#u would be surprised how much content korean press puts out . it is a lot
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hyunpic ¡ 8 months ago
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DAILY HYUNJIN GIFS UNTIL HIS BDAY: love you and all your little things - the airport is your runway
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tipsydipsydo ¡ 5 years ago
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Just let me love him! 
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Request: "hey! may i request an imagine where namjoon has a boyfriend (male transgender) and they decide to make their relationship public but maybe not all the fans being supportive / respectful of it? and namjoon rlly pissed off by the comments online and making posts to half educate them & half being shady haha thank u :("
Requested by: anonymous
Pairing: Namjoon x transgender Reader
Gender of the Reader: male
Word Count: 3k
Genre: Angst, Hurt and Comfort, Fluff
Warnings: mentions of Homophobia and Transphobia; mentions of hate towards the LGBTQ+ Community
A/N: Well... what should I say? I think I'll write every request individually without specify how long my writings would be. It really depends on my own idea for that request. This here took some time because I had to make some research and thought a lot about, how I want to write it.
That's also the reason why it ends up to be so long, because it was important for me to write that really long statement that Namjoons makes in here in the full version.
[Links]:
My Masterlist for your requests!
My official Blog Navigation!
I hope you all will like it! 💕
(Even when I researched things, when there is something that doesn't fit so well into the fic, please inform me 🤗)
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「© tipsydipsydo」
This following story is my intellectual property and belongs only to my blog tipsydipsydo.tumblr.com!
I’ll not accept any kind of reposting, stealing or using/editing my work!
That includes reposting my content on other social media platforms too, even when you link me as the original author.
Thank you.
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He should have guessed it. He should have noticed it, before the vlog would be uploaded. No, he should have known it! He should have known that it'll happen when this information gets to the public.
And at the same time he should have known that there are also some black sheeps among the ARMYs.
Although the large majority is very open, liberal and supportive, there are still some people who call themselves an "Army" and "support" them, but they're also very open when they don't like something.
It could be their new outfit, their new haircut or, like now, their lifestyle and their relationships. When something deviates from their idealized image, which means that his members and he no longer correspond to the overly perfect image of that Army, they start hating.
There aren't many, but they still exist. Sadly.
And all of that just starts because of a scene and the one sentence he had said to explain it.
Yesterday he uploaded a self-made vlog on the occasion of his birthday, in which he simply wanted to take the Armys through his day and show them, how he's spending his birthday this year. Nothing "bad", right?
You two made your relationship public three months ago. Of course, after this public announcement, the excitement was big and pretty much every korean and even some international boulevard magazines as well reported about it. Who could ever have guessed that there will be a young man at the side of the world known K-Pop Idol Kim Namjoon instead of a woman??
The biggest gossip subsided after a week and since two months pretty much everything turned out to be quite normal again. Namjoon and you get a lot of encouragement and support for your relationship from the vast majority of fans, you already have an official shipping name (and Namjoon has to admit that it sounds really cute!) Beside that, fanarts of you two have been already created, based on the few couple pictures that Namjoon recently posted in their Twitter account.
However, Namjoon "only" introduced you as his boyfriend. He hadn't told the whole publicity that you were transgender and "actually biologically a woman". Why should he?
You identify yourself as a boy, just you weren't born as such, which is why you want to adapt your gender to your actual identity. It's not more than that and all that just means that you are his boyfriend, nothing else.
Joon just introduced you as his partner and not that you are female to male transgender because that has actually nothing to do with your relationship.
And then there was the thing with his birthday vlog. He had thought that this little thing wouldn't attract attention, probably because it had become so normal for him.
You brunched together in a restaurant on the day of his birthday, enjoyed the good food together and laughed a lot. Really nothing so unusual when you go out to with your partner.
This was followed by the fateful scene that has caused all of these comments now.
You two were so deep in your conversation that you completely forgot to pay attention to the time. However, you still had a doctor's appointment that day, which is why you rushed out of the restaurant in a hurry.
You just noticed it a bit too late that you'll have a doctor's appointment for your next testosterone injection on Namjoon's birthday. But you could't and didn't even want to re-arrange a new appointement because you need the renewal in a relativly regular interval.
So the vlog only showed a few seconds where you two sprint stressed but also laughing to a taxi, so that you'd somehow still belong halfway to your actual time of the appointment in the doctor's office.
When you get your injection, Joonie waits for you in the empty waiting room and explain shortly in the vlog, why this appointment is so important.
"Unfortunately, my sweetheart was born in the wrong body and to be able that he can live with his correct gender identity, he has to go to the doctor to get his dosis of testosterone."
And that was it actually. After that you went back to your shared apartement, where the boys surprised Namjoon with a little birthday party. Congratulated their leader for getting older and then unpack all the presents together. With it, the vlog was uploaded. Namjoon and the boys had given no further thought to this "new piece of information" that turned out be the reason for these controversial comments under his vlog. Simply because it's already become normal for everyone. You are a transgender, but you're just Namjoon's Boyfriend for everyone. Nothing more.
Nevertheless, some "fans" don't see it that way, they even starts questioning if it's correct to call you Namjoon's "boyfriend" because you just can't be a "real boy". After this comment all the other ones only got even more worse.
Namjoon got the opportunity to read the comments when he already was on his way to the studio. He had wondered this morning why you were so silent and inwardly at breakfast. He had ask you gently if something happed or if you're not feeling well. But you just shook your head and said that you slept badly. Namjoon doesn't ask further because he was sure, that you woulf know that you can always be completely honest with him. And Namjoon doesn't want to blame you, that you would be lying to him, so he just gives you a loving smile.
How wrong he was when he read through all these awful comments under the vlog.
The other members have seen these comments too, they're so damn furious, with what kind of words you're called in there and that some of the them wished that Namjoon would please break up with you.
They should've trained the new choreography today, but this incident is now much more important and the way how they want to deal with it. They came to the decision to make a clear statement.
Actually it's planned that Jimin make a vlive today, but they decide that Namjoon should make it instead due to the situation.
He himself is not so sure yet whether he should really do it today, the anger about these disrespectful comments is still too big and he cannot promise not to say rude things to the fans himself as well. He wants to give them a better role model than to hate each other. However, he's becoming more and more aware of the importance of publishing his vlive today.
Because you're his boyfriend and through your relationship, you get so much more attention, which unfortunately also increases the possibility of harrassing you, for what you are, a lot more. He brought you into this situation, so Namjoon also feels obliged to stand up for you and show you that he's absolutely not going to accept something like that!
In addition, it's so important to him and all the other members to show that they will accept hate and harrassing of LGBTQ+ people in no way.
It breaks Namjoon's heart when he comes home and sees your red, swollen eyes, testifying that you cried. He had tried countless times to contact you throughout the day, but you neither answered his calls nor his text messages.
The last time when you were online in the messenger was tonight. Probably when you read all these terrible comments.
"Hey baby...", Namjoon whispers softly as he comes up to you and closes his arms around your body, pressing you tightly, almost protectively against his chest.
"I know what happened. I read everything."
With these words your body begins to tremble in his arms, you press your face into the crook of his neck and a little sob comes from your lips.
Namjoon holds you, strokes his fingers gently through your hair and whispers sweet nothings into your ear to calm you down.
You take a trembling breath in and say in a broken voice: "I am so sorry that I am causing you and the others such problems..."
When these words comes over your lips, Namjoon takes your tear-streaked face in his hands and gently kisses your tears away.
"No, no, no, my love! Don't say things like that, they're absolutely not true! You are not the problem, definitely not! The problem are these people out there who just don't want to accept that not all people can’t identify with the gender they’ve been born with. Maybe because it’s just so normal and natural for them to be a girl or boy. Apparently these people cannot put themselves in your shoes, what it's like to feel like a boy or girl but stuck in the body of the opposite sex. Apparently they don't even tried to imagine what it would be like if they weren't born a what they are. How it would be to be born in a different body with their previous gender identification. You are not the problem. The problem are the people who cannot listen to you, at least to understand how debiliating this situation is for you. So instead of Jimin, I'm going to do the vlive today and I'll talk with Armys about it. I will tell them that I will not tolerate Transphobia and any other Phobias of the LGBTQ+ community at all."
