#tumblr totally cooked the quality on this one but i feel like it adds to it a bit so. i accept it begrudgingly

[nessea]

"it makes them get an… um… musical sense and, uh, gets to the point of the… fast progress."

[winter-fox-queen]

Pedro’s boys road tripping head canons.

I kept trying to add that lovely camping picture of Frankie by put my internet connection is “turbulent” — so forgive me for not making it pretty, lol.

I am dying to get back out on the road but *gestures wildly* Pandemic. So I wondered what our boys would be like on a road trip:

Oberyn: Would be completely fine as long as the road trip was centered on the senses -- a foodie trip, perhaps, with beautiful accommodations. I am not a wine drinker but I know there are some incredible “wine trails” that run through some lovely scenery. He’d want the prettiest accomodations with exquisite views and comfortable beds with soft sheets.

Javier: Would totally be a bit grumpy about it -- the man does not know how to relax. But after you were both on the road he’d get into it, especially when he saw how much you loved the change of pace. He would be fine camping, I think. Also fine with the late night slog to a motel so you have more time to explore the area the next day. But I think he would like being somewhere quiet, where he can stare at the campfire with you snuggled up against him, and just be for a bit.

Ezra: Oh, little bird. Haven’t you travelled enough? But, because he loves to make you happy, he’d be completely about a trip to someplace where you could do more of a staycation, perhaps a city vacation where he could mooch around and look at things...museums, places where books congregate. His eyes would light up when you found an old bookstore hidden in some corner. He’d pet the books longingly and finally pick one, holding it against his heart while he keeps browsing. He pretty much has had enough of nature, though. He would not care where you slept, as long as he could have you against him while he reads out loud from his newest treasure.

Whiskey: At first, I was thinking he’d do cities, too, because we know our Jack is about the finer things in life. But then I realized...travelling to cities, all the more urban stuff is really a part of his job. I think a roadtrip with him would involve things he really likes but rarely has time for -- glamping at a ranch, finding a place where he can ride horses with you on a beach, being completely detached from his Statesman life so he can just be himself, and experiencing things with you. He would not normally camp...he’d want places where they have the fancy “glamping” experience...but if camping was the only way to do something you wanted to do, he’d be all for it. His favorite memory will be the star party he took you to at the Grand Canyon, where people gathered with their telescopes set to different places in the sky. Your quiet happiness at being able to see Saturn’s rings made the long, long hours behind the wheel worth it.

Frankie: A camping vacation all the way! He’d be all for going from National Park to National Park, and since he’s a vet he and a friend can get in for free, making it fairly cheap. (This is actually true, there are also NPS passes for people over 65, you buy it once, and you are set for life.) He’s super organized so camp set up and tear down goes quickly, and he’s eager to get out on the trail and see things with you. He also has a tender spot in his heart for the tourist trap stuff and will totally stop at places that claim to have the biggest ball of string, or whatever weird road stide attractions you guys run across.

Marcus Moreno: He’d want to hit up spots that were educational for Missy, but also fun -- the road trip would be a combination of National Park/State Park historical sites and fun things like lodges with water parks. Things where you could have a nice long walk during the day, and where Missy might be safely occupied so that the two of you have some romantic time. He is also, by the way, the king of making Smores...when you guys camp, you discover that he is amazing at cooking over a camp fire.

Marcus Pike: He’d create a really balanced road trip between nature (long walks during the day, a cabin with a hot tub at night) and cities where he can take you to see his favorite pieces of art. I also think, at the end of the trip -- because roadtrips are totally a crucible, you learn so much about your travelling partner -- he might start thinking about what places are coming up, where would be the most romantic and beautiful place to ask you if you might like to marry him?

Din Djarin: Like Ezra, he probably feels like he travels enough. He’s want to find a secluded cabin in the woods, maybe one with a hot tub for his aching bones, where no one could find you or the little womp rat. He would just want to be able to take off his helmet and enjoy quality time with the two people he loves more than anything.

Guilty Bonus: I have totally been day dreaming about Pedro and road tripping with him in a Sprinter Van -- they are vans fitted up for camping, smaller than an RV, but you have a nice bed, cooking space, etc. I would love to see the world through his eyes, hear his thoughts about places we saw. Or just chill near the ocean, the back doors of the van open so we could watch the water and lounge around with a good book.

Edit...sorry about the lack of a cut...I can’t find the setting on the iPad version of the Tumblr app. :(

[let-it-raines]

Not Your (soul)Mate {12/16}

Killian Jones doesn’t like the idea of soulmates. He sees how happy his friends are with theirs, but he still doesn’t like the idea, not when he’s found love and lost it time and time again only to still not know his sign. He has no markings on his skin, no voices in his head, but then one day he meets Emma Swan and everything changes. Because, well, he may not have ink on his skin to tell him who to love, but the very first time that he hears Emma’s voice he knows that she’s the one for him. Then again, that could simply be his desire talking. After all, for every word she speaks, he becomes aroused.

It’s not the worst thing in the world to be incredibly attracted to a beautiful woman, but things aren’t that simple when she doesn’t have any interest in being his soulmate.

He’s screwed. And not in the good way.

Rating: Mature

A/N: As always, thanks to @captainsjedi for all of the time and effort she put into making all of the wonderful artwork for this story! It’s the coolest thing to get to have❤️ And thank you to the organizers of @cssns!

Also, look! I add a chapter! You guys now get an epilogue! Woohoo!

Found on AO3: Beginning | Current

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Tag list: @snowbellewells @karenfrommisthaven @skyewardolicitycloisdelena91 @scientificapricot @captswanis4vr @a-faekindagirl @emmas-storybook @searchingwardrobes @spartanguard @ultimiflos @jamif @idristardis @dreameronarooftop15 @nikkiemms @resident-of-storybrooke @tiganasummertree @wellhellotragic @bmbbcs4evr @onceuponaprincessworld @jennjenn615 @mayquita @captainsjedi @teamhook @kmomof4 @ekr032-blog-blog @superchocovian @ultraluckycatnd @cs-forlife @andiirivera @qualitycoffeethings @jonirobinson64 @mariakov81 @xellewoods @thejollyroger-writer @galaxyzxstark @cssns

-/-

Killian: But categorically, you cannot tell me that cold pizza is better than fresh out of the oven pizza.

Emma: Ugh. I’m not saying that. I’m saying that if you get nasty delivery pizza, it’s just as good cold as it is warm.

Emma: If you’re getting wood fired pizza, obviously you eat that shit warm.

Killian: ‘Eat that shit warm’ is not a sentence I ever wanted to read.

Emma: Don’t make it gross.

Killian: It’s too late for that.

Emma: I seriously want Ariel to get a pizza oven in her house because I have to put on a bra to go to Eric’s restaurant.

Killian: I mean, I wouldn’t complain if you didn’t.

Emma: Again, don’t make it gross.

“Are you texting your boyfriend again?”

Emma jumps in her office chair, her phone tumbling out of her hands and onto her desk, bouncing around until it lands on top of her computer’s keyboard, jamming down on several keys all at once like a toddler that just got one of those toys that make too much noise when you press a button. That’s not going to mess the database she was going through up or anything. They finally got the funding to computerize their files, so she spends all of her days doing just that. She’s really regretting putting in that request right about now. She won’t in a few weeks, but she does now.

(At least they didn’t have to make a calendar or do a bake sale. She really doesn’t need to see a picture of David wearing, like, a “Kiss the Cook” apron and nothing else just to raise a little money.)

She also regrets tossing her phone in the air and how quickly her heart is beating. David’s going to see the nerves all over her face, going to see how frazzled she is, and he’ll see right through it. Hell, he pretty much already does. At least he’s a hell of a lot more chill than Mary Margaret.

Not like that’s hard.

(What, like it’s hard? Elle Woods for the win, always.)

Last night she was eating dinner with them at the farmhouse, and for approximately three seconds she looked down at a text on her phone and apparently smiled. She’s sure it was nothing more than a slight curve of her lips, a whisper of happiness, but Mary Margaret practically threw her fork across the table (which is a great way to stab someone in the eye) and demanded to know who she was talking to.

It was Killian. It always seems to be Killian.

She’s not sure how she feels about that even if she’s admitted to herself that she kind of (definitely, really, truly) likes him. It’s a very odd feeling that makes her soul feel like it’s not connected to her body.

She told Mary Margaret that it was Ariel complaining about how much it sucks to be eight months pregnant in the summer heat. The fact that Mary Margaret didn’t call Ariel right then and there and offer up every bit of advice was a miracle. Honestly, looking back, Emma knows that she should have said that she was talking to Ruby about a date that she has. Mary Margaret rarely asks for more details on Ruby’s dates than what Ruby offers up, not that the girl leaves a lot to be desired. It’s one of her best and worst qualities all at once.

But Mary Margaret believed her and got carried away talking about the joys and sorrows of motherhood, and if it weren’t for David, she would have gotten away with her lie unnoticed.

She feels like a freaking Scooby Doo villain thinking something like that.

If only she had a creepy mask to take off too.

Or maybe not. That could be weird. No, definitely weird.

“I don’t have a boyfriend, and you know it,” she says as calmly as she can, reaching forward and grabbing her phone only to look up at David and the smirk that’s plastered on his face with his hands behind his back. “What’s with the creepy look you’ve got going on there?”

“Nothing.”

“You’re a horrible liar.”

“So are you.” He moves his hands from behind his back to reveal a small vase full of yellow roses and whatever that white filler flower is. It’s some weird name like breath of a baby or baby’s breath because that’s totally what a flower should be called. “Because I don’t know about you, but I don’t send baskets of baked goods and flowers to my friends.”

She’s definitely going to kill Killian. The word is in his name, so it’s basically fate.

Murder should not be where her mind goes.

That is probably not the reaction most people have when they’re sent flowers by the man they may possibly have some major feelings for, but she is not most people. She thinks of murder when she should be thinking of...romance? Is that the word she’s looking for? Do these flowers signal romance?

It’s all confusing. Seriously. She has no idea what’s going on. She has no idea if there should be feelings of romance or murder or even friendship.

Okay, friendship seems like the best option. Murder seems like the worst.

“Those probably aren’t for me,” she lies, knowing that it’s a horrible one, especially since David already knows who sent them.

David rolls his eyes before placing them on her desk. “Your name is on the note.”

She glances toward the flowers and at the note, Killian’s handwriting largely penned across the envelope, before she looks up at David, nerves working their way down her arms. Which, technically thinking, that’s how nerves work, but she was never really very good at biology.

“Did you read it?”

“I can be an ass, but I’m not going to read the closed note that your not-boyfriend sent you.” David shrugs his shoulders and sits down in his desk chair, rolling it up underneath the desk. “And I’m not as nosy as my wife.”

“Which is why I can spend so much time with you.”

“You have to spend time with me. Did you notice that we’re missing the hard copies of the files for the Anderson case from two years ago?”

