#u know. when he dies via hard hat.

[ghost-nick]

What's going on in his mind after... those events

[isalabells]

can u pls give me all ur thoughts on clarissa franklin? im legit so curious!!

Let me preface this, anon, by saying that this might be the most challenging ask I’ve received to date. That’s why I let it sit there for more than 1.5 weeks while agonizing over it on every run I’ve been on in between. So hats off to you because dang!

Thoughts on characters in the DDF universe are generally a tricky thing because none of them – not even (or: especially not) our three mains – are designed to be anything but two-dimensional. This of course shouldn’t stop anyone from diving deeper into some kind of character analysis, but personally, I’ve always found it a bit off-putting alas I probably have fewer thoughts and headcanons on the folks inhabitating the Rocky Beach universe than one might think. I don’t even find it that compelling to look at from a meta perspective (where, in contrast, I could spend hours talking and writing about TKKG’s narratives. And in fact I have.) So what’s mainly of interest to me here is looking at Minninger aka the one who invented dear Clarissa, and to speculate about his motives for telling the Franklin stories the way he did.

In an attempt to look at it from an in-universe POV first: Amazing character, most likely the best female villain this series will ever see (food for thought: there haven’t been that many to begin with, and most of the ones we got were either written by BJHW or Minninger. MUCH to ponder on), personally, I find her way more fun than Hugenay, giving her two (or three, if the rumors are true) follow-up stories is more than deserved. Furthermore, her legacy is that she appeared in two absolute killer episodes, which many (rightfully) consider to be some of the best the series has to offer (so do I, but plot twist, the best for me is not Stimmen aus dem Nichts but Rufmord). 100/10, can relate to Bob Andrews bc I already grew infatuated with her and she didn’t even need to hypnotize me for that. A great cunning, devious, manipulative, stone-cold bitch ready to kill a man or two at any given point, it’s what we all need and deserve. Shouldn’t even be that big of a surprise that this role slaps so hard bc the majority of things Judy Winter does gain IconicTM status, it is the law. Ever since @charlyritter brought up the idea that Sabine Vitua would be the perfect choice to play her in a live action movie, I cannot stop thinking about this. (And ever since I mistook a picture of young Sabine Vitua with short hair for Bibiana Beglau I am slightly fixated on the idea that she’d be a great fit as well.)

  From a more sober POV: I’ve talked about this before but SadN is actually a very sloppily edited adaptation (e.g. Katharina Brauren most def was recorded separately, there are a lot of inaccuracies-that-easily-could-have-been-avoided-with-some-proper-research-and-a-capable-editor in the script etc.) AND most of it is just Minninger ripping off other stories published via EUROPA (I know none of you are aware of this bc y’all lack the refined taste to engage with TKKG, but the entirety of getting phone calls from the dead? Please listen to #82 Spuk aus dem Jenseits which got published in 1991 aka six years prior to SadN, which Minninger himself edited, and which imo is actually WAY more creepy, esp bc Wolf played a lot with elements from Hofmann’s Sandmann. While we’re at it, I might also drop that Franklin’s iconic line “Reiß Dein Maul nicht so weit auf, sonst schieb ich Dir eine Faust rein, an der Du erstickst“ also first appears, word for word, in TKKG #8 Auf der Spur der Vogeljäger. Well oops.) NEVERTHELESS I argue none of it matters in the long run bc the adaption makes it worth the while. Minninger himself is a trickster in that regard bc what he lacks in writing skills (lbr he doesn’t have any, his stories are mediocre at best) he makes up for in hedonism. As in: he mainly writes about what interests him most in a DDF setting (queer characters, middle-aged and/or old yet powerful ladies, horror vibes, scary, disturbing stuff bordering on the macabre and ludicrous) and designs his characters specifically so that he can cast all the actresses and actors he admires. (Honestly, that was actually a question I sent to him back in 2004 when his Fragebox at the rbc was still running; I wanted to know if he already knew he wanted JW to play CF, and he wholeheartedly confirmed.)

In this case, he got especially lucky bc I am firmly convinced he had no clue at all that Andreas Fröhlich and Judy Winter would play off each other so mesmerizingly. I mean, how could he have known? JW being great and killing it was not a surprise, sure, but Andreas was a far stretch away from being the hot shit he evolved into ever since. And if they hadn’t sold their two extremely unusual scenes so well… both episode and the character would have flopped, I think.

But it didn’t, and then Rufmord came along and the rest is history.

I have severe problems with Signale aus dem Jenseits ESPECIALLY bc of the way the narrative treats good ol’ Clarissa here, and I rather wish this ep had never gotten published in the first place. I don’t want to blow up this reply even further, but allow me to quote a snippet from the episode commentary I left on the rbc a while ago, as it sums up some of my troubles quite nicely:

“[Die] Wortwahl einer „Demontage“ Clarissa Franklins hat mich ins Grübeln gebracht. Vielleicht soll genau DAS die Krux der Sache sein – den Abstieg und Ruin einer Figur nachzuzeichnen, die einst bereit war, eiskalt über Leichen zu gehen und die selbst in Situationen, in denen sie auf den ersten Blick die Machtlose zu sein scheint, doch alle Fäden in der Hand hält und Menschen spielt wie Marionetten. In dem Fall wären die abgeschwächten Anleihen/Rezitationen/Referenzen an die Vorgängerfolgen natürlich geschickt (und bewusst?) gewählt und verstärken den Eindruck, dass Clarissa Franklin tief gefallen ist und mittlerweile nach jedem ihr sich bietenden Strohhalm greift (= Schmierenkomödie als Rache an drei Teenagern). Soll dies eine legitime Lesart des Textes sein, dann ist das Narrativ für mich allerdings falsch aufgebaut, weil es sich in zu vielen Nebenschauplätzen verliert.”

From the pov of my fangirl heart and all critical thinking put aside: Clarissa Franklin probably was the first character I was truly obsessed with!? In a way that I spent my entire Easter holiday break reading and listening to Rufmord 24/7. Thinking about her and her encounter with Just, Peter and Bob for hours each day. Desperately longing for more content with her. While my teenage self as evolved a bit, I’m still fond of her. So as much as I want Minninger to just let her rest, I am also hoping that his forth story featuring her only got postponed and not scratched entirely. The heart wants what the heart wants.

[bezgoesboo]

––  m i c   t a p !    “ an’... ohp !  we’re live ! ”    

               r u s t l e   r u s t l e . . .   

“ well, if you’re listenin’, welcome to another episode of witchin’ hour, in which i’ll do a real valiant job of wastin’ your precious time. 

                             we got the tunes, we got the loons, and the night’s fresher                              than a pack of fuckin’ mini mart twinkies. yep. i’m bez.                                                              whaddya say we get jinkie with it ? ”

or, alternatively:  my name is linc, this is bez holmes, and i hope you brought your schnazziest seatbelts ‘cause, oh bud... you’re in for quite the trip.

( timothee chalamet, ghost, he/him & cismale ) is that ( another one bites the dust ) by ( queen ) playing? guess ( killian beelzebub holmes)’s comin’ in hot! heard folks say the ( twenty three ) year old ( local radio host ) was at the thanksgiving fair, ( throwin’ darts at the balloon wall with his buds ) when chaos ensued. during the glitch, ( he was killed by one of his best supernatural pals he was tryin’ to talk down while everyone else was bookin’ it to the woods, but ain’t the faintest clue he’s dead… yikes ).

b a c k g r o u n d    .  .  .

the autumn of 1959 brought the youngest holmes sibling into existence and knocked out their mother in one fell swoop. killian beelzebub holmes was born to mr. holmes and his late wife at precisely 3:33am just before an uncharacteristically frosty dusk.

mrs. holmes chose the name killian long before her second-born ever killed her, so... heh !  joke’s on her !  bez’s pops didn’t have the heart to call him *cough* er, killian, so the family settled for the next best thing so they could still honor his mother’s wishes: beelzebub. except... well. that still was a lil problematic, given the timing of his birth. and callin’ beelzebub on class attendance? not exactly the best look. hence, the nickname bez was born, and he’s been goin’ by it ever since.

bez has an older sister lee and the two are as thick as thieves. growin’ up, they always kept their father on his toes –– wherever the holmes kids go, trouble follows.

mr. holmes served as county sheriff until he was killed by his second wife when bez was 13 and lee was 14. lee went back to art school after the local police department covered up the bear out as a fuckin’ armed robbery gone wrong. lee ‘n bez were sworn to secrecy, but nothin’, not even authoritative men in police badges, can erase the image of stepmonster slashin’ dad to bits and lettin’ him fall face first into a plate of spaghetti.

bez never liked stepmonster to begin with, but killin’ their dad was the kicker. lee returned to art school and bez struggled to keep the peace in the household. the bitch stepped up the loving stepma act until a year later, when she wigged out again ‘n landed him in the hospital for a couple days. after that, lee returned home, ‘n it was officially holmes vs. mama bear.

movin’ out was the dream, but unfortunately, mr. holmes overextended when he bought this nice shiny new house for his new wife ‘n kids; most of his insurance money went to getting the house out from underwater, ‘n the rest went to funeral expenses. so... the kids were kinda stuck with her. still are.

bez never let himself be stupid enough to dream ‘bout leavin’ letum falls. he likes it here. he’s got his people. throughout school, he romped ‘round with the cool kids. hung out with all the supernaturals. in fact, you’d be hard pressed to find bez holmes chillin’ ‘round anyone who’s actually human. contrary to his sister, his father’s death didn’t turn him off from supernaturals –– if anythin’, it made him desperate to prove to himself just what a wildcard stepmonster was.

after high school graduation, bez pestered his way into workin’ at the local radio station. what started as a simple soundboarding gig morphed into hostin’ his very own show, the witchin’ hour, on which he talks about letum falls’ spooky happenings and engages with live callers. he’s got a sleep with me bit –– callers name celebrities, fictional characters, or even existing locals bez has to seduce via song and cheesy pickup lines. basically, the whole show’s a hangout with bez –– more often ‘n not, he’s high as a bird. so the witchin’ hour’s got itself a steady cult of listeners. bez loves every second of it.

he’s got a reputation for bein’ sexually ambiguous. he was outcasted pretty young as bein’ a lil... off? never into sports. liked to paint his nails colors sometimes. borrow lee’s shirts. his dad never raised issue with it, but stepmonster definitely had her reservations. still does. bez holmes is a kid some fathers told their sons to steer clear of. for fear of, bez’ll laugh as he tells ya, spreadin’ it around.

labels are for chumps, he’ll tell ya, mid-cigarette drag. size y’up real good. odds are, if you’re attractive ‘n mysterious in some way, he’ll fuck ya. ( not countin’  six months of abstinence in 1980 when he was convinced everyone he fucked wound up dyin’ two weeks later... there were a string of incidental deaths. but honestly, sometimes ?  he thinks ‘bout it. )

fuckin’ klutz. yeah, he skateboards. yeah, he looks cool doin’ it. yeah, he’ll even wear his shades while he’s doin’ it at night. but surprise him? make him laugh? he’ll trip over his own two feet.

addicted to cinnamon waffles, enough syrup to drown atlantis a second time. he always haunts the local diner. when he’s not there, he’s likely playin’ pinball or skeeball at the local arcade, or slurpin’ down a rootbeer float and annoyin’ the living shit outta earl at the mini mart.

if it’s illegal? sign him up.

he owns a shit ton of thrifted clothes. lots of chunky jackets, v-necks, rings, necklaces. funky pants. he’s recognized around town by his crazy curls. they’re never tame. he’s always lookin’ artfully disheveled. smirkin’. stealin’ looks.

t h e    f a i r     .  .  .

bez was hangin’ out with his supernatural buds ( wanted connections )when all hell broke loose. he was actually makin’ a fool of himself with balloon darts, but he made a ten buck bet he could win a stupid hat.

while everyone else ran, bez tried to talk down one particular friend ( wanted connection ) who was tryna keep themselves from attackin’ him. he got so far as to get ‘em calm, place a hand on their shoulder. lean in to look ‘em in the eye real close. 

