#twenty-four years and I am still not over That babylon 5 story

[conundrumoftime]

What Alma said, and also: This for me is a big benefit of being in fandom in the first place. Fandom lets us move our enjoyment of stories we love from the territory of things we can't control (the whims of studios, the demands of capitalism, the limitations of rights and licenses and storylines already set etc etc etc) to the things we can control: our own imaginations, the stories we write, the ideas we create as a community.

I have been bitterly, bitterly disappointed by things TV shows did to my favourite characters and ships before. (Hilariously, one of these was the creator actually giving the ship a happy ending - but in a way that was so unintentionally(?) awful that it's now been over two decades and many of us are still scarred.) I'm sure I will be again many times over. I can already guess with some confidence at about fifteen ways Rings of Power is going to let me down, even though I do love it and will keep watching it anyway grumbling the entire time.

But I'm not going to make fandom miserable for myself by making all my fun conditional on other people. This is just a recipe for pain.

You can't go into fandom with an attitude of "well I love this ship and I cannot get enough fic and fanart and discussion about it, but I only get to love it if canon gives me what I want and the writers do it in the way I want and the endgame fits my headcanons and the canon love interest doesn't turn up and everyone who ships something else agrees that my one is best and everyone who ships my one agrees with me about how it should be seen and and and", because you're just going to make yourself miserable, piss everybody else off, turn fandom spaces around you from fun creative spaces into bleak wastelands that nobody else wants to join in, and still not have anywhere near as much control over what the fictional characters in the made-up story do as you would get by clicking that 'Create new work' button on AO3 and writing whatever the hell you want.

Conflicted fandom feelings...

So, I don't really have a lot of confidence in JD and Patrick's writing capabilities.

In private circles, I've even been saying that I would be completely fine if they hardly touched the dynamic on screen again. Before you burn me at the stake, I will admit that I don't think this is going to happen, as we've seen through the marketing of the show, they seem to be aware that Sauron and Galadriel is still such a huge selling point. They've said repeatedly in many interviews that the relationship between these two will be a central driving point throughout all five seasons.

All of this to say, the value of the ship should not be completely tied up in whatever ends up happening in the show. The value of the ship should come from the community we've cultivated, as cheesy as that might sound. After season one aired, we had such a huge burst of creativity and I made so many friends just simply through discussing headcanons and building off of each other's ideas.

The second season was not what many of us expected, but that doesn't have to get in the way of our love for this pairing. Fanon is good, actually. Fanon is oftentimes way more gratifying than what the canon provides. The greatest transformative works are often born out of extreme dissatisfaction with the source material. It's just that it takes a lot more work to cultivate. No amount of infighting or begging on your hands and knees is going to change whatever the corporate overlords at amazon have already decided will be the most profitable avenue to take. It's a shame that these are the metrics by which art is being created, but instead of stressing over it and speculating endlessly, I've personally decided to just let whatever happens happen. If I continue to be dissatisfied, well... I will always have my own fanon and community of people here to fall back on.

Rather than worrying about things we can't control, we could instead turn our focus on creating a more creative and fruitful space. Just some food for thought...

[neth-dugan]

Nine Worlds - Sunday

Saturday found [HERE]

I woke up on Sunday not feeling really tired, but also really sad that it would be the last day. And on Sunday stuff ends earlier too which is also a bummer. I get why, some have to leave in the evening but it’s still sad. This was also the day when I had the most panels to sit on. 

AIs AND SUPERINTELLIGENCES - ARE THEY REALLY COMING FOR US?

...bonus points if you recognise this movie that wasn’t mentioned in the talk.

A good portion of this was on the history of computing, which was interesting, From pre-electronics to Ada Lovelace to Alan Turing to Siri.

I wish I remembered more. it went through a few modern computers that had passed various landmarks such as chess and go and the like. And then the ‘scary’ bit that sci-fi doesn’t tend to cover so much. If an AI comes about there is a good chance it’ll focus on one task and obsess over it, and do so in a way that human brains don’t get  and can’t really combat. Like, they could focus so much on one menial thing that they take over the planet to make the perfect paperclips.

