#tsundere igirisu

[vanessalocke]

[FrUK fanfic] England's love confession plan

Pairing: France x England

Summary: How to love a tsundere

Warning: Implied r4pe/Non-con

Rate M for s3xual, dirty language and s*x jokes in fanfic. Very OOC.

Nationverse but not canonverse. In this universe, France and England's relationship with America, Canada and Sealand is father-papa and sons.

This is a fanfic I wrote in FrUK week two years ago. I read it again and found it interesting so I decided to translate it into English. Forgive my grammar, English is not my native language.

Original work (Vietnamese)

==========

Otaku guys often think that if you're in love with a tsundere, you'll get beaten up every day. The sad truth is, the person who will be beaten is not the love object of that unpredictable tsundere, but rather her/his love advisors.

This case is no exception.

"Oh dear!" Spain laughed and fell onto the table. "Are you saying that you still haven't dared to confess your love to France? Mom, this is the joke of the millennium!"

BOOM! A book shot like an arrow at Spain's head.

"I can't believe it, you guys have known each other for a thousand years." Prussia cried out in horror. "How can the British Empire be so cowardly-"

SMARSH! A heavy blow landed on Prussia's face. Germany heard the noise and hurriedly ran from the kitchen to the living room to take care of the bruises on his brother's face. Italy was about to comment something, but when he saw England's hand threateningly throw the heavy golf ball he picked up from nowhere into the air, then catch it and throw it again into the air, he remained silent.

"I humbled myself to tell you, no, you guys begged me to tell you my story, and yet you guys still act like clowns?"

"Didn't you beat someone because you were embarrassed about people exposing your feelings publicly-"

"Shut up, America, or I'll tell your boss to let you copy the US Constitution a hundred times by hand like last time."

"Nonsense! You told us your story, you asked us to give you advice, and then when we spoke, you beat us!" Germany cried out while sadly looking at his brother's bruised eye.

"Doesn't the whole European Union know that England is in love with a certain Frenchman so he can't hide it anymore-"

"And you better keep your mouth shut if you don't want to get hit by England again. You foul mouth!" Germany rolled his eyes and stuffed a piece of bread into Prussia's mouth.

"Come on, everyone calm down." Japan poured tea and placed the cup in front of England. "Drink a cup of tea, everything will be fine. Let Igirisu-san finish his story first."

"Oh my gosh, there's nothing to say." America pouted, his voice sarcastic. "When the (fake) apocalypse comes, they want to die together, they used to live in the same house, they used to hunt together, they have two children in North America, and every Christmas they go to each other's house to stay overnight, they even gave their house keys to each other. Then England said that he had never confessed his love. Oh my, if you haven't confessed your love yet, you know how helpless and useless you are in love."

"I'll tell your boss to let you copy the Constitution five hundred times by hand." England said through gritted teeth. "And I don't mind hitting you, if your boss allows it."

"Wait! Wait! I have a question!" Italy exclaimed. "If what America said was true, then these two should have slept together already??"

The atmosphere among the people there was very quiet. Yes. Everyone was convinced that these two guys had been sleeping together for a long time, but now they realized that if England hadn't confessed his love yet, there was no way they could sleep together. Or are they in a love-hate, friends-with-benefits relationship? Wow, does that mean England accidentally falls in love with his friend of benefit? If so, that's too pathetic, too pathetic.

All eyes in the room were excitedly focused on England, making England felt a bit down.

"He and I actually slept together, but we slept holding hands." England said bitterly as if he didn't want to admit this himself. "He never... um, had any conscious s*xual behavior with me."

"Then why the hell do America and I exist here!" Canada, almost invisible there, cried out through his fading. "Aren't we the best proof of your and papa's behavior? And Sealand too?"

"Ah uh, well, I said I've never had s*x while sober, not to mention I've never had s*x while drunk..." England's voice got smaller and smaller until it was no longer as loud as the sound of a mosquito. "There were only two, or three times. And every time we had s*x, we always had results, so what can we do now?"

