#u cannot imagine how robbed i feel

[bugmin]

one episode left. i hate it here

[fruitytrollroll]

Nine Sols' narrative themes inform every gameplay element btw. if u even care.

saw someone call Nine Sols' gift sysrem for Shuanshuan "too dialogue-heavy" and "pointless" and I went temporarily insane

if the quest moments with Shuanshuan feel "pointless", it's because they are meant to be their own reward and you did them out of obligation!!! why!!! nobody was holding you at gunpoint to MAKE you raise this beautiful precious forgiving baby boy who loves you and nursed you back to health—but like a deadbeat dad on a custody visit just to be compliant with a court order, you spent time with him anyway and you resented him for it. WHAT!!!

also can NOT overstate how the games' themes of revenge and redemption tie into these scenes. they are not by ANY MEANS pointless!!! the way Yi goes out of his way to preserve his culture, by sharing it with the APEMAN he's raising, speaks VOLUMES about Yi's character growth in the 2 years since he and Shuanshuan began living together.

I was personally endeared by Shuanshuan immediately, and was delighted I had gifts to give him—AND that they each had bespoke cutscenes that revealed lore information about Solarian culture, and background information about Yi and Shuanshuan'a lives together?? do you guys know how rare and special it feels to have a gift system that WORKS like this??? SO many games give you garbage trinkets to throw at your companions for a quantifiable affection boost, so I cannot overstate how deeply impressive and heartfelt and dedicated to their story Red Candle Games clearly was to have put in the time and effort to make their gift mechanic so deeply character-driven, with custom animations and environmental changes for every skill you teach Shuanshuan. 🥺🧸✨️

if you don't like social sim elements in games, or the characters didn't succeed in endearing themselves to you, that's fine. They're not for everyone—but I suspect my experience was the intended one! you're supposed to like and care about these characters enough to bring them the gifts you find on your travels of your own volition!!

if you DON'T care about the characters, you can skip their scenes, and the game respects your time by LETTING you do that, AND by giving you an ending that is less involved in the characters' lives. but if you resent these scenes because "ugh i HAVE to do this to get the TRUE ending 🙄" then idk!! I think you are playing the game wrong!!

I think RCG gave players an opportunity to not care, and a perfectly satisfying ending despite it all (THE BETTER ENDING AND LESS EMOTIONALLY DEVASTATING ENDING, IN MY OPINION, BECAUSE RCG IS SO MEAN TO ME 😭), and if you passed that up for completionism's sake... IDK!!

I genuinely think achievments have poisoned too many games that don't benefit from them! Gone are the olden days of playing your big sister's SNES games blind—no online guides, no guardrails, just getting lost and wandering around the overworld, just playing by vibes alone and if you get stuck u just have to take a break and come back later instead of looking up a guide online because there wasn't even a GameFAQs page for it yet—but on GOD we need to get back there. Play games blind. Don't look up guides. JUST ENJOY IT, JUST ENGAGE WITH THE MEDIA, WE DON'T NEED INSTRUCTIONS I PROMISE, YOUR INNOCENT NASCENT FUMBLING IS ENOUGH, YOU CAN PLAY THE GAME AND HAVE FUN WITHOUT SOME CHODE ON "HARDCOREGAMER" DOT COM GIVING YOU A DISRESPECTFULLY SPOILERIFIC BREAKDOWN OF A PATH OR BOSS FIGHT OR ITEM LOCATION THAT ROBS YOU OF THAT JOY OF DISCOVERY!!

anyway. yes, if you forced yourself to sit through the dialogue of character-driven scenes for characters you didn't even like or feel compelled by, just to get the "True" end, then I imagine it would feel "pointless" and like "too much text". But failing to catch your interest is not a failure of the game's storytelling if you only disliked it because you were forcing yourself to do it for the achievment, just to get an ending that wasn't made with your play style in mind!!!

"it doesn't even affect the game's ending :/" *LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER*!!! ALL the sidequests have the CUMULATIVE effect of changing the ending! this is because Yi is a ruthless, analytical scientist deposed from his seat of political power in New Kunlun on a quest for revenge—yet he spent precious time doing a bunch of "pointless" sidequests for his friends he's come to care about, which allowed the villain's brewing plot the precious time it needed to come further to fruition. Yi is on a REVENGE quest, and it is the very act of saving Shuanshuan (thus alerting the island's security systems to Yi's presence) that puts a timeline on that revenge. He exposed himself for someone he cared about, putting his revenge in jeopaedy—and he postponed that revenge still further to make amends to the apemen he once thought so little of as to be complicit in their heinous exploitation!!! YI IS GROWING HE'S CHANGING, SHUANSHUAN CHANGED HIS HEART, AND IT'S ONLY IN THE TRUE ENDING YI CAN COMPLETE HIS CHARACTER ARC BY REALIZING HE FUCKED UP AND ACTUALLY REPENT (EVEN IF I HATE IT BECAUSE IT'S THE SADDEST ENDING, FUCK YOU RED CANDLE GAMES 😭)

also combat is focused around the parry because this game's primary thematic underpinning is giving proof to the age-old adage "fuck around and find out" (it's revenge it's about reVENGE IT'S ALL ABOUT FORGIVENESS AND CHANGE AND REVENGE)

[mcondance]

hey moonbug 😚 i love this new theme u got btw but today i'm here to scream at you about HOBIE BEING INHERENTLY GOOD WITH CHILDREN AGDSHFSDH.

Like I just know kids LOVEEE him. imagine bringing him to a family function... The lil cousins would be ALL up on him. Thinking about him carrying like 3 kids at once and makin em all laugh and giggle has my HEART SOFTT. I feel like they would ask for his studded bracelets or his rings (and he would give them some too AHH). Also, i don't know about anyone else but when I was growing up and we had cookouts, all the kids would have dance battles. and I can jus see Hobie letting the youngins try to teach him all of their dances it would be hilarious 😭

ps can I please be '🪐' in your named anon list 💔

‘moonbug’ i just passed out i love that sm 😭 ty baeee i love it too <33

now… i’m vomiting why would you put this idea in my head 💔 he’d be so good with kids he wouldn’t even wna hang with the adults cause they’re too stuffy and stuck up. the kids all think he’s sooooo cool and ofc he teaches them a little about socialism and anarchy. no imagine tryna teach hobie how to do the hips dance i CANNOT 😭😭 (ps. he has an endless supply of studded belts and rings so when he leaves the cookout virtually robbed of everything he doesn’t care 🤷🏾‍♀️ )

and yes bae u can be 🪐 anon! welcome to the anon familyyyy 🫶🏾🫶🏾

[twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat]

AWW MY LOVELY ARIII 💞 i’m incredibly sorry that this was so late, i had the fattest nap ever known to both man AND womankind (13 whole hours is WILD 🤯). whelp ig it’s just my sleep debt catching up on me :((( but tysm for checking up on me bby! i rly hope uve had a good day today. don’t forget to eat well, drink water nd get those full 8 hours of well deserved sleep!!

ahhh work was sm chiller than i expected yesterday. i work part time at mecca (australian equivalent for sephora) and there was not a single 12 year old sephora kid in sight! phewww 😮‍💨 i remember once, majority of my shift was spent cleaning the glow recipe aisle bc some 10 year old thought it was a good idea to spill the samples everywhere 😭 that was not fun hsjsjs

AND OMFG TOJI W SUNNIES 😻😻 the things i wld do to see toji in summer istg. ig i just have a thing for dilfs atp 🤷‍♀️ hahaha i doubt i cld fix him tho but iss okk 🥲 ALSO ALSO YOU AND SUGU WLD WORK SO WELL TOGETHER HSHSHSH. relationship goals right there!

uni bf sugu wld definitely have a tattoo or two asw as some piercings. no bc why do i feel like a helix piercing wld suit him SO WELL THO. like i genuinely believe sugu’s jewellery game wld be unbeatable. like i can see his piercings and all that (cs i picture him with more than one piercing iykwim) lookinf so aesthetically pleasing and HAJSJSJK. also the turtle necks are SO REALL. like he would 100% wear glasses whilst he’s in his dorms or maybe during campus asw. ++ i feel like he wld suit those reading glasses so well but he’d be the type to wear it occasionally and i can just imagine like most of his classmates like ‘wait you wear glasses!? 😮’ rahh we were robbed of a uni geto fs :(

also i saw how ur a lit major and can i just say that’s like the coolest thing ever what?? hsjsjsj lit majors seem so so cool omg. oddly specific question but dy guys have like a certain amount of time you spend reading a certain book?? if so, how long is it usually? ahh i’m sorry if that was a stupid question 😭 i read INCREDIBLY slow but i wanna get back into it yk. my reading slump’s been going on for far too long but idk which book to read to help me get out of said reading slump hshshsh. i’m still in awe that ur a lit major tho 🥹 like i hold utmost respect for all lit major students. i shldve guessed that u majored in lit/smth remotely to do with creative writing bcs your sugu drabble was written so BEAUTIFULLY AHHH. okok my words probably don’t do it any justice but it was just written so well to the point it was mind blowing yk? ahh i wish my brain worked like urs!! i 100% see sugu as that caring and doting bf who’d just be hyper aware of everything about you down to the smallest things ever. he’s just so sweet and so loveable istg 🥰🥰 i think about cult leader geto at least once everyday (roman empire much!) but i literally cannot emphasise how much i loved ur geto drabble omfg. the yearning was just 🤌🤌🤌 especially during that scene where mc brought up how sugu must’ve loved his bsf a lot, the change in his mannerisms were so subtle yet it was so evoking at the same time. like sure it was subtle, but it was enough for mc to k that she had hit a sore spot. also i just thought it was perfect in symbolising the strong bond sugu had w toru. like the mere mention of toru wld cause sugu to have like sm nostalgic memories rush back to him. HAKSJSJ thank u sm for gracing us w your drabble bby. im not even exaggerating when i say that it genuinely pulled my heartstrings HARD. hshshsh it was such an enjoyable read!

btw to answer ur question earlier, i’m currently pursuing my bachelor of biomedicine with a major in integrated dental sciences. i’m a stem girly thru and thru. idk australia has this funky thing where we specialise in our degrees almost instantly (i’m not too sure if it’s the same for other countries).

