reached out to long-serving former Curve Editor-in-Chief, Diane Anderson-Minshall who personally spoke to the Irish singer.

The big interview you did with Sinéad O’Connor became the cover story of the August 2000 issue of Curve.

Can you go back to the year 2000 and recall what was happening in lesbian culture at that time?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

Culturally, it was a year after the release of But I’m a Cheerleader, and the year that Ellen DeGeneres and Sharon Stone were in If These Walls Could Talk 2 (an anthology all about lesbiqueer women).

Politically, marriage equality was a huge movement.

In California (ostensibly one of the most liberal states), voters passed Proposition 22, which declared legal marriage was between one man and one woman.

In that state, it took 13 more years before same-sex couples could marry.

Vermon got civil unions that year.

But there were states outlawing adoption by lesbian couples, and our rights were very much not yet established

(In 2000, Arizona repealed their sodomy laws — two years before the federal suit, Lawrence v. Texas ruling mandated that laws that criminalized oral and anal sex in private residences were unconstitutional.

Until then, in many states a woman could still be arrested for going down on another woman.

I mean, politically we came far in the 1990s, but not that far.)

Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell kept military members in the closet; many major religious groups weren’t affirming; Ellen and Mellissa Etheridge were both out but even Rosie O’Donnell was still closeted. Will and Grace seemed like groundbreaking TV.

In the August 2000 issue, MichFest turns 25, and I recall queer women in music being incredibly important to our community and the content mix.

But at the time we were looking for ‘orthodox’ lesbian role models e.g., kd lang, Melissa Etheridge, more so than queer, trans, bisexual, pansexual—although we were eager for any musicians to come out.

What are your thoughts on this and how did it inform your processes?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

Female musicians and women’s music (which should have just been called lesbian music, honestly) were critical to the formation of so many lesbian communities and relationships—seeing open lesbians (even if they called themselves queer) on the stage, singing songs with lyrics that spoke to us directly.

I think that had straight women had more access to those songs and musicians, they’d have been bigger fans.

I mean, look at the Barbie movie this year: the Indigo Girls song “Closer to Fine” was one of the biggest hits [on the soundtrack].

But yes, you are correct that back then, if a woman came out as bisexual or pansexual, there were a lot of readers who were distrustful of them.

Remember, this was the same year that Anne Heche and Ellen DeGeneres had a very public breakup.

Anne took the wrath of the lesbian community on her shoulders then and we heard over and over renditions of “I knew she wasn’t really gay” and “She just used Ellen to gain fame and now she’s going back to men.”

I think there was often a feeling among some women then that a bisexual/pansexual woman was really queer if they were with another woman, but if they were with a man or dated men, they weren’t really part of the community, they were more suspect.

I think back then, barely out of the 1990s, that even femmes were a bit suspect in some folks’ minds.

As a queer femme I was aware of my gender presentation and how it impacted other LGBTQ+ folks, and Curve was honestly the most supportive and wonderful place to work, and an amazing experience being one of the longest-serving editor-in-chiefs.

But even there, we debated whether someone “looked” queer enough to be on the cover, and whether they were queer enough or just ‘gay for pay.’

I think we have those conversations a lot less now, but honestly I do still feel there’s a sizable group who is dubious of women who come out as bisexual but never have high profile public relationships with other women.

How did you land the interview with Sinéad O’Connor and were there any conditions placed on your conversation with her?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

I went around her people and reached her directly, if I recall correctly.

I had been trying for years to talk to her and always got a no from her publicist.

I can’t recall if she changed her reps in 2000 or if I got her direct number somehow and cold called.

I think perhaps that whole decade I had been trying to interview her.

But suddenly she was not just willing but eager.

It dovetailed with the release of the song “No Man’s Woman,” which was read straightforward as a bit of a coming out:

“I don’t want to be no man’s woman I’ve other work I want to get done I haven’t traveled this far to become No man’s woman”

I know it had more levels, and her usual quest for religious meaning and spirituality, but it sounded like a coming out song so I jumped on it and said, “I’d love to talk about it and your impact on women, etc.”

What was your intel about her sexuality prior to the interview?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

For Sinéad, I honestly had not heard many lesbian rumors but I had followed how troubled she was, how much religion had shaped her life, the lyrics to her songs, and the gender presentation she showed the world—and it all looked so queer to me.

Younger queer women might not understand this but in 2000 in Ireland, it was still very much a world of restriction for women.

No legal abortion, no marriage equality, and overall gender inequality was rampant (as was domestic violence).

There’s been a fierce feminist movement there but even today Ireland is a country run mostly by men and that gender inequality is deeply embedded in their systems and hierarchies.

So I thought, is all this mental health stuff merely childhood trauma or a combo of that and PTSD and trying to suppress her own orientation or identity to have her own children (which was very important to her).

Let’s see.

What were your impressions of Sinéad once you had her on the phone? Any memories about her energy, her mood, her agenda, which some artists have in interviews.

Diane Anderson-Minshall

Her mood was great, she was definitely energetic but so thoughtful.

Usually if you do celebrity interviews long enough you start to know if you’re getting canned answers (meaning they’ve said that same thing hundreds of times), PR answers (meaning their reps told them what to say and what not to say in hopes they stay on track), or unexpectedly real off-the-cuff engaged answers to your questions.

And Sinead had that.

She felt real, she thought long about some of the questions, and gave nuanced answers.

I honestly felt like she was much more vulnerable than her public image.

She seemed to not have an agenda other than chatting; she didn’t steer me on to any project or arena.

Did you have a specific line of questioning planned?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

I go into every interview with specific questions and I pivot during it if something changes.

This was a wowzer, because as soon as she came out, I pivoted to talk less about the music and establish a bit more intimacy with her to keep her talking.

You start the interview by talking about her music and then Catholicism.

About nine questions in you segue into lesbian culture and suddenly she comes out!

After putting her toe in the water she says, “I actually am a lesbian.” Did you believe her? Did it seem genuine?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

I was dumbfounded but thrilled.

In the 1990s, we had so few role models that celebrity coming out interviews were really critical for women around the country to see.

In Hollywood, we get all the gossip.

But if you’re an ordinary lesbian living in Idaho, playing lesbian softball and watching cable TV in the 1990s, you don’t hear anything about anyone until Curve arrives in your mailbox.

Our page of celebrity gossip or updates was among our most popular, in part because it was the only place you could find that info aimed directly at our readers’ interests.

So I went into most interviews then trying to find a way to basically offer a path for someone to come out.

If they want to, they could easily.

If they didn’t, it never sounded weird or pushy in print.

We never wanted to out someone.

It was their choice.

I just went into every interview hoping they’d make that choice if I said the right thing.

So with Sinéad, when she said it, I was honestly super surprised — and thrilled.

If we had Slack back then, our whole office would have started pinging because I always could not believe it.

And I verified it to make sure.

I know we hung on to the audio cassette of it so we could play that moment in case she later said it wasn’t true.

I wanted folks to know we weren’t making this up.

We have proof that the woman you thought was queer in 1988, who has only publicly been linked to men, who is now singing about not being any man’s woman, has just said I’m one of them, I’m a lesbian.

Given the light of her recent death, and her mental health struggles, do you look back on this interview and reassess it in any way?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

I believe she believed what she said. If I had to identify her today from only the outside looking in, I’d more likely call her bisexual since she’s clearly had relationships with men. But the majority of lesbians have had sex with a man once (or for some, relationships). She had so many mental health struggles, but you know what: most lesbian women who are suppressing their sexuality or trying to become an ex-gay, generally do.

Look, clearly I’m speculating here and could be completely wrong but I think she had so much early childhood trauma and so much “queers are evil” teachings from the Catholic Church for decades, that when you add it to the pressures of being exploited in the music industry, reviled for years after that Saturday Night Live appearance where she tore up the Pope’s photo in protest, inundated in Ireland with the “if you want kids, you need a man” motto, that she tried to fit in while still showing signs of protest that were sometimes severe cries for help (and love). I can’t tell you if she ever had a female relationship, ever loved a woman or had sex with women, but that day what she told me felt 100% authentic.

Are you a lesbian if you are single? If you’re asexual? Yes, because your orientation isn’t determined by other people (which is why kids are coming out younger than ever before and many before they’ve ever had sex). So, I think it’s possible for a woman like Sinéad, who wanted kids and wanted to know God as intimately as she could, living in Ireland most of her life, would feel like a lesbian inside even though she had relationships with men (obviously they all failed). And when she did come out she got suspicion and backlash, so she backpedaled.

Any other thoughts you’d like to share about this interview, the format of the interview, and your approach to Curve cover stories from that time on?

Diane Anderson-Minshall

I think the kind of interviews we did then were so critical in the 1990s-early 2000s. But today folks come out by announcing it on Instagram. If you think of Raven-Symone, I tried to talk to her for years and only got no. When she came out, she did it on social media. That woman deserves a magazine cover, even if she doesn’t realize it. But I think performers and public figures feel like social media because it is controllable whereas writers and magazine editors are wild cards. I think they’re wrong and it deprives readers of in-depth interviews that let you know someone more intimately.

About Diane Anderson-Minshall

Sinéad plays for our team 

Fiery Irish pop star joins list of celebrity lesbians 

Faith and Courage is Sinéad O'Connor's first full- length album in six years. Many critics say the release was worth the wait. 

By DANIEL KUSNER | June 16, 2000

In the new issue of Curve magazine, singer Sinéad O'Connor unleashes her latest controversial surprise. 

"I'm a lesbian," she says in an interview with reporter Diane Anderson-Minshall. 

"Although I haven't been very open about that, and throughout most of my life I've gone out with blokes, because I haven't necessarily been terribly comfortable about being a lesbian. But I actually am a lesbian.” 

In the first single, "No Man's Woman," from her new album, Faith and Courage (Atlantic Records), O'Connor sings: 

I don't wanna be no man's woman I only wanna be my own woman I haven't traveled this far to become no man's woman.

However, on another cut, "Daddy I'm Fine," she sings about feeling like she wants to have sex with "every man in sight.” 

The singer currently lives in Ireland, where she is raising a son, Jake, 12, fathered by her ex-husband. 

O'Connor also shares custody of her 3-year-old daughter, Roisin, with a former boyfriend. 

O'Connor established herself as a star in the 1990s with the chart-topping album I Do Not Want What I Haven't Got and the Prince-penned hit "Nothing Compares 2 U.” 

Known for her outspoken views on religion, child abuse, sexism, racism and war, she gained a measure of notoriety in 1992 by ripping up a picture of Pope John Paul II during an appearance on Saturday Night Live, which the network has refused to air on re-runs. 

She also made headlines for once refusing to perform in New Jersey if "The Star Spangled Banner" was played prior to her appearance, prompting Frank Sinatra to remark that he'd "kick her ass.” 

O'Connor, 33, was ordained last year as a priest by the leader of a left-wing faction of the Catholic Church. 

Using the alias Mother Bernadette Mary, O'Connor had a $200,000 donation to the Church refunded. 

The donation caused outrage in the Church, with one bishop claiming she purchased her ordination with the money. 

The cash would have been used to fund an Irish healing center. 

Last Friday, O'Connor appeared on The Rosie O'Donnell Show. 

The once-rebellious singer seemed almost graceful, soft-spoken and quite ravishing. 

While the talkshow host admired her guest's shorn locks, O'Donnell ran her fingers through O'Connor's butch crewcut and said it was "like Velour.” 

However, the queen of daytime TV didn't mention O'Connor's sexual orientation. 

So far, reviews for her new album are very promising. 

It's been six years since she's released a full-length CD, and many critics are saying Faith and Courage is worth the wait. 

But some critics are already asking if her newfound lesbianism just another attention-getting publicity stunt. 

Curve magazine's coming out interview with O'Connor hits newsstands on Jun. 27. An excerpt of the interview is available on the magazine's Web site (www.curvemag.com).  

[luveline]

jade hi!!! i have an idea for shy reader. im thinkin eddie x shy reader and maybe corroded coffin has kind of blown up? like maybe they’re on tour or just an occasional big stadium gig. but r always comes even tho she is like very sound sensitive (do u hear me projecting) it is not her space at all but she still comes for him <3 like soundchecks and things she has like earplugs in but is still the most proud gf. idk!!! lov u

hi!!!! love u i hope this was a req cos I took it as one!! sound sensitive and shy reader with rockstar eddie is a seemingly unlikely pair but so cute!! fem!reader♡ suggestive

Eddie says you can sit wherever you like during soundcheck, whether that be sidestage, by the barrier, up in the VIP section balcony, or even just plain centre stage with him and the boys. Which is ridiculous because you'll definitely be in the way if you do, but he has awfully convincing reasoning. 

"I'm gonna marry you," he says succinctly. "If people aren't used to seeing you by my hip by now they will be eventually." 

So you don't go sit up on the balcony. You're also not gonna entertain his silly ideas, sitting neatly in a fold out sidestage with your ear plugs in, ear defenders in your lap. Eddie has assured you time and time again that nobody is gonna judge you for wearing them, they're not foreign to people in show business, but you can't make yourself unless the music is extremely loud. 

You scratch at one of the cans and watch Eddie run his hands up the neck of Sweetheart the third, looking odd in his hoodie and sweatpants. 

He has a complex about your 'giving up your dream' so he can chase his. And sure, you have ambitions, there are a thousand things you want to do, but none have ever felt as present to you as music is to him. Well, besides being his girl. You don't under evaluate the happiness you've found with Eddie, the late late nights and the early mornings, moments stolen between flights and buses and shows and interviews. It's all worth it to be with him and see his wicked smile during shows. 

His smile isn't nearly so electric right now. He's got his eyebrows scrunched up, picking at strings and apologising and then rescinding his apology when somebody rags on him. 

They start to play the crowd pleasers and you turn to your book, humming with your leg tapping to the rhythm. You get lost for a while and don't notice when the music fades away, nor when Eddie comes to stand in front of you. 

You can vaguely hear voices, so you look up, and when you find Eddie as close as he is you jump. He reaches out with two panicked hands and plants them against your hiked shoulders. 

"Just me," he says, or mouths, one hand moving to your ear. He pulls an earplug free carefully. 

"I'm sorry," you say breathlessly. 

He gets all cuddly, hand curled around your earplug and arm around your neck. His mouth is a heat over your forehead as he lays kisses from temple to temple, chest rumbling with a pleased sigh. 

"Plugs are doing their job," he says. 

You twist your hands into the front of his hoodie where he's leaning over you, unsurprised by his affection. He's always like this. 

"You don't have to stay if it's too loud." 

It's really loud. "It's alright." 

You feel his lips curve into a smile. "No," he says, pulling back quick to cradle your cheeks. "It's loud. I was thinking, maybe you should take a break tonight. Stay at the hotel." 

You don't get offended, though insecurity rears it's head for a split second. Why doesn't he want me at the show? It's gone as quickly as it came, dissolved by his concerned eyes. 

A break would be nice. You love to be here and to support him but the constant sound is overwhelming, and it builds up until you're wiped of energy. 

"Stay home, watch a movie," — he leans in, lips quirked into a knowing smile — "what kind of movie's up to you." 

"Eddie," you murmur pleadingly, turning in your seat to make sure no one's listening. 

He shushes you and dips down until his mouth is near your ear, hands holding you in place. "We need some inspiration, don't you think?" 

You're melting. "Eddie, please." Don't do this here. 

"Yeah, just like that," he murmurs. 

You push him forcibly away from you and glare at his giggling, his slight bend at the waist and his hand pressed to his stomach. 

"Jerk." 

"I'm serious about taking a break," he says as his laughter tapers off. He licks his lips. "It'll be tough but I can make it through one night without you." 

"Night?" 

"Show," he amends, leaning down with a pout. 

You give him a faux-reluctant peck. 

"Definitely not the whole night. You better still be there when I get back," he warns. 

You will be. You open your arms expectantly for a proper hug though you can't bring yourself to ask, and lucky you, Eddie collapses down into your chest smelling clean and familiar. He's warm. There's an inherent excitement that comes with being loved like this, the evidence of his affection in his adoring hands as they rub your back and the corner of his smile against your cheek.

"Not going anywhere," you murmur. His arms get that little bit tighter.

[scmg11]

hi!! love your writing, been following u on wattpad for a while! can u please write a florence x reader fic where reader is a singer and just released a love song and when asked in an interview if reader was in a relationship she was just like “lol no i wrote this about my celebrity crush” (florence) and then it blows up and florence finds out? idk what else you can take it from here hehe thanks :)

Florence Pugh x Reader

Mystery girl

A/N: Thank you for your request! I hope I succeeded in satisfying what you asked! My requests are open so ask away! Don’t forget to tell me what you guys think about this story! Feedback is always nice! 🤓

Warnings: none, just pure fluff.

Word count: 4356 words.

