#twilight vampires are all at least a little bit boring I guess

[robotwrangler]

My final verdict on the twilight movies: wish it was about Carlisle instead

[beaker1636]

Donors Wanted Part 2 - Chris Motionless

taglist: @ladyveronikawrites @yournecessaryevil @talialovesmiw @cookiesupplier @bloody-delusion-expert @dominuslunae @jilliemiw86 @thechickwiththecamera @tearfallpixie

AN: I know this one is slightly boring compared to the first but I am trying to establish a bit of context and background... I promise it will heat up eventually :)

“Well, what do you want to know?” I ask him, looking over at him as he sits on my bed next to me, keeping an eye on me.  We both lock eyes a couple times but I try not to let it show that this intimidates me, makes me feel a little anxious every time this happens. 

“I think right now it is more important that you ask me what you want to know about me, this process, whatever you want to know.  I want you to feel comfortable about this all, comfortable with me because we are going to be spending a decent chunk of time together,” Chris says.  His eyes watching me closely, why I am not too sure honestly.

“I mean yeah I have some questions.  Everyone kind of rushes me into this without much explanation, which I understand given how rough you looked but yeah.  I guess just how does this whole thing work honestly?” I ask, still laying back against my pillows, feeling exhausted but that is probably a given with him drinking my blood just a little bit ago.

“Do you mean like how we meet up or the whole thing?  For how we decide when we both just stay in communication and decide when works best for each of us once a week is usually the minimum but typically twice in a week span.  Typically it would be here just so after if you’re feeling weak you are somewhat comfortable but you normally would not feel this exhausted and drained, this time is only this bad because I had to take more than I typically would have because of how weak and sick I was.  I promise you that usually I can control myself better, I just couldn’t this time with how bad I was. As for the process, you select the location on the website and then it’ll match the person with someone in need, or it’ll add you to a holding list until someone needs help.  There are several other clans that work with us across the country that use the same website which is why we have the location question in the application process,” he answers honestly, his eyes still watching me as he speaks.

I feel slightly intimidated having him watching me like this, I am not even totally sure why it is bothering me so much but it is.  It is almost like I can feel the power he holds as the leader, if that makes any sense.  I nod slightly, thinking of another question.

“Why? Why go to all this trouble when you could easily just overpower someone every time you are hungry and be done with it? Does it cause you trouble with other vampires who don’t agree with what you do?” I ask, genuinely curious about all of this.  I quickly cover another yawn with my hand as I start to chew on another cracker.

“I must say I am not used to getting this many questions, it is refreshing.  Having someone who is interested in it all rather than just the donation process.  The reason why we do it is simple, we don’t want to hurt anyone, to kill anyone, unless it absolutely winds up necessary. We do it this way because we feel strongly about that, it still sucks that we have to hurt someone to feed but we at least aren’t killing anyone, and unlike popular belief after the whole Twilight thing we unfortunately can’t rely on animal blood.   And yes, there are other clans and rogues that disagree with what we do, but it has never been a problem of anyone coming after us or anything.” He answers, and while I probably shouldn’t believe him given what he is, part of me does.  Maybe it is just because of how tired I am or something but despite feeling like I shouldn’t trust him I somehow want to.

“That’s why you got so sick, because you could have gone and just drank from someone but you refused to because you didn’t want to hurt anyone…. That’s honestly commendable.  Stupid because you weren’t taking care of yourself but commendable,” I say softly.  Realizing what I just said and flushing slightly.  I probably shouldn’t have called a vampire who could easily off me stupid.

Chris just laughs, genuinely laughs at my words, making a small smile form on my own face.

“You know, not many people would dare call a clan leader stupid.  But you aren’t totally wrong, in some ways it probably is stupid of me to do, but I feel strongly about what we do, what I do.” I can still see the amused look on his face after he finishes speaking. 

“Sorry you’ll learn pretty quick. I don't have a filter and suck at thinking before I speak, so I will word vomit things like that by accident more than once,” I admit sheepishly, a little smile of my own on my face after hearing him laugh.

“It’s refreshing, someone that will tell me like it is.  Usually people try to sugarcoat what they think or say what they think I will want to hear because of what I am, because I am the leader of the clan.  Any other questions?” He asks, his whole demeanor different now, it almost feels like he has let his guard down a little bit and it’s nice.  Honestly, happiness looks good on him.

“I, I don’t think so.  Not as of now anyways but I’m sure I will have more in eventually.  You can ask about me too, you know,” I offer with a smile.  Slowly working my way through my crackers, knowing it is for the best even though I really do not want to eat them.

“Well, can I ask why? You don’t strike me as the usual type of people who sign up to do this?” He asks, I can tell he genuinely wants to know.

“Oh Sierra had to talk me into it, I was very skeptical about it at first and almost didn’t believe her at all that this was an actual thing.  I only agreed because when she said that this person genuinely would have died and I saw her actual concern on her face, and I, well I enjoy helping people so I said fine.  And then when they brought you and I was still unsure, seeing how much they all cared about you and seeing how much you genuinely needed it convinced me.  That’s why I do pediatric nursing, I like knowing I am helping children and families.” I say, shrugging like it's no big deal.

“I think that’s awesome, in a way we aren’t as much alike as what it shows are we?” He asks, giving me another smile while also moving to pull my blanket over me when he noticed I shivered.

“I guess not, we just do so in our own ways… hey Chris, can I ask you another question and you can say no if you don’t want to answer,” I ask, no longer feeling scared of him but rather, enjoying his presence and watching how he responds to me. There is something about him that keeps drawing me in, making me interested in knowing more about him, in seeing what makes him tick. When he nods I know that it is okay to ask, even if it's personal and I know he might not like my question and I am okay with that.

“Was there a specific moment that changed your mind and made you turn towards this type of system or were you always into this? You, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I am just curious about what makes you well, you,” I say, hoping he doesn’t take my question the wrong way.  I don’t want to make him uncomfortable or anything, I just want to know what makes him tick.

“There was something that happened, that kind of turned me towards this.  I, I don’t talk about it with anyone but it… I hurt someone I grew really close to and it changed a lot of how I viewed my lifestyle at the time.  It was many many years ago and led me to develop this system.  It was a lot harder back in the day to set up these donor relationships and everything but luckily the internet became a thing and really helped us out with this,” he answers.  I notice how he looks away while talking about all of this, I can tell that whatever it was that happened was a hard moment in his life for him and it makes me regret asking it.  Without thinking about it I reach over, my hand settling over one of his for a moment, wanting to comfort him. 

He looks down at our hands for a moment, I can’t tell if it is because he is wanting to move, if I made him uncomfortable, or if he enjoyed it but he never made a move to pull his hand out from underneath mine, so I took it as okay.  We both sit there quietly for a moment, neither of us making an effort to break the silence, neither of us caring about it as we sat there together.  Somehow it was like we both were kind of stuck, enjoying the touch and comfort of the moment.

“Why did you choose nursing specifically? Did you have one who impacted you a lot in a positive way as a child or did you just think it was the right thing for you?” Chris asks quietly, still looking down at our hands and no longer at me.

“There is a reason actually, my brother had multiple life saving surgeries as a child, I spent lots of time watching the nurses help save him and take care of him, and got to see things they did for other children to comfort them in the pediatric ICU while he was there.  As I got older I never forgot the care and compassion they had for him and other children so when it was time to decide what I wanted to do in college and everything it was just the natural choice.  I love children and I want to help them so it just fits.  And now I do that for work, working in the pediatric ICU and getting to comfort, take care of, and help children everyday and I love it.” I answered, a little embarrassed that I rambled slightly, but Chris didn’t seem to care, he was now watching me speak again.  If I didn’t know any better I would say there is almost a look of admiration on his face as I share my story.

We both sit there in silence again, the exhaustion really starting to hit me harder now. I try to fight it but I am struggling, but I also am enjoying this time with him, getting to know each other.  I don’t want to let it go but I know I will have too soon.

“Hey, don’t fight it.  Go to sleep, I’ll sit here with you until you fall asleep okay?” Chris says, moving to brush some hair from my face again with a soft smile.

I try to fight it but it becomes almost too much, I eventually fall asleep laying in my bed, my hand still covering his as we both sit there in the quiet.  I feel more peaceful falling asleep tonight than I have in a long time… and that honestly scares me a little bit.

[realmackross]

PARTIES: @contemporarybardess, @realmackross TIMING: Sometime in the spring SUMMARY: Elora & Mack have a Twilight themed date night where some secrets are revealed... WARNINGS: Just a soft thread with a sire and a zombie! ♥

It had been a while since Mackenzie had gotten to do anything just fun and cute with Elora. In fact, it had felt like it had been months. And she knew it probably had to do something with the fact that the two still didn’t live together, but Mack just wasn’t ready. The one year anniversary of Brody’s death had literally just passed, and she still couldn’t bring herself to fully commit every part of her life to Elora; though she clearly wasn’t going to tell Elora that. She loved the woman with most of her heart, but moving on still felt wrong.

However, tonight, she was going to make it a point to spend time with her girlfriend, and she knew just the place to go…

“I really hope you like sparkly vampires. It’s the only thing showing, and I thought that if we got bored of seeing Robert Pattison’s sparkling peeled potato skin, we could just make out.” Mackenzie looked over at Elora with a hopeful grin as she shut off the engine on her Mini Cooper. The first movie hadn’t quite started yet, so there was still time for concessions, bathroom breaks, and finding a spot in the grass up front with the blankets she brought, if Elora didn’t want to stay in the car the whole time.

—

Finally, just a cozy date night watching a cheesy vampire movie with her girlfriend. No violence. No cosmic bullshit cutting in. Just Elora and Mackenzie…and the other people watching the Twilight marathon, of course. While she always got butterflies whenever she saw her still, quality alone time that wasn’t interrupted was rare. They both had very…busy and eventful lives after all. 

“Well I used to have a crush on that sparkly potato skin when I was younger. But I’d never turn down a makeout session, you know that.” It was a bit embarrassing to admit she was a recovering Twihard, but she also knew pretty much every girl went through that phase at one point or another. 

“Y’know, I was expecting a better turnout” she said, looking out at the crowd of people. The turnout seemed decent, but definitely didn’t seem to match the fervor the online petition had implied would be present. “I guess not everyone can tough it out through all the movies, eh? Can’t blame them, I’m not so sure we’ll make it either.” She was hoping that they’d get too tired to give Mack an excuse to spend the night at Elora’s place. Or for Elora to spend the night at Mack’s. Either way, they hadn’t had much time co-habitating and she definitely wanted to make it happen. It just felt more cozy and couple-y.

—

When Mack had heard that Elora had a crush on Edward Cullen, a wide grin spread across her cheeks, “Wait…what? Were you a Twihard, Elora Spiros?” Mackenzie had never really gotten the appeal of the movies, at least not when they had first released, considering she was only ten years old. But by the time she had turned thirteen, it was all she could talk about. She had caught the tail end of the obsession, but it didn’t matter. The pasty sparkly vampires and werewolf who wore jorts had their hooks in her heart, and she wanted more. It would take another year or so for her to actually grow out of it, but rumor has it, there’s still some of Mackenzie Ross’s (TwihardGirlie98) fanfic still floating around the internet today.

“I…Okay, I’ll admit it. I was a Twihard, too. But like at the tailend of the hype, because I was ten when the first movie came out, and my parents wouldn’t let me read the books until I was a little older…” If she could blush, she would, “Who was your favorite character?” This date was already so telling, but she loved it. It made her feel so much closer to Elora. Something she needed out of fear that they might have been drifting apart.

“You know, I’m surprised too, but it’s probably because everyone and their mother and brother own all the movies and don’t want to be bothered by sitting in a car for three years just to see Edward Cullen sparkle and brood on the big screen.” Mack laughed softly. “Besides, I would rather us not make it…if you catch my drift…” She grinned coyly at Elora.

—

With mock embarrassment, Elora put her hands up and said “Guilty as charged! Me and pretty much everyone else I went to middle school with.” She then caught herself, as she technically didn’t go to school with any of them. “Well, the girls who were the same age as me, I should say. It was like some hive mind virus that targeted tween girls specifically. It was sort of some weird fever dream we all woke up out of years later.” All of her Twilight merch was long gone now, burned up with pretty much everything else, but she hung on to a lot of her New Moon T-shirts until well after her teenage years. Those times were fun to look back on, even if they did make her cringe more than anything. 

“I knew it! You totally seem like the type! No offense, of course. Nobody’s immune from the Twilight phenomenon, not even the infallible Ms. Mackenzie Ross.” She thought about Mack’s question for a little while. There were so many characters, but not many that were particularly good or likable. “I like the dad. What was his name? Charlie? He had a good head on his shoulders and only wanted what was best for Bella. Took the whole existence of vampires and werewolves surprisingly well. I mean, mildly freaked out of course, but didn’t get hung up on it too much! The real question is…Team Jacob or Team Edward?”

“I wouldn’t mind cutting out early either” Elora said, knowing fully well what her girlfriend had in mind. It had been a while since they had a chill night just to themselves, and while watching bad vampire romance was a good date night it wasn’t quite what Elora had wanted. “Let’s at least make it to the baseball scene from the first movie. After that everything goes downhill anyway”.

—

Mack laughed at Elora. She knew exactly what the other woman was talking about though, because she had witnessed its phenomena, even growing up on movie sets. She could remember the adults on set talking about it and trying to ask them what they were talking about. Even some of her younger co-stars had been allowed to bask in the glory of its success, but Mack had been left on the sidelines, until she wasn’t anymore and her room was plastered from head-to-toe. But the real height of her obsession came, when she was allowed to attend the Breaking Dawn Pt. 1 premiere. She hadn’t recalled the memory until now, sitting next to her girlfriend while having this conversation, and she honestly wasn’t quite sure if she had wanted to admit it out of the fear of being teased for eternity by Elora, “Yeah, yeah…the dad was cool. Nice guy in real life too. And you’re right. He did keep a pretty level head. You know…he kind of reminds me of Kaden. Have you two met? He wouldn’t get the reference, but if you ever meet him, tell me he doesn’t remind you of Charlie.”

Mackenzie was trying to stall, but it was getting harder and harder, because even she wanted to laugh at herself and the situation, “Oh come on…why did you have to ask me that?” She paused thinking, before finally giving the redhead an answer, “So I was Team Edward all the way growing up, but there is some bias because I had worked on a movie with Robert before, but now that I’m an actual member of the undead, I’m gonna have to go Team Jacob. Who wouldn’t love a nice, warm fuzzy werewolf to snuggle up to on cold, winter nights. Any chance you might be able to grow some fur? Perpetually cold dead girl over here.” She let out a snort, before playfully nudging her girlfriend to let her know she was kidding.

“Totally fine with waiting for the baseball scene. It’s like the best part of the movie, but I have a tiny bit of embarrassing information to share, and I don’t know if it will make you want to cut out sooner or not leave at all…” Mackenzie forced down the nerves that had formed in her throat as she pulled out her phone and searched online for something. When she finally found it, she quickly handed off her phone to Elora and turned away from the window. It was a video of a little Mackenzie at the Breaking Dawn Part 1 premiere answering everybody’s favorite question – the one Elora had just asked. And as she heard her voice fill the car, she couldn’t help but put her head down in embarrassment.

—

She wasn’t sure why, but Elora’s eyes widened a bit when Mack mentioned Charlie being a nice guy in real life as well as on screen. Sure, she was a major celebrity who had met pretty much all of the huge A-listers already, but did she really mean to tell her she’d met the Charlie Swan?

“Man, I’ll never get over you just knowing people. It must be so cool to know what people are like off camera. Well…the ones who are nice at least” She had heard talk of a Kaden in town, but had never gotten the pleasure of actually meeting him. “Nah, I’ve never met him. Nice guy then, I’m assuming? It’s nice to see decent guys around here, they aren’t super common.” It was true. There a lot of shady folks hanging around here, so knowing who was friend or foe was very important information to have. 

“Well I’m glad you finally came around to the side of reason! Jacob was so much better for her, I can’t believe she went with the crusty vampire man instead.” She laughed a bit at the fur comment, knowing that feathers just wouldn’t fill the same purpose for her. “I mean, there technically is a way I can make myself warm, it would just be very painful for me and probably burn you to a crisp. So…sorry but your dreams of a furnace girlfriend are going to have to be put on the back burner.”

She couldn’t help but crack a smile as she saw a young Mack, fully human and full of life, giving her interview. She was so young then, she always found it interesting seeing people she met as adults when they were children. “That’s adorable! You were so excited for the sparkly man! Also…really puts into perspective how long you’ve been a star for. I guess being a fan girl is a little different when you know the people personally, huh?”

—

Mackenzie had learned early on that celebrities were just people. It had come after an embarrassing moment on one of the first sets she had worked on, when she had gotten so nervous to be around one of the leading stars that she started to cry. It had stopped production, but the person she was working with had been patient with her and had spoken to her in a way that reassured her that everything was okay, and to remember that even the biggest Hollywood stars were just people and this was just a job, and at the end of the day they were all just friends having fun together. Of course, that worked until Mack grew older and started to realize that not all actors felt the same way; some who thought they hung the moon. But at the end of the day, Mack had learned to be kind and humble, and whenever there was someone feeling nervous, she was going to treat them with the same respect she had learned as a child, “At the end of the day, they’re all just people. Even the ones who think they’re God’s greatest gift to man.” She smiled warmly at Elora, before changing the subject to Kaden, “But yeah, if you want me to introduce you to him sometime, just let me know.”

Elora’s comment about Edward and Jacob made Mack laugh, “Crusty vampire man. That’s so accurate it hurts though. That’s why there’s fanfiction. So all your literary and movie dreams come true, when the plot doesn’t go the way you want it to.” She couldn’t believe she had just admitted that either. This trip to Twilight was proving to be more embarrassing for Mack than anything else, but she wouldn’t have it any other way, “You know, that's a shame though that you’d burn me to a crisp. I guess I’ll just stick with my fifteen heated blankets.” She was being serious too. “You heard me.”

It was a relief when the video was over, and Mack could put her phone away. If Elora wanted more, she could google it for herself, “Yeah…mention that, and I’ll disown you, Elora Spiros.” She was joking of course. “I mean, I’ll be honest – despite what I told you earlier, I still bragged to the few friends that I had that I knew Edward Cullen. I couldn’t help myself though. I was young and dumb.”

Looking up, Mackenzie noticed the movie was about to start, “Did you want anything, before this thing starts?” She was honestly looking forward more to the makeout sesh and what might follow then watching a movie about sparkly vampires.

—

“Yeah, everyone’s just another person. It’s just that some people need to be reminded that they’re only people.” Elora knew all too well what some members of the rich and powerful thought of themselves. Some people thought themselves to be gods of some degree, and demanded they be treated as such. “I’d like that. The more friends the better in this town, that’s for sure.” 

Elora knew about fanfiction all too well. She had written some herself, mostly when she was a teenager through her early 20s. It’s not a phase of her life she’s proud of, but if Mack was willing to show an embarrassing moment from her past then Elora figured she should be too. “Well, since we’re sharing. I know quite a bit about fanfiction and writing the ending I want. I actually used to post on AO3 a lot…I kind of had a problem actually. I just had a lot of my own ideas on what the canon should be so I wrote it into existence!” She knew there were a lot of fanfiction writers out there so saying she wrote wasn’t the most embarrassing thing in the world. However, she would fight tooth and nail to stop Mack from actually reading what she wrote. Her screenname wasn’t exactly easy to guess. 

“How could you NOT brag?! I don’t care how famous you are, every girl that age had the hots for Mr. Pattinson. And now he’s off being Batman, times really have changed.” She thought, thinking about how his acting skills really did have a huge glow up after the Twilight movies wrapped. He was a good actor when he wasn’t sparkling like a diamond. 

“We can just share some popcorn. I don’t want to eat too much, especially if we have…y’know…plans for after this.” The baseball scene couldn’t come fast enough. Although Elora had to admit she’d probably genuinely enjoy watching the movie up until that point.

—

“I’m not like that am I?” Mackenzie looked at Elora. She had come to this town hoping and praying she wouldn’t be recognized, but knew she probably would. Of course, the mansion out on World’s End Isle probably didn’t make her seem very humble or down-to-Earth, but Mackenzie tried to be. She really did. “I just…I don’t want to be perceived as an asshole.” Now, she was paranoid. Did Elora ever think of her that way?

Mack’s smile had dropped as she worried, until Elora had brought up AO3 and fanfiction, “Wait…what?! You wrote fanfiction? I want to read it! I showed you my embarrassing red carpet video, and look, I’ll even tell you my screenname, because I’m sure my stuff is still out there, if you tell me yours or at least share some of your fanfiction!” Her sad face turned to one of a puppy dog pout, she wanted to see this fanfiction dammit!

“I mean, I guess you have a point, and he really did glow up, didn’t he. Now, he’s got a kid. Good for him, you know? But if you think this is going to take my mind off of you admitting that you wrote fanfiction, you’re wrong.” It was hard talking about anything else now. “Look, I’ll go get the popcorn and soda…” She paused thinking on Elora’s words with a grin, “And nothing else…and while I’m gone, you can pull up AO3…accidentally leave your phone on the dash, and I can be all…whoops! What is this?!” Mackenzie put the puppy dog pout on and stared at her girlfriend.

