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johobi · 7 years ago

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When You Least Expect It | 02

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader x Taehyung

Word count: 10.2k

Warnings: angsty af, depression, anxiety cw

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16732419/navigate

A/N: This was so hard to write!! I have the whole story mapped out now but holy shit some of this was really difficult to churn out. I hope it’s not awful and you can enjoy it to some extent. ><;;

Next: 03 || WYLEI Masterlist

You’re in love with your childhood friend, Taehyung. The problem is, you treasure your friendship with him far too much to ever risk losing it. Oh, and he’s quite the Casanova. At your wits’ end with feelings you can no longer hide as diligently as you once did, you ask him to set you up with someone, anyone, in a last-ditch attempt to avoid a heartbreaking conversation.

The morning rush was finally over. Tucking your cleaning cloth into the ties of your apron, you leaned back against the counter with a sigh, thankful for the brief reprieve. Granted, Hoseok’s café was one of those small, cosy hipster-type affairs, but as a result of that it was one of the most popular places to go when one wanted to lord their latest MacBook and freelance, coffee-lounge work aesthetic over others. With all of your customers contentedly sipping and nibbling away at their orders, you took a moment to re-fill the pastry display.

As you were crouched behind the countertop, you heard the tinkle of the bell above the door, and immediately sprung up to provide service. “Welcome, what can I get you—oh, Yoongi.”

You forgot that he’d probably be in for his mid-morning fuel. His sharp eyes narrowed. “A little enthusiasm would be nice.”

“Oh, my apologies,” you simpered, then put on your most saccharine voice. “Master, how may I be of service?”

Yoongi smirked, arching a brow suggestively. “I could think of a few things, but I just can’t picture you in the maid outfit.”

“Exactly,” you huffed, ignoring his shameless flirting. “This isn’t a maid café, so if you don’t like my customer service, you can kindly walk your ass back out.”

He put his hands up in surrender. “Alright, alright. I would, but I can’t get my favourite anywhere else.”

“Same as usual, then?” you asked with your back to him already, demitasse in hand. Even if you hadn’t known his coffee order, you would have instantly identified him as an espresso drinker. Caffeine appeared to be his only sustenance, as evidenced by his shadowed eyes and worrying pallor. You made a mental note to take him on a park date or something in future, get him out of that damn studio for a bit for some much-needed Vitamin D.

“Yeah, but you know the coffee isn’t why I go thirty minutes out of my way to come here, ____,” Yoongi muttered. “You got the goods?”

“What goods?” you wondered innocently, and you could almost feel the room tremble from an earth-shattering eyeroll.

“I don’t have time for this, ____, I’m on a deadline to finalise some tracks by the end of the week. I need my sugar.”

“Yoongi, I don’t mean to alarm you, but if you subsist purely on caffeine and sugar, I think I’m going to be receiving a horribly sad phone call in the near future. Now,” you opened a cabinet behind the counter and took out a pre-wrapped box of cupcakes. “If I give you these, I want you to promise me that you’ll eat something with some nutrition in it later, okay?”

Yoongi stared at the box with all the jubilance of a smoker greeting a pack of cigarettes after unsuccessfully going cold turkey. He slid his backpack off. “Yeah, yeah. I’ll get a salad or something. You’re such a mom, you know that?”

“Someone’s got to be,” you eyed him knowingly, and he looked up from the confectionary long enough to send you an appreciative nod.

“Yeah, probably,” he mumbled, before stuffing the box into his backpack. “Thanks for these.”

“You’re welcome,” you smiled. A chuckle escaped you while you wiped the countertop, watching Yoongi down his espresso.

He smacked his lips and placed the empty cup on the counter, his eyes brightening by the second. “Oh man, that’s the stuff. Okay, I gotta get going, sorry I can’t talk longer,” he leaned in to peck your cheek, the coffee strong on his breath. “Good luck with Tae today.”

You jerked back, caught off guard. “He told you about that already?”

Yoongi seemed non-plussed as he slung his backpack over one shoulder, sliding a few crumpled bills to you. “Yep, he texted me this morning. I hope he’s a better matchmaker than he is a monogamist.”

This is why you couldn’t even tell Yoongi about your struggles with lovesickness. For being so disparately different, the two brothers were very close as adults. You were envious of their relationship; having had no siblings of your own, they were the closest thing you had to it. Well, they had been, until your brain had decided you didn’t want to see Taehyung that way at all anymore.

“Ouch,” you sucked in a breath as though in pain. “I’ll make sure he hears that one later.”

Yoongi shot you a warning look. “Just try it.”

A customer that had been watching your exchange came up behind Yoongi and gestured in the general vicinity of the cabinets behind the counter. “Hey, are you giving away free cake?”

Yoongi pointedly looked the man up and down with an expression of mild distaste. “No, I’m her friend, and they’re home-made.”

Embarrassed by how aggressive he was being, you put on your best smile and adopted your high- pitch customer service voice. “I’m so sorry, sir, but this gentleman is right. They weren’t saleable cakes. I apologise for the mix-up. Would you like to sample some of our house treats?”

The man, top-knot toting and with a perpetual look of bored derision on his face, turned up his nose at the offer. “Nah, I’m good. You shouldn’t mislead your customers though, just sayin’.”

You could practically feel Yoongi bristling like the scrappy tomcat he was. Before he had the chance to make a scene, you patted his forearm gently, bringing his focus back to you. “Yoongs, didn’t you have some tracks to finalise?”

The man once again butted in, and you bit your lip against the torrent of curses you wanted to throw at him. “Finalise tracks? Dude, you a musician or something?”

“Yes,” Yoongi answered in a bored tone, before his gaze fixed on the headphones around the customer’s neck. “Nice ‘phones.”

Top-knot looked down at them and beamed. “Thanks, dude!”

“If you like overpriced pieces of shit that have all the sound quality of two tin cans,” Yoongi finished, before nodding at you. He smirked at your dumbfounded expression. “See you later, ____. Thanks for the free cakes.”

He walked out, leaving the man standing there awkwardly, mouth agape. You cleared your throat. “Uh, I’m really sorry about him. He’s a bit of a snob when it comes to stuff like that.”

Your customer jumped when he realised you still existed, his face flushing in humiliation. “I’m not coming to a place where it’s okay to be insulted by the barista’s friends,” he hissed, hastily packing up his things and storming out. The rest of your patrons were too glued to their phones and laptops to have been aware of his adult temper tantrum.

