#two people become friends and then eventually fall in love and heal tf is there to be mad about

[maleficore]

It's absolutely baffling to me when people try to argue that Sadithur is in any way "icky" or "problematic" and use arguments that straight up also apply to Sadigail, a ship I have never seen a SOUL complain about. It's okay if you don't like the idea of Sadie being in a relationship with a man or in a relationship at all again, but just say that? Because trying to argue that Sadithur makes Arthur Morgan seem like he only befriended and helped Sadie to get in her pants makes you sound like an absolute goddamn moron with zero understanding of his character

[blackasmidnightcats]

Book 1 Nostalgia

WARNING: This post will have spoilers to the SGE series

The first book in any series will always hold a special place in anyone's heart I think. There is just something beautiful, whether the writing was phenomenal or lacking, about the introduction to a new world and the characters that you're going to know. After reading further into the series, sometimes you just wanna go back to the start, where everything was a lot simpler.

SGE kinda falls into this feeling for me.

I don't think I'm ever going to get over the interactions between the characters (and we haven't even explored most of them) because, personally, Soman is incredibly good with how he does character intercations but the story and plot have a lot to improve on.

And now comparing TSY with TCY it's very glaring.

Soman really has a problem with his plot so much so than with his storyline. It's very repetitive and the storyline suffers from it.

After Book 1, every plot seemed to be the same case; Sophie is an important piece to the main villain, Agatha tries to fix everything, Tedros is getting more crap than needed, annoyingly unhealthy romantic relationships are explored, and the other characters do things.

The last of these examples are really the only things that varies. Everything else is almost always the same in one way or another.

The first book doesn't really follow that pattern. It's a introductory book and I wish Soman did the same vibe as it in QfG.

Though Book 1 wasn't perfect. My biggest main problem with it was how Soman handled Agatha's development from thinking herself a freak and realizing that she was just a beautiful as anyone else (and Tagatha, of course. They had a very unconvincing start) compared to the detailed and precise handling of Sophie's decent and eventual acceptance her wickedness.

I said it once and I'll say it again: I miss vengeful, spited Sophie. Who made the School for Good suffer because Tedros didn't keep his promise and her very impressive Talent to summon Evil creatures at will to do her bidding.

This was the Sophie that I expected more from in the later books but might never get again. With the way that the OTK cover portrays her as the Lion, whether that would be a thing or not, it's clear that Soman wants the readers to look at Sophie in a better light and not as the anti-hero that she is but I could be wrong.

In Book 1, Sophie was incredibly selfish to the point that she wouldn't do anything for others even those that she should care about (i.e. Tedros in the Trial) and in the end, she had to pay for the selfishness by seeing just how Evil she could become and be seen as the witch that she was. Her development from Pink Princess to Witch of Woods Beyond was believable; her ambitiousness combined with her selfishness was what made her gain everything through manipulation and wickedness but it couldn't be hidden for long. Once everyone, including herself, saw what lied underneath her exterior, she lost everything and because of the things that she chooses to do, she naturally hurt and attacked the people that wronged her just as Evil does.

It was caused by a failed romantic pursuit, yes, but unlike the other later romantic relations that she had, the one in Book 1 focused more on the outcome for her character development than in the relationship itself. Honestly her relationships with Rafal, and Rhian, and maybe now Japeth, idk, make absolutely no sense with the importance that the story puts on it because these relationships didn't help further Sophie's character development. It stunted her really.

Now compare this to Agatha.

I think everyone and their cats agree that we all miss witchy Agatha in book 1 and I hope we write more of her in our fanfics like that since Soman won't do it. The thing is, with Agatha, unlike Sophie, whether she is written as a straight-up hero or as a sort of anti-villain with her portrayal as the Snake in the OTK cover, it won't be that far fetched. I don't know if Soman intended this or not but it's pretty frickin impressive with how he managed to make Agatha a pretty versatile character.