Your swollen eyes snaps open and you look at Namjoon in disbelief. As you want to open your lips to ask him, if he's really sure about that because he could get even more hate for that, he already knows what you're about to say.
Before these words can leave your lips, he quickly presses his owns on yours and gives you a gentle kiss full of love.
"I want to do that, my love. I want to do this for you, for us, for our LGBTQ+ ARMYs and for all these other peoples. It's important for me to make this statement."
When you nod slowly, Namjoon released the embrace and gave you a last kiss on the lips.
Then he goes into the living room to the dining table, where his laptop is and logs in.
You go quietly to the couch and wrap yourself up in your favorite blanket. To be honest, you don't really know what to expect. Before Namjoon starts his vlive, he looks at you and forms a silent "I love you" with his lips.
"Hey guys. I know Jimin should be sitting right here infront of the screen and doing his vlive with you. However, something happened tonight that I want to talk with you about it. I think you already know, we uploaded my Birthday vlog yesterday and there are comments written which are absolutely terrible and I'm not going to accept that under any circumstances.", Namjoon starts the vlive.
Today there is no trace of his usual playful and childish behavior, which he shows so often in his vlives. He's absolutely serious.
"Some of you are asking why you just got the information now, that Y/N is transgender and why we didn't tell you right away with our relationship announcement. I decided against it for the simple reason that it doesn't matter in our relationship. Y/N doesn't identify with his biological gender, although his body may be female, he is actually a boy who unfortunately was born in the wrong body. He is a boy and therefore he is my boyfriend."
"I introduced him to you as my boyfriend, because it doesn't matter who he was before, what gender he has from birth. It should only be about who he is now, who can he be now, that he's able to be finally that person who he want to be. We should finally give these people, like Y/N, the opportunity to live in the gender identity they are, without always saying 'But you are in reality woman, right?'."
"No, not really, in reality is Y/N a man. Can we please finally give them the opportunity to live in the gender with which they identify themselves. So when they should identify with the specific genders like male and female. And if that's not the case, if you assign yourself as nonbinary, it's perfectly okay! After all, there is still so much space between these two genders! We should give all of them the opportunity to simply live the way they are."
"That's why I think, that we all should be very happy, that we can identify ourself with our biological gender! Therefore, we should help all the other people to find their right gender when their biological gender doesn't suit them! And that they're able to show themself in public."
Namjoon takes a deep breath after this long monologue and grabs to his water glass to drink a bit. While doing this, he read all the new comments that pops up. They are very different, some are positive and supportive and then there are these other comments, literally saying how he can talk such a shit. 'There are only two genders, nothing between them and everyone has to be able to identify with their own gender!'
It is precisely in this conflict that he realizes again that ignorance and the lack of will to understand each other are two of the major problems.
"As I read your comments, one thing caught my eye very clearly. We're talking too much about each other than with each other."
"I know, as a person who can identify themself fairly well with their biological gender, it's pretty hard to imagine what it would be like if it weren't. And because of that, we have to talk about it. I know that all transgender or generally all LGBTQ+ people are tired of having to explain their gender identity or their sexuality all over again and again. Having to explain, why they are the way they are now."
"But I think that it'll be the only way to remove these stereotypes and prejudices, as well as fear of 'this unknown thing' and thus all these unjustifiably phobias and racism. Just because a person cannot identify with their biological gender doesn't mean that you have to change yours too! It means, that you should simply accept and respect it! However, we should give all these people the chance to finally develop in such a way that they can really be themselves. Regardless of whether they are assign themself as male, female or no specific gender."
"There are still so many questions in the room that result from pure lack of knowledge. And that's normal, of course, we can't know everything, but we can learn something new every day. Ask each other questions, so that you have the opportunity to be able to imagine yourself into the position of an other person. So at least try to understand how the other person must feel. It's a long way but we should try to finally remove this hate that is caused by ignorance and misunderstandings."
"There are always two peoples involved in a conversation. That's why I appeal to the LGBTQ+ community to be still patient with us, even if you're already so sick of it. You must have the feeling of literally speaking against a wall... And all people who identify with their biological gender and are heterosexual, so you practically correspond to the 'ideal image' of society with it, should listen to the LGBTQ+ Community and ask questions, so that these prejudices and this hate can finally be stopped and we all are able to live peacefully together. I know, this idea is utopian, but we can still try to get as close as possible to this utopia of a peaceful coexistence of all peoples."
Namjoon takes a deep breath and closes his eyes for a moment before dropping the statement.
"And who, after my monologue, still refuses to simply ask the peoples questions when they don't understand something and still prefer to think about them in prejudices, please unfollow BTS and BigHit Entertainment."
Your eyes are round like plates and your mouth opens, want to say something, but no words comes over your lips.
In the corner of his eye, Namjoon sees how the comment section with messages literally explodes.
"I am not saying this out of pure selfishness just because I am angry and hurt. I am saying this because all members agree with this statement. We decided for this statement together."
"Of course we know, that you're still able to see all of our things, we cannot forbid you from listening to our music. But we all wanted to talk about this topic once. BTS and the Army community should be a safe space for all Armys, regardless of their gender identity or sexual orientation. We wanted to make sure that all Armys in our large community are welcome and that they'll be respected in the way they are."
"The members and me just need to know that we all can be honest with you and don't have to hide anything. That we can be sure you’re supporting us really. We just want that all peoples that follow us, are trying their best to understand each other. Of course, we all will never agree at the same point of view and that's a good thing! But we should respect each other's gender identity, sexual orientation and opinion. Because in the end we all are just humans. No more, no less."
"I would like to come to an end of this vlive for today. And for all haters out there, I'm not going to break up with Y/N. Please just respect that I love him. Exactly the way he is!"
With these words, Namjoon goes offline and closes the laptop, smiling at you softly when he comes to you on the couch.
"I love you. Please don't forget that," he whispers in your ear as he slips under the blanket and snuggles up to you.
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Like I wrote it in Namjoons statement, I try my best to imagine myself into your position even when I never made these experiences (and probably never will) you had to make. That's why I'm always open to talk and listen to you, to learn new things about it!
And even when I'll never be able to understand you "really", then I'll make sure that you know that I still care for you guys, okay?
Love you 💜
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crystalsnowmins ¡ 7 years ago
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Yoonmin Scenario #18
10k of how to ruin a good prompt. I think could have done a good job. It’s vague again.
* * * Non-AU, In which Yoongi and Jimin develop feelings for each other through ARMYs help.
Yoongi never thought more of Jimin because he knew they are friends, and Jimin considers him as his hyung, someone he looks up to. Yoongi came out, as a bisexual, to his group after the I NEED U era.
Everything they have worked for, the sleepless night that came and passed by, the empty stomachs they slept on, it paid off finally. They suddenly started to win first place in music shows. It was an unexpected win for them and they couldn’t be thankful for the ARMYs who made it possible. When they won the second and the third time, Band PD-nim said that this is just the starting for them.
Yoongi had hoped that they would really go ahead and achieve their dreams, whether it is producing their own music or be the group that teaches people. Everybody had different dreams to look forward to now. He understood that this is the true starting and the group should start with no lies.
He had told Namjoon and Hoseok first because he had been with them longer than the maknae line and Jin. They were very accepting of Yoongi’s choices, though Yoongi was ready to be thrown out of the group. He asked them to explain it to the kids and Jin hyung as well because they might not be used to the idea of it.
When he told the others, they were silent and Jungkook had those big round eyes staring at him as if contemplating. Yoongi remembers that Namjoon and Hoseok didn’t have to explain anything to make them understand, he remembers Jimin standing and walking to Yoongi, giving him a tight hug and saying that it’s okay.