You pulled out your phone to check the time, smiling at your recently changed lockscreen. It was a selfie Taehyung had taken of the two of you, his arm slung so tightly around your neck you were basically in a headlock. You wouldn’t normally have such an unflattering picture of yourself anywhere near your lockscreen – your face was twisted in indignant fury that he could out-wrestle you now - but the memory of that day made you happy. It hadn’t been a particularly special day or anything, in fact it had been completely normal. But you had spent its entirety together, playing games, going out for dinner, watching a movie, with little to no heartache. And it had been fun. With the way your emotions had been running amok recently, being in his presence for long stretches of time drained you. You were upset that this is what it had come to, that you had been building a wall between you out of self-preservation. You couldn’t do this to him, and you couldn’t do it to yourself anymore. You looked at the time.

One hour to go.

Setting a tea and a caramel latte on one of the corner tables, you crumpled into one of the bougie armchairs, deflating like a balloon with a heavy sigh. Hoseok eyed you from behind the counter as he re-filled the water reservoir of the espresso machine, interpreting your actions as a performance meant for him. “You know I’m working on getting someone else in the mornings soon,” he soothed. “Sorry about the delay, I know I’m working you into the ground.”

“It’s fine, Hoseok, honestly,” you lied. Even though that wasn’t the reason for your frail mental state today, it was still a major factor in your increasingly skewed work/life balance. Not only were you pulling forty-odd hours a week at the café, you still had to attend lectures, keep up with coursework and revise for your upcoming assessments. And this time, you were studying something you actually had a keen interest in: Languages and linguistics. How you had ever discovered your penchant for such a subject was a mystery, really, but after spending a year away from education and perusing available courses when you felt ready – this time reading the syllabus thoroughly – the modules about intercultural communication, history, and evolution of language really appealed to you. You’d always been a big reader, even if it hadn’t been the books you were assigned at school, and it suddenly all clicked how interesting words were. And here you were now, your 3rd and penultimate year, almost a graduate at the ripe old age of 27. Yes, it had taken some time, but you were in no rush. Afterall, your youth had been nothing but a rush, whether that be of endorphins, adrenaline or dopamine.

“It’s not, though, and I appreciate that you’re breaking your back for me,” he continued, and you raised your eyes to look at him. He looked genuinely conflicted about the situation. You were, after all, neglecting sleep, self-care, and sometimes, your studies. Your lectures were at awkward hours, and therefore you even worked split shifts sometimes, opening and closing. But it was nothing, in the long run, when it was for Hoseok. He was one of your dearest friends, and had helped you out in many a troubled time, including giving you this job in the first place. His father had had him working morning, afternoon and night at the café as soon as he was out of high school, making sure he knew how to run every facet of the business successfully. He had been a keen learner, and in your high school years had often talked about how he had been looking forward to taking over the business and making it his own. It was still owned by his father, but Hoseok had been left entirely in charge. His pioneering ideas for their brand, reshuffling of suppliers and menu and modernising of the account-keeping had more than convinced his father that he was capable of running it himself. Profits had never been higher, and your heart thrummed with pride seeing him prosper.

“You’d do the same for me. Anyway, don’t make me get mushy, I hate that shit,” you lied again. You loved mushy shit. As soon as anyone found out that you had half a dozen dating simulator games on your phone, they would be six feet under. You had an image to maintain, afterall.

Hoseok grinned toothily, when the jangle of the bell saw him direct his attention to the newest arrival. He greeted them cheerfully, your heart leaping and subsequently sinking when you realised it wasn’t Taehyung. As the customer relayed their order to Hoseok, you stared out of the window, wondering if you’d made a terrible mistake. You hadn’t been on a date with anyone for five months, and you no longer sought out one night stands; it was almost like you’d given up on the notion of ever finding anyone even remotely desirable. You had that perfect bastard of a best friend to thank for that.

No.

It wasn’t his fault.

Still, you mused whether the reason you were coping so poorly with this damnable lovesickness was because you hadn’t had the distraction of dating, and therefore all of your amorous feelings were being projected, undiluted and raw, onto Taehyung. Sitting there, swivelling your teacup in its saucer, that thought encouraged you a little; that you were doing the right thing, that getting over this wasn’t in the realms of impossibility yet. You hadn’t always felt this debilitated, and you became emboldened that the prospect of a new man in your life could, somehow, allow you to breathe again.

You saw his profile, then, as he passed the window, and you felt your stomach flop. Fuck, if just the sight of him had your innards doing acrobatics now, you had to commit to this idea.

Taehyung entered the café, lightly windblown and cheeks tinged red, his work satchel slung haphazardly over his torso, pulling up one side of his blazer. You noticed a few of the female patrons crane their necks to get a glimpse of what you could only describe as an Adonis. Slightly dishevelled, perhaps, but still. They chatted animatedly between themselves, following his movements. When he spotted you in the corner, his eyes lit up in recognition, his hand flapping in a fervent wave that had you smiling unabashedly.

As he neared, you reached out to pull down the part of his blazer that had gotten trapped under the strap of his satchel. Apparently mistaking the gesture for something altogether more affectionate, he engulfed your outstretched hand with his own, rubbing the back of it with his thumb. “What a warm welcome, noona,” Taehyung cooed.

“No, you idiot,” you laughed, slapping his hand playfully and turning him by the hips to straighten his jacket from the back.

“Oh!” he blurted, realisation dawning. “I didn’t notice. Thanks!”

“I may as well just adopt you and Yoongi at this rate,” you mithered, though you were still smiling in amusement.

Taehyung took the seat opposite, a similarly opulent, if mismatched armchair that seemed to suck him in. His fingers curled around the arms of the seat, before he bounced gently on the cushion, testing its springiness. “I don’t remember these chairs last time. Has Hoseok been splurging again?”

“Yeah, he’s trying to make it as pretentious as possible, I think,” you snarked, and Taehyung snickered. “Anyway, Tae,” you cleared your throat, sliding the latte towards him. “Thanks for coming, seriously. I know you usually mark papers and stuff at lunch so that you don’t have to do so much of it after school, and that your time is precious—“

“Don’t be silly, ____,” he interrupted, taking an experimental sip of his latte. Satisfied that it wasn’t too hot, he took another and placed it back on the table. “You know I’d do anything for you.”

