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bangtaninink · 5 years ago

Text

i’m too lit to dim down a notch vi

Summary: Jeongguk is the new kid in town. Kind of. He’s looking for an Authentic College Experience™, and you have no problem helping him out with achieving that (fratboy!AU)

Part: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5

〰️

Jeongguk is just a tiny bit stressed.

He’s been running around campus like a headless chicken, no idea where he is or which building he’s in anymore. Why does the Film Society meet in the Engineering building anyway?

Oh. Nevermind.

The giant Film Society sign makes him feel like an idiot, because he’s pretty sure that he’s passed through here before, so how the hell did he miss it? He’s a little out of breath, and he pulls his phone out to look at himself, cringing at his bedhead.

(He really should have listened to Seokjin when he told him to bring a comb. Has he been walking around all day looking like this?)

When he walks into the room, the first thing he does is look at his phone and check the time, instantly feeling like even more of an idiot, because he’s a whole fifteen minutes early. There’s barely anyone here: two people are at the front setting up the projector and laptop, and then he looks around and...

“Oh? Noona, you’re here already,” he says, spotting you in the back corner, curled up in a bean bag that could easily fit another two people. You look up from your phone, lips curling into a smile.

“Hey, babe. You’re early,” you say, sitting up.

“Yeah, hah. I, uh, thought I was gonna be late, so...” He walks over, sitting down on a pile of pillows next to you, dropping his bag down behind him.

“Engineering building?”

“Yeah.”

“Yeah, I don’t fucking get it either,” you laugh. “Hey, Sora. Explain to me again why the Film Society meets in the most confusing building on campus.”

One of the people at the front turns around, hands on their hips.

“First of all,” Sora says. “The Engineering building is not the most confusing building on campus. That award goes to the Fine Arts building. Second of all, why wouldn’t I take advantage of the best technology in our university? You know that the Engineers have the best shit. And third of all, who’s the hottie?”

“This is Jeongguk,” you reply, chuckling. “Sports science sophomore.”

“Ooh. It shows.”

“He’s also Beta Tau.”

“Oh. Eww. Sorry.”

“Jeongguk, this is Sora. They’re a social studies senior. Not the biggest fan of frat boys if you didn’t catch that earlier.”

“Um, nice to meet you,” Jeongguk says sheepishly.

“Man. You had so much potential, Jeongguk-sshi.”

“Ignore them,” you say, rolling your eyes. “Sora’s first love was a frat boy until he moved to Paris to “pursue his art” or some bull like that. They’re butthurt, and angsty, and have vowed to never mess with another frat boy again.”

“A-fucking-men,” Sora comments.

“Don’t take it personally, babe.”

“Oh. Okay, yeah. Sure,” Jeongguk replies, nodding.

More Film Society members start to trickle in the closer it gets to five, and Jeongguk is, needless to say, beautifully surprised by the array of people that come in. You seem to notice this, but you don’t make a comment on it.

“Alright. Okay,” someone at the front calls out, clapping his hands. “Let’s get into it. Welcome to the Film Society. I’m Kiha, your president. This is Sora, your vice president. Thanks for being here tonight.”

“We do have some new faces here, so welcome to the newbies,” Sora continues, sitting comfortably on the table by the laptop. “We will take this moment to remind everyone about the rules. One: the Film Society is not a place to take a siesta, or a nap, or get your fucking beauty sleep. We are here to watch and appreciate films.”

“Two: respect everyone’s request,” Kiha says. “Even if Minwoo is requesting Despicable Me 2 for the fiftieth fucking time.”

“It’s a great fucking movie!” someone at the front calls out -- Jeongguk assumes it’s Minwoo, if the following groans are anything to go by.

“Shut up, bitch. Okay, two-point-five: if you’re new, tell us your birthday if you’d like, because we organise viewing parties of your favourite movies. Three: if your request is chosen for the week, you must come up here and explain why you chose the movie you did, but don’t bullshit. If your reason is “I just like it”, then say that. Don’t try to sound cool, and start making up shit about cinematography and camera work or whatever. You ain’t slick, fool.”

“Why’re you talking like a lame Samuel L. Jackson?” Sora asks, looking annoyed.

“I dunno. I’m sorry.”

“Anyway. While Kiha recovers from that, four: we’re kind of obliged to say that pornography cannot be shown. Personally, I think that’s kinda lame, but whatever.” “True. Five: there will be absolutely no devil worship in the Film Society. So if you think Weinstein, or Scorsese, or fucking Selena Gomez are gods amongst mortals, get the fuck out now because you are not welcome here.” In the corner of his eye, Jeongguk sees someone raise their hand. “Yes. New kid.”

“Uh... what if we wanted to request something like Pulp Fiction? It’s a great film, but Weinstein worked on it, I think,” he asks.

“If we all come to a consensus and want to watch the movie, all good,” Sora answers. “We know some films are just absolute classics that are, unfortunately, directed and or produced by spawns of Satan, so we leave that up to the group to decide. Just don’t bring up any controversial producers and directors.”

“And actors,” Kiha adds.

“Yeah. Unless you’d like to get into a fight with Jinah. Fair warning: you’re gonna lose.” Someone on the other side of the room raises a fist in the air and nods. “Six: no sex. I know it’s fucking tempting with the dim lights and shit, but... keep it in your pants, people. And, that’s it I think.”

“Alright. Tonight’s film has been chosen by... who chose today’s film?”

“I think we picked Jungwoo, right?”

Jeongguk watches as someone by the front stands, turning around to face the group.

“Hey, guys. I’m Jungwoo. Uh, the movie I requested is Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds. I requested it because... I dunno. I just love the way Brad Pitt says Nazis in his weird ass accent in the movie, honestly. So... yeah.”

Jungwoo sits down as Kiha and Sora set the projector and laptop up, and Jeongguk looks around, shifting on his pile of cushions to get comfortable.

“Hey.”

Jeongguk turns when you grab his attention.

“You wanna sit on here with me?” you ask, already moving to the side. “Inglourious Basterds goes for two and a half hours. You might not have an ass if you’re on those pillows the entire time.” He chuckles softly.

“Have you seen the movie before, noona?” Jeongguk asks, sitting down next to you -- you’re right; now that he’s sitting on the bean bag, he knows he would’ve left with a numb ass if he stayed on those cushions.

“Mhm. A while ago though. Have you seen it?”

“Nah. I haven’t seen a lot of Tarantino movies. I’ve seen Kill Bill a couple times. And that one about the flight attendant lady who smuggles money for Samuel L. Jackson.”

“Oh, Jackie Brown. That’s a pretty good movie too.”

“Alright everyone,” Sora announces from the back of the room, standing by the light switches. “Phones off. Let’s watch.”

〰️

Jeongguk thinks the movie’s pretty good.

Until, that is, you decide to get comfortable about halfway through.