Book 1 did not to good with how she went from Graveyard Girl to Fairy Tale Princess. At most, we saw her heroic characteristics but Soman didn't put much effort with making it believable and we were left to our own imaginations with how she could have believably developed and grown into herself. It should have taken more than one chapter to make us believe that Agatha suddenly grew confident with herself and her own brand of beauty and how her relationship with Tedros should have started.

But because of the fact that she's now comfortable as both being a little different and unique in her own way but is still guided by the values of Good and holds it dear to her soul as well as her loyalty to those she loves, she can do great with the best of both worlds.

Agatha hasn't stopped growing since book 1 and I think that reason for that is because Soman knows that he has to square up whenever he writes her. Whether she's developing on her own or with others, she's always learning new values and finding ways to express them in the way that she's comfortable with.

Soman does express that he loves writing in Sophie's POV the most, but it can be a double edged sword if not careful. And I think Soman hasn't been careful.

Now back to the glory of Book 1.

Book one had the most simplest plot and most fluent storyline than in any other book. Even TLEA.

I think I could recall a lot more events in Book 1 than in the more recent ones because there was a lot more events and chapters that were actually necessary to the plot.

So, to go by statistics;

TLEA has the most recorded chapters in the series as of current before the release of OTK with 35 chapters and 3 parts to divide it.

It's followed by Book 1 with 30 chapters.

Then QfG is next with 28 chapters divided into 2 parts.

And aCoT follows with 27 chapters and 2 parts as well.

Last is AWWP with 24 chapters divided into 2 parts as well.

If going by this then OTK should either have a chapter or two more or less than TLEA but not less so than Book 1 because it's going to now be the official last book of the the series.

But that is besides the point. My main problem with the books' storytelling after Book 1 is how disoriented it has become.

Let me make an example with QfG and aCoT. These books are more or less very similar with each other in the number of chapters with only one being the difference while the start of the the "Part 2" portion was a bit different with QfG's starting at chapter 21 while aCoT's started with chapter 17.

But the reception and the fluency of these two books could not be more different from each other.

To say that QfG completely destroyed the fandom is an understatement. I can't tell of aCoT managed to regain the series's former glory for long enough to not let OTK flop but let's be hopeful.

Anyways, the fluency of the storytelling with TCY was wack and QfG and aCoT completely show that.

WARNING: Spoilers about QfG and aCoT will be discussed in this section.

I could not remember almost 70% of QfG because of how much I hated the plot and looking back at the chapters, I honestly could not believe that the asshat Rhian was only introduced on Chapter 21. Everything after Chaddick's POV chapter seemed to be a blur and Rhian's b*tch ass seemed to have corrupted the whole experience.

8 chapters. He was only in QfG for 8 chapters and yet it feels almost like he's been in it for more than half. Frick. He is traumatizing.

Basically, the middle part of the book, namely chapters 7 to 20, was all about the main cast trying to frickin understand wtf was happening. Agatha and Sophie were trying to figure out the Lion and the Snake thing while Tedros was back in Camelot doing (or failing or being sabotaged with) politics and also trying to understand why tf was Excalibur having a tantrum.

Then Rhian entered and I don't know why or how Nottingham and Robin Hood got involved but he did.

And then more figuring out stuff and sabotaging Tedros and then Rhian and Excalibur and then cliffhanger.

It was all very abrupt and confusing. More confusion was added all because there were more questions asked than actual answers and a sense of depression was felt in the end because nothing was really achieved.

Imma compare this with Book 1 later but first Book 5 comparison.

Now aCoT. It was just the storyline that we needed to get back to the hype that the series had. Was it a satisfying read? Yes but was it able to heal the pain that QfG inflicted? No.

The fandom did not come back the same again.

But anyways, aCoT, personally, had a lot more scenes and events that I remembered than in any other book besides book 1 but that there was the problem with this book.

Too many things happened with this book. So much so that the fluency of the story was sacrificed to tell it.

