#twchildabusemention

[honeyjars-sims]

2.28 Stay With Me

Lexie: What happened?

Chantal: We were at my mom’s house and Jimmy just walked in. He tried to talk to Johnny but Destiny and I weren’t about to let that happen.

Cece: That son of a bitch!

Lexie: Oh my God. Is he ok?

Chantal: Mostly. He’s been sleeping, but he asked for you a couple of times.

[Lexie gets into Johnny's bed and gently shakes him awake]

Lexie: Johnny?

Johnny: Lexie! You’re here!

Lexie: What do you need?

Johnny: Please just hold me.

[Lexie wraps her arms around him]

Johnny: I just thought I was doing better and then I saw him, and I just…

Lexie: It’s ok to feel afraid after what you’ve been through. It doesn’t mean you haven’t made any progress.

Johnny: I guess. Standing there I felt just the same as I did when I was a kid. I felt so small and vulnerable. I wish I would’ve hit him or yelled at him or something. Anything other than running away like a coward.

Lexie: Hitting him wouldn’t have made you feel better, even if he deserves it. And you’re not a coward. He is. Otherwise he wouldn’t have targeted a little boy who couldn’t fight back.

Johnny: Well, I’m not a little boy anymore. I’m a man. Or at least I’m supposed to be.

Lexie: You’re more of a man than he’ll ever be. You have the biggest heart, Johnny. You do so much to make other people feel loved. You’re so understanding and empathetic…he’ll never know how it feels to love like you do. 

Johnny: I guess. Lexie?

Lexie: Yeah?

Johnny: Please just stay with me, ok? Don’t leave me.

Lexie: I won’t. I’ll stay right here.

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[honeyjars-sims]

2.7 Opening Up

Lexie: It’s too bad we got assigned to set design for the first production, but at least we’ll be able to hang out together. 

Johnny: Yeah, it looks like most of the acting roles went to the juniors and seniors. Maybe next year we’ll have better luck.

Lexie: Well, the semester’s just getting started. Who knows what will happen. We could impress them with our sick acting skills and get the leads next time. 

Johnny: [laughing] I support your delusional optimism! Oh, I almost forgot…my mom wanted me to tell you hi and that she enjoyed meeting you.

Lexie: Hmm, that’s nice of her. I guess let her know I said hi as well.

Johnny: [teasingly] You’re not going to say it was nice to meet her too?

Lexie: No comment.

Johnny: I don’t blame you! Honestly, it went better than I was expecting.

Lexie: Really? That's kind of sad.

Johnny: Yeah, unfortunately, that was just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to my mom. 

Lexie: Well, it really bothered me how she was speaking about you. I kept trying to change the subject, but she’d always end up making some snarky little comment. 

Johnny: I’m used to it, I guess. The thing is, if I’d called her out she’d say I was overreacting. In the past, I would’ve believed her, but now…not so much.

Lexie: Good, because she’s wrong about you. I can’t imagine how it affected you to hear that as a child, or even now.

Johnny: [sighs] I wish I could say that was the worst thing I had to deal with as a kid, but it wasn’t by a long shot. If you don’t mind, I think I’m ready to talk to you about it.

Lexie: Of course. You can tell me anything. Let's go somewhere more private.

TW: The dialogue below includes discussion of child abuse and drug abuse (not graphic but please use your own discretion if this topic is triggering to you).

Johnny: It wasn’t just my mom who treated me badly. It was also her husband, Jimmy. I refuse to call him my stepdad because he wasn’t any kind of parent to me. He was way worse, though. With my mom it’s this kind of passive aggressive backhanded shit, but Jimmy? He was full-on aggressive. Not just with his words, either. 

Lexie: Oh my God, he hurt you? Johnny, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know it was that bad.

Johnny: Yeah, it was pretty awful. I started having nightmares and I was anxious all the time. I tried to talk to my mom about it, but I was too scared to tell her what was really going on so she thought I was just being dramatic. 

Lexie: Geez, I can’t imagine my parents just brushing me off like that. You must have been terrified.

Johnny: I was. It only got worse when my mom started doing drugs. By that time I was old enough to start fighting back and all the blame fell on me. Jimmy almost convinced mom to send me to military school but then my dads got custody of me and Chantal.

Lexie: Thank God for your dads! 

Johnny: For real, I’m so grateful for them. It’s weird, though…whenever a kid gets away from their abusive family, everyone expects them to be happy about it. No one ever talks about all the mixed emotions. I knew I was better off with my dads, but I still thought about the good times I had with my mom. It was hard to leave her.

Lexie: I think I understand more why you’re still trying to work things out with her. It sounds like the whole situation was really traumatic for you.

Johnny: Yeah, even when I wasn’t talking to her I always had this feeling of “what if?” Like maybe there is a way to fix everything and make it go away.

Lexie: Some things can’t be fixed, no matter how hard you try. I don’t know if your relationship with your mom is one of them, but I hope you’ll recognize when it’s time to let go if it comes to that.