—

 Elora felt her heart stop for a moment at Mack’s question. In truth, she was one of the realest and most down to earth people she had ever met. “Not at all!” She blurted out quickly. “Quite the opposite, actually. I’ve met some fairly well recognized bands and artists and there’s just so many pompous douches in the entertainment industry.” She then grabbed hold of Mack’s hand and looked into her eyes. “But not you. Never you.” 

Elora’s panic soon gave way to embarrassment as it seemed Mack wouldn’t let her off the hook about her fanfic days. She wouldn’t mind sharing if it was any good. But making a fic where the Cullen clan enter the World Series of Poker and titling it “High Stakes” isn’t exactly the peak of literature. Still, Mack did have a point. If she could see a mildly embarrassing red carpet video, they could cringe at some bad fics together

“Fiiine, you win. But be nice! I was a teenager. I think…maybe early 20s. Either way, I’m a much better writer now!” She begrudgingly opened up to her old screenname on AO3 and set her phone on the dash, resigning herself to her fate. If she can love me after reading these she’ll love me through anything, she thought to herself with a smirk. She was starting to get peckish and hoped she’d come back with their popcorn soon.

—

Mackenzie had immediately felt relief at Elora’s words in regards to her fame and the way she had treated people. There had easily been the exceptions, like Jade. But even with Jade, Mack had originally tried to be nice. But the loving grip Elora had on Mack’s hand solidified just how right she had gotten it when she had chosen to start falling in love with this woman. Someone who had chosen to see the real Mackenzie Ross for more than just a celebrity.

A giddiness had taken over the young actress though when Elora finally agreed to let Mack see the fanfic, and like a child excited on Christmas morning, Mackenzie hurried off to get the popcorn.

And just like that she was back in a flash and right back in her seat next to Elora, “Here’s your popcorn. Now gimme gimme gimme!” She was impatient like a child until she noticed the phone sitting on the dash, and quickly pulled it back. For the next hour, Mackenzie was going to sit and read the beautiful works of art that her girlfriend had gifted to the world, while the inspiration for such works played in the background.

—

As her girlfriend scrolled through some of the worst fanfiction she can remember reading in a very long time, Elora simply tried to focus on the movie. It actually wasn’t as bad as she thought it would be, there were some genuine sweet and entertaining moments. Nevertheless, it was still Twilight. The cheesiness would always be there to stop it from being more than just a guilty pleasure watch. 

At long last the fated baseball scene ran its course, and the pair shot each other a knowing look as their deadline had finally arrived. 

“Well,” Elora began, “Shall we head back to my place for a little night cap? Maybe we can do something less embarrassing than reading my old fics.”

—

Mackenzie had squealed with delight, throwing Elora a glance of genuine enjoyment every now and then, sometimes just stopping to catch the redhead in a moment of intrigue. God, she’s beautiful. The way the light from the screen accented the silhouette of her face and more had easily made Mackenzie ready to leave, and when the time had finally come, and Elora spoke, the zombie was in full agreement with the idea, “Babe, I might take inspiration from your old fics.”

Leaning over to give Elora her phone back, Mackenzie snuck in a quick kiss, before starting the engine of her Mini Cooper. Giving Edward and his ragtag team of vampires one last look, she peeled out of the parking lot with her girlfriend ready to go home and make a little magic of their own and the fifty things of glitter Mackenzie kept stashed in her bathroom for special occasions.

[fixated-frenzy]

Twilight saga review

I recently binged the entire twilight saga. I’ve never watched it until now and I have a lot of thoughts. Parts of it are great and parts of it aren’t so great.

Twilight 1

This movie was a good introduction, but definitely the worst one. The acting is a little awkward and it’s a bit boring. This movie introduces the Cullen family and the main character Bella who just moved to Washington. Edward was a tad creepy, giving he snuck into Bella’s house at night and watched her sleep, and he stared at her wherever she went. And Bella’s dumbass fell for him? It took, what, 2 weeks for her to admit to being “unconditionally in love” with him? She was ready to turn into a vampire after that long of being with some tall white guy that sparkles.

5/10

New Moon

This movie was a lot better and more interesting. In this movie, Edward ensures Bella’s safety by leaving for a few months. Bella is absolutely heartbroken, but at least she has her friend Jacob with her. Jacob seemed really nice at first, until he gets too protective and obsessed with Bella. But that’s more in Eclipse. Bella hangs out with Jacob and his pack and she discovers that every time she does something risky, Edward talks to her begging her to stop telepathically. Bella keeps being dumb and doing risky things just so she can “see” Edward. At the end of the movie, Bella jumps off a cliff and almost dies. Edward tried to stop her but he couldn’t, so he assumed she died. Jacob saved her, but when they got back, Edward was on the phone and Jacob said that Bella died. Jacobs toxic behavior pissed off Bella, so Alice and her decide to go save Edward because he wanted to kill himself because he didn’t want to live in a world without Bella. This movie was a lot better, but Jacobs behavior really makes me mad. Jacob is so immature and won’t let Bella go.

7/10

Eclipse

This movie, Victoria who was introduced in the first movie decides to make an army of “newborn” vampires (vampires who are newly turned, thus being more powerful). With this, Jacob and Edward were fighting the whole movie. Jacob kissed Bella when she didn’t want it and he claimed that she likes him but doesn’t know it yet. Both Jacob and Edward’s behaviors are so creepy. If I were Bella, I would leave them both and steal Alice from Jasper. But anyways, by the end of the movie Edward proposes and Bella says yes. Like bestie, I know people get married at 18 but this is kinda much. Like y’all didn’t know each other for that long and Bella is about to give up everything for this man.

6/10

Breaking Dawn 1&2

This movie was definitely one of the more interesting and more memorable ones. Especially part 2 with all the action scenes and CGI. Breaking Dawn part 1 starts with Bella and Edwards wedding and of course, Jacob is being immature and mad about their wedding. They have their honeymoon and it seems that a few days into it, Bella is pregnant. She is very happy about her pregnancy, but no one else is. But she literally was over here acting like she knew everything about her pregnancy. She even called her baby a he when it came out as a girl. Like that’s embarrassing. And I’m my opinion it’s so dumb that she was so ready to die over something that she knows nothing about. So she goes into emergency labor and they get her baby out, but Bella dies. Edward saves her soon enough, but he thought she would be dead. He gave her his venom, so she was brought back to life. Or unlife I guess.

Then we have part 2 which starts out with Bella revealed to be a vampire now. She sees her baby and finds out that Jacob imprinted on her and gets pissed. I mean girl I would be too not gonna lie. Then eventually Renesmee grows really quickly after her birth and she goes catching snowflakes with Bella. Edwards cousin finds out about the baby and reports it as a “crime” because se believes that Bella and Edward made an immortal child (which they didn’t, and immortal children are illegal). They gather witnesses and have Renesmee touch their faces and prove that they are innocent. In the end, they all discuss and Alice shows Aro his future and Renesmee is proven to be safe to have around.

All of these movies were pretty good, but Breaking Dawn part 2 would have to be my favorite movie because of the drama and the amazing CGI. My main points on this movie as to why I dislike it is that Bella is completely dumb and is obsessed with Edward and makes that a point by having dreams about him, not caring that he watches her in her sleep, and as soon as she finds out he’s a vampire she wants to become one too. I personally like Edward and Bella better than Jacob and Bella due to Jacob’s toxic behavior, however, Bella and Edwards relationship isn’t great either. Edward is a straight up stalker and a creep. Glad that they worked out, but if I were Bella, I would run away so fast. The series as a whole I would rate it about 8/10. Pretty good if you’re into those types of movies with vampires

💕R

[oitommothetease]

Invisible String (2/?)

Pairing:  Bucky Barnes x Female reader (Modern AU)

Description: James Buchanan Barnes, the owner of the most expensive-looking club in town and your new apartment. He was a dick and you hated him. What could possibly go wrong when you, the new girl in town, start bartending at his club to pursue your dreams?

Warning: Sexual assault, mention of an anxiety attack.

Word Count: 1641

It turns out you definitely can't do this. Working in retail sucks, majorly. Customers are so awful to you and other employees as well. You didn't make the products, you don't control the prices, then why should you listen to them rant about it all day?

This job was from 9 am to 4 pm, which reminded you a lot of your previous job. By the time you got home, you were exhausted mentally and physically. Your current schedule was eerily similar to your previous lifestyle, which left you with no time to work on your book.

You felt like you were stuck in an insufferable loop that you just can't seem to escape no matter how hard you try. You thought about Mr. Barnes a lot, too. If only you weren't so egoistic and been a little nicer, then maybe you could have had that job.

With each passing day, you were becoming desperate. The only reason why you didn't run to Mr. Barnes a week ago was your pride. A pride that would not let you bow down to that rude, egoistic asshole.

It's like the universe could hear your thoughts and the devil himself walked through the doors of the store. Fuck, he can't see you here. He's going to think you're some nut job who's chasing stupid dreams after having an excellent degree. At least that's what your parents think.

You were about to run and hide behind an aisle when the voice you knew too well called out for you.

"Hey, do you know where I could find-"

"You," He said, without an emotion. "What are you doing here?"

You pointed towards the badge with the name tag on your shirt and mouthed working.

"Why?"

"Why?" You pretended to think, "I don't know, I interviewed for this other job about a week ago, but the boss was an ass."

"You lied to me," he stated as if it wasn't the most obvious thing.

"Gee, sorry, dad."

"You're doing it again."

"Doing what again?" You questioned.

" Diverging a question with a joke," He answered with an unaffected tone like he was studying you and your reaction.

"You know who I am." he stated. It should have been a question, but both of you were aware of what he meant.

"A vampire?" You mocked. He didn't look like one though, but hey, neither did Edward nor Stefan. But God, those steel-blue eyes could drink you up and you wouldn't complain. Focus.

For the first time you saw an emotion on his face that wasn't unaffected or bored, he was confused. Of course, he was confused, you were referencing twilight to a mob boss (you think, you weren't sure, but that's all you could gather from all the articles you found about him online).

"I need that job," you confessed. " I know it's not very convincing, but I need you to trust me-"

He raised a brow at that and his lips turned into a smirk. God, you wished you could swipe off that smirk from his stupidly handsome face.

"But you don't trust me, " you stated dejectedly and started turning around. "You wanted something? "

In an instant, his hand wrapped around your wrist gently, stopping you in your tracks. You ignored the involuntary shudder that ran through you and immediately yanked your hand out of his grasp.

You turned around and were about to give him a piece of your mind about how he shouldn't just come to your place of work and touch you without consent. He clearly guessed your thoughts and cut in.

"Clint Barton, the manager, he will tell you everything you need to know about bartending and handling the customers."

Did he just hire you? What changed between this and your previous meeting with him?

And just like that, he left. There was a part of you that wanted to say fuck off I don't need your help, but you knew better, so you went to that club later that evening. You found the Manager, Clint. He told you he was expecting your arrival and that made you feel weird because Mr. Barnes was totally opposite the day you met.

Your new job required you to be at work from 8 pm to 3 am, which was ideal for you. You usually reach home and pass out till 4 in the morning and wake up around noon. This schedule gave you a lot of time to work on your book.

You ended up making friends with some other people that work there as well. Wanda was the smart, sarcastic one that you'd have died to have as a friend in high school. Pietro, her twin brother, was also nice, a bit fast and impatient, but he was nice to you. Peter looked very young, but he knew what he was doing and he'd help you out a lot. That kid had a lot of energy and adrenaline, which surprised you every time he'd be done with work way before you.

You didn't see Mr. Barnes frequently. You saw him one time entering the club, and you tried to give him a smile which he ignored and went straight to his office upstairs. And then you decided to ignore him as well. It wasn't like you to be petty, okay, maybe you were being petty, but in your defense, he started it.

You were finishing up cleaning the table and were about to call it a day when a man you didn't recognize, probably wasn't a regular, came in asking for a drink.

"I'm sorry, sir. We're closed." You told him politely.

"Whiskey on the rocks."

You wanted to refuse him again, but you stopped yourself when he came into your sight. He didn't look like the kind of man who'd take your no seriously. He looked just as intimidating as Mr. Barnes, even more, but Mr. Barnes knew his boundaries, whereas this man in front of you evidently didn't. You could tell this by the way his gaze was slowly taking your body in and stopping a little longer at your cleavage.

You wanted to cringe and curse yourself for choosing to wear a top like that in a place filled with drunk men. The smarter part of your brain told you that he can go fuck himself, and you shouldn't think about men when you dress up. Women are entitled to wear whatever they want to and fuck men and people who tell them otherwise.

Carefully, you made his drink and handed it to him. His hand lingered on yours while taking the glass from you, and you wanted to just throw the drink across his face. His gaze remained on your chest even when you fixed your top and coughed twice to call his behavior out.

"What time do you get off?" he asked, eyes still on your chest.

Is this guy for real? , you thought.

"Um, this is highly inappropriate and I think you should leave now because I have to call it a night." you rejected politely, raising your hand towards the door, hoping he'd leave.

He chuckled darkly, his stare still drinking in your body as if you were a piece of meat, and it made you very, very uncomfortable. He obviously wasn't taking no for an answer, and you had no clue what to do. You were the only person left, and you didn't even know who to ask for help.

"Come on, baby girl," he said, walking towards you and forcefully snaking his hands around your waist to settle on your hips. " Don't make this harder than it should be. "

"No!" you yelled, pushing him away and creating some distance between you.

"Hard way it is then," he decided, walking towards you and forcefully holding the hem of your shirt in his hands to remove it. You struggled, yelled, and pushed him off you again. He furiously lunged forward towards you and hit you hard across the face. "Fucking bitch."

"Rumlow!" a voice boomed from behind you, and you hated yourself for being in such a vulnerable state. As much as you tried not to, tears welled up in your eyes and you hated being the helpless damsel in distress.

"Get the fuck out of here." the familiar voice ordered.

"Chill, Barnes. We were just having a little fun," the man known as Rumlow reasoned nonchalantly. "Besides, it's not my fault if she wears clothes like this."

You were all about feminism and how women should be treated equally with respect despite their attire, but at that moment you hated yourself for choosing that deep-neck shirt this morning.

"I'm not going to chill while you sexually harass my employees, so get the fuck out of here," Mr. Barnes warned again.

You closed your eyes and hoped that maybe this was a shitty dream and you'd wake up in your bed and have an anxiety attack because of the nightmare. You hoped that maybe the ground beneath you would open up and swallow you, so you could just not think about this ever.

You heard two sets of footsteps faintly in the background, one dragging its way away from you and the other rushing towards you. Furthermore, you didn't have it in you to open your eyes and meet the ocean blue ones that you knew were waiting for you.

In your head, you had already taken up the blame. The verdict came out the moment his gaze landed on your chest that it was your fault that you wore this shirt. Of course, if you were thinking right, you would have realized that you were undoubtedly the victim here and Rumlow was an asshole who assaulted you, but in your helpless state, your mind decided you were at fault here.

TAGS: @bananapipedreams​

[persimmonteas]

take a good look

4 times you gaze at him + 1 time he gazes at you

fic cowritten with @shinaus​, art by @annypuff​ <3. you can buy mel a coffee and anny a coffee. please support them! their work is banging and i love them 🥺 

pairing: vampire!shinso x f!reader

word count: ~4.5k

genre: slice of life fantasy (a tinge of coffee shop!AU), fluff, mutual pining, smut

cw: dom!shinso, size kink, daddy kink (inspired by toshi anon), praise kink, some degradation (he says slut 3x), fingerfucking, nipple play, choking, hair pulling, mirror sex, mating press, hickies everywhere, a cunt slap, overstimulation

first time: the coffee shop incident 

Of course your favorite coffee shop is swamped. This place is the only good thing about waking up close to dawn, with drinks always better than what your office has to offer and not to mention the pastries they make fresh.

Letting out a small groan, you decide to wait it out in the line and do your best to hurry with your breakfast before heading into work. Thankfully, you always leave yourself with enough time to actually sit and enjoy whatever you decide to buy that day, opting for it over greasy break rooms or stuffy smoking areas. 

Once the warm mug is in hand, you make quick work to try and find your usual spot only to find it occupied. While you won’t act possessive over a public seat of all things, losing the chance to enjoy glancing out the window and munching down your croissant seems to screw with your brain. 

You act without thinking, making a sharp turn to go sit somewhere else only for your knee to make contact with the underside of another table. Shit, you think to yourself, hearing the clatter of their cup. You helplessly watch liquid run down the table and into the person’s lap. 

You expect them to flinch, dart up from the table or, hell, even yell at you for your carelessness. He doesn’t yell at you and you don’t expect to see the colour of the liquid running down the table onto the floor to be red. Blood red. Fuck. A vampire. Hopefully, one who doesn’t eat you for your stupidity.

Just as you feel your heart sinking down to your stomach, your eyes flick up to meet the man whose day you likely ruined. You don’t see a hint of anger on his attractive features. In his defence, it’s probably because he’s busy looking at the way you’re gawking at him.

His unkempt hair and the deep eye bags adorning his sculpted face somehow make him look all the more endearing. It even looks like he’s wearing the smallest hint of eyeliner. Or are his eyes just naturally like that? Hard to tell. 

You’re pulled out of your thoughts (and staring session) by him breaking eye contact with you to clean himself up, before rising to his feet and doing the same to the table. It makes you come back down to Earth, and thereby remembering your clownery

“I’m so sorry! I didn’t mean to—” you start, but are met with a hand held up in front of your face. You furrow your brows in confusion, having assumed his lack of aggression would mean he’d be more understanding but nope.

“No issue,” he grumbles in response, giving his trousers one last wipe down before swiftly weaving through the others in the coffee shop, flipping his hoodie up and taking his leave. Now, you’re even more confused. 

Sure, you spilled something over him and the table, but you would have bought him another one? Paid for his dry cleaning or something maybe? Yet, off he went, moving so quickly you couldn’t ever hope to catch up to him. Fucking vampires, man, you shake your head.

The confusion eventually fades but not completely. You help one of the baristas doing the last of the clean up before settling into the strange vampire’s seat and letting your mind wander as you eat your breakfast. 

second time: gawking at the gym

It’s a common occurrence for you to make it to the gym right as the rush of 9-5s ends, the perfect time in your opinion. Nobody hogging any of the ellipticals, the water cooler always left unoccupied and nothing but time for you to get through your usual routine.

With this in mind, you can confidently say that nothing out of the ordinary ever happens at the gym. Well, could say. 

Carefully bringing your leg around to meet the other on your way off of the exercise bike, you're momentarily distracted by the sound of a nearby treadmill whirring so much hard that it sounds as though it may break. 

Lifting your towel and water bottle, you make your way over in curiosity. It almost seems as if whoever is on the treadmill moves even faster as you approach. Once you make it there, you’re met with the man who seems to be continuously haunting your surroundings. 

Despite his unruly purple hair in a band and all-black gym attire, vamp man still seems out of place. The athletic wear is a complete change of pace, considering the hoodie and leather jacket he was wearing during your first encounter. 

You rid yourself of any wandering thoughts about the man and focus on him being the reason that the treadmill is about to be on its last legs. You can’t bring yourself to look away from him; the sheer speed of his legs is mindblowing.  And a little ridiculous looking if you’re honest with yourself.

The moment is short lived when he slows to a stop, probably thinking the same thing that you are about the poor machine not being able to last another mile. He looks like he’s barely broken a sweat. Fucking vampires, you repeat to yourself.  

Just your luck, he notices your presence as he dabs the side of his not-even-sweating face with his towel. He begins to smirk at your eyes on him. 

“Little rude to stare, isn’t it?” he wonders aloud, voice much deeper and more luxurious than what you remember. Getting caught fills you with deep embarrassment. You stutter out a quick apology before making your way over to another machine. 

Even with your back facing away from any passing people as you continue your routine, you can practically feel his eyes boring into you.

A few minutes is all it takes for you to turn to check if your suspicions are correct. You’re met with his shameless stare. He’s not even making an attempt to hide his gaze either, leaning on one of the back walls as he watches you, large arms crossed over his broad chest somehow making the skin-tight shirt he’s wearing even tighter. 

This is torture, you think to yourself as you give him a polite smile, only to hear him chuckling at your strained smile.

“What? So you can stare but I can’t?” he tries, fully getting your attention once more as you stop what you’re doing. Sighing and smacking your machine, you come off of your machine and make your way back over to him.

Your confidence about approaching decreases as you see the full height difference between you two. You’re a fair bit smaller than he is. He looms over you even with his back still leaning against the wall.

“If you’re trying to stalk me, you’re doing a bad job. It should be me, after all. I’m the predator,” he lightly mocks you. 

You almost stomp your foot. “I am not stalking you!” you protest. “It isn’t my fault that you apparently go to the same coffee shop and gym as me.” 

He levels you with a delighted look. Humans usually don’t take his teasing well but you seem so much fun.