To me, a question at this point is does this count as an AI? If it can’t reason its way that destroying the world to make a paperclip is a tad much is it a true AI or just a very very smart and resourceful paperclip making software. 

It’s not like I’d expect AIs to think in the same way humans do, but some ability to reason and set their own goals or change their minds would seem to be a part of it. And endlessly striving towards perfecting one goal originally programmed into them by a human that they can’t break free of? Not sure that counts. I know even humans can be very goal orientated, and some of us can focus very intently on things and that is our thing. But the way the speaker was talking about it sounded different. I don’t know. Would be interesting to stick people from different fields in a room and have a chat about it.

A thing I found interesting in all this talk of AIs going way too OTT to fulfil an imperative, and AIs taking over for whatever reason... there was no mention of texts where humans wilfully submit. Which, granted, there aren’t a lot. I had to run off after this for my own panel but I made sure I told the speaker about Travellers. It isn’t the main plot of the story or anything but worth checking out for how they do the AI thing.

OUR LAST, BEST HOPE FOR SCIENCE FICTION:25 YEARS OF BABYLON 5

It’s been twenty five years since the B5 pilot, and it’s still one of the best science fictions hows out there, and one with far too little recognition. Last year, @knittedace and I kept saying we need to do a B5 panel this year. Needed to do one. Turns out we weren’t the only ones an a bunch of us submitted a proposal for one, and the Nine Worlds content folk shoved us into an e-mail group together and let us figure it out. Which is amazing, but also daunting because there is so much to talk about for this show. @knittedace decided she’d rather be in the audience but still, so much fun.

One of our panelists cosplayed as Londo last year and offered to do so again for this panel. Someone, at some point, suggested he remain in character for the panel, and so it began. Ambassador Mollari moderating it which a bottle of his favourite tipple on hand, and Centauri woman on hand to keep him in line, a Bajoran Starfleet officer trying to bridge rifts and a human along for the ride.

...the Bajoran Starfleet officer (me) praying to Susan Ivanova

Funnily enough, the night before this I was approached by a guy who was going to be on my Star Trek panel. It turns out he has a Psi Cop uniform and wondered if I wanted him to turn up in it. I said yes please, that would be fantastic. And when he turned up? It was a very good uniform, and as an impromptu thing I asked if he wouldn’t mind staying in character for the session. He said yes and it was so good.

...the Corps is mother, the Corps is father.

People noticed coming in that he was there, and what he was doing, and I think a few were rather tickled by it. Before the panel proper started I did warn them all that we had him there, and as such we all needed to send him nasty thoughts in 5, 4, 3, 2...1. And he played along. There was a fair bit of this going on through the panel at different bits and I don’t know how it looked to others, but sitting on stage it felt great.

We did a quick stop tour about a lot of things. The fantastic women of B5, and how they’re all different from each other. How characters grow and change and have depth, and in fact there is a lot of change in B5. We talked a fair bit about how it shows the rise of racism and how insidious it can be. How it can sneak up on you. And how we need to learn from that. How it did well regarding diversity, especially given its time and how it made Ivanova bi and treated same gender marriage as a simple fact of life in the time period of the show.

One line I remember fondly coming from Londo was “Behold Minbari Jesus - his name is Jeff”. Which made me laugh inside a fair bit.

We talked a lot about our favourite moments. I couldn’t choose. I was stuck between this moment, this moment, and the War Without End two parter. Londo stepped out of character and the real person talked about this amazing scene between Londo and G’Kar that you can see here and I’ll never do justice describing. 

We also talked about Michael O’Hare. It turns out not everybody knew his story, so here is a link to JMS himself talking about it. But in short, he wasn’t well and had some mental health issues going on in the first season to the point where he had to leave at the end. Nobody on the cast knew, they thought he was just odd or short tempered but had no idea. JMS got him as much support as he could on set, ready to pull the plug when he needed to. Which he did at the end of the season. O’Hare told JMS that when he died, he could tell the world what had happened. And so JMS did. 

