#ts;; return fire | ( asks )

[chrissv4mp]

BabyyI really need angry sex with bullie and you are the right person to write it my god, i miss her soo much

౨ MAD AT ME ৎ

@livialifesblog @her-favorite @mseilishmwah @mxqdii @sophloveswomen @muchloveforhacker @br4ttyeilish @wiidfi0wer33 @xoluvx @slutforsturnioloss @devynscomet @loving1dsworld

NAVIGATION

billie's hand gripped your hair harshly as she fucked into you from behind, chest heaving and hair sticking to her forehead and some sides of her neck. rough grunts fall into your ear as she thrusts into you hard and fast, her pace relentless just as her grip on your hair was.

you don't even remember how you got in this position; her body towering over yours as she she whispered the most dirty, degrading words into your ear as she fucked you from behind like some slut. all you can remember was the first interaction you had when she got home from work.

she had accused you of something that she knew was bullshit. it was just some stupid rumor online about you and your co-star having an affair. fans had speculated something going on between the two of you since the close relationship you both had on set. you and her had hung out a few times, but that was it, and now you were here.

"you want her like this, huh? you want her fucking you from behind, don't ya?" she breathes out, untangling her hand from your hair to land a harsh slap on your ass. all that you can respond with are whines and cries, your hands gripping the sheets harshly as you shake your head.

tears threaten to roll down your cheeks as she grasps your hips with both hands, pulling you back against the fake dick. the new angle almost makes your arms give out, a loud, desperate moan reverberating in the room as she hits your g-spot repeatedly. the wet, sloshing sound of your pussy made her head spin, tugging her lower lip between her teeth in a means to silence her own noises.

frustration and lust boiled beneath her skin as she continues to thrust her hips forward, ignoring the obvious warnings that you gave whenever you were about to cum. she wasn't gonna stop when you did, she wasn't gonna stop until you were utterly spent or until she thought you learned your lesson, "cum, cum on my dick, babygirl. bet this wasn't the first time you've cum today, is it?"

incoherent babbles fell from your red and swollen lips, tears rolling down your cheeks as you unraveled all over the silicone cock. her palm came down on your ass again, this time in a harsher motion, causing a loud cry of her name to escape your throat.

the way you tried to squirm away only made her more passionate about her goal, her nails digging into your hips as she held you tighter. her body towered over yours once again, lips only an inch away from your ear as she spoke, "no, no, you don't get to move away. if you wanna act like a dirty slut, you're gonna get treated like one." she muttered, nibbling at your earlobe softly.

"who do you belong to, mamas?" she spat, her voice raspy and hoarse. you couldn't respond, she knew that, and that's exactly why she asked right in that moment. she wanted to tease you, break you past point of no return until all you knew was her name and her dick, "fuckin' say it. don't make me ask again," her hand came down on your ass again, her handprint almost clearly displayed from the impact.

"you—fuck!—'m'belong to you, mommy..!" your voice was a quiet, strained whine, but billie heard. she heard it loud and clear and that only fueled the fire in her chest. her thrusts never slowed, though, her hips snapping against yours seemingly rougher than before.

a low chuckle fell from between her perfect, plump lips before she spoke. her hand snuck up your body, tracing the curve in your back before running along your back muscles, finally finding home wrapped around you neck, "ts' all i needed to hear, princess."

"but that doesn't mean we're done, yet."

[imamotherfuckingstar-lord]

Great War

Bucky Barnes x Reader

a/n: another TS song inspired story.

Summary: During an attack, reader is hurt.

“…my hand was the one you reached for all throughout this Great War.”

The pavement, broken under Bucky Barnes’ boots. He stepped confidently and carefully, while keeping his eye out for anyone that might need help. The air smelled like it was on fire, lungs working overtime as he called out for Sam. His voice was meek as he asked if he had seen you, where were you. His response gave nothing to Bucky, so he kept foraging on. The chaos started to simmer as he approached a group of civilians; he walked towards them and kneeled next to the nearest person. He assessed their wounds and tried to reassure them that medical help was on the way when his eyes caught a glimpse of your face. A face he could never forget, memorized deep inside the core of his mind. He stood up, halfway through his sentence and promised to return, as he moved passed dozens of victims of the attack. Another attack of this great war.  That’s what you called it, the constant fighting; continent hopping and spying. Endlessly tiresome, that’s what you were, and you had made sure everyone knew this was it for you.

“I’m not fighting after this one, consider it my two weeks’ notice.”

Bucky watched from his seat, silently contemplating.

“You don’t mean that.”

Natasha, she was always so desperate to keep everyone together; you smiled fondly at her but shrugged. “I’m tired.”

The tone in your voice made it final and no one else argued, even if they wanted to. Your focus moved to Bucky, and he gave a knowing nod as your shoulder’s relaxed. That was it and now he was moving towards you, on autopilot. You stood leaning against a brick wall, hand cradling your abdomen.  His heart sank a thousand times when your eyes locked with his; he knew instantly, regrettably. The look on your face, the haphazard smile told him everything he needed to know; this truly might be your last fight, ever. Bucky rushed to you and as if you had been waiting for him, fell into his arms as he reached for you. Drowning in the warmth of his touch, your head cradled back against his arm, and you looked up to him.

“There you are.”

“Don’t go anywhere,” he whispered, panic straining in his vocals. He looked around, gobsmacked in the heart, and then he saw medics running toward the large crowd and he screamed. Bucky screamed louder than he ever had, his voice ringing repeatedly in your ears as you passed out.  Your eyes slowly fluttered shut and he quickly, guilty, handed you over to the medics. He wished then that he had become a doctor in his earlier life – he’d fix you right there, in the chaos. He didn’t care about everyone else, and he felt selfish as the medics worked on you. He stood over them, warning them with his sheer power glare that he wasn’t going to lose you. Not today, not on the last day of this great war. This fight that was made up of countless days, with little pockets of happiness the two of you managed to squeeze in.

“I kind of really like you.”

Bucky looked up from the hotel bar menu, he leaned against the counter; the two of you sat shoulder to shoulder and he grinned. Your entire body went warm, and he pursed his lips, placing the menu down to get a real look at you. You looked a bit frazzled from work lately, but even under the lowlights of the bar, all he could see was beauty.

“I knew it,” he teased, flinching when you smacked him on the shoulder. The two of you laughed and he quickly ordered two beers and you waited for a response other than what was on tap. The bartender placed two glasses on the marble counter and Bucky pushed one to you. He held his up and nodded for you to do the same. You asked what there was to cheer about and he smirked.

“To me and you doing this.”

He pointed a finger at you then himself and you couldn’t help but be obliged. “To doing this thing.”

Bucky whistled as the glasses clinked together and he smiled, reaching a hand for yours. His fingers touched deeper than your skin, in that moment, he touched your soul.

“I’m not losing her today,” he grunted through his teeth, and he noted the way one of the medics cringed. He apologized just as Sam appeared at his side, taking a moment to take in what was happening before touching Bucky’s shoulder. He promised Bucky you would pull through, quickly reporting what happened to the others. He walked away briefly, but Bucky never took his eyes off you or the blood. The medics had to tear open your uniform, he thought he could smell plasma in the air as he saw the blood soaking into your stomach or from. He felt queasy then, but Bucky stood his ground and watched as they worked meticulously, knowing they needed to get you to a hospital.

“Natasha’s landing now. The facility is preparing for her arrival. We need to go now.”

Sam didn’t wait for a response, instead he instructed the medics on the plans to move you. Bucky heard the word stretcher, and he finally snapped his attention into action. He moved you himself from the ground to the stretcher, so tenderly. He held his breath the entire time until you were strapped down, barking at the others to be careful. Then the quinjet landed and he found himself walking at your side as the others pushed the stretcher to walk up.

“We still need up down here,” Sam called to him.

Without bothering to answer, Bucky looked up to where Natasha stood, clear apprehension on her face. Her eyes held onto the image of you, passed out and bloody as she moved aside. “We can have her there in minutes, she’ll pull through. She’s a fighter.” Bucky nodded and the two of them ascended after the medics and stretcher, where you lay unconscious. Natasha moved to the cockpit when Bucky called her name out softly and she turned.

“Hurry the hell up.” “Keep her company, I’ll get us there in no time.”

She did, in minutes, like she promised.

The medical team was ready for you as the quinjet landed, not waiting for Bucky as they rushed the stretcher inside. He felt a wave of relief, just for a moment as Natasha walked him inside. He knew you were in good hands, but he was already plotting everyone’s death if you…

He shoved the thought into the back of his mind and sat down outside the operating room. The medical technology at the facility should have given him hope, but all Bucky could feel was dread as Natasha handed him a cup of coffee. It was bitter and he drank it with ease.

“I think I really love you.”

Bucky looked up from the book he was reading, the two of you sat shoulder to shoulder eating at the hotel breakfast bar. His eyes softened, but surprised filled them and it made you laugh. He asked what was so funny and you shrugged. “I’ve never seen you so shock in your life.”

His nerves calmed and he grinned, placing the book down next to his plate. He turned on the stool to face you; knees to knees, he reached for your hand and held it tight. Your smile faded as he brought a palm to your face and the blaze of his warmth hardened against your body, like an invisible shield from the world. He knew then that he would do anything, everything for you.

“I love you too.”

They worked on you for hours, the severity of your wound was more complicated than the doctors initially thought. Two different times, they almost lost you, but in the end, you fought. Bucky sat slumped outside the OR, never drifting into weariness. He was alert the entire time, counting every second and anticipating bad news. It never came. Instead, the doctor pulled off her mask and called for him, Bucky stood up so fast his head spun.

“Did she…”

He couldn’t even bring the word to his lips, but the doctor just smiled.

“She’s a fighter, she pulled through. It took longer than expected but she’s going to fully recover.”

He wanted to scream in relief, hug the doctor so tight he might suffocate her; but instead, he asked ever so politely when he could see you. “She’s going up to the recovery room now, she’ll be ready to see you in an hour. Can you wait?”

What kind of question was that?

He would wait three lifetimes for you.

“No problem, thank you, doctor.”