“ hey man, hey now. listen. y’don’t gotta do this. killin’ ain’t punk, ‘kay? y’hate blood, hear me? i believe in you, ‘n even though you serve killer looks –– you’re not a killer. ”

even in the face of death, this kid fuckin’ joked around, and... basically this friend slashes his throat and ripped his heart out right after bez managed a hopeful smile. talk ‘bout a magical fuckin’ friendship.

lee and dean hollis took bez’s body with them when they fled the scene.

bez woke up a few days later in the woods near the fairgrounds. he wandered ‘n wandered, almost in a sleep-like trance, ‘til he reached dean’s house. walked in, blinked right at the guy. they exchanged words, albeit bitter ones, before bez left and walked on over to the radio station. did his show like normal, like he’d never even died. no memory of the glitch. no nothin’. 

heads on over to earl’s mini mart like usual. but earl won’t check him out. earl isn’t hearin’ him. so he fuckin’ leaves with a bag of doritos and a big bottle of mountain dew. runs into his boyfriend, xander chapell. all’s fine ‘n well. he’s overjoyed to see the other male. everythin’s normal.

the next mornin’, he slinks home. finds lee cryin’ in her room. pieces it together and thinks it must be dean hollis. must be ‘cause of that asshole.

c u r r e n t l y    .  .  .

ain’t nobody got the heart to tell this poor kid he died. he’s dead. and since he doesn’t know he’s a ghost ?  he thinks wakin’ up near hose weird ass woods, near the fairgrounds ? it’s all a dream. he thinks the worsened insomnia ? ah. that’s just the weather. ‘n when his hand sometimes goes through things ? when people sometimes don’t see him ? some witch is probably havin’ trouble controllin’ their abilities.

stepmomma has a hunch bez’s spirit might be hauntin’ the house. she keeps tryna sage it. tryna figure out what’s gonna help get her stepson to the beyond. ‘cept bez doesn’t know this, and lee’s playin’ damage control.

he’s still so hopelessly in love with xander, but neither of these two goons have actually shared that with one another. it’s all in the looks. the touches. and now... there’s an added bonus that bez is dead –– technically a goner, unless he never resolves whatever’s keepin’ him here. which, y’know. he won’t. ‘cause he’s got no clue.

can he please get a waffle ?  now some of the waitstaff won’t serve him at the diner ! the fuckin’ nerve !  it’s really okay because he’s got duffy ‘n georgia there to help him out. but damn. no one’s ever been this cold ‘cause of his off-color humor before. what’d he do ?  lord knows.

weird shit’s happenin’. people in town are actin’ strange. something’s up. but then again, somethin’ always is. so bez doesn’t mind it. keeps on hummin’ his stupid tunes. carries on with his show. the radio station producers are scared shitless ‘cause like... this dead kid keeps goin’ on the air. what kinda cruel joke is this, huh ?

c u r r e n t     c o n n e c t i o n s  .  .  .

older sister – lee holmes.  the holmes kids are revered and feared. always up to somethin’... tragic, what happened to ‘em, but lordie. that dead sheriff raised some weird kids.

low key love of his life – xander chapelle.  they started dating a few months ago and bez... never... expected... this. he ain’t the feelings type, no sir. but xander lights somethin’ in him. somethin’ new. yeesh. now you’ve got him all fluttery.

chaos crew – maya shen.  partners in crime, in an endless pacman and pinball war. they’ll beat one another’s scores back ‘n forth and back ‘n forth, never ending. bez is fascinated by maya’s family line ‘n all. she’s great to have ‘round, too, when he’s got a hankering for a cig but needs a decent light.

row, row, row your boat the fuck away from me – dean hollis.  dude was pretty cool, ‘til y’know... he fuckin’ dumped his feelin’s on lee and skipped town. yeah, football. yeah, nfl. cool beans, huh? what’d he have to go and fuck with his sister’s heart for? and now that he’s back and lee’s actin’ weird... bez knows he’s the cause of it for sure. and he doesn’t like it one bit.

grew up together – georgia duchannes.  bez, lee, ‘n georgia all grew up peas in a pod. mr. duchannes took over the role as sheriff because he sniffed somethin’ fishy goin’ on in the department and wanted to protect bez ‘n lee. bez gets a real kick outta georgia, ‘n folks even thought he had a crush on her back in the day. which is hilarious. ‘cause everyone ‘n their mother always knew georgia’d end up with vanetten.

the case he’s gonna crack – teejay vanetten.  bez always liked vanetten, thought he was a chill guy, y’know? a lil’ vanilla, but hey. not everyone can be as ace as him. the dude’s always been a lil’ defensive around bez though, ‘cause of georgia. bez thinks it’s funny. plays into it sometimes, just to get a rise outta him. after the glitch, it becomes clear teejay’s goin’ through something not human, so bez is tryna get lee on board to help this guy figure out his shit.

w a n t e d    c o n n e c t i o n s    .

the best supernatural friend who killed him.  bonus points if things get, like. real fuckin’ angsty.

past hookups.  bez has gotten around. guys, gals, non-binary pals. sex is sex.

supernatural kool krew.  this squad has a runs with wolves kinda vibe. bez might be the glue that holds it together. keepin’ up with supernaturals as a human, though? fuckin’ full time job.

avid radio listeners / callers.   i... would love for some routine callers? maybe some peeps he knows from around town who he has ongoin’ banter with on the air?

goofy gays.  all the gay vibes, just... we need a power gay squad mmkay?

enemies.  i’m sure bez is on a lot of people’s shit lists. he speaks his mind. he goes outta his way to be a nuisance. but he’d just find this whole thing abso-fuckin-lutely hilarious.

music jam peeps.  music is a huge part of bez’s everyday life. he listens to bands more than he listens to people. ‘n he dabbles in some musical shit himself. piano, some songwritin’ here ‘n there. nothin’ too major, but it’d be cool to have some pals who also feel as connected to music as him. he does, after all, run a radio show.

post-glitch connections.   dude roams ‘round letum falls a lot now. he did before, too, but maybe there are some people who knew of him but didn’t know him before who’re now startin’ to talk with him? ‘cause they can see he’s a ghost, ‘n they feel bad? i dunno. at this point, bez is startin’ to yammer on ‘n on to whoever’s gonna listen. maybe they just see one another in odd ass places. like earl’s mini mart. or the arcade. or maybe this person’s willin’ to speak to someone for him when they’re doin’ that stupid ass ignorin’ game again.

[reneereadskingdomofash]

Thoughts on the Ships in Kingdom of Ash

Ok, I’m writing some thoughts on the Ships in Kingdom of Ash. I’ve jumped onto a few posts, but I feel like I’m probably not being clear because well, I talk to people outside of those posts via different channels and so people aren’t getting the full picture. 

Not that this matters of course, the internet and tumblr is only a snapshot, but I wanted to write some clear thoughts on the Ships and how I am feeling about them before/during/and now two weeks after having finished the book. 1. perspectives change. 2. Reading other peoples thoughts that might enhance our own understanding happens too. **SPOILERS BELOW CUT**

Rowaelin

Before Koa: Yes, I dig it. Empire of Storms was their peak love story! Heir of Fire gave me all the Angst - love and hate, falling in love with the trainer, Queen of Shadows gave me my reunion and happiness to fight the bad guys and Empire of Storms gave me the sexy times. The Ship had sailed. Then Maeve came in Empire of Storms. And I was worried for my ship, but only because I was worried for the individual parts of the whole. What happens if they die! What happens if Aelin isn’t who she was. What happens to them! they deserve a happily ever after. *insert renee crying lots at the end of Empire of Storms* 

During Koa: I was scared. Aelin wasn’t who she was. Rowan was loosing himself in the hunt for her. What was this new thing between Fenrys and her and Rowan was on the outs? What did this mean? Why couldn't she talk? Where was my Aelin!!! Aelin had hardened and I was scared, and Rowan was scared and it made me think - she’s going to die and i’m going to cry. Then Aneille happened and Aelin almost came back. She was as close to the old Aelin as I think was possible given the trauma that she went through. Rowan didn’t care. He would have loved her anyway. Such a pure ship. And then they go on to save the world. Once Aelin had forged the lock, I wasn’t scared for her anymore. I didn’t think she might die, I didn’t think Rowan would either. The lock felt like it was the start of their happy ending. Sure lots of stuff to go on but the ship was good. 

After Koa: Same feelings. I still love Rowaelin. But I got to experience their journey over 4 books! It was satisfying in that they had page time but it didn't detract from the story. So When I’m not enthusiastic about Rowaelin - Its not because I don’t love them, I’ve just been with them a long time. There wasn’t any doubt in my mind that they would be ok. 

Elorcan (aka the ship I wanted to sail more than any other)

Before  Koa: I was scared. I feel so hard into this ship when I read Empire of Storms. And then when I re-read it before KoA I fell harder. I loved Lorcan from the start. A grumpy demi-fae, who is the most powerful, who seems angry, who doesn’t show emotions, who would do anything for his friends. (sure misguided sometimes - but that’s what it boils down to). He came to Rowan’s aid in Heir of Fire. He came for his friend. Not his general. He didn’t have time for Aelin - some mortal girl who people had an interest in. It wasn’t why he came. People who know me - know I have been cheering for Lorcan the past two years. That he’s going to show this side of himself. My morally grey Lorcan. And then Queen of Shadows and Empire of Storms happened. Oh man. Elide, my witch baby standing up for those who cant do it for themselves! She took on Vernon for Kaltain, she is bad-ass! She is the my love just as Lorcan is my love. I’m so torn I love them both. Its a good thing they found each other. Anyway. Elide stands up to him, she fights for herself and others. She protects him and he does the same back. So I love them. Elide threw herself in front of a wolf (Fenrys to save him!) And When Lorcan called for Maeve - my heart sank. Lorcan u big Dummy! I love you but come on! And then the theories started. and I wrote some too. Maybe if I think of the worst possible thing that can happen and put it out into the world it wont happen. Like jinxing the bad stuff. Lorcan “SALVATERRE” savior of lands- does that mean he will sacrifice himself??? Honestly my biggest fear going in. 

During  Koa: Kingdom of Ash was a roller-coaster for my ship. I was so invested in everything they did. I paid way too much attention to their sections than other ships. - honestly I skim read nestaq scenes (who I love). which is bad I know. but elorcan for life apparently.  And Lorcan was being sneaky and trying to help Elide be comfortable (sure more period talk but what ever) because he had been traveling with her for months and months and knew she needed stuff. He shows love by doing. Not always doing the right thing (his decision making skills need work) - but he tries. Elide was a bitch at the start. Just going to say it. Sure she might have been justified, but sometimes you don’t need to voice all the nasty things in your head. And I got mad at her. Then she basically said she wouldn’t care if Lorcan died. And his heart broke and my heart broke and I was upset and probably crying.  AND THEN THE BATTLE OF ANEILLE HAPPENED AND I CRIED!!! AND I SCREAMED AT MY BOOK. Direct quote from my notes: “ P500 - NOT HAPPY! Lorcan!!!! OMG NOT HAPPY! LORCAN JUST DROPPED HIS SHEILDS - fucking egg! Omg ahhh! Crap. Crap crap.”  I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t have dropped his shields if Elide hadn’t said such horrible things to him and he didn’t feel like he needed to die. So I was mad, fucking live you dork. Its just a girl! I ship you two, but if You are both going to be Dorks then I don’t!  So when Elide went to go find him I was like - OMG YES U DO LOVE HIM... direct quote from my notes:  “ I'm crying .... Elide- "I will always find you", running down the stairs... oh it hurts.... please please be ok ....  Ahhh she grabbed chaols horse! A horse for Hellas himself... ahh Lol and then that's explained a couple of pages over Lorcan!!!(517) "Get up" :sobbing emojis: "I promised to always find you. I promised you, and you promised me. I came for you because of it; I am here because of it. I am here for you, do you understand? And if we don't get onto that horse now, we won't stand a chance against that dam. We will die." P 520 :more sobbing emojis: Omg :more sobbing emojis: You have to let me go I love you And I will be with you.... I will be with you always :more sobbing emojis: Lorcan Omg Fucking hell And elide! Yes! You claw at him girl!! That dam! Oof Omg my ship - you are killing me “

Honestly. Such a Rollercoaster. So as you can see I was invested. and then they seemed to tentatively get over each other and what happened and proceeded to get cuter and cuter as the book went on and just gave me warm fuzzies and happiness. 

