#tumblr i hate you why do you insist on ruining the quality

[brucie-baby]

batman #428 // batman #375 // batman #641 & cursedsuggestion

[lochnessies]

ok here’s a dissection of a post an anon sent me the link to and bc i have the worst time management possible and i completely forgot i had it lol so sorry anon here you go ❤️🧡💛💚💙💜

I am constantly thinking about how Edelgard just doesn’t seem designed to appeal to cishet men.

i hate to be the one to break this news to you op but just because a character doesn’t show skin like charlotte fire emblem doesn’t mean she isn’t designed to pander to men. she’s very much designed to pander to the (majority straight male) player base with her ‘uwu i only trust you professor omg did u see that rat? pls don’t look at my painting of you uwu’.

then there’s the whole edelgard c support in japanese where byleth makes reference to having come to her room for ‘yobi’ which is

there’s also the scene where byleth can make an unsolicited comment about edelgard’s breast size. which is… uhh… gross.

edelgard also has cipher cards that go from slightly fanserviceie to full on suggestive

and also her breast armor that my sister relentlessly mocked lol

and here’s a chart from the 3h subreddit about gender/sexually in regards to edelgard and edeleth. it’s extremely straight male. op might have just overlooked this since they probably don’t go on reddit and stay on tumblr (which unlike reddit is mostly female and has a high lgbt demographic).

Like the joke is that Bleagles is the Gay House, but everything about her feels deliberately non-hetero.

i don’t like where this is going…

She’s dressed in sharp outfits covering her upper body, with proportions that don’t seem exaggerated.

so women who cover up must be lgbt because straight women are naturally more revealing? oh y i k e s

Her poise and the way she effortlessly flourishes her axe exhibits an air of coolness. While titties out =/= character of no substance, Edelgard being dressed more modestly suggests that she wasn’t designed with male-centred fanservice in mind.

“titties don’t equal no substance but here’s my post on how she has more substance because she doesn’t show titties” ok

And she still looks absolutely stunning in her more modest attire (like seriously, I haven’t felt the need to return to cosplay in years but I want to do her academy look so bad). 

yes she does. amazing design 10/10. i have a feeling this is the only part i’m going to agree with

Edelgard is intense. She does not mince her words and she is constantly evaluating you. Though she tries, she has a difficult time understanding her peers initially. Early on, she talks about how she would sacrifice herself and others in the name of some greater good. She is terrible at communicating with her peers. She has to be seen as infallible. Her heart has been hardened for years and she assumes she has to stay that way. She also assumes everyone mourns the same way she does - which is why she (kind of insensitively) insists you move on when Jeralt dies. Because to her, grief has to be channeled towards action, or else you’ll get lost in it. This attitude is demonstrated time and time again as she presses on. It can make her come off as cold and unfeeling - but look closer, and she’s anything but.

don’t really have anything to say at this part. it is pretty on the nose though i would slightly disagree with that last sentence a bit. i wouldn’t say she’s as i feeling as hubert is but all of her talks of the war boil down to how she feels and never her victims.

Her story is ultimately about her realizing that to achieve her goals, she needs to let people in and allow herself to want things like cakes and tea parties and lazy days in peace. 

????? what ????? her goals include imperialism, ethnic and religious targeting. her story is about having a set of beliefs and mowing down anybody who stands in her way. that has nothing to do with tea, friends, and lazy days. also am i supposed to be sad that she has to get up everyday and work? i do that and i didn’t start a war and only throw a pity party for myself

The game leaves the player guessing as to how involved the Flame Emperor was in each Part I event, makes you feel hurt by her betrayal, and leaves you with a choice: do you follow the orders of the woman who tried to make you a god without your consent, or a young girl with questionable morals about to throw the world into upheaval?

this isn’t an ideal situation but i think i’m going to stick with the woman who tried to make me a god since i’m not selfish and i know it’s not only my desires and life at stake here. plus the green hair slaps ngl

Choosing her of your own volition (not for completionist reasons) requires the basic ability to sympathize with a woman’s pain. It also requires the player to read beyond her unwavering will and dubious methods to get a sense of how deep that pain goes and how the theme of humanity relates to her differently in each route.

i’m not going to touch this since @nilsh13 made a post on it that i’ll link here. i agree with everything he said so to repeat it would be redundant.

The player must be able to see a young woman’s desperate resolve to change the world so it stops exploiting people and ruining lives. They must be able to accept the fact that women can make the same morally wrong and ambivalent decisions that complicated male characters get to make all the time and still be the one to root for.

literally the same reason i love rhea lol her goddess experiments are dubious at best but her reasons are the same you mentioned. i would say that i like this quality in edelgard too if her ending, while bloody, actually ended in a good outcome for fodlan.

This is not unique to LGBT+ people, but this population is likely to understand why Edelgard feels so strongly about why she has to change the system. 

i understand wanting to change a system, i really do. like edelgard, i’m an opinionated bisexual woman (who’s also physically disabled) so yeah i get it. and change can be good but it can also be terrible. even if the church was the boogeyman edelgard treats it as she still replaces it with her own shit regime. so it’s the same circus just with a new conductor.

I don’t think “Edelgard gets undue criticism because she’s a woman” captures the full picture. An important aspect of her treatment by certain parts of the fandom is that she’s a radical woman.

or maybe she does some pretty fucked up shit and it goes unacknowledged in her own route. and yeah she’s radical but in all the worst ways.

Her hatred of the Church and the Crest system resonates way harder with people who have been hurt by institutions that are deeply engrained in our society. 

and what about people who have been hurt by systems where their ‘merit’ didn’t measure up and they were left behind? what about people from nations that experienced imperialism?

Siding with her means siding against the Church - which, while different from real world religious institutions, still invokes language about “sin” and “punishment.

yeah the ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ are used in relation to attempted murders which i think everybody can agree is a bad thing that needs to be condemned.

Choosing Edelgard will likely hit different if homophobic and transphobic Christians used that rhetoric against you.

it has literally nothing to do with ‘sins’ and ‘punishments’ in regards to being gay or trans. that’s you projecting. especially since the church has 2 canon gay characters and two coded ones.

like i can understand why having a church condemn you can be uncomfortable but i’m begging you to please look at the context of what’s happening.

I’m willing to go out on a limb and say that the reason F/F Edeleth is the more popular iteration of that ship because most people who would choose to S-support Edelgard are LGBT+ themselves. This is not a revelation. To anyone in the community, it’s fairly obvious. 

i was talking to nilish and he said

so yeah… while there is definitely sapphic femleth shippers out there, there’s still a whole lot of weird fetishizing going on from straight men about edelgard.

Crimson Flower was my first route. I went into the game knowing absolutely nothing. I played it during the last week of 2020 and hoo boy was it cathartic. 

i can tell. this wasn’t supposed to be a dig but it came out that way and i’m not taking it out.

I felt like I was living out a gay revolution power fantasy, where I could truly change systems of oppression while fighting alongside a group of troubled students I’d shaped the lives of.

so a gay revolution power fantasy (cringe) goes hand in hand with imperialism and installing a dictatorship? also the war had nothing to do with sexuality.

Through your unwavering support, Edelgard learns that she needs to be human, that she must listen to her friends, and that she’s allowed to enjoy the world she’s creating.

edelgard gets to learn how to be human all while hunting those who don’t. and she doesn’t listen fo her friends. she doesn’t even trust them. she’s willing to talk to byleth but keep the people who’s been by her side for five years in the dark about everything. and yeah she gets to enjoy her new words since she’s on top. hate to be a commoner under her rule after she burned down my village in her war.

I love this character so much.

clearly. and i honestly don’t care if somebody likes her. i do as well even if my sometimes scathing words can make it seem otherwise.

It has been six months since I first played and I am still analyzing her,

me too. please help me escape i’m losing my mind

because there’s so much depth. Yet so many people fail to see that depth and dismiss her as evil,

i mean, she does some fucked up shit that goes beyond any of the less than desirable actions of the other main characters and does an extremely poor job in trying to make herself seem innocent. i personally don’t think she’s pure evil but i completely understand where the people who say she is are coming from.

because they never had the will to understand complicated women in the first place. 

that’s big talk from somebody who implies that a gay pope is comparable to homophobic and transphobic irl religions and that leads an oppressive regime all because she uses the vague terms of sin and punishments that you have to gay power fantasy your way out of

[depressedacadamia]

How do you passive aggressively say ‘Fuck you’ in flower? Part III

Summary:  New owners, new friendships and new beginnings... but maybe there's a linger of old history there aswell.

A/N:  Helloooo!! It's writers month starting August so I've posted all the prompts and there are also the fandoms you can request. Please send a request, its always fun to interact with the readers and hear what content you want to see!! That said, here is chap 3!! I hope you enjoy and make sure you comment and enjoy!! <3 from phi phi!!

Read on A03              Read part I on Tumblr               Read part II on Tumblr

Will couldn't believe his luck. Of all the things he could have been told, it had to be this.

He held the printed note in between his thumb and forefinger as he grumpily read aloud the note hidden inside the fortune cookie. Calypso looked excited as her hands gripped the side of the table with passion.

“So? What does it say? Are you going to marry skull boy and live happily ever after with a cat?”

Wills scowled. “ No, that’s ridiculous. I hate cats. Maybe a dog. Or a goldfish.”

“Yeah, but goldfish don't live for as long as a cat could,” Calypso pointed out, her pinky finger pointing towards Will. “Now read. I want to hear your fortune.”

“Ugh. You aren’t hesitant to take what you want but sometimes you lack intuition; try and be more intuitive."

Calypso looked at him, with disappointment ranging across her face before shrugging and returning to her food. Will, who was expecting a much larger reaction, was offended.

“Excuse me? You begged to hear my fortune and now you just ignore it? You’re a terrible friend. I bet you wouldn’t run into a fire to save me.”

“You’re right. I wouldn’t.”

Will gasped. Calypso continued her sentence, with an overall sense of coolness. “ I’d send the fucking fire patrol, police, moutaion resucuers, heck, I’d send the grandma next door to me if she had even a slim chance of getting you out of there.”

“Awwww, You do love me!”

Calypso grunted. “It’s only because I refuse to let anything other than myself kill you. Now stop hugging me and scram; you’re ruining my course of digestion with how hard your arms are wrapped around my stomach.”

But Will refused to oblige as he wrapped his arms around his best friend's stomach, listening to her complaints and completely ignoring them.

“What do you think it means?” Calypso spoke over a mouthful of food.

“What?”

“The fortune cookie thingy. What do you think it means?”

“It means I should be more intuitive, that's what it said.”

Calypso facepalmed, now understanding why the fortune cookie told her best friend what it told them. Even to the most oblivious person, it was obvoius that what the fortune cookie had told Will was not to simply be more intuitive but instead to -as the author would say- Open your fucking eyes and see what’s in front of you . But, as the author, I can tell you that William Andrew Solace is such an oblivious character that if I were to shout that at him, he would simply stare at whatever was sitting in front of him.

The next Saturday

“Are they coming?” Meg tugged on Will’s sleeve. “ Will, are they going to come today?”

It had seemed that, surprisingly enough, Meg had taken a great liking to Will’s so-called new ‘friends’ and in particular- Nico, which just so happened to be perfect for Will. It was already terrible that Will had to deal with them showing up only once in his beloved shop, let alone the idea that they may come again the next weekend and ruin it entirely for him, like the previous.

“I don’t know Meg, why do you care?” Will asked, his tone slightly agitated, out of all the people who had visited him at the shop, Meg just had to take a liking to these.

“Because that Nico guy is super cool. But don’t tell him I said that- and you guys can’t make out in my shop, no matter how cool he is.”

“This isn’t your shop and it isn't Calypso’s either, Dya know that, right?” Will reminded Meg as she went on about the new customers.

A sharp jab, that Will could now confidently identify to be Calypso’s elbow, hit his side. “Oi, What do you mean it ain't my shop- it basically is. It’s not like the previous owner ever cared about it.”

Will’s ears perked up at the words ‘previous owner’. “What do you mean Previous owner? Do they not own it anymore?”

“Did you not hear?” Calypso stopped braiding the rose into Will’s hair after seeing his surprised expression. “ We have a new owner. They offered the old one loads, and I mean loads of money for this shop. Apparently it’s this young sophisticated woman who just throws money whenever she wants.”

“Why do you sound so happy?”

Calypso’s finger’s in Will’s hair stopped braiding for a second. “What do you mean why do I sound so happy? We have a new rich owner. That means we will get better conditions. Imagine all the better quality wrapping we can get for the bouquets!”

“But if they're the kind of person to just throw money about, will they really take care of what's theirs? Or will they just send their own cronies to keep everything tidy, while paying them the minimum possible? And in this case, those cronies are us!”

“You’re imagining the worst of the new owner.”

“No, I’m not! Why am I the only one who hates the idea of a new owner!” Will yelled, grabbing the rose in his hair and ripping it out, throwing it at the entrance of the door. Will wasn't one to raise his voice but he couldn’t help but feel frustrated- why was everything changing so much!

Maybe it was fate, maybe it was destiny, or maybe Will was just that unlucky, but in that very moment, Nico and his friends all walked in.

It seemed they had all been causally conversing as they walked in.They were quickly silenced by whatever was occurring within the florist; Percy was halfway through grinning and dropping his jaw at Will's sudden outburst. Afterall, the last time he had seen Will this agitated was in middle school when he stole Will’s plastic stethoscope that his father had supposedly gotten him.

“Are we interrupting?'' Frank asked. He may have been on Nico’s side but he figured that perhaps barging in on an argument wasn’t the most respectful thing one could do.

“Trouble in paradise?” Nico smirked as he picked up the ruined rose that Will had thrown to the floor in a rage. He twirled in between his fingers and looked at the shade of pink; he glanced back at Will and decided it greatly complimented his skin tone and the cute blush he’d get whenever he was angry.