Bucky finally examined the clothes he was wearing and noticed the blood on his uniform. He needed to change, didn’t want you to see all the blood on him – your blood on him. He called Natasha, who had returned to aftermath of an endless fight and updated her on your condition. He could hear the tears in her voice, and she promised to come as soon as possible. “Take your time,” he said, wanting to keep you for himself. He didn’t care how selfish that made him; he would be the most selfish bastard if it meant getting to be with you.  He quickly left for the living quarters, right into Steve’s room. Bucky and you had an apartment in the city, so he had to borrow some clothes from his friend. He ended up with a pair of jeans and black plain shirt. He washed up in the bathroom, wetting the day’s nerves away with cold water. He dried off his face and stared into the mirror. “Lucky bastard,” he whispered to himself before leaving to see you.

….

The room was cold, but the sun brightened the room from the large windows. He talked to the nurse for a moment before she excused herself; he thanked her and slowly walked to the bed. It was a large hospital bed, he knew from the looks of it, it was more comfortable than the one back home. His face was grime as he drew closer until he saw you staring out the window. Your eyes were flickering until you slowly turned to him. He cried then, feeling the weight of the world dripping off his shoulders as you held up a shaking hand to him. He moved to your side in a heartbeat, sitting down on the edge of the bed facing you. He held your hand, bringing it to his lips for a kiss. He leaned his head against your knuckles, cheek against your skin as you told him everything was okay.

“It hurts like hell,” you croaked, but smiled. “…but I’m fine, Bucky.”

His eyes simmered; tears gleamed in the light of the sun. “I nearly lost you.”

Letting him soar through his emotions, you held his hand as he sobbed. He was careful not to move you, but his forehead remained against your hand as he held it. His sorrow made tears fall from your eyes, but then you said his name and he let out a deep breath, letting go to wipe away his tears. He laughed then, shaking his head. “You’re going to get people killed one of these days.”

Confused, you asked why. He shook his head again. “The medics, the doctor…I was contemplating everyone’s death if you hadn’t…”

Understanding, it was your turn to kiss his hand. “…but I did and that’s all the matters. “

He agreed, letting go of all the anxiety of what-ifs, allowing himself to be present again. He asked what had happened and you shrugged. “The great war, what a way to retire, huh?”

The details he would get later when things calmed down. When the two of you were back at the apartment, away from everything and everyone. It might be weeks, but he could wait. He leaned forward and kissed you on the lips, then forehead before sitting up to tuck you in. “You need your rest, I’ll be here.”

Head resting deeper into the pillow, you smiled hazily up at Bucky. “Always?”

Bucky smiled the smile meant only for you. “Always.”

[sgiandubh]

Anon rebelde.

Está vez voy a ser un poco 😈

RRPP de Sam o de ambos dos porque sabemos que Cait y el son socios en el crimen.

Chicos, lo siento pero toca la última anónima del mes de junio, julio ya tiene las suyas pero no os preocupéis, que después del fiasco de la escort, el filtro está activado,

pero está vez ¿ porque no hacemos la pantomima de otra manera ? La caminata JJ por el Soho ya no se la va a creer nadie después del desastre de la escort entonces ¿ que os parece un posado que aparezca por casualidad, en el vídeo de un evento de cierta clase para darle un poco de brillo ? ya sabemos que hay que subir la categoría. Solo tenemos que preguntar dónde estará enfocando la cámara oficial para asegurarnos de que el fandom os encuentre ya que sabemos, video de TS, que el fandom lo va a diseccionar como rata de laboratorio. La lejanía puede hacer circular el chisme que nos interesa y generar esa controversia en los fans de si son peras o manzanas y que siga siendo creíble en un 20% como mucho, ya sabeis, el roce corporal justo, un vestido de color llamativo y ya está echo y otra muesca en el revolver de Sam sin mucha sangre. Yo apostaría a que esto es real como la vida misma. ¿ Deberían pedir aumento de sueldo por lo listos que se creen que son ? Y mientras Mordor y sus palmeros encantados de ser las marionetas de la narrativa y encima gratis. Se puede ser más tonto...

Dear (returning) Anon Rebelde,

Si se trata de RRPP, deberían ser despedidos inmediatamente. Si esto es solo S, debería hacer un poco de examen de conciencia y darse cuenta de que los costos serán drásticos, ya que el fin de OL está a la vista. Pero primero traduzcamos:

EN: If this is PR, they should immediately be fired. If this is just S, he should do a bit of soul searching and realize the costs will be drastic, as the end of OL is now in sight. But first, let's translate:

'This time, I'm going to be a little 😈

Hey Sam's PR (or both of them, because we know he and Cait are partners in crime),

Guys, I'm sorry, but it's the last wannabe for the month of June, July already has its own. However, don't worry: after the escort fiasco, the filter is activated,

But this time, why don't we do a different pantomime ? A JJ walk through Soho will no longer be believed by anyone, after the escort disaster, so what do you think of a pose that appears by chance in the video of a classy event, just to give it a little extra shine? We already know that we have to upgrade the category. We just have to ask where the official camera will be placed, to make sure the fandom finds you since we know, since that TS video, that the fandom is going to dissect it like a lab rat. Distance can help circulate the gossip that interests us and generate that controversy among fans, potato/potahto, and that remains credible at 20% at most, you know, just the right amount of body friction, a bright colored dress and that's it. Another bullet in Sam's revolver, without much blood. I would bet this is real as life itself. Should they ask for a raise because of how smart they think they are? Meanwhile, Mordor and its clappers are delighted to be the puppets of the narrative, for free. Can you be more stupid…''

One thing to add, a tiny detail, really. It bothered me a LOT.

This...

as compared to this...

Once the coin drops, you can't unsee it, dear Anon Rebelde.

Meanwhile...

Both are all sorts of pathetic. That being said, I suspect Emily does it unprompted and for free. Joker's privilege.

[mialikeshockey]

Adore You - Mark Estapa

Based on the song “Adore you” by Harry Styles :)

bowling date night with Mark and you can’t do anything but adore the man in front of you.

“You don’t have to say you love me, I just wanna tell you something. Lately you’ve been on my mind. Honey, I’d, I’d walk through fire for you. Just let me adore you. Like it’s the only thing I’ll ever do.”

You hear Mark come home after spending the day with the guys. Your puppy was barking like crazy while you could hear Mark saying hi to them.

He went to the lake with them while you and your friends went too but went home sooner. Mark stayed back to help everyone clean up.

Tonight was also date night. Almost every weekend was. No matter how late. It always happened no matter what.

“You ready, love?” Mark questioned walking into the room. “Almost…give me like five more minutes.” You say as you finish up washing your face. He smiles, while sitting down on the bed.

You and Mark went on dates almost every weekend. Either out to restaurants or just going to places like the bowling alley. The bowling alley was a personal favorite.

Seeing his face light up,as he smiles after making a strike. You couldn’t help but adore him. He was honestly the best boyfriend you can even remember having. He’s extremely sweet.

“All ready.” You take his hand, pressing a kiss into his fingers. While heading out the door Mark grabs his keys still not letting go of your hand.

The drive wasn’t to far. Mark mostly just talked about how we wanted to go to the beach again soon. He loves being out in the water. He sometimes reminds me of a man child. He gets so excited over the smallest things and it’s so adorable.

As we got to the bowling alley, we get our shoes and put our names into the board. Mark just put his as “stop sign” and you put yours “ts lover”. You and Mark always joked around with saying you were a puck bunny for him, even though you actually met Mark at a hockey game.

As the night continues, you and Mark were full of giggles and laughs. You loved nights like this. Practice and hockey free. Non of the team there. Just you and your favorite boy.

“LETS GO BABY!” Mark yells after making another strike. You giggle as he turns over all smiley. Mark sits down next to you and you put your head on his shoulder. “Wanna go get ice cream am after this?” He asks softly.

“Yeah, that sounds good.” You smiled. “We can finish this game up if you want, or we can go now. It’s up to you sweetheart.”

“We can go now if you want too.” You say turning to him. After you guys returned the shoes and got back to the car.

As the night went on it got pretty late. You and Mark were sitting outside of the ice cream shop. “The sky looks so pretty. All the stars…they are extremely bright.” You say while finishing your ice cream.

liked by markestapa, edwards.73, rutgermcgroarty, and others

yourusername i love you but maybe I love our puppy more 😁

markestapa the puppy ain’t even all that but I love you more THAN THE PUPPY. 🥲

^ edwards.73 aye don’t do my bud like that Estapa.

^ markestapa be•tray•al : the action of betraying one's country, a group, or a person; treachery. "the betrayal by the king by his daughter"

rutgermcgroarty why didn’t I get icecream.

^ luca.fantilli bro fr like??

^ mackie.samo we just ain’t cool enough man 🤧

^ markestapa why do u guys comment on all my gfs posts 😐

^ lhughes_06 bc she’s better than u?

^ markestapa bruh my own teammate.

^ edwards.73 dw bro ur still my bf

^ markestapa good 😍

^ yourusername damn. My bf js got taken 😪

——————————————————————

hi sorry ik my posts have been rlly bad lately I have had no motivation whatsoever and anything I come up with I don’t like and I hide in my drafts but Lunas over and when she’s over she forces her motivation on me 🥲 (not rlly she just talks about writing and than I think of something)

But anyways me and her are doing face masks rn and listening to music and it’s 4am 😍 alr bye bye ilyg

tagging some ppl - @lunaaaaaa-nothere @jeromes-scars

[idontknowreallywhy]

WIP-what-on-earth-have-I-got-myself-into-here…

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Ash had had access to both of their files for a long while… the visible parts anyway. The extensive redactions? Not so much. Well… now his new GDF rank meant he could get past those too but he hadn’t dared. Partly because he wasn’t sure it was a can of worms he was ready to face. Not now he had Scott back after so long.

The other big reason he’d resisted was because they’d know. The decryption keys were personalised… they’d know both who and when. And three weeks into the new job was a little early to risk getting fired.

Or worse. Knowing them… probably worse.

Tonight though, hours of the puffed up, clueless idiots squabbling about the new outbreak had forced him to relive so many parts of his experience ten years before that the phantom pain was almost unbearable. He rubbed at his lower leg, trying to fool his mind into thinking he was comforting the missing arm, soothing the nerves that tormented him but that he could never reach.

Scott hadn’t lost anything visible. But Ash knew they’d stolen a no less crippling part of him too. He’d watched his friend from a distance, scratching at a a similar untouchable itch in so many subtle ways. How much of his friend’s confident, controlled outward demeanour was as synthetic as the fingertips Ash realised he was rapping against the desktop? He flattened his hand, grimacing at the supposedly-unnoticeable delay between thought and movement that had rewritten his future.