He tries, very hard, to keep his composure when you move around to sit a little closer to Jeongguk, not taking your eyes off the screen when you rest your head on his shoulder and press yourself against his side. You’re the epitome of calm, relaxed as if you do this all the time, but Jeongguk is the complete opposite, unsure if he’s about to piss his pants or pop a boner.

(He prays to God neither happens.)

Inglourious Basterds is gruesome, as all Tarantino films are, and Jeongguk tries his best to focus on all of it, eyes hyperfocused on the blood on the screen and not the blood heading south in his own body. He gulps, and tries to stay cool.

〰️

Fifteen minutes of the movie is enough for you to remember how the rest goes, and you proceed to zone out, not really watching what’s on the screen and instead, staring blankly towards the front.

It’s cruel, what you’re doing to Jeongguk, but Yoongi’s words don’t seem to sit right with you still as you replay them over and over again. You like to think that you’re pretty good at sensing looming crushes, at figuring out if someone is going to start developing some feelings before they’re even aware of it themselves, so needless to say, it’s stumps you that there’s a possibility that you hadn’t caught this early enough.

Since that night at the bar, you’d convinced yourself that it’s because you’re not fucking him that explains why you hadn’t suspected anything. You blame it on Jeongguk being new to the group, to Seoul itself, and assumed that the way he acted around you was just him being him.

So Yoongi telling you that he suspected that Jeongguk had a crush on you so blatantly like that had been a big slap to the face.

This is dangerous and ballsy, but you have to know for yourself if what Yoongi says is true. You shift around, adjust your position on the super sized bean bag to lie on your side pressed up against Jeongguk, eyes still glued to the screen in an image of nonchalance, and the way Jeongguk tenses a little against you tells you everything you need to know.

Fuck.

〰️

“See you guys next week,” Kiha says as everyone files out of the room, Sora adding a wave over their shoulder as they get to work on rolling up the screen of the projector.

“Wait, so... is that it, noona?” Jeongguk asks you once you’re both out of the room, slinging his bag over his shoulder.

“What do you mean?” you ask with a soft chuckle.

“Like... there’s no disussing or assignments? No three-page paper on the themes of Inglourious Basterds?” You throw your head back and laugh.

“It’s a club, babe, not a class. Kiha and Sora aren’t trying to add more to your workload.”

“So... we just watch movies every week? That’s it?”

You shrug.

“Pretty much, yeah. Sometimes, we’ll go down to watch a new release at the cinema or whatever, but for the most part, it’s just a movie or two in the Engineering building.”

“Wow. That’s... fucking cool,” Jeongguk says, nodding thoughtfully. You laugh and shake your head.

“Where are you headed to now, babe?” you ask. “You don’t have anymore classes, do you?”

“No, I’m all done for the week.” Jeongguk stops walking suddenly, hand resting on your arm to do the same. “Hey, noona. You wanna go get something to eat? My treat.”

“Wh-- Jeongguk, no way. I still owe you from baseball last week.”

“Noona, that was nothing. I told you that already,” he says, laughing. “It was just Burger King. And then you also let me sleep on your sofa that one time, and came to both my tryouts, so technically, I owe you.”

“God, you are next level,” you mutter, chuckling and shaking your head. “Alright, Richie Rich. Where do you wanna go?”

Jeongguk grins.

“Barbecue.”

“Barbec-- Jeon Jeongguk, are you insane?”

“C’mon, noona. I’m starved.”

〰️

“You wanna slow down there, champ?” you say, amused as you watch Jeongguk shovel another heaped spoonful of rice into his full cheeks. He smiles, tight-lipped, chewing and swallowing.

“Do you have work tomorrow, noona?” Jeongguk asks, reaching for a napkin to wipe the corners of his mouth.

“I do. Why? You wanna stop by?”

He shrugs.

“Depends. I’m not sure if Taehyung hyung wants to spend the entire day playing Overwatch again. It’s kinda weird though.”

“What is?”

“I never really thought I’d enjoy going to a club. Like, there’s so many people, and it smells like sweat and... other bodily fluids... I mean, how can you work there, noona?”

“I mean, the pay’s pretty good. And for the most part, as long as I’m behind the bar, I’m fine,” you reply. “Most guys are too drunk to coordinate their limbs over the counter and shit, you know?”

“But... the smell... the people...”

“You get used to it after a while. A couple shots every now and again helps.”

“Man,” Jeongguk sighs. “I could never. You’ve got bigger balls than me, noona.”

“So. Should I keep an eye out for you tomorrow night?”

“I’ll text you.”

〰️

“On your left, Jeon,” Taehyung says, fingers moving frantically across the keyboard of his laptop.

“Yep. I see him,” Jeongguk replies, licking his lips in anticipation.

The ruckus outside of Taehyung’s room is drowned out by the sounds coming from his laptop and Jeongguk’s, two pairs of eyes glued to the screens, half empty Red Bull cans at their feet.

Taehyung whoops when a player of the opposition dies, and Jeongguk grins, chest swelling with pride as they win yet another match.

“Dude.” Taehyung flexes his fingers as Jeongguk finishes off the last of his drink. “Have I ever told you how fucking glad I am that you moved down here?”

“Only every time we’ve played Overwatch together, yeah,” Jeongguk chuckles.

“Well, I just wanna say I’m glad one more time. Another round?”

“Sure, hyung. Just give me a minute. I’m about to piss my fucking pants.”

“I reckon I should get a toilet installed in my room. Do you know how goddamn convenient that’d be?”

“Gross. Your room’s gonna smell even more like shit than it already does,” Jeongguk says, scrunching up his nose as he walks out.

“Dick.”

Jeongguk laughs to himself as he makes his way over to the bathroom and proceeds to empty out a bladder full of coffee and Red Bull. It’s a disgusting combination, and he finds himself wincing at the smell, vowing to never subject his body to such an atrocity, knowing full well he’ll do it again next week when Taehyung is rousing him from his sleep Saturday morning.

He’s in the middle of washing his hands when his phone chimes in the pocket of his sweatpants, and then again when he haphazardly dries his hands on his shirt before he fishes it out.

< hey, guk. i won’t be coming into work tonight :( think we might’ve eaten something weird last night? i feel like shit’s shit > < how’re you? are you feeling alright? have you been gracing the porcelain with your beautiful face like i have?? >

“What’s up with you?”

Jeongguk looks up from his phone at the sound of Taehyung’s voice once he’s stepped back into his room.

“Huh?”

“You look like you just found out your grandpa died,” Taehyung says. His eyes grow wide the second he finishes. “Wait. He didn’t, did he? Oh my God, fuck. I’m so--”

“No, I’m fine. My grandpa died when I was two, hyung. I’m good,” Jeongguk replies, sitting back down in front of his laptop, phone tucked back into his sweatpants.

“Oh. Then why were you looking at your phone like that? Don’t tell me you got kicked off one of the teams, man. I was looking forward to coming watch you.”

