#u know who u are/poz

[phinjeet]

* sniffle . i lov mutualz i lov online friendshipz i lov connecting through silly showz i lov making art for each other i lov yapping in dmz i lov it here i truly sincerely do

[leeharrington]

Today, December 1st, is World AIDS Day. Part of sacred sluthood though is caring for my body and that of those who I interact with. This can be referred to as safer sex, interwoven with sacred sex, because caring for each other is inherently sacred to me. The world of safer sex has radically transformed since my youth, and yet so much has stayed the same. I grew up with AZT making HIV and AIDS no longer an immediate death sentence. This was radical, but where the illness stands today is all the more radical. U=U has been backed by so many studies and medical organizations worldwide... the truth that if someone is undetectable through testing (usually via taking regular medication), they CANNOT transmit it to someone else. Undetectable = Untransmittable. Playing with someone who is poz (HIV positive), is on meds, and tests regularly is safer than playing with someone who has ever been sexual but has never been tested and does not know their status. Find a copy of the U = U guide here: https://www.hrc.org/resources/u-u-guide-combats-hiv-and-aids-misinformation-stigma-and-discrimination Just like COVID can be a sexually transmitted disease (as can the flu, and anything else you can get from kissing and up-close breath exposure), and we don't shame folks for those STDs, we need to stop the shame so that we can get good resources. Lets end the stigma! [Description: image has a white background, with an image of two people's hands pointing down and wrapped in red ribbon at the top going towards the center of the image. In red text that sits in a half circle below the hands reads "Lets unite to end HIV Stigma". Below that in red text reads "December 01, World AIDS Day @passionandsoul"]

[akocomyk]

Twenty-eight books read in 2019.  Sixteen longlisted books.  One person who wastes his time writing sh*t as if they really matter.

Here it is.  The best books I read in the past year.

HONORABLE MENTIONS

The unfortunate books that I had to let go since I only had ten spots to fill.

Turtles All the Way Down by John Green (2017)

Murder on the Orient Express by Agatha Christie (1934)

History Is All You Left Me by Adam Silvera (2017)

The Murder of Roger Ackroyd by Agatha Christie (1926)

Bird by Bird by Anne Lammott (1994)

The Silkworm by Robert Galbraith (2014)

*Ratings range from 1 to 5, with 5 being the highest

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

10th Place

56 by Bob Ong (2018)

Rating: 4.300

Bob Ong makes a comeback on my list with his latest novel.  His other book, Si, ranked 10th last 2015.  This is the second time a Filipino book enters the list and is also the second nonfiction book ever—after Into the Wild last 2016.

In his latest release, Ong returns to the writing style that made him famous— reminiscent of his earlier books like ABNKKBSNPLAko.  56 is like a 300-page commentary or editorial about the issues of the present Filipino generation.

Other readers have found the book a little too preachy.  I find it enlightening as it serves as a wake-up call to the Filipinos who are turning their blindsides to the harsh realities of our nation.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

9th Place

Mga Kirot ng Kapalaran (Kikomachine Komix blg. 11) by Manix Abrera (2015)

Rating: 4.445

This is a long-overdue recognition to my favorite comic strip artist (Fun Fact: I met him quite a few times already).  For many years, I've ignored the chance to even put his works in the list of contenders.  I'm not throwing it away again.  Now, I have my first book to enter the top 10 classified under comics and graphic novels.

In this collection of strips by Manix Abrera, his work remains as humorous and as satirically laughable as the first time I saw his comic. Themes have changed to reflect the new trends and issues of our present society.

For as long as Manix draws and publishes his work, I will continue to read them as I know he gives an intellectual yet amusing input to our society's problems.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

8th Place

Mga Batang Poz by Segundo Matias, Jr. (2018)

Rating: 4.450

“Beautiful and relevant, but not flawless,” this is what I said on my review for this YA novel.

Mga Batang Poz is the third Filipino book on this list.  Having three books on the list is a first.  Furthermore, this is also the first time in four years that a Filipino book enters the list.

As previously mentioned, I have certain problems with regard to the overarching narrative of the novel.  I wish that Matias could’ve written something more elaborate or something that doesn’t feel forced.

Nevertheless, the book accomplishes its goal of being a story that advocates HIV awareness, especially towards the youth.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

7th Place

The One and Only Ivan by Katherine Applegate (2012)

Rating: 4.485

In this book, you'll see both the cruelty and the compassion of humanity through the eyes of a gorilla named Ivan who is the narrator of the story.

Ivan is based on a real-life gorilla who was being used as a live animal attraction in Zoo Atlanta.

It is quite obvious that the book is meant for a younger audience, but despite this, I know anyone of any age will be able to appreciate it.  Ivan is a gorilla after all, and I think the simplicity of how it was written suits his character, making the tone of the story more natural.

Overall, it was very touching.  Although it mirrors pretty much what happened to the real-life Ivan, it efficiently delivers its message for animal welfare.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

6th Place

And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie (1939)

Rating: 4.525

This is a mystery novel filled with suspense and everything that'll make you love and hate it at the same time.  The horror it gives chills you to the bone for every page you turn.

Agatha Christie is insane—and I mean that in a good way.  The plot was so well-thought out that even when nearing at the end, I had no clue who the culprit was.  When it was revealed to me, I was like, “Yeah.  That makes absolute f*cking sense.”

For a book that has ten major characters, it does well in handling them.  You know when a piece of literature is brilliantly made when even if its length isn’t considerably long, it doesn’t sacrifice the characters’ backgrounds and the narrative of the story.

Despite the novel’s inhumane and despicable acts, it also addresses issues about criminal injustices that are still prevalent today.  In our country alone, criminals—corrupt officials, master drug dealers, rapists, murderers—are still roaming around the streets, evading the consequences of their actions.   At times when the law is not enforced properly, people resort to their own type of justice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

5th Place

Darius the Great Is Not Okay by Adib Khorram (2018)

Rating: 4.590

In this debut novel by Adib Khorram, the titular character Darius suffers from clinical depression.  Also, he's a Star Trek and Lord of the Rings fan.

This book demonstrates the fact that real depression is not simply cured by positive reinforcement and bible verses—as what most overly religious people think.