Look at it this way, several shifts in the book happened.

This all happened in Part 1 only;

Rhian became King and his regime was sort of explained.

Agatha was introduced to the First Years and got her Army.

Sophie was in some sort of GOT-esque knock off experience as Rhian's Captive Queen.

Agatha manages to save some of her friends.

The concept of OTK was explained.

Tedros's execution was on way.

Nevermind, Agatha and her army just straight-up hijacked it.

Prof. Dovey died as a sacrifice.

Okay, now to Part 2;

Reaper is a Gnome King.

The Crystal of Time was finally explained.

They finally find out about Rhian and Japeth's origins.

The Gnomes were ambushed and I feel sorry for them.

Sophie tipped Rhian off with the location because she believed that she would end it all.

We kinda get background with why Rhian wants to be OTK????

Rhian DIES?!?!?! and now Japeth's King ☠

They sort of manage to know about wtf happened with the Lady and Japeth

Tedros and Arthur have a heart to heart and he gets the Ring of Power.

Cliffhanger

It's a lot to take in and I don't really think that Soman should have cramped it all in one book.

Some of the plot points should have been in QfG so that it wouldn't be as depressing.

The whole of Part one was a book in itself and Part 2 was one as well.

At some points of the book, I sometimes got the feeling that it was gonna be the end but it just kept going and going and now I don't really know what's left with OTK. It can be both a good thing or a horrible thing.

Let's see wtf happens. I expect more action than drama Soman.

So again with Book 1.

Book 1 was a classic and the ideas easily hooked anyone interested.

It had the same unaswered questions with QfG but why did it suceed when QfG didn't.

First, is that Book 1 had its atmosphere clear from the start of the book. It was clear that the main thing that needed to happen was that Sophie and Agatha needed to realize the actual nature of their souls. There were more technical questions that needed to be answered but the main point that needed to be addressed was addressed by the end of the book.

And also the ending was also a cliffhanger but it a much lighter note.

Sophie and Agatha realized their capabilities and understood themselves but they still chose each other in the end and that sort of gave way to a much hopeful future for the two of them. (At that time, at least)

All the while, QfG was one depressing ball of events that led to one horrible moment to the other.

It was just sad.

And so I kinda go back to Book 1 from time to time to refresh myself with why I started this series to begin with and I'm always reminded with the possibilities and the explorations about good and evil and the complex duality of differences and parallels that so many things that Sophie and Agatha sort of beautifully personify.

I love reading the very first chapter of Book 1 because it so beautifully captured Sophie and Agatha and their complex relationship that I've always wanted to read in other books.

I always loved reading Sophie's amusing thought process and the reason why she does everything that she does; she does it because she believes that she deserves more and she'll everything to get it.

I also loved how Agatha was such a character that I've always wanted to read about. She's spunky and shy and lonely and reflective and despite everyone shunning her, she could still see the good and find it in herself to help them. She was simply wonderful.

I'm thankful that I found this series and I hope that a lot more books can talk about the philosophies and concepts that this book has managed to introduce. And despite all of its set-backs and nonsense, I would still recommend this as a read but to that they should also think about what they've read and maybe talk about what they've found interesting with it.

[wizardingbias]

HP!headcanon - NCT Yuta

 || WIZARDINGBIAS - where your fave bands live in hakho’s hogwarts au ||

Character Headcanons at Hogwarts ↳ NCT Yuta // Yuta Nakamoto // Slytherin

fuck now we’re doing my bias wrecker hell no buckle up errbody this abt to be a wild ass ride

now that’s a long ass ride

Yuta is a Sly-therin

this cunning ass motherfucker needs to calm tf down

this is probably gonna be long af

more under the cut <3

so in my au,

Yuta doesn’t actually go to Hogwarts during the first year 

i haven’t planned out exactly how his life bf Hogwarts was like but let’s roll with it