He frowned at the ruined rose and placed it on the counter before walking back to Will.

“The trouble only started when you set foot into this shop,” Will retorted, very much unappreciative of his presence at this moment. He still couldn't believe that the shop was getting a new owner! Sure, the old one had barely shown up and basically left Calypso entirely in charge but how could Calypso be so casual about it?

Nico ignored his attempt at a snide comment and walked past him, gesturing with his finger to follow behind him. “I want a flower. The one you threw. What was it, a Rosa Ausrumba?”

Will, slightly surprised that Nico had managed to identify the binomial name for the rose, raised his eyebrow. “Yeah.. how did you know?”

Nico shrugged, not offering an explanation as Will went ahead and fetched him a packaged gentle hermione rose. As he handed it over, he couldn’t help but let his mind wonder who the rose was for. It was a soft pink, the same type of rose that Calypso insisted he wear everytime he worked at the shop. Will knew that pink roses symbolised a lot of things but the question was, what exactly?

Was there anyone Nico knew who he’d give that rose to? It wouldn’t make sense for it to go to Leo, afterall, it wouldn't compliment his hair or skin tones: rather, it could work with someone like Hazel- since she was his sister, it would make sense for Nico to give it to her.

Calypso had always forced Will to wear that species of pink rose because she said that he had the hair for it and his blush and the colour of the rose were indistinguishable but most of all, it was the friendly gesture she had made when he first started working there.

He felt Nico’s fingertips brush against his as he handed the rose and a jolt of electricity sparking between them.

Shit, static shock.

“Ow!” Will jerked back, dropping the rose and rubbing his hand. He was about to ask Nico what the hell before he realised that the rose was on the floor. It wasn’t like the rose was going to be ruined or destroyed now it was on the floor or that it particularly angered Will to see the rose there. It simply saddened Will so much that he felt compelled to pick it up; maybe it was because he was so used to being forced into wearing it everyday or maybe because it was meant to be Nico’s, either way, he bent down to retrieve the flower.

It seemed that Nico had the same idea because their heads collided and Will was sent stumbling backwards onto his butt.

“Ow!” He cried again, rubbing his head. Nico felt his eyes widen at Will’s words and quickly he grabbed the rose and kneeled in the space between Will's legs, with his hand scanning Will’s face of any injury.

“Are you okay?”

Will frowned at the considerate question, wondering if Nico was mocking him or not. “Why do you care?”

That question threw Nico off guard. Why do you care? Why did he care? That was a good question he had yet to ask himself. Why did he care so much about Will? Why did he decide to come back? Every week nonetheless.

“No reason.” Nico shrugged. ” I just wanted to make sure your clumsy ass didn’t break anything.”

“Your head hit mine!”

“Yeah but it was you who decided to go after my flower,” Nico argued, clutching the rose in his hand. He started peeling off the wrapping until he had the rose alone in his hand.

“What the hell are you doing? You haven’t paid for it yet!”

Nico ignored him as he handed Will the rose. Obviously, Will took the rose from Nico’s hand and held it. Why did Nico want him to hold his flower for him?

“What?” Will was confused. “Why am I holding your flower?”

“Because I gave it to you.”

“To do what with?” Will inquired, his eyes oblivious. For someone who slept around, Will was not one who knew much about romantic rituals.

Murmuring something under his breath, Nico tilted his face away and let the loose strands of his black hair fall over his eyes elegantly. Will didn’t know if he had hit his head too hard but he could have sworn that Nico was slightly blushing.

“What? I didn’t catch that.”

“I said,” Nico took a dep breath, “The flower is for you and your stupid hair.”

Will must have looked relatively confused because Nico kept on talking. “Because you wear one whenever you work here? And when you threw a fit, you also threw your rose and it got ruined.”

Will, dumbfounded, simply stared at Nico. It wasn’t like he could braid his hair right here; Was this where Will was meant to thank him?

“Uh… thank you? I mean I could have easily gotten Callie to do my hair again but thanks anyway.”

Will realised that he was still sitting on the floor and immediately got up, still clutching the rose firmly in his hand, like he was afraid that the wind may just carry it off and he may never see it again.

In silence, him and Nico walked back to the counter, where surprisingly enough, everyone was getting on quite well. Percy and Frank were challenging Piper and Hazel about some vague petty thing,while Leo and Annabeth spoke to Calypso and Jason told Meg about Nico.

Annabeth had noticed quite quickly that Calypso had a crush on Leo and it seemed that Leo was aware as well. However, despite that, he didn’t let it get in the way of the conversation or the potential for a very beautiful friendship. He didn't like Calypso in that way. It was true that he had many previous lovers both men and women but Calypso was his friend, nothing more.

Nico noticed that Will was simply holding the rose and not wearing it like he intended him to.

“Why aren't you wearing the rose?”

Will stuttered, his face burning up slightly from embarrassment. “I..uh,well...I can’t really, um, braid my hair.”

Will was waiting for the insult. For a laugh, maybe a jeer. Instead he was surprised by the reaction that met him.

“I do. Give me the rose and sit in that chair.” Nico pointed to the chair behind the counter. Will, oblivious as ever, took a seat. He didn’t expect to feel familiar hands working on his hair. It felt like deja vu, feeling Nico’s fingers weave themselves into his hair, it felt like they were in that storage room all over again, making out on the small couch.

Wondering if Nico was also reminiscing that moment, he turned his head ever so slightly and caught Nico’s eye.

Nico turned Will’s head. “Stay still, I can’t do your hair if you keep on moving.”

Do my hair? He’s going to do my hair?

Will anxiously sat in the chair, fiddling his hands as Nico sectioned his hair into 3 parts and slipped the stem of the rose into one of the sections. He began braiding Will’s hair, slowly softly, dare I even say- Lovingly.

Will almost shivered when he felt Nico’s fingertip graze his scalp. His fingers braided like magic and within a matter of seconds, it felt like he had finished. Nico walked in front of Will to have a look at his handiwork from the front and reached forward. His finger brushed the side of Will’s ear and for a second, Will thought that Nico was going to gently cup his cheek and kiss him.

Instead, he reached and pulled free a small lock of hair from the front of his face so it dangled elegantly and complemented the rose that lay in his hair.

Will gulped. “ How did you learn to do hair?” His voice was extremely hoarse.

Nico’s voice seemed lower when he spoke. “My sister. I used to do her hair sometimes when we were at camp.”

Will nodded absent mindedly and focused on why his heart was beating so fast. The only reasons he knew why his heart would ever beat fast near a person would be if they scared him, forced him to exercise or if he had just slept with them.

Since Nico hadn't made him run, and they weren't sleeping together and Nico didn't make him fear for his life (yet), he was purely confused as to why his heart felt like it was a butterfly fluttering and any second, his ribcage may burst open and let it fly away and with it, his heart.,

He stared at the back of Nico’s head as he walked back to his friends who were now arguing about the difference between a white and an ivory rose.

Will did not not see Nico on Sunday at the flower shop. Nor did he see any of his friends.

Friday, Next week.

“Will, put that beer bottle down!” Calypso yelled, her entire state chaotic. There was flour everywhere and Will couldn’t tell where the kitchen started and where the mess ended.

This is what happened when he offered to babysit.

It was one thing to babysit a teenager or perhaps a 10 years old but a 7 years old? A seven year old and a 5 year old? A combination from hell itself. Overly energetic, disrespectful and disobedient, seven years olds were the worst kind of children to babysit.

It had started a while ago when his mother’s friend who’s name actually was Karen had to leave in a rush for some emergency (although Will had highly doubted it) and left her kids with Will's Mother. Being the wonderful woman she was, Will’s mother held onto them for as long as she could but she had a job, as most people did and unfortunately it was a job that required her to not enjoy her Friday nights.

This had led to her leaving the children with Will. Afterall, he was a responsible adult.

Okay fine, scratch the responsible part. She had left the children with Will because Calypso had promised to be there and in all blatant honesty, it was obvious that without Calypso, Will would be the biggest mess out there.

It seemed, however, that babysitting children was harder than both of them had anticipated.

“Callie, I give up. These kids are the devil's spawn. If they die, then tough luck for them.”

Calypso groaned and slammed her head onto the table before perking up with excitement. She grabbed her phone and dialed a number. Will overheard a vague conversation and simply watched, very confused.

Calypso set her phone down. “Okay so I have figured out how to fix this.” She pointed to the massive mess in their apartment.

“How?”

“You’ll see.”

Will didn’t trust the mischievous smile that came across Calypso’s face.

Nico was chilling on his bed with his phone in his hand, hovering above his face. He did not really have much to do so here he was, scrolling through social media. He was meant to be doing something with Percy or Jason or maybe Hazel- he really couldn’t remember and he couldn’t care less.

That was until he overheard a conversation from Jason that he could only describe as interesting. Only a few minutes later, Percy showed up very begrudgingly muttering I’m only coming because I wanna see where the little fucker lives.

As far as Nico was concerned, there was only one person who Percy called ‘the little fucker’ and why were Jason and Percy paying him a visit?

“Wait-” Nico threw his legs over the side of the bed, sitting up.”-Where are you guys going?”

“Calypso’s place. She needs some help babysitting? Or something like that. Annabeth’s call was kinda vague.”

“You’re going to Calypso’s place because Annabeth told you to?” Nico tilted his head, confusion evident in his voice. Jason took a deep breath before explaining.

“Calypso called Piper who gave the phone to Annabeth who called me to tell us and Hazel to go to Calypso’s place and help her and Will with whatever they needed help with.”

“Why is Will at Calypso’s place?”

Percy quickly interjected. “ They live together.”

That statement alone was enough to make Nico choke on the air he was trying to peacefully breathe.

“They what?” He managed to wheeze from in between the heavy coughs that racked from his chest.

“They live together,” Jason repeated innocently. “ Why?”

“Yeah,” Percy smirked, figuring out the reason behind Nico’s coughing fit. “ Why do you care, Nico?”

“No reason. It’s just a bit out of the blue.”

“So you don’t deny that you care!” Percy yelled excitedly pointing his finger at Nico. Nico grabbed it and twisted it with such ferocity, there was a crack and Percy let out a cry and pulled his finger back pouting, blowing on it like it was a hot dish.

“I twisted your finger, stop blowing on it like it’s a hot potato and let's hurry up and go please,” Nico groaned, rolling his eyes at Percy’s dramatic overreaction.

Percy, under his breath, murmured,” Somebody’s desperate.”

Nico slapped his shoulder.

When Will opened the door to his apartment, he didn't really know what he was expecting. Maybe someone like Thalia Grace or Reyna- a close friend of Calypso.

He certainly was not expecting his arch nemesis and his cronies to show up. He wasn’t in the best state of mind and he felt like any moment now, his feet may fail and he’d be out cold on the floor.

What was worse was the fact that Hazel had already arrived- without Frank as he said he ‘wasn’t the kind who liked children’. So now Will was here having to behave himself as if he were some host and they were his guest

His brain told him that this was exactly what this was.

But another part of Will didn’t agree. It was more, there was some more sinister motive behind why they were here. Sure, Annabeth had told them to come and god forbid someone disobey Annabeth but they clearly came here with their own reasons. Whether all their reasons were the same or not, Will did not know.

“What do you want?” Will deadpanned as he held the door halfway open- just like his eyelids. He was already considering shutting it in their faces. However, it seemed that Nico wasn’t having any of it as he simply pushed his way past Will, into the half cleaned up apartment.

“Oh, Nico! You’re here!” Hazel whisper-called out from the living room . She had the 5 year old’s head resting on her lap as it dozed off and the seven year old lay next to her, their eyes drifting off to sleep.

“Yeah, I’m here. What about it?”

“I thought you might want to cook something? I’m really hungry and I’m pretty sure Calypso’s been running around on an empty stomach trying to keep 2 children and a drunk person under control.”

Nico paused before wrinkling his nose. He walked forward to Will and moved his blonde hair out of his face to get a better view of his eyes.

“You’re drunk?” Nico looked around the kitchen and spotted the beer bottles. “Jesus, are you a lightweight or something? This shit ain’t even strong,” Nico grunted as he grabbed a very much incoordinate Will to the kitchen and sat him down at the counter. He got him a glass of water and rolled his sleeves up before quickly sifting through the fridge and cupboards.

“What happened to him?” Percy asked, walking slightly at the blushing Will sitting at the counter sipping water out of a straw.

“Hehee, Nico has very warm arms.” Some water dribbled out from the side of Will’s mouth as he giggled.

“He’s… wasted?” Jason squinted his eyes. “ I thought people with blue eyes were meant to have the highest tolerance to alcohol.”

“Nooooo,” Will whined. “ That’s not it. Blue eyed people are moree likeleyyy to have a dependency on alcohol. We did this in class-”

He was cut off by his own hiccup.

“Fucking hell,” Nico muttered as he pulled out ingrediants. Hungrily, Jason and Percy eyed the food.

“Whatcha making?” Percy asked, slinging his arm over Nico’s shoulder. Immediately, Will got out of his seat, objecting to this. However, before he could do this, he tripped and fell on his butt and in turn knocked his head into the floor. He was out cold within seconds.

“Did he just pass out?” Percy asked, poking at Will’s body with his foot only for Nico to be outraged and push Percy with such vigour, he ended up splayed onto the floor. He quickly kneeled beside Will and shook him gently, trying to wake him up.

“Flower boy? Hey, wake up. Will? Get up. Get up right now Will.” Nico began shaking him, his voice starting out in small quiet whispers. The alarm in Nico’s voice called over Calypso who batted her hand and laughed.

“Oh you have nothing to worry about. He does this everytime he gets too drunk. He’s a real lightweight, trust me.”