“Whatever may be your preferences, you’re still Yoongi hyung,” Jimin declares to them, getting a solid nod from everyone and a huge group hug. He remembers feeling some amount of limbs around him, a whole lot of warmth and then Jimin pressing against his side, laughing at their group antics.
Yoongi stayed awake that night and thought of Jimin just because. He was proud that his dongsaeng took it well and was mature with his answer. He’s proud of others as well but he didn’t realise that the once childish Jimin was not so childish anymore.
Next step was to talk to Bang PD-nim which went surprisingly well. Namjoon was by his side all throughout the meeting. The director only told him that he has to be careful, to not let it slip even once because they are at a very critical stage and one wrong move, they’ll all end up their own careers.
From there on, Yoongi’s heart has always felt ease that he didn’t need to hide things anymore and everyone was accepting of him. Only the boys and Bang PD knew of his bisexuality as they didn’t feel sure of telling the staff. And nothing changed between them, they didn’t treat Yoongi differently. Like Jimin has said, he’s still Yoongi to them.
When WINGS era started, the real tension began within him. They were now a lot popular and had millions of fans anticipating their songs and dances. They changed a lot in the years that passed by but still held the same fear; one wrong move and they’ll end their own careers.
Yoongi had been working on his mixtape as well and he put everything to it. He hopes it will be received well by people because he has opened a door that no artists dare to open to the public.
Things didn’t look good from Yoongi’s side because not only there was a full-length album to be released, but also his mixtape and for some fucked up reason, the little soft spot he has developed for now currently silver-haired boy, Jimin.
He doesn’t know how it happened or when it happened but he believes it happened when they started having small late-night talks with each other, reminiscing about the days and what was going on fancafe. It started with them opening a little bit more to each other to the point that Yoongi knows every single detail about Jimin’s life and vice versa.
It’s wrong in so many ways, not only does he has a crush on a man but it had to be his own group member, a person with the biggest heart and straight. Yoongi wonders if Jimin thinks about him a little more different but then he thinks it’s not true because Jimin is straight and he doesn’t like men how Yoongi does.
So Yoongi never tells him fearing that their friendship would come to an end as well as their group. He doesn’t tell anyone and keep it to himself.
Jimin has made a sanctuary in Yoongi’s heart in the last few years they have been together as a group. He always finds time to talk to Yoongi, he always volunteers to drag Yoongi back to the dorms, he’s a real brat with Yoongi, he always tells his secrets and asks for advice to Yoongi. They have been taking care of each other for so long that it feels natural between them, whether it be hand holdings or sleeping on the same bed.
It’s normal for them to declare they love each other, or at least like each other. Fans like the interactions between them, so it’s fine, they are not jeopardizing anyone’s career. All the times Jimin has said that he loves or likes Yoongi, the latter knows it’s out of friendship and respect, nothing more. And all the times he has said that he likes Jimin, it left him with a guilt.
On the day of the WINGS jacket shooting, Yoongi waits for his turn tiredly. He gives a small interview, saying he feels tired and that he hasn’t slept the night before because he spent it talking to Jimin.
He poses for a unit photo shoot with Jimin leisurely without trying to let his feeling surface at the younger’s touch. They had another unit photoshoot with Jin in a bathtub. If you ask Yoongi, he’d say it was a lot intimate. First, it was Jimin’s body on top him in a small bathtub, he feels guilty for even thinking that he liked how it felt. Then they had to stare intensely at each other. It felt a lot personal and Yoongi worried that Jimin would see everything he’s been hiding. At the end of the photoshoot, Jimin throws a wink at Yoongi cheekily and skips to see the photos that came out.
It’s not like Yoongi is always thinking about the latter. It’s when he has nothing to think about, his mind automatically reverts back to Jimin or if the said boy is around and somehow getting Yoongi’s attention.
The album was released successfully and they had to attend various fan signs. It’s safe to say that their title song was received well. Around February, they released a repackage album called WINGS: YOU NEVER WALK ALONE.
That too was received well and through that, they gained more popularity. Around February, their DVD EPILOGUE II was released, that had several behind the scenes and other kinds of stuff. Yoongi has always stalked himself on Twitter to see what fans have been talking about him if there are any new memes of him if there are certain things that he hasn’t noticed but the fans did. So that’s exactly what happened.
He saw a video of himself talking about being awake due to Jimin as they had talked all night. It was from their jacket shooting, Yoongi remembers. Helpfully the caption was in Korean that said, “Look at Yoongi wasting his sleep over Jimin, look how happy he seems and that sparkle in his eyes, yoonmin is so real.”
Yoongi knows what ‘Yoonmin’ is, it’s Jimin and his name joined together. He replays the video for more than 10 times to see what the fan has meant. And he realises that he did look happier than he should. Yoongi treasures his sleep and everybody knew. It may have come out as a surprise to fans that he seemed rather happy than irritated. Yoongi reprimands himself for smiling so much just because he talked to Jimin whole night.
But he couldn’t stop smiling now because of the chat they had last year. He still remembers how Jimin had called in the middle of the night, while Yoongi was in the studio working on his mixtape. They had talked about everything and anything. It was normal for them to be like this, calling in the dead of the night and just talking, it seemed like the topics never ended between them.
He remembers Jimin saying that he wanted to let Yoongi know something because he guessed the older will understand better than anyone else. It has confused Yoongi at that time. But he still listened to Jimin calmly when the latter came out to him on the phone call. It created an atmosphere of silence between them and Yoongi didn’t know how to take the news. Jimin had worriedly called out his name and asked Yoongi if he hates him. Yoongi could never hate Jimin.
He apologized for being quiet and explained Jimin that it’s all right if he’s gay, he’s still his Jiminie. Yoongi felt proud that he was the first one that Jimin has informed, even though he knew it had something to do with Yoongi’s bisexuality. He felt truly happy for Jimin and that happiness continued for the next day during their schedule.
Yoongi scrolls through the hashtag of his name and sees pictures of his photoshoot or the fan site took pictures. Out of nowhere, he decides to type ‘Yoonmin’ in the search bar and anticipate what kind of content would come.
There were a lot of tweets written in English and he couldn’t really understand. So he scrolled through pictures and videos of them being together and somehow people making the theory that they are together. Yoongi wishes.
He sees a short video of him intensely staring at Jimin while he talks. It doesn’t have a sound but somebody must have edited it so that it focuses on Yoongi and Jimin only. He sees himself looking at Jimin so intensely, and wonders that if he really does look at Jimin like this. He wonders if Jimin knows this. Does he feel uncomfortable?
Feeling his brain being mushed up again, Yoongi decides to shut off his phone and work on his mixtape that needed a sooner date as well.
It became a regular habit to check his name joined together with Jimin. Every time a YouTube video is posted, or a run episode, Yoongi always see if there’s any content about so-called ‘Yoonmin’. He wants to see what ARMYs see between Jimin and Yoongi. If they can find a single interaction between them. Even though Yoongi clears away from Jimin during their shoot, the fans always find a way to make up theories.
It fears Yoongi in the way that he shouldn’t take things lightly. ARMYs are very sharp and observative, if they can find a single interaction between Jimin and Yoongi, then one wrong move from latter’s side and he’ll risk everything. It fears him that the fans know something that Jimin and Yoongi aren’t even aware of.
When Yoongi really thinks about it, he remembers many moments he had with Jimin throughout their career. He remembers Jimin always beside him, leaning into him, holding his hands, holding his waist, consoling him. In every aspect of Yoongi’s life as an idol, Jimin was always a part of it. He doesn’t know how he missed it, the constant presence of Jimin.
Even when they visit their families, Jimin is still there with Yoongi in the form of late night calls because Jimin says that he likes to talk to Yoongi and wants to sleep after hearing his voice. If only Jimin knew what it does to Yoongi.
