#tuaari overshares

[wildermouse]

everything is too overwhelming I'll go back to laying in bed all day doing nothing with my life apart from getting mentally sicker every day please n thanks

[wildermouse]

hhhhh I'm so stressed I keep having to reschedule and re-reschedule with multiple people about various jobs because I'm overbooked and I have 0 time and it's A Lot and my mentally ill and half-functioning brain is too overwhelmed

[wildermouse]

please don’t comment on my weight especially if it’s to tell me I look bigger or “healthy” I know you mean it as a compliment but my mind is literally wired to not be able to take that as a compliment I’m so sorry

[wildermouse]

holy fuck I just applied for a job and I'm freaking out because they're most likely gonna call me for an interview or whatever but I'm going to panic so fucking hard if they call me I'm already panicking ahhh I can deal with the rest of it just not the fucking phone 😰😣

[wildermouse]

saw tegan & sara play a free show outside with the marvelous legislative buildings behind them all lit up and they were amazing and they played all my favourite songs and I’ve had such a good day and I wish it didn’t have to end that is all

[wildermouse]

plan: get a 'real' job -> go see pvris, pmore, & lights in oct -> save save save -> au pair in the new year -> travel the uk & ireland -> maybe never leave europe

[wildermouse]

do you like fireworks?

I think they’re beautiful, though not a fan of the loudness. they remind me of my old dog teaser - he was so terrified of fireworks he’d hide under the bed shaking the whole night. I miss him a lot.

[wildermouse]

since literally no one asked or cares I'll tell ya,

today was so nice!! like the perfect day almost started off by going to the barn and we tried lily in my bitless bridle for the first time and she responded SO well to that, just as well as with a bit! worked primarily on my lower leg & balance so like ouch (especially after pushing heavy af wheelbarrows full of shit up hills for 3hrs yesterday + doing a bootcamp class @ the gym) BUT my equitation is already improving sm and tara (coach/lily's owner) kept praising me for my lower leg and just general riding and I thrive off validation & praise so 👌🏻 then I went to a few tack stores to look for saddle pads (didn't find any 😔) and to pick up some reins for tara so that was fun but THEN my sisters and I surprised my mom with an art class for mother's day where we made UNICORN MUGS 🦄 it was so fun and they're so cute and my mom loved it!! then omg I found fucking green tea mochi ice cream at the store and I've been wanting to try that for SO LONG and it's so fucking good omfghsjan I wanna go to japan then my fam all played catan and listened to my good tunes and I love catan so much ALSO FUCKIJGN PARAMORE RELEASED THEIR NEW ALBUM TODAY !!!!!!!!! I haven't listened yet but I'm SO STOKED fffffff tomorrow I'm going upisland to meet the barn owner of the stable which I'm hoping to get a position as a trail ride guide so 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻 please

[wildermouse]

it's funny cause I'm always thinking "damn I'm so fucking sad nobody puts in effort with me I'm always the one who has to contact people and arrange plans everyone takes me for granted I should be treated better I deserve more than this" but at the same time I passionately hate myself with every fibre of my being and I know I'm not good enough for anybody in my life and honestly I am not worthy of their time and I'm fully aware of that and idk it's a weird place to be

[wildermouse]

so far in denial abt my age that I’m questioning reality a lot lol it’s cool

[wildermouse]

one of my old schoolmates just got married and another just got engaged I'm ????? we're not old enough this isn't real

[wildermouse]

today's to-do 👊🏻

~package & ship crystal lot order ~clean rat & bird cage ~bathe the ratties ~tidy my room ~walk to the store to buy a pint of icecream lol ~edit vedif videos ~no purging no purging no purging no purging

[wildermouse]

2017 ~ the year of improvement 👊🏻

I want to be a better me, and I want to live a better life for me. I’ve decided not to focus on eating disorder recovery because it’s really not a priority at the moment, but instead I’m going to focus on growing in other ways and really getting my shit together. my big goals for 2017 are to get a job and get my N. they’re the most terrifying, but ultimately most important. I also want to redecorate my room, redesign my wardrobe, dye my hair, find my aesthetic, be a better rat and bird mom, start making regular youtube videos, be more consistent with my shop, keep my room clean and my days productive, be out of my bed more than I’m in it, read at least 5 books, meet new people, and live life more without anxiety holding me back. I’ll be TWENTY fucking years old next week, and it’s time I start making an effort in my life, and start working towards my life goals. I strongly encourage you to dedicate 2017 to really working on improving yourself as well because I think we all need to make this year count after the shit show that was 2016. we got this 👊🏻

[wildermouse]

whyyy do I agree to go to the barn so early do to physical labour when I know I’m not gonna get more than 4 hours of sleep and it’s rainy as fuck

[wildermouse]

{tw kinda but it’s positive}

[wildermouse]

too many weird coincidences keep happening lately and it's really fucking with my head. for example, just now I'm watching a movie starring brit marling and she's not like a huge actress or anything but I open tumblr and who's on my dash? fuckin brit marling. and yeah I know that happens a lot to everyone but recently it's been happening like.. too much.