Your insides were going for the Olympic gold.

“In any case, I’m really appreciative, as always. How is,” you hesitated, the forthcoming name feeling alien and unwanted on your tongue. “Tara, by the way?”

Taehyung brightened at your query. “Oh, so great, noona. I know I’m a bit all over the place with women, but it feels different time. Normally I get restless after a couple of dates,” he shielded the side of his mouth with the flat of his hand, as though imparting some unsavoury secret, and lowered his voice. “And it’s not just because they give it up on the first date.”

You scoffed. “No? You sound a little like a fuckboy to me.”

Taehyung pouted. “You know I hate it when you call me that. And I don’t mean,” he moved his face in front of yours as you turned it, intercepting your incoming eyeroll. He adopted a more assertive tone. “I don’t mean that the sex is boring, or the women are boring, it’s nothing like that. And they’re always wanting it on the first date! I’m more than happy to wait.”

“Uh-huh,” you leaned back and sipped on your tea, enjoying watching him squirm.

“I’m serious! I’m fine with waiting. Anyway, like I said, it’s nothing to do with them. I’m just,” he paused, searching the ceiling for the right word. “I’m a rather restless person. You know what I’m like, I go from one thing to the next, whether it be a hobby, or friends, or girlfriends. I don’t really know how to commit.”

Setting the half-empty teacup in front of you, you leaned forward to rub his arm in reassurance. “I know, Tae. I’m just teasing. But you think that this girl could be changing things?”

“Exactly,” he smiled, relieved that you understood. “We’re only four dates in, but that’s more than most, honestly. I’m seeing her again tonight. There’s just something about her, I don’t know. I could listen to her talk for days.”

Although it was painful to hear, you had asked, because you were his friend, and his wellbeing and happiness was your top priority, not yours. Not until it became excruciating, at least.

“I hope I get to meet her soon, if it continues like this,” you pointed a finger at his face. “Don’t hide her from me.”

Taehyung flashed rows of perfect teeth and nodded. “Of course not, noona. I’ve been thinking about it. We’ll see. But you,” he probed gently. “How are you doing?”

“Not that great, Tae, but you knew that already,” you smiled wistfully. “I’ll be okay, though, you know I’m a tough cookie. I really think this might help me out, though. As I said, I’ve been feeling a tad lonely these days.”

“I can find the time to visit more—“

“No, no, that’s not it, Tae,” you brushed a thumb over his cheek to settle him. “It’s not like that. I need something more these days.”

Your words had far more meaning than he would ever know. Still, he looked crestfallen. “I hate it when I can’t make you feel better,” Taehyung sighed. “But if I have to leave it up to someone else, I’m going to make damn sure they can do it right.”

“I know you will, and that’s why I asked you and not Yoongi. Fuck knows what kind of basement studio-dwelling workaholic he would dig up for me,” you smirked. Slapping your thighs and rubbing away the perspiration collecting on your palms, you inhaled deeply. “Okay, let’s get to business, then. You said you had someone in mind already?”

“Correct!” Taehyung beamed, clearly confident in his choice of suitor. “His name is Jungkook, he’s one of our new TAs at the school. He only moved here a couple of months ago, so he doesn’t know that many people at the moment.”

You nodded along with his suggestion, taking another slurp of tea. “And what makes you think he’s a good match for me?”

“I can’t be a hundred percent sure whether you’ll like him or not, but he’s quite quiet, polite, always willing to go the extra mile for others. Oh, and he’s smoking hot, if you ask me,” Taehyung added with a flagrant wink.

Mulling the description of the man over in your mind, you bit your lip in apprehension. “Ugh, I don’t know… maybe this is a bad idea.”

“I don’t think it is, noona. Seriously,” Taehyung urged. “I know my description’s quite vague, but that’s because I don’t know him that well. I’ve heard from others that he seems like a really nice, genuine guy, though, and I’ve seen for myself more than a few of the female staffers ogling him.”

You clicked your tongue against your teeth. “Okay, but what are his interests? I know I’m mostly taken up by work and study lately, but I’d like for us to be compatible in that regard, too.”

“Of course,” he rushed, keen to reel you in now that you had bitten. “He’s into games, like us, and I get the impression he reads a lot, too. As he’s a TA, he might not have a college education,” he winced, but you waved him off.

“That’s fine, I don’t care about that. As long as he’s not a close-minded bigot, that’s all that would really turn me off.”

Taehyung nodded eagerly. “Awesome. Other than that, I think he spends his weekends hiking, seeing as he hasn’t made that many friends yet, and that was the thing that most made me think he would be a good match. I know you like to get out when you can,” he reasoned.

Jungkook did, indeed, sound promising, but you had been burned a few times by misinformed whispers or flat-out misleading dating profiles before, and decided to withhold any potential excitement or judgment until you actually met him. Well, you would withhold excitement if you actually felt any. All you felt right now was a creeping sense of dread, and a stark awareness that the man you really wanted was directly in front of you. You were like a desiccated desert traveller on the precipice of death, knowingly turning away from the oasis ahead of you and toward a mirage instead.

“Yeah,” you relented. “He does sound nice. Uh,” you looked up from your empty teacup, startled. “He has agreed to this already, right?”

Taehyung cackled at your panicked expression, earning himself a look that could kill the undead. “Sorry,” he snorted. “Yes, of course. I asked him this morning. So, do you want me to give him your number?”

You groaned, blanching. “Yeah… okay. Do it. Oh God,” you buried your face in your hands as Taehyung took his phone out of his pocket to send it. “What am I doing, I’m so out of practice. I’m going to humiliate myself.”

Without looking up from his phone, Taehyung shushed you soothingly. “You’ll be fine, seriously. He’s really laid-back, although if you’re both awkward at the beginning, it could be… awkward,” he grimaced, his fingers ablur across the screen.

“Oh, thanks for dispelling my worries about that, Mr. Eloquent,” you seethed, panic rising in your chest.

“And… done,” he tapped the send button with a flourish, the ‘whoosh’ of transmission making your legs weak. Good job you were sitting down.

“’Hey Jungkook, I got word back from my friend. She’s interested too, so I’m forwarding you her number. Btw, she’s dtf on the first date.’ Does this sound okay?”

Taehyung leapt out of his chair to avoid you as you lunged for him. “Taehyung?!”