It amazes me what that man went through, that he was determined to keep the show going, keep all the people working on it employed and tell that story even though it was hard and there had been offers to stop production. It makes me sad that he felt the stigma around mental health to the point where he couldn’t be open about it, or that he wasn’t able to receive better treatment whilst working. We do know that he did get treatment and he eventually got better as he appeared in season three for two episodes and you can visibly tell he looks better.

Babylon 5 has had a lot of deaths in its cast over the years. A lot, especially considering it wasn’t even made that long ago. In the group we’d decided we were definitely going to do a moment of silence in the memory of those now beyond the rim. And though I think we were going to do it at the end, it felt right to do it after talking about O’Hare, as he is one of those deaths. He died of reasons unrelated to his mental illness, for those wondering. 

...two of those now lost to us. 

Despite that sombre note, we had a fantastic panel and had a great time. Our resident Psi Cop took the microphone around the audience for us instead of one of the tech volunteers (who usually do it). We had a few people in Star Trek costumes, myself included, and we did mention Star Trek and DS9. All without being mean, hostile or falling into that trap of ‘we must be rivals and look down on DS9′ thing you see in some B5 groups. 

I’d declared there would be none of this on the group chat before, all agreed, and at least one person mentioned to me after that they were glad this didn’t happen. So yay.

Also, at the end I declared one side of the room purple, and one side green. The room was decently full and even if one side didn’t go back as far, I don’t think there was a massive difference in numbers. So after checking it was okay with everyone, we had a shouting contest and whichever side won, won for their team.

Purple won. Even if I weren’t on the panel, I still think this would be a up on events this year.

FAT REPRESENTATION IN GEEK CULTURE, PART TWO (SECOND BREAKFAST)

A sequel to a pane a couple years back that I wasn’t at, this was amazing. It was, in large, a big group therapy session on living life when you’re big. How you’re treated and dismissed and harassed and ridiculed. How people will justify it as being ‘concerned for your health’ which is a a bunch of bull. The ignorance and also how the way we grow up and society leads to self loathing and the like. The need for body positivity and how some parts of the fashion world are starting to cater to us.

It was pretty freeing. Nine worlds in general is pretty great about size. I’ve never felt shamed for being large. Never felt out of place for it or looked at the wrong way. But this space especially was really great. 

There are things you don’t get if you aren’t fat. The way people can look at you when you eat, the way you’re sometimes scared to eat your fill, the way being your body is seen as itself an imposition on the space of others just by existing or sitting down. The way you’re always so conscious of that. Of that person who jumps out of their seat next to you the minute they can to go sit somewhere else. Anywhere else. 

So this? I loved this.

...now, if people designing clothes for us fat folk would realise that me being fat does not mean I have big boobs. Or that some of us carry in the stomach a ton. And design for that. And get models for that. 

If they do this again next year? I am going back. That is for sure. 

SUBVERTING BRO CULTURE AND FANWORKS

Whilst waiting for this to start, being the only panelist in the room for a while and not wanting to stare ate folks, I struck up a conversation around B5 and Star Trek, I think. I know B5 was in there at least. But, y’know, nerd convention. To be expected.

I was asked to be on this pretty late, had the least prep out of the four I sat on or ran, and mostly agreed for the Check, Please! content that would likely pop up. There was a lot of sports fandom stuff which I don’t know so well, but also a lot of things that work fandom wide. And culture wide. And another panelist knew a lot about a game I know nothing of, but themselves knew nothing of Check, Please! It was kinda amusing, but still worked some how I think.

It occurred to me, that maybe one of the reasons you get so many coffee shop AUs (and similar) is to take these characters doing dangerous things in very bro culture places and put them into a different place. A less bro place, a safer place. I’m still fed up of the things but I do wonder if that’s the case, and that makes me think of them better.

If you look at fandom, at some of the popular tropes or tendencies you see a lot of this. Characters in a very masculine environment, and fandom deconstructing that somehow. Either by complete AUs or by building families or what have you.