Throwing an annoyed peace sign at him, you make your way out of the gym.

third time: literally just that scene in the first twilight movie without edward doing donuts in his car into the lot

“What’s a pretty thing like you doing out at this time?” The low voice comes from your side, making every muscle in your body suddenly jolt. You just left your friends. Why do creeps seem to have a radar?

Even as you pick up your pace and ignore the question, it only seems to egg him on more. Right as he starts talking to you again, he’s swiftly cut off.

Feeling a small gust of wind at your back despite the calm night, you turn in confusion. Where did the creep go? Your question is answered when you watch him get slammed against the nearest storefront’s shutters. A much taller figure overshadows over him, hand around the creep’s throat. 

Even in the darkness, you can see the purple hair, unruly as ever starting from the collar of his coat. You stride over and pull on Shinso’s coat sleeve in hopes of ceasing his threatening actions—no matter how much the creep deserves the vampire’s ire. After all, you don’t want Shinso to end up with a track record after, like, a century (you’re guessing) without one.

“Shinso,” you say, eyes pleading as you look up at him—unaware of how much he enjoys hearing you so naturally say his name. He meets your stare briefly then rolls his eyes and releases his hold, watching the man scramble away. The chuckle that leaves him at the scene makes you wonder if he’s a sadist. 

Before you can wonder much more, he grips your hand tightly in his own as he leads you farther down the street. The clasp strangely comforting to you despite his freezing skin.

“You really need to stop being so irresponsible,” he tells you, tone almost mocking as he (somehow) takes every right path to your apartment building. There’s no point in questioning how he knows this. After all, for some reason, the world keeps leading you to him in an array of coincidences that are starting to feel less and less coincidental. 

When you let out a scoff, his hand seems to tighten further and you reflexively try to yank your hand away. He just stops in his tracks and turns to face you. There’s a look in his eyes you don’t question, especially since he speaks up before you do. 

“Don’t make me have to watch your every move to keep you out of trouble, I’d like to have a social life too, you know,” he grumbles, before turning to walk away. It leaves you a little dumbfounded to say the least, since you’re not exactly stopping him from having a life. Y’know, with, how totally unplanned these encounters are and all.

fourth time: the confrontation

Apparently, not one thing can be your own anymore. Not that you’re complaining, of course, but the sheer number of coincidences between you and Shinso is extraordinary and only seems to escalate. You keep running into him even in places so busy that you think there’s no chance of running into anybody you know. 

Now that Autumn is in full swing, the nights are colder and the leaves are dappled in brown and red shades. The perfect time to start going on walks through some of the bustling parks you live near. 

You love the scenery, especially the large lake that lies in the middle of your favorite park. As dusk rolls around, you take the chance to get a walk in to enjoy the now barely visible sunlight and to ponder a certain vampire. 

Not even one lap into walking around the lake, you catch sight of the colour that’s been plaguing your thoughts in your peripheral. 

The deep indigo colour is hard to miss, especially when it’s on the head of the vampire you keep running into. Though this time feels a little different since you finally catch him when he’s unaware of you.

Sitting on one of the benches facing the water, he’s wearing his typical hoodie and leather jacket and is holding what looks to be a book. What kind of book a vampire reads is beyond your imagination. 

All you know is that you finally have the opportunity to take the upper hand. Every time you see Shinso, he worms his way out of your questions. Or he leaves in an ominous distinctly vampire fashion.

There’s no reason for him to be everywhere you go, unless ... You want to confirm your hypothesis. 

The plan is simple. You’ll act like you're still out on your casual walk and you’ll walk up to the bench and sit down in a non-suspicious way. You nod to yourself. Perfect, flawless plan. 

It shockingly works … his book must be really good. You get all the way up to the bench without him acknowledging you. Since he’s only taking up one side, you don’t wait for verbal permission to sit down alongside him.

He still makes no indication that he notices you. His eyes never leave the book he has in his hands. You fixate your eyes on the silver ring on his index finger as he flicks through the pages. 

You lean in close and try to keep your smugness about finally startling him from bleeding into your voice when you speak. 

“You know, I’m starting to think you’re conveniently everywhere I go on purpose.”

For the first time ever, he’s the one caught off guard. Shinso flinches away from you and brings his eyes to meet yours. Without his signature smirk or witty comments, he simply gets up to take his leave. 

Well. This certainly isn’t going the way you want.

After your many encounters, you can pick up on his overall mood through his reactions to you. Though, he’s never reacted like this. At least not since the incident at the coffee shop.

The dismissal ignites irritation in you. Why is up to him whether or not you interacted? Taking the opportunity while you still have it, you follow him. 

It isn’t until he passes a large tree just off of the main path that you completely catch up to him. You realize he’ll easily slip away if you don’t move quickly. So you do, hand coming up to hit the tree trunk and essentially blocking his way. 

His eyes widen at you. However, he makes no attempt at escaping. 

“Why do we keep running into each other?” you ask with exasperation, eyes still on him as he moves to lean against the tree. You don’t move your hand, using it to grasp some control of the situation.

“You’re everywhere I go, it doesn’t matter where or when. You’re always there.” The rant is far from needed for him, he knows this already. But, you keep going. 

“What is this? Were we lovers in a past life or something? Do you have some unresolved feelings?” The way you’re rambling makes you impossibly endearing to him. His classic chuckle slipping out stops you in your tracks.

“Nothing of the sort,” he curtly replies. You cross your arms over your chest at his usual demeanor returning. “No such thing as reincarnated soulmates, at least with what I’ve experienced in my lifetime. Though, the feelings department…” As he continues, he leans closer to you. So much so you can almost feel his breath on your face and smell his warm, spicy cologne. 

“Is there a problem if I do have feelings for you?”

You blink at him. What? You don’t think you’ve ever been so caught off guard.. Feelings? Is that what this has all been about? 

Every previous encounter begins to run through your head and you start picking out small things that back up his statement. The lingering stares, teasing words, protective nature. You groan and drag your hands down your face. Man, you didn’t pick up on any of his hints. He must think you’re an idiot. 

Before you can give him an answer, he pushes off the tree, standing over you at full height. Assuming he’s about to attempt to leave once more, you’re surprised to see him turning back in the direction of the bench. When you make no effort to move, he reaches out and pulls you by your coat until his hand is in yours. 

“I’ll take that as not a problem.” A smirk still on his face due to you indirectly feeding his ego. 

Although, now walking beside him, you don’t miss the way his free hand reaches up to rub at the back of his neck. A gesture you recognise as one of his nervous tics. Did you do that to him? You grin at the idea that you make the great vampire feel that way.

“There’s a scooter rental place down by this side of the lake.” His voice brings you out of your thoughts, realising he’s been trying to hold eye contact with you. “I’ll make a deal with you, if you let me take you out on a ride around the lake, I’ll answer any questions you have, deal?”

The way he’s practically bargaining with you makes you want to laugh, but you keep your face neutral as you agree to his offer. Who turns down taking a romantic scooter ride with a hot vampire? Nobody. 

Of course, he takes any opportunity to tease you, so he rents a smaller scooter so you have to cling onto him.

You don’t complain though. How can you as you enjoy feeling his back muscles flex? Not to mention, he keeps his promise and answers any and every question you have about himself or his past. And, wow, he has an interesting and long past. 

As the sky turns dark and drips stars, you’re left with a feeling rising in your chest that you certainly don’t reject and with the hope of meeting him again—on purpose, this time. A planned event seems likely as you clutch the torn-out blank page of his book with his phone number scribbled across it in your fist.

one time: he gazes at you

“Hitoshi. You already have better night vision than me. This is so extra!” you protest, stumbling through the dark apartment as your vampiric boyfriend maneuvers you to ... his room, you think. 

Hitoshi just rubs soothing circles on your back and you just know the fucker is smirking. You hear the light click on. 

“You can take the blindfold off.” 

Tugging the blindfold off, you stare at the new object Hitoshi bought for his room. 

“Baby, this is a mirror.” 

He nods while leaning against his bed, looking infuriatingly pretty per usual. 

“You can’t even see yourself in a mirror. Why?” You arch an eyebrow in Hitoshi’s direction, trying to explain your absolute bafflement at his purchase. 

“In case you’re here and want to check yourself out.”  

You see nothing but innocence plastered on his facial expression but did you trust it? No. 

A mindblowing second later, he stands in front of you, caressing your face with calloused, cold hands. A nice contrast to the sweltering temperature in his room he set for you. Hitoshi leans in to kiss you, gentle but firm. Your hands go up to fist his shirt as he intensifies the kiss. 

He slides his hands down your cheek to stroke your lip and then slowly skims down your body.  

“It would be a great idea to take this off,” he whispers, playing with the hem of your shirt. 

You eagerly nod as he strips you out of your shirt and pants. Awareness of his plans finally clicks when he turns you to face the mirror. 

The remark on the tip of your tongue dies when Hitoshi rolls your nipples through the thin lace of your bra. You arch into his touch as he gently pinches and pulls them. God, your panties are already drenched and nipples hard. 

“Fuck,” you moan as Hitoshi slides your panties to the side. Letting you lean against his corded chest, he hitches one of your legs off the floor. 

“Go on, spread yourself open. Let me see how wet your slutty cunt is,” he murmurs into your ear. 

You hard swallow as you spread your glistening lips open for him, strands of your arousal clinging to your fingers when you pull them away. Hitoshi digs his hand into your thigh.

“Did I tell you to stop?” He sounds amused as he uses his other hand to pull your hair by the roots.

“No, no, daddy, I’m sorry,” you apologize and move your hand back to where it belongs. 

“Good girl, look at yourself. Wrecked without even being fucked.” You stare at yourself in the mirror with a half-lidded gaze. He’s right. With your heaving chest and puffy, soaked pussy, you look like you’ve been railed. But instead, you continue to spread open your aching pussy for your fully clothed boyfriend.

“Daddy, daddy, please touch me,” you plead as you grind against his hard bulge, desperate for any kind of friction. 

“Are you going to be a good girl for me?” If you were any more lucid, you’d have smacked Hitoshi for his lilting tease. 

“Aren’t I always a good girl,” you whine, hands clambering at his thighs. 

He chuckles at that, kissing your head before somehow gracefully crumpling to the ground with you in his lap. In a blink, he has you spread out in his lap as he plays with your clit. He slides a thick finger inside your tiny cunny as he grazes your shoulder with his canines.

“Look at you,” he coos. “You look so good like this, my darling little slut.” 

You don’t even have a retort, too enraptured by the sight of Hitoshi fingerfucking your sopping cunt with his invisible hand. The way your cunt opens for him and gapes in the mirror spellbinding for both of you.

You moan as your hips jerk up. There’s not much more he loves than how your lips part and your legs shake at how he strokes his finger inside of you. 

“More,” you beg. How can he resist your dazed expression? 

“Such a needy baby,” he tsks as he scissors you open with another finger. 

Another strum of your clit and pinch of your nipple and you’re gone, eyes squeezing shut. Your juices surely ruining his pants as you writhe in his lap. 

He cradles your cheek and then grips your chin to turn you back to the mirror. 

“Look at yourself, pretty girl. Such a fucked out mess.” 

You gaze at the bruises blooming over your shoulders and down your neck and shudder, pleased. The aftershocks of your orgasm leave you warm as you languidly suck your juices off Hitoshi’s fingers.  

“Toshi!” you squeal as he gently deposits you on his bed and pulls his clothes off. The bed is purely decorative and for you considering he doesn’t sleep. Although, even with a bed, you guys still fuck over every surface in his apartment. 

Your sensitivity protests fall to deaf ears as he bends your knees to your chest. This time, Hitoshi is the one to spread you open. He slaps your cunt and you claw at the sheets. Pumping two fingers slowly in and out of you, he uses his other hand to roughly pull down your bra.

His chapped lips wrapping around your nipple and cold fingers groping your other breast feel overwhelming. Hitoshi cages you in, sucking wet kisses over your tits, leaving you no room to evade his overstimulation as you squirm to get away from his fingers fucking up into you. 

Your sore nipples and cunt get a moment of reprieve as he moves down to concentrate on marking bites all over your plush thighs. Instantly, you miss being full. 

When he passes your empty, clenching cunt for the third time to suck bruises on your inner thighs, you burst. 

“Daddy, please, please, fuck me!” 

Hitoshi trails kisses up your heated skin to your throat, laving over the hickies he left.

“Beautiful,” he croons as he finally positions his tip against your hole and pushes in. The praise and stretch make you whine. He stills as your tiny cunt clenches around him. Your warm, drenched walls wrapping around his cock makes him toss his head back in pleasure. 

“My patient good girl,” he groans, pulling at your nipples. 

“Fuck—more, daddy, more,” you curse as you squirm, your hips rocking up to meet his shallow thrusts. He doesn’t reply and grazes his fangs over your pulse point as he holds your hips down. 

Your breath hitches—and he abruptly pulls back.

“Did my baby think I was going to bite her?” Hitoshi gives you a lazy smirk as he keeps his vexingly slow pace, watching his cock drag in and out of your creaming cunt. 

His large hand wrapping around your neck makes you squeak and suddenly tighten around him. Your favorite necklace. Knowing he’s using an insignificant fraction of his strength to please you makes your eyes roll back as your breath stutters.

“That’s it, cum for me, pretty girl.” Hitoshi starts a punishing pace as he strokes your clit with his free hand. His dark eyes never leave his hand wrapped around your throat, your ravishing lightheaded face and your bouncing tits. Hitoshi’s furrowed expression as he drags his tongue over his canines in concentration makes you whimper. 

You buck against him, gushing around him and crying out his name.

The way you cum so prettily for him has Hitoshi hissing your name in your ear as he thrusts deep into your spasming cunt, chasing his own release. Intertwining his hands with yours, he presses you into the mattress to pin you down. Before long, his orgasm washes over him. 

You gaze contentedly at Hitoshi as he pulls out, feeling empty already—and then you realize. 

“Hitoshi! I swear to god if I look like a grape again,” you threaten as you try to stand up to head to the bathroom. 

You don’t even take a step before he whisks you into his bathroom, laughing at you and kissing your forehead. 

Well. You suppose looking like a grape isn’t that bad.

[volturicangetit]

D.V/F/V- Old man

Summary: The reader is younger than their mate and is teaching them, slowly, about modern technology and its weird vocabulary.

Request: yes/NO

shout out to @kpopgirlbtssvt for giving me this idea. you’re the best

Warnings:none

Wordcount: 1441

DEMITRI

You thought that being a part of the Volturi would be boring. Everyone is at least a couple of decades older than you are and don't understand half of your vocabulary. The isn't the case though. All of the members have been highly interested in modern culture and ask you daily to give them lessons in social media or pop culture. Especially Demitri, your mate. He asks you to tell him about something new every hour or so, every question different from the previous one.

"What is 'swag' and how does one get it?" Demitri suddenly asks. You are a little baffled by his question. You look around you quickly. You're both standing in the throne room, you're supposed to keep an eye on the kings while they are reading some books and looking into some cases. Marcus looks up at you two. He has also been interested in the 21 century, especially the social media aspect of it.

"Well, it's like, being cool, you know? It's a kind of vibe someone has," you explain. Demitri just looks at you with more confusion. You turn more towards him. "Like, if you look cool, if you look good, I can say. 'Look at him he has swag'. But it's kind of old, no one uses it anymore.".

Demitri nods. "Oh," he says softly. "What do you say now then?". You shrug, looking back over to the kings. "That someone has good vibes.". You point at Aro, leaning closer to Demitri. "Like, he has spooky vibes. Those are good,". Demitri quickly swats your hand down to stop you from pointing. You sometimes still forget how the whole hierarchy in the Volturi works.

"Do I have good vibes?" he asks. You nod. "You have fuck boy vibes, but the good ones.". You can see from the look on his face that he has no clue what you're talking about. "It's...it's good. You're cool.". A smile appears on his face as he puffs his chest out a bit. "I'm cool," he says, now in a lower tone than before. You can't help but laugh at him. The three kings look at you for this. You quickly hold your hands in the air while mumbling some apologies to which they continue their reading.

--

The television in the main room is casting a bright blue light over everyone. Anyone who didn't know you would think that you were just a big group of friends having a movie night while supernatural being would get scared and highly confused at the sight of the Volturi sitting calmly on different couches, wrapped up in blankets trying to pick a movie. Demitri has the remote in his hands. He knows how to use the device the best from the Volturi, except for you. The remote isn't working properly though. He smacks the plastic rectangle against him and a couple of times to get it to work. You sit down next to him, pulling the blanket that is laying over his lap over you and as place a hand over his. "No need to hit the remote, Dinosaur,".

He lets out a huff of annoyance as he hands you the remote. "But it isn't working!" he whisper-shouts. You shake your head before letting it fall against his shoulder. "You didn't even point it at the television," you say as you begin to open up Netflix on the screen. You look over at Aro, it was his turn to pick out a movie. "The vampire assistant," he says with a smile. You could always appreciate his sense of humour. You let out a giggle as you start up the movie.

"You're like an old man, totally incapable of using technology," you whisper in Demitri ear. He gives you a small push while shaking his head. "I am not old,". You shake your head, shifting in your position so you can lay with your head laying in his lap. "You're like 1000 years old! You're very old. I shouldn't even be with you, perv." you say. Demitri shakes his head as his eyes are focussed on the screen. His right hand comes down into your head and starts to play with your hair, feeling the softness of it between his fingers while his nails scratch your scalp softly. "I'm not old," he huffs out a final time before remaining quiet.

--

FELIX

"Yo, fossil!" you yell at your mate. Felix turns around, the annoyed look on his face now replaced with a smile. You take quick steps over to him. "What are you doing there, old man?" you ask. Felix wraps his arms around you as he picks you up in a tight hug. He liked using his strength and height to his advanced. He had just come back from another check-up with the Cullens. Sadly, you weren't allowed to come with him. He placed you down on the ground again but he keeps his arms tightly wrapped around you. "I'm not old," he says. You shake your head, reaching up with one hand to lay your palm against his cheek. He melts into your touch.

"Yeah, you are. You are older than my grandparents. That's grossly old," you say as you wiggle out of his grasp. You grab one of his hands as you pull him along with you while you start to walk towards your shared room. "Yeah, but they were human, little one," he says. You shrug your shoulders.

"I'll stop calling old when you stop calling me that," you say with a huff of annoyance. He shakes his head, pulling you towards him and slinging his arm over your shoulder. "Nope," he says, letting an audible pop out after the 'P'.

You quickly open the door of your room once you reach it. You duck away from under Felix's arm as you run over to the bed, letting yourself fall onto it. "Then prepare to be called old, grandpa,". A disgusted look forms on Felix face as he lays down softly next to you and starts to run his hand over your bare arm. "Call me anything but that," he says. You let out a small laugh. "Okay, will do. Old man.".

--

You are only half-listening to the bickering between Jane and Alec. They are in a heated discussion about god knows what. From time to time, they ask for you're agreement to which you mumble a yes or that you're neutral in the situation. Felix is sitting beside you, one arm wrapped around you as he uses his other to intently stare at the phone screen in his hand. "What's a beefcake?" he asks out of the blue. Alec and Jane stop their conversation as you look at Felix with big eyes. If you could blush, you would. "What?" you ask.

Felix shrugs as he shows you his phone screen. It's a post of his Instagram with a comment under it. "u r a beefcake" it simply says. "Umh, you, I guess," you say as you stutter a little. "Someone ripped,". Felix lets out a little 'oh' as he continues to look at his phone screen.

"Why do they call me daddy?". You remain quiet. How are you supposed to tell this old man, who doesn't even understand modern dating, why people get called daddy? "It's-It's a modern pet name. Yeah, like...sweartheart...but for man". Felix nods. He turns towards you as he lays his phone down on the table in front of him. Thankfully, Jan and Alec pick up their conversation again.

"Why don't you call me daddy?" he asks with a smile. This fucker doesn't even realise what he's talking about. You wiggle out from under his arm, laces your fingers with his instead. "It's um...sexual,". His eyes grow big as he quickly grabs his phone and chucks it to the other side of the room. Thankfully, it lands safely on the rug with a small thud.

He stands up from his seat and let's go over your hand. "That's enough internet for me, I'm going to wash my eyes with holy water really quick," he says with a soft tone. You laugh softly at him. "Wait until he finds out porn," Demitri chimes in. Felix turns around, eyes big. "There's more?!". You nod slowly. Felix quickly walks over to his phone, grabs it and hands it to you. "I don't want to go on the internet anymore, you all are gross,". You shrug and lay his phone down on the table again.

"Whatever old man," you say. Still, with his back to you, he sticks his middle finger up to you. "I'm not old!”.

TWILIGHT TAGLIST: @scuzmunkie @thanossexual @prettyinblack231 @kpopgirlbtssvt​ @rexburn12​ @cullens-stuff​

[hongism]

Do you have any good ateez X reader fanfics Recs? I’m in need of a good long fanfic If not long Then a really really good one lol I just have a hard time finding some lol

BOY HOWDY IM FINALLY HERE okay but fr tho i’m sorry this took me Lightyears to do im so bad at remembering what fics i read and how i tag them so i lost my mind while trying to find them all and i’m sure i missed a lot of favs so i Apologize in advance asiodjfosijdf some are kinda popular so you might have seen them before but some do not get the credit they deserve and i could sit here and sing the praises of these fics and their authors for years but i won’t put y’all through that ._.

