#u know u want a ride in the limo steven

[evenstevensranked]

#40: Season 2, Episode 7 - “Thin Ice”

Ren is locked in for two events on the same night — Dinner with their new neighbors The Minkler’s and an ice skating date with Bobby Deaver. Oh, no! We’re also introduced to Nelson and his hypochondria. Meanwhile, Louis and Twitty discover prank calling and fail miserably at it. It’s fantastic. 

This one opens with Ren’s bedroom phone ringing as she frantically runs to answer it. Ya know, that purple see-through plastic Y2K phone that every teen girl on TV had? Dang. I wanted one so badly. It’s Ruby calling to let her know that Bobby Deaver is going to be calling soon. Her “sources never lie.” That’s a little creepy. It’s like she’s in the gossip mob or something. Fo’ real, Ruby needs a new hobby. Just then, Ren gets a call waiting. She answers and an extremely deep voice that sounds nothing like the guy Ren is so obsessed with says “Hey, it’s Bobby” and she falls for it. That was easy. Too bad it’s just Twitty and Louis calling from across the hall. They’re giggling like idiots because they’re 13 year old boys and telling someone “I just thought you should know I’m not wearing any socks” is hilarious apparently. It doesn’t take long for Ren to catch on when “Bobby” starts referring to himself as the “hot little cuddle muffin” she loves so much. Too far, guys. Too far. She decides to play along for a minute which is pretty funny. She says that she’s actually in love with Twitty -- not Bobby -- before busting into Louis’ room. She threatens them while simultaneously blasting them with a water gun. Twitty is all “Dude, your sister loves me.” Completely missing the sarcasm. 

....that moment u know u f’d up.

At school the next day, Ren’s at her locker when suddenly this strange kid appears and calls her “Boo Boo.” It’s Nelson Minkler. We find out that they used to be neighbors when they were toddlers and now the Minklers have moved back to Sacramento. This episode marks what should’ve been his actual first appearance. The episodes were obviously aired out of production order because Nelson is randomly in the Season 2 premiere with no explanation of who the heck he is — and then 6 episodes later we get this one.. which is clearly his proper introduction. Why does Disney Channel do this?! Their worst offense was with Lizzie McGuire. The airing schedule was so jumbled that the freaking SERIES FINALE aired 8 MONTHS before the show stopped airing new episodes. Like, what the hell???

Anywaaay, they’re locker neighbors now and we find out right away that Nelson is a hypochondriac when he opens his locker and a zillion health care items come pouring out of it. Anti-ointments, a freaking snake bite kit, knee pads… yeah. Ren clearly doesn’t want to deal with any of that. She quickly runs away from him and he shouts “BYE BYE, BOO BOO! If you ever need any anti-fungals just knock on my door!” Wow, buddy. I feel Ren’s pain here. 

We see that Louis and Twitty have become obsessed with prank calling. They’re even doing it during school hours now. They’re at Louis’ locker prank calling Wexler telling him he won a free fish or something stupid. Louis is trying to put on some “older” sounding voice, but I would 100% recognize it as him. The face he makes to achieve this voice is gold though:

Just then, Tawny shows up and catches them in the act and she is honestly me:

I’d have no patience for this. 

At lunch, Bobby Deaver was genuinely about to sit down and have lunch with Ren and Ruby… but, Nelson shows up all “HEY, BOO BOO!” and ruins everything. As usual. No wonder this character was only around for a few episodes in Season 2 before disappearing from the face of the earth. He serves no other purpose than for Ren to have a male friend and to mess things up for her constantly. Annoying. Still better than Beans, though. 

He starts coughing and asks Ren to check his tonsils for inflammation. He claims “Just last month I had puss balls the size of acorns!” This kid seriously must’ve lived under a rock his entire life. Any remotely civilized human knows this sort of behavior is weird. He makes the most obnoxious “AHHHHH!” sounds just sitting there with his mouth wide open forcing Ren to look. Ren once again wants nothing to do with this and makes up some excuse to get away. Same. Ruby and Nelson are awkwardly left alone… so Ruby breaks the silence by saying “I’ll look at your puss balls” in that New York accent of hers and I swear to god. The innuendos in Season 2 are next level.

Louis and Twitty decide to prank call Tawny’s family and we get to see her house for the first time in the series! Add this to the list of sets with on-point characterization. It’s very yuppie and warm… with lots of house plants. Not to mention, she’s doing yoga when the phone rings. This makes so much sense to me. 

Louis claims to be Lance Larsen calling from QPop radio with a $1,000,000 trivia challenge. Again, Louis’ voice is so painfully obvious. Tawny gets her dad to answer the winning question, which is to name the “Top 5 most popular lunch meats” — If this was a legit question, Dr. Dean’s answers would most definitely be incorrect. He lists liverwurst and olive loaf but not turkey or roast beef. I told you they’re yuppies. It doesn’t matter though… they become “millionaires” anyway of course. 

“DADDY, WE’RE MILLIONAIRES!!!” 