so the reason why he switches school is pretty cool actually

like his parents had to pull him out of Mahoutokoro bc of a freaky murder case

or maybe cool is the wrong word

whatever

his parents are top notch investigators and they settle in London and send yuta to hogwarts

and yuta is a lil shit who wants to know everything but his parents refuse to tell him details

so he tries to go sherlock on the case

and surprisingly finds a lot of things

like it’s his free time project

he has a notebook with all his notes and red string and all that

yknow what im talking abt

so year 2

it starts with him going straight into the headmistresses’ office to get sorted

and he doesn’t have a clue what the fuck slytherin is

but he accepts it and his tie turns a bright shade of green

which the headmistress says is a sign

the force is strong in this one

the slytherin force

and lil 12 y/o yuta has a big smiley face as he sits down at the slytherin table and of course he’s the type to spark up a conversation immediately

he’ll probably be so curious and ask the people at the table what’s happening up front where the sorting ceremony begins

and this older slytherin thinks he’s adorable with his too-big-smile and wide, curious eyes and indulges lil yuta even though they’re supposed to be quiet

but sorting ceremonies can take a long ass time

and anyone can see that yuta is the fidgety type

but when the feast suddenly appears

yuta’s all

*too-big-smiley-face*

and absolutely fascinated by everything

what the fuck is shepards pie

year 2 is also the year he meets his best friend forever

this adorable hufflepuff named taeyong who is way too shy and intimidating looking for his own good, except, yuta sees right through that when the little hufflepuff boy helps him out in Charms class, showing yuta how to properly flick his wand and fix his pronunciation

and yuta thinks its so cute how this lil boy who is always quiet and always by himself has strolled over to this side of the classroom to help out yuta who is the only one struggling

so kind

so soft

cue *healing smile*

and taeyong and yuta become best friends and have sleepovers bc taeyong gets nightmares and misses his dad a lot so yuta indulges the technically older boy with late night cuddles to comfort him 

this part always gets me ffs

This is also the year Yuta finds out there’s an older Gryffindor that also is of japanese herritage

and Yuta never says shit like this but sometimes he misses the japanese culture and just talking in japanese bc english gets really hard sometimes like he can’t 100% express everything he wants to say so hell yea he’s gonna look for this gryffindor

the gryffindor is hansol

who is btw like the most beautiful creature yuta has ever seen

and the first time lil yuta spots this boy his cheeks flush a very distinct red and he automatically feels drawn to him

Hansol is flying on his really flashy looking broomstick one weekend, and yuta just kinda stumbles upon him

this is when Yuta is fully introduced to the art that is quidditch and he absolutely falls in love with the sport, like enough to try out for the slytherin team two weeks after Hansol’s taught him the basics

and he’s fucking good too

really fast

like the wind

but he’s too small and young to actually be on the team but the slytherin captain doesn’t want to let him go so he’s on the reserve bench this year but he still works so hard to improve and oh my god hansol is so proud even though he doesn’t say anything, he just smiles and goes to the slytherin practices to watch yuta but yuta doesn’t know that until he spots the gryffindor waiting for him outside of the locker rooms and

ahhhhhhhhhhh

Year 3 is when things start tho

Yuta finally makes the team as one of the three main chasers

even though everyone is worried that he wont be able to do it bc Yuta is gd smol 

him and taeyong are like the smol smol in their batch

but yuta is strong af and learns really quick and he’s fucking lightning fast on the field why isn’t he a seeker????

bc he has shitty eyesight thats why

he doesn’t like wearing his glasses but he kinda has to

especially when he’s studying or in class

t-yong thinks its really cute

whatever

and this is also the year he’s picking up his course work, like stuff is actually making sense

year two was filled with getting used to the english equivalent to everything and trying to catch up on first year stuff and also tryna figure out where everything is

why doesn’t hogwarts have a map???