Sometimes Jimin can be reality flirtatious, which confuses and scares Yoongi at the same time. He disregards those moments as Jimin being a brat. Yoongi knows for sure that Jimin somehow knows what Yoongi feels for him and he’s using that power he holds, to make Yoongi fluster just by his presence.
At some point in their career, with several interviews, they were asked about their ideal type and if they would date any member if they were girls. At some point during those interviews, Yoongi said that he would date Jimin and he said anyone would fall in love with Jimin if they looked into his eyes.
He wasn’t lying, Yoongi isn’t in love with Jimin, that’s scarier than anything. He just has this teeny tiny crush on his group member. Which is so much better than being in love, right? And he guesses that it happened because he also lost himself in the eyes of Jimin. Yoongi hates him for it. He hates how absolutely breathtaking Jimin is every moment and how he put Yoongi in this awkward position because of few genuine smiles.
But Yoongi doesn’t heed to his feelings. They’ll go away, he genuinely wishes because not only it’s heartbreaking to know that he probably likes Jimin, but the one he likes doesn’t like him back. But nonetheless, Yoongi always search about ‘Yoonmin’ to see what fans have found about them.
There are times in Yoongi’s life that he has probably slept with every member, like sleeping next to each other. When they were in the starting of their career, they all shared one room and somehow managed to sleep in the same room. When they got their own dorm with four rooms, they all had a roommate except Jungkook. When they used to go to a foreign country, they decided the roommate based on rock, paper, scissors game. So Yoongi always ended with someone and he doesn’t mind, really.
There’s always two single beds in a hotel room. So he feels comfortable maintaining the distance in the silence of the night. He probably has shared hotel rooms with Jimin a lot, because that’s just his luck, god was probably bored and decided that Yoongi and Jimin need to be in a room.
It was still fine when they had single beds. Jimin would let Yoongi chose first and take the other bed. Yoongi feels most comfortable with Jimin, not because he’s biased. It’s just so easy to talk to Jimin because he listens intently and wants to talk to Yoongi as well. They usually talk until they couldn’t form words and fall asleep. It’s safe like that because Jimin is on other bed.
But during Hawaii, for Bon Voyage 2, the god has been really playful with Yoongi because somehow Jimin and he needed up in the same room with single bed. Yoongi really wanted to change the room despite Jimin’s utter happiness. But then he realises that if he does, the members will be suspicious and somehow it will reach Jimin which will sadden him. Yoongi hates sad Jimin.
So he calmed his nerves and pretended to be okay with the arrangement. Jimin even brought wine to their room because of course, they’ll talk till late night. But Yoongi was really tired and he wanted to sleep. While Jimin got ready for bed, Yoongi was already in bed, scrolling through his feeds. He especially arranged a wall of pillows between them for safety measure.
When Jimin switches off lights, Yoongi eyes were already giving up on him. He thinks it’s better sleeping early than staying awake talking to Jimin and knowing that he is in the same bed, just a few centimetres away from him.
“Hyung, are you asleep?” Jimin asks and Yoongi pretends to be quiet so Jimin gets the hint.
But he couldn’t do that for long when Jimin’s sigh sounded sad and disappointed. The younger was obviously having a difficult time right now.
“I’m awake, Jiminie,” Yoongi tried his best to sound awake, “Wanna talk?”
And they talked for long, Jimin telling about the concert, his fear and how he genuinely feels about their success and Yoongi listened to him the whole night without falling asleep. In the middle of the night, Jimin had shifted closer and Yoongi slyly shuffled back. It’s just too dangerous territory.
But in the morning, somehow they ended up tangled with Jimin face tucked in his chest and Yoongi holding tightly onto his waist. He doesn’t know how it happened but when he moves to look at the wall of pillows, it’s all broken. He stays still while Jimin wills himself to wake up too. It��s so awkward that Yoongi doesn’t know what to do. For Jimin, it seems normal as he gives Yoongi a very sleepy, closed eyes smile.
Jimin is a natural cuddler, so this position doesn’t bother him and he’s so not in love with Yoongi to care about the position. But Yoongi? He’s not a cuddler and he has this huge crush on Jimin and this position doesn’t help him. He thought Jimin would move away, but he just moves closer and snuggles some more.
Thankfully, the door is locked so nobody is going to barge in and see them like this. It feels too domestic to be waking up to Jimin, tangled together and just enjoying the few minutes before they have to rush back to shooting. They don’t speak and just cuddle as long as nobody knocks on the door. Both are awake but none of them speaks about the position they woke up in.
For Yoongi, filming Bon Voyage was fun and relaxing but at the same time traumatizing. When the episodes were posted, Yoongi saw it again. He smiled, remembering their time there and searched for every moment where he and Jimin were found to be together. He couldn’t see what ARMYs could.
He read on Twitter about the whole Bon Voyage show and what ARMYs feel about it. He saw many memes of Hoseok and Jungkook and laughed secretly to it. When he typed in Yoonmin, he immediately saw so many pictures of the said pair that he failed to notice while he was watching the show.
Many ARMYs pointed out the moments that Yoongi and Jimin found to be together and described the picture so well. Some were talking about how Yoongi cooked for Jimin as a task and Jimin cutely looking at Yoongi and that’s just so boyfriend-ish!
Many talked about how they slept in the same bed. Yoongi wishes that he could also be joyous about it but nothing was so fun about it except that his feelings only grew. They pointed at how Yoongi was worried that Jimin would get lost and whine about it.
He didn’t realise how it sounded that time but now he’s playing on repeat and reading the captions, he does feel like he knows more about Jimin and worries for him. Turns out, Jimin did whine and get lost.
Yoongi almost didn’t want to watch Bon Voyage 1 because he was scared of revelations.
The members must have realised before Yoongi did it or for that matter Jimin. It came to Yoongi with a blow when Namjoon casually brought it up in a conversation while they were working on the album.
“So, Jimin, huh?” He asks and Yoongi briefly glances at him with confusion.
“What about him?” Yoongi distractedly mumbles.
“It’s fine if you don’t want to tell me,” Namjoon says, turning back to his own work.
“I don’t even know what you’re talking about, Namjoon-ah, honestly,” Yoongi irritatedly say. Yoongi hates when someone beats around the bush, he can’t and doesn’t want to start solving some stupid riddle.
“It’s okay if you like Jimin, you can tell me, you know?” Namjoon mumbles, not looking at Yoongi and working up on some lyrics.
Yoongi turns to look at him, still for a moment, trying to contemplate what gave it away for Namjoon to think he likes Jimin. Or does he even mean in that way? Maybe he means that Yoongi is paying more attention to Jimin than the other kids?
“Yeah, I do. Of course, I do, he’s my dongsaeng! Why would I dislike him?” Yoongi tests the water. He really hopes that Namjoon is really talking about this hyung and dongsaeng relationship only. He will fucking die if Namjoon or anyone for that matter comes to know that Yoongi like Jimin as a man.
“Not like that,” Namjoon sighs and looks up from where he was writing and cutting off the lyrics, “Don’t fool me, Yoongi hyung,” He narrows his eyes at him and a cold sweat breaks at Yoongi’s neck.
Namjoon knows, he fucking knows! Anybody could have known, except Namjoon. But then also, it would have been a surprise if Namjoon didn’t realise sooner. He’s very observant, so of course, he knows. Yoongi just wonders how he knows because he’s been really careful to not show any sign that he has this hugest crush on Jimin. Yes, he sidetracks during shoots and all, but it’s just that. It’s for the camera, the teasing, the bantering, it’s for the fans that want them to interact.
Otherwise, at the dorm, he maintains his distance. It’s easier to maintain a distance during shoots because he knows the number of people and camera around and anything could be captured. But at the dorm, there’s no one to really see when Yoongi fondly stares at Jimin, so it gets a tad bit difficult to control himself. He should’ve though because now Namjoon knows.
He probably hates him not because Namjoon doesn’t support same-gender love, he’s fucking president of it, but because the grave mistake Yoongi has done by falling for his group mate. It’ll ruin everything if it comes out and Namjoon hates him for that. He should hate him.