After Koa: I love this ship. I would die for this ship. Fight me! - oh majority of fandom also Like my ship now... cool cool. that’s cool. guess we cool.

Manorian

Before Koa: I dig it. Its alright. Manon eats men for breakfast so Dorian has a little bit of a death wish but I can see that playfulness, that bond from living a similar life. Heirs in name only, for the longest time. I appreciated it, but wasn't strongly invested. I had picked my OTP already. Still enjoy this ship tho - just less invested.

During Koa: I really liked the tentative relationship between Manon and Dorian. I have so many notes about how I think he is a witch tho - so those stand out in my notes more than ship points. I liked that they shared a tent when Manon never did. I liked that Dorian spent time with the 13 developing friendships. It showed that he wanted to know Manon, more than just for sex. But it also cannot be denied that they like sex and used it to avoid talking. That happens in relationships too - not necessarily bad. Its one of the things I actually like about SJM’s ships they aren’t cookie cutter relationships. But I did feel like both Manon and Dorian chose the mission over the relationship (For Now) which is fine too btw. In life we might take a job in a different city and do long distance and still come back to each other. I think Dorian lying to Manon on their last night together by omission is a little sucky. But again. relationships have ups and downs. I’m glad it kinda ended there. Sure they come back together, But I like that its left open. Firstly because they have had the ship burn in flames - their isn’t an “unhappy” ending... the story is still playing out. We just cut away before seeing the end. 

After Koa: Wow ok. So people have lots of thoughts on this ship and maybe I should have been paying attention. Why don’t people like it open ended... ok? maybe its a loose end but there is still a book to come (the world of throne of glass) and sure its not a novel about Aelin. This doesn't mean it wont tell us about the encyclopedic history or Ardarlan and the Witch kingdom and how both are run by people who are seeing each other. A certain boy who knows how to use portals to get from one place to the other quickly - doesn't seem like living on opposite sides on the continent is going to be a problem.... maybe that’s just the optimist in me. If they have children - a girl to rule the wastes and a boy to be king. Seems like an amazing fit. I’d really like to see this happen tbh, but this takes time and time KoA didn’t have in the pages - but - maybe - the world of throne of glass will.  

Chaorian

Before Koa: Ahh cute - they had their love story i’m happy!

During Koa: Damn I love Yrene. Shes the best. Chaol, you are ok too - but Yrene has your back and is the light relief in your life. Chaol you are too serious - listen to your wife.

After Koa: awwww little wittle chaorene babies. awwwwww daddy Chaol. awww  uncle Dorian. <3 <3 so many warm fuzzies.

Nestaq

Before Koa: I ship them so Hard OMG SARTAQ I LOVE YOU. You are a way better fit for Nesryn than Chaol. Man i’m glad she met you. 

During Koa: oof Sartaq why u gotta have a Khagan hat on - you are so serious. Good thing Borte is there. 

After Koa: Nesryn has no idea what she is in for - Can I please get more Yeran and Borte. Still love Nestaq - but I understand the peak of their story was in Tower of Dawn. 

Lysaedion

Before Koa: Oh Man you two. The end of Empire of Storms - Aedion you are a dick! Why! Why! Oh you better just be mad and make it up to her. You love her dang it, you wanted to marry her! Argh. I don’t know how to feel, I like them together - but what is this past Aedion has? What is coming. I don’t want to get my hopes up. 

During Koa: Aedion! Aedion! What! Are! you! doing!

I’m so mad at Aedion right now. You better apologise.

Its so complicated to break down. But basically Aedion is being an A-hole to Lysandra and she doesn’t deserve it. She is running herself into the ground and you do that! Aedion! I’m so conflicted, why are you a good dad to Evangeline but an awful person to Lys! AHHH AEDION STOP! 

After Koa: I still don’t know how to break down this relationship. It sets off so many red flags for me. - About how someone can be a great dad but an awful partner.  - About how someone can be abusive essentially but explain away their actions. - About how other people stand by and watch, when they see this behavior. - About how it is all “circumstances”. 

Now - I think its fine for people to work through things and overcome their problems if they want to but that takes time. What Aedion did in Kingdom of Ash did not make me think he should have been able to win Lysandra back as quickly as he did near the end of the book. And it hurts. However I know people in real life who have gone back to people who have treated them badly. So its not uncommon. It is their decision. It just hurts. 

Part of me wants them to get a divorce and I’ve made a couple of joke-ish statements about that. But I could have been on Lysaedion’s side if it had a similar ending to Manorian. If it was left hanging, left on a - lets see where this goes. War does strange things to people, and I think Aedion was affected more than others, but he needs to prove he isn’t going to be the man who threw Lysandra out into the cold. In my eyes at least. 

I have prob left ships out, and thoughts out but this is a lot of writing for me that’s not counting towards my nanowrimo - hahaha. 

[dreadhaus-literature]

{January Collection} #25 (Part One)

Vacancy Sign

Theme: Familiar Friday

If I can’t have you, neither can he. Or...can we?

January in Texas means very little; you might get a reprieve from the scream of summer bugs and the humidity but the sun still shines and if you ain’t careful you’ll start sweating through your jacket.

Monica bumped the taxi door closed with her hip, squinting behind her sunglasses as the driver shuffled around to the trunk to collect her suitcase. Research for writing can lead an author to exotic locations...but that wasn’t exactly how Monica would describe this dying Texas town. That being said, it was the perfect location to gather research for her latest YA novel; a nearly vacant town with a populace in the two dozens just whispered of mystery and she could feel the inspiration tingling the tips of her fingers. Monica may be pushing her dresser in front of her motel door to sleep tonight but it was a small price to pay for adding another best-seller to her anthology.

“Now,” the portly driver spoke up as he set Monica’s suitcase by her boots. “Are ya real sure this is where yer wantin’ to stay?”

Monica glanced up at him and noted the concern on his weathered face, but she wasn’t put off by it. She wasn’t a little girl and she wasn’t white. She knew this place was questionable, but an artist sometimes has to suffer for their art. She nodded, giving him a small smile. “I’m sure!”

The driver, Ted, still seemed unconvinced, scratching beneath his cap. “...There’s a nicer city about 50 miles up the road, miss. I’ll take ya there, no charge.”

Now that sent alarm bells ringing in Monica’s head and her brows tucked in at the center, folding her arms. “Is it not safe here, or something?”

“I just been hearin’ some rumors--”

“Well now, Ted, i ain’t hearin’ you scarin’ tourists away from our purdy li’l town, am I?”

Monica and Ted both turned, and Ted swore beneath his breath immediately at the sight of the Sheriff’s car. The alarm bells in Monica’s head didn’t quiet even at the arrival of law enforcement--if anything, they were louder than ever. Sheriff Hoyt was clear to read on his nameplate and his hat threw his weathered face in harsh relief as boots crunched over gravel, closing the distance between them in a few lazy strides. Monica swallowed thickly even as Ted backed up toward his taxi.

“An’ speakin’ of purdy, ain’t you a li’l georgia peach.” Sheriff Hoyt rolled the toothpick between his teeth as he drank Monica in, head to toe, like a man allowed a drink after a hard day’s work under the Texan sun.

Monica fought off a grimace, honestly beginning to consider Ted’s offer for a free ride to the next town--but she turned at the sound of him slamming his trunk closed. “...Ted?”

“I’m real sorry, miss, I just, I got another fare. I gotta git,” Ted didn’t look up, nearly tripping over his own feet as he rushed for his driver’s door.

“Aw, you leavin’ already, Ted?” There was no denying Sheriff Hoyt didn’t sound the least bit disappointed by this turn of events. One might think he turned up just to scare Ted away.

“I haven’t even paid you--”

“You keep it! Buy yerself somethin’ nice if ya--when ya get outta here.” Ted slammed his door closed and locked it in the same motion. “Y’all take care, now!”

“Bye Ted,” Hoyt lifted his hand to wave as Ted backed out, nearly slamming into his police cruiser before peeling out, leaving Monica staring in disbelief at the retreating car. She felt a little like being left in the woods surrounded by wolves, especially as Hoyt’s arm came down, sweeping around the small of her back and gripping her hip. “Now, don’t mind him, girlie. Ted’s a nervous fella--ya’d think he’d be a better people person, drivin’ one of them cabs, but I guess ya can’t learn stupid.”

Monica didn’t know whether or not she was supposed to laugh at that, but when she gave him a smile he grinned back. He didn’t seem to notice how forced it was.

“Hoyt?”

“Luda Mae! Look what just blew inta town,” Hoyt swept Monica away from the road and up toward the general store that also doubled as a motel in this blip of a town. On the porch was an elderly woman who looked tough as nails, but as soon as she laid eyes on Monica her entire expression softened and she took on a more motherly appearance.

“Well now, ain’t she just a peach blossom,” Luda Mae reached out with one hand for Monica.

“That’s what I said, Mama, that’s just what I said!”

Monica had heard plenty about small towns and she’d seen enough horror movies to know what to expect from small southern towns, and it didn’t surprise her in the slightest the town sheriff was the son of the shopkeeper of the only store in town. She couldn’t help but put her hand in Luda Mae’s, though; the old woman quieted the warning bells in her head and though her hands were a little calloused they were soft, doughy, as she was a larger woman who likely gave damn good hugs.

“What brings ya to our neck of the woods, child?” Luda Mae asked, but then immediately shouted to Hoyt, her voice taking on a whip-like quality. “Hoyt, make yourself useful and get her bags off the street. Can’t ya see she’s a fancy city girl? Can’t have her clothes collectin’ dust.”

“I’m goin’ Mama, I’m goin’.”

What might have been an insult coming from someone else didn’t sound it when Luda Mae said it; she seemed to genuinely be complimenting Monica and she followed that up with a gentle pat to Monica’s arm that was threaded through hers.

“I’m sorry honey, you was sayin’?”

“U-Um, I’m just in town doing some research.”

Luda Mae squinted behind her thin-framed glasses. “Research? You some sort of scientist?”

Say what you will about uneducated country folk, but coming from Luda Mae it was almost adorable. Monica shook her head quickly, unable to help smiling up at the matronly woman. “N-No, I’m an author, actually! I’m writing my next novel about a small town, and...this seemed as good a place as any.”

“Oh, it’s a great place! I’ve raised my whole family here!” Luda Mae led Monica around the wraparound porch as she talked, and Monica noticed the motel was connected to the store via the porch’s walkway. Behind them, Hoyt was thudding along on confident boots, hauling Monica’s suitcase as he listened to his Mama talk. “We Sawyer’s have lived in this town our whole lives. They say it’s dyin’ around us but we’ll keep it goin’.” Luda Mae gave Monica’s arm a pat.

“Yeah, folks like you droppin’ by sure keeps the blood flowin’ like wine ‘round these parts,” Hoyt quipped but it earned him an immediate glare from Luda Mae.

“No, Hoyt, I think this beautiful city girl is exactly the type to change all that. An’ I’m sure you’ll find the boys’ll agree with me.”

Hoyt grumbled under his breath at the immediate rebuttal but he didn’t say anything else, and Monica felt she’d missed an important exchange, because Hoyt was no longer eye-fucking her. In fact, he wasn’t looking at her at all--

But that didn’t mean others weren’t.