-

Y/N was on her way to The Tonight Show With Jimmy Fallon’s theater to perform her new song and for her interview with Jimmy, smiling up while shaking her head when she heard the familiar melody on the radio. Her brand new love song became an hit in almost a week, gaining millions of streams in less than 24 hours. It’s been three weeks since the singer published the song and everyone on Instagram, Twitter and so on was trying to figure out who the brunette wrote the song to. Everyone knew the brown eyed girl was single, she told them on an Instagram live when a fan account asked if she was in a relationship with someone. So the world was curious to know who the current best love song in the industry was about.

The car stopped in front of the theater and the driver let Y/N out, who stopped in front of the awaiting fans, took a couple photos with them and signed a few photos they had with them. She loved her fans dearly, they were the reason she was there after all, so the girl did everything she could to make them feel important. Once inside, the singer was escorted in the changing room to get her ready for makeup and to her dress up. A crew guy told her her performance was scheduled in about 40 minutes so she warmed her voice while her team got her ready.

35 minutes later the brunette came out of the changing room, sporting a fancy suit with really high heels, her hair down in perfect waves and makeup highlighting her brown eyes, just in time for a crew member to put her earbuds in before she got called on stage to perform her song.

During the commercial break she got rid of the earbuds and her makeup artist touched up her lips gloss. She waited patiently her signal to walk out of the back stage, hearing Jimmy present her and then she walked through the red curtain with a big toothy smile on her face and waved at the eager audience standing up and clapping and screaming her name.

"Y/N Y/L/N EVERYBODY! Come sit! How are you?"

"I’m good! I was a bit anxious for my performance to be honest! But it went well, so I’m okay now."

"It went well? It was AMAZING, am I right?" Jimmy asked the crowd and they erupted in a mess of enthusiastic screams and fervent whistles that put a grateful smile on the girl’s face, thanking the people warmly. "See? So your new single, it’s a bop! Everyone loves it!"

"I have to admit I thought it would flop." Y/N told Jimmy earnestly with a grimace on her face and Jimmy fixed her with an incredulous look.

"What? Really?"

"Well yeah, I thought ‘no one is gonna like me gushing about my crush’, but here we are."

"The most streamed song in three weeks, Rolling Stone defined it one of the best love songs of all time and it already went two-times platinum! Only in three weeks!"

"Wait no, only one platinum, my agent told me the news last week, and I still can’t believe it!" Y/N clarified confused at Jimmy’s slip up, but when Jimmy didn’t say anything else and just smiled at her with his signature smile, Y/N gasped loudly and covered her mouth, her eyes watering when a man with her song’s cover framed with a sign reading her song went two-times platinum walked up to her and gave it to her, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing.

"Surprise!" Jimmy told her enthusiastically meanwhile the audience erupted in loud claps and whistles, congratulating her, spreading a warmth throughout the singer’s body.

"This is amazing, oh my god!" She used her pointer finger to wipe away a tear that escaped her left eye, "oh no! I promised to myself not to cry in television!" She quipped causing a laugh to bounce around the room.

"Not bad for thinking it would flop eh?" Jimmy teased her good-naturedly.

"Not bad at all." The singer replied incredulously, still staring at the gift, "I still can’t believe it!"

"We can’t believe you wrote the lyrics and the music all by yourself!"

"Yep! I… I was thinking about this song for a while and at one point I told myself to just let it all out, set my mind free and that’s what came out." She pointed to her song’s cover and smiled brightly.

"Let’s not forget about your perfect voice!" The audience cheered at that and Y/N faintly blushed at the warmth her fans were conveying.

"Thanks!"

"On a serious note tho, you said you didn’t think about people liking your song…" He trailed off tentatively.

"I did." Y/N answered with a nod.

"And you also said that the song is practically you gushing about your crush."

Y/N groaned covering her face embarrassed and leaning her head back on the couch, hearing Jimmy and the crowd laugh at her reaction, "I did!" She mumbled in her hands, pulling them away when she felt her face was blush free.

"So I have one more question for you… is it true that you wrote a love song about someone?"

"Yes… I mean aren’t the majority of the songs in the music industry about someone?" She tried to deflect the subject, already feeling her face getting warm all over again.

"So who is it about?"

"That wasn’t your question!" She smiled at him and attempted at cracking a joke to distract Jimmy from his probing, effectively making him laugh but he wasn’t relenting.

"Oh c’mon! Tell us!"

"I can’t! She’s probably watching our interview!"

"Oh yeah? Interesting!” Jimmy hummed while rubbing his chin conspiratorially with a small grin and Y/N groaned softly causing the host and the audience to laugh again, “just give us some hints! We want to know the lucky girl who has the privilege to have one of the best love songs talking about her!"

"That’s what I’m trying to avoid honestly." Y/N grimaced awkwardly, scratching the back of her head.

"Why?! You’re a real catch! Anyone would give everything they have to be that girl!" A ton of yelled yes and approving screams came from the crowd, Jimmy pointing at them with a wide smile to prove his point. "Is she someone I had on the show?"

Y/N contemplated her answer, not wanting to say too much about her big fat crush on Florence Pugh, fearing she would read about it and she would hate her. But a couple of innocent hints wouldn’t hurt right? "Yes, once."

"Mh, so I’m assuming you’re friends with her?"

Y/N let out a strained laugh, "I wish! I met her only once! I already considered her my celebrity crush before, but once I met her it became a real big crush!"

"Oh that’s a twist! If you don’t want to tell us who is it, then tell us a little bit about her. What does she look like? Is she in the music industry too? Is she younger or older than you?"

"I’m just sticking to the basics, I don’t want her to find out and hate me for writing a song about her." The crowd let out a loud ‘ow’, "anyway, we’re the same age, she sings but it’s not a singer, and the only thing about I’m gonna say on her looks is that she changed her hair color a few times but now she is blonde and that she has the most mesmerizing green eyes I’ve ever had the privilege to stare into abs the cutest accent." While she talked Y/N had a dreamy look in her eyes and a dumb smile on her lips and Jimmy and the audience stared at her in awe.

"Damn, she’s whipped! Mystery girl, if you’re watching this interview let me tell you, you’re so lucky, she’s a real catch!" Y/N blushed at his words and smiled down at her hands in her lap, playing around with her rings, then Jimmy focused on the next question.

-

The next day Y/N woke up to her phone buzzing frenetically on her nightstand, groaning at the annoying sound her device was emitting, before deciding to see who was interrupting her sleep. She squinted at the brightness of her display, letting her eyes adjust to the light before focusing on the thousands notifications from Twitter and Instagram. It seemed like her fans watched her interview on Jimmy Fallon and were trying to guess who her celebrity crush was. She chuckled and shook her head at her phone. Damn they’re wild!

She scrolled a bit on Instagram, the majority of the posts were clips of her talking about Florence and her fans guessing who the mystery girl is.

She opened Twitter and gasped, "holy shit! I’m trending!" She snickered while scrolling through her fans’ tweets making their guesses, when breath left her lungs completely at the tweet her eyes laid on, "fuck."

@florencepughswife: guys, it may be Florence! Think about it, everything she said screams Florence! @Florence_Pugh @Y/N.Y/L/N.

The tweet was 20 minutes ago and it already had 20k likes and 10k replies. Fuck, fuck, fuck, shit. She hastily locked her phone and threw the device on her bed like it burned her hands, collapsing on the mattress with a soft thud and groaning in her hands covering her face. If Florence finds out and hates me, I’m going to change my name and escape to Europe.

-

The day went by pretty quickly, she went in the studio to record a couple of songs for her upcoming album, satisfied with how it was going.

She collapsed on her couch with a contented hum and slid her phone from her back pocket, wanting to control her emails and notifications. She stayed holed up in the studio for hours, forgetting the world outside, so she neglected her phone and forgot all about the ‘guessing who the mystery girl is’ on Twitter, but the reality came crushing down on Y/N when she saw she had thousands of new notification, one of them standing out amongst the others, leaving out of breath and with her heart beating fast in her chest.

@Florence_Pugh: I had my phone buzzing with notifications all day. @Y/N.Y/L/N your fans are saying that I’m the mystery girl you wrote your song about. If it’s true I’m flattered. Hmu for a private show xx.

Y/N stared at her phone bewildered, blinking up at the device but not moving a muscle, afraid that if she moved she would wake up from this dream. Then her phone ringed with an incoming call, making her jump in fear and swear under her breath, then answering the call with a quiet voice, "hello?"

"Y/N!!!! HAVE YOU CHECKED TWITTER?! IT’S BLOWING UP SINCE SHE TWEETED YOU!!!!"

"Shhhh! Mila you just bursted my eardrum!"

"Sorry!" The latina grimaced in regret, "but still!!!! She tweeted you!"

"I was just reading about it. So it wasn’t a dream?"

"It’s all real dumbass! It’s your moment! You have to reply to her!"

"Are you out of your mind?!?! No!" Y/N widened her eyes in fear, "I’m not going to tell the world I wrote that song for her and I’m not going to come clean to her!"

"Why not?! I mean I understand you don’t want to expose yourself to the world, but I think you should tell her. She may like you back."

Y/N snorted at that, "oh yeah, sure."

"I’m not joking. Besides… She asked you for a private show…" Camila trailed off with a mischievous tone, wiggling her eyebrows and even if the brunette couldn’t see her she could picture her doing just that.

"Don’t even start Mila."

"C’mon you’ve been pining for her for a year now! And now you have the opportunity to take her on a date!"

"Who said anything about a date?" Y/N asked making it look like she was still opposing to Camila’s idea, when in fact she was already relenting.

"I did, just now. Reply to her, for me." Y/N could see Camila jut her lip out in her infamous pout at her and rolled her eyes good-naturedly.

"Fine!"

"Yess! I want to be your bridesmaid at your wedding!"

"Camila, you’re traveling with your imagination a little bit too far."

"You’ll see and you’ll thank me.” Camila stated confidently, making her friend laugh, “I want to know what she replies to you."

"Okay, bye Mila."

"Bye dummy."

Y/N sighed and opened Twitter, "okay, let’s do this." She clicked on the screen to reply to Florence’s tweet.

@Y/N.Y/L/N: @Florence_Pugh I’m sorry for the amount of notifications! I like being mysterious so I’m not going to anything else, but I’m totally okay for that private show 😉.

Y/N pressed the ‘tweet’ button before she could think about it too much, letting a breath she didn’t know she was holding when the tweet was published.

The tweet was liked, retweeted and replied to by thousands of people in mere seconds and she smirked at her fans freaking out at her replying to Florence.

Her smile dropped when she got a new notification, "holy shit!" She sat up from the bed and started pacing back and forth.

Florence DMed me! Y/N slapped herself to let out of her daze when she stopped her pacing to stare at the opened chat. You dumbass! Do not leave her on read, answer her!

Florence Pugh: Hey cryptic songwriter 😜

Y/N Y/L/N: Hi 🙃

Florence Pugh: Now it’s only the two of us, tell me who is the mystery girl you wrote the song about 😉

Y/N Y/L/N: Straight to the point I see!

Florence Pugh: Well you’ve piqued my curiosity, I want to know if I’m the mystery girl!

Y/N bit her lower lip and contemplated on telling her. I mean, I can tell her. What do I have to lose? If she hates me, we will never talk again and we will go on with our lives forgetting about it. But if she likes me too… no I will not go there and get my hopes up.

"Fuck it, I’m telling her." Y/N said out loud resolutely and started typing a new text.

Y/N Y/L/N: I’ll consider telling you who the mystery girl is after my private show that you so eagerly requested 🤓

Florence Pugh: Really?!?!

Y/N Y/L/N: Yes. If you want to, we can arrange something here in my house. I have a music studio where I can perform my song to you.

Florence Pugh: Like right now?!?!

Y/N Y/L/N: Eager are we?

Florence Pugh: Stop mocking me and answer me Y/L/N!

Y/N smirked and snickered while shaking her head amused, her butterflies going crazy in her stomach and her brain freaking out about the fact that she was texting with her crush.

Y/N Y/L/N: You’re so bossy!

Florence Pugh: I am not!!!

Y/N Y/L/N: You are!!! But I swear I’m not mocking you! Anyway, I just got home from the studio, you can come over whenever you want. Here’s my address, *insert address* 🤓

Florence Pugh: I’ll be there in 20 mins!

Y/N decided to not reply at the text and nodded at the phone, smiling brightly while rereading their convo for a few seconds before reality came crushing down on her. FLORENCE IS COMING HERE! Oh fuck!

Y/N put her nose under her armpit and smelled it, grimacing and running into the bathroom to take a quick shower, discarding clothes on her way to her ensuite. She came out of it 10 minutes later, running into her walk-in closet to choose what to wear. She opted for a pair of black jeans, a plain white t-shirt and a plaid shirt, her hair down in soft waves and wearing light makeup.

She tied her place up a bit and just when she threw her last underwear discarded on the floor in the laundry basket, she heard the doorbell ring, the sound echoing around the silent house.

She turned her head around to fix the door for a few seconds with her heartbeat pounding hard in her ribcage and echoing in her ears. Calm down, act cool and don’t make a fool out of yourself.

She gave herself a pep talk before walking towards the door and opening it, wanting to faint in front of the stunning beauty that was Florence Pugh. She was wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a yellow hoodie, her blonde hair down in perfect curled waves and light makeup. She had a smile that reached her mesmerizing green eyes that Y/N couldn’t help but mirror, "hi Y/N." Her deep voice caused chills to run down Y/N’s spine and she suppressed the shiver that was dangerously ready to come out and spread throughout her body, not wanting to act like a puppy in love. But you are.

"Hi Florence, come in." She stepped aside to let the girl walk in and closed the door, locking it. Y/N swallowed thickly before speaking up once again, "c’mon, my studio is upstairs."

She let Florence sit on the comfy couch in her music studio and started singing. During her performance she didn’t know where else fixing her eyes onto, so she opted on being a little courageous and stared directly into Florence’s eyes, who never let her eyes leave Y/N’s ones and listened intently with a small smile on her lips, tapping her index finger on her thigh to the beat of the song.

When she finished, she turned the speakers off and sat on the chair close to the mixing console.

“You sing really, really good. And your song is beautiful, it became one of my favorites.”

Y/N smiled shyly and thanked her. Y/N wanted to tell Florence so many things but she stayed quiet, not really knowing where to start, so silence engulfed them, but it wasn’t awkward.

“So, you wanna tell me who the mystery girl is now?”

“Mh…” Y/N pretended to think about it, before throwing a smug smirk at the blonde, “nope.”

The actress dropped her mouth open in disbelief, “what?! You promised you would have told me after your private show!”

“I never promised anything and in my text I said that I would have considered it.” Florence jutted her bottom lip out in her distinctive pout and Y/N just right about melted while freaking out at the cute sight she had in front of her.

“Please.” Florence pleaded with a baby voice and Y/N was sure her body combusted and re-assembled together at the same time.

“Fine.”

That pout was quickly replaced by Florence Pugh’s million dollars smile and the actress waited patiently for the girl to tell her, hope settling at the base of her stomach. When Y/N just wrung her fingers without speaking up, Florence told her softly, “tell me, just rip it out.” This painful anticipation and the nervous state the brunette was in was giving her so much hope that the actress wanted to walk up to her and kiss her before she could tell her the truth.

“How about I show you?” Florence stared confused at the singer who got up and opened a drawer and pulled out a what the blonde deemed her songs journal, watched her taking a deep breath and walking towards her, then stretching her arm with the hand holding the journal out to her.

“What is this?”

“This is were I write down ideas for potential songs, some lyrics and what I want the song to be about or the melody I imagined in my mind. Go to the last 10 pages and they will satisfy your curiosity.”

With eagerness Florence opened the journal while she felt the girl sit beside her on the couch, their knees touching. With bated breath she flipped through the journal and skimmed her eyes through Y/N’s notes. In the first pages there was a list of her looks, eyes, hair, her dimples and so on, then her personality traits, some of the lyrics that made in the song, some that were new to her and her name scribbled everywhere in the pages with hearts draw beside it. She looked up from the pages and met the brunette’s anxious brown orbs, with their proximity she noticed she had some amber threads in them, making her glued to them.

“So…” Y/N let Florence out of her daze, the blonde’s eyes flicking to her lips briefly before refocusing on those mesmerizing brown hues. Did she just looked at my lips?

“So, I’m the mystery girl. I’m your crush you gushed about in your love song.” Florence spoke out, her voice lower than usual, wrapping her head around this new information while her stomach did somersaults at the implications of this news.

“Oh, you watched my interview.” Y/N looked down shyly, a hand on her chin tore her eyes from her hands playing on her lap and made her meet the actress deep green hues, full of determination.

“I pretty much watch, read and listen to everything you do.” Florence told Y/N earnestly and the singer felt her cheeks warm up at the words.

“Oh, so are you a fan?” Y/N quipped with a soft laugh, that died down in her throat when Florence leaned in just an inch, their faces just a breath apart.