“Yep. I’ve already emailed the records office at City Hall to see if they have anything. I don’t know why it would be there, but it always could be.”

“If this town ever had serious crime, we would be screwed.”

“Hey no, I kick ass. We could totally work that thing out.”

“You’d intimidate everyone until they confessed.”

“I am a very intimidating woman.”

“Who receives flowers from men who are pining after her.”

She huffs, not wanting to even respond to that, but she grabs her empty to-go cup from her coffee this morning and throws it at David, hitting him in the back of the head. He doesn’t even acknowledge it, letting the paper fall to the ground and clatter against the tile floor all while he hums to himself a theme song that she recognizes from one of Leo’s shows…which means she’s heard that theme song far too many times since it’s not her kid.

Seriously.

And Killian Jones is not pining after her. Definitely not.

(David knows far too much, but at least he doesn’t know that Killian is her soulmate.)

They fall back into work after that since they are technically supposed to be competent professionals in a very loose sense of the word, and she tries not to look at the vase of flowers on her desk for the next few hours, telling herself that it’s not a big deal and she absolutely will not read the note until she’s finished getting through this section of files. She will do her job first…whatever it is with Killian can come second.

Surprisingly, working on her computer keeps her busy until her shift is over, and since it’s Friday, she picks up her vase of flowers and holds them in her lap as she drives home, hoping that there’s not pollen or anything to get onto her shirt since she knows from experience that it’s hard to get out. Plus, she really likes this shirt. And it’s not until after she’s changed out of it and into some shorts and a t-shirt that she remembers to check her phone and the note that came with the flowers.

The note with the flowers comes first. Priorities and all that.

Swan,

So I couldn’t decide between sunflowers and yellow roses. And before you get any ideas as to why I’ve sent you flowers (besides the fact that I imagine whoever delivers them to you will tease the hell out of you. I’m hoping for Dave.), just know that Luis and Luca made me buy a voucher booklet from their school, and the one to the floral shop was about to expire. So it was either you or Will, and Will isn’t quite as pretty as you are.

I hope they bring a little extra sunshine to your day.

Killian

She pulls out her phone and sends of a quick text, unable to stop the small smile that’s formed on her face. Unable to want to stop it, really, as she falls back against the couch, her legs hanging over the end.

Emma: I’m glad you used your flower shop voucher on me.

Killian: Yeah, well, like I said, the other option was Will.

Emma: If he comes over tonight, I’ll tell him they’re for him.

Killian: They viewing apartments still?

Emma: Yep.

Emma: I have ‘All By Myself’ playing on repeat.

Killian: That’s very fitting.

Emma: I thought so. Any fun plans for you tonight?

Killian: I am wrapping all of the gifts for tomorrow and then going to sleep early to celebrate the near end of summer and my mildly busy season.

Emma: You are the life of the party.

Killian: Just wait until the baby shower tomorrow. I’m going to crush all of those awful games. No one can change a diaper as fast as I can.

Emma: Is that on your resume?

Killian: Yep. Liam is a bloody stickler of a boss. The skills we have to have here are insane.

Emma: I thought you were co-owners? I don’t think of Killian Jones of ever being anything other than a boss.

Killian: I have that commanding of a presence, do I?

Emma: Well, your ego does demand a lot of the space in the room.

Killian: Luckily for you, I’m happy to share the space so your ego can have a little room to breathe as well.

-/-

When she wakes up the next morning, it’s to the sound of movement in Belle’s bedroom, and she instinctively pulls her pillow over her face. Maybe it’s to cover her ears. Maybe it’s to smother herself over the sounds that she’s hearing in the next room. Who knows? She certainly doesn’t. And as sad as she is to be losing Belle as a roommate whenever she and Will find a place of their own, she is certainly not going to miss the muted sounds of Will’s dirty talk.

Seriously.

A woman can only take so much.

(Belle can apparently take a lot. She keeps asking for more.)

Instead of suffering in silent misery, she gets up out of bed and slips into a pair of sandals, figuring she can go check her mail just to get out of the apartment while Belle and Will finish. She and Killian have mostly been texting over the last few weeks, their conversations going deep into the night and throughout the day, but they’re also still sending letters. It’s a weird thing, she knows, and every internal instinct that she has is telling her to burn the letters and run, but something keeps her from setting it all aflame.

Someone.

She’s lost her mind. She really has. Killian is…he’s Killian. He’s a nice, handsome guy who makes her laugh and causes the bricks weighing down her shoulders to lift one by one until she’s not feeling quite so weighed down anymore. He’s her – they match up well, and she still doesn’t know how to feel about that. She knows how she feels about him, she knows that she likes him, that she enjoys talking to him in the limited way that they can, but then, in the back of her mind that demon comes out and whispers in her ear that he only likes her because they’re soulmates, that the knowledge is tainting their...relationship thing.  

That’s been one of her worst fears ever since she found it.

Because what if she falls in love and he doesn’t? What if they break up? What if it doesn’t work out? What does she do then? What happens if the one person she’s supposed to be with forever doesn’t want to be with her? Is she supposed to then live out the rest of her life as the poor girl who was too broken for even the universe to help out?

The ‘what ifs’ kill her.

Not really. She’s obviously still alive and breathing and all that fun jazz, but they still keep her up at night wondering of all the ways this could go wrong. And she doesn’t really know how any of this can go right. She likes sex. It’s a great time, it feels freaking fantastic, but she and Killian can’t possibly live out the rest of their lives wanting to constantly have sex whenever they have conversations. Logistically, that’s not possible. And, like, she knows it’s better now than the first time they met, than the second time too, but every time she spends an extended amount of time with him, especially when they talk, all she wants to do is grab him by the collar again and kiss him.

Just without the clothes and all.

Definitely without the clothes.

If she could put into words how she’s feeling, she’d write it in one of these damn letters and never mail it simply so that she can maybe understand.

Understanding is never going to happen.

There’s no one at the mailboxes or in the laundry room, so before she even gets her mail, she runs back upstairs and grabs her basket of clothes and detergent, humming to block out the noises still happening, and then walks back to the basement, putting her clothes in the washing machine before getting her mail, taking the one letter that resides there, and propping herself up on the wall of unused machines as she reads.

Emma,

I’m going to blame the rum for this letter. I really am. It’s around two in the morning, the moon high in the sky. We’ve just spent the day together, which was bloody wonderful by the way, and I can’t seem to stop thinking of things. Even as I write, it seems rather foolish to put my thoughts onto paper, but hopefully I won’t think to mail the letter. Or maybe I should. I honestly don’t know. This is all uncharted territory for me, and I seem to be diving in headfirst even if I am wearing a life jacket.

You see, I rather fancy you, Emma (No Middle Name) Swan, and it’s been a long time since I fancied a woman for more than one night or possibly a few weeks. The last time that I did, I had my heart broken so horribly that I retired from the Navy and moved across an ocean. Quite dramatic, don’t you think? I’ve been told that I’m a dramatic ass. That may have been Liam, but it also may have been you. I can’t recall at the moment.

Her name was Milah. She was beautiful, absolutely stunning, and I loved her with what felt like every beat of my heart until her heart was no longer mine to love. We met at a Naval Christmas ball. She was there with her brother, and I’ll never forget the black dress that she was wearing. We danced, and as they say, the rest is history. But as you know, I’m a bit of a history buff, so I like the details. I imagine you might too. I always knew that she wasn’t my soulmate. I didn’t have a sign, but she did, a simple tattoo on her hand. It was something we didn’t talk about in our three years together until one day we came across a man with a matching tattoo. She didn’t leave me, not at first, but as she got to know him, she fell for him. And who was I to keep two soulmates from having each other?

I think that’s what makes it worst of all. There was nothing wrong between us, but she had someone who she belonged with. It wasn’t me.

So you may think you’re the only person with an aversion to soulmates. You’re not. We all have our issues, our baggage, but I’ve found that since spilling that iced water down your dress (you should wear that dress more often by the way) the weight on my shoulders seems to have lessened. I’m…happier, I guess. I have such a wonderful life, but lately, I’ve had more reason to laugh. I think it’s because of a certain blonde with a penchant for mismatching her socks and junk food that no sane person would ever eat so regularly.

But who knows? This could all be the rum speaking.

Love,

Killian

She reads the letter three more times before she truly allows herself to let all of it sink in. It’s been three weeks since Labor Day, three weeks of the two of them going on and continuing to text and write letters – ones other than this one – and yet this one has shown up in her mailbox this morning. Either the US Postal Service really sucks or Killian didn’t send this the night he wrote it. He was likely drunk, at the very least tipsy, but he’s the most well-spoken (written) drunk man she’s ever seen.

And he bared his soul to her.

Because she makes him happy.

She does that.

Her gut feeling is to run, not really sure where she’d run to since this town and these people are her family and she’d never leave them, but she wants to run from her feelings, from the way that her insides unpleasantly twist and the way her heart squeezes. She knows that she feels the same way about Killian, that he makes her happy, but seeing it written out like that, seeing the words in Killian’s handwriting, that’s an entirely different story. And it doesn’t matter that he was drunk. Drunk words are sometimes the most truthful.

How in the world is she supposed to handle any of this?

Does she push it away? Pretend she didn’t get the letter? Does he even know that he sent it? Does he remember writing it? Should she write something back? What the hell would she write back? How would she even do that without having a little liquid courage too?

She can’t get drunk today, not with Ariel’s baby shower, but she really, really wants to.

That’s the thing too. She’s not even sure if she wants to get drunk for herself or because Killian’s letter brought back every feeling of abandonment she’s ever experienced. He was left, just like her yet again, and whether she likes it or not, they do understand each other.

(Of course she likes it, likes being understood.)

Her brain never quite turns off after that, reading the letter over and over again so many times that she might as well have it memorized, and she only knows that she moves because she changes her clothes over into the dryer, cleaning out the lint filter before twisting the knob and listening to it rattle to drown out all of her thoughts.

Goodbye shower. The laundry room is now the place to have an existential crisis.

But she does somehow manage to turn her thoughts off enough to know that she really does need to shower, so while her clothes are drying, she heads back upstairs and takes one, quickly washing her hair and her body, shaving her legs up to her knees since her dress for today only really shows half of her calves. She’s got three hours until Ariel’s baby shower, but she needs something to do, so she tugs on her dress, letting the blue and white striped print hug her body, and takes the time to apply her makeup, going through an actual routine instead of simply slapping some mascara onto her lashes.

Today really must be shaping up to be a day.

“Why are you already dressed?” Belle asks when she walks out of her bedroom, making her jump at the sight of Belle sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal in pajamas that she definitely wasn’t wearing an hour ago. “And why do you look like a deer in the headlights?”

“Oh, I, um…”

She tugs at the waist of her dress, pulling the tie a bit to tighten it as she thinks of a lie. As much as Belle knows about she and Killian, she doesn’t know the half of it. She purposely hasn’t told anyone. She can’t. If everyone thinks that she and Killian are flirting and maybe fucking, that’s fine with her. That’s nothing. But if anyone were to know that they were soulmates, it’d make everything far more complicated. There would be expectations and hopes, and if others have those, how could she not? And why can she not figure her brain out?

