#twitter never fails to piss me off even if I don’t have a proper public anymore 😭

[missallblues]

*Context of the recent csm chapter* ‘I can’t stand csm’s shock value anymore’ you mean the manga that literally had himeno kiss denji and then immediately barf into his mouth? That manga? You can’t handle the shock value anymore?

[scribblyorro]

[i know where my heart lies] deleted bits from ch 7

As it says. Also because I love to talk about my own writing. 

SCENE 1

“Yuuri, this professor is like, a ghost or something! I need this grade. I need to pass. But how can I ask for help if they’re never in their office? Ciao Ciao will yell at me if I fail.” Phichit looks a little faint at the idea of Celestino scolding him and Yuuri wants to laugh because he knows this fear and awe won’t last. Celestino is stern but he’s a softie underneath it all.

“That’s true,” Yuuri says. He’s so thankful he’s done with homework and tests. All he has to deal with is potential crushing failure and going down in flames on an international platform. “Did you ask the other people in the class for help?”

“Eh,” Phichit says. He sets his phone down by his pullover and drags a mat over by Yuuri so he can stretch. “It’s one of those big lecture hall classes. I talk to someone new each day.”

“You don’t sit in the same place everyday?” Yuuri asks.

“No. Are we supposed to?” Phichit asks, blinking at him. He waits for Yuuri to finish his set.

“Uh, no, you can sit wherever, but most people pick a spot and stick to it,” Yuuri says.

“Oh. That makes sense. I’ve probably been pissing everyone off,” Phichit says with a laugh. “But nah, it’s probably they don’t understand me. People say ‘cool’ when I tell them I’m from Thailand and then I never hear from them again.” 

“I get that,” Yuuri says. “But your English is good. Mine was way worse when I first came here.”

“I practiced!” Phichit says proudly. “I watched a lot of YouTube videos. It drove everyone crazy at home because I would repeat them all the time and none of us knew what I was saying. I probably said some really terrible stuff but who knows!”

[I probably could have found a way to put some of these lines in the actual fic proper but once a chapter hits 10k I am Done With It. I really liked the first two paragraphs though.]

SCENE 2

“Yuri has offered to retrieve him.” There’s a pause. “He’s been insistent.”  

“That sounds like him,” Yuuri says with a small smile. 

“Mr. Feltsman, I think he’s more than just insistent,” Yuuri says.

Yakov curses.

“Put him on the phone.”

Yuuri wordlessly hands the phone to Yuri-kun, not needing to introduce Yakov because he starts yelling at Yuri-kun before he can even put the phone up to his ear.

“I’m doing you a favor, old man,” Yuri-kun shouts back in English so Yuuri can understand. “I’m dragging that idiot back to Russia.”

Yuri-kun hands up and hands the phone back to Yuuri.

“I’m hungry.”

“Hello to you too,” Yuuri says.

“Whatever. Where’s your food? You said this was an inn and I want to eat,” Yuri-kun says.

[This scene was originally from Yuuri’s point of view. And it was the first scene instead of Victor’s. I like the exchange Yurio and Yuuri have at the end but I switched it out to something more on topic.]

SCENE 3

Victor forgoes the bath and meal in order to sit down with Yuuri Katsuki, who is just as stunning in person as he is on the ice. But of course, Victor is biased; still, he thinks this Yuuri who is in running gear is a sight to behold. Victor probably should have messaged him on twitter or called ahead of time but he’s much better at winning someone over in person.

[It is actively difficult not to write Victor as being wildly in love with Yuuri Katsuki.]

SCENE 4

“Hi Yuuko,” Victor calls out the moment he sees her. She nods at him but she’s busy explaining to someone their options for figure skating classes. Victor waves at the little girl holding onto her father’s hand and Yuuri doesn’t hide a smile at how the girl stares at them both in undisguised recognition and excitement. He points at himself and then at her. “Autograph?”

“Yes!” she says, peeling away from her father so fast it takes him a few moments to realize it.

“You too, Yuuri,” Victor says, so cheerfully that Yuuri doesn’t even question it.

He accepts the pen Victor hands him and he’s got it to the paper before he freezes. He’s signed hundreds, thousands of these things and he’s never sure what to say. The words all seem rote and flat because how can he say something personal and inspiring to someone who he has never met? 

Yuuri glances at what Victor’s written. It’s just his name. That never seems like enough to Yuuri.

[Ahh, I probably should have kept this scene in, but honestly, I wanted to get to posting. Also it’s too early in the morning for Yuuko to be helping customers out because the rink isn’t open to the public yet. So there’s a Reason it got cut but I’m sure I could have worked around it if I really had my heart set on this scene making it to the final draft.]

SCENE 5

“Oh this?” Victor grins as he rolls the string off and proudly unfurls the paper tube. It’s one of the posters from the train station and he stands up to let it hang. Yuuri stares, mouth agape, and he can’t hide his horror but it doesn’t seem like Victor even notices. “It was too beautiful! I had to get one! I didn’t know who to ask but I found a station worker and I think they were confused by my accent but I just pointed a lot and said ‘Yuuri Katsuki best’ and I think they got that I was a fan and that I really needed one of the posters.”