After much chaos and argument, everyone calmed down and Nico got cooking. As someone who was majoring in food tech, Jason and Percy would always make him cook meals for them. While Nico always pretended to be bothered and annoyed by this, he secretly loved it, meaning that he could make his friends smile with something he also loved- food.

Sure, he sometimes skipped meals or didn’t have time to actually eat, but he was constantly surrounded by food and making it was so chaotic but he enjoyed it and he enjoyed the rush of serotonin he’d get when he tasted the final dish.

“Food’s ready!” Nico called from the kitchen. Will had been moved to the sofa because Calypso had been told that under no circumstance was anybody to ever go into Will’s bedroom. Jason came in to the table and started laying it, as their usual routine went. Percy brought cups and Hazel, who normally did not dine with them, was talking to Calypso. They took their seat at the table and waited for the boys to finish laying it and serving food.

Nico glanced at Will who was dozing off on the couch peacefully. “ Is he not going to join us?”

Calypso shook her head. She knew when Will was feeling the way he was today, the only thing he could do was sleep it off. Nico had to admit, he was disappointed; he was hoping to see Will’s reaction when tasting the food. In fact, he had put extra effort into making it perfect just based on the possibility that Will may have been joining them for dinner.

They ate silently, with only the sound of the occasional collision of the fork against the plate echoing into the apartment.

“This is a nice place…” Percy started, trying to ease some of the tense silence away. Calypso gave him a short nod.

“Yes. It’s mine- Will and I share it.”

“Why?” Nico asked, his jealousy overtaking his actions. Was he really at liberty to ask such a question? No. Was he going to anyway? Absolutely.

Calypso raised an eyebrow at the question, while she slowly raised the fork to her mouth. “Does it matter why?”

Nico, staring at his food, paused. “No,” He sighed. “ I guess it doesn’t.”

Hazel, who wasn't allowing this, quickly intercepted. “It doesn't matter but that doesn't mean we wouldn’t like to know? Right guys?”

“Yeah!” Percy agreed a bit too passionately. “Tell us Calypso. How is it that you- someone of your high standards is living with somebody like… Will.”

Percy's abrash statement was rewarded with a hard smack to the back from the Italian boy sitting next time, glaring at him enough daggers for Percy to become Pinhead. Percy, midway swallowing, began coughing frantically which despite the urgency of the situation earned no sympathy from Nico who sat there as Percy choked and Jason gave violent slaps on his back.

“Ugh, well. We’ve known each other…” Calypso stopped. “ Are you sure you’re okay?”

Percy, almost red in the face, nodded frantically and mimed with his hands to keep talking. Jason reached over and poured Percy another glass of water.

“Uh, well… We work together but we’ve known each other for a long time.”

“How long? I don't remember Solace ever mentioning you.”

Calypso smiled slightly. “ If I’m correct, you two weren't and still aren't really on the kinds of terms where you discuss your personal life.”

“Still… I would have thought that… forget it.”

The awkwardly silent dinner continued with the clanking of cutlery against plates. Secret glares were passed along with uncomfortable shivers but all in all, the dinner managed to run smoothly. The guests helped clean up and finally, late into the night, they stood at the door awkwardly, as Calypso dismissed them.

“Are the children… staying?” Hazel innocently inquired, her eyes falling on the small children who lay asleep on the sofa behind Calypso.

Calypso scratched her head- slightly unsure herself. “Uh, I guess. Until they get picked up at least.”

“Oh… I guess I should stay to help out then?”

“No! Please, I don't want you to ruin a good night's sleep over this. I’m sure I can handle this. It wouldn’t be the first time.” Calypso reached for the door. “Get home safely.”

Jason and Percy, who realised that they were no longer welcome, did not hesitate to leave- the same couldn’t be said for Nico.

He didn’t know why he was hesitating- it wasn't as if Calypso and him were friends in any way. However, it seemed that for some odd reason there was a connection between the two that they both strongly cared for a certain blond headed lightweight. But they also both cared for a certain grinning engineer who spoke Spanish.

With his hand shoved in his pockets, he slowly turned his heel as if a magnet from afar was tugging on the metal heartstrings with his heart. His head was bowed towards the floor as he muttered the words under his breath.

“Tell him to call me when he wakes up tomorrow… We should probably talk and get everything out of the way.” Nico’s hair fell in front of his face, his eyes darting anywhere but Calypso’s face as to avoid her seeing his expression.

“Are you dating Leo?”

The abrupt question had Nico’s head snapping upwards so fast that I- the author- feared that he may have broken his neck had he moved any faster. The obvious answer was ‘no’. They had broken up long before Nico had even known someone like William Andrew Solace even existed; however, he didn't know if he could give such an honest answer so freely.

It was clear that Calypso was not just asking Nico this question for the sake of fun. She liked him.

And for some reason, Nico did not like that.

Leo wasn't his. He had his own feelings and decisions to make. But Nico didn't think she could handle the idea of Calypso being able to have both Will and Leo in her life- whether any of the relationships were platonic or not.

He had Leo, she had Will. It was only fair that it should stay that way.

But that said- If, if, he ever dated Will… would he give up Leo for the sake of fairness? Life isn't meant to serve everyone with equality. You get what you get and the rest you must fight for; Life was clearly a capitalist.

“Why does it matter to you?”

“Because,” she paused as if her reasoning was obvious. “If you are, I can’t let you play with Will or Leo like that.”

Nico snarled. “ Who said I was playing with either?”

“Isn't that what it's called? When you date two different people behind their backs?”

“I’m not dating Leo!” He yelled in frustration. Perhaps it was the wine. Or watching Will pass out on the floor and Percy poking him with his foot like an animal. Or maybe it was the fact that Will never tasted the food, but for some reason whether it was unbeknownst or not, Nico snapped. “Happy?”

Calypso smiled. “Very.”

[shadowmayura]

I didn’t think I’d be doing this, but it’s gotten to the point where some things have to be said.

Someone from my past has been making vagueposts about me lately and I can’t allow it to go unaddressed any longer. They are disingenuous and at times downright false, and they imply a certain type of relationship that simply did not exist.

If at this point you don’t know exactly who and what I’m talking about, please scroll by. I’m not going to be mentioning her by name and I’m not here to drag additional people into this big mess. This is solely to address any misconceptions for those who have already seen this person’s posts and are left confused by the strange phrasing and missing information.

(TW: harassment, emotional abuse, stalking, vomit)

This person and I met online in the spring of last year. Soon after, she confessed to me that she had a crush on me. I wasn’t interested for a variety of reasons (distance, not knowing her very well, and a lack of attraction on my end) and I gently let her down but suggested that we could still be friends. At no point did I promise a romantic relationship with this person.

We got to know each other better as friends. For a while, it was genuinely fun. I did not harbor any romantic feelings but I did enjoy being her friend. But in the summer, we began to spend more time together, and that’s where it started to go wrong. In reality, it was gradual, but it felt very sudden because the realization that things had changed came all at once. Her flirting had become a lot more aggressive and she was implying to other people that there was something between us. Playful teasing had turned to something far more demanding, and we were talking to each other nonstop, up to 10 hours per day every single day. When I realized how drastically our interactions had changed, I tried to pull back. I became very uncomfortable with how much couple-like behavior had emerged on her side when I did not want to be in that kind of relationship.

My decision was met with a lot of resistance. She was upset at me that I wanted to cut back on the amount of one-on-one time spent together, and she also was upset when I took a week-long break from Discord as a whole. We had our first argument over this. I thought we reached an understanding, but at the end of the conversion, she expressed her need for significant quality time between us, leaving me feeling like I hadn’t been heard at all. It’s worth noting that I hadn’t cut her out entirely at this point. We were still talking almost every day, but we weren’t on voice chat for hours on end any longer. I just wanted interactions that were closer to a normal friendship rather than a romantic relationship that I had never consented to.

It got worse leading into fall. The flirting continued and escalated. She drew “friendship portraits” of the two of us with strong romantic undertones. As she continued to push, I drew back. She didn’t like this. I was met with passive aggression when I tried to set boundaries and put a comfortable distance between us.

September is where it reached a head. On September 17th, she coerced me into a video chat that essentially served as an intervention for my choice. I had a bad feeling going into it, but she insisted that we video chat rather than text chat. I reluctantly agreed under her false pretense that it would be a conversation solely about fandom matters, but within 5 minutes, she was crying on video. I became very uncomfortable and I continued to look at a document on my computer so she could compose herself. She calmed down, but as soon as I claimed to be done looking at it, she turned the crying on again.

For about an hour, I was berated. She was crying and yelling, not allowing me to get a word in edgewise. She was, once again, very upset with me that I had been pulling away from her. I desperately wanted to leave the call, but I knew that there’d be hell to pay later if I did. I forced myself to sit through the whole thing. When she was done, I was shaking. She expected me to speak but I was unable to form words for several minutes and I was additionally berated for not saying anything, even though I had already been cut off many times. When I was able to pull myself out of the state I was in, I told her that our interactions had become far too romantically-focused for my comfort and that I didn’t want her to flirt with me anymore. I then ended the conversation as quickly as I could.

I vomited several times after we hung up and was shaking for hours. I couldn’t sleep that night. A few days later, I lost clumps of hair. It is stress-induced alopecia areata that I’m still receiving treatment for. I don’t say any of this to garner sympathy, but I want to emphasize that this was not a conversation that I look back on fondly. It was traumatic. This unfortunately is relevant later.

At this point, it is safe to say that I did not want to associate with this person any longer, but this was not an option for me. There were fandom commitments that tethered us together, and I knew I’d have to weather out the storm. If I didn’t, I would tear friend groups apart, drop commitments that I cared a lot about, and potentially ruin both of our reputations in the community.

I tried to maintain some distance without angering her significantly, but it was all downhill from here. She continued to disrespect my boundaries and push me romantically. Flirting occurred less commonly in private chats since I would shut it down, but in public spaces, she continued to flirt with me, and I felt pressured to allow it in order to avoid awkwardness in group settings.

Her romantic interest turned into obsession. She became fixated on my Tumblr posts and Discord statuses, accusing me of referencing her when this was seldom the case. Jealousy arose about my friendships with other people. She didn’t trust me to make my own decisions with my friendships and disrespected my decisions when I made them. There was also a huge increase in emotional manipulation and guiltbaiting. Whenever calm and rational criticism of her behavior was given to her, she would exaggerate and call herself a terrible person so that the criticism would be dropped in favor of coddling and comforting her. It was impossible to bring up serious issues without her playing the victim.

She also became increasingly hard to deal with in a team environment. I often felt as if I was being disciplined for not loving her in return. My ideas were constantly nitpicked and shot down. I was condescended to. I began to feel unwelcome in group spaces because of these behaviors. I felt like she was pushing me out of public spaces in hopes that I would flee to private ones, though I tried to avoid that as much as possible.

In November, a flip switched. The romantic harassment almost entirely vanished and all her interactions with me became unkind. In some ways, it was refreshing because the worst of the stalking subsided, but the hostile environment was not easy to deal with. I retreated from fandom in order to avoid it as much as possible.

Finally in December, my fandom commitments finally ended, giving me the ability to end my friendship with her. Right before this, she spoke negatively of me in some public ways. One of these actions I cannot name here because it would reveal her identity, but it spoke ill of a community that I oversee.

The worst, however, was a fanfic that she published several days before I cut her off. She projected her and I onto the main couple of the fic. I was cast as Gabriel and she was cast as Nathalie. The further I read, the more sickened I became as the references became more overt.

Near the end of the fic, Gabriel and Nathalie have a huge argument. I was shocked to find exact quotes from our September 17th video chat in the dialogue of the fic. They were large sections of our conversation. At the end of their argument, Gabriel admitted all wrong and they make amends. As a couple.

I felt ill reading this. I still feel ill thinking about it. I hate that one of the most traumatic conversations in my life still exists on the internet for anyone to read, twisted into a scene that is meant to be read as good and romantic. I am reminded of all the harassment that I endured and I hate that that is a feeling I now associate with one of my favorite ships. There are other creators involved as well whose work has now been tainted by these real-world associations that had no business being in a fanfic.

After this, I cut her out of my life entirely. I was considering less drastic options, but this was the last straw that I knew we could not come back from. I removed her from several of my social circles and blocked her on all social media.

Before I blocked her, I sent a letter explaining in explicit detail why I would be cutting her out of my life. Despite this, she has recently claimed that she was never given a reason.

And that’s where we are now. My life has been more peaceful since December and I have begun to come out of my shell. For a couple of months she left the situation alone and that was fine with me. I was happy to peacefully coexist as long as I wasn’t having to interact directly.

However, my friends began calling my attention to recent posts on her blog that implied I had destroyed her mental health. Some of them have since been deleted. While I was willing to let the first one slide, these posts have increased in frequency while pushing an increasingly false narrative. I don’t enjoy the implications that I did something horrible to her by not consenting to a relationship.

I’m sure she will disagree with my take on things, and that’s fine. If she disagrees with my reasons with cutting her off, that is her prerogative, but I cannot allow her to claim that I didn’t give any reasoning when she did receive it through multiple channels of communication.

And I hope I haven’t gone a step too far in revealing that this person was in love with me. I debated not including it, but I’ve realized it’s an unavoidable issue that is central to the entire situation. At the root of it, I was romantically pursued and harassed. I cannot defend my reasons for cutting her off without disclosing the base motivation for the majority of her actions.

So that’s my story. I’d ask those who read this to please refrain from engaging in any harassment. This post has not been made with the intention to hurt her, as can be evidenced from months of me holding my tongue. I really did try to let her preserve her dignity, but I was left with no other options after being smeared multiple times. My purpose here is transparency.

I genuinely do wish her well, for both our sakes. I really hope that this will finally end her obsession and allow her to move on. But whatever happens, I refuse to be a doormat any longer in this situation.

