#u dont even have to read whats under the readmore lmao like its spoilers for an ending

[wooahaes]

no you definitely answered my question!! i was just curious about your process since i have no idea rn but i'm excited for more to be revealed! (i had a super vague guess based on the plot of tmr, i can dm it if you're interested) but ooh transitioning it into an idol reality??? that's such a cool idea i definitely didn't think of that!! your mind >>>

i see what you mean about focusing more on the fluffy stuff than the mystery tho. i'm always a huge fan of fluff but for this one the plot especially has me invested!! i love apocalyptic/dystopian books and i'm serious when i say reading this fic like reading a fantasy novel, it feels like a published book with how intricate the world building is and the attention to detail in the relationships. i've seen so many cool theories about the darling mv and it's so interesting seeing your take on it!!

- june (junhui-recs from main!)

omg hii im glad i answered ur question! im so bad abt rambling so i was worried i got carried away again haha btw you can absolutely dm it if you want!! its up to you <3

(im p sure the dms i have turned onto mutuals only is only on my main but if its that way here just shoot me a quick ask and i'll fix it.)

also that only makes me want to like. mention my fantasy novel project i hope u know that. literally i've vaguely mentioned "haha hey did y'all know im actually legit working on an original project?" since fic is just a fun thing for me to do to like. keep myself writing tbh!! but omg thats such a big compliment ill cry rn!!! if i ever get publish y'all will probably know (it'd be under a pseudonym anyway lmao im never using my real name for anything)

thank youuu thooo !! its technically spoiler territory for the ending itself (which feels like. delulu territory but oh WELL theres implied MAGIC its obviously not real) but idk just to throw it out there if ppl are interested

original poly fic was going to end w basically like. cheol + reader both individually being responsible for them being there (cheol sort of dragging the others in w him via ~plot magic~, reader responsible for themself only) and realizing basically like. adulthood sure is a thing they have to both face.

i think i was ultimately pushing toward a like... coming of age thing. realizing the loss of your youth and the freedoms that disappear with it as you have to be an adult and function in society in different ways--bills, taxes, contracts, etc.--and learning to face it and accept it. like its just heavily implied both had their separate moments of "i wish i didn't have to grow up anymore, i just want to be free from this shit" and the universe said aight i got you. have fun being the only 14 ppl in this world :)

like theres more after that and waaaay fucking more before that holy SHIT theres a whole build-up to 14 losers being in love with each other but basically it would have ended w them deciding to come back to reality with a promise to try and find one another once they did :) delulu territory comes in purely in them pursuing the poly relationship tbh but its like... hinging entirely on being completely fictional. like theres magic. u can accept a 14 person poly relationship in fake reality. who knows.

anyway something something im not seventeen anymore--

[tigerdrop]

i am just itching to talk about this fic now that its finally hitting its stride so here are some “fun facts” about its development over the past 6 months. these are i guess spoilers if u havent read the latest chapter yet so theyre going under a readmore

one of the things i had to wrangle was what exactly benrey was going to look like in this fic. everybodys got their own interpretations of what he looks like in their heads now, even if a lot of them fall into a handful of the same archetypes: the homestuck gremlins, the brick shithouses, the ones that stick as close to the hl1 security guard model as possible, etc. and you all know by now how much i like big boy benrey. but the thing is that i really wanted to appeal to as broad an audience as i could with this fic, and that meant sitting down and figuring out what he was most likely to look like if he was suddenly transplanted into hl2

the obvious thing is that barney and benrey should look alike, since benrey’s just using the barney model from hl1 in the first place. and the first version of this fic actually had gordon recognizing barney in their first encounter, because to gordon, he looked like benrey! (i thought it was gone forever but kogo dug up the draft for me!)

and the gimmick was that gordon would somehow connect barneys new and old models as looking similar, even though, like, they really dont. at all. from the beginning i knew i was gonna have barney and benrey look alike, but it was only like a day or two before posting the first chapter that i realized i didnt like this version very much. it stretches belief too much, and asks the reader to interpret benreys hl1 model in a specific way that might not jive with their own Personal Benrey(tm)

so i figured the option that was most in line with my goal of “having this fic be as close to ‘canon’ as possible” would be to have benrey jack barneys hl2 model as his own, just like in hlvrai. but i also wanted him to be recognizable as benrey. hence him swapping outfits to the security guard uniform he wears in hlvrai, but “upscaled” to fit the new setting. this makes his given appearance easier both on the average reader and on me - i dont actually have to draw him much differently if i wanna do more fic illustrations LMAO

some more fun facts for u:

i had plans to do a small illustration for every chapter of this fic. but then Life Happened and i opted not to do that. thats why the promo image i keep posting with these updates is as loose and rough as it is - i didnt want to commit to a Huge Image every chapter. maybe one of these days i will do a nicer one

i really wanted to get away with brick shithouse benrey in this one. for personal reasons. but the most i allowed myself was there being a noticeable difference in barney and benreys builds due to, yknow, the whole “combine occupation” thing making a steady meal hard to come by. (seriously, barney is so fucking skinny in hl2. you could break his bones in a stiff breeze. i want to give him a sandwich.)

the first draft had barney being a lot more of an asshole to gordon, and gordon in turn being a lot more of a bitch. but the bits that wayne actually did play of hl2 in vr have him hanging off of barney like a lovestruck puppy, and i thought that was insanely cute. so. he gets to be friend barney now :^)

benreys dialogue is by far the hardest to write, and is one of the reasons this chapter took over 3 fucking weeks to finish. just to get things done i like to put in “[something stupid]” or “[something funny]” and come back to it later. (whether the end results are successful is in the eye of the beholder.) figuring out how to write him closer to canon than fanon is one of the sadder things that i am proud of accomplishing in the past year-ish

the “rough draft” for this fic was 24 hrs straight of me and kogo yelling ideas to each other. this is not an exaggeration. and somehow, during this 24 hr time span, neither of us realized we had a big, glaring, gay gay gay homosexual gay crush on the other. we may be stupid

[blackrupee]

DUDE did you hear the finale spoilers? VH1 is taking things in a new direction and I don't like it.

https://www.reddit.com/r/rupaulsdragrace/comments/6genk8/breakdown_from_tonight/

Here’s a link if you haven’t. Sorry it’s reddit. What’s the point of winning the challenges when you can just coast and  win anyway?

lots of potential spoilers for rpdr so putting under a readmore

thanks for the ask and submission bc i had totally forgotten to watch the newest episode lmao

but yeah holy shit?? after watching the episode i was thinking maybe a joint crowning of sashea which seemed to be moderately popular? and having a top four would mean theres still two “losers”? but then i read the reddit post and i want to say im not OPPOSED to a lip sync showdown for the finale (since drag queens...u kno....lip sync as their job) but honestly yeah that seems kinda flippant in the context of the entire show. 

im gunna be hella fucking mad if sasha wins tbh and the post seems to indicate that shell be the winner. im so fucking sick of her pretentious ass “oooh look at me im so ARTSY and INTELLECTUAL and INTERESTING even though ALL of my “”””looks”””” were BORING AS FUCK haha look i screamed! thats so funny and weird! im so weird! haha look at how weird i am!” shtick. and i love peppermint to death but i dont think she should win. lil bit over sheas arrogant attitude tho but tbh shes the best pick for winner but if im reading the post right its only between peppermint and sasha with sasha as the likely winner

all i know is the top three (or four? i guess?) should have been aja shea and eureka (+ peppermint)

@choosery