Everyone let out a loud scream. Drunk s*x says a lot. On the one hand, it explains the skinship of these two guys as if they were about to lay pipe. On the one hand, it says that these two people have been "interacting" with each other but are not actually in a relationship.

Suddenly there was a sound of applause.

Two sounds.

Three sounds.

The whole room applauded.

England looked around bewilderedly. He didn't understand why these people were clapping and even looking at him with admiration.

"Amazing! So great!" Prussia sobbed.

"That's right! If we don't count a thousand years..." Spain continued. "No, for a country, a thousand years is just twenty years. If you don't take that amount of time into account, this is the first time I've seen someone unlock the achievement 'having children with his crush'."

"Living together as a couple! Being parents of three children!" Canada brought up the towel to blow his nose.

"Always sit together in meetings." Japan nodded.

"Of the three children, two of them were successful beyond expectations." Italy blew the toy trumpet.

"Just haven't confessed yet- hey, Canada, why are you stuffing a rag in my mouth?"

Before the loud applause of the people around him, England's cheeks turned pink. Well, even he didn't realize that he had come so far!

"Everyone is praising me too much. I'm so embarrassed. But wait, I came here so everyone can give me advice! I can't stay in this deadlock forever."

"I thought it was something big!" America replied bluntly, "This is easy to handle. All the times father and papa slept together was because you guys were drunk, right? Just do it!"

"America-san, you're a genius!" Japan flipped through some shady book that England didn't know the name of. When asked about it, Japan only said that it was a "reference document".

A plan to flirt and seduce France was drawn up. Everyone is excited about this plan, although we're never sure if it's because they really want these guys to become a couple or because they're bored and need to find something to entertain them.

***

Plan A, started when England invited all the Europeans to the pub after the meeting.

Everyone knew what he meant, so they all left. As a result, only England and France remained.

France was planning to go home. But Italy nudged France, whispering to him:

"Do you see that England is sad and has a lot to say?"

"No."

"You noticed. Look at that sad look."

"Isn't he about to sneeze?"

Italy had a deeply hurt look on his face. He burst into tears, desperately ran away, running and screaming. "Horrible! Cruel! Unbelievable! France is an idiot!!!"

England hesitantly approached France, reaching out to pull the Frenchman's shirt.

"What's wrong, are you hurting someone again?"

"No, Italy suddenly said a few words to me and then acted like that. Honestly, I don't understand anything."

"Yeah, you must be betraying someone else's feelings or something." England sulked and turned away. "Even your cousin you did the same."

"I didn't do that." France pinched England's cheek, making England's face turn red. "You always make random inferences and then accuse me wrongly."

Actually, England didn't think haphazardly. In fact, England knew that France was not the easygoing type, because if so, he would not have agreed to live with France for a while as a family with America and Canada. But England needed a reason to scold France.

As a matter of course, France couldn't bear to leave England alone, so he went to the pub with England. The reason was completely reasonable, France knew more than anyone else how violent England would become - destroying tables and chairs when he was drunk. He considered himself responsible for controlling England's madness.

However, there was something strange about England today. He had just drunk a little and was already drunk, then complained to France about his failed love relationship with a certain man whose name France did not know.

France would be jealous, right? Would he be jealous? Japan said that the motif of complaining about an old love will make the other person reveal whether they like us or not. If only he would have been jealous...

No, there was no jealousy here at all! France nodded with deep sympathy, even patting his shoulder and cooing... but wait, what is he sympathizing with?? Don't say... don't say that he has been with many other people so there is this sympathy here.

Now, somehow, the original plan was to make France jealous of England's ex, but now England was silently angry. Don't get angry! Calm down! Don't show jealousy!

England pretended to be drunk to the point of fainting, leaned his head on France's shoulder, then reached out to hug France's arm, rubbing his head against him, deliberately calling out another man's name.

"For men, it's hard to get past the word '色'! Your job is to take advantage of the touch and suggest the beast inside France to come out."

China said so. England thought it was reasonable, so he practiced like that. Just slap on the drunk label, after that, all the blame will be France's.

Surprisingly, France did not react at all. He calmly finished his glass of wine, then asked England.