You can’t even reach my neck - @kpopscenario - seonghwa

summary: They’re best friends and have feelings for each other but they both don’t know about the others crush, Seonghwa comforts her after another bad date. (Basically friends to lovers college!au)

yes i am a Sucker for a damn f2l college au on occasion and this is one of those Incredible and Well Written occasions i love this fic and the length is perfect and long in the best way 10/10 would recommend and it’s great

such a good girl for me - @starrychannies - mingi

summary: no summary but the warnings should tell you Everything you need to know wink wonk skljdlkdfj

warnings: harddom!mingi, sub!reader, size kink (its mingi duh), choking, sir kink, pet names, mix of praise and degradation, oral (receiving), unprotected sex, slight overstim, slight humiliation (?), a lot of fluffy aftercare.

i find it Uber hard to write smut that is well written in all honesty like i can’t read my own smut bc i can’t Stand It i just think it’s awful but there are so so many authors out there who can write smut and write it well and i admire starrychannies so much for such incredible writing talent with smut yesyes

Alone - @actuallythatwaspromise - san

summary: again n/a but good lord royalty au prince san, princess reader, smack me over the head because i really adore this 2.2k fic and good lord this fic gets me emo and i dont even know why??? the angst is soft and barely there but i’m still over here sobbing for no reason oisdfoaijdiof

detention - @/starrychannies - wooyoung

warnings: badboy!wooyoung, goodgirl!reader, smut, voice kink, corruption kink, fingering, dirty talk, public sex, exhibitionism kink, wooyoung has piercings and reader is a Big Fan, mention of gags, light degradation.

this, this shit right here, this is so good WHEW i dont really have the words but hot damn, i just love this fic and i love love love the way the author wrote the the fic and it’s Hot:tm:

violet roses - @/starrychannies - yunho

warnings: F L U F F, college!au, s2l, first meeting, yunho is a soft babie, yunhos pov!!, love at first sight, pining, bit of slow burn, yunho is Whipped, suggestive teasing, hyunjin is mentioned briefly in the beginning, protective yunho, mingi makes an appearance, mentioned that mingi’s gay, san is mentioned, smut, softdom!yunho, sub!reader, praise, car sex, SIZE KINK!!!!, vaginal penetration, fingering, finger riding, penetrative sex, daddy kink, yunho lowkey has a corruption kink, multiple orgasms.

did i die? yes but only a lot. ahhhh i LOVE me some damn s2l slow burn and pining that shit hits the spot and this fic has it wrapped up in a nice and lovely package pls read pls pls pls read

lover boys - @/starrychannies - seonghwa + hyunjin

warnings: smut, wet dreams, poly relationship, boy x boy, non idol verse, ateez x skz crossover (yay!), harddom!seonghwa, softdom!hyunjin, sub!reader, threesome, reader is Needy, hyunjin is Sleepy, seonghwa is Amused, pwp, light somniphilia, dirty talk, petnames, some degradation, early morning sex, oral (giving), throat fucking, reader has no gag reflex and hyunjin is In Love with it, fingering (receiving), spanking (like twice), unprotected sex, light cum play, cum swallowing, little bit of praise, cuddles!

i really just need a minute whenever i think about this fic bc i highkey die every time i think about it??? two of my ults??? i can’t??? i really can’t handle this honestly like woW osdijfoijdfoi the way i melted we love to see it 🤩

entanglement - @sanduction - wooyoung

summary: when the boy who had explicitly spelled out his implausible hatred towards you on every possible occasion tells you that he’s a dog, who would’ve guessed that you possessed the other half of his soul? not you, at least. life sure had a shit-load of guts to pull a twilight on you like that.

okay so deadass if you know me you know that i really am not the type to read werewolf/hybrid fics. i just typically don’t go for them or read them but this fic. this fic. oh my god. the way it’s so seamless and works so perfectly, i’ll never recover like W O W i love this fic that is all honestly i have mad respect for all writers who do werewolf/hybrid fics bc i can’t write them at all, so sanduction huge major props to you i love your work!!!

who catches the alpha? - @teeztheflag - hongjoong

summary:  „You don’t want to break the rules, am I right?“

aka another phenomenal werewolf fic with alpha hongjoong that made me fall over in a totally great way. the angst the fluff the little suggestive bits it all flowed and fit together perfectly and i am still in love with this fic no matter how much time passes

bite me - @atinyidea - yunho

summary: vampire!au, vampire!yunho, vampire!reader, female!reader established!relationship / warnings! angry s*x?, biting, blood, sir k*nk, consensual s*x, teasing, begging, rough play, overstimulation

this fic is ~spicy~ and whew it is good wow just the idea of yunho and reader being immortal together was like awww then it got spicy and i went to o_o real quick but it is such a good fic and wow i love it i dont even have words bc im Dumb but wow

You Got It Like That? - @kimnamshiks - wooyoung

summary: You just needed to get through this week at the resort at the hands of 20 coworkers and Wooyoung; the Sales Department Supervisor who got some raunchy photos of you the day prior.

honestly wow sodifjoisdjf i love this fic so much i just wow honestly the reader is a whole mood when wooyoung texts about the pictures and i was reading like ‘ahahaa me.’ oisjdfoij god the back and forth between wooyoung and the reader just had me rolling legit i got flustered like pls wooyoung just HAAHHAHA WOOYOUNG IN THIS FIC GETS ME FLUSTERED AS FUCK it is all because tay is a Stellar Writer and makes those emotions come to life in amazing ways and i’ll never ever get over it just whew banter in fics is legit one of my favorite things ever and tay does it with such beautiful ease that i am Enamored but i am also Rambling just pls read this fic oh my god it’s so good

be my neighbor - @jeonginks - seonghwa

summary: seonghwa moved into the apartment next to yours, and he stumbled into a situation he didn’t expect to face.

wow i l o v e this fic it’s just a perfect blend of angst and fluff and it sends me to space every time i read it soidfjoidjf don’t ask why space but it just does i kinda ascend okay? anyway wow this fic is such a gem and it is sO underrated in my opinion. the dialogue is written so beautifully and with an ease that i think is often times hard to capture?? wow just amazing

Cheat Codes - @serendipityunho - seonghwa

summary: “This party’s boring, wanna get out of here?”, may have perhaps led you to make the biggest mistake of your life by sleeping with your best friend’s other best friend, your best friend who happens to be in love with you.

me: wow i never read college aus hahhaa

also me: reads a shit ton of college aus sodifjodijf

honestly this fic is 100% fantastic from start to finish, it’s 5.3k of pure greatness and i just really love this fic altho my heart broke at the end it still fit perfectly and was amazingly written ;-;

that is all i have for today slkdfljdlk however i will be shameless and say that if you would like some Long Bois for ateez i have a few but i’ll link the fics i loved writing the most and am v proud of :3

storge - mingi

liquorice and ivories - hongjoong

[not-from-the-absence-of-violence]

On assumptions, understanding, belonging and love.

Moments in Martin's journey understanding other people and finally himself.

or

Martin's journey in understanding, accepting and loving his asexuality.

a/n: some quick notes: Jon is sex repulsed, Martin is somewhere between neutral and favorable. While Tim and Sasha dont exactlty say they are aro they are! Jon is non-binary and uses he/they pronouns and i desperatly wanted to explore that but this is already twice as long than intended-

also while I am (half) Bolivian and speak spanish I am not at all fluent in Tamil so if there is any mistakes lmk! hope you all enjoy!

-------------------

Sasha had convinced them to go get drinks together, as it had been a rather stressful couple of weeks since Martin came back from the siege of his apartment by Jane Prentiss.

Sleeping in the archives was not exactly helping the situation for Martin, or Jon for that matter.

So they decided to go to a pub and try to force a sense of normality everyone really needed.

Martin was having a great time, with the relative calm and safety he hadn’t had in a while, even Jon had something like a smile playing on his lips as Tim told a story from one of his university mates that had accidentally thrown his roommate's engagement ring down a drain. 

Martin zoned out for a bit, enjoying the pleasant buzz of the alcohol and his friends laughter and Jon’s animated movements that indicated that he was talking about something he actually found interesting.

 Jon was apparently telling his own story with some relation to engagement, something about a girl at a wedding that had acted strangely, Martin caught something about “purposely spilling wine on her dress”, which Martin agreed was quite wierd. 

“She was totally trying to woo you, Jon.” Sasha said as Jon got to the bit where they had to help her find some clean towels in a storage closet. 

 “I assumed she was just having a rather hard time,” Jon said, seemingly only now thinking of the implications of spilling wine on your dress and then faking needing help, to be fair to Jon that was a very weird tactic to pull and Martin would not have put two and two together either.

“Well what did you do in that closet then?” Tim asked with an incredibly over the top suggestive look. 

Jon pulled a face then, Martin thought it looked rather endearing really with his nose all scrunched up and his eyes narrowed, but he was clearly uneasy. 

“I don’t- I don’t really do… that sort of thing.”

Martin snapped back in the moment, feeling a weird but familiar anxiety in his stomach as the conversation lulled. He felt rather protective for a moment, instinctively knowing this seemed important. This turned out to be rather unnecessary, as Tim spoke up again quickly.

“Oh,” He and then, earnestly, ”I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Jon.” 

And then Jon smiled, properly, like he didn’t often and waved his hand dismissively but pleased.

“Thank you, well it's not like you could have known that, but anyway as I was saying-” 

 It was but a moment, but it stuck with Martin for a bit, mulling it over and not really understanding his own reaction.

 Eventually Martin settled back into the pleasant buzz, enjoying his friends chatter and Jon’s over exaggerated hand gestures.

-

It was an uncharacteristically slow day in the archives, not a worm in sight and Martin had only a bit of boring research to do for a very clearly fake statement.

Martin usually tried to be nice about it but this one featured a guy named “Richard Dickson” and was entirely about a fever dream someone had about a haunted accordion, he had listened to the recording that Jon had emailed him and it sounded like even he was having a very hard time trying not to laugh at it.

“Who comes up with this stuff?” Sasha said as she handed him back the statement. “Sure, I know we are being attacked by a worm woman but I really hope we can draw the line at haunted accordions that play spooky renditions of High School Musical and a prophetic dream guy called Dick Dickson.”

She was laughing too and Martin thought that she looked better than she had in awhile, it was nice, seeing her like this. 

“Well at least I won’t have to stay extra time for the research of this one, I would go home early but.” he shrugged and gestured in a you know the whole staying here cause of a worm woman situation, she gave him a sympathetic look.

“Well I am leaving early, got a very fun evening planned.” she said with a wink.

She had looked really rather excited and somewhat giddy all day, Martin realized. 

“Oh,” Martin said, “Who is the lucky person then?”

Sasha looked at him puzzled for a few seconds, slowly blinking at him, then the penny dropped.

“What? Oh no, I mean- Tim I guess, we usually have a sort of movie night every once in a while, this one is extra special though, because I found this book about the categorisation of demons, it’s partially in latin? Tim said he would help me look into it. ”

Martin felt his face heat up, feeling the urge to profusely apologize, Sasha continued however:

“It’s not like that though,” she said with a rather annoyed look, and then somewhat softer, “I am not really a dating kind of person, you know?”

Martin wasn’t sure he fully understood what she meant, but that was fine and she was clearly still very excited, so he relaxed.

“Sorry, shouldn’t have assumed, I do hope it’s not one of those books Jon goes on about, they aren't exactly...friendly.”

Her eyes lit up once again.

“Oh it's definitely not a Leitner! I do look out for that sort of thing, the interesting thing about the book is though-”

And she went on for a bit, the moment somewhat unimportant in a way but it still churned in Martin’s mind. 

-

Things with Sasha...shifted after the Jane Prentiss attack, everyone had different ways to cope with trauma of course, Martin knew that.

Maybe that was the thing really, while Tim, Jon and Martin himself were having a hard time processing (even if Tim and Jon refused to properly acknowledge it) Sasha seemed fine, a few weeks of being shaken maybe and she was now back to her regular old self. 

She even had a new boyfriend, Martin had no idea why that irked him so much.

He’d said as much to Tim, who was sitting next to him while both slacked off from their jobs on the stairs to the back courtyard of the institute (why there even was a courtyard was one of the great mysteries of this place).

Tim looked uncharacteristically solemn, seldom did he let his walls down like this. 

“I thought I was in love with her you know,” he said rather suddenly, “I mean we’ve been friends for years now and there was- is no one I would rather spend time with, so I mean if not her then- then who?”

He sighed and Martin made comforting noise, trying not to break whatever spell had made Tim genuinely speak about his feelings. 

“I mean I figured out I wasn’t in love with her before this whole...thing, we talked about it, I think? Some stuff is hazy. Just- I shouldn’t be jealous you know? She is allowed to have a boyfriend.”

“Your feelings are valid no matter what they are.” Martin said seriously.

Tim sighed and leaned into Martin, who enveloped him in his arms.

“Sure, doesn’t mean it doesn’t suck though.” 

And well there wasn’t much Martin could say about that.

After a bit of comfortable hugging silence Tim spoke up.

“Maybe her boyfriend is a vampire though, I totally get to be jealous about a vampire.”

“Tim don’t say that.” he said, trying to hide a smile. 

“What?” Tim said, pretending to be serious, “Everything is possible Martin, worm women and all that, I could obviously not compete with a vampire and their sexy glittering skin.”

Martin shook his head, not able to contain his laughter anymore.

“Can’t believe you are exposing yourself as someone who watched Twilight.” he said.

Tim smiled wickedly up at him from where he was still half cuddled into him.

“The fact that you got that reference exposes you in turn,” he said, sticking his tongue out, “Check mate.”

“Touché.” 

Then Tim stood up and said: 

“Well, Time to go back to our trans containment zone.”

“The fact that we just happen to be trans and were transferred to the archives is a coincidence.”

To that Tim only answered: “Trans-ferred Martin, can’t you see? You cannot call that a coincidence.” winked and back in through the door he went. 

Martin let out an exaggerated long suffering sigh.

Back inside they walked to their respective desks.

“Well lets hope work gets lets shit.” Tim said. “That’s such a low bar, and yet.”

“Paciencia y fé.” Martin said, which was in his repertoire of spanish phrases that just didn’t pack the same punch in english along with “ya pasara” and “digamos que si”.

Tim shrugged.

“Don’t think whatever grandmother made up that phrase could have imagined it being applied to our situation.”

“And yet we still have to hope for it to get better don’t we, see it works.”

Tim flashed him one last smile as he sat at his desk and Martin went to put on the kettle.

-

Martin had assumed Jon’s I-don’t-do-that-sort-of-thing included dating as well and it hadn’t bothered him really, he enjoyed clinging to his crush to Jon like a small steady comfort, even if he knew it wasn’t actually going to amount to anything, there was no harm in day dreaming after all and Martin was perfectly capable of caring about him as a friend too, it was harmless.

Of course the fact that he now knew Jon had been staying at his ex-girlfriends place and the fact that Jon might actually date people didn’t really change anything.

At least that is what Martin tried to tell himself as he shakily poured two cups of tea and mustered the courage to walk to Jon’s office. 

And he was at least a little right, even if Jon dated people, even if Jon would return his feelings (which Martin really did not let himself dwell on), these were particularly unfavourable circumstances to start a relationship, there was the matter that neither of them was able to string together a conversation, because the mundane ones sounded so inane and hollow and the important ones required being genuine and vulnerable and they might just be somewhat allergic to that. 

And there was the matter of the impending apocalypse they had to stop.

Martin knocked on the door and he heard a soft: “Come in, Martin.” from the other side of the door. 

The office was a mess as always and Jon looked like he hadn’t slept in a week and had aged about ten years in the last few months. 

But Martin’s breath caught in his throat anyway because, as was usual for Jon now, he also looked just a little more...comfortable, as you could anyway. They were wearing a hoodie with cats on it that was just slightly too big and a long flowy patterned skirt. 

Jon clearly caught martin staring because he ran his hand through his hair a bit self-consciously and said: “I know it goes against dress code, but I think you get a pass after you get kidnapped by an evil circus.” 

“Oh I mean, you look nice, I mean it looks nice on you. I didn’t mean to uhm, stare?”

“It was- I was just joking.”

“Oh.” 

They just stared at each other, painful silence falling over them. 

Jon broke the silence clearing their throat.

“So... you brought tea?” They said.

“Yeah, it's for you.” Martin said and immediately cringed because who else would he have brought Jon’s favorite chai exactly the way he always takes it.

Jon smiled though, reaching out to take the cup from him. Their hands brushed just a little and Martin's brain briefly shut down and he realised that maybe he should admit to himself he was really hopeless and too far gone.

That is though, how he ended up stupidly staring at Jon’s hands and how he spotted the shiny black ring on the middle finger of his right hand. 

“Thats a nice ring, don’t think I have ever seen you wear jewelry before.” 

That seemed to snap the tension out of the moment a little, Jon looked down at the ring and smiled a little.

“It's an ace ring,” they said, “I used to wear it a lot a while back, not sure why I fell out of the habit, but now I guess I think I am allowed whatever small comfort I can get.”

They were looking at the ring and then at Martin. 

Martin wanted to freeze the image right there, at the small not quite guilty smile Jon had as he looked up at him, at the feeling that things were OK, good even just for a bit.

Then something fell off Jon's desk and they both startled, flinching at the sudden loud noise. 

All the worry and tension flooded back into the room immediately.

“Right.” Jon said. “Did you need anything else?” 

Martin wasn’t sure how to even answer that.

So he just shook his head and started to leave.

Just before he was about to turn around Jon called his name, Martin turned around to face Jon that seemed to be fighting for the words he wanted to say.

“Yes, Jon?”

“Thank you.”

Martin smiled a sad smile.

“Anytime.”

-

It’t not that Martin had never heard the word asexual before, or that he didn’t know Jon was ace, he’d just never dwelled much on the actual meaning of it.

He had however never heard of ace rings before and he gave it a google for curiosity's sake. 

A black ring usually wore on the right middle finger to indicate the wearer is asexual (“ace”). 

It seemed nice to Martin, small token of your connection to a community, of course his curiosity did not end there, he had assumed previously Jon didn’t do relationships at all, and if he did, what did asexual mean then?

He found out rather quickly that asexuality was about sexual attraction, and aromantic was another thing all together, he also found out that asexuality didn’t mean a person couldn't have a libido, or like sex.

And maybe he just stood there staring at his laptop screen for a while knowing that sexual attraction had never really made sense to him, maybe it felt like something clicked.

And so knowing he definitely did not have the time or the emotional energy to deal with it he quickly closed his laptop, he had an apocalypse to stop and a boss to dispose of after all.

-

Martin was trying very hard to read Hija de la fortuna by Isabel Allende, every other sentence he sighed and grabbed his phone to look up a word the meaning of which he didn’t know.

It was frustrating, he once had been almost fluid in spanish as a child, but then his dad had left and his mother wasn’t able to and didn’t want to maintain his fluency. He hadn’t exactly had time or money for classes either and so now he attempted to regain some of it by watching movies and reading books.

It was not just the language of course that made it hard, Martin was so entirely full of worry. It was rare he got to spend a day in his flat these days, usually cooped up in the Institute hiding from something, or at the side of Jon's hospital bed talking to him, reading to him on occasion.

The anxiety, the fear, the pain, it had festered into Martin, the tiniest sounds made him jump and even when he got tiny little moments in which he wanted to, needed to, rest he still felt like a watched prey animal, or the full force of grief threatening to crush him.

Today he was just waiting for the other shoe to drop, nothing remarkable had happened in a handful of days and it made him uneasy, he was waiting for Melanie to call him about a new attack, he was waiting for Peter to summon him with a weird cryptic request. 

And you would think that with all this other worry he wouldn’t be fretting about his sexuality.

But apparently there was plenty of anxiety to go around for all the areas in his life and he just couldn’t get that moment, months ago now, out of his head.

He sighed at set the book aside, grabbing his phone and opening google.

He felt like he was 14 again asking his mother what gay meant and getting only a nasty look in return, or 17 and anxiously looking for a book about being trans in the library. 

It was silly to look it up and read articles about how to know you were ace, because he already knew somewhere, but he desperately needed the confirmation.

The third or so blog post he opened was about a woman in her 50’s that had recently figured out she was ace.

Its freeing  the article read it’s freeing to be who you are and to understand yourself better, even if you aren’t sure, its OK, it will be OK.

Martin was only crying a little, he laid down his phone and stared at the wall.

He thought about how he had never quite fit, he wasn’t quite english, not with the people asking him where he had come from or asking his mother as a child where she had gotten him from. He wasn’t Bolivian either, he had never been there, his spanish was limited, he could only cook about three and a half recipes that the internet had taught him.

He had never been a woman and he would never fit what society thought of as a man. And what that exactly meant for his relationships.

He never understood other people, but he never thought he was bad enough to seek help for it.