“Namjoon…,” Yoongi trails off, there’s nothing to hide if Namjoon knows. He’ll only dig for more until Yoongi tells him. “I’m sorry,” He whispers, hands clammy from nervousness. Yoongi wonders if everybody else knows, if Namjoon has told them if Jimin has found out on his own too, or somehow it has reached him too.
“Why are you sorry, hyung?” Namjoon furrows his eyebrows and keeps his notebook aside.
“It’s wrong,”
“Loving the same gender is not wrong, you know better, hyung,” Namjoon softly reprimands. He knows Yoongi supports gay rights and LGBTQ+ community, what he doesn’t know is why Yoongi thinks it’s wrong when it has come upon him.
“It’s wrong because it’s Jimin,” He looks up to make an eye contact, “He’s a group member,” Yoongi reminds him.
Namjoon could only look at him in sympathy. He knows it wouldn’t work out ever. The fact it’s the same gender love, it’s a risk more than it’s worth. Then, of course, falling for a member. It wouldn’t work but Namjoon doesn’t want Yoongi to hold back and be unhappy about it.
“I’m sorry, it will be okay,” Namjoon says and hugs him briefly.
“How did you know?” Yoongi had asked him after they have gone back to working on music.
“I saw the way you look at him, someone fucking stupid wouldn’t realise it,” Namjoon scoffs and smiles.
“So Jimin?” Yoongi softly jokes.
“Hey now, don’t blame Jiminie,” Namjoon scolds, “By the time he looks at you, you’re back to being stoic and dead, he really can’t see then,” Namjoon shrugs and Yoongi nods. It’s true. He would look away whenever Jimin would catch him.
“Then I hope our members are actually fucking stupid,” Yoongi grumbles, Namjoon only smiles in pity.
On the other side of the story, things weren’t looking pretty good for Jimin. He was in a dilemma and had no one to talk about. Well, he did have his members but he didn’t know how to tell them. Coming out as a gay is one thing but falling for a member, non platonically is a whole different thing.
He always had Yoongi to talk about things, whether it be his nightmares, his dreams, his worries, his insecurities or even his sexuality. Yoongi was the first person Jimin revealed his sexuality. He knew the older wouldn’t judge him for being not straight. He knew others wouldn’t judge him as well, after being together for so long, but he didn’t know how to deliver the news without being scared of feedback.
But he just knew with Yoongi, he knew the older would accept him, gay or straight, it wouldn’t matter to him. Jimin was right at the end. It was Yoongi who encouraged him to tell other members as well as he has done long before. Just as the relationship cannot work on lies and secrets, a group won’t work on lies and secrets. It had been difficult, but Yoongi was there the whole time, ready to argue with anyone who would be against Jimin’s sexuality.
And it would have been to easy to confess if it wasn’t for the fact that the man he was pinning behind was none other than Yoongi. How fucking cruel.
He knows he could still go and confess but what’s the outcome of it? Being rejected? Being degraded? Yoongi might be all into gay rights and love wins trend and probably will tattoo a rainbow flag on his forehead, but that doesn’t mean he accepts same gender love in the same group.
It doesn’t work that way and he would rather have Yoongi as a friend instead of having him as nothing and ruining the dynamics of the group. It had been more difficult with the amount of attention Yoongi lays to him.
Jiminie, did you eat well? Are you eating enough? You should rest a bit. Don’t exert yourself. You looked good today. You did well on stage. You’re such a hard worker, Jiminie.
With the daily appreciation and concerns, comes a lot of touching in platonically way. Yoongi always touched Jimin and other members. It’s fine, they all do. He really doesn’t mind but when it comes to Yoongi, he gets flustered easily, having his hands on Jimin’s body. It makes Jimin wants to press himself against Yoongi at times to feel him completely. He thought that now that he has come out as gay, people would be wary of being near him but it’s totally opposite, Taehyung still cuddles with him and if it was possible, he loves his group a lot more.
Jimin doesn’t do anything about his feelings. He let them be there for as long as he can hold them to himself. Maybe, Jimin thinks, maybe when everything ends, when they go in separate ways, maybe then Jimin will confess and be happy with whatever response he will get. He doesn’t want to live in regret of not conveying his feelings at all. Yoongi is not an easy person to read, so he doesn’t know what Yoongi feels about him.
It will be whimsical if Yoongi does have feelings for him, because it happens in stories and not in real life, right? How could it be possible that two people are pinning after each other but afraid of confessing to each other for the fear of losing each other? That’s what whimsical means. Yoongi doesn’t like Jimin as a man, just as a friend, as a dongsaeng.
Jimin likes being on twitter and connecting with his fans, really. He supposes he’s the one who’s most on twitter and reading all the tweets about them. When he searches Bangtan, he gets a lot of content and nowadays, it has all been about their RUN episodes and memes of it.
It the middle of searching some really ugly photos of members that could be posted on twitter for occasions, Jimin gets a text from Namjoon.
He opens it and sees a picture of him and Yoongi. It was from their recent episode of RUN which has been uploaded today. Jimin has already seen it and he wonders why Namjoon has sent it.
To Namjoonie hyung, What is this, hyung?
From Namjoonie hyung, You and Yoongi hyung. I thought it looked cute. I saw it on twitter.
It was a picture of them in a, well sort of a team hug, but the camera focused or rather the picture was focused on Jimin smiling widely and hugging Yoongi while tucking his head under Yoongi’s chin and the latter looking proud and patting. It looked almost intimate, a small moment between just them caught by the camera. Jimin remembers that shooting of RUN episode for arcade games.
They do look cute, Jimin would totally agree. He immediately saves the photo to his camera roll.
From Namjoonie hyung, I see a lot of you and Yoongi hyung on twitter, you know?
To Namjoonie hyung, Is that a bad thing?
Jimin worries.
From Namjoonie hyung, No, it’s not, Jiminie. Not until you think it that way. I think it’s cute how close you both are. Don’t worry about it, when it comes to you and Yoongi, everything is okay, remember that.
Namjoon was being cryptic about his message. Jimin wanted to ask what he meant but he rather thought not to. It shouldn’t be that difficult if Jimin doesn’t think of it like that.
To Namjoonie hyung, You didn’t use the formal speech, I’m gonna screenshot this and send it to Yoongi hyung.
From Namjoonie hyung, Like hell, you will, brat!
Jimin giggles and keeps the phone aside while he watches the TV again. He so engrossed in the movie, that he doesn’t realise his phone buzzing next to him, a series of a message from Namjoon.
From Namjoonie hyung, Upon min
From Namjoonie hyung, Yoonminie*
From Namjoonie hyung, Fucking hell! Yoonmin* Check out on twitter.
He giggles at Namjoon’s struggles and wonders what does the word in English mean. Nonetheless, he copies the word and pastes it on his twitter search. After few seconds, loads and loads of tweets are being updated.
Jimin scrolls through it and realises it’s mostly him and Yoongi. So it must be something about them. He sees many tweets in English and he doesn’t understand half of it, but he is happy to see the pictures of Yoongi and him.
He sees a sequence of a picture of him looking at Yoongi smiling while the older boy is smiling with the gummy smile and looking somewhere else. He remembers from a fan sign and honestly wonders what those captions mean. So the screenshot that tweet and message Namjoon.
From Namjoonie hyung, You sure you want me to translate?
Jimin furrows his eyebrows.
To Namjoonie hyung, Is it something bad?
From Namjoonie hyung, It’s actually not… It says and you look like you’re so much in love with Yoongi and there’s no pure form of love other than yours both.
Jimin almost drops the phone when he reads his message. He immediately switches back to the photo and carefully sees it. Did ARMYs recognize something? Did they realise Jimin’s crush on Yoongi? Does he really look at Yoongi like he is complete, utterly in love with him? Does Yoongi know? Jimin is almost shaken up. He wonders if ARMYs have found out and wants to screenshot several tweets just to understand the meaning of it. But that will be bothersome for Namjoon hyung.