thank god for taeyong

the lil hufflepuff will always pick him up if he’s lost

also thank god they have so many classes together

but yuta likes potions the most, mostly bc he’s weirdly good at it

except for that one time he was freaking out about his first ever seasoned game and nearly melted the table

be careful when brewing kids

Yuta clings to Hansol a lot this year

especially because they both like quidditch and it’s practically their lives

and hansol, in his ever so awkward and quiet way, teaches Yuta about quidditch history and secrets and about this one story of a couple that met on the field, both being seekers for rival teams, and fall in love as they’re both chasing the snitch, and they forget about the game completely and spend so much time giggling and messing with each other that the game takes more than 7 hours to complete, and Yuta is mesmerised by this cute ass love story

“It’s actually my parents’ love story”

“no way”

“yeah. they’re now considered the quidditch couple of the century.”

“that is disgusting. i love it,” Yuta gushes

and also, whenever Yuta is feeling stressed AF or worried about things and taeyong is busy doing whatever the fuck he does

(that boy is sometimes a fucking mystery, but yuta thinks he’s probably just stealing food from the kitchens)

((in reality, taeyong is actually being taught how to bake and cook by the house elves bc he’s having so much fun learning abt recipes and stuff))

Yuta looks for Hansol and gushes to him about his worries, and when it gets too much to contain and his tongue stumbles over the english, yuta switches to japanese without a problem bc Hansol can understand 100% of everything he’s complaining about even though he offers his advice in english instead but it’s such a relief and yuta is so thankful

eventually, towards the end of year 3, Yuta’s crush on Hansol becomes almost too much

but he doesn’t tell anyone about it

not even his bff taeyong who is the first to know about everything

bc he’s afraid of his feelings

like ‘what the fuck is this erratic heartbeat every I see hansol?’

and Yuta starts to think that his mind is playing tricks on his but he swears to god Hansol is inching closer and closer to him every time they hang out

One day

after countless of speculations and confusion from yuta’s side

Hansol casually grabs onto Yuta’s hand as they’re walking down a hallway

and hansol just continues on with their conversation like nothing different has happened

but yuta is freaaaaking ouuut 

he keeps looking up between hansol’s beautiful face and their interlocked hands

and fuck his hands are getting sweaty but hansol doesn’t pull away and what does this meaaaaannnnnn?????

In the summer between year 3 and 4

Hansol invites yuta to his place and it’s so nice

and they spend the summer back and forth at hansol’s and yuta’s house

and yuta’s mom absolutely adores hansol so much and feeds him cake and traditional japanese food bc ‘you’re too skinny, hansol-kun’ 

Yuta can’t help but smile at Hansol’s overly puffy cheeks as his mother feeds him copious amounts

it’s adorable

his heart

my heart

Year 4

yuta is greeted with his first ever kiss

closed lipped and chaste and so incredibly quick

it’s after Yuta learns how to ride his broomstick standing up

something hansol has been trying to teach him all summer

and hansol kinda just

accidentally kisses him

bc he’s so proud

and Yuta’s eyes get soooooo big

what just happened

and then hansol is so cute and flustered and his entire face is just beet red and “i’m so sorry, i didn’t mean to do tha-”

but Yuta interrupts hansol with another chaste kiss, standing on his tippy toes bc hansol is 500 metres taller than him

and it’s so cute how hansol turns even redder

and this is the start of their relationship and it’s adorable and yuta is so happy

so happy that sometimes, in the middle of the night, Yuta will curl into a ball in his bed bc the feels are too much and he can’t sleep bc Hansol’s the type to subtly give his robes to yuta bc yuta’s the type to be freezing and refuse to bring his own robes

but yuta is good at communicating or breaking the ice

so he doesn’t really tell anyone that they’re together

and both hansol and yuta aren’t super into skinship

and taeyong is a fucking oblivious little shit so he doesn’t figure it out

if anyone wants i can make a post going into depth on yusol’s relationship lol

but one day when t-yong and yuta are studying divinations, TY finds something odd in the bottom of yuta’s teacup, but yuta fucking sucks ass at divinations so he doesn’t know what the hell it means

it’s freaky tho how t-yong all of a sudden gets really protective and careful around yuta

“Bro.”

