#u dont want to miss this wild ride!

[the-moon-files]

Waaaa, I LOVE your writing for Linked Universe! >w< I've never thought about the trope of humans as space orcs, but I love it now djfngd- If you don't mind me asking, is there anything that the reader might be weak to (comedic or otherwise)? Or is he basically indestructible/immune to a lot of things?

sorry for late reply!! ;-; thank u sm for saying that abt my writing, and yess yesss my humans v hylians au agenda is spreading lets gooo!!!

(bro u know ur desperate for gifs when ur making ur own atp jfc 💀)

Sun: Guide!Reader, Masc Male Reader (he/him)

Orbit: LONG AS HELL Headcanons-ish, Humans are not hylians AU

Stars: Classic Chain of Links, not specific

Comets & Meteors: CWs: mild cussing, typical Loz violence, weight is mentioned as a weakness/detriment,

& TWs: Possible weight trigger, reader is described as heavy and weight has a negative impact on environment, but in a way thats meant to convey they "weigh more" bc theyre human in comparison to hylians/hylian built things ( for ex: hylians are hollow boned compared to humans).

Please stop reading at line "alright thats all for sleeping for rn, i could keep going but i wanna get to weight issue a little bit even tho ive got less for it" if you want to avoid explicit details of this.

Please comment if I missed any. /gen

☆

so I could see this being both crack and angst fuel tbh

ive talked abt this somewhat on other posts/asks, but figured i could really get into all the potential weaknesses over here since ive gotten a lot of ideas abt it!

so a quick list of things ive thought of that could be weaknesses, both based on like, if this were a “video game to real world” format for us, coming from earth, and other junk ill explain

in no particular order, some weakness ideas ive had (or other anons tbh!):

weight, much heavier than Links/avg hylian (sink to bottom when swimming/cant ride their horses/cant be carried out when hurt/sick/etc.)

slow healing when u do get injured, compared to quick healing hylians who can just eat food to get better quicker

magic absorption (too much juice, body not accustomed, get sick, like eating too much magic food/using too much of magic tools/weapons)

or magic negation (cant get healed by magic, for ex: if a dragon is all magic, then u cant ride it, or if food is magical u cant eat it)

easy to get sick (new environment/ppl/area/etc.)

fall damage (tho greater height) is still applicable

hylians dont have the same pack-bonding/affection/social needs as humans, like how Wild + most Links could do their whole adventure by themselves, rarely talking to anyone, if you’ve ever seen the survival show “Alone”, one of the first things that get them to quit isnt the terrain/little food (tho thats usually next), its the fact they get lonely and miss their spouses/family/friends, sad af, youd have to assault the links for attention and hope ur not annoying the fuck outta them all the time 😭😭

stamina, ur stuck w/whatever u had before getting whisked away (for example: u just have to hope ur immune to guardian beams bc u may not be able to outrun one 💀, or just bc u can swim against the tide doesnt mean u can do so for very long, depending on ur stamnia)

not rlly a weakness, but u having a different perception of what’s “too little” clothing compared to the medieval time period hylians lmao

needing more sleep than hylians, from how in game they either outright dont need sleep, can go with only a few hours and fight Ganon, or other nonsense around sleeping, ACTUALLY also hylians being able to sleep anywhere in any position, whereas u need a good 8-9 hours every night to function normally (u cant rlly take shifts at night w/o getting fucked) and u also need a half-decent sleeping bag/not hardass ground to sleep on w/o getting morning dew soaking u thru (ive been on many misadventures camping, so i could rlly get into it when it comes to wilderness camping yall, like im not high maintenance but there are def some bare minimum things u need to function in the wild, trust me guys, its a thing/pet peeve of mine to get into how a 10 person constant camping trip would acc function 💀)

if you’ve got any other ideas, pls comment them or shoot an ask my way! these were all i could think of for rn

so im just gonna pick the ones ive expanded the least on in other posts, like the sleeping thing, weight thing, and im abt to do another ask (🥺<33) abt the human culture v hylian thing so thatll do for now