“More like someone who has a crush on you.” Y/N gasped loud enough to be heard from Florence due to their proximity, who chuckled deeply at the reaction. “You don’t even know how over the moon I was when I watched your interview and received a bunch of notifications with your fans and my fans saying it was probably me you were talking about. It was like I was dreaming.”

“I felt the same when you mentioned me in your tweet. I couldn’t believe you didn’t hate at the thought of me writing a song about you. I was ready to change my name and fly out in Europe.”

“Well I don’t hate you, so you don’t need to do that.” Florence chuckled alongside Y/N, their noses touching just a second with the movements their head made while laughing, both hearing the other’s intake of breath at the sensations the touch triggered in their bodies, butterflies flying around their stomaches, shivers running down their spines, skin tingling with anticipation.

“We’re very close.”

“Great use of words darling!” Florence laughed hard and Y/N snorted at her poor use of words and delighting at the wonderful sound coming out of the blonde’s lips. “You seem just fine writing one of the best love songs in the music industry, but now it seems you don’t know how to talk anymore.”

“Well excuse me smarty pants but you being so close to me it’s making me feel my brain mushy and I pretty much think I forgot every word I know. I’m surprised I’m not essentially just mumbling a bunch of incomprensibile words.” Y/N told Florence seriously but the blonde chuckled at the singer freaking out in front of her.

“Just because I act so cool it doesn’t mean I’m not panicking inside my head.”

“Damn you and your acting skills.” Y/N quipped with an angry face, her eyebrows furrowed together and her nose scrunched up and Florence couldn’t resist herself, she kissed the tip of the singer’s nose, the brunette face falling instantly. “I-I-“

“Relax, darling. Breathe.”

“You can’t do that Pugh!”

“Why not?” Florence asked amused at the singer, repeating the gesture and hearing the girl gasp at the contact.

“Because my brain is short-circuiting!”

“So is mine, but I’m trying to act cool.”

“Ugh.” Y/N groaned and leaned their foreheads together.

“So are you going to kiss me or do I have to wait longer?” Florence asked boldly, covering up her blush with nuzzling their noses together to distract the singer.

Y/N perked up at that and smirked mischievously, “well miss Pugh, here’s the deal. I’ll kiss you, if you accept to go out with me on a date, like right now.”

Florence mirrored Y/N’s sly smirk and sneaked her hand on the singer’s nape, massaging her hair softly, hearing the singer humming in satisfaction, “I’ll say yes only if you kiss me.”

Y/N gasped at the brave request but she would punch herself if she denied her crush, especially after what she asked her to do, so with the last sliver of courage, she leaned in and kissed Florence, their lips meeting in a sweet kiss, mouths moving slowly and softly, savoring the other’s taste, both humming happily into the kiss.

They separated a while later to take a needed breath before diving in in a more passionate kiss, changing angle to let their lips touch more deeply, Y/N’s tongue tracing Florence’s lips to ask her to deepen the kiss, the blonde granting it immediately, both moaning softly into the other’s mouths when their tongues met halfway and sliding over each other in a passionate kiss and setting electric sparks throughout their bodies. Florence’s hand in Y/N’s hair gripped her scalp harder to pull the brunette impossibly closer, the other one caressing her cheeks gently - a stark contrast to what was happening in their mouths - while Y/N’s left hand caressed the blonde’s back up and down, the right one stoking slowly the back of her neck, feeling goosebumps appear at the touch and smiling at the feeling, their stomaches full of crazy butterflies flying around and their brains focusing only on the sensations the kiss was triggering within them.

They separated after what felt an eternity to catch their breaths, smiling shyly at the other, noticing their cheeks were flushing red due to the intensity of their kisses. “So it’s a yes? Are we going out on a date?”

“Yes, but it can wait a little bit longer.” Florence plainly said in a low and aroused voice before using her hand that was still in Y/N’s hair to pull her in and kiss her deeply again, Y/N not objecting Florence and meeting the actress halfway to interlock their lips once more.

[comfortbucky]

Hey! If requests are still open I was wondering if I could request a fluffy fic where reader is having a bad day and Bucky notices and cheers them up? 💗💗

HELL YEAH!!!

REQUESTS!!! ARE!!! OPEN!!!

𝘀𝗲𝗰𝘂𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆 𝗯𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗸𝗲𝘁 ⋆｡˚ ☁︎ ˚｡⋆｡˚☽˚｡⋆ ｡˚ ☁︎ ˚

pairing: bodyguard!bucky x fem!reader

warnings: anxiety, anxiety attack

tags: grumpy!bucky, bodyguard!bucky, fluffy bucky!!!

A/N: okay i have never written bodyguard!bucky before but i just thought it would be such a sweet concept to see him being soft🥺

sorry if the ending is kind of bad😭 i didn’t know how to quite wrap it all up, but i hope u enjoy!!!!!!!! <3 i had so much fun writing about bodyguard!bucky!!!!!

word count: 2.9k

my masterlist!

completed requests!

Y/N groaned as her phone alarm went off and hit snooze for the fifth time. She reached her hand out, head facing away and resting on her pillow, fumbling for her phone to turn off the incessant sound. Before she could shut it off, the noise stopped. Y/N turned her head slightly to see a large, dark figure in the corner of her eye. She turned her head fully to see her bodyguard with a frown on his face as he shut her alarm off.

“Your alarm, it’s annoying,” Bucky grumbled. “You should get up anyways, busy schedule today.” He walked out of the room before she could respond. Super soldier hearing was no joke if he was able to hear her alarm from his bedroom down the hall. Y/N sighed as her face planted into the pillow.

She was not looking forward to the events planned out for the day. During the day, there was a slew of interviews she had, back to back, and at night, a gala she was being forced to attend by her father.

Being the daughter of a wealthy tech tycoon had its perks for sure, but Y/N did not consider all of the press she did as a part of them. She never liked being in the spotlight but was forced to be, a birthright she had. Growing up with her dad, she’d developed a fascination for tinkering with computers, game consoles, and everything in-between. She spent a lot, practically all of her free time, with her dad when her mom had passed away. Her dad ended up throwing himself into his life’s work and she worked with him closely in the beginning, but slowly started to drift apart from him as she started to make a name for herself.

Earlier that week, her dad had sent her a text, informing her that a big announcement would be made at the gala. Big parties and large crowds weren’t really her thing, but it seemed like she didn’t have the option to avoid this one.

She got ready for the day, walking down to her kitchen to see her bodyguard, Bucky, sitting at the table, reading a book. As soon as he heard her come down the steps, he stood up and put his book away.

“C’mon, we’re already running late,” he mumbled, making his way to the door. Y/N rolled her eyes in response, grabbing a granola bar as she briskly followed behind him.

When her dad became a big name in the world of tech, the last thing Y/N thought she needed was a bodyguard, but her dad felt otherwise. It took one, very close call, of her almost getting mugged for her dad to immediately assign a personal bodyguard for her. She insisted that it was unnecessary, seeing that she was a fully grown adult, but her dad refused, as he was the one paying for Bucky’s salary.

Bucky had always been rather closed off since the beginning, and not much had changed since he was first assigned to her a little over a year ago. He kept their relationship very professional, only speaking when necessary and leaving the room whenever he wasn’t needed. She had tried to get him to open up more, learn about his past, but he always shut her questions down by either ignoring her or changing the topic to discussing something work-related. He was an enigma to her, which only left her wanting to solve the mystery that was James Bucky Barnes but couldn’t seem to crack the code.

Her first two interviews went smoothly, exactly what she was used to. A couple of questions about her current projects at work, some about her dad sprinkled in, and what she had planned for the future. It was a format she was used to and had come to appreciate, not exactly enjoying being the center of attention. During her last interview, however, she was caught off guard by one of the last questions she was asked.

“I know this might be an awkward question to ask, but I just have to! The people want to know: do you think your dad’s ever going to return to the dating pool?”

Y/N choked on her saliva. She knew her dad was an attractive man, seeing posts on social media of people fawning over him. Although she found it to be very weird and uncomfortable, she just brushed it all aside, not wanting to think about it as it only led to her thinking about the loss of her mom, a sore spot for her.

Y/N cleared her throat and forced out a chuckle. “I think that’s a question only he can answer, I don’t always know what’s going on in that crazy head of his.”

The interviewer laughed and proceeded to transition into the next segment. Y/N quickly thanked the interviewer and left, Bucky swiftly following behind. He had a feeling that something was off, as Y/N would typically stay behind to chat with the interviewer, crew members, even the service staff, whenever she finished an interview. It was always something he admired about her, how down to earth she remained, despite all of the privileges she had. She went out of her way to thank everyone on set, no matter how small their role might seem. He always told the drivers to pull the car up a little later than originally planned, just so she would have the extra time to talk.

Y/N pushed the doors open, only to find an empty street. She turned around and gave Bucky a curious look.

“Sorry, the driver just texted me,” he said, as he sent a text to the driver, telling him to come now. “He’s running late.”

Y/N nodded and leaned against the wall, looking down to fiddle with her hands. Bucky leaned against the opposite wall, facing her, his arms crossed over his chest.

“You okay?”

Y/N looked up at Bucky to find a gentle look in his eyes, slightly taken aback at the sight. She always found herself drawn to his piercing blue eyes, but they usually had a colder glint to them. This was a look she’d never seen before.

“Yeah, ‘m fine,” she replied, averting her gaze down as she felt her cheeks flush at the sight of Bucky’s soft gaze.

The car arrived, cutting off Bucky’s train of thought as he was thinking of what to say to her. For a moment he debated on continuing the conversation in the car but figured she already had a long night ahead of her and didn’t want to push any further.

After a quick pit stop back to Y/N’s place, allowing her to change into an evening gown, the car headed to the venue of the gala. Bucky got out of the car before her, walking around to the other side to open her door. Before she stepped out, Y/N took a deep breath in and exhaled, plastering a fake smile on her face as a surge of flashing lights from cameras greeted her. Bucky watched, seeing her seamlessly transform from Y/N, the girl who needed to set a million alarms before actually waking up, to Y/N, tech extraordinaire, one of the most powerful people in the tech world.

Once they were inside the venue, Bucky stuck to his usual routine. Scope out the exits, look for any potential threats, and make sure Y/N was in his eyesight. Bucky kept close by but also kept his distance. He wanted to make sure that he gave her enough space whenever they were out, knowing that having him around was her dad’s idea and that she wasn’t too fond of having security detail in the first place. So he did everything he could to make himself blend in with the crowd, allowing her to roam freely, only following her when she moved out of his line of vision.

Y/N walked around, not knowing a single soul but making polite small talk with the rest of the guests. She became accustomed to knowing how to act at these types of events over the span of her adult life. Food, drinks, more food, home. Crowds made her uneasy, but she always felt calmer when she saw Bucky in her peripheral vision. Y/N would never admit it out loud, but over the last year, he had become a constant source of relief at these public events. Just knowing that he was there if she felt uncomfortable, unsafe, or wanted to leave early made her public outings much more bearable.

“Hey, sweetie! I’m so glad you made it.” Y/N turned around at the sound of her dad’s voice and smiled, moving in to hug him.

“Yeah well, you said you had a big announcement, so I figured I’d stop by,” she joked, eliciting a chuckle from her dad as they pulled away from each other.

“I’m about to make it now,” he started, placing his hands on Y/N’s shoulders. “And I was wondering if you could join me on stage for it? I know that’s not your thing, but it would mean so much to me, Y/N.”

While she absolutely hated the idea of having to stand in front of thousands of people, she reluctantly nodded. Y/N and her dad had slowly grown apart the past several years, only talking a couple times a month to catch up. With both of their busy schedules, they always seemed to miss each other. Despite their growing apart, she would do anything for her dad, especially if it meant so much to him.

Bucky slowly followed behind, as Y/N and her dad walked up to the stage. Y/N glanced behind her to give a slight smile to Bucky, to which he nodded back. He stood backstage, watching them from behind the curtains.

“Hi everyone, thanks so much for coming out tonight,” Y/N’s dad spoke into the mic. She was standing beside him, hands clasped in front of her, trying to look calm and not totally anxious.

“Since the success of my brand, people have said that I am a man who has everything. And I definitely have a lot to be thankful for, my company, my friends, and most importantly, my daughter.” Her dad extended a hand out to point to Y/N and the crowd cheered. Bucky couldn’t help the smile that formed on his lips. Despite his brooding attitude, he had come to grow fond of Y/N, being able to see her for who she truly was. She was smart, witty, and had a heart of gold.

“The only thing I’ve been missing,” her dad looks down at the ground for a second, before looking back out at the crowd. “Is someone to share it all with.” Y/N’s smile faltered and felt her stomach drop. She couldn’t fully register the words coming out of her dad’s mouth.

“After Sarah, my wife had passed, I didn’t think I would be able to love again. Until I met Alyssa.” Y/N was frozen in place upon hearing her dad’s confession. She’d never heard of anyone named Alyssa during any of their catch-up calls and now he was saying he loved her? Y/N quickly turned as a woman walked out on stage. The woman walked over to her dad and he wrapped one of his arms around her waist before speaking.

“Now I feel complete, now I have everything.” He pulled Y/N to him and wrapped his other arm around her shoulders, smiling for the cameras ahead. There were a lot of strategies Y/N had devised over the years to deal with potential unexpected and uncomfortable situations in a composed manner to avoid having a PR nightmare.

She didn’t have one for this.

Tearing herself from her dad’s hold, she ran off stage, heading towards the exit that led to the outside. Y/N took in the fresh air, trying to stop her hyperventilating. It wasn’t working. Her chest felt tight as she began gasping for air, struggling to take in oxygen.

She was having a panic attack. It was nothing she hadn’t experienced before, but it had been so long since she’d had one. The last time she remembered, was at her mom’s funeral.

Her mom. Her dad. Alyssa.

Her thoughts were pushed aside as her vision blurred, her eyes swelling up with tears. Y/N felt like she had no control over her body and shut her eyes, allowing the panic to consume her.

Then, a firm, but gentle, warm feeling in her hands.

Y/N blinked her eyes open to reveal Bucky, standing in front of her. She looked down and saw that it was his hands in hers, holding them tight.

“Can you breathe for me, honey?”

His voice came out in a soft whisper, accompanied by the warmest and welcoming smile. She shook her head, unable to control her quick and rapid breaths. Bucky squeezed her hands a little tighter, rubbing his thumb in small circles on the back of her hand.

“Yes you can, just breathe with me, okay?”

He started to breathe in and out slowly and eventually, she was able to follow his lead, deciding to focus on his eyes. There was that look from before the ride to the gala, the gentle look in his eyes. She’d always felt that his blue eyes reminded her of stormy seas, but now, now they made her think of the calmness of the ocean in the early morning, waves crashing softly on the shores.

As she regained her composure, she realized she’d been staring into Bucky’s eyes for, probably, far too long. Bucky felt her tight grip on his hands loosen and reluctantly let go of her hands. He immediately missed the softness of her hands and how small they were in comparison to his much larger, calloused, hands.

“T- Thank you,” she stuttered out, her gaze locked on the ground, as she placed her hands to her sides.

“It’s no problem. I get them too,” he replied. She looked up at him as he clarified. “Panic attacks. PTSD from serving overseas.”

Y/N face drops, her stomach churning at the thought that Bucky had ever experienced panic like she had. She returned her gaze to the ground as a silence washed over them.

“He didn’t tell me about her,” she spoke in a quiet voice. “Never brought her up once. But I guess she must be pretty special for him to do all of this.”

Bucky stood a couple steps in front of her, seeing teardrops fall from her face. She lifted her head up to wipe away her tears, her hands shaking from anxiety. Y/N placed her hands on her face and started to sob.

She was slightly hurt by the idea of her dad loving any other woman than her mom but knew that he’d have to move on eventually. What hurt her the most was the fact that he didn’t tell her, not until they were on stage, standing before a crowd of people. It was too much for her to handle and she reached her breaking point.

Bucky’s heart dropped at the sight. He cautiously stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her tightly. Something his PTSD had taught him was how pressure from a hug could help relax the nervous system and calm him down. He held her firmly in his arms until he felt her breathing slow. She looked up at him, remaining in his embrace, her eyes glassy from crying, nose red and sniffly. Bucky felt his heart skip a beat and immediately pushed the thought away.

“You wanna leave, honey?”

She nodded in response, staying in his arms for just a second longer before pulling away. Y/N longed for his warm touch, feeling like a child who had their security blanket taken away. It didn’t help that it was also cold outside, sending a chill down her spine.

Bucky noticed and shrugged his suit jacket off to wrap around her shoulders. She beamed a smile at him and he smiled back.

The pair walked around the outside of the venue to find the car when they ran into a mob of paparazzi, shouting questions at Y/N about her sudden exit. Like a reflex, she grabbed hold of Bucky’s hand and he gave her a comforting squeeze as he cleared a path towards the car.

Bucky and Y/N were sat next to each other in the car, which was not the typical seating arrangement they usually had, usually sitting on opposite ends of the car. But Y/N hadn’t let go of his hand, not quite ready to separate herself from his warmth. Bucky had absolutely no problem with that, mindlessly rubbing his thumb against the back of her hand. She felt safe. She always felt safe with Bucky around.