[rpbetter]

Thanks for your thoughts. Nope, I don't have another problem with the psa. It's the subtle word choice pretty much, but nothing else. I don't mind if people use me as a meme farm, so when I see psas like that or comments like that, I get upset because I associate it with people who make other blanket assumptions about all rpers, I have it linked in my head with people going around saying "rp is a hobby not a jobby" and making other assumptions about how all rpers do their thing.

Thank you for answering those questions!

The assumptive quality of the RPC can seriously be annoying as hell, especially if you're in the minority on any particular issue. When that's the case, the PSAs are so rarely geared toward you and any issues you might be experiencing that it's legitimately upsetting. I absolutely feel you on that!

I mean, obviously. Obviously lol I do. It couldn't be much clearer that I have a serious issue with the constant bombardment of PSAs insisting that we normalize shitty behaviors that are the damn norm, that we're all just losers RPing on tumblr so no one should be anxious about anything ever (instead of, you know, maybe trying to legitimately boost people's confidence, radical thought), or that anything that isn't being hostile to oneself is being hostile to everyone else.

I think the issue is that, while there is obviously a majority set of takes/issues/experiences (though, those, too, absolutely can skew toward one's particular RP corner and style), there's no way to address every instance and variable of an issue. Particularly not when anything other one paragraph is too lengthy for a lot of people here to engage with in a meaningful way.

So, I know I have to frequently ask, "is this a legitimate or hostile sort of blank-statement, or is it just addressing the majority experience? If it's the latter, is it genuinely enough of a problem to address?"

Like, did they mean that this is an experience most RPers have, or did they mean this is the only experience/is the correct and only way to do things? And that's not always answerable, of course, but when I feel like it is, it's usually found on OP's blog and RPC itself.

If OP has expressed things that are not the majority experience, expressed that they do not agree with blanket-statements, and doesn't imply with every rule, PSA, point on the DNI, and so on that to approach and proceed with RP in a way they do not is to commit some manner of terrible IRL crime? It's almost certainly that they were just expressing a majority experience and nothing more.

And in this case, yeah, as I'm sure you've noticed from being on the opposite side of this, it is the majority experience. I don't recall ever seeing very many RPers who do not espouse having an issue with having their memes and aesthetics reblogged without some manner of (rules specified if they're not a dick) interaction/relationship with the other mun. (Such as "mutuals are okay to reblog" or "I expect reblog karma and practice it.")

I don't know if there has been an influx of newer RPers or those who have migrated from more relaxed areas of the RPC, but recently, there really has been an increase in at least my corners of muns being used as resource blogs when they do not wish to be. They've all expressed in their rules their particular boundaries for that, have made overall posts politely but firmly asking that people who do not write with them and haven't even read their rules not do this, and have gone directly to the worst offenders to ask them to stop. And it continues to happen. So, I imagine that is why you might be seeing an influx of PSAs about the matter in response.

For anyone watching this conversation that might not understand why some muns are so against this, some reasons are:

clogging up their notifications

the aesthetic was their picture, edit, quote, etc. and not meant to be shared off their blog/only by the partner(s) tagged in it

when you reblog from someone, their URL is obviously attached, spreading them to another dash full of people - they might like you, but not want some of your mutuals following to their blog

their muse doesn't get much interaction, but other muns keep reblogging memes/aesthetics from them when they won't write with them or send anything in

they feel used for the above reason or any variety of other reasons

I'm really sure you know that, Anon, but I think it's important that we all understand where we're coming from because there are so many different preferences and experiences. It's really not good enough to just feel like everyone can do whatever they want, so long as it isn't harassing anyone else/they're being respectful of others. Because can feel that way all we want to while still getting upset when we lack the understanding of preferences that are extremely different, or even in opposition to our own.

We can't effectively respect each other without that sort of understanding of even the things that annoy us, you know? So, I try to promote that understanding and explain things for people who might simply see this on their dash.

Like the "hobby not jobby" thing! I don't get that, I think it has some concerning IRL connotations people are not recognizing, and it's a great way to treat other muns like shit while justifying the behavior. It's in opposition to what I do not because it exists, but rather, because it is weaponized in order to excuse bad behavior and vilify muns who do not engage with the hobby in this way. It doesn't have to exist in hostile opposition to how I enjoy RP, the use of it has made it this way, is what I'm saying.

But I understand where it came from and what it means for the more rational, adult muns here who feel this way. To them, it's just that this is an ultra casual hobby. The way I engage with RP is like a full contact sport lol it requires a lot of effort and engagement, and the effort and engagement is fun. They way they engage with RP is an act of disengaging, it is more like what watching TV is for me - they're just here for some light, quick entertainment.

Understanding this difference is understanding that not everyone who feels so casually about RP is a jackass insisting that everyone else better feel the same way, that their way is the only correct and good way. I'm still not interested in writing with them, it's far too different for that to work out, but it allows for delineating who is enjoyable on my dash/OOC that is into casual RP and who needs to stay behind a block somewhere because they think anyone who has RP as a primary hobby is trying to ruin it for them somehow, attacking them by existing, and the following list of terrible things as a person.

I think that all problems in the RPC could be drastically mitigated by a combination of understanding and mutual respect. People who are alright with others treating them like a meme resource absolutely can and should interact with people who don't feel that way without a problem, for example - all that takes is being aware of your mutual's rules and respecting them.

Damn near 100% of the PSAs out there honestly should not ever have to exist, they come down to the same factors of just exercising some easy respect for each other.

Again, the trouble often comes in at those very differing factors we need to be mindful of. When we feel like the weird one out in the RPC constantly, whether something is actually othering us or not, it starts to feel like it is. We start finding reasons and evidence, and much of the time, at least among those whose first inclination isn't to label OP as various terrible shit as a person, that takes the form of "not everyone."

Well, of course, not everyone! But unfortunately, when we are of the minority opinion/experience, we sometimes have to just realize that very thing. It isn't personal, and that while someone has caused issues coming from this side with that difference, we are not for our mutuals, so this isn't about us. We're actually doing the thing the PSA is speaking of by not pushing our preferences on others. If that PSA is just speaking from a place of the majority experience and nothing more, we're just annoyed with it for that reason and nothing else when it comes right down to it. We're just kind of sick of being in the minority opinion on this issue, and now are geared to feel like we're being hounded by most PSAs.

It's not an easy thing to get over or work with, it's not even something that gets to be faultless, but it definitely makes the experience less irritating when we can get to a point of stepping back and analyzing the situation without those emotions intensely in play. Seriously, if I allowed the issues I have with most PSAs out there to be evident by reblogging them with refutations or anger? That's all I'd spend my time doing, that'd be my hobby and not actual RP...and I'd absolutely be the most hated and blocked mun on tumblr in short order no matter how valid my points were. (And, I think, with good reason, I really do not support reblogging that sort of thing with negative commentary.)

What helps? Make your own positive PSA about your experience! Make one of those "reblog if" posts, I have never seen one that says "reblog if...you are alright with your mutuals reblogging memes and aesthetics from you without reblog karma."

I'm being dead serious, I encourage you to do that! It's great when you're of the minority opinion and do something like that because you can literally see not only that you're not alone at all but also that it's made other people feel seen. If you do that, let me know, I'll reblog it, even.

[bytheangell]

Believe in Something Beautiful

(Read on AO3) (I tried to post this on the ask itself but Tumblr had a crisis and it got all messed up so I had to delete it and make a separate post OOPS) -------------

The opportunity Isabelle gets to study with the Iron Sisters is a once and a lifetime offer, and that’s on top of the fact that it’s something she’s personally dreamt of since she was a little girl. So of course Jace doesn’t so much as blink before agreeing to take over as temporary Head of the Institute while she’s away.

“Are you sure?” she asks for the millionth time before leaving as if this will be the time he suddenly decides to change his mind. “I know you hate the deskwork side of things, and-”

“Iz, it’s fine. It’ll just be a few months, I can handle it. I promise not to let the place burn down while you’re gone.”

The reservations she has are true, of course, but he isn’t going to admit that he’s secretly loathing not only being mostly resigned to an office for the duration of her trip but feeling much more alone without Alec or her around. Instead, he gives her a bright smile and shoos her out the door before she can stall any longer.

The first few days are definitely an adjustment but Jace actually kind of likes the new role once he gets into it. The paperwork sucks, sure, but he makes good use of the still impressively stocked drink cart Alec brought in when he was Head of the Institute, as well as the upgraded plush sofa Isabelle insisted on. All in all being stuck in this particular office isn’t too bad… at least not for the first few weeks.

After that Jace starts to go a little stir-crazy. He tries to keep up with his training, whether it’s with the other Shadowhunters or Simon or just on his own in the training room, but every time he does he’s pulled away for another debriefing or meeting, which leads to more reports until the day is over and it’s already time to go home.

Going ‘home’ nowadays, more often than not, has meant going back to Simon’s apartment. Sometimes Jace stays the night at the Institute but usually only when it’s absolutely necessary. Otherwise, he makes his way to Simon’s place for some quality time with his boyfriend. No matter how tired he is at the end of the day he’s rejuvenated by the sight of Simon, always eager to see him and listen to him complain about whatever nonsense he had to deal with that day. It’s a relationship Jace never saw coming, one he never would’ve imagined for himself in a million years, but’s it’s good. If he wasn’t afraid of jinxing it he might go so far as to say it’s perfect.

Things stay that way until a couple of months into Izzy’s absence. Jace can’t place it at first, just a lingering uncertainty which isn’t something he’s used to feeling. It doesn’t click until he’s training with some of the guys at the Institute and someone pokes a sparring staff at his stomach, making a joke about how he’s getting soft - literally - since taking over for Izzy. It’s an off-handed comment, nothing worse than Jace has said about any of them at one time or another and just meant to poke fun, but it hits something much deeper and Jace finds he can’t let the words slide off him like he normally does. He laughs with the others, of course, and thoroughly kicks their asses during the part of the session he manages to participate in before he’s pulled away to go over something strange on the surveillance cameras, but the words stick with him.

Soft. Jace Wayland has been called a number of things in his life, but soft has never been one of them before now.

When he’s changing in his room to go meet up with Simon, Jace spends a long time looking at himself in the mirror. He isn’t overweight, not given his body’s starting status of ‘abs-sculpted-like-a-statue’s’, but that only makes the lack of definition that much more obvious to him now. Simon hasn’t said anything but surely he’s noticed too, how could he not? Telling himself it isn’t a big deal Jace slips on a fresh shirt and a decent pair of dark jeans to meet Simon after work.

After dinner, sitting on the sofa with Simon’s hands sliding under his t-shirt and up his sides while they make out, Jace is acutely aware of the fact that there’s more to slide over now. When Simon pulls Jace closer by the waist he tenses at the touch as if aware for the first time of the way Simon’s fingers dip into the flesh there.

“Everything alright?” Simon asks, stopping when Jace freezes up.

“I-” Jace starts, uncertain. “I don’t feel so great, actually. Might be something I ate. Mind if we... just don’t, tonight?” Jace feels immediately guilty for the half-truth. He doesn’t feel well all of a sudden but he knows exactly why, and it isn’t bad seafood.

“Of course,” Simon says easily, shifting so Jace can reposition himself next to Simon on the sofa. “Do you need anything? I could run to the store and get some medicine.”

Simon’s immediate concern only doubles Jace’s guilt. “No, I’ll be alright,” Jace insists, wondering if that’s a lie too as Simon turns on the TV until they both fall asleep on the sofa.

---

Jace leaves Simon’s place early enough the next morning to get in an hour-long run before he needs to be at the Institute. He knows it isn’t going to do much - it’s taken months of letting himself go to get this bad, he isn’t going to fix it with a day of jogging, but it feels better than doing nothing. For a few days he makes excuses to not go back to Simon’s place: waiting for a late patrol to come back, covering a security shift, even as lame of an excuse as ‘i’m too tired’ when there really is no other reason he can give.

He doesn’t lie… he just doesn’t add that he’s the one going out of his way to make sure he has things keeping him ‘stuck’ at the Institute at night, though he knows this can’t last forever.

So Jace starts to get clever. Whenever things start to get heated on the nights he does go back to Simon’s, Jace immediately takes control, insisting that he’s going to take care of Simon. It’s actually one of Jace’s favorite things, to watch the way Simon falls apart beneath Jace’s touches, the way he’s so blissed out by the end of a very thorough blowjob that he doesn’t argue too much when Jace insists he doesn’t want anything himself. The sex - the few times Jace lets things get that far - is rushed and always with the lights off, with Jace keeping as much clothing on as possible and almost always finding an excuse to not be able to stay afterward to cuddle.

He hopes, a bit naively, that as long as they’re still having sex that Simon won’t notice anything is wrong. Jace can’t remember the last time he let Simon see him naked, something that used to be very common for them, and he knows the lack of that sort of intimacy won’t go unnoticed forever. With all his other tactics Jace buys himself an extra week or two until Simon’s asking him if something’s wrong again.

“You just seem… distant lately,” Simon continues, concern written all over his face. Jace can’t stand the fact that he caused this gap between them but he can’t bring himself to admit what’s bothering him, either. He’s ruining everything and for what? Simon clearly doesn’t care.

Still, he can’t silence the voice in the back of his head reminding him that this isn’t who Simon signed up for. Jace is all quick wit and sarcasm, he’s confidence and an ego larger than all of Brooklyn. That’s who Simon fell for and expects from him, so that’s who Jace needs to be. He needs to figure out how to feel like himself again, and fast.

“Just a lot on my mind, work stuff. It’s nothing I can’t handle,” Jace says, leaning in to give Simon a quick kiss.

“You know you can talk to me, right? About work, or whatever else is going on?” Simon offers.

“Yeah, of course I do,” Jace agrees quickly.

He then proceeds to bury every worry he has deep down into the back of his mind and does his best not to think about it, let alone talk about it, again.