Jedidiah “Bubba” Sawyer crowded around the broken slat at the back of the general store’s storage room; he squinted behind the mask covering his face, almost ripping it off in agitation because he couldn’t see her like this. Sweat dripped from his brow beneath the mask but he ignored it, and he ignored his younger brother’s curious grunt from behind him. If he blinked, if he looked away for even a second, she might walk out of sight and he couldn’t bear the idea of losing sight of her that quickly. After all, she was the most beautiful girl Bubba had ever seen. Bubba’s breath quickened until he was nearly panting; he didn’t understand what was happening but his chest was burning, his heart feeling like it was on fire the longer he stared at her. The way she moved, the way she smiled up at Mama, the sound of her voice--she was perfect! Like those pretty princesses Mama sometimes read to him about from the picture books. She’d always told him if he was a good boy he’d get a princess, too! Chop Top always laughed at him about it, told him that monsters don’t get the girl, princes like him do, but Mama can’t be wrong--and she wasn’t! The princess was here! She was here!

Thomas “Tommy” Hewitt grunted again but was again ignored, and he narrowed his gaze at his older brother. He slammed his cleaver down on the cutting board, his grunt turning into a half-growl and Bubba responded by waving a meaty hand as if to shut him up. Thomas’s lip curled beneath his half-mask, wondering if Bubba was staring at a dog again. The big lug was easily distracted by animals--or anything, really, and Thomas understood why he was often confused with being the older brother. But no, Bubba was oldest, and he was actually a Sawyer. Thomas was adopted, had been since birth, but he didn’t feel any less of a Sawyer even with the last name difference. Luda Mae, Mama, had told him she’d let him keep his last name to honor his birth mother, who’d died to bring him into the world. Thomas had never known her, or any other Hewitt; all he knew were the Sawyers and though Bubba was only a couple years older he was still the older brother. They’d been raised side by side, both suffering from the same degenerative disease that some doctors thought was a result of impure drinking water, while others, outsiders, might claim incest resulted in their malformed faces. Thomas didn’t know and he didn’t give a shit, to put it frankly. He just knew his face was ugly and he wore a mask to cover up the ugly. It was the same reason Bubba wore his, though Thomas didn’t know why Bubba made his face worse by cutting into it sometimes. He also understood Bubba felt worse about his face because he actually wore other people’s faces as his own. Thomas only did that when they had company over.

The boys couldn’t speak, a result of their disease, but they’d been raised together and non-verbal cues were as good as words between them at this point. Thomas grunted, again, and when Bubba didn’t acknowledge him the younger Sawyer butcher picked up a ham hock from the bloody table and flung it at his older brother, now absolutely fed up with being ignored.

Bubba flinched when the bone connected with his broad shoulder, curls bouncing as he whirled to babble angrily at Thomas for interrupting him. Thomas gestured with both arms out as if to say, ‘What the high holy hell are you lookin’ at?!’

Bubba waved Thomas over with one excited hand, and Thomas lumbered around the table, heaving a sigh through his mask. His eyes were full of boredom.

‘If you’re showin’ me another dog, Bubba, I’m gonna thump ya.’

Bubba flattened his hand on Thomas’s broad back, placating. ‘It ain’t a dog. Look.’

Thomas pressed his face against the slat, fully expecting to see a goddamn dog, but what he saw instead about knocked him on his ass. Who was that? Their dying town had seen it’s fair share of visitors, and they all ended up the same way--on the Sawyer table--but none of them had ever looked like her. Thomas was frozen in place, Bubba’s hand on his back, patting at him excitedly as he babbled away but Tommy wasn’t hearing a word of it. The pretty young thing on Mama’s arm was walking past the slat and Thomas drew in a deep breath and his eyes near rolled back in his head as her perfume kissed his nose. She smelled like what he figured heaven smelled like. A man like Thomas was surrounded by blood and grit, dirt and gristle, and he wasn’t used to pretty and he wasn’t used to good smells either--but this girl was everything he wasn’t and goddamnit did he want her with every bone in that hulking body. He was immediately, painfully hard and he couldn’t help ripping his gaze from her just to look down, a little confused by the reaction he had to her.

Bubba’s babbling increased in volume, as if to say, ‘Me too, me too!’

Thomas looked up, leaning a little to the right as Mama, the pretty girl, and Hoyt moved past the broken slat and he growled a little as he began to lose sight of them. Bubba, confused by the growl, tried to shove Thomas out of the way, who shoved back immediately. The brothers straightened up, shoulders square as they communicated through growls, angry babbling, and stiff spines.

‘I saw the princess first!’

Thomas’s lip curled. ‘So?’

‘So you don’t get her! I do!’

‘You won’t even really look at her! You’ll get shy.’

Bubba’s broad shoulders sagged a little. ‘...It ain’t my fault she’s so pretty.’

Thomas’s eyes lifted to the ceiling. No matter the two’s disagreements, Thomas couldn’t be mean to Bubba, and it was true he saw the princess first. So, what’s a little brother to do?

‘We’ll share her.’

Bubba’s head cocked to the side. ‘Like when there’s only one piece of pie left an’ Mama makes us split it?’

‘Exactly like that.’

Monica heaved her suitcase onto the queen sized bed, pleasantly surprised when no dust kicked up from the weight. The room was nicer than she’d first imagined it to be, given the state of disrepair a lot of the town seemed to be in. Luda Mae had been insistent she take the nicest room at the motel anyway (even if that did seem a bit like an oxymoron), and for some strange reason Monica hadn’t had to check in or even pay. When she’d asked about it, Luda Mae had just waved a hand and said something about southern hospitality. Monica didn’t know much about that sort of thing but it seemed like a strange business practice...but who was she to complain? Hoyt had become much less creepy after that weird exchange on the walk to the motel and when he’d told her to give a holler if anyone bothered her, she actually felt he meant it.

Despite the room being cleaner than she’d expected it was still decorated like 1975 and Monica didn’t bother hiding her grimace at the paisley wallpaper and the lace curtains that would do absolutely nothing when the sun rose in the morning. She also couldn’t help but notice the lace curtains were not exactly...the right choice for a motel that was on the ground floor. The only comfort she had, and it was mild at best, was that she had the room on the corner so one of her windows faced the outer Texas plains and not the main city road. Monica placed her hand on her hip, figuring she’d just change in the bathroom rather than her room. Problem solved, right?

For the most part, she’d reason with herself, fishing her cell phone out of her purse. After tapping out a quick text to her best friend, Monica pulled up her agent’s number from her contacts and launched the call. It was just easier; he’d be asking a million questions and she’d rather not wear out her fingers before she got out her laptop and began writing.

“Keil? Yeah, I made it--what the hell do you mean, have I started writing?! I just fucking got here!”

A few feet away in the General Store, the sign at the door was flipped to Closed so a Sawyer family meeting could take place. Hoyt moved away from the door, leaving the sign still swinging slightly as he slipped his hat off, scratching his hairline. Around the general store’s cafe tables the Sawyer clan was settling in; from the Butcher boys, Thomas and Bubba, to Chop Top and Nubbins, who worked as the family’s scrappers and trappers. Uncle Monty was wheeled up to a table near the front by Luda Mae, and even Grammy Verna was present, sitting by her daughter, who was standing at the front of the tables. Other assorted cousins and siblings filtered in front the back door, and one might be right to assume half the town’s population was in the room.

“All right, all right, settle down now,” Luda Mae, the matriarch of the Sawyer’s now that her Mama Verna had moved away the next town over, rapped her knuckles sharply on the table top to quiet the clan. “We got business to talk.”

“What’s this Uncle Hoyt’s been sayin’, about some new meat?” Chop Top Sawyer propped dirty boots up on the table, only for Hoyt to smack his nephew’s feet right back off the table.

“Boy you better straighten up when Ma’s talkin’ or I’ll knock yer damn teeth in.”

“Aight aight! Shit,” Chop Top swore, slowly pushing himself back upright in his seat--trying to ignore Nubbins giggling at him like a little boy. “So who is this, Ma? She gonna be Sunday dinner?”

Immediately, both Thomas and Bubba reacted, with Thomas slamming his fist on the table in protest and promise of violence if anyone so much as even tried it and Bubba blubbering angrily, standing up to the entire family just for their pretty, pretty princess! The entire clan reacted, because as much as the two were known for obeying the family, you didn’t push the Butchers.

Luda Mae smiled proudly at the boys’ reaction; it was exactly as she figured, and you know what they say. Mama always knows best.

“Figure you got your answer there, Chop Top,” Luda Mae placed her hands on her wide hips. “The li’l peach ain’t gonna be Sunday dinner, but she is comin’ over for Sunday dinner.”

Murmurs of curiosity and disbelief ran through the clan, with cousins and uncles exchanging looks and raised eyebrows. The cannibalistic family usually only had company over for one reason, but they were gathering this was a special occasion--they just didn’t know why.

“I been promisin’ the boys a princess since they was spittin’ age,” Luda Mae continued, silencing the clan again. “And I know damn well some of y’all thought it was a joke.”

At this, Chop Top coughed and Nubbins looked around, but it was no surprise those two had been tormenting Bubba and Tommy for years. Hoyt smacked them both across the back of their heads with one fell swoop.

“Well, it ain’t a joke. Like the river run through the dry of Egypt, she’s finally here.” Luda Mae rubbed her hands together with a proud smile. “She’s as sweet as she is pretty, and she’s gonna clean up the Sawyer line real nice like. She’s book smart, boys, so she’ll be good for you, good for you an’ the future Sawyers she’s gonna give us.”

Thomas and Bubba exchanged glances, with Bubba’s smile so wide beneath his mask it actually hurt but he didn’t stop, didn’t shy away from the pain. Mama was saying exactly what they wanted to hear! The pretty princess was going to stay, she was going to be theirs! Bubba slung his arm around Tommy’s shoulders, giving his younger brother an excited shake and even Tommy couldn’t remain stone-faced at the announcement. He was smiling, genuinely, leaning into Bubba’s excited one-armed hug.

“So wait, Mama, what the hell?” Chop Top spun in his seat, looking from Tommy and Bubba back up to Luda Mae. “Why do the two retards get ‘er? She’s so damn pretty, Nubbins and I should--”

“Chop Top I will not have you callin’ the boys that word.” Luda Mae’s tone cracked like a whip and the entire room fell silent. Her eyebrows were near her hairline, one finger pointed at him in warning. “They do plenty for this family and it’s high time they get somethin’ for it. If you want a girl so damn bad, you pick out one of the pigs.”

Nubbins began giggling again, ducking Chop Top swinging at him.

“Now that goes for all of ya.” Luda Mae pointed at each and every one of the Sawyers. “Yer gonna clean up good when you come for dinner tonight, and yer gonna be on your best damn behavior. I picked this girl out for my boys and if you run her off, I’ll let them do what they do best to ya.”

That threat, that promise, hung in the air like a body from a noose. It was no secret Bubba and Thomas made excellent use of their chainsaws and some gazes drifted to Monty’s stumps of legs. They’d use it on Family if they needed to and it was apparent by their visceral reactions anytime this new girl was brought up they wouldn’t hesitate when it came to her.

“Does this peach have a name, Luda Mae?” Verna glanced up at her daughter. “I wanna get started on an embroidery for her, hang it from the family fireplace with the rest of ‘em.”

“Her name’s Monica,” Luda Mae’s smile was nothing short of motherly. “Our li’l miracle baby.”

Stay tuned for Part Two tomorrow--Prompt #26: Monster/Mirror!

[boystownbirdie]

LMWTV4U: GOT S7E7

Welcome back to Let me watch TV 4 U? The blog where I watch TV for YOU! Last night was the season 7 finale of Game of Thrones. What happened? LET’S FIND OUT! Spoilers ahead you’ve been warned. You’ve also been warned that you are about to be #SHOOKETH. 

Again, I was fully #shook the entire second half of this ep. But the first half was less shocking, so let’s get that out of the way first, shall we?

We open on Greyworm and the rest of the Unsullied army…

And they are in #formation on the lawn of King’s Landing. Jaime and Bronn watch from a tower and discuss dicks and basically conclude that dicks make the world go ‘round which is A. GARBAGE and B. WELCOME TO THE SEASON OF THE KWEENS. Also Bronn oversees the Lannister army’s production of “pitch” which I’m assuming is like tar (I know this from Into the Woods, thanks Sondheim!). What is this pitch for? IDK it’s never mentioned again! During their dick-discussion, the Dothraki forces ride up on their horses through the Unsullied formation and J and B are, frankly, spooked.