There was a lot of real life sports situations, sports fandoms and real life bro culture at college. How some places are trying to dismantle this but especially in universities with the constant turnover of students etc it takes real effort and framework. 

Oh, also, lots of good things said about Brooklyn Nine Nine. Which. Yes. That show is so good and subverts so many stereotypes and it doesn’t have the ‘chase you endlessly’ guy ‘win’ the girl, but eventually realise they need to back off. And Terry. And Jake who starts off not the best, though still better than most, and just gets better and better. And. And. Good show on subverting bro culture, that one. Also lots of talk of Black Sails, but I know nothing of this sadly. One of its actors turned up and was on a panel I think? Don’t know which actor or which panel though, but that is awesome. I’d so do that in their position too.

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY - SQUEE AND MOAN

Some time last year before the show aired, a bunch of nerds decided we would likely want to talk about this show at Nine Worlds and all submitted the idea of ‘Star Trek: Discovery. Something. We’ll figure it out later’. And then much like my B5 group, we were all thrown in together to figure it out. It seems like my title was kept but honestly? It wasn’t a ton of moan. The panelists were all fans, something I warned the room of ahead of time.

Much like my Queer Dax panel last year, there were a fair few people in the room before start time. So we ended up having a pre-panel panel on Star Trek in general and the new Picard series specifically. I also recommended ‘A Stitch in Time’ by Andrew Robinson (Garak) and how you can get it as an eBook now. I know for a fact at least one person has since bought it. Muahahahaha.

Our friend the Psi Cop from earlier had now changed uniform to TOS movies uniform, now a proud Starfleet officer. A far better costume than my TNG uniform hoodie and pin. After asking permission to audio record it, he did so and so you can listen to the entire panel here. It’s about an hour long but I think interesting.

Honestly, I could’ve kept talking about it for ages. I had notes of what we’d agreed to talk about on e-mail, and which order of priority they sat at. Of course new stuff pops up and the flow of it means you may miss a thing or flip the order a bit but I find having that sort of thing really useful. I tweeted about it later and Doug Jones, Saru himself, liked it so yay. Someone on the cast knows a convention full of nerds in England love his work.

We talked about diversity, how like other Treks this one was made to fit the world we live in as it is made. How the tone of sci-fi has shifted and if that’s impacted things. Diversity and representation. Some things we didn’t think were so great. But generally it was a big ‘WE LOVE YOU’ fest.

It was also the last formal panel of Nine worlds. I think there were a two things in the slot after, but this was in the last major slot. It was an honour really.

FOOD AND DINNER AND REST OH MY

So I’d been separated rom @knittedace and @laalratty most of the day. I was also a bit tired and kinda wondering around the bar area when I came across @unwoundbobbin and proposed the four of us go to dinner if everyone was okay with it. But I did need to go to my room and rest a bit.

So I did, everyone was good with the idea, though it took the three of us a while to get back downstairs to meet up with @unwoundbobbin again. There was some Slash played but we went off to Wagamama’s for dinner where we had great food and good conversation. Me and @knittedace were out of costume at this point. 

It was sad. End of the con. But there was one formal thing left...

THE NOT THE END OF THE CON QUIZ

The quiz at the end of the convention. It is tradition, though it was also a new group of people doing it this year.

The four of us got a table, and found ourselves sharing with another two, and then another two people found their way to us later. Amusingly, at dinner there had been talk of which topics would be preferable to turn up. They turned up.

@knittedace and @laalratty got us most of our points, the everyone contributed and in a tough race every single point is essential. At one point @laalratty thought the giant spider in Harry Potter was called Aragorn and that was amusing but I’m not kidding. Those two were fantastic. And when we won? We won in large part thanks to them.

...me with my price of Mighty Morphin Power Rangers coaster. TRICERATOPS! I’m also slightly worried about the Riddler, looks like something may be afoot.