++ i was scrolling on pinterest earlier and i came across this

HELLO WHY CAN I LOWK PICTURE SUGU JUST MUNCHING ON HIS BAGUETTES IDK 😭 emily in paris who? i only know suguru geto in paris 😌

tysm for taking the time to read all this ari 💗 i appreciate you so so much. hope you’ve had a good day/night so far! mwah ilyyy <333

UKI MY DEAREST <3333 no need to apologize pls!! i’m so happy that you got a bunch of rest!!!!! :33 AND I’M SO GLAD WORK WAS CHILL TOO gosh the glow recipe thing…. 😭😭 u have my condolences. i’m proud of you for working so hard!! pls pat yourself on the back since i can’t 🫂🫂

DILF LOVERS UNITE BTW i’m soooo weak for toji…….. for all the jjk dilfs actually……… they’re just so good. toji w sunnies is gonna rot in my brain atp he would look so perfect 😵‍💫😵‍💫 ur brain is so big uki. AND EVERYTHING ABT COLLEGE BF SUGU PLS HAVE MERCY ON MY HEARTTTTT he makes me feel ill………… THE HELIX PIERCINGGGG YOU’RE SO RIGHT!!!! and him wearing glasses in his dorm….. i would simply Explode he’s sooooo bf it’s crazy :(((((

AAA AND YOU’RE A BIO MAJOR THAT’S SO COOL WHAT????? dental care too!!!!!! stem girlies have my heart and respect always always always 🙏🙏🙏 in my brain the stem girlies and liberal arts majors r holding hands :33 we respect u sm yknow!!! as for your question……. honestly i don’t rlly keep track of how long it takes me to read a certain book 😭😭 i think i usually work under the assumption that i read like. one page per minute?? ish??? but that also totally depends on the format…. so i can’t rlly give u a sure answer :’3 BUTTT pls never be discouraged to read a book just bc u read slow!! that’s normal!!!! reading becomes so much more enjoyable when you find a book that you enjoy and have fun reading, and at the point the time won’t matter bc you’ll be done before you know it!! aaa i’d love to give you some recs but i’d have to know more abt your taste 😭 a book i read recently that wasn’t toooo long + was written beautifully + made me cry LMAO is ”the travelling cat chronicles” by hiro arikawa!! if you like cats it’s def for you :33 usually when i find books to read i check a summary and some quotes just to get a feel for it, so that’s a good idea if you wanna find one that suits your taste!!

……. i hope that’s at least . a little bit helpful PHDKDBF i’m sorry uki 😭😭 i’m probably the least competent lit major when it comes to giving advice on reading BUT i’m cheering you on!!!! literature is sooooo genuinely wonderful when you aren’t being forced to read a book you don’t like for school lmao. and if you want recs my dms and inbox r always open for u!!! don’t hesitate to ask <333

aaaaaaaa but uki 🥺🥺🥺🥺 pls i cried you are SO unbelievably sweet ….. ur tags on the geto drabble made me feel so warm!!!!! and i’m just so giddy that u liked it!!!!! all ur words r so kind pls T—T i also love and adore cult leader geto…. i genuinely think he would be so soft and doting and sickeningly devoted to his beloved. he just loves them so much his heart completely overflows :(( our nostalgic sappy wife……….. he means the world to me

AND PLSSSS THE SUGU PIC 😭😭😭 he’s so sillyyyyyyy i love him sm <333 ty for that cute little treat hehe, i hope your day/night is going super well too!!! and tysm for taking the time to write this out, i love chatting w you <333 here are some other silly gojo images in return >:3 … the resemblance is uncanny i fear . our kitty cat of all time !!!

[theogony]

on being a god and martyr

a/n : first time writing itafushi please be nice they are probably roc but consider. itadori is delirious in this so it's ok (also I hope you enjoy add this is for u !! @nobaracore ) <3

word count ; 1.9k

read on ao3!

It feels wrong to have him in his hands like this, he thinks, as his eyes flutter open wide, attempting to be reassuring even as he lies bleeding out next to him (in some semblance of a fucking joke). Itadori lies bleeding in the car, not next to the bodies of those who have done the most harm to their minds, and souls, but mere seats in front of a stash of cursed weapons. Itadori is bleeding on the passenger seat, and the road is still dark, and there aren't many stars in the sky, and despite the fact that he can barely see his face through the matted blood and hastily patched up wounds, he knows he's beautiful - even with blood running down his forehead, blood on his knuckles, blood on his threadbare shirt. 

Itadori has always been beautiful.

///

Or, on the way back home from a mission, Megumi reflects.

You're in a car with a beautiful boy, and he won't tell you that he loves

you, but he loves you. 

Leather doesn't stain easily.

He rubs a thumb over the carefully stitched seams, and feels the thread running in between the coarse cloth - imagines it is him pulling the cloth through the carefully dotted holes. aIt’s easier than confronting himself with the tightness of his heart, blanking his face and memory as he stares outside at the lone streetlamp. 

(He remembered asking gojo once, back when he was first learning how to sew, how long it takes to thread a needle, to run it through a piece of cloth without tearing it apart, without creating a too large, too big, too loud, too noticeable hole. 

He remembers a silence, before a trembling voice telling him shoko would probably know better, after all that is what she at least meant to be doing in the infirmary though good knows what she doing in there other than smoking-)

And you feel like you've done something terrible, like robbed a liquor store, or swallowed pills, or shoveled yourself

a grave in the dirt, and you're tired. 

The road is dark and long, with only the car's headlights providing illumination. Nonetheless, it's far too dark. Dark around the edges of his vision, dark when he tries to push through the matted hair covering the wound, dark glimmering in its absence of color in the crescent shadows that rest almost naturally (too naturally) beneath his carefully downstairs eyelashes, dark on the spot where he carefully thumbs his way over now dulled eyes, body trembling — with adrenaline or fear, he doesn't know, doesn't want to — from his toes to the tips of his fingers to the careful brush of the locks of his hair.  He is trembling, and despite his efforts to hold him still even as the car jolts, he blinks, carefully stirring and shifting before smiling and breathing out his name. Megumi, he says, and he feels a hand on his arm, and his hand moves back almost subconsciously, reaching for him as he always has, though it shifts up to his nape when he sways. 

You'll be alright. Just... stay awake. 

With me, he wants to add,  but the lie seals his mouth shut,  the silence falling from his lips readily. The answer never matters after all, nor ever the reason.  

You're in a car with a beautiful boy,

and you're trying not to tell him that you love him,

Itadori cannot see him - can barely hear him, the way he slumps against his chest. He wonders, almost treacherously, if he would still come back to him every time like this - so pliant, so perfect, so beautiful it hurts. Time is but a concept now, a mere suggestion instead of a fact. Has it been an hour since then? A minute? A second? It does not matter — would not. They have won, surely they have. The costs may have been one or two too many, but they have won. They always do - they know the price,  no matter how steep,  is always less heavy than the cost of losing. 

He knows his worth - not necessarily his, but the looming scythe that hangs over the boy next to him (he doesn't believe in a religion, but with the way his heart aches whenever he smiles, he thinks what a picturesque tragedy) and so he doesn't slip up,  doesn't riot,  and simply accepts.

(Yet despite it all, He cannot help but dream. Dream of a world where they are free to run, a world he grabs Itadori's hand not of necessity but of an admission of fate -  a world where they run until they no longer can, run until the sun sinks lower and lower until it is barely a crescent swaddled in bright hues of reds oranges and yellows, comforting in the same way that his touch feels, comforting in the way his words boom from his chest, strong and steady, comforting in the way it's always been him and no one else but him as they collapse into each other, all sharp ridges and melding bones designed to fit perfectly into one another, their warmths colliding. ) 

Yet the matter of the fact is this - he has existed before him and he will exist after him and this is how: by letting them take him away, by letting them blur and erase every memory that cuts him open, and the blunting of his grief is the dull blade that cuts into the fog of his life, seeping through him, forever as a reminder. 

and you're trying to choke down the feeling, and you're trembling,

Pain is not a foreign concept, nor is staring death itself in the eyes. He wishes he could go back in time, in one of those back to the future-esque moments from the black and white movies he dimly remembers through a haze of static (everything that isn't him is dull, he remembers distinctly thinking as the end credits rolled; when the slight weight of his head lolled over registered himself in his mind) where he goes back without meaning to and has no way of returning. Maybe he'd be a better friend, maybe he'd have looked out for him more, maybe he'd be able to do something - anything - without each of his touches filling him with cloying want; maybe Itadori wouldn't be staring at him with glassy eyes, lacking his usual warmth and instead shallowly gasping, breath erratic (so unlike the way he's used to) — so unlike the way his smile lit up as though someone had cleaved the sun. 

The way his smile lights up, he corrects himself, his own heartbeat singing in tune to the ragged gasps of the boy beneath him. Itadori isn’t dead until it is of his own making. 

It feels wrong to have him in his hands like this, he thinks, as his eyes flutter open wide, attempting to be reassuring even as he lies bleeding out next to him (in some semblance of a fucking joke). Itadori lies bleeding in the car, not next to the bodies of those who have done the most harm to their minds, and souls, but mere seats in front of a stash of cursed weapons. Itadori is bleeding on the passenger seat, and the road is still dark, and there aren't many stars in the sky, and despite the fact that he can barely see his face through the matted blood and hastily patched up wounds, he knows he's beautiful - even with blood running down his forehead, blood on his knuckles, blood on his threadbare shirt. 

Itadori has always been beautiful.

Itadori, he wants to plead, holding the edges of the yellow sweatshirt that’s stained beyond repair. Itadori, he wants to say, twisting around, looking him in the eye, rubbing a finger beneath it. Itadori, he wants to scream until the name means nothing and everything to him, lying in the backseat of a car as it speeds down a nameless highway. 

(it feels wrong to hold him like this, but he loves him - a tragedy in the making - and he thinks it’s enough anyway). 

His lover (who is everything but it-) sways, and he looks away, face pinched, eyes shut in a solemn prayer of gods he’s never truly believed in. Itadori is beautiful, but the sight of him with pinched eyebrows and wet eyes and red-bitten lips that was caused because of something else makes his heart twist in his chest, and so he lets his eyes roam, unilaterally examining the backseat. There, an old bandage, hanging limp off hollowed cheekbones, there, an embroidered lamb smiling cheerily against stained yellow threads bunched together. Unable to focus on him, he looks at the head of the lamb - almost grotesque, he thinks, the way it seems to swim in the blood.  Its black eyes stare lifelessly at him, as though pleading for him to leave before he ends up like it. It’s a perfect combination of beauty and horror, a macabre of sheer coincidence so painful that he looks away, back into his eyes that shine with unshed tears. 

but he reaches over and

he touches you, like a prayer for which no words exist,

“Good thing you didn’t forget about this place, huh.���

One of Itadori's hands are clasped weakly in between his own, pushed messily into the brackets of his fingers, and he opens up, cordial, pliant, always for him. Silently, he looks down at the faint discolourations and pockmarks in the hand that is  not his own, and he finally believes him when he had said that he always is good with his hands. He thinks quietly about his own fists, how they left bruises that he is no longer proud of. He ponders how he could leave bruises he could be proud of, how Itadori's hands could leave crescent scars on him, trailing around his nape, scars he wouldn't mind - not from him.

Stay with me, he says out loud, breathless and genuine. He says, don't leave me now, not like this, because he needs this, he needs Itadori, because Itadori is now more of a jumbled coalescence of lifelines stringing them together as Itadori-and-Megumi. I need you to, he does not say, but he knows that Itadori hears it all the same.

Itadori slips his hand out of the loose teether, and reaches out a careful hand upwards, thumbing hesitantly at his face as he smiles back at him, breath gasping as Megumi moves, cradling Itadori’s face in hands, tight and grounding, for whom? he doesn’t really know. They both need it, he supposes. The hand that is pressing the gashes of the bandage is weakening. He’s never wanted it to be like this, and yet he knows - being with him is causing him to flay himself open with want. 