Sexual attraction was vague and he didn’t get it, but in the few relationships he had had in the past he hadn’t minded sex, he enjoyed watching a nice movie together just as much but there was a nicety to it, especially taking care of someone else, having them unravel infront of you. And he had found it weird that he didn’t want anything back, that he felt uncomfortable sometimes.

He imagined he meant he was wrong, like with everything else Martin Blackwood also couldn’t do that right. 

But maybe there was something here, in Martins corner of human experience, in the small stack of books about Bolivia that he read, in the trans pin on his backpack and patches he sewed onto his clothes, in calling himself gay man even if that didn’t cover the nuances because it felt good, in the chew necklace that hung around his neck because it eased his anxiety.

Just like all of those things, Martin was ace, he wasn’t wrong or broken he was just different and there were all those other people who were different too and it was nice. 

And Martin was crying because of the overwhelming sense of belonging, and because he finally understood Tim when he had once asked “But what does romance even mean, Martin?” and he would never get to tell him, because this is yet another thing he and Jon could have talked about if the world had been kinder to them, this is something he could be talking about to Jon if he wasn’t in a coma.

But even in these miserable circumstances Martin made sense to himself a little more and no one could take that away from him.

-

The past week in the safehouse had been a whirlwind of emotions, but both Jon and Martin were trying, trying hard to heal, to learn how to feel safe again, to love each other.

For all that trying they hadn’t talked about it much, it was hard still, but Martin was quietly holding on to the hope that they would get there.

Today had been quiet, with the biggest setback being that Jon had found it hard to find all the ingredients for the sambar he wanted to make for dinner. 

“I know it won't be like my Pāṭṭi (பாட்டி) taught me, but you would think they would at least have coconut.”

Martin found their grumpiness adorable, reveled in the mundaneness of this worry. And he hadn’t been able to contain his laughter when they finally had found coconut and Jon had held it up triumphantly.

The food had been delicious and now they sat on the couch, it was hard Martin craved touch so dearly but it was like stepping into hot water after standing on ice for a while and Jon flinched so often, not used to not being hurt and sometimes Martin’s unnaturally cold skin brought up unpleasant memories. 

They could have wallowed in guit and yearning, but they were both stubborn, and so even if it took a while and millions of slow movements and asking if something was OK they managed. 

So it was that Jon had his legs draped over Martin's lap, enough to bring comfort, not too much as to be overwhelming, and their hands were lightly on top of eachother.

Jon seemed pensive, but not worried, Martin shot him a questioning glance.

“We went at this in such a sideward way,” Jon said, “I mean we live together now but we haven’t really...talked about it. We never- we never asked?”

There was a beat of silence where Martin just looked at Jon and then a smile spread over Martin's face.

“Jonathan Sims do you want to ask me out?”

Jon averted their gaze in a way that meant even though Martin couldn’t see it they were definitely blushing.

Martin just couldn’t contain his delighted laughter.

“Must you laugh at me,” Jon said, faking offence, he was also smiling now.

A bit of seriousness returned to his voice as he spoke up again.

“I don’t care that we have done it all backwards Martin,” they said, “But, I love you.”

And as he said that Martin stared at him, mouth agape and his heart thundering in his chest, he lost his ability in any language. Jon said it firmly and securely and Martin really didn’t know what he was supposed to do with all the feelings he had, Jon continued however. 

“And we don’t have to do anything but it just feels like we are dancing around several conver- Martin? Are you alright?”

It was only then Martin realised he was crying and he could only ask:

“You love me?” 

Not because he didn’t know, but because sometimes you just need the confirmation.

Jon squeezed his hand gently.

“Of course I do.”

Martin wanted so badly to answer him, to reproach but he couldn’t, not yet, instead he blurted.

“May I kiss you?”

Jon smiled, a tad nervously.

“That's sort of what I wanted to talk about,” they said, “boundaries?”

Martin understood the necessity of such conversations he really did, but it did not mean he was going to enjoy them.

It did come as a surprise however that Jon suddenly got very nervous and said.

“I mean- I just- I am ace, Martin.”

Martin cokced his head in confusion and said:

“Yeah, I know.”

Jon mirrored his confused look.

“You do?” and then more sour, “You listened to the tape?”

And fine Martin admitted to himself, maybe they should talk more.

“No? You told me, like ages ago.”

Jon laughed, relieved, happy.

“Sorry,” he said, “Ironically my memory is foggy. It has been a rough couple of...years.”

Martin hummed something of affirmation, because he also knew this seemed like a nice moment to come out, and he felt the very familiar anxiety in his belly. Idiotic anxiety because Jon was also ace and there were no stakes in this situation at all. 

Maybe it was just the fact that he had never said it aloud.

Martin heard himself speak:

“I think I am too,” and he could hear how stupidly nervous he sounded, “ace, I mean.”

There was a vague ringing in his ear and if he had been in the position to he might have just run out of the room, apparently facing down unknowable monsters didn’t make coming out easier.

His fear was cut down by the fact that Jon was absolutely beaming at him.

“That's great!” they said, “I mean not that I would have minded if- but it is nice to have someone understand, that's all.”

It was, it was amazing to have Jon here smiling up at him holding his hand and understanding him.

“It really is,” Martin said, then gently bringing the back of Jon’s hand to his cheek and leaning into it, “Doesn’t mean we don’t have to talk boundaries though.” 

Jon smiled at the small gesture and then said serious:

“I don’t want to have sex, ever.” 

Martin knew it sounded like people had tried to debate them on it before and it made his chest ache.

“I know,” he answered and then because honesty was key, “I am not adverse to it, but obviously if you don’t want to, we won’t, ever.”

Jon sat up a bit then, lifting his hand from Martins and gently cupping his cheek. Martin's pulse quickened, his hand moving almost automatically to Jon’s arm.

“How do you feel about kissing?” he asked.

“It's nice,” Jon said, smiling a bit cheekily leaning forward,  “So long as it isn’t tongue kissing that is.”

Martin leaned forward until their breaths mingled at their lips where all but touching.

“May I kiss you then?” He asked, breathless.

Jon could only nod and they both leaned forward the last inch.

Time must have stopped for a bit as they kissed, gentle and full of a thousand promises. 

They both moved away from the kiss gently, they were both tearing up a little, Martin felt so much so strongly and he pulled away from Jon completely.

“Just need a moment.” he said and smiled at Jon's reassuringly if a bit shaky. 

“Take all the time you need,” Jon said and then softer, “Anything you need.”

And Martin was sure he had never loved anyone more. 

-

On the fourth day of their third week in Scotland Jon had gone to run some errands in town and had come back with an incredibly nervous air about him they were sitting across from Martin at the table twirling their hair and checking his pocket every once in a while.

It was making Martin incredibly antsy and by the third time Jon had looked like he wanted to say something only to then go back to the crossword he was definitely making no progress on Martin had had enough.

“Sol mio,” Martin said, very much enjoying Jon’s wide eyed flustered he always got when Martin called him pet names. “Will you please tell me what is wrong.”

Jon looked at him sheepishly.

“There is not something wrong, per se.”

Martin gave him a look.

Jon sighed and stood up, grabbing a small box from his pocket. 

“Nothing is wrong I just… bought something for you beloved.”

Martin very nearly had a heart attack when Jon opened the box and there was a ring inside. Upon closer inspection it was a beautiful black ring and Martin understood. 

There was silence as Martin could do no more but stare at the ring and then at Jon.

“I see how a ring might come over as a gift now,” Jon rambled nervously, “it is not like that- I mean that is something we will have to talk about. I was afraid it would be too much? It is engraved too and I just hope I didn’t-”

Martin cut him off: “Jon let me see it properly.” 

Jon handed him the ring.

Martin lifted the ring out of the box and saw the engraving on it.

 நான் உன்னைக் காதலிக்கிறேன். I love you. Te amo.

Martin promptly sat down again, it was so sappy, just a tad ridiculous and stupidly cute. It hurt in his chest and tears stung in his eyes.

“How did you know I wanted one?” he asked, because he didn't know what else to say.

Jon rubbed the back of his neck self consciously and said:

“You were talking a few days ago, about how you would like something like a- like a token, to remind you and I thought an ace ring might be nice.” 

They lifted their right hand.

“We match now.” 

Martin silently moved to put the ring on, it fit perfectly. He ran his fingers over the tiny groves of the words on it. 

An anchor. 

A small reminder that he belonged, here in the world, here with Jon. 

Martin stood up and gently enveloped Jon in a hug.

“Thank you,” he murmured into Jons hair as he placed a small kiss on top of their crown. “It’s perfect.”

[semper-legens]

125. Breaking Dawn, by Stephenie Meyer

Owned?: Regrettably Page count: 702 My summary: The time has come. Bella only has a few weeks of humanity left before she can be joined, forever, with her true love Edward. But when she gets sick while the two of them are on holiday, it sets off a chain of unexpected events that change everything for them, and for vampires in general. Will Bella and Edward be able to keep their happy ending...or will everything they’ve built be destroyed? My rating: 2/5 My commentary:

Before I start, click this link to head over to the page for the Quileute tribe’s Move to Higher Ground project, to move their people to a safe place and protect their culture and history. I’ve donated some money to them - after slogging through this whole series, I owe them that at least.

Finally, it’s over. The last Twilight book, and would you believe I was actually kind of looking forward to this one? After all, Breaking Dawn’s where all the really weird stuff happens. Renesmee, Jacob imprinting, Bella being a vampire, questionable activities on a private island, werewolves vs vampires, the Cullens vs everyone else...

I’d forgotten how boring this book was.

It’s a perfect balance of the boring and the utterly crazy. Little grace notes, like Renesmee’s existence, are spattered in between big chunks of everyone talking about the thing that just happened for pages and pages and pages. This is a long book, and its page count could be halved by trimming all of the padding where people stand around and talk about what just happened.

So let’s start with Bella. This is Bella at her most Bella - stubbornly refusing to give up the baby that’s literally killing her because she’s suddenly fixated on having Edward’s kid, getting mad at Jacob for giving her daughter a nickname, and copious amounts of Edward sex. Seriously, this book puts a strange amount of focus on how great having sex with Edward is, it’s...incredibly unnecessary. As usual with Bella, it’s easier to talk about what she does than traits she has, because her characterisation is pretty thin on the ground. We see a good example of that when she’s packing to leave for the Cullens’ - the only real personal items she has are some books, and even then it’s the kind of books you read in high school that she likes but barely mentions. Even with vampire powers, she’s reliant on everyone around her for almost everything, though I did appreciate her learning to fight a bit in the last part. Everyone praises her for being amazing and brilliant and special, but she never really does anything. Even the uncanny amount of self-control she supposedly shows as a newborn feels more plot contrivance than character trait, as we don’t see her struggling or overcoming overwhelming temptation, she just...does it. And we haven’t seen any other newborns with which to compare her.

Jacob, meanwhile, starts off okay and rapidly descends into ewww. There’s a shining moment where it looks like he’s gonna get with Leah and that’s going to be interesting - two outsiders without soulmates making a life for themselves. But no, he imprints on a newborn, and I hate it. I don’t know why this could be considered okay. He’s hanging around with a baby/toddler/child with the expectation that in the future they will be in a relationship. Here in the real world, we call that grooming, Meyer.

Anyway, it’s an interesting choice to have a whole section in the middle be from Jacob’s POV, but a jarring one. The POV has never switched like this before, it’s a very strange choice to suddenly switch away from Bella now. And while Jacob’s snarky inner monologue is definitely different in voice to Bella’s, he has the same tendency to overdramaticise everything. The best parts of his section are Actual Ray Of Sunshine Seth and Edgelord Leah. I ended up liking them out of spite, because they aren’t part of the main chaos of this book.

I guess I should mention Edward too, but honestly, he’s barely in this? He’s the voice of reason in the first section when Bella’s pregnant, even if he does it in his typical overprotective and infantilising way. But when Bella’s a vampire, that overprotectiveness takes a backseat (he still has that attitude, but she’s literally invulnerable now, and it’s portrayed more as him worrying over nothing as it should have been initially) and he doesn’t really have a lot of focus next to Bella, Renesmee, and Jacob. I almost liked Edward in this one. Almost.

Renesmee is...ugh. On the one hand, the fact that she doesn’t act like a real kid at all is mitigated by her not being a normal kid. (Though Meyer’s writing for normal toddler Claire isn’t anywhere near how a real kid sounds either.) On the other hand, literally everyone loves her, she’s a shiny beacon of all that is pure and good and true, she doesn’t have any flaws...I mean, she’s a kid, but even kids have normal human flaws. Not Renesmee. Renesmee is perfect in every way. It’s not interesting, and I don’t care.

And, as is usual with Twilight, there’s the seeds of good ideas here! Vampires across the world uniting to protect a child who’s the first of her kind (as far as they know) from evil vampires? That’d be interesting if it was actually the focus. We don’t spend enough time with any non-Cullen vampires to get to know them, and there’s so many of them that it’s hard to keep track on what their individual deals are. If they had been mentioned or seen in earlier books, that would have helped immensely - Carlisle mentions the Denali coven a few times, but the others come out of nowhere. And the final confrontation is just a conversation, then they disperse. I’m not saying a big fight was needed, but the tension in the scene was muted thanks to this big scary threat that’d been hyped up for the whole book not laying a finger on anyone, and the whole thing was over before it began.

What else? Everyone else grabs hold of the idiot ball to give Bella a moment where she solves a problem - I refuse to believe that a family of vampires didn’t consider that a half-vampire child needs blood. Bella’s power is not used enough for the amount of buildup it gets. There’s no tension after Bella becomes a vampire, she’s just good at being a vampire, that’s it. She doesn’t really struggle - she has a few moments where she smells blood and likes it too much, but she gets over it with no harm done. Where’s the drama? Where’s Bella actually not being able to see Charlie because he smells so tasty? Charlie learning about vampires is handwaved far too easily, too.

Overall - look, this series ain’t good, I’m not exactly breaking new ground here. If you have a morbid interest in the series or have read all the others and just wanna finish the series, this one’s at least entertaining in how infutriating and weird it is. Just...get it from a library or something.

[literary-masochism]

Midnight Sun: Chapter 2 - Bella is an Eldritch Abomination

So... I managed to finish the first chapter with only a day break in the middle of it instead of the year or so break I had to take with Twilight. I was hoping that, since this chapter starts off in a completely original place that it'll be... I don't know... less painful? Easier?

That was a lot to hope for, wasn't it?

Instead, it took a bit over two weeks to get through this chapter. It'd take me an hour to get through a page because of all the bad.

But hey! I got it done and now I can enjoy a nice slice of red velvet cake.

Chapter Two: Open Book

Edward, unable to control his 'monster', has fled to Alaska where he can mope while blending into the snowy scenery like the lump of ice he is. He's slumped down in a snow bank, describing it as 'velvet under his skin'. Not sure how because he's definitely heavy enough to crush snow into slush but I guess Meyerpires are Tolkien Elves as well.

Also, Meyerpires see stars as if they were pained by Van Gogh

The sky above me was clear, brilliant with stars, glowing blue in some places, yellow in others. The stars created majestic, swirling shapes against the black backdrop of the empty universe—an awesome sight. Exquisitely beautiful. Or rather, it should have been exquisite. Would have been, if I’d been able to really see it.

But, of course, Edward has to ruin it by doing this:

When I stared up at the jeweled sky, it was as if there were an obstruction between my eyes and its beauty. The obstruction was a face, just an unremarkable human face, but I couldn’t quite seem to banish it from my mind.

Another vampire by the name of Tanya (further proof that Meyer subconsciously hates someone (me) that she's never met – Tanya's my given name) is sneaking/not sneaking up on Edward's mope party and... there's a line I'm a bit confused by...

I think Edward's calling Tanya 'exquisite'. I guess Edward just learned that word from his word-a-day calendar because he's used it 3 times already and it's been a bit more than half a page.

She mentally calls out 'Cannonball' and does a flying jump into the snowbank and, in an astounding turn of events, she doesn't land lightly on top of the loose snow, leaving no trace of her dive but instead actually sends up a spray of snow over Edward because fuck that guy.

Sorry, not snow but 'feathery ice crystals'.

Edward sighs and accepts his fate of being mildly snowed upon as the face of the Void haunts his every thought. Or something.

Tanya, concerned that Edward was becoming one with winter and would soon be lost to them all, digs him out of the snow and apologizes, saying 'it was a joke'.

He assures her it was funny (it wasn't) then continues to cry into his metaphorical pint of ice cream.

They have a short conversation about how Tanya thinks she's annoying Edward by coming onto him nonstop and Edward admits to being uncomfortable by it. Tanya isn't used to rejection and mentally gives Edward a slideshow of all the sex she's had over the years.

Gross. And also sexual harassment.

Edward mopes about how much of a coward he is and how, no matter where he goes, he'll just be running away from Forks. Tanya tells him to grow a pair and just go back to Folks (not those exact words) and tries to steal a liplocky kiss which Edward dodges.

With her plan to deflower Edward thoroughly ruined, she pouts with a 'you're welcome, I guess' and leaves – hopefully to never bother us again.

She was on her feet in one nimble move, and then she was running away, ghosting across the snow so quickly that her feet had no time to sink in. She left no prints behind her.

Fucking Elves...

Anyway, Edward curls up in a fetal position to stare in the general direction of the stars that he can't see because the Void takes up all his vision.

He finally gets off his ass and Legolases his way back to the car and every Tolkien fan weeps.

I just want to point out that Tolkien elves leave no footprint because they are considered otherworldly and are three quarters literal spirits.

Meyer considers her vampires to be 'of science' (and I'm assuming Meyer means the kind of science that says the earth is flat and vaccines make you autistic). Now, I admit I'm not the best at math or science but...

Bull. Shit.

The implication here is that the vampires are going so fast over the snow that their feet don't have time to sink into the snow and leave a mark. But the thing is: it's not an issue of speed, it's an issue of weight. Running is basically pushing your weight forward and to do that your feet push down. The more you weigh, the deeper your feet sink in.

This is powdery snow. A too harsh sneeze is going to leave a mark.

This is not the first time Meyer has a problem with her overpowered vampires and them breaking the very basics of physics.

No, Meyer, Edward can't run into the bathroom, fill up a glass with water, and run back to Bella's room in a blink of an eye. Yes, Edward can be that fast... the sink isn't.

Sure, Edward can hear any other human on the road and adjust his driving that way... can he hear the deer that might be crossing in front? And even if his reflexes are the fastest in the west... a car has momentum and inertia that has nothing to do with vampire speed/reflexes/whatever other excuse.

If I was doing segments or counters or something, this would be the first in “Meyer doesn't understand basic science'.

Please, let me know if I'm wrong about this. I'd love a science lesson on things like this...

With that out of the way, I checked the leaked PDF for this part and... some of the trash was taken out. That's something at least.

Anyway, back in Forks...

The Cullens walk into the school cafeteria (calling it 'run-down' which is the only time I can recall it being called such) like a bomb is about to explode at any moment. Alice is so focused on watching the future that Jasper has to lead her around by the arm. Emmett is walking around like a bodyguard and Rose is already done with this bullshit.

Way to not draw attention to yourselves.

We also get told that they actually had a very fun morning, having a snowball fight (aka pelting Edward with snow until that got boring) and how it's such a drastic change from how tense everything is now.

Meyer, you know what would have really set off that difference? IF YOU ACTUALLY WROTE THAT INSTEAD OF TELLING US IT HAPPENED.

I can even tell you how to do you could have done that while adding to the tension. You could have had Edward waiting by the car since five in the morning after having Esme and Carlisle give him a pep talk all night and hearing Emmett and Jasper plotting ways to break the tension. You can have him getting annoyed by having to avoid the snowballs before finally getting into the car to put a stop to it. You can have Esme thinking positive thoughts at him and giving him a thumbs-up while they drive away.

You could have had character, relationship, and world building but... no. No, instead we get straight to the whining, no more aware of just what is at stake than we were before.

This writing fucking sucks.

Edward listens to all the thoughts around him. He's absolutely certain Bella told everyone how he traumatized her with his mean looks so surely everyone would be gossiping about them!

Have you see how mean he looked at Bella a week ago?! Surely they're not human if one of them can give a random girl such a mean look!

You see how stupid that is, Meyer?

A normal girl would have asked around, compared her experience to others’, looked for common ground that would explain my behavior so she didn’t feel singled out. Humans were constantly desperate to feel normal, to fit in. To blend in with everyone else around them, like a featureless flock of sheep. The need was particularly strong during the insecure adolescent years. This girl would be no exception to that rule.

bEcAuSe BeLlA iSn'T lIkE oThEr GiRlS.

Also, fuck you.

Edward is amazed by how shy Bella must be to not have told anyone that he gave her a nasty look! He wonders if she told her father but decides she must be closer to her mother but he'll have to read Charlie's thoughts just to be sure.

Edward, of course, doesn't know Bella holds her father in contempt and seems to utterly loath him until the plot requires otherwise.

As he's listening to the entire student body, he informs us that, a week ago when he went to Carlisle to get his car, they had a talk about how vampire powers always got stronger and never went away which was what Edward was worried about.

WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO SEE THAT TOO!

They're all amazed that Bella didn't spill the beans about how mean they can look at people. As Bella's coming in, they all try to act normal.