We got to go up and pick out our prizes, a few bits of ‘stuff’ per person. I saw Power Rangers and went ‘MINE!’ and so now I have MMPR coasters. It was all kindly donated by a con goer and quiz partaker who was apparently trying to clear out a lot of nerdy goods they have. Which seemed to have not been touched, packets not opened and the like. 

IT’S THE FINAL CON NIGHT.... *CRIES*

And that was it. The last official event of Nine Worlds. Our team drifted towards the bar, claimed a table for victory celebrations. Which mean @knittedace wearing an inflatable crown she’d chosen as a prize, and playing Slash.

A good portion hadn’t heard of slash before so we had to teach them. Some just wanted to watch rather than play - though some of them joined in. I think everyone was enjoying themselves in their own way and I was glad to have a big long hard game of Slash. I felt like I hadn’t been playing it nearly enough, as Nine Worlds is the only place I can.

I did manage to convert several people to it though. It should be noted, that it’s a home made deck and we don’t really play with any rules. It’s mostly card assisted crack fic creation. As the night went on some drifted away to bed, some others drifted towards us and joined in. It was fun.

Whilst this was going on, and as the bar slowly emptied, there was another group of people in the bar doing tarot reading. Me, @laalratty and @knittedace stopped there on the way to our room. Got our readings. Mine was done on this really awesome deck that was queer friendly and fat friendly and stuff. I loved the artwork. I don’t believe there’s any actual magic or power in it other that what we choose to place on it ourselves. But it was fun. And the person doing it was pretty awesome themselves, asks you questions and makes you think. Which is tarot at its best I think. Not the claiming to know what will come next.

As all this was going on, a group of nerds had gathered around a grand piano near the main lobby entrance. The lift that brought in people from the outside world, and a few people did arrive to find themselves being serenade with nerdy songs they didn’t understand. But it was great. They sang well, the piano player played well. The woman who did the BSL sessions was there and I think was signing at one point. 

We neared them to get to the lifts to our room, and as they did so I heard them sing this song. Which will always and forever make me think of Due South. Of new beginnings in endings. I think I said something long the lines of ‘OMG!’ when I realised what they were singing and surprised them. Oooops. But that song gives me many feels. I don’t know if anybody there knew of the Due South connection, but I hope so.

And with that, me, @knittedace and @laalratty went to the room. Went to bed. And Nine Worlds was over. Which makes that song being the last thing I heard at the convention fit pretty well, to be honest.

MISC STUFF

So, our room? Our room had the best number ever.

Yup, three asexuals got to the room, saw the 69 and giggled a lot. And found it amusing all through the convention. Didn’t tell anybody at the time as giving your room number to strangers is a bad idea. But we aren’t there now, so I can share.

They put three asexuals in a 69 room. Brilliant.

On a not so fun side, every night there was a disco I could hear it as I tried to get to sleep. On the fourth floor. I am not best pleased by that and really wish they’d turn the volume down. It’s annoying enough for me, but at least I know what is going on and understand it. Not everyone at the hotel is a convention goer. People have been telling Nine Worlds for years to please turn it down but it’d seem not.

BUT WHAT ABOUT THAT POLICE THING? THE FUTURE OF NINE WORLDS?

I’m going to do a separate post for that. I will link to that both HERE and on Thursday’s post once posted. 

[writemesomewordlove]

Today’s Word Porn...Whatever I Wrote on the Plane

“So what’s the latest scoop between you and Michael?”

“We’re trying to mend things. It’s going well actually. He’s been a lot more open about things and I learned that before we broke up, I didn’t really know a lot about him actually. So I’m learning all these things about him.”

“And…?”

“Just makes me love him even more.” Eska smiled at him.

Phillip snorted. “Girl please, like anything could ever make you not love him.”

“Hey, if he cheated on me, had orgies or just went on a sex-brigade with a bunch of women that were not me, that would be more than enough reason to leave him!”

“Well it’s good to know you’re not complete in a daze. I just needed to make sure.”

“Hey give me some credit here. I left him in the first place didn’t I?”