He finds himself begging as he continues to hold him, and inside him, he knows that as he moves closer, that there is nothing he can do now, and there will be nothing he can do later to stop him, but it will hurt anyway. 

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. 

and you feel your

heart taking root in your body, like you've discovered something you

don't even have a name for.

Itadori doesn’t say anything, but he sways forward, lips and noses brushing but not pressing against each other, the drying blood on his brow smearing as he leans in closer.

“You love me, don’t you?” His words come out as a whisper against his ear as he moves closer, leaning on him completely for support, holding him like a lifeline. “Will you say it?”

He clenches his jaw, pulling back to look Itadori in his eyes - even as he splits his whole being in half and sets the butterflies inside his stomach free and ablaze.  Itadori doesn’t gloat, doesn’t say it like a revelation because he knows, he knows Megumi always has. 

“I love you,” he finally murmurs, looking away towards the lamb head stitched on once more. He thinks of this then; as the stitches morph until it’s his own head taking its place - a glimpse of the twisted underneath; this love is terrifying, yet what terrifies him the most is that he doesn’t want him to stop loving.

A tear of scarlet drips from the lamb’s eye, and that’s the last thing he sees before Itadori presses their lips together with a tilt of his head.  

I do, too, he does not say, but Megumi hears it all the same. 

[phoephoenix]

I stayed up until midnight to get my first look at the ballad of never after and OH MY GOD there’s just so much I want to talk about, I’ll keep adding to it as I continue reading

SPOILERS UNDER THE READ MORE

OH MY GOD EVANGELINE OPENED THE VALORY ARCH

Or at least unlocked it

I feel like the librarian is one of the valors or something related

Also the letter to herself at the beginning? Ahshiskdisjdjs “don’t be distracted by his beautiful face and gorgeous dimples and the cute nickname and-“ Eva oh my god

And also Lala trying to tell her the truth and it turns out the curse was to constantly repeat that same story????

Also lala is getting married AGAIN THE POOR BEAN????

And Chaos had the helm put on by the valors????

Also ajdhaikdkas vampire Eva is so thirsty for jacks oh my god (pun intended)

“She wanted him to rip Chaos off her chest so that he could pin her to the bed instead.”

Obsessed about the way chaos is like. Trying to help her not become a vampire thinking it would be an issue w just the blood thing and instead the main problem is that she just wants to run to jacks no matter what like. Ma mans really said I just wanna help u not become a vampire I’m not your relationship councillor and it did fcking nothing no one even heard him

Oh my GOD JACKS IS ONE OF THE MERRYWOOD 3??? I can’t decide whether I want him to be the original archer or one of the valors who escaped beheading

The og archer would be absolutely incredible because of Eva but one of the Valors could also tie with his title “the prince of hearts” being a reference to the queen of hearts and the whole off with your head thing

But again, him being one of the merrywoods would mean he found his demise through a broken heart and I cannot imagine a more fitting backstory for the prince of hearts

Istg LaLa’s engagement party is basically an endless cycle of Eva and Jacks making each other jealous it’s so funny

Yeah okay, I just read a little more and like. They might bone after this party. I’m like 60-70% sure that’s going to happen, they’re both so thirsty for each other

Jacks really did leave a whole engagement dinner to commit first degree murder bc it was boring

Oh they’re definitely gonna bone

They boned and didn’t even wait for the party to end I cannot believe I was right

SHE’S BEING INTERVIEWED AS SOON AS THE LEFT THE TUNNEL THIS IS FAR TOO FUNNY AJSKDHWODMWLAHSHEIWKZKNDH

“We’re here with Evangeline Fox who just fucked the prince of hearts, please tell us Evangeline, how was your experience and would you recommend it?”

I absolutely love how Evangeline had absolutely no worry, reserves or hesitation to grave robbing and instead just jumped at without even CONSIDERING something else like she straight up shoved her hand on some dead lady’s ashes with no remorse this whole thing is SENDING ME

Okay so I read the rest so fast I didn’t even pause to continue liveblogging it here

I have Several feelings

First of all Apollo is one huge son of a bitch and I literally felt so bad for Eva, it might be unrelated but I kinda saw my own experience as an abuse survivor on that last scene, with him reaching inside her mind and taking away everything she loved and huge parts of who she is like that’s a great metaphor

Jacks, I have so many feelings about Jacks I literally can’t articulate them here

Castor Valor is also a big point here like. Was he the very first vampire? Was vampirism an invention of his mother as a desperate attempt to save him?

I’m very excited to see the Valors as characters they’re going to be absolutely fascinating (and most likely yeet Luc out of his position as heir WHICH CHAOS KNEW HE HAD BC THEY’RE RELATIVES WHY IS THAT SO FUNNY TO ME)

And also LaLa being a Merrywood, my heart absolutely breaks for her, I really felt it when she explained why she’s the unwed bride, I can’t wait for her reunion with her beloved and I’m also curious about her backstory

Actually I’m very curious about ALL their backstories. How did they all become fates? Was it because of the Valors? Of the Fallen Star? It intrigues me in particular because they were all mortals at the same time. Was the ascension something that could happen at an specific time due to some magical happening and ceased to be possible after? Was it an opportunity just for them specifically? Was it because the Fallen Star found them together? What happened? How did it happen? I’m not sure if it was mentioned before how the process happens but I feel like it’s going to be a really incredible story when we get to hear it

And also. I literally cannot wait for the next book. I’m literally dying for more

[le-cat-nipp]

Ok, as mithanberg monarch I feel oblige to tell the reasons why I ship it.

First of all, from what I see most wintersberg fans just want to ereased Mia from Ethans life, cause for them she is “unworthy” of him as she did some shady things, that eventually led to his demise. But they are forgetting that she also paid hight prize because of her own bad choices, not only Ethan. She tried to protect him, to keep him away from danger (thou we can discuss the way she tried to do that). She tried to warn people, who help her. She admit to lie to him in last video sended to him before ship crashed. And Ethan knowing she was hidding something still welcomes her, cause he never imagined his life without her after all of this years. He knew about her involvment in shady bussines, therefore she didn`t lie to him at this point. Mia was questioned by BSAA, that triggered her memories so bad, her mental health collapse. She didn`t get completly free from what happened. She was under supervision, she couldn`t move around without bein watched. And for the reasons she didn`t told Ethan about bein mold, she prob didn`t know herself till she got pregnant and there was something wrong with rose (it was said she grown to fast I think). And after givin birth, she saw how happy and relax he was, she just couldn`t bring it (the fact capcom robbed us from many scenes that would be key for Mia`s development and her relationship with Ethan is just sad).

Other than that, lets not be short sighted and pretend like Karl didn`t done any shady stuff himself. The point why everyone is upest with Mia is that she has moral compass and Karl doesn`t, she had a choice to do good, while he didn`t know better. And maybe thats where I see interesting part: where they could learn from eachother. Both did shady stuff, that shattered others people life, maybe for egoistic purposes (yet we don`t know in case of Mia). Karl wouldn`t care if Mia`s worked as bioweapon handler, cause its not significant to him. He created bioweapons himself, plus experimented on dead and alive people (YES he was eventually turn from corpses to living people). And maybe from Mia`s point of view- from her regrets he could learn to value others life more. And she could learn to live with consequences of her actions.

Also as we see, Mia and Ethan love eachother very much and from my point of view  Karl would be interested in their dynamic, as he never experience this feeling himself. Seein as they are doing their best to save eachother, he would see their actions as foolish at the beginin but also very intriguin. Basically he would learn about forgivness, redemption, till eventually he would feel something towards those two.

But the thing is, that we only saw Karl`s interaction with Ethan (mostly part where fanbase went crazy, cause of  interestin “body” stuff is read as somethin sexual). At this point we could speculate, how it could go from there when it comes to Mia. And I see great possibilities and thats why I ship it. So please, do not spoil our fun, cause u don`t approve of Mia. I really don`t mind people ship wintersberg, I just see more potnetial in 3 of them together, cause I cannot imagine that Ethan would left her since canon prove otherwise. Beside I find his dynamic with Karl interesting as well. Therefore I deep dive to create headcanons, how Heisenberg would go along with Mia and there is lots of potential over there.

Mithanberg fans are free to add their own reasons.

[xiu21chen99]

hxh headcanon/imagine.

again... still about hisoillu but about their engagement instead of illu's influenced fashion choice.

also this is more of... idk it gave reason why they chose to marry instead of uh other ways i guess??

i've seen so many fanarts where illu would break the news to the zoldycks or how killu would react to having hisoka as his brother in law- like srsly it's meme worthy at this point- and lotsa ones that showed how hisoka proposed as a joke or smtg but... I've been overthinking abt it these past few days sO i present to you how i think "the big question aka the proposal" happened... (manga spoilers??)

it's after hisoka resurrected himself obviously, and def after he killed kortopi and shalnark (so he knew there was gonna be empty slots in the spiders' lineup)

i imagine illu went back to the zoldyck estate after the whole fiasco and only heard of hisoka's "death" from rumors while he was on a mission

and then when he was idk maybe contemplating on whether or not he should visit the body(?) to pay respects or something, he gets a text message from the devil himself

their text went like this probably:

hisoka: hey~ where are you right now?♠️ (and no u can't tell me hisoka doesn't text w card suits u just can't-)

illumi: who are you and how did you get the phone you are currently using?

hisoka: ooh~ illu~ i feel betrayed, did you delete my number?♣️

illumi: hisoka is dead

hisoka: *image attached*

illumi: oh

illumi: hello hisoka, how are you still alive?

hisoka: you sound disappointed~♦️

illumi: i kind of am...

hisoka: rude, just tell me where you are♥️

...and that's how they met up?? ngl i think illu has a know-it-all syndrome where he just has to,,, k n o w everything

he's curious so he agrees to the meetup ofc

he's also surprised when he sees hisoka is in good shape when they meet (idk at a bar in an unknown city?)

they drink whiskey on the rocks because... you know...

hisoka explains how he survived and his next plan of action (which is terminate the spiders)

illumi makes a mental note of nen after death bc he's heard and seen it all before but... not to this extent,

this is gonna be,,, bland but i think this is the logic behind why hisoka chose to get married/engaged instead of just paying up front (reference to the ten dons' commission to get chrollo killed and chrollo's commission to get the ten dons killed)--

anyways here's how their conversation goes:

i: "why did you want to talk in person?"

h: "oh y'know, for old times sake."

i: "...right"

hisoka laughs, "okay so maybe i want to ask you for a favor..?"

confused, illumi asks, "why could you not have just texted if you wanted me to kill someone for you?"

h: "no, no- wait, actually, you're not too far off."

i: ~mOrE cOnfUsiOn~ "huh?"

h: "how do contracts for assassination work in your... family business?"

i: "half the promised pay before, the remaining half afterwards. should the target be eliminated by a third party, the assigned zoldyck still gets the pay and should the employer die, then the contract is terminated and the zoldyck will report back immediately."

h: "and has anyone made a contract to have themselves terminated?"

i: "i beg your pardon?"

h: "what complications will arise should your employer's target be... themselves?"

