#tweek and craig disappointed parents core

[corporatefrog]

╭₊˚ ๑︰Caught Red Handed๑ ꒱

✧.* featuring: yn's new vigilante hobby being discovered by her roomamtes, Tweek and Craig ✧.* tags: college au, comedy, established relationship (tweek x craig) ✧.* Characters: tweek tweek, craig tucker

masterlist

Darkness blanketed the street. Streetlamps cut through the thick black with knives of yellow light, carving out oases of gold in the stretches of nothingness. These oases stood as protection against the monsters which lurked in the shadows between. But the nothingness is where I thrived. 

I sprinted down the street, curving my body around the light to remain concealed in shadow. Glancing down at my watch, I cursed at the time. 1:39. I had planned to return home by midnight but two Raisins girls were being harassed on their way home by a pushy customer. I’d stepped in and escorted them home which would’ve been the normal night routine. However, they lived on the other side of town and traversing South Park was a lot more difficult when you only walked the alleys and dark corners. 

Not that I regretted helping those girls. I started doing vigilante work because someone needed to stand up for the people of South Park. After Mysterion disappeared a few weeks ago, that role stood to be filled. 

I hadn’t told anyone about this nighttime hobby, not wanting to hear the typical excuses of people being worried I’d hurt myself or how dangerous South Park can be. Of course I knew how dangerous it was! That’s why I’d started patrolling the streets each night and making sure the consistent trouble makers knew this wasn’t their playground anymore. 

Upon reaching my house, I slipped the spare key from under the doormat and quietly pushed my way inside. The house mirrored the darkness of the outdoors. Faint streetlight poured through the windows, illuminating the beginning of the staircase and the small table sat beside it but not much more. 

Pictures on the small table were barely visible in the low light. Images of me sitting with my roommates in the empty living room with half eaten pizza on the ground as we celebrated moving in together and my two roommates on various dates covered the table. Our own personal alter to each other and the time we’ve spent together. 

The house was dead silent save for the sound of me closing the door. The benefit of coming back so late did mean that my roommates were usually asleep. Letting out a sigh of relief, I began to make my way towards the stairs. 

Home safe. Time to relax. I thought, imagining the comfort of my bed with a smile. 

My dreams were cut off as a light turned on in the living room. I spun towards the source, fists automatically coming up to defend against the unknown attacker. However, no attack came. I lowered my fists to see my two roommates staring at me from across the room. In an armchair sat Tweek, hands gripping his knees with such an intensity that his knuckles turned white. His face was set in a serious expression which threw me off much more than a frown coming from the perpetual pessimist. 

Behind the chair stood Craig, the one person who I really didn’t want to find out about my new hobby. Sure, Tweek would freak out and assume I’d be crushed by a falling piano whenever I left the house but that was just Tweek being himself. He was prone to think the worst. Craig, on the other hand, looked at you with such an intense judgment that you felt your guts twisting into knots just waiting for him to voice whatever criticism was cooking in his brain.

“Where were you.” Craig said, not moving from his position behind the chair. 

“I- uh…” I pursed my lips, searching my brain for the best excuse to explain why I was home so late while wearing an elaborate costume, “I was at Stans playing DnD. Tonight was dress like your character night, which is why I, ya know…” I gestured to my outfit, not trusting my words to pull me out of this very incriminating hole. 

Craig bit back instantly, “Stan doesn’t have DnD nights on Thursdays. He plays Katan on Thursdays with Kyle and Tolkien every week.” 

Fuck.

“I knew it! You’re trying to be Mysterion!” Tweek shouted, pointing a finger towards me, “I knew you were running around acting like some superhero when we’ve told you how dangerous it is! You literally watched Mysterion get wacked through the air by Slenderman and you’re STILL doing this?!” He began to ramble, hands threading through his hair and tugging at the strands with each exclamation, “You don’t even know how bad it gets around here! There is shit out there you haven’t even seen! Do you even know what BearPigMan- PigBearMan- AH I CAN’T EVEN REMEMBER HOW TERRIBLE IT IS-”

“NUH UH!” I shouted back, balling my hands into fists at my side, “I know exactly what ManBearPig is, Tweek! Stan told me all about it!” 

“Stan literally doesn’t know ANYTHING! He’s the reason most of the shit in this town happens!” Tweek’s legs began to jolt with his works, small twitches turning into full body movements as he grew more worked up, “Because then you’re caught up in all the stupid things he does with Kyle, Kenny, and Cartman and whenever you’re around Cartman bad things ALWAYS follow. Do you know what he did to Butters when they were 10-”

Craig placed a hand on his shoulder, cutting off the rant, “I’ve got this, Tweek.”

I braced myself for his glare but Craig’s gaze still knocked me back, his entire being radiating disappointment. It felt like I’d just been caught sneaking back from a party by my parents, a feeling I never thought I’d relive as an adult living with two other adults who were the same age as me. 

“I don’t even have to tell you how stupid this all is.” He said, crossing his arms over his chest. I rolled my eyes, mirroring the crossed arms with my own. If he wants to play, I’ll play. I’m not planning to give up my vigilantism anytime soon and he’s going to learn that the hard way. 

“Okay, but have you considered that you’re not the boss of me?” I asked, tone daring Craig to step fully into the disappointed dad role he was teetering on the edge of. 

“Bro, you’re fucking 20 years old and you just said ‘You’re not the boss of me’.” Craig leveled his gaze, apparently not amused by my nonchalance about the situation. 

“Yeah, well…” I searched my mind for a comeback. I’ve always been terrible at snapping back at Craig’s remarks. His blank face and monotone voice threw me off everytime we argued. 

I ran through my options in my head. I could stay and talk things through with my roommates, trying to make them understand that I’m an adult too and not the figurative child of their relationship. Granted, calling them my parents everytime we go to a party probably doesn’t help that image. 

It was one time and it was a joke.

It was MULTIPLE times and I bought them starbucks the next day with “Dad #1” and “Dad #2” written on the cups. 

Okay but they’re my emotional support couple. They remind me love is real.

That’s true. I kind of dug this hole for myself. 

Deciding on option 2, I turned away from my roommates and began to stomp my way up the stairs instead of playing into their trap of a conversation. 

“YOU CAN’T JUST IGNORE US!” Tweek shouted from the living room. 

“WATCH ME!” I shouted back, running into my bedroom and slamming the door behind me. Leaning my back against the door, I let out a sigh. My alarm clock lit up the dark room with red leds reading 2:20 am. Exhaustion overweighed the urge to open the door and face Craig’s disappointment or Tweek’s worry. 

Slumping my way through the room, I fell onto my bed and curled up in the first blanket I could grab. I’ll just have to deal with it tomorrow after we’ve all gotten some rest. 

Breakfast was going to be awkward.