“Oh my God, oh my God, I’m joking! I’m joking!” he screeched, the noise dying in his throat as you swung him into a headlock.

Rubbing your knuckles into his scalp, you growled at him. “Don’t even fucking joke about that, you little shit!”

“Ow! Ow! Ow-ow! Alright, I got it! I’m sorry!” he choked. When you released him, he stumbled backward, massaging his head. Seemingly oblivious that the entire café was now watching the two of you, the corners of his mouth dipped into one of his weirdly endearing upside-down smiles. You were breathless again, but not from exertion. Taehyung looked so damn good all roughed-up and hair askew. Your mind briefly painted a picture of him looking that way, writhing underneath you as you straddled him—

You shook your head. Not now, for fuck’s sake.

Seeing the commotion, Hoseok wandered over, putting the remnants of your lunch-date onto a tray. “What are The Terrible Two up to over here?”

“Just setting ____ up on a date,” Taehyung volunteered, looking pleased with himself.

“Ah, and I take it, it was against her will?” Hoseok smirked. He whipped out a cloth from his belt and began wiping the table down.

You realised Hoseok had only seen your brief dramatics. “No, I actually asked him to do it. I’m shitting myself.”

Hoseok looked beside himself with excitement. “Hell yeah! You’re getting back out there! I think it’ll be good for you.”

“Maybe, we’ll see. If it does go well, it won’t be good for you, though, because I might actually have a life again and I’ll have to turn down some of these shifts,” you pointed out.

“True. Shit, I better get on that recruitment double time, then,” Hoseok winked.

His meaning wasn’t lost on you. “Thank you for believing that this guy will be ‘the one’ so fervently, Hobi, but let’s not get our hopes up, huh?”

Just then, your phone pinged. All three sets of eyes zeroed in on your apron pocket, where the offending rectangular device resided. “It’s probably not him,” you muttered, breaking the tense silence.

“I bet it is,” Taehyung whooped, slinging an arm around an equally delighted Hoseok. Could these two get any more extra?

“It’s not,” you protested, taking out your phone.

It was.

[12:46] Unknown sender hi, is this ____? taehyung gave me your number. it’s jungkook.

The chatlog slid upwards as you were reading.

[12:48] Unknown sender hopefully you know who that is, or im the victim of a very embarrassing prank.

“Well?” your two friends blurted in unison.

You were still staring at your phone. “Uh, yeah. It’s him.”

“I fucking told you!” Taehyung hollered. “See? He’s super keen. And I wasn’t kidding when I said he was hot,” he checked the time on his phone, cursing under his breath. “Sorry, guys, but I have to get back. The bus isn’t in service today, I had to walk here.”

That tore your attention away from Jungkook for a moment. “Oh shit, really? Tae, you should have told me. I would have understood if you wanted to cancel.”

“Never,” he cut across you immediately. “This was important. And look how well everything is turning out!”

Throwing his satchel over one shoulder, he leaned in to peck your cheek. Thankfully, you were so focused on the messages on your phone that your body didn’t have a chance to react before he was pulling away again, walking backwards toward the door as he waved. “I’ll text you soon, but you better call me after the date and tell me how it went,” he warned. “Or I’ll turn up at your flat while you’re in the middle of something naughty,” Taehyung blew a kiss in response to your extended middle finger. “See you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok nodded his farewell. “Take care, dude.”

As your thumbs hovered over the keyboard, a head of hazelnut hair peered over your shoulder. “How is something so simple, so difficult?” you whined.

“Because you’re over-thinking it,” Hoseok offered. “Just keep it fairly business-like at this stage.”

You pondered on his recommendation. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

You started tapping at the screen.

[12:51] Don’t worry, you have the right number. This is ____. Thanks for getting in touch!

“Looks good,” Hoseok nodded his approval, before noticing one of his current customers approach the counter for another order. “I gotta get back. Take another ten minutes on your break, okay? Get the date sorted.”

You looked up to smile at him gratefully. “Thanks, Hobi. I’ll be as quick as I can.”

Slumping back into your chair, you kicked off your flats and sat cross-legged, trying to make yourself a little more comfortable. Of course, nothing could ease the the queasiness you were currently experiencing, your stomach lurching dangerously when your phone alerted you that Jungkook was typing. Well, so far, becoming a nauseous, nervous wreck appeared to be doing wonders for keeping your Taehyung-related feelings in check. A lifetime of sickness and doubt could be enjoyable, right? Right?

You blinked rapidly, as it appeared that your mystery date was composing an essay. Then, you received his message.

[12:55] Unknown sender im so glad, lol. and no problem, thanks for agreeing too!

The text was disproportionately short for the time it had taken. You reasoned that he must have deleted and re-typed it a few times. That was cute.

[12:56] Unknown sender taehyung told me that you work shifts, so what weekend day would be good for you?

Aw. He seemed thoughtful, too.

You typed up a response.

[12:57] I know it’s a little short notice, but I’m not working tomorrow. How about then? It’s a Saturday, so you don’t work either, I presume?

Jungkook answered a lot faster, this time.

[12:57] Unknown sender nope. sounds great! i don’t know many places to eat around here yet, but would you like to go for dinner somewhere?

Aha. Luckily for you, you knew just the place.

[12:58] I’d love to. I know a few, so don’t worry. Do you like Italian?

[12:58] Unknown sender do i???

You blinked. Wasn’t the question simple enough?

[12:58] Unknown sender yes. yes, i do.

Oh, he was pausing for effect. You couldn’t help the smile that crept onto your face.

[12:58] Unknown sender good choice.

[12: 59] Unknown sender is 7 ok?

You sent your affirmation, along with the address of the restaurant.

[13:00] Unknown sender sweet. ill reserve us a table under the name Jeon. see you there?

You were about to type a simple ‘nah’, but then realised he was not ready for your irritatingly sarcastic sense of humour, and sending it over text especially would be disastrous.

[13:01] Of course.

[13:01] I’ll look forward to it.

You had to give the impression that you were, even though you felt distinctly the opposite.

[13:01] Unknown sender me too.