i: "i believe... i have never encountered such circumstance before. the people who hire us are those who have enough money and resource to have their enemies killed quickly. no one's tried to test the zoldyck assassination prowess."

h: "so... how will that work?"

i: "are you implying this is the reason why you have contacted me today?"

h: "yes~ ♥️" (how he said a heart emoji out loud is up to you, reader)

i: "it will be a pointless paradox. logically, the zoldyck will only get the employment bill. and i, myself, do not find pleasure in going for the kill like you lest i get my reward, so you will not get a contract out of me, hisoka."

h: "is there no leeway?"

i: "a zoldyck stands up to their word. so no."

h: "even for a friend?~ ♦️"

i: "we are not friends, hisoka-"

hisoka raises his glass of whiskey along with his eyebrow.

i: "oh..."

h: "didn't you tell dear killua that a zoldyck didn't need friends?"

i: "you... are an associate, someone reliable in the killing world. it's different."

h: "hypocrite"

i: "i ask you for favors and you make me return them. it is not like we spend our time together leisurely like killu with that island boy..."

hisoka clinks their matching glasses of whiskey even though his is already empty, a shit-eating grin on his lips.

i: "you suggested we meet here."

h: "this isn't the first time we went out to drink, right illu?"

i: "regardless!! i will not kill you just for half the money. i do not like wasting efforts on fruitless missions."

h: "as i said, is there no exception, to make sure you get my money if you were to succeed in killing me?"

i: "are you doubting my skill, hisoka?"

h: "that's not the point right now~ ♠️"

i: "wait, why do you want me to get all of your money?"

h: "haven't we just gotten over this subject? because you're my friend, of course."

i: "i... we are not friends, hisoka."

hisoka claps, "that's it! illumi!! ♣️"

i: "eh?"

h: "marry me! that way in our prenup I'll make sure you get all of my money, and even without a prenup you'll still get it since you'll be my only relative! that solves it!"

i: "hisoka, are you sure death did not took a toll on your brain? you did say you used Bungee Gum only on your heart and lungs..."

h: "i'm being serious, illumi!! and doesn't this solve your earlier conflict? we don't have to be friends, we'll be husbands!"

i: "do not use that tactic with me, you manipulative bastard. stop joking."

h: "this is purely beneficial for you, honestly i don't get why you just won't accept it."

i: "then humor me this first, why now?"

h: "dear illu, i've been to literal hell and back. i think it's time to leave my mark in case i fail to escape death again."

i: "was it that bad?"

h: "you'll love it there, illu~ ♥️"

h: "on a more serious note, though, i do plan to marry you. out of everyone i've encountered, you're the most eligible candidate. you're powerful, fully capable and extremely pretty to boot! you're the ideal husband!"

(blushing obviously, illumi downs the remaining whiskey in his glass) i: "death has changed you, hisoka."

h: "so?"

i: "fine."

h: "excellent!"

and in one fell swoop, illumi has a pin against the curve of hisoka's jugular, wrist held tightly by hisoka- a card matching against his own neck.

"not yet, dear husband." hisoka whispered into his ear, "we have to manage the papers first. and i've a request before you do."

they let each other go at the same time, not even breathing an unnecessary breath in the other's personal space (well, they're nearly pressed thigh to thigh anyways, what's the point of personal space anymore-)

"a condition rather than a request, really."

"what?" hisoka orders them refills, and downs his when it arrives.

"join the ryodan first."

glass already pressed on thin lips, illumi's confused hum resonates softly into the concave utensil. "why?"

"so things can get more interesting. i assume you know of the dark continent expedition that's soon to take place?"

"father has advised i take part on it, since kalluto told me the ryodan plans to rob some cliches who'll join the expedition- to look after him. you want me to join them?"

"yes, and i plan to board as well, don't fret."

illumi's eyes turn to slits, "how should i know you would be there? i can't take your word when you might just disappear when we've all boarded."

hisoka grins, wide then wider, "you should know by now illu, i plan to avenge my wounded pride. that damned chrollo didn't even fight me properly."

tilting his head, illumi stared at the man beside him, "is that not contradictory? i thought you did not mind your opponent using whatever means necessary to win?"

"magicians use tricks and misdirection to awe the audience," hisoka says almost thoughtlessly, "chrollo's a narcissistic hypnotist who used the audience as a damned shield because he knew he couldn't handle me face-to-face."

he groans, tinged in regret. "i shouldn't have picked heaven's arena, if i'd chosen a more discreet location then maybe the damage won't be this bad."

"damage?" illumi rests his chin on his palm, facing his husband.

hisoka swipes a hand over his face, and the glamour comes off. the picture he sent illumi now present in front of him. he was missing a nose, his left hand didn't have any finger left and dried blood chipped on his white skin. "oh."

with another swipe, everything's made correct again. hisoka was grinning again. he downs the remaining alcohol and leaves jenny bills under the emptied glass.

"come, lovely husband. we're to elope and legalize our union!"

illumi follows suit after downing his own glass, "i think there might be another loop hole, if you were to join the family. zoldycks do not kill family."

"so if i were to wed you, here and now, you'd think me more of a family than alluka?"

"alluka is not family."

"are those your words, illumi? or silva's?"

"i..."

"wow, you're really just as fucked up as i am."

"where do you plan to take me? i've just said i cannot kill family."

hisoka chuckles, "then you're the one to take my name, of course."

"preposterous!"

"who the hell still uses that word?"

"i am and will always be a zoldyck-"

"exactly. it's just legal papers, if you kill me then you'll just be a widow and even get your name back! see how everything'll work out in the end?"

"hisoka-"

"are you doubting your skill of assassination, my dearest husband?"

"... i better get the most expensive ring in this damned city."

"that's the spirit! now let's go get married!"

"wait, hisoka. what is your last name?"

later that night, when they leave a chapel, something gold glimmers on hisoka's bungee gum/texture surprise ring finger. a matching one around illumi's finger.

unlike hisoka, though, illumi had an extra red glimmer right under that gold, in the dead center of a silver band of intricately designed pattern. hisoka had foregone the traditional diamond in favor of a 16 carat ruby engagement ring, such a curious choice but illumi accepted it all the same...

(much later on, hisoka took both rings as collateral and reminded illumi that he would get them back even if he died bc it was in their damn prenup- and bc it was technically bought under illumis name and that's how hisoka assured illu that he'd be on that black whale,,, bc he had the rings and planned to give them back to him there)

"I thought a red gemstone was better suited for the rather bloody and murderous ending that our relationship will inevitably come to, wouldn't you agree?"

-Hisoka Morow whenever someone mentions his preference of proposal ring...

"I disagree with most of his ideals, our relationship has always had a fragile foundation, and I knew from the start that we'd eventually end up killing each other."

-Illumi Morow, nee Zoldyck when asked about his thoughts on his husband...

[mego42]

Hi, since you seem more positive/excited about the triangle possibility than a fair amount of people, can you talk more about why? I fall into "the not thrilled about the possibility, but have a little hope it could result in some good moments" group and would love some more reasons to not dread it. Thanks! And love your writing and love reading your tags :)

hey anon!! i am v sorry you are not thrilled and am always happy to shriek nonsense about why i’m excited (though idk how much it will help bc the tl;dr is more or less i’m hype for a triangle bc i am an incredibly messy bench who lives for drama and if you are not a similarly messy bench, ymmv)

don’t get me wrong, i super understand the trepidation, pop culture is LITTERED with absolute shite examples of love triangles but here is an incomplete list of reasons i personally think beth and rio are the perfect kind of disaster to set up a spectacular love triangle:

the existence of a triangle implies there are FEELINGS at the various points

the use of the descriptor "romantic" applied to said triangle implies ROMANTIC feelings

i am a simple woman and my pulse has already picked up

one of my absolute most favorite things about the toxic stew that is beth and rio is how completely balls to the wall obsessed they are with having and holding each other’s attention and focus

like straight up possessive nightmare people

now imagine wedging an actual rival for one or the other’s attention between the two of them

(something we have not reeeeeally seen before, 206 withstanding and i’ll come back to that, bc lbr beth doesn’t give a fck about dean and rio’s known that for sure ever since he walked LITERALLY RIGHT PAST THE GUY to rail his wife in a public bathroom at her invitation)

(the 204 proximity point has nothing to do with this list it’s just a source of endless delight and that was enough for me to justify adding it)

where was i

mmmmm feelings, possessive nightmares, OH RIGHT

they are also nightmares in the sense that it appears to be physically impossible for them to use their words with each other unless it’s like, ripped out of them which means they’re sitting on ALL THE BAGGAGE between them and it’s just stewing and boiling and

wait, let me back up

look, i want brio sex as bad as the next person

but even more than brio sex? i want them to fight

i mean like, Fight fight

i want the kind of knockdown drag-out brawl that brings Stuff to the surface and leaves them with a bunch of nasty, ragged, pieces dragged out into the light bc lbr they’ve both done some incredibly awful things to each other

(kind of like what 213 was looking like before it all went to shit tbh)

(i’m just saying, beth saying you put it all on me with that kind of jagged, disbelieving betrayal behind it? my catnip)

(it’s up there with rio at the picnic table in 306 telling her that ship sailed when she put three slugs in him)

i live for them being raw and honest and emotional okay

IF ONLY THEY COULD BOTH DO IT AT THE SAME TIME

bc here’s the thing, for the magnitude of horrifying shit between the two of them? i (personally) think that they like it because they are so! twisted! when it comes to each other and i love that for me, specifically

like no seriously a huge part of what i love about the ship is that whole i see your monster and it looks like mine thing they’ve got going on when they let themselves and i am full on foaming at the mouth feral at the thought of them leaning into that

i’m sorry i’ve lost the thread again

wait no that was the thread

okay so basically they’re both ticking time bombs of smothered angst and rage who are absolutely incapable of being normal about each other but are also keeping all of that locked tf down and the only time we ever really see it come out is when one o them is too emotionally overwhelmed to keep their iron grip

you know what brings emotions to the surface?

TRIANGLES!!!!!!!!!!!!

CAN YOU IMAGINE THE SEETHING MESS OF EMOTION THAT HAS THE POTENTIAL TO BRING TO THE SURFACE??????

AND HOW UTTERLY UNEQUIPPED EITHER ONE OF THEM WOULD BE TO DEAL WITH ANY OF IT????????

AND HOW SIDEWAYS IT COULD EXPLODE???????????

like don’t get me wrong there is absolutely no way it’s gonna be pretty but i didn’t get on this busted ass carnival ride expecting nice things, i am in this to feEl stuFf and nothing makes me feel stuff more than seeing the two of them feel stuff and this is  perfect set up for that

you know how they say the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference?

you know what’s not indifference? big messy emotions

but okay okay okay i am icarus and the sun looms large, lets say they don’t fight, that doesn’t mean they’re not gonna feEl stuFf on their own

do you remember beth’s face in the van when rio hugged dylan??? do you?????

and what did she do after that? went out and robbed him blind and held his shit hostage until he caved in what is one of my top 10 of all of their scenes

and god, idk if we’ve really seen rio really get jealous of attention lavished on beth yet but when i think about it i want it so bad my teeth hurt

and i know i’m not alone here bc i have i think 3 jealous!rio prompts in my inbox rn

(i’m not saying i’m working on it but i’m also not not saying it)

god i just

can you imagine how much fun it could be to watch rio seethe over having to watch someone else be into beth

WHAT WOULD HE DO?????????