While the Unsullied and Dothraki approach by land, the big wigs ride in by sea. We’ve got Tyrion, Previously-Traumatized-Theon (PTT), Sleevey, Bae, No-Knuckles (NK), Stoney, and Missi on deck. Down below, the Hound checks to make sure the ice zombie they obtained last week is still zombie-ing. As they approach, Theon’s Uncle Crazy-Pants (UCP) has his whole fleet of ships guarding King’s Landing. We check in quickly with Queen Pixie Cut (QPC) who is reminding her zombie-bodyguard, The Mountain, to kill everyone please.

As we approach the GoT-Model-UN, Bronn strolls up with Ladyknight and her squire, Pod on one side and are met by Tyrion and the rest of #TeamKhaleesi at a fork in the road. Pod and Tyrion and Bronn all used to be besties, so it’s kind of weird for them to be meeting like this, but OH WELL we’ve got ice zombies to discuss! The Hound and Ladyknight reunite which is cute because last time they met she left him for dead. They both chat about how they are proud that their little Arya has grown up to be a skilled assassin.

They approach the Courtyard by Marriott presents, the DRAGONPIT space that QPC has rented for their Model-UN conference, which is actually a giant pit where the Targaryens used to keep their dragons. It looks like one of those stadiums that was shoddily-built for the Olympics 25 years ago but has not been touched since. #TeamKhaleesi and #TeamBae all take their seats and then QPC and co. roll up with Uncle Crazy Pants. We get a reminder that the Mountain and the Hound (who are brothers) do NOT like each other. QPC is like, umm… Where’s Khaleesi? And then in the least surprising entrance ever Khaleesi flies in on Dragon #1 with Dragon #2 in tow and is like, what? Am I late?

Uncle Crazy Pants has to remind us all that he’s crazy and rather than let the grown-ups chat, he yells at his nephew PTT and is like, hey, I still have your sister, remember? Tyrion tries to steer the convo back to Model-UN business but then UCP goes on a rant about how he hates dwarves until QPC is finally like shut all the way up, UCP. Tyrion and Bae co-present the case for their country in this model-UN, Khaleesi-ville. There’s a lot of back and forth but T makes a very good point when he says there’s “no conversation that will erase the last 50 years.”

Their presentation concludes with a real-life-3D-representation of the threat to their country, an ice zombie fresh from beyond the wall! The Hound sets him loose and he comes right for QPC’s face. She looks truly horrified while her “Maester” (who is into human experiments and keeping dead people alive unnaturally) is kinda turned on? Bae shows us that the 2 things that can destroy the ice zombie are fire and dragonglass, thus completing his presentation. Good job, Bae, A+ and extra points for visuals!

UCP is not having this and is like, can ice zombies swim? Bae’s like, naw dawg they cannot. So UCP is like k, BAI and peaces out. He and his people live on an island so they’re safe from ice zombies as long as they stay put. Since Khaleesi recently purchased an island-condo, he advises her to do the same. QPC agrees to a truce with #teamKhaleesi on the condition that Bae heads back to Winterfell and not “choose a side” between Khaleesi and QPC. It seems like a good deal but Bae is like sorry I already chose a side I’m #teamKhaleesi til I die (again). QPC is like k, kewl, bai and her whole crew leaves without deciding on their model-UN resolution. Ladyknight appeals to her old pal Jaime to have some common sense but he is too #inlurve with his sister to listen.

Everyone left at the Courtyard by Marriott is like Bae couldn’t you just have told a little lie to QPC? And he’s like naw, not a liar. Can’t do it. Tyrion is like ok well I’ll go talk to my sis, she’ll probs kill me but, it’s been a fun life! Meanwhile, Khaleesi and Bae get a little heart-to-heart where she AGAIN mentions that she can’t have children and he’s like well who said that? And she’s like oh this witch doctor lady who killed my first husband. And Bae is like, she wasn’t even a licensed medical professional, what does she know!?

Tyrion and Jaime have a quick moment of brotherly love before T goes to see QPC. T is like, ok sis, just kill me. Your giant zombie-bodyguard is here just give the order and have me killed. And then she doesn’t kill him. Instead, she declines his glass of wine because she is #drinkingfortwo now, that’s right, she preggers (or at least she claims to be). Somehow, telling Tyrion about her pregnancy leads her to change her mind so she returns to the Courtyard by Marriott to tell the crew that she will have her armies march North to face the “great war” of the ice zombies. Huzzah! Our mission is complete. OR IS IT?

Let’s pop into Winterfell, shall we?

Sansa finds out that Bae #boweddown to Khaleesi via a very informative letter and discusses this with Littlefinger. LF is like well, I guess Bae is a traitor now so maybe you should be in charge? And she’s like hmmm… but my sister is acting weird. And then he tries to tell her that her sis wants to kill her to become the “Lady of Winterfell” and take power. She’s like, well… I guess I better do something about that. A few scenes later, Sansa is busy looking out at the winter-y landscape and tells a guard to have her sister, Arya, brought to the Great Hall.

In the Great Hall, Arya walks into a room filled with judgy-looking dudes in pointy hats and is like, did I miss something? And Sansa is like well… there is a traitor in our midst. And Arya is like, oh really, bitch? We gonna go there? And Sansa is like yep, you’re accused of treason, murder, and conspiring to kill your leader……… LITTLEFINGER!

WHAT? TABLES TURNED BIOTCH YOU ARE DONE LITTLEFINGER.

LF tries to talk his way out of this one but it turns out the sisters have been plotting against him all along and there’s nothing he can say that can combat that. Plus Bran is there and he can see the past so he offers some helpfully incriminating testimony against Littlefinger. LF is down on his knees begging Sansa for his life and she’s like #boibye, do it sis. And Arya cuts his throat! And then he is dead-o as dead as any dead thing that ever died. I truly cheered out loud at this scene. Like, I should have seen it coming but I didn’t. Thank you, GoT, for not only killing off a main character, but one we all wanted to see die anyway! Later, we get a scene where Arya and Sansa fully make up and are friends again, TG!

Back to #teamKhaleesi...

they’re debating travel plans to head North. Stoney is like, Khaleesi you should take the dragon express, but Bae is like no, sail on a boat wit me. And Khaleesi is FEELING BAE so she’s like sorry, Stoney, gotta get that D. Then we have a sweet scene where Bae and PTT resolve their past differences and PTT is like wow you are one good dude, Bae.

Inspired by this convo, PTT heads to the boats to ask the small crew of his sister’s sailor-guys to sail with him to save his sis from UCP. The main sailor dude is like NOPE, you heard UCP, we’re heading to an island! PTT is like NOT TODAY, SATAN, and he starts fighting the main sailor dude. After taking several punches and getting back up again (that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call tub-thumping (thanks Kimmy Schmidt), when you get back down but you get up again), PTT is hit hard in the groin by the main sailor dude but jokes on him cuz PTT is like a Ken-Doll down there! PTT uses this momentum to wipe out sailor dude and after beating him up, rallies the troops to go save his sister! Good job, PTT!

Back in King’s Landing…

Jaime is ordering the Lannister forces to head up North to fight the ice zombies when QPC walks in and is like lol wut? Jaime’s like just doing what we agreed to do at the Model UN conference! QPC is like, oh that’s sweet, you thought I was serious? I’m not gonna make a truce with Khaleesi! I’m gonna move in as soon as her troops head North! And Jaime is like how? We don’t have an army! And she’s like oh remember when UCP said he was going to leave and head back to the Iron Islands- psych!- he’s heading to the other side of the world to bring the “Golden Company” (a huge army of soldiers for hire that QPC bought with all that Tyrell gold) back here.

Jaime is NOT PLEASED because A. he wants them to keep their word and B. he’s like if these ice zombies win we’re all f$%-ed and C. QPC kept him in the dark about all of this. He’s like I know you murdered thousands of innocent people in a church and you’ve been 100% evil for the past 5 seasons, but this is the LAST STRAW. And he goes to leave and she’s nobody walks away from me and her zombie-knight is there. And Jaime is like ok, kill me. Which is cuckoo because this is the second time in this episode where QPC is faced with a brother saying “ok, have your zombie knight kill me then” and each time she doesn’t do it.

So Jaime storms off and it seems like he is finally dunzo with his twin sis/lover and is headed...North? IDK? As he is leaving King’s Landing, though, SNOW STARTS TO FALL whoa #winteriscoming #vintagenedstark #amiright ladies?

Let’s check in on Winterfell again!

Sam arrives with Gilly and bb Sam and comes to see the artist formerly known as Bran Stark aka The 3-eyed Raven. Bran tells Sam he is the 3-eyed Raven now and Sam’s like….k? And Bran is like I need to see Bae to tell him about his parents. Bran is being a real know-it-all which is I guess his gig now and he’s like he’s not Jon Snow, he’s Jon Sand, he was a bastard born in Dorne (Dornish bastards have the last name Sand instead of Snow cuz of the climate) to Rhaegar Targaryen and Lyanna Stark. And Sam is like HOLD THE PHONE I just remembered that Gilly read aloud from this old dude’s diary that Lyanna and Rhaegar were legally married and he got offish divorced from his first wife!

And then Bran goes back in time and watches the marriage and is like yep it happened and meanwhile he’s narrating all of this, Khaleesi and Bae are on a ship headed North when he knocks on her door late at night. She lets him in and then before we even get to witness their first kiss they are #doingit that’s right straight up boning and fully nude. It is very hawt but also we are confirming that she is his aunt at the same time. And Tyrion, meanwhile, watched Bae go into Khaleesi’s room and is feeling some kinda way about it?!?

I’m too verklempt to describe the sensuality of these 2 beautiful people in the nude so let’s cut to our last scene. Gingerbae and Eyepatch are still at Eastwatch when GB spots a bunch of ice zombies walking up to the wall. He’s like oh snap they are very close now we better get our shit together. And then ICE ZOMBIE DRAGON flies up, with the Night King on his back and BURNS DOWN A HUGE SECTION OF THE ICE WALL WITH HIS FIRE/ICE BREATH!?!?!?! GB and Eyepatch seem to be ok but now, we have for the first time ever, a bajillion ice zombies who’ve successfully crossed into the realm of the living and are really, definitely coming for all of us. END OF EPISODE.

Phew thanks so much for reading! Sorry bout my technical difficulties. I’ll see you next season!

[manabingu]

ManaTagged! Heyoo~

tagged by the sweet ♥ @rainbow-galaxy-supernova  (sorry its overdue)

The last:

1.) Drink: Raspberry Milk Tea w/Lychee Popping Pearls

2.) Phone call: to @tyrestgwa earlier today via skype

3.) Text message: to @crystalwoodsart

4.) Song you listened to: Phoenix Ash’s Cover of JAP by Abingdon Boys School & Fome’s Cover of Count Zero by T.M. Revolution (SO FCKN GOOD)

5.) Time you cried: yesterday 8D during Wonder Woman ;U;o

6.) Dated someone twice: Tyrest is the first & only official dating. But me and @crystalwoodsart have been married practically since 6th grade. She is mY WAIFU!

7.) Been Cheated on: Thank Ra No!

8.) Kissed someone and regretted it: Nah.BUT I mean- iN DREAMS YES.

9.) Lost someone special: It’s a universal thing. Namely pets for me

10.) Been depressed: 8) Story of my LIFE! But I’ve been makin progress

11.) Gotten drunk and thrown up: I REFUSE to consume alcohol/drugs

12-14.) LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: Turquoise,Galaxy Print,Pastels/Silver tie

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU…

15.) Made new friends: I’ve been blessed thanks to YT Idol w/new singer pals!