“O-oh,” Yuuri says weakly because even after years of interacting with fans he’s never known how to deal with the more obsessive types. And Victor is terrifying, to the point where Yuuri is sure that it’s the universe’s way of punishing him for ignoring so many nice, calm fans. 

“You look beautiful in it, don’t worry!” Victor says, rolling it back up. He rubs his cheek against it and gives a dreamy sigh. “I’m so glad I got one. It’s going to be hard to get new posters of you now that you’re retired. I guess that’s good in a way since there’s only so much space on my walls but still! 

“Space? Walls?” Yuuri repeats, and he’s not reached peak terror yet. His stomach sinks as he starts to realize what’s in front of him. A super fan. His face is pale, he knows it, but Victor doesn’t seem to notice.

“It’s not like my whole apartment is a shrine. It’s just my room,” Victor says with a laugh. He pauses and places a finger to his mouth as he thinks. “Although that would be nice, to be able to put all my posters and photos up.”

Yuuri mouths the word ‘all’ but no sound comes out.

[I’m kind of sad I switched points of view on this scene because Yuuri’s terror at realizing what a fanboy Victor is over him was so much fun to write. But the chapter was a lot better, wrote smoother, flowed nicer once I switched character points of view to this order.] 

[ghostsonabiketonowhere]

Ghostman: The council calamity retrospective

Well christ, it’s been a while, hasn’t it? I know literally nobody follows this blog, but as of this writing, i’m waiting on the steam direct fee i paid to be fully processed (Basically, in a week i’ll be able to publish the game)

I’d like to take a second and stroll down memory lane for a little bit, and why it took so fucking long to make this game, this is basically going to be a list of every time i tried and failed to make a game, so strap in, these aren’t in chronological order either, and i’ve kinda forgotten the proper order.

Bill’s excellent adventure:

There’s incredibly little to say on this one, after reading a 4chan thread on games development i downloaded GM:S, tried making a platformer, saw my art, didn’t see any progress after trying a little bit, and gave up.

Mugman:

Mugman was the first time i tried making an adventure game, other than the main character, i had no ideas for the game and dropped it like a rock.

Radiation Seat:

Radiation Seat, for the more dedicated gamers in the audience, is just a synonym for nuclear throne, i tried messing around with random generation in GM:S, realised i’m not very good at coding and gave up, the game actually kinda works though, so theoretically if i’m a moron/psychopath i could try working on it again.

Asterodis:

First real game i ever made, it’s an asteroids clone, but with a bunch of the stuff i saw in Vlambeer’s game feel talks crammed in, it’s essentially idenitcal to a tutorial on youtube except shooting takes away points and there’s a limit to the number of bullets on screen.

Poltergeist (Aka: Ghostman when he was a person)

I posted a lot about Poltergeist (the version of ghostman with good art and a completely different setting), the secret to this was having a good artist, Robert Thomas helping me out, we never finished it, and Bobby got caught up in school work, but that’s almost over so if he’s willing to pick up the pen again, i’m willing to do the coding and fix the reall weird bugs (randomly the game would massively lag for a reason i never figured out, i assume it had something to do with the way AGS handles characters over non walkable areas)

Grall and Foegart goto whitecastle:

I’d had the idea of wanting to make a high fantasy adventure game after reading a couple of discworld novels, these games didn’t get far, but it did have an interesting character switching mechnic similar to DOTT, this also appeared in a couple of other half finished games i’d made, why i thought it’d be funny to make a game based on it when i’d never seen Harold and Kumar go to whitecastle? Iunno.

H.E.L.L:

H.E.L.L (Hyper Energetive Love Lab) was a shot at making a VN, i’m probably going to still do this, so i don’t know if putting here’s sensible but eh, fuck it, i’d had the idea of a reality show crossed with a death game for ages, and tried writing a short story about it, which went nowhere.

Gender Girl:

Gender Girl was the first video game i ever made, it was a scratch program with the cat repainted to be pink, moving left killed you by a spike, moving right displayed a message that gender girl had liberated herself (Hohoho, very ludonarratively insync, 12 year old me), i uploaded it to the scratch website, and it, containing swear words(such a rebel was i) it was deleted 5 seconds after publication, truly, a light gone from the world, what did it have to do with gender? If i remember literally nothing, or you were supposed to cut your dick off with the spikes.

Yeah.

PAGAN:

Pagan was a pokemon rip off i was making, i didn’t get far beyond changing sprites and types, world design is hard, as of writing it’s still on my site, i ought to take it down buti just don’t have the heart, poor Pagan.

BORB (Ghostman 1)

Borb, as it’s affectionatly called in the files, is ghostman 1, it’s the source of the Alien King sprite, and the Ghostman sprite used in Ghostman: The council calamity, and was distributed amongst my friends for like, 5 seconds, it’s 4 screens and one “Puzzle”, which doesn’t actually work because the last time i did work on it, it’s fun to see how my humour changed, in GM1 we’ve got the classic line “It’s locked up tighter than a jewish bank” and a character named Snil, whose ribbing snarky asshole persona was basically every persona i used to write until i started playing dnd with my friends, and had to make more than 1 character, i don’t really like anything about GM1, but i find it oddly charming, it’s terrible perspective and total lack of story or theme (You’re kidnapped by bandits and the game ends in leaving on a spaceship having never seen a single bandit.) just makes it like lenny from of mice and men, it probably should die, but i can’t help shooting a game that thought the way to add taste was to remove the words “Fuck off” from a wall.