---

Jace continues to make excuses, manipulate any intimate encounters for minimum contact, or just flat-out avoiding Simon entirely. Avoiding is easier than lying and Jace gets better at it as the days pass. Or maybe he just gets more used to it… he isn’t sure he likes the implication of either option.

At first, Simon tries to fight him on it - rearranging his schedule so he can visit Jace at the Institute, trying to insist Jace come over no matter how late it is, doing his best to puppy-dog-eye Jace into staying in bed for more than 5 seconds - but Jace manages to pull himself away every time.

After a while, Simon stops trying so hard. Then Simon stops trying entirely. After not hearing from Simon for two days in a row Jace ends up calling him instead of the other way around.

“Hey, I hadn’t heard from you in a while, I was starting to worry,” Jace says, relieved when Simon picks up.

“I didn’t think you’d notice,” Simon says, his tone casual. Jace can practically hear the shrug behind the words.

“What do you mean?” Jace asks, though he thinks he has a good idea.

“I mean, every time I’ve tried to make plans you blow them off anyway, so I figured I’d stop trying and you could just call me if you ever felt like leaving the Institute again,” Simon replies, and this time there’s a bit of an edge to his tone.

Jace deserves that, but he doesn’t expect it. Not from Simon.

Fuck, what is he doing? He could feel the gap between them forming, he knew he was the cause, and he still let things get so far that Simon has all but given up on him from the sound of it.

“I’m Sorry, Si.” That much isn’t a lie. Jace is sorry.

“Don’t be sorry,” Simon tells him, sounding sad and defeated, and about as tired as Jace keeps claiming to be. “If you’re bored with me just tell me, and we can stop pretending.”

There’s silence over the phone line while Jace processes those words. Is that really what Simon thinks? Is that what Jace let Simon think all this time?

“I’m not,” Jace insists. “It isn’t you, Simon, I swear.”

There’s a long pause, and with obvious reluctance Simon slowly asks, “Is there someone else?”

Jace can hear the fear in his voice, the dread of what answer may come from asking, and his heart breaks knowing it’s all his fault that Simon has these doubts about them.

“No,” Jace says, just as quickly as before. He’s messed things up worse than he realized and wonders if there’s going to be anything to salvage once he’s finally honest with Simon. He has to be honest now - there’s no other option. “We should talk, but not on the phone. Are you-” Jace starts to ask if Simon is free but remembers that he volunteered to take Underhill’s security shift that night so he could go on a date with Lorenzo. Of course, he took it to avoid Simon not knowing everything was going to go so wrong, so quickly. Overly aware of how bad this is going to look now of all times, Jace sighs. “I have to stay late tonight,” Jace winces as he admits. “But tomorrow? First thing in the morning. I’ll come straight over after the shift and we’ll talk.”

“Sure,” Simon agrees easily enough, except Jace knows him well enough to the doubt there, the way he doesn’t get his hopes up that Jace will follow through this time.

“I promise. As soon as the replacement shows up I’m gone. You’re my priority.” He’s already making a note to cancel a mid-day meeting he planned on attending after a few hours of rest, and one later in the afternoon just in case.

Just in case what? In case it takes all day to convince Simon to forgive him? In case Simon doesn’t forgive him and Jace is left to pick up the pieces of his failed relationship? Jace shakes the thought from his head, hoping he hasn’t messed things up that irreparably.

“I love you, Simon,” Jace tells him, holding his breath for the seconds that stretch on after his words before Simon sighs.

“I love you too, Jace.”

The line goes dead and Jace stares at the phone in his hand for several long minutes before pocketing it. The rest of the night is spent counting the seconds until the morning shift will take over while also dreading that moment in equal measure. What is he going to say? He has plenty of time to think about it left alone for most of the night, but he hates everything he comes up with. It doesn’t feel like enough, or it feels like too much, or it feels like he’s making excuses.

A few hours later, tired and weary, he’s out of time to think. The fresh air during his walk to Simon’s works well to clear his head and he reminds himself of one thing: he loves Simon, and he needs to figure out what he can do to fix what he broke. If he starts there then the rest will hopefully fall into place. It isn’t like he has many other options.

Jace knocks on the door and waits with bated breath.

“You’re here,” Simon says when he opens it, and Jace tries not to feel as hurt as he does by the surprised words. He deserves that. He deserves so much worse than that.

“I am,” Jace says. I always will be, if you let me. Please, let me stay, he wants to beg, but doesn’t. Simon steps aside and Jace goes in, making an immediate beeline for the sofa. He’s too anxious to sit, however, and stands back up almost immediately.

“I’m sorry,” Jace starts. It’s the simplest place.

“For…?” Simon prompts.

“For making you think you did something wrong. For avoiding you, instead of telling you what was bothering me.” Jace is certain there’s more than that he should apologize for but it seems like a good starting point. “It just felt so ridiculous, and I figured I’d just get over it… but I didn’t, and it was easier to avoid than admit until we talked last night and I realized how bad I let everything get and I- I don’t want to lose you, Simon.”

Simon, who was doing a very good job standing with his arms crossed looking unimpressed, softens considerably at that. “If it’s bothering you that much it isn’t ridiculous. And I kept telling you that you can talk to me, I wish that you had.”

“Yeah, me too,” Jace admits. “But I am now,” he adds hopefully. It might be too little too late but he has to try.

“So?” Simon prompts again, not letting up. “Do I get to know why my boyfriend’s been avoiding me, or are you just going to say sorry and try to pretend it never happened?”

“I was embarrassed because of the weight I put on.” Jace has to force the words out, already hating himself the moment he hears them leave his lips.

Jace expects Simon to laugh but instead Simon looks him up-and-down in consideration. “I wondered… but you have to know I don’t care about that, right?”

“You might not, but I do.” Jace frowns. “I didn’t realize just how much until I started going out of my way to avoid you even seeing me, let alone touching me.”

“That’s when you started insisting on all those ridiculous quickies,” Simon pieces together, shaking his head. “I should’ve realized.”

“No, I should’ve said something. I thought if I kept it up once and a while it’d be enough to hold things over until I got… comfortable again.”

Simon snorts at that, then looks immediately apologetic. “Sorry. I know this is serious, and the sex is great and all, but you do know I’m dating you for more than just that, right?”

Jace manages a small laugh at that. “I figured it was probably a 75/25 split,” he jokes back. This is a good sign, right? If Simons’ laughing, even for a second, maybe he doesn’t totally hate him.

“My point,” Simon reels the conversation back in. “Is that you should’ve said you were uncomfortable. We could’ve stopped things for a while, or forever if that’s what you want. I’m dating you because I like you, not because of your body. Though, I mean, it is an amazing body.”

“It was stupid,” Jace argues. “I overreacted.”

“Did you?” Simon says, raising an eyebrow. “You still feel that way, don’t you? Even now?”

Jace almost opens his mouth to say that he doesn’t, that everything is fine and he just wants to go back to the way things were before, but he knows it’d be a lie. And he just got done apologizing for not being honest in the first place. It’s a hit to his pride but he knows he needs to tell Simon the truth even if he isn’t happy about it.

“Yeah, I guess,” Jace admits, not meeting Simon’s gaze.

“If it bothers you then it isn’t stupid. I’m mad you didn’t tell me, but I’m not mad you’re uncomfortable. Honestly? I love your body like this. Every last inch of it, whether those inches were there before or not. Hell, it’s nice to have the playing field evened out a bit since I’ll never have your Adonis-abs,” Simon says, and though he eyes Jace’s body he doesn’t make a move to reach out for him.

“Yeah, well, that makes one of us,” Jace mutters, crossing his arms in front of him self-consciously. He hates the space between them, he wants to reach out and pull Simon close and never let him go again, certainly not for as long as he has recently, but he still can’t bring himself to do it.

Simon seems to sense that, too. “But it doesn’t matter if I’m okay with it if you aren’t. I’ll tell you what - let’s just put a hard stop on anything physical until you’re comfortable with it again. But when you are - and I mean the second you give me the okay - I get to show you exactly how beautiful I think you are. Whether you look like you did six months ago, or like you do now, or if you put on 100 more pounds, I’m always going to think you’re gorgeous, and I’m going to remind you every day so you never forget it again, starting now. Jace Wayland, you are the single most beautiful man I’ve ever laid eyes on.”

Jace mentally curses the traitorous flush that he feels in his cheeks at the declaration, but smiles. “Thanks, Simon,” he says.

It’s tempting to say that he’s fine, to pull Simon into a kiss he knows after this long won’t stay chaste for long, but he doesn’t want to end up right back where he started and he definitely doesn’t want to risk pushing Simon away again.

“Do you think we could just take a nap? I’m exhausted, and I miss falling asleep with you.” Jace knows after everything he has no right to ask, but any concerns are gone the moment Simon nods eagerly and smiles.

Simon holds true to what he said earlier, stripping down to his boxers before getting into bed, waiting to see where Jace decides to position himself and what he wants to do. Simon doesn’t push things, and when Jace settles in behind him to wrap his arm around Simon - a deliberate choice, they both know now - Simon only shifts slightly to fit in his hold easier, not saying a word.

Feeling more relaxed than he has in weeks, Jace falls asleep almost immediately.

---

When Jace wakes up it’s to Simon running his fingers gently through a loose strand of hair that fell over his face while he slept. At some point Simon must’ve woken up and turned to face Jace, content to simply wait for him to wake up rather than leave.

“Good afternoon, beautiful,” Simon says, and Jace shakes his head.

“You’re really sticking to that, aren’t you?” Jace says, a little surprised.

“Of course I am. I meant it. Until you believe it yourself I’ll just have to believe it enough for the both of us.” Simon gives a little shrug with the one shoulder he can move, and Jace is filled with such a sudden and overwhelming sense of certainty that Simon really does mean it, that he isn’t just saying it to make Jace feel better, that he doesn’t know what to do with the emotion that comes with the realization.

“I wish I could see what you see,” Jace mumbles out the passing thought, still so half-asleep that he doesn’t even realize he said it out loud until Simon replies.

“Maybe I can convince you,” Simon offers.

Jace considers the offer for the second time that day. “And how, exactly, would you do that?”

Simon shifts backward so he can sit back on his heels, leaning over Jace as he lays on the bed. “If you’re uncomfortable you’ll tell me to stop, right?”

Jace nods, and Simon pauses an extra second but seems satisfied with his answer. Jace wants to see what he can manage because he misses this. He misses them, and even just spending this morning back with Simon with everything out in the open is doing wonders to ease some of the discomfort he felt before.

“Well,” Simon starts, pushing the comforter off of them entirely to move so that he’s straddling Jace, kneeling on either side of his thighs. “I’d start by saying I’ve noticed you growing your hair out, and I love the way it lifts when the wind catches it just right,” Simon brings a hand up to comb through the light, loose pieces of Jace’s hair that flop into his face when they aren’t styled back, like right now.

“Then I’d tell you how beautiful your cheeks are when they get that little tinge of blush you can’t hide when you’re embarrassed,” Simon continues, leaning over to place a kiss on each of Jace’s cheekbones. Jace can feel that very same blush form there, warm under the cool touch of Simon’s lips, and Simon smiles down at him as he pulls back again. “There it is. Beautiful.”

Simon moves his gaze to Jace’s lips, placing a kiss there, this one lingering long enough that Jace tries to lean up into it just as Simon pulls away again, but not before he catches Jace’s bottom lip in his teeth for just a second before moving down his jawline and onto his neck. Jace tilts his head back to give Simon more access, shuddering at the barely-there scrape of fangs against his throat as Simon speaks in between each kiss. “And how beautiful you are when you open up for me like this,” Simon says, peppering kisses in between. Jace barely manages to hold back a moan as Simon sucks a mark onto the skin just above his collarbone.

Simon sits back again, resting on Jace’s thighs while his hands trail down Jace’s arms.

“I’d tell you how I can’t see your arms without remembering every time you used them to pin me against a wall or lift me up onto a table with such irresistible strength,” Simon continues, his hands moving from Jace’s arms to grab the bottom of Jace’s t-shirt and pull it off over his head, giving him access to Jace’s chest. Simon rocks his hips ever so slightly with the action and Jace’s breath catches, instinctively arching his body up off the bed to chase the brief friction.

“I’d tell you that ever since you started putting on weight-” Simon’s words slow deliberately, his eyes full of lust and wanting as they trail down Jace’s body, followed by that gentle caress of his fingertips again. “-I’ve dreamt about the way it’d feel when I held on to it while I fucked you, imagined the beautiful marks I’d leave there, the soft skin bruised over and scratched-”

“Fuck, Si,” Jace barely manages to breathe out, eyes closed as he pictures it and… yeah, okay, maybe he can see what Simon sees. Simon’s words make him want it too, his thoughts lost in the knowledge that it’ll be so much better than he can even imagine, if only because it’s them, and suddenly Jace is entirely incapable of finding anything unappealing in the idea of giving himself over entirely to Simon. Everything he built up in his head, all the reservations and self-consciousness, fade to nothing but distant background noise while he’s here in Simon’s arms.

Simon, goddamn him, hovers over him, smirking.

For the first time in weeks Jace feels desire without reservation wash over him, but it isn’t desire in spite of the idea of Simon touching him - it’s because of the idea of Simon’s hands on him, revering his body just as it is now, that has every nerve in his body tingling in anticipation. Jace had been so trapped in his own head and his inability to feel nothing but disgust over the changes in his body that he didn’t even consider the possibility that Simon might actually like them, or at least not hate them the way Jace did.

“Show me,” Jace says suddenly, and Simon wastes no time bringing his hands from Jace’s shoulders down his chest, teasing gentle touches along his sides.

“So beautiful,” Simon repeats, peppering kisses down his stomach, his hip bones, stopping right at the line of Jace’s boxers to look back up at him in question one last time. Jace nods, not trusting his words just then, and a minute later both his and Simon’s underwear are discarded on the floor next to the bed.

