#trying. real hard to stop being an overly people pleasing person. its caused me more harm than good in life I think

[devilrainbunnie]

Midnight Train

Dabi x Fem!Reader

cw: smut 18+ minors DNI, chikan, dubcon/noncon, pet names, pervy dabi

You stood in the train station, feeling a bit out of place. Looking around at your surroundings, and wondering when your train was going to arrive. It was running a little too late for your liking. Not to mention the fact that it was late, and cold, you didn’t even have a coat. You were wearing a long sleeved shirt, a short black skirt, and matching thigh highs with some simple school girl like shoes. Which was kind of ironic for you to wear. At the moment, you were currently in your second year of university. Just coming back from an outing with your friends, and cutting it off early because you had work the next morning. You were always overly cautious anywhere near trains, just due to the nature of pervy men, and the amount of times you’ve had experiences with them. Not even to mention how intense it is around this area. You berated yourself internally for deciding to wear something like this out, but now you had no choice but to just try and deal with it for now.

Absent-mindedly you scrolled on your phone, to give you some sort of distraction from the anxiety you felt beginning to stir in your stomach, tightening your thighs together, and keeping your purse close to your body. Then soon, the sounds of a fast moving vehicle, and wheels breaking to a halt brought you out from beneath your phones gaze. Looking up to greet the train. You patiently waited until it’s gears locked into place, and the doors opened. Waiting until the small crowd of people walked out of the cart, and then following into it. The cart was decently full of people. But to your absolute demise, there was some substance on some of the seats that looked like a spilled milk tea boba. Which was why you had to stand. Opting for the back of the cart that had some people also standing around. One of them meeting your gaze. Hooded, cerulean eyes following behind you, as you reached your spot to stand. He must’ve got on with me, you thought to yourself. The person was a bit of distant from you, staring at you without remorse. It was hard to make out their features with the large hood they wore over their head, and it made you anxious. Holding your body closer to itself.

He was looking at you like a predator stalking prey, hungry, and ready to devour. A look that quite honestly was making your heart absolutely flutter against your rib cage. Then you did something kind of stupid, pulling out your phone again, and trying to focus all of your attention on it. Trying to pay the hooded man no attention, out of your peripherals, you saw him lift his hood back. But again, you were too scared to see what he looked like. No matter how intense your curiosity was. After a short while into the trip following that, you checked again to see if he was there, and surprisingly he wasn’t. 

That’s when you froze, instantly recognizing the feeling of someone standing just behind you. Too scared to gaze behind you, and the train suddenly causing the cart to jolt, your body mushed right against his, as your wobbly knees made you unstable on your feet. Perfect timing.

“S-Sorry!” you cried out, lurching yourself forward. His body following yours.

“It’s quite alright, doll face.” a husky voice whispered behind you. “I like your skirt, it’s cute on you.”

You didn’t respond to this, your blood was running cold, and your breath hitched inside of your throat. He made it a point to step closer to you, the heat radiating off of him was almost too much. The stranger was only an inch or so from touching your body, a hand reached to you hair, tucking it to the side as he leaned in. Body flush with yours, as he whispered to you. “It’s not nice to ignore people when they compliment you.”

“I’m s-sorry.”

“Is that all you know how to say?”

“I-I’m sorry I’m not trying to offend you--”

“Oh baby, you already did though. You hurt me real bad. Don’t you think I deserve something for my bleeding heart?” he taunted. Hands traveling in different directions, his large hand groping the flesh of your ass. This stranger just reached under your skirt to grab you, and  you to let out a little yelp, and his hand colliding with your mouth forcefully. “I don’t think you want to find out what happens to little girls who are loud, and bratty. I’m not gonna hurt you baby, just be a good girl, an’ let me take care of ya.” he raised the hand from your mouth to show you the tiny blue flame in his palm. Instinctively you shuddered, gulping down the lump in your throat. “Am I understood?”

You nodded, he grabbed your jaw, which forced you took look at him as his head appeared by you shoulder. “Use your words, like a good girl. Remember what we talked about?” he was quite attractive, despite all of the deep scars on his face. His black locks framing his face evenly, and looked quite fluffy. His scars looked painful, and so did all his staples. The piercings on his nostrils were cool though-- despite that, he looked like he had been through hell and back. It made you all the more confused, he was good looking enough to score any girl he wanted. Even with all of the scars and staples, girls probably drooled over it. So why did he bothering harassing you on a train? The man was probably just a full blown predator, and it made you start to panic worse.

“Y-yes, I-I’ll be quiet. I’ll be good.” you said with a wavering voice, tears forming in your eyes at the situation. 

“Mmm, such a good girl. Nice an’ sweet, just like I like ‘em.” he murmured against your neck, leaving a wake of wet kisses across it. Taking some experimental bites to try to find your sweet spot, and when he did, you writhed against him. Letting out the cutest little whimper. “Look at you, you’re so fuckin’ sexy.” he was thankful he spotted you initially, he really found a prize that night.

He was walking back from a bar, and he saw you approaching the train station. You looked so sweet, so soft, and so easy to taint. The way your squishy thighs looked in your socks, and how your ass’ curve was more prominent due to the skirts little ruffling drove him to you. Eyes lingering over ever inch of your body, he needed you the second he saw your cute face too. He just knew you were a sweet little girl, and he wanted to taste you before he lost you for good. Honestly, you were such a good girl for him right now he debated on taking you home. Sure, you’d be a lovely little pet to have around the house. He could sure use the company, and you were just so goddamn cute. The man would love to wake up every morning to face fuck you, or violate you a little bit before he started his day. I mean how could he not— just look at the way your pretty e/c eyes leaked tears out, and your plump lips pouted as his fingers dove for your pussy. So pretty.

This sick man decided to lick your face to wipe away the tears from your stained, heated cheeks. His long, calloused fingers rubbing against your clothed slit, making your hips buck at the pleasure of it. Little strangled moans being held down in your throat. Waiting for your slick to seep through the pretty light blue cotton, and keep it for later. “Has anyone ever touched you like this before? Hmm? Does it feel good?”

“N-No, plea-ah, please j-just stop.” you cried out, sniffling after you choked out the words. His fingers began to push your pretty little panties to the side, moving his fingers up and down your cunt. Finally able to feel that you were actually becoming a bit wet, he chuckled behind you. You let out a soft moan, the first one he was able to actually get out of you.

“Mm, you’re getting more wet by the second. You sure?” he teased. His opposing hand sleeping inside of your sweater, pushing a breast out of its cup, and squishing the flesh in his palm. Tweaking the nipple between his fingers, arching your back and wincing at the pleasurable pain. “You’re so sensitive, and I haven’t even put my dick in you.”

“Pl-please. I- just want to g-go home.” you whimpered as he continued to violate you, finding your clit and pinching the bud between his fingers. Watching as your breaths became ragged, and the way your knuckles turned white as you held on to the metal pole. The way his fingers were working against your untouched pussy right now, was making it drool. You hated how much that was turning you on.

“Turn your head.” he commanded, and you did. Meeting once again, his face at your shoulder, this time his hand slipped from your breast. Grabbing the opposing side of your face and slamming your lips against his. Surprisingly, his kiss wasn’t at all overbearing, or forceful as you thought it was going to be. It was slow, and somehow passionate, despite the situation. You kissed him back, just trying to be compliant. His lips were soft, despite his lower lip being badly damaged, and he knew how to use it well. The hand quickly knotted itself in your hair, causing you to gasp, and open your mouth for him. His wet muscle tangling in with yours, and with that, a deep guttural groan left the back of his throat. Combined with your little whimpers, created an odd symphony of pleasure.

With your mouth occupied, two of his fingers began running across your slit. Gathering the arousal between his fingers to act as lubricant. Then plunging the digits straight into your throbbing, and tight hole. Which made your body act on instinct, and you gasped loudly in his mouth. He pulled back, chuckling at how much you were reacting now. Panting like a bitch in heat, biting back a plethora of moans inside of your throat. He really wanted to hear you crying out to him, and moaning, but he didn’t want to cause too much of a scene. Who knows, if he’s really feeling up for risking everyone’s safety, mostly his own for some snatch— he’ll fucking do it.

“Do you feel good?” he asked you, kissing up your jaw again.

“Y-yes.” you whispered, your small hands struggle to stay up against the pole. The pace of his fingers began to speed up, causing a horrid squish-y sound to be heard in the atmosphere around the two of you. He was practically cumming at the sound of your wet sex being violated and how well you were taking him.

“Mm, I wish I could hear all those pretty sounds you’re tryin’ to hold back. God, you are just killin’ me tonight.” he moaned into your ear, taking it upon himself to start feverishly pepping your skin with his kisses as he pumped you closer, and closer to your end. 

He began noticing the way you were starting to clench against him, he assumed you were beginning to enjoy yourself fully now. His other hand snaked its way down your body to toy with your clit again as well, without intent, you mewled at the sensation. One of your hands coming you to cover your mouth, you anxiously looked around the cart. For some reason, no one was looking. Either they really didn’t want to look, or they were utterly disturbed by the sight in the far corner of the cart. Since no one was paying attention, you decided to act purely on desire since you were now worked up. Letting go of the pole you were holding on to, which the man behind you was quick to notice, thinking you were about to try to fight him off, the hand toying with your clit put a bruising hold on you midsection. You winced, both at the sudden loss of your breath, but also the fingers now violently crashing into your cunt, his breath ragged in your ear, causing a chill to run down your spine. “C-can I turn around?” you asked him. His movements stopped, you couldn’t see but he was looking at you completely dumbfounded.

“Why?” he said, sounding a little offended.

“Well t-there’s not a-lot of people in here. No one i-is going to care, I... liked uhm, kissing.” you murmured shyly, feeling pathetic and disgusted with yourself for wanting more. But the throbbing inside of your womb was now becoming almost unbearable, you could use something to take the edge off.