Rebet:

Rebet’s the first time we see the actual character “Rebut” appear, in some weird tron like backround, i remember wanting to make something that looked like tron, and failing, other than that Rebet remains a total mystery, even to me, andi made the fucking thing, looking at the code, i remember a little bit more about the game, the main gimmick was having a variety of ray guns that could effect peoples emotion, the example in the tutorial was a “calming ray” to prevent a drill seargeant from screaming at you, this didn’t go anywhere.

Wing Wang:

This is literally an empty ags game, there’s nothing in it, i don’t know why i haven’t deleted it.

Ye Men of Valour:

Ye Men of Valour was a weird idea, i’d read a book called “The decline and fall of the British Empire” (Based upon the work, the decline and fall of the roman empire) and decided to make a game based upon a variety of British figures from across time entering into a house they must escape, only to be killed by Aliens, the goal of the game was to get players to reload the game with the knowledge that following the puzzles as they were laid out would kill them, and use a different method to escape, Ye Men of Valour really ended up going nowhere because i was in a pretty dark place and wasn’t motivated, like at all, i’m gonna put this in the “Might come back to it” pile.

Ghostman 2:

Ghostman 2, like Grall and Foegart, had a character switching thing, this ended up breaking the game, so i scrapped it, Ghostman 2 was when the idea of Ghostman being a space adventure comes from, following from Ghostman 1, where you leave on a ufo with an alien, it’s what i thought would happen next, if i remember there was literally no story, just the characters, and switching gimmick.

I.A.C.M

I.A.C.M was a project i worked on with Bobby very breifly, the idea was to make an adventure game set inside a mentally disturbed girls mind, this basically didn’t pan out due to AGS engine limitations, the sprites sent in were too big and ended up looking kind of lame squashed down.

You cannot name this file, insect.:

This wasn’t a game, this was shit poetry at a time in my life where i knew my poetry was godawful, there was no story here, just a Shodan like figure who’d insult me, like personally, i’d write insults about myself into a script and then play it.

Robot Initation:

Adventure game, starring “some random guy named mike”, drew the first character sprites, hated them, didn’t want to improve them, gave up.

Assault and Battery/BatteryMan:

This was a go at 3d platformers made in unity, fell apart because the models i’d made in blender weren’t done properly at all, breaking practically everything.

PirateTextAdventure(ActualTitle):

Sounds exactly like what it is, never got a single line down for this.

Shield Slide:

A rip off of free ski based on the idea of riding a shield i think i saw i a lotr movie? Never got to prototype.

AAAH!

AAAH (Aimless aeronautical adveture, huzzah!) was an experiment i wanted to make, an adventure game that was procedudrely generated, every game would involve a one minute timer, which upon reaching zero, would result in the player dying, the story was the player had just survived a plane colliding with another plane in midair, and had to find a way to live without a parachute just using debris, lessons learned: Random generation is hard, i also ripped off the title from AAAAAAAAAAAAh for the awesome.

Sweet Goodnight:

Sweet goodnight was an rpg i planned to make about dying alone in a spaceship, it never got far beyond idle doodles and some game design docs that i’ve since lost, may go back to this in future.

Spaceman and Woodboy:

A mario and luigi superstar saga ripoff, never got to properly playable state, GM:S is hard.

Quest of Halden:

Shit rpg.

Ghostman: CNC :

Ghostman: CNC (Caverns and creatures) was a weird idea, i wanted to make an Rpg based on my dnd campaign, but for some reason i felt the need to justify it with a weird ghostman shell, may go back to this one.

Legend of Negro:

I don’t know why the fuck this is on my computer, i tried pissing around with a legend of zelda game maker thing.

Generic Units:

Supposed to be an xcom like, fell apart.

Airman/Pacifist run:

Something i still want to do, an fps with non violent weapons and stage hazards that you have to use to defeat enemies, got as far as modeling a single gun.

Sepsis man:

A 3d platformer starring a drinks machine, modeled main character, gave up.

Slime Game (actual title, again.)

Slime game (Or Slime Quest) was going to be an incredibly clever subversive take on the Rpg genre by having the grand villain actually be a low level mook, think cave rats and dungeon bosses, that kind of thing, stopped making it because i thought “Woah, that’s dumb, and lame, and i really don’t like making art for ideas that are dumb and lame!”

Zug’s Glorious road trip for the glory of the party and wealth of the nation:

ZGRTFTGOTPAWOTN for short, this was a text adventure based on wormhole shenanigans and Soviet propaganda films, never really got that far, fun little fact, Zug’s the name of the alien in my twitter profile pic.

Ghostman: The council calamity:

I didn’t quit, i made the game.

THANK GOD FOR THAT.