#typing hurts like a lil bitch so i cannot ramble. but please know this is the funniest thing im gonna say all week. we peaked. its only dow

[strawberryybird]

renaming my disability to Move over, Edelgard / Chronic Ferdinand von aegir Supporter. yeah its gonna be on all my official documents.

[bellatrixobsessed1]

A Flame For A Cabbage (Part 11)

Azula feels a faint sense of accomplishment as she lounges in her booth at the Jasmine Dragon. It is a shame that the old man in charge has been arrested, even with all of the ingredients, she can’t seem to make roast duck the way he does. She sighs, why does this victory feel so empty? She should be thrilled, she has just taken down the boy responsible for consistently destroying her cabbage stalls. Yet, she can’t help but to feel this sense of incompletion. A soft inkling that somehow the boy has survived and that her cabbages are still very much in danger. It helps less that Princess Sie has stolen half of her Dialluminati agents. One of the remaining agents had apologetically informed her that the other half were off to a top secret conference for the lizard people. He was killed immediately. She had to flee, for she now knows too much. This, she realizes, is a recurring problem in her life. She is an intelligent young cabbage merchant and people fear that kind of intellectualism.

She looks up from her stolen meal and shudders. A man in black glares at her from across the vacant tea shop. He has been following her for the better part of the day, occasionally holding up signs that read, ‘surrender your memories and we won’t hurt you’ and ‘you’ve heard nothing’ and ‘your reality isn’t real, you aren’t real’ and ‘Tin-Tin’s Turnips, only 2 copper pieces!’’ She thinks that, that last guy is confused as to what the Dialluminati’s objectives are. That or he is not part of the Dialluminati at all, he is simply trying to advertise and the extra signage is hindering his business.

No matter, Azula drinks from her tea. She refuses to let pesky secret agents slow her down, not after such a grand victory. With the avatar out of the way, she can sell cabbages without fear. Really, she has arrived at a new high point in her career, she is in the perfect position to begin expanding her business.

She has come to a striking realization. A realization that she is wasting her talents here in the Earth Kingdom where these savages have not acquired a taste for the delicacy that is a good cabbage. Indeed she has traveled all about the Earth Kingdom and for her troubles, has only received little pay off.

Well she is done dealing with and fraternizing with barbarians. It is time to move on. She knows in her heart that the Fire Nation is where she belongs! Now those are people with the riches and class to appreciate the wonders and unbridled joys of a perfect cabbage.

All she has to do is get Jet to stop hissing and screeching whenever she mentions firebenders and the Fire Nation. “REEEEEEEE!” He yells, and swipes his claws at her.

“Come on, Jet, we need to do this.”

“REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!” He screeches again, but this time with more passion. He flings himself from the table.

“Jet.” She says firmly.

She is met with another hiss.

The Dailluminati agent tasked with stalking her judges her from the table on the other side of the tea shop.

.oOo.

“You seem so downcast. Has Mai gotten to you already?” Sei (for he hasn’t spelled his name that way in a while) is well aware of Mai’s ability to spread her drab demnor. It is her superpower. She doesn’t know it, but she is a type of spiritbender; left unchecked, this will become a problem. It is already a minor issues, as she is unknowingly adding gloom to the auras of many around her. “Though actually, Mai has been in a strangely good mood lately.” It is probably because Zuko is home and she knows that they can make out in the turtle duck pond again.

“I haven't seen Dad yet.” Zuko replies. “I haven't seen him in three years, since I was banished.”

Well no shit, Sei thinks. He really does hate it when there is a forced plot summary, especially when a show has been at least ten years past its conclusion. But then again, it has never been discussed that Zuko had been banished for leaving his socks just laying around the house, despite father politely requesting that he does not.  Ozai has a fear of socks. In fact socks were outlawed in the Fire Nation. But Zuko somehow got his hands on contraband socks and was fool enough to leave them lying around.

“So what?” Sei finally asks.

“So, I didn't capture the Avatar!”

Sei rolls his eyes. “Who cares? The Avatar is dead, unless you think he somehow miraculously survived.”

Zuko seems to drift off then, thinking about something. Sei imagines that he is thinking about frozen yogurt. Seeming to come back into the present, Zuko replies, “This isn’t Mortal Combat, there's no way he could have survived.”

Sie (growing sick of spelling his name, Sei) glares down at Zuko. And Zuko glares up at him. And he glares down at Zuko who continues to glare up. And then they shift positions and glare at each other from a different angle. And Iroh glares at both of them from his cell. They cannot see it, but they can feel it.

“Well, then I'm sure you have nothing to worry about.” This isn’t strictly true. He should be worried about Iroh. They should all be worried about Iroh. Iroh is very. Very. Angry.