So Emmett throws a snowball he had hidden in his ice-cold hand and threw it at Alice who, seeing it coming, flicked it away so that it flew across the very large room and hit a brick wall... cracking said wall.

You maybe be wondering why the snowball didn't break as soon as it hit her fingers... Shut up, that's how!

“Very human, Emmett,” Rosalie said scathingly. “Why don’t you punch through the wall while you’re at it?”

“It would look more impressive if you did it, gorgeous.”

Okay, I can forgive it for this line.

Edward checks to see if their 'acting' worked. Bella is standing in the lunchline – not moving at all to the point where people have to check to make sure she didn't have a stroke or something. Bella claims she feels sick and Edward gets a rage boner over Mike getting worried for her.

Also: Translucent skin.

Edward realizes he was showing human emotion by worrying about Bella so much that he calls himself an idiot for acting like the 'dimwitted' Mike Newton and vows to stop worrying about stupid things aka Bella.

We know how that goes.

And, in case you forgot/didn't know that Emmett killed a little old lady...

“Ease up, Edward,” Emmett said. “Honestly. So you kill one human. That’s hardly the end of the world.”

“You would know,” I murmured.

Emmett laughed. “You’ve got to learn to get over things. Like I do. Eternity is a long time to wallow in guilt.”

Also, does Emmett not know that Edward went on a murder spree? Emmett, we know, killed two people, maybe a few more... Edward killed, at least, a several dozen.

Edward don't feel guilty about shit.

To help make them look normal, Alice throws ice in Emmett's face so he shakes his head, releasing a 'deluge' of melted snow everywhere. Apparently, Emmett's head can hold a lake's worth of water or Meyer doesn't understand what 'deluge' actually means.

Also, the Cullens are notorious for being closed off, strange, and weird. From the first chapter, they sit in silence, not talking to each other, not even looking at each other. Wouldn't this sudden play fight be so out of character for them that it would draw the entire of... everyone in the room? This would be like if your stern, religious grandmother decided to throw a rave.

Somehow, no one else seems to notice the extremely out of characterness of the Cullens but Edward does catch Bella looking at them again. Edward tries to listen to her thoughts because maybe this time it'll work.

Guess what? She's still a void.

What follows is Meyer trying really hard to make Jessica unlikable to retroactively make Bella's assholery towards her in the previous books seem justified.

Edward catches on to Bella trying to ignore him. When lunch is over, the Cullen's stay at their table, waiting on him to decide what he's going to do and...

Would I go to class, sit beside the girl, where I could smell the absurdly potent scent of her blood and feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin?

'feel the warmth of her pulse in the air on my skin'

I know what Meyer is trying to say but... there are a LOT better ways of saying it.

The whole Cullen family discussed what Edward's choices were and the consequences would mean... also pointing out that they are all, more or less, monsters who don't give a flying fuck about humans in any meaningful way. If ants could give a fuck, the Cullens would give less of a fuck than an ant's fuck. That's how little fucks they give in regards to humans.

Carlisle disapproves but isn't going to stop Edward if decides to get to chomping.

Jasper disapprove too but more in a 'Why does Edward get to kill people but not me?' kind of way.

Rosalie wonders how Edward fucking up is going to ruin her day.

Alice is useless (as always)

Esme thinks Edward 'can do no wrong' so I guess she'll probably be very proud and impressed by how good of a murder he is. I mean, he did murder her abusive ex-husband...

And Emmett was just remembering all the murdering he did and how fun that was and decided to poke the bear that is Jasper into remembering how tasty humans are.

So, yeah, fuck all these guys.

I don't think I touched on this previously but I know pointing out the monstrous things the Cullens do seems counter-productive and hypocritical. Vampires are monsters and I'm angry they act like monsters? No. I'm angry because they claim they're not monsters and then wave off whatever evil they do as inconsequential because of their lifestyle.

A vampire wants to be good? Great, I want to see that conflict in their nature. I want to see them fight against their nature and see the guilt from their past. I want to see the pain and struggle so that we they fail or succeed it has a real, emotional payoff. I love those stories.

The Cullens... don't have that. There's lip service towards it but it's only skin-deep. None of them really seem to care about human lives (Bella being the exception) and it shows. They may act nice enough (and barely even that) but that doesn't make them good.

Their search for redemption/a normal life/whatever else they claim to want is like a smug billionaire talking about how they had to settle for the solid gold napkin rings because a diamond encrusted one clashed too much with their aesthetic but that's the price one has to pay I guess. Life truly is suffering.

Their sincerity rings false and it shows.

Back to this shit show and, in a genuinely surprising turn of events, Jasper 'Murder-boner' Hale tells Edward to take it slow, maybe even go home. Yes, Jasper is a bit smug that Perfect Edward was struggling but it's still better advice than any of these other murderers have suggested.

But, of course, Edward's pride is more important than these insignificant humans so he stays.

Edward decides to go, of course he does, but he also remembers how he promised himself that he wouldn't get 'unduly interested' in Bella because she's the void. He seems to have forgotten that, in the same breath, he vowed to figure out what she was thinking no matter what.

(But we already know everyone in this book has a selective memory when it comes to moving the plot along.)

He wonders if staring into the void will somehow help him figure out what she's thinking.

He hurries his butt to class, making sure we know what each individual 'sibling' feels about this. He gets to class before it starts and sees Bella doodling on her folder. He thinks that this will be a peek into Bella's thoughts...

… and he's disappointed that it's just circles within circles (though now I wonder if a picture of the drawings from The Ring might not have been better). He does the thing I hate where Meyer sucker punches us with a hint concerning Bella's actions from the first book: he concludes that she must to be thinking of something other than what she's actually doodling.

As he sits down, he notices her 'deer in headlights, if I don't move the car can't see me' approach to being near him and, in a moment of true human emotion, he promises himself he'll try and leave a better impression this time so she's not so scare of him.

Just kidding, he's going to leave a good impression to gaslight the fuck out of her into thinking she just imagined him giving her a mean look.

He gives her his most polite smile, careful not to show his teeth. I don't know why because Meyerpires don't have fangs.

Bella stares at him in wide-eyed confusion which is, apparently, the exact expression he's been daydreaming about for the last week.

...okay? Weirdo.

He stares into her eyes, telling us all the shades of brown they are (milk chocolate but clearer like tea because I guess Meyer didn't realize tea can be pretty dark) and about the flecks of color in them that isn't brown (basically bright green and yellow only described with more purple prose) and never realizing that means her eyes are hazel which I find hilarious after the big deal they made about losing Bella's dark brown eyes due to the food meter vampire eyes they have.

To Edweirdo's surprise, he finds he can't hate her anymore.

I approve because at least we get to see this tiny bit of actual falling in love here that was, as far as I'm concerned, completely and utterly absent in the rest of the series. Seriously, it was getting awkward with them getting married and her pushing out a kid and I'm still waiting for any hint that they're actually in love.

It's a nice change of pace.

Edward stares her into submission and claims he didn't have a chance to introduce himself and, being the gentleman he is, he reminds her of her own name, in case she forgot.

Bella, having forgotten that new students usually get introduced to the class and that, after a week of being at school, most people would know her preferred calling... asks how the person sitting next to her knows her nickname.

I must have truly terrified her, and this made me feel guilty. I laughed gently—it was a sound that I knew made humans more at ease.

“Oh, I think everyone knows your name.” Surely, she must have realized that she’d become the center of attention in this monotonous place. “The whole town’s been waiting for you to arrive.”

The thing is: she does know she's the center of attention because she bitched about it nonstop in the first book! Which makes the 'Isabella/Bella' thing even more stupid.

She frowned as if this information was unpleasant. I supposed, being shy as she appeared to be, attention would seem like a bad thing to her. Most humans felt the opposite. Though they didn’t want to stand out from the herd, at the same time they craved a spotlight for their individual uniformity.

Fuck off! Just fuck off!

I had to take a break after that stupid just so I could deal with the stupidity of the rest of the page.

I know it's a stupid thing to get hung up on but Meyer plays Edward knowing Bella's name as the first hint that he can read minds and... it's really not a good example. Especially with how Edward reacts to it:

I’d just realized what her questions meant: I had slipped up—made an error. If I hadn’t been eavesdropping on all the others that first day, then I would have addressed her initially by her full name. She’d noticed the difference.

I felt a pang of unease. It was very quick of her to pick up on my slip. Quite astute, especially for someone who was supposed to be terrified by my proximity.

Yes, you heard it all the time that first day and probably the first day back since that's her preferred name. Everyone calls her that, especially by now. It's not a hard thing to pick up on. Edward acts as though she's going to call him out on his vampirism any moment now. It's not only stupid but it's a bad plot device to try and convince us how astute Bella is when, really, it's just Edward being paranoid because despite being a vampire around humans since 1920, he has no idea how to act around them and has never made the effort.

To make matters worse, his coping mechanism around Bella is to not breath... and he needs to do that now if he wants to keep talking to her. Because not talking to her would be 'incomprehensible rude'. Because that's what matters here: politeness.

Edward needs a cheekily little breath and...

Ahh!

It was intensely painful, like swallowing burning coals.

Meyer... when people go 'Ahh!' after taking a breath, or having a drink, or anything refreshing really, it's because they're expressing relief... not because they're in sudden pain.

We get the same awkward (in a good way because teenagers are supposed to be awkward) 'Ladies first' exchange concerning the microscope.

Bella just stares at him blankly...

… and having seen the darkness that surrounds and inhabits every living thing in the universe, he says he can start if she likes and to please not consume his consciousness to feed her insatiable appetite.

I added the last part but I feel it was implied.

She insists she goes first and, fearing for his soul/consciousness/whatever, he agrees. She says it's prophase. He asks to check it and:

Instinctively—stupidly, as if I were one of her kind—

Gotta make sure we know he thinks humans are stupid. You know, in case you forgot.

Their hands briefly touch and they're zapped with the Static Shock of Twu Wuv though Meyer plays it off as Bella's skin feeling so hot against Edward's cold, disgusting, yucky, cootie-ridden hand. He wonders what she must think after touching his horrible, icy skin and concludes she must be repulsed by him.

Or, you know, think you were having a snowball fight with your siblings during lunch. Or that you have poor circulation. Or that it's fucking Forks and everything is cold.

Also, Meyerpires's relation to temperature doesn't make sense unless they are a literal heatsink. Their temperature don't settle into that of the area around them, like other dead things/rock, but just absorbs heat nonstop. But that's a complaint we'll see again later.

Terrified that if he glanced into the void once again his mind would become consumed with madness, he does the next slide in their assignment. She asks to check his answer since turnabout is fairplay. Except Edward has, apparently, never heard of this and is shocked that this lowly hooman/eldritch being might think he's wrong!

But he sees the hopeful look on her skinless face and can't help but smile because Mood Whiplash is something else Meyer doesn't get. Bella is disappointed to find Edward is right but decides to spare his sanity in order to fuck with mine:

I dropped the next slide into her palm, keeping my skin far from hers this time. Sitting beside her was like sitting next to a heat lamp. I could feel myself warming slightly to the higher temperature.

THAT IS NOT HOW... HE CAN'T JUST GET HEAT FROM... AMBIENT TEMPERATURE...

They finish the assignment first because of fucking course they did and then we get this:

Wish he’d stayed wherever he went, Mike thought, eyeing me sulfurously.

Mike thought, eyeing me sulfurously.

eyeing me sulfurously.

sulfurously.

THAT IS NOT A PROPER WORD. EVEN IF IT WAS, THAT MAKES NO FUCKING SENSE.

WAS MIKE EYEING YOU SO HARD YELLOWISH VAPOR THAT SMELLS OF ROTTING EGGS WAS COMING OUT? DID HIS EYES TURN YELLOW INSTEAD OF YOURS?!

BECAUSE THAT IS EVERY MEANING FOR SULFUROUS, MEYER JUST ADDED 'LY' TO THE END BECAUSE SHE HATES ME AND EVERYONE ELSE.

Okay, I'm calm now.

Edward is surprised about how much Mike seems to hate him. Way to go on that whole 'Keep track of everyone's thoughts in case the townsfolk have a sudden interest in pitchforks and torches' thing.

He's also surprised to find the feeling is mutual. I'm surprised because Edward already hates everyone and everything so why is this new information?

Edward admits he understands Mike's attraction, that Bella is actually kinda pretty for a human...

Fuck you.

...but in an 'unusual' way.

Better than being beautiful, her face was… unexpected. Not quite symmetrical—her narrow chin out of balance with her wide cheekbones

Aka: a heart shaped face which is actually a very common face shape and classically attractive.

extreme in the coloring—the contrast of her light skin and dark hair

Also a very feature that we see over and over again in conventionally attractive actors/models/what have you.

and then there were the eyes, too big for her face, brimming over with silent secrets.…

Eyes that were suddenly boring into mine.

Bella decides to spare his consciousness but only so she could send it out of his body, trapping him in the nothingness between atoms to witness the everlasting and all encompassing void and know nothing else for all eternity.

Nah, she was just wondering why his eyes are all sulfurously yellow and weird looking.

Edward:

We get a long paragraph of Edward explaining that yes, his eyes are different because he ate all the Bambis and Bambis's Moms in the forest though he used more words than that.

He then calls himself an idiot for not realizing why Bella was asking about contacts.

He tells us that in the two years of being in that school that no one every looked at them close enough to notice their eye colors – despite them being extremely beautiful and attractive – because once they get a glimpse of their beauty, they're disgusted by them and have to look away because humans are just so stupid, you know?

Why did it have to be this girl who would see too much?

In reality, she ain't seen shit. Though, with Meyer goggles firmly in place...

The teacher comes to investigate why these two monsters aren't working, being the creep who, according to Meyer, fantasized about Bella, his underaged student, when she first moved to Forks, decides wemins can't science and assumes Edward did all the work.

Upon learning that Bella answered most of them, the teacher reevaluates his life and how, maybe, the female population aren't as dumb as he thought and thus deserve to be more than masturbation fodder for him.

Or Bella can just admit she already did this assignment in her much better, city-based school she went to before, thus helping to undermine her contribution as well as her intelligence.

Neither make Meyer look particularly good because, even if she didn't write the teacher lusting after his students into the text, she did reveal it elsewhere and thus can be argued to be canon.

Also: Banner calls Bella 'Isabella' but he doesn't have the excuse of fleeing the country for a week. Does he never do roll call? Has she never corrected him in that week? Has he completely missed her signing her work with 'Bella'?

Truly, the most mysterious thing that has happened so far.

Anyway, Banner is shocked that Bella's already did the assignment because he pulled it from a senior class...

So... did he not actually tell them what to look for? No chapter to read, no diagrams drawn/projected on the board? He just... pulled out some slides, told them words they might not have even covered, then set them to it?

What a fucking asshole.

Also, googling it I can find lessons on mitosis going back to Middle School.

At this rate the art teacher will be shocked that Bella can draw a triangle.

Also:

She was advanced, then, intelligent for a human. This did not surprise me.

Fuck you.

Banner walks off, muttering to himself about kids these days, not instinctively knowing science because he sure as fuck isn't going to teach it to them.

Edward is ashamed of his 'slips' in the past thirty minutes and is still completely sure that Bella is not only terrified of him but suspects something. He's determined to leave a good impression on her because... gaslighting.

Edward tries some small talk he heard the hoomans around them doing (because after 17 years of BEING human and several decades of pretending to be human, he still has no idea how to human).

He brings up the snow melting and how that sucks, huh?

She stares into his mind and rips every memory, thought, hope, and dream he's ever had and sends the shreds into the void where they belong.

Her reaction of 'Not really' sends him for a loop. Thankfully, he's a vampire which makes him so much smarter than everyone else in existence and he puts together that she's probably from a much warmer place (because her albino skin still seems somehow tanned to him) and thus must hate all this cold weather!

He announces his revelation: “You don't like the cold.”

She agrees and tacks on that she doesn't like the wet either.

Edward's reaction is fucking hilarious:

“Forks must be a difficult place for you to live.” Perhaps you should not have come here, I wanted to add. Perhaps you should go back where you belong.

That was nice, wasn't it? But now we get this:

I wasn’t sure I wanted that, though. I would always remember the scent of her blood—was there any guarantee that I wouldn’t eventually follow her? Besides, if she left, her mind would forever remain a mystery, a constant, nagging puzzle.

But, remember, he's not going to obsess over her just because he can't read her mind.

What I think Meyer is trying to do is create tension via internal conflict but this... isn't how you do that. Not well anyway. All she's done is have Edward mentally contradict himself over and over again. To do this properly, I feel, he should mentally say he's not going to do thing but actually, physically, catching himself doing it.

He can claim he doesn't want to know about Bella's thoughts then try and sneak a peek at her notebook to see what she's written just in case it's not notes.

That's a little bit better than this flip-flopping we got going on now. Not much, but better.

Back to this slop:

Bella shows Edward how Not Like Other Girls she is because she never answers how Edward expects! Because, as we've seen, Edward is just a master of human behavior.

He 'demands' to know why Bella moved here if she hates Forks so much but realizes he probably sounded very rude and impolite.

Fuck off Meyer. I know what you're trying to do but all the 'Oh, that was so rude!' doesn't make this asshole a gentleman.

Bella gives him the 'It's complicated' not answer and Edward 'implodes out of curiosity'. Surely it'd be implodes with curiosity? Or was Meyer trying to be clever and switch around implode/explode without thinking about the meaning?

WORDS MEAN THINGS

But Edward's 'curiosity' overpowers his thirst for a moment and all I can think of is:

Edward assures her he can keep up, mentally rejoicing that she's answering his questions and that, despite it being 'rude', if he keeps asking she just may keep answering!

Edward has just figured out how conversation works. It only took him a century to do it.

She doesn't answer him immediately, instead staring down at her hands. He wants to see into her void-eyes, longing to be reduced to nothingness, to feel freedom from this existence and the prison that is sanity, but he can't risk reaching out to touch her.

She suddenly looks up to meet his eyes. Why suddenly? I think she just remembered she existed and someone asked her a question.

She tells him, sorrowfully, that her mother got remarried.

“That doesn’t sound so complex,” I said, my voice gentle without my working to make it that way. Her dejection left me oddly helpless, wishing there was something I could do to make her feel better. A strange impulse.

Does anyone even use dejected anymore? Or at least not at the intensity that it used to be? Because when I hear dejected, I just think of the 'aw man, I didn't get the lead role in the school play!' kind of sad.

Also, kinda pointless because we know the reason for Bella's 'dejection', is because she just really hates the rain and mocking her father's lack of a love life or relationship with his only child gets old quick.

He asks if Bella doesn't like her new stepdad but Bella corrects him because she actually does like him. Which completely ruins whatever fantasy Edward was concocting in his head that we don't get to read in this first person narrative, it probably was going along the lines of this little tidbit of information:

Originally, Phil the Stepdad was the principal of her high school and there may or may not have been sexual abuse between him and Bella... thankfully, Meyer's editor told her to cut that shit out. I get the feeling Meyer read/heard of Lolita and thought it was a romance.

They talk about Phil some more, Bella smiling every time he's mentioned which is really making me uncomfortable considering the aforementioned information.

Edward is desperately trying to figure out who Phil is by mentally going over not only the professional ballplayer's rosters but the minor leagues as well. Because, as we know, Edward is a huge baseball fan. I mean, all the times he went on and on about his love of baseball in Twilight. That little story about he's the one who was enough of a nerd to get the family baseball jerseys? So endearing.

Too bad it never happened.

Characterization? In Twilight?

He makes the assumption, which he admits is an assumption, that Bella was sent off so her mother could go travel. Bella objects, saying she sent herself. Edward, master human impersonator, doesn't understand why she's upset by his assumption that she's treated as a piece of property to be sent off at the first sign of inconvenience. That's how women are still treated, right?

“No, she did not send me here,” she said, and her voice had a new, hard edge to it. My assumption had upset her, though I couldn’t quite see how. “I sent myself.” I could not guess at her meaning, or the source behind her pique. I was entirely lost.

Oh, fuck no...

There was just no making sense of the girl. She wasn’t like other humans. Maybe the silence of her thoughts and the perfume of her scent were not the only unusual things about her.

It's going to get worse from here. I've been dreading this part.

There's still so many pages in this chapter i'm gonna die

Edward admits he doesn't get it because he's a dumbass so Bella stares deep into his eyes and decides his consciousness isn't worth the dignity of being torn asunder and tells it to him like he's a damn child.

“She stayed with me at first, but she missed him,” Bella explained slowly, her tone growing more forlorn with each word. “It made her unhappy… so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie.”

“And he has like, pictures of me as a child on the fireplace mantel. Like, how fucking sad is that?”

Edward tells us he keeps saying his theories out loud... like we haven't noticed. Because Meyer has to pad this bitch out somehow and we already know this scene because she's written the same book three times.

Okay, everybody! Who's ready to get pissed off?!