The novel highlights Darius' relationship with the other characters—most especially with Sohrab.  It shows how he copes up with them while he struggles with his mental disorder.

There are also subtle hints of homosexuality, which added to the overall tension of the story since the main characters are Muslims.  It wasn't blatant but it was obviously present—in the right and necessary amount.

To me, this is a spiritual brother of Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sáenz—one of my favorite books.  It gave me the same feeling of awe, beautiful pain, and joyful nostalgia. There were parts that broke my heart—I was ugly crying while riding a bus—and by the end, I was a complete mess, although I'm utterly happy.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

4th Place

Moonrise by Sarah Crossan (2017)

Rating: 4.595

What I love most about this book is how it was written.  Instead of being in paragraphs, it was written in verses—like poetry.  I thought it was creative and oddly fitting for the story.

Even though there are more blank spaces on the pages than letters, those words are enough to draw me into the story.

The novel is about Ed whose brother was up on death row.  I found myself rooting for him, and I was hoping similarly to how he was hoping in the story.  When the end came, I couldn't help myself from closing my eyes.

The narrative was fairly simple, it matches the way it was written.  The characters—although few and also written with the utmost simplicity—feel so human and are not flat, cardboard cutouts.

In the light of all the flawed justice systems and abuses of law enforcers not just in America but everywhere else in the world, it's good to find a book that's bold enough to address such issues and an author who's brave enough to write them.

Lots of murderers are on the loose, yet there are innocent people being slaughtered for crimes they didn't commit.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

3rd Place

On the Come Up by Angie Thomas (2018)

Rating: 4.605

Just when you thought Angie Thomas couldn't write anything as good as The Hate U Give (THUG), she gives us this.  If it's not better, then it sure is as brilliant as her debut novel.

This is Thomas' second consecutive year in my list, with THUG bagging the top plum last year.

The novel is proof of Thomas’s writing prowess.  It successfully immersed me into the life of her protagonist, a life filled with hope, angst, and ambition.  And the dialogue… Especially the rap battles.  They were amazing.  Seeing as Thomas herself was a rapper, you can feel the ingenuity in her words.

Moreso, this is one book that we really need in our present times.  It reflects all of my sentiments regarding social media and how it can make or break a person.  And how much the oppressed and marginalized communities lack representation, and how they are still subject to much prejudice.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

2nd Place

A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini (2007)

Rating: 4.680

This beautiful novel demonstrates the horror of domestic violence towards women.  It also provides a glimpse of the people and culture of Afghanistan during the times of war.

I'm in love with how Khaled Hosseini's characters flesh out from the pages.  You'd love them.  You'd care for them.  Their agony becomes yours.  Their pain drips out from the corners of the books as your tears trail down your cheeks.

And on their sweet, small victories, you'd give a sigh of relief as the anxiety is slowly drained from your body.

In the two years that I've read a book by Hosseini, it didn't fail to shatter my heart. The Kite Runner ranked first in my 2017 list, and now this. If ever get to read another one of his books, I've no doubt it will also be a contender for that year's list.

━━━━ ☆ ━━━━

1st Place

Thunderhead by Neal Shusterman (2018)

Rating: 4.765

This book is also up on my shelf for the best sequels ever—be it for any medium.

I read this earlier this year and it remained unbeatable until 2019 ended.

This is the second book in Neal Shusterman's Arc of a Scythe trilogy, the sequel to Scythe—which placed 3rd in my 2017 list.

Growth and expansion. These are the things I love about the sequel.  Ronan and Citra, the two main protagonists of the trilogy, are older, wiser, and better people, despite the fact that they're teenagers.  You can feel their struggles with their respective endeavors.

Also, the universe is bigger.  The Arc of Scythe novels feature a world where death does not exist and everyone is biologically immortal.  In order to balance the earth’s population, there are these so-called Scythes whose life-long job is to assassinate anyone they choose.

In this sequel, you get to know more about the mechanisms of their world.  There’s a new main character, Grayson, who takes you deeper and gives you a view of what it's like to live as a normal human.

The book deals with the adverse effects of the ways power-hungry people want to achieve their ambitions.

But that's not why I went gaga after reading the book.

IT.  WAS.  EPIC.  The plot twists within the plot twists.  The narrative.  And the ending.  My god, that ending.  I COULD HEAR MY SILENT SCREAMS.  After the last page, the only thing I thought of was, "GIVE ME THE THIRD BOOK RIGHT NOW!"

Thunderhead isn’t flawless, but it’s a very fine piece of literature that I recommend to anyone who loves to read.

• • • • •

I hope I won't regret putting Thunderhead in first place after a few years.  I regret giving the top spot to I'll Give You the Sun last 2016.  After pondering about the books I've read in the past years, I've found that Anthony Doerr's All the Light We Cannot See is one remarkable and memorable book, and the one I should've given the highest honors.

Books with relevant themes dominated my shelf but the book that won my heart was the one with intricate plots and a phenomenal ending.  It feels weird but I hope for the best.

Happy New Year, everyone!

[archaeocommunologist]

also, like, i know what it is to exist as a person who is widely considered to be a kind of subhuman, unfuckable filth, so whenever r*dfems be-wail how "guilty" they feel for not wanting to have sex with trans women, i'm reminded of how HIV-negative people perceive things like, "U=U" as an attempt to "guilt" them into having sex with poz people. fuck you, you fucking liars

[granvarones]

i was recently given a picture of my father. it’s actually a picture of a picture sent to me by his brother. i don’t know father’s date of birth. i don’t know the exact date he died. i know it was sometime in september 1997. i think.

we didn’t have much of a relationship. our only connection was our name, - louis a. ortiz. like my mother, he struggled with addiction. heroine. some visits he would be high af. some visits, not so much. but he struggled and tried not to. but he did.

it was the winter of 1991, when my mother said to me, “your father has aids.” that was it. no discussion. nothing. i remember walking to the record store thinking, “my father has aids. ok. it’s 1991, he can live to at least 1999.”

in late 1996, after being released from prison, again, he tried to reconnect with me. he had a best friend who was a white gay guy. he was hiv poz too. he told me. “your father doesn’t have a lot of time. he wants to make this right with you.”

i was already living on my own, with my brother nicholas, and thought the dude was being dramatic. my father looked fine. AND what was there to “reconnect?” i didn’t even know how to have a father-son relationship. it seemed like hard work. i was tired.

