#tw for uhh. suicidal thoughts ig?

[genshin-impact-updates]

Character Teaser - "Wanderer: Ashes" | Genshin Impact

When we place our hopes in something that does not belong to us, we doom ourselves to despair.

But if despair does not lead to destruction, something new will rise from the ashes.

[nardaviel]

tw suicide in family, transphobia, cops i guess

my brother just called to tell me that our cousin, who we havent seen in almost 20 years, has killed himself. i didnt even think i felt any emotional attachment to this guy, thats how distant we are from his family, but uhh turns out i was wrong i guess

he was out of contact with his family too, except for his sister. probably because of his mother? the one bright spot in this is that her child committed suicide and shell live with that pain forever. if i had to choose one person in the world for that to happen to, theres a strong chance id have chosen her, if not for the fact that those kids would then. be my cousins. my aunt hasnt spoken to my immediate family in almost 20 years, ever since she learned that my brother was a lesbian (he is not, but that was his egg understanding of the situation) and that my mom was fine with that. this is after my mom went out of her way and endured a lot on this aunts behalf when my uncle wanted to marry her. its just the hatred for my brother (and me ig but idk if she even knows im not straight) and the pure fucking ingratitude towards my mother. she didnt even come to my mothers funeral. i loathe her. (then she saw on facebook that actually my brother was trans and she sent dad some weird transphobic stuff for a bit but i think shes back to ignoring us)

but my point is, at the same get-together where my aunt would end up cutting contact with our family, my cousins were telling me and my brother "yeah our mom is weird abt gay stuff, we dont actually care"

and my other cousin, this guys younger sister, worked for some progressive campaign at one point iirc? so i feel like they both thought she was nuts

anyway the actual point is. my uncle, my mothers brother who is not Like That and who still talks to us, could only guess at what happened bc my cousin had largely cut contact. but he had a pretty good guess i think

so my cousin was in the police force, which i forgot about. but he quit a couple of years ago, apparently, and developed drug and alcohol problems. and then he killed himself. and like... i remember him, vaguely, and i know all this stuff about how he reacted to his mother and to being on the force

so all i can think is, he was a cop who wasnt a bastard. and because he wasnt a bastard, being in the force, however briefly, destroyed him. he was a lil white kid from a conservative family who didnt really understand what the cops were like and wanted to do good, probably. and then he got in and he was like "jesus fuck what is this." so he quit, but hed already seen too much and maybe done too much, maybe he had PTSD, and he couldnt cope

he was not old. i dont remember his age for sure but i do know he will have quit the force in his twenties, and i know he went to college. so he wasnt in there for long. i just

this kid, this child. one of five(!) of my dead mothers remaining blood relatives, because my brother and i were adopted. we watched tv together and played together when we were kids. he was a middle-class white guy, he played football in high school, etc, but he wasnt like. fundamentally evil. he was just privileged. he saw through some of his mothers shit even as a teenager. but he didnt see through enough, so he bought into the lie that cops are protectors, and he only found out too late that oh boy is that not true. he quit the force but he couldnt escape it, his time there obviously followed him and haunted him. and now hes fucking dead. that was my cousin and now hes dead and he did it to himself

[lapseinrecs]

If the World Comes Crashing Down (Hold on to me)

By StupidGenius @littleredtheboy

On Archive of Our Own

Status: Complete; Oneshot; 2,188 words; 1st part of Hang Onto Your Hopes, my Friend series

Summary: Klaus, for all his faults, tries his hardest to be good, and kind. He’s a goofball and sometimes he’s impossible to be around, but he cares about his family and tries his best to be there for you when you need it. He never judged Diego for his stutter, or the rare times he caught him crying alone in his room. No one in this shitty mismatched family worries him like Klaus does.---Diego worries about his brother. He's right to.

My thoughts: TW for suicide attempt. Uhh there’s something deeply wrong about threatening to commit suicide to stop someone from attempting to commit suicide but that’s the Hargreaves neurosis ig. Vanya is referred to as Vanya bc this is before both Viktor canonically came out and it’s in Diego’s POV and before Eliot Page came out, so no one knew Viktor was Viktor.