“What’s your name, baby?” he asked, his chin now resting against your shoulder.

“F/n, why?”

“F/n... you’re very naughty, you know that? I mean what kind of dirty slut wants to start kissing someone who just grabbed ‘em on the train? Maybe I was right, you are a special girl, huh?” he was quick to turn you around, pulling his hood back over his head, but not all the way. Your bodies were touching, and resting against the pole. So that way you could actually look at him. The fingers that were inside you, stuck straight into his mouth. Cleaning off your natural essence off his fingers like he had eaten the best meal he’d ever had. “At least you taste good. Sweet. Like fuckin’ honey or somethin’. C’mere pretty, I’ll let you try.” he leered down at you, his jagged scars twisting up in a cocky smile. Grabbing you by the back of your head, and crashing his lips against yours, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth immediately, snaking a hand of his into your hair. The other one traveling down south once again, pushing right into your slippery walls. Mewling against his tongue.

The sight must’ve been so erotic, they way you were pulling his face closer to yours by holding the back of his neck. Moaning, and panting into the heated kiss. His fingers inside of your pussy scissoring, and harshly pressing right against your cervix. God his fingers are so long.

He yanked your head back, looking at your features. Drinking in the sight of your half lidded eyes, kiss swollen lips and flushed expression. Your eyes silently begging him to keep at it, removing your arms from his. The man bit his lip, leaning back a tad to put his hand around your neck, reveling at how pretty and soft you looked like this. His hand never stopping it’s assault inside of you. “Sweet, right?”

“Y-yeah.”

“How close are you?” he asked, picking up his pace.

“Mmm, c-close. So close. Nngh.” The hand around your neck squeezed harder at the sides, making your eyes roll back as the thrusts of his hand picked up. The man stood over you once more, watching how your eyes kept rolling back into your skull, and how you biting so hard on your lip he was worried it might split. 

“Dabi.” he said, waiting for you to reply, and giving your neck a break from the squeezing. 

“H-Huh?” 

“My name, I want you to say it. Say it when you’re cummin’, I want you to remember who made you feel this good.” he kissed your cheek. “Will you be a good girl, an’ do that for me?”

“Yes D-Dabi. I’ll- be good.”

“You’re completely falling apart with just my touch.” he chuckled, leaning to your ear again, his hands dropping from your neck, to your thigh. Feeling to flesh of your ass again, this time he tried to hold your thigh to his hip, like he was expecting you to let him carry you. But in all honesty, it’s so he could rut his hips against your thigh and try to pretend for a second he was fucking you. Dabi reveled in the feeling of your soft skin against his fingertips. Bet it would feel even nicer against his dick. “I could fuck you right now, just whip out my cock, and stick it right in. I bet you’d like that huh? Me fucking you in front of all these people? I bet you wouldn’t even try to be quiet. Dirty, dirty girl. Maybe I should, huh-”

“No! No, p-please not here. Not in public. P-please Dabi.”

“I like seeing you beg like that, so I won’t this time ‘round.” he attached his mouth to your neck. Making it a point now to mark his territory, and watch you squirm. Wait-- this time around?! In that moment, you felt you were seconds away from bursting and his words meant nothing. His fingers inside of you continued to curl, and push you in all the right places. Your body quickly beginning to flood with a familiar euphoric sensation, knees growing weak, and the blissful feeling of stomach growing tight was all you could think about.

“D-Dabi.” you mewled out, mouth left to hang open. Your hands quickly clutching the jacket he was wearing, trying to feel like you had some control. “Please d-don’t stop, p-lease- oh!” 

He stared into your face as you grew closer. Dabi liked how hard you were tugging at his jacket, it confirmed for him that you were actually growing a lot closer than he thought. Despite the feeling of your gooey walls clenching around his fingers as if it was trying to suck them in. “Cum for me baby, you’re so close.”

“Dabi-- oh God, fuck- Dabi!” you cried out, a little bit louder than you intended. The coil in your stomach finally snapped, releasing the overwhelming feeling of your formerly restrained orgasm. Your tight cunny was clenching vigorously around him as he continued to pump into you, enjoying as you struggled to breathe due to how hard you had just came. Every inch of your body was jolting, trying to adjust to the come down of the feeling, and the man above you was watching with a smile. Dabi brought his free hand up that wasn’t covered in slick, and wiped some sweat, as well with stray hairs from your face. 

“Open up.” he said, removing his hand from your aching, and pleased cunt, shoving them into your mouth. Suddenly alarmed by the feeling of tasting your own arousal, and having his fingers try to climb their way down your throat. “Suck.”

So that’s what you did-- suck on his fingers, and he pumped them as well. Watching your pretty mouth try to take all of his abuse, and after he deemed them clean enough, he pulled them out. “You did so well for me tonight. We a couple minutes left of this ride, let’s make out.”

Before you could even respond, his tongue was already in your mouth and silencing you. During the time it took for you guys to get to your train stop, you did exactly that. Passionately making out for all to see, against a pole inside of a train cart. His hands palming your ass under your skirt like before, and your hands running through the tendrils of inky black locks. Honestly, you really should feel more ashamed than you currently are. Making out with the same man who was making you cry not even fifteen minutes ago, and letting him grind his erection against your thigh. But, you needed to fix that ache in your womb. You needed someone, or something, to make that coil snap.

Then soon, the train was beginning to halt to a stop, and the two of you pulled away. Your hands still locked into his hair. Holding his face close to yours. “That was fun, but I oughta head off now. I’ll be lookin’ out for you, so don’t do anything stupid, or run off on me.” you nodded, feeling threatened by his words, but also excited at the opportunity to see him again. Never in a million years would you think this of all things would happen, but it wasn’t anything to complain about. He pulled you in for another kiss, and following it by pressing another one to your cheek. “Get home safe now, ‘kay?”

“Okay.” you said in a hushed voice, as he pulled away from your body. Pulling his hood further over his face. Leaving you a stick, sweaty mess in the now emptying train. Adjusting your skirt, and top, combing through your now horribly messed locks. 

Before stepping out, you got a disgusted look from an older woman in the back of the cart. Shaking her head at you. But it made you let out a little laugh, stepping out of the cart on to the platform. Eyes scanning the scene for any sight of your scarred, and disturbed prince charming. But by that time he was long gone. Which kind of made you sad, but also relieved. Your mind was hazy, and clouded with a confused lust. Wondering if his words were true— were you going to see him again? Did you even want to? Why weren’t you freaking out right now? What is going on?

The entire walk home, was filled with your mind being so loud it was drowning out all of your senses.

Including the one that could’ve sensed the man following you home.

Don’t worry though, he just wanted to make sure his pet got home safely.

[shihalyfie]

The paradox of the relationship between Takeru and Hikari

The issue of the relationship between Takeru and Hikari has been a question of interest since the series first aired, and especially after 02, which prominently depicted them constantly hanging out together and clearly having some kind of relation to each other...and yet, strangely, very rarely having a real heart-to-heart or even talking to each other much at all. The constant juxtapositions of them standing next to each other all of the time in both the series and in external media, combined with the fact they’re so associated with each other in terms of being Adventure returnees and with Digimon partners with similar evolutions, makes one almost mentally geared to associate them with each other, and yet we never really get to hear what they think about each other in the entirety of Adventure or 02′s running.

Part of this is because Takeru and Hikari are the two most “difficult to read” characters in the 02 team -- Hikari because she compulsively suppresses any selfish or negative feeling she has, and Takeru because he covers up his problems with a smile and pretends everything is okay, until it’s not. And, as it turns out, that “gap in communication” exists between the two of them as well; in the web of 02′s relationships, it’s a strange mix between being “comfortable around” each other, and yet not truly knowing each other...

Disclaimer before we continue: With some exceptions related to unambiguous canon depictions, I try to write my meta about relationships between characters in such a way that both shipping readings and non-shipping readings are possible in most cases, and my main reason for this is that I very strongly believe that even if you do ship the pair in question, it’s rather reductive (and not very fun) to stop an analysis at “anyway it’s because they’re in love” or something and not go any further. If you don’t care for Takeru/Hikari as a ship, I hope you can take this analysis as-is, and if you do happen to ship it, I hope you can take my analysis of the gaps in their relationship as “things they would have to consider and overcome for such a relationship to be possible” (i.e. a possible fanfic prompt?) and not me trying to dismiss the ship as inherently possible or impossible.

A second disclaimer: A lot of the important key points below are heavily dependent on how they were presented in the Japanese version of 02, especially in regards to the key 02 episode 13. The American English dub took a very large number of liberties with a lot of the below aspects, so if you are reading this with only that version as a reference, please be aware that there may be significant differences for the sake of avoiding confusion.

Hikari didn’t get to spend much of the series with the rest of the Adventure group, having been a “latecomer”, but once she enters, it’s rather interesting how much Takeru doesn’t socialize much with her. Granted, part of this was because of the circumstances -- there was a lot to be done, and Hikari had a cold relapse not long after they’d entered the Digital World -- but you’d really think Takeru would be interested in at least socializing with someone who’s actually his age, and yet we don’t get any real depiction of doing so outside of discussing important matters. It’s not to say that they never had any kind of conversation offscreen, but by the time we get to the end of Adventure, we have zero scope of what they actually think of each other.

By the time we get to 02, it turns out that this is probably by design.

First of all, we very quickly learn that the two of them did not keep up between Adventure and 02 -- they’re meeting each other again for the first time in a long time, and the last time they did meet was when they were much younger (probably their last meeting being the one depicted in the flashback in 02 episode 27). This is understandable considering that, up until the beginning of 02, Takeru lived in Sangenjaya and not Odaiba, meaning that it wasn’t like they’d have opportunities to meet up much in real life either, but the point is that this is how little contact and how little involvement they’d had in each other’s lives up until this point.