Jeongguk snorts.

“You told me yesterday that you wanted to pick up chicks and dicks at every game.”

“That too. But, for real. What’s up?”

Jeongguk hesitates, worrying at his lip and picking at the edge of his thumbnail.

“Nothing. _____ noona just texted me saying she won’t be going to work tonight, that’s all,” he says, trying to sound casual, unbothered. Taehyung, however, sees right past that, arching a questioning eyebrow at the younger.

“_____?” Jeongguk shrugs, reaching over to grab a new can of Red Bull. “As in... my sister, _____?”

“Step sister,” Jeongguk mutters under his breath.

“You can’t pull the ‘step sister’ card on me, dude,” Taehyung laughs. “But, regardless, explain.”

“Wh-- um, what am I explaining exactly?”

“Let’s start with why you’re texting my sister.”

Jeongguk watches Taehyung crack open another can of Red Bull, leaning back against his bed with a growing smirk on his lips. Jeongguk doesn’t know why he’s nervous; he’s not guilty of anything, and it’s an innocent question from Taehyung. He knows nothing about his not-crush; if anything, his smugness is an indication that Taehyung assumes Jeongguk has joined the gang of guys having sex with you.

Jeongguk desperately wills the rising blood to his cheeks away at the thought.

“Well, uh... we’re both in Film Society together,” Jeongguk offers.

“And?” Taehyung prompts. “Just ‘cause you guys are in the same club, doesn’t mean you gotta be texting each other.”

“Uh... I asked her to have dinner with me last night after Film Society because I still owe her from baseball. And, uh, we were just talking and stuff. I was gonna go down to the club and hangout today if she was working.”

“Uh huh.” The corners of Taehyung’s mouth twitch as he holds back a grin. “And, just to clarify, you were the one who asked her to have dinner with you last night?”

“Um... yeah.”

“Jeon Jeongguk, are you fucking my sister?”

Jeongguk stutters and stammers at Taehyung’s question, caught off guard by how upfront the elder is. He can’t even begin to comprehend it all, mind reeling with hypotheticals and an out of control imagination that he has to get a grip of.

“Wh-- h-hyung!” he splutters. “No! N-no, I... I’m not h-having sex with your sister! I swear! We were just... w-we just hung out last night after Film Society. We’re just friends.”

Taehyung hums, fingers tapping on the rim of his can as he says, “I mean, sure, but _____’s also friends with Jimin, and Yoongi hyung, and a bunch of other frat dudes, but that doesn’t stop them from doin’ the do any time they’re feeling horny.” Jeongguk looks everywhere but at Taehyung; Taehyung chuckles at the sheer panic on the younger’s face. “Hey. Dude, it’s fine. If you’re fucking my sister, it’s chill. I don’t really care. She can do whatever she wants; it’s her body. And you can do whatever you want.”

“Hyung... seriously. I haven’t had sex with _____ noona,” Jeongguk urges.

“Hmm. Well, if that’s true, then I’m surprised. You seem like you’d be her ideal lay.”

Jeongguk opens his mouth to ask for some clarification, but Taehyung cuts him off with a slap to the younger’s knee, jerking his chin towards his laptop.

〰️

“I love Saturdays. Don’t you love Saturdays, Guk?” Hoseok asks.

“Huh? Oh. Yeah, sure,” Jeongguk says, not looking up from his phone, resting on his elbows against the kitchen counter. “Hey, um. Do you know how to make juk, hyung?”

Hoseok looks at him with confusion, bottle of soju in hand.

“Jeongguk, no one in this house cooks. Well, no one except Jin hyung, but he’s busy with Namjoon doing whatever the fuck they do on Saturdays. Those lame slam poetry readings at those bougie bars or whatever.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Do you want juk? They probably sell instant juk at convenience stores and shit. It’s probably not the kind your mama makes, but who’s expecting that?”

“Aren’t those, like, super salty and bad for you?”

“Probably,” Hoseok replies, shrugging. “But it’s either that, or you learn how to cook, dude.”

“True.”

“I guess if you want the good shit, you’d go to, like, a supermarket. If you’ve got the funds, anyway.”

“Right.” Jeongguk taps his finger against his phone, thinking. “Do you think anyone’ll let me borrow their car, hyung?”

“Probably not. We have a bad rep with cars, and on Saturdays, they’re either in use, or two kilometres away from being totalled. You can use my board if you want though.”

“Yeah?”

“As long as you return it in one piece.”

“Of course, hyung,” Jeongguk replies, straightening up with a smile. “I’m not Taehyung hyung.”

〰️

Jeongguk holds Hoseok’s skateboard tucked tightly between his arm and side, wary of keeping a distance from the stacked foods along the shelves. He picks up a plastic wrapped styrofoam cup of instant soup, turning it in his hand to read off the label.

Reduced salt.

That sounds like a good thing, right?

He puts the cup back onto the shelf, and pulls out his phone to read off the list he’d typed up earlier.

Instant juk. Bananas. Plain crackers. Something with electrolytes.

Jeongguk frowns at the shelves full of cups of instant foods, lamenting on all the requests he turned down from his mother to join her in the kitchen back home in Busan. This’ll have to do for now, he muses, making a mental note to learn how to cook.

Jeongguk wanders the aisles and picks up everything he needs: three cups of instant juk (reduced salt), a bundle of bananas, unsalted rice crackers, and two bottles of Pocari Sweat. He watches, adjusting his grip on the skateboard, as the cashier scans and bags everything, taking his card and swiping it through the machine boredly.

(A second mental note: start looking for a job.)

The ride to the Eta Theta Tau sorority house is uneventful and quick, the streets not too busy; Jeongguk assumes that at eight o’clock in the evening on a Saturday, most normal college students are getting ready for parties, not riding down the empty streets on a borrowed skateboard to bring food to their friend-slash-maybe-but-not-really-crush.

When he gets to the front door of the Eta Theta Tau sorority house, it occurs to Jeongguk that he has no idea what the protocol is: does he knock, or is he allowed to walk right in? He’s not here for a party. He picks up the skateboard, tucks it under his arm, shifting his hold on the bag of groceries to grab his phone.

But he hesitates again because he could call, but you might not be feeling well enough to meet him at the doo--

“Oh!”

Jeongguk looks up to find the front door now wide open, a wide-eyed and surprised Halla standing in the doorway.

“Jeongguk... sunbaenim, right?” she asks, smiling politely.

“Uh, yeah. Halla, right? From the party?” Jeongguk asks back, eyes narrowed slightly in thought.

“That’s me. What brings you to the Hot Box, sunbaenim?”

“Oh. Right. Um, _____ noona’s here, right?”

“Yeah, she is! Although, she’s not feelin’ so hot right now. Food poisoning, I think she said. Real gnarly.” Halla makes a face, shaking her head. “But she’s upstairs in her room, if you so dare to enter the dragon’s lair.” Jeongguk chuckles, stepping inside when she steps aside and waves an arm, letting him in.