"If you're so drunk, can you still go home by yourself?"

"Huh? No... come on, I'm not drunk!" England pretended to drawl, increasing his physical contact with France.

"Haizzz, it can't be helped. You should go home. I'll take you home." France sighed.

Great! England raised the flag in his stomach. Switch to plan B. On the road, he will stagger, unable to walk, and then France will have to carry him home on his back. Physical contact, breathing in the ear is an important factor to increase love!

"Don't..." England grabbed France's hand, lowering his voice. "Just... don't bring me home. My brother seeing me like that... won't like it..."

"So where should I take you now?"

"Some hotel room..."

France's hotel room, England's implied. He had to hint a bit because no one ever said it out loud.

"Okay, in the morning the receptionist accidentally assigned me a room with a double bed. You can lie on my bed and rest until morning and then go home." France nodded in agreement.

Of course it was. It was England who told the receptionist to arrange that room with a double bed for France.

England's arm was brought around France's shoulders. France helped him out of the wine table and then took him outside the bar. That's right, now France will carry him on his back...

"Hello, is there a taxi nearby? Please give me one." France said into the phone, surprising England.

A few minutes later, the damn taxi parked right in front of the two of them. France pulled England into the taxi, placed him gently on the seat, and even took off his coat to wrap him up neatly.

England wanted to curse. Of course he was happy to have France cover him with his coat, but damn it, this wasn't part of the plan!!!

The comforting thing was, England was cuddled in France's warm arms. Perhaps France was afraid he was cold. And best of all, despite the possibility that England could vomit at any moment, France still let England lay in his lap.

Actually, England could never stop loving France.

Okay. Go to plan C!

France took England to his hotel room. He carried England all the way from the taxi to the hotel room. Of course, England pretended to babble nonsense, called some guy's name that England didn't even know, and rubbed against France.

France understood England's s*xual solicitation body language to mean he was about to go crazy and destroy everything. Thinking so, France immediately took a cloth rope he pulled from somewhere and tied England's arms and legs and carried him on his shoulders just like the old days when he came back from hunting and carried a wild boar on his shoulders.

"... Hey, where did you get these ropes from?" England asked France. In his mind, England began to explain all kinds of cases, the one that England believed most was that these ropes were France's favorite tool in bed.

France's answer made England unpredictable.

"Ah yes, that time my boss locked me in my room so I tore off the bed sheet and tied it into a cloth rope to throw down from the window." France answered.

"... I believe it for now."

"No one forced you to believe it. It sounds like a wife interrogating her husband." France said jokingly. But the truth is, England was intending to interrogate France.

England was brought by France to his room, placed on the bed, and then France proceeded to untie each knot on England's legs and arms.

As soon as his arms and legs were free, England pushed France onto the bed and kissed France's face.

"Hey! What are you doing??" France cried out in panic before England locked his mouth.

"S*x, nothing else! You're asking too much!" England said, unbuttoning each button of his shirt.

Thinking that he wasn't acting well enough, England tried calling out the name of his imaginary ex-lover while groping France's body.

"No no, the person you want to have s*x with is him, not me." France cried without tears. "You're drunk. Please sober up."

"You don't understand, you..." England suddenly felt angry. But he quickly cooled down and wrote a tragic story. "During the time I spent with him, I always thought of you, Francis. I felt extremely sorry for him. When he found out that I always missed you, we broke up."

"What does that mean?" France tried to pretend he didn't understand anything.

"IT MEANS I LIKE YOU, YOU IDIOT!!!" England shouted. "I DON'T WANT TO HAVE S*X WITH ANYONE BUT YOU! NOW TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS, QUICKLY!!"

"I WILL NOT TAKE OFF!!" France shouted back. "YOU RUDE, YOU CAN'T MAKE SOMEONE HAVE S*X WITH YOU THIS WAY!!"

"WHO CARES!!"

"I WILL TELL YOUR BROTHER!!"

"WHAT WILL YOU TELL??"

"THAT YOU PUT ME ON THE BED, FORCED ME TO TAKE OFF MY PANTS!!"

