#turns out they wont put you under if its only one tooth so weve got to find a place that will | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

irl-ichi · 6 years ago

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oh my god can i go one day without being anxious at work

the onlyreason its happening is bc this is the only time im not constantly keeping my brain distracted so im thinking about Everything and i hate it im supposed to be comfortable here now

#ichi mumbles #with the surgeries...#turns out they wont put you under if its only one tooth so weve got to find a place that will #my mom said the panic attack thing should be in my patient notes so maybe theyll understand?#ugh #and then with the Embarrassing Surgery mom said it wont be a walk in kind of deal like my cyst was #i would have to go in several times. have them Look at me several times #i cant do that ill just suffer i guess #and then this little family appointment thing with my therapist #dad said he wanted to try it so she can mediate and keep things from turning into a blame game #which is what i keep trying to do but mom gets really defensive quick and that turns into anger #even tho i keep telling her i dont blame her..#we talked about it in my last private appointment bc idrk what i want or why i cant let it go #even tho my mom and i have a pretty good relationship now and i wanna keep it good #doc says it sounds like im just looking for acknowlegement that that stuff hurt me #since i said i dont blame her and i understand anyone would get frustrated and give up in that situation #and that i know i cant change the past and stuff #that since mom gets so defensive its an immediate shut down of my emotions and denial of my experiences #she said it doesnt have to make sense to me bc psychologically it does #and no matter what i do i wont be able to ignore it my brain needs resolution #and since my mom hasnt met my therapist yet and thinks i just go there to talk bad about her the whole time #im worried shell feel attacked or something..

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