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from-now-on-im-switzerland · 10 months ago

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>I Just Like The Cold.

Chapter Three

Jasperxf¡reader

Multiple POV's

TW, Drowning.

I'm so sorry this took forever, I've been on my other Tumblr and forgot completely about this account 😭.

Also I'm tryna etch myself back into my twilight phase and writing always helps.

°Reader's POV°

I felt the beads of sweat dripping down my face. I tossed and turned, and my face twitched with irritation as my eyes refused to snap open from this dream. It was a simple dream. One that if I were still allowed to friends with him, I wouldn't complain, but as I'm not permitted to go anywhere near him, the only way I can hear his voice and be as close to him as I want, is in my subconscious.

He was just sat there. On a cliffside, overlooking a beautiful sunset, his head was slightly tilted as he watched the cotton candy looking clouds float through the sky. Sunsets were rare in Forks, which was probably why he was sat there, admiring it. No one else was there, until I appeared, and sat down next to him. He smiled in my direction and he put his arm around my waist. I took the opportunity and rested my head on his shoulder. But with each breath, and every blink in the sun's direction, he withered away slowly. Like a dying rose, but with it's thorns still pricking me.

"I just can't.." he said, as his face was the last of him to wash away, and I was left alone again.

I sat up, gasping for air, letting the much needed oxygen fill my lungs. I opened my curtains to see the dark of the night, the only light being from the moon and shining stars surrounding it.

Sighing, I sat back down on my bed, begging my mind to let him go. He didn't want to know me. And that hurt.

Thinking about it, I'm being pretty dramatic. It's just how in the dark I am about it all. He didn't give me an explanation of any kind. The only thing I've heard is that it's 'for my own good' or for my 'safety' but I don't get how I'm in danger. If he had just given me a reason, sure I'd still be sad that I can't be...friends with him, but I wouldn't be in a state like this. I just need answers, my mind can't comprehend the not knowing.

It was morning before I knew it, and I was running on very limited sleep. Before Emmett got to my house I met myself in the mirror, and stared at my reflection. I looked so..sick. Almost like death had greeted me like an old friend. The bags under my eyes, they hung low like anchors, anchors on one of those old fashioned war ships.

However, before I could throw myself a lifeboat, a knock at my door pulled me from my thoughts.

As I went down the stairs, a picture frame of the Rez hung by the doorway, I'd never noticed it before, but it reminded me that Seth had invited me to go swimming later today, and that lifted my mood.

I unlocked my door, grabbing my backpack. "Hey.." Emmett said, that same goofy grin smeared across his face.

"Hey Emmett" I threw him a sheepish smile, the same sheepish smile I'd been giving him over and over. He probably knew by now that it wasn't exactly a genuine smile but he met me with the same mentality everyday, being that he could make me feel better with his jokes. Now, while the jokes would make me chuckle any other time, I was too numb.

Almost like routine, I climbed into the back of Emmett's jeep as he switched the radio on, pulling away from my house.

We arrived at school and I hopped out of the jeep, thanking Emmett like usual as we walked up the steps. Emmett would drive so fast that the three of us, myself, Emmett and Rose, got to school maybe 10 minutes before the rest of the students.

We wandered through the not so densely populated corridors of the school.

"You seem a bit more cheerful today Y/n" Emmett commented.

"yeah..well Seth invited me over to La Push to go swimming" I smiled, and not a fake one.

Rosalie stopped herself from laughing by biting the inside of her cheek.

Emmett raised his eyebrows. "Swimming? It's getting colder..are you sure?" Emmett asked.

"Yes. I'm sure. I like the cold, it's refreshing. I'd rather be freezing cold than boiling hot" I admitted.

"..Well, just be careful okay?" he said, worry lacing his words.

"I will." I said, as students began to file in through the doors.

°Jasper's POV°

Each and every school day without talking to her feels like hell. I don't even need to be here, why am I here? I've graduated high school so many times. I mean, surely there's a better way to spend eternity than going to school over and over again?

Or maybe it's this school. Forks High School. Granted, this is only the second time we've been to this school, but both times one of us has...gotten invloved..with a human.

Shaking my screaming thoughts, I walked over to Edward's Volvo, and waited for him and Bella to finish class.

I leant against the hood of the car and without warning, I was paralysed by her all too familiar scent. The very scent I was craving. My eyes glued to her figure as she skipped past the car, not even blinking in my direction as she tugged Seth over to her car, her hands clinging to his wrists. Embry and Quill followed not too far behind, laughing at her antics.