ESP IF HE COULDNT DO ANYTHING ABOUT IT DIRECTLY BC ITS SOMEONE HE CAN’T INTERFERE WITH

oh christ and if beth responded to it??????????

oh gOD thE mESS

idk even if it doesn’t lead to a confrontation (but i feel like??? it would have to????) just the idea of the kinds of feelings they’d have to grapple with and confront within themselves is D E L I C I O U S

also, to jump back to an earlier point: brio sex

i know some people are feeling like the sexy chemistry between beth and rio is lacking this season

you know what’s great for chemistry? fuel

you know what provides great fuel? messy emotional situations that tug at intimate connections and make people feel out of control

you know what’s a messy emotional situation that tugs at intimate connections and make people feel out of control? 

you probably guessed it

A TRIANGLE

(and we know that neither of them does well with feeling out of control period at all even without the intimate emotional stuff mixed in so like oh boy)

listen i am just saying given where they’re currently at with each other i cannot think of any situation more ripe for an explosive hook up than one or both of them feeling driven to reassert their claim/mark on the other 

would it be nice? no, probably not

would i care? not even a little bit

(don’t you judge like any of y’all are any better than me)

look. to quote marie kondo horrifically out of context: i love mess and the mess potential in a romantic love triangle with beth and rio as two of the three points is stratospherically high.

[swynlake-spill]

Boba, please bully some of our shyer residents into posting selfies! I am dying for some Rarer Insta Content.

ok i’ll try here we go 

@vixey-chakraborty KEEP THE COW CONTENT COMING BUT ALSO LET UR OWN NATURAL RADIANCE SHINE!!! I LOVE U PLEASE IM ASKING SO NICELY BUT ALSO VERY LOUDLY SO EVERYONE CAN HEAR 

@rikuxnakayama sir  i cannot keep buying overpriced coffee from [name redacted] just for the ten seconds of eye contact we have i simply do not make enough money have pity on me and POST 

@vitani-blackwell u arent really shy so i dont understand how you are not posting daily thirst traps i have seen your body and therefore seen god please RESUME REGULAR CONTENT 

@melody-the-unwritten typing ur username just now made me cry. :( melody i MISS YOu. melody i dont think u understand u could be miss swynlake if u wanted... this is your YEAR

@princess-ting-ting you post extremely quality pics of your fish and family jigsaw puzzles and stuff and thats valid and good plz dont stop but also you are the qin i respect in this world and i think you deserve to be told how beautiful u are js 

@littlelectriceelduh ur mysterious and look like the boy my mum warned me about. plz indulge my worst desires and help me star in my very own all time low pop punk fantasy 

@arista-the-musical BLASPHEMY that i am tagging a triton wtf did your sisters teach u!! arista when i say that i believe if you post selfies tagged #stopglobalwarming that it could maybe inspire a movement im not even being hyperbolic i think the power is in your hands and you should use it 

@cinderellaashbourne HONEY PLEASE COME HOME tiana as her roommate why are you not instilling in ella the confidence needed to become a powerhouse insta mom im just saying she could build an empire off her smile 

@babettexdurand seeing u makes me go  🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 🥺 sincerely do not think there are words... 

@evil--endeavors you want to be taken seriously as a business woman, totally fair! however, fourth wave feminism said stuff about idk owning ur sexuality or-- nvm dont do it for me do it for the young LESBIANS. also kick me in the face :) 

@one-lucky-lad small confession...i have a crush on this darling I KNOW I KNOW HOW EMBARRASSING however i am not immune to the specific charms of his beautiful blue eyes. im just saying haha what if we kissed 

@tink-bell tink used to post all the time but then she got her heart broken or something and i just think she needs to build up all that very valid fierce tink bell confidence she was famous for!! tink PLEASE give me the bed selfie i know you have! txt me u up ;) ? ask me to netflix and chill! also post on instagram obviously! 

@sanmononoke what is going on with this person real talk besides ofc being very hot as per swynlake’s hotness requirement. idk if she has an instagram. bet she’d post like feet pics and shit like that. think that we need a little bit of that spice in swynlake dont you!!! 

@moon-yeongjun frankly it is a crime that we are all collectively robbed of the journey that would be jun moon instagram experience. if you dont think he’s hot you’re lying to yourself!! new rule every time jun posts a petition he owes us a selfie its only fair idk im once again putting tiana to the task of making that happen

@notmuchofatail he’s been posting more lately but it is not enough for me. gregory eeyore is my past present and future. like im in love with him is what im saying. 

@a-merman-not-a-guppy stop pretending like you’re not a handsome lad its EMBARRASSING. what is the point also of designing ur own clothes if you arent putting up your wares on instagram. again this is just common sense i cannot believe im giving this immaculate advice for free. 

@notbad-justsungthatway again she posts decently but i think she should post more bc she is easily in the ten hottest people ever in swynlake. its a fact not an opinion and we’d all feel a lot calmer if she was active daily on instagram

@pinkpearlpark the coolest of the teens!! i need her to post so she can teach ME how to post. like idk what im doing teach me the ways of being an attractive rich cool person miss park! 

@bucktoothed--ice-prince again idk whats going on here he’s this very mysterious stranger who blew into town out of nowhere. maybe going without an instagram is the whole point but i would rather write dumb things on ur posts tbh

@trickster-knownas-pan AND A THIRD person who i know nothing about. maybe i am just nosy but also you are hot so you owe me something thats how survival of the fittest works maybe !!!!!!! i failed science three times!!!! 

@devyn-morey lol i know he posts a lot but obviously! obviously! 

@geehosaphat on the other hand martin has two posts on his instagram maybe and thats abysmal. martin you do realize you’re like. hot right. i mean it like you could be in a magazine. you’re hot. take off your shirt sometime maybe if you’re comfortable so you can flaunt it! 

@winndeavor again i know ur a serious business person who has a certain brand to maintain. on the other hand: you have abs. much to think about i know. 

@hclyghcst DISGUSTING that you could win jewel of the season or w/e and then disappear from my life. you owe me like ten selfies at this point! you’re cute kind and a good friend to people in your life! fuck im obsessed with u!! 

@vvinter-queen and now we shout out to her sister ANNA to help her. anna how is it that u have a moderately thriving bookstagram and yet elsa has no idea what a filter is. intervene. fix it. she’s beautiful. imagine how much ice cream u will sell. 

@gleamdncglow u dont have to post bc it might actually piss me off considering how pretty you are. but if you want to i guess (please please please please please please) 

@gabriella-marino you know what’s the best way to get to know ppl in town and make friends! yeah ur right, its thirst traps on instagram! i think you’re so cute on a serious note please tell me more about u...maybe in the captions on your thirst trap for instagram! 

@edwardandalasia honestly just curious how it would go if someone showed edward who is maybe suffering from some textbook case of amnesia how instagram works. you also have the best skin ive ever seen. send me ur tips. ok thank u!!!

[stagcharmed-a]

🍓 oh FUN

G!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thyat many exclamation marks because that’s how I feel every time I see I on the dash and talk tkm you mr get a reply firm you or anything !!! Because I loce u !!! This is my second time doing this but oh well let’s GOOOO okay first of all I think ur just one of the best people ever !!! Like literally ur like ken of the major people make rp fun and worthwhile for me right now I love all our threads so much and I just thing ur a genuinely brilliant writer and friend and ur writing of chara thes is so CHEFS KISSA like I cannot even imagine any other regulus except yours ?? I’m sorry but yeah like I literally just lov evehrjing U do with him and all the different ways u think about him and develop him outside the canon and I’m so glad u actually uhh write with me and actually like my take on james and that u do insane AUs with me like snsnsjsjsjs

Also here’s my COMPLIMENTARY acrosftcic poem come with this ask : the second editon Tokyo drift

P robs one of the first person to welcome me to the community for that I will always be great full. SO FOREVER THANFUL

R rally love how much we can talk to eachother sometimes we will just randomly talk for hours I love that sm just bouncing from topic to topic about whatever both ic and ooc relate it’s fun and I have come to see u as such a good friend

D elves so much into so many nuance and idea in. A way I HAVENT seen many people do with any character let alone regulus. Like Thank you FOR SUXH A GOOD,, DEEP AND CAREFUL AND THOUGHTFUL AND WONSERFUL PORTRAYAL I stan so hard

I genuinely think u make my james so much better just by virtue of the fact U give me so much to think on and develop and I think that’s like ..... literally such a rare and important rp partner who can do that and it’s what I loce about Rp like writing with u reminds me why I love it

T ERRIFICQLLY CREATIVE. and productive !!!!!! Like I’ve said this before but the amount of incredible inbox responses!??! HOW!!!!! I feel ur so unique and creative with everything you post I admire how u find so much variation and make every post feel special and IM SO JEALOIS OF HOW MUCH QUALITY COMTENT U GENERATE OVER AND OVER

E XQUISITE TASTE AND SENSE OF HUMOUR. All the nail polishes for a start wowee Nd I think you are so funny honestly like some of the stuff you out on dash makes me laugh out loud and every opinion about anything we have talked about has slapped

U nderstandjng and patient and in a way that feels so genuine and I appreciate it so much cos u never make me feel guilty for being such a slow ass at replying snsnsnsb. But also I think so often about how I told u so much ooc drama shit that time w my friends and u literaly wrre no nice and understanding about it sksjks like that meant so much to me and I’m so !!! Ur just a good good person genuinely

R Wally excited I to see what we come up when and write next I love that no matter how many threads we have we can always come up with more ideas it makes it so fun and exciting to write with you I feel so LUCKY to have landed in the same rp time and space

that’s all !!!!!!!!!! Much love many thanks for all the times I think we were talking the other day we have been writing together for a year ??! WOWEE. That’s really cool and unforgettable tbh !!!!! I’m so glad we met KISS KISS KISS KISS

@proditeur

[macklives]

hey so this is gonna be a long-ish one. ive decided its been far too long since i did a session, and we did so many i can often forget what happened. i started in july and im pretty sure its been more than half a year now since this whole blog happened. and in that time, we’ve gone through 88 sessions and i want to know if i remember the relevant plot points and what we got up to in the last few sessions. a refresh/reminder if you would.

so i hereby commence my own little recap of act 5 because yeah no, its too much to do a recap of everything and i have andrew for that after every few acts. but i wanna refresh my mind on act 5 for now. so here we go.

1. alternia.. fucked up place. but its a place the trolls live on so what are we gonna do about it? overthrow the government? seems about right, lets do that with the next troll that gets introduced and if its not kanaya idk what andrew is doing by not having introduced the best troll yet. why the long wait? it was the second introduced? i honestly expected it to go in order when i first read act 5, because first we had karkat talk to jade which was the first new piece dialogue in the comic besides the main kids, but then we had kanaya with rose, which was followed by tavros, then terezi (iirc). so id assume we were following that order but nope karkat got fully introduced, then this random fucking juggalo called gamzee made its way into the comic. imagine my surprise.