So, once the plot of 02 kicks off and the two of them become active as Chosen Children again, the two of them end up hanging out a lot. So much that Daisuke starts accusing them of having something between them. And the two of them never say anything to really firmly deny him, which of course only makes him more confused and upset, until 02 episode 17, when the concrete connection between them is established to the rest of the 02 team, and it’s properly disclosed that they were part of a whole adventure back in 1999 together.

Takeru knew Hikari before, and she’s still the one he knows the best out of this team, and on Hikari’s part, Takeru understands the nature of “being a Chosen Child” in ways the others don’t, and both of them had that formative experience that the others don’t understand. But 02 is a series that’s not only about relationships, but also about the differing nature of relationships -- it’s true that, having known each other well beforehand and also being all-around decent people, the two of them would certainly have an extra level of investment in each other’s welfare, but...

In 02 episode 13, we learn that as much as Takeru knows Hikari, he doesn’t really know her, and on Hikari’s part, she’s still incapable of communicating the extent of her thoughts so that he can.

The conversation between Takeru and Hikari behind the school in this episode is the first time we get to really see an opportunity for the two of them to bare their actual emotions, but nothing that can be called a "conversation" is had between them. Hikari is still plagued by a compulsive desire to not be a burden to others, including the idea of “burdening” her brother, and, when Takeru finally prompts her on what’s going on, she says nothing that properly clarifies what she’s going through, nothing but a cryptic mention of the “sea”, a statement that she "might be going away”, and a reference to her brother having always protected her beforehand. Takeru takes it as a sign that Hikari’s become overly dependent on Taichi, and snaps at her angrily -- a persistent symptom of him being unable to regulate his emotions properly -- and, unable to handle it, runs off awkwardly, leaving her alone to eventually be taken away. Later in the episode, Takeru reflects that he’d basically just doomed Hikari by his own actions, and with his last words to her having been something awful.

Ultimately, some degree of progress is made in that Hikari realizes that Takeru reaching out to her earlier makes him someone she should be reaching out to for help -- in the end, nobody in the 02 group had yet been able to reach out to her emotionally because of how closed-in she was, and the only people she truly trusted with her feelings up until that point were Taichi and Tailmon. So in other words, Takeru is another person she can finally “trust” with her feelings and welfare. But while Takeru is finally able to connect to her in some sense with this, when the two finally close off the episode and return to the real world, everything ends in complete silence. They do not say a single word to each other. They’re getting by with a sense of “inherent trust”, and their disconnect was resolved with that alone this time, but this problem hasn’t been fully solved yet and will be rearing its ugly head again by the time we get around to the Jogress arcs.

And so the two of them return back to their “comfortable with each other” status quo -- but, again, 02 is a series that portrays relationships in a very multi-layered and multifaceted form, and being comfortable around someone still doesn’t necessarily merit emotional closeness (for instance, Ken was pretty clearly indicated as being “comfortable” and straightforward in terms of working with Miyako in 02 episodes 25 and 33, but there’s no doubt that Daisuke’s the one who was more properly addressing the things he emotionally needed most at the time, which could arguably be said to be exactly why Ken was having a hard time adjusting to him at first). We see them “go off together” to do...completely mundane and practical things, like discussing why they’re still able to come to the Digital World in 02 episode 22, or trying to have their Digimon partners evolve on their own in 02 episode 24 -- they’re not having any kind of emotional heart-to-heart, they’re just there.

When you look at the wider picture, you can see that Hikari and Takeru’s relative comfort around each other at this point is largely because they’re still not comfortable being alone with anyone else yet. So far, they kind of had a bonding (not really bonding) session back in 02 episode 13, and they hadn’t had anything of the sort with anyone else, and they’re still the only people who understand certain things relevant to the adventure in 1999 that the others don’t. They’re both still ridiculously closed-in and guarded, and not trusting anyone with their feelings -- they can’t even trust each other with their feelings -- so they’re getting by on hanging out with each other because it’s either that or go off to be completely alone. As the two most “emotionally isolated” people in this group, there’s a wall between them and the others, and that wall is only slightly thinner between each other -- and you can even imagine that they’re willing to hang out with each other because they won’t be bothering that wall and causing intimidation.

And by the time we roll around to 02 episode 31, we learn that, this whole time, nothing has improved. Takeru sees that something is going on with Hikari, but does and says nothing -- perhaps because he’s not sure what to say, perhaps because he’s afraid of lashing out at her again, whatever it is -- but he can’t and won’t speak to her nor address her feelings.

In the end, the person who does establish that ability to “communicate” with Hikari is not Takeru but Miyako -- an aggressive, in-your-face, overly honest person who gets straight to the point and refuses to hold back, whose messy personality causes Hikari to become assertive in handling her and allows Hikari to finally vocalize one of her truly sensitive feelings, and who’s able to use her immense emotional sensitivity to identify what Hikari needs and break through to her.

But just because Miyako ended up being the person Hikari needs to move on past this issue does not mean Takeru’s role wasn’t important, nor that Miyako coming into Hikari’s life means that all of her relationships are inferior or pointless -- rather, a recurring element of 02′s portrayal of relationships is that everything has a ripple effect, and that “opening up” one person’s heart allows them to open up to others as well (see how Daisuke reaching out to Ken eventually helped him reach out to the others in the group, how even in this very same episode Miyako expresses that this experience helped her understand Ken better as well, how Daisuke’s experiences end up giving him a healthier relationship with the rest of the group, how Iori and Takeru’s Jogress ordeal helps them both become better at reaching out to Ken...). Unlike how they’d both closed off 02 episode 13, Hikari and Takeru end this one by talking -- with Hikari’s newfound confidence from her dealings with Miyako allowing her to more openly speak what she’s thinking with Takeru.

One thing you might notice is that after 02 episode 31, Takeru and Hikari are never seen going off on their own together for the rest of the series -- because, again, their “latching” onto hanging out with each other at the exclusion of anyone else was because they were that isolated from everyone else, but not anymore! Hikari starts to hang out more with Miyako as the two of them become more comfortable hanging out after the events of said episode; after all, Miyako had come to understand the real reason why Hikari “keeps so much inside” and that she needs to actively reach out to her, and Hikari is able to properly trust Miyako with her feelings, meaning that now that Hikari is starting to open up, she doesn’t need to fall back on her “truce” with Takeru to get by. Which ends up leaving Takeru rather alone for the following set of episodes. Well, seemingly alone, but...

...he’s not truly alone, because this is also where Iori realizes that there’s a lot more going on with Takeru and that he needs to make a proactive effort to understand him, and it doesn’t take long for Takeru to realize what Iori’s doing (especially when Yamato tips him off that Iori asked about him in 02 episode 35). Once again, very much unlike Hikari, Iori is straightforward and to-the-point, and is much better at cutting through all of the complicated layers Takeru puts up in an attempt to cover up his emotions.

The rest of the series has them in significantly more emotionally tense situations than before, and while the fact they end up spending the rest of the series with their respective Jogress partners instead of each other is partially sheer pragmatics, it’s also how the two of them start taking a more active role in actually checking on the others’ emotions and communicating with them in regards to their feelings. This is a huge deal -- compare this to back in 02 episode 13 when they were practically the only people willing to have this kind of serious, emotional conversation with each other -- and said attempt at a serious conversation exploded in their faces. (The other time one of them had made an attempt at something vaguely resembling a heart-to-heart during that time was 02 episode 11, which also resulted in Takeru blowing up explosively.) But here they’re capable of communicating clearly and openly and making their positions known in a way that gets through to their respective Jogress partners’ issues, without being stifled by anything.

But, again: just because they don’t “go off together” anymore doesn’t mean they stopped being important people to each other or comfortable around each other -- it’s just that now they’ve stopped wandering off together for the sake of blocking themselves away from others, and no longer trapped in this strange, paradoxical relationship of knowing-but-not-truly-knowing each other they had all the way back in 02 episode 13. The relationship they had back then was something built off of coping mechanisms, and not something you could truly say was healthy, not when their communication was stilted and Takeru had snapped at her so badly -- but both of them learning to open up more and be more honest with their feelings means that they may well have an actual healthy dynamic going forward.

And for all it’s worth, we learn that they’re still on very good terms by the time of Kizuna, getting breakfast together in the opening -- but it’s left ambiguous if their reason for doing so like this was because they still have a penchant for particularly hanging out together, or whether it was just circumstance because they were free to get breakfast after the Digimon incident (they act independently for the rest of the movie). Moreover, their relationships with the others in the 02 group are still going strong, because as per the drama CD, Takeru’s happy to hang out with Daisuke like it’s nothing and actively join in to reach out to Iori (it’s said Daisuke was approaching Iori “first” despite Takeru being there, so both of them were hanging out independently and decided to pick up Iori together), and Hikari comes in with Miyako, expressing a very firm intent to hang out with her for their trip, and ultimately it’s established that them not being with the rest of the group at the time of the movie was sheer scheduling circumstance and not necessarily them going out of their way to operate away from them.

So in other words, whatever relation you can say they have at this point, or their ability to get along, is not based on them falling back on each other as an unhealthy coping mechanism of silence, but one carried out in a more genuine manner.

[lol-q]

There’s so many things I love about the show that I haven’t seen people give enough credit for and I want to go on a little ramble because people are focusing so much on what they don’t like vs. what they do. So here’s my list. Sorry for the grammatical errors 😬

I love that the lesbian main character is this sweet, innocent, big hearted young woman and not portrayed as a overly sexual fuckboi that hits on every woman. I love that Fatou is soft and gentle. More lesbian rep like that please

I love the soundtrack. It’s exactly the type of stuff I imagine Fatou would listen to and it’s not just the top 100 hit songs.