“Thanks. You heading out somewhere?” he asks.

“Mhm! Hyuna unnie told me to meet her down at the Pie Hole,” Halla answers, fixing her hair.

“The... Pie Hole?”

“The Delta Pi frat house. Their parties are supposed to be epic. Unforgettable.”

“Does every frat and sorority have a nickname or something?”

“From what I’ve heard? I think so.”

“Uh huh. Wait. What’s the nickname for Beta Tau then?”

Halla tilts her head, lower lip jutted out.

“I think Beta Tau are the Boyscouts or something.” Halla smiles, dipping her head a little in a polite bow. “I’ll see you around, sunbaenim. Tell unnie I hope she gets better soon!”

Jeongguk watches Halla walk off with a wave over her shoulder, waving back dumbfoundedly.

〰️

You groan softly and lift your head up off the pillow, emerging from your little blanket cocoon at the sound of gentle knocking on your bedroom door.

“Who is it?” you croak.

“It’s me, noona,” you hear, eyebrows rising in surprise at the voice.

“Come in.”

You watch as your door opens slowly, Jeongguk’s head poking into your room tentatively.

“Hey, noona,” he says, smiling as he steps into the room, shutting the door behind him.

“Hey, babe. What’re you doing here? You feeling okay?”

“I’m doin’ okay. But I had, like, five Red Bulls and a couple coffees with Taehyung hyung today, so maybe not.”

You chuckle softly, pushing yourself up to sit against the wall as Jeongguk sets his skateboard down by your door and sits down at the foot of your bed.

“What’s in the bag?” you ask.

“Oh. Um.” He pulls it closer, reaching in to unpack everything, laying it all out on the sheets. “I bought you some stuff. I feel bad, ‘cause... y’know. I asked you to eat barbecue with me last night, but you got sick and I didn’t.”

You click your tongue.

“Guk, it’s fine. It happens. You didn’t have to go and buy me all this.”

“No, for real, noona,” he insists. “Also, um, sorry I only got instant juk. I’d cook you some, but... well, I can’t. I bought you some Pocari Sweat, and some bananas too. Oh, and some rice crackers as well.”

“God, you are really something, Jeongguk,” you say, laughing and shaking your head as you reach for the packet of crackers. “Last time I was sick, Taehyung sat right there, sipping his Coke, saying I had it coming for me.”

“That’s kinda mean.”

“That’s Taehyung for you.”

“Should I cook one of these for you, noona?” Jeongguk asks, reaching for one of the plastic-wrapped styrofoam cups.

“Nah, it’s fine. I’m not crazy hungry right now,” you reply, grabbing his wrist before he can get off your bed. “The crackers and the banana look good.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” you chuckle. “Let’s just sit here and watch a crime documentary on Netflix or something. I’m not getting out of this bed for a while.”

“You... you like crime documentaries too, noona?”

Jeongguk looks at you with eyes as wide and round as a baby deer, and you can’t help the fond smile that spreads across your face.

“Sure do, babe,” you say, wiggling your eyebrows.

“Have you seen the Making a Murderer one?” he asks, excitement clear in his eyes as he turns around and sits on his knees, leaning forward with anticipation.

“Oof. A classic. Put that one on.”

〰️

Jeongguk’s eyes are so hyper-focused on the screen of your laptop, that he doesn’t notice the added weight on his arm right away.

“It’s pretty tough, don’t you think, noona?” he mutters quietly, not turning. “How can you tell if they’re really innocent, or just really good actors?” He doesn’t get a reply. “Noona?”

When Jeongguk finally turns to look at you, he almost chokes on his own spit. The documentary continues to play, but he pays it no attention, stunned silent by the way you’ve fallen asleep on his shoulder, hands softly curled around his forearm. His heartbeat is deafening in his ears, taking in the way your eyelashes seem to cast a slight shadow on your cheeks; the way your lips are parted is unfairly tempting, and Jeongguk isn’t sure how strong his resolve is. He swallows thickly, throat suddenly dry.

“Noon--” Nope. Bad idea, Jeongguk thinks, realising that he should let you sleep since you aren’t feeling well. He leans over as best as he can without disturbing you to pause the documentary, the room drowning in almost complete silence immediately.

The position you’re in is bound to leave you with a stiff neck or a sore shoulder, and as much as he wants to let you sleep, he cannot let you sleep like that. With weird and awkward manoeuvring, he manages to nudge the laptop shut with his socked foot without jostling you too much. He doesn’t know how to go about moving you from your half-sitting-up position to lying down properly on your bed without somehow wrapping his arms around you and getting into a very awkward position that, in the event you wake up in the process, he would have no idea where to begin explaining himself. Still, the need to make sure that you don’t wake up with a sore neck on top of your food poisoning outweighs whatever weird feeling is stirring in his stomach at the sight of you pressed up against him, neatly polished nails stark against his forearm.

He sends a silent apology your way, unable to shake this weird feeling of violating you when he leans over and tucks his hand between the bed and your thighs, slowly lifting you to pull you down gently, stretching your legs out from where you’d pulled them up against his knee. You stir, and Jeongguk freezes immediately at the way you make a soft sound, your head turning slightly, hair falling over your cheek, lips parted. He swallows thickly at the sight before him, all of a sudden hyper aware of how hot his hands feel from the nerves and Something Else, and he withdraws his hand from your thighs as soon as he realises he hasn’t.

Jeongguk waits a beat for you to settle before he attempts to pull his arm out of your grasp. He doesn’t know if he’s only imagining the way your fingers seem to tighten their hold on his forearm ever so slightly, but it makes him freeze again nevertheless. He spends a moment trying to figure out a good plan of action, and maybe it’s the smell of your shampoo, or the faint aroma of perfume hanging in the air, but something seems to lead him to lying down with you.

If he can’t make you lie down on your own, he’ll just coax you into doing it with him.

Jeongguk wraps an arm around your thighs again. There’s a dull ache in his shoulder starting to creep up on him from holding himself up for so long on his elbow, careful not to crush you. Gently he pulls your legs down to slowly drag your body down his bed, your back sliding against the pillows to lay flat on the mattress. Jeongguk stops to shuffle himself down until he’s level with you, your hands still wrapped around his arm, and soon enough, he finds himself hitting the pillow beside you.

Jeongguk stares with wide eyes at your sleeping face, fascinated with the pink of your cheek where it had been resting on his shoulder. If you were to wake up now, he thinks, he would have no clue what to even say to you to begin to explain why he’s here, on your bed, lying beside you, eyelids growing heavy with sudden sleepiness. He feels your fingers twitch against his arm before you start to shift, still asleep, lips in a pout as you roll over onto your side, draping an arm across his stomach.

Jeongguk’s eyes snap open, and he wills all the blood in his body to not head south immediately.