anywho, i went to dinner with them a few times. wasn’t a bad time at all. i just didn’t know how to make space for something that was always inconsistent in my life. eventually, he stopped coming around. the calls stopped. i don’t remember being mad or hurt. but i remember.

in september of 1997, my sister, who looked the most like him and his father, called me and said, “daddy is on his deathbed. he wants to see you.” no discussion. just that. now ya see, why i minds my business and stay away from my family (lol).

tania, a woman i worked with at the time, drove me to the hospital. i remember being nervous. not because of how my father my look but how was i gonna address him? dad? papi? father? pop? all those words tasted bitter on my tongue.

so i walk in and the room packed. a few of his kids from his second wife. they screamed “hey brother!” and i’m all like, “i don’t know you.” i smile awkwardly. because z i am not supposed to smile. but i was also too numb to feel sadness.

i walk closer. he is really, really frail. helpless almost. someone was holding his head up. everyone was crying and watching. “pop, p-wee is here. look. it’s p-wee” this was my cue to speak. “hey p-p-pop. it’s me. p-wee.” he just stares at me. they are all staring at us.

my sister says, “do you know who that is?” pointing at me. i want to know something at her. he responds, “yes, my son.” everyone wails. this is cue to hug him. i do. they cry. can u believe that my sister then says, “he recognized him. this is so beautiful.” i want to hit her.

i don’t remember much after that. i didn’t stay long. i didn’t feel like i belonged. the moment felt more about them than me. i wish i had the courage to ask for privacy. but seriously, half those people there, i didn’t even know their names.

ok, this is getting long(er). he died a few days later. i go to the funeral with my mother who showed up wearing black and declaring that she was the widow. that’s another story. 

it is at his funeral that I discover that we do not share the same name. the plaque on his casket reads “luis a. ortiz.” i tell my mother that his name is misspelled. she replies, “oh no, it’s your name that is misspelled. they added an “o” to your name on the birth certificate. the only thing that connected was gone.

the same people who were at the hospital were there the drama of my being the “prodigal son” returning “home” had dissipated. there was nothing to watch and cry over.

i was finally provided a private moment with my father. 

i said good-bye to luis a. ortiz that night. i also began saying a long goodbye to the hurt & pain i felt. becoming a father helped me to compete that good-bye. so every world aids day, i allow myself to miss him and to completely fall apart. i cry for everything we lost to this epidemic. 

today, i speak his name: luis a. ortiz-fonseca

- louie a. ortiz-fonseca

[justwords]

I want to be someone’s housewife. Is that weird? I think it’s been almost three years since I’ve had a man in my bed that I called a boyfriend (and there have been so many men in my bed). Sometimes sexual promiscuity is the automatic default for so many of us who have found so many of our identities in the bedroom—scratch that! DO not say that out loud! Stop thinking the thought! That’s reductive, stereotypical, and fundamentally untrue. That’s the political brush that we were painted with in the eighties (as the sex-crazed hedonistic homos/low-lifes/whores, punished with a disease born out of ”unseemly sexual connection”), but I refuse to internalize those lies. HIV is a pathogen, and like all pathogens they are only tangentially linked to causality. Being hungry does not cause food poisoning, nor does being Black cause malaria—just because things happen in tandem, it does not mean that they have anything to do with one another.

Here ends your lesson in Intermediate Logic.

So instead of generalizing, and adding to a dangerous and ill-conceived narrative of the “sexually promiscuous HIV-positive cis male,” I will speak from my own truth. This has nothing to do with my positive HIV brothers, sisters, and non-binary in-betweeners. Not everyone with HIV is a whore (you’d be surprised at how many folks don’t know this simple fact. Thank God for our dear friend Ryan White or it would have been so much worse), but I personally am far too comfortable wielding my identity in the bedroom. My integrity is too tied to my penis; and I am struggling to grow out of it. I want to be a good little housewife in cheap g-strings I ordered online from China, but I also want to be so many other things…each as beautiful as the last.

My therapist says to make a list of things I’m looking for in a partner.

This makes me talk in circles for thirty minutes about the roles of Tops and Bottoms, and my ongoing fear of falling for a Versatile Bisexual Agnostic Gender-Fluid Mixed-Race person with two different eye colors—

“Because I thrive in absolutes,” I conclude.

This causes my therapist to take a measured sip of his Starbucks frappuccino, scribble something in his notes, and say: “This conversation sounds a little scattered. Are you sure you want what you say you want? You may not be ready. You say what you want is love, but all you have talked about is sex. It’s okay to just want sex.”

And I talk around in circles for another thirty minutes admitting that it’s easy to rely on structured gender roles because it’s familiar and validating and that in truth, I don’t really know what I want…but I want it now.

“I want it now!” I begin to sing in a posh British accent.

I wrap my pink chinchilla fur coat around me dramatically, and perform a cult classic musical number in an off-key falsetto about wrapping today and tomorrow up in my pocket, and having a bean feast!

Because I want an adorable Oompa Loompa to love me, and hold me, and call me beautiful….

“And If I don’t get the things I am after…I’m going to scream!!” And I hold the note for almost two days, masterfully playing the role of spoiled little rich girl, and I am pulling gold geese eggs and snozzberries (who ever heard of a snozzberry) out of my pockets like magic tricks! And I’ve even mustered a couple of tears.

And I am waiting for my therapist to stand up and applaud; to tell me how brave I am for asking for the impossible.

He doesn’t.

He takes another sip of his coffee and scribbles on his notepad for much longer than necessary, and stone face says: “Uh huh.”

I am not amused.

My therapist is a very young, very cute, very smart, very gay, bearded trans cub. If it wasn’t against about a hundred ethical rules I would be trying to seduce him. (I kind of have a thing for gay trans cubs.) But the reason he’s my therapist…(other than the fact that I’m poor and he needs the practice), is that he is intersectionally aware enough to see, but not be moved by all of my complex identities.

He stands outside the paradigm.

Sure, I’m Gay, Black, Fem, Bottom, Christian, Poz, and Smarter than 98 percent of the population, but he’s a man with a vagina. He’s not impressed by much.