“But now you’re unhappy,” I murmured. I kept speaking my hypotheses aloud, hoping to learn from her refutations. This one, however, did not seem as far off the mark. “And?” she said, as if this was not even an aspect to be considered. I continued to stare into her eyes, feeling that I’d finally gotten my first real glimpse into her soul. I saw in that one word where she ranked herself among her own priorities. Unlike most humans, her own needs were far down the list. She was selfless.

Bella is to selfless as wet is to fire.

I could go on and on with examples but I'm assuming you guys have read Twilight or at least snarks of it. You know everything I could say and more.

Let's just... let's just move on...

Edward says that doesn't sound fair and Bella informs him life isn't fair... Though we know Bella just doesn't like Forks and would throw tantrum after tantrum, ruining the few visits she had with her father growing up until he had to take time off work and spend money he probably didn't have to rent them a place in California for their visits. But sure, she's selfless.

To be honest, I'm not even sure why she said she'd come to Forks. She doesn't like her father so it definitely wasn't to spend time with him. Her mother's a teacher so maybe she didn't want Bella missing school by coming with them even though home school is a thing.

Let's face it, Meyer just needed an excuse to get Bella to Forks.

I was not ready to let this conversation end. The little v between her eyes, a remnant of her sorrow, bothered me. “You put on a good show.” I spoke slowly, still considering this next hypothesis. “But I’d be willing to bet that you’re suffering more than you let anyone see.” She made a face, her eyes narrowing and her mouth twisting into a lopsided frown, and she looked back toward the front of the class. She didn’t like it when I guessed right. She wasn’t the average martyr—she didn’t want an audience for her pain.

What fucking pain? Being slightly damp? Did Charlie forget to get her a pony to go along with the free truck?

Also: what the fuck is a lopsided frown?

Also Also: Fuck off

Edward gloats that he's right and Bella asks why he cares. He completely loses the ability of internal monologue and whispers dramatically: “That's a very good question...”

He wonders, once again, why Bella's thoughts matter so much to him when every other human's thoughts are so completely and utterly insignificant because Humans suck the biggest balls ever.

Also:

I was not used to being the less intuitive of any pairing. I relied on my extra hearing too much—I clearly was not as perceptive as I gave myself credit for.

He thinks he's intuitive... because he can hear thoughts. That's the equivalent of someone just outright telling him what they're thinking. That's not what intuitive means, Meyer!

WORDS FUCKING MEAN THINGS

Is it wrong of me to hope she has Spooky Mormon Hell Dreams?

One musical break later:

Edward is inexplicably amused by the whole situation because Bella's frustrated that he didn't answer her one question that... people usually don't answer... at least not with a real answer. He's finds it funny that she's annoyed when he could easily kill her if he loses focus for even a second and she doesn't even realize it.

He's probably thinking of that Whoopi Goldberg gif and cackling to himself.

Hilarious.

To be even more of a dick, Edward asks if he's annoying her. She confesses that she's annoyed at herself for being so easy to read which amazes him. You get it? Because he can't literally read her thoughts! Because that is literally the only way someone can understand another person. Body language, inflection, and a general understanding of actual human behavior is all fake news.

Edward takes a breather to remind us he isn't alive so using the word 'life' is misleading only he does it in a way that sounds like a whiny emo teen who thinks dressing all in black makes them deep.

Also, this conversation makes no sense.

“Not exactly,” she told me. “I’m more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read—my mother always calls me her open book.”

“On the contrary,” I disagreed, feeling strangely… wary, as if there were some hidden danger here that I was failing to see. Beyond the very obvious danger, something more… I was suddenly on edge, the premonition making me anxious. “I find you very difficult to read.”

“You must be a good reader, then,” she guessed, making her own assumption, which was, again, right on target. “Usually,” I agreed.

I'm sorry, what?

“I'm so easy to read!” “I can't read you.” “You must be a good reader then!”

“I'm an okay painter.” “I can't paint at all.” “Your paints must be amazing then!”

“I can sing the alphabet!” “I'm illiterate.” “You must be an amazing writer then!”

“I'm American.” “I'm from London.” “You must be the Queen of England then!”

Okay, I'm going to stop because that is a rabbit hole if I ever saw one.

But don't worry! The stupid isn't over yet!

Her body was closer to me than before, having shifted unconsciously in the course of our conversation. All the little markers and signs that were sufficient to scare off the rest of humanity did not seem to be working on her. Why did she not cringe away from me in terror? Surely she had seen enough of my darker side to realize the danger.

Also, since I had to use a HP gif: Fuck JK Rowling and the transphobic wagon she rode in on.

Edward goes on for almost an entire page about how he shouldn't get obsessed with Bella while obsessing over Bella. He knows he should stay away from her but he wants to know everything about her but also he wants to eat her but no, he can't! But he finds her so fascinating but he can't allow himself to find her fascinating because then he'll surely kill her!

We get it, Edward, you find her fascinating (because of the void) but being close is dangerous for her. You don't have to use a whole page to repeat yourself over and over again.

Much like the first meeting between them, he runs from the room first chance he gets.

I'm hoping that these last few pages will be easier now that Meyer doesn't have to force the narrative to fit with the dumpster fire that was Twilight. I don't think I can take much more of the 'Bella is amazing!' forced-feeding that was going on.

He takes a deep breath and:

Again, I gasped at the clean, wet air outside as though it was a healing attar.

Someone bitchslap the thesaurus out of her hands.

Emmett is waiting for Edward outside their next class. He tells him that Alice ditched the last half of her class, heading toward the science department. Edward hadn't realized how close he was to killing Bella... evidently.

Emmett reassures him that it turned out fine and he succeeded in not killing anyone...

Or maybe you kill her. He shrugged. You wouldn’t be the first one to mess up. No one would judge you too harshly. Sometimes a person just smells too good. I’m impressed you’ve lasted this long.

Enjoy this helping of victim blaming. It's not Emmett's fault he murdered that grandmother! She shouldn't have smelled so good!

Edward claims he's disgusted by Emmett's acceptance of Bella's 'inevitable' death and, because Emmett is also an asshole, vividly starts remembering the time he killed that one lady.

Also:

Emmett remembered the smell of apples hanging heavy in the air—the harvest was over and the rejected fruits were scattered on the ground, the bruises in their skin leaking their fragrance out in thick clouds.

In Emmett's defense:

I know. I didn’t last half a second. I didn’t even think about resisting.

Oh, wait, that's not a defense.

But remember guys! The Cullens are just so good and love humans and don't want to participate in that life of violence and blah blah blah...

The memory causes Edward to run out of Spanish... where the teacher seems to only speak Spanish which... I don't see how that helps someone else to learn Spanish but then again, Forks High School seems to have a 'throw them in the lake and let them figure out how to swim' approach to learning.

Emmett follows after and apologizes for bringing up the memory but also starts to say Edward should just get his murder on because Bella should know better than to smell so good. She's totally asking for it, amirite?

He sends Emmett away and goes to mope in his car. Again. At least he's more productive this time! He gets a head start on stalking Bella, reading the thoughts of everyone in the school to keep tabs on her.

He listens into Mike's thoughts but since Mike is reassuring himself that Bella doesn't seem to like Edward, Edward pouts and turns on some My Chemical Romance or something until school lets out.

Apparently some outside force compels him to get out of his car and lean against it in that particularly douchey way while waiting for Bella to come out of the school. She randomly appears with no lead up, walking to her truck with a frown on her face.

He watches her get in the truck and hold her hands out toward the heating vents and concludes she must not like the cold. You see, the only reason someone who just told you they don't like the cold would use the heater to warm up after being in the cold is because they don't like being cold!

Bella throws the truck in reverse, almost killing a girl by almost ramming into her car. Bella, fully aware of what she almost did, carefully checks her blind spots twice before cautiously leaving.

Edward laughs because Bella thinks she's dangerous after most causing a serious traffic accident. Oh, how adorable.

In case you forgot: Edward is an asshole.

And that's the end of the chapter!

And I was right, the last few pages was much easier to get through. I think, going forward, I'm going to have to cut some of these chapters into sections, especially the Twilight Recap heavy ones. It's just too hard for me to get through those quickly.

Anyway, I'm going to take a much needed break and continue my Friday the 13th marathon.

Save me, Tommy Jarvis, you're my only ho.

((EDIT: All future book reviews/snarks will be posted to my tumblr.))

[the-writing-dump-bin]

Hello, again! How are you feeling? May I have an nsfw romantic scenario w/ P3 DIO and a shy, innocent, sweet, passionate, and loving fem s/o? Thank you so much and have a glorious night! ❤️

My dear... I am thankful for your patience, TRULY! I know it has taken me months to get this done and out for you but I have been going through a lot.

I do apologize if this is lazy or not what you were looking for but it is all I could really come up with. I hope you are doing well in these uncertain times and hope that you liked this. 💜

Times certainly have been different lately.

With the world stuck down in a lockdown, there wasn't anything you could really do except stay home and do things around the house. Things were getting real dull real fast as you could only do so much cleaning. The only time you ever really went outside was to put out the garbage, maybe tend to your backyard or the thing you did the most, just sit and take in as much fresh air as you could. Sure, you took a trip to the store to get food every once and a while, but even that turned to be exhausting.

The sun made it's way down, painting the night in soft twilight. Sitting on the couch, you sighed heavily. Even television was getting boring with the same thing over and over again and the movies played weren't any good. But hey, you watched them anyways.

A familiar chill ran through the living room. A chill that you had grown to know that symbolized someone very special you had met before all this happened. He always came out at night, never the day. "I like how your schedule has changed since everyone had been told to stay inside..." The voice purred as a tall, muscular, blonde haired man came around the corner. "You sleep almost all of the day, just to be awake when I am."

"Dio..." You muttered out as his bulky frame appeared. Surprisingly, he had chosen to stay at your place during all this, taking the basement suite of your home. You weren't against it, though. At least you had someone to talk to and not be alone during all this crap. "You are up about thirty minutes later than usual..."

"Hmm..." Dio hummed, sauntering into the living room, taking a seat next to you. "Days are getting longer... You'll have to come downstairs every once and a while." He cupped your chin, pulling your face towards his only to give you a sinful grin and pull away, relaxing next to you on the couch. "I am sick of hearing about this every day." He grumbled, flicking his eyes to the TV.

"So am I." You agreed. Almost every damn channel was talking about it and you couldn't stand it anymore. Grabbing the remote, you turned off the TV and exhaled with boredom. "I am running out of things to do. I sit outside and tend to those little flowers that are trying to push though. I even bought things like puzzles and art supplies to keep me occupied but I am almost all done with those things now as well... Dio, I am just so bored!"

There wasn't anything said for a while. Dio watched you as you rubbed your eyes in frustration from being cooped up in the house for so long. Silently, he wish he could take you outside. Just take you anywhere but your home, but even Dio himself - way deep down inside - knew that keeping you inside and away from people would be safer for you. Bringing up a hand, he ran a finger down your spine, giving you chills and making you turn your head back at him. "I may not be able to take you away from this place... But what I can do..." He leaned forward to seductively whisper in your ear. "Is give you something to do..."

You knew what he was implying. It had been something you two have been doing a few times before and now that you basically had the same sleeping schedule, you could kill a few hours together. A smirk on your face and suddenly you were straddling his hips, running a hand through his golden hair. "I guess we could...hang out..." You giggled, leaning forward to leave kisses on his neck, working up to his ear and tugging lightly on his lobe.

A few minutes of this then Dio placed his hands on your shoulders, gently pushing you down onto your back on the cushions of the couch and pinning you under him. He liked looking down at you, especially when you would shy away from him a bit. The way you adverted your eyes and blushed, just made him want you even more. "Look at me, Y/N... Don't look away..." He grinned and slid his hand slowly up your shirt to your breast, squeezing it with his large hand. His other hand worked the button of your pants, pulling them down as best he could with one hand then hooked a finger in the waistband of your underwear.

Biting your lip, you suppressed a moan and let a heavy, aroused sigh instead. He knew how to  touch you just right, making your mind fog over and forget where you are. Your hands wandered around his muscled back; he already wasn't wearing a shirt. The hardness of his member pressing between your legs brought out a few more sounds from you.

"That's my girl..." Dio cooed with your arms wrapped around him as he lightly grinded himself on you through the loose sweatpants you had bought him. "Keep making those noises. Tell me through them how good I make you feel..."

You did as you were told. Soft panting, low, pleasurable moaning and high squeaky mewls made Dio himself let out a satisfying hum while his hands wandered your sides. "My dear, sweet Y/N... You are too beautiful to be wearing such garments." Grabbing your underwear, he pulled them down and off of you. Sitting up a little, he pulled your shirt and bra up to expose you enough for him to take in the sight of your bare breasts.

"D-Dio..." You panted out, eyes silently begging for more of him.

He smiled his sinister smile, looking down at your pleading face. "Oh? That eager are we?" Bringing up a hand, he let the back of his index finger glide across your breasts, giving you goosebumps all over your skin. His hands always felt cold but it was the kind of cold you craved and loved.

Standing up, he pulled you up with him and brought you to the nearest wall, spinning you around so you were facing the wall with your hands splayed on its surface. He removed his pants with easy haste.

"Oh, my sweet, little pet..." He said, voice velvety smooth as his hand rested on your hip then snaked around in between your legs. "I want to make you feel good... To take your mind off of what is going on in the world and just forget for a while." He started out by rubbing you, getting you nice and wet for him. Slipping a couple of fingers inside you, he palmed you with a steady pace; the heel of his hand hitting your clit with just the right amount of pressure.

A gasp left your lips as you felt his fingers work their magic; your hips rocking into the motion. "Nnngghhh..." You moaned, biting your lip. "O-Oh, D-Dio..."

Dio buried his face in the crook of your neck, running his tongue over your veins and feeling just how the blood rushed through them. His cock twitched behind you, pressing into you so that you were sandwiched between him and the wall. When he thought that you were warmed up enough, he removed his hand and grabbed your hips, lifting you up and onto his cock.

You could feel yourself stretch out inch by inch; your own hands now supporting you up in the air against the wall. "I-It hurts..." You huffed out in pain. Dio entering you always hurt, he wasn't one to be taking so lightly. He did, tonight however, seem to take you into consideration and let you adjust to him before he set his pace. Moving your hair behind your ear, he whispered lightly "Let me know when you are ready for me, my darling woman..."

It took a while, but when you thought you could handle it, you turned your head to look at him behind you and nodded. "Send me to the heavens, Dio..."

Dio's tongue clicked and ran over his fangs, hands squeezing your hips and keeping you elevated as he thrusted into you. He started out slowly but then his primal instincts took over. He wanted this night to be about you. Not the selfish vampire he usually was when you would lay with him. He wanted you to feel and forget.

His cock drilled into you over and over again, hitting you so deep inside. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head, breath becoming laboured as he kept going harder and faster. Pleasured screams rang through the living room. Pictures displayed on the wall above you shook with each thrust, threatening to fall down to the floor. "Y-Yes...Dio... More. More. More! Keep going! I am so close. Oh, fuck this hurts so good!"

"That's it, my pet... Let the feeling take over you." Dio leaned in more, licking your neck and rubbing his fangs across your pulsing veins. "I can tell from your scent just how delicious you would taste." His dominate hand came around again to rub your clit vigorously. "Cum for me, my darling. Cum for me..." He repeated his demand, his hand and hips going faster...faster...faster...

"Nnnngggghhhhh-AHHHH!"

It felt like everything snapped inside you; your orgasm taking over in a wave that made you feel like you were drowning. But in a good way! You held your breath and gritted your teeth, face pressed against the wall and frozen in time.

Behind you, Dio's rhythm slowed and he snapped against you as he filled you with his seed. He was silent for the most part; low grunts and growls is all that could be heard from him. His hands held you tight, feeling your walls clamp around his thick member. "That's my girl..." Gently, he slid you off of him, fluids seeping out and picked you up. But that gentleness was quickly changed when he tossed you back onto the couch, looking down at you like he was ready to devour you - his old Dio ways coming back to him.

"I will give you time to rest..." He purred with lust, rubbing his tongue over his fangs while he glared down at you. "That was just a taste of the night..."

[foreveralwaysanauthor]

It’s the Fluorescents

Monthly Prompts Day 28

(This was posted yesterday around 9 o’clock, my time. However it said “Private” at the top and, seeing as that’s never happened to me before, it took me forever to figure out. This was yesterday’s prompt, posted just a few hours after midnight.)

August 28th - Vampires?

AU Used: None.

Characters: Mick, Miles, Royce and Bentley (OCs)

Mick loved spending time at the mall, even if she was just looking through everything and not buying things. She had taken her Wet Side Story friends to the mall near her house multiple times, making sure to supply them with things from her favorite shops and introducing them to the friends she’d made throughout the shopping center. That weekend, however, she’d decided to take Miles, her best guy-friend, and his two younger brothers, sixteen-year old Royce and fourteen-year-old Bentley.

Royce and Bentley had only moved in with Miles two weeks prior and had adjusted pretty quickly to Mick being a nearly constant figure at Miles’ house. Mick had taken the younger boys in as her adoptive brothers instantly, just as she had with Miles. She took them for the day whenever Miles needed to work and made sure they were never bored.

When the boys told her that they’d never gone to a mall before, Mick had gone to Miles in a flurry, telling him to tell her it wasn’t true, to which Miles admitted that the boys’ statements were true. The next day, Mick called Miles’ workplace and told them that Miles had a family emergency, resulting in the biker getting the day free from work. Feeling successful with her plans for the day, Mick packed up her purse, grabbed her blue leather jacket and hurried to Miles’ house.

After a while of Mick knocking on the door, a pajama-clad Miles whipped open the door with a grumpy, “What?!”

“Rise and shine,” Mick said with a smile, bouncing her way past Miles and into the house. “We have things to do and places to be, mister, so go get ready.”

Miles groaned and rubbed his eyes, having woken up to the sound of Mick thumping on the door not even five minutes prior. “Yeah, I have work later and-”

“Nope!” Mick interrupted, “I got you the day off for a family emergency. Now,” Mick clapped her hands together with a giggle, “where are the boys?”

Miles pointed to the room where the boys were staying as he stumbled his way back to his bedroom. “Where are we going?” he asked with a yawn.

Mick had moved to the doorway of the boys’ shared bedroom, a beaming smile taking over her face. “You’ll see, brother dear.” She turned to grab the handle of the door behind her, yet paused, glancing back to Miles as he fixed his hair in the mirror by his bedroom. “Hold up. Are those... little surfboards on your pajama pants?”

“No!” Miles argued, hurriedly ducking into his bedroom and slamming the door while Mick laughed after him.

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The boys had gotten ready faster than Mick had anticipated although she knew it was only because she had told Royce and Bentley that they were going to the mall. The two younger boys had gotten ready a lot quicker than Miles and had even taken on Mick’s usualy role of pestering him relentlessly. Mick allowed the boys to annoy their older brother while she waited in the kitchen, making a pot of coffee so that Miles would at least wake up a little bit before they left and he’d have to socialize with people in the mall.

After nearly a half hour, the group left in the machine, arriving in the shed of Mack and Brady’s back yard. Mick led the boys to where she had left her Volkswagen bus, piling them all in and sending her parents a text so they didn’t think somebody stole the old bus before tearing off down the street for the mall. Royce had watched the scenery outside his window, remarking to Mick and Miles about how different everything was from their world. Bentley, the easy-going child he was, stuck his arm out the window and made waves in the wind, humming along to songs on the radio as he did.

Miles and Mick had sat together in the front seat, listening to Royce and watching the road. Miles had turned in his seat so he could watch his little brothers while Mick drove. By the time Mick had pulled into the mall parking lot and found a place to park, Royce and Bentley had talked Mick and Miles’ ears off about anything and everything they liked about Mick’s world. Mick loved the ride as, even though she liked being an only child, she adored having Miles, Royce and Benny as her brothers.

The sheer size of the shopping mall had astounded the younger boys as they had only seen malls in movies and TV shows and they definitely hadn’t been that big. Miles had taken Royce and held the younger boy to his side, leading him toward the mall’s entrance while Mick had Bentley’s hand in her own, swinging it back and forth as they walked and talked. After getting the younger boys their first slushies, Mick told them that she wanted them to meet her friends at her favorite shops so, as Mick had done with Miles on his first journey to the mall, she led the group toward Hot Topic.

Bentley had stopped at the entrance, gawking at the large, black arch that had replaced the typical doorway most stores they had walked by, had possessed. Mick had giggled at the boy, tugging his hand lightly so he would follow her into the store that had “Boulevard of Broken Dreams” blaring over it’s speakers. Mick skipped her way to the cash register, singing along to the song as she reached her friend Patricia.

“Mickie!” Patricia squealed, rushing around the counter, nearly knocking over a large container of pins and nail polishes in the process before hugging Mick as tightly as she could. “How are you?”

“I’m good, Patty.” Mick pulled back from the hug, catching both Royce and Bentley staring at them with wide eyes while Miles fought to keep himself from laughing at his brothers. “I want you to meet some of my favorite people.”

Patty beamed widely at the two boys, making Bentley slide his way behind Miles. “Hey, guys, I’m Patricia, but you can call me Patty.”

Royce cautiously held his hand out to shake Patricia’s, watching the taller girl with a small smile. “I’m Royce. Nice to meet you.”