I love that they use the soundtrack as a way to connect to the plot line, like the lyrics to the song Fatou was listening to when she was on the rooftop said “And I hate to leave you feeling all alone.But your story cannot start until you've grown. You can find how to be OK on your own. I just can't be the one that makes you feel at home” which was a hint as to where the plot was going

^^ also the song playing during Kieu My and Fatou’s museum date

I love the little mannerisms Nhungi chooses to show as Kieu My. The happy little bounce she did in ep 1 when she called out Fatou’s name and when she subtly checked Fatou out by looking her up and down.

I love how their rooms show their individual personality so well. Like Fatou’s room in the beginning of the season was normal and then it became increasingly messy as the episodes moved forward, showing her stress and chaos in her life

I love the height difference between Fatou and her brother lol

I love when her brother and her were thinking of what to get their parents so they split the bill on a gift - a very subtle way of showing siblings interacting

I love when Fatou and Ismail interact cuz it’s so funny

I love the physics teachers speaking voice, he sounds like kermit the frog

I love fatou’s eyebrows. Idk it’s just so perfect. Give me tips plz

I love that the characters rewear clothing. And it’s not a show where every episode is a new outfit with new clothes. Very realistic and it always bothered me when teens on highschool on tv have new clothes every episode

I love that Fatou’s original bio on tinder was “wanna cuddle?”. I feel like that girl would rather cuddle with someone than win the lottery. She’s so soft (also why did it say she was 24 in ep 2 when she was on tinder lol)

I love that the show showed the struggles of coming from a bilingual family and being the only one that struggles to speak it. When fatou was talking to her grandparents with her brother and her brother had to translate for her and it was awkward af, I felt that. I’m the youngest in my family and I struggle to speak Tagalog so people have to translate for me sometimes and it sucks.

^^ I relate to fatou so much in that scene cuz the dynamic in my family is the same as Fatou’s. My parents lay off and let me and my brother do our thing unless there’s an indication we need their help. The only time I ever spoke about school with my family was when report cards would come and they would see my grades weren’t that good. I remember my mom seeing I had a D in middle school and automatically jumping to conclusiosn without letting me speak. My brother is academically successful and he would also try and get me to do more school stuff when I was younger. Like he would make me do math problems to help with my grades. So it’s all very relatable for me

I love when Fatou sings, her voice is so soft and smooth.

I love whenever Kieu My and fatou are flirting both so blatantly and yet so subtly. Like the tension is there but it’s still awkward despite how smooth they both try to be it’s so adorable

I love how Fatou and Kieu My are so confident flirting and talking to eachother through texting but when it’s irl it’s still awkward and new. It shows the reality of an actual relationship in the making. It’s not just a full head dive into “I love you”.

I love when they were at the table tennis bar place and Fatou was hyping up Ava when there were dudes looking at them and Ava did a fancy ass turn and smile. She’s so pretty

I love that Fatou’s problems were shown in subtle ways in the beginning with money. Counting money at her job and when she wa trying to pay for the drink at the bar. It was a small interaction but in real life it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety if money counting problems kept happening over and over again

I love Yara and Josh’s friendship. More platonic friendship between a male and a female please. Also more Yara in general please.

I love that Zoe owned up to her actions last year to the entire group (minus Ismail Constantine and Kieu my) on New Years. I see her owning up to the role as Nora’s big sister.

I love when Josh was drinking a lot during New Years and Fatou was trying to get him to slow down. It shows how big her heart is for her friends. Also I think Josh and Fatou could be great friends

I love that Kieu My looks at Fatou like she hung the stars. When Fatou mentioned she knew Kieu My was a Scorpio, it’s the first time I’ve ever seen that girl smiled so big (before episode 5 of course)

I love that whenever they kiss Kieu my is smiling.

I love Sira’s side profile. There I said it. Girl has the jawline of a Greek goddess.

I love that they change Fatou’s hair. She looks good in every hair style but it’s always nice to see her in different styles.

I love that they showed the struggles of being a passive and gentle person. Because we’re not assertive in regular everyday life we are easily looked over. And it’s hard for us to muster the gusto to be assertive and take what we need because we prefer shying away from conflict and just letting things flow. I relate to fatou’s character so much in that sense. I lowkey think this is the universe’s way of telling me to stop being so passive about life and to take charge idk.

I love that the topic of white savior and performative activism was touched on. And I love that it was between two friends because it’s very realistic to how dynamics work between young people these days. The way they handle it differs in opinion but the fact that they even spoke about it was great.

I love that moment when Kieu My wrapped the vietnamese pancake in the lettuce snd handed it to Fatou. Its so sweet. If I was Fatou I would have forgiven her right then and there lol

I LOVE THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE TWo. YES MORE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE.

Episode 6. Just all of it. Even the angsty part. I want more of that. Episode 6 yes. I’ll marry episode 6

Kieu My wearing Fatou’s cardigan. 💕💕💕💕💕💕✨✨✨✨✨😫😫💕✨✨🥺

^^ but also as a person that tried bangs before, you can’t tell me that girl woke up with her bangs perfectly in place lol. This girl probably bought a mini straightener or something too

Fatou telling Kieu My it doesn’t matter if she wears make up or not rather than going off on how she looks prettier without it. She’s just like “it doesn’t matter. You’re pretty no matter what, my little space nerd”

Pissed off fatou is a hot fatou. Js

I love Sira’s acting in general. But the way she shows Fatou’s sadness is great. It’s not just tears and that’s it. When she got fired it was a build up of tears but she wasn’t sobbing, same thing with the cashqueens argument. But she broke when her and Kieu My got in a fight.

Finn being socially awkward. It’s so funny cuz Zoe is this bubbly party girl and her boyfriend is so awkward. Nice balance.

^^also his hair makes me laugh idk why

Ismail opening up to Fatou shows how so many people feel at ease with her. Girl has a calming presence for everybody, she doesn’t even realize how much she’s helped others.

I love that Constantine wears the same jacket over and over again. Idk it seems to fit his character.

^^also kudos to the actor who plays him, he’s doing an amazing job

Love Fatou. Love her dimples and her soft voice. She gets all high pitched when she’s normally speaking but when she was fighting with Kieu My her voice became lower. Just love the way Sira’s voice sounds. Also Nhungi’s speaking voice.

Love the shaky camera movements. The fast pans and the slow motion dance scenes.

Love the aesthetic of Kieu My smoking but PLEASE DONT SMOKE, CHILDREN. ITS BAD FOR YOU.

Love the different aesthetics of the cashqueens

Love maike. Great actress. Give this turtle an Oscar.

Love Kieu My climbing the roof to help her Fatou. Softie to her girlfriend but an ice queen to the world lol.

Love the actors. Love the characters. It just makes me so happy.

This is so well written, i might actually cry no but really it was really nice to read your positive and cuteee facts after the tag check :/ and it really helped because i get mad and sad when i see bad takes. Everything you said was so true and i think im fangirling over this essay. And it made me emotional 👉👈.  Represantation does really matter.

This season is so important for so many people and i don’t think some people realize that when they’re ‘’criticizing’’ some things. Not only we have a lesbian main, we have a black lesbian main who is the softest person in the world and she has LD and/or ADHD. I sometimes can’t believe we got to the point of skamverse where we get rep instead of hurtful,problematic seasons and plots, some might interpret that as shade but it really isn’t, careless storylines really does hurt ppl and why would you want to hurt people when you can give 8 min of sapphic museum date instead 👭🌌 :)

i love this season, i love this gen and i love this essay

[lover-of-queens]

Farah Dowling is Alive Part 2

The follow up to Part 1 or as I like to call it: look mom, I told you this degree would have uses in the real world! 

If you haven’t had a chance to read it yet, you can find Part 1: Here 

You know the drill, under the cut cause this is probably going to get long!

Episode 4: Some Wrecked Angel

Episode opens with our favourite trio. If you’ve read the first part then you’ll be familiar with my argument that it could be possible the writers are leaving Farah x Saul threads to pick up at a later date. I think this scene has some interesting ones. There’s a lot of effort in this scene to set Farah and Saul up as parallels - in a way that also makes them stand apart from Ben. We have them saying his name together, but also, when they discover Callum’s body, both Farah and Saul are in sync as they move into a kneeling position. 

I don’t necessarily know if this could be considered an argument for them bringing Farah back, however, in the scene with Farah, Stella and Luna, Stella brings up an interesting point about Farah’s pedagogy. We’re told that Farah chooses care and time over “solely results” when it comes to teaching. In the next episode we learn Rosalind’s own teaching style involves putting her students “through hell”. I don’t necessarily know when the change will happen but given this, I don’t see any way Rosalind can remain Headmistress, especially when they’re taking pains to show Farah as better suited for the role.

Also important in this scene is Farah and Luna’s last exchange. We know what appearances Luna has helped Farah maintain - the barrier/illusion that stops Aster Dell from being seen. So, what’s interesting is Farah’s next line:

Farah: “Yes, we’ve both done a great deal to preserve Solaria’s reputation.” 

This does not get addressed during the remaining episodes. Personally, this line and the amount of tension between Farah and Luna also strikes me as a potential thread that could be picked up later. I’m going to wager that I’m not alone in wanting to know what exactly they did to “preserve” Solaria’s rep. And my guess is, because Brian has mentioned that they’re going to expand on the winx world, we’re going to be finding out more about Solaria in S2. Theoretically, I suppose whatever event that is being referenced here could be dealt with without Farah on screen, but then we’d miss out on all the fun tension! Also, as of right now, fan response to Luna is nothing compared to Farah (at least from what I’ve seen). 

Tattoo theory, several people have already spoken on this and I don’t want to speak over them. I’m still sorting out my own thoughts on whether it’s Farah’s or Eve’s but I will say that Farah is always wearing rings so it seems to me that if they wanted it covered they could easily do it with a ring (or makeup). If the tattoo is purposely put there then I’m going to assume its for a reason that the writers may want to deal with at a later date (hint, hint: bring back Farah). 