So he asks me again, “Make a list and see if the list holds for a few days. The things that stick, will stick. The things that don’t, won’t.”

I still haven’t made the list.

I still don’t know exactly what I want.

But I want to be someone’s housewife.

And no matter what the world might say, I don’t believe that my sexual history (HIV-positive or not ) should preclude me from that.

I DO believe you can turn a whore into a housewife.

You just watch and see!

[useless-sloveniafacts]

Sʟᴏᴠᴇɴᴇ Fᴏʟᴋ ᴀɴᴅ Fᴀɪʀʏ Tᴀʟᴇs

4•∞  Pastirček

The Shepherd

     In his day, a small shephed would let some cows pasture by the sea in Istria, joined by some sheep and goats. It was afternoon and the scorching sun was beating down on earth. Suddenly, the boy saw three beautiful girls sleeping on the soft grass. They were fairies. Words couldn’t capture their beauty and they looked very much alike; they were almost identical. They lay peacefully and seemingly slept soundly. The boy didn’t think for a moment that they could be fairies. He thought they were ordinary girls who grew weary because of the sun, lay down and fell asleep.      But the sun will burn them, thought the boy to himself. Their faces are too pretty to let that happen! I must help them.      He climbed a linden tree nearby, cut down some especially bushy branches and stuck them into the ground around the beautiful girls so that the sun couldn’t get to them anymore.      Not long after, the fairies woke up and rose. They began wondering and asking one another, whoever had been so charitable as to have shielded them from the sun’s scorch. (Though they knew very well what had occurred, for fairies never sleep and only pretend to do so. They were only asking one another to see whether the boy would speak up or not.)

… continued below, along with Slovene original. Illustration by Ančka Gošnik Godec.

     But the shepherd didn’t speak up, even more, he tried to run away because he couldn’t look at the fairies; their hair shone too brightly. It shone like pure gold. — Immediately, all three of them were by him. He couldn’t get away. They asked him what he wants as a gift for shielding them from the scorching sun. But the boy didn’t dare ask for anything. They offered him a nice pouch, full of money, which never ran out of gold coins. Yet the boy didn’t care for it at all, for he didn’t even know what money was. He didn’t want it so he could play with it and watch it either, because it’s dead, while his cattle and sheep, which meant everything to him, are alive. When the fairies noticed this, they said: “When you’ll be taking the cattle and the sheep home in the evening, you’ll hear all kinds of bells ringing from the sea behind you, but don’t look back until you get home.”     As soon as they said this, they disappeared.     Only now did the boy realise that those weren’t ordinary girls like any other, but that they had to be fairies.     With time, the sun sank further and further down toward the sea and the shepherd set on leading his herd back home. The closer he got to home the more ringing and clanging he heard behind him. But he forgot what the fairies had told him. Halfway home, he turned around to see who’s been herding so much cattle behind his back? What he saw was a great horde of sheep, cows and goats, following his herd from out of the sea. But the moment he looked back they stopped coming out of the sea. Only the ones that had already been on land accompanied him home. If the shepherd had not looked back, his herd would’ve been indescribably large; but even so, he got enough, as he gifted his poor neighbours with some of the cattle that the fairies have so strangely bestowed upon him. 

Transcription help: • stressed vowels are bolded • e → ẹ=[e], e=[ɛ], ə=[ə] • o → ọ=[o], o=[ɔ] • a → a=[a̱], ạ=[ɐ] (the difference is marginal and may be ignored) • l → l=[l], ł=[w]

Pastirčək

     Svoje dni je pasəł majhən dẹčək v Istri blizu mọrja nekọliko krav, ki jim je bilọ pridruženih tudi nẹkaj ovac in koz. Bilọ je popọłdne in pekọče sọnce je pripẹkalo na zemljo. Kạr dẹčək zaglẹda tri lẹpe dẹklice, ki so spale na mehki trati. Bile so vile. Neizrečeno so bile lẹpe, pa tudi zelọ podọbne so si bile; skoro enake so bile med sebọj. Mirno so ležale in vsaj na videz sladko spale. Dẹčək niti malo ni pomislił, da bi utegnile biti vile. Mislił je, da so navadne dẹklice, ki so se po sọncu utrudile, pa so lẹgle in zaspale.      Tọda sọnce jih bo opeklo, misli dečək sam pri sebi. Škọda takọ lẹpih obrazov! Mọram jim pomagati.      Splẹzał je na bližnjo lipo, nalọmił prạv košatih vej in jih zasadił okọli lẹpih dẹklic takọ, da jih sọnce ni moglo nič več ožgati.      Nedọłgo natọ se vile zbudẹ in vstanejo. Pričnọ se čuditi in spraševati druga drugo, kdọ le je bił takọ usmiljen, da jih je ubranił pred sọnčno pripẹko. (Dobro pa so vẹdele, kaj se je bilọ zgodilo, kajti vile nikdar ne spẹ, temveč se le naredẹ, ko da bi spale. Spraševale so le zatọ, da vidijo, ali se bo dẹčək oglasił ali ne.)      Pastirčək pa se ni oglasił, mạrveč je poskušał celọ zbežati, ker vil ni mogəł glẹdati; lasjẹ so se jim namreč preveč bleščali. Svetili so se kạkor suho, čisto zlatọ. — V tẹm trenutku so bilẹ že vse tri pri njem. Ni jim mọgəł uiti. Povprašale so ga, kaj họče v dar, ker jih je obvarovạł pred žgọčim sọncem. Dẹčək pa si ni upał nič prositi. Ponujale so mu čẹdno mošnjo denarjev, ki ni v njej nikdar zmanjkalo rumenih cekinov. Tọda pastirčək za vse tọ ni nič marał, ker denarjev še poznạł ni. Da bi se pa z denarjem samọ igrạł in ga ogledovạł, tudi ni hoteł, kajti denar je mrtəv, on pa je imẹł živa govẹda in ọvce, ki so mu bile nad vse. Ko so vile to opazile, so mu rekle:      „Ko boš zvečẹr gnạł domọv, boš slišał za sebọj od mọrja səm zvončkljanje vsakovrstnih zvoncev, pa nikar se med potjọ ne oziraj, dokler ne prideš domọv.“      Rekle so in izginile.      Zdạj je šele dẹčək spoznạł, da tọ niso bile navadne dẹklice kạkor druge, ampak bržkone vile.      Počasi se je sọnce bolj in bolj nagibalo v mọrje in pastirčək žene svojo črẹdico domọv. Čimbolj se je bližał dọmu, tem vẹčje zvonjenje in bingljanje je slišał za hrbtom. Tọda pozabił je, kạr so mu bile vile naročile. Ko je bił že na pọł pọta, se radovẹdən obrne, da vidi, kdọ žene za njim tọliko blaga? Pa je zaglẹdal vẹliko trumo ovac, krav in koz, ki so šle iz mọrja za njegovim blagom. V trenutku pa, ko se je ozrł nazaj, je vse prenẹhalo hoditi na suho iz mọrja. Samọ tista truma ga je sprẹmila do dọma, ki je bilạ žẹ zunaj. Če bi pastirčək ne bił poglẹdał nazaj, bi imẹł neizrečeno veliko črẹdo; pa sạj mu je bilọ tudi tọ dovolj, ker je tudi rẹvne sosẹde obdarił z blagom, ki so mu ga bile vile prạv čudno podarile.