16.) Fallen out of love: Yeah...in  high school I had so many talent crushes. Which I think is normal for theater kids. But I think I ended up with the correct person. He truly understands me. And though I sometimes wonder what would my life be if I had confessed my love to those others, I’m happy I waited for the person who accepted me just the way I am ;w;o

17.) Laughed until you cried: AS AN ABRIDGER, I am privileged to be surrounded by INCREDIBLY hilarious people & I love it!♥

18.) Found out someone was talking about you: YES. And BOY is it a trip when I find people are horrible trolls. I find out about sweet people who say super kind things about me or my work all the time. But when I get a heads up about backstabbers or people who get close for the wrong reasons, I put my guard up around them & just do my own thing. Because a path of jealousy, hatred & vengeance isn’t for me. Bullies can talk, but I’ll always ignore them.

19.) Met someone who changed you: Namely Tyrest,Crystal,Panda,Wraith10, @cozymochi (bows to her greatness), LordMoonstone, @kittykatsandbox, (FAB SENPAI) @ahsimwithsake & @laurathia who are 1 of 2 sets of adoptive internet parents I have XD and MOST RECENT OF ALL CEONN. If I hadn’t met Ceonn, my singing career journey wouldn’t have taken off.THANX

20.) Found out who your true friends are: YEP 8)! Sadly, just recently too...

21.) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Well, hispanic people greet each other by cheek kisses so  I will say yes.

22.) How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: Everyone cuz my FB is family & IRL friends only ^^; BUT my ZEXAL Abridged has a FB 

23.) Do you have any pets: My pet cockatiel Patchos 8D

24.) Do you want to change your name: No, but don’t mind having a stage name to be honest. I love stage names ^_^

25.) What did you do for your last birthday: Probably sang,drew & other stuff 

26.) What time did you wake up: 9 or 10ish? I had to meet some friends today

27.) What were you doing at midnight last night: GAWKING at Gal Gadot

28.) Name something you cannot wait for:Anime Idol @ Metrocon, finally getting out more song covers/abridged stuff. And being stable again.

29.) When was the last time you saw your mother?: a few seconds ago

30.) What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: I wish that ONE thing didn’t happen & my family had the same wealth we shoulda had if luck was on our side. That & I wish I wasn’t afraid of certain things so I could progress faster.

31.) What are you listening to right now: Fome’s Covers,& MY own covers

32.) Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: yeS?

33.) Something that is getting on your nerves: Hypocrites lately 8)

34.) Most visited website: Tumblr,Instagram,Twitter & YT are tied tbh

35-37.) Finished all of school: yeppers

38.) Hair color: Dark Chocolate Brown (I used swatches at Sally’s XD)

39.) Long or short hair: I enjoy having long princess hair, but I cut it recently QuQ woops. Mostly cuz I wanted to try a T.M. Revolution hairdo XD

40.) Do you have a crush on someone: I HAVE ANIMAY HUSbANDs/WAifUS

41.) What do you like about yourself: My voice range! I used to be SO self conscious as a kid, but eventually it became my greatest strength because it’s SO versatile it honestly I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for my unique voice QuQ

42.) Piercings: My ears have been pierced since birth. Mom wanted it

43.) Blood type: O? I think was what it was? It’s been years lol

44.) Nickname: Mana & Ginga (to my singer friends)

45.) Relationship status: Taken by Tyrest (with Crystal on the side ;D heh)

46.) Zodiac sign: I am a proud Sagittarius ♐

47.) Pronouns: Her is fine, but I don’t mind He if I’m crossplaying (mostly Ginga). It’s kind of a weird thing for me cuz I’m genderfluid ;w; but if anything to avoid confusion, just go with feminine one XD cuz whatvs???

48.) Favorite TV show: ITS HARD. I like too many things.Non-Anime TV Show wise I watch mostly Trail & Error & Fresh Off the Boat. But Anime-wise: ZEXAL (but YGO in general), Darker Than Black, One Punch Man/Mob Psycho 100, Uta no Prince-sama, Saint Seiya/Omega, Tokyo Mew Mew, Kaleido Star, anything by CLAMP, Kamen Rider Gaim/Fourze, Death Note, Attack on Titan, Tokyo Magnitude 8.0, FMA...too many...I know I have more...

49.) Tattoos: NoPe

50.) Right or left hand: Righty

FIRST…

51.) Surgery: In 8th grade I almost died 8D! Ruptured appendix, 3 consecutive operations & all because the first time I went to the emrgency they sent me home & misdiagnosed me with stomach flu 8D HAH.HAH.HAAAA ;~~~;...

52.) Piercing: Ears only as mentioned previously

54.) Sport:I don’t do any.My fave is figure skating tho. I love Yuzuru Hanyu♥

55.) Vacation: Technically me comin to the U.S for the first time counts

56.) Pair of trainers: Is that slang for shoes???...uhh??

MORE GENERAL…

57.) Eating: I ate sushi at a Chinese Buffet called Giant Panda today

58.) Drinking: finished all the boba tea ;w;

59.) I’m about to: Sleep cuz it’s 1am xD

61.) Waiting for: Good news, & replies from a few emails I sent this week

62.) Want: To make my YT Channel flourish & master my voice

63.) Get married: With luck but I think a paper doesn’t dictate if you love a person or not. BECAUSE i wanna pursue singing/acting, I know I’ll always be traveling ;w; so that decision is hard. I mean we can be OFFICIAL via the paper thingy but like, I already know we’re together XD ffff lol

64.) Career: Singer/Actor/Voice Actor & Internet Personality maybe

65.) Hugs or kisses: Both ^o^...cuz honestly I’m a fluffy person ;w;o

66.) Lips or eyes: Both again...I Can’T HElP IT (deep down my thoughts are as swirly with flirtatious things...proly explains Ginga’s mannerisms)

67.) Shorter or taller: I’m short ;w; sniffs 5′1. Everyone else is a tree

68.) Older or younger: Depends on relationship type? Like I think having a partner at a relatively older age because I am anxious af & need someone older to guide me when I’m struggling, but don’t mind younger (but MATURE) person by 2 years max. But when it comes to friends, I befriend anyone who is kind-hearted. Because we can learn a lot from elders/ our youth

70.) Nice arms or nice stomach: I don’t mind either or but TMR is @U@

71.) Sensitive or loud: I’m drawn more to sensitive people because they have higher levels of compassion & kinder hearts.

72.) Hook up or relationship: Relationship cuz I’m loyal AF

73.) Troublemaker or hesitant: Egh...both have downfalls. Hesitant is safer tho

HAVE YOU EVER…

74.) Kissed a stranger?: Nope BUT if I become an actor, that is a thought that keeps me up at night XD cuz ...again...I’m loyal af ;-;

75.) Drank hard liquor?: EWW >_>

76.) Lost glasses contact/lenses?: YES. During a musical in 10th grade (Suessical I was Cat in the Hat) I was on a trampoline and THEY FLEW OFF MY FACE! And ....we never found em O_O...they vanished....

77.) Turned someone down?: Yeah...a bunch of creepy fanboys throughout the years... 8) unfortunately the downfall of being an internet person

78.) Sex on first date?: DEPENDS. I’m demisexual, so I’m attracted to personality/emotional bonds not physical appearances. So IF my emotions towards them is high enough, I dunno if things could happen? But usually I stay reserved cuz I need to feel like I honestly love the person THAT much.

79.) Broken someone’s heart?: Probably ;w;...2 old buddies. I knew they had crushes on me...but I just didn’t feel the same way towards them -actually someone ELSE admitted they had a crush on me last month so the count is now up to 3...AGH. I WISH they can find someone who will make em happy because I think they deserve it tbh. They’re good dudes.

80.) Had your heart broken?: Once yeah, an old childhood crush was honestly insensitive when I asked him if he ever felt something for me &  he said “ehhh not really?” in a way that came off as insensitive XD?....yeah. But the MORE I thought about why I liked him, the more I realized I could NEVER be in a relationship with them cuz they were immature & didn’t know how to be serious.They don’t balance goofiness & sensitivity & I need a balanced person

81.) Been arrested?: NO

82.) Cried when someone died?: waterfalls of tears cuz I’m an emotional wreck

83.) Fallen for a friend?: yeah =w= a bunch of abridgers/singers hah. I get talent crushes ALL the time, but don’t act on it cuz I’m shy AND taken XD

DO YOU BELIEVE IN…

84.) Yourself?: Usually...but I have many moments where I question if I’m good enough or worthy enough to be here ;w; gotta work on my Kattobingu

85.) Miracles?: Shining Draws should be real. But yeah miracles CAN happen

86.) Love at first sight?: FUYA OKUDAIRA 8D...and Takanori Nishikawa...and Mahiro Takasugi and Aoi Shouta tbh

87.) Santa Claus?: Elf is my favorite Christmas movie

88.) Kiss on the first date?: IT DEPENDS. But if it happens? AIGHT????

89.) Angels?: Yes \QwQ/! angels are real. @rosey-ballerina is one

OTHER….

90.) Current best friend’s name: Crystal is my bff & waifu but Tyrest too but honestly Kimmy, Panda & Ceonn are also tied with those 2

91.) Eye color: Brownies eUe

92.) Favorite movie: Finding Nemo, Big Hero 6,Lion King (all 3), All 3 Yu-Gi-Oh! Movies,The Emperor’s New Groove,Mrs. Doubtfire, Moana, Wonder Woman, Mary Poppins, Arrival, The Mummy, Matilda, Harry Potter, Pokemon 3,Hercules, Grave of the Fireflies, Antman, The Producers....and a few others

I tag: @t-chan @sylphwriter @eleanorose123 @ivmysterynumbers @zexalfangirl @shybunny @galaxyeyedphoton 

[seokjins]

vhope,

i hate u i hate vhope i hate myself ,,, bitch come collect ur children i’ve had Enough @silkjimin

they’re one of the most !!!sunshine couples around !!!!! wtf !!!

hoseok’s a pretty bubbly person & taehyung is also Optimism Personified™ so that’s why they’re regarded as the people u go to if you need emotional support ??bc they’ll always be ready to drop date night w/o question if any of their friends isn’t feeling well and needs some of their Love alskghasg

they’re also a very stable couple :0 they communicate a lot, allow each other to grow personality-wise & then redefine their relationship with open minds, knowing that if they need to break it off amicably, they can

vhope @ home

kings of being soft and sweet with each other omg (x)

taehyung tries to make hobi laugh all the time and it’s really cute bc he’ll look like the happiest man on earth when his dumb jokes actually work fpasdghl

literally one of the most intimidating n attractive couples when they’re out and about (x) (x) (x)

taehyung finds out that hobi has a thing for hair pulling after half a month of dating um

if ur talking about non-idol au they meet by literally running into each other bc taehyung’s late and trying to make the next bus before it leaves but ends up spilling his (hot) coffee all down hobi’s front and then trying to clean it up while apologizing the entire time lol

he even, at one point, offers to take his shirt off and give it to hoseok and while hobi’s trying not to check out the hot dude who just gave him third degree burns via his drink, he won’t take up the offer bc he’s gay but not a heathen, thank u namjoon

hobi tells him to forget it bc it’s not that big of a deal, but taehyung gives him his phone number anyway bc “wow i’m so fucking sorry, please text me so i can buy you another …. everything, but i can’t miss this class, i’m so sorry bye!” and leaves hobi standing in the middle of the sidewalk with holding phone upside down where taehyung’s shoved it into his hand before taking off down the street not really knowing who/what hit him???

and he thinks he won’t see taehyung again bc what are the chances ???but taehyung just happens to be a hot, hot actor who nearly gets his face smashed in while filming stunts on his latest project and hoseok is a hot, hot doctor who just happens to be the one fixing him up lol

hobi’s nickname for taehyung is “pixie boy”

taehyung’s always playing w hoseok’s ears or his hands or his hair or his cheeks etc and loooooooves it when hobi wears hats and his ears do the elf thing he finds it so cute

taehyung always sleeps draped over every single part of hoseok he can latch onto asldhgasgd it’s so cute he’s searching for the cuddles even when he’s sleeping lol

taehyung’s very tactile (i’ve said this before) and hoseok’s the perfect fit as bf because he loves it when tae’s attached to him in some way idk also hobi is a really good hugger?? taehyung struck it big by picking him up tbh