SO to continue the rlly long sleep weakness (srry)

to my credit, ive been tent camping pretty frequent in past couple years, with either my sibling, or sib and a friend, in the ruralness of our homestate (we’re in southern part of US)

like as a quick rundown of my creditable-ness, bc im sure ur like “moon. nobody cares what u have to say, ur prob chronically online bro” nah, dude, read this bs:

U can skip this if u just trust me, this is just a mildly entertaining lore dump of mine for proof i know anything at all abt tent camping:

for ref, ive: slept all night in a hammock w/a sheet bc the air mattress deflated/was sleeping on the ground otherwise which is borderline impossible to do even when exhausted ive found out, a lightning storm rolled in, i just kept sleeping, had to pack up tent in middle of the night bc it slowly got flooded bc rain got into tent, had to park on a random overgrown country road (no GPS) to car-camp for the night bc no campsite was found, have had to constantly put up tent in complete darkness bc its very hard to get my sibling and me to a campsite when theres still daylight for some reason?? lol, began to worry for hypothermia when we camped near mountains bc it got too cold to tent camp, had to intensely cuddle for warmth w/friend in truck bed, while sib was inside the car and still couldnt get warm, and it was so cold even then that it kept waking us up until we left at like 4-5am bc it got light enough for us to see to drive away 💀

ANYWAY, now that ive gotten my obligatory “i touch grass” out of the way,

(and also i def plan to use these experiences as future fic scenes, so easter egg if u read this then my fics later lmao)

sleeping is literally the first issue u gotta deal w/in going constant camping w/these guys lmao

and u bet ur ass they all find it kinda funny that u need such specific sleeping stuff when ur nigh indestructible the rest of the time

but its honest to god not even that much, it just is for hylians

so they can just sleep on rocks, flat ground, tree roots, u name it these crazy elves can do it, esp since the Links r adventurers so im sure theyre better at it than normal hylians

they dont need a tent, they barely need sleeping bags, bc the cold hard ground is legit their home 💀

the only reason they have padding at all is bc theyre more sensitive to temperature than u, so theyre more bundled up on breezy nights/for morning dew chill time

(which u found to ur horror they just dont put anything down but like a sheet when its warm weather, mostly for keeping dirt off them)

meanwhile ur like?? get a tent??? we have Wild’s slate to store it we dont even have to carry it????

and bc theyre made for hylians, the tents just like a ceiling w/poles 💀

ur out here like, “bro this would keep u more warm if there were yknow, walls. and a floor.”

which u then have to force the combined skills of Legend, Wild and Four to help u make a real tent

Legend has absolutely taken to calling you Sleeping Beauty/Princey bc of this, and the fact that u have to layer like 2 sleeping bags to not feel rocks on ur back (bc they only need it for warmth not cushioning, its thinner than human made ones)

u also have to force Time + Wars to acknowledge that u guys needs to put the tent on flat ground, and cant just sprawl out over a bunch of tree roots goddamit-

when u first learn what the watch schedule is, it sounds like actual hell.

each shift is like 4 hours, and everyone is awake and ready to go at like 5 or 6 am (the 6am is for teh Links that “sleep in” 💀)

and thats putting them at going to sleep at like 11 or midnight, bc hylians need way less sleep than ur human ass,

which the poor said hylians also find out the hard way when they go to wake the single human man on their team up, and u just outright cuss them out, hit the nearest link, rain hell on them + seem like ur drunk to them?? then just go back to sleep???

and theyre all like “wtf just happened to our guide, he’s usually so nice??”

only to realize after u all have a sit down abt the sleeping differences issues, after what theyre calling “The Sleeping Guide Incident” 💀

hylians snap awake only a few minutes after being awake (like how in SS/Oot/Botw etc u can be a little sleepy but game mechanics let u get up pretty quick)

and u need more sleep, so they just adjust and know now u need whatever u can get tbh, so ur not allowed to go on night shifts,

along w/being allowed to ride on Epona + get piggy back sleep on a Link if they rlly need to move and u havent gotten all ur required sleep yet

(tho u do try and compensate by going to sleep earlier)