Text taken from: Brenk K. Babica pripoveduje : slovenske ljudske pripovedi. Ljubljana, Mladinska knjiga, 1979. Similar (if not identical) can be found in: Bohanec F. Ljudske pripovedi : izbrano delo. Ljubljana, Mladinska knjiga (“Naša beseda” collection), 1972.

[a9o]

Rules: once tagged, you’re supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose however many people you want to tag!

thenks @alfredsolomons for tegging me ;^)

LAST…
 [1] drink: water [2] phone call: mom [3] text message: my mom lulz 
[4] song you listened to: parking lot - blink 182 
[5] time you cried: i dont remember it was maybe a month ago idk

HAVE YOU EVER…
 [6] dated someone twice: no [7] been cheated on: no 
[8] kissed someone and regretted it: yes [9] lost someone special: yes 
[10] been depressed: yes. 
[11] gotten drunk and thrown up: no

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLOURS:
 [12] brown 
[13] white 
[14] navy IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 
[15] made new friends: ye 
[16] fallen out of love: no 
[17] laughed until you cried: YA DOOD  [18] found out someone was talking about you: nah 
[19] met someone who changed you: noop lol [20] found out who your true friends are: ya i guess 
[21] kissed someone on your facebook list: no i dont use fb

GENERAL… 
[22] how many of your tumblr friends do you know in real life: 1 (i unfollowed everyone else oops) 
[23] do you have any pets: yes! my bby dogge [24] do you want to change your name: kinda but only because people cannot pronounce it 
[25] what did you do for your last birthday: nothing, staying in my room, ordered thai food for myself, might have cried a lil 
[26] what time did you wake up: 8am  [27] what were you doing at midnight last night: maybe asleep? in bed for sure 
[28] name something you cannot wait for: death (haha gonna keep ur answer) [29] when was the last time you saw your mother: almost 2 weeks ago 
[30] what is one thing you wish you could change about your life: be more responsible and stop being so regretful about stupid shit [31] what are you listening to right now: the sound of my building (which is a dull hum of air/nothing) 
[32] have you ever talked to a person named tom: i dont think so 
[33] something that is getting on your nerves: myself [35] elementary: wut [36] high school: who [37] college: why 
[38] hair colour: brown 
[39] long or short hair: looong 
[40] do you have a crush on someone: no i kinda wis i did tho [41] what do you like about yourself?: my current nails [42] piercings: only my ears [43] blood type: o poz ;) [44] nickname: nii 
[45] relationship status: single [46] zodiac sign: picses  [47] pronouns: she/her 
[48] fav tv show: the office 
[49] tattoos: i wish 
[50] right or left handed: LEFT HANDED !!! (me too gorl)

FIRST… 
[51] surgery: noop 
[52] piercing: my ears 
[53] best friend: not worth mentioning 
[55] vacation: i’ve never really taken a real vacation 
[56] pair of trainers: sorry wot

RIGHT NOW… [57] eating: nothing [58] drinking: water [59] i’m about to: regret doing this because i have a lab due tomorrow 
[60] listening to: nothingggggg [61] waiting for: this semester to end 
[62] want: a lotta money 
[63] get married: i would if i had a rich man, big ring, a pretty dress 
[64] career: can u repeat the question

WHICH IS BETTER…
 [65] hugs or kisses: hugs [66] lips or eyes: eyes 
[67] shorter or taller: taller [68] older or younger: older 
[69] romantic or spontaneous: romantic 
[70] nice arms or nice stomach: nice arms

[71] sensitive or loud: sensitive ???

[72] hook up or relationship: well i dont want relationship rn……. 
[73] troublemaker or hesitant: hesitant 

HAVE YOU EVER… 
[74] kissed a stranger? i think? 
[75] drank hard liquor? ya [76] lost glasses/contact lenses? noop 
[77] turned someone down: yes oops 
[78] sex on first date? Ya 
[79] broken someone’s heart? dont think so 
[80] had your own heart broken? not really 
[81] been arrested? noooop 
[82] cried when someone died? yes [83] fallen for a friend: not really?? 

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 
[84] yourself? luz noop 
[85] miracles? sure 
[86] love at first sight? nah 
[87] santa claus? no 
[88] kiss on the first date? what’s there to believe in?  [89] angels? sure, why not

OTHER… 
[90] current best friends’ names: ki, rathie (basically my only friends anyways) 
[91] eye colour: brown [92] favourite movie: spirited away

if you read this, i tag youuu <3

[sarcasticjuiceboxes]

The ultimate bab @sugtae tagged me a million years ago

R U L E S: Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 92 truths about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged (I don’t even know 25 people c’mon)

L A S T…

Drink: Water (I’m so basic)

Last phone call: Mom

Last text message: My classmate Hannah

Last song I listened to: Still Suho & Youngjoo Song - Curtain

Last time I cried: Yesterday because Weightlifting Fairy is the purest thing I’ve ever seen

H A V E Y O U E V E R…?