Episode 5: Wither Into the Truth

I may do another post on this at some point if I can find enough to say to warrant it but Farah’s eye colour when she does magic. Up until now every time Farah’s done magic her eyes have glowed blue and yet in the scene where she questions Beatrix they glow light orange. Now I’d always assumed that the colour of the glow = element, which was why I didn’t know why Farah’s glowed blue to begin with; she’s a mind fairy so I would have expected the purple that Musa has. And actually the confirmation of her being a mind fairy comes from Fate’s IG page shown below, I don’t know if it’s ever explicitly stated in the show? Further, to my knowledge, Farah is the only fairy we’ve seen whose eyes glow different colours. So, a thread to pick up in season 2, perhaps? 

Also I’m very interested in the use of the word “Once”. In this instance I would almost take it to mean ‘no longer is’ but the tense is present perfect (I think?) which can suggest the continuance of an action. But now I’m being overly nitpicky and technical. Also I don’t know how ‘principle’ made it through what I’m assuming are several stages before making it onto IG, but it gave me a laugh!

“Incredibly powerful” yet loses to Rosalind without a fight? Not buying it. Additionally, the use of “other forms of magic” is interesting and I figure could be taken to mean other elements. But I wonder if there’s more to it than just that. Farah shows knowledge of archaic Fairy Magic with the Nettle Amalgam, so maybe there’s more archaic knowledge out there that she knows ... that could prove helpful. 

Now, back to the episode. When Farah and Hologram Luna are talking, the fact that there are two burned ones travelling together is cause for concern. 

Farah: “There are two of them travelling together. That hasn’t happened since … In a long time.” 

Once again we are left with a thread of something that has happened. In the same IG post as above, in the section for Saul, it mentions that he and Farah became confidants “after experiencing the Black Woods Massacre”. I wonder if that could be what Farah’s referring to here? I know the massacre has come up once or twice in conversation and correct me if I’m wrong but I don’t believe it’s ever been properly explained? To me, it looks like a great bit of backstory to get into at a later date. It may not confirm Farah being alive necessarily, but you could take it as a sign that we might see Eve again. 

Lastly, for this episode, is the scene between Farah and Bloom. Specifically this part: 

Farah: “I will help you get the answers you need. I give you my word.” 

You can probably guess what I’m going to say at this point, a thread that can be picked up in season 2! You could counterargue that Rosalind could help Bloom with answers (as she offers in the next episode) but in my humble opinion, I don’t think it would offer narrative satisfaction. First, because we’ve been shown what a terrible mentor Rosalind is. Second, they’ve spent the first season showing how Farah and Bloom’s mentor-student relationship has developed (bloomed?) so it seems a waste to go through all of that development for nothing. 

Episode 6: A Fanatic Heart

Rosalind has her little prison break. Personally, I still think there’s a lot of unanswered questions about what happened after Aster Dell, how they imprisoned Rosalind, etc. And I do hope that we get some answers in Season 2 - again these answers may not necessarily involve Farah on the screen but as every writer gets told the age old advice of “show, don’t tell”, I think there’s potential for that. 

Farah immediately tries to disprove my points about her intelligence by wandering alone in the woods at night. But she’s pretty, so I’ll allow it. 

Rosalind gives Bloom some answers but not all, so I do think that my point above about Farah helping Bloom find more answers still stands. Further, I find the Farah is Bloom’s mother theory to be unlikely for several reasons (this is not the post for them) but I do want to draw our attention to several lines of dialogue here. 

Bloom: “You hid me from Miss Dowling.” ….

Rosalind: “The guidance you needed was love. Farah couldn’t give that to you. Vanessa and Michael could.” 

There are SO many reasons why this exchange is fascinating. I’m interested in why Bloom brings up Farah to begin with - her other points could stand alone to the same affect. I’m also really interested in the direct comparison between Farah and Bloom’s adoptive parents -- if Bloom hadn’t gone to them, she would have gone to Farah? It almost seems as though the direct comparison implies that. Also, considering Bloom’s relationship with her adoptive parents, I really doubt the validity of the statement. Plus, I wouldn’t trust Rosalind’s idea of love in general. 

Also, Rosalind is just so certain that Farah couldn’t love Bloom … can’t love in general? There’s just so much of Farah and Rosalind’s relationship that hasn’t been explored that I think really needs to be. 

Now, the scene that always makes me cry! Farah and Bloom have had a difficult time this season and it’s all lead up to this moment of trust and vulnerability - on both sides. If you ask me, this season has been setting Farah up to be the mentor figure that Rosalind was not - Rosalind’s opposite. And they’ve worked hard at it, even when they were trying to convince us Farah might be the evil one which like lmao. I find it hard to believe that they would go through all of that work just to discard it by leaving Farah dead. Especially because what Farah admits to Bloom in this sequence feels like a changing moment for her - she recognizes things she wishes she would have done differently (being less of a figurehead, being more open) and I think its only fair that Fate allows her to follow through on those things. 

And onto the scene that I really don’t want to rewatch but I’m going to do it for y’all. I’ve touched on Farah x Saul moments so it’s only fair that I touch on Farah x Rosalind ones. There is tension here (looking at each other’s lips, Rosalind getting closer to Farah, Farah grabbing her), I mean the cast has joked about shipping them. But there are several different ways to read this and you are more than welcome to your pick! It doesn’t really change my point, which is … thread to pick up in season 2? Have you started taking a shot every time I’ve said that (please don’t <3). 

Farah who has shown herself to be incredibly intelligent and cautious when it comes to Rosalind turns her back on her. And we get what is probably the most important piece of evidence: the eye glow. It can mean absolutely anything, but I’d wager one of the reasons its there is to have people do exactly what I’m doing here. Theorizing about whether Farah could still be alive. I’m going to take that as a sign there’s hope (mainly because I think it would be cruel to suggest a ‘could she come back narrative’ and then … not have her come back). Also, in the Fate novel, it describes Farah’s death as “too easy”. I absolutely refuse to believe that it could be easy to kill Farah when she’s proved time and time again how powerful she is. 

That finishes my episode by episode analysis. It totals well over 2500 words. If you can believe me, I still have more to say on this topic (discussing general counterarguments and possible logistics of Eve’s filming), so stay tuned for a Part 3?

[rachelbethhines]

Tangled Salt Marathon - Who’s Afraid of the Big Bad Wolf

Ok, so I’ve tried and tried several times to get this posted, we’ll see if this is the time it goes through. Half the reason why this review series has slowed down is not just the multitude of real life stuff I have to deal with, but also Tumblr just refusing to work with me and deleting my posts. I also can’t save my work else where due to Tumblr messing up the formatting. It’s been a frustrating mess and so far no one @staff​ has come up with a tech solution or work around. 

Summary: Rapunzel helps to rebuild Old Corona, (after its near destruction from the Black Rocks) which will become the permanent home of Red and Angry, who have returned to Corona to settle down. However, she begins to notice strange footprints around the area, as well as the livestock becoming more unruly and fearful. The group comes across a monster hunter named Creighton, who explains to the group that the area is being stalked by a werewolf, who possessed one of Corona's citizens. Aiming to save this person rather than kill them, Rapunzel sets out to find who it is. 

When Was This Decided?

No seriously, when was this decided? It’s a pretty big leap go from ‘the rocks makes various towns inhabitable’ to ‘let’s rebuild!’ What’s changed here? Cause the rocks haven’t been removed and Rapunzel failed in her mission to nullify their power. In fact the rocks were not only reawaken in the second season finale but shown to be under the power of someone who’s intentions were made unclear to the heroes.

So I ask again; who thought this was safe thing to do now? What provisions have been made to accommodate the rocks? They blocked the well, remember, and destroyed the fields; how are the people getting food and water? 

And most importantly why wasn’t the audience informed beforehand? When you change up the status quo in a story you need to provide just cause to the viewers. I legit thought I had accidently skipped an episode when I first watched because this plot point was not set up properly.  

Why Were They Ever Left Alone to Begin With?

In a story where neglect is a central theme and motivating factor for all the main characters, it is super tone deaf to have those same characters perpetuating neglect themselves. The decision to live on their own should not be left up to Angry and Red because they are children. Children are not mature enough to provide for themselves neither emotionally nor physically and when placed in situations where they have to do so it psychologically damages them. Which the series already showcased with Varian so why is this suddenly deemed ok? 

This Completely Undermines the Past Two Seasons

The entire conflict of the past two seasons was the rocks forcing people out of their homes. Eugene was made an orphan from them, Varian lost his entire support group because them, they drove out the Saporians from their encampment which prompted them to invade Corona, and Rapunzel and company spent an entire year on the road trying to find a way to stop them from spreading supposedly. 

All of that has now been flushed down the drain with this decision. And its super insulting to watch because it’s the writers telling us that we’ve wasted our time caring about this plot for two years. You don’t resolve major conflicts off screen and without explanation; it’s lazy!  

Also Where Is Varian and Quirin During All This?

This is not only their home and legal charge, but it’s also the ending to their ongoing story, and they’re not even here in a silent cameo. 

Wouldn’t Quirin be overseeing the rebuilding of his town? Wouldn’t Varian be using his skills to find workable engineering solutions for them, fulling his season one goal of saving his home and making his village better with his inventions? Also wouldn’t Edmund want to catch up with his brother and help out now that he’s here? 

In fact not a single person who actually lives in Old Corona is to be found in these opening shots. 

Oh, But We Do Get Earl

Earl might be from Old Corona, or he might not be. We’ve literally never seen him before. The artists had to create a brand new character model for this character, the writers had to write new lines for him, and the casting director had to hire an actor and have him record these lines for only less than a minute of screen time, never to be seen again. Even though they legit had shepherd models already to go from season one that they could have used. It’s a waste of resources and a prime example of the mismanagement going on in this show. 