.oOo.

Azula frowns very intensely. “Jet, get down from there!”

But the boy has gone absolutely feral. Azula sighs, she didn’t want to have to do this… She wanders up to the Dailluminati agent. He flinches, never before in his days of following a target has the target approached him. Usually they just note his presence with sideways glances and nervous laugher. This girl is brazen. “Agent, you will help me transport my boyfriend to the Fire Nation.”

She would do it herself but Jet is heavy in all his muscular, chiseled glory, and she is still very woefully small.  “I will subdue him and you will carry him into the ship.”

“I don’t know if I feel comfortable helping you abduct your boyfriend.”

“But you are comfortable abducting me and taking me to your shady lizard-person organization for memory erasure and possible re-education?”

The Dailluminati agent chuckles nervously.  

“That is what I thought.” Azula declares. “Now, help me get him to the Fire Nation.”

Jet throws himself at Azula who gives him a light zap. He recoils with another hiss. Azula shakes her head. “You are going to have to face your fear and hatred of the Fire Nation, Jet. It’ll be good for you and for our business.”

On all fours he scampers into a corner, still hissing.

“I didn’t want to have to do this…” She trails off, lightning dancing on her fingers.

“You’re not supposed to have lightningbending.” The Dailluminati agent declares.

Azula scoffs, “And, you’re a background character, you’re not supposed to have any lines.” But it is too late, her lightningbending has been revoked. It is a good thing that she has a backup plan. She wanders into the backroom and fetches a spray bottle. “Don’t make me do this, Jet.”

.oOo.

Nighttime arrives in the Fire Nation. It has arrived several hours ago, in fact. Zuko has wasted his whole day away, brooding and sulking, and thinking about the avatar and failure. And he is about to waste his night away...and Sie’s...doing the same.

“Why'd you do it!?” He demands of the princess.

“You're going to have to be a little more Pacific.” He coughs. “I mean, specific. Sorry, it’s three in the morning, I should be sleeping.” He gives his brother a pointed glare.

“Why did you tell Father that I was the one who killed the Avatar?” He ignores the princess’ saltiness.

“Can't this wait until the morning?” Sie grumbles.

“It. Can.” Zuko replies. “But I want to make this conversation as aggravating as possible!”

Sie groans. “Fine.” He mutters. “You kept whining like a lil’ bitch because you hadn't captured the Avatar. I figured if I gave you the credit, you'd shut the hell up.” He shrugs.

“But why?”

He truly is trying to be annoying as hell. Rising from his bed, Sie says, “I just answered that.”

“You're lying!” Zuko accuses.

“No, I really did just want you to shut up.” Sie says. He realizes that he is being uncharacteristically unkind. Usually he is a timid man. He thinks that the power is getting to his head. He apologizes to Zuko.

“You have another motive for doing this, I just haven't figured out what it is.” Zuko rambles. Sie thinks that Bosco’s big reveal has pushed him back into his conspiracy theorist phase.

“Please Zuko, what ulterior motive could I have? What could I possibly gain by letting you get all the glory for defeating the Avatar?” He muses. He decides that it is time to annoy Zuko back. So he encroaches in Zuko’s personal space. He puts a hand on his shoulder. “Unless, somehow, the Avatar was actually alive. How crazy would that be!? But you said it yourself, that was impossible.”

Zuko visibly shivers. But Sie is only trying to prep him for all of the possibilities. Things always tend to go amiss for him, he has learned to take every victory with a grain of salt. “Sleep well, Zuzu.”

Zuko’s nose crinkles at the nickname.

.oOo.

“You need to stop crying. Crying is weak. We can’t afford weakness when making such a huge step in our business.” Azula says matter of factly.

“But I don’t wanna goooooo.” Jet wails as though he is not already in the middle of the ocean.

“We are already on our way.” Azula declares.

“But firebenders are evil!”

Azula finds herself deeply offended, but she can’t place why. She is not a firebender. She is, when the plot calls for it, a cabbagebender. But mostly she is but a humble cabbage farmer tending to her cabbage crops. No less she replies, “some firebenders are actually somewhat decent.” She thinks that most people are more or less decent, so long as they aren’t particularly destructive of her cabbage stall.

Without warning, the boat lurches. The tides are growing restless. Azula frowns, she does not like tides. They slam into the boat once more.

“These tides are making me nervous, captain.” A crew member cries out.

But it is not the tides that they should worry about. They should be worrying about her. She, who is growing more and more dissatisfied with every crash of the tides. A particularly strong slap sends ship furniture sliding. Azula’s eyes go wide. She watches as her cabbage stall sails, seemingly in slow motion, over the railings. “My cabbages!” Azula laments to the swirling, merciless, sea.