Been cheated on: Do I even have someone to cheat on me? No

Kissed someone and regretted it: No

Been depressed: Not...really? I don’t know

Been drunk and thrown up: I can’t even get drunk

Kissed a stranger: Nope

Drank hard liquor: Every day for lunch lol (joking)

Lost glasses/contacts: No thank god 

Been arrested: Almost lol 

Turned someone down: Yes oops

Cried when someone died: Yes

Fallen for a friend: ...I wouldn’t say “fallen”

I N T H E P A S T Y E A R, H A V E Y O U …?

Made a new friend: Yes

Laughed until you cried: Yes

Met someone who changed you: I don’t think so

Found out who your true friends were: Mhmm

Found out someone was talking about you: When do they not? Gossip is like the #1 thing everyone does

G E N E R A L

How many people on tumblr do you know in real life: 3 I’ve met face to face but when you count talking for years then... like 5 :)) 

Do you have any pets: My doggo Mark I miss him like crazy

Do you want to change your name: Not even after getting married, man. Okay maybe I’ll hyphenate. Probably. That is if I ever marry lol

What time did you wake up this morning: 9:30

What were you doing last night: Watching funny videos with EXO because I have no life

Name something you cannot wait for: EXO coming to London so I can see them

Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: I...may have actually

What’s getting on your nerves rn: My mom pretending to care about me 

Blood type: O poz

Nicknames: Evil Donut, Constantly Choking, Kmom

Relationship status: Single af

Zodiac sign: Libra

Pronouns: She/her

Favourite tv show: Oz, Mr Robot, Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo, Hwarang, I Remember You... I can’t choose 

Hair colour: Brown

Long or short: Long

Crushes: Park Chanyeol lol someone save me

Tattoos: Not right now, but maybe in the future

Righty or lefty: Righty

F I R S T S…

First surgery: Nope

First piercing: Ears

First best friend: Gabi

First sport you joined: Never joined a sport lol not voluntarily anyway

First vacation: Ploiești at Grandma’s

R I G H T N O W…

Eating: Unfortunately nothing

Drinking: Nothing

I’m about to: Start my Korean lesson

Listening: Jin - Awake

Want kids: Maybe 

W H I C H I S B E T T E R?

Lips or eyes: Eyes

Hugs or kisses: Hugs

Shorter or taller: Taller

Older or younger: Older

Sensitive or loud: Both

Hook up or relationship: Relationship

Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker

D O Y O U B E L I E V E ?

Miracles: Yes

Love at first sight: Maybe

Heaven: I don’t know

Santa Claus: No :(

[bruceeves]

“Work # 965: Him & Me”