Ash knew what his friend had lost. And he couldn’t help feel responsible - he should have been there. He’d spent countless sleepless nights trying to figure out how he could have prevented it all, if he’d spotted the clumsy sabotage as he should have, swapped with another jet… maybe he could have got there in time. Got him out.

Instead he’d just sat there shaking and bleeding and sobbing and helpless as first Scott and then Val’s radios had cut out. If Ash hadn’t passed out from the shock of his injury perhaps he could have got her out at least…

No. They’d got it right in her jet. She wouldn’t have known a thing.

EHZ007 was all over Scott’s file. And each time the reference was used, the following sections were blacked out. If he knew why, maybe he might get closer to finding out what had happened and why.

At the very least he might be able to reach out to his friend, to help him find closure. If he knew better what had occurred between that last desperate shout over the radio and the day that the gaunt face of his best friend had asked him to leave the ranch and never return.

It would look highly suspicious if the first Top-Secret graded file he accessed post-promotion was that of his old wingman. They were clueless in some ways, but not in all of them.

Giles, though. He looked at a lot of the TS material just for fun and bragging rights, if his boasting was to be believed. And this evening Ash had watched the man unlock his work phone with 1234. Someone that uncreative with passcodes might just have used the same one for everything…

Officer ID, rank code, personal pin, age in days. The man’s date of birth was on his Wikipedia page and so… Ash now had everything he needed.

Except the courage. He’d been staring at the encryption alert box for over an hour. His shoulder ached.

He disconnected his prosthetic and dumped it on the table before snatching up the scotch bottle and refilling his glass.

He typed in the number.

PASSCODE ERROR.

He swore and retyped it.

No! The man had clearly used another pin. Damn.

He drained the glass and dropped his head to the desk. It was probably just as well.

Out in the hallway his great grandmother’s clock chimed once.

It was later than he thought.

It was… tomorrow.

He sat up, cursing his own idiocy and typed the code again, increasing the last digit by one. The screen refreshed and the blacked out sections disappeared.

He was in.

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[itsbenedict]

From the beginning | Previously | Coin standings | 42 | 20

(Okay, weird poll results here. Equal votes Y vs N, but I'll subtract my own, so N- and CUCUMBER GUNSHOT clearly wins the direction.)

There's no need to report a bug- that might just su𝕸mon another data validator, or so--̷̘͗ͅ-̸̲̪̎-̴͈̽̐ͅ-mething. You've had quite enough of running away from myster𝕀ous black danger icons on the map.

Which just leaves... where to go? You decide not to APPROACH FATED TERMINUS, and instead SUCCUMB TO HUNGER. That stale pastry and yogurt really weren't DELETE enough to keep you going- you need to go back and stock up, ASAP. Slowly, you turn around, and return to the cafeteria.

There's a woman there who wasn't there before. She's carrying a large scythe, and is speaking into what looks like a radio.

"Lethal with hen...?"

What? Hen? No, that's not the kind of bird you are. ...What kind of DELETE bird are you, again? You tell her to wait a moment- you've almost got it.

"...Nation's typos. Took bulk jug aisles."

What aisles, now? You can't quite make out what she's saying. She's still just talking into that radio of hers.

"Why a hornet's assets? ...Owl, threw greenly. Thin amounts."

Yeah, lady, you're making thin amounts of sense right now. Are you alright? She doesn't look too good DELETE. You take a step towards her, and she steps back.

"Uh, begonia bottom!"

Eﾒ-cuse you? What did she just ¢all you? Is that even DELETE an insult? Like, there's worse things for your bottom to be. You ask her what she's doing here, and if she really thought that burn would sting somehow.

"Anti-tank colt."

Huh? No, tђis is just VIOLENCE AS FIRED. It just stuns stuff- you're pretty DELETE sure it wouldn't bᴇ much DELETE use against a tank.

"...Whose roach?" she says, scowling at her radio. At least, you think she's scowling. It's hard to tell with her face all obscured by shadow.

You---̶̟͚͠͝-̶͕͇̓̐-̵̧̨͍̺̖̜͓̱̜̟̲͎̻̀̏̔̋͆͂̆͌͘͝-̷̢͙̯͍̖͓̝̹̙̔͒̐̉͑͊̕͜͝-̷̫̬̗͋̏̂̍̽͌̈́̉̓̀̓̔̕͠͝-̸̛̩̭̥̺̔͗̐͆͐̓͂͝ͅ-̷̥͉͉̹̄͑̈̿̌̀̃͆̉̒̾̌́͠͝-̴̰̆-̶͖͊̕-- approach the vending machines- you think you spot something that might've been left for you, if someone were to PORT POLYTHEI丂TS and spend Coin. You're trying to ignore the ⒮cythe woman- it kind of seems like she's having DELETE a private conversation. You can't hear whoever's on the other end of that radio too well, and she hasn't really directed anything at you.

"Jilt nullifies kilt."

...Uh. What? That sounded like more nonsense, 𝕭ut something about the way she said it made your bl𝑶od run cold. You turn to see her brandishing her scythe, and be𝓪ring down on you.

The radio murmurs something. "Winding quad-hit," she replies.

She suddenly moves with alarming speed, and you just barely duck out of the way of the slicing a𝕽c of her DELETE 𝔻ELETE scythe as it cuts through the air with a crackling noise. You raise your DELETE shield to block a followup swing- what the hell is she doing?!

She's winding up for anoｔher DELETE attack- and you're pretty sure you can't keep dodging her forever. Is she a secur🅸ty guard?! You've got to get the hell out of here! But... which way do you run?!

You could return the way you came, maybe? You've got some RETURNING THOUGHTS that are starting to sound like a great idea right about now.

There's a scurrilous knave on the other end of the room, by the hallway to rece𝙿tion- perhapˢ you could GET TO DASTARD, and then... be hurt, and GETS OW? Or be neither prep NOR GOTH?

Continued | 42 | 19

[cebwrites]

"captain" (how heavy is your title)

a/n: why is it so god damn hair to find gifs of pre-ts shikamaru my GOD gifsearch on this site has gone down the drain 😭

oc | gen word count: 1.3k

At some point during the timeskip, Shikamaru's put on a three-man team with Tae as their jonin captain, he's a genius but still lacks experience after all. The other two members of their temporary team feel bad for the kid and give their consolations quietly away from Tae before the mission starts.

Shikamaru finds out later that this is apparently because their captain has apparent bad blood with Shikaku. He's understanding to a degree, but whatever his father did really doesn't have anything to do with him, and he's understandably frustrated.

Regardless, the mission proceeds as intended, if not a little awkward at times.

When they get a moment to rest, Shikamaru approaches Taeru and asks if it's really such a hassle to work with him. Tae agrees for a moment, but follows this by saying that it has more to do with the fact that the higherups agreed to send a kid on an S-rank mission, genius prodigy or not. He's irked at the fact that they're throwing Shikamaru into the deep end immediately, and so soon after their failure to bring back Sasuke, too.

Tae then talks a little louder to say that he wouldn't begrudge someone for something as petty as their parents' faults, enough for the other two to hear and stiffen as they roasted fish over the fire.

Shikamaru gets to have a moment alone with his captain later on when, while on watch, Tae notices him tossing and turning in his sleeping back, unable to catch a proper wink of rest. The older man humors his junior by talking about the first mission he was sent on when he made chunin, Shikamaru complains at first but he eventually pipes down to listen. It didn't seem like Tae was going to stop talking, anyway.

The mission was a disaster waiting to happen. Tae's subordinates were all older and more experienced than him, scoffing at the fact that they had to take orders from a twelve year old. While the younger two eventually came around when Tae had a chance to show his capabilities and how reliable he was as a leader, a boy and a girl in their late teens, the eldest remained stuck in his ways - a man in his early twenties who hated the idea of being bossed around by some shrimp regardless of rank.

His stubbornness lead to an injury that lost him a leg and put an end to the man's shinobi career.

At the Hokage's office upon return, Tae was berated viciously by his wife. She spared no expense about how it was terrible to put her husband's life in the hands of some snot-nosed kid in the first place, lamenting that they had a newborn at home and now they had no way to support their family so how was he going to take responsibility for his actions?

Tae remained expressionless throughout her tirade, nothing out of the ordinary, though the only thing he could offer was his apologies - going as far to get down and prostrate for his failure as a leader. The two remaining members from their team came running in just as things started to heat up, begging to explain their sides of the story and come to their captain's defense.

It was right that they did, considering the way Tae felt Genma's chakra started to churn when his subordinate's wife lifted her foot in an attempt to stomp on his head while prone. If Lord Third and the accompanying Hokage guard noticed it too, they made no comment.

With the commotion dying down and mission reports fully filed away, Tae was dismissed. So was Shiranui, apparently, his shift was picked up by a young Iwashi since he was told to blow off some steam before he could come back.

Genma spends that time trying to cheer Tae up. When Tae brought up that he didn't have to go so far as to let his killing intent seep through, and luckily the man's wife was too far away to notice, Genma scoffed. Ruffling the boy's hair, he'd say that there's no way anyone would watch their kid brother get treated like that and not get mad.

Their little moment gets interrupted by the other chunin put under Tae's care for that mission. They're only a little older than Genma, but he levels a warning glare at them too, standing between them and his brother - Tae's been through enough today.

When they clarify that they're here to apologize on behalf of the third member and his wife, Gen's still skeptical, but Tae steps to the side to hear them out. They're out of breath and stumbling through their words a bit, but the point gets across; conveniently leaving out the screaming match they had at the hospital with the wife that morning.

Though the connection is still frayed, they say that he wants to meet up in person to apologize if Tae was willing to give a jerk like him the time of day.

Shikamaru asks if they managed to smooth things out and Tae nods, watching the sun slowly start to creep over the horizon and faintly register the chakra signatures of their other team mates waking up. Ah shit, they hadn't slept yet. The other two would have to cover them and gather information in town today instead.

Hopefully they'd take their time.

Shikamaru's next question comes paired with a yawn, inquiring if they were still friends after everything. Tae's quiet for a moment, still staring off onto the horizon, before he tells the young chunin that though he smoothed things over with the older nin, his peers closer in age died in the line of duty some time later under different captains.