“You’re perfect, Jace,” Simon tells him, and Jace can feel the heat rise not just in his cheeks but everywhere, his entire body alight with the effect Simon’s words have on him. “And all mine. I’m so lucky to have you like this all. to. my. self.” Simon emphasizes each word with a small bite, two on the inside of each thigh.

“I think I’m the lucky one,” Jace says, letting out a small gasp as Simon begins to stretch him. All thoughts, positive or negative, leave him entirely as Jace loses himself to the passion of the moment, to the feeling of being wanted, of being longed for.

True to his word, Simon never lets Jace forget exactly why he’s here and why they’re doing this. Jace is surprised when, after all their time apart recently and all the buildup, Simon takes things slowly. He never stops telling Jace how beautiful he is as he’s keeping his promise of marking every inch of skin he can, always returning to slide his hands over Jace’s stomach and sides and thighs, gripping them tight, giving them the most attention.

Jace embraces every new sensation - the way it feels to have Simon’s fingers press into areas of him that were nothing but unforgiving bone and muscle before, appreciating the way their bodies seem to blend and connect in ways they didn’t before.

Jace is aware of every time Simon glances up at his face just to double-check he’s still alright, still with him. Jace is aware that every touch, even the rough ones, are a reassurance and a comfort.

Jace is aware that this is Simon taking care of him, mind, body, and soul, from start to finish. And he knows that care doesn’t end now that they’re lying next to each other again to catch their breaths.

“That… was…” Simon starts, but Jace cuts him off.

“Beautiful?” Jace suggests, with the slightest teasing tone to his words. “I know.”

“Do you?” Simon asks, not teasing at all, and Jace’s taunting smirk fades to something softer.

Jace spent his entire life being who he thought others expected him to be, living up to the expectations set by those around him. There was always a push to do better, to be better, that he’s never felt satisfied with where he is at any given time. There’s always something to change, something to improve. But here, now, with Simon, he feels like for the first time he’s able to be okay with who he is and the way things are right now. That he’s fine, just like this.

“Yeah,” he says, probably about as surprised as Simon to find that he isn’t just saying it to deflect now - he actually means it this time. “Yeah, I do.”

[bottom-lexa]

If you insist... 1-216 please sir! :D

lmao probably didn’t mean all 216 but okay.

okay i tried to do them all but i only did till 108 coz wow there’s so many

1: My name? Aiden 

2: Do I have any nicknames? Nope

3: Zodiac sign? Virgo

4: Video game I play to chill, not to win? I kinda only play CoD

5: Book/series I reread? I don’t think i’ve reread anything

6: Aliens or ghosts? Aliens

7: Writer I trust enough to read whatever they write? I don’t think there’s anyone like that but i read a lot of james patterson

8: Favourite radio station? don’t have one

9: Favourite flavour of anything? vanilla i think

10: The word that I use all the time to describe something great? awesome

11: Favourite song? rn it’s Champion and Something Just Like This

12: The question you ask new friends to get to know them better? literally nothing. i’m bad with new people

13: Favourite word? fuck

14: The last person who hurt me, did I forgive them? i don’t forgive them

15: Last song I listened to? champions - FOB

16: TV show I always recommend? Sense8

17: Pirates or ninjas? pirates i guess

18: Movie I watch when I'm feeling down? the avengers or pitch perfect

19: Song that I always start my shuffle with/wake-up song/always-on-a-loop song? depends on my mood/don’t have a wake-up song/currently, champions is on a loop

20: Favourite video games? CoD Advanced Warfare

21: What am I most afraid of? no one ever falling in love with me. and spiders.

22: A good quality of mine? good listener. and i never judge.

23: A bad quality of mine? I tend to ruin relationships for no fucking reason and idk how to stop that

24: Cats or dogs? DOGS

25: Actor/actress you trust enough to watch whatever they're in? well i won’t watch it thinking it’ll be good no matter what. but i’ve watched two shitty movies because alycia was in them and i’m willing to watch a third.

26: Favourite season? of?

27: Am I in a relationship? LMAOOOOO. no, sadly no

28: Something I miss? Lexa

29: My best friend? @dashingswan​ and @kittlesandskittles​

30: Eye colour? brown

31: Hair colour? also brown

32: Someone I love? lexa kom trikru

33: Someone I trust? my best friends

34: Someone I always think about? the commander

35: Am I excited about anything? nope. not rn

36: My current obsession? nothing atm i think

37: Favourite TV shows as a child? xmen and spongebob

38: Do I have someone of the opposite sex that I can tell everything to? ye

39: Am I superstitious? nope

40: What do I think about most? clexa and how messed up my future is probably going to be

41: Do I have any strange phobias? nah nothing strange

42: Do I prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? behind

43: Favourite hobbies? working out and writing

44: Last book I read? i think it was a game of thrones

45: Last film I watched? WONDER WOMAN

46: Do I play any instruments? nah but i really wanna learn the guitar

47: Favourite animal? wolf and shark

48: Top 5 blog on Tumblr that I follow? can’t pick top 5

49: Superpower I wish I could have? super strength 

50: How do I destress? workout

51: Do I like confrontation? hell nope

52: When do I feel most at peace? at the gym, pumping the iron, no joke

53: What makes me smile? clexa

54: Do I sleep with the lights on or off? who sleeps with the lights on???

55: Play any sports? not anymore

56: What is my song of the week? Champions - fall out boy

57: Favourite drink? coke zero coz i can’t have alcohol yet

58: When did I last send a handwritten letter to somebody? no clue

59: Afraid of heights? ye

60: Pet peeve? text replies, that are just “ok”

61: What was the last concert I went to see? i’ve never actually been to a concert

62: Am I vegetarian/vegan/pescatarian? noooooope. i love meat too much.

63: What occupation did I want to do when I was younger? i wanted to be a superhero and there was a point where i wanted to be in the army because my dad’s friend was an officer and i just thought it was really cool

64: Have I ever had a friend turn enemy? idk if it’s enemy or just someone i’d strangle if i saw again

65: What fictional universe would I like to be a part of? MCU probably

66: Something I worry about? ma future because it’s gonna be messy with the family and all that

67: Scared of the dark? nope

68: Who are my best friends? i literally answered this a couple of minutes ago

69: What do I admire most about others? i guess it’s different with different people. but open-mindedness is really cool

70: Can I sing? only when i’m alone in the house

71: Something I wish I could do? fly. idk why but that was the first thing that came to mind. and also breathe underwater

72: If I won the lottery, what would I do? no clue

73: Have I ever skipped school? not without my parents knowing, no. coz i stay home if i don’t go and there’s usually a good reason behind it

74: Favourite place on the planet? the gym. 

75: Where do I want to live? a big city that’s warm and dry.

76: Do I have any pets? my smol son Chase

77: What is my current desktop picture?

78: Early bird or night owl? night own for sure

79: Sunsets or sunrise? sunset

80: Can I drive? not yet

81: Story behind my last kiss? never been kissed

82: Earphones or headphones? depends what i’m doing. at the gym + just out on the move + in class = earphones. chilling at home + traveling = headphones

83: Have I ever had braces? nope

84: Story behind one of my scars? i don’t really scar so i don’t have many. there’s one on my arm tho, a pretty big one and that’s from when i was 10. and fell down while playing outside at school.

85: Favourite genre of music? idk man. alt rock probably

86: Who is my hero? lexa kom trikru. 

87: Favourite comic book character? Captain America

88: What makes me really angry? assholes

89: Kindle or real book? real book

90: Favourite sporty activity? working out?

91: What is one thing that isn’t tight in schools that should be? no clue

92: What was my favourite subject at school? maths

93: Siblings? a little sister

94: What was the last thing I bought? A pair of gym shorts that are a size too big

95: How tall am I? 5′1

96: Can I cook? yes. and i’m pretty damn good

97: Can I bake? also yes.

98: 3 things I love? lexa, clexa, my pupper

99: 3 things I hate? homophobes, transphobes, blarkes

100: Do I have more girl friends or boy friends? yep

101: Who do I get on with better, girls or boys? idk tbh. depends on the person

102: Where was I born? bangladesh

103: Sexual orientation? biiiiiii

104: Where do I currently live? wales, uk

105: Last person I texted? @dashingswan

106: Last time I cried? i don’t even remember

107: Guilty pleasure? shows that are too violent and probably will make me feel weird after watching

108: Favourite Youtuber? uppercaseCHASE1 and  TheRealAlexBertie

109: A photo of myself.110: Do I like selfies?111: Favourite game app?112: My relationship with my parents?113: Favourite accents?114: A place I have not been but wish to visit?115: Favourite number?116: Can I juggle?117: Am I religious?118: Do I like space?119: Do I like the deep ocean?120: Am I much of a daredevil?121: Am I allergic to anything?122: Can I curl my tongue?123: Can I wiggle my ears?124: Do I like clowns?125: The Beatles or Elvis?126: My current project?127: Am I a bad loser?128: Do I admit when I wrong?129: Forest or beach?130: Favourite piece of advice?131: Am I a good liar?132: Hogwarts house / Divergent faction / Hunger Games district?133: Do I talk to myself?134: Am I very social?135: Do I like gossip?136: Do I keep a journal/diary?137: Have I ever hopelessly failed a test?138: Do I believe in second chances?139: If I found a wallet full of cash on the ground, what would I do?140: Do I believe people are capable of change?141: Have I ever been underweight?142: Am I ticklish?143: Have I ever been in a submarine?144: Have I ever been on a plane?145: In a film about my life, who would I cast as myself, friends and family?146: Have I ever been overweight?147: Do I have any piercings?148: Which fictional character do I wish was real?149: Do I have any tattoos?150: What is the best decision I have made in life so far?151: Do I believe in Karma?152: Do I wear glasses or contacts?153: What was my first car?154: Do I want children?155: Who is the most intelligent person I know?156: My most embarrassing memory?157: What makes me nostalgic?158: Have I ever pulled an all-nighter?159: Which do I value more in others, brains or beauty?160: What colour mostly dominates my wardrobe?161: Have I ever had a paranormal experience?162: What do I hate most about myself?163: What do I love most about myself?164: Do I like adventure?165: Do I believe in fate?166: Favourite animal?167: Have I ever been on radio?168: Have I ever been on TV?169: How old am I?170: One of my favourite quotes?171: Do I hold grudges?172: Do I trust easily?173: Have I learnt from my mistakes?174: Best gift I’ve ever received?175: Do I dream?176: Have I ever had a night terror?177: Do I remember my dreams, and what is one that comes to mind?178: An experience that has made me stronger?179: If I were immortal, what would I do?180: Do I like shopping?181: If I could get away with a crime, what would I choose to do?182: What does “family” mean to me?183: What is my spirit animal?184: How do I want to be remembered?185: If I could master one skill, what would I choose?186: What is my greatest failure?187: What is my greatest achievement?188: Love or money?189: Love or career?190: If I could time travel, where and when would I want to go?191: What makes me the happiest?192: What is “home” to me?193: What motivates me?194: If I could choose my last words, what would they be?195: Would I ever want to encounter aliens?196: A movie that scared me as a child?197: Something I hated as a child that I like now?198: Zombies or vampires?199: Live in the city or suburbs?200: Dragons or wizards?201: A nightmare that has stayed with me?202: How do I define love?203: Do I judge a book by its cover?204: Have I ever had my heart broken?205: Do I like my handwriting?206: Sweet or savoury?207: Worst job I’ve had?208: Do I collect anything?209: Item of clothing or jewellery you’ll never see me without?210: What is on my bucket list?211: How do I handle anger?212: Was I named after anyone?213: Do I use sarcasm a lot?214: What TV character am I most like?215: What is the weirdest talent I have?216: Favourite fictional character?

[gldngrl7]

Did YOU forget that Kara said “I gave my heart to a lying jackass” while under the influence of a Martian whammy? Why do you guys so desperately cling to this precious narrative you’ve created for your little bubble delusion?

When I was six I stuck a bean up my nose, far enough that I couldn’t pull it out. Did I tell my mom about it? Nope. I let it sit there for two weeks, growing sprouts, until the pain became unbearable and I was forced to tell my mom. Even though I had no reason to fear it, i was terrified of that she’d do or say if I told her I had stupidly stuck a bean up my nose. So...I told her the bean had a wings and flew up my nose.

I guess our relationship is built in lies. I guess I was an abusive twat to my mother!!!

My point is this. Was it immature for Mon-El to not come clean about his origins until he had to? Hell YES! Was it abusive or mean-spirited or manipulative? Not even a little. Could you employ a little perspective please? I’ve seen far too much demonizing of male characters for traits that are immature — which is not the same as abusive. Abuse is a practice, a pattern and its most certainly NOT accidental. You know how I know the difference in entertainment? Abusive characters don’t change, immature characters have this thing called character development. There’s plenty of information on this newfangled writing technique for you to study by googling “character development”.

As for deifying Lena, you clearly haven’t been paying attention or like the others you’ve simply honed your rationalizing skills to the razor sharp edge.

I don’t even watch anymore and I can’t escape the SC’s that vocally insist that Lena can do no wrong. Rationalization Level: Junior League mother of a private school rapist. Killing her test subject was a-okay because he signed a consent form? You have to be fucked up in the head to play that off. Which is kind of a relief to me because now I know for sure that the people who hate Mon-El are all just fucked up, I can take their vitriol with a grain of salt.

As for talking shit about Lena I have been generally careful to avoid the subject altogether, as have many of my SG/Karamel mutuals. Lena has gotten the fucking KIDGLOVE treatment compared to Mon-El, so shut your whiny ass, entitlement-riddled piehole. I had to block the Karamel tag because the SCs decided we shouldn’t have a safe space and made it their mission to ruin it for us. Can you say the same? Can you visit your precious fave’s tags and commune with your like-minded friends on Tumblr with relative assurity that every other post isn’t going to be Lena-hate. Yes, you can, and good for fucking you. We had to start a google hangout to do the same. And you know what?? Even in private, we STILL don’t bash Lena the way SC’s bash Mon-El. You know why? We just don’t care about her enough to tear her down.

