#tumblr less so but twitter i am unashamed

[lanatusnebula]

pDNA was an old OC that a lot of people seemed to like!

Her ref sheet is not coming out the way I want it to.

I wanted her to be a sort of reploid? But her joints being curly kinda made it hard to say she was one... maybe some sort of weird derivative? She's supposed to be strictly a digital entity, and not at all tangible but... I still need to work on the sheet a bit more and find the old art I have of her lying around to clean up her toyhou.se...

She lacks lore. Just... there to look pretty lol

[closedshop]

we don't talk much but i really love it when i see u on my dash ^_^ the way u speak is so light and whimsical and airy idk its so pleasant to read and i think smtimes i wanna embody that too. i'm not super into enstars anymore but i like reading your analyses and stuff theyre super interesting!!!

Ah, thank you〜! We probably don’t talk much because of my shyness as much as it is a dual effort but to exist under the same sky is so nice. Funnily enough, I have had so, so, so many people comment on the way I speak and the weird stuff I say (my boyfriend & Noelle have said I just “say things” sometimes & the church seems to think my thought processes in general are unreasonable LOL but I think it’s in a cute way at least. I hope?) on various separate occasions and the way it’s worded always fascinates me since it’s always a little bit different. I don’t mind & kind of even like it, I’m used to being observed and commented on.

I once made a tweet about it stating “My friends & lover tend to be witnesses to my, quote, shakespearean demeanour｡｡｡my form of speech has been commented on by others, referred to as "whimsical", even. My boyfriend frequently likes to point out how weird I am too, lovingly I presume.” I have screenshots of a few instances saved though there have been very many. Why? It simply amuses me! Being perceived appears to have it’s perks.

But, enough of that! I am so touched you’d say that I’m pleasant to read｡｡｡I’m someone who thinks a little too deeply about everything in the world, not just the things he likes, but I am prone to being pretentious in that regard (and very much proud, I shall say! Despite my occasional, negative form of self consciousness at the fact.) I’ve been forcing my mutuals to learn about the things I like this way for years like second-hand smoke and since ansta is my big interest now that I’m older even more so hahaha ｡ﾟ(ﾟ´ω`ﾟ)ﾟ｡ I think I’ve never shut up in the past four years about anything, though, especially as I learn to become less unashamed about the things I love. It’s okay if you don’t ansuta as hard as I do anymore, after all, our feelings for things can be so fleeting, I’m happy to have your company as is.

I don’t like to call them analysis directly, typically, because I don’t like to seem too full of myself or try-hard or fake-deep, but when other people do so it makes me happy in a way, to know my observations are appreciated and seen as interesting and even novel at times (I get so excited or otherwise feel a lot when others point out things I haven’t noticed, so to think I can make others feel the same—!), or at least just nice to read about in the way I put them. I’ve had cases where I have a belief but someone is able to put it into words so well and even add to it and it’s like… wow… kyah. But anyway, it used to be an insecurity, as someone who fears coming off like this:

Speaking of, I’ve kept them mostly to twitter nowadays whether in small or big doses (partly due to my compulsions that kept me away from blogging for a bit, that was a really sad time 🥲) since the exposure of my mind to the masses has become addictive to me, but I’m so happy you’re here and still enjoy them. I’ve even had crazy long letter exchanges in the form of long screenshots of thoughts back and forth with likeminded people and it’s like, omg. It’s probably not healthy to be that hooked so I’ve been trying to reel myself back into the tumblr sphere where it is more for my own sake than anything, but it’s so fun to engage in discussions about anything ever, really!

My friends tell me things like saying I’m well spoken and other nice things I have forgotten yet definitely internalized and it brings a kind of euphoria I can’t explain because it’s something I can’t Help I love that everything in the world means so much to me and I love art and everything in the universe basically except for the things I hate and that hurt me badly and sometimes the things I truly love wound me and that’s fine too. I try my best to convey my feelings because honestly, I don’t necessarily even think in words. It’s more vague abstract feelings and concepts that I have to try to string together 🥹 so to do so successfully makes me happy. SORRY FOR RAMBLING ON SO MUCH ABOUT, well, myself! I don’t mean to be self-absorbed, but aren’t we all living inside our heads? That’s where our brain is.

I think the most important part is to be yourself unapologetically｡｡｡being light and whimsical to mee is fun and comes naturally ♪ sometimes I wish I was just like the sun, and hope I won’t burn anyone. I don’t play these things up or anything. It’s an earnest portrayal, despite the more grotesque aspects I keep hidden. Anyone can embody what they would like to and become their best/most preferred self, if they try, I’m sure! Though it is hard to be so malleable. I want to be truer to myself and better every day｡｡｡there’s also the aspect of, as my best friend Kris said, a few minutes ago, the way the self wills itself to be. I’ve worked hard to shape myself and be comfortable with it, and I’m happy to be loved for it. Thank you to anyone who read.