“Yes, you did. But now you two are talking. And after how you were the first time--” “It’s going to be different. And there won’t be a second time.” She said softly. “He’s already showing a difference Phillip.”

“And is it a real difference or just what you think you’re seeing?”

“It’s a real difference.

Phillip gave her a skeptical look, but it was also lenient for the sake of his friend. He packed the bowl efficiently before passing it to her along with a lighter. “First hit is yours, my love.” He grinned.

Eska looked at the bowl and then at him. “I don’t know...I’m a teacher now. It hasn’t happened yet but I am sure they drug test us at some point. Randomly even.” “Esk, after the weeks you’ve had you could this. It’ll take the edge off a little bit. If anything, it will allow you to sleep without too much...thinking.” He said it gently and she knew what he meant. It was hard to quiet the chattering monkeys in her mind. The thoughts went rampage just as she would lie down for bed. And just when thought they stopped, the image of her mom came to mind. It tended to always warp to the last three months leading up to her hospitalization and then her death. The thoughts tempted her into playing the “what-if” game. It was hard not to give into it and by the time she realized she had been, she was in pain. The kind of pain of longing for the one person she will miss more than anyone and anything for the rest of her life. Having her mother for only twenty-four years, the first four not really counting since she had been a baby, just wasn’t fair.

“Eska?” Phillip’s voice brought her back out of her reverie and she sat up, reaching her hand out and took the bowl. “That’s my girl.” He grinned.

She smiled and held the bowl up to her lips. One finger was on the carb, the other was wrapped around the actual bowl as the pipe end touched her lips. With her other hand,s he flicked the lighter on and lowered the flame onto the potent TLC (THC, oops!) waiting in the bowl, immediately inhaling. When it began to burn, she lifted her finger off the carb and inhaled whatever smoke remained. As Phillip’s motto was, “CLEAR IT!” and Eska certainly cleared it.

Exhaling, she made a face of pain before coughing, putting her hand to her chest. “Oh…”

Phillip watched her with heavy amusement as he took the lighter and bowl back. When she calmed down, she patted her chest and looked at him, smiling a little. “That stuff has not gotten better in taste or smell.”

And to that, Phillip outright laughed; he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, letting out this loud guffaw of sound. The laughter was contagious and Eska started to giggle a little with him. “What?” She asked.

“Of all the things to say...And I should have seen that one coming too because you always say the same thing when you do this after years.” “You should see me drinking alcohol these days. It’s very rare and sparse. I’ll nurse a cocktail for three hours at family dinners.”

“I can believe it. I know you certainly did your partying back in the day. Miss I Go to Sleep at my Own Party Before Everyone Else.” He grinned

“Yeah, remind me to put you on the ban list so you never come to my class and tell these horrific stories to my students.” She laughed.

“Oh come on! They would love you even more.” “It’s true, they would. But I would also be so fired if it ever got back to my boss.” She laughed.

“So they don’t want ex-party girls to be teaching the new youth of America?”

“I know, right? I’m astonished too. I mean the things kids are doing these days...would have put us to shame back in our days.”

It was funny to talk like their teen years had been so far behind them. It really wasn’t. Ten years wasn’t a long time. Not even five years ago when she was nineteen, technically a teenager almost close to her years as an official ‘adult.’ And while five or ten years was really no time at all in some perspectives, the amount of growing up achieved and everything that changed was a testament to that small amount of time. For Eska, it was hard to believe she was one of those depressed teenagers who hated school and thought being random with outbursts was a cool thing. Whenever she thought back to her teenage self, she cringed, covered her face and wished she cold burn the memories from her memory, it was that horrible. She was such a bratty, whiny and pathetic teenager. Now...well the only good thing about ten five or ten years ago was that her mom was still alive. Hell, even a year ago her mom was still alive.

“Hey,” Phillip prompted, passing the bowl and lighter to her.

“Oh, thanks.” “Where’s your mind at?” “Take one guess. I can’t help it.” She looked down, bringing the bowl up and flicking the lighter on, repeating this process for some serious TLC.