Y/N felt her eyelids become heavy, struggling to keep them open. She was exhausted from her long day, and her panic attack had taken most of her energy away.

Bucky felt a weight on his shoulder and turned his head slightly to see Y/N’s head resting there. He felt a warmth rush to his cheeks and smiled, resting his head on top of hers.

“Thank you for tonight, Bucky,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed. “You always make me feel so safe.”

Bucky felt a surge of tenderness rush through him. That was all he ever wanted to do. He wanted to keep her safe. He kissed her forehead, causing her to snuggle closer to him.

“Of course, honey. I’m here, always.”

[bts-weverse-trans]

210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?

Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.

Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.

What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.

Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.

As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.

It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.

When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.

In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.

In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.

Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.

What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.

In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.

‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.

I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”

Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.

In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.

Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)

That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.

The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

Trans © Weverse

[kkoongiee]

txt scenarios — you write a breakup song ‹𝟹

prompt — time has passed since your breakup, some wounds just never heal and now you’re just throwing more salt in theirs.

notes, more angst because i loveee you 🙌🏽😋 this is inspired off madison beer’s life support & reckless, OBVIOUSLY txt is not like this irl but ughhh life support is too good and i felt inspired so here it is!! if anyone wants to check out the songs i left the title each members is based off of, hope u like & check out my other works!! requests r open! 🤗

## angst % idol!gn!reader % wc: 917 [ heartbreak, breakups, alcohol, depression ]

★☆ ៸៸ stay numb and carry on

yeonjun was never going to get over you, he officially understood that now. all he felt like doing was crawling into bed, you had both broken up mutually but it didn’t mean he was any less sad. so now that your company had announced a comeback, posters and billboards everywhere of you to promote you, he hated it. he was so bitter about it. why were you okay and he wasn’t? why were you able to get by in the day and he couldn’t? so when he heard the lyrics to your single, diminishing your relationship to nothing and singing how you had carried on day by day by coming numb.. it made sense. you were hurting just as bad as him, yeonjun didn’t feel as bad. maybe yeonjun would be able to put this past him, he should try to do the same as you no matter how much he didn’t want to.

★☆ ៸៸ good in goodbye

soobin had heard all about your new song, it was impossible not to. after all, you both worked at the same company and his members talked about your song as-well. he wasn’t exactly thrilled to hear the teaser, nor was he thrilled to hear the song was about him. standing next to you as he was an mc, he congratulated you on your song and you managed to talk to him just like the script said. he got the first listen of lyrics as you demonstrated choreography and sang, the lyrics leaving a bitter taste in his mouth as he repeated after you. standing to the side of the stage, he watched you and actually listened. soobin couldn’t stand to hear you say he didn’t love you, he did. he still did, you just didn’t need to know that. if that was your goodbye to him, then he’d take it.

★☆ ៸៸ emotional bruises

beomgyu and you had always been on and off, you were very sweet but it always was a surprise you two were arguing. it was a constant thing, you two breaking up and getting back together. especially because your image was rather lovely and you were such a sweetheart, but god the members of his group and your group were so fed up with the arguments and the times you made up. maybe they were slightly happy when you both announced that you were done. beomgyu had heard the song while he was scrolling through a playlist. he turned it on and instantly fell in love with your voice again, he missed you. his stomach quickly turned queasy as he listened to the lyrics, he knows now that that was the last time. maybe it was the alcohol he drank that night or maybe it was the guilt that made him feel ill. he took his chance and blew it, you will never be his again.

★☆ ៸៸ reckless

it had been around half a year since you two had broken up, you had major trust issues which ultimately lead you two to breaking up. taehyun didn’t mind it at first, he has friends who were females and didn’t think you should have a problem. you were a pretty big deal in the music industry, so it wasn’t a surprise that he heard about you all the time. neither of you ever went public about your relationship, so nobody knew a thing about it. taehyun moved on, he did rather quickly mostly because he didn’t want to stay stuck on this relationship. so when your new single came out, he couldn’t even breathe without hearing that song. seriously, it played everywhere. on the radio, outside on digital billboards, posters of the cover, on the television, and even his members listened to that song. he decided he wanted to watch the music video and have a full listen, instantly regretting his decision as it finished. his heart sank into his stomach, taehyun realised what you had been talking about the whole time. it didn’t help that you looked innocent and heartbroken in the video, for the first time, he had listened to you. it was too late.

★☆ ៸៸ everything happens for a reason

huening kai and you had broken up months ago, he knew you had struggled with accepting it. he was still a big fan of you and supported you, you two just couldn’t date anymore. it wouldn’t have worked out. you were younger than him by a few months, plus you were just the cutest thing anyone had ever laid eyes on. he felt bad when he broke up with you, but it had to be done. he felt even worse when you went on a hiatus, but regardless he checked up on you and felt that was enough. now that you were having a comeback at the same time as txt’s, huening kai in the same room as you for an interview. you introduced your song, the atmosphere a bit awkward after talking about it. not many idols discussed relationships, but here you were describing your own. your makeup included fake tears and streaked makeup, the outfit you were in made you look so small and everything about the performance matched. he heard the words i still love you, making his blood run cold. huening kai still loved you too, but for your sake, it had to be this way. he locked eyes with you after your performance, your back turning to him after.

[wizkiddx]

hiiiii i love your stuff - could u do one where the readers ill but they have stuff to do and tom has to look after her. maybe if they were just friends before too but both pining? thankuuuuuuuuu

should I be writing this instead of revising? clearly fucking not. Did I make this little blurb req ridiculously long purely to procrastinate? Of fucking course.

but also this was v cute! I assumed u meant famous!reader, sorry if that's not what u were after at all anon x

summary: Tom Holland turns into the readers knight in shining armour when they get ill during promo

warnings: fainting / feeling ill

///////////////////

It couldn’t be today. Of all days, why today? You’d been at home for two weeks doing absolutely nothing, before this trip. And yet it’s when your itinerary is packed to the brim, people moving heaven and earth just speak to you. Two weeks of unrelenting press for Marvels next big ensemble movie. 

Your manager was speaking to you, reeling off a run down of todays activities but instead of listening you nodded along blankly - head rather cloudy with this heavy mist that was not shaking off, no matter how hard you tried. 

“You got that Y/n/n?” Lucy pointedly spoke, eyes almost physically knocking you backwards as if her eyeliner was battery rams. Fumbling with your thoughts, your answer wasn’t particularly cohesive earning you just a disappointed head shake. 

“I um… yeh I think. Who-who did you say I was paired up with?” 

“Y/n please for the love of god. Tom, like I said the past fifty times.” And to be fair to Lucy she wasn’t wrong. It was the first major major promo tour for the both of you and after just two days so far - you were both exhausted. She was more than allowed to be a bit short tempered. 

“But we-we hardly know each other? The chemistry won’t be there and-“

“As I said, I tried to re-jig it but Kevin is of the mind that acting is your job.” Her tone was sharp but as she glared across the opposing seats, in the little mini van Marvel had hired for you as transportation, her eyes softened. Lucy had been so wrapped up in her own stress she may have overlooked quite how gingerly you were sitting. By the time she had arrived at the hotel, your stylist had already managed to half save your ghoulish looking face, with sunken under eyes and tired skin, so it wasn’t so blatantly obvious how crap you were feeling.  “Is everything okay with you?” 

It felt pretty puny to say that the jet lag from flying to Tokyo had been weighing you down further than you wanted, or that the local cuisine top chefs had kindly prepared for you last night wasn’t siting well in your stomach. To be honest, even you thought it was just your body being a bit overdramatic. So in response, you put on your best happy-go-lucky face feigning a smile.

“No no I’m fine, just want to give the best interviews I can and you know…. I’m awkward as hell as it is, then pair me with the most talented actor that I share about two minutes of screen time with…it’ll be interesting.” 

The way Lucy reacted with a weird slow nod, eyebrows furrowed, meant it was quite apparent you had perhaps overplayed that one. Had you not been so over the day before it even began, you would’ve tried again to give a more believable act. But as you were, you turned your attention back out to the bustling streets of Tokyo and the high rise buildings bordering each pavement. 

You didnt have a problem with Tom, far from it in fact. Tom was hilarious and the times you had met him, you’d both built up this weird and sarcastic competitiveness with each other. It was a game of who could get the last laugh, each of you pushing each other with the Mickey taking just a little further. Of course, not in a malicious way, just the way you’d both lived pretty similar but parallel careers - when everyone drew comparisons between the both of you, it was nice to make it a joke. 

Like Tom you’d also started out on stage, had a ‘big break’ movie as a kid and then spent your teenage years on and off film sets - till marvel happened. Then everything blew up to epic proportions, changing your life forever. Actually, it was so similar to Tom’s story, plus the fact you were also from the south west of the UK. It was bizarre your paths hadn’t crossed more - He probably could’ve been a useful ally in the the whole ‘becoming famous’ thing. 

And yet, you could probably count on two hands the amount of conversations you’d had with him. 

Now that, that was the issue. Right from the beginning you learn what the press want and when you are publicising a movie you cater into it too. They’d all be asking for the insider scoop on set; what pranks you’d pulled on each other; what was the most annoying thing about each other. Which is hard if you’d only had 5 or 6 days actually on set together. 

By the time the cab had wormed its way through the Tokyo traffic and you arrived at the PR hotel, it was already 9:30 - making you 15 minutes late (blame it on the traffic). Instantly then you were ushered straight to the interview room for the evening, no chance of green room chat or grabbing a drink before. The place was stuffy, everything was draped with black curtains except the poster board that Tom was already sitting infront of. 

He’d scrubbed up well, no doubt about it. He was wearing statement-ish burgundy suit trousers, teamed with a black knitted but collared shirt thing - that was clearly tailor made for the man. As soon as he noticed you scurry into the room, his face broke out into a warm smile, jumping up to greet you in a friendly hug. It was brief, and as you pulled back you accidentally bumped your head on one of the overhanging lights. No doubt someone had spent a ridiculous amount of time configuring them so they were positioned perfectly, which you had just ruined with your big head. 

“Oh shit!” Tom just laughed in response, shaking his head slightly as he lead you the two steps across to your pre-positioned seats. 

“Making an entrance as always I see!”

“Yeh, you know me, a bit of chaos just to keep everyone on their toes.”

“Oh is that why you’re ‘fashionably late’” With a playful wiggle of his eyebrows, you just rolled your eyes, fidgeting on the chair to find a position that didnt aggravate  your stomach so much.

“I’m ready now though! What did I miss? Just having to pretend to be your friend for 15 minutes?” You stressed the words as though the thought of conversation with Tom was the absolute worst thing in the world - which you definetly didnt think. Scowling like you’d insulted his dog Tessa, it was almost visible how the cogs were turning in his head looking for a comeback. Unfortunately for him though, he was quickly shut up but the organiser bringing the first interviewer in . 

For what would, no doubt, be a long day. 

////

Everything had started off so well, the banter was flowing between you and Tom, no major spoilers revealed that meant Marvel would have to make the journalist disappear. It was once you hit an hour of back-to-back interviews that everything started to crack bit. Because yes, it had only been an hour but that was enough to exhaust you on this particular day. When Tom joked around you got slower and slower, similarly the  energy was zapped from your own answers. It’s not very compelling when someone says ‘you have to watch this movie’ in a monotonous voice with sullen eyes. 

As the interviewers were swapping in and out, Tom actually lightly nudged your shoulder.

“Everything alright? We’re trying to sell tickets and you’ve got a face like thunder.”

“Oh no-no sorry I just, I-um.”

“You want some water?” Now looking at your with more concerned eyes, as if he was just nervous he’d actually offended you for calling you a boring bastard. And you would’ve picked up on it and alleviated his concerns, if it weren’t for the fact your eyes were glued on the water bottle he was holding out to you. You were thirsty. You knew that, that wasn’t the conundrum. What you weren’t so sure about was whether your stomach would accept it, or more violently reject it. In a very non ‘we’re-trying-to-sell-a-movie’ style. 

But the lightheaded fogginess in your brain won out, as you nodded jerkily, taking the bottle and taking a little swig - too cautious to take anymore. 

Now concerned with how Tom thought you were being a Debby-downer too, you managed to perk yourself up for the next four interviews. They were easy, asking questions without any activity and though you did rely on Tom beefing out and adding to your answers, it was okay. Then the next interviewer came in, who you recognised as being from the BBC, Ali Plumb, that had interviewed you a number of times. From the way Tom jumped up to give him afirendly bro-hug, you guessed he also was familiar with him. As soon as he took a seat the cameras were already flashing with the red light, demonstrating his 7 minutes had already started. 

“Guys! It’s been a while.” 

“How are you Ali?” You started it off with the pleasantries, Tom echoing, before the speccy dirty-blonde asked his first question. 

“So the last time I spoke to you guys the universe was in chaos, Peter Parkers on the run and Aurora Blake was trying to strip her own powers, so I guess my first question is how are you both doing? We can use this as a therapy session if you guys need.” His very typical nerdy joke made Tom laugh, nodding as he leaned forward and repositioned a bit. 

You didn’t share the same humour though, more focused on this invisible blanket of stuffiness that seemed to have been thrown on top of you. It made you feel groggy, incredibly hot and so unbelievable nauseous. The lights weren’t helping either, it felt like you were pouring with sweat from your forehead. You thought Tom was answering Ali, even if you couldn’t really hear  - everything had merged into a deafening roar. Adrenaline coursed through your veins, unconsciously making you fumble yourself to standing, desperate to get somewhere with fresh air. The last thing you saw before your vision tunnelled into darkness was Tom, reaching out to try and catch you. 

Because next thing you knew, you were on the floor, wires from all the cameras and lights digging into your back as you looked up to see Tom on one side and Lucy on the other - both wearing a similarly panicked expression. You knew you hadn’t been out long, seconds if that, going by the fact everyone else was in the ‘oh my god’ phase of panic. It was a bit weird how calm you where, but then again all your life you’d been the ‘class fainter’. Waking up on the floor was something you were long since used to. 

“Y/n? You awake?” Rather stating the obvious Tom asked the question as you bent your head up - allowing you sight of all the concerned facing oggling you. With a defeated sigh, you flopped your head back. 

“If this is a dream then it’s a real bloody nightmare.” This time Tom didnt seem to appreciate your joke, looking at you without almost dumbfounded eyes, as you blinked repetitively and groaned. 

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Lucy appeared to want to lecture you, which to be honest wasn’t the most time appropriate. You were still on the floor, legs crumpled up under you, so ignored her. Instead you pulled yourself up into a sitting position, taking a moment to blink away the blotchy haze that threatened to takeover your vision once again, whilst the pair above you both cautiously rested their palms on each of your shoulders -trying to be useful. The room still felt cramped and stifling, as everyone around were no doubt looking at you. 

It took a few minutes but your body seemed to get over itself, sitting up normally and trying to make small talk with Ali - who, by the way, was still sat awkwardly in the chair. Still nestled on the floor, your back up against the chair you had been siting on as you raved with Ali of the Harry Potter theatre show. In a natural lull in conversation, Tom perked up - from the door where he’d been muttering with the organiser as Lucy bit her nails nervously. 

“Y/n you need to go home.” 

All of you knew what Tom said was impossible. Not being egotistical, but you were too important. Although you hadn’t been paying masses of attention for Lucy’s run down of your itinerary - you knew it was packed. 

So you just looked up and rolled your eyes at Tom, earning yourself a strong glare, before locking the organiser in eye contact.

“How many have we got till lunch?” 

“Um this gent here” He gesturned toward Ali, who was almost squirming in his seat now “then two more.”  

“And then lunch?” 

“Yes, then you have a personal appearance at a dinner, so transport will be coming to pick you both up.” This poor guy seemed obsessed with the clock and his timetable, looking at your with a mixture of panic and frustration. You should know this stuff, you should’ve listened to Lucy. 

“How fars the drive?” 

“At this time probably an hour and a half.” 

The plan was clear in your head, you’d sort yourself out in the car and be fully fine by the afternoon and evening engagements. Plus you felt almost fine now. So with a sigh, you hauled yourself up onto the chair, patting for Tom to sit back down. 

“It’s half an hour and then I’ll sort myself out at lunch - come on their waiting.” The way Lucy pouted showed she disagreed somewhat, except a stern look kept her from protesting, as Tom walked toward you. 

“Are you sure you don’t loo-“

“Let me stop you before you insult my appearance.” Snickering slightly at his worried face, you laughed it off , knocking his side with a gentle murmur of ‘don’t worry about me’. 

In fact after that little episode you did feel a little recovered, which meant you were properly noticing the change in the boy sat next to you. Throughout the remaining three interviews he’d done a complete 360 from earlier. Rather than trying to get little digs at you, he had become fiercely protective - jumping in if a questions wasn’t particularly appropriate or relevant to the movie ( meaning when an awfully crap man asked what underwear you’d been able to wear in your suit) ; taking the heat of the conversation as well as just watching you like a hawk. Each time you answered his beady brown eyes were watching you from the side, you got the impression it wasn’t only just because of the risk of spoilers. 