Johnny: I think I will. I’m going to give it more time, but I’m starting to feel like…like I deserve better. I didn’t feel that way before.

Lexie: You deserve so much better, Johnny. You’re so much more than what your mom sees you as. And Jimmy. He better hope I never see him ‘cause I’ll kick him right in the balls!

Johnny: [laughing] Lexie! I’ve never heard you so angry before. I can’t see you doing something like that, you’re too sweet.

Lexie: I’d do it to him! And I’d enjoy watching him suffer. Oh, sorry, I probably shouldn’t be so violent about it. It just really got me worked up. 

Johnny: It’s ok. You’re cute when you’re protective.

Lexie: Well, consider me your bodyguard, then.

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[honeyjars-sims]

1.31 Reunion

Johnny: This is a pretty nice place.

Bonnie: Yep, it’s just the right size for me and Trinity. Close to everything and the rent’s not too bad. It’s nice not having a big house to keep up, but it does feel a bit lonely sometimes with just the two of us.

Johnny: I guess it’s the same with me and Chantal. Going from 5 people in one place to only two is a big difference. The quiet is almost eerie at times.

Johnny: Why are you looking at me like that?

Bonnie: It’s just…you’re a man now. You used to have the chubbiest little cheeks but now your face is all angular.

Johnny: I had to grow up sometime. But if it helps you feel any better, I’m still pretty immature.

Bonnie: [laughs] That does help. It’s already hard for me to believe that Destiny is a mom now. Even Trinity has a little boyfriend. My babies are growing up too fast. So what’s going on with you? Anyone special in your life?

Johnny: Uh, well, I did start seeing someone recently. She’s not really my girlfriend yet but we’ve been spending a lot of time together.

Bonnie: Oh, good! I wasn’t sure if you liked girls because of…well, you know.

Johnny: No, I don’t know. What do you mean?

Bonnie: Well, with your father and his whole…situation.

Johnny: You mean him being gay? It’s not contagious.

Bonnie: I just didn’t know. A father is a huge role model for his son. It’s easy to get influenced by certain things.

Johnny: That’s not how it works, Mom. Being gay isn’t a choice. Besides, what if I was? Is that really something you’re concerned about?

Bonnie: No! I don’t know. I guess it was just hard for me not being around and not having a say in how you were raised. I don’t really know your dad, you know. You pretty much shut me out once you started living with him.

Johnny: Well, he’s a great guy, Mom. You know, I think you got so used to selling the lie that Pops was the big villain in your story that you started to believe it. But you know that isn’t true, and I’m not falling for that bullshit. You know who the villain in my story is and how he got there.

Bonnie: I know, Johnny. I’m sorry, I–

Johnny: No, we’re not doing this again. Sorry is just a word. If you want to have a relationship with me again, I need you to realize a few things. First of all, I’m not listening to any criticism from you about Pops or Dad. They saved my life, which they wouldn’t have had to do if you hadn’t kept me from them for so long.

And second, I need you to own up to the fact that your ex-husband abused me, and that you didn’t believe me when I tried to talk to you about it. And I need you to do that without making excuses.

I don’t give a fuck if you were too high to know what was going on, or if Jimmy told you I was out of control and needed discipline or whatever. The bottom line is I was being hurt and you didn’t help me. So if you can do those two things for me, I might be willing to forgive you down the road. But if you can’t, I’m done. Full stop.

Bonnie: I can do that. I won’t say anything about your father again. You’re right, I was supposed to protect you and I didn’t. That’s on me. 

Johnny: Okay. That’s a start. But this is going to take some time. I need you to understand that.

Bonnie: I do. I’m going to do better by you, baby. I promise.

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[honeyjars-sims]

1.1 Every Single Night's a Fight

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Monster image by kjpargeter on Freepik

Transcript below:

[In a dream sequence, child Johnny is shown in his childhood bedroom along with Bonnie]

Bonnie: Alright Johnny, it's time for bed. Let me tuck you in. Johnny: But Mom, I'm scared.

Bonnie: What are you scared of, baby? Johnny: There's a monster under my bed.

Bonnie: Monsters aren't real! You're imagination is just getting away with you. Johnny: But I saw it with my own two eyes!

Bonnie: No, you didn't! You're just causing trouble again. Here, look.

[Bonnie gestures to under the bed. There is a monster crawling out.] Bonnie: See, there's nothing there. Now quit whining and go to bed already. Monster: [laughs] No one will ever believe you!

[Adult Johnny wakes up]

Johnny: [mumbling] Not his again...

[Johnny is shown in his therapist Khadija's office]

Khadija: So your new medication isn't helping with your sleep issues then.

Johnny: Nope. And it's always the same dream. But my mom being there is pretty new. Everytime I have the dream, she gets meaner.

Khadija: Well, I'm not normally one to believe in dream interpretation, but I'm noticing some parallels here. What do you think?