But Killian told her he wouldn’t tell anyone, so no one else is going to know.

“I’m doing laundry,” she finally says, knowing that the best lies are routed in truth. “I needed something to pass the time, so I went ahead and got ready. Well, with everything but the mess of my hair.”

Belle’s brows pinch together, but she doesn’t say anything else, scooping her spoon into her bowl before taking another bite. “So Will and I think we found an apartment yesterday.”

“Really?”

“Yeah,” she smiles, nodding her head. “It’s downtown, in that cute little complex across the street from Granny’s with the pink awning. I loved it. I mean, it’s bigger than this place, but it feels very homey. And there’s this built in bookshelf that I think I might love more than I love Will.”

“Oh good. That means I can keep the one here.” Belle rolls her eyes, and Emma walks forward to pull out her chair from the table before sitting down. “I’m so happy that you guys found a place. Like, obviously I’m going to miss you, but after the show I heard this morning, I think we might need a little space.”

Belle doesn’t even blush. All she does is reach into her bowl and pick up a dried strawberry, flicking it at her. “In all fairness, you never wake up that early on a Saturday.”

“I mean, how could I sleep through such a performance? Whatever you’re doing, you’re obviously doing very well.”

“You’re going to share all of this at the wedding, aren’t you?”

“Oh absolutely. And if you put a little tequila in me, I might even act out my own version of the events.”

“I’m pretty sure you’ll get arrested for that.”

“I’m on good terms with cops. Where is your partner in crime, by the way?”

“I left Ariel’s present at his place, and he went ahead and went home to get it and get ready. You want to drive there together?”

“Absolutely.”

-/-

“Why do you look like you’re dying?” Ariel asks, wrapping her arm around Emma’s waist as she stands in Ariel’s kitchen looking at the spread of food out ahead of her, Max wandering around the table in an attempt to get scraps.  

“Because I am. What’s up with the creepy pigs in a blanket snacks that are made to look like babies? Am I supposed to eat those?”

“No, no.” Ariel rubs her hand up and down Emma’s back, and if she wasn’t already thinking about the fact that one of her best friends is having a baby while the other is getting married, she’d definitely be thinking of all of the motherly instincts that Ariel possesses and how she has likely never had those even if she thought that she did at one point. “That’s just a weird thing that Mary Margaret brought. I think she saw it on Pinterest and thought it would be cute, but it’s super creepy.”

“I mean, like, the creepiest. And the deviled eggs are the same way.”

“I’d stick to other foods if I were you.”

“Anything not baby related.”

“Ah, yes, but save room because I believe there’s a game later where we have to eat baby food.”

“Just kill me now.”

“It can’t be that bad.”

She rolls her eyes and leans her head over to Ariel’s shoulder, wrapping her arm around Ariel’s waist knowing that she’s taking up too much time from the guest of honor, but everyone else seems to be just fine milling around the kitchen and living room, most of Ariel’s regular furniture pushed aside to fit in table cloth covered tables with flower centerpieces sitting in the middle of all of them. It’s cute, and she has to admit that Mary Margaret definitely knows how to host a party, weird food choices aside. But it most definitely hasn’t been the worst hour of her life, especially since she knows every single person here. The only real issue was when Killian showed up because she thought that she was going to have to stop talking, which isn’t the easiest thing in the world when she’s with her friends. But he stayed away from her, making sure to speak quietly instead of being his usual commanding presence.

His words, not hers.

And mostly she was thinking about how refreshing it is to have both the father of the baby and male friends at a baby shower. She gets that the woman pretty much does all of the work (she’d like to speak to someone about that because it seems fundamentally unfair), but both Ariel and Eric are having a baby. It’s not simply Ariel’s to raise. It’s Eric’s too. And yet most fathers don’t show up to showers, don’t put in the effort, and no part of her has ever understood that. But maybe she’s simply hoping for something that’s better than most people’s reality. She doesn’t know. She never had parents, never got to see it first hand, but when she thought…no, it doesn’t matter. None of that was real, and there’s no use in thinking of it now even if thoughts of Neal have been niggling themselves into her mind since this morning.

She’s simply glad that Ariel has Eric, that they have each other and baby Fisher.

They have a family.

“I’m not eating pureed food unless it’s, like, pureed donuts or something.”

“They don’t make pure sugar for infants. That would be a fundamentally awful idea.”

“Eh, I don’t think so. The babies would probably be super happy.”

“You’re going to be the person who gives the baby sugar right before you send them back to me, aren’t you?”

“You bet your ass I am.”

“Alright,” Mary Margaret claps, making Emma turn her head to look in the living room, “who wants to play a game?”

The game isn’t eating pureed baby food, but somehow it is much, much worse. In reality, she knows that it’s really not that bad. It’s cute and funny, and if she wasn’t who she is, she’d be thankful that this is the game that Mary Margaret picked out because it’s damn fun.

Who’s That Baby?

She’s got a large board full of baby pictures, some of them adorable, others a little scary (not that she would ever say that out loud), and everyone is having to guess which baby is who. She hasn’t guessed a single one because, really, she’s selfish and can only think about the fact that her picture isn’t up there.

And she knows this because, well, Mary Margaret never asked her for one. While Mary Margaret can work wonders, it would be pretty much impossible for her to gather baby pictures of everyone without anyone knowing, so she must have asked everyone to send them in. But Emma was never asked, not at all. Sure, she could pass it off as an oversight, as a mistake, but she knows that none of that is true.

Mary Margaret didn’t ask for her baby picture because she knows that she doesn’t have any.

Today was not supposed to be emotional like this. Today was supposed to be…a sob suddenly catches in her throat, one she has to force to keep down, and when she feels hot tears forming in her eyes, threatening to escape, she quietly excuses herself from the room, knowing that she won’t be missed if she ducks into the bathroom for a moment. But the bathroom is locked, and since she sure as hell isn’t going to go into the nursery right now, she opens Ariel’s bedroom door and collapses against the wall, letting her legs bend until she’s sitting on hardwood and pulling her legs to her chest as she tries to breathe.

Breathing is seeming pretty difficult at the moment.

So is not crying.

Why does she want to cry?

That’s a dumb question. She knows why she wants to, why she’s about to, but it’s been almost eight years. Things like this shouldn’t hurt anymore, should they? She should be over it. She has to be over it.

She isn’t over it.

Another sob rumbles through her, this one escaping from the confines of her throat, and when she hears it, even she notices how ugly of a sob it is. It’s one of those where she can’t breathe, can’t think, can’t do anything but let her shoulders tremble and tears fall down her cheeks. The more she tells herself to calm down, the more uncontrollable she gets, the more she feels like she has no control over anything.

And then there’s a click, a turn of a knob, and she’s paralyzed in fear and embarrassment that is only exacerbated when she sees tight blue jeans over muscled legs and a simple white button down with small light blue stripes that she knows belongs to Killian.

Words don’t come out of her mouth even though she’s got an excuse on her tongue, a pathetic one about being allergic to the weird baby themed foods, and while she expects him to be snarky, he’s not. It’s so much worse because after she takes one look at the raised brow on his forehead, he slides down on the wall next to her, their thighs hitting each other as his arm wraps around her shoulder so tentatively that she nearly grabs onto it and pulls it over her shoulder herself.

She definitely has gone crazy.

But when she doesn’t flinch, doesn’t move away from his embrace, he moves closer to her, his embrace a little tighter, and she can feel the heat of his body all over her as his hand rubs up and down her shoulder while she buries her face in his shirt near the slight exposure of his collarbone and the chain that resides there. He smells like the spice of his cologne, something warm and comforting, and even though it’s ridiculous, that’s what calms her, what makes her stop crying, just the smallest of whimpers and hiccups occasionally escaping her lips.

It should hit her that she’s having a meltdown in her best friend’s bedroom at said best friend’s baby shower in front of the man who she has…something with. But honestly, she feels puffy and exhausted, and she’s more concerned with the fact that her mascara is going to ruin Killian’s shirt and the way that his hand seems to be large enough to cover every inch of her as he comforts her.

And she focuses on the fact that he’s silent.

Well, he was.

“You know, darling, I think that you should cry in here a little longer so that Ariel and Eric can get some practice with someone crying in their bedroom at weird times.”

She huffs into his chest, rubbing her nose into his collarbone as his scent consumes her. “That’s bold of you to assume that there’s not already someone crying in here on a regular basis.”

There’s a thud against the wall as Killian’s head falls back with laughter, his chuckles deep but light, and she hiccups again in response, not really able to do much else.

“Now, Swan, I don’t think their sex life is that bad. They are having a baby.”

“Believe it or not, an orgasm is not required for conception.”

“No, it’s not.” He rubs his hand up and down her arm again, squeezing her bicep before continuing and moving along her back so that his nails trace patterns into her skin. She must be really upset and out of touch with herself right now because they’re talking, and she feels no shivers running down her spine or heat curling between her thighs. Maybe all it takes is for her to be having a meltdown. That makes it even worse. It’s probably just that they haven’t talked enough. “Would you like to talk about what’s got you hiding away in here, or do you want to talk about our friends’ sex life for a little longer?”

“Can I have the option of neither?”

“No.”

“That’s unfair.”

“So is life.”

Emma rolls her eyes knowing that Killian can’t see it, and maybe that is the reason why she rubs her eyes into his shirt some more. “Aren’t you going to get a boner if I talk too much?”

“That’s a risk I’m willing to take.”

Ridiculous man.

(Sweet man.)

“I got your letter about Milah this morning.” Killian’s hand stills and his tongue clicks, but she keeps going, knowing that if she’s going to talk, it’s got to be while she can’t control her body and emotions and her tongue basically has free range. “I don’t know if you knew that you sent that, if you did it on purpose or got drunk again, if the mail was just late. I don’t know, but I read it while washing clothes and I hated it. I hated that you were screwed over, that you were screwed over by the whole soulmate thing. I mean, you were in love, and it ended because of what? Because she had a tattoo that matched another man? That’s such bullshit.”

“It’s okay, love.”

“It’s not. Nothing about any of this is okay. But, like, that’s not even why I’m having a meltdown. I mean, you definitely put me in a confused mood because you talked about your heartbreak and how I’m helping with that, and I – I can’t deal with any of that right now when all I can think about today is the fact that there are all of those baby pictures up on that board and not one of them is of me. Mary Margaret didn’t even ask because she knows that I don’t have one, that no one cared enough about me to take a picture and give it to me. And obviously I’m spiraling because then I get upset about a baby that never even existed. I’m not even one of those people who desperately wants a baby or something.”

“What are you talking about, Swan? What baby?”

The only reason she has the bravery to say this is because she’s not being forced to look at Killian, to look at the blue of his eyes, and if she can’t see his eyes, none of this is real, right? It’s like the texts. They’re separated enough that it’s not all overwhelming for her.