2. theres been terminology throughout act 5, that i do not fucking know and will not remember and probably never will. like tf is a perigee again? i made a doc somewhere ill probably find it.

3. karkat’s introduction... short but very sweet. and by sweet i mean we got to know the depths of the angry edge lord. and by depths i mean karkat got angry at gamzee for typing in a way that he didnt like so he yapped like a chihuahua. nah, but seriously, i do like karkat tho, hes growing on me but only bc hes a bitch baby and his whole personality makes me want to mock him so thats the reason im not that annoyed and think hes funny, and the most harmless troll. even more so than tavros. and thats saying something. 7.5/10 bc im generous.

4. then gamzee... the high juggalo troll who has the worst typing quirk imo, i cannot for the life of me read it. but hes chill, i actually really like gamzee. hes funny and the least problematic as of right now. 8.5/10.

5. terezi’s introduction next i think. she likes playing as a lawyer with her stuffed dragons, ie by roleplay, shes blind, can see through licking, and she likes eating chalk, maybe its even nutritious. shes good. 9/10. 

6. uhh in the process of these intros, there are teams being made? karkat joins gamzee and terezi in, i THINK, the red team?? bc terezi likes red?? could be wrong, i dont remember the teams except that its red/blue to represent sollux’s duality in those colors. terezi then tries recruiting AC but AC is like lol sorry i have to ask this friend of mine who has authority over me for some goddamn reason and terezi goes yuck tf i hate that guy................... yeah thats all we have on the teams. pretty sure sollux had smth to do with karkat about the making of the leaders, and they did the “i hate me” and the “no i hate me more than u hate u” or whatever the fuck that was. they got embarrassed afterwards and deleted their messages. im pretty sure they have no messages because everything ends up being mutually deleted so their logs are actually empty. ngl, kinda enjoyed their convos, made me appreciate their characters. i hope we get more because its good content. i also dont know what order this whole thing is in, who contacted who first? couldnt tell you. ill remember later on. and since im basing this off from memory alone, gotta deal with what i remember. uhhhh so yeah. we havent met all characters yet so the teams have not been officially decided but we got the bases, which is that.

7. god i found it, and the only thing im looking at right now is the terminology list i made and what the fuck?? what the fuck?? you miss a few weeks and suddenly the word nubslurping comes up and you forget what the fuck youre reading.

8. im PRETTY SURE aradia is seen after that whole team fiasco?? or its sollux... maybe. wait. its sollux, right. i just knew someone gets introduced mid way through is all. actually, someone gets introduced after every 20 pages. i have no idea. but ik aradia and sollux go hand in hand.

9. oh shit. OH SHIT! RIGHT! I REMEMBER! so this occurs in the latest session i did, and not the beginning of act 5, but AG and aradia team up, right?? and sollux fucking gets manipulated by them and ??? idk??? they make him find the game, reprogram it and then make him believe its going to end the world (which in hindsight is true, but anyways) so he refuses to play it which was AG’s plan all along so she steps up and becomes leader in his place. but aradia says sollux will still play the game no matter what, but she never went through with the plan for AG but it was apart of a prophecy? that sollux wouldnt be the leader at all? that he’d still play? but it had to go according to plan so it could succeed??? we just dont know why yet. anyways, point being, she still cares for sollux since she did it for him rather than for AG. and thats what i recall. god tf i forgot about that whole drama until writing down “sollux and aradia go hand in hand” which gave me violent flashbacks to the memory.

10. oh and id give aradia 9/10 and sollux 7/10. i do like sollux but if i put him higher than karkat, id get crucified. so im keeping them around the same.

11. man i really like sollux and aradia tho, i may have put him at 7, but i really like their dynamic and i really hope they make up and aradia explains herself about AG. because from one side it looks shitty. and while sollux is rude and never makes up his mind, he apologized to aradia after going off, and that was the only time ive seen him be sincere, so im pretty sure he cares for her to some extent. and i think its somewhat mutual? considering the whole “did it for him” thing. man, i see potential because i actually like both their characters. theyre well written. may not have the best personalities, but i appreciate well written characters and homestuck has the best ones ive seen in a while.

12. oh shit, hell yeah, the more i write, the more im connecting the dots and remembering. however, the more i write, the more i want to just make an analogy post but thats not for now. jesus christ its not all about analogies, mack, this is a recap. but.. how does andrew do it? to not go off track??? hard. telling ya.

13. anyways, didnt we break the fourth wall at some point and have the demon gods or whatever the fuck speak to us in third person for the first time in the comic, after having only gone into second person narrative, right after we were introduced to sollux and his “virus”? the uh, the phrase “the demon was already here” was said, or something along those lines. first line in homestuck to give me the creeps ngl and i appreciate it bc it gives me motivation to know what the fuck its about. its cool bc you have no idea where its going and it sure doesnt have anything to do with the current plot, since the trolls’ session/game doesnt have fucking demons so im curious as to what the fuck that was about. and if i really have to make a theory, i feel it has something to do with aradia’s voices in her head which also connect to the gods rose heard when she started disregarding rules and told dave to look at derse without listening to music bc it was as if he was purposely blocking away their calls. like holy shit, that gave me the shivers. while i do want to know more about wtf happens after act 4, trolls are taking priority right now. just like we did with the intermission. no discussing the kids unless necessary. treat this as its own separate comic. and THEN we can connect.

14. ANYWAYS, tavros’ intro???? that comes afterwards?? with the fiduspawn that made me gag a little on the inside? yep. remember that. fuck that lol. -1/10 but tavros himself is MAYBE a 6/10? i wish we explored his character more in his intro bc right now he just looks like a character made only to be a victim rather than have any depth and i feel thats robbing someone of their full potential. give me more personality andrew, rather than a quivering boy who falls prey to bitches. im expecting more throughout the comic honestly and i hope he gets growth so hes not looked as a “victim” but rather his own character. he is still sweet, and i like him because i want to protect him, but id rather have more info, you know what i mean?

15. oh hell. kanaya had a chainsaw at some point. that made me happy. and didnt she cut off tavros’ legs?? and he got robot ones? and some creepy dude was looking and we called him saggy tits bc hes sagittarius? right? neat. that did happen. pretty sure saggy tits is ACs friend that tells her what to do. the more u know. OH and they all have colored blood similar to their text colors lol. that i remember... so tavros has brown, terezi has blueish green, um. karkat has grey the loser. and apparently it forms a rainbow which is nice. rainbow is good.

16. i dont remember anything else actually

17. wait no i do. AG appeared. shes a petty bully. idk what to say about her. we didnt get that much, except that she hates tavros but is okay with aradia. she also looks like a bottle opener. actually, i think she teamed with aradia to gain leadership rather than to “be friends”. and while that is similar to how karkat did it, meaning the gain, the motivation and how they earned it is entirely different. kinda seeing a trend tho. the leaders of the red/blue teams are both characters who wanted the role, but never had it to begin with. only to win their way into the position. but rather than ask non-stop like karkat did, AG manipulated others so she could be successful. not too sure if she also used aradia for that, or is actually motivated to become friends since they were “past enemies” and she needed a rebound. pretty sure its somewhat both. while AG did mostly use aradia to speak with sollux, what she doesnt know is that aradia is a bad bitch who never even thought about AG and only followed through with the plan bc she had a plan of her own. i guess we’ll look into that later. i lowkey want to know their history.

18. OH AC!!! she appeared for a second as well. love her. shes amazing. 9.5/10. and you may ask yourself, why am i saying “i love this character” but none of them are 10/10?? weellllll its because, and i cant stress this enough, 10/10 belongs to kanaya, i dont make the rules. im waiting for her introduction, shes my favorite and its obvious. sorry.

19. oh huh seems i forgot about the term “lusus”. which.. is.. their parents but not really, its these fucking weird ass creatures that the trolls fought in a cave or something as a child. i dont fucking know. terezi hatched hers and it died? gamzee’s also died but his goat sea dad was never really there to begin with so while it is sad, its more sad that gamzee never saw him? um.. karkat killed his own by exploding his computer bc sollux said dont run the virus and karkat said u cant tell me what to do and did it anyways. so thats on him. but apparently theyre supposed to die, to become prototyped during the game, right? yeah. i remember now.

20. thats.. about it? idk anything else, nothing is coming back to me apart from the shit above. huh.... im surprised how quickly things do come back to you the moment you rant about the plot tho.... handy trick.

cool. neat. fun. this took me too long. but im glad i remember a little bit.

[shijiujun]

and also about everyone else:

i think one of the worst parts is that we don’t see how xi gu’s death affected EVERYONE else? hey the dude was friends with hao ting’s friends too, and what about the twin who was in his class? and zhi gang. oh my god, zhi gang. can you imagine how devastated he was when he learnt that xi gu died? can you imagine that? and how long he must’ve grieved for xi gu who he treated like his little brother, and how much bo xiang had to comfort BOTH his boyfriend and his best friend? can you imagine that? I CAN’T BECAUSE THEY DECIDED TO JUST THROW THIS IN THE LAST TWO EPS

and can u imagine everyone coming together to help support hao ting and zhi gang? and what about the death anniversary of xi gu? who goes to his tombstone? probably zhi gang and hao ting, and the gang, aside from xi gu’s aunt. everyone thinking... “they could have been happy together, they could have had so much together”

zhi gang looking up from the cashier register and calling out for xi gu only to remember that xi gu has been gone for months, for years? chinese new year, and zhi gang realises that he has one less red packet to give, recalling when xi gu called him ‘brother’?

hao ting isn’t the only one grieving for xi gu, honestly, and i feel like we were also robbed of everyone’s grief as well. they all acted as if everything was fine, but they know things AREN’T fine, they know hao ting hasn’t gotten over it. wouldn’t zhi gang and hao ting for example come together to support each other when the date of xi gu’s death gets closer? or every time hao ting wakes up in tears, he calls zhi gang maybe because this is a person who probably loves xi gu as much as he does. and then zhi gang and bo xiang come over and sit with him and listen to him and be with him.

would hao ting also go up to the roof often and speak to the stars because he knows that’s where xi gu and his parents are? would he talk to the stars every time he had a bad day too? and hao ting crying every christmas because he is reminded of xi gu. and maybe hao ting cannot go to a resort like place ever again because that’s where he and xi gu had their first time together so he sees him in every corner no matter which country’s resort he goes to.

and what about the beetle that xi gu so loved? did hao ting bring it home with him and cry every time he saw it? did he cry when the beetle inevitably died later? 

hao ting probably sold his motorbike too, because the only person he wanted to fetch and share his ride with is gone.

SO MANY QUESTIONS LEFT UNANSWERED SO WHY WOULD THE WRITERS EVEN GO HERE

[flyandfamousblackgirls]

6 Things Intersex Folks Need to Know About How We Perpetuate Anti-Black Racism

1. The Segregation in Our Intersex Movement Is Real

The intersex movement has been mostly white since day one. Consequently, it’s necessary to ask ourselves if we’ve inadvertently created an atmosphere that urges Black intersex people to put aside their Blackness — and the oppression linked to it — in order to focus on our collective goals.