The boy's lax posture tenses immediately, Shikamaru actually covers his mouth as his sleepy gesture turns into a cough, then clearing his throat, and finally; a quiet apology.

Tae's rebuttal comes easily, like he's had this conversation many times before. The life of a shinobi was tied inextricably to death - whether the blood on one's hands belong to enemy nin, the painful passing of a fallen comrade, or their own. It was unavoidable in this line of work, most people in it were aware; others painfully so.

But the casual way his temporary captain speaks of his former comrades in passing sends a chill up Shikamaru's spine, knocking the sleep from his mind. He was restless before, but he was sure he wouldn't be able to get to bed now.

Upon their return to Konoha, things settle back into their regular rhythm; though with the addition of Taeru popping in semi-regularly to ask Shikamaru to pass on miscellaneous documents to his father. Shikamaru knows there's something going on underneath the surface, but he respects Kirin enough not to pry directly. As for his dad? Well, Shikaku never really was good about being up front about those kinds of things anyway, always finding one excuse or another to slip out of the conversation.

The only thing he'd gotten out of his dad was a surprised look when he asked Shikamaru when he'd gotten so close to a jonin from Ibiki's task force, then a withering response about how Shikaku had work to attend when Shikamaru started to prod for details, considering his dad worked for T&I too. Man, his old man was such a drag sometimes.

The sinking feeling of Tae's words stick with him for a while, though Shikamaru wouldn't really learn the full scope of his grief until Asuma's death years later - he remembers how everyone just barely defeated the Sound Four with their lives in tact - but sometimes, he'd see Taeru talk to the older man running a soba shop near the Nara district and spar with a kid that could feasibly be around the same age as him.

The clouds in his mind begin to part.

[stories-and-chaos]

Tarnished pt 23

[Helluva Boss AU where Blitzø’s childhood theft from Stolas’ palace is discovered and major consequences ensue for everyone involved.]

[Part 23/?? Word Count: 1857]

[CW: Drug abuse, addiction, gaslighting]

—————

Two weeks later, Blitzo sent another letter. It was thinner than the first. Barb gave it the same treatment, ‘RETURN TO SENDER’. The next one was even thinner, probably just one page in the envelope.

After she had that one sent back, he started sending postcards. Mostly they were generic landscape images from across the Rings. But not being in an envelope meant she saw snippets of the text on the blank side. Barb let Fizz know that Blitzo was sending mail, but never the content.

She didn’t mean to read any of them, but checking the address meant seeing what was written. There was a theme of ‘sorry, please talk to me, let me explain, I’m sorry, text, call, so sorry,’ in his scribbled handwriting. Knowing their dad’s account of events, her brother’s repeated requests for forgiveness just infuriated Barb.

She saw there were a few that mentioned her and their mom. Blitzo was asking if Fizz knew where they were. You’d know if you’d stuck around, traitor, she thought bitterly as she sent the postcards to be shredded. 

The frequent reminders of Blitzo’s existence kept her off balance. And Fizzarolli was spending more time in Lust. He kept denying any emotional attachment to Asmodeus but Barb saw the difference in how he talked about the Sin.  His absence left her somewhat at loose ends in her downtime.

The other survivors from their circus had scattered; few wanted to stay in Greed with all the established gangs and corruption. Barb, not wanting to be alone constantly, found other demons that shared her interests. One of those interests being drug use was incidental. 

After seven months, the postcards arrived less frequently. Barb didn’t really notice; she had access to stronger stuff and was getting fucked up on a regular basis. Fizz was paying her enough that she could afford it… for now. But as the next pageant got closer, she started missing more days.

At first it didn’t matter too much. Her friend was off being Ozzie’s boy toy. The PR team was finally filtering the mail somewhat. And just before the pageant, Blitzo sent a card saying, ‘I’ll leave you alone Fizz. You know where to find me. I’m sorry.’ That was one less stressor; Barb celebrated with a weekend long bender.

She managed to be clean for a few days before and after the clown pageant. She was able to function as Fizz’s security the whole time. Once again, he won. Once again, Mammon immediately signed him on with a year long contract.

This year though, the king of Greed had some things to talk about concerning Fizzarolli’s assistant. Whisking him behind closed doors for the rigamarole of the contract was the perfect moment to plant seeds of doubt about Barb in his mind.

“Y’know Fizzy, that assistant o’ yours…I know she’s your friend but she’s been slacking big time,” he said as they signed and initialed pages. “I’d hate for someone from your past to take advantage of you, yah?” Mammon had a look of intense concern as he finished his portion of the contract.

“I-I’ll talk to her, Mammon sir.” Fizz was already worried about Barb. He knew she’d gotten hooked on painkillers after the fire. She’d been sober for years but he could see the signs popping up. And if Mammon noticed, things were getting worse.

“Good boy Fizzy! ‘Cause we’re gonna be real busy again and we don’t need c**ts coasting off your success.”

The day after the pageant saw Fizz in Lust again, working with Ozzie on updating the Fizzies. Asmodeus took him out for lunch again. He’d told Mammon before the contest that he’d need the whole day with the winner for their work, preventing his fellow Sin from interrupting anything.

After lunch, Ozzie sprung an offer on Fizz. “I’d like you to work at my lounge club, Froggie. Get you some experience outside the Greed Ring and away from all those creeps.”

Fizz waved a dismissive hand. “Psh, I’ve always had creeps around, it’s not that big a deal. Besides, Barb’s got my back.”

“Yeeeeeeaaaah, about that,” Asmodeus said slowly.

“Oh not you too Oz! Mammon was just bitching to me last night about her!”

“Hey, I’m just saying…she’s having a bad time lately. I’m not gonna pry, but if even Mam has picked up on it? Your girl needs help.” Ozzie cupped Fizz’s cheek. “Look, I know she’s important to you. You’re basically family right?” Fizz nodded. “So I want to help. And moving you both out of Greed is a good way to start.”

Fizz sighed. “Yeah, she’s never really liked it there anyway. I can’t make her do anything though.”

“You know me babe; I ain’t about forcing anyone. Unless she’s in deep shit, too deep to handle or putting herself in danger? you gotta let her make her choices.” He leaned back in their private booth. “I’m serious about working at my lounge though. You’d make a great M.C. Fizzy-frog.”

Fizz agreed to perform at Ozzie’s, with the frequent scheduling starting in a few weeks. He had prior commitments with Mammon to take care of first. Doing nightly shows at the lounge would mean moving to Lust.

Before that, he wanted to talk with Barb. The first chance he got was almost a week later, after they were done at Mammon’s for the day. Fizz had to steal himself to talk to his friend so he went to her apartment after hyping himself up via a phone call with Asmodeus.

Barb, meanwhile, had taken a hit of her current drug of choice as soon as she got home. It was the first big high she’d had in the past two weeks. When Fizz showed up at her door unannounced, she could feel the drugs hitting her system. Although he looked serious and she was trying to focus on what he said, the chemical filter in her veins meant she really only caught a few words. Kind of like those snippets of Blitzo’s postcards.

“Barb, I know you’ve got a problem. You’ve been using drugs again, I can tell. We need to get you help, but we can’t do it here. Asmodeus offered me a gig, I’ll need to move to Lust. Please, come with me. I can’t stand seeing you destroy yourself. We’ll get away from all this shit in Greed. Get you some fucking help.”

Barb tried to string together what he was saying. What truly stuck with her was he was moving. Leaving for Lust and Asmodeus. Away from her. She growled angrily. “Urrrgh! Fine, go fuck off with your royal sugar daddy! I don’t need you!” She pushed him away from her. Her intoxication meant she didn’t have much control of her strength. Her push knocked him against the wall; if he hadn’t hit it with his prosthetic arm, it would have left bruises.

She stomped to the door and yanked it open. “Get the fuck out Fizz. The other imp looked stricken so she pushed him again. This one sent him into the hallway. Barb slammed the door shut, locked it and  put the chain on. He had a spare key, but even his extendable arms would struggle with the chain. She pressed her back against the door and slid down it as Fizz knocked desperately. He kept saying her name but she didn’t respond. She just curled up, silent and crying.

Eventually, he was gone. Her sense of time was completely distorted. Maybe it had been an hour, maybe just a couple minutes. She just wanted to forget about everything again. Fortunately, past Barb had picked up a baggie full of little friends from her dealer that were very good at helping her forget.

A few days later, she’d come down enough to realize she had to go work. That many pill-shaped friends weren’t cheap. But when she got to Mammon’s main offices, her keycard didn’t work. Barb tried multiple times, flipping the card in different directions but she continued to get error sounds. She was ready to punch the scanner when the door opened smoothly.

The shark demon that stepped out towered over Barb. “What do you want?” No politeness, just blunt demanding attitude.

“I want to get to work. Why isn’t my keycard working?” She waved the offending piece of plastic in front of the shark’s snout.

His concentric ringed eyes focused on the card, reading her name. “Barb Buckzo. Yeah, your position’s been…terminated.” He gave her a leering grin and flicked the card. His claw hit with enough force to send it spinning out of her hand and down the street.

“The fuck d’you mean, ‘terminated’? I’m Fizz’s  assistant and bodyguard!”

“Not no more. You haven’t been here for a week. Mr. Fizzarolii and Lord Mammon don’t need some lazy ass coasting on her buddy’s success.” He straightened up to his full height. The shark crossed his arms and continued to match her glaring look. “So you’re out, shoulda got a termination letter in yer mail.” 

Her jaw dropped. Those assholes! “I wanna talk to Fizz. Right now!” She tried to push past the beefy shark, but he outweighed her and Fizz combined. 

“Mr. Fizzarolli is busy. Lord Mammon is free for the next ten minutes if you wanna talk to him.” Barb growled, a rumbling hiss coming from her chest. “Thought so.” The shark went back inside and the door slid shut behind him.

Barb stood there, chest heaving. She had mostly come down from her high and there was no drugged filter between her and her emotions. After a few minutes of glaring at the locked doors, she started hurling nearby rocks at the building. Her aim was still good from all those years in the circus. But those doors were designed to withstand bullets; a valid concern with all the turf wars likely to pop up in this Ring.

All the rocks in Hell wouldn’t do much to the structure. Barb didn’t care; if anything it made her madder. She kept hurling the same rocks over and over, screaming obscenities all the while. Until she threw one that ricocheted back, hitting her directly on her circus brand and knocking her on her butt.