"I actually can't wait, I've been needing to get out the house so bad!" I heard her. Her voice, sculpted to please my ears so delicately. My still heart tugged at its strings, begging me to call it quits and just go over to her.

Go over to her and just sweep her of her feet, both litteraly and figuratively. I want to hold her tightly in a hug that she can't escape from, I want to cradle her in my arms. I want-

I want her.

I felt a dread as I watched Seth hold the car open for her. It wasn't someone else's dread, it wasn't an artificial dread that I had moulded to place on someone. It was my own. My own dread, my own jealousy.

Seth was a great person. He was so kind and his heart had room for anyone. Can't say the same for other members of his pack..but Seth was a good egg. If that's the case, why in this moment am I wishing upon his downfall?, why am I praying for something to happen?

"Maybe cuz you're in love with her?" Edward asked, as he and Bella walked up to the car, arms linked.

"Shut up."

"-and don't you dare do anything to Seth." Bella said, inferring.

"I wasn't going to.." I muttered. "I actually like Seth." I said, rolling my eyes as I recalled the number of times his other pack members made this eternal life a little tougher than it had to be.

"I think everything's gonna turn out fine!" Alice smiled from beside me, appearing from out of nowhere.

"Oh will it now?" I asked, as we all piled into the Volvo.

"Yep!" She said, optimistically, he smile wide.

"Oh..tell me Alice, when does Jasper decide to...get over himself?" Bella asked, turning to face me from the passenger seat, earning a chuckle from Edward who was supposed to be focused on not hitting students as he pulled away from the parking spot.

Alice also giggled at Bella's remark. "Oh aren't you so funny and confident now that you've got everything you want?" I sassed.

"Don't hate the player, hate the game" She said, with her hands up in surrender, a playfull smile tugging at her lips.

Not too thrilled I risked my life for her. But y'know...we move.

I could sense Edward in my head. 'What?' I thought, bitterly.

"Jasper, if you're that worried about her going to La Push, I can get Renesme to go down there. Just to keep an eye out for her." He said.

°Reader's POV°

Seth sat next to me in my passenger seat, giving me directions to the La Push beach, while Embry and Quill sat in the back squabbling.

My eyes stayed glued to the road however, and their voices soon muffled as my thoughts began to drown them out.

I spotted Seth at the bottom of the steps, and as we walked across the car park, Embry and Quill joined us. I saw him. Leant against Edward's Volvo, not a care in the world. I'll bet he hadn't given me a thought since he walked off in that hallway. He didn't know just how much this ignorance was cursing me, just how much his cold shoulder was making my heart ache. I couldn't let him see how bad this was effecting me, I just couldn't. I grabbed Seth's wrist and skipped past him to my car. "Someone's eager" Seth commented. "I actually can't wait, I've been needing to get out the house so bad!" I said, truthfully. I fought against the urge to glance in his direction, the hope that he was looking this way slowly persuading me. I instead thanked Seth as he opened my car door for me, and I climbed inside.

"Is she in some sort of trance-" I heard Embry's voice from outside my car. Visions of Jasper fading as I felt someone shake my shoulder.

"Y/n?" Seth pulled me from my thoughts, the harsh wind easing it's way into the car through my now open door.

I shook my head and turned to face him, as he was leaning inside the car, his hand still resting comfortably on my shoulder. "Shit, sorry I zoned out" I said, laughing slightly as I got out the car, in attempts to lighten the mood.

The others cracked a smile as they ran ahead, taking off their tops as they ran into the sea. I smiled too, taking off my jacket and leaving it in the car, next to my bag of spare clothes and my shoes. "I'll race you!" I said to Seth already speeding off.

The waves just managed wash over my feet when Seth grabbed my waist and we both fell into the water, thankfully it was a little deeper than I expected, so I didn't hurt myself.

I smiled as I rose the surface again, splashing Seth when he turned in my direction. He grinned as he dove under the water, swimming beneath me, before standing back up, with me on his shoulders. I wobbled, as he began to walk about.

"Seth!" I laughed. Like..actually laughed. For the first time in a while.

°Renesme's POV°

I sat on the cliffside, looking down at the four of them. Laughing loudly and splashing each other. I could hear their racing hearts from here, as they used all their energy.

She was fine.

Uncle Jas really just has to get a grip. Apparently it was the same with Dad? Why can't men just..