Standing in front of the floor-length mirror in your bedroom, surrounded by piles of clothing, shoes and accessories you deemed inappropriate for a first date, you scowled. On the daily your fashion sense was more comfort over stylish, and inexpensive over designer. Not that you had a choice about the latter; you were merely a poor, impoverished student working the minimum wage to stay afloat. In truth, however, if you weren’t being pushed to your mental and physical limits each day, you would have loved to dress yourself appealingly, in clothes that you could only dream of, perhaps even expand your skincare routine past the basic 3-step bare minimum you did each day to keep the fine lines and ravages of stress and time at bay. Make-up, too, was an adventure nowadays, when the most you used to throw on as a teen had been your quintessential raccoon rings of eyeliner. You know, just to make sure that the adults were scared of you. Today, though, you decided to go with something simple and natural, a little foundation, concealer and blush, and a lightly smoky eye that you had to YouTube. Good job you had started getting ready early, because it took you a good four tries to nail the liquid eyeliner. Still, you tried not to be dissuaded by your ineptitude. You were fairly satisfied with your face and hair – an unassuming up-do with a few locks left down to frame your face – but what to wear, what to wear?

You didn’t want to give Jungkook the impression that you actually were ‘dtf’ on the first date, so you immediately disqualified a couple of your dresses from the line-up. And even though you didn’t want to give that impression, you had still internally wrestled over whether or not to groom down there. You did, in the end, thinking it worth it just in case. Anything could happen, you had argued, including medical emergencies that require a paramedic to strip me down.

If that was the real reason, then why don’t you do it regularly? your ego had pointed out.

Okay.

Fine.

So maybe you were doing it on the off-chance you ended up falling into bed with Jungkook.

You weren’t the type to wear risqué things for any occasion, but the reason that the two offending dresses took up space in your wardrobe could be pinpointed to online shopping sprees you had gone on when you had felt particularly sexy and confident one wine-influenced evening. When they turned up, however, in the cold, harsh light of day, you realised you had made a grievous mistake and that such clingy, suggestively cut clothes would never grace your body.

Self-esteem issues were fun.

Forgoing skirts altogether, you squeezed yourself into some pastel pink, high-waisted cigarette pants and a conservative-looking white crop top that showed just a sliver of your midriff. A thin, over-sized white cardigan kept your insecurities at bay. Keenly aware that it had taken you around two hours to satisfactorily dress yourself, you shrugged off any remaining doubts and decided to just go with it.

You took out your phone to check the time. 18:05. The restaurant was a mere twenty minute walk away, but other than pacing your modest living quarters, you weren’t quite sure what to do with yourself.

Casting a wary glance at the garment-laden catastrophe that once was your bedroom, you decided the most productive thing to do would be to tidy up and save yourself the headache later. If the date didn’t go well – or particularly if it went too well – you wanted to ensure that you wouldn’t be wasting time or nervous energy stuffing previously crease-free clothing into your closet and drawers. First impressions mattered, and if you brought Jungkook back to this dump, he’d surely turn on his heel and disappear forever.

No.

Nuh-uh.

He wasn’t going to be coming back here on the first date.

Ten minutes later, and your apartment looked relatively respectable again. Draping the chain of your dainty little purse over one shoulder, you took one more quick look around to ensure that you hadn’t forgotten anything, shutting and locking your front door behind you as you stepped outside.

You fished your phone out of your purse before you set off, and swiped around to get to Taehyung. It was simultaneously both bizarre but reasonable that he was already typing to you in that moment. You liked to believe that the innate sense that you had for each other as children was still decently intact, despite losing the magic of childhood and gaining the cynicism of maturity.

[18:25] Taehyung Good luck, _____! Make sure you call me after!!

You smiled warmly. He was always fighting your corner.

[18:25] Of course I will. Beat him up for me if he stands me up?

[18:26] Taehyung I’ll be doing more than that.

A slight shiver ran down your spine at the protectiveness of his words. Although you had always presented yourself to others as thick-skinned and abrasive, able to shrug off the most hurtful of comments – and for the most part, that was you - you secretly desired having your casing cracked open. Not always, but occasionally. To have someone that could remind you that you were indeed soft, squishy, and far from invulnerable. That you were worth protecting.

[18:27] I’m scared for him, you beast.

[18:27] But seriously, thanks. I will call you later, as promised.

You were going to click your phone into standby, knowing that you had to get going, but your legs didn’t move. You stood, waiting for his parting message. It wasn’t apprehension fixing your feet to the floor, oh no. Certainly not.

[18:28] Taehyung Good. Go get him!!!

You rolled your eyes. He certainly seemed confident in his choice.

Interpreting Taehyung’s last message as a direct order, you took a deep breath and pushed yourself in the direction of the restaurant, pleased that the evening was at least a bearable temperature; not too hot or humid. Turning up a sweaty, make-up streaked mess probably wouldn’t do much to win Jungkook’s favour.

Your brief walk ended when you reached the restaurant exterior and took a moment to prepare yourself. Leaning against the red-brick building you checked your hair and make-up one last time in the camera of your phone, satisfied that that was about as alive as you would look without an emergency blepharoplasty. “You can do this, ____,” you muttered quietly to your mirrored image, and as meagre as the encouragement was, it allowed you the strength to enter the restaurant with your head held relatively high.

As soon as you stepped foot inside you were greeted by the host, who tore his attention away from the reservation book to welcome you enthusiastically. “Good evening, madam. How may I help you?”

You smiled at him kindly and cleared your throat. “Evening. I’ve a table for two reserved under the name ‘Jeon’?”

The genial man didn’t need to look at the list. “Ah, yes. The gentleman in your party arrived just a moment ago. Would you allow me to show you to your table?”

Fuck. He was here. That was your way out, gone.

Well, you could always leg it, but then it would be you who would become the subject of Taehyung’s beating.

“Yes, thank you,” you responded calmly enough, but inside you were a gelatinous mess of nerves.

The further he guided you into the restaurant, the more the fringes of your vision seemed to darken.

Will he be disappointed?

Will I bore him?

Will he bore me?

What if I don’t find him attr—

The latter question no longer needed answering. When the host moved to the side to gesture to your table, a young man – yes, young, holy shit young – immediately sprang to his feet. It was so quick you barely caught it, but you noticed him give you a swift once-over as he took a step forward, his face creasing into a warm smile.

Ugh. Taehyung wasn’t lying. This guy was so attractive and so far out of your league you considered apologising for even turning up. As it was, the seeming sincerity of his smile was just enough to persuade you into taking the seat he presented to you.