At any rate, I don’t watch the show any more so from now on I’ll hold myself to same low standards of fandom politeness that the average, entitled, spoiled cry-baby SC’s do. Here goes. Lena isn’t special — she’s barely more than one dimensional. She’s pretty but she’s an empty shirt basically. Her only redeeming quality is a friendship that isn’t even real. Her relationship with Kara is one long string of lies that have reached the point of unforgiveable. They don’t love each other, they barely even LIKE each other. That’s not sexual tension you’re seeing, that’s good old fashioned disdain. They are never going to kiss and you’re delusional if you believe they are. Melissa is not down for it no matter what you tell yourselves.

I used to try to be the nice fandom girl. You know — play in my own pond and don’t cross lines? But when they wrote Mon-El out of the show, after giving him a character development arc that took place mostly off screen, I decided I was done. The worst dregs of the fandom won. Being nice gets you nothing. My kid gloves are now soaked in acid. Take your precious Lena and fuck off.

Supergirl parallels - hurt you on purpose

[imploder]

Response to Ikimaru Hate/Fandom Hate in General

@miss-serket​

“Based off nothing” spend 5 mins on ikimarus blog or the homestuck store lol. Check the links I provided dude I literally typed blocks of text for proof. “Based off nothing” my ass tf

I hope you and other people read this to the end. It’s important. We’re going to go step by step here. First off, you’ll have to forgive me for being a bit over the top and angry. Sunny is a close friend of mine, so I’m sure you can understand why I’d get emotional when people not only spread unjustified hate but also celebrate it. I’m sure if someone did the same to one of your friends, you’d feel the same way.

ikimaru ruined homestuck

Complete nonsense, but I’m sure you don’t care about that one because it’s written to be a “joke.” We’ll get into why this is a problem later.

She’s lowkey homophobic. She doesn’t show it much but she’s basically a yaoi fangirl who sexualizes mlm couples

If you think Sunny is a “yaoi fangirl”/fujoshi, you really don’t know what you’re talking about. Have you seen works that actually do fetishize mlm relationships or sexualize them in a harmful way? The insistence of the seme/uke dynamic and using mlm smut as a means to their expressing their non-mlm sexuality are hallmarks of that. And those kinds of tones/qualities aren’t really found across her works. Yes, she ships DirkJake. Yes, she even sexualizes it. No, that does not make inherently bad. She’s not showing it in an unhealthy way nor is she claiming ownership of it. 

and she INSISTS dirkj*ke wasn’t abusive so a bunch of people blindly agree because for some God forsaken reason they think her art is in character and canon.

DirkJake being abusive is a FANON interpretation. Sure, there are some qualities of it, but at the end of the day, it’s a webcomic in which we didn’t get to directly see any of their relationship. We are just told about it through the monologues of Dirk and Jake. Was it abusive? Maybe! It’s perfectly fine if you see it that way. But it’s not CANON LAW. 

Also insisting that people are simply agreeing because they blindly follow her is just ignorant to other peoples’ own opinions on autonomy. Guess what? Other people have different opinions than you. Scary, I know! But that’s life. Shipping DirkJake or thinking it wasn’t horribly abusive isn’t wrong.

Her treatment of roxy was BEYOND awful. She makes her nothing more than a ditsy drunk who likes cats and helps Dirk get laid. Despite her struggle with her feelings for him, but that would get in the way of Hot Yaois.

So Roxy is a recovering alcoholic. Is depicting her drinking alcohol wrong? This is a really interesting question, and is one I don’t have a straight answer to. But again, in regards to the other stuff, this is coming down to how you are policing how other people interpret and draw characters. Attacking someone for depicting Roxy as “liking cats and helping Dirk get laid” is uncalled for. Literally no one is being harmed by someone doing that. You don’t get to decide what is  and isn’t okay when drawing a FICTIONAL character.

As for the “Hot Yaois” comment, see my response above.

Evey character is a 2D stereotype of themselves, and again, people TAKE IT AS CANON. This horrible mischaracterizing is definitely something that hurts the fanbase. Also, I’m not gonna rip on her art style but she only draws characters as skinny white people or skinny white people with a tan. She may give Jane bigger boobs and a bigger butt so she’s the “acceptable” type of fat. If she draws a POC they still have white features. All trolls “just 12 white people colored gray”.

People taking it as canon is not her fault. Hussie draws all the characters LITERALLY as skinny 2D stereotypes of themselves. And Hussie’s drawings are UNIVERSALLY CANON. Does that make it not okay to draw characters with different bodytypes/skin colors/etc.? Of course not.

And again you’re policing how people draw characters. Drawing characters with less common body types or as POC is great! But that doesn’t mean drawing them any other way is bad or wrong. We can discuss to what extent it’s harmful, but at the end of the day, you’re saying all these things because you think Sunny doesn’t draw people fat enough or POC enough. You’re inciting hate because she’s drawing a fictional alien race in a way that you don’t agree with. 

And the worst part, is how the homestuck store is monopolized by her. If you want diverse designs you’re out of luck! Here’s more Ikimaru!!

All this stuff combined is a huge drag on the homestuck community in the long run because she’s so goddamn influential and everyone thinks her POV is Canon

The WLF store being largely populated by her works was and is not her decision. She signed a contract with WLF a while ago. They ask her to draw things, and then she draws them. She’s not willy nilly deciding to deciding to flood WLF with unsolicited submissions. In fact, outside of WLF, she hardly even draws or wants to draw Homestuck anymore. 

As I’ve told other people in the past, your frustration here is totally justified. It’s understandable that you want to see different things in the store and that it angers you when all you see is art that you don’t like. However, Sunny is not the person you should be hating for this. That’s all on WLF’s end, and believe me, I will not get upset if people go around criticizing WLF.

But again, other people thinking her POV is canon isn’t her fault. She’s never claimed that how she draws characters is the canon or correct way. Sure, she has a HUGE following in the fandom, but that’s just what it is: a following. People follow her because they enjoy her art and interpretations. She’s drawing fanart. She isn’t creating what is suppose the be the correct image of the characters.

Yes, she’s my friend, but I’m not going to say people have to like her or her art. You don’t have to agree with her opinions; I know I don’t, and she knows that.

I think people are honestly giving her too much credit. I’ve seen this kind of thing happen on Tumblr dozens of times before. People hold Sunny to these unreasonable standards. People put her on a pedestal like she’s the CANON FANARTIST. And when she does things that people deem wrong or harmful, it creates that much worse of a reaction and backlash.

But there’s something you and everyone else has to remember, especially when saying shitty things about someone publicly. Sunny is just a normal person. She’s human. She has here own emotions, ambitions, problems, and causes for anxiety (which I might add is pretty much 100% from people like you). You shouldn’t hold her to this ridiculous standard just because she’s popular in one niche fandom on Tumblr. You don’t know her. You do not get to make sweeping judgments based on a couple of self indulgent drawings she’s posted over the past 5 years. 

That brings me to the most important part of this. A lot of the discourse near the top about interpretations of characters is something that isn’t 100% black and white. I could be wrong about those things. But even if I am, that does not justify inciting hate or encouraging people to write horrible things like “I’ll kill her,” even in jest. SHE’S A REAL PERSON. Posting that kind of stuff publicly is NOT OKAY. That is not how you act online or in the real world. I know Sunny has been deeply affected and truly hurt by seeing things like this. The worst part is that this kind of witchhunt fandom policing is still going on after multiple instances where it caused someone to attempt suicide. Why is this still going on? This kind of behavior is unacceptable and needs to stop.

[mafiabosstsuna]

Get to know your admin!

Admin Name: Yamamoto  

1. If there were one word which was automatically to your name in Google searches, which word would you want it to be?

Precious

      2. What is a goal that you recently met?

  Survived the semester. Almost done.

3. What is your favorite time of day?

Night time. I tend to stay up until well into the night.

4. Name a celebrity you find attractive.

Jason Momoa sigh

5. What is one of the best pieces of advice you have ever received?

No one is looking at you so don’t be so self conscious.

6. What is the ultimate gesture of total trust?

Sharing your food

7. What is the best compliment you have ever received?

You’re one of the strongest people I know. I was legitly surprised.

8. What is something you have changed your mind about?

Going out all night. I use to hate it now it’s alright.

9. What is something you’ve never changed your mind about?

Peanuts are gross.

10. Rewrite the end of a fairy tale.

Snow White: She huddles in the corner as the old woman knocks on the window. No way she was talking to a stranger when she was already almost killed in the forest by a hunter.

11. Choose one: you will never misunderstand the meaning of what someone else is saying OR nobody will ever misunderstand what you say.

I will never misunderstand the meaning of what someone else says. I tend to overthink things a lot

12. If offered irreversible immortality, would you take it?

Nope. That’s a con with no refunds.

13. In your opinion, what are the most important qualities of a good friend?

Trust, Loyalty, humor

14. If you could be a founding member of a space colony, with the caveat that you would never be able to return to Earth, would you go?

No way. That sounds terrifying to me.

15. What is your favorite superpower? Why?

Weather manipulation. I love Storm. Always have always will.

16. If you were a book, which book would you be?

I don’t know a for dummies manuel book maybe

17. If you found out that your life was a book, and you met your author, what would you say to them?

Really? How boring can you make this get?

18. How would you prefer to die?

Quickly, and as I sleep.

19. What is your favorite paradox?

I don’t even know.

20. Tell us five facts about your first love, or, if you haven’t had one yet, invent the story of meeting your first love.

-He can make a mean cake.

-He’s really good at drawing.

-We first started talking about tv shows.

-Took me a week to get the courage to talk to him.

-He’s the one to introduce me to tumblr.

21. If you could live anywhere for a year, where would you live?

Switzerland. It just looks homey to me.

22. If you could visit anywhere for a week, where would you go?

Japan. Have to see it at least once.

23. You can only read one genre of books for the rest of your life. Which genre do you read?

Suspense

24. Define “love.”

Being completely comfortable

25. Define “justice.”

The right thing

26. Define “truth.”

Varies from person to person

27. Define “art.”

What you make it.

28. Define “good.”

Pleasant for everyone

29. Define “obscene.”

Not good for people

30. What one thing in the world would be hardest for you to give up?

My computer

31. What is one thing you regret?

Moving so far from my family.

32. What is something that you have done that you are proud of?

Organized a get together with some friends.

33. Is it easier to talk or to listen?

Listen

34. When are you vulnerable?

When attention is on me or I’m put on the spot.

35. If you met God, what would you say to God?

What was all of it for?

36. Would it be harder to tell someone you loved them if you weren’t sure how they would respond, or have to tell someone that you didn’t love them back?

Tell someone I don’t love them back. So awkward.

37. Excluding romantic love, when was the last time you told someone you loved them? Who were they to you?

Last week I told my mom.

38. What is your worst quality?

I undersell myself.

39. What is your best quality?

When I say I’ll do something I’ll do it.

40. What is your most immediately noticeable quality?

I look really approachable.

41. What is the first thing you notice about other people?

Their facial expression

42. Describe one of your closest friends, and explain why that person is such a close friend.

Short and bossy, but she’s great. She’s always there when I need her no matter what. I know no matter what happens she’ll always be my best friend.

43. What happened in the last dream you remember?

…I was being attacked by an enemy stand. No more jojo before bed.

44. What was your most memorable dream?

Someone kidnapped my sister and I had to go after them.

45. Two truths and a lie.

I’m allergic to nuts, I love coffee, I’m the second child.

46. If you were having a baby with the love of your life, and they insisted that the child be named after a place, what would you name your child?

Florence I guess.

47. What is the last lie you told?

Yes I’m on my way. As I laid in bed.

48. Is it possible for you to love someone you don’t trust?

No

49. What motivates you most?

The thought of disappointing someone.

50. What is your favorite narrative trope?

Anti hero. My weakness

51. Describe the ultimate dystopia.

The ruins of the previously prosperous society all around. No one trusts anyone so finding allies are few and far between and bound to end in betrayal. Many die due to violence and others of starvation or disease.

52. What story (book, movie, game, etc.) have you learned the most from?

A series of unfortunate events. Sometimes stuff happens it all depends how you deal with it.

53. What is something you wish other people could know about you without you having to tell them?

I’m just quiet.

54. Describe a moment you experienced something unexpectedly beautiful.

I was in my dorm room thinking about what I was going to eat and my roommate came in from cooking and sat a plate on my bed. I was so happy, and we hadn’t talked much so I was surprised. That plate of food was beautiful at that moment.

55. What is the biggest challenge you face when trying to form relationships with people?

Opening up and trusting people.

56. How close do you think your perception of yourself is to how other people perceive you?

Uhh 50-50 I guess

57. What is something you used to be afraid of, but aren’t anymore?

Dark.

58. What is the most important emotion?

Happiness

59. Do you think humans are any different than very advanced organic robots? If so, how?

Nope. Embrace the robot takeover.

60. If you had to move somewhere else, what would you miss most from where you are now?

Some friends I made here.

61. If you were a videogame character, what would your iconic weapon be?

Knockout gas

62. What is an aspect of your personality now that would come as a surprise to your younger self?

How comfortable I am with being alone.

63. If you could eliminate one event from the last month, which event would it be?

Saying no to that trip. D:

64. If you had to forget the entire last year except for one 24 hour period, which day would you chose to remember? (Other people would remember, and you would have anything you wrote down or recorded during that time period - you would just have a form of amnesia.)

The day my family and I went on vacation and had a dinner with our extended family.

65. What is the most upsetting thing anyone has ever said to you?

I really don’t like you. After they pretended to be my friend for years.

