#u get a dominic ferrying a soul

[wordsbyclo]

f o l l o w  y o u r  t r e a s u r e  p a r t  1

It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting” - Paul Coelho

When I think of my time in California, I think of Fuchsia coloured sunsets, dancing beneath the rolling hills in the carnival, listening to some existential electronic in the moonlight. It was dreamy. It was also all born out of a dream, my dream.

A special friend of mine sent me The Alchemist as a birthday gift.  It was one of those books that popped up in my scope a lot, and I knew I had to read it. Even whilst on this trip, I saw the book being read by the girl next to me on the plane. Something was telling me to read this book. 

As I read it, I was overwhelmed with joy, inspiration, and connection. For those of you who have read it, it’s a beautiful tale about following your Personal Legend to find your treasure. I felt like I had just undergone a similar adventure which certainly amplified my feelings towards the novel. And like the story, it all began with a dream. 

 Living a “normal” life is hard for me. Routines are impossible to keep up with my up-and-down personality and passion driven lifestyle. This summer, I was put to a test where I took a chance on a dream. Instead of doing what others expected of me, I pursued something that was calling me with a bit of Beginners Luck. It took a while to admit, but I was generally unhappy with my jobs and my life at the time. It is as if every cell of me body resists doing what I am doing, and sometimes even portrayed symptoms of sickness. I needed change. 

 Flexibility is a central pillar in my life. I need it. I crave change. I look forward to the unknown turns of life. I embrace uncertainty. I get tired of the ordinary very easily and want more. I used to think something was wrong with me and I am sure many people still think this too. But I enjoy this aspect of myself very much. I may not be built for the modern world but I am certainly wired for adventure. So when my life was not allowing the flexibility I needed, it began to fall apart in the most perfect way possible.

 One morning in June, I woke up feeling blissful and energetic. I had just come back from attending a music festival in California and had simply had a wonderful time there. The palms trees and Ferris Wheel gave off a Coachella vibe, and the sunshine felt good on my skin. I did not know anyone there, but I felt strangely connected to the experience. That wave of a feeling, that “I am exactly where I am supposed to be”, took over me and I danced and I smile and I waved back to the universe in complete awe.

“Dreams are the language of God” 

 It took me a few minutes to realized that that was just a dream. It felt so much like it had happened! I remember going through the next few days recalling that I went to an American music festival just a little while ago, still feeling stoked and ready to tell everyone.  But this was not true. It saddened me that the highlight of my summer was not even real. 

In reality, I was feeling criminal serving $13 smoothies to people whom I felt I was robbing. I recall my manager telling me to put only three small strawberries in the smoothies, and to make smaller portions of pretty much everything I touched. I tried to avoid eye contact because of how ashamed I was. It is not even a question of being micro-managed (which I was), it was an issue of not feeling aligned with the work I was doing. I guess the idea of working at an Organic food and smoothie shop appealed to me more than the actual work I was doing. I thought about my dream again, but went back to work. 

Inevitably, the dream inquiry began. I believe in dreams. I believe they hold deep intrinsic meanings to each of us, those of which can be realized. They carry messages that we are often unable to see in our day-today lives and with a little analysis, can reveal a lot. I thought about this dream all the time.  It was like my little escape from my soul-sucking jobs and my general dissatisfaction with my life at the time. I wanted to do something crazy. I was bored. As a radical, I needed to be raddled, and I hadn’t been shaken up in a while. I guess this dream did just that.

Even though it had not happened, it felt part of me because of how it left me feeling whole and completely blissful. I developed a wanderlust towards the dream and felt obligated to analyze it to find out its true meaning. I didn’t have to search much. I remembered  of Hard summer, the festival I had dreamed of going to since I was 16 years old held outside LA in California. I had glanced at the line up earlier this year and was drawn.  The concrete grounds which appeared in the dream matched last year’s venue at the raceway I thought. Destructo, DJ and CEO of Hard, always seems to gather the trend setters, American heros and international royalty of electronic music. 

 And what sets my soul on fire? A good festival.

“Well, then, why should I listen to my heart?” 

“Because you will never again be able to keep it quiet”. 

 The obsession came next. My job at the smoothie shop had blocked off one weekend for book offs that summer and of course, it was the weekend of the festival. My other job, which was serving at a corporate restaurant, had been draining my soul but filling my bank account. I began fanaticizing an Houdini-like escape. I conceptualized calling in sick and secretly going, perhaps not telling ANYBODY. The idea got me excited. I would spend hours looking at flights and listening to all the artists. I even joined the HARD summer Facebook page and began to connect with potential people I could camp with. But every time, I would stop myself in the tracks and shut it all down. How could I even go? I have a job and I committed to working full time all summer.  My dream was put aside.

 I went into work one morning and the sickness symptoms were dominating me. At the time, I thought I was coming down with a flu. I told my manager who proceeded by making me feel guilty. I soon realized I needed to go home. Something inside me was saying “get the hell out of there”. So I tried my best to communicate this nicely to my manager, and she mocked me, “What are you pmsing or something?”, she responded. Now I was angry. I told her I was leaving and she continued leading the guilt train, “You’re not going home, you need to get me a note!”, she said as I packed my things. 

 I knew I didn’t need to see a doctor and that I would be wasting tax payers dollars on something not urgent at all. As soon as I walked out of work, I felt much better. Odd, I thought. I decided to go to the doctor nonetheless just to prove to her I was being honest. The wait was 3 hours. F this, I thought. So I went back into my work and told her the wait time assuming she would say forget it. But no, she insisted I go to the hospital. “If you are actually sick maybe you should go to the hospital. I need a note today”, She said. This made my blood boil. I looked at her in the eyes and walked out without replying. I knew I would never work for this lady again.

 I did go to that doctor and I did get that note. But In between something marvelous happened. I had a revelation. If I no longer have this job, I could follow my dream to California. I walked to the library and checked out the flights. The path was paved, I just had to walk down it. 

 That evening I sent my employer a copy of my doctor’s note and told her I would not be returning to work for her. I wondered if I should go into more detail, but decided to keep it short. Then I booked my flights.

“When you want something all the universe conspires to help you achieve it” 

 I truly believe that all of this fell apart for me to be able to realize this dream. The universe knew my deepest desires and it created the perfect opportunity for me to leave what was holding me back. Why would I have let a minimum wage job that made me feel ashamed control my summer plans and shut down my dreams? Why would I let living a life that did not totally fulfill me be okay? 

 Now I am thankful my manager was uncompassionate because if she was not, I would have never quit on the spot like that. I would have felt guilty and ignored my dream. I am thankful I felt sick doing something I hated because it forced me out of that place. Again, I have learnt to trust how I feel.  There are forces out there much stronger than you and when you truly want something, a road will be paved.

“People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel they don’t deserve them”. 

 Once I gave justice to my dreams, I could follow my Personal Legend to all of the beautiful places perfectly set out for me. Little did I know, this dream was just a tiny preview of the entirety of what was to come. Oh the treasure I would soon find… 

 *all quotes from Paul Coelho’s The Alchemist