Quite remarkably, you survived the rest of the day pretty well, after a power nap in the car on the way over - even if it was a bit difficult when you had your manager watching you like a hawk from the seat across. It was as if Lucy had never seen anyone ill before, she seemed concerned that you were going to spontaneously stop breathing and die at any point. 

Though by the time all the official business at the dinner was done, your body and willpower had reached the end of their tether. You and Tom were both on a round table, surrounded by 6 CEOs and execs of what seemed to be a multimillion pound business enterprise. With the language barrier meaning you had to speak through the two people on the table who were fluent in both japanese and English, the conversation was already pretty jilted. Though to be fair, the six did seem to be enjoying the evening - something you werent able to reciprocate. Thankfully, five minutes after the main course dishes had been collected, Tom spoke up from his position opposite you.

“This has been lovely and we really appreciate your time and generosity but me and Y/n have a really early start tomorrow so I think we should probably get back to the hotel.” You swore in that moment you could’ve kissed him, and it looked like Tom could tell - by the way your shoulders sagged and you let out an exhale of pure relief. Apparently even if you’d managed to convince the hosts you were enjoying the evening, Tom easily saw through the performance. After some hurried goodbyes, Tom led you out of the hall with his hand hovering over your lowerback, trying to make sure your exit was as discreet as possible. 

Away from the bubble of chatter and activity, in the deserted hallway, Tom stopped you - lightly holding both hands on each of your arms. 

“Wheres your team?” 

“Um Luce is back at the hotel, she was trying to see if she could reschedule any of my stuff tomorrow.” You winced at the way he sighed, realising you were all on your own in some random business event hall in Tokyo.

“Harry -my brother- is waiting in the car at the front - is that okay?”

“No Tom, don’t worry abo-“

“Yeh well I am and I think you feel ten times worse than you’re letting on.” He spoke harshly, like a school teacher telling you off - except the hint of a kind smile at the end was a dead giveaway. 

“You sure?” 

With a relieved nod (Tom had thought you might be a bit more stubborn - you obviously were really really ill) he wordlessly shrugged his suit jacket off, wrapping it round your shoulders. He muttered something about not wanting you to catch a chill but to be quite honest you were a bit distracted by the woody cedar smell of Toms aftershave that enveloped your senses. Maybe it wasn’t so bad being fussed on by him? To be fair he wasn’t wrong either, you were in a strapless evening dress - you would’ve preferred to be in joggers, but Marvels press team had other ideas. 

After a quick pit stop at the toilets, the two of you managed to make an unnoticed escape out the building - into a big SUV which had seconds prior pulled up onto the steps. You literally melted into the nearest window seat, body hunching over as you probably crumpled Tom’s jacket beyond belief. 2 seats along from you, a frizzy haired boy gave you a sympathetic smile, which you returned weakly whilst muttering a ‘hi’. Meanwhile, Tom pulled the sliding door shut, sitting across from you. 

“Oh Y/n this is Harry and Harry this is Y/n.” In unison both of you replied with an ‘I know’ eye roll. Your response was somewhat more shocking to both Holland boys, you could tell from the way they had this whole nonverbal conversation with their eyes - they were very clearly brothers. Needing to explain you continued. “I like to keep tabs on my castmates, I’ve seen you on Toms instagram.” That had both boys smirking, Harry presumably just because you knew who he was; Tom more smugly, you’d just given away you slightly stalked him on instagram. 

Silence reigned for a moment, as the driver put his foot down slightly. 

“How you doing?” Tom asked. 

“Mhm…” you thought for a second, how to eloquently describe the sensation. 

“shit.” 

Both boys chuckled a little and even though you had closed your eyes in an attempt to dull the throbbing behind your temples, you could feel the eyes on you. 

“You want the music off?” Harry asked, referring to the indie-rock coming quietly out the speakers of his laptop, which was resting on his lap. With a shake of your head you refused, even if really silence probably would help your head, you were already causing the two Hollands enough trouble - no need to bore them during the journey back into central Tokyo, especially when you weren’t the most enthusiastic company ever. 

Thankfully the music stayed on a low volume, whilst the car seemed to settle into a comfortable silence. With a long exhale you fluttered your eyes open, seeing Tom focused on his phone, before you rested the side of your head against the black-out glass. Taking some relief from the cool glass, you huddled further into the corner of the car against the door.

Floating in the space between sleep and wakefulness, you were kind of aware of your head occasionally bobbing and jerking about - but really didn’t have the energy or willpower to do anything about it. Instead, the thing that perked your attention was hearing some supposed-whispering from inside the body of the car.

“I know she said she didn’t care but she was clearly lying-“ 

“Like you know! You’ve been desperate to try and spend some time with Y/n- maybe you poisoned her just so you could be all knight-in-shini-“

“Turn. The. Music. Off.” Tom sounded scathing now, and with a grumble from your other-side the cheery drum beats ceased.

“Happy now?” …and Harry was sarcastic. 

“Swap places with me.”

“What?”

“Just do it.”

“Why?”

“So she can lie down.” 

“Well no because you would still be in the way if we swapped.”

“Yeh but she can lie on my lap idiot.”

“She can lie on me.”

“She doesn’t know you!”

“Well for 1, barely ten minutes ago she said she did know me. And 2, she doesn’t know you any better!”

If this was their version of whispering, you would love to hear what volume ‘shouting’ was. There was no reply for a short while, you imagined the two brunettes locked in some intense staring match.The next time Tom spoke he sounded more defeated - almost begging. 

“If I admit you beat me at the driving range the other day will you-” 

“I KNEW IT!” Harry yelped, the volume making you jerk, eyes flying open before reflexively closing because the light was too bright. There was a little mutter of an apology, then silence again. 

Once agin you must’ve drifted off because it felt like absolutely no time had passed when a firm but gently hand on your shoulder nudged you awake. 

Sure enough the boys had swapped position, Tom now sitting along the seat from you, Harry looked a little sulky from across the way. It was Tom who was reaching over, a gentle and peaceful smile on his face.

“You wanna lie down? Don’t want you to strain your neck.” He wasn’t wrong, adding to the throbbing headache, the cloudiness in your brain and the unsettled feeling in your stomach… now your neck hurt. Just bloody great. 

Had you been your normal witty and perceptive self, you might’ve teased Tom as to why him and his brother had done a switch - but everything hurt and all you wanted to do was sleep for a hundered years. So with squinting eyes you jerkily nodded, missing how Tom chuckled to himself. The guy undid your seatbelt, then sat back to let you balance the back of your head on his thigh, looking up at the roof of the SUV. Already your eyes were closed again, you kicked off your slip-on heels and bent your legs up to lean against the backrest - occupying the position you had been sat in before hand. You felt his hands reposition the jacket, pulling it round so it was now like a blanket tucked under your chin. 

To be fair it was much more comfortable than sitting up and you weren’t even aware of how quickly you dropped back into sleep. 

Though it wasn’t quick enough to miss Harry’s very sulky sounding comment, presumably meant only for Tom’s ears. 

“Still think you’re being fucking creepy bro.” 

<33 lemme know what u think! (would make me feel less guilty for not doing all the work I rlly should be doing aha)

tagging : @hallecarey1 @crossyourpeter @hollandfanficlove

[woman-respecter]

do u have any tips for making job stuff bearable?

crabsolutely! disclaimer this is coming from a cs/stats major so your mileage may vary. another disclaimer I’m 22 and have mostly just done internships so take it with a grain of salt. this is also for white collar because when i wasn't working an office job i almost got fired for getting in fights with my boss

Applying

experience rejection. this is obvious and it sucks but know you will be rejected like 97% of the time before you get to the interview stage. it isnt personal, think of it like a gacha. for my 2021 internship i applied to nearly 100 places, got 3 interviews, 2 of which resulted in offers.

do a little bit of job searching every day instead of doing it all at once. turn on notifications on linkedin with filters for the type of job you are looking for

fuckkkk cover letters. only do a cover letter if you really want a job and/or think you have a good shot. imo the time it takes to write a cover letter is not worth it, you're better off filling out more applications with that time. also they are psychological torture.

Speaking of things that are more worth your time than cover letters, tailor your resume to jobs. It will drive you crazy if you do it every time so only do it for select jobs

If a recruiter contacts you GO FOR THAT JOB. see if they can put in a referral for you or give your resume priority. This will significantly boost your chances of getting an interview

BIG ONE: if you're a woman or minority look for programs or job listings targeted for that group. these often have less applications so your chances are better. often times these will also be more accommodating for your diverse needs. my first big internship was through a company's autism spectrum program and it was great.

Apply for unpaid, even if you don't want to do them. Use them for valuable interview practice.

Interviewing (this is what I’m really good at)

Make a list of talking points you want to hit in the interview, and look for opportunities to get them in. This will help give you structure

Start learning the common interview questions for your field. prepare answers for them.

RESEARCH THE COMPANY. know what they do. the most common question is “why do you want to work for x”

Smile and be enthusiastic. This sounds dumb but it helps with making a positive impression

Prepare questions for your interviewer, it shows interest and will help you know if the job is a good fit for you

Calm yourself down in whatever way is most effective for you. Remember this isn’t life or death

Plan for a little treat after your interview. It is surprising how much this helps get you through it

Working the actual job

1. Get on good terms with your boss. I learned this the hard way. fake interest in his affinity for hiking or whatever

2. Keep expectations low. Say you’ll get something done in a much longer time than it would take (but not so long they think you are an idiot). If you have a ton of time, discreetly goof off before you turn your task in so the expectations don’t get too high. Don’t follow this task if you want to move up quickly but its great for internships. This is my work-life balance.

3. Befriend your coworkers, especially the more experienced ones. They will have valuable advice

4. If you start getting really sick of the job, immediately start looking for another one. This may suck if you arent, like me, addicted to linkedin but its better than a job sucking your soul out

5. Get over your fear of emails whats the deal with people being afraid of emails here

6. Keep a goal in mind at all times, weather it be just doing well at what you are doing, getting a promotion, or going to another company. Keep in mind that you are gaining relevant experience

7. keep your resume updated for when opportunities arise so you don’t have to feel stressed about it later

Hope this helps and sorry it took so long I forgor that i saved it as a draft haha

[allthemenofmydreams]

Back Home with a Trophy & a Baby- Ben Chilwell

It was the week of the champions final, Ben was busy with training and some interviews. But in his free time at night, he would lie next to me and always lay his head on my growing belly and talk sweet words to our baby.

I was 8 months pregnant, and we still didn't know what sex our baby was. We wanted it to be a surprise, even though we were dying to know. When the team reached the Champions League final and found out that it would be played in Porto. Ben and I started having little arguments on whether or not I should attend the final. Due to my condition, I was not recommended to get on a plane, especially when you are at a stage where the baby could be born at any moment.

The day before he left we had another little talk. We still hadn't decided if I would attend the game or not. Although the doctor had given us green light for me to attend the game because everything was under control and it wasn't a long flight. According to him, the baby was going to stay in my belly for a couple more weeks, but Ben wasn't so sure. He feared that maybe I would start having contractions during the flight or, worse, that the baby would want to be born while he was at the game.

I was in the kitchen making dinner when he got home.

"I think you should stay," Ben said, placing a flight ticket and the game pass over the table. "I will be more relaxed if you stay, but I will also feel at ease knowing that you are in the stands supporting me, so... I let it up to you".

I walked and stood in front of him, placing my arms around his neck and playing with his hair. I looked him in the eyes and said

"I'm going to be fine, I mean we're going to be fine." I took his hand and placed it on my belly so he could feel the baby move.

Ben smiled and kissed me on the forehead.

"I know, I just can't help but worry about you two".

"How would you feel if I thought about it over the next few days, and let you know what I've decided?"

"I'm fine with that." He smiled and then said, "what's that smell?"

"Oh, I made your favorite food because I was craving it," He laughed and walked over to the stove to serve himself a plate.

"Let's have dinner then"

In the morning, Ben got up early for a final training session at Cobham before leaving for Portugal.

"Please, let me know what you decide Y/N, whether you go or stay¨ Ben said, taking his things and placing them in the back of the car.

I was in my pajamas standing in the door frame leading to our garage watching his movements. It was very early, but I had to say goodbye to him and wish him good luck because, whether I was going or not, it was very likely that I would see him after the game.

"We're staying, so don't worry. The baby and I want you to stay focused." Ben came over to me and kneeled, placing his hands and forehead on my belly.

"I'm going to get that win and bring that trophy home so when you grow up I can tell you about that great day."

Pregnancy hormones and Ben's words made me cry. He stood up and looked me in the eyes.

"I know I'm going to see you in a couple of days, but I don't want to leave without saying thank you"

"Thank you for what?" I asked, confused with my voice shaking from crying.

"For making me the luckiest man alive, because you are an extraordinary woman who is doing a great job with our baby. I can't wait to have him or her in our arms."Ben placed his hands on my cheeks and put his forehead on mine, "I love you so much Y/N, thank you for being my support, I don't know what I would do without you"

"I love you too Ben, thank you for all you have done for us, and for showing us not to give up and work on our dreams, I know you are a great team and you are going to win. I don't need to wish you good luck, because that victory is already yours." I gave him a soft and deep kiss. Whenever Ben plays away I get a little touchy, even though I know he'll be back in a day or two.

We hugged one more time before he got in the car and drove away.

I walked into the house and saw the tickets on the table. Even when I had told Ben that I would stay because I didn't want to worry him and needed him to keep the promise he had made to our baby before he left. I told the Footballer a little white lie.

The next day, I got dressed in comfortable clothes, grabbed my suitcase, and called an Uber to take me to the airport.

As we took off, I remembered that I hadn't told Ben about my change of plans. After a couple of hours, we landed, everything under control and the baby still in my belly. It was a safe and quiet flight and I slept through it. On the way to the hotel, I was thinking about how to communicate to Ben that I was not in London but Porto.

After checking into the hotel and settling into my room, I sent a message to Ben.

Y/N Babe, I need to tell u smth

He replied almost immediately.

Benjamin Please don't tell me the baby is born

I laughed at his worries.

Y/N Nop, baby still on my belly

Benjamin Phew! then what's it?

Y/N You won't believe me, but we're here

Benjamin Here? where? He didn't understand

Y/N Porto.

I replied straight to the point.

It's been 5 minutes since I told him I was in Portugal and he still doesn't answer my message. I don't know whether to worry. Maybe he got annoyed. A couple of minutes later my cell phone showed an incoming call from Ben, and as soon as I answered I heard his voice.

"It was that a joke y/n? because if it was..." I interrupted him.

"It wasn't a joke Ben, I'm here in Portugal. I'm at the hotel"

"Oh my god! you're such a liar, why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I changed my mind at the last minute, everything went so fast that I forgot to tell you."

"I can't believe you did it... "

"Are you mad at me?" I asked out of the blue. I couldn't deal with the feeling of guilt for not telling him.

"What! no, I'm not mad. I'm actually glad you're here."

We kept talking for a little longer until we had to end the call because of his pre-match duties.

It's Saturday morning, game day. I sent a text to Ben wishing him good luck and that I would see him later to celebrate. Later I was already in the stands waiting for the game to start. The opening ceremony gave me goosebumps. It was unbelievable. I was glad I was at the game and didn't miss this special day; because I couldn't have lived knowing how everyone was talking about this special day and I didn't get to see it.

The teams took to the field and lined up in front of the sideline for the anthem once again. I noticed that Chelsea's number 21 was discreetly looking for me. When he found me, he signaled to let me know he had seen me. The signal was to run his hand through his hair, so the fans wouldn't go looking for the person he had waved at. Which made it a special moment between us.

The stadium erupted in cheers and celebrations when Kai scored the goal that gave us the lead. I screamed and celebrated as I had never done before. We were winning. A few minutes before the end of the first half, I felt a liquid running down my legs, had I peed?

In the bathroom, while wiping myself, I realized that it wasn't pee, but that my water had broken. I tried to stay calm and not panic; there was still halftime left to play. I took a deep breath, adjusted my dress, and went back to the stands.

The referee added 7 minutes. My nerves were clutching my stomach, plus the baby was also nervous because I could feel it moving. When the ref blew the final whistle I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding, it was the longest 7 minutes of my life.

Everyone in the stands was celebrating, the boys and Ben were hugging each other. They couldn't believe it. I was so happy celebrating and watching the awards that for a moment I forgot my water had broken. It was a little pain that reminded me that the baby could be born at any moment.

When they allowed the families to enter the field, Ben came for me. The huge smile on his face and the medal around his neck made me emotional. As soon as he was near we hugged and both burst into tears. I was so proud of him, I still couldn't believe he was Champion of Europe.