(they would never tell u but, they lowkey fight/rock paper scissors who gets to carry u in the morning, Wind is the ref lol)

also hylians can sleep like a rock thru most anything, along w/this adventure which easily keeps u tired so ur ready to knock out every night,

this is why its important for someone to take watch, bc i think unless they outright get hit by a monster/shaken by another hylian, most links dont get up when sleeping no matter what

which makes sense, if theyre going to sleep so little, they prob need as much uninterrupted sleep as possible,

but just bc they can sleep thru lynel stomping doesnt mean u can, which is another adjustement they make when they choose a place to sleep at night, making sure its not a loud spot or smth, and bc u now have to sleep earlier to keep up w/their early ass times,

when the Links are all chilling around camp, they make sure to keep pretty quiet so u can sleep well <3

alright thats all for sleeping for rn, i could keep going but i wanna get to weight issue a little bit even tho ive got less for it

i mentioned it in other posts that hylians are lighter than humans, but i mostly focused on it going one way if that makes sense? like now im taking it in the way of like Humans are heavier than hylians, if that makes more sense??

u cant ride horses, at least not for very long lmao

same goes for loftwings, if u can even get on for any amount of time, bc they presumably have hollow bones so theyd be even more sensitive to ur weight than horses

omg when it comes to puzzles, and theres like weights involved, u absolutely get used as an additional weight, both bad and good tbh

bc im familiar w/botw im using it as a base, but like how shrines need a metal box or two to put on buttons to weigh them down, but it gets tricky, or u dont have one right away, Wild just uses you 💀

like u need some exact amount of metal things for this one scale puzzle, and instead u just, sit on it to sink it all the way down so the Link on the other side can reach the platform LMAO

omg the amount of battles that could just be won bc u used ur body weight against a monster lol

THE SCENE OF U AND A HINOX SQUARING UP TO LIKE SUMO WRESTLE AND U WIN W/UR WEIGHT LMAOO

just run at a lynel, dodging arrows, and just like, successfully full-body tackle it bc it feels like it has the same weight as a large dog, like a husky or smth 💀

u act like a bomb when u throw urself off cliffs bc u dont get fall damage easy, so u can manage like a ten-story building drop u found out w/o a scratch, but u cause a crater around u bc of ur impact lmao

Wild/Wind/Rulie/Legend are all having the time of their lives having u cannonball into the ground next to monster camps bc ur just a human bomb atp

kno this was less weakness focused but heres one more rough weakness of it,

u all have to be VERY careful around bridges or thin strips of land, or like crossing tree branches, etc. w/you bc ur weight may make it not possible cross w/o ridiculously being this single human person bringing an entire bridge down 💀

think the only way u could fix this glaring issue is if u outright jumped across, which even tho ur basically superpowered bc ur so strong here so youd have to fuck up pretty bad to not make it,

poor boys get worried sick anyway and try to avoid bridges if they can, they only trust ones that are like stone built up from the ground to carry you

this also sucks when its like a rope bridge across like a huge gap or like a small valley or smth, bc not only do u not have a landing spot in the immediate area, but now u have to reroute until u can find a spot that lets u basically jump across the gap lmao

on one hand, the Chain r still anxious letting u go alone to sometimes find that different route, but also if anyone went w/u youd just have to piggyback them while doing that, and its not like theyd be that helpful besides moral support maybe lmao

but u dont mind that and none of them can stand being seperated from u w/o knowing at least one Link is w/u, so u usually go ahead and piggyback Wind or Four (one of the lightest) find a route and leap ur way to the other side lol

u also found out the hard way that ur weight affects hylian made buildings, bc they can be made out of not as dense/strong woods, like especially things like floors/beds/chairs/etc stuff that would be made to take hylian weight

the absolute insanity the first time u guys went to an inn, and u crushed both the steps leading into the inn, a barstool, a chair, and later that night ur bedframe just from gently laying on it 💀

the innkeeper realized and re-arranged so u guys were on first floor so u wouldnt have to go up steps, and was luckily very understanding abt u being a different weightier race (Time and you still tipped him rupees to help pay for damage 😭)

u had to literally go back outside to sleep bc u were worried if u slept on the floor it slowly break overnight LMAO

but Wind/Wild/Four/Rulie/Twi were all sweet enough to come w/you to sleep outside too lol (they were more nature inclined anyway, even tho u insisted they take advantage of the beds)

this was also absolutely hilarious for the others to wake up to in the morning, bc Time/Wars/Sky/Legend had already gone to bed,

so they just walk out the inn, all confused why the innkeeper just pointed outside when they asked where the others went, and they jsut open the front door (w/still broken steps bc u had to exit 💀)

to see u guys camped out on the lawn ASHFDFL

☆

😃. well that got out of hand, and its getting late for me so I may have 10x the amount of spelling/grammar mistakes more than usual, and it may have completely lost the plot in some points so-!