Johnny: I mean, it's pretty much on the nose. I guess the monster is supposed to be Jimmy or something. And Mom not believing me when I tell her I'm in danger is basically how it went down in real life.

Khadija: It seems like your anxiety manifests in your dreams a lot. How are you feeling about your Mom reaching out to you more lately?

Johnny: Not great. I guess I understand her wanting to make amends or whatever but it's not like she can change the past. The reality is she was too strung out to notice her husband was beating me. Or she knew but didn't care.

Khadija: What I'm hearing is that neither of those possibilities are easily forgivable to you.

Johnny: Yeah, basically. Saying "I'm sorry" over and over doesn't really mean that much to me. But I think it will be good to get out of Evergreen Harbor and focus on college.

Khadija: I think so, too.

You know, I'm glad that you're starting to open up to me a little more. I know it was a long journey for you to get to that place with your child psychologist.

Johnny: Yeah, I basically sat in silence during every session for a whole year.

Khadija: I'm glad you found your voice.

[honeyjars-sims]

1.17 Forgiveness

[Bonnie is working at the diner when she hears a familiar voice call her name]

Jimmy: Bonnie!

Jimmy: I'm sorry for showing up here unannounced. I know I'm not your favorite person right now.

Bonnie: That's an understatement. You hurt my kid, and I will never forget that!

Jimmy: Look, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I know it's no excuse, but I had a bad upbringing myself and I was directing all of that anger at an innocent child who didn't deserve it. I will spend the rest of my life making up for that if I have to.

Bonnie: And you'll still be making up for it when you're in hell!

Jimmy: I'm not worried about my salvation, Bonnie. God has absolved me of my sins.

Bonnie: God? What, are you religious now?

Jimmy: Yes, I am. My cellmate taught me about how we can all be forgiven. I'm a changed man, Bonnie, I swear it. I don't ever want to go back to the way I was before.

Bonnie: I'll believe it when I see it. Is that why you wanted to meet me? To rope me into your religion?

Jimmy: Well, it'd be wonderful if you repented as well, but that's not why I'm here. I just wanted to say you don't have to worry about me being around Trinity. I swear I never laid a finger on her and I never will.

Bonnie: Too bad you can't say the same about Johnny.

Jimmy: I know, and I'll never forgive myself for that. I really want to apologize to him for all the hurt I put him through.

Bonnie: Not a chance! You will never see him again if I have anything to do with it. He wouldn't forgive you anyway, he won't even talk to me.

Jimmy: I can't blame him for that. I just want to make this all right.

Bonnie: It's never going to be all right, Jimmy. You ruined my life! Now get the fuck out of here before I end up in prison myself!

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[honeyjars-sims]

1.2 Olive Branches

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Transcript below:

Bonnie: Who's grandma's baby? Yes, it's you!

[Darien giggles]

Destiny: Looks like he likes you!

Bonnie: He knows his grandma's gonna spoil him rotten. Yes, he does!

Trinity: Ugh, babies drool too much. It's so gross.

Destiny: Hey, you drooled a lot when you were his age. I think you're a bit jealous that you're not the baby in the family anymore.

Trinity: Like I would be jealous of a stupid baby.

Bonnie: She's totally jealous. It's been just me and her for a few years now so she doesn't like someone else getting attention. At least one of my kids likes me, I guess.

Destiny: Don't be like that, Mom. I'm extending my olive branch, and you know Chantal doesn't hold grudges.

Bonnie: Yeah, I guess you're right. It's just that brother of yours. [sighs] I don't know what else I gotta do. I kicked Jimmy out, I got clean, I've apologized over and over again. I don't know what else he wants.

Destiny: Well, that one's going to take a little more time. He doesn't think he can trust you after everything. I've been afraid to ask all these years, but you didn't know Jimmy was hitting him, right?

Bonnie: Of course I didn't know! Christ, Destiny, I wouldn't have let my husband beat my child for fuck's sake.

Destiny: I know, but how did you not notice? You seemed a little quick to believe that Johnny was the aggressor. Surely you realized Jimmy didn't need to defend himself against a 13-year-old.

Bonnie: I know it doesn't make sense, Destiny. I don't know what I was thinking. I was strung out, Johnny was out of control, and Jimmy seemed so sincere when he denied it. I can admit to being in denial, but I didn't know, Destiny. And I feel guilty as hell that I didn't look at things closer.

Destiny: Well, I didn't either. I just ran off with Tyler after graduation and left them there. I always wondered why he didn't tell me, but I guess I broke his trust by dipping out like that. That's why I've kept my distance from everyone. I didn't want to face that I played a part in all this.

Bonnie: Well, I guess I can't blame you for leaving. You wouldn't have all this if you stayed in Grimm's Quarry. You're a nurse, a wife, and now a mother. I'm proud of you.

Destiny: I just wish things had turned out different. Our family is so broken. Now that Darien is here, I want him to have a relationship with the whole family.

Bonnie: I want that, too. And I'm not gonna give up on trying to fix this.