Your cheeks began to heat up when you realised Jungkook was staring at you so intently that he had altogether forgotten the existence of the host. You cleared your throat and tore your eyes away from him to look up at the man and smiled. “Thank you.”

When you averted your gaze from him, Jungkook came to life again. “Oh, yes, thank you.”

“Of course, it was no trouble. I’ll let you get settled and come back shortly,” the host informed the two of you.

As he walked away, you dreaded turning back to face Jungkook again, now that you were alone together. All your mental preparation and encouragement from friends evaporated into thin air and left you blank, bare, and genuinely worried that you would look back at this moment as the one encounter that left you so traumatised you became a mute.

But a sweet, smooth voice gave you the ammunition to confront your fears. “Hi.”

Your eyes dropped to his face and again you were once again winded by how handsome he was. But, fuck, so young.

Taehyung, you bastard.

“Hi there,” you smiled nervously at him and your hands instantly went to finger at the edges of the drinks menu. The laminated sheet popped gently as you curved it to and fro. “I’m sure you’ve already gathered this, but I’m ____.”

“Jungkook,” he grinned, offering his hand to shake. You couldn’t help but notice the prominence of his two top teeth. God, it was kinda cute. “Let’s get the awkward introduction out of the way, shall we?”

Air expelled itself from your nostrils in a snort of amusement as you shook his hand. It was large, pleasingly warm, and mouth-wateringly vascular.

You might have had a thing for veins.

Your smile grew. “Yeah, that sounds good.”

The way he appeared to be scrutinising your face agitated you. “Uh, I’m sorry if you were expecting someone,” you wanted to put it as delicately as possible. “More your age.”

“My age?” Jungkook tilted his head. He looked puzzled. “No. Taehyung told me how old you are. Why, did he not do the same?”

You bit your lip. That fucking asshole, of course he didn’t tell me. He knew I would nope out as soon as I heard his age.

“No,” you admitted. “But if you’re fine with it, so am I. You’re over twenty, though, right?”

Taehyung wasn’t pimping kids out to you, was he? Did he think you were that desperate?

“Yeah,” he laughed, his thin upper lip stretching over his teeth. Honestly, you didn’t know such an adorable human had existed. “I’m twenty-two. I’m old enough to hold my dating licence, don’t worry.”

“Hah, dating licence,” you snickered. “I should have had mine revoked for inactivity.”

Jungkook’s eyes twinkled. “Oh? Does that mean I’m the first in a while? I’m honoured.”

That forced a snort out of you. “Trust me, you shouldn’t be.”

It was supposed to be a self-deprecating joke, but Jungkook, apparently, wasn’t having it. “You’re gorgeous, so I’m not complaining.”

“Gorgeous?” you spluttered. It had been such a long time since anyone had paid you something other than a back-handed compliment. That was what behaving like, and being surrounded by mostly male friends was about. You had pretty much forgotten what it was like to be regarded as a woman. Your femininity had become a distant, but fond, memory. “Wow, you’re sweet. We’ll agree to disagree, huh?”

Jungkook tongued the inside of his cheek and raised his eyebrows. “I know my own eyes.”

Why the fuck were you giggling like a coy little girl? Jesus, you knew you’d been out of the game for a while, but you should’ve been holding your cards a little closer to your chest. You forgot how dizzying it could be to hold the appreciative eye of a man. “God, stop it, you’re making me blush.”

“Then I’m doing it right,” he smirked, and suddenly he wasn’t the cute boy you’d walked in here to meet. There was a manliness hidden behind his deceptively adorable veneer that you suspected could probably make your knees shake. He was, afterall, at odds with his babyface; impressively tall, broad, and his long-sleeved shirt did little to conceal the promise of his lightly muscled arms. When he brushed his fringe from his forehead, your suspicions were only further solidified.

He was a whole, damn, man.

You both seemed to loosen up a little after a couple glasses of wine, and the conversation was flowing more easily than you had anticipated. Dare you say you were having fun, even? Jungkook, you knew, would probably never evoke the depth of feeling that you held for Taehyung, and although he was, without a doubt, attractive, you didn’t feel the fizz of chemistry between you.

On your side, at least.

Jungkook seemed keen to listen to your anecdotes about the most trivial of things, and his gaze remained unmoved from your face for the best part of the evening. The way he looked at you was alien to you; his eyes glittered with interest, and with what you hoped – selfishly, because you weren’t particularly taken with him yourself – was some hint of desire. It had been so long since any man had considered you as anything more than a friend that also happened to be female. Or as some stressed, overworked barista who was barely holding it together. Their pitying looks were the worst.

Even if you and Jungkook weren’t destined to last past date one, the confirmation that there was still some allure to you – the stuff that the men in your past used to gather to drink in like savannah animals around a waterhole – still existed in you somewhere, it gave you the boost you had so sorely needed recently. Yeah, it might be faded and obscured by the jaded, done-with-life countenance you had adopted long ago, but it was still there. Even with the permanently adhered pair of sweatpants and bedhead you rocked when you could barely scrape yourself out of your apartment to meet your next shift, appointment or lecture, it was still there.

“So you don’t have any family around here?” you asked him, a forkful of ravioli winging its way to your mouth.

Jungkook had nearly finished his plate off. “Nah. I wanted to get away from them for a bit,” he responded, sounding a little uncomfortable with your selected topic.

You diverted your attention from your food to peer at him; it was one of the few times his eyes weren’t boring into you. Instead, they appeared to be finding great interest in the last few morsels left of his dish. “Say no more. Our situations are probably different, but family is a touchy subject for me, too.”

That seemed to hearten him somewhat. He looked up again, his doleful eyes creasing with a smile. “Was I that obvious that I didn’t want to talk about them?” he chuckled.

“When you’ve been through familial problems, it’s not hard to spot when others have also experienced it,” you reassured him, covering one of his hands with your own. “Usually it’s one of the first things people talk about, and yet, neither of us offered any information until 2 hours later.”

Jungkook’s gaze fell on his enclosed hand for an uncomfortably long time. You cleared your throat and dismantled the touch with an encouraging pat. This guy was still pretty young; could it be that he was also relatively …inexperienced?

“Tae and his brother Yoongi are like my family, anyway,” you continued, drawing his attention back to you. “So it’s all good. I take it you don’t know that many people around here, then, if you moved just recently?”