i hope that was smth for u to at least chew on anon, and sorry i overdid it jfccc

have a great rest of ur week anon, and tysm for the ask!! :D

comments/commentary in tags/feeback at all keep me alive, so pls leave one w/whatever u think!!

Peace out,

🌙

[alaetoiles]

modern!poets + driving

i cant stop thinking abt these 😭😭 HELP

ugh u definitely know neil is never ever going to drive anywhere ever. got his license first out of all the poets, but absolutely refuses to drive places. would rather walk 45 min in the sweltering hot sun to get to the park than drive 10 min. he's trying to prove something but no one rlly knows what LMFAO

+ asks everyone for rides during the peak of summer cause he nearly passed out from a heat stroke while walking once

todd vs driving his mom's old minivan. that hunk of metal is busted beyond normal wear and tear but todd is forever convinced that his car is near mint condition. always takes 10 extra minutes to park bc his car is so fucking big 😭😭 designated driver for group trips bc his car is the only one that can fit everyone

+ he always says "i told u so" when his car is actually useful

ever seen one of those cars whipping it through a parking lot narrowly missing several small children? yeah that's definitely charlie. only knows where the gas pedal is, absolutely no breaking or slowing down. "bad drivers never miss their turn" is what charlie embodies. at least his car is always nice and cold though to distract you from your impending death via his driving

+ silly drink guy, always has a silly drink in his cup holder (sometimes it's a week old, nearly moldy starbucks matcha drink)

pitts is the most careful driver of the year, always at speed limit, follows code of conduct to a tee despite everyone in the car hating him for it. cares wayyy too much abt the opinion of whoever is in the passenger seat; will let the passengers dictate the ac settings, aux cord, windows up/down is all up to the passengers, he is just driver.

+ HIS SEAT SETTINGS ARE SO WILD. he's siting with his spine perfectly straight, head hunched slightly over the wheel to ""see the entire road""

knox took his test seven times. Seven. passing is passing though. even though charlie is an objectively bad driver, knox is somehow always worse. first one to get into a crash & first one to total his car. no one rlly knows how or why he is so bad at driving...who gave him a mfing car PLS

+ has a "hype" playlist for driving, except he's banned from playing it while driving bc during both accidents he's been in, the playlist was at the crime scene.

world's biggest mystery is cameron's car bc how can someone be so outwardly neat and organized by drive in such a chaos fire of garbage??? car floor has not been seen in years, actively pushing trash and wrappers off the seat to be able to sit in cameron's car. dont even mention the crunching noises that happen whenever u try to get in/out of the car bc of the shear amt of trash in that man's car. funnily enough, only the driver's side is ever perfectly clean,,, u think he does it to spite the poets? LMAO

meeks is the perfect carpool buddy: an absolute delight to be in his car. equipped w everything u could possibly need in his little hybrid prius. only good vibes and fun times in his car. also meeks loves driving!! will take u anywhere u want/need to go; willing to drive far to do things + loves to go on late night drives with the windows down and music blasting

[trixstriforce]

this acc was fun while it lasted, it has hot takes stupid eassys and arguments w accs i rlly shoulda just blocked. but also fun analysis silly art and new mutuals who i adore. all the corner stones for a certified rose romp! but all good things must come to an end and well...for me i knew this was an acc on borrowed time. its official, my fixation has faded, and im done w loz!

good lord i love those games and i love those guys, loz hs changed me not for the better or worst but changed me all the same. as i say goodbye to this chapter in my life i will also say goodbye to this account. i might delte it after a while but for now ill just leave it here, abandoned. if u want to see more of me my main account is @whorishhorror and as my last love letter to loz im embarking in redrawing every link and zelda in the franchise up till tears of the kingdom starting with pre skyward sword on my art account @ringaroundtheroses.