It’s Too Late In the Series to Waste Time On a New One Off Villain

Speaking of a waste, Creighton might have more story reasons to appear in this episode than Earl does but her inclusion is still a poor decision. The show already has an overabundance of villains, so many in fact that they shipped the bulk of them off in season two, and this is the final season; the season where we should be wrapping up plots and minor characters stories not kicking off new ones.

Taken on her own Creighton isn’t a bad character presa, she works for the episode, but when we could have gotten a resolution to Caine’s, Hector’s, or the Disciples’ story arcs instead it highlights how misused the series assets are. 

All This Lore Will Be Forgotten In Just a Few Episodes Time

We finally get like some magical rules and backstory only for future episodes to ignore it from here on afterwards. Red can turn into a werewolf whenever she pleases, night or day, with little explanation as for why.  

Just Arrest Her Rapunzel

You’re the acting queen. You have the power and the right to arrest or even merely detain someone who is threating your citizens and refuses to leave. In fact it’s kind of your job. You don't even have to throw her in a dungeon if you thought that too cruel. Just lock her up in a nice room somewhere in the castle until you’ve sorted out the mess yourself. 

The series wants to treat Rapunzel as the underdog when she isn’t, and her failure to wield her power effectively doesn’t make her look ‘nice’ it just makes her look stupid and grossly incompetent. This is a conflict that didn’t need to have happened and Rapunzel let it happen.  

Oh, So Now Y'all Riot

You didn’t complain when the king orphaned children with his crack down on crime. You rolled over as he dolled out overly harsh punishments to poor people who committed minor offences. You gleefully went along with the royals as they  scapegoated a child for their mistakes, even as they endangered your homes.  And ya’ll sat on your asses while invaders pulled off a coup and enslaved you. 

But this is what you get mad over? A rumor about a mythical creature existing that your princess has zero control over. Seriously? 

Man, I hate the townspeople in this show. 

Pointless Dream Sequence Is Pointless

This scene tells the audience nothing new and just wastes screen time. 

This Is the Wrong Lesson to Focus On Rapunzel

We do not tell the 12 year old to unload their phycological issues onto their baby sister!

You’re telling me parents were involved in writing this show? What the hell!?

Rapunzel you are the adult here. At 20 now you should be more adept to handle listening to the deep seated emotional traumas of a little girl than a fucking 10 year old! And if you’re not, or don’t want to, then it’s your job to find another adult who will. 

That’s the core problem with this entire episode. It treats Red’s and Angry’s problems as some eternal issue that they need to work out and not as the inherent failure of the adults around them that it is. 

It is neither Red’s nor Angry’s decision on weather or not they get live on their own. Nor is it their responsibility to be each other’s therapist. Yes, a change in living arrangements is always stressful and for children with abandonment issues it can be hard to readjust, but that’s when you need to step it up and deal with the problem; not shove it off onto the kids themselves! 

Monty Is Useless

Is this all Monty is good for? Being a red herring in ridiculously simple mysteries? Is this why we wasted a whole episode introducing him back in season one? Really?

Why Are We Still Treating Old Corona As Being Separate from Corona Itself?

Look, I get that it’s a joke, but it’s a joke that highlights how poorly thought out the worldbuilding is in the series. Is the Coronan government in charge of Old Corona or not? If so then you can just make those lease laws yourself as the acting regent Eugene. If not then Frederic shouldn’t have had any say in the matter of relocating Old Corona’s citizens nor putting a child outside of his jurisdiction under arrest.

But more importantly this is a just a repeat of that vague level of responsibility Rapunzel has for people who live off the island. She can’t order a whole village to be rebuilt while simultaneously claiming that she bares no accountability for Varian and Quirin’s problems in season one. 

Replacing Guns with Crossbows Isn’t the Safe Option That the Censors Think It Is

I find it kind of amusing that censors will ban showing a 17th century blunderbuss but allow it to be replaced by a weapon that is still mass produced today and can be bought in any Walmart across the country. Like I’m a major advocate for gun regulation in real life, but even I have to find this to be a bit silly. Crossbows aren’t some fantasy weapon. People still own and use them. But it would be seriously hard to get ahold of a working antique firearm.  

Seriously This Is How the Girls Have Been Living and the Adults Haven’t Done Anything About It Until Now?

I feel like I’m beating a dead horse by now, but it’s so engrained into the episode I have to keep bringing it up. The show itself is visually telling us that Red and Angry can’t keep living this way, but it never wants to call Rapunzel and the other adults out for not rescuing them from this life sooner. 

So All This Tells Me Is That Rapunzel Could Have Easily Checked Up On Varian In Painter’s Block, But Didn’t.

Remember they’re right next to Old Corona; meaning that Janus Point is also right next to Old Corona. Meaning that Rapunzel could easily have checked up on Varian right after Painter’s Block and choose not to. With each passing episode Rapunzel has less and less excuse for her behavior in season one. 

Yeah Remember that Plot Point That Wound Up Being Entirely Irrelevant to the Story?

In jokes don’t cover your ass when you make poor writing choices. Quite the opposite in fact as all you’ve done is remind the audience of all the various dangling plot threads that you will fail to follow up on. The disciples plot goes no where and serves no purpose, and it should not have been introduced as this big important thing if you weren’t going to do anything with it. 

Nice Idea, Poor Execution

I’ve heard fans of this episode tell me that they enjoy it because of this scene with Red. If you’re a naturally introverted person or neurodivergent and have trouble communicating at times then Red’s speech here can strike a cord. Which is cool; I’ll never deny someone’s feelings and if a piece of media speaks to you on a personal level for whatever reason that is great. What I’m here to discuss though is story structure and whether or not the story’s themes are presented well in context of what it’s set up. 

The conflict here does not work from a pure structural standpoint because it’s a surface level deflection of the real issues. Red’s problem isn’t that she is being ignored, it's that she’s been abandoned. Now communication issues can arise from that abandonment and feeling heard can be step forward in working those issues out, but Red’s central trauma isn’t going to be magically fixed by people ‘listening’ to her, i.e. being granted whatever she wants, but by providing her with a real home and with a real guardian to look after her. 

Because what Red wants on a surface level is harmful to her, and the reasons why she wants what she wants needs to be addressed more so than then sedating her angry outbursts in the moment. This is treating the symptoms not the cause.

So What Is or Isn’t Real About the Curse?

Once again, we finally get some actual lore and rules for magic and the writers are already throwing it away during the same episode they are introduced. I now have as little context for how the wolf curse works within the Tangled world as I did before the episode started. 

This Is Sweet, But Once Again Context Brings It Down.

So just to reiterate, this a surface level resolution to the conflict of the episode that doesn’t actually address anything. It might feel like an appropriate ending but only if you ignore the fact that Red and Angry are orphans who’ve been abandoned but the adults. 

Angry apologizing here to Red does not solve any of their problems, especially since Angry, as a child herself, is not responsible for her sister’s behavior, feelings, nor well being. That falls to the adults and they fail to address Red’s core issues and their own failings to her in their apologies as well. Not to mention that the very next scene undermines any optional progress that could have been made here. 

Listening to Someone Does Not Mean Giving Them Whatever They Want

This does not fix anything. Red and Angry are still left to live on their own without any real supervision. Giving them a big play house is not providing for them, it’s spoiling them. Would you let all the other orphans in the local orphanage roam free without an adult to take care of them? No!? Gee I wonder why? Could it be because letting a 12 and 10 year old raise themselves is a very stupid idea? One that will potentially damage them later in life assuming that they don't get themselves killed in the meantime. 

Moreover this is yet another example of the series overall problem with not understanding that compromise and resolving conflicts does not mean rewarding the characters at the end with everything that they want without having them work for it. That’s not how life works and it’s not how good story telling works. 

This Is Beyond Irresponsible

No! Bad Show! Bad! 

You do not get to pretend that negligence is the same thing as compromise. Yes I know Eugene said to come to him when they have a problem, but as demonstrated by this very episode children do not always know when to ask for help nor can they always find it when needed, that is why parents exist!  

Nor does the show get a free pass for turning it’s main characters into child abusers who neglected three minors multiple times now. Even when they themselves are victims of that same abuse!

How utterly blinkered do you have to be to not see the problem here? 

It’s the Return of the Pointless Parallels

Let me count the ways for how stupid this is. 

Red and Angry’s conflict has no impact on the on going narrative. Even with them now being reoccurring characters they still manage to contribute nothing to the future storylines involving Cass. 

Neither Rapunzel nor Cassandra learn anything from Red and Angry’s spat; Rapunzel because she refuses to acknowledge her own flaws and Cassandra’s not even here for any of it. 

The sister’s dynamic between Raps and Cass is not well established and the writers mange to piss all over it by series end because of gay baiting and poor writing. Therefore relying on lazy parallels to other siblings in the show to bolster this connection falls flat.  

Red and Angry’s argument has nothing in common with Rapunzel and Cass’s current fighting. One is about abandonment issues and the other is about shallow validation. Trying to tie these two themes together actually winds up undermining both conflicts. 

Red and Angry are children. Rapunzel and Cassandra are not. That very much matters. 

Red and Angry didn’t drag innocent people into their petty bitch fight and endanger them because they wanted to feel special. 

This Makes Zero Sense

I don’t know; she looked pretty happy during Crossing the Line. 

She was also able to control the rocks just fine then, so what happened? 

Not to mention soon after this Zhan Tiri is telling her she needs some sort of incantation to control the rocks, despite being able to already control the rocks.... 

It’s almost as if the writers are full of shit and don’t actually know what they’re doing. 

So Are We Remembering the Burnt Hand or Not?