He’s never been more tense in his life, and he’ll be very surprised if the rapid beating of his heart doesn’t wake you up. He swallows thickly and dares to look down, relieved to see that you’re still sound asleep, face smushed up against his chest, soft breaths ghosting across his shirt.

You shuffle again, and Jeongguk has no time to try and hold back his gasp when your leg drapes over his thighs, chest rising with surprise. He stares up at the ceiling, holding his breath as you mumble incoherent words unknowingly.

“Noo--” he starts, stopping himself immediately before he can finish. He breaks out into a cold sweat, hands clammy be his side.

The seconds -- minutes -- seem to tick by slower than usual, the traffic outside quieting down until all Jeongguk can hear is the sound of your breaths while you sleep. Gradually, the urge for everything to rush south subsides in favour of his body warming beside yours, a fond smile forming on his lips the longer he looks at you. This close, he swears he can count all your eyelashes, mentally trace patterns with the tiny moles on your cheek and neck, and before he can stop himself, his eyelids begin to grow heavy, certainly too heavy to keep open any longer.

Jeongguk tells himself he’ll just rest his eyes for a few minutes -- staring at the screen was a lot for his eyes, after all -- but inevitably, without meaning to, he falls asleep, face just inches away from yours.

〰️

Before you’ve even opened your eyes, the first thing you notice when you wake up is how much stiffer your pillow seems to be than usual, and the way it seems to rise and fall in time to your breaths.

When it dawns on you what you ‘pillow’ is, you slowly crack one eye open, hesitantly focusing your gaze.

Oh fuck, is your initial thought.

Oh. FUCK, is your second.

You stomach stirs ominously; it’s unpleasant, but tolerable, and definitely better than how it was yesterday. You open both eyes properly to take a look at Jeongguk’s sleeping face, and you curse yourself for staring, completely enamoured by his parted pink lips and the slight flush creeping on his cheek from where its pressed up against your pillow. Every fibre of your being is telling you to look away or push him off the bed and wake him up, but you can’t. You can’t bring yourself to look away, not when Jeongguk’s lips look so ready for a quick peck, or how adorable the fading scars from past pimples scatter his cheeks like faint freckles.

You really should turn away, or at least shut your eyes and pretend to still be asleep in case he wakes up, but you just can’t.

You hold your breath when Jeongguk starts to stir, tongue darting out to lick his chapped lips, nose and eyebrows scrunching up. He takes a deep breath in, and groans slowly as his eyes blink open.

It takes him a moment to properly wake up.

“G’mornin’, noona,” he says, voice croaky and rough with sleep. He clears his throat quietly, one hand reaching up to rub his eyes.

Then, all of a sudden, Jeongguk stops, freezes, before lowering his hand slowly to look at you.

“Noona!” he cries out, jerking back so quickly to create distance between the both of you that he ends up falling off the bed completely. You gasp, scrambling up onto your knees to lean over.

“Jeongguk? You okay?” you ask.

His words come out rapid fire as he quickly gets up to stand, hands frantically trying to tame his hair. “Yep. Mhm. Yep. I’m good. I’m okay.” His eyes look all around the room, anywhere but you, and it’s cute as fuck -- so cute, that you can’t help but smile fondly as he clears his throat and scratches the side of his neck.

“You okay?” you ask again, stretching your hand out. He looks at your hand like it’s the first time he’s ever seen a hand, but takes it eventually, standing to sit down on the edge of your bed.

“Yeah,” he says softly. “Sorry.”

“For what?”

“Well, I-I mean... I fell asleep here... and I probably took up all the space... a-and--”

“Babe. It’s fine.”

“Huh?”

“It’s fine. I’m glad you slept over, actually. It was nice to know someone was watchin’ out for me,” you reply, laughing.

“Oh.” Jeongguk blinks, as if processing the information. “Well, I felt bad -- I still do, honestly. You wouldn’t have gotten sick if I didn’t ask you to have dinner with me.”

You click your tongue.

“I said it last night, and I’m saying it again: Jeon Jeongguk, it’s fine. It happens. Don’t beat yourself up about it,” you say, shuffling over to drape yourself over his back, chin resting on his shoulder, arms loosely locked around his neck. He stiffens a little, and tries his best not to be so obvious with the way he breathes in sharply at the sudden hug. “And you bought me all that stuff. If you owed me because I got sick -- which you definitely don’t -- you’ve already paid it back. Consider yourself a debt free man.”

Jeongguk worries at his bottom lip, fidgeting with his fingers, thoughts running a mile a minute because this is all too much to handle so early in the morning. This close, he can smell your shampoo, and the remnants of your perfume, and he’s a little dizzy with how nice the combination is.

“I mean...” he starts. “If... if you’re sure, noona.”

“A hundred percent,” you reply back instantly. “Don’t worry so much. You’re the last person in Beta Tau to owe me anything right now. You have nothing to feel bad about. ‘Kay?” You see Jeongguk jut his bottom lip out, nodding back in reply anyway.

“Mmkay.”

〰️

“Jeon Jeongguk.”

Jeongguk furrows his brow, Hoseok’s skateboard tucked under his arm, the laces of his sneakers half untied. The sight of Taehyung, Jimin, Hoseok and a disgruntled Yoongi in front of him, arms crossed over their chests, is a strange thing to see at half past ten in the morning, and Jeongguk is undoubtedly confused.

“Uh... yeah?”

“Where’ve you been?” Jimin asks. “You didn’t come home last night.”

Jeongguk clears his throat, and straightens up, shoving his free hand into the pocket of his sweatpants as he toes off his shoes.

“Right. Yeah, um. Sorry.”

“Where’ve you been?” Taehyung says, repeating Jimin’s question.

“Um. The Hot Box?”

“The Hot Box,” Hoseok repeats, eyes narrowing with suspicion. “You spent the night at the Hot Box. And what business do you have over there?”

Jeongguk clears his throat again and sniffs, tampering down the nervousness that’s quickly rising in his chest, instead feigning nonchalance.

“Well, if you must know, hyung,” he replies. “I was taking care of _____ noona.”

Yoongi eyes dart towards the younger, expression giving no clues away.

“‘Taking care of _____’,” Taehyung repeats, fingers curling in the air in makeshift quotation marks.

“Taking care of her... with your dick?” Jimin asks, smirking.

“No,” Jeongguk says, proud of himself for not choking on his own spit at the accusation. “She had -- no, has food poisoning. I was making sure she was okay.”

“Making sure she was okay by giving her a little Netflix and Chill.”

“Yeah, but not in the way you’re implying, hyung. We watched a crime documentary and slept.”

“And did your dick make an appearance, Jeon?” Taehyung asks, sniggering.

“Wh-- no!”

“You’ve slept over at _____’s room twice now, and you’re telling me you two haven’t fucked?” Hoseok asks. “Honestly, I dunno if I’m more surprised by you or her!”