“When I was seventeen, I met a guy, Neal. You’ve probably heard of him from our friends. They’ve never met him, but I guess…he’s kind of a legend in the group. Anyways, we dated for three years, and when I was twenty, my period was late. So obviously I’m freaking out, probably having a panic attack, but then I take a test that says I’m pregnant. And weirdly, I feel calm. I feel calm because, you know, I’m going to have a family, have something I’ve never had.”

“Swan – ”

“I wasn’t pregnant,” she interrupts, not wanting him to stop her and ask any more questions. “It was a false positive, a cheap test. But I didn’t know that until after I told Neal, and he basically told me that I should have kept my legs shut before packing his bags and leaving to go live with his father in fucking Tallahassee. So I was left alone with no boyfriend, no kid, and a hell of a lot of bitter thoughts because I thought the man was my soulmate and I’d never have to feel alone again. I thought I was done being abandoned. The joke was on me.”

She’s not crying anymore, not even sniffling, but she feels cold and stiff and like she can’t really breathe through her nose. Here she is baring her soul to this man who has all of the power to break her, and yet she still told him, still let the words pass her lips are they were spoken into his skin. But he did tell her about himself too, tell him how he was broken too, and maybe that comforts her.

Maybe it also comforts her that she knows Killian’s got to be pitching a tent right about now. She’s been talking for ten minutes at the very least with her long pauses and ramblings, and there’s no way that he isn’t struggling. And yet he’s sat in almost silence listening to her and comforting her all the while he wants to fuck her.

What the hell even is their lives?

And that’s why she starts laughing, a chuckle bubbling up through her throat while her shoulders shake, the corners of her mouth curving into a smile, and she moves her head up to look at Killian even though she knows that she probably looks like a raccoon would after a night out at the bar.

That thought is unsurprisingly not the weirdest thought she’s ever had, not even the weirdest this week.

“There’s that smile,” Killian encourages, nodding his head and thumb at her chin while his own smile appears on his face, making eyes crinkle. She likes that a lot. It makes her stomach twist in unfamiliar and yet not entirely unpleasant ways. He complains about them only being there because he’s older than her, but she doesn’t mind in the slightest. “The sun would rise early to see your smile.”

“But then I would literally get less sleep or have to spend money on blackout curtains.”

“I’ll buy them for you.”

She chuckles again and shakes her head even as Killian’s thumb moves from her chin to beneath her eyes, wiping away the tears that remain and probably still continue to flow. She feels like jelly or a blob or something else shapeless, something else that can’t be contained. They haven’t been this close since…she wants to say since she kissed Killian on the fourth of July, but it’s most likely as close as they were on Labor Day.

Summer holidays seem to be a pattern for them.

But it’s nearing autumn now, and her breath hitches as she looks at the scar on his cheek, the freckles near his nose, the long, dark lashes contrasting against blue eyes. He’s such an attractive man, almost so much that it would take her breath away if it wasn’t already gone. She’s not going to kiss him now. She knows that he’s not going to kiss her. But their breaths are intermingling, and she can still feel the warm presence of his hand on her arm.

“I’m sorry that you were hurt like that,” he whispers, her gaze flicking up from his lips to his eyes. “I’m sorry that you were hurt by Neal and Walsh and your parents and every other person who doesn’t deserve you and your funny sense of humor and kind heart.”

“It’s fine. It was all a long time ago.”

“Wounds made when we’re young tend to linger, and it very obviously isn’t fine. You’re having a bit of a time hidden away in our friends’ bedroom, and that’s okay. You’re allowed to be hurt. I wrote you a drunk letter about my ex because I was hurt. I still get angry over my dad leaving and my mom dying. The universe has fucked me over in a lot of ways, but I think it did something right in letting me meet you.”

Oh well damn. That’s just not fair.

“No one should be as good with words as you are. Like, even your drunk letters were basically professional novels.”

He shrugs at the same time that he reaches forward to tuck her hair behind her ear, the warmth of his touch sending shivers down her spine. “I was a wonderful English and literature student if I do say so myself. And for someone who reads as many books as you do, I’m surprised you’re not always speaking in limericks.”

“Yeah, well, besides the occasional historical romance, I read a lot of books about murder and mystery. They’re not exactly teaching me to speak like Shakespeare.”

“All I got out of that was that you know how to murder me and get away with it.”

Emma chuckles, shaking her head as she gently pats his chest, their faces still impossibly close. “I’ve told you before, I’m not someone you really want to mess with.”

His brows raise in the way that they always do, the lines on his forehead appearing. “Oh, I don’t know about that. I’ve told you how I quite fancy with you even when you’re yelling at me, haven’t I?”

“You fancy my ass,” she deflects.

“I am a fan of every part of you,” Killian sighs, rubbing his hand over her back in the way that he does where his hand nearly covers all of her, his forearm pulling her closer. “If that includes your ass, so be it. Though, I always considered myself a breast man. You seem to have converted me to both.”

“I’m not sure if I should be flattered or completely and totally disgusted.”

“You can compliment my ass if it makes you feel better.”

Rolling her eyes, she pulls back from him, putting more space between as she moves back to sit a little closer to the bed, her limbs still a little shaky. “I’m not falling for that.”

“Damn, I really could have used the ego boost.” Killian stands from the ground, and she’s not at all distracted by the way his thigh muscles look under his jeans. But maybe she kind of is as she doesn’t notice the way he holds his left hand out, the one covered in scars from the accident, until he’s looking down at her expectantly. She takes his hand, the warmth and roughness overwhelming her, and he helps her stand so that her legs are a little more stable. “Do you think you’re ready to go back to the party? I’m sure they’ve moved onto A opening up breast pumps and someone doing something entirely inappropriate with them. How could we miss that?”

“I mean, the only thing that could top that would be if there were more weird, baby-shaped food.”

“Isn’t that bloody disturbed?” Killian laughs, his face lighting up with joy in that way that makes her stomach twist yet again. Her intestines must really hate her. “I mean, why would I eat that?”

“Because it tastes good.”

“You should not say things like that. I can’t look at you the same way hearing those words come out of your mouth.”

“Hey now.” She holds her hands up before reaching back and tucking the hair that keeps falling in her face behind her ears. “At least there’s not one of those cakes with the baby’s head coming out of a frosting vagina.”

“Swan,” he groans, leaning forward and resting his head against her shoulder while his own shoulders heave with muted laughter, “please don’t talk about that. I’m rather fond of that particular area, and I’d rather not imagine things coming out of it.”

“That sounds kind of painful for all of your sexual partners if you can’t pull out.”

“Well, the baby does have to be made somehow.”

“That’s the most ridiculous thing you’ve ever said.”

“You can’t say that about everything that I say.”

“I can if you keep getting that ridiculous.”

Killian laughs once more before leaning back off of her and wrapping an arm around Emma’s shoulder, the weight heavy and comfortable while he opens the bedroom door with his free hand. “Come on, love. Let’s go see if there’s a cake depicting Ariel giving birth. If not, I hear Mr. French takes requests.”

Ridiculous.

Such a ridiculous man who is making her laugh and feel comfortable with his arm around her shoulder after she just spilled her guts to him about some of the darkest parts of her life. She should feel uncomfortable, awkward, ready to run. She’s been waiting for all of those things since she read his letter. They’re not coming. They could later, but for now, all she can do is laugh at Killian telling her about Liam nearly passed out when Elsa gave birth.

In all of this, all that has happened, all that she has revealed, only one cohesive thought truly remains.

She and Killian are inevitable, always have been, always will be, and she’s fallen into the trap of liking him much more than she ever intended to.

Maybe even loving him.

That’s the craziest thought of them all.

But she has to wonder about the fact that she didn’t feel aroused once in that conversation when she always thought that was the thread that was holding the two of them together.

[soup-sloth]

Moving Forward

I have been dealing with, a lot of not so great things in my life the past few years. My health is very poor, I am in a not so great place housing and finance wise, it sucks. I am doing everything I can to get myself into a better place, but many of the things that need doing take a while and I can’t control how fast they happen, if at all, and the time when it’s in limbo and I’m stuck waiting, is awful. Not knowing if it will work out or not, not knowing when it will work or when to scrap it and move on to something else, it feels awful. I don’t like feeling helpless and stuck, so I have decided to dig in my heels, and do as much with the power I have that my health allows. 

I got to thinking about this after a friend came over today. He didn’t ask for anything in return, and he did most of the work just being polite and giving me tips when I was overwhelmed and whining and just unsure of what step to take next. He was nice about it, he helped me see that I wasn’t as totally lost as I felt with the task. It was something simple, he helped me clean my place and said the one section we didn’t get to today he would come back to help me finish. He helped me sort my things so they would have a place to go and wouldn’t just pile up on the floor again. He even paid for paper towels, cleaning solution and some air freshener. 

Another friend of mine said she would meet up with me and we would set up a plan of attack for diet and exercise for the two of us. We both recognize that we are out of shape and overweight and it is impacting our quality of life. It’s always easier to make a drastic change when you have someone doing it along side you. 

I have been moping and whining and being bitter and angry, and while many of the things I’ve bitched about to friends are very real issues and my feelings are very warranted, just whining like an ass solves nothing. I will still whine to friends, I will complain when I’m grumpy and angry, that’s just how I am, but going forward, I want to try and add some positivity into my life. To make little changes to help me feel less stuck. 

So I have decided to start a couple small projects relating to personal issues. 

-I am going to post every day on tumblr at least one good thing that happened that day, even if it feels small. It’s easy to let bad things overwhelm you, and I’ve struggled with this a lot, so I’m trying to change my habits. I can’t control the world or other people, but I can control how I react. 

-I have been dissatisfied with my artwork, it feels off and like it’s at best stagnated. I haven’t practiced basics of drawing in years and I haven’t set aside much time for it either. So I have cleared my desk off and I plan to set aside at least an hour a day to practice my skills and try to get back into drawing all the time like I used to. I’m hoping this will help my skills and my mood. 

-I will be working with friends to get support when it comes to getting myself into a proper diet and exercise routine. Since I’ve been living alone things have all sort of gone down hill. I was never taught how to cook much and everything else just weighed on my mind so much that I put my health on the back seat and it was a bad decision. 

-I am going to set an actual working budget for myself. I have issues with impulse control and I need to get a handle on it. I want to avoid running out of money for necessities because I’m tired or cranky and at times just a dumb fuck. 

I am going to do these things because I am unhappy with how I am now. I feel tired and groggy and awful all the time. I am out of breath from going down the stairs. My art feels, lifeless and awful to me. I focus so much on the bad things.

 I can’t stop the bad things from happening. I can’t stop other people from being rude or nasty or mean. The most I can do is try to bring some positivity back into my life and the lives of those around me. 

                                                                                      -Tobey

[phoenix]

I spend a lot of time thinking about my ‘dateability’, because I am occasionally filled with self loathing and like to pick over all my flaws.