i dont know when ill be done with them or if i ever will finish such a big task but know zelda and link have both deeply touched me as a person in the strangest ways, before i used to think the loz was a lame gamer franchise only white boys and nerds liked but ive seen the light and seen such a diverse and creative community in love woth the same charming and quirky games as i am! it was a wild ride, and ill miss it, but ill never forget the adventures of of link nor the friends along the way

[golbrocklovely]

since i have nothing else to post right now…

here’s the last of colby’s tweets from 2020.

i don’t have proof that these are his tweets, but believe me, they are his.

if it’s bold and italicized, it’s someone’s tweet to him.

if it’s in (), that’s just me commenting lol

added bonus: if they have a * next to them, that means it’s been deleted

~~~~~~~~~~

Oct. 1 - love doing things for myself

Oct. 4 - i’m in so much pain. sos

fan: u ok?

poison oak. everywhere …. everywhere.

Oct. 5 - i like the simple things

Oct. 7 - less is more

Oct. 10 - i wanna make you happy

how am i so busy during the day but still manage to find 2 hours to mindlessly scroll through tik tok? i can’t be the only one

Oct. 14 - i care too much

Oct. 15 - somehow it wasn’t enough

Oct. 18 - fan: I CANT BE THE ONLY ONE WHO ALWAYS WONDERED WHAT COLBY SMELLED LIKE..I WANA KNOW WHAT COLOGNE HE WEARS

mayonnaise

(i hate this man so much lmao)

Oct. 19 - Justin Bieber’s new song made me tear up, that dudes been through so much. no one could even imagine what that’s like.. achieving everything and being in the biggest spotlight at such a young age.

Oct. 20 - @/samgolbach: less than 6 months ago i broke my back. and i decided to take that as a challenge to get healthy again. and today i ran the fastest mile i’ve ever run. so yes, i might be an idiot but i’m a determined idiot 🤘🏼🏃🏼

🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 that’s an insane accomplishment ! i remember when it was a struggle to stand up out of bed

new day, same cycle

Oct. 21 - my mom is texting me all the young pictures of me and it’s bringing me memories i didn’t know i had

Oct. 25 - panic attacks late at night are the worst

Nov. 1 - @/colbybrockscar: reminder that it’s no nut November!!! @/ColbyBrock doesn’t even have to try. He’s got this shit in the bag. It probs comes out like baby powder if he tries

did my car just roast me ?

Nov. 4 - this is scary

cuties! all 3 of you! (reply to fan in merch with friend and cat)

Nov. 6 - @/GracynCarr: I can’t believe the audacity of a high school tweet to pop up on my timeline lmao.. miss u tho @/ColbyBrock :)

hope you're well xx

Nov. 8 - so much talent thank youu love (reply to fan's art)

fan: Um. So I tweeted this to you before but alot has also changed since then sooo wanted to say thank you 🖤 🖤 @/ColbyBrock

proud of you, and good luck with your dreams darlin 🖤 you can accomplish anything with the right mindset and hard work. i believe in ya

time flies, and i’m so scared of losing my youth. it’s inevitable i know, but damn makes you wanna cherish every moment you got

Nov. 11 - i hate when nothing is wrong but nothing feels right

Nov. 12 - the person who makes you forget about the rest of the world

Nov. 13 - today marks 6 years since we posted our first YT video on the MAIN S&C account .. 🖤 what a wild ride

Nov. 14 - promise you i’m a good waste of time

Nov. 15 - @/katstuartmusic: “sunday is my funday” - colby brock 2020

🥂💁🏻‍♂️💁🏻‍♂️

fan: Colby u get drunk off of one white claw

fight me

other fan: my money is on mags

round house kicks to the face don’t feel too good

(is it bad that i like when colby gets weirdly violent with us sksksks)

Nov. 16 - the Why Dont We dudes are some of the nicest people in LA

*Nov. 17 - @/gabytriana: It’s out! Sam and Colby were so much fun to work with, and despite what Colby said, I did not hate him when we first met! 😆 Both he and Sam are super kind, smart, generous entertainers who know how to tell a good story! I love them both!! Happy Book Birthday, @/samandcolby

