#u guys have noooo concept of age

[alchemistys]

its great kiof debuted w actual yk adults but its sooo funny how kpop stannies are going "wow this is why you debut ADULTS look at this group of GROWN WOMEN who are doing MATURE and SEXY choreos" when theyre like 18-20yos

[actualbird]

// spoilers for Marius SSR Will Of The Trees story part 2 and part 3 and part 4

KJBKJKSFJJDGKJSD LMAO??? MARIUS VON WHORE???? OH MY GOD, MARIUS, U SHOWOFF. u coulda just left and got the damn wood but no, u had to go show off ur abs. go to the corner and think about what youve done

.....actually, no, i wanna see this. mc, whyd u close ur eyes. whenever i make u visit marius, i am primarily makin u lift his shirt (when im not making u fix his horrid and always up collar UGH) uve seen this already.

tho marius rlly shouldnt be doing this in literal public kjsbgskjsg. we get it, ur an exhibitionist, now put ur shirt down boy.

oh my god, why are you like this, im going to punch u in the face and kiss u

no no NOOOO I CANT DO THIS. BABY MARIUS WITH HIS DINO JACKET AAAAAAAAA PLEASE. HES CRYING. DONT DO THIS TO ME.

this is reigniting my desire to write a fic where somehow marius gets de-aged to little kid and the nxx team has to look after him when hes so confused and scared and just wants his brother and the team try to hide the fact that giann is missing but eventually marius finds out and runs away because hes so upset and the team have a fuckin HEARTATTACK trying to find him all night because a little kid alone in the city at night is so so so dangerous. and one of them finds him just crying on a bench and that person comforts him til the rest arrive and they all promise not to hide anything from him again

anyway they spent the rest of marius' kid transformation living together so they can look after him and thus found family feels. marius doodles a picture of the team and giann and even peanut and artem is like "this is wonderful, but where are you?" and marius is like "oh. im not important, it's you guys who matter." artem's heart is goddamn breaking so even if hes shit at drawing, he draws a little stick figure marius in the middle of everybody.

ah. ive thought about this concept a lot. also im wailing crying punching the floor

giann von hagen little shit: confirmed. but hes a little shit with good intentions, he apparently only said that so marius would stop misbehaving and touching rainforest things without using his braincells kjbfgjsdg

oh my god....the girl teaching mc the secret prayer carving for marriage...can we give that girl an award, pls, she didnt even get a silhouette sprite but shes out here doing god's work

mc is so pretty oh GOSH, marius u r so so valid for just hearteyes staring like this.

ahh i cant finish watching this card, i gots date night in a bit. will continue some other time!!

[kittenwatchesthings]

Geostorm Liveblog

It’s been a hot minute ( many many hot minutes, actually) since I liveblogged here, and that’s because The Core fucked me up so bad that I still haven’t finished it. Yeah. That was a year ago (or longer, because I picked a theme that doesn’t timstamp my posts). I got as far as the geode and noped the fuck out, but to this day I am still pondering the velocity and force needed for a pigeon to break windows. Just saying.

Anyways, it’s Superbowl Sunday and I could care less and Redbox had a deal so I picked up Geostorm. I will tell you how much I know about this movie.

Gerard Butler is in it.

Gerard Butler controls the satellites that control the weather.

The satellites get fucked up.

They fuck shit up.

There are giant tsunamis.

I think there were like six tornadoes in NYC or something IDK I watched the trailer months ago.

I think he has a daughter because they always have daughters in disaster movies right?

Let’s get started.

This movie is rated PG-13 for destruction and violence.

Annnnnd we start with the child voiceover because Drama™. Climate change!

Actual quote: “They called it extreme weather. They didn’t know what extreme is.”

(I am not even 30 seconds in this is gonna be great.)

Okay I’m now like a minute in and I have two things to say.

1. These are excellent videos of natural disasters 2. I hope they got permission for the videos

So they’re essentially using explosives to control the weather. Yup. That’s totally gonna work. And they called it Dutch Boy. Yeah. Great.

Ohhhh Gerard is gonna be snarky to the senators. Nice. I like him.

The senator is clearly gonna be the bad guy in this movie. I can’t wait for him to die.

Also Gerard is not really aging very well. He still looks good just not as good as 2005 Gerard.

His brother is clearly a politician because he’s all “you fucked up and I gotta fire you” but at least he kinda cried about it too.

Anyways we’re headed to the desert where shit is about go down I can just feel it.

Who the fuck came up with this

Oh there’s a town completely frozen over OH his hand came off well shit

THE PRESIDENT ONLY CARES ABOUT HIMSELF

Little brother has redeemed himself by caring more about the 300 people in the village that froze to death

fuck you, Mr President

Ed Harris knows what’s up. He says get Gerard up on that space station

meanwhile, in space, a foreign guy (of course, because America is full of racists) is stealing information, and does every single country have its own satellite? even Djibouti? that seems excessive to me.

Nevermind the guy is dead. I 100% thought he was doing normal shit until he stuck the… uh… datapen? whatever. until he stuck it into the binder all sneaky-like. Not entirely sure wtf just happened on the ISS but we’ve just cut to the country where Gerard’s daughter is brainy and fixing something all by herself.