And like, I can look at any ONE of my flaws and think, I know people with the same issue, and they’re in relationships!

I’m visually impaired, but I know people with good relationships who can’t see, even worse than me.

I’m unemployed in part because of that, but I know men who don’t work and are quite happy in relationships.

I sure as shit don’t have much money, and there are people in relationships where that’s not a thing.

I have any number of weird things going on with my face, see above statements.

And let’s not forget my lack of experience.  I’ve become SO SO self conscious of the idea of going on a date, something I have RARELY done, that the idea gives me the chills and I have no idea what I would do even if I *was* in a relationship.

And any one of these, and it seems like I could get on, but the massive amount of things I see as wrong with me, as unattractive, as things that make me less desirable, all pile up to make me feel dead last for a person anyone would choose to be with.  Like, I could find someone who’s okay with the eyesight, or the lack of money, but add it all up, and...why would anyone choose me?

(Which adds another to the list, who wants to be with this mopey sad sack??)

On top of that, I KNOW I’m not a total shit show!  I’m genuinely a respectable human being (I don’t want to say nice guy, because hoo that’s become a loaded phrase, yes?) and while I have my high level of social awkwardness, I’m polite and friendly.  I’m smart, and funny, and while I start quiet, once I warm up, watch me go!

I can actually take care of myself, I cook, I LOVE to cook actually, and am constantly exploring new foods when I can.  So if anyone out there exists that can get past everything WRONG with me, I genuinely think I’m not the worst catch, and even with my facial flaws, I am not *entirely* unattractive.

It just feels like there are so many fucking hurdles for a person to get over to want to be with me, I don’t know why they would bother, when there are other people with similar qualities and less downsides somewhere over there.

And boy am I ever terrified of the person I am currently thinking about ever seeing this post, but she doesn’t follow me on Tumblr so I’m probably safe.  So I’m posting it anyways.  Which will of course make the universe conspire to have her follow me now. ;)

No need to respond, no need to tell me it will be okay, or it’s not that bad, or how awesome I am.  I’m not looking for any of that.  I just needed to rant because this stuff has been in my head so much.

[somberillusions]

36

Hi Guys! I recently found something that really fits this blog. Apparently there are 36 questions designed to make someone fall in love with you, so I’ll be answering them today!

1. Given the choice of anyone in the world, whom would you want as a dinner guest? I would want Tom Felton as a dinner guest, I feel like we would get on well and who doesn’t want to cook dinner for a loveable little musician?

2. Would you like to be famous? In what way? I think if I ever became famous, I would want to be famous for doing something good in the world, like donating money to charity or standing on a redwood tree for three years to prevent it from being cut down, y’know? But given the choice I wouldn’t want to be famous, I value my privacy.

3. Before making a telephone call, do you ever rehearse what you are going to say? Why? Oh definitely, I get really scared calling people for something important, so I always want to know what I’m going to say so I don’t mess up.

4. What would constitute a “perfect” day for you? For me a perfect day would be if in the same day, I went to a BTS fansign and met my idols, and then got to spend time with my closest friends, watching my favorite movies, and eating my favorite foods. God that sounds amazing.

5. When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else? I last sang to myself around fifteen minutes ago, I last sung to someone else last night. I really like singing.

6. If you were able to live to the age of 90 and retain either the mind or body of a 30-year-old for the last 60 years of your life, which would you want? I would want the mind of a 30 year old because then I would have all my memories and be able to tell all my grandkids stories from my past without forgetting small details.

7. Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die? I don’t actually, I used to think I was gonna go by my own hands, but now I don’t care how I’ll die, and I’m not scared of it either.

8. Name three things you and your partner appear to have in common. Well this is hard considering so many individual people could be reading this, but based off of you reading this I would say we both like tumblr, we both find the topic of love interesting, and we like getting to know people. 

9. For what in your life do you feel most grateful? I am very grateful for my mom, she is incredibly strong of a person and I would be dead without her strength. She gives me hope of better days and not a day goes by where I don’t remind her how much I care for her.

10. If you could change anything about the way you were raised, what would it be? That’s a hard question, I would have to say I wish my dad hadn’t told me stories of what he saw while he served military duty in Iraq, at least not when I was so young.

11. Take four minutes and tell your partner your life story in as much detail as possible. I’m timing this, I was born in a military fort in Texas, my dad was in Iraq until I was 3 and when he came back, he came with alcoholism, this essentially ruined my life, when I was five my mom and I moved to Alabama, two years later my dad said he would change so we moved with him, and surprise! He didn’t change. He went to rehab and came out, but sixth months later he relapsed and I attempted suicide from the pain. I had a lot of mental issues and still am recovering. I met my best friend who helped me through all that and I am lucky to have her in my life. I fell in love while my dad was in rehab, and three years later I still am. I currently have three friends who I care about but I don’t like talking to them online much because I prefer face to face. I now spend my weekdays watching movies with my mom and my weekends trying to protect my baby brother from witnessing my drunk dad get angry.

12. If you could wake up tomorrow having gained any one quality or ability, what would it be? I would like to be fluent in Korean, it would get me more job opportunities and I would love to add bilingual to my job resume.

13. If a crystal ball could tell you the truth about yourself, your life, the future or anything else, what would you want to know? I would want to know if I will ever fall in love and be loved back in return.

14. Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it? I have always dreamed of living in a van, but I haven’t because I don’t have enough money or even a driver’s license.

15. What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Recovering from Anorexia Nervosa

16. What do you value most in a friendship? Honesty, I want people to give me the real deal instead of acknowledging my feelings, I’d rather rip of the band-aid than leave it on the rot into my skin.

17. What is your most treasured memory? A Halloween party in 2017, that whole October was the most amazing days of my life, but that party changed me in so many ways.

18. What is your most terrible memory? So back in 2015 my dad drunk drove and got caught so for a year he had to have a breathalizer in our car and in order for the car to turn on you had to blow into the breathalizer for 30 seconds and wait 60 seconds for it to calibrate and the car to start. Keep that in mind. So my parents were arguing one day inside and I was outside removing nails from a plank of wood because woodwork was my coping mechanism, when my mom walks out of the house (we lived with my grandparents at the time) she grabs my arm and we run to the car and get in. My dad is walking after us with a face twisted in pure rage. My mom is trying desperately to get the breathalizer to calibrate and my dad is getting closer. At this point there are tears falling down my face. My dad sees my mom frantically trying to start the car and his face gets impossibly more enraged. He then swings his fist at the window and it cracks, but it doesn’t break. I scream. The car is finally starting and my dad screams, “I AM GOING TO KILL YOU BITCH” and goes to swing at the window again, but my mom quickly backs up. If my dad had made that punch my mom would have been dead. My dad goes to the back of the car to stop her but she keeps going until he moves. We immediately leave. I don’t remember where we went but I remember that after that my dad was kicked out of my grandparents house. We stayed but he left. While we were driving I cried so hard my voice went away. I didn’t speak for three months after that.

19. If you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living? Why? No, I wouldn’t. I think I am living my life as best I can right now, I act like myself and don’t hold back. I am confident, and I don’t let other people get me down, and I wouldn’t change that for the world.

20. What does friendship mean to you? Friendship means the world to me, I could live my whole life without a romantic interest if I had friends who understood me and were fun to be around.

21. What roles do love and affection play in your life? Honestly I could live without it, that’s not to say I’m opposed to love, but I have mad commitment issues and that’s something not many people want to deal with when it comes to romance, so I don’t need it to live.

22. Alternate sharing something you consider a positive characteristic of your partner. Share a total of five items. I like that you listen, I like that you care enough to read this far. I like that you have enough energy in you to even keep reading this far. I like that you don’t give up even when things get unpleasant, and I like how considerate you are of other people.

23. How close and warm is your family? Do you feel your childhood was happier than most other people’s? I would say in my family I am only close with my mom and my cousin. I don’t think my life was happier than most people’s but it definitely could’ve been worse.

24. How do you feel about your relationship with your mother? I’ve talked about her a lot in the post, but great.

25. Make three true “we” statements each. For instance, “We are both in this room feeling ... “We are both struggling in different ways” “Our emotions are valid no matter how strong they are, or how trivial they are” “Just because someone is having it worse than us, doesn’t mean we aren’t allowed to be upset”

26. Complete this sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom I could share ... “My taste in movies, nowadays people only watch YouTube, and I don’t hold them against that because sometimes I do too, but I wish they would care enough to watch the movies I like.”

27. If you were going to become a close friend with your partner, please share what would be important for him or her to know. I have a lot of trauma like everyone else, and I try to hide that through smiling, don’t fall for it, the wider my smile is, the more I’m breaking down inside.

28. Tell your partner what you like about them; be very honest this time, saying things that you might not say to someone you’ve just met. I am proud of you for picking up whatever device you’re reading this on, and spending this long reading a post from a complete stranger, and I really appreciate the amount of time and consideration you put into doing so.

29. Share with your partner an embarrassing moment in your life. This is really horrible of me but please keep in mind I was four at the time. I was at a Mexican Restaurant in New Mexico and I saw a Mexican person for the first time (I was an isolated child) and I pointed at them and said “Look Mommy! It’s a real Mexican person from Mexico”, I to this day am really embarrassed by this and wish I could see this person again and apologize.

30. When did you last cry in front of another person? By yourself? I last cried in front of my mom two days ago, we were watching a sad movie. And I last cried by myself at midnight. I swear I don’t usually cry this much it’s just bad timing. 

31. Tell your partner something that you like about them already. They like asking this question a lot don’t they? I also really like how dedicated you are to making sure other people feel cared for.

32. What, if anything, is too serious to be joked about? Sexual Assault, in no situation is it okay to joke about people being forced into sexual acts.

33. If you were to die this evening with no opportunity to communicate with anyone, what would you most regret not having told someone? Why haven’t you told them yet? I would regret never apologizing to my family for not talking to them, I haven’t done it yet because they think I am this perfect little girl and I’m scared that they won’t love me anymore when they find out I’m not.

34. Your house, containing everything you own, catches fire. After saving your loved ones and pets, you have time to safely make a final dash to save any one item. What would it be? Why? My memory box, it’s full of all the most cherished items in my life and I wouldn’t be able to live knowing I let them burn.

35. Of all the people in your family, whose death would you find most disturbing? Why? My mom’s, I would cease to function if she passed away, I know it’ll happen someday but the thought terrifies me. I think I would shut down mentally.

36. Share a personal problem and ask your partner’s advice on how he or she might handle it. Also, ask your partner to reflect back to you how you seem to be feeling about the problem you have chosen. My dad is a raging alcoholic, and I am scared to be around him on the weekends. I don’t want to pressure my mom into leaving but at the same time my mental health is deteriorating every Saturday. What would you do in my situation?

Welp, there you go! I’m honestly surprised you made it this far, thank you for caring enough to stick around. Until next time!