“You idiots woke me up for this?” Yoongi says, sighing and ruffling his hair. “Who cares if Guk and _____ are fuckin’?”

“I do,” Jimin says, jabbing his finger against his chest.

“Why?”

“Because I think it’s only fair that our fellow brother here gets a good piece of ass during his time here. _____ needs a good talking to.”

“Oh. She’s gonna get one,” Taehyung says, nodding firmly.

Jeongguk watches Yoongi shut his eyes and take a long, deep breath in through his nose.

“I’m out,” he says. “You bitches are on a whole ‘nother level of ridiculous.”

Hoseok steps forward towards Jeongguk, draping his arm around the younger’s shoulders as Yoongi shuffles away and back upstairs to his room.

“Dude. You really didn’t bone _____? For reals?” he asks.

“I didn’t,” Jeongguk replies, toeing off his shoes. “You can ask her if you want.”

“Damn. Prayer circle for the Jeon, coming right up,” Taehyung says, frowning.

〰️

You drop your bag down with a loud thud, dropping yourself down onto the bench and leaning over to snatch Taehyung’s drink right out of his grasp, just as he’s about to take a sip.

“That’s it,” you say, sipping loudly on his Coke. “I’m quitting Yoga.”

“Wh-- oh wow, hello,” Jimin says, eyebrows raised as he gives you a onceover.

“Please keep your dick at bay, Park Jimin. I feel like death.”

“Yoga?” Taehyung chuckles, taking his drink back.

“Hot yoga. Jesus fuck, I thought I was gonna pass out doing the goddamn downward dog.” You sigh, tucking a sweaty lock of hair behind your ear. “Where is everyone?”

“It’s Monday morning. Probably asleep.”

“Except Jeongguk. He’s at practice,” Jimin says, leaning over to take a sip from Taehyung’s drink too.

“Oh?” You sit up onto the table, eyebrow raised as you cross your legs. “Swim, or baseball?”

“Can’t remember, but the guy was up at the fuckin’ crack of dawn.”

“I have a question though, o great sister of mine: you really haven’t hooked up with Jeongguk?” Taehyung asks, leaning forward and nudging your yoga pants-covered knee. “Like, legit?”

“Yeah, legit. Why? Is that really so hard to believe?” you ask.

“A little, mainly because he seems like he’s right up your alley.” Taehyung finishes off his drink, before tossing the empty cup into the closest trash can, groaning when it bounces off the rim and falls to the concrete ground, lid popping off on impact. “But, hey. If he’s not your type, he’s not your type.”

“Well... it’s not that he’s not my type, per se...”

“So, you do wanna bone.”

“I mean... if he asked, I wouldn’t say no. I’m not ins--”

“Hey. Wow, you look... gross.”

Three heads turn, watching Hoseok approach the table, Jeongguk and Namjoon following right behind. You scoff at the scowl on Hoseok’s face.

“Dude. Showers exist for a reason,” he says.

“Give me a break. You try doing hot yoga on the cusp of Summer, bitch,” you say.

“No one forced you to join the Yoga Club. That was your choice. And clubs don’t contribute to your grades, so it’s not like you have to do the hot yoga sesh to be able to graduate.”

“Whatever. I’ll leave then if my sweat is so offensive to you, oppa.”

“Ya nasty, _____. Downright nasty.”

You roll your eyes and get off the table, bending down to pick up your bag.

“I actually do have to go though. I have a lab at nine,” you say.

“How fun,” Namjoon says, chuckling.

“Oh, definitely. We’re dissecting spleens today. Joy.”

“I hope you’re gonna shower first,” Hoseok says. “See, you should be more like Jeongguk here. Jeongguk swam, like, ten kilometres, was soaked head to toe in chlorinated water, and still had the decency to take a shower before coming here. Why can’t you be more like Guk here?”

You look over Hoseok’s shoulder to where Jeongguk stands, one strap of his bag slung over his shoulder, giving you a little wave and a shy smile.

“Hey, Guk,” you say, smiling back, glaring at Hoseok briefly, your whole demeanour shifting quickly, depending on who your attention is directed at. “How was practice?”

“Hey. Yeah, it was good, noona,” he replies, carding his fingers through his still-damp hair. “I haven’t swam that much in a while though, so I’m probably gonna be sore for a few days.”

“I’m sure _____’ll be more than happy to give you a massage,” Jimin says, smirking. “Her hands are amazing, dude.”

Jeongguk’s cheeks colour and warm up while you turn to look at Jimin over your shoulder with a pointed look.

“Well these hands won’t be goin’ anywhere near you any time soon, babe,” you say.

“Woah, woah, woah. Wait. That’s not fair!”

“Should’ve thought of that before you said some clown shit, you fool. Alright. I’m off.”

“Wait, noona,” Jeongguk says, hand on your wrist to stop you from walking too far. “When’s your last class today?”

“I’ll be done by three today. You want me to wait for you before we go to Photography?”

“I mean... if that’s okay with you. My last class finishes at four.”

“That’s all good,” you say. “I got some books I need to pick up from the library anyway.”

“Ah. Should I meet you there, noona?”

“If you want. Or I can meet you somewhere closer.”

Jeongguk hums softly, lips pouted as he thinks it over.

“The library should be good,” he replies. “I’ll run over as soon as I’m done.”

“Sounds good -- but you don’t have to literally run, babe.”

“Eh. What’s a light jog in the middle of the day?”

You snort, shaking your head with a laugh.

“Alright, well, I’m off. I’ll see you losers later!” you say, waving over Jeongguk’s shoulder at the rest of the group, who reply with tired waves back.

〰️

“I see we’ve got some new faces,” Jaewon says, rolling a camera lens between his hands, watching as people file into the room. “Hmm? I see the troublemaker’s back.”

“Wow,” you say, scoffing. “You’re really gonna say that when you made me the subject of your last portfolio?”

“You’ve got a pretty face, _____, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re like a goddamn typhoon when it comes to the student body.”

“_____’s got the student body,” Yura says as she walks past, sending a wink your way.

“Glad to see you’ve always got my back, unnie,” you say, laughing.

“Ooh, new guy,” Wheein says, sidling up to Jaewon. “Wow. Look at that jawline. That shit could cut a brick.”

“Guys, this is Jeongguk. Guk, this is Jaewon oppa, president of the club; Yura unnie, the secretary; and Wheein unnie, the treasurer.”

“Hello. It’s nice to meet you guys,” Jeongguk says, bowing his head in greeting.

“Hey, as VP, couldn’t you make more of an effort to get here earlier? You should be setting an example to the rest of the club members,” Jaewon sighs, nudging your shoulder with the camera lens.

“Hey, I got here, didn’t I?” you reply. “And besides, I waited for Jeongguk to finish class so that we could walk here together. It’s his first meeting and all.”

“Yeah, yeah. Alright. Let’s get started. Everyone, grab a seat!”