Patty was a lot like Lela in the sense that she didn’t think handshakes were a good form of introduction. The tall, darkly dressed woman embraced Royce and while she did notice him tense up, Patricia merely smiled and gave him a squeeze before releasing him. “I’m very pleased to meet you too, kiddo. You must be related to Miles; he acted the same way when I hugged him the first time.”

Miles shrugged, getting his hug from the tall woman. “Not my fault you look like you could kill someone if they looked at you wrong, Patty.”

After Patty let Miles go, she noticed Bentley staring at her from a few feet behind Miles, slowly drinking his cherry flavored slushie. The youngest of the Murphy brothers was watching Patty curiously, an expression on his face that neither Mick nor Miles had seen on him before. The fourteen-year-old spoke simply and freely, “Are you a vampire?”

Now, Patricia had been asked this before by people and was used to the question by now. Standing just a hair taller than Miles in her platform boots, she loomed above most people that came into the store. Patty always wore black; it was her favorite color and it never showed her cat’s fur as other colors did. She had her hair down that day, appearing almost like a silver-haired Morticia Addams as opposed to her usual ‘Elvira’ style. Her batwing-sleeved dress ended above her knees, just a few inches above where her platform boots had topped off.

“Do I look like a vampire?” Patty asked, putting her hands on her hips with a smile.

Bentley moved toward her slowly, inching his way closer to the towering woman after sipping his slushie some more. “No, I guess not. You kinda look like the mom on The Addams Family.”

“Thank you.” Patty lifted her arms, wiggling them back and forth so the lengthy sleeves fluttered like wings. “I’ve always loved Morticia.”

“I don’t know why I thought you were a vampire,” Bentley sighed, finally giving the tall woman a short hug. “Maybe it was the fluorescent lights.”

[thebittahwizard]

Damn Right, It’s Women’s Work: A Random Literary Recommendation

Wow, a whole goddamn day for little ol’ us-es? Well, let’s not waste it. In honor of International Women’s Day and my English B.A., here’s a rec list of all the works created by kick-ass women that helped shape my life. 

Literature is What You Make of It

Don’t ever let anyone tell you that the book you dogeared, accidentally dropped in the tub, left to yellow in the sun, and read year after year doesn’t qualify as “literature.” The entire industry of the written word is completely subjective, and as long as a work is everlasting to you, it counts. 

It fucking counts.

Here’s a list of the works that helped shape my life, for better or for worse:

Murder at the Vicarage by Agatha Christie 

My mom started me early with both Miss Marple and Hercule Poirot in print and on TV. Every time I read one of Christie’s works or see an adaptation onscreen, it’s a nostalgia blast straight to my solar plexus. 

The Second Sex by Simone de Beauvoir

This is basically something every person should read to help understand the history of feminism. It’ll help you think about things differently. Or at the very least, you’ll get a head start on your university’s Gender Studies 101 reading list.

Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret. by Judy Blume

All works by Judy Blume are 100% recommended for young teens, but this one pushed the envelope by frankly discussing both religion and sex. I think teens could use a little more openness in these areas. 

Oryx and Crake by Margaret Atwood 

I read this during my junior year at university on a whim. People kept telling me to read Handmaid’s Tale, but I didn’t just to be a contrary bitch (and also because the topic of HT frankly freaked me out with its eery believability). Oryx and Crake is also a little eery, but it’s definitely worth it.  

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson 

Seventh grade was an interesting time to read this, but it honestly helped me discover the uncomfortable truths of being a girl in this world in a healthy way. This is a trauma novel and you should go into it understanding that for the context of its nonlinear structure. 

Their Eyes Were Watching God by Zora Neale Hurston 

This is a story about a black woman’s desire for love in a world designed not to give her any. It’s raw and charged with issues of race, sex, violence, and gender roles. You can’t go wrong with a slow read-through of this novel.

The Giver by Lois Lowry

This book wasn’t actually my favorite. It was a forced read for my eighth grade English class, and it was a bit of a dry end product for what the concept could have been. However, I really do like the novel’s symbolic use of color (and the absence of it). 

Bridge to Terabithia by Katherine Paterson

I’m not fucking crying, you’re fucking crying. Seriously, I thought the book was bad enough, but that goddamn movie? Jesus Christ, that was an early lesson in masochism. 

A Vindication of the Rights of Woman by Mary Wollstonecraft

This is one of the earliest works of feminist philosophy, and it’s definitely worth the read. Not just to admire, however, but to understand where it falls short and to contextualize how long the feminist movement takes to intersect with other important aspects of life. 

Frankenstein by Mary Shelley

She is the mother of science fiction and, arguably, horror. It’s rather short but packed full of a poetically creepy plot. And just so you know, it’s actually the Frankenstein monster. Frankenstein is the doctor. /s (I understand that this is actually a common misconception, but Jesus tapdancing Christ do you know how many nerds have said this to me? Take your condescendingly raised pointer finger and shove it.) 

Uncle Tom’s Cabin by Harriet Beecher Stowe

Read this because it’s fucking history, bros and brosettes. Also, it really gets you thinking about the integrity of the average white liberal. 

The Hate U Give by Angie Thomas 

Yes. Alllll the yes. Do it. 

Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte

Move over Emily, the better Bronte is coming through. No seriously, move over because Wuthering Heights was so goddamn dreary I need to take a depression nap. 

Sandy Keyes and the Hotel Thief by Wendelin Van Draanen

I read every single book in this series. Sandy Keyes was a sassier Nancy Drew and I was here for it. These books filled every spare minute of my elementary and middle school years. I hope other younglings keep her alive. 

A Raisin in the Sun by Lorraine Hansberry

Money, family, poverty, gender roles. This play has everything. I highly recommend reading this work or watching a performance. 

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban by J.K. Rowling 

J.K. Rowling may be a no-good fucking TERF, but the bitch knows how to write an engaging fantasy world. It was a flip on whether she’d go on the Dishonorable list or not, but Harry doesn’t deserve that. Also, the third novel will always be my favorite. 

To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee

I still remember so clearly in my mind my freshman English teacher (whom I hated) in high school asking the class what this book was about. Everyone kept answering with the obvious: racial conflict, the limitations and successes of the law, family, Scout growing up, etc. She kept saying no and then after 10 minutes of guessing and having us squirm she smugly said, “It’s about Jem breaking his arm.” Then she lectured us for 30 minutes about close reading. It’s irrational, but I’ve hated this book ever since. 

The Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan

The structure of this novel is absolutely fantastic, and it’s a great insight into the relationships between Chinese-American women and their families.  

The Help by Kathryn Stockett

That goddamn pie. It gets me every time. 

I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou 

All Works By Maya Angelou Will Always Be Recommended. 

Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen 

Jane Austen isn’t really my favorite author, but this is my favorite work of hers. I’m a rather basic bitch that way.  

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

I cried. I was 14 years old and thought I was long past crying over a book. I was not. 

The Complete Poems of Emily Dickinson by Emily Dickinson

Her diction, syntax, and rhythm are wild. Also, John Mulaney was 100% correct. 

The Street by Ann Petry

I read this during my senior year of university in my Black Existentialism class. It was a bit mundane and a little bit sad. Definitely worth a read, though. 

Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda by Becky Albertalli

Believe it or not, this was my first foray into LGBTQ+ literature. I have my own reservations about the book itself, but I’ll always be thankful to this novel for knocking me over the head and leading me down a path that I hadn’t thought to discover. 

The Yellow Wallpaper by Charlotte Perkins Gilman

This shit was crazy. Literally. 

The Outsiders by S. E. Hinton

The names of the characters are 1000% cringe. And why did you have to do Johnny dirty like that, Susan? Also, am I the only one that kind of hated the movie? 

The Awakening by Kate Chopin

This whole book was so goddamn boring. But when understanding exactly what the book was about and how it ended, I feel like it’s appropriate that it was. 

Eleanor & Park by Rainbow Rowell

This one is cute and sweet and fit for any teenager to peruse at their leisure. 

Feminism is for Everybody by bell hooks 

Another Gender Studies 101 required reading to knock off your list. You won’t regret it. 

(Dis)Honorable Mentions

Jesus Christ, but I hated everything I ever read by these authors. But I still read them. Blurgh.

Stephanie Meyer. She tried, but it all was just so, so bad. I still read each fucking book in the Twilight series, though, so who really won this battle? 

Ayn Rand. Fuck you, Ayn. Nothing further to say, really. 

Cassandra Clare. Her works weren’t actually that bad, but her behavior online soured my grapes until I couldn’t read another page of her Infernal Devices series.

Anne Rice. You made vampires boring to me, Anne. Me, an angsty teenager. And you somehow made vampires boring. Congratulations, I guess. Also, fuck off with your holier than thou shit. Ya make boring books, Anne. 

[roguebotanist]

I’ve been playing around with talk to transformer today and thought it would be fun to extend a bunch of sim bios! I think someone may have done something similar recently, but I’m not really sure. Anyway, here’s every sim in Strangetown (bolded parts are their original bios). Long post ahead:

Loki Beaker

As soon as he perfects his latest invention, Loki is sure to get the recognition he knows he deserves. In the meantime, he keeps himself busy by trying to assemble a nuclear reactor out of common household items. During one of his experiments, he accidentally melts the family dog. Realizing that his so-called tools of destruction are so harmless, Loki gladly takes his pet back home and happily adopts it. Fearing that the strange creature will cause more damage if he is ever left alone, Loki goes to great lengths to keep it, including stacking hundreds of baby chicken eggs in the backyard.

Circe Beaker

Circe knows 238 different ways to make someone scream, and none of them are nice. She enjoys taxidermy and collecting coat hangers. She has a wonderful knowledge of names and an affinity for Hallmark, which is why all her books are centered around Christmas and spring holidays. This is particularly important to her, as her whole life is completely shaped by them. The children love to ask questions about things, and they are able to make up as many of the answers as they like. Do you have a huge embarrassment problem? One of Circe's known phrases is 'Where's the finger in your back pocket?'.

Sometimes in the garden, she prances

Nervous Subject

His hobbies include twitching and blinking a lot. He's also fond of travelling and baking. Along with the broad and meaty teeth of a canine, St George the giant groundhog has a day-old beard and a partial gingivitis – which is the inflammation of a plaque inside the teeth. His beard and gingivitis don't hurt his routine; they just mean he's a bit slower and a bit more circumspect.

That's because he's aged.

Olive Specter (yes, it gave her stats)

Olive will stop at nothing to get what she wants. She spends her time collecting mushrooms, sharpening sticks, and excavating her yard. As you might expect, she has a big appetite, and eats anything that she thinks is good enough for her. She's as much of a carnivore as you are, and is able to catch fish or birds at the least opportunity. She doesn't bother with plants, and prefers to live in areas full of food.

Alignment: Neutral evil

Hit Dice: 1d8+2

Speed: 30 feet

Ophelia Nigmos (this one is unsettling and strangely coherent)

Ophelia's hobbies include hypochondria and monitoring the air quality. She worries about the future... and the past... and the present. Especially right now.

Her past memories have become like mantras, repeating over and over in her head. They are the most important thing to her. This time, she's not sure she will remember them the way she did before. She's aching to go back and erase her past.

That which is most important to her--the things she left behind--has been forgotten. And nobody can help her. Nobody.

PT9 Smith

The only thing PT9 loves more than his lawn is his family. When he is not spending time with his children, he enjoys clipping coupons and staring up at the sky. Over the years PT9 has found his place in the aquarium world. He has helped educate people on different types of fish and he has hosted various education seminars for clients who have "fish stories" to share. In his spare time, PT9 enjoys spending time with his wife and his grandchildren.

Jenny Smith

Jenny loves having a career, but she wishes she could spend more time with her family, and maybe make some new friends. She really likes green. She wishes she had more friends. She wishes her mom would talk to her more often. She wishes she had nicer hair. She wishes her nose looked like a horse's. She has a lot of sympathy for humans and hopes to see one in the future. Jenny is a cross between a cat and a dog with a medium build, no special traits, but that means she's got a lot of muscle and a huge body

Johnny Smith

Johnny dreams of being the hero that rides in on a white horse, or at least a cool sports car. He'd go on to become the worst Superhero in all of space and time, which I guess is exactly what a normal, human teenage boy would do.

Jill Smith

When Jill closes her eyes, she sees dolphins. She has her heart set on becoming a deep sea welder someday. She loves dolphins so much, she's often put one in the trunk of her car and hit the gas to cheer her up.

"I love them so much," Jill declares. "I'm a Dolphin Lover."

Pascal Curious

No matter what happens, Pascal believes there is a logical explanation for everything. In his free time, he practices home psychoanalysis and collects conspiracy theories. He's become adept at opening jars containing creepy little bones or fragments of jellyfish, an odd skill in the world of ponysaurus hunting.

"I have been extremely lucky with bone fragments and that's not even being exaggerating," Pascal said.

Vidcund Curious

Serious and exact, Vidcund strives to fit the universe into a nice tidy package. He has an unnatural fondness for African violets. He is literally covered in them, from head to toe, if not technically. This is an odd love-hate relationship, a love-love and a hate-hate; that leaves us to sit and imagine the potential war between the vine and the earth.

Lazlo (”Twilight”) Curious

Not as studious as his older brothers, Lazlo got his degree in Phrenology. He likes to call phone psychics and spends hours trying to bend forks with his mind. His middle name is "Twilight" because his father was a vampire. He hates flowers.

General Buzz Grunt

The General likes to have his clocks set to military time. He used to enjoy barbershop quartet singing, but that is classified information. It's unknown when he fell in love, but it's possible that he was one of the first humans to understand the concept of love.

Tank Grunt

Tank Grunt wants to be just like his old man. He spends his days lifting heavy things, dodging imaginary bullets, and being bigger than the other guy, but deep down inside, he wonders if anyone really knows who he is. He hates it when his grandmother wants him to call her "Mama" and his grandma is pissed, and he just wants to stay in the dark and get away from the boring world around him. If he could just learn to love himself, he'd be unstoppable.

Ripp Grunt

Ripp totally doesn't care what you think of him. He is going to do whatever he wants to do, which is mostly what everyone else is doing. He has this whimsical desire to show off his tattoos, even though they give me nightmares (sometimes it feels like these tattoos are like a big torture device). He is hyperbolic and outrageous and uncouth and rude to the point that he's almost comical.

Buck Grunt

More than anything else, Buck wants to be a pet stylist to the stars. He spends a lot of time wondering why his father never seems to notice him.

"I want to have big hands and big feet, and I'm hoping I'm going to end up a couple of feet longer than my parents are," Buck said. "My Dad tells me a lot of things like, 'My son is going to be that guy who gets attention by the funnest side of you you've ever seen.' "

Cousins' health makes him optimistic about his prospects

Ajay Loner

To pass the hours, Ajay enjoys counting the grains of sand in his backyard. He may be about to blow his last few thousand, so he worries no more. "You can always count them. You just have to keep on keeping on," he says.

Chloe Curious

The complete opposite of her sister, Chloe just wants to meet new people and to have a good time. She can often be found daydreaming or chatting on the phone. She is very positive and has a creative mind, a big help when composing mean tweets. She always makes sure she keeps her emotions under control and is not too outgoing in social situations.

Lola Curious

Intelligent and focused, Lola knows what she wants and how to get it. She enjoys politics and telling those around her what to do. She keeps her enemies close and keeps a close eye on her enemies' backbones. Her love of Doctor Who and her interest in exploration drive her to travel the galaxy.

Erin Beaker

Erin spends a lot of time working on her psychic powers. Of course, she isn't really psychic, but don't tell her that. Erin's already a pro at picking out great dates with potential future partners. Nothing beats having a psychic date.

Kristen Singles

Kristen envisions herself as a world famous sports champion. She doesn't particularly care for Strangetown, but it's only a pit stop on her track to greatness. As much as she hates to admit it, her talent has never been in question, but that's not stopping her from strutting and parading around town in a T-shirt advertising her skills. She's no longer treating her sport as a game, but instead is obsessed with her prowess as a self proclaimed "muscle mom." 

[themauvesoul]

You’re all welcome

Twilight is having a bit of a renaissance, so I bit the fuckin bullet and smoked the fuckin cigarette metaphor and read the whole thing so y’all didn’t have to. I took notes. NOTES. Here’s my piping hot take:

This is a bad book y’all. Like, supremely bad. It’s not even funny bad or enjoyably bad or so highly cursed it’s at least interesting. It’s just bad.

It starts off with a fuckin bible verse. This bible verse:

Which is supposed to draw comparisons between Bella and Eve, where the tree of knowledge is edward’s true nature and the snake is Edward’s supreme hotness. Stephanie is trying to imply that once Bella learns about Edwards vampirism, Bella is going to die. But like. Bella doesn’t die. She isn’t even in danger until the last 100 pages bc we all know Edwards bitchass isn’t gonna eat her. Stephanie Meyer doesn’t have the balls.

Fuckin. Everyone gives the Aro laughed ha ha ha he giggled line so much shit but like. LOOK AT THIS:

BUT I COULD SEE THE SACRIFICE IN HER EYES BEHIND THE PROMISE?? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? She literally wrote the words in the wrong order. This sentence should’ve been “but I saw the sacrifice in the promise behind her eyes”. Like that’s not a good sentence but at least ITS COMPREHENSIBLE.

And the FUCKING PLOT. It’s. Bad. Bella goes to school. Bella gets lost in Seattle. Bella stares at Edward and thinks about how pretty he is. The actually interesting/action-filled part can’t happen until Bella meets Edwards family, and that doesn’t happen until PAGE 322. OUT OF 498.

Stephanie Meyer has never met pacing, because this book fucking has none. Bella suddenly likes Edward because, uh, he’s hot? I guess? They had three conversations, each one ending with Bella storming off in a fit of rage? Bella and Edward are dating? Because they kissed? I guess? Edward watched Bella sleep and it’s totally not creepy guys, because he was SO in love with her, I guess, because they haven’t even said I love you yet, but it doesn’t matter, because now Bella is ready to DIE for Edward, isn’t that great?

Y’all. We give Bella a hard time because she doesn’t have any character. That’s a lie. She has character, and it’s pure bitchiness. She hates her new school. Okay, I guess. She hates her nice new friends. Alright? She hates the color green? And plants? And sharing a bathroom with one other person? And Edward, for like. 100 pages. She’s incredibly self absorbed and has super low self esteem, to the point that she thinks wearing a neck brace bc you hurt yourself is embarrassing. Like. Calm down. She’s also a pretentious bastard who thinks a khaki skirt is dressy. And whenever she’s not mooning after Edward or passing out or hyperventilating, she’s pissed at something. Maybe it’s the sky. Maybe it’s her fucking pale skin that she mentioned 10,000 times. This book felt like it took place in middle school instead of fucking high school, and it was solely because of Bella.

And Edward. He’s a creep. He talks like an incel. He’s constantly telling Bella how dangerous he is without showing us like. Proof. Oh and he WATCHED HER SLEEP FOR MONTHS.

Which leads us to the fundamental question: why the hell did anyone ever like this?

After deep thought and much consideration, I’ve come to a conclusion. Despite their many flaws, Edward and Bella have a rapport. They talk to each other like real human people.

Look at this. Like, ignore the shitty narration and just look at the dialogue. This is like. A normal conversation someone could maybe have. Bella made a joke. And sure, every time they talk it follows the same fucking pattern (joke, joke, Bella gets angry, Edward gets angry, Edward says something mean or serious, Bella storms off. I’m starting to think stephanie doesn’t know how to transition very well), but they still talk to each other like real people would.

You don’t normally see this in like. 99% of romances, point blank. They’re always making sweeping declarations of love, or crying because something bad happened, or fighting. There’s no BANTER. Bella and Edward, god help me, have banter.

So that’s why twilight fooled people into thinking it was a romance, but there’s another reason why people like it. Bella ain’t stupid.

I mean yes. She is. She’s so stupid. But when she notices Edwards eyes change color, she doesn’t brush it off, she gets curious. She notices when Edward moves too fast, or talks like a Jane Austen love interest. She’s observant. She discovers Edward is a vampire because she got suspicious and googled it. Edward didn’t even do anything. She didn’t have to see him eating someone or turning into a fucking bat or whatever. She was allowed to be as observant as a real person would’ve been. Maybe a little more.

And like. This book came out in 2005. It’s not like there were many other places people could go for a heroine who was allowed to be smart, or a romance that had actual banter.

Does that make this book good? No. Hell no. It was a chore to read, and I hated every minute of it. I had to read a fucking NATIVE AMERICAN VERSION OF THE NOAHS ARC STORY THAT STEPHANIE MEYER TRIED TO PASS OFF AN AN AUTHENTIC MYTH. IT WAS THE WORST THING IVE EVER SEEN. This book might’ve done two things passably well, but it still did 15672 OTHER things spectacularly badly. And it’s not like I walked into this expecting it to be super awful. I was expecting a bad storyline and surprisingly good prose, not this dumpster fire of a book. No, fire is too exciting. This is more like a pile of shit.

In conclusion why the FUCK are y’all making memes of this? IT WAS SO BORING I DONT GET IT