From Namjoonie hyung, Don’t let it bother you, Jimin.
To Namjoonie hyung, It’s not bothering me…
He feels almost reluctant to send that message. What would Namjoon think of it? It should disgust Jimin, from Namjoon’s perspective, that fans think like that about their two band members, who are solely brother from the bond. But it doesn’t disgust Jimin.
From Namjoonie hyung, Good. Don’t let people’s words get to you. Whatever you’re thinking now is what you’re feeling. So don’t suppress it for the sake of others.
This time also, Jimin doesn’t ask Namjoon what he means.
And just like this, Namjoon sends him different photos of Yoongi and him together, captures by fans either in their concert or from a different source. He would save them all in a different album. He would ask Namjoon about why he’s sending all these photos and Namjoon will only reply that no reason, I thought you guys looked cute together.
It would sadden Jimin because they do look good together but they are not together-together. They would have made an amazing couple, Jimin knows. With Yoongi’s quiet behaviour and Jimin’s open personality, they would have balanced out each other so well. And they already know so much about each other, nothing would have been awkward. It could have happened if either one of them was a girl and they were not in the same group.
With new days, comes new schedules and responsibility and new shoots to produce. They still upload their RUN episodes even when they are away.
Jimin has taken upon himself to check the updates of each episode without the help of Namjoon. He has learnt the spelling of ‘Yoonmin’ and typed it in the search bar. With every episode being uploaded, there’s always a small part of their interactions that ARMYs have caught in the midst of everything. It makes him happy how attentive they are even to small things.
He sees a lot of them, he feels a lot of them. He doesn’t want to believe Yoongi likes him as well. He may pretend to be nice and funny in front of the cameras, but behind those, Yoongi is still same but yet so different. He carries himself quietly around the dorm and reprimands his younger for their wrongdoings. Then also, Yoongi fucking adores the maknae line and just generally his group as well. Jimin thinks, if given a situation, Yoongi might even die for his members. It’s no doubt Yoongi let the maknae line get away with their tricks, knowing that he will not really mind. But when they go out of line, Yoongi is in charge of scolding them.
So also, it’s no doubt, Yoongi has a favourite in the maknae line. Now it was very difficult to choose because he will actually, literally fucking die for Taehyung and he thinks of Jungkook as his own blood related younger brother and Jimin, well he’s in fucking love with him, get the hint. So Jimin is his favourite because he’s salty and biased.
Jimin particular doesn’t have a favourite. He just likes Yoongi a little too much than others and feels comfortable to let come out to his first. Probably because of Yoongi open mind and calmness, Jimin could trust him.
He thinks he should stop obsessing over him, clearly, nothing will come out of it. He and Yoongi can never end up together, maybe not in this life. But he believes that if there’s another life to him and Yoongi, then he prays that they do end up together happily, that they find each other and love each other for all the times they couldn’t.
It makes Jimin cries because how much he loves Yoongi but can’t really tell anyone. They’ll feel disgusted, cheated. For Jimin, it’s truly a selfish act, to fall in love with a group member and risk everyone’s career, the group’s career and the company’s career and it’s staff. It scares him how much damage it will do if he and Yoongi end up together. But that’s not possible.
This thing is, it started with the subtle push from members and constant stalking of the posts from ARMYs. He used to see a lot of videos made by ARMYs on YouTube, a compilation of Yoongi and Jimin together. It gave him hope and a surge of happiness, in an alternative universe, they are together.
The constant message from Namjoon, regarding any Yoonmin update, was the first step. At some point, Jimin wanted to feel angry and shout at Namjoon hyung for sending these photos because it wasn’t helping.
In the night, Hoseok would talk a lot about Yoongi, seeing as they are really close, Jimin felt jealous. He’s close to Yoongi as well, but not enough for certain secrets.
In the other room, Jin will talk about Jimin, he’ll praise him. He’ll tell about what went down in the practice room while Yoongi was in his studio, for some reason, he’ll mostly put emphasis on Jimin. Like Jimin pranked them, Jimin taught him some difficult steps, Jimin is a little shit but he’s adorable at times. Jimin wasn’t feeling well. Everything started with Jimin and ended with the thought of him, it didn’t help Yoongi sleep at night.
Jimin calls Taehyung his soulmate and he’s ought to share everything with his best friend. But he is scared to share about the fact that he’s in love with Yoongi because he fears that Taehyung will not accept him, hate him, be disgusted by him. But then Jimin feels that Taehyung is onto something like he knows something that Jimin is unaware of. He has been talking a lot about Yoongi, praising him and whatnot. He also has been very cryptic with his sentence and Jimin has come to accept that something is wrong with his members, now that he thinks about it, everybody has been talking a lot about Yoongi.
Jungkook has made his mission to always include Jimin and Yoongi together. He’ll make them sit together when they are out for dinner, he’ll make them stand together when they are, well…standing. Somehow he has a lot of stories regarding them both and Jimin doesn’t like it a bit when Jungkook exposes him like that in front of Yoongi.
On the other hand, Hoseok has not been very sly with his mission. He’d give that very cheeky smile and like he’s onto something as well, but not for long, Yoongi thinks, Hoseok really can’t keep secrets.
“Just tell me what’s going on,” One-day Yoongi has dragged him to his studio to talk about members weird behavior.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Hoseok stutters and shrugs.
Yoongi brings out his intent stare to look at Hoseok. When the latter is under suspicion, he’ll open his mouth. The glare has always worked for Hoseok and someday Yoongi will feel bad using it like this, making Hoseok feel caught and vulnerable, but it’s not today.
Hoseok throws his hands up in surrender, “We know you like Jimin,” Then he immediately shuts his mouth when he sees Yoongi’s expression change from confusion to shock to solemn.
There’s no denying to it, everybody knows and he fears that Park Jimin knows as well, thus why he’s been very distant. He’s probably disgusted with Yoongi, he feels tainted, of course, he feels tainted.
“Jimin…he doesn’t know, we didn’t tell him,” Hoseok helpfully provides and Yoongi nods gratefully. He will take his confession to the grave and Park Jimin shouldn’t ever find out about this.
“You can go,” Yoongi says and turns back to his work. There’s nothing to say or do about the situation. So Yoongi likes Jimin but that doesn’t mean the latter likes him back. He can’t confess and damage the dynamic of the group and risk anything right now they are at the peak of success. He shouldn’t be selfish about his own fucking thoughts. “And tell the boys to stop whatever they are doing,” He finalises.
“Yoongi hyung, maybe you should talk to Jimin,” Hoseok says carefully and gets up. He pats Yoongi’s shoulder and sees himself out. Talk to Jimin? Hoseok must not understand the depth of the situation. He’s not worried about rejection, he has gotten many rejections in his life to be used to the word but rather he’s worried that something will change between them and it will be bad.
Jimin doesn’t deserve the burden of Yoongi’s feelings. The guy should be allowed to love anyone he wants without feeling the heavy weight of Yoongi’s confession. And Jimin has a lot to see, feel and experience. He shouldn’t be stopped by Yoongi’s feelings.
The thing about ignorance is that it is never ignored. The quote ‘ignorance is bliss’? Yeah, no. Yoongi doesn’t think ignorance is bliss, rather he thinks it’s a burden. He has been trying to ignore his feelings for the younger, but it always remains like an imprint highlighted point, mocking him, laughing at him for his cowardliness. He can’t do anything about it, he can’t even ignore it, it’s just there like an unwanted plague.
He asks the universe one chance to make it all right or all wrong. He wishes to go back to the day he even thought of Park Jimin more than a dongsaeng. He would have reprimanded his old self and told how there’s no luck and it’s only heartache. If it’s an all right option, then he wishes Jimin reciprocate his feeling and they have their own kind of happily ever after. Which is a wishful thinking. The latter option seems impossible.
Like Yoongi said, feelings cannot be ignored for long. They’ll fucking poke you until you do something about it. They are so vulnerable to attention and love, that they’ll make you vulnerable and do something out of way.