〰️

“Well, we’re getting closer to the Summer break. Should we set a little project, kids?” Jaewon asks; he’s met with a room of groans.

“Hey, c’mon, guys,” you say, laughing from where you’re sitting on the edge of the table. “It’s not gonna be that bad. It’s not even mandatory. It’s just a club, remember?”

“Way to keep them motivated, VP. Anyway, in the spirit of photography, we’re gonna set a little project for you kids. We want you guys to build up a portfolio of pictures that showcases your Summer.”

“It doesn’t have to be a huge portfolio,” you add. “It can have as little or as many photos as you want, just as long as it captures the essence of your beautiful time away from these lecture theatres.”

“We’re planning on having the presentations on the second meeting after the Summer break, just to give you guys some time to edit the photos and compile everything together, but you’ll have the whole break to take all the photos you want.”

“The next few meetings until the break’ll be some time to plan out your portfolios and take some test shots around campus, if you so please. It’s a free for all; you pick your photos and topics. Everyone just remember the club rules—”

“No nudes, no lewds, no boobs,” Jaewon finishes.

“It’s a damn shame, honestly,” Wheein says as the club members disperse, sliding off the table she was sitting on to cross the room and grab her camera. “_____ photographs so well when she’s naked.”

The club sniggers and you laugh loudly, amused by the scandalised look on Jaewon’s face.

“Why do you act like you’ve never seen _____ naked?” Yura asks, shoving Jaewon’s shoulder. “I saw your fucking portfolio’s B-cuts, idiot.”

“What a church boy,” Wheein says, grinning as she wraps an arm around Yura’s waist, chin resting on her shoulder.

“Well... I don’t think I’ve ever met a church boy who sends dick pics to the entire yoga club — allegedly by accident.”

“That was no fuckin’ accident.”

“Jeongguk, right?”

“Um, yep,” Jeongguk asks, frozen at your side.

“You’re not a church boy, are you?”

“Um... not that I’m aware of, no?”

Yura and Wheein look at you pointedly; you shrug dismissively in reply.

〰️

“You know some... interesting people, noona,” Jeongguk says, chuckling as you both walk out of the club room, slinging his bag onto his shoulder.

“I’m sure you’ll meet a few characters while you’re here, babe,” you laugh. “You’re in two clubs and two varsity sports teams.”

“It’s funny. I thought I needed to join more clubs, because I was worried I wasn’t in enough. But I dunno if I could handle more than what I already have.”

“Mmm, I think you’re good for now. You’re in more than everyone else at Beta Tau. I think those guys are more interested in maintaining their place at the frat, to be honest.”

“That’s fair, I guess.”

“What are you doing for the rest of the night?” you ask.

“Not sure, but I’m exhausted,” Jeongguk replies, running his fingers through his hair.

“Oh yeah. You’ve been up for a while, huh?” He hums in reply.

“Gonna take a while to get used to this routine, I think.”

You bring Jeongguk over to one of the last remaining food trucks on campus, the smell of hot soup and spicy rice cakes rich in the air.

“Let’s grub, bub,” you say, nodding your head in greeting to the vendor, pulling out one of the plastic stools under the bench, Jeongguk following suit as he drops his bag at his feet.

“Damn. This smells so good,” he says, taking a deep breath.

“Auntie Choi’s the best on campus. You can never go wrong with her food.”

Auntie Choi scoffs, waving her hand dismissively as she laughs quietly and serves you both a bowl of noodles, eventually turning her attention back to cutting up and skewering fish cakes.

“Thank you for the food,” you and Jeongguk say, snapping your chopsticks and digging in.

Jeongguk groans with a mouthful of noodles as he looks at you, and you completely understand, without words, what he’s trying to say. The food is really damn good, there’s absolutely no denying it, and you won’t be even a tiny bit surprised if Jeongguk himself becomes a regular customer just like you.

A bowl of noodles, two plates of spicy rice cakes, and an argument over who was paying — you won eventually — later, the both of you head back to the houses, Jeongguk, once again, dropping you off at the sorority first before he heads back to Beta Tau.

You’re halfway through your nighttime skincare routine when your phone pings with a new message.

< noona, do you have any camera recommendations?? i forgot to ask you earlier at dinner hehe >

“Cute,” you say quietly as you finish rubbing moisturiser into you skin before you reply to him.

The conversation lasts well into the night, the both of you falling asleep somewhere around half past one, in the middle of sharing vine compilations, and you letting Jeongguk know of the inner workings of the Beta Tau Fraternity.

“Woah, dude. You good?” Namjoon says the next morning, eyebrows furrowed as he holds a hand out to stop Jeongguk from walking any further down the hall. “Did you not sleep?”

“Huh?” Jeongguk asks, ruffling his hair mid-yawn. “Oh. Yeah, I’m good, hyung. Just had a late night.”

“Thought you would’ve knocked out in an instant. You were up even earlier than me and Jin hyung yesterday.”

Jeongguk chuckles tiredly, saying, “yeah, I was pretty exhausted; but, uh... I was talking to _____ noona last night. Lost track of the time I guess.”

“Ah.”

Jeongguk looks at Namjoon, and hates the look the elder gives him.

“Don’t, hyung,” he groans. “I don’t need you giving me shit too.”

“Alright, alright,” Namjoon replies, chuckling.

“Why does everyone react like that anytime I bring up _____ noona?”

“I guess she has... somewhat of a reputation.”

“What, because she sleeps with a lot of people? But she’s a straight A student too. Why doesn’t anyone focus on that?”

Namjoon shrugs, saying, “dunno, but I feel like she’s kind of made her reputation more about her... ‘sleeping habits’, rather than her academic standing.”

“Huh?”

Chuckling, Namjoon pats Jeongguk’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, Guk. If you enjoy her company, you enjoy her company. _____’s honestly pretty entertaining ninety-nine percent of the time. She’s a good study buddy, good friend, and... I’ll admit it: she’s great in bed too.”

“Wait, wh—”

“Go to class, dude. I gotta go take a shower.”

#jungkook #jeon jeongguk #bts #bangtan #bts scenarios #fratboy!au #me: crawls out of the sewer to post #also me: crawls back in

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stargleeksil-blog · 7 years ago

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Criminal Minds s04e11 Normal review - or more aptly named, the most unnormal thing they could ever dream up, and I think I just officially died and this is my spirit writing from now on.

Episode 11 – Normal

Hey y’all! So I’m trying to crack in as many of these as I can before my shift tomorrow at 14:45 … mmm. Well, this one is titled ‘normal’ and I doubt it would be.

Darn.

Let’s see what happens.

I really don’t like how that lady is treating Norman. So what if he wants to wear that tie? Ugh.

Wait. I know that actor.

Nailed it! Mitch Pileggi, Dean and Sam’s grandpa from Supernatural!

Oh my god, I love that old fart!