"You did it!" I told him wiping the tears that were running down his cheeks "I told you you would be a champion, I am so proud of you".

"I still can't believe it, I'm over the moon," he smiled and kissed my temple "Thank you! Thank you for coming and being here with me"

"I couldn't miss this day for anything in the world"

"I'm glad you didn't miss it"

We continued celebrating until the guys went back to the locker room to get ready for the celebration party.

We had just arrived at the place when I started to feel stronger pains. I didn't want Ben to miss the party, so I tried to mask them with the breathing exercises I had been taught in my prenatal classes. But I couldn't take it anymore and doubled over in pain.

"Babe, you okay?" Ben asked, kneeling next to me. I shook my head.

"I think the baby is coming," I said, inhaling and exhaling. "at halftime my water broke".

"What? Why didn't you tell me before?" his voice sounded worried.

"Because... at that moment... it didn't hurt." my voice cracked in pain.

"We have to go to a hospital" he took out his cellphone and asked for an Uber to the nearest hospital.

When we arrived, the nurses attended to me quickly and took me to a room. They asked me a couple of questions, luckily they spoke English. Ben filled out the paperwork for my admission, while we waited for the doctor. As soon as he came in and checked me over and said.

"This baby is ready" what! but it was still a couple of weeks before I was due. "Get things ready for delivery and call the pediatrician."

All the nurses started moving quickly and I started to freak out.

"Calm down," Ben said, taking my hand and kissing me "It's going to be okay, I'm with you."

"Okay," the doctor said, "on my signal, you're going to push as hard as you can, okay?", I nodded.

"You can do it, sweetie, now it's your turn to bring our trophy into the world."

"Now!" the doctor said.

After pushing three or four times, I heard our baby cry.

"Congratulations! It's a boy," the doctor said. "Do you want to cut the umbilical cord?" he asked, looking at Ben, and Ben nodded. A nurse handed Ben a pair of scissors. Watching him cut the cord was the most beautiful moment.

As soon as it was cleaned up, they took the baby away to check that he was healthy and strong because he had been born a couple of weeks earlier. strong because he had been born a couple of weeks before.

"You did great Y/N," Ben said, kissing my lips "he is going to be fine".

Ben texted our family and the lads at Chelsea to let them know that everything had gone well and that the baby was healthy.

A couple of hours later a nurse came in with our little boy in her arms and handed him to me.

I couldn't believe that this little human being had come out of me.

"Look at him, he is as handsome as his daddy," said Ben next to me, I let out a little laugh.

"I know, he's going to be a little heartbreaker."

"I don't know which one of you two I should thank, but you have certainly made this day unforgettable" Ben's eyes were covered with a couple of tears, he was over the moon, "I'm a double champion, I won a title and a baby".

"Who knew you were going to come home with a trophy and a baby," I laughed.

Our baby was still very small but I did not doubt that he was a clone of Ben.

Since everything was under control and he was a healthy baby, the next day they let us go. So our little guy came out dressed in a Chelsea onesie that the team sent us, plus other essentials for Ben and I that we didn't have because it was all unexpected. They also sent us the baby seat so we could take him home.

We didn't know if taking a newborn on a plane was a good idea, but we couldn't stay longer in Portugal. Luckily, the doctor said there was no problem, as our baby was healthy and could handle a couple of hours on the plane. At the hospital they helped us with the paperwork so we didn't have any problems when we arrived in London.

I was glad we were going back to London with the rest of the team because then Ben could still celebrate with them. The kids and families watching us were excited, all wanting to meet little Ben.

"Congratulations, Dad," Mason said as soon as he saw his teammate.

"Thanks, buddy," they hugged. "Would you like to be his godfather?"

Mason smiled and said.

"No need to ask."

When we found out I was pregnant, we spent more time wondering who was going to be our baby's godfather rather than thinking about names. We both agreed it would be Mason since he was a close friend of both of ours.

As soon as we landed we went straight home. We wanted to rest and assimilate everything that had happened over the weekend. I was glad that our baby was born early because Ben was able to be present at the birth and enjoy our boy for a couple of days before he left for his international duties.

[let-me-write-shit]

Could u do one w famous!reader (singer and actress) and she’s Brazilian and they met at late late show or idk some other talk show?? Thank u love ur writing

A/N: Thank you so much for the request, @lebortoletto, and sorry it took so long! Hope you like it!! 

Word Count: 4,746

Requests are OPEN! If you have a request for a blurb, oneshot, imagine, whatever, Send me a message HERE!!!

To add yourself to my Taglist, click HERE

CLICK HERE TO READ OTHER COMPLETED STORIES

Friendly reminder to please like and/or reblog. It helps more than you think :)

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The Late Late Show

Y/N always loved coming on James Corden’s ‘The Late Late Show’. His team was always super organized and kind, and James sometimes treated his guests with a meal at a restaurant after the taping since it was usually filmed during dinnertime, and they always had a lot of fun on-set. James was one of the few television hosts whom Y/N would consider a friend.

Of course, being an actress provided Y/N an opportunity to meet and make friends with hundreds of other celebrities, and she considered herself to be amongst nearly all groups of celebrity friendships, but there were some more notable people which she hadn’t had the pleasure to meet, yet. One being Harry Styles.

She’d wanted to meet him since the days of One Direction, but their paths somehow never crossed, which was odd considering nearly all of her friends were mutuals with him. They followed each other on Instagram and Twitter, and would occasionally like the other’s pictures or tweets, but that was about as far as it went. She didn’t have the courage to message him. But that ended today. Both of them would be appearing on his show together.

She and her team arrived early, being escorted to a private room. Most of her team went to the main backstage room while Y/N got her hair and makeup done in her private room. There was still some time left to spare by the time they were finished, and Y/N, along with her PR person, decided to greet everyone backstage and have a quick snack before she changed clothes. She bumped into Reggie and a few other members of James’ team on the way back, smiling and chatting with them while they walked down the hall. As soon as she entered the room, she heard her name called out.

“Y/N! Hello!”

Y/N turned her head in the direction of the voice and smiled when she saw James Corden in the middle of a conversation with Harry Styles and someone else she hadn’t recognized, presumably on his team. She made her way over, noticing Harry holding a small, half-eaten sandwich, and trying to keep her composure.

“Hello, so good to see you again,” Y/N grinned, taking Jame’s hand and pecking him on each cheek before turning to Harry, heart pounding, “Hi, how are you? I’m Y/N.”

“Good, thanks, I’m Harry,” his voice was deep and muffled, trying to introduce himself with a mouth full of sandwich. He leaned in for a one-arm hug and pecked either side of her face. Once they pulled apart he had dramatically swallowed his food and smiled sheepishly, “Sorry,” he chuckled, “It’s so nice to meet you.”

“We were just talking about you,” James interrupted.

Your expression changed to one of surprise before Harry chimed in, holding a finger up and nodding, “Yeah, I’m a big fan. Salacity was incredible.”

“Oh, thank you so much,” Y/N blushed, looking between the two of them, “Well, I’m obviously a fan, too. Who isn’t?”

“Obviously, you mean me,” James joked, flicking his imaginary hair back.

The two laughed while Y/N nodded, “Obviously.”

Y/N continued on, asking James about his family, and attempted to remain calm while Harry’s overwhelming presence barely a foot beside her lingered. She could feel the warmth radiate from his side, fighting the urge not to look over at him every five seconds, though she couldn’t help but feel his eyes occasionally glance her way.

Since James was so close with both Harry and Y/N, it seemed to be easy to hold a conversation. But when James was ushered away by the crew to start prep and begin filming for his show, it left Harry and Y/N an opportunity to talk. They still had a bit before they would be called out.

“So, I heard you’ll be in the new Marvel film,” Harry turned to her.

Y/N’s mouth fell open, smirking unsurely. That news hasn’t been released yet, and as far as she was aware, not even her biggest fans knew about it. “How did you hear that?”

He grinned, looking down and then back up at her, “Uh, Alexa may have mentioned it.”

“Alexa Chung,” Y/N repeated, rolling her eyes with a smirk. Alexa Chung was a supermodel and one of Y/N’s closest friends. She shook her head, muttering, “I knew she couldn’t keep her mouth shut. Yeah, I mean the contract is still under negotiation, but it’s looking good.”

Harry smiled, “Congratulations. I’m sure it’ll be amazing. Can’t wait to see it in theatres.”

“Thank you,” Y/N nodded.

Soon they were joined with more people from the crew of The Late Late Show, as well as more people from their own team as they were told the order of operations and how things were going to run tonight. James had a few segments he had to do on his own before interviewing the two of them, then on to a game, and a small break before Harry would perform.

They listened, intently, a handful of m&m’s in her hands. She noticed Harry shifting in her peripheral and when she turned to see what he was doing, he was already looking at her, pointing at her hands and mouthing, ‘throw me one’. Y/N giggled, picking up a red chocolate candy and scanning the circle of people to make sure no one was staring at her before quickly flicking it across the circle. Harry jerked to the left, trying to catch it in his mouth, but it just bounced off of his chin and to the floor. Only one girl seemed to notice and chuckled.

Harry turned to her, mouth ajar and brows scrunched up, pretending to be indignant and mouthing, “What was that?”

“Another,” Y/N mouthed, grabbing a blue one, this time. Once again, she scanned the circle and chucked the m&m higher.

This time, Harry hardly had to move. He opened his mouth and caught it, smiling and chewing on the candy. “Nice throw,” he nodded, approvingly.

After the meeting, Y/N’s Publicist urged her back towards her private room so she could get changed. She slipped into a sexy red pantsuit that plunged down her neckline and flared at the wrists and ankles, pairing it with a pair of matching red high-heels. Again, she made her way backstage where Harry was, talking to some more people, and when they both saw each other they froze, eyes widened for a moment before their smiles turned into laughter.

He made his way over, now wearing a white button-up underneath his red suit and matching red pressed pants and red shoes. “You copied me!”

Y/N shook her head playfully, joking, “We should swap our suits mid-show and see if anyone notices.”

Harry laughed, “Yes! I can wear yours for the performance!”

The two were greeted by another crew member and led to the side of the stage where they had to remain silent. They looked at each other and back to their crew, silently shimmying and to the sound of James’ voice before their names were called and an eruption of screams and claps echoed through the air from the live studio audience.

Harry let Y/N walk out first and followed her towards the stage as they smiled and waved to the crowd before stepping up on the platform to greet James with a friendly hug and peck on the cheek, sitting side-by-side on the couch.

When the cheers died down, James turned to the two with a grin and said, “It’s great to have both of you back on the show. What is this?” he motioned towards their outfits, laughing, “You’re wearing the same outfit! Did you plan this?”

They both laughed and Harry joked, “Yeah, I rang her and asked what she was wearing and went out and bought the same exact thing.”

“I wanted to give you a heads up so you could match us, too, but Harry told me not to because you would outshine us,” Y/N played along, making James belly-laugh along with the audience.

“I was this close to being upset with you both for not including me,” James laughed, settling down, “You two have never actually met before, have you?”

“No,” they both shook their heads, looking at each other for a second with a smile, “First time.”

“That’s surprising because you both seem to have a lot of the same friends.”

Harry nodded, “Yeah, we seem to run in the same circles, but never at the same time.”

“I think he was just avoiding me, really,” Y/N nodded, making the boys laugh.

Harry chuckled, “yeah, I see her at a party and I duck behind the trash cans,” he did his best impersonation.

James laughed, turning towards Y/N, “You must have been partying a lot this past weekend after your big win.” Y/N smiled widely while the audience, along with Harry, clapped loudly. Cheers, again, echoing from the crowd. James continued, “You’re new movie, Salacity, was nominated for a bunch of awards, but you made history as the first Brazilian to win an Academy Award for Best Actress. What was that like?”

Cheers erupted again and Y/N bit her lip, nodding and looking up at everyone. This never got old. “Thank you,” Y/N grinned, turning back towards James, “Honestly, I think I blacked out when they called my name.” Everyone laughed as she continued, “It was so surreal. I’ve always dreamt of winning an Academy Award but never thought in a million years that I would be the first Brazilian to win. I’m incredibly proud and grateful and just so honored to even be in the same room as all of those talented people. I’m very lucky.”

“Well you deserved every bit of it,” James nodded, earning a voice of agreement along with more cheers from the audience, “Salacity was also nominated for Best Original Song, which was written and sung by you, is that right?”

Y/N nodded, “Yeah, Harry’s not the only talented musician here.”

Both of them laughed as jokingly threw his hands up, stood, and pretended to walk off set. When he plopped back on the couch he said, “First you steal my outfit, then you steal my job?”

“I’m so sorry. I’ll let you open for my next tour,” she joked back.

She felt silly for being so nervous when she woke up this morning. Truth is, this is one of the easiest interviews she’s done. Normally she struggled for the right words to say or with getting a feel on whether she needed to be more professional or if she could let her silly flag fly. Because she knew James so well and got along with Harry so quickly, it made things a lot easier.

They discussed Harry’s career for a bit before circling back to Y/N as James said, “Now, we had your counterpart, KJ Appa, on our show last week. Such a nice guy, by the way.”

“So sweet,” Y/N nodded in agreement as James continued.

“And he had nothing but good things to say about you. He even said that you were one of the best on-screen kisses he’s had” James admitted, making the audience awe as Y/N blushed and smiled. James carried on, “But he did mention a particularly….awkward moment between the two of you on set. Care to elaborate?”

When Y/N’s eyes widened and shifted in her seat in embarrassment, James laughed. She looked at Harry beside her to see him curious and she began to explain, “Well, as you know, Salacity is a very, uhm, how do you put it?”

“Erotic?” James offered, laughing again.

Y/N nodded, chuckling, “Yes, there’s a lot of sex scenes. So, anyway one the very first sex scene we filmed, I’m in this sexy, lacey black lingerie, basically strapped onto this harness contraption in the air and KJ’s character has to come in from behind me, but the harness that was holding my arms snapped, tore off my bra, and I was dangling by my legs upside down with hundreds of crew members watching. And KJ, the sweet guy he is, sees that my bra came off and panicked, and he jumped in, practically hugging me as I was hanging upside down to cover me. But he didn’t realize that the only thing he was wearing was this sock that covered his dick because we were just about to film this sex scene, and it was all up in my face.”

Everyone burst into laughter as Y/N explained, “That poor guy was just trying to help, but they got me down pretty quickly. But it definitely lessened the tension for the rest of filming. We got closer after that.”

“Can’t get much closer than that, can you?” Harry joked, making her laugh, as well.

When that portion of the interview had finished, cameras cut and their team had rushed over to do a few quick makeup and hair touch-ups, laughing and joking with each other about how well it was going so far. They were then directed towards a different area of the stage, sat around a table with rancid smells lingering around.

“Have you ever done this before?” Harry asked her as they were getting re-wired and James was getting prepped.

Y/N shook her head, pushing her hair behind her back and screwing up her face, “No, and I might vomit just looking at all this stuff.”

Harry nodded, “I’ve got an extra toothbrush you can have afterward.”

James came back and they were given two minutes to get situated before the cameras focused in on them. Reggie and the band played the theme song of Spill Your Guts or Fill Your Guts, while Y/N rang her fingers and Harry looked between her and James. Cheers and claps sounded and James smiled teasingly at the two.

“You both look thrilled to be doing this,” he said, sarcastically.

“Oh, yeah, can’t wait,” Harry retorted.

Y/N pursed her lips, shaking her head, “I must have been out of my mind when I agreed to this.”

They laughed as James directed their attention to the table, spinning it, “Alright, let’s see what we’ve got here. We’ve got 1,000-year-old egg, Fish eye and bird saliva, cow tongue, salmon smoothie, cow blood and pork tongue jelly, bull penis, hot dog water, which is the absolute rankest thing I’ve ever had, and giant water scorpion.”

“Why?” Y/N groaned, sitting back in her chair in disgust.

Harry chuckled and James laughed as he explained, “So here’s how this game works. We are gonna ask each other questions, okay. The questions are written here and we have not seen them. We have a choice. We can either answer these questions truthfully, or, we have to eat the food that the other person chooses. Okay?” Harry and Y/N nodded in understanding. “Alright, ladies first. Y/N, you are going to choose a food for Harry that he has to eat, should he not answer the question.”

She glanced and spun the tabletop in search of food, bending down and taking a whiff of something awful, she gagged, making them laugh, turning the tabletop until something was placed in front of him, “I’ll go with the fish eye and bird saliva.”

“That’s the one I was least looking forward to,” Harry groaned.

“Were you looking forward to any of them?” James shot back, laughing. “Alright, Y/N, what is your question for Harry.”

Y/N turned her card over in her hands and scanned it before chuckling, blushing, and looking up at him, “Harry, backstage you mentioned you were a big fan of my new movie. How much of it had to do with my sex scene, and what did you think about it?”

“Which one?” he joked, smiling, making everyone in the audience gasp and giggle.