Awww her name is Hannah I have a sister named Hannah

oh now the brothers are fighting

guilt trippingggg

Ohhhhh so there’s another guy on the ISS fucking shit up. I bet he made the airlock open to kill Makmoud. Why the fuck people gotta fuck shit up?

(The answer is that people are fucking awful)

no wait I lied this guy is on Earth, in China, where it is very hot

CAT THERE IS A CAT IT IS PURRING STOP EVERYTHING

Oh um the ground is so hot you can fry eggs on it WHY IS THE PIPE RED HOT OH LOOK AN EXPLOSION

FIRENADO ALERT

what the actual fuck is going on

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK

okay I’mma try and wrap my head around this… it got so hot that the gas pipelines turned red hot, overheated, exploded everywhere, and toppled buildings

1. NOT PLAUSIBLE 2. Pipes run at least 3 feet underground which is not gonna get that fucking hot and I’m pretty sure the gas would expand and destroy the lines before they actually get red hot 3. Whether actual fire explosions (and not superheated gas) happen would be up to whether there are sparks or not

okay so it was indeed gas main explosions, thank you Hannah for explaining

still doesn’t excuse the TERRIBLE SCIENCE

Hannah is a smart cookie I like her

still using fucking space shuttles I see and he’s not even in a space suit what kind of space movie is this (okay he’s kind of in a space suit but really)

can u not with the dizzying space images? I’m still fucked up from Gravity

THE Jake Lawson

Also Gerard’s American accent is riddled with Scottish which is likely why he just said he was born in the UK (I like the Scots better than the American anyway roll those r’s baby)

Okay anyway apparently the satellites are getting fucked up by someone IN THE WHITE HOUSE how surprising is that (not at all)

SOMEBODY’S COME TO FUCK WITH CHENG

THE BROTHERS ARE FIGHTING AGAIN

THIS IS NOT THE DRAMA I SIGNED UP FOR

AHHH THERE IS THE DRAMA

I suspect Dassite(?) has something to do with this. But I am worried something’s gonna go wrong on this spacewalk.

SOMEBODY FUCKED WITH JAKE’S SUIT

DAMMIT I SAID NO MORE DIZZYING SPACE SHIT I’M STILL FUCKED UP FROM GRAVITY

FUCK CHENG NO

Really we need this brotherly–ohhhhh it’s a fucking coded message hell yeah Jake

FUCK NOT THE GIRLFRIEND

oh okay Dana is my fave

OMG the girlfriend’s name is Sarah helllll yeah

Ohhhhh Makmoud I am sorry for thinking you were bad you were being good! It is clearly the Americans fucking all of this up

DUSSETTE IS GOOD TOO I’M SORRY FOR DOUBTING YOU BOTH

SHIT they weaponized it everything’s fucked up

THE PRESIDENT FUCKED THIS SHIT UP

Max is gonna fuck this up I just know it

FUCK NOT TOKYO

oh hey the giant hailstones from the trailer holy fuck they are huge

what the fuck ice in Brazil

BIRDS FALLING DEAD FROM THE SKY INCLUDING A PLANE

ONE HOUR AND THIRTY MINUTES TO GEOSTORM

FUCK ed harris is onto max

WHAT THE FUCK WHY IS THE STATION SELF DESTRUCTING

WHO FUCKED IT UP

IT WAS DUNCAN

SHIT SON FUCK HIM UP JAKE

of fucking course Ed Harris is the one behind it he’s the best at being bad

but why is it the DNC why are they democrats why are the dems the bad ones

SARAH IS BEST AT LYING

GO SARAH GO

THERE’S THE TORNADOES

So lightning just blew up the arena where the DNC was being held and I’m having flashbacks to The Core when a lightning storm fucked up Rome and exploded the Coliseum so THANKS Geostorm

Annnnd Russia is melting and the Prez is skeptical (of course)

FUCK the shithole guy survived

SARAH IS THE BEST

EY NOW HE DEAD

Noooo poor Hannah

SHIT JAKE NO

lol Max and Sarah have you beat fucking Ed Harris

fucking deck him Mr President

HELL YEAH MAX

Anyways, tsunami in Dubai. GIANT FUCKING TSUNAMI. Definitely bigger than fucking San Andreas

NO JAKE CAN’T DIE

HE’S THE FUCKING HERO

THAT WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL FIVE MINUTES I CAN REMEMBER

oh no Ute is gonna die isn’t she

wait she’s still going

okay they’re in the satellite that should be okay right

HERNANDEZ

yay happy ending

Okay so um.

Final thoughts: I got way too emotionally invested in the movie but at this moment (despite what some conspiracy theorists believe) we CANNOT control the weather satellites. We do not yet have this capability and I fully believe that we will not have it by 2019 or even 2025, especially if the US government and public opinion stay as they are right now. This movie was likely based on conspiracy theories surrounding HAARP, which I won’t get into, but it’s safe to say that we can’t control the fucking weather and we’re not going to for a long time.

So uh… nice concept, nice drama, the science fucking sucked. Definitely sci-fi rather than actually fucking plausible. The end.

Science 0/5 Plot 5/5 because fuck this movie Special effects 4/5 because some of the scenes in the space suits looked kinda fake but the rest was A+