LOVING AND SUPPORTING EACH OTHER ALWAYS ???THAT’S MY S H I T u guys mY SHIT

hoseok’s obsessed w taehyung’s boxy smile he can’t get enough of it and needs to go in for a kiss every time he sees him smile bc his heart is being gay and doing the fluttering thing rip ,,

when the two of them are chilling out together they’re so soft?and gentle w each other ???like???? they’ll be making out on the couch with the television on in the background and won’t talk much even through dinner but they’re still pressed up close holding hands and maybe hoseok’s making quick work of the underside of taehyung’s jaw while smiling the entire time bc he knows it gets tae WEAK fppfhjpsjhfpt

hoseok’s terrified of basically anything u can get scared of bc 1) he almost died after getting stung by a bee once to later find out he’s really allergic to them 2) was forced to swallow a spider in elementary school when some kids were bullying him 3) is just. Not a Fan of Scary Things

so when the group goes to watch a horror film @ yoongi and namjoon’s apartment he spends the entire thing tucked up against taehyung’s side w his face buried in his bf’s shoulder and taehyung runs a hand through his hair or down his side w an arm wrapped around hobi’s waist trying to calm him down the whole night

he’ll still be shaking when they get back lmao and jumps at every single sound in the house fpfjhdfspt taehyung just. holds him and pets his hair and says he won’t leave him alone and it’s going 2 be ok

UMMMMMMMMMMMM hoseok always gets up early for runs and when he comes back he gets coffee for his bf n then wakes him up if taehyung’s still asleep and carries him out of bed sometimes,,,

hobi gets really bad flight anxiety and he used to take meds that’d knock him out the entire time but now he sits next to taehyung and they get rid of the armrest in between them and he half curls up in tae’s lap and gets kissed all down the side of his face when the turbulence gets bad im.

kim taehyung in headbands = jung hoseok’s DEATH

literally never let vhope work out together hobi will spent approx 85% of the time staring @ taehyung and the other 5% almost dropping weights on various body parts by accident and 10% falling off the treadmills lmao

TAEHYUNG BACKHUGGING HOBI IM DEAD INSIDE BYE

alternatively: this

they take soooooooo many selfies together ,, they update their snapchat stories with couple videos and pics and dumb romantic things they’ve done for each other or a slice of domestic life that makes everyone gag lol

hobi will cook dinner for the two of them and won’t eat even if tae’s out much later than expected on a shoot and will fall asleep on the couch waiting for him to come back and taehyung’ll snapchat a pic of his bf and a pic of him kissing his bf and a pic of him cuddling his bf and a pic of him on his bf and a pic of him hugging his bf and caption it with a thousand hearts and sappy stuff about love and appreciating the life he’s been given and put it on his story for his 579023 million fans to view #bye

taehyung wins some acting award and hoseok can’t stop crying and it’s really funny bc tae’s pretty emotional but hobi looks like he’s poured a water bottle down his face (lol)

taehyung promoting hobi’s YT channel bc he’s obsessed w hobi’s dancing this is no lie my friends

hoseok’s entire instagram, which is public even tho he’s dating a celeb (technically before he became a celeb ok) is now filled with taehyung ,, vintage pics of them together and the captions are full of love related emojis and stuff like “i’m so proud to be urs” or “congrats on the win baby!!” or a snap of tae’s battered script when publicity for his new movie starts going around and is like “this looks like a good one, can’t wait to see you in it”

WHENEVER TAEHYUNG DIES IN A FILM HOSEOK CRIES SO HARD BC IT LOOKS TOO REAL AND HE cannot™ he’s already got a weak and soft and emotional heart and he cannot™

hoseok: do u kno who the prettiest person in this world hiseveryone: hobi pls……..hoseok, slamming his hand on the table: KIM TAEHYUNGeveryone: ok hobi

[ecotone99]

[MF]/[HM] The Heavens Have A Limit.

A tall, worn-down looking man with a thick gray beard and a suit appears. He clears his throat, and paces around the room in silence for a few moments before speaking:

Jesus wasn’t lying, you know.

All that stuff did actually happen.

The bible, surprisingly, is nonfiction. Yes, I flooded the earth; yes, I created humanity; yes, I do hear it every time you use my name in vain, and no, for fuck’s sake, redneck #3712 from Mississippi, I am not “out to get” specifically you because you’ve had a bad day. But other than that, for the most part, the supposed “myths” are true. And frankly, the entire story is a bit of a mess if you ask me.

Now first off, I need you all to understand something very important about me: I was very, very young when all of this happened. Well--relatively speaking, I suppose I was ancient at the time, but what's important is that it was only just after I had created humanity. Life on earth was my little passion project. First came the single-celled organisms, which were kind of my test guinea pigs, and I let them grow and change as my ideas got bigger and crazier. Soon enough there were fish and trilobites. Everything was turning out as I had hoped. I even had some creatures walking on land. With legs.

God, legs were a strange idea.

Soon I was throwing legs at everything I saw. I got smashed one night and gave these fucking noodles a hundred legs each. You humans started calling them centipedes. Funniest thing I’d seen all month. The next morning, when I’d sobered up, I thought the idea was just too good not to keep. But yes, eventually these creatures got further and further along until I was finally ready for my masterpiece, my magnum opus: the human.

And Jesus Christ--the entire project flopped. Why do you think I’m talking to you all now? I’m not supposed to interact with my projects. I’m supposed to remain something of a folk legend. A concept. A maybe. A haunting suspicion in the back of people’s minds, existing for humans only as a vague idea fueled by faith and faith alone. Well hey, I guess this is your proof. Surprise, everybody! I’m real, and you’re all dumbasses.

So why am I here? It’s because, frankly, it doesn’t matter anymore. Congratulations, everybody. You’ve made God a nihilist. You ruined yourselves. You were apes. You were beautiful and intelligent, but at the end of the day, you were still apes. You foraged. You hunted. But it wasn’t long before you began to hack the system.

It started with farming.

I thought you were just curious, like a baby human first exploring the world, shoving anything it can into its mouth (and yes, by the way, I made babies stupid for fun). But it went further than I expected. A few of you watched plants a little too closely and figured them out. I didn’t think you’d do that. You weren’t supposed to do that! It stopped being birds that shat seeds from the sky, and instead, soon, you were ruining perfect ground and placing the seeds yourselves. The old lifestyle entirely died out. You all switched to farming. You found the code, and you were never meant to do that. You weren’t meant to figure out seeds, to figure out fire, to figure out any of it.

Because the fact of the matter is, well, you’re humans. Your preferred state of nature had, for eons, been ignorance. You loved ignorance! It was a happy time! You were glad not knowing how things worked, and you were fine with hunting and gathering. And I was happy too! My project was working out! Any conflicts were minor tribal conflicts, and my enchanting vision was coming to its glorious fruition. And then you weren’t so satisfied, and then it was too late for me to stop you.

Next up came the stone age. Needless to say, stones are hard. I made them hard. It was my way of making the world untouchable. Like what I suppose you humans would call “solitary confinement”. It was my way of making sure you humans, with all your strength and intellect, wouldn’t be able to destroy the beauty I’d crafted around you. You were supposed to be stuck and unable to ruin it. The earth was a beautiful wallpaper painted with mountains and ravines and rivers and snow, but you weren’t meant to try to change the paint on the wall! So, I made it out of stone. I created the earth, and how stunning it was! And how best to protect it than by making almost all of it out of a damn near indestructible material?

[Sigh.]

But you figured that one out too, didn’t you?

You always were the smartest ones. And before you ask, no, dolphins aren’t that smart.

And then after stone, you picked up bronze. You weren’t meant to harness fine metals. Fine metals weren’t even meant to exist outside of their states in ore. I didn’t even know it was possible! You melted away the stone, which I’d never even thought of doing, revealing such beautiful metal! You cracked a code I didn’t even program. And all the while, Christ above, all the while, you prayed.

You thanked me. You praised me! Olivacus Prolletti, a prominent merchant from Rome, actually said to me in one of his memorable prayers that I had gifted you all with a world of wonders to explore and things to discover. I didn’t do any of that. You all were just so incessantly curious that you went out and found things you weren’t supposed to find.

[A pause.]

Everything else followed suit. Onward came steel. And then gunpowder. And then drugs, and politics, and genocide, and guns, and world-domination, and empires, and bloodspill, and monarchies, and dictatorships, and for fuck’s sake, all of it was in my name!

Why am I talking to you all?

It’s because I finally cracked. I’m done. I’m hanging up the hat. I’m being “let go.” Leaving. Finding other work. Quitting. I’m sick of the crusades and the walls on the borders and the civil wars, and all of it being in my name. You’re not my passion project anymore. You’re my mistake. It’s ironic that you fear the machines you’ve created gaining consciousness and destroying you--that’s the plot of that popular movie, eh, Terminator, right?--well, yes, that's awfully ironic. Because you mock yourselves.

You mock yourselves.

You’ve gained consciousness, and with every sword you stab into another human while uttering that it is in my name, you defile your creator.

Consider this my letter of resignation.

Enjoy your peaceful nonexistence, humans.

submitted by /u/Chocolate_Mill [link] [comments] via Blogger https://ift.tt/2XthTMk

[ecotone99]

[TH] RECIPE

Lynn loved to download recipes online and start cooking. Lynne was following them to the letter – every ounce, every spoonful, every ten or fifteen minutes of baking. That little rrrrinnnnggg you got when you set the timer and everything was timed to perfection.

She loved cooking for her man, but not because she loved seeing Nick full to his stomach after eating a fine meal, but because Lynn loved the actual process of cooking – it calmed her, let her gather her thoughts. She loved the control it gave her. After all, Lynn was all about control.

She’d scour the internet for the best recipes and closely monitor the amounts she put in, the timing, the method, the way to beat an egg or roll a pastry and then Nick would come home with that handsome grin after a hard day at the police station, eyes full of hunger.

Like your traditional American couple. Nick was one cliché away from yelling ‘honey I’m home’ as he strolled through the door, took his hat off, placed his coat on the rack and inhaled a big sniff of that delicious food emanating from the kitchen.

Today was a very special recipe for Lynne. It was meatloaf. One of Nick’s favourites and just like his mother made before she died and left her house to Nick two years ago. Lynn wasn’t always used to be the dotting wife but for two years of marriage she tried – she tried once before too but that didn’t end well.

It seemed cooking was where Lynn did excel in the domestic duties.

She beat the egg, she mixed in the lean beef, and rolling her hands through the sausage meat she massaged it gently. She chopped the onion finely just like the online instructions said to. She crushed the garlic and sprinkled it over the meat. One tablespoon mustard, one tablespoon sage leafs. But today was just a little different. She had a special ingredient for Nick. It wasn’t often she deviated from the online instructions but today was a special day.

One table spoon tomato purée paste, one tablespoon cumin... Leave to bake for about two hours and it should rise in the oven.

And in walks Nick. Throws his hat to one side, puts his coat over his arm and smiles at demure Lynn in her apron with a whisk in hand.

Nick didn’t know today was a special day. He didn’t know that the policy had matured and that Lynn had everything in place. Everything perfect – including the meatloaf.

As Nick began eating Lynn felt a slight tang of regret. Nick wasn’t a bad man after all. He loved her. He was completely devoted and smitten with her and she had done everything within her powers to make sure of that. Nick didn’t ever lose his temper, he didn’t shout at her or hit her, or even look at other women.

The problem in the marriage was Lynn. Lynn was erratic, Lynn was unpredictable and Lynn had a heart of pure black. Been that way since childhood.

The remnants of the plate were scooped up and Nick began licking his fork. Licking his fucking fork – all the regret was pulled back in that one irritating motion. Lynn had gone from regret to satisfaction in one hungry scoop.

“That was delicious darling. Really it was. But something was different?” Nick said.

Lynn’s heart skipped a beat.

“Where was the paprika?” Nick said.

Relief.

“Oh I changed it.” Lynn said.

“For what?” Nick said.

Lynn leaned in close and whispered into Nick’s ear.

“Arsenic.” She said. Nick laughed. They both laughed. It was a funny joke.