"YES THE DOGS MAY WILL BELIEVE!! THIS IS YOUR ROOM!! HE WILL BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE TRYING TO PLAY A TAKE ON ME!!"

"YOU BASTARD!!" France spoke up. "ARE YOU GOING TO USE THIS TO BLACKMAIL ME??"

"I DON'T INTEND TO BLACKMAIL YOU!! WHY DO YOU KEEP THINKING SO BAD ABOUT ME?"

"IT'S BETTER THAN YOU ALWAYS THINK I'M A BASTARD CHEATING EVERYONE!!"

"WHATEVER, TAKE OFF YOUR PANTS!"

"YOU RUDE!! PUT YOUR COCK IN YOUR PANTS!"

"THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME YOU AND ME ARE DOING THIS TOGETHER! AND NOW YOU ARE STILL SHOWING DIGNITY?!"

"WE WERE DRUNK AT THAT TIME!!"

"THEN NOW I'M SO DRUNKY HERE!!"

"BUT I DON'T!! F*CK IT, I DON'T WANT TO GO TO JAIL!!!"

"YOU COWARD! WEAK COCK!"

"BETWEEN HAVING A WEAK COCK AND BEING IN PRISON, I WISH TO HAVE A WEAK COCK!!" France declared eloquently.

On the other side of the wall, right in the room next to France's hotel room, there was a group of people listening to their curses.

"They're so loud that we don't even have to strain our ears to hear them." Italy gasped in admiration. "We don't have to keep our voices down because their voices drown out ours."

"Hey China, have you ever seen a wrestling match as dramatic as this?" America asked the person next to him.

"Ho ho ho, the boy asked a good question." China nodded. "Of course not."

"Oh dear, I want to write a memoir about this passionate night so much." Prussia smacked his lips.

"I don't want England to burn down our house." Germany muttered.

"Wait Germany, why is a serious young man like you following us here?" Spain was startled to notice Germany's existence.

"We sell corn here, produced by a Dutch company." Belgium classifieds.

"Wow, it's so expensive. My place makes it both better and cheaper." Japan grimaced as he ate his first piece of popcorn.

Return to France's side of the room. I don't know when, what was a s*xual solicitation approaching r*pe, turned into a real wrestling match without the people involved even knowing what the hell they were wrestling for.

With the intoxication already in his body, England soon became tired, and collapsed before France.

Looking at England lying exhausted on him, France tried to pat England's face a little. There was no reaction. Only then did he breathe a sigh of relief, and hugged England into his arms, stroking his head and comforting him. Well, he always liked England lying in his arms like this.

France took off England's shoes and tie, and carefully covered England with a blanket. He went into the bathroom to shower, change into pajamas, then returned to the bed to lie next to England.

"I don't care if I go to jail or not. You even called me a coward! You stupid caterpillar, who do you think I am?" France leaned down and kissed England's forehead. "Whether there's a law or not, when you're drunk, I won't do anything to you!"

France turned off the light, leaned closer to England and wrapped his arms around him. Soon, France's breathing gradually became regular. In the darkness, the red color gradually brightened up to England's ears.

Okay, England told himself, the next morning, he would pretend to forget everything that happened tonight, and give France a bouquet of flowers, or a meal at the most luxurious restaurant in London. Of course there will only be two people. At that time, England will be the most polite and civilized gentleman in the world, no longer the drunk guy who forced France to take off his pants like tonight.

France will certainly be very pleased.

As expected, if you want to confess your love to someone, be a bit dignified and polite.

And the group of love strategists on the other side. Well, actually, they were all planning to get away before the British tsundere unleash his wrath on them. It's okay, being punched by the British Empire and watching an entertaining scene like this is worth it to them.

As for America, he didn’t want to return to his country, nor was he afraid of anything. Leaving the hotel, he continued to stay in London all night and had a good time.

Because, learning from last time's experience, he hired students to hand-copy more than two thousand copies of the US Constitution for him. With two thousand copies of the Constitution in hand, he was no longer afraid of copying punishments.

That's because America hadn't considered that England will whisper loudly to the US President about forcing him to copy The Gettysburg Address a thousand times as a fine, but that's a story for later.

