#tw referenced absue

[proudfreakmetarusonikku]

another poem! this one from the point of view of c!tommy praying. tws for religious themes, self loathing, self victim blaming, and referenced abuse and dehumanisation.

dear god, any god out there, i pray

to all that may harm me, keep them at bay

i know it’s a lot to ask, man, i got a list

got a lot of people pissed, but i want to exist

not forever- fuck no, i'd never ask for that

and, look, enough chat, i know I’m a brat,

i get that, but i'm scared. there, i said it.

it's a bit hard to admit it, to submit

to the idea that you're just a kid

way in over your head, and i know what i did

was wrong, i'm sorry, i’m sorry, don't forgive me

i don’t deserve it, oh, it would be

a fucking crime to forgive me, i got what's deserved

if anything, it was reserved what i was served

but i don't want bruises staining my skin and my brain

it's selfish, i know, man, but i don't want more pain

i'm a big man- i can take it, if you don’t waste your time

on a sad stupid little sinner with a long list of crimes

but i'll be good- i promise, really- if you answer my plea

I’d have been so much better if they ever listened to me

but see, god, if you're listening, you really must care!

and maybe, just maybe, you'll answer my prayer

if you're there, i swear, I’ll do anything for you

just keep Him away, one more day, i'll start anew

just Him, i promise, i can deal with the rest

i've been a pest long enough, I’m not second best

and, yeah, man, i want to exist but i'd rather drop dead

than exist as a puppet, punching bag, toy, all that’s ahead

an eternity worse than hell could ever be, ever was

i mean, i know hell, i've been in its jaws

i'd take that void over Him, but I’d rather survive

no, live, do more than just stay alive

if i may, god, could i make one other request?

it's fucking stupid, i know, but i digress

i'd like a nice day- or night, i don't mind

on the bench, music playing, my friends by my side

i miss those days of peace, i'd like to see them again

i'm rambling, aren’t I? anyway, man, amen