Harry blushed, straightening out his suit, a lopsided, shy smile still stretched on his face, “Uh...I mean, even without the sex scenes it’s a brilliant movie. But, uh, yeah. They were very….Oh god,” he slapped a hand on his forehead, looking down and making the audience laugh. Y/N shook her head in amusement as he attempted to regain composure, “Yeah, they were very realistic.”

“How many times did you rewind those scenes?” James teased.

“No, no, no, that wasn’t the question. It’s my turn now,” Harry waved his finger, making everyone laugh again as the band played and Harry spun the table. “James, I’m going to give you….well, I know how much you love hot dogs, so I’m gonna give you the hot dog water.”

“You dick,” James groaned, taking a sniff and gagging, “That really, truly is the worst thing we’ve ever had on this show. Alright, then, what’s my question?”

Harry picked up the card and grinned, “James, you have had a lot of big-name celebrities on your show. Who was the biggest disappointment?”

The crowd ooed as James’ face fell, shaking his head and looking back at the producers, “Who wrote these?”

“Come on, don’t be a pussy, answer it,” Y/N joked, making everyone laugh.

James shook his head, “I can’t. I can’t,” and he picked up the shot glass and tipped it into his mouth.

Everyone gasped and he immediately reached for the bucket and spit it all out, “That is horrible!” he exclaimed, rinsing his mouth out with water, “Why do we still have that? Alright, Y/N, I am going to pick for you….” he spun the table around before grinning and halting a pink, meaty cube in front of her, “Cow blood and pork tongue jelly.”

Y/N winced, poking at the large cube and gasping, “Oh my god, why is it so hard?”

“That’s what she said,” Harry chimed, making everyone laugh.

“We all know how you feel about my movie, Harry,” shot back, making everyone burst into laughter and Harry blush.

Harry hit his face for a second before James continued, snorting, and looking up at Y/N, “Y/N, you’ve been rumored to have very famous exes. Between Timothee Chalamet, Robert Pattinson, and Taylor Zakhar Perez, rank them from best to worst in bed,” Y/N’s mouth fell as the audience gasped and laughed.

“Pattinson’s gotta be the best, hasn’t he?” Harry assumed, making Y/N hide her face.

“Now, this is not to say that any of them are bad. Maybe they're in the top three,” James suggested, “But of the top three, who is the worst,” he laughed.

Y/N uncovered her face and looked between the two men, reaching for her fork and knife.

“Oh god,” Harry winced, as James shouted, “No! No!”

She dug her fork in and sliced a corner off, “I never kiss and tell,” placing her knife down and taking a deep breath before hurriedly putting it in her mouth. The texture was what she imagined dog food tasted like, and she gagged, grabbing her tin can and spitting it in before swishing her water around in her mouth and spitting that out, as well.

“That was disgusting,” Y/N blotted her mouth with the towel.

“I can’t believe you’ve done that,” James shook his head.

“And I’m not doing it again,” she took another sip of her drink, “Is it my turn now?”

“Yeah, Y/N, you go ahead and choose something for Harry to eat if he doesn’t answer the question.”

She spun until she landed on the 1,000 year old egg. James announced what it was as Harry nodded and said, “Alright”. Y/N picked her card, turned it around, and said, “Oh, no.”

“Oh, God, what is it?” Harry sat up straighter.

“Harry,” Y/N started, “You and Niall are the only remaining members of One Direction who are not parents. Rank the members of One Direction from worst to best parents.”

Without hesitation, Harry stabbed his fork into the egg and shoved it in his mouth. Everyone gasped and Y/N pulled away, covering her face with the card and using it as a sort-of shield. He made a show out of slowly chewing it, holding back a gag. He used his water to swallow it down and stuck his tongue out to show that he had finished it.

“No way,” Y/N shook her head, nose scrunched.

“You are insane,” James shook his head.

“Tastes exactly the way you think,” Harry took another sip of water. “Right, James. I’m going to choose for you…...the water scorpion.”

“The giant water scorpion. For reference, this is what he’s chosen for me,” James picked up the stiff, hard, black bug and showed the camera. “Go on, what’s your question.”

Harry cleared his throat, picked up a card, and chuckled, “James, I’ve been on your show for years, and even taken over for you twice. Who is your favorite member of One Direction.”

A smile slowly spread on James' face and he shook his head, staring off at the audience as they screamed and laughed. “I can’t choose that,” James breathed, turning to face him.

“Well, you have to, or else you’ll be eating a giant water scorpion.”

“Oh, come on, we all know it’s not Harry,” Y/N joked, earning an amused glare from Harry.

“Excuse me,” Harry said, “I happen to know, for a fact, that it is me. Go on, James. Tell ‘em.”

“You think it’s you, do ya?” James questioned, looking between them before finally picking up the water scorpion, “You keep thinking that,” he joked before taking a bite of its head and chewing. He laughed mid-chew, spit it out in his bucket, and took another sip of water.

“How dare you,” Harry joked, indignantly.

James laughed, turning the table, “Y/N, It’s my turn to ask you a question. But first, I’m going to give you the salmon smoothie.”

“Ugh,” Y/N sniffed it’s pungent aroma, sitting away from the glass of pink, chunky fish.

She looked up at James as he scanned the card and laughed, “Y/N, you were nominated for a lot of awards this year. Who has won against you that didn’t deserve to?”

“Oh noooo,” Y/N trailed, throwing her head back, causing James and Harry to laugh.

“No, come on, we were all shocked on at least one of those categories,” James offered. Y/N shook her head, taking hold of the glass.

“Chug, chug, chug!” Harry chanted, compelling the audience to join in.

“Fuck off,” Y/N mouthed to Harry, making him laugh as she took a swig of the monstrous drink.

The second it hit her tongue, she heaved, quickly grabbing the tin and spitting the contents in as James called the end of the game. She took several sips of water, gulping it down to alleviate the lingering taste in her mouth. They called for a wrap, and Harry immediately dug out a packet of gum from his pocket, offering one to each of them while more crew rushed up to them.

Y/N thanked him, shoving the wrapper in her suit pocket, and after they were briefed from the crew, they had about fifteen minutes to spare while they set up for Harry’s performance. People from each of their teams tried to talk to them, but Y/N had something else in mind.

“Follow me,” she told him, grabbing his arm and jogging through the halls backstage. He chuckled, confused, but intrigued, following closely behind her until they reached the door of her dressing room. “Give me your suit jacket.”

Harry’s eyebrows raised and mouth formed an ‘O’, realizing what she was doing. With a grin, he unbuttoned his suit and shrugged it off, carefully handing it over to her. She shot him a smile, which made him grow steadily more keen, watching as she slipped into the room and closed the door behind her, disappearing. He waited, leaning against the wall for what seemed like a little longer than necessary for switching jackets. When she emerged wearing his jacket, his smile widened.

“Looks better on you,” he smirked.

She smiled, passing him the clump of red fabric that was her top, “Let’s see if we can say the same about you.”

He slipped his arms through the sleeves of her jacket, and although there was plenty of room in the arms because of the flare, the chest and waist were a bit tight. He made sure not to tie the sash too tightly and straightened it out, “How do I look?”

She giggled, flattening the collar of the jacket and joking, “Beautiful.”

They made their way back towards the main area of the backstage, surrounded by their teams and crew, laughing about the jacket change and prepping Harry some more as he rummaged through a small travel-sized toiletry bag for the disposable toothbrushes and toothpaste, and the two of them brushed their teeth.

Eventually, Harry was ushered to another stage where he and a band were situated. Lights dimmed and shone strategically on him as he was announced and began to play. Y/N, never having been to a Harry Styles concert, and a fan of his music, watched from the side of the stage, arms crossed and leaning against a large black case of some sort. He looked over at her a couple of times, trying to hide a coy smile, he danced around the stage and used the sash on her jacket like a rope, swinging it around.

When he finally finished, she, along with the studio audience, clapped and cheered for him. He thanked them, clasping his hands and bowing a few times, humbly repeating, “Thank you,” while James announced it was a wrap. Y/N joined Harry on the stage where the two of them, along with James, greeted people in the audience, signing pictures, papers, and phone cases, just chatting with the fans and taking selfies with them.

James, Harry, Y/N, and their publicists spent about an hour and a half to two hours after the taping to sit down at a nearby restaurant for a bite to eat. They were seated at a private table, enjoying some more banter and fun. She had a feeling that Harry was flirting with her, or maybe she was just hoping he was. He started it off by sneakily stealing bits of fries off of her plate throughout the meal as he sat across from her, and she would reciprocate by ‘accidentally’ stepping on his toes under the table.

“Hope I didn’t scuff those Gucci loafers,” she winked, smirking.

As much as she didn’t want the night to end, there weren't many excuses she could make to prolong the conversation, and everyone else was very clearly tired aside from the two of them. Y/N stayed towards the back of the group as they made their way back outside, and Harry slowed his pace and hung back until he was walking side-by-side with Y/N.

“I guess I should give this back to you,” he slipped the jacket off of him as they exited through the back, letting the cool LA air swirl on their faces.

Everyone was giving hugs and saying their goodbyes. Y/N looked down at her jacket in his hand and she leaned in to kiss either side of his face, lingering a little longer than normal. When she pulled away she shook her head and lightly pushed the jacket back towards him, “No. Keep it. An excuse to see you again.” And as she began walking backward to join her group, she called out, “check the pockets.”

His toothy smile turned into a furrowed eyebrow. Confused, he dug his hand in either pocket of the jacket until he pulled out what looked to be the gum wrapper. But, upon closer inspection, he noticed a series of numbers written in black ink. Her phone number. He looked up just in time to see Y/N opening a car door.

“Call me!” she shouted, smirking, before getting in and closing the door.

Harry’s smile grew even more, clutching the red jacket tighter and slinging it over his shoulder, making sure to carefully store the gum wrapper in his wallet and watching as her car drove off down the street and out of view.

------------------------------------

Taglist:

@odetostep @mylittleangel9403 @thurhomish @fallingfordolans @gwenlovesharrystyles , @harryswinterberries, @gucciboots, @golden-grande, @mylittleangel9403​ @korlynn-grace @ilovedogs1989 @aalessandrabarboni

@f4llingfairy

[junicai]

applause.

| order no. | 10/21

| summary | While filming for NCT2020, Aria fears her interview partner is coming down with a fever. Spoiler alert: He’s not. 

| word count | 1.8k

| warnings | None

| era | circa. December 2020

a/n: ok so i figured i’d mark my return to posting with a lil floof for the soul :) before i ruin it again :) so here u go here are two idiots being idiots :)

Oftentimes, it was easy to forget just how many members NCT had amassed over the years.  With the sub-units separated the majority of the time for their own promotions; the odds were that if you weren’t in a sub-unit with another member, you’d rarely interact with them outside of the company walls. 

NCT2020 was incredible in that sense. Twenty three boys and one girl, all in one room, singing the same songs and performing together. The impact left on the spring-flooring when they danced as a group physically shook the mirrors. 

They had a reputation to uphold; something which every single member took as seriously as a blood oath. 

Aria, over the years, had formed bonds with most of the other boys. She hadn’t really had much of a choice in the matter; it was either, make friends with the people around you, or have no friends at all. It was lucky, in that sense, that they were all so warm and welcoming. She found her home in the 127 dorms, and later, her family with the Dreamies. She wouldn’t trade it for the world. 

The fact remained, however, that when it came to Aria and WAYV - there was a gap. Be it because of the differing promotional schedules, or the fact that SM had point blank refused to acknowledge WAYV as a sub-unit of NCT up until the announcement of the NCT2020 promotions; the bottom line was, Aria didn’t know half of the members beyond their first name.

So, when the randomized name selection came out, and she was paired with Xiaojun; Aria took a deep breath, and reminded herself that this was a chance to start to form some new relationships.

She’d never been all too good at making friends as a child - always a little too shy, and then all of a sudden far too abrasive in a lost attempt to compensate for her earlier quietness. 

Sitting beside the boy in question, Aria left her hands tucked beneath her thighs to prevent herself from fidgeting. The air between the two vocalists was thick; and Aria found herself looking around desperately for Mark or Ten or hell even Yuta, even though she knew Dejun was significantly more scared of him than her.

Anything to break the awkward, stifling silence that was hanging over the both of them.

“Do you-”

“Hey, I-”

They turned to face each other at the same time, sentences blending together before being cut off abruptly. Aria’s face flamed beneath the foundation, and by the darkening tips of Dejun’s ears, she could tell his cheeks were flushing as well. 

“Go ahead.” He gestured with a nod. 

“No no, it’s okay! What were you saying?” Aria disagreed. 

“Uh, I was just wondering if you feel the breeze as well?” Dejun questioned, hands coming to tug his light jacket around his shoulders tighter. “It’s giving me goosebumps,” He laughed lightly, rubbing the back of his neck. 

Aria frowned. “No? It’s quite warm in here I thought.” The pair were surrounded with several lamps that were shining large bulbs onto their faces. With the heat from them, and the blanket that she had tucked over the legs, Aria was toasty warm - but a quick glance at the thin material Dejun’s jacket was made out of had her untucking the corner and folding it out again. 

“Here,” She offered, holding out the edge of the blanket. 

“Oh no I can’t,” Dejun began to refuse, but a shiver ran down his spine, cutting his words up into pieces. 

Aria raised an eyebrow. He relented.

“Thank you.” He acquiesced, once the soft material had been laid over his lap. He was still shivering lightly, but the body-shaking tremors had worn off, so Aria was better pleased than she was a minute ago. 

“Okay!” A voice called from outside the set. “It’s just an interview, like you were both briefed. Feel free to take it where you want and - Aria can you just -” The director gestured to Dejun. “Don’t sit so far away, people will think you’re scared of him.” He teased. 

Coughing lightly, Aria scooched towards Dejun, the blanket bunching up in-between their legs. She could feel him leaning back slightly, as if he was afraid of their faces being too close together. 

“Little more.” He insisted, now peering at the two through the viewfinder of the camera. 

Aria shuffled into the middle of the set’s sofa, her knee lightly brushing Dejun’s thigh. 

“Better! Now just don’t look like someone’s about to shoot you.” 

Aria opened her mouth before schooling her expression back into something less, terrified. “Sorry!”

This close, she could see the light flush that sat high on Dejun’s cheeks. His eyes were slightly glassy, and his chest was moving at a moderately quicker pace than it had been a few minutes ago. 

Aria placed a hand on his arm, lightly, patting the exposed skin where he had rolled up the sleeves. 

The filming went as well as it could. As they were told prior to entering the set; it was just a couple questions on how they were getting on together as a group, what it was like performing as a mix of all twenty three members, recounting some entertaining tidbits from the practice room or from behind stage. 

Over the next hour, the icy feeling that had surrounded the two vocalists melted into a comfortable conversation, soon drifting away from the interview questions and flowing sweetly into a little chat that czennies were sure to adore. 

With Dejun now turned to face Aria completely, and Aria sitting back with her shoes kicked off and her feet tucked beneath her; they were solely focused on each other; like the cameras had stopped rolling a half hour ago (They hadn’t) and they were old friends, catching up (They weren’t).

Aria learnt that Dejun had a penchant for green tea lattes, and the number eight. He slept on the top bunk, and was a lot funnier than his members gave him credit for. 

Dejun learnt that Aria was a lot more accident prone than her ‘professional image’ would let on, that she has a dimple on her right cheek when she smiles, that when she smiles she beams - bright enough to beat out a lightbulb - and that her favourite colour was yellow and she still looked at the stars when she got homesick.

Aria learnt that Dejun wanted to travel to Paris one day, that he wanted to learn how to bake bread properly and that he stayed up too late playing games only to regret it the next morning every single time. 

Dejun learnt that Aria had an addicting laugh; and he wanted to hear it as many times as he could. That he wishes she’d let herself laugh for longer; that she wouldn’t lift her hand to cover her face as she giggled.

His cheeks flushed brighter, the tips of his ears now a bright red. 

“Dejun? Are you alright?” Aria leant forwards into his space, her face moving closer to his. She had noticed the poor boy’s flush over the course of the last hour; but the pink was slowly becoming a deep red, and her concern was deepening with it.

Dejun immediately pulled back; floundering. “Yeah! Yup, yes, absolutely fine.” 

“Pardon?” 

“I’m doing wonderful! Are you alright? Aria?” Dejun flipped the question on her, sweat beginning to bead beneath his fringe. 

Aria squinted at him, relenting. “I’m okay, yeah. Are you still cold?” 

“No!” The reply was sharp, and she jerked back a little. 

“Oh- okay- sorry?” Aria pulled her bottom lip in between her teeth, worrying the skin lightly. 

Dejun could have punched himself in the face, but he settled for pinching himself beneath the blanket where it was out of sight.

“Aaand, cut!” 

The two vocalists turned to the director who was grinning madly. “That was perfect, you two. I don’t know what you did, or where you pulled that from, but you’re definitely the best duo we’ve had in here so far.” 

Aria didn’t think that was hard, there had only been two other groups in before them, but she kept these words wisely to herself. 