To Ren’s dismay, Steve and Eileen tell her that they’ve planned a dinner date with the Minkler’s Friday night to welcome them back to the neighborhood. Ren gets another phone call that night that starts off with “Hi, Ren! It’s Bobby.” Bet ya can’t guess what happens next…

Ren assumes it’s Louis and Twitty pranking her again so she plays it up saying “So, this is Bobby Deaver. The hot little cuddle muffin who I love sooo much.” Dude on the other end is all.. “Um.. I guess?” Yeah. It’s actually Bobby this time. Oops. It’s pretty hilarious because she yells “Listen you little twerpazoid, I told you if you ever called me again you’d be sipping your food through a feeding tube!!!” and Bobby’s like “Ren, is this a bad time?” HAHA. Ren has a mental breakdown once she realizes. She quickly apologizes and explains that Louis just discovered prank calling. (“It’s okay I have a little brother too. He’s in 3rd grade.” / “Yeah, well mine just acts like it.” - True.) Ren collapses on her bed and the incredibly cheesy, romantic piano stock music they always use for Ren/Bobby stuff starts playing. Bobby invites her to go to an ice skating party with him on Friday night. This is one of the reasons why I ranked this episode #40. It cuts to Ren’s ridiculous daydream of how she envisions the party. The music swells and it fades to footage of Ren and Bobby dramatically ice skating like freaking professionals competing at the Olympics in an empty, moody-lit rink. It’s absolutely hysterical to me. 

Obviously, she accepts the invitation but — wait! Friday night?! That’s dinner with the Minkler’s! Whatever will she do?! Not even gonna lie. I’m a sucker for this potential “two places at one time” cliché TV trope. Regardless, she still promises Bobby that she’ll be there “...no matter what.” A little melodramatic but, ok. She tells Ruby about the situation the next day and is totally in a bind over what to do. Ruby suggests that she fakes sick to skip out on the dinner and sneak out to the party. This entire episode is giving me flashbacks to Free Skate at the local ice rink every Friday back in middle school and the drama that would always ensue. Especially “relationship” drama. And crush drama. Oh, wow. 

Tawny excitedly runs up to Louis and Twitty in the hall telling them “My dad and I won a MILLION DOLLARS on the radio!” “Ya don’t say?” Louis responds. Which is great. She tells them they’re moving to Paris immediately. Yeah, now Louis and Twitty ain’t laughing. Tawny’s dad picks her up in a limo and everything, and Louis and Twitty are left to break the news to them that they didn’t actually win a million dollars. This is another reason why I ranked this episode higher. I think this is hilarious. Tawny and her dad break down in tears, as do Louis and Twitty. Louis vows “I’m never making prank phone calls again. I’M A BAD BAD BOYYYY!” when suddenly Tawny and Dr. Dean start dying of laughter. Turns out they planned the whole thing to teach them a lesson. Brilliant. 

Tawny tells them, “We knew it was you two the whole time. We have caller ID.” SERIOUSLY, LOUIS?! The first rule of prank calling is to dial *67 first! Amateur. Just imagine that. Tawny picking up the phone seeing “Stevens” or whatever on the caller ID and just going along with Louis’ terrible fake DJ voice, oh my god. She really is perfect for him. Tawny and her dad offer them a ride home in the limo (which is a rental) but speed off without them.

Ren goes through with lying and fakes sick to get out of the dinner. She goes gallivanting off to the skating party and bumps into… Nelson??? Yep. He faked sick, too. Nelson tells her that his feelings were hurt when she refused to give him a simple throat examination. To which Ren responds “Well, people don’t generally ask me to look at their puss balls.” THERE IT IS AGAIN.

For whatever reason, Louis and Tawny are at the party as well. (She asks him where Twitty is and… “He sprained his ankle chasing after the limo.” “You know, I really thought you guys would give up once we hit the freeway.” - Why is this so funny?!) Louis thanks her for teaching him a valuable lesson about the dangers of prank calling. “Gotta grow up sometime,” he says. She’s super impressed and they’re adorable. They skate together and hold hands, which is precious… and it would’ve been even more precious if it was actually Louis’ hand she was holding. But, alas… Louis skates off leaving Tawny holding a fake hand. I’m dying. Louis Stevens — What a legend. It really is so cute seeing them together like this, though.

THEY’RE SO FREAKIN CUTE!!! I’M DYIN

Tawny throws the fake hand, and ends up hitting Nelson in the head. Ren decides to help Nelson instead of doing the couple-skate with Bobby. Wow. I guess that’s nice of her, though. In the end, Ren and Nelson make up and he lists, like.. every single thing he’s allergic to as the episode fades out.

It’s not over though! The bit where they come back for one more minute after the last commercial break is the real reason why I ranked this one #40. Normally, these “last minute” bits are pointless and generally not very funny. But, this one. OH MAN! The first time I watched this I was literally in tears for 10 minutes -- I couldn’t breathe. This time, Louis dreams of him and Tawny skating like Ren dreamed about her and Bobby. Everything’s romantic… until taWNY’S LEG BREAKS OFF AND THE HAPPY MUSIC DRAMATICALLY CHANGES TO MINOR AND WE GET THE CLASSIC LOUIS SCREAM. It’s so freaking random and unexpected and so great.

And there you have it, #40! This is actually one of my personal favorites. I think it’s pretty solid in the humor department. I love the Louis/Tawny stuff. The prank calling bits are great. The Ren/Bobby stuff is finally more funny and entertaining here than cringy. And yeah. I just like this one a lot. 

I also totally didn’t even realize I missed a weekend. THE DAYS HAVE BEEN GOING BY SO FAST!!!! What the heck. Also, we’re now officially moving into the #30s!

Thank you for reading!

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[paradoxil-blog]

          ❛  YOOHOO  !!  STEVEN  !!  wow,  you  look  like  a  wreck.  need  a  ride  ??  ❜  @bloodfroze  .