..nevermind.

"What you doing up here Ness?" Jacob said, sitting next to me.

"Always the questions..never 'Hey Renesme!' or 'Hey Nessi'. Just a question for every minute I'm not attached to your hip huh?" I asked, a small smile tugging at my lips.

His lips curled up too. "Sorry."

Jacob was honestly the best friend I could ask for. I tried to hang out with the rest of the pack, to get closer to them, but Jacob just gives better company, well for me anyway. I've known him since I was born, (now given my complicated ageing process, it hasn't been that long) but that's besides the point. The point is, Jacob's like the brother I'm never gonna have.

(A!/n: bit of Jacob character redemption there for you)

The laughing died down, along with the splashing, and my head whipped back round to the four of them down at the shore. Only three of them visible and only three heartbeats audible.

°Seth's POV°

Y/n dived under the water again. I don't know what she was gonna do this time, she'd been diving under and doing the most random shit for the past five minutes, making the three of us laugh until our ribs hurt.

She was still under the water.

I saw her body beneath the surface of the waves, laying still. Was she serious? Was this a prank or something? I reached into the water and dragged her above the surface. She wasn't breathing.

I picked her up, and ran her over to the shore, placing her down gently. I've never done CPR, so I panicked. I frantically felt around her neck for a pulse but I couldn't find it. My breathing quickened, and just as me and Y/n have talked about, That ugly feeling hit.

Not now Seth, she needs you.

Before my brain could overthink anymore, Jacob and Renesme appeared.

"What happened!?" Nessi asked, her voice cracking in worry, as she knelt down to Y/n.

"We were just playing around and then she went under water but then she didn't come back up so I dragged her out of the water and-"

"-Seth!" Jacob cut me off.

I snapped my eyes over to him. "Just go get Carlisle, just in case, quickly. I'll do CPR." He said, joking Renesme.

I ran off, hearing the thuds as Jacob attempted to get the water from her lungs. The thudding faded the further I got into the woods and I phased, racing over to the Cullens'.

I ran through the woods, going tunnel vision. I could hear my own heart pounding in my chest, the thud reminding me of Jacob's palm compressing against her chest.

I leaped out of the trees and onto the road infront of thier house, Carlisle, Edward and Alice meeting me outside. "Seth.." Edward said, Bella soon appeared by his side. "Seth?" she repeated.

°Edward's POV°

Seth struggled to stay on his feet as he breathed heavily, I could see the panic behind his eyes.

'It's Y/n she's not breathing. Jacob's trying to do CPR but he said to get Carlisle, I'm not sure he knows exactly what he's doing!'

Thankfully, Jasper had gone hunting with Emmett so I didn't need to worry about him hearing.

"Carlisle, it's Y/n." I said, expressing my worry.

"Y/n?" He questioned, appearing from the house at my side. "As in Jasper's supposed singer?"

"Yes! I'll go with you, but don't tell Jasper." I said.

Carlisle nodded to me, and sped off, Seth following close behind him. Just as I was about to kiss Bella goodbye, I heard Jasper's raspy voice from the trees.

He walked out with Emmett, wiping blood from his mouth. "Don't tell Jasper what?" he asked.

°Jasper's POV°

Edward stared at me, unable to speak. I could feel his worry, and his panic. I looked to Alice and she felt the same, her sympathy tangling with Edward's apprehension.

"Don't tell me what?" I repeated.

"Guys what's going on?" Emmett said, as he began to walk inside. "Has Jacob been over or what? It stinks" He said, before he froze in his tracks on the steps.

And my thoughts froze too. We came to the same conclusion. That smell. It wasn't Jacob.

"Seth was here." I said, steeping forward. "Was she with him? Is she okay?, don't tell me she's somewhere in these woods." I rattled off questions, getting closer and closer to Edward.

"Eddie, just tell me. Where did Carlisle go, I thought I saw him speeding off with a wolf but I shook it off, now I'm enclined to not doubt what I saw, where did they go?" I asked.

The closer I got to Edward, the more on edge I felt Bella become. "Jasper.." she said.

I turned to face her. "Is Renesme not back yet?" I asked.

"Seth was here." Edward finally said, he let out an unessecary puff of air. "And he asked for Carlisle because.." he trailed off, still debating wether letting me in on the information was a good idea.

"Because what Edward?" I felt a new kind of anxiety seeping in, it infiltrated my anger, turning my voice shaky instead of stern. At this point, I think I already knew. The string of information peiced itself together the moment I realised Seth was here.