After exhaling, she passed it back to him and tilted her head. It was already starting to take effect. “These days, it doesn’t take much of anything to think about her.” “It’s okay to think about her.” “I know...but I wish I would stop.” “Why?”

“Because right now all I can think of about her is how she died, the months leading up and how it all happened. I can’t think of anything before that. I can’t remember her smile, her voice, her laugh or that hilarious face she’d make when she was being cheeky.” She said softly. “When I think of her, it’s all sad. None of it is happy. I feel like I can’t remember the happy. Just the sad.”

“It gets easier.”

“When?”

“With time. It’s just a matter of how you cope with it. Weed helps.” He grinned

She smiled, laughed actually. “I love you.”

“I lurv you too babygirl.”

About an hour and two bowls later, Eska was feeling mighty stoned, to put it bluntly. She and Phillip migrated into his room and she sat back against the pillow, her head resting on the wall and her eyes closed. Phillip lay beside her, watching an episode of Babylon 5. She could hear the Centauri in the background but soon even his voice faded out as she faded into the darkness of sleep.

“No, please. Please, don’t do this. I beg of you, don’t do this!”

“You leave me no choice. You know too much. And anyways, I just want to.”

“There’s another way. You have to believe there can be another way!” He now held her on the edge of the bridge, a menacing smile appearing but overall his face was distorted.

“I thought there could be but the truth is...with you gone, no one will know of my disgrace.” “Think of the baby.” “Oh I am. The bastard is exactly the reason I am doing this.”

“I’ll disappear! I’ll take our baby and leave and no one will know!”

“But I will.”

He made sure the cement around her ankles, wrists and thighs were stable. They were exactly the things that would make this easy.

“But you’re going to kill me.” “And then I can forget about you.” “Please…” Her eyes were wet with unshed tears, though her cheeks were already stained with earlier tears. “Please…”

He sighed almost dramatically and then pulled her to him but her feet didn’t leave the edge. He kissed her cheek and then whispered into her ear. “You’re only good for one thing.” He pushed her over the edge.

“No!” She screamed, her hand extended out like she could still catch onto him, even as she fell further and further.

Eska came awake all of a sudden, shivering like she had just been dropped in ice cold water, and yet she was covered with sweat.

Sitting up, she pressed a hand to her head and looked over. Phillip was now asleep.

She got out of his bed and walked out of the bedroom to the bathroom. She splashed cold water into her face, slid her hands around her neck around the back of it before coming back to her face again.

Looking into the mirror, she gasped and stepped back, seeing the image and reflection of a drowned woman.

“Help me.” Her speech was garbled, water dribbling out of her mouth.

“No...please…” Eska stepped back again, holding her hands out.

The woman peeled herself out of the mirror and floated toward Eska, sucking her way into her. The impact was gentle but the force shot her back against the door and she slid down, her eyes shooting open.

“You can’t be rid of me. Not until you finish what we started.”  She hissed.

“I don’t want to help. I nearly died last time.” “That’s the point. You have to die to understand. And you already did. So now you know…” “Know what?”

“The understanding. What it feels like. And now you know how it felt for me.” “Who are you?”

“The girl who died on that bridge...Or well...beneath it, if you would.”

“What do you want from me?”

“Your help. I want peace.”

“So find it.” “I can’t! Distress…”

“Eska? You alright in there?”

Shaking her head of the cloudiness and the voice, Eska stood up and opened the door. She placed her fingers to her temple and looked to Phillip.

“Hey...you okay?”

She could only hear the screeching. And then it finally stopped, but there was an eerie something in the background of her mind.

“Do you hear that?”

He listened, but heard nothing. “What?”

Looking up at him, she dropped her fingers from her temple to her side and shook her head. “Nothing. I’m fine.” She nodded her head. “Can you take me home?”

“Yeah, of course. Come on.”

Eska took a look back at the mirror and she slowly smiled, slightly waving her fingers at her new reflection. At her new friend.