Aww, he’s an anal toy car collector! So cute!

Oh my god! It’s Meredith from “The Parent Trap”! Oh lovely!

Oh he’s pissed at her. Damn.

Did he just seriously shoot her because she cut him off? Fuck!

Hey! That’s Faith Ford! I didn’t recognize her before! Oh my god, this episode is going to be awesome with such a cast of guest stars. YAY!

What’s he doing now? Oh god.

H.L. Mencken: “Every normal man must be tempted to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats.” Oh god. This doesn’t bode well.

Wait. Meredith, sorry Judy, survived the crash but is paralyzed from the waist down? Oh my goodness fucking gracious. That is one lucky bitch.

“The third victim was shot last week, we just got the phone call today?” Poodle is right, doesn’t make sense.

Wait. So Rossi says it’s the same weapon,

Poodle thinks not because the shots are wider ….

Yet, Rossi somehow knows he’s sawing off the shotgun? How?

Fuck you, Jordan.

GINA TORRES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, this episode officially got AWESOME!

She’s one of my heroes.

Poodle face in the background.

“You might have got everything squared away.”

Confused poodle face.

Why is Derek writing on a whiteboard so hot to me?

Why is he writing in caps this time? Weird.

“What you think the first shooting was spontaneous?” hmm.

So she antagonized the dude? Oh boy.

So the bossy lady represents his wife? Oh boy.

“She’s just a scapegoat for his own personal failings.”

Oh honey.

I can’t believe Matthew Gray Gubler got to act with fucking Gina Torres. She’s one my personal heroes as a guest star, she’s always dazzling and on point. Amazing.

My poodle is onto something.

SUPERHEROES! And Gina Torres

“Are you saying this guy’s gonna kill his wife and kids?” Unfortunately, soon, lovely lady.

So this guy just feels emasculated in his own home, so he takes it out on females who represent the women in his life at home? Oh god.

Wait, so he’s so caught up in his psychosis so now anyone who dares talk to him is seen as an emasculating figure to him? Oh boy.

Whoa. Those were a lot of bullets for killing only two people, Norman. Come on.

“Give it to me.”

“Hey, baby. Can you pull up a map of the crime scene area for me?” “Sugar, I could shut down the power grid to the whole city if you told me to.”

“Yeah, I’m sure you can.”

Oh god, I live for those little moments.

“I’m all over it, mwah.”

“Thanks, baby girl.”

Oh god, I’m dead.

Hey Jordan, if you can’t take the heat and make a scene in front of the press, get the hell out of my kitchen, you hear me? The only cooks I’m willing to employ are my superheroes. Now beat it.

Hey. Whoa. Slow your horses, lady. You do not go off script. Get the hell out of my screen, right now.

Oh god, she just triggered Norman to the farthest degree. Oh my god.

Jordan, I’mma kill you.

Oh god. He just confessed to his wife and she makes fun of him for it because she thinks it’s impossible? Oh boy. They’re in trouble

Yay, genius poodle with the right guy.

Oh god, so the first tragedy was that his daughter was hit by a car right in front of him? Oh my goodness, you poor duddy.

Wait. So he and his wife work in the same company? Oh boy. And she’s positioned above him. Oh god.

LOL Reid giving car chase instructions to Morgan is the best.

“He’s losing it.”

No shit.

“We’re almost there. Turn right at the next light.”

Vroom.

To be honest, I thought this was going to be one boring episode. But watching Derek drive in a car chase is the best. Especially with Reid acting as the GPS.

“Hold on!”

“We’re good?”

Lol.

“Reid, get on the radio and tell them we’re in the chase.”

“This is the FBI behavioral analysis unit. We caught up to the chase and are now monitoring. We ask if you’re able to stop the vehicle, you’ll allow us to take the lead in contacting the driver. We believe him to be a severely deranged suspect.”

LOL. Only Reid could radio that in.

Rossi’s face at a bad smell. Oh honey.

What are they seeing that is so horrifying? Yeesh.

Did Faith Ford just turn over the car? Fuck.

Did they have to do the whole thing in slow motion? It ruins it for me.

Wait. Hold the fuck up!

The whole family was in his head this whole time?????? OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS JUST TURNED OUT TO BE AN AWESOME EPISODE!

I’m sorry for saying it was boring.

It’s awesome.

Oh wait. Fuck.

Shit.

He killed them in their rooms and then drove alone.

SHIT!

Damn it. It just turned horrible again.

Fuck.

Oh lord, this is awful to watch.

Shit.

“We knew he would hurt his family. We just didn’t know that he already had.”

It’s so cute that he’s trying to comfort her. But I really can’t stand this lady.

Dwight Eisenhower: “There’s no tragedy in life like the death of a child. Things never get back to the way they were.”

Whoa. Powerful stuff there, Dwight.

“Hey, you guys ever notice how the trip home always seems to go so much faster?”

“That’s because the tailwinds are in our favor.” Oh poodle.

“No, I meant ‘cause … anybody want to get something to eat?”

It’s like, why do I even try with the poodle?

“There’s someone in the BAU room, guys.”

JJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AND HENRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Oh Garcia, with a baby bottle, I can’t!

“Excuse me, kid.”

Wait, what is he doing?

Is he asking to hold the baby? NO!

I can’t handle this!

“I got it …”

“No, you don’t got it. You’re smothering him.”

Oh Garcia!

I can’t handle Shemar with a baby. It’s too much for me.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLES!

“Gas.”

JJ: “You’re smiling.”

Hotch: “Gas.”

WHAT?

Okay, so this episode began pretty boring, cuz it was like – well, what are we doing, what are we doing, running around like headless chickens, then they found the guy and it was obvious who it was, and it was like – this is boring as fuck. then they started a fucking car chase which was awesome, cuz Derek was driving and Reid was doing these hilarious faces in the back, was amazing, then turns out that the whole thing was a bad trip of psychosis, which was amazing. The whole time I’m yelling at Jordan to shut her tramp-hole. THEN JJ is back with the cutest little ebundle called Henry, we see Garcia holding a fucking baby bottle, and then they let Shemar hold the baby and all hell broke loose, cuz I can’t handle hot people handling children or babies, it’s like my Achilles heel when it comes to men. They can look as good as they damn well please, but if they have a sexy timbre, dark skin (I don’t know, something about that mocha tone gets me all … rawr) and you can interact well with children, I’m done. That’s it. Oh, and he’s a dog person. So officially, we’re a match. Except that he’s 21 years my senior and yada yada … but who cares about numbers?

But yes, I totally put myself out there right now for Shemar Moore. Because baby, you do not want to see me when I watch this series. WHOA.

All right, that was probably the biggest rant about hotties holding babies that’s ever been recorded, and I wish I could plead guilty, but I’m not feeling guilty, so screw that.

I’ll see you all next time, lovelies. I’m going to freak out over Shemar and Matthew XD

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