"Y/n. She-"

I needed no more information. I turned on my heal and ran through the forest, ducking and diving between branches. She can't be hurt. If she's hurt, or dead, or worse than I won't be able to live with myself.

She went to La Push to quote “get out the house” If I didn't cut her off, she wouldn't be needing a distraction. She wouldn't have been there.

My thoughts were so loud on the run to La Push, I'm almost certain Edward still heard me. I didn't want to be friends with her anymore, because deep down I knew how much my stone heart called for her. I knew how much her blood tempted me. I knew that I'd already fallen in love with her. Yet, in my attempt to remove myself from her life, and she from mine, the tugging feeling of desperacy grew stronger within my dead soul.

They say eyes are the window to the soul, and the soul is what makes someone live. Well...the dying fire in my soul was only reignited when her eyes greeted mine. She added fuel to the flames, in so many ways. She made my still heart feel as though it was skipping beats. She made the hunger, longing at the back of my throat, cry out for her. She made me feel again. Her emotions were so strong, the strongest I've ever felt from anyone, I could feel them all the time, even when I knew nothing of her whereabouts. But, in that moment, I felt nothing from her. I felt nothing but my own trepidation.

I remember the first time I saw her.

There was: Anxiety, Depression, Arousal (the classic), Embarrassment, Jealousy, Confusion, Panic. The all too familiar everyday emotions of high schoolers invaded my very senses, until a new scent hit my nose like a tidal wave and snapped me out of working order. My head sprang up as I abruptly stopped talking with Rose and I scanned the halls. That roaring flame of hunger was racing back into my throat, and I felt nothing but instant panic as this person's scent was sending me into orbit. Breathing had become a forgotten practice, not that I needed to do it anyway. My eyes darted to everyone in the halls, no one's face matching the beauty of the scent controlling my actions. I almost didn't notice Alice's hand on my shoulder attempting to calm me, as I still hadn't found the source of the alluring smell.

Until my eyes landed on her.

Her features matching her intoxicating scent all too well. My eyes were locked on hers, everything beside her was blurry and I couldn't look away. Her eyes giving me a new kind of oxygen to breathe. I sensed Edward inside my mind, reading my thoughts and that was enough to pull me out of my trance. I was able to walk away, down the hall before I ended up hurting someone. And by someone, I meant her.

I pushed my initial thoughts of her away for as long as could, before my non-beating heart took over and decided that not much harm could be done if I became friends with her. But, much to my dismay, seeing her shining eyes everyday was enough for her to take over my every thought. My each and every thought.

I got to the beach, a small crowd surrounding her. She lay still on the sand. Lifeless. Her eyes were closed and her lips were blue.

Not like this.

°Reader's POV°

I couldn't see anything but black. I couldn't think. I couldn't feel.

But for some reason, I could hear.

"How long has it since she was under the water?" I heard Dr Cullen's voice.

"About three minutes.." A man said. I heard a dog bark, as if it was disagreeing. Now surely I was starting to hallucinate.

"Scratch that, maybe five" The man corrected himself.

I could feel ice cold fingers at my neck.

"She's alive, move out of the way Jacob." Dr Cullen said, as he placed his freezing hands slightly higher up on my chest than this 'Jacob' had them earlier, and he started performing CPR.

I almost didn't want to wake up, the kind light surrounding me was welcoming me with open arms and I felt loved for the first time in a long time. Everything was bright, shiny and sparkling - it was like a celestial glow. I felt content and peacefuI. Dr Cullen kept trying to resuscitate me, but my body wasn't allowing it.

"C'mon Y/l/n" His voice echoed around me, the southern drawl non-mistakeable. "What have I said to you about getting distracted?" he said, reminding me of the baseball game. I couldn't think of anything before his voice, but now, I was invaded with visions of our forgotten friendship.

A thud against my chest.

"You gonna keep those beautiful eyes away from me forever, hotshot?" he said.

A thud against my chest.

"This isn't it. You know it's not"

A thud against my chest.

"You're not done, this isn't how we end. Not after I tried to keep you safe."

A thud against my chest.

"I miss you so much" he said, weakly.

One last thud and I was gasping for air, coughing up sea water. My rapid breathing felt familiar but the strain around my chest didn't, I could feel where the water had been, it was like it was still clawing at the sides of my lungs. My vision was blurry, and I couldn't make anyone out.

No one but him.

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