[bisexualjohnseed]

OC Profile

I was tagged by @yeetslovescheese to do this OC profile thing! Thank you <3

ANYWAYS! I am tagging literally anybody who wants to do this and uhh... the rest is under the cut! Enjoy ig!

GENERAL

name: Gabriel Evans

alias(es): Gabe, the various nicknames for the deputy (Deputy, Dep, Rook, etc.)

gender: Male

age: 31 

birthdate: November 23rd

place of birth: Hope County, born and raised

spoken languages: English

sexual preference: Men

occupation: Junior Deputy

APPEARANCE

eye color: Black

hair color: Dark brown

height: 5'10-ish? Maybe?

scars: Gabe has a scar on his right arm from breaking it when he was younger, among many smaller scars on his arms and hands from various other things.

There’s also the markings John gave him (do those count as scars?). Wrath across the chest, lust down his ~happy trail~, and sloth down his right arm.

FAVOURITES

color: olive greens and orange

hair color: He doesn’t have much of a preference, but I don’t think Gabe’s very fond of blondes

eye color: Again, no real preference

song: Can’t think of a specific song, but he likes classic rock. I think 1940s-60s crooning type music is a guilty pleasure.

food: Some kind of soup with cornbread

non-alcoholic drink: He’s not picky

alcoholic drink: Beer, a simple choice

HAVE THEY..

passed university: Nope! Never even attended. Gabe grew up wayyy too poor for college to be an option- not that he was interested in it anyways.

had sex: Yes

had sex in public: No <3

kissed a boy: Yep!

kissed a girl: No

gotten tattoos: Gabe has sooo many tattoos. He was literally an aspiring tattoo artist before he joined the sheriffs department. His favorite tattoo is a pill bottle done on the side of his right wrist.

 Other than that, he has various other tattoos covering his arms, a couple done by John (pre-reaping), a couple done by old friends, but most of them done by Gabe himself. John probably also did a tattoo of a deer skull on Gabe’s ribs. 

gotten piercings: Yup! Gabe’s also super into piercings. He has his ears stretched out some, he has a helix piercing, among a couple other ear piercings he’s done on himself over the years. I think he used to have more, maybe an eyebrow piercing and a septum piercing, but they’ve since closed up.

been in love: Unfortunately

stayed up for more than 24 hours: Too many times.

ARE THEY…

a virgin: Nope

a cuddler: He likes some cuddling, but he also gets uncomfortable really quick- unless he’s tired, then it’s free game.

a kisser: Yep

scared easily: Not... really??? I think Jacob scared him, I think Faith scared him sometimes. 

jealous easily: It depends, but once Gabe’s jealous he becomes very angry and volatile. Not the best at dealing with that emotion.

trustworthy: Absolutely. Even when a secret is painful for him to keep, Gabe will stay quiet about it until he no longer possibly can.

in love: Not currently, no

single: YEP! And for some time.

RANDOM QUESTIONS (tw for self harm/suicide mention)

have they harmed themselves: Probably, but he never made it a habit.

have they thought about suicide: Yes

have they attempted suicide: No

wanted to kill someone: Not really? Like, he has, but he didn’t particularly enjoy himself. I think the only person Gabe really felt good killing was Jacob and even then, it was very bittersweet for him. He didn’t WANT to, he had to.

have/had a job: Gabe’s had various odd jobs. He worked at the packing plant for some time, he probably helped out at a couple tackle shops, and then of course the sheriffs department. I also think he’s done some (technically illegal) body mod work as well.

have any fear(s): As I said, not a lot scares him. I don’t think he’s a big fan of driving in the mountains at night, maybe he finds spiders creepy... 🤷

FAMILY

siblings: A younger sister named Winona. She was younger than him by seven years. She died at 19 from an overdose.

parents: Both Gabe’s mother and his father are still in his life, though he stopped keeping in regular contact with them after his sisters death. It’s not that they don’t love him anymore or he doesn’t love them- it’s just that a lot of guilt surrounding Winona’s death made him feel like there was some kind of divide between them.

children: Absolutely not

significant other: He’s had a few boyfriends over the years, one of whom being a certain Eden’s Gate baptist 😒

pets: He probably had a childhood dog, but other than that he never really had time for pets. Probably really wanted another dog though, so when Boomer stuck by him it was kind of a dream come true- despite the sad circumstances.