“What?”

“Stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Treating me like I’m about to die.”

“You’re not dying, Yuta. Geeze.”

“If I was, you should be worried abt yourself.”

“Why?”

“Bc I’m dragging you into the afterlife with me.”

“Bro.”

but it makes sense that t-yongie is so protective and walking on eggshells around yuta bc by the end of this year, Hansol has announced that he’s moving to Mahoutokoro to play professionally for Japan

and Yuta has no idea what to think

bc he understands quidditch is so incredibly important for Hansol, that it his life

Yuta also loves quidditch, he totally gets it

but his heart hurts so much

he feels betrayed

but he also feels like he shouldn’t feel betrayed

and eventually he snaps at Hansol, yelling and crying like a mess bc he loves hansol so much, and he wants to be loved just as much back and why isn’t hansol picking yuta instead of quidditch? 

they end on extremely bad terms

Yuta doesn’t even see Hansol off on the last day of school

he refuses to

because yuta doesn’t cry in public

ever

but if he were to see Hansol one last time he would cry

san(g) namja yuta des

but thank fuck t-yong is there for him to take yuta’s mind off of the fact that his first love just left him to pursue his dreams 

Yuta throws himself into quidditch practice, school work, hanging out with t-yong and taeil and he masks all the pain he feels with his too-big-smile but it’s not quite as wide as it used to

and taeyong still doesn’t know they were together, but he’s such a softy for his friends and yuta takes 100000% advantage of that

YEAR 5

is suCH A BETTTER YEAR LEMME TELL YOU

Yuta is still heartbroken but most of it is settled over the summer so fuck that and fuck hansol let’s get back to business

his snarky comments are fucking back

and his healing smile is back

thank fuck

buT GUESS WHAT PEOPLE

Yuta’s appointed fucking captain of the Slytherin Quidditch team

aye aye captain

and he’s so happy he cries into Taeyong’s shoulder during their sleepover

he works hard AF for the team 

#1 priority

and then he meets this uberly adorable boy named Sicheng

and fuck Sicheng is perfect and cuddly

even more than t-yong and TY is the resident smol bean at the school

but Sicheng takes the cake

my heart for yuwin is srs

and they gET TOgethER FFS YUTAAAAA WINWINNNNNN

THE CUTEST COUPLE

SO MUCH MORE OPEN AND SKINSHIPPY

AND YUTA LOVES IT

WINWIN ALSO LIKES QUIDDITCH

LOVES FOOD

AND YUTA TEACHES HIM SO MUCH ENGLISH AND EVEN JAPANESE

THEY’RE MARRIED I SWEAR

and yuta’s smile is somehow the biggest it has ever been

and t-yongie is so happy for the couple

he kinda likes thirdwheeling them a lot

like he genuinely likes it

and yuta’s like

“it’s okay to share, ik he’s irresistible, but he’s mine after 7pm”

fuck my heart is not okay i didn’t even realise how hard i ship this fuck

YEar 6 

not much actually happens this year

except

the murder case suddenly has a lead

it’s been fucking years wtf parents

and Yuta’s parents have to move to Chile to go after this murderer

“okay????? what do you want me to do???? I aint leaving Hogwarts”

cuz he doesn’t wanna leave Sicheng like Hansol left him

even though Yuta really wants in on the case and get info and try to solve it for himself

but he chooses friends over his own ambitions

“you’re a total hufflepuff”