Does the hand matter or not? Is it ever a motivating factor in what Cassandra decides to do? Is her waning control over the rocks connected to her burnt hand; even though having a burnt hand is what allowed her grab the moonstone in the first place? Did the moonstone heal the hand? Does Raps singing the healing incantation later on heal it? Does Cass have a forever burnt hand? 

Who the fuck knows! 

Not the writers that’s for sure, cause it never comes up again. 

Don’t introduce plot points and then not resolve them. That’s writing 101 guys. 

Wait if she needs the incantation to control the rocks and the angry thing is a lie, then how the heck is she controlling them just now? Make up your dang mind show! 

I swear I lose brain cells whenever I have to rewatch the evil Cassandra plot. It is so dumb  you guys.... so, so dumb. 

Conclusion

It’s not the worst thing ever but series has far better episodes on offer than this one. Even in a season as suck ass as season three. 

So there’s praying that this review posts this time and if you enjoy my writing and would like to support me in my projects feel free to leave a tip on my Ko-Fi. Thank you. 

https://ko-fi.com/rachelbethhines

[oreolesbian]

hey: if someone is coming out to you, don’t talk over them, please just fucking listen. especially if you’re cishet.

they’re not just saying things, they know themselves more than you do, even if you think you know them so well and know what’s best for them and whatnot, you don’t. i’m sorry. nobody knows anybody as well as they know themselves. ever.

this person is queer. they’re telling you that because they’re trusting you. not because they want your opinion, but because they don’t want to hide anymore. cause hiding who you are fucking sucks. it does. you tip toe around everything that brings you joy and you feel like a fraud in your own skin. you literally aren’t you around people that are supposed to love you.

you may think you know gay people and are the best ally in the world. great. love that for you. don’t talk about that. by god, don’t make someone else’s coming out about you. cause it’s fucking not.

don’t try to guess why this person is queer. don’t try to “put it together.” don’t tell them, especially if they’re a kid, that they don’t really know themselves yet…that they don’t have the “experience.” cause god knows i’ve never heard anyone cishet be questioned as to why they are who they are.

you don’t have to have been in a relationship before to know you’re queer. only you can answer those questions. if you know, you know. simple as that. of course it may take a bit to get to that point for some, and that’s okay. it’s normal. you came into the world assumed cishet. so naturally you’ll assume the same about yourself until the day comes where you realize it’s all a load of a shit and you’re who you say you are—no one else saying it for you. if someone tells you you just don’t know yourself yet, fuck them. maybe you are questioning…who the fuck cares. it’s not their business. this goes for literally all ages. my own mom told me i couldn’t know i was gay yet when i was 16. then again at 18. and continuously on. they’ll keep saying it to you because what they’re really saying is that they don’t want you to be queer. because they think queerness is an anomaly, a phase, acting out, experimentation, etc. it’s not.

a queer person coming out to you is the ultimate form of trust. it’s fucking terrifying. every time. yes, every time, no matter how many times you do it. because you will do it. a lot. for the rest of your life, most likely. because people will always assume cishet first. you come out to literally everyone you know…and the walking on eggshells process of evaluating their persona and whether or not they might literally harm you is absolutely mentally exhausting.

every day i meet a new person, i have to check my queerness. am i being too obvious? if i am, does it matter? should i drop hints and gauge reactions? or dial it back just to be safe? will this girl i’m talking to assume i’m flirting and be disgusted with me or be chill with it? what if i’m actually flirting? how do i do that without being 100% sure it’s a thing i even can do with her? can i write this paper in class on a piece of queer media or will i be unintentionally outing myself? can i openly defend LGBTQ issues or will that also out me? will this person treat me differently if i tell them? oh god, now my stomach hurts cause two women are kissing on tv and the person next to me is rolling their eyes. should i act nonchalant? maybe i should only watch queer content alone from now on. oh shit my gay music is playing…turn it off turn it off! should i clear my search history? do i look too masculine today? do i look too feminine today? oh god, everyone around me KNOWS.

^^ this is a pretty regular thought process for me. yeah, i’ve got anxiety, but this is, to my knowledge of every queer person i’ve ever interacted with, pretty goddamn normal. doesn’t make it right, but it’s reality. so yeah, if you’re telling a queer person that’s never been in a relationship that “well then how do you know for sure?” i think this makes it pretty crystal fucking clear. do you know how hard it is for queer kids to not only come to terms with who they are, but confront the fears of being publicly out or even trying to gauge who is actually queer like them—who actually is in their dating pool? who they can trust with their true selves??

i would love it if i could walk up to a random girl on the street i think is cute and ask her on a date. but i can’t. because i have to think through all those things above, all the time, to protect myself and my sanity. cause i don’t want to be treated different or looked at weird. every time i come out, even subtly, my throat closes. cause i’m petrified. i’m beyond proud of who i am, it’s the truest part of me and a real confidence boost, but i’m beyond terrified of the hatred, the whispers, the stares. yeah, we’ve made progress, but the story’s still the same in our little heteronormative society.

don’t talk over queer people. do your best to understand our struggles, but acknowledge that you never will really understand. cause you can’t. even if you had a gay friend, my god. you don’t understand. i promise you don’t. if you want to be an ally, a real ally, can you just listen? please? things you may think are so simple for you aren’t always for queer people. i mean god, y’all don’t have to think twice about holding hands with a partner for crying out loud.

the queer experience is individual, different for everyone, so why do you possibly think you could understand it for someone else?

this is not a: gee it really sucks to be queer rant. cause it doesn’t. it’s great. our community has its ups and downs but i have formed the strongest bonds through the trust i’ve formed in other queer people in my life. but there are days where i just can’t fucking take it anymore. i’ll hear my family watch a stand up comedian downstairs whose punchline is my very existence. and they laugh. and i stay silent upstairs, nauseous. cause yeah, maybe they accept me, and that’s a blessing in itself, but i’m still an other to them. a joke. something to be looked at and criticized and critiqued and questioned. all because i love differently. and i don’t think it’s overly sensitive to be angry about that reality. cause i am angry. and sad. and trying my damndest every day to look towards the positive. cause mental health and self-care is important when you’re doing all these mental gymnastics on the daily.

so. someone comes out to you. thank them for their trust. support them. offer congratulations or happy feelings. maybe even a hug if they want one. acknowledge that you’ll never truly understand the queer experience, but that you want to at least understand enough to help and listen where you’re able to.

don’t ask how they knew. when they knew. question how. say they “don’t look queer.” say “i always knew.” etc. etc.

it may seem like simple harmless phrases, but they make a queer person feel like they’re being talked over. a point of discussion when all they wanted to do was to stop hiding themselves. it hurts even more when it comes from someone you care about. so please please please, try to be better. i don’t think it��s asking much.

[nymphigeon]

Roses Have Thorns

♡ Pairing; Jungkook x Reader

♡ Genre; Angst, Fluff, Fantasy!AU, Supernatural!AU, S2L, Student!Jungkook, Wizard!Jungkook, Angel!Reader, Demon!Reader, Student!Reader

♡ Warnings (for this chapter); Panick attack

♡ Rating; NC-17

♡ Words; 2950

♡ Summary; A girl forced to live in fear because of her own power. Even though she isn’t supposed to exist, she wants to live. She’ll just make sure that she breaks herself over and over until there is nothing left of her. He, of course, won’t let her.

♡  A/N; Sorry it took me so long... T_T

Series masterlist

Chapter Two Chapter Three

Chapter Three

Jungkook waits, and then waits some more. Nothing happens. There’s no huge fiery impact, no one is currently screaming their lungs out in agony and it is actually rather cold. The previously bustling street full of people seems to have become completely deserted in a mere few minutes. Apart from a gust of wind now and then, nothing happens.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.” A beautiful voice reaches his ears, a sugary scent accompanies the pleasant sound. For a moment Jungkook wonders if he died and ended up going to heaven. Surely only an angel could have such a soothing voice? Or maybe he went straight down to hell instead, getting stuck with a mysterious siren.

“You can open your eyes now, the danger has passed.” If Jungkook has to describe their voice, he would say it reminds him of flower fields. The colourful ones with sweet smells all around. It calms him.

Deciding to trust the voice, Jungkook lets out all tension in a low sigh. The rate his heart is beating at slows down, his breathing following soon after. If he doesn’t listen, will they speak again? Is it strange for him to want to hear that soft sound once more?

Still, he slowly opens his eyes. A few steps away from him stands the owner of the voice. She isn’t looking at him, only showing her back. Her hair carefully follows the direction of the wind, a light glow present on the strands despite the sun not showing itself.

As the mysterious girl promised, all danger seems to have vanished. Nothing is on fire, nothing has been destroyed. Except for the absence of all the humans normally walking through, nothing has changed.

Sensing that Jungkook has opened his eyes, the girl turns around. A fancy mask covers her face, hiding everything except for the radiant colour of her eyes. The black mask in what looks to be the shape of Anubis’ head seems to be crafted out of a fine sleek material, adorned with little sparkling crystals along the outlines.

“I’m not sure why they’re targeting you…” As she speaks she takes calculated steps towards the still slightly frozen boy. “But I know they aren’t a group you should mess with.” Bending down, she picks up the plastic bag with groceries Jungkook dropped earlier, holding it out in front of her for him to grab. He makes sure not to touch her hands as he accepts the bag, scared that the silk laden fingers might burn him. Who is she?

“I-I..” So many questions and so little answers. Jungkook has no idea where to start, but he knows he has to find his voice. Everything is happening too fast.

“I didn’t do anything..” It would be surprising if she didn’t hear the way he swallowed, or the way his heart slowly picked up the pace in her presence. Jungkook has always prided himself in being rather fearless, and although that was before he almost met death himself, he can’t help but be a little embarrassed.

“It’s okay, I believe you.” She smiles, even though he can barely see it. “Stay out of trouble okay?” Raising her hand, she slowly waves at him, turning around while she walks back to the ground she previously stood on. “Wait!”