She sat there, dazed. The pain on her forehead belatedly hit and she rubbed the spot to find ichor welling from the scratch. “Fine. FINE, YOU HEAR ME! YOU CAN GO FUCK YOURSELVES! HAVE FUN BEING A PAMPERED WHORE FIZZ! YOU’RE JUST LIKE THAT TRAITOR BLITZO!” Barb turned away, rubbing her upper arms with both hands as she tried to keep the anger in the forefront. She flipped of the building as she walked home.

Not that the studio apartment would be home much longer. She was behind on rent and her landlord was ready to kick her out. Checking her mail, she found the termination letter; included was her severance check. Not enough to back pay everything. But enough to find somewhere else. Something cheaper and closer to the drug dens she was visiting more often. 

Within two days, she was gone, ghosting everyone in her life.

—————

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[teddywrites0]

𝐀𝐥𝐥 𝐓𝐨𝐨 𝐖𝐞𝐥𝐥 (𝐜.𝐲)

“𝐖𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐚𝐢𝐫, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞, 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐦𝐞𝐦𝐛𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐨𝐨 𝐰𝐞𝐥𝐥.“

summary: the stages of trying to get over your ex but everything reminds you of him. you remember it all too well. (ex!yeonjun fem!reader, hella angst, exes to lovers?, obvi based on the ts song because she is mother.)

warnings: cursing, angst, lmk if i missed any (:

w/c: 2.0k

a/n: mostly written cuz i miss my ex lol.

©teddywrites0 don’t repost, or translate my works! reblogs are appreciated (:

memories coursed through your veins like blood after a long work out. you felt overwhelmingly warm, an ice pack to your forehead as hot tears spilled down your cheeks. despite laying in a painfully cold bed that only served as a reminder that he was no longer there; your skin was on fire. you rubbed your eyes through choked sobs, the black of your mascara painting your fingertips. a few weeks prior you had come home from work to a short, vague, note on the dining table; along with a box of your belongings. including polaroids, movie tickets, and love letters you had written months ago. the box lay untouched on the table still, you hadn’t gotten out of bed besides going to work. nothing was more painful than walking into an empty apartment that was once filled with so much love. he didn’t even give you a flat out reason, sure you had your arguments once and a while, it’s normal; but his handwriting burned into your mind like a brand. “i can’t do this anymore, i hope you understand.” but you didn’t understand. you didn’t understand why he’d up and leave without a trace. had he found someone new? you didn’t even want to think about that. the only thing you could do was remember.

i walked through the door with you, the air was cold, but something bout it felt like home somehow.

yeonjun’s mother had moved out into the country side. the october air and autumn leaves made everything all the more serene. the drive was around three hours, and he made sure it was entertaining. blasting all of your favorite songs and singing along with you even if he didn’t know the words. you laughed at his mumbling to which he pouted and said, “we have different taste, at least i’m trying.” he couldn’t keep a straight face, your smile and giggles were enough to make him smile as well. he couldn’t help but stare at you, glancing at the road every few seconds. “pay attention there’s a red light coming up.” you said playfully shoving his shoulder. he chuckled and shook his head, returning his attention to the road in front of him. “you think she’ll like her house warming gift?” you asked for the fifth time. “of course she will. you being there is enough, you’re like the daughter she never had.” you smiled to yourself at his words. nothing felt better than knowing his mother loved you, knowing she approved. the breeze from the front door opening ran a chill down your spine. you slid your shoes off and hung your scarf on a nearby coat rack. she was quick to greet you both, more specifically pulling you into a hug first. “oh how was the drive dear? have you eaten?” you smiled and nodded, “i’m good mom thanks for asking.” yeonjun said sarcastically. she chuckled and pulled him into an even tighter hug. “we have something for you.” you said holding out a gift bag. yeonjun rolled the suitcases to the guest room while his mother led you to the dining room. “oh it’s beautiful, you shouldn’t have.” she held up the ceramic vase in awe. she hugged you again, and then a look of realization washed over her face. she scurried toward what you assumed was her bedroom and as she emerged with a book of some sorts, yeonjun came to join you. “i found it while i was unpacking.” it was a photo album, a picture of baby yeonjun on the front.

photo album on the counter, your cheeks were turning red. you used to be a little kid with glasses in a twin sized bed.

his ears and cheeks flushed red in embarrassment. “oh no.” he mumbled. she flipped through the pages, every picture was in order of age. it was like watching him age through each photo. “this is one of my favorites.” she pointed to a little yeonjun holding a soccer ball. “look at my goofy smile.” you rubbed his shoulder reassuringly. you couldn’t help but feel endeared, looking at these pictures helped you fully realize why his mother had gifted him the nickname ‘healing.’ every lost-tooth smile made you feel warm, just as his smile does now. she flipped the page and a picture of him giving the camera a stank eye caught your attention. you stifled a laugh, “what made you so angry jjunnie?” his eyes brightened with a memory, “it was summer and it was so hot outside i didn’t even want to play. i remember mom calling my name and crying immediately after the picture was taken.” he chuckled slightly after finishing his sentence. “you were such a sassy kid.” his mother said looking through the photos with stars in her eyes. you didn’t feel awkward, you felt warm, and at home. “just you wait, your children will be just as sassy.” she said as she closed the album. your cheeks felt warm with the thought of a future with yeonjun. he pulled you to his side and planted a kiss to your head. “can’t wait.” he whispered into your hair.

here we are again in the middle of the night, we’re dancing ‘round the kitchen in the refrigerator light.

in november, late nights in the apartment weren’t abnormal. you’d light your favorite candles and drink hot chocolate while watching classic romance movies you had to convince him to sit through. the ending credits of the notebook on the tv and the faint sounds of him sniffling. “are you crying?” you asked looking up at him with an accomplished smirk. “no the suns just really bright.” he said wiping his eyes. “it’s okay to cry jjunnie, besides its eleven at night. the sun isn’t out.” you said with a soft giggle. you sat up from where you had been nuzzled to his chest. you held his face in your hands and kissed his tear stained cheeks repeatedly, when he began to laugh you stopped. “i’m going to grab something from the kitchen, do you want anything?” you asked still rubbing your thumb over his cheek. “i’ll be alright, hurry back tho.” you chuckled and planted a chaste kiss to his lips before heading into the kitchen. you opened the fridge and just as you grabbed a water bottle you felt a pair of slender arms wrapping around your waist. “you were taking too long.” he whispered into your neck. you smiled softly, “it’s been five seconds.” you rubbed patterns on his hand that rested across your stomach. “dance with me.” he said turning you to face him. you furrowed your eyebrows, “there’s no music.” he rolled his eyes and spun you around suddenly, pulling you to his chest administering a laugh out of you. “we don’t need it.” he swayed you around, the only light filling the room spilled from the refrigerator. he pulled you closer to his chest forcing you to follow his lead. “we’re letting the cold out.” you mumbled into his chest. “don’t be a kill joy.” he said teasingly.

maybe we got lost in translation, maybe i asked for too much, but maybe this thing was a masterpiece till you tore it all up.

replaying everything in your mind only made you cry harder, louder. you didn’t have the mind to worry about what your neighbors would think. “what did i do? please.. just- just tell me what i did.” you said into the empty bedroom. your eyes stung, and your lungs burned. it was like the universe placed you into your own personal hell. the wind outside blew louder, frost coating your window. it was almost the end of january by now, and it was so enthralling how quick it became your least favorite month. how could he go from holding you close in your shared kitchen to leaving just two months later? you couldn’t wrap your head around it. it’s like once winter hit a flip switched and he didn’t love you anymore. you clung to the sleeves of your sweater, you never could’ve imagined you’d be in this state right now. your phone began to ring, blaring through your dimly lit bedroom. “who in gods green earth could be calling at this time of night?” you shouted. you didn’t even check the contact, just clicked the button on the side to decline the call, but it rung again. you groaned and rolled over, turning it face up just to feel a burn in your throat and an uneasy feeling in your stomach.

you call me up again just to break me like a promise. so casually cruel in the name of being honest.

you answered quickly, thinking it was too good to be true. “y-yeonjun?” your voice was shaky, he must’ve called by mistake, right? “y/n? fuck.. i need to talk to you.” his voice was equally as shaky, sounding almost hoarse. you sat up quickly, ice pack falling onto your lap, your eyes wide. you suddenly felt angry, you couldn’t even cry anymore. “what could there possibly be to talk about?” you asked sourly. you wanted to shout at him, scream and ask, ‘why?’ in this moment it felt like time was paused, you didn’t hear the raging snow storm outside, just the faint breaths on the other side of the phone. “i’m not myself without you.. and i know it was my doing and god do i regret it.” your jaw went slack, “are you drunk?” you didn’t mean to sound so accusatory. “no, no i’m not. i just keep thinking about everything, and my mom keeps asking about you. shit i didn’t even tell her, she’d scold me into tomorrow.” he chuckled nervously awaiting a response. “then why?” your voice trembled, and just as quick as the tears stopped they started again. “it’s not simple-“ — “so make it simple!” you shouted. you quickly covered your mouth with your hand. he sighed, “i loved you too much for my own good, and it scared me. i became too aware of my mistakes and i worried you’d leave because..” his voice began to break up, he was crying. “because i couldn’t be perfect for you.” your expression softened, you knew deep down he didn’t mean to hurt you. “people make mistakes… it’s all apart of being human.” you said softly, “i never expected you to be perfect.” you whispered the last sentence almost like you were thinking out loud. “can i apologize in person? i know it’s late but im not going to apologize over the phone.” you hesitated, it had been nearly a month why now? “i’ll meet you outside.” you hung up, not wanting to negotiate where to meet, if worse comes to worse you’ll be able to retreat back inside your apartment right away.

but you keep my old scarf, from that very first week. cause it reminds you of innocence, and it smells like me.

you sat patiently on the steps of your buildings entrance. hugging your coat around your torso tightly. you didn’t bother to fix your appearance, it’s nothing he hadn’t seen before. your cheeks were red with the cold nipping at them. you looked to the left and to the right a few times, nerves on edge. you saw a speck of red in the distance, and as his familiar figure approached you recognize the scarf you had left at his mothers all those months ago. you stood up slowly, arms crossed. seeing his face again wasn’t something you expected when you awoke this morning. he stopped, standing a few feet away from you, his hands in his pockets. his eyes were red and puffy, you could tell he had been crying and hadn’t slept. he stepped closer cautiously, and subconsciously you moved forward too. you were inches away from each other, he lifted his hand and carefully swiped a tear from your cheek that you didn’t realize had fell. “i’m sorry. so incredibly sorry.” you looked up at him with an indifferent expression. “im sorry for not talking to you about how i felt, im sorry for leaving without a proper reason.” your expression softened, your next few words falling from your tongue quietly, “do you remember?” he nodded, “all too well.”