“Yeah,” Jungkook admitted sheepishly, pushing chunks of his pasta sauce around with his fork. “I’m not the most outgoing, I admit, but I have made a few friends at the school, and we go out occasionally. A lot of the hobbies I pick up tend to be more solo activities, but I’ve always been like that.”

“Oh yeah? You mentioned gaming and hiking before, what else do you like?” you asked, leaning your elbows on the table and cupping your chin with your hands.

Jungkook became more animated. “I love photography,” he elaborated. “I’ve loved it since I was a child and got my first camera when I was 6. I even wanted to do it professionally. It’s been a huge passion of mine until very recently.”

You frowned. “Why until recently?”

“It became clear that I wouldn’t be able to make a living from it, so I had to abandon that dream. I mean, I enjoy what I do now, but I will always hold a candle for it,” he sighed wistfully, deflating in his seat.

“Even if you can’t take it up as a profession, you could still pursue it as a hobby, surely?” you tilted your head, confused.

“Nah,” Jungkook rubbed the back of his head as though he was embarrassed. “It sounds ridiculous, but I can’t touch it knowing that I can’t take it as seriously as I would like. I’m not especially good at it, and my photos would never sell for anything. So, I have to make do and focus my efforts elsewhere.”

“No, it’s not ridiculous. I understand. I’m like that, too, with my studies. If I have to work at the café a lot that week, I find that I slack off in my free time, because I’m indignant that I can’t have more time to devote to it. Which, in turn, doesn’t help me particularly, but,” you giggled at your own brand of ludicrousness.

“Let’s just ditch the real world and live in the woods where we can take pictures and study linguistics, huh?” Jungkook suggested, grinning. His idea had you smiling in tandem.

“Sounds good. I mean, you can hang your photos on the wall of our cabin, and I’ll use my newfound understanding of grammar and syntax on the woodland animals. We’ll be like two characters from a really weird Disney movie.”

He laughed loudly; an infectious, pleasing sound to your ears. “I’m here for this.”

With the sweetness of dessert still coating your tongues, you ended your evening in high spirits, spilling out of the restaurant and into the harshness of the cold night with a wine-imbued heat on your breath and tinge to your cheeks. You were pleasantly tipsy, and happier than you had been in a long few months. Even though you didn’t feel there was much there between the two of you –despite the four hours it had taken for you to finish your date –you had enjoyed yourself immensely. Just being with someone new, an objective outsider to your life who knew nothing of your past misdeeds and proactively encouraged you into talking about things you thought too boring to mention to your current friends anymore; it was invigorating. It had given you a release from the prison cell your life had recently become.

Jungkook hadn’t drunk as much as you, so he was a little more grounded on the walk back to your apartment – something he had insisted repeatedly upon, due to your slightly inebriated state – but you caught the odd smile from him during some of your nonsense, dazed ramblings. You didn’t want to think about if he was into you or not, because that would be painful, and tonight was about fun. Even though you knew you were heading back to that apartment to sit in silence while your thumb hovered over Taehyung’s contact information, until that moment, it was about fun.

You didn’t want to go back into the dark yet.

“Why don’t I just open a fucking animal sanctuary? I mean, I could do that, if I sold my soul or something,” you mumbled. “Hey, we could run it together. Take pictures of my puppies for me, Jungkook.”

Jungkook sputtered in disbelief at your words, which set you cackling. “Holy shit, you’re out of control, ____.”

You reeled yourself in a little bit when you realised you were starting to regress into your younger, flirtier, and certainly more dangerous self. “Sorry. I really shouldn’t have drunk so much,” you snorted.

He was grinning so wide, though, wider than he had at any point that evening, and your stomach dropped. You hoped your brazen words hadn’t gotten his hopes up that this would be going any further. “Don’t worry about it. It’s cute,” he hesitated, his breath a little shaky as he exhaled. “You’re cute.”

Your stomach drooped to your knees.

You glided past his comment as best you could. “That’s not a word usually associated with me, especially when I’m drunk. But thanks,” you patted him on the shoulder and he looked at your hand again. “Hey, this is me,” you motioned to the building towering above you and turned to him. “Thanks for tonight, really,” you smiled, clutching your purse demurely in front of you. You worried that if you looked directly at him for too long he would take it as an invitation to kiss you, so you tried to wrap it up fast. “I had so much fun, and I really needed that.”

“Me too,” Jungkook grinned, drawing your gaze to his teeth. After 4 hours they were still obnoxiously cute. “Uh,” he stiffened, his eyes darting about your face when you looked up to listen to his next utterance. He seemed unsure, like he was trying to figure something out.

“Hmm?” you smiled kindly at him, and his eyes widened a fraction.

“N-Nothing,” he breathed, his face twisting minutely as though he were still caught in indecision. Then, his expression smoothed. “Thank you for coming out with me. I really needed it, too. I--” he bit his lip nervously. “I’d love to do it again. Can I text you?”

You nodded, guilt knotting in your chest. You weren’t sure if you would be replying to that text. “Sure,” you opened the gate to your complex and stepped inside. “Thank you, Jungkook. Night.”

“Night,” he shot you a wonky smile and you felt your heart squeeze. He really did seem like such a good guy. Why were you so fucking choosy? No, not choosy.

Besotted.

With somebody else.

You waved him off as you climbed the steps to your apartment, digging your phone out of your bag and clicking the screen open as you made your ascent. Four new messages and a voicemail.

The voicemail was from your mother and something you couldn’t bring yourself to listen to when you were still abuzz with positivity after your evening. The messages were from Hoseok and Yoongi.

[21:20] Yoongi you’re on your date, right? don’t deflower the poor boy on his first date!

You grit your teeth. Of course Taehyung gave Yoongi more information about the guy you were going to meet than you.

[21: 22] Yoongi i’m just kidding, please don’t poison my cupcakes. hope it’s going well

You opened the next chatlog.

[19:24] Hoseok sorry I’m late to say good luck! But good luck!!!!!!!!

[19:25] Hoseok text me if you want to come in later tomorrow because it goes super duper well!!! ;)))

And that was why it was so refreshing to spend time in the company of someone who wouldn’t presume that you were going to spend the whole date trying to angle him into bed. Of course, you loved your friends; you would do anything for them, you wouldn’t be without them. And, yes, you understood that their words were jibes sent fondly from the heart. But jokes often have a foundation in some truth. Your friends had seen sides to you that you’d rather leave buried; clawing at your ankles from freshly filled-in graves, your past self was like a zombie trying to tear away the flesh of the new, reformed you and reveal your rotten innards.