HIM: What’s up Butchie? ME: Up and at all day and now I’m off to bed . . . alone :-( . . . HIM: I know what that's like far too well. ME: It's a bugger the single life. HIM: I’ve been single for 20 yrs. I’m reaching out for friendship, boys, men, and of course subs ‘n slaves. I know I don't want to be single anymore. I’m tired of it. ME: I was with a guy for years and we got married on out 25th anniversary . . . and then cancer decided to pay a visit. I’ve been single now since 2004. HIM: I’ve been single since I was 24, I’ve been since 1996. I was with an 18 yr old. He was lovely; he hooked up with an older mature guy, stable and money. HIM: Sorry for your loss. ME: Thanks, I’m over it now (sort of) I guess. HIM: That's good. It’s good to share. ME: It is. I’m Bruce btw. HIM: Hi Bruce. Marty here. ME: Hiya Marty, I’m in Toronto, you're at which lake? Ontario has a lot of them. HIM: Ontario is blessed with lakes and water. I’m at the height of the Ontario watershed, I’m on Lake Temagami. It’s an artist’s paradise. I also hold my own art shows and invite guests. ME: Do you curate as well? HIM: I have thought of doing that, I also looked at a grant for that I saw a grant for $50 to $70,000 for that. Wufff. ME: You'd have a good chance of getting it too because of your location. I’d not applied for arts funding for years and years but I’m going to submit to the Ontario Arts Council this year in the Senior Artist category. What kind of work do you do Marty? HIM: I paint but won’t claim it’s my forte not even for a millisecond. I create in cloth, leather and use fur as well.im also mixed race Native and White. So a lot of my work has a Native influence. I bead as well. Make simple jewelry. I do leather craft, and my fave works are with quills and bark. I also make touristy things like organic dream-catchers, drums and the like. HIM: Do you have a big cock? ME: Being mixed-race gives you a leg up in the arts grant department and I have a average sized cock (cut) and you? HIM: I can work the First Nations angle till death. I’m above thickness with average length. HIM: Cut. ME: That sounds tasty! If you check out the O.A.C. site they explicitly say priority is given to aboriginal artists. My grandmother's grandmother was Cree, but I wouldn't dare . . . HIM: LOL ME: Could I see some more pics? HIM: I have a status card if that helps, I live on rez too. HIM: Did you see my pics in the profile??? If so that all I have. HIM: Do you know the Asspig site? ME: I’m just a standard member so I can't access anything but the most public pics. I know that site yes. The status card and rez would be helpful indeed. HIM: Here’s a few. HIM: Many people come to the rez to buy arts and crafts and I help them spend their money. ME: Nice looking fella . . . . HIM: Thanks. ME::-) I’m going for a walk now – I’ve got to get out of the house. Talk to you later Marty . . . HIM: Later. ME: Back . . . but I’m going out for the evening (nothing exciting). HIM: That's OK I'm at a dinner meeting. ME: My evening turned into a dud -- I went to a screening and it was sold out! HIM: Ahhh shitty. Hate that shit. ME: I know, but it got me out of the house for a bit and I had a nice chat with the filmmaker who's sort of a friend so at least he knows I tried to see his work. There may be a future screening so all's not lost. HIM: That's good to hear, do you have contact info for him or the screening, can u reserve a seat??? ME: It's the Images Festival and its all first come first serve :-( HIM: Ah SHITTY. ME: It's no big deal. How’s your week going Marty? HIM: Busy, busy, busy, and I love it, making a few extra bucks for hydro bill. ME: Same on this end -- I'm chained to the computer for the next few days (and not in the good way) to plow through a whole lot of stuff -- I’d prefer to sit in my back yard and watch the flowers grow, but . . . . HIM: I’m looking at the ice surrounding my island, wishing for hot weather, time to start boating, lovely break up, countless ice crystals clinking on the shore line, the loons haunting cries, the eagles, the moose the bear etc... love it. ME: Sounds fantastic (except for the ice) I’ve got a nice big garden and everything is starting to pop up now. HIM: I’m about 500 km north of you. ME: I’m beginning to hate the city – if I didn't have a back garden I think I’d go nuts. HIM: I hated the city a long time ago. I love living on the lake. ME: I’ve never learned to drive, so moving to the country would be a problem. HIM: Well I know how to drive, I have driven around the island, although it’s kind of not legal. I’ll take keys off people if they had a few drinks. ME: Why is it not legal? Good that you're the designated driver though. HIM: I don't have a driver license. ME::-) I can see how that could get you into a bit of trouble . . . HIM: True. ME: Have you ever been caught? I hope not. HIM: I was pulled over by the police more than 20 years ago as a DD without a license. He didn't even ask for a drivers permit. ME::-) My dad got stopped by the cops once because he was driving too slowly – they thought he was drunk. He was just looking at the farms and scenery . . . :-) HIM: Shitty but it’s nice to see the countryside. ME: Yes, I grew up in the country north of Toronto. HIM: Very nice, what area? ME: Newmarket – it was a tiny town when we moved there, my dad was born there but moved away, now it's huge and not so great. But when I was there I wanted out, there was nothing there for a gay kid. HIM: I guess not, yeah that area really developed. ME: It's pretty awful now. HIM: It’s a shame the lands around Toronto are built up, it’s the best farmland in Canada. The first 400 km with in distance of the CN Tower is the best farmland in Canada. Sprawled up ugly fucking houses. ME: hopefully the green belt has stopped that. HIM: It’s too bad Toronto and surrounding area didn't build up first and then out. I hate those houses especially in the Maple area near Wonderland. Fucking ugly houses with all those foreigners living in them. ME: Toronto is very sprawling, it's a result of not being hemmed in by geography – but the lessons have been learned and the city is now becoming more intensified and vertical (which in itself causes other problems. I lived in NYC for many years and HATED IT there, but as far as livable cities go Toronto is up near the top. Off for my daily walk now . . . HIM: Yes Toronto is one of the world, this I already know. I lived there for 7 years. ME: How long ago were you living here -- I moved in 1978 and came back in 2001. HIM: I was there 1996 to 2003. ME: We could have crossed paths. HIM: Probably. You are familiar looking, by chance did you ever have a boyfriend named Allan and he worked at Bubs Subs, Church and Wellesley. ME: No -- I’d come back to Toronto with my man John in 2001 and we were together until he died in 2004. HIM: Sorry to hear of your partner’s death. ME: It was quick -- he was sick for only six months. HIM: Wow. Sorry to hear that nonetheless. HIM: BTW you have nice pits. ME: Thank you very much! HIM: I love pit hair.... especially thick, burly belly and chest hair. HIM: What are you into sexually? ME: Actually I’m sort of vanilla. HIM: Oh sorry. I’m anything but vanilla. ME: What are you into? HIM: Leather, rough, all left black, navy, red, yellow, grey. ME: I understand all the colours except grey. HIM: Bondage. ME: That's right, now I remember. HIM: I’m into more than that. Love nasty raunch, too. ME: I’m mostly a kisser and cocksucker, boring I know. HIM: They can be good too. ME::-) You're too kind. HIM: I love guys who suck and swallow. Wooffff. ME: I do both. HIM: Nothing like a good service pig to suck a nice cock and bring him to completion. ME: I also like 69ing and then mixing the cum together on our tongues. HIM: I loveeeeee 69. I can get sucked off for hours without cumming but I tend to blow quickly if I 69. ME: And cum eating? HIM: I’ve only eaten cum once from another guy. ME: Mine tastes very good. HIM: That's nice...... I really don't get much action round here, but I do crave to suck cock and fuck. I would suck yours and swallow it. I know I wanna suck. I wasn't much into sucking when I was younger. ME: I’d let you suck my cock anytime :-) HIM: LOL I’m sure. You shooting neg or poz loads? ME: I’m clean, negative. HIM: I hate the line, I’m clean. It’s like anyone else who has been infected in some shape or form is dirty. Its dehumanizing really. I’m poz. Wanted you to know that. ME: Sorry my mistake – you're right. I’m not one of those idiots that run for the hills when they hear poz. HIM: That's good. ME: I lived through the darkest days of the epidemic in the 80s and 90s when I was in NYC. HIM: Wow. That’s very impressive and sad at the same time. ME: It was absolutely horrible, HIM: You made it though and yuu are strong for that. I think it was created in a lab and used to depopulate. ME: That's crossed my mind and the minds of many others as well. HIM: Sure it’s just a branch in the plan to depopulate the world. ME: There was an overt attempt to stigmatize gay men in the '80s and '90s and I’m not entirely sure that that has not gone away, it's just less hostile and aggressive. HIM: Well the ‘80s was harsh as a teen and the ‘90s were pretty gay. ME: That whole period was really hard for me, especially because I was living in a place that I hated, it got better when I came back to Canada but then was almost immediately followed by tragedy. It’s good now though. HIM: Yikes. ME: I came back to Canada in 2001 and in 2003 both my mother and my partner were in the same hospital at the same time. HIM: I’m sure it feels a bit of relief to share the grief. But sometimes you gotta think does the person need or are able to hear it, how will they feel afterwards. I don't wanna hear any more depressing energy from you. ME: Fine, my life is good now. HIM: That's good. ME: Yes it is, except for not enough money and no boyfriend, it's perfect. HIM: LOL I hear you. ME: Such is modern life, I think. HIM: I ain’t a fan of modern. ME: 21st century then. HIM: I love my life in the bush. ME: I like my back garden – it's facing away from the city, it's quiet, relaxing. HIM: That's always nice. I had a shitty apartment and no garden or yard in the city.... I miss my friends, music, men and the convenience of food. My yard is now Lake Temagami, have a look-see. ME: That's fantastic. HIM: I’m so blessed to be here and love it so much. Although there’s no gay community here, I’m wanting love and have considered moving, I’m thinking south-west New Mexico or Palm Springs, California. ME: Are there any larger small towns nearby that may have a fledgling community? HIM: The nearest bigger center is North Bay. HIM: Really funny I connected with a slave last night from North Bay. ME: How far is that away from you? HIM: A little over an hour away. ME: That's not too bad at all -- I’d imagine North Bay has some sort of gay community, or am I wrong to assume that? HIM: It’s closeted, its small and although there is a rainbow church. ME: Sounds old fashioned but it's better than nothing -- in a lot of ways Toronto is kind of closeted too. HIM: I’m a Satanist now. ME: Oh? HIM: yes it’s been about 5 months of the dark side for me, I love it. ME: That may narrow the community a bit. HIM: I don't care. Since my change it’s been hotter, already had a boy visit me and more on the way. Its working for me 100 fold already. Today is the 50 year anniversary of the church of SATAN . . . HS. I rejoice in the darkness. ME: What does it offer that you can't get elsewhere? HIM: I don't need to explain it to you. ME: OK. HIM: That's good. ME::-) HIM: Butchie . . . pick a subject, fetish or kink. ME: Fetish. HIM: What’s the hottest fetish out there? What’s fetish mean to you? ME: I just got in and I’m sort of drunk -- I’ll think about this. HIM: LOL where did u go??? ME: I spent many hours at The Black Eagle . . . fetish-wise I sort of have a thing for muscle worship. HIM: AHHH LOVED THE BLACK EAGLE. DOES IT STILL HAVE THAT RANK ODOUR TO IT? ME: They've installed a dance floor . . . a dance floor!!!!!! HIM: Wow. ME: Yes, I was shocked. HIM: Wow. ME: It’s just like any ordinary bar now. HIM: I heard they even allow females. ME: There were none there yesterday and I don't think there's a female washroom, so I’m not sure. HIM: I had heard awhile back females were allowed. ME: Apparently 1/3 of Woody's customers are now women. HIM: When I left the city, the scene was still somewhat sacred. ME: I haven't been to Church Street in years. Sunday night was the first time in forever, and it was pretty ridiculous. HIM: LLLOOOLLL. ME::-) The Eagle has a dance floor!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HIM: Yes you told me earlier, I still can’t believe it. Wow. ME: Neither can I, I just keep repeating to myself inside my head -- a dance floor? a dance floor! a dance floor? a dance floor! . . . HIM: OK we both know it, now we can both accept the sacrilege. ME: I will never darken their door again  HIM: LOL ME::-) morning . . . HIM: morning Butchie. ME: I’m out in the garden all day today. HIM: Good for you. ME: Did a lot of veggie planting and then I had a nap. HIM: That's a good days work. ME: And it's going to be warm from now on plus rainy – I have more to put in but the stock isn't in yet. I like gardening, it's relaxing. HIM: Of course it is, gardening is amazing. ME: My back is so sore now though. HIM: Good. ME: YEAH? Then give me a massage. HIM: It means you’re alive. ME::-) I’ll finish the rest of the planting today. HIM: Don't ever complain to me when your white and male and living in North America..... you could be a nigger starving in Africa. Or a woman in the Middle East with one arm because her other hand was chopped off for stealing a loaf of bread because she was hungry and trying to feed her babies. ME: I’m not complaining about anything and the rant is uncalled for. HIM: Frankly, I don't care about your gardening when this is a sex kink site. Have a nice life Butchie. Don’t message me again.