[mydukandiary-blog1]

{NEW} Chinese Blackened Chicken Salad . If you're looking for some NEW FRESH fl...

https://mydukandiary.com/?p=34760&utm_source=SocialAutoPoster&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=Tumblr {NEW} Chinese Blackened Chicken Salad 🌱🥡 . If you’re looking for some NEW FRESH flavors to spice up your typical Chicken + Veggies meal….TRY THIS. The taste is phenomenal, and totally different! I’ve been eating this ALL week long and can’t believe how easy it is to eat a BIG bowl full of these crisp, thin-sliced raw fresh Veggies, thanks to the tangy dressing! I feel like I’m eating a restaurant quality Chinese meal, except this one leaves me feeling ENERGIZED! . makes about 4 servings Ingredients: 1.5 lbs skinless boneless chicken breasts, pounded out evenly 1/2 green cabbage, shredded thinly 1/2 purple cabbage, shredded thinly 1/2 an Iceberg lettuce, chopped thinly 1-2 sweet red bell peppers, thinly sliced 1/2 red onion, thinly sliced 2 carrots, shredded or thinly sliced using a mandoline a small bunch of fresh cilantro leaves, chopped 1/3 cup roasted peanuts, chopped sesame seeds as garnish fresh lime wedges to taste . . Chinese Dressing: 1/4 cup rice vinegar 1/4 cup coconut aminos, Bragg’s liquid amines, OR 1 Tbsp dijon mustard 2 cloves minced fresh garlic 1 Tbsp raw honey 1/2 tsp ginger powder 1/2 tsp sea salt 1 Tbsp sesame oil, or extra virgin olive oil Instructions: In a small bowl whisk all dressing ingredients really well. In a shallow dish coat chicken with 1/4 of the dressing that you just made. Set remaining, untouched dressing aside. Set raw chicken in the fridge, for at least 30 minutes to marinate in its dressing. Heat a grill or a large skillet over medium high heat. Spray with a bit of cooking oil (I use avocado oil) then add in your chicken with its juices/marinade. Cook for about 4-5 minutes per side, or until nicely browned and just cooked through. Set aside on a cutting board to rest for a couple of minutes, covered, then slice against the grain, and sprinkle with sesame seeds. In a large salad bowl add all chopped salad ingredients: cabbage, lettuce, carrot, bell pepper, and red onion. Drizzle with your remaining dressing (only use the dressing UNTOUCHED by your raw chicken) then toss well to combine. Top with sliced chicken, chopped peanuts, fresh squeezed lime, and fresh chopped cilantro leaves. Enjoy! ❤Rachel Source

[katherinemacgill-blog]

The Helen Keller Guide To Joy and happiness

You may possess all that, and also you can easily experience every one of that; and you could begin to possess this today, beginning today. Observing you deal with the breakup therefore well will make your ex-spouse understand he overlooks you like crazy. Below are some carry out's and carry out n'ts to maintain in thoughts if you prefer to follow their lead and find out how to create an individual loss in love with you. Those crazy emotional states that you believe due to your fears require not define you. I figured out through cooking games that to make an excellent sushi, make sure that the fish is actually quite fresh (as this is actually eaten raw). Nevertheless, he or she is the just one which knows which individuals must be there to make this affair especially significant. He'll chase you considering that you never ever make him feel smothered and he recognizes you're certainly not simply wrapped around his finger. When you do not possess even a little oz of freedom in your life, that is actually inconceivable to come to be genuinely satisfied. Seeing dad throughout our childhood our experts know ways to create our method the irritated race. Joy and happiness resembles a muscle - this obtains stronger the more you exercise it. Maintaining on your own satisfied is like remaining in shape. If there's anything else I can possibly do to earn this fic extra available whatsoever, satisfy don't hesitate to email me at iaminarage @ or notification me on tumblr (where I'm likewise iaminarage). The key listed below is to become knowledgeable about that void and then pick the feedback that will make certain you are in control from your emotions and actions. I might be pleased as a result of my position and also not concern my conditions. If you liked this article and you would like to be given more info concerning yellow pages online advertising (rulesfor2017new.info) please visit our web site. Ask your kids, Exactly what can I perform to make you feel loved?" You'll be amazed to hear what youngsters think. I meant a guy which is actually label is ASTROLOGER AHMED he is definitely strong and can assist designate spells to restore one's gone, shed, acting up fanatic and magic loan incantation or spell for a great work or luck spellI'm right now happy & a residing testimony cos the guy i had actually would like to wed nigh side me 3 weeks just before our wedding and my lifestyle was inverted given that our connection has actually goned on for 3years. The outcome is that you might not be capable to possess a happy life if you are actually certainly not able to have a penile erection. Giving him opportunity to gear up for the sexual activity by definition will definitely make the meet feel like greater than an obligation or even regular routine to carry out. I entirely agree with you Esther, this is no person else's project to create you happy but your own. This offers some sizzling recipes like Grilled Mahi, Shrimp Jumbo Shrimp Scampi, Spanish Paella, Pot Seared Atlantic Salmon, Cuban Braised Fish, and also Veal Piccata etc I thought that the secrets I do will definitely bring in folks ask yourself as well as that is not therefore important exactly what I point out. I regularly aim to instruct folks on my blog and also posts to become unbiased and certainly not to make any sort of limitation on their own. Chocolate peanut butter no bake cookies make fantastic grandparents presents, educator presents, birthday celebration presents, thanks presents and additional. After the celebration has been actually kept, customized fixed is actually perfect for thank-you notes. Whatever that our company are for ... love, leave, peace, kindness, happiness, inspires us, as well as every thing that our team are against ... hate, rage, doubt, concern, damages our team. Currently choose: HAPPY or even UNHAPPY. Over my life, 53, I complied with individuals which were quite wealthy, yet they were no therefore satisfied as my Associates, Engineers, Laborers and Business Partners, which created their excellence and also contentment continuously and improving slowly. You could make use of customized stationery as invites to a gathering such as this, or to a garage sale or even event. As a matter of fact, these tasks usually produce people miserable (unless your center is in just what you perform). For example, if you are expecting a lover to find in to your life to be happy then you are perhaps focused on just what the sensation will certainly feel like when you meet your soul mate and just how your life will be various after that that is right currently. This could appear a little weird, but think of this momentarily ... you really want additional money since you feel it will definitely make you pleased. Just what occurred to me is certainly not just what i can easily always keep only to on my own however to additionally say to the planet to make sure that those that were actually the moment like me will arrive love ones back and mored than happy once again. You will begin to view the planet in unfavorable phrases and also you are going to actually often draw in even more factors to earn you miserable. Before rumbling the algae as well as the rice, make certain that the algae is actually put on a wooden mat utilized to roll the sushi (All these could be carried at the closest Japanese convenience store). To get begun you must decide to make happiness a priority in your life. This does not indicate I dismiss exactly what is actually happening, however does indicate I can administer my electricity about it in a different way, from an extra religious perspective, while I produce my very own type of addition, which is actually writing just what I carry out, as well as just about anything else I receive ideas to accomplish, including being actually an instance whenever I can, specifically when I may removal on my own out of self-pride and also right into cooperation, empathy, and also love. Understanding how to keep a woman happy will certainly call for creating an initiative to present an interest in your woman's power base. If you want a stylish event, make certain that the backdrop is actually formal but exquisite. I truly believe that possessing a songs special day party theme for junior is actually an excellent concept that will definitely be a great time. Add these practical, simple Spanish phrases into your talked Spanish and also you'll illustrate you have the necessary high quality from educado and also you'll make a succeeding perception when talking Spanish with indigenous audio speakers without a doubt! You will certainly locate that it will be actually tough not to become pleased with your shower after you permit on your own to view as well as feel how fantastic your shower really is for you! Add new, totally free internet material to your website such as most up-to-date write-ups, web resources, as well as estimates along with a singular part of code! For additional friendship quotes, look into the prominent friendly relationship quotes segment of, an internet site that provides services for 'Best 10' checklists from estimates in lots of classifications. A poll finished by Gardeners Globe Journal mentioned that 80% from those that gardened thought delighted and happy along with their lifestyles as compared to 67% of those which did certainly not garden. Books along with spins, delighted endings, disasters and also in some cases without any finishing whatsoever. Comprise a trivia exam for your visitors, using unfamiliar realities or even events from the birthday party guy or even girl's lifestyle. That might be your concern, you are actually trying to make him go back rather than making him intend to come back. Chuckling really is the greatest medicine and also to become a delighted person you must laugh. There are actually still a lot of traits to stress over, as well as lots of selections to create as each decision will certainly identify how your CDs are going to offer. Send out invitations to a celebration; commemorate your nation and even more along with customized stationery created the celebration.

[thebuttermouse]