And that’s why things went downhill when Jimin collapsed while practising. Yoongi was in his studio completing, composing and doing what he knows best. While Jimin and Jin, tagging along Taehyung, practised at the studio on the lower floor. Jimin had come earlier to remind Yoongi that they are still in the building and if he’s leaving, he should not forget about them.
So Yoongi knew the trio are still practising while he works on some tunes. The heart attack comes in the form of a call. He sees Jin hyung’s ID and picks up nonchalantly, thinking they are leaving and so wanted to inform Yoongi.
But he hears pants and his series of his name only from the other line.
“Hyung, what happened?” Yoongi worriedly ask, thinking something went wrong downstairs.
“Jimin…,” He pants and Yoongi is already standing, “He collapsed,” It was enough information for Yoongi to sprint downstairs through darkness and reach the practice room.
He can hear his heartbeat in his ears when he sees Jimin lying completely still on the white floor, Jin and Taehyung surrounding him and fanning him. Yoongi makes his way towards them and slowly fall to his knees while the only thing he could hear was his heartbeat over Jin’s panicked explanation. Yoongi shakes Jimin violently and slaps his face a few times but nothing works.
In the end, they decided to call their Manager Sejin. The lesser people know, the better. They don’t need every staff right now and certainly not Band PD to find out Jimin collapsed again. Also, the rest of the boys shouldn’t worry right now, everybody is carrying an equal amount of worry over comeback, they don’t need to add more.
By the time Manager Sejin comes brusquely, Yoongi had moved Jimin to his studio with the help of Jin and Taehyung. Thankfully, Manager Sejin has brought the company doctor with him and he checks upon Jimin’s condition. All the while, Yoongi has let his guard down and held onto Jimin’s hand tightly and looked for any discomfort on his face.
The doctor blamed Jimin’s condition for his malnutrition and overwork. Jin said he’s been dieting to lose weight and that they were practising earlier. The doctor says he shouldn’t practice beyond his capabilities if he’s not going to eat anything. Manager Sejin asks Jin about Jimin’s eating habits.
Jin provides that he eats only in the morning before leaving and rest of the day, he is drinking water. It makes Yoongi’s heart clench with worry for the younger as he holds his hand tightly. The doctor sets him on portable IV for glucose and he asks them to feed him something before his vitamins supplements.
Manager Sejin walks outside with Doctor. Jin blames himself for Jimin’s condition because he’s older hyung, he should have said more, forced fed Jimin to eat and reprimanded him for not eating. It’s his fault because he asked Jimin to stay back for some extra practice, he should have known Jimin was tired and less in energy. But the younger has happily agreed to help Jin since Hoseok mostly took the responsibility of teaching everyone.
But somewhere, Yoongi thinks it’s his fault, he knew Jimin was dieting and he also knew the extent of it. He should have said something, stopped him. He should have taken care of him and should have been by him because it’s a critical time for everyone. He should’ve known how Jimin gets during comeback time.
Jin gets scolded by Manager Sejin not because he’s lacking and had to ask Jimin but that they failed taking care of each other. He reminded them that health is the first thing they should worry about rather than what they learn. If they are not healthy, they won’t be able to perform.
Yoongi requests them to leave Jimin and him in the office while Manager Sejin drops Jin and Taehyung. Even though Jin wanted to stay and reflect back, Yoongi assured him that Jimin is fine and he can go back home. Trusting Yoongi to take care of Jimin, they left with the promise of not telling anyone about this tonight.
Yoongi doesn’t stay by Jimin’s side but he checks upon him every 10 minutes, while he works to distract himself. He just has been feeling a lot of emotions right now and hearing that Jimin has collapsed only worsen it.
Jimin wakes up an hour later with a groan and Yoongi immediately swivel in his chair to face the younger. Jimin takes his time to adjust to the lightning and blinks hard for few minutes, he moves his head around and notices that he’s in Yoongi’s studio, very familiar now and that Yoongi is sitting and looking intently at him.
“H-hyung…,” His voice feels scratched due to not talking. Yoongi is immediately by his side with a water and helping him drink it. Jimin tries to sit up with the help of Yoongi while the IV is still attached.
They both sit in silence as Jimin breathes heavily and lays his head on Yoongi’s shoulder. It tenses him up but other than that, he feels okay, or so he thinks.
“What happened?” Jimin asks with a heavy voice.
“You tell me,” Yoongi ask back with no bite. He wants to be angry at younger for not taking care of himself but the concern is more overpowering right now.
“Are you mad at me?” Jimin hesitantly ask, sitting straight now and looking at Yoongi with big, apologetic eyes.
“This is not the first time, Jimin-ah. I’ve lost the count of it, you know?” Yoongi reminds him tiredly, “You apologise and promise each time but it keeps happening,” He shakes his head at the thought of how many times Jimin have collapsed in their career. It was scary each time.
“I’m sorry,” Jimin mumbles sadly and rest his hands on his lap. “I wanted to help Jin hyung,” He clarifies.
“It’s not about practice, it’s about you not eating,” Yoongi informs, scoffing with anger. “Whom are you trying to lose your weight for? Fans? They’ll love you even if you’re fat and if they can’t, then they are not fans,” He reminds him again. He forgets how many times they had this conversation.
Jimin just silently listens to Yoongi blow up gently on him. He doesn’t like that fact he has kept Yoongi from going home and he has worried everyone. Jimin felt fine before but he doesn’t know how he collapsed. He knows he’s not eating well and that’s not good for his health, but he can’t help himself. He wants to lose weight and be accepted by people. He has seen a lot of people suggesting that he could lose some weight for the next comeback. And even though their company denies and doesn’t want their artist to read such comments, Jimin can’t help himself.
“I wanted to be accepted,” Jimin mumbles, fidgeting with his fingers. He hears Yoongi sigh and shifts on the couch so they are facing each other. Yoongi brings his hands to cup Jimin’s face and lifts it. It feels a lot intimate now.
“You are,” Yoongi whispers. “Not everyone should accept you and you shouldn’t work hard for it. You should be glad that there are people who accept you the way you are,” Jimin has tears in his eyes while Yoongi speaks. He shifts closer to Yoongi to maybe hug him earnestly to let this feeling wash away, but Yoongi doesn’t allow. He wanted Yoongi to like him and notice him differently.
“Do you accept me?” Jimin asks, rubbing his eyes with tears to clearly see if Yoongi is nodding.
“Jimin…,”
“Do you, hyung?” He persists.
“I almost had a heart attack when I heard you collapsed again. It felt like the ground swept off of my feet, Jimin,” Yoongi will probably regret this later, but he needs Jimin to know how much he matters to him and that if everyone hates Jimin, he’ll be here, still loving him. He cups his face harder.
“I was scared…of losing you,” He confesses, “You mean a lot to me Jimin, more than you could think of. And I care about you a lot in the worst way possible, it’s unfair that way I always worry about you but I can’t help myself. I want to tell you a lot of things but I can’t, I just…I can’t,” Yoongi stops himself and drops his hands altogether, looking down at his lap. He feels dizzy with emotions. He’s so close to confessing but he feels scared. He thinks that if he confesses then this ignorance and regret won’t irritate him.
“Hyung…hyung please look at me,” Jimin desperately ask and Yoongi raises his head.
“I need to know what I mean to you,” He holds Yoongi’s hand tightly.
“You’ll hate me,” Yoongi refuses.
“I’ll hate you if you don’t tell me,” Jimin warns him lightly. It hurts Yoongi because either way, Jimin is going to hate him. It’s not fair, wanting to have someone but you can’t, being so close to someone yet so far.
Yoongi shakes his head no. He refuses, he believes that if he doesn’t tell then he’ll convince Jimin later to talk to him again. But if he does confess, then he will never be able to talk to Jimin.
“Want me to tell you what you mean to me?” Jimin says and Yoongi wants to hear but he doesn’t at the same time. Jimin doesn’t even give him an option, so he hears.