“You’re both free to go! I’ll expect to be seeing a lot more of you together though, this is going to go down an absolute treat.” The director’s smug little grin reminded Aria of a cat who had gotten the cream; and her own little grin formed to match it.

“Thank you,” The two bowed lightly towards the staff, before collecting their things from the set and shuffling towards the door again. Once outside, they were silent again - but this time the lack of noise was not unsettling. 

“Hey I-”

“What about-”

Dejun and Aria looked at each other momentarily, before bursting out into laughter. 

“Okay that has to stop.” She giggled, hand coming to rest on his arm. 

“Agreed,” Dejun coughed out, ears flushing one final time. 

“You sure you’re feeling alright? You looked a little flushed back inside; that’s all.” 

“Fine!” He squeaked. “It must have been, uh, the lights, or something. Yeah.”

Aria puffed her cheeks out, but made no further comment.

Pulling away, she slipped her feet into the runners she was wearing for the interview - uncaring as to whether or not she’d accidentally break the backs of them. They were old ones, anyway, ones she’d been gifted as part of a brand deal that had fallen through; no wonder, she thought, as the shoes really were all look and no practicality. They were the least comfortable shoe she owned - and Aria owned a lot of uncomfortable shoes. 

“’Til next time?” She straightened up, head turned to Dejun.

He nodded, going to extend a hand as Aria stepped forward to wrap her arms around him in a hug. 

What followed, was a painstakingly awkward hand-body-shuffle-jerk dance that left Aria’s face flushed red from embarrassment and Dejun’s desire for the ground to open up and swallow him whole growing to immense proportions. 

Eventually, Dejun moved away, waved, turned on his heel and borderline sprinted away back down the hallway before Aria had a chance to return the wave. He rounded the corner, slowing to a stop in anticipation of slamming his head into the wall. However, thinking against it, Dejun instead turned to put his back to the wall, sinking down against it; lifting a hand to smack himself in the forehead. 

“Idiot.” 

[jamaiskookie]

i would like more soundcloud rapper yoongi x idol y/n please it’s so cute

v-live alert! -myg

pairing: idol! y/n x soundcloud rapper! yoongi

wc; 2.9k

a/n: lots of you asked, and so you shall receive. ps, i wrote this really rushed but i kinda love it. lmk what you think, love you guys <3

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! 

the v-live notification. or, more accurately, the sound of war. alternatively, you dance around your studio on a livestream and yoongi has a mental breakdown. 

masterlist  PREV

“i miss you too!“ you say, replying to one of the first comments that pop up on the live.

you probably should’ve showered before going live... and you probably should’ve changed out of sweats. 

whatever.

it’s not like your fans haven’t seen this before.

half of your pre-debut pictures are just downright disgusting. 

the number of viewers on the top of your phone begins to climb up to the thousands, increasing every half a second. 

it always amazes you how many people show up to your lives. sometimes you wonder if your fans genuinely have nothing better to do. how do they always show up so fast?

the comments begin to flood with greetings and exclamations of ‘oh my god i’m so early!11!1’ and the multicoloured heart pop up on your screen, building up an impressive stream of likes. 

“where am i?“ you read through the comments and look around, as if you forgot where you were. “in the studio.“ you grin when the comments flood with questions asking if dreamcloud is getting new music.

you can’t answer, of course, but it’s fun to see. you squint at your phone, which is propped on an elaborate setup that you spent the past twenty minutes preparing. 

(three books on one eyeshadow palette and a selfie stick gingerly placed on a small stool)

((you pray to every deity out there that it won’t fall))

“i was just bored,“ you shrug, speaking to the screen. “so i decided to come on here and talk to you guys. how have you been?“ you ask. 

hundreds of comments answer. 

“i’m alright“

“i’m good!“

most of them contain some form of sappy declaration like ‘my day is much better now that you’re here!’ it makes you smile. how cute. 

the v-live notification. 

or, more accurately, the sound of war. 

that cursed, terrible ding! haunts yoongi’s darkest and most terrifying nightmares. the sheer amount of panic that rushes through his veins when he hears that godforsaken noise, god. 

the number of lives he’s missed- yoongi can’t even bear to think about it. 

so maybe it was a blessing in disguise that yoongi put his phone on do not disturb so he didn’t have to hear that disgusting sound. instead, he found out the news via a gorilla’s screech.

“Y/N’S LIVE RIGHT NOW STARTED FOURTY SECONDS AGO HURRY UP YOONGI GET YOUR ASS UP AND STOP STUDYI-“ jimin yells from his room down the hall. 

yoongi almost falls out of his chair scrambling to get to his phone. it’s not like he was really studying anyways- more like using his pencils to tap out a cool-sounding beat on his desk out of boredom. 

watching your live > passing his music theory class.

priorities. 

with shaky hands, he grabs at his phone, slumping onto the floor and he sees the familiar blue icon with the notification popped up on the screen. 

[V LIVE] Surprise LIVE! Y/N: let’s chat <3

an unnatural squeak that slightly resembles the sound a mouse slips out of yoongi’s mouth.

even when he was a baby starrie and was glued to his phone at all times, he’s never been this early to a live. he unlocks his phone, cursing his momentary clumsiness. he clicks into the live, smiling when your beaming face blasts up on his screen. 

you haven’t gone live in so long- it’s nice to see your face again. 

“- how have you been?“ 

“good.“ yoongi types out in the comment box, mumbling the words as he’s typing. “way better now that you’re live.“ sometimes yoongi cringes at himself when he types these things. i mean, who could possibly guess that min yoongi, resident scary-emo-couldslapyouintheface bad boy socially un-responsible simped over a k-pop idol?

he can already see his reputation go down the drain. 

he also wonders what it says about himself that he’s a 20-something college student who’s life practically revolves around you, an idol who’s just about a year younger than him.

but dreamcloud is a part of his identity now. he identifies as a starrie no matter what. you know how the old saying goes-

once you stan, you can’t unstan. or something like that, he’s honestly not sure. 

you tuck your head onto your hand, diligently trying to keep up with all the comment. with a gasp, you nod at something. “oh, you’re right, user yoonalova98!” - that’s another thing special about you. whenever you read out comments, you also read out the username of whoever wrote it. 

you explained in one interview- that it’s cooler to give credit and talk to your fans as if you’re just chatting as friend. saying the username feels like you’re saying their names. 

what kind of lucky fan would get their comment read aloud by Y/N?

ugh. 

yoongi blinks when he remembers that technically, he’s sort of part of this group of elite, recognised fans. 

his twitter stan account got almost five thousand more followers after Y/N replied to his selca. the post itself has tons and tons of likes and retweets. 

insane, that Y/N- Y/N herself- knows of his existence. Y/N- the love of his life, has seen his FACE. she commented three HEART emojis below a selfie that he took. 

if he thinks about it too much, he’ll start feeling faint again.  

“our anniversary is coming up soon! i can’t believe it’s been three years already. time does pass by when you’re having fun.“ you say. yoongi thinks that it’s rather ironic that you would forget your anniversary, when yoongi’s had a calendar countdown to January 14th since the beginning of september. 

“ahh,“ you say, leaning in closer to the screen. “from user lialiarach, ‘did you watch jisoo unnie’s acting debut’ - i did! we all watched it and cheered her on during the premiere!“ 

jisoo’s new drama is good. it’s a fantasy-horror blend, and he, jimin, namjoon and jin finished all 16 episodes in two days when streaming hit Netflix. 

your head tilts and you smile. “song recommendations?” you wonder aloud, and yoongi scrambles to get a pen and notepad out. you don’t do ‘y/n’s listening parties’ as much anymore, but your taste in music is impeccable and he collects all the songs in a playlist. 

it’s called ‘wedding tunes’ (jimin named it, not him, yoongi swears) 

everytime he tries to change it back, it somehow switches back to wedding tunes the next day. 

it’s disturbing how good jimin is at this kind of stuff. hopefully yoongi won’t have to bail him out of jail one day. 

“okay!“ you say, pulling your laptop open. you hum as you scroll through some page that yoongi can’t see- and he anxiously waits for the first song to be played with twitchy hands and a strong grip on his pen. 

the first bar plays out and yoongi’s already in love.

“this is,“ you say over the music, double checking just to make sure. “don’t need your love by NCT...“ you squint. god knows there are too many NCT members. “dream! NCT dream featuring HRVY.“ 

“NCT dream...“ yoongi mumbles to himself, writing the song down on the notepad. 

“you know,“ you say over the music, spinning in your chair and nodding to the beat. “i’ve only met the NCT guys a couple times at music shows and such but they’re all so nice. i can’t remember all their names, but i’m decently familiar with their faces. how do they even have 23 members? how does it all work??“ 

you dance around the studio, singing along nonsensical lyrics that don’t make sense but sort of fit the rhythm of the song (??) 

“don’t need your loo-ooove-!!! dum dum duhhhh duhros noya!!!” yoongi stifles a laugh. there’s a reason why you constantly forget lyrics on stage. 

which is quite ironic, actually, because half the time you’re forgetting the lyrics to a song you wrote yourself. 

afterwards, you play all the hidden gems- and yoongi’s proud to say he’s familiar with quite a few of them. 

airplane by j-hope (a youtube star turned successful rapper-vocalist-dancer)

sweet night by v (the internet’s resident eye-candy)

and then you continue to scroll through your laptop, biting your lip and murmuring quietly to yourself. you glance once back at your phone screen. 

okay, listen.

yoongi knows that he’s delusional, okay?

but everytime you look straight in the screen it’s almost like you’re looking directly at the camera it’s almost like you’re staring into his soul. which makes zero sense, but it still makes his heart skip a beat.

let him dream, please

“what am i scrolling through?“ you say, reciting a question from the chat. “soundcloud, user chachachae.“ 

soundcloud? 

oh.

that’s pretty cool.

he didn’t know you had a soundcloud account!

you usually post all your covers and random shorts to instagram or another one of your personal blogs. 

for a moment, yoongi indulges himself by wondering if you’d ever listened to his music. his soundcloud account is linked in his twitter bio, after all... 

but he shakes those thoughts away as fast as they came. he doesn’t need to entertain himself with such silly thoughts. 

“ooh, this one’s good!“ you say, clicking onto something. 

still with you by JAYKAY (pffftt haihdkahjd) starts playing and you lean back, humming along. yoongi knows this one too!! now he’s 3 for 3!! he and you do share a similar taste in music, so maybe it does make sense. 

even though you’re actually main vocalist and lead dancer, you do listen to a lot of rap music. but the music you make is nothing like the old school hip hop tracks that yoongi is partial to. 

the music you make- how can he explain it? 

sweet like honey with a little bit of tang. 

like barbecue honey!!!!

ok that was a bad analogy. 

all of his favourite dreamcloud tracks are written by you- cloud nine, up in the sky, are u still here, quicksand- the list goes on and on and on. 

it’s like listening to your voice solves anything he goes against. bad day? dreamcloud. something to celebrate? blast your debut song. in need of a party song? easy fix. he gets aux cord rights? (granted, this doesn’t happen very often, since seokjin insists that his music taste is superior to his friends.) but anyways, y/n can fix it. 

listening to your voice feels comforting. it invokes something in him that he honestly cannot explain with words. you’re his inspiration. not just in music- but in life. he admires how you’re able to smile through anything, how you take responsibility for your own actions. 

he admires your kind heart, which offers generosity and forgiveness to even the most underserving people. 

he admires your passion, for music, for your members, for the smallest things. he admires how you’ll love everyone and anyone. 

even though he’s never really met you, he feels like he knows you. he wishes he could, anyways. he wants to thank the person who’s gotten him through such bad days. 

yoongi curses himself again for being so delusional. 

he keeps telling himself that he can’t get so attached. then he’ll end up like one of those creepy fans who are convinced their idols actually like them. 

blech.

“okay, next song!“ you exclaim cheerfully. “i really like this one, guys. he’s this soundcloud star. he makes really cool music.“ yoongi readies his pen. if this person really is a soundcloud star, then there’s a high chance yoongi knows of him. a smaller chance that he actually knows the guy personally; either online or from real life. 

you press the space bar almost obnoxiously, like you’re about to reveal something grand. you look into the camera, and you lock eyes with yoongi- through that cursed, horrible screen. 

the first note plays and yoongi thinks that it sounds... oddly familiar, actually. for a moment, he sighs in disappointment. this one doesn’t sound as great as the previous few songs. almost like it’s incomplete, imperfect. something about it bugs him at the very bottom of his gut. 

jimin figures it out before he does. 

“AHHHHHHHHH YOONGI!!! OH MY GOD-!!!! YOONGI ARE YOU SEEING THIS? YOONGI!! HYUNG!“ yoongi grumbles, wondering what the hell jimin is screeching about now. 

“oh, for fuck’s sake,“ he mumbles. the difference between him and jimin is the way they express their emotions. while yoongi bottles it all up, choosing to deal with things alone and slump around, jimin has no other choice but to scream things out. it’s a wonder they’re such good friends, really. “what is it now?“ yoongi mutters to himself. 

“yeah yeah, a gentle breeze- “ and then it hits him. all at once. 

“holy fucking shit.“ he whispers to himself, slumping down on the floor. he can barely hear what you say next.

“this song is called people by agust d. he goes by the name suga on social media-!“ yoongi falls down, gasping for air. “i’m a fan,“ you remark casually. “mr. suga producer-nim!! i’m your fan! please continue to make good music!“ you chuckle. “what am i doing right now? he probably isn’t even watching.“ you stare innocently at the phone camera, as if you don’t even know that you’re changing someone’s life right now. 

out of his peripheral vision, he can see jimin rushing into the room, crouching next to him and placing a hand on his back, murmuring something yoongi can’t hear through the sound of his sobs. 

huh. when did he even start crying?

“he makes rap and really cool hip hop music. you guys should give him a listen. his lyrics are really meaningful, too.“ you nod along, reciting the lyrics word for word- even though you really can’t rap. 

“what kind of person am I? am I a good person? or a bad person? many of ways to judge just a person. everyone will live on, everyone will love, everyone will fade away“ you headbang along to the beat. 

yoongi slides down the wall inch by inch. he wonders if he’ll faint or vomit first.

other people seem to make fun of people like him- people who find solace in idols, in music. that’s partially why he doesn’t like disclosing the fact that he’s a diehard fan of an idol girl group. 

but in hindsight, that’s so stupid. who gives two fucks about his interests? hell, yoongi’s been depressed half his life. and if a group of girls who sing songs and perform make him feel better, what’s so wrong with that?

 jimin’s voice is a little clearer now, and so is yours. you’re singing along to the lyrics- the lyrics that he wrote. the lyrics that he spent hours agonising over, wondering whether his shortcomings and anxiety in his life were worth posting on the internet for his measly following to see. 

wondering if the music he made had any impact at all, if one day he might see his dream come true, to see his music being played in public. wondering if anyone might hear his songs and think that it helped them get over a bad day. just like you have for him. 

yoongi’s sobs wrack through his body, tears flowing freely on his face. he’s crying hard. ugly crying, like a baby throwing a temper tantrum. his cries echo through the room. if he could see himself right now...

well, he doesn’t want to think about it. he’s sure it’s not a pretty view. 

jimin looks over him, smiling proudly. his eyes are glassy, and he tucks yoongi’s head in his chest, putting his arms around him and embracing him. 

yoongi’s shoulders shake. if it was any other day, he would usher jimin out the room. he hates it when people see him being vulnerable. even his own family hasn’t seen him cry that much. 

but right now, he can’t bring himself to do anything but cry. other people may ask why this is such a big deal, why someone emotionally constipated like min yoongi would cry like this for such a small matter. 

this, he doesn’t know how to explain either. 

all he can think about is how much it means to him. that someone he admires so much is now, in turn, saying his music- no, his life- is good. nothing much else. but just knowing that you’ve listened to his work, that you know of his alter ego’s name...

his crying sounds grow larger. 

jimin pets at his hair. “shh,” he murmurs. “it’s okay.” jimin’s voice also grows a little shaky. he tears up, but continues to comfort the crying boy in his arms. “you did it, hyung. it’s okay. you made it. you did it. why are you crying? this is good news! this is so great! i’m proud of you, we’re all so proud of you.” 

yoongi tries to speak; it doesn’t go very well. but when he tries again, he manages to choke something out. 

“i did it.“ he says, before burying his face back into jimin’s hug. the two boys sit on the ground, crying together. an hour passes, then two. 

slowly, yoongi drifts off to bed on the ground, the melody of his own song blended with sound of your voice echoing in his head. 

my ordinary became your special, my special became your ordinary. so what? what if you just brush by? what if you get hurt? sometimes you might get hurt again, sometimes you might shed tears. so what? so what if you live like that? 

~ people by agust d

tags; @jksbbyfacebunny @extremeobsessions101​​ @dwcljh​ @stonyiscanon​ @bishuthot​ @s0seo​ @cecedrake2217​