“shut the fuck up, taeyong”

but this year turns out to be awesome

bc he leads his quidditch team to victory

and the entire team carries him on their shoulders

THEY JUST WON THE FUCKING HOUSECUP

this time yuta cries in front of every one

and taeyong manages to take a picture

(it’s used a blackmail for literally years bc fuck yuta is an ugly crier no wonder he never cries in front of anyone)

and Sicheng is so happy for Yuta even though he’s sulking about his own team’s loss

it’s okay bc Yuta takes Sicheng out for ice cream and everything is so good

sicheng is the cutest

eating his ice cream with his lil tongue licks

like a lil cat

my heartttrttttttttt

im not even a sicheng stan but akjfigelhgskurtg

and then year 7 turns out to be pretty fucking good too

1) Taeyong doesn’t try to snatch sicheng for himself bc now there’s a lil bebe gryffindor named jaehyun that he’s got together with

but only because Yuta told jaehyun about TY’s huge ass crush but his best friend is just such a shy lil boi he needs to tell Jaehyun

bc a friend named johnny accidentally told him during one of the illegal underground parties that jaehyun thought TY was hella hot

so basically

T-yong owes his entire love life to Yuta

*pat on the back*

*healing smile*

2) byE BYE VIRGINITY

3) he nails his potions N.E.W.T.’s

4) he doesn’t fail anything else

even divinations which is a fucking hell why did he even pick to continue this subject wtf yuta

and he doesn’t fail Charms 

bc he’s charming af

but it’s so sad how this is the last year he gets to coach his team, and he works 100% harder to get strategies and practices done and everyone of his team members fucking love and hate him so much bc it’s 2x as much practice but it’s also a lot of fun games and stuff

curtesy of taeyong’s planning

honestly where would yuta be without taeyong?

BUT THEY WIN THE THE SEASON AGAIN SO SUCK IT

And then graduation comes and Yuta breaks down for the second time in public

but it’s just because he suddenly realises, in the middle of taeyong’s rockstar dad’s song, that he’s leaving the best place on earth, thank god for that one murderer that let him move to scotland, thank you to taeyong who is the bestest friend he could’ve ever gotten even though yuta never tells t-yong he loves him, and thank god for sicheng and his beautiful softness, he is the best thing (besides t-yongie) to happen to yuta, and thank you to his teammates for trusting him, he wishes them all the best, and thank you to himself bc he’s been a fucking amazing person

but he doesn’t say any of this to anyone bc san(g) namja ffs!!!!

but he cries so much

so so so much

tbh same yuta

all he needs to figure out now is what he’s gonna do after graduation

but then again, that offer to play professional quidditch for England doesn’t sound too bad tbh

but who knows wtf the future holds

this is a little too close to home omfg TT

a/n: okay i’m done. i need to lie down. feel free to ask me for more headcanons :) I like making these lol (even though im supposedly swamped with shit to do)

↳ Yuta’s official profile (coming soon)

Taeil | Hansol | Johnny | Taeyong | Yuta | Doyoung | Ten | Jaehyun | Winwin | Mark | Haechan (will update over time)

[weirdshitishappening]

Hello it’s me!

Listening to the new Lana Del Rey song/Mitski album and (again) finally getting back to making some record of my wild life as I level up into being a professional psychic/healer/priestess.

I started working with Miwa this past week, mostly running errands and bottle feeding my new sidekick, Orion.

She asked me if I would be interested in becoming a core staff member at the school. This meaning I’ll be on salary (hopefully 40k) at only 30 hours a week so I’ll still have time to do readings at my own practice. She even mentioned eventual training to teach, which is the BIGGEST HONOR other than being able to be in her home and hang out with her first lil one. 

When I first came to the school I couldn’t imagine this for myself. In such a short time I’ve progressed enough to find my passion/life’s purpose and make a career out of it. What the fuck. 

One major life stressor checked off my god damn list.

I’m so grateful I cannot explain it.

Next up, keep working on self growth things and clearing enough bullshit in myself to attract the love of my (this) life.