Tonight, while England is still resting comfortably in France's arms, let America make all the money in London's casinos with his childlike joy filled with happiness.

_The End_

Author’s note: As you may have realized (or not), this is a text rife with sarcasm.

[onlyonetruth]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms, 10 Tags

Tagged by @bestillmyfastbeatingheart (Thanks!)

Ookido Green/ Blue Oak (Pokémon gameverse)

He stole my heart when I was like 4, never gave it back. I love him with ardent passion to this day. The first game did him dirty, so I'm really glad about the revisions to his character TPC has made over the years because they have added dimension and complexity to him. The reason I'm fixated on the rivals to lovers troupe. Major inspiration in my sports life.

Nakahara Chuuya (Bungo Stray Dogs)

The angriest chibi sheepdog around. *slaps back* This bad boy can pack so much trauma in him. He's a mess but his mental fortitude and ability to forgive (even when he claims there won’t be a second chance! lol) is quite impressive. His arc is far from over though, so I'm dying to see what the story has in store for him. Will he actually end up slowly tainted by the darkness he's surrounded in? The uncertainty gives me life.

Yato (Noragami)

Dramatic, goofy character with a dark past? yes, please. The burdens of the gods are quite interesting and I would love for him to be right about placing his faith in  Hiyo-chan and survive so he can say "b*tch, you thought." to his father.

Arataka Reigen (Mob Psycho 100)

The Greatest Psychic of the Century, Twink Supreme, Ultimate DILF, True Babygirl. He's known by many names but, in Mob's words, Reigen Shisho is a good guy. He's a refreshing MC character for a shounen and BONES was right to thirst for him.  

Kudou Shinichi (Meitantei Conan)

Cheeky bastard #1.  Can't mind his own business and lacks self preservation but that's fine, he has a quick mind and has amassed a small army of overqualified people who enable and  keep him alive. Mild sadistic streak when it comes to a certain thief, but he's a tsundere with a soft spot for kids and dogs. A total keeper.

Kuroba Kaito (Magic Kaito)

Cheeky bastard #2. I love his veiled kindness and his mischievous, chaotic side the best. I'm glad we could get his own point of view in the cases he crosses paths with Conan because I just live for the contrast of his suave persona in DC vs. barely holding it together thanks to crazy luck in MK. He deserved better when it comes to the Touichi is actually alive fiasco, though.

Igirisu/ Arthur Kirkland / England (Hetalia)

Fav character of one of my oldest fandoms after Pokémon. Thanks to him I met who is my best friend to this day and  had lots of fun back then. Many fond memories of this fandom so he has a special place in my heart.

Mitsurugi Reiji/ Miles Edgeworth (Gyakuten Saiban)

Seeing him go from his pretentious bratty self to his slightly less pretentious, kind daddy self was a pleasure. It started with unnecessary feelings and it progressed to the admission of "that man" still shining brightly in his eyes. He got really nice character growth and development.

Hijikata Toushirou (Gintama)

Supposed to be the cool stoic character but no  one can stay cool in Gintama and his hilarious shortcomings made him quite endearing to me. Sadists magnet.

Matsuoka Rin (FREE!)

I'll admit the drama these guys had going went completely over my head, like most competitive sports anime character's drama does, but his personality is just my cup of tea so I find him adorable. I like reading about him in different AUs more than in canon though.

Umm, since I’m a hermit I never know who to tag, but I'll try for once... @hayaku14, @hiromiikunn (If you're not interested or have already been tagged, please ignore this.)

[ivyenov]

Aph France: Hey England, I heard America pulled out this cool line when he visited you last time.

Aph England: Ah that "Your scones taste like you."

Aph France: What, that's food harassment--wait, why are you blushing?

Aph England: *bright red* Huh!? I'm not blushing because he said I taste like my scones! It's not like he hate it! He actually said it's delicious! It's not like I'm happy about it!

[bloodycrumpets]

hailcolumbia replied to your post: ��

kyaa kawaii desune tsundere-chan igirisu moe moe kyun

im bloking u