[ksfoxwald]

Fire and Hemlock: Part 4 Chapter 6

In which we return to Fairyland

Polly's first attempt at saving Tom is following the ballad and holding on to him, literally. But Laurel has made the quartet forget her, and they are all very embarrassed about it, but Polly now knows how to work through embarrassment. "Laurel works by admissions," Polly observes; most of the complications have come from saying or not saying important things, like the bleached with pride feeling that led to her abandonment in Bristol, or the embarrassment that led to her agreeing to forget Tom.

So Polly leans into the embarrassment, using Laurel's own methods to chatter away to Tom about Nowhere until he is so flustered he says "Come off it, Polly!" - at which point he can no longer pretend he doesn't know her. This seems to have broken the curse on the rest of the quartet as well.

I am not sure what the quartet is doing here. Did Laurel invite them as a joke? Did Tom ask them to come for support? Did Ann insist on them coming? How much do they know, anyway? Ann has her memory, and says her mother was a Leroy and therefore she allowed three guests. Ann's mother is an intriguing element that I kind of want to know more about. Since the implication is that all the Leroys are fairies, does that make Ann part fae? Same with Seb. Was Ann's mother allowed to leave with Ann's father, or did something tragic befall him? Maybe Laurel is only possessive of her own lover.

The scene of the Faerie Court is described as a "charming picnic," and thus the last of Tom's stolen pictures comes true. Seb tries to chase Polly off with "If they don't take him, they'll take me!" Polly has little sympathy, noting that "he had always loved her the way most people bear a grudge," which is such a raw line. Seb also seems to be a lesser life, with Laurel remarking several times that Tom's life is "strong." I suppose a lawyer is less desirable to the fae than a musician. Perhaps Seb made himself boring on purpose to fend off Laurel.

Seb also mentions that Tom is ten years older than he, putting Tom at 24 at the funeral and 33 now.

We also get some closure on Thomas Piper, who is actually Charles Lynn, Tom's brother who has never been mentioned before. He has come for Leslie, because Charles was also one of Laurel's conquests, only he made a bargain with her sixteen years ago - shortly after Morton's last life - to let him go in exchange for Tom, in a way that seems linked to the Fire and Hemlock photo, because the photo was Tom's... I'm going to have to look at that part again.

The whole first part of this chapter is a whirlwind of tiny explanations that is a lot to process.

But we do eventually get to the final confrontation. Polly steps forward, accusing Morton of forfeiting his right to Tom's life because he put him in danger when he attempted to harm Polly. This is against the Rules, and fae are very strict about Rules, after all.

We see a return of the concrete pool, that Polly had a glimpse of filled with not-water at the funeral. This is another TS Eliot reference as well:

To look down into the drained pool. Dry the pool, dry concrete, brown edged, And the pool was filled with water out of sunlight

Laurel tells Morton "Tom can use anything which is truly his. You can use the exact equivalent. The one who enters the pool first is the one who goes."

We have been seeing a recurring theme of ownership throughout; applied to objects, ideas, and people - though another major theme is that you can't actually own people. And that things that are truly one's own - such as Nowhere - cannot actually be taken away.

But the pool is a trap, and anything Tom tries to use pushes him further down. After all, Laurel never said that anything of Tom's would help him get free, only that he was allowed to use it.

The way out, Polly realizes, is to let him go. Tom said it himself earlier - that Polly had held onto him for five years before she stopped. So she lets him go now, properly, of her own power, telling him off for using her and ending with "I never want to see you again!"

And Mr. Leroy goes into the pool.

Diana's explanation in "The Heroic Ideal":

Now here I found I had to leave the tradition represented by Janet in Tam Lin, because it was precisely by hanging on to Tom and being over-curious that Polly had lost him. Anyway, she has already done her hanging-on as a child. It was clear to me that the only redress she could make was the reverse of possessiveness - complete generosity - generosity so complete that it amounts to rejection. She has to love Tom enough to let him go - hurtfully. This is the only way she can harness Tom's innate strength of character, and only when hurting can he summon the full force of the fire - which is to some extent physical passion and to an even greater extent the true strength of the heroic world of the imagination Polly and Tom have built together. But Tom has to do it himself. He has depended on Polly too much.

And another TS Eliot:

In order to possess what you do not possess You must go by the way of dispossession In order to arrive at where you are not You must go through the way in which you are not And what you do not know is the only thing you know And what you own is what you do not own And where you are is where you are not

This part has always made my head spin but I think... since I have been talking about Tom as a metaphor for Polly's heroic self... I think what she needs to let go here is her idealized version of him. The sentimental drivel. To recognize that she herself is the Hero, not just the trainee-assistant, and to finally stand with Tom on equal footing. To let go of the ways they've been using each other and to simply see each other as people, which is the only way they can possibly have a relationship. At least, that's how it looks in the Coda.

[mindyourownbiscuitss]

I really wish the Fire writers weren’t so terrible. I totally believe it’s in character for Brett to want to adopt considering she sees herself in that baby. But I also think her anger spiral with Adler wasn’t just about her screw up. I stopped watching after 11x03 (will never forgive them for killing Hawkins off), but I didn’t read anything that said Brett was acting like she did in 11x20. I know Sylvie Brett Two Ts has made appearances but it’s been a while. Was the last time when Foster was pushing her boundaries in season 8 with trying to override Brett’s decisions as the PIC? Anyway, after Casey came back to town in 11x18 she seems all out of sorts. More easily annoyed (with Dylan), more easily angered (with Adler and even Boden slightly), and almost unsure? No one in the firehouse has noticed, outside of Violet and even then she didn’t seem to get exactly why Brett has not seemed like her normal self. Violet knew when Brett was acting down and out at the end of season 9 that is was because of Casey.  In my opinion, this is exactly what’s going on right now. Casey returned with no notice and completely shattered Brett’s illusions of moving on. She’s obviously still trying to force herself to move on with Dylan, though I do believe the beginning of the end of that started in 11x21. She knows the relationship isn’t right because she waited so long to tell him about her wanting to adopt the baby, and didn’t ask him how he felt about it. I also think she doesn’t want him involved at all, even if he wanted to be. Like I said before, it’s totally in character for her to want to adopt, dating back to season 4, but this also feels a little like desperation to fill that hole Casey left. Those hopes to be with him and probably have a family. If she can’t have Casey, at least she can have someone to love and care for. She still thinks he moved on and is in a serious relationship. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that’s she jumping into this so fast, and strongly, after that. The storyline doesn’t seem so out of the blue when you look at it from that angle. I don’t know about anyone else, but it feels obvious to me and I’m really mad at how the female friendships have been written this season because neither Violet nor Kidd has noticed. When was the last time Brett and Kidd even had a scene together like they used to have when Foster was around? Then to have Violet pushing Brett to Dylan constantly even though it’s obvious Brett is not comfortable with it. What the fuck is up with that? Unless it has something to do with him being Hawkins’ friend? But Violet is more levelheaded than that. I don’t think she’d try to live out her relationship with Hawkins via Brett and Dylan. Grief is obviously different for everyone, but no. 

How does Casey tie into this storyline in the finale? The only thing that makes sense right now is Brett leaving 51. I don’t think she’ll up and go to Portland because of Casey’s talk with Boden about coming back to Chicago. I’m not one to believe Jesse is coming back fulltime, I think if anything he’ll maybe do two episodes or so a season if there’s a reason (like the task force storyline or even coming back for Brett, hint hint wink wink nudge nudge) like he’s stated before. My theory is she takes a step back from being a paramedic and maybe only takes on paramedicine duties (due to her conversation with the foster parents about timing). I was originally thinking a job promotion, but that’s never even been hinted at. I don’t think Brett would want to be behind a desk anyway. Matt comes back to Chicago as a Captain at another house or maybe even as a Battalion Chief. This gives both Kara and Jesse the option of popping in when they feel like it and when the storyline calls for it. Kara’s contract is probably on the more expensive side so this would also be in line with the budget cuts Dick Wolf shows will be going through next season. I know some have theorized that Brettsey will be the cliffhanger or even Matt in danger with the task force storyline, but that makes no sense unless Jesse is definitely coming back for at least 12x01. Which I get the feeling he isn’t, otherwise this adoption storyline wouldn’t feel so rushed. I feel like another storyline would be used to get Brett and Casey back together anyway, if that were the case. If Casey really is proposing like it seems like (and we’re clowns so can we really trust ourselves with that speculation?) it gives Brettsey another reason to slow down in their careers and not be at 51 anymore. That could also be the move Jesse was talking about in interviews for Casey to get Brett back. There’s also Kara’s hint at the last OC Day about a ring, etc etc..

This is Chicago Fire though. I don’t know if I’ve ever been remotely close to figuring out where a storyline like this is going. For all I know they’re baiting us one final time because we’re so easily conned. For example: me making this long ass post about a show I swore to never watch again after Brettsey broke up and Evan Hawkins died.

Thoughts? Opinions? Indulge in my crazy because this is driving me insane.

[agentcable]

Chicago Fire Season 4 Ep. 16 "Two Ts"

Casey thinks again about running for alderman after he's targeted by a propaganda campaign. The squad helps a man trapped in a burning car. Trudy's nerdy brother plans Mouch's bachelor party. Jimmy and Brett investigate a kidnapping.

If you want to watch the series for yourself, stop reading! This post contains spoilers to the storyline.

Chicago politics were different. No matter what Casey did, the race was dirty. Becks got the wealthy one percent vote after Casey turned it down. The people who had funded the Alderman's latest bid had also started a smear campaign against Casey. They started by putting up posters saying Casey's mother killed her husband.

The posters were affecting Casey's job. The commissioner called Chief Boden about the upcoming Friends of Firefighters dinner. Boden told him the dinner was moving to Morningside because some people didn't want Casey involved. The benefit was no longer going to be held at 51.