Presentation- The Butter Mouse- How to Build Universes With Creative Upcycling

Slide 1: Intro Slide 'Hello everyone, thank you for coming today. I am going to discuss my latest project, the Butter Mouse, and how it shifted from a rough collection of flash fiction to a fully formed piece of digital storytelling. I will demonstrate how thanks to the plethora of creative online publishing tools and ease of hosting and creating content online, you can mix together scraps of old project, and 'upcycle' them into whole new universes. And finally, I am going to show you how if you do want to work on a creative project, there is no reason why you cannot start working on something this evening Slide 2: Sketchbook, and comic strips From this, I have always been jealous of things like comic strips, where you can build up a huge collection of work by doing lots of little things over a period of time. I always think it must have been remarkable to have worked on something like Andy's House, or The Flamingo Men, and be able to look back on such a huge body of work. It would be great to be in the position. So, and of course I appreciate this is a decision that that hundreds of people have made, I set up a flash fiction blog to keep my writing going. And at that stage that's all it was. I know that doesn't sound like a big deal, and this is what I cannot stress enough. At this point, the Butter Mouse was doodles in a maths exercise book, the creative equivalent of sit ups. Slide 3: Different stories, same title Perhaps by the very nature of the the fact that these were ideas pushed out in a hurry, the stories started to interconnect. And this wasn't just thematically. The title of one piece was the perfect fit for another a few weeks later. For example, there were three different stories that fit the title 'The Horror Tandoori' and three that fit 'Herring Aid.' Also, and this was genuinely never necessarily my intention, but a lot of the stories seemed to be on the weirder end of the spectrum. As I grew in confidence with the blog, they only got more experimental. Slide 4: Twine After a few months, I began to experiment with format as well as narrative. I had previously done some work with Twine, the interactive (and crucially free) fiction software maker, as part of my course at Bath Spa. For those who aren't aware of what Twine does, it is a super easy to use software that allows you to make a 'choose your own adventure style' game, pretty much by just entering text into different boxes. I am not sure how familiar you are with interactive fiction, but usually they are sprawling worlds, more like a very basic form of RPG, that takes several hours to complete, and usually have many different paths you can take. I wondered what it would be like like to create interactive flash fiction, that was less about world building, and more about a quick idea. For example, I created one called Guilt, where no matter what you did, the world ends within three clicks, and on the very first page you have to choose between killing all the children, or killing all the doctors. Again, this was purely experimental, but it was interesting to see how having how basically no choices adds a completely different feel to interactive fiction. So there were definitely some themes and ideas, but it was all a little discombobulated, and I was looking for ways to bring everything together. Slide 5: The Butter Mouse script The key to the project turned out to be the name itself. The Butter Mouse was originally a character in a script I wrote years ago, about puppets who come to life, and vampirically drain the life of the presenters of a children's television programme. Although the script didn't go anywhere, I found the name evocative, and several readers found the name evocative too. To start with I whacked it down as the name of the blog without much thought. But now with the writing coming together, I wondered if there was a way I could use The Butter Mouse name to tie everything in place. Slide 6: Where Is Bill? Photo At the same time, I was thinking about if there was anyway to fit in with a small transmedia project I made on Mars called 'Where Is Bill?' About a worker at the Aqua Park who is captured by aliens. It mixed YouTube videos, fake podcasts, fake blogs, and interactive fiction to tell this story, and although I was pleased with some of the results, it never really had a purpose, and wasn't properly released, so was sitting on my computer's hard drive with little to no value. Slide 7: Upcycle- reuse (discarded objects or material) in such a way as to create a product of higher quality or value than the original. I wondered if there was a way to do a form of creative 'upcycling,', and smash these ideas together. Nothing intrinsically tied the flash fiction, the title, and the transmedia project, but was there a way they could join? For anyone who is unsure what upcycling is, I have included a definition on the screen. So this is how they play off each other. The Butter Mouse is now a creature that is able to travel between different dimensions. All of the stories then become accounts of what it has seen on its journey, or fake factual accounts of people discussing where they have seen The Butter Mouse. And with a few rewrites, Bill in Where Is Bill is has no longer been captured by aliens, but has slipped into a different dimension. This is where the ease and cheapness of available software, editing and publishing online prevailed. I went back through the all the work on The Butter Mouse, and tweaked the odd thing here and there to make it fit this new brief. I re-edited the videos, podcasts and blogs in Where Is Bill, and next mont they will be posted on the blog. So with no extra cost, and some working tying everything together, these scraps of forgotten ideas and writing exercises have turned into something new, greater than the sum of its parts. Slide 8: One of the 'article sections' What this resulted in was a whole new flavour to The Butter Mouse. It now has the feel of a conspiracy theory, more in line with creepypasta and Illuminati Youtube videos. This means it is the fictional work on it feels suited to the internet. A being that travels through dimensions is no less out there than the conspiracy theory that Finland doesn't exist. This is not just writing that has been put online, but a project that suits being published online. Slide 9: Experimental stuff Though The Butter Mouse has come together from scraps of various projects into something new it still has its original function as a writing exercise. Only now the small, weird ideas are perfectly acceptable a look into a world different to our own. This allows me the freedom to experiment with any weird ideas without damaging the over all narrative. There is a story you can only read by following the clues in the story before. A story that is sideways, because the writing is in another dimension. Some weeks it is just a monster move in five hundred worlds It all fits the brief, because rather than lots of esoteric stories that don't connect, it all forms one larger narrative. Write down a minute of your dreams on the back of a receipt, and it won't make any sense to anyone who reads it. Make a dream journal, and they come together into a logical document. This culminated in the final idea of working out what the Butter Mouse actually is. That dependent on what dimension you were in, the creature could turn into anything. It might be a mouse shaped piece of graffiti on the wall, it might be something like a tiger. Anything at all. And in our dimension, in the world we inhabit, The Butter Mouse is the Tumblr account, The Butter Mouse. So technically, we are in the world of the Butter Mouse right now. Anything that could happen, could end up as a story. Which is about as far away as you can get from literary sit-ups. Slide 10: Upcycling in picture. What I hope you can take from it is that if you have any scraps of old project, it is now so easy to bring them together. I have always considered that creative time is never wasted. Now for me creative time is always making new resources, like spinning wool even if you are not sure what the jumper will turn out like. It is just a case of finding a way for them to tie together, or be converted by new media into a way that makes sense. What I've started doing is looking through old laptops and hard drives, to see if there is anything that can be cannibalised. Next week I have combined videos of Bristol and Osaka Zoo to make footage of another dimension, and next year I am going to get as many of my old holiday photos as possible, and turn them into a year travel blog from an alternate universe. Just as the work on the blog is creative flotsam and jetsam, so do they become flotsam and jetsam from another dimension. Slide 11: Spreadhseets And I also hope it can show you that whatever the situation you are in, you can keep a project going on in the background. Twine, Tumblr and Youtube are completely free to use and public. On total, the whole project has cost me basically nothing, and now spans dimensions. Now, I fully appreciate that I was lucky to have these resources to hand. To have script and the wreckage of a transmedia to weld onto the side of a flash fiction blog, and call it esoteric science fiction is a situation bespoke to me. But I hope it shows you that if you have stuff that is simply hanging around, why not try and stitch it together? What is the worst you can happen? Is there no way you can mix your cooking blog with your song lyrics, and call it a ghost story? And even if you don't have a library of material, think about what skills you can smash together instead. If you are good at making spreadsheets, why not make a crime thriller story made in Excel? Can you find your old emails to your an ex-girlfriend, and cut them down into romantic haikus? Even if some of it doesn't work, surely it is better than nothing. Upcycle your old material into something new, and use the strengths of online publishing to make it something people can view. Just like an old piece of furniture can be remade on wet Sunday afternoons, regardless of your creative skill set, and what time/budget you can put into your story, you can make something that will regenerate old and forgotten ideas, and push you to experiment without the restrictions of traditional media. So just a final point to emphasise that you really can turn any skill or piece of work into a creative project, if you check The Butter Mouse tumblr account in about an hour, a fictional version of this presentation will form this week's story. And right now in millions of multiple universes, slightly different versions of this blog are being presented and posted online, by beings of all shapes and sizes, all with slightly different lives. So, I want to thank you all for being part of The Butter Mouse. Thank you.

[shoeshineyboy]

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If I can post this first time it’ll be a miracle (also I’ll answer in a read more)

1 - How are you?Not too bad. Pissed off because I’ve been waiting for someone to fix the radiators, but happy because I have a Bowie night tonight!2 - Post a picture of yourself.I’ll reblog a selfie at the end of this because I can’t figure out how to add a picture lmao3 - Do you ever wish you were someone else?Yeah but no one in particular, just... not me?4 - What is your entire name?Elizabeth Mary R___________5 - How old are you?206 - Age you get mistaken for:Either 15 or 23 there’s no in-between??7 - Your zodiac/horoscope and if you think it fits your personality:My sun sign is Virgo and I think the actual descriptions fit, just not all the bullshit tumblr ones which say all I do is tidy up and study because I literally do neither of those things and I’m the least visibly organised person on earth8 - What did you do on your last birthday?I went shopping with Alex, had a couple of drinks in the pub, chilled out listening to music and went for a meal at Cafe Rouge... I think we went out after but I can’t remember :L9 - What is one thing you would like to accomplish before your next birthday?I’d like to be able to perfect back&chest rolls with my hula hoop!10 - What is your hair color?It’s currently half way between brown and blonde I guess?11 - Have you ever dyed your hair?So many times haha, it’s technically dyed now...12 - What is your eye color?Brown13 - If you could change your eye color, would you?Eh, maybe? Would be nice to have lighter eyes so they stand out, they’re so dark tbh they look tiny14 - Do you wear contacts/glasses?I should do but I don’t15 - Your opinion about your body and how confortable you are with it:I’m not keen on it at all. It sticks out in all the wrong places and my back is too long. Idk I deal with it, but if I could have a different one I totally would16 - Have you ever considered plastic surgery? What would you alter about your body?I have considered it, I’ve like briefly considered lip fillers a couple of times but idk they usually look awful, when I’m older I’ll probably get various tucks but nothing is calling out to me?17 - Say 8 facts about your body:1. I have perfect vision, but my left eye is irregularly shaped, meaning light can’t enter the pupil properly2. I’m a UK 6-8 dress size3. I have long fingers I guess?4. I look a lot taller than I actually am (that counts, right)5. Actually yeah I’m 5′56. I’ve never had surgery or broken a bone7. But I have fractured my skull once (or some kind of head injury)8. I’m fairly flexible18 - Do you have any tattoos?Just one, need to book another one soon19 - Do you have any piercings?4 - lobe piercing in each ear, nose ring, helix piercings20 - Left or right handed?Right handed21 - What’s your sexual orientation???????22 - Do you drink?Yeah23 - Do you smoke?Not anymore!24 - Do you have any pets?Sadly not25 - Where do you work?I don’t at the moment, used to work at Starbucks though26 - Something you are working on right now:Passing my first year of uni :L27 - Do you have any “rules” about food?I’m vegetarian, and I try not to eat much that is preprepared as there’s a lot of salt; also I’m a small portion person, mostly :L28 - Where are you from?Bath, UK29 - What would you say is your best quality?Uhh that I’m funny, I guess?30 - What do you think you’re really good at?Uhhhhh... writing dialogue?31 - What do you think you’re really bad at?Sports32 - What talent do you wish you’d been born with?I wish I could’ve been a really good singer? Like one of those people who naturally have a beautiful voice?33 - Are you a bad person?Probably, depends who you ask34 - Are you nice to everyone?I am at first, but I’ve become a lot less tolerant of people’s shit since I first went to uni?35 - Say 3 facts about your personality:1. I’m one of those people who’s v quiet until I get to know someone2. I’m very insecure3. I’m usually up for doing stuff, and I usually stick to any plans I make36 - Has someone ever spread a nasty rumor about you?Haha yeah37 - What is your ideal bed? Why?Any comfortable bed is good, though I love the raised ones that you get in nice hotels because I feel important :L Must be a soft mattress tbh38 - Do wake up cranky?Apparently!39 - Do you sleep with a stuffed toy?I have them on the bed, yeah c:40 - What do you think about the most?Alex and hoop routines lmao41 - Share 2 habits:Nail biting (ew) and always having a coffee in lectures :L42 - What you want to be when you “get older”?Well-travelled and comfortable43 - What are your career goals?Some kind of Early Years specialist, I guess?44 - What is your ideal career?Idk, really... I’ve never really known what I’ve wanted to do?45 - Is your life anything like it was two years ago?Not really, 2 years ago I was at college, hoping to study Politics at Exeter. I was still with Alex which is pretty much the only thing which hasn’t changed46 - Do you replay things that have happened in your head?Aaaaaaall the time47 - Have you ever had an imaginary friend?Nope