hahaha thank youu so much for all the hard work ! so excited it’s finally here

(interestingly enough, colby didn't delete his tweet… gaby did)

Nov. 19 - went to a Pyschic Reader tonight. my mind is blown. im not a skeptic anymore, video coming tomorrow

fan: Get ready for religious people to freak out

the psychic i talked to was religious, i’m not sure how but i think the two concepts can exist at the same time

Nov. 21 - hard to trust

fan: @/ColbyBrock hey, i love u lots

love you 🖤

Nov. 23 - fan: imagine if @/ColbyBrock responded to this

could you imagine

Nov. 24 - fan: lmao okay so my friend put this together when I FINALLY received Colby's reaper merch yesterday and I had to laugh, I am actually stupid. But I thought it was a lil funny so y'all can see it too then xx

hahahha love it. thank you. you’re not a sack of potatoes in my eyes

Nov. 27 - happy b day @/SamGolbach you know this and imma save the sappy shit for your big 25th bday but i wouldn’t be here without you. you’re the most intelligent, deep thinking dude i’ve ever met and i feel pretty damn lucky to be able to call you a business partner AND best friend

Nov. 28 - take it easy

Nov. 30 - should i hop back on tik tok?

Dec. 2 - @/aaron_doh: At least I got a photo shoot out of it 😄

whaaat. dude i wish you a speedy recovery

Dec. 3 - it’s hard to move on

Dec. 5 - a nice escape is all i need

welp. i guess i’m a lightweight

Dec. 9 - miss you

Dec. 14 - all the baggage that comes with me

Dec. 15 - been workin hard for you , announcement tomorrow

fan: omg are you pregaganant

how'd you know

@/samandcolby: announcement tomorrow… 2021 will be the best year of our lives (and probably most difficult)

fan: are we getting married?? is that why?

yes

i hate how having anxiety makes me nauseous. it’s the worst feeling

Dec. 16 - it’s all about living in the moment and making every. second. count.

fan: yeah @/ColbyBrock how much are you charging for tattoos…

free for you

Dec. 18 - big tool pic but i’ve been workin hard

@/mannymua733: we absolutely do not mind

hahahaha

(god damn… this pic is still so good lol)

also cold weather always makes me want a special someone to spend time with. cuddle buddy is neeeeeded

fan: okay but can we just take a second to appreciate how hard colby’s been working in the gym because dayum

thank you sweeeetheart

fan: HELP COLBY IS TRENDING

yoo i love you guys 🥺

Dec. 20 - got tatted last night and i barely remember

how i feel this morning (pic of him floating)

fan: you’ve seen elf on the shelf… but have you seen cole in a hole? (@/ColbyBrock)

i’m mad i laughed at this

Dec. 23 - why’d ya have to change on me

so bittersweet saying goodbye to my childhood home of 18 years… i’ll only be back to kansas to visit and sleep in hotels from now on. strange feeling, but so happy for my mom and dad for taking a chance and moving

it’s like i don’t have a real “home” anymore. since i move so much anyways it’s hard to find a spot to actually call home

fan: i just want to say that colby has helped me through so much this year. i had a tough year as many others did but you’ve seriously have helped me through so much. i love you so so much @/ColbyBrock

awh that’s why i make videos in the first place. for people like you

Dec. 24 - addicted to you

my mom and i are the weirdest duo on the planet when we’re together i swear

fan: Make a video with her for Christmas

my whole family despises being on camera 💔

Dec. 25 - fan: momma brock is the sweetest ever

she’s my favorite woman in the world

Merry Christmas friends ! 🖤

i wish i could have face tats for like one week but it doesn’t really work like that huh

Dec. 26 - everyone’s battling their own demons

Dec. 28 - fan: Colby drinking wine but he's such a lightweight that he's probably drunk, lmao @/ColbyBrock

🤫🤫🤫

fan: the vibes are fucking ethereal i’m guessing @/ColbyBrock

you got it