66. If you had to pick only one ideal or cause to work toward, what would it be?

To be happy and spread that happiness to everyone I come across.

67. Are there any unforgivable actions? What are they?

Being unnecessarily horrible, such as targeting people just to make yourself feel better.

68. Under what circumstances is keeping information secret acceptable or morally required?

When it will hurt someone badly.

69. What is one of your favorite ways to relax?

Watch a show or anime.

70. What is something you find difficult to talk about, even though you know you should?

My feelings.

71. What is an easy, default topic of conversation?

So what do you do?

72. What is your favorite sort of conversation?

About my interests and someone’s passion.

73. What is a version of you in an alternate reality doing right now?

I don’t know back at home going to start work soon.

74. What was the last adorable thing you saw?

A small dog ran up to me and barked I was both terrified and thought it was cute. It kept following me.

75. Would you prefer for people to hate you or for people to be completely indifferent to you?

Indifferent

76. Would you prefer to be yelled at or ignored?

Ignored

77. What is your favorite word and why?

Ain’t. Is that even a legit word? I use it all the time.

78. What is your dream job?

You know those food bloggers. That would be awesome.

79. What is the most difficult thing you’ve done this month?

One of my exams. Still not sure how I did.

80. When was the last time you were really scared?

When some guy followed me a ways to my dorm. I took off running and lost him.

81. What do you want most?

Comfortable life.

82. Describe an ideal day.

Waking up late then going to get lunch with some friends then going back to my room after and spending the rest of the day on the internet.

83. If you could speak to any real (non-fictional) person, living or dead for one hour, who would it be?

My Grandfather

84. In general, are you happy with the person you have become?

Yeah I like how I turned out but I could be better.

85. Do you want to be a parent?

Nope

86. What is something unusual about you that not a lot of people know?

I have periods of getting really into a hobby and then dropping it suddenly.

87. What makes you you?

How I try to be nice to everyone and enjoy my alone time a bit too much.

88. Are you lonelier when you’re with people or when you’re alone?

With people

89. What makes you feel safe?

Laying in my bed with the sounds of the night coming through my window.

90. What was the last bad decision you made?

Didn’t go with my friend on a trip.

91. Who is someone you have utmost respect for, and what is it about that person that makes you esteem them so highly?

My Dad. He wants what’s best for me and wants me to be the best I can be.

92. What was the last thing you laughed uncontrollably at?

A let’s play on youtube.

93. Your friend tells you that they are suicidal, and asks you not to tell anyone. Is it more of a betrayal to tell someone, or to keep silent?

Tell someone. I never been in that situation so I’d want someone else to help them since I wouldn’t know how.

94. What song speaks to you most? Why?

Ain’t it Fun. I don’t want to start life.

95. What basic values or principles do you turn to when faced with moral dilemmas?

Is it hurting anyone? Does everyone came out relatively unhurt?

96. If you had a tagline, what would it be?

Hahaha…. I was serious though…

97. If applicable, what do you look for in a romantic partner?

Humor, trust, loyalty

98. Who is your favorite author?

Don’t have one.

99. Who is the one person you know who is most similar to you (in terms of personality, beliefs, attitudes, mannerisms, etc)?

My best friend

100. What are you most excited about right now?

Going to see my friend soon!

[profgandalf]

Gender Differences: What a Great Idea!

Applying the concept of gender dynamics to our understanding of Literature.

Note: to be clear, this discussion functions with the binary concept of gender.  I know that homosexuals are real as are individuals who are bi, but they still fit into one of the two.  If you are a gay guy, you’re a guy, and if you’re a gay girl, you’re a girl. “Sorry Tumblr”

"So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him;

male and female created he them."

Genesis 1: 27 (English-KJV)

"And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and

 he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof;

And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman,

 and brought her unto the man.

And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall

be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man."

Genesis 2: 21-13 (English-KJV)

". . .neither was man created for woman, but woman for man."

1 Corinthians 11:9  (English NIV)

EMILIA

'Tis not a year or two shows us a man:

 They are all but stomachs, and we all but food;

 To eat us hungerly, and when they are full,

 They belch us.  

OTHELLO

       Why did I marry?. . .curse of marriage,

       That we can call these delicate creatures ours,

       And not their appetites!            

DESDEMONA

EMILIA            

       But I do think it is their husbands' faults

       If wives do fall: say that they slack their duties,

       And pour our treasures into foreign laps,

       Or else break out in peevish jealousies,

       Throwing restraint upon us; or say they strike us,

       Or scant our former having in despite;

       Why, we have galls, and though we have some grace,

       Yet have we some revenge. Let husbands know

       Their wives have sense like them. . .

       Then let them use us well: else let them know,

       The ills we do, their ills instruct us so        

I would note that I consider this speech by Shakespeare one of his best examples of negative capability and that it matches the famous speech by Shylock in Shakespeare's Merchant of Venice.Act 3 Scene 1 Lines 49–61

Introduction

Humans have always been fascinated by the fact that there are two kinds of us: female and male.  We are alike in so many important ways, and yet it is our differences which constantly confound us.

The Cause of Tension  

"The woman whom thou gavest to be with me. . ."

"Ew!  You actually LIKE Girls?!"  This raw response of a seven year old boy to a friend who has been "consorting with the enemy" reveals the underlining hostility which seems to permeate the relationship between the two genders.  Oh, we may change our tune when we get older.  Biological attractions overcome boyish disdain, but it must be admitted that on some level many men never get over their boyish opinion of women.  Thus, the term misogynist (one who hates women) has been in our vocabulary for quite some time.  The question we might want to consider is "why?"

Duh! For One Thing, We're Different!

This Image taken from 10 Things Men Never Want to Hear Their Women Say

One of the central reasons why men and women frustrate one another is that in some ways we are just plain different.  For a light-hearted look at this check out Matt  Groening’s “Women speak in estrogen and men listen in  testosterone.” Whenever I teach this section I ask the students (just as I asked you) what differences exist between men and women.  Here are some of the typical responses

Men

Rational                                                       Practical (Concrete or Bone headed)                        

Insensitive

Steady

Communicative Challenged

Physically Stronger

Single Minded and

Hierarchical in tasks

Primarily interested in act of procreation

Women

Emotional

Abstract (Transcendent or Nebulous)

Empathetic

Uneven (cycles)

Communication Addicted

Physically Weaker (but able to handle pain better)

Simultaneous Multiple Perspectives on Tasks

Primarily interested in the emotional nest (romance) needed to maintain the products of procreation (children).

Please let me state here that I do not stand behind this list as an absolute definition.  At best these are but generalities.  My mother is a former math teacher whose rational skills have navigated us through many a map and have left me checkmated more often than not.  In my own marriage my wife is far better with math (and money) than I am.  And when we were joined, she was the one who brought all the practical power tools to the marriage.  I brought books.  What this list does do is show at least the perceptions of differences between the sexes.

The question which often confounds scholars is how much of this difference is artificially created by culture and how much is biological innate to our beings.

The debate is pretty heated about this.  The only true biological differences with which most agree is that women have the equipment to bear children and men, in general, have more upper body strength.  These differences are enough to lead into the next question of abuse since lack of strength and the connection to domestic work has left women often at the mercy of men.

Abused Power = Breakdown in Communication

It is a sad fact that among humans whenever there is an imbalance of power there is the potential for abuse.  It happens between grownups and children.  But historically it has especially occurred between men and women.   When such abuse takes place communication and understanding break down.  (One does not usually want to understand those whom one subjugates.)  So in many households there have been two adults living under the same roof with two different agendas.    How the weaker has achieved her ends has caused for an even greater division between the genders.

Some may claim that the subservience of women is God's Law.  This is a debatable point with Christians arguing on either side.  However, what some might call God's ranking system--which never condoned the abuse of women--can not explain the world-wide existence of female inequality.  There are so many social expectations around the world which violate Judeo-Christian expectations.  Thus, to claim God's law is responsible for male female inequality ignores the simple fact that even in places where God's will is barely known, women are still kept at a lower station then men.  Thus I conclude that Male dominance is not based in God's will: the cause must the use or abuse of power.

Let's face it, if all women were as strong as this young lady (Shelley Beattie) on the left appears to be, the number of domestic disturbances would probably go waaaay down. But most women are matched with men who are physically stronger than they. 

(Note: Please don’t fuss about how attractive you do or do not find Shelley; the fact is that this kind of conditioning involves training, a lot more than what most women and most men want to put in each day.  The point is that most women do not have this kind of physical strength.  Sadly I just learned that In 2008, Ms. Beattie committed suicide.  Very sorry.  According to the Wikipedia article about her, after her retirement Shelley not only starred in the TV show American Gladiators, but she worked with people with physical impairments (she suffered herself from deafness), made drums and jewelry, and worked as a personal trainer, clearly a special person lost).

Thus, women have lacked the power to achieve their goals directly.  When conflict interests occurs they have found other means to reach their ends than direct conflict.  See the lecture on   The Taming of the Shrew  specifically   Shakespeare's Good /Bad and Bad /Good Women. to see both methods examined as part of the analysis of the play.  Briefly women have two choices:

Confront the oppressive patriarchy directly–and be     branded a shrew (or in modern evangelical circles “a feminist”) or…

Submit and give verbal support that the male should be dominant and then subvert that power via manipulation be it sexual or psychological.

The Depiction of the Tension

The study of literature reveals the importance of the tension between genders.  Unfortunately until recently most of the canon has been determined and created by men.  So there are few female forces through history to help give alternative perspectives about the nature of, forgive the cliché, "the battle of the sexes."  (Note, the existence of this cliché shows how old the problem is.)

The Anti-feminist Tradition

Medieval literature abounds especially with antifeminist themes which they based on certain scriptures.  In a civilization which looked to scriptural narrative to explain who the world worked as it did, women were often blamed for the fall of humanity because Eve first gave in to the serpent.  Because they are weaker than men, women are often shown using guile and deceit to bring about the ruin of their opponents.  In some of the Arthur legends they play the role of enchantress and temptress.  And it is no small matter that Queen Guinevere love for Lancelot eventually brings Camelot down.

There exists also a long tradition negatively portraying women who contradict their husbands directly.  These developed into a "stock character" often called a shrew.  Such characters usually were only two dimensional and lacked development beyond just a joke.  One of the most famous examples of this appears in medieval mystery plays involving Noah's wife who insisting on her right to gossip with her friends even while poor Noah is attempting to get her safely on the ark.

These shrews also are portrayed as sexually overt.  Thus in The Roman De La Rose (the Romance of the Rose) there is an old woman who gives advice to a young bride on how to abuse her husband sexually.

The Wife of Bath in Feminist Tradition

Chaucer's Wife of Bath is both an affirmation of the medieval concept of the shrew as well as a rebuttal of it as the poet engages in a tour de force of the male imagination in "negative capability" (Keats).  He may start with a stock character-- a stereotype based on male fears-- but he then continues to reveal and develop her personality and examines her first from the outer qualities people see, then to her own experiences as framed by her testimony in her prologue (the longest in the Canterbury Tales) and finally to her own tale in which elements of her personality may come through without her overt knowledge. 

This is strong psychoanalysis for what is in essence a figment of an artists imagination and yet, in a very real sense, Chaucer shows a woman first physically, then through her mind and finally through her heart.  For more of this go to Chaucer's Multiple Levels of Revelation of The Wife of Bath

Shakespeare's View in Taming of the Shrew

Meanwhile, in Shakespeare's play The Taming of the Shrew he presents a wonderful study in contrast between two types of women (two sisters) with two different ways to deal with a oppressive patriarchy.  Bianca is all sweetness and all the men love her.  However, as the play progresses she is shown to be manipulative and not nearly so honest as her older sister.  Katrina meanwhile, confronts directly the male dominated society she finds herself in, but she also finds herself trapped in the cage of rage.  She is branded a Shrew and in fact fulfills that nature. This will be developed further in another lecture Shakespeare's Good /Bad and Bad /Good Women.

The Modern Feminist Tradition

Writers within this tradition embrace a wide variety of approaches to the question of women's place and power in culture and society.  Most of these approaches are allied by their critical analysis of patriarchal (male0dominated) and phallocentric (male-centered) institutions and practices.  Furthermore works may be analyzed by their interests in promoting women's issues and concerns.  These concerns rise to the forfront of literary concerns with the late 18th and early 19th century and have continued on to the present.  Among our readings the short story "A Jury by Her Peers" (written in the first part of the 20th century) is especially notable since it was written by a woman (Susan Gadspell). responding in a subversive way to the domineering and condescending attitudes of men 

The social parameters clearly shape the course of action that Mrs. Hale and Mrs. Peters.  At first glance "Roman Fever" written by another woman,   Edith Wharton, a little later than the first (1934) does not at first seem to fit the Feminist tradition.  However, part of the difficulties these two women share is that in their world, affluent New Yorkers, they are defined by only their roles as wives and mothers.   In "A Rose for Emily" this same gender tension (complicated still further by the roles of a daughter to a domineering father) is at the root of the problems Faulkner depicts the aristocratic Emily Grierson.  Finally the struggle between sexes over what will happen to a woman's body finds a critical analysis in  "Hills Like White Elephants" by Earnest Hemingway

 Conclusion

Thus gender tensions should be kept in mind while reading our selections of literature.  Don't be afraid to object to what may be an inaccurate assumption by an author about the nature of a gender.  Also ask yourself whether negative capability actually exists which allows the author to transcend the limitations of his or her gender perspective.  Consider also the roles of the sexes in today's world and compare them with the times being depicted.  Even stories based in the 1930s find a world different than our own.  Consider the classic film A Christmas Story (Ralphie wants a bee bee gun).  The entire controversy over the leg-lamp could only occur in a house hold in which the wife did not feel she had the power to object honestly and overtly.