You decided to leave the texts unanswered. Afterall, you would likely see the two of them tomorrow. Even though you knew Taehyung was waiting for your call, you felt a little sad noting that his name was absent from your notifications. He was probably with Tara tonight.

He wasn’t thinking about you.

And yet, here you stood, having spent an entire evening with another man, and the only thing on your mind was him, and whether he was fucking the life out of some girl that had somehow wormed her way past his extremely high standards and worked some voodoo on him. She must be very special, indeed.

You felt sick.

You traipsed into your darkened apartment, deciding that your eyes would be better left to adjust to it. You would be going to bed as soon as you had made the call you were dreading, anyway – you had work the next morning. Plonking yourself onto your sofa, you tried to ignore the huge piles of crumpled notes and open binders splayed across your coffee table, some of your coursework scattered face-down on the floor. Victims of your constant rushing around, they were doomed to lie there collecting dust until you could bring yourself to look at how far behind you were in your revision and assignment prep. The reality was so depressing it probably could have crumbled you once and for all in your vulnerability. Luckily, your sense of self-preservation kicked in just long enough for you to ignore it and curl up onto the sofa, the light of your phone casting your face in a cool, eerie glow.

Sighing, you tapped Taehyung’s name, and his phone began to ring. What if you were calling while he was in in the middle of something? He would probably be angry and hang up. No man could care for anything more than their dick in moments like that.

Stop it, you scolded yourself. Tae isn’t like that.

Surely enough, he picked up, his voice thick with sleep. “Hey.”

You peeled the phone from your ear and clutched it to your chest, screwing your eyes closed. Hearing him was almost physically painful, as though it were your punishment for having cast him from your mind for so long. The deepness of his voice did things to you. And although you tried to chase such inappropriate thoughts away, a great number of scenarios ran through your mind as you imagined what he looked like right now, all puffy-faced and heavy-lidded eyes, his leg slung over a pillow because he had to cuddle something in his sleep.

Or someone.

His leg was probably slung over Tara right now.

You heard sounds of movement on the other end, and a door closing. When you didn’t respond, he called out to you. “Noona?”

“Yes, I’m here. Sorry,” you sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. “I won’t keep you long, Tae. I’m sorry for calling so late.”

“Not at all,” he croaked, and you felt a gentle ache between your legs. Honestly, his voice should be outlawed. “How did it go?”

“Yeah, it went really well. He’s lovely. Remind me to kick your ass for not telling me how young he is, though.”

Taehyung’s distinct snicker met your ears. “I knew you wouldn’t go, otherwise. I know how fussy you are. But I was right, wasn’t I? He’s nice.”

“Yeah, he is, but I’m not feeling it. I probably won’t go for another date,” you mumbled, pulling one of the sofa cushions over your face, as though it would shield you from some of the unpleasantness of the situation.

“What?” Taehyung’s voice broke in surprise. “I thought he would be perfect for you. What’s wrong with him?”

“Nothing,” you admitted, and it was true. He was ideal. If your heart hadn’t been engaged elsewhere, you probably would have seduced him into submission within a matter of minutes and had him pushed up against the entryway to your apartment as you pulled the clothes off of him. “Like I said, he’s lovely, but I just didn’t feel anything between us. No pull. You know what I mean?”

“Yeah. I’ve been on enough dates to know that feeling a little too well. But listen,” Taehyung’s tone softened, as though he were afraid of scaring off a skittish animal. “He’s just one guy. I can find others, I know lots of people. Don’t give up, noona. Please don’t feel down.”

The fact he could tell how blue you were feeling only embarrassed you further. “I’ll be fine. I’ll keep trying, don’t worry.”

“Meet me tomorrow?” he suddenly offered.

“Uh, sure, what time? I’m working a half day tomorrow, and I have to go to the library after.”

God knows you couldn’t put off studying for too much longer unless you wanted to head into another failed year.

“I can meet you at the library? We can get a coffee there when you take a break from studying. I won’t take up too much of your time, I promise.”

You frowned as you listened to him. You had a bad feeling about this.

“Okay,” your voice belied your uncertainty.

“It’s nothing bad, I swear!” he was quick to assuage your fears. “I just find this kind of thing easier to talk about in person, it’s uncharted territory for me.”

You quirked an eyebrow in the darkness. “Girl problems?”

“Problems? Yes. Well, no. Well, maybe,” he sighed. “I don’t know.”

You hated the way your heart sung at even the slightest sign of unrest when it came to Taehyung’s love life.

You were an awful friend.

You knew you shouldn’t ask, for the sake of your volatile emotional state, but you did anyway. “Is Tara there now?”

“Yeah, she’s asleep. Why?” he didn’t sound particularly perturbed. You were probably getting your hopes up for nothing.

“No reason. I’m sorry for waking you up,” you wanted to end the call quickly, feeling a sudden tightness in your chest.

“Stop apologising, noona. See you tomorrow, okay?” you could hear the way the words were shaped by a smile.

“Yeah. See you then, Tae. Sleep well.”

When you hung up, you dropped your phone to the floor behind you and coiled into yourself as tightly as you could. Although there had been no distinct trigger, your eyes began to leak hot tears. Everything was just too much. As choked sobs wracked your body, your mind attempted to soothe itself with thoughts of what a life without him might have been like. How much happier it might have been, how much more together you might have it right now.

And you knew it was complete bullshit.

Taehyung, afterall, had been the one to save you from a future that likely involved alcoholism and a revolving door of men that could never make you happy.

This was all on you; it was your burden to bear. You had to try harder.

So fraught with despair were you that when your text tone went off, piercing the oppressive silence, you jerked violently, anxiety bubbling in your unsettled stomach. With a shaky arm, you reached down to feel the floor behind you and picked up your phone.

[23:47] Unknown sender thank you again, ____. would you like to go out somewhere this week? :)

You left Jungkook on read and dropped your phone the short distance to the carpet again. You didn’t even have the decency to enter his name into your contacts. What was the point? The interruption having sobered you somewhat, you sniffled back your running nose and stared blankly at the cushions of your sofa. An embroidered flower stared back at you, and you had never felt so numb.

As your mascara dried as paint on your cheeks, you fell into a fitful sleep.

Next: 03 || WYLEI Masterlist

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