April 17-May 6 2016

[jamarjegj9k-blog]

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[myundetectablelife-blog]

What Does UNDETECTABLE Mean?

 According to @aidsgov , the definition of UNDETECTABLE  means “ Having an “undetectable” viral load doesn’t mean that the virus is completely gone from your body, just that it is below what a lab test can find. You still have HIV and need to stay on ART to remain healthy.” The website also states “ As noted, the goal of ART is to reduce your viral load, ideally to an undetectable level. If your viral load goes down after starting ART, the treatment is working.Having an undetectable viral load greatly lowers your chance of transmitting the virus to your sexual and drug-using partners who are HIV-negative. However, even when your viral load is undetectable, HIV can still exist in semen, vaginal and rectal fluids, breast milk, and other parts of your body. For this reason, you should continue to take steps to prevent HIV transmission. For example:HIV may still be found in your genital fluids (semen or vaginal fluids). The viral load test only measures the amount of HIV in your blood. Although ART also lowers viral load in genital fluids, HIV can sometimes be present in your genital fluids even when it is undetectable in your blood.Your viral load may go up between tests. When this happens, you may be more likely to transmit HIV to your partner(s). Your viral load may go up without you knowing it because you may not feel any different.Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) can increase your viral load in your genital fluids. This means that if you are living with HIV and also have an STD, you may be able to transmit HIV to your partner(s) even if your viral load is undetectable.Researchers are studying how much you can lower your chances of transmitting HIV when your viral load is undetectable. One large multinational study indicates that ART that consistently suppresses HIV is highly effective at preventing sexual transmission of the virus in heterosexual couples where one person is HIV-infected and the other is not. In fact, that study found that ART reduces the risk of heterosexual HIV transmission by 93% or more if viral suppression is achieved and maintained. Researchers did not observe any HIV transmission during this study when the HIV-infected partner’s virus was stably suppressed by ART. If you are taking ART, follow your HIV care provider’s advice. Visit your HIV care provider regularly and always take your HIV meds as directed. This will give you the greatest chance of having an undetectable viral load. Taking other actions, like using a condom consistently and correctly, can lower your chances of transmitting HIV or contracting an STD even more. “

So what does this all mean, when it comes to having sex?  Well to begin, you still have HIV, and there is no way around that fact. So you can’t say that you aren’t HIV or POZ anymore, because you still have the virus in your system. So according to any medical professional, you are still HIV. But when it comes to being UNDETECTABLE, it just basically means that your chances of you infecting someone is at a lower risk than someone that doesn’t take their meds and isn’t compliant with their doctors. But there are still people out there that are still scared to death of when you mention anything having to do with being POZ, even it includes the word UNDETECTABLE.

There is a website out there called  http://www.haemosexual.com/ that wrote an article about being GAY and being HIV and also about being UNDETECABLE, I would recommend reading the article and maybe it will hit home, on how some of the gay community reacts when you mention anything about HIV and/or AIDS ... http://www.haemosexual.com/gay-men-time-educate-hiv-positive-undetectable-means/...

So I hope that this was a little informative?