SPEAKING OF

After nearly two months of certified radio silence from A, I get a super cool random text from him saying that he “feels bad” for never responding to my last text and that he “just got back from an 8 day backpacking trip” that was the “perfect end” to his time in Boulder with me and his friend Travis. Even though the end of his time in Boulder with me was the last night we spent together before he moved to the mountains. He’s been back around town since then to see his friend I think, so I’m not really sure where this cognitive dissonance is coming from. Hopefully shame?

I decided not to reply because I have literally just given myself the closure I so desperately wanted from him. I spent weeks and weeks just waiting for that text, trying to give him space and hoping for an explanation for the sudden change in him. I mean, we spent like three days and nights a week together for at least a month. I met all his friends. He took pictures of me and rolled me herbal cigarettes. He told me he didn’t like head before me. I knew he was moving but I thought there would be a formal goodbye. I thought he would do that.

THEN

The bastard texts me again yesterday to let me know he’s “actually in Boulder for a friend’s birthday party” and that he would be “stoked to grab a beer” because he’s curious about how school has been for me lately.

Which... he’s not because every time I would try to talk to him about it he would glaze over and so I tried not to because I thought he would think I was weird and leave me and I liked him so much

HAHAHA

A quick morsel of advice, mostly for myself: ALWAYS B URSELF BC THEY MIGHT LEAVE REGARDLESS

So, again, didn’t text back. Went out to the fall festival and to some bars with Trevor and Alex to try and fun it away. Wanted to text him once I was many beers in, but did not because now that I’m mothering myself I need to have my best interest at heart. If he was in my best interest then he would have not left my heart to bake in the August sun for so god damn long, if at all.

I’m mad and sad about it, but mostly mad. Maybe a little disappointed.

Other things: went to the metaphysical fair last weekend and had two amazing readings. Basically confirmed grandpa is one of my guides and that I have a really strong grandmother figure (not sure who exactly) as a guide as well. Grandpa was saying my future is so bright I’m gonna need shades, which is something he probably would say if he still had a body.

He also said I need to be more confident in myself and pep talk myself because I am pretty cool and special. Plus I’m about to level up and start seeing things -outside- my mind’s eye. He told me not to freak the fuck out, basically. Which made me freak a lil but it’s ok I’ll get over it bc I am the next supreme

----side note----

Just remembered somebody leaked another unreleased Alex G song which means I get a little dose of pure love and dopamine for the next three minutes or so.

Sometimes when I listen to him or other music that really hits me in my soul I think of Ginny and how we’re not friends anymore and how it’s sad to outgrow people but important to set boundaries.

Most people don’t know how to look at themselves neutrally and see that where they’re triggered, lit up, hung up, or upset is really just a place where they’re not letting themselves have permission to do or be that thing. Or that maybe they’re taking out stress or pain from other area of their life/psyche out on somebody who triggers them in a completely different way.

END GAME

People are really good mirrors for us to check out where in ourselves we should look at, love on, and heal.

For example, me being so upset and angry at A basically shows me pretty clearly that I have some f u n abandonment fears, need to be better at giving myself what I need so I don’t put unfair expectations on others, and reminds me that ultimately I am the only one responsible for how I feel. I can take some time to be a human and be angry, but eventually I will chill tf out and learn what pitfalls to avoid in -myself- next time I meet somebody I really like.

Like, don’t sacrifice who you are. Communicate. Set boundaries and let them know how you feel and what you want. Realize when a person cannot give you what you want and leave instead of energetically cording them and wistfully hoping they’ll move around their life bc they love you so much.

We’ve all got our bullshit, but as my roommate Jeff always says: don’t trust anyone with baggage that doesn’t have wheels.

Goodbye for now. It’s 3:17pm and I’ve done nothing today except watch videos on the Cardi Nicki fight, drink coffee, and sit on the porch in this irregular September heat.

Oh yeah, and the Europe trip got cancelled and I’m done dancing I think. Seasons are shifting and my life follows.

Big love,

Cass