In creating this type of environment, it appears our community hasn’t yet been able to connect the dots between Black and intersex people’s oppression — which Saifa reminded me are both rooted in state violence — and our liberation.

Black intersex folks who’ve lived in isolation and have dealt with segregation in their daily lives shouldn’t have to contend with similar experiences once they’ve finally found, and entered our community.

I’m not talking about highly visible institutionalized segregation like the Jim Crow era when Saifa’s uncle, who was also intersex, was forced to sleep outside on the porch of his hospital after a surgery.

I’m talking about the low-key, harder to detect, segregation.

The kind that just takes for granted that the majority of people in the room will always be white. The type that may have a few Black and Brown faces sprinkled here and there, but on a vanilla frosted cake. Is there a path forward?

Sean Saifa Wall, a Black trans intersex activist and collage artist based in Atlanta, reflected on this question by looking back on his time spent as the former board president of an intersex non-profit. Saifa captured why increasing representation shouldn’t be the endgame.

“I think I made the mistake of thinking we need more people of color… but what does institutionalized white supremacy do? It brings in Black or Brown faces who won’t challenge white supremacy — and that’s how white supremacy perpetuates itself. You don’t need white folks to perpetuate it, you just need folks who are invested in white supremacy.”

When I was younger and mistakenly believing that whiteness was the norm to strive towards, I ended up internalizing racist ideologies and, as a result, never fully connected on a truly deep BFF level with my Black friends. Perhaps our movement, and its longstanding quest for acceptance, has created a similar divide.

The global intersex activist network consists, to my knowledge, of less than only 5 Black intersex activists. One of them is Saifa.

2. One’s Race and Intersex Identity Overlap

Born amidst racist flames that attempted to level his neighborhood, Saifa was brought up whilst his borough, The Bronx, was attempting to rebuild itself.

“When I was younger,” Saifa recounted, “I realized I had a different body. Then, due to interactions with NYPD, I was made to know that I was different in another way as well.”

As he got older, Saifa came out as queer, intersex, and trans to a mother — and a world — who wasn’t always ready or eager to respect his intersecting identities. Regardless, his Blackness, sexuality, and intersex identity were always interwoven.

“I cannot separate my intersex identity from my Black identity,” Saifa said. And he shouldn’t have to.

Unfortunately, I’m afraid our community hasn’t figured out ways yet to allow people to show up as their whole selves.

For instance, on the international level, it’s become a known issue that intersex activists from African countries don’t get similar amounts of representation, or speaking time at gatherings. And nationally, our support group meetings rarely, if ever, have been led by Black intersex folks or had sessions dedicated solely for Black intersex community members to come together.

It’s only in the past few years that single Black folks are sitting on boards, or in staff positions of our organizations. There’s also never been, to my knowledge, any Black clinicians present at our Continuing Medical Education (CME) sessions that happen before our support group conferences each year.

Race, especially as it relates to anti-blackness, feels as though it’s at times an elephant in the room.

For me, this elephant peeped its head out when I realized it had become a tradition for one of our non-Black community members, who I love and cherish dearly, to sing Macy Gray’s “I Try” — in Gray’s uniquely raspy voice — at the annual talent show, which is supposed to provide a fun contrast to the rest of the conference.

The audience, if it’s a diverse year, might have a handful of Black folks. This year, there was only one person. I can’t imagine how isolating that experience might have been for them.

And this bring me back to the story I shared at the beginning, about the person who had Obama on a hit list.

Often, racism perpetuates itself by wearing the mask of a “joke” or “fun,” but racism is never a joke and the mask just presents one more hurdle in calling racism out.

It’s time us non-Black intersex people become more aware of our whiteness problem.

We need to keep having difficult conversations about race and oppression every step of the way.

Most importantly, we need to show up the few Black intersex people we do have in our small community, and check in with them to see if there’s anything else we could be doing to have their back.

We can challenge white supremacy in our movement just by asking Black intersex folks in our community what they need to feel safer in our collective spaces.

For our movement to be successful, it’s imperative that Black intersex folks feels they can participate as whole persons.

3. We’ve All Been Dehumanized

The list of atrocities against people of color, especially Black folks, carried out by the medical industrial complex and other agents includes: “the father of gynecology” using enslaved Black people as surgical research subjects, being disproportionately targeted by the US’s eugenic sterilization program that served as a catalyst for Nazi Germany’s and today’s “population control”policies, and the shackling of pregnant women inmates — who are disproportionately Black — in labor delivering children whom they most likely will be immediately separated from.

Likewise, intersex people have been rendered hermaphrodites and featured in freak shows, gawked at as monsters to at on TV, disproportionately put up for adoption, pumped with artificial hormones, robbed of their reproductive organs and genitalia, selectively aborted, raped, and brutally murdered.

Lynnell, a Black intersex lesbian activist, was born intersex but raised male by a single mother in a low-income household. She grew up in Chicago’s mostly Black, hypersegregated, South Side where her family — unlike mine on the North Side — was forced to deal with the effects of the city’s racist public policy and divestment responsible for the destruction of local economies, public schools and affordable housing.

Hyde Park, a pocket of wealth and whiteness on the South Side and home to the University of Chicago (UofC) Hospital, is where Lynnell’s mother took her as a child for doctor appointments.

Lynnell shared memories of that time stating, “My mom wasn’t given the tools she needed to make informed decisions.” As Lynnell grew older, she also “wasn’t taken seriously at first by [her doctors] either.”

Low-income and single mothers of color, labelled unfit by society, experience discrimination. Lynnell’s mother went to U of C seeking care, not charity, for her child. Seeing a golden opportunity, Lynnell’s doctors manipulated her mother’s financial status and turned the situation into a charity case anyway.

“They told my mom they were doing her a favor because they weren’t charging her.” In the doctor’s mind, they were participating in an equal trade with Lynnell and her mother.

To Lynnell, it was torture. “For eight years, every summer, for at least a month, I was put on different drugs, experimented on, given unnecessary procedures and manipulated.”

Exploitation of marginalized people by the MIC for their gains, especially in teaching environments, has been well-documented. Exploitation specific to Black intersex patients has yet to be researched. Lynnell’s doctors, I imagine, took one look at Lynnell’s mother and decided a poor Black woman wasn’t powerful enough stop what they had in store for Lynnell.

“I don’t know many white people that were used as guinea pigs like me,” Lynnell said.

4. Doctor’s Aren’t the Only People Attempting to Erase ‘Difference’

Intersex people are pretty familiar with secrecy, shame and stigma thanks to the pathologization of our bodies. As such, it’s important we have spaces to process our stories with each other. Yet, it’s important to note that as oppressed people, we are still capable of participating in the oppressing others.

The few times I’ve witnessed our community attempt to break down white supremacy and talk about racism, white intersex people successfully shifted the conversation, almost immediately, back to a conversation that centers them and their experience with intersex oppression.

Spaces where intersex people get together and talk are rare, so it makes sense why someone would want to relate and process, but in doing so, we are inadvertently preventing Black intersex folks in our community from expressing their unique experiences.

Saifa recounted a time when he “was trying to bring up the topics of anti-oppression, racism, etc., in the movement and people lost their damn minds. People were like, ‘we cannot hear it.’”

He also shared, “Anti-black racism showed up when I went to South Carolina on behalf of the MC case [a lawsuit involving the parents of a young Black intersex boy and his doctors] and one of the lawyers was condescending, talking down to me as the only Black person in the room. I was constantly pushing back against his patriarchy and racism.”

He continued, “I feel like people don’t care about issues related to anti-black racism in the intersex community.

“I think there’s some intersex people who really see those intersections, who really are affirming of people of color, but for the large part I feel that the level of anti-black racism awareness ranges from hostility to apathy.”

I asked if people ever seemed to care and he replied, “When funding is involved. That’s when people start to care more. Or, when a group wants some representation of diversity—but I found they wanted a Black face, but weren’t necessarily committed to issues around anti-Black racism.”

As a movement, we can’t only focus on these issues when funding dollars are at stake. That tokenizes Black folks.

Instead, we have to stitch anti-Black racism training, and education around white supremacy, into the fabric of our work together.

Saifa pointed out, “In the world, I’m confronted with anti-Blackness, and it’s par for the course, but it’s particularly more devastating when it’s from intersex people. Why? Because I think, ‘Oh, you understand.’

“Or at least I think they understand, until they say or do things that’s really racist and are unapologetic about their racism.”

5. We Need an Intersectional Analysis to Combat Racist Stereotypes

One of the white people present at Lynnell’s first intersex support group meeting recently told her that she was “afraid” of her at first, “because [Lynnell] had on leather and dark sunglasses.”

I asked Lynnell why she entered that support group meeting dressed in leather, sunglasses, and the rest of her leather daddy alter ego outfit. She responded, “Because I was the only Black intersex person there.”

Lynnell shouldn’t have to feel the need to protect herself like that in a room that was supposed to feel like home, a room where she was supposed to be able to let her guard down amongst people with similar experiences.

Unfortunately, this is the type of thing that can happen when a community doesn’t have a firm commitment to operating with an intersectional lens — one that places its most marginalized folks at the center.

Lynnell needed to protect herself at a support group, and in doing so, made a white person feel afraid, circles back to my main point.

We need to place Black intersex folks and their particular needs, struggles and desires at the front and center of our intersex activism.

If we don’t, we risk ostracizing Black intersex folks, again, within spaces meant to be a reprieve from shame and stigma.

6. Confronting White Supremacy Means Confronting Disembodiment

Disembodiment, or feeling detached from your body, often happens as a coping mechanism in response to intense trauma. Intersex activist, Mani Mitchell, once described it as feeling like a “floating head tugging around a body.”

Saifa, someone I admire for their commitment to somatic healing work, believes that white supremacy is rooted in disembodiment “because you have to be disembodied in order to not allow your self to be impacted by the inequity or suffering of others.”

Regardless, Saifa thinks it’s “imperative that white intersex activists feel their feelings regarding any shame they may have as they interrogate white supremacy and its brutal history.”

“It’s only fair that white intersex activists start to acknowledge, as much as their embodiment can hold, the shameful and disgusting emotions that come up after hearing the bitter truth and realities of Black folks and people of color.”

“Doing this work is difficult,” he acknowledged, “and it can bring up things we’d rather not have to face about ourselves.”

Still, non-Black intersex folks need to “confront those feelings and allow themselves to be impacted, then hopefully they can be motivated to action, and allow that empowerment to impact others.”

In taking Saifa’s advice, we can create positive ripple effects throughout our whole community. Doing the work to steer our movement towards becoming an intersectional, anti-racist, intersex movement is a win-win for everyone involved!

[pr0sciutt0]

I know you're probably busy with requests and stuff, but could u please do a possessive! and/or yandere!rohan?

hey anon. im really. feeling yanderes atm.

warning for violence and EXTREMELY DUBIOUS CONSENT this is gross lbr

The threat of what Rohan could do to you is always enough to get you to obey. 