“I hate you,” Jimin sharply says and Yoongi closes his eyes, take his hands away from Jimin because this is it, Jimin knows. He knows and he hates Yoongi for putting him in this situation.
“Stop it,” He chokes out. He doesn’t want to hear the reasons, he has heard enough.
“No, you’ll hear me,” Jimin being the incessant brat he is, he takes his IV off and cups Yoongi’s cheek. “Listen to me, Yoongi,” He jaw is clenched with the tear in his eyes.
“I fucking hate you for making me miserable all these months. If you say you care about me, then why did you make me miserable?” Yoongi casts his eyes down and stops himself from crying. “I cried sleeping, knowing that I don’t mean anything to you-,”
“-that’s not true-,” Yoongi cuts him off.
“-and it fucking hurts, you jerk! All I wanted was for you to look at me and think differently for once, what do I have to do? I tried getting close to you but you pushed me away, do you know how that feels?” Instead of saying, Jimin hardly hits him on the shoulder. “Like that, it hurt that much.”
Yoongi bites his lips because he knew all the times Jimin tired to be together and he only pushed him away for his sanity.
With disregard to formality, Jimin continues, “I thought I was not enough, I tried to dress nicely, I tried to lose weight-I did-,” Jimin hiccups and cries, hands slipping down to Yoongi’s t-shirt. “You tell me that everyone accepts me then why can’t you accept me, hyung?” His voice sounded so vulnerable that Yoongi wanted nothing more to bring him closer and hug him.
“Do you…do you not like m-men now, is that it?” He hesitantly asks, “Do you hate me?”
“I could never,” Yoongi immediately say.
“Do you like me?”
Yoongi nods.
“Do you love me?”
Yoongi is hesitant as he clutches his hands harder. He doesn’t believe that it’s going to be this easy, it feels like a dream, no, a nightmare. It feels like God is playing pranks on him.
“Do you love me, Yoongi?” Jimin insists.
Yoongi stays quiet. Even if he confesses now, what then? They can’t be together. It’ll hurt them more.
“I love you,” Jimin confesses in the silence of the studio. It’s loud and clear and purposefully. Yoongi looks at Jimin’s face, red with anger and tears flowing through his eyes. Yoongi isn’t crying but the hint of tears remain in his lower lash line, making his eyes red and puffy. “Tell me,” Jimin hits his chest. “Tell me you love me back, I know you do, please tell me,” He hits his chest repeatedly until Yoongi holds both of his hands.
“I love you, Jiminie,” Yoongi says and presses a small kiss to his knuckles.
“Not like a dongsaeng?”
“No,” Yoongi confirms and Jimin scrambles to get closer to him and they hug. Jimin is almost on Yoongi’s lap, crying on his shoulder. “You don’t hate me?”
“I just told you I love you,” He retorts.
“You’re not disgusted?”
“Why would I be disgusted if I love you?” Jimin scrunches his nose up and moves back to look at Yoongi. “I’ve been in love with you for months, hyung, why would I be disgusted now?” He cups Yoongi’s face and rests his forehead against Yoongi’s. “I’ve only dreamt of this moment and I thought it will remain like that,” Jimin weakly chuckles. They are close enough for their lips to brush slightly and Yoongi knows that it’s all Jimin taking steps, moving his head closer by seconds.
“Jimin,” Yoongi tries to move back but Jimin holds him there, “We can’t-,”
“Don’t tell me no when you’ve already confessed, Yoongi! Don’t take me to heaven and drop me to the pits of hell. I love you and you love me, isn’t that enough now?” He asks angrily and moves back to look at the uncertainty in his eyes.
“You know why we can’t,” And Jimin does know and yeah, he might be ignorant, he can’t help but be selfish for once, for once putting himself above every responsibility, every thought that’s not his.
“I want to be with you, hyung,” Jimin cries and Yoongi pulls him closer and kisses his forehead and whispers I know, I know, “Please, for once let’s forget what others say. Let’s focus on each other, you make me happy. I will do whatever you want, just love me this once, please,” Yoongi knows it’s not that Jimin is desperate to seek attention, to be loved but it’s not because he’s like that. He knows it’s different this time.
“Okay…okay,” Yoongi agrees. They have a lot to think about, there’s a lot more risk than it’s worth. But Yoongi knows it’s all worth, it’s all worth even when they’ll get shoutings, be degraded and probably get thrown out, be hated on but it’s all worth if he has Jimin now.
They just revel in each other, just hugging and finding comfort in it. They always hug but it’s never this intimitate. Once Jimin has calm down, he moves away from Yoongi to look at his face and the older smile in reassurance. They’ll be okay because they have each other.
“Now, if you’re done being dramatic and taking off your IV, can you please eat something? I need to give you some vitamins supplements,” Yoongi gets up to take the tablets from his table but Jimin stops him.
“No, focus on me only,” He petulantly say.
“I am, Jiminie,” Yoongi brushes his hair away, “You should eat and rest up, we’ll see what to do tomorrow,” He smiles and gets up to leave to bring some food.
He thinks a lot while he brings food for Jimin. They have a lot to do and Jimin is right, they can’t just ignore their feelings after confessing.
Jimin eats in silence while Yoongi looks at him throughout. He likes the attention so he doesn’t mind Yoongi’s gaze. Once he’s done, Yoongi hands him his vitamins and water. He drinks it and makes himself comfortable on the couch. By that, he lays down on the small couch while Yoongi sits on the coffee table and brushes Jimin’s hair.
“You said you’ll do anything,” Yoongi reminds him when Jimin is on the verge of sleeping. The younger boy nods.
“Don’t collapse anymore,” He opens his eyes to look at Yoongi and take in his request. “You have to eat well. I don’t care if you grow in size, I will still love you, I accept you however you are,” Jimin smiles at him.
“I won’t,” He promises and takes out his pinky. Yoongi chuckles and links their pinky.
“Sleep now,” He orders softly. He leans down to kiss his forehead softly, staying there for a few seconds before moving back to stand up and work. But Jimin holds his hand before Yoongi could so much as move away.
“Can we-,” Jimin doesn’t finish and looks at a Yoongi’s lips. He smiles and kneels down so he can kiss Jimin without any problem. It should be awkward seeing as they are group mates and they always had hyung-dongsaeng relation but it’s fine now. Their heart thumps loudly but they are fine now.
Yoongi softly takes Jimin’s bottom lips between his lips and kiss him. Jimin doesn’t do anything on his own and let Yoongi take the lead. It’s a small kiss, no tongue involved whatsoever. They move back when both have to breathe and smile giddily at each other. To be honest, it doesn’t feel awkward.
“You’ve spoiled me with one kiss, what to do now?” Jimin sings songs and traces Yoongi’s bottom lip.
“Brat,” Yoongi smiles and flicks his ear before stealing one more kiss and threatening that he won’t kiss him if Jimin doesn’t fall asleep.
It’s going to be a chaotic ride from now on with secrecy and love, but they’ll manage. After all, they are good at hiding, whether it be their feeling for each other or their love from others. They are fine and in love.
Once it gets morning, Yoongi will confess to Jimin again and hear it back, just because he knows it’s real now.
Once it gets morning, Yoongi will thank his band members for pushing them not so subtly and for accepting them as they are, that is, in love.
Once it gets morning, Yoongi will have to thank the ARMYs secretively for their hard work. If it’s wasn’t for them, Yoongi wouldn’t have recognized his feelings for Jimin. He hopes that they understand what he means, after all, it was mostly ARMYs playing the Cupid in their relationship.
* * * To the anon who sent me this plot, I got inspiration from that. And I know your prompt doesn’t match with this, but I promise I’ll write once again and bring something from it. Thank you for the prompt.
To others…it was an emotional ride, wasn’t it? ALL HAIL FOR OUR YOONMIN FANCLUB PRESIDENT, MR KIM NAMJOON! 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼
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