#tulmutrous

[kaiaelsher]

Yes yes, I know Rafayel is a silly, dramatic, goofy, yapping beloved King. BUT HEAR ME OUT, LOOK AT HIM WHEN HE'S SERIOUS OMG?😭😭 I think that side of him is often so overlooked when he's literally so hot when he's being like that?? He's actually so witty, too.

All in all, all i could say is that i would allow him do whatever thing whether it be the most vile, upsetting, horrendous, tulmutrous things to me and all im doing is get on my knees and place my forehead to the ground then thank him repeatedly.

[marilyngogosworld]

THE BEGINNING OF MR. KNIGHT AND I

Corpus Christi - April 2017

It all started in this rather small,slow moving beach city,Corpus Christi  Texas.

It was April 9th 2017 . After I had walked to this bar by myself, self loathing and basking in pity because it was sadly my 31st birthday, and I was all alone.In a place that I felt at one point was my safe haven, my place of rest, where I centered myself. Was now a place of desolate faces,souls that no longer accepted my extreme energy. Which I always tried to make sure it was a positive or white energy,but I am still human  and I'm sure not everyone I came across, I was able to leave with that lasting positive from me. So there I sat,at this god awful dive bar, and after batting an eyelash or two asked this wanna be, cut off T-shirt, cowboy hat wearing wanna be if he would be so kind, as to watch my laptop for a moment while I used the ladies room . He so kindly obliged of course. In the restroom I  what every girl on her birthday does, and got out my phone for a selfie or two. But once that ridiculousness was over. I caught myself in the mirror and just stared. Stared and thought about another year older, another year and I'm closer to my goal, yes , but nowhere near finishing. And another year I have been without what I consider my only prized possessions,my miracles of life, the joy in my life.. With that my tough girl act split in two and my true colors showing my true vulnerability.I was broken heart wrecked woman, with tears streaming down her face and a weight on her shoulders that only the world could fill. not  hope in for humanity . ………... A few minutes passed and I was  able to compose myself, and shake it off.  I wipe the far too depressing tears from my freshly made up eyes and gather myself, Then  walked out of the restroom.

to this much too territorial wannabe cowboy , and this new gentleman that was sitting in the seat next to mine.  Now from first sight, I knew he was a nice guy , handsome, but I couldn't really tell 100%........because his blinding bright neon green/yellow shirt was too much for my eyes to even take in at the moment. Until I walked closer and sat down in my seat , right next to his. Thanked mister wanna be, and after he tried to spout off a overused pick up line I just sent him to my website and let that be it ( I wasn't there for one liners,and he wasn't my type to begin with ) then glanced back at this man with the blinding shirt to see he was looking up what I told the other, and as I smile to myself he notices of course .

And I say “ I see your looking me up too”

He says “ Well of course , I kinda had to … didn't I ?”

And as I tried to not let him see my smile, which was far too apparent. I decided to feel this one out .  And if your all just now coming to the story about how I feel someone out , then you need to go back and read a bit more, I'm not going to explain how I do what I do.

So the best way to describe what I felt whenever I felt this man out, would be like he felt so familiar, like it was home, like my own breath being taken from my own lungs, as if it was me right there. That kind of familiar.  Which I have never EVER had, but how could I question it??

SO I asked him his name and outstretched my hand to greet him…

And with this firm handshake and him looking me directly in my direction I was able to get a good look at this man that I felt I already knew. WIth dark perfectly disheveled longer hair, darker eyes that were so kind yet piercing and a wicked gorgeous smile , I was done for. He was exactly what I needed for my birthday night. (Oh little did I know ) And after we both took a big gulp of our overpriced and under made drinks I turned back to him and asked him rather matter of factly.

“ This bar kinda sucks , wanna go to a better one ? “

“Ya, ya that sounds good”was all he had to say

WIthin minutes both of us were out the door headed to his car, and with a swift double step to be ahead of me, was to make sure he could get to my car door before me, and with a confidence and ease smoothly opened it up like he had doing that same motion for decades, practicing until he got it down perfectly for that woman of his dreams that he would be opening a door for,for the rest of his life. It made my heart beat with a quickness and my cheeks warm and flushed with a rosy hue,surprised by this reaction  disheveled I quickly gathered my composure and made a mental note of the major brownie points he had just rightfully earned in my mind.

As silly as it sounds that one simple chivalrous act from this man completely changed my thoughts about him.I could feel myself become more aware of how I was acting, and sitting and how he may or may not perceive me. Which is something that I NEVER did or cared about with anyone let alone a stranger….But I couldn't get a good read on him, to be honest I couldn't even imagine him being single. There was no way a good looking guy, like this,and a gentleman was still single.But I saw no ring,nor tan line. He must have some deep ridded issues that he carried as baggage to every relationship. But with each sentence and how smoothly the conversation flowed. I stopped worrying so much and just enjoyed a fun conversation something I hadn't done in a very long time.

Of course I just had to start in with the nosey prying type questions that I loved so much, just for the pure fact that it would typically make the other person uncomfortable, shifting in their seat as they contemplate if that question had really came out of my mouth , and if I wanted it to be truly answered. So there I begin with the rather personal questions and the playful banter between us just multiplied, he didn't even skip a beat. No awkward silence, no needed urge to fill that void either, the immediate comfortability was almost unnerving in fact. Meeting this very attractive human being and not feel a tinge of embarrassment over even the silliest of things that I typically turn red in the face over.

So of course I finally spit out the question that had been on my mind since the 15 minute car ride began. Now mind you,  since the beginning of my dancing career I had made a couple guidelines a sort of moral compass for myself to stay mindful about where I was going in life and what path was I going down. Basically it kept me in check when certain situations would arise  and if it was still on par with the standards that I set.There was one major thing that was 100% not ok in my eyes, I could never be a homewrecker.I experienced it as a child, and teenager royally screwing up my opinion of my father and even my mother . Putting marriage as an impossible feat instead of a no matter what and I made a promise to myself that I would never be that woman. So of course the next question was if he was married .

Then he said “ We are separated,not divorced yet. But the divorce is inevitable, it's been coming for 9 years now. My wife stopped wanting me, wanting to be intimate with me all together. And that's something that I need, its my love language, and I couldn't take the rejection anymore from her. So I ended things and seperated .

I was shocked by the upfront honesty to be well…...quite honest. My red flag feelers were ringing for sure, but my logic told me that if he was that upfront and honest with me then he for sure was telling the truth . That's when we pulled into the parking lot of the next bar, which I knew for a fact had my favorite Corpus Christi  DJ was hosting an epic night full of the good ole Karaoke. Little did I know how that night would forever change my life, epic is an understatement.

To be continued…..