Casey told Boden he could fix things and tried to do so. He went to Beck's office after talking to the chief. He told Beck to lay off or he'd say some things he knew. The threat wasn't enough. Becks replaced posters with fliers. Fliers appeared on cars, calling Casey a horrible person. The excuse was that he once worked in a strip club. Casey felt like dropping out was the best thing he could do. For himself and his house.

Dawson didn't agree. Dawson still believed in Casey and thought he'd make a good alderman. She told him dropping out would be stupid and got even more vocal with Stella Kidd. After she thought Kidd slept with her husband in their call room. She hadn't. Kidd's husband needed help with his B12 shots because he was scared and still feeling the effects.

Kidd found Dawson's attitude funny. Kidd knew Dawson and Casey were together, so she asked her friend if Dawson had ever been with her man at the station. Dawson didn't know. She was too busy trying not to blush. If she'd been honest, she might've gotten an honest answer to an earlier question. Dawson wanted to know about Kidd's relatinship with Severide. She didn't believe her friend when she said there was no relationship.

Kidd and Severide had a moment. Severide was interested in her and showed up at her place drunk with a six-pack. But her husband caught him and demanded charges.

There's tension between Severide and Kidd. He left the room when he saw her husband was at the station.

Jimmy and Brett were in a strange situation. Brett was the first on the scene when a man and his son got into a car accident. She took responsibility for the son while the firefighters freed the father. Brett heard the boy say he wanted to go to his mom. The boy's father later said his wife was dead. He told Social Services his wife died giving birth to their son. He was always alone.

Brett was suspicious. She got Roman to run the father's fingerprints. She didn't like it when it came out that the father had kidnapped his son to get him away from his drug-addicted ex. She wasn't happy when the boy was returned to a mother who couldn't take care of him. But that was just how things were.

Casey learned this when he saw a fight at the local high school. Casey went back to Danny Booker. He told them about a deal he was willing to make. Casey demanded that no one be allowed to sell drugs within two blocks of the nearby high school in exchange for removing certain police cameras. Casey was making a deal with the devil.

Mouch's bachelor party started after his fiancée tricked and surprised him with the best bachelor party ever.

[fandomflux33]

Senshi! What’s NOT attractive about Senshi? It’s difficult to explain andro attraction to people who aren’t into men, but as a bisexual, I will do my best to translate Senshi into lesbian terms 🫡

Imagine you’re hiking in the woods at dusk when you stumble across a clearing full of dappled sunlight and woodsmoke.

A gorgeous, muscular woman is cooking over the fire, and unlike other campfire meals, this smells fresh and delicious. She turns to you with gentle brown eyes and offers you some soup, and you notice that her muscles aren’t chiseled for aesthetic, they’re rounded with fat and strong out of necessity. You can tell she’s lived a hard life, but grown strong, gentle, and kind to meet the challenge. From the mud on her knees, you get the sense that she gathered the soup ingredients herself, and from her easy offer of a bowl, it seems she expects nothing from you in return except the pleasure of sharing a meal with you. She seems to care only that those who meet her walk away full. Her hair is long, curly, and grown wild from years spent traveling, and her outfit is minimal to match, highlighting her stout, curvy self. She could cut an intimidating figure, but she’s charmingly short and has soft features, like she’d give the warmest hugs.

She’s quiet as you eat the most delicious soup you’ve ever tasted, and she doesn’t press you for answers about your life, accepting you entirely at face value. She asks if you want to help her gather herbs in the woods later, and you agree. The next day you see her split a log with her bear (buh dum ts) hands, stop a hunter from killing an endangered badger, and donate a wagon of food to the local orphanage because nothing pains her more than the thought of children going hungry. She’s goofy, she’s kind, she protects you from the monsters in the woods with her axe, is easygoing, cares deeply about the environment, cooks you three meals a day, and every time she trips slightly on a log she takes a dramatic dive seemingly just to show you her ass.

Now flip the genders and you understand the Senshi love of tumblr. He’s the superlative blorbo.

I need all of Tumblr to explain why Senshi is considered to be the ultimate Tumblr sexy man. Now, in my defense. I'm a lesbian, so I don't get it, but is this what straight women, gay guys, and anyone else who's attracted to masc presenting people find attractive? I found him more appealing as an elf because I could kind of imagine him as a girl. But why is he the hottest thing on Tumblr right now? I don’t get it, and that dwarf is all over my dashboard, and I still don't understand all the thirst. The last time a single character had Tumblr and such a chokehold. It was Loki, like in 2012 at the height of Loki mania when he was declared the god of Tumblr. So, I would love to know what everyone sees in Senshi 

Defend Your Blurbo #14

Please remember this post is about curiosity and genuine fandom discourse. Be kind with your answers because this is not a debate essay, this is a discussion between fans.

Well, unless you have been living under a rock, you probably know who Senshi is

So, Dungeon Meshi Fandom, Defend your Blorbo

[whataboutmyfries]

Wildest dreams (come to life)

Right, so i understand why you'd think this was a paraphrased/mutilated taylor swift song used to hint at a TS songfic but I can promise that this is not that. Instead, have an un-betaed fic that I wrote in multiple fits of midnight/way-too-early-morning fits of inspiration. a wee bit nsfw but no actual explicit-ness

This is, of course prompt number nine (!!!) from this prompt list! the whole collection can also be found on Ao3 here! enjoy!

9. unbuttoning your lover's shirt, pressed against the wall

~

Remus grinned at his husband, wine-drunk and laughing as they stumbled out of the cab, drunkenly waving at the man driving away. Remus could scarcely believe how incredibly happy he was, married to the love of his life, and his best friend (though Lily would kill him if she ever found out. Remus repeatedly promised her she was a very close second, almost tied for first, and she just laughed, elbowing him in the ribs) 

“Thank you, mister Taxi man! You’re the best!” 

Remus laughs, slipping his hand into Sirius’s, twining their fingers together, stealing his husband’s (husband’s) warmth. Sirius turned, the streetlights bringing out the midnight-blue tones in his hair. Remus’s heart did funny things in his chest at the sight of those devastating dimples flashed in his direction. He grinned right back, his knees going a little weak and his heart taking to fluttering happily, thumping unsteadily at the thought that he got to bring this stunning man home (to their home)

Sirius’s wink was all the warning he got before he yanked Remus into his side, his strong arm coming to catch Remus around the waist, the two of them laughing and stumbling (just a little) to the front door, Remus doubling over in laughter when Sirius dropped the keys (twice).

Sirius glared at him, bending over to get the key into the keyhole, his tongue peeking out of the corner of his mouth as he squinted at the handle. 

Remus, meanwhile, was far too preoccupied observing the delicious curve of his husband’s (Husband!!!!) arse. He grinned, his face scrunching up with joy as he gently patted Sirius’s ass through his jeans. 

“Hmmmmm” Sirius stood up triumphantly, having finally gotten the door open. He turned to look at Remus, stumbling just a little with how quickly he spun on his heel. 

“Remus John Lupin-Black, did you just hum and pet my arse like it’s some sort of absurd…..cat-creature?” Sirius chuckled at the end of his sentence, awfully pleased with himself at his little joke. 

Remus shrugged, leaning forward to wrap his hands around Sirius’s shoulders (damn, his husband had some nice shoulders.), “Well, it’s a very nice arse. It’s not like I could just stop myself.” 

Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’s waist, trying and failing to hide the amusement in his voice as he pulled his husband closer. 

“Oh, you just couldn’t stop yourself, huh? My mistake then, carry on.” 

Remus grinned, tipping his head to lean closer into Sirius’s space, their lips brushing as he said, “Ask nicely, and maybe I will.” 

Sirius’s eyes heated, the hands at Remus’s waist gripping tighter as his heart raced, his breath hitching at the fire in Remus’s words. 

Remus cocked an eyebrow, grinning against his husband’s lips as Sirius tugged him into their house, kicking the door shut behind them (and pinning Remus against it), never parting their lips for so much as a second while he devoured Remus like a man starved. Remus grinned devilishly, exceptionally pleased with the effect he had on his husband; Sirius bit playfully at his lip in return and Remus groaned into the kiss, scrambling to un-tuck the half of Sirius’s shirt that was still tucked neatly into the (sinfully, delightfully, deliciously) fitted trousers he’d worn for the special occasion. Sirius caught on, and Remus let out a debauched moan as Sirus’s head dropped to his neck, sucking at where his pulse ratcheted against his husband’s positively sinful mouth. 

“Bedroom, darling?” Remus gasped out as Sirius did unholy things‌ to his neck and collarbones, his warm hands finding their way up Remus’s shirt, nimble fingers tracing the dips in his spine. 

Sirius just hummed, tracing a path up Remus’s neck only to capture his lips in a devastating kiss, his weight pinning Remus to the door as his nimble fingers made quick work of the buttons of Remus’s shirt, warm hands eagerly shoving the fabric off of warm skin to let Sirius mouth at the newly exposed skin. 

Remus couldn’t help his choked moan as Sirius mouthed a trail down his body, stopping only when Remus’s head thunked gently against the door. 

Mercury eyes met hazel, and Sirius smirked. 

“Eyes on me Lupin” 

(Holy fucking mother of god fucking CHRIST motherfucking fucking god how is he so ho—) 

Remus could have sworn his brain fused out when he saw Sirius on his knees, looping up at him as he unfastened Remus’s trousers. He took a second to marvel at how gorgeous his husband looked like this; utterly debauched, his shirt hanging open on his (positively edible) shoulders, the tie he’d untied and slung around the back of his neck brushing against his muscled torso as he looked up at Remus (he was on his knees. For Remus. Formeformehe’sallmineforever)

Remus’s heart burst into a thousand shimmering pieces as Sirius pressed reverent kisses to his thighs, pausing only to suck bruises into the muscle of Remus’s v-line and Remus groaned, already imagining how pretty they’d look the next day. His hips thrusted involuntarily as Sirius bit gently at the spot he’d just licked and Remus twined his fingers through Sirius’s hair, tugging him up to kiss him desperately. 

“Bed. Definitely bed.” 

Sirius laughed, the sound pressed into the soft skin of Remus’s shoulder. For just a second, Remus could have sworn he could feel it fill him up with a glowing warmth, spreading from Sirius’s lips all the way into his very soul. 