Oh, your heart aches and it twists and beats in your chest, hammering against your ribcage, and revulsion gathers in the back of your throat as you uselessly wish you could disobey him - but at least, right now, you have some modicum of control over what your body is doing. The idea of Rohan opening you up again, emerald eyes determined, writing within you and robbing you of what little agency you still possess-

"I will not disobey Rohan Kishibe."

That is what spurs you on to move when he tells you to, to get into the poses for reference that he asks you to, to wear the expensive clothes he picks out even though you can't help but feel that they're a terrible waste on somebody like you. That's what spurs you on to kiss him when he beckons you with his finger and to stay very still when his hands skim your back, enjoying the warmth and the softness of your skin. 

At first, you'd been flattered that you'd somehow managed to gather the attention of Rohan Kishibe. When he'd asked questions of you and his lips had quirked into a smile and he'd offered you his hand, asking if perhaps you'd like to get dinner together, your heart had hammered in your chest and you'd briefly allowed yourself to imagine a life with Rohan. 

The one you had imagined, of course, had been nothing like the nightmare you're living. 

You'd thought that perhaps his coolness would thaw, maybe that there was somebody secretly sweet hiding within - maybe he was shy, you'd thought. Maybe he just needs someone to unlock the gentleness inside him. Maybe he's been hurt before and that's why he keeps people at arm's length--

You had seen, though, a flash of anger in those eyes when the waiter's eyes at the expensive restaurant had brushed across your face with interest. You'd been flattered then, too! That Rohan could be jealous of anybody else when surely he knows that he's always the most handsome man in the room. 

You would soon learn it was not so much that he was jealous that somebody else was interested in you. You would soon learn that his anger was far more to do with the disgust that somebody else would dare to look at his property like that.

And that's what you are.

Rohan collects beautiful things. His entire house is filled with interesting relics; he paints them and draws them and hoards them to himself, surrounding himself with things that spark his inspiration. You are simply . . .

"The jewel of my collection," Rohan breathes, his fingers sliding across your throat and feeling where your pulse is fluttering wildly in fear. You hope he mistakes it for something else. You hope he mistakes it for excitement over your closeness. At first, you'd tried to speak to him gently and dissuade him and understand him. It had quickly made itself known to you, though, that Rohan found nothing wrong with treating you like an object of art for his own private gallery. 

You dislike yourself, even now. When Rohan speaks about the way the light hits your eyes or how your hair feels beneath his touch or the lines of your body, you can't help but wonder what it is he sees in you. You can't help but wish he could see you the way you see yourself - he might be disgusted by you, but at least in his disgust you wouldn't be so trapped by him. 

Rohan does not admit to his folly, though. Rohan does not believe in his ability to commit a folly.

And beneath it all, lurking, is that ability. The way that he could open you up and order you to do whatever he might wish. All of the possibilities for punishment.

"I could tell you to tear out your fingernails," Rohan reminds you, and the chilling threat makes you think of all of the more awful parts of Pink Dark Boy. Rohan's imagination is a dark place. And though he's genteel with you, whilst you're obeying him, you know better than anyone that his gentility is a mask for what's lurking beneath. "I could tell you to drown yourself. I could tell you to kill, darling, and you'd ask me nothing more than what the murder implement should be--" He's right. You swallow back the protestation and the begging. 

Rohan smiles, and the sight of it makes you feel sick. He leans forward and presses a kiss onto your forehead, heedless of the thin sheen of sweat that's gathered there from your fear at him being so close. You swear you see the dart of his pink tongue, tasting what you've left behind on his lips.

(And you know that there'll be a lipstick mark on your forehead, searing you like a brand, in Rohan's own shade of viridian). 

"Go and put on the dress," Rohan says, his voice almost a warning. "Let me paint you." 

You have a moment, in which you could disobey. In which you could struggle and rally away from him. You want to do that! You want to get away from Rohan Kishibe forever. 

But you can't. And you allow yourself the one brief reprieve of a moment in which you could make any decision, before you nod at him and turn to leave.

After all.

Even if you know that you cannot disobey, surely it's better if you leave the illusion that you could in place for just one more day.

[zombriekid]

Exposure Therapy [Alucard/Gender Neutral Reader]

Series: Hellsing

Summary: the “long awaited” sequel to inhuman; “... this pseudo exposure therapy meant to suture the scabbed rift that severs the burgeoning bond between you and Him. Because you weren’t the only one afflicted that day...”

Warning: body horror; mentions of a developing panic attack

In the dark space behind closed eyes is where you dwell, drawing in slow, deliberate breaths through your nose until your lungs expand to max capacity, and then gradually pushing them back out through pursed lips. It’s an exercise in composure, done in the hopes of barring your heart from its incessant lofty flutters and reigning in your mind before it runs off with itself- and oh how it wants to run.

As stubborn as the skull it occupies and twice as thick, your brain is relentless in its pursuit of diving headfirst into the depths of your psyche where a veil of writhing black shadows and glistening fangs patiently wait for a mere glimpse, the smallest window of opportunity to present itself so the trauma can swallow your anxiety whole and gnaw and chew until you’re nothing but a raw, mangled mess left for an endless audience of red eyes.

But in this moment, contained within the dark walls of sir Integra’s study with said employer standing in as something of a mediator, you can’t allow your abysmal memories and hellish imaginations to roam amok. You need to do this.

So you roll your shoulders back and lift your chin with eyes sealed shut still; when next your vision clears you want Alucard to be the first thing you see. “Okay, I think I’m ready.”

“’You think?’” A familiar baritone questions, tone clipped and pronunciation short. Something in your gut tells you that He’s just as perturbed as you right now.

Which brings to mind the precise reason why you’re enduring this psychological torture- this pseudo exposure therapy meant to suture the scabbed rift that severs the burgeoning bond between you and Him. Because you weren’t the only one afflicted that day, when a squadron of very human and very panicky soldiers mistook you for a shambling corpse and in your moment of hesitation- they weren’t monsters, after all- this unit of bullet proof vests and combat rifles perceived you a threat. A barrage of deadly, metallic projectiles fired your way, poised to shred your body into grisly confetti were it not for Alucard and His impeccable timing. That was lucky for you. However, the method of which He saved your skin rained pure hell on your simple mortal understanding.

“Are you absolutely sure, Murray?” You hear sir Integra ask, it being the first she deems her intervention appropriate since opening her office door to you tonight. “You must be certain that you’re truly ready.”

Because this isn’t just for your sake, is the unspoken line and you don’t dare to outwardly acknowledge it. The air in the room is already volatile enough, there’s no need to strike a match by dragging His vulnerability further into the light when He’s allowing you this favor. After all, He doesn’t have to forgive you or your rejection.

“I understand,” you say with a quiet voice that’s quickly succeeded by a single firm nod, “and I’m ready.”

What follows next is a moment of silence, a heavy one, the tension pulled taut like an elastic band ready to sever and snap. But when the moment trickles into two, then three, and the ticking of the old grandfather clock in the corner of the study becomes too loud, it’s only now that you have clarity of the situation.

Alucard isn’t ready.

You’ve seen this side of Him before; He’s revealed Himself to you once in all of His abominable glory, and though it was under less than favorable conditions He still posed no threat to you then, and yet you... you couldn’t handle it. Couldn’t take it. And when you fully recovered from that episode, cleared to go out on missions and be a productive Hellsing employee again, you went back on your bullshit and withdrew from Him once more- entirely far too reminiscent of when you first worked together.

The intent was to allow your mental health to sort of grow metaphorical callouses, become accustomed and then desensitized to the fact that you came face to face with the physical embodiment of His monstrous and so very negative energy- that a large group of people were killed because of your incompetence. Be jaded enough so that you wouldn’t be reduced to a puddle of anxiety and panic attacks whenever He came near.

But you never conveyed any of this to Him.

An educated guess on your end, He likely interpreted your deliberate absence as you shunning Him; you can accept Him when He’s subdued and complacent and obediently following the orders of His master, but underneath the pretty facade? When His emotions overwhelm Him and all of His terrible power outgrows His vessel and literally tears Him asunder? That you can’t accept. Again, it’s all your own unconfirmed speculation, but from His perspective you rejected the real Him.

And by scorning Him you had hurt Alucard, and that’s why He’s apprehensive to reveal this part of Himself again.

And truth be told you did reject Him, as unintentional as it was, and you should’ve found a way to tell Him that you were working past this before the silence gave an answer for you. But you didn’t and now you’re dealing with the consequence.

You have one shot at this so don’t fuck it up or you’ll lose Him forever.

Hands curl into fists until the nails dig into the meat of your palms, you feel your spine straighten out and harden and both of your eyes peel open to the sight of fear.

Alucard’s fear, complete with a furrowed brow and rigid frown and red eyes scanning the scene before Him, and judging by the way His shoulders are glued to His chair you note that He’s bracing Himself.

There’s an ache in your sternum.

You look Him in the eye and tell Him that you’re ready, and if He notices the tension of the skin around your knuckles then He doesn’t say anything.

His energy shifts.

You draw a full breath into your lungs.

The air crackles.

You feel queezy.

His body splits open like a plastic bag melting from fire.

****

Breathe.

Repeat this mantra.

Inhale through your nose, one, two, three; exhale through your mouth, five, six, seven.

A whirlwind of noise entangles all around you, of screechy scurrying vermin and disembodied howling and inhuman whining; hundreds of voices topple over each other in a cacophony of horror and discord, all vying for your recognition yet never enough to make your ear drums bleed. Still you feel your own body trying to rob you of oxygen.

Look for Him, find Him. Ground yourself. You’re in no danger here.

No.

Your eyes widen with the dawning realization in your head. 

No, you’re not seeking Him out. You match the attention of a particularly large eye towards your right side and you know that He’s here. The coils of rolling impenetrable shadows, the rows upon rows of jagged teeth snapping and snarling at the air, the congregation of numerous red eyes- unblinking, ever searching- solely focused on your every move... is Him. This assembly of chaotic entropy is Alucard- no matter how much your human psyche tries to, you cannot separate the monster from the man.

Your chin quivers; and you either accept all of Him, everything of who and/or what He is, or nothing at all and you forgo the bond between you two.

Swallowing around a hard knot lodged in the middle of your throat, willing yourself to just fucking breathe despite the fact that your skin is prickling with the tell tale signs of a mounting panic attack, you gently reach out into the darkness with an open palm until your fingertips breach a smoky, far too cold plume.

To your surprise, it solidifies into cool flesh.

_______________________________________________________________________

a/u: i don’t think you guys realize how genuinely proud of this i am; like it’s probably arrogance on my part but i don’t think anyone’s tried to tackle something like this with alucard/reader-insert fanfic before? or at least from the angle i’m comin in at? i dunno, like i don’t think this is the absolute best thing i’ve ever written but this development just feels freakin organic and unique to me y’all and i’m so happy/proud that i did it! teamwork makes the dreamwork so if you guys liked it then please hit the heart button, leave a comment about what you personally liked- or if there’s something that doesn’t sound right to you then lemme know- and reblog this fic so other people can see it! and i’ll catch you gorgeous people on the next piece <3