48 - Say 10 facts about your room:1. I share it with Alex2. We sleep on a mattress on the floor3. There’s clothes all over the floor4. It’s where the PS4 lives5. It’s either too hot or too cold, there’s no in between6. There’s two lava lamps7. It’s where I usually hang out8. It’s literally always messy9. We have clothes rails instead of wardrobes10. The posters look great49 - Do you have any phobias?Driving past lorries, heights, distorted-horrific human forms (think Babadook)50 - Have you ever been to a psychiatrist/therapist?Yeah, one was crap and the other was nice but useless51 - Are you allergic to anything? If so, what?Peanuts, shellfish and pollen52 - Ever broken any bones?Nope53 - Ever come close to death?Yeah, I was in a car accident when I was 6. Police were amazed my mum and I survived...54 - Things you like and dislike about yourself:LIKE:My sense of humourMy sense of styleHow I can hula hoopMy music tasteThe fact that I can cook idkHow far I’ve come from secondary schoolDISLIKE:How I overreact to everythingThat I get jealous v easilyThe fact that said jealousy leads to panic/cruel commentsThat I can’t motivate myselfHow nervous I am around people55 - A random fact about yourself:I’ve never been to Amsterdam56 - What are three things most people don’t know about you?1. I actually really enjoy crap club music2. I am terrified of rollercoasters3. I’m not keen on cornflakes57 - An unknown fact about your life:I’ve never met either of my biological grandparents58 - Share something about yourself others might think is weird:I find skin-tight jeans really uncomfortable sorry59 - Five weird things that you like:1. Pineapple on pizza (apparently everyone hates this)2. Hideous jumpers3. Really loud cats4. Weird coloured lipstick5. Vodka mixed with wine60 - Do you have a facebook? If so, would you add the person who sent you this?I do, message me off anon & I’ll decide61 - Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?Loads62 - Describe yourself in one word/sentence:”You’re a bitch, but it’s funny and is the reason why I love you” - Alex63 - A quote you try to live by:”Each one of us is a brain, an athlete, a princess, a basket case and a criminal”64 - A famous person you’ve been compared to:I’ve been told I look like Anna Kendrick?65 - Weird things you do when you’re alone:I dance around the house, that’s about as far as it goes..66 - Something you do without realising:Pick at the skin of my fingers67 - 5 things you want to change:1. Brexit2. Trump3. Literally all the horrible things going on4. My facial features5. How difficult it is to get nice veggie food when on holiday68 - Someone you’d like to be for a day and why:Idk really?69 - Leave me a compliment:U sure are a nice anon

70 - What is your favorite thing to do?Hula hoop!71 - What’s your favorite color?Orange, purple and silver72 - What’s your favorite band/singer?Pink Floyd!73 - What’s your favorite movie?What’s Eating Gilbert Grape74 - What are your favorite books?The Night Circus (Erin Morgenstern), the Bell Jar (Sylvia Plath), the Chronicles of Chrestomanci (series; Diana Wynne Jones), the Hogfather (Terry Pratchett), Maskerade (Terry Pratchett)75 - What is your favorite quote and why?”Come sleep on the beach, keep within my reach, I just wanna die with you near, I’m feeling so high with you here” - from ‘Sea and Sand’ by the Who, because I have so many memories associated with this song76 - What is your favorite word?Soufflé; it looks like it should be pronounced “soo -full”, but it isn’t!77 - What is your least favorite word?Moist. Ew.78 - What is your favorite type of food?Roast potatoes?79 - You favorite ice cream?Ben & Jerrys Phish Food80 - What’s your favorite animal?Dogs & cats81 - Dogs or cats?I love them both!82 - Describe your favourite texture:Crushed velvet 83 - What is your favorite flower?Roses (bc I’m cliche)84 - What’s your favourite scent? And on the opposite sex?My favourite is sandalwood incense, but on guys it’s whatever the CK cologne Alex wears is85 - What is your favorite season?Summer!86 - What are the top five places you wish you could go before you die?Cambodia, Australia, Thailand, Peru, Japan87 - What are four things you can’t live without and why?Alex - because he’s my biggest supporterHula hooping - it’s the one thing guaranteed to make me happyMy phone - because it’s how I communicate with all my friends, who live miles awayThe beach - because looking at the sea puts things into perspective

88 - Which mythological creature are you most like? Why?Probably a nymph; I hide away but would be around for people I trust89 - What’s your favorite television show?Call the Midwife... or Big Brother at the moment lmao90 - Favorite place to shop at?All About Aud in Brighton 91 - Say 2 facts about your favorite things:They all improve my life in some wayThere’s no specific type of thing I love, there’s so many that contribute

92 - Say 4 facts about your parents:1. They met at the University of Bath in January 19842. They dated for 8 years before they were married3. My dad is an engineer and my mum is a pharmacist4. They originally wanted 4 children but I somehow put them off :L93 - Are you more like your mom or your dad?I’m a mixture of both, but probably slightly more like my dad?94 - Do you have any siblings?Nope!95 - Say 9 facts about your family:1. Both of my biological grandmothers died before I was born2. I’m not blood-related to any of my cousins3. I’m the oldest cousin by 7 years4. They’re very ‘traditional’ in their views5. I’m the only vegetarian6. My uncle and I are the only ones who are tattooed7. My maternal grandmother was at one point one of the fastest runners in Wales8. My great-grandmother lived until she was 999. One of my aunts lived in India for 10 years96 - What’s your relationship like with your family?Great with my parents, aunts and uncles, not so good with my grandparents lmao97 - Say 7 facts about your childhood:1. I was born in Radstock, Bath, but moved to my parents’ current home in 19992. My favourite school year was Year 13. I was really, really into snakes at one point4. My best friend’s name was Jennie5. My first ‘boyfriend’ in primary school was named Christopher; 15 years on and we still hang out, he drives me into town sometimes6. My favourite toy was a stuffed duck7. I didn’t go on a plane until I was 698 - The best and the worst childhood memories:Best: my 5th? birthday party; we had a piñata shaped like a worm, but my parents hadn’t realised you had to make a weak spot, so it took 20 minutes to open it (aka my dad pulled it down & everyone stood on it)Worst: the car accident99 - Say 6 facts about your home town:1. It was built by the Anglo Saxons and fortified to keep the Romans out2. It used to be a major city lmao (back in the bronze age)3. Its population is about 50004. There’s three churches5. And at least six pubs6. The highwayman William Pier lived & was killed there, but no one knows where his grave is since it’s unmarked100 - Are you going out of town soon?I’m going to London on Saturday!101 - Where would you like to live?Bristol, one day!102 - What would your dream house be like?Preferably like 4/5 bedroom townhouse (because I want 3 kids and a guest room lmao), but it’d be very ‘me’ in terms of decoration, with like fairy lights and wall hangings and super colourful things!103 - Where would you go on your dream vacation?Probably travelling, just to go everywhere!104 - Where you want to be right now?I’m quite happy here at the moment 105 - Top three places to visit:That I’ve been to?1. Vienna2. Amalfi Coast3. Berlin

106 - Would you ever smile at a stranger?Sometimes!107 - Do you prefer to be friends with girls or boys?I really don’t care :L108 - Who is someone you never tire of?Alex, Frankie and Callum109 - Do you have someone you can be your complete self around?See above!110 - Who is your most loyal friend?Callum111 - Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?Callum, Adam Gabe probably?112 - If your best friend died, what would you do?Be absolutely distraught?!113 - Something you’ve lied about.Uhh idk specifically?114 - Have you ever felt replaced?Dude my boyfriend can talk to someone else at the bar and I’ll worry that I’m useless lmao115 - Say 5 facts about your bestfriend(s):1. I met them all through completely different circumstances; I don’t think they know each other2. We’re close because we enjoy something different, be it fashion, music, whatever3. They’re people I can just carry on with like nothing happened when we meet up4. They all live much too far away5. If I have a party for my 21st I’m having it in Gloucestershire so it’s close for everyone so I can see them all

116 - The last person you hugged?Alex lmao117 - Story of your first kiss?My actual first kiss, I don’t remember because I was drunk lmao, but the first one I remember was nice and sweet and he was so nervous, he actually asked me - thought it was cute at the time, is probably, actually really cringey haha118 - Do you like kissing in public?Don’t mind it but not too much :L119 - Have you ever kissed someone older than you?Haha yeah120 - You have a preference for boys or girls?Eh121 - Is the male or female body closest to perfection?All bodies are perfect!122 - 5 things that irritate you about the same sex/opposite sex.I’m assuming this is based on relationships so I’ll go for cis men:1. Aversion to showering (both guys I dated properly would go a long time without showering lmao)2. Mansplaining (shut up)3. The fact they get praised for cooking/cleaning/whatever while I’m expected to do it4. The fact they get promoted quicker5. Hitting on me123 - Do you believe in love at first sight?Nope. Lust, yes124 - Do you believe in soul mates?Yeah, but I believe you can have multiple soul mates and they can be platonic, too125 - What is your idea of the perfect date?A nice walk, followed by a meal somewhere fun - nothing too fancy!126 - Based on past relationships or crushes, describe your perfect boyfriend/girlfriend:The one I already have! A shy, long-haired guy who loves classic rock and plays an instrument haha :L127 - What is the first thing you noticed in someone?I generally notice hair first because I’m awful and shallow haha128 - Are looks important in a relationship?At the start, yeah, but people get more attractive the more you find them to be a decent person...129 - What’s the most superficial characteristic you look for?Long hair on guys haha130 - What’s your opinion on age differences in relationships?Eugh.... as long as both are over 18 I guess it’s okay? People over like 21 dating people younger than 18 comes off as a bit weird131 - Would you ever date someone off of the Internet?I’d consider it132 - Five guys/girls whom you find attractive:1. Alex2. Syd Barrett3. Stevie Nicks4. Kate Bush5. Noel Fielding133 - Do you have a crush on anyone?Alex haha134 - A description of the girl/boy you like:He’s 5′7, has long brown hair and blue eyes, he’s cute and chubby and plays guitar. He likes talking to people but is really shy to do so, he lacks confidence which is sad but also people really do like him! He’s very sweet and soft and warm and I love him 135 - Say 1 fact about the person your like:His favourite film is the Lord of the Rings trilogy because he sees them all as one story136 - If the person you like says they like someone else, what would you say?”What the actual fuck” and then I’d cry137 - When was the last time you told someone you loved them?Just now!138 - Do you think someone has feelings for you?I hope so :L139 - Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?Ehh, maybe?140 - Have you ever cried over a guy/girl?Whoooooo hasn’t :L141 - Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?Yeah, I think a lot of people have142 - Anyone you’re giving up on?Uhh, all the people I liked before I was with Alex haha143 - Have you ever liked someone you didn’t expect to?Yup!144 - Have you ever liked someone who your friends hated?They didn’t hate him but they took a while to warm to him145 - Have you ever liked one of your best friends?Yeah146 - Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?I think so? Lmao147 - Is there a boy/girl who you would do absolutely everything for?Probably like all of my friends haha148 - Is there someone you will never forget?Probably149 - Say five ways to win your heart:1. Actually listen to what I say2. Take me nice places3. Write me a song or a poem or something4. Be genuine and kind to me5. Help me out when I’m in one of my stupid sad phases150 - What turns you on?Being a musician, nice cologne/perfume, good hair, being a genuinely decent human :L