“Bed it is.” 

Remus let out a choked gasp as Sirius picked him up in one smooth motion, Remus’s legs going around his waist almost on instinct. Sirius smiled, pulling Remus impossibly closer as he reached up for a soft, slow kiss. 

“Happy five years, mister Lupin-Black” 

Remus looked down at the face of his most fantastic dreams come to life. He smiled, incandescently happy as he cupped Sirius’s face in his hands to kiss him again. 

“Happy five years, mister Black-Lupin”

~

Comments and reblogs are stored in a jar on a shelf to help bring this author joy and glee when the motivation runs dry :))

[missymurphy1985]

The Heartache - Part 4 (Cillian Murphy X wife!reader)

This is written from Cillian's POV. His wife has been diagnosed with a terminal illness, writing this diary is his wife's suggestion, something to help him cope.

If this is something that upsets you, I won't be offended if you don't read it, and I'll remove you from the taglist with no hard feelings at all 💜

Taglist @queenshelby @margoo0 @being-worthy @peakyscillian @peakyciills @janelongxox @elenavampire21 @ysmmsy @cloudofdisney @lauren-raines-x @misscarolineshelby @screemqueen @peaky-cillian @misselsbells06 @datewithgianni @heidimoreton @jardinsecos @bitchwhytho @gypsy-girl-08 @queenofkings1212 @alreadybroken-ts @look-at-the-soul

Last night was the first night I spent away from the hospital since Lucy was readmitted. Her sister arrived from Dublin yesterday and stayed with her while I went home to be with Ava. Poor kid hasn't seen me for three days, Paddy and Marie have taken incredible care of her though. Even Kate, our nurse, has popped in occasionally to see her and play with her. The woman's a godsend, I don't know how we'd get through this without her.

Oh Ava... My beautiful, sweet, innocent little one... She knows about the cancer. Kate spent hours going through the book she brought with her, talking to her, answering her questions. I stood in the doorway of my brother's spare room and just listened. She's so innocent..

"Will mama lose her hair?"

"Can you catch cancer like a cold?"

"Will she still be able to play dress up with me?"

She asked if her mama was going to die like her gran did. Lucy's mum passed away when Ava was 4, of breast cancer. Another 'what if' moment... Lucy never got tested for the BRCA2 gene. If only.

What good are if onlys gonna do us now huh? Just a load of hypothetical hindsight. Not gonna cure my wife is it? Not gonna stop my daughter losing her mum, is it?

I felt my fists clench, my jaw tighten. Paddy must've sensed it, coming upstairs and pulling me away from Ava's door and down the stairs into his garage, closing the door before holding me at arm's length.

"Don't get angry in front of her, get angry in front of me. She can't hear you down here."

The fire in my chest felt like an inferno. Pacing around the garage, ranting and seething, like this was someone's fault. But that's what I wanted. I wanted someone or something to blame because none of this made any fucking sense! She was young, fit, healthy... Ranting and raving. Punching his punchbag, hanging from the ceiling. Kicking over boxes of whatever tat he had lying around on the floor, before sinking onto the cold concrete floor in an exhausted mess. He knelt in front of me and placed his hands on my knees, eyes locked on mine.

"You and Ava are staying here with us, okay? As long as you need. I'll set up a camp bed in her room. That way you don't have to worry about her day to day stuff. That shit carries on as normal. We try to keep things as normal as possible for her. Understand?"

"This isn't fucking normal though is it? She's not even in double digits Pad, and her mam.."

Couldn't say it, didn't need to. He just nodded. My resolve broke down and I sobbed. Full on gut-wrenching tears. Pulling me into his arms, he just rocked me, like I used to do to him when he fell over in the playground at school, or if he'd been told off by mum for something he deserved a bollocking for. He always came to me to make it better...

Now he was returning the favour. And my god did I need that hug. He was the closest I could get to mum in that moment. I need her here. I really do...

Paddy had called her when Lucy was readmitted. I told them not to come, but if I know my mother she's already on her way.

We were in that garage for nearly an hour. Marie came to check on us and make sure I hadn't destroyed the room.. I'll apologise later. Kate took me to one side when I went upstairs to see Ava and told me she was reading.

"Does she know.." I asked, tentatively. Hopefully.. then I wouldn't have to break her heart myself.

"I didn't tell her. I wasn't sure if you wanted to tell her."

"What do I do, Kate?"

"In my opinion? She needs to be prepared. I think you should tell her."

"Can you stay? While I tell her?"

And so.. we went inside. Kate sat on the end of Ava's bed, I gave her a cuddle, lifted her up and sat her on my lap.

And we told her.

"Ava, when someone is ill, doctors can usually make them better. But sometimes the doctors can't make people better."

"Will they make mama better?"

"They can't, honey. They can't make her better."

"Will she die? Like Gran?"

"Yes, darling. She will."

"Will she come back after she's died?"

"No, she won't be able to come back."

"Did I make her poorly?"

"No, sweetheart, this isn't anyone's fault.. sometimes people get sick and no one knows why."

She fell quiet. Looked out the window, and turned back to me with a little smile.

"Will she have her own star too? Like Gran? Will they have a star next to each other?"

I felt Kate's hand on my shoulder as my head dropped, like she knew I had no strength left, and she took over.

"Ava, your Mama is going to be the biggest, brightest star in the sky. You'll see her up there every single night, waving to you and blowing you a big kiss goodnight. And when you wake up in the morning, and you hear the birds singing outside? That'll be her saying good morning."

"Are you going with Mama, Daddy?"

I scooped her into my arms, squeezing her as tight as I could.

"Daddy's going to stay here to take care of you. I'm not going anywhere baby, I promise."

I don't know whether she truly understand, Kate said not to go anymore into it. Leave her to process it in her own time. Be honest with her, don't hide anything from her. But still let her play. Let her go to school. Let her be a kid.

I hugged Kate tight after we settled Ava for bed. I'm so grateful to her for getting us through this. Paddy set up a blow up bed next to Ava's for me, and I spent that night holding my girl's hand and watching her sleep. Watching her sweet innocence slowly start to unravel. She has no true idea of what any of this means, and she won't, not until it's real.

And her Mama doesn't come home.

************************************************************

The following day, I took Ava to school and headed back to the hospital. She didn't ask any questions, but she was quiet. I spoke to her teacher after she'd gone in, explained what was happening, and she promised to keep a special eye on her for me.

I walked onto Lucy's ward just after 9am, and her sister was outside her room, coffee in hand. There were doctors in her room, running tests, checking her vitals. I watched them through the window, desperate to go inside and take her away from it all. Take her to our holiday home in Kerry with Ava, splash in the sea, eat ice creams on the beach, tease the seagulls with a bag of chips...

The pain, knowing I'll never do any of that again with her, is unbearable.

The docs left the room, and I headed in. Taking my place by her side, her hand between my fingers and my lips.

Wake up... Even if it isn't for very long...

Just wake up for me? Before you go?

[raspberryranpo]

BL request for them taking care of a sick s/o please! Post TS. 💙

taking care of their sick s/o

fire emblem three houses: blue lions

i’ve decided to close requests for the time being!! i currently have like 40 requests & i didn’t mean for them to build up that much 😭😭 i’ll get around to everyone’s, don’t worry!

DIMITRI

thinks that you’re dying. calls like five doctors just for them to say that you just have a bad cold

brings you anything you ask for, even food - that is, if you trust him with food… just make sure that he’s not the one cooking it, ok?

tries to get in bed with you + insists that using his body heat will make you better but ends up getting sick himself… not that he minds being taken care of in return though

DEDUE

definitely knows a thing or two about taking care of people - or maybe he doesn’t, and he’s just a really caring person. yeah, he’s just a really caring person

brings you any food you ask for. you might not be able to taste, but it’s the best damn food you’ve ever tasted

gently rubs your forehead or your arm whilst you sleep, looking down at you tenderly - it upsets him to see you so ill

SYLVAIN

won’t stop kissing your face & your lips all day, even when you tell him not to - getting himself sick is the least of his worries, he assures you

is genuinely worried about you, and definitely thinks you’re on your way out, but he never lets that show on his face - well, not while you’re awake anyway

believes that laughter is the best medicine & is always trying to make you laugh - even when you clearly show that his jokes aren’t appreciated, he’ll keep going until he gets a proper reaction

FELIX

also thinks that you’re dying. he’s kind of terrible at not showing it because he’s by your side all day, classes be damned, just holding your hand and assuring you that you’ll be ok

“felix, love, it’s just a cold” “IT IS NOT JUST A COLD HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT IT COULD BE HYPOTHERMIA OR WHAT IF ITS A TERMINAL ILLNESS OR A LIFE THREATENING DISEASE OHMYGOD”

falls asleep on top of you, holding one of your hands - in his sleep, he mumbles about how stupid you are for getting ill & how he loves you and doesn’t want you to go anywhere

ASHE

brings you sweets & desserts, even though he knows that they’re not much good to you - but he just wants you to be happy :(

evidently feels very upset that you’re so ill + doesn’t let go of your hand for a very long time, making sure to not let you leave him just yet (yes, he also thinks you’re dying)

eventually gets into bed with you, gently holding you until you fall asleep but ends up falling asleep himself first

MERCEDES

also knows exactly what to do. she’s a healer, after all, and knows exactly how to make you better

enjoys playing nurse & sits by your bedside all day, feeding you small bits of healthy foods and assuring you that you’ll be fine

also tries to give you a kiss every time she has to leave and is very upset when you say no, even though she knows that she’ll get ill too (she gets sick anyway, and you have to take care of her)

ANNETTE

gives you an entire eulogy, preparing for your ascent to heaven & wishes you a safe journey before you assure her that you’re not going anywhere

“love just makes you think crazy things, doesn’t it!” “…not really…”

between each small meal you eat, she sneaks in slices of cake and tiny pieces of chocolate that she’s stolen from the cafeteria, each time with a bright smile on her face

INGRID

doesn’t realise that girlfriends are supposed to take care of their s/o when they’re sick & doesn’t help you until sylvain and felix tell her off

is in a big panic once she reaches you because she feels absolutely terrible & won’t leave your side even if you assure her that she hasn’t let you down

she’s very organised and punctual, and makes sure that you have your medicine on time, zero exceptions. it tastes bad? how unfortunate. have it anyway.