Later that night Nick was shitting and spewing up his guts. Lynn wondered when he’d clock on that it wasn’t a joke after all but it was a joke of course.

There wasn’t any arsenic in the meatloaf.

Nick didn’t wake up that morning. His mouth was covered in a white foam that dripped down either side of his cheeks and his eyes looked like they’d pop out of his skull and his the ceiling – all lifeless and open wider than the automatic doors at the bank.

The bank. I got to get to the bank. Lynn remembered.

With a careless ease Lynn picked up the phone and dialled 9-1-1. She did it so effortlessly, like she’d done this before.

Well, how do you think the last husband died?

“Operator. My husband has just had a heart attack.” She screamed into the phone – she let the tears fall out and echo through her voice.

Like she joked with Nick, it wasn’t arsenic in the meatloaf after all – it was cyanide and it was a real bitch to get.

She went into the living room downstairs and smoked a cigarette while she waited for the ambulance.

That was two husbands now and all Lynn could think about was getting to the bank and moving on to the next one. She composed herself. After all, in about five minutes she’d have to give the performance of a lifetime.

The ambulance was heard pulling up outside. Lynn took a deep breath, ran to the front door, opened it and with all her might she screamed:

“MY HUSBAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

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[ecotone99]

The Great Wizard

WHAT I DID THIS SUMMER

I did a lot of reading at the start. I like books, I like when my life gets smaller and smaller until it's a tiny echo at the end of a hallway, and my whole world becomes the book. Mommy said I was very smart for my age. This was before she got sick.

I realized that I wanted to have my own adventure, but I didn't really have any freedom. Mommy and Daddy always tell me what to do, and they keep a close eye on me. I know that I'm little, but I'm smart for my age. Every kid in every book that has an adventure, they could only find the beginning of the adventure because the adults weren't constantly tracking them everywhere. So I wished really hard, to have an adventure.

Mommy got pneumonia real bad around then, real fast too. She died in the ambulance. Daddy couldn't look after me too much after that, he could barely take care of himself. I could basically do what I wanted. It was very sad. Heroes feel sad when their parents die, but in the end it makes them stronger.

I started exploring a lot in the barn down the street. We live just on the edge of the suburbs, before it becomes farms everywhere. The barn was like a big haunted house, or a twisted asylum, 'cause of all the tools. Technically it's abandoned because the owner died and his wife is selling it to real estate developers, but it's taking a long time. I thought there wouldn't be any animals, but there were flies and rats and oppossums. I caught one rat in my hands, and I remembered stories like Narnia, animals who were kind of people and had swords and stuff, friends who help the hero. I don't have a lot of friends. So I wished really hard, and my rat had a hat and a sword and his name was Dartanyan. I spell it my own way.

We had to protect the barn from all sorts of enemies. Mostly flies. We eventually learned that my Mommy had been murdered, with poison and dark magic, by the Great Wizard. The flies do his bidding, they are his slaves, his army. We fought them every day. One day I caught one alive, and I made him tell me all sorts of things. He didn't want to talk, so I had to stick him with a needle, and pull off his arms and legs until he told me where to find the Great Wizard. Dartanyan said he felt sick, and he wasn't sure what was happening anymore, and he wasn't sure if he was my friend anymore. I was angry because I don't have other friends. Only Dartanyan. We are the heroes. I warned him, that kind of talk brings trouble. He wouldn't like trouble.

Unfortunately, I was right. The Great Wizard came one day, knocked me aside, I was helpless. He stole Dartanyan, and tortured him. Dartanyan was very brave, like a hero should be, and didn't tell the Wizard anything, even when the Wizard pulled off his arms and legs. Dartanyan didn't have enough blood so he died, and I buried him in a little shoebox behind the barn. I was so mad. I was so mad at the fucking wizard.

I found his castle and I confronted him. At first he seemed confused, but it was a lie. He grew taller. His robes turned purple. His beard became long and white. He couldn't hide his true form from me. But he was a fool. He knocked me around with his powers, levitated me to the ceiling, but he forgot that I was the hero. And I was so angry. So I wished really hard... and the tables turned.

His face got very pale. He knew what was about to happen, but he couldn't stop it. I was wishing too hard. He reached his hand across his belly, grabbed his wrist, and he pulled his arm off. He pulled off all his arms and legs, and then he died. Finally, my quest was ended. I could see Mommy and Dartanyan together in heaven, avenged. They didn't look happy. But I wished... just a little... and they smiled. I was strong now. It wasn't so hard to wish anymore, and I could wish farther. I had earned it. And there is one more thing I know I can do.

School feels like a waste of time for me now. I already know how to read, I do plenty of it on my own. I can't wait to go home and wake up Daddy and play another game with him again. There are so many choices, but I know that whatever I want to play, Daddy will want to play it too. He always will.

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[ecotone99]

[SP] Grey on Black (the Psychic Wars)

"Iceland... 1978... Go get my dad, don't trust them. I'm about to get Snowd in.... I'll be safe in Russia... don't break... don't trust the cops...Multipass..."

"I didn't get the last part?" Dove was leaning over me and I started.

"Olmstead." I choked on the memory. Fuck. When I'd committed that whole fuckton of spaceshit into my head I'd rattled a memory loose. The Rangers knew me. Not personally, but they knew when the psychics around town had made like them, and risked a connection. They probably didn't know that I was PsyOps, but they found out I was good. An ex of mine blew a lot my way when he decided to fuck with me, information our government could use.

I made sure to leave a data trail, emailing politely so there was a record they could find when they realized what I was telling them, but it was a lot. People with IDs at least, and with badges, showed up. I toughed it out as best I could, but the people around me freaked out and hit me, hard. I couldn't tell my family, if they believed me they'd spook. So I didn't.

'I'll never love you more than I do at this moment.' And they were right. In Hell everyone goes down, and you look out for your own. They betrayed me more times than I'd care to admit, and none of us were close any more. We weren't close before, but I'd grown up running for SF, enlisted and retired. I'd been beyond proud. The bravest little soldier. They knew they could trust me. We lost because they couldn't trust anyone. RETs aren't to engage, and they weren't quite bright enough to avoid it. Privates, man. Privates.

"Omstead?" Dove asked, shoving me over and sitting down at the side of the bed.

"Home... homestead," I stammered, just rolling with it. No one would be able to backtrack that one, unless they got ahold of CIA records. I'd just keep going and let him think my nerves were jangled. I'd dropped my car off, and locked the keys inside, at Olmstead. Homestead laws. Move if they break the homestead laws. They'll back you. My Dad had died trying, and succeeding. We got the fuckers, crippled their comms system and kicked them out of their own party. They thought we were an army.

I didn't regret it, he was hidebound and stubborn, impatient and didn't understand women. And he was tough. Polish Guy. Army strong (he'd have killed me if I ever said that to him, 'Nam Vet to the core). I don't know if it's what he would have wanted, I just know we did it. I rubbed my face, clearing off the memories. We weren't army anymore, me, the kid, even the cats. The records got buried. Intelligence knew we'd served, that's it.

Homestead laws. Like I said, you'd have to be CIA to know what I had said. His boss had missed it. Hell, even the Rangers had missed it, they just knew he went on Go. Homestead laws, the one thing we agreed on was charting magic, and the one book series we ever read together, the only one of mine he'd liked was the Dresden Files. Cowboy hat and a duster, Christian Army. He'd been raised Catholic, he'd count all of the marks one way, I'd have counted them the other. It was a killer set of patterns. And they kept the bad guys out, the magic, with Homestead Laws.

And a fuck ton of data, I was happier than a clam I'd gotten him to memorize the basics of magic, he was safer that way and the books were pretty well researched. Domhnal cleared his throat and I smiled up at him sweetly, knowing better than to lie. But I could prevaricate with the best of them, and what were the odds that he knew anything about American real estate laws- especially the old ones, the ones that had warded against boggles and things?

"I told my Papa I was Laura Ingles Wilder once," I lied. Sort of. My Papa had sure taken it as a go, I'd told my mom that's why I didn't talk all day at the pancake house and she'd given me a music box (a Canadian Contract), and suggested that maybe I shouldn't talk some more. Parents. I am one and I still don't get mine.

"Americans used to trek out to the west and settle huge tracts of land," I told him, "The English wouldn't understand."

If he went poking around my family and old neighbors he'd just find a truckload of mistakes that my very English Papa had made when he'd misunderstood me. What was I supposed to do, tell him I was running a pattern with my Da? Blow the whole thing? He was English enough to get that something else was going on, and definitely English enough to wail me one for not doing as he said rather than blow it.

I was less than grateful. But I really was a terrible child, and continue to be so. Pretty happy about it, actually. I'd tied the two ends of those monsters together and made it across the bridge when the Rifts opened. It was actually very straightforward. Find the traitor. Not *a* traitor, that wouldn't do. Find *the* traitor, the one so arrogant and corrupt that he didn't even know he was a traitor. Find Vitken. I really was safe 'in' Russia, because we were going to lose, and every single story that came out of every country grandma was going to dress Russia up prettier than a new penny when they went looking for that little American pie.

I'd run for Russia when I was little, they got along ok with the Army and pretty good with the Church, especially if you knew any Catholics. I pretended to be a boy. They'd have had a cat, but they never found out. My Da taught me all the good army swear words and I used them like it was ok. No girl could swear like an Army Girl could. We shared all of our tricks when we were little and that was a good one.

Dove held out a cup of coffee and I didn't kiss him. He was funny about being touched, and sometimes I showed that I cared by smiling instead, so he knew I respected his space. It smelled like heaven, starlight and good times. The sun was almost up, and it warmed me up like candlelight on a cold night.

"You make up any of your stories for me to tell to the Pikies?" He asked me, after we stared at the closed curtains for a while. I laughed.

"Actually I did," Travellers were messengers for the Catholic Church, gypsies in every country carried messages for them, and for the 'vampires'. So I usually sent Dove home with a story for them. It helped keep his sorry ass alive.

"It's a story about a feast of witches," He mimed a polite little O with his bowtie lips and I smiled. He rested his hand on his leg, fingers drumming as he listened.

"They'd heard, over a wall at the edge of their world, about a baby that was to be borne. Not was borne, nor going to be borne, nothing they could do to stop it, it was a baby that was To Be borne. So they made ready to celebrate on their side of the veil, since it never seemed to open far enough for more than one of them to drift through. They were sisters or cousins, bound together by one to many nights with the head where it shouldn't be, and their toes nowhere at all."

"They never talked, the witches, and their men- their husbands if they lived near the border, pretending to be people- had their mouths sewn shut. So no food for them. Just one chafing dish of fairy bread." Danno smiled at that. He'd been Underhill, but couldn't really describe it. People come out dazed, half memories of colors and things that aren't human. Sometimes part of a story or a piece of something odd. All these people with nothing to talk about who talked and listened endlessly, and not one person had debriefed me, in seven years. I sighed and kept going. They'd had the warning they needed, because I was blunt as a crisp Benjamin.

"They blessed the bread with their wishes, because if they couldn't eat the child, nor bless him, well- they could do both to the bread. And it would last the whole of the babe's life, never changing, just bread. Fairy bread for them to share with the stories they stitched together."

"The baby's birth passed almost without incident. There was no storm, or whirlwind. No one famous died and the news had nothing in particular. There wasn't a full moon. Just a covey of witches, peering through the veil, taking turn after turn at the chink they called The Eye." It was too late now. I didn't trust those fuckers within ten square miles of me, and England's either. It was Space Program or bust, and the Ops I'd been a part of really would stay buried. I recognized the cant of Dove's feet and frowned, he'd reminded me of my Papa for a moment. I brushed it off.

"Really all they could see were stars, but they used words to draw charts in between them, tracking the baby with astrology, making it's luck grow or dwindle with their hoarse whispers." Dove tucked his feet up onto the chair, falling into the story and I smiled. I could pretend he was in love with me, it was kind of his job. I wondered if he had the same reactions I did when I closed a mission, the revulsion at the fact that people couldn't understand they'd been used by an operative...

Of course, I never got this close to them...

📷

Previously in the Psychic Wars...

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