Jungkook is surprised at his actions, but there is no turning back now. He reaches out to her as if to grab her, his hand however only meets air. She doesn’t wait. When Jungkook opens his eyes after a blink, she is gone. Regret creeps up his back. He never got the chance to thank her.

The ringing of his phone brings him out of the self-deprecating spiral he got stuck in. Without looking at the name of the caller, he picks up. “Jungkook! Are you okay?! Where are you? You’re not hurt right? Do I need to come get you?” Namjoon rambles on as soon as Jungkook answers the phone, not really giving him time to actually answer any of the questions.

“I heard there was an attack near the grocery store. Should I call an ambulance? Police? Are you dyi-” “Joon, I’m fine.” Jungkook interrupts him. “I’m not hurt at all, I’m on my way home.” Jungkook can hear Namjoon sigh in relief. “Stay inside, I’ll be there soon.” Jungkook hangs up after, knowing the other will start rapidly throwing sentences his way again as soon as he gets the chance to speak.

Determined to not make the same mistake twice in a row, he quickly texts Namjoon a ‘Thank you for worrying’ before returning the phone to its original place. The bag filled with food feels heavy in his right hand. Jungkook definitely isn’t going back to get that eggplant now.

“Where have you been?” Haeun questions as soon as you come through the door. Her arms are crossed, her facial expression neutral. It’s almost like she was waiting for your return. “Does it matter?” You don’t look at her as you take off your shoes, long having gotten used to her behaviour.

“Would I be asking if it didn’t?” She taps her foot on the ground in annoyance. “Makes me wonder what you’re trying to hide.” Tired of leaning against the wall, Haeun closes the distance between you two ever so slightly. Not to intimidate, but to figure out. Maybe both.

“What are you trying to protect dear sister?”

Even while looking the opposite way, it’s not hard to miss the smirk on her face, amusement clearly evident in her voice. Teasingly she searches for your eyes, circling around like you’re the prey she just can’t let go of. A predator’s gaze rests upon you, burning through the barrier you set up in between.

“Where I’ve been, what I’ve been doing, it’s none of your concern. Please just leave me alone.”

With that you escape past her, not sure how much longer it will take before her treating gaze gets to you. Getting to your room is the goal, preferably without her presence following you around.

“You won’t gain anything by being secretive.” There is nothing to be hidden, nothing to be uncovered. Though your older sibling has always been leaning more towards the creepy dark side, she can be of no harm to you. At least, as long as you didn’t want her to be.

“Maybe not. That too, doesn’t concern you.” No more words float through the air after that. You turn the first corner after getting up the long flight of stairs, hoping to lose her attention for you. It seems to work as the sound of her walking gets further and further away.

Each and every time it was like this. Never straying away from that awkward strangers phase. If only she would treat you like her younger sister. If only she wouldn’t turn those cold eyes on you each time, perhaps the two of you could’ve been friends. If only.

Upon entering your room you immediately fall unto your bed, the action causing a loud dull sound to echo throughout the room. It’s always been too big for simply one person, the bed, the room. From the moment you were born, the next bedroom always had to be bigger than the last. Though, not because you wished for it to be that way. The real reason was always left from your ears.

Out of your pocket the soft melody of a notification sounds. It hasn’t changed since your 16th birthday. Nothing has changed since your 16th birthday.

‘I’m sure you heard the news already. I’m glad Haeun reported your safe return home, I got worried about your wellbeing. No details are out yet, so please be careful. They might return sooner than you think. I love you.’

The message makes you smile. Despite being the youngest at home, your dad never worried about your ability to take care of yourself. Since haven proven yourself to him a long time ago, he was never overly worried. Your mother wasn’t exactly the same.

Your parents have never been home a lot, always out and about for reasons you weren’t all that interested in. Business has never been your major of preference. As one of the few powerful individuals of society, both your mother and father had lots of work to do. Your mom having just a little bit more work than the man she married.

‘I’m fine, don’t worry. I hope you’re being careful too.’

After texting back you let your phone fall next to you. You need a hot shower to clear your mind.

It had taken Jungkook a lot longer to get home than normally. Despite him calming down considerably, his legs wouldn’t stop shaking. Even getting the key to fit in the lock took more effort, his hands refusing to stay still.

The key rapidly ticking against the metal door handle must’ve alerted the person still inside. Before Jungkook can insert the piece of metal, the door flings open, almost hitting him in the head. If it wasn’t for the leftover adrenalin giving his reflexes a much needed boost, it would’ve actually struck.

He doesn’t even get the chance to step inside before a familiar body flings itself at him. “Thank god you’re okay.” Namjoon sounds like he is about to cry, his worried state awfully clear. For a few seconds Jungkook just stand there, not being used to Namjoon showing that much physical affection. He however is quick to return the hug when his brain as made sense of the situation.

“Let’s get inside okay?” Jungkook pats his back and pulls away from the older boy, speed walking inside to drop the overfilled bag on the dinner table. Those can be put away later, when the remaining traces of adrenalin running through his veins have lost their effect. That might take a while.

Namjoon, who had quickly closed the front door behind him, pulls out a chair to sit on, motioning for Jungkook to do the same next to him. As soon as both of them are comfortably seated, Namjoon decides to talk. “So, what happened exactly?”

It takes a while for Jungkook to form a coherent response. Despite the fact that only 20 minutes have passed since the incident, his memory is foggy. “Just… People started screaming all of a sudden. Everyone was running in the same direction, away from whatever threat was rapidly approaching. I looked up and right there was a massive ball of flames heading in my direction.”  The sight he witnessed at that moment still managers to send shivers down his spine. Never before had he been that close to dying.

Jungkook takes in a few breaths to calm himself down. It’s okay now, he’s safe. At least, he hopes. “I didn’t know what to do, while my mind was screaming at me to run, my whole body just wouldn’t cooperate. Before I knew it, it was too late to run. All I could do was wait for it to hit, which it, as you can see, never did. When I opened my eyes everyone was gone.”

“So they just retreated like that?” Namjoon’s face shows his confusion. It doesn’t make sense, though Jungkook still nods. He doesn’t have any other explanation. “I don’t know what happened. One moment they were there and the next they had completely disappeared.”

He feels dizzy, something isn’t right. “Jungkook, you said it was a fire attack right? The sender can’t just stop those once fired. The only way is to create a barrier in front of the fire, which requires a lot of skill. Too late and your attack has already hit it’s target, too early and it might backfire right into yourself. Besides that there’s also the strength and the type of the barrier…” Namjoon sighs, realizing there is too much to this to properly explain right now. “In short, even the most well-practiced get it wrong all the time. You would’ve definitely noticed had they tried something like this.”

Jungkook trusted Namjoon, he really did. Namjoon has always been the one with all the facts, no matter the subject. So then why was it so hard to believe him right now? Jungkook didn’t see anything, didn’t hear anything and surely didn’t feel anything.

“If it wasn’t for the news reporting the attack I would’ve thought you had been hallucinating.” It’s not weird for people to forget details after traumatic events, Jungkook is well aware. Though the story in his head seems logical, it obviously isn’t. What is missing however, Jungkook doesn’t know.

“Did nobody see what happened?” It’s the only hope he has. The only way he’s going to get any answers.

“There’s no footage. Before the news crew could arrive everything had already ended. As it seems right now nobody has recorded the event either and since the attack took place in the sky security camera’s probably haven’t captured anything except for a bunch of people running. You were the only one who wasn’t running. I assume it won’t be long before the police contact you.”

Despite the increasing dizziness he’s experiencing, Jungkook manages to put on a sheepish smile. He knows Namjoon doesn’t mean any harm, but the statement does hurt his pride a bit. The smile doesn’t stay long, the unease takes over.

Nothing makes sense. Nothing about this whole story makes sense. Jungkook realizes he must have missed something. A vital piece of information. If it was so important, then how did he forget? What exactly happened?

He couldn’t have been alone, or rather, he definitely wasn’t alone. “Wait no, there was somebody else…” There was someone there. “Who was there?” Namjoon looks at Jungkook’s expression with worry. “Somebody else…” He can’t finish his sentence. There was someone there. “I-” He isn’t going crazy, or maybe he is. A slowly disappearing silhouette. Something happened, something must’ve definitely happened.

“Jungkook, are you okay?” Namjoon puts his hands on Jungkook’s shoulders, trying to shake him out of whatever spiralling thoughts he was stuck in. It doesn’t exactly work, as Jungkook keeps blankly staring into space.

“I-I need some rest.” Jungkook stands abruptly, nearly knocking over the chair he was seated on. The feelings that had calmed down slowly rise up again. Perhaps they did do something to him. Perhaps he might still die, falling over out of nowhere, succumbing to the curse put upon him.

Who was there? Jungkook almost sprints to his room and slams the door closed behind him. In the comfort of his own space, he lets himself go. The panic he never got to properly process returns. Heavy breaths escape, heat creeps up his back. He can’t remember anyone.

Screams, running, hot, blue, flaming, silence. The order doesn’t change, the information doesn’t change.

Sitting on the corner of his bed, Jungkook lets his head fall into his hands. He can’t focus anymore. Words repeat, scenarios bounce around, the room is spinning, his hands are sweating. The unwelcoming tells of needing to throw up introduce themselves. Jungkook tightly closes his eyes. He needs this to stop.

“Jungkook breathe! In and out, come on..” Namjoon’s voice sounds so far away. When he had arrived here Jungkook doesn’t know. The company isn’t unwelcomed, nor is it helpful.

Pulling his knees up to his chest, Jungkook tries to make himself as small as humanly possible. Had he truly been hallucinating? Each time he seems to recall something it slips through his fingers. There was someone else. Fragments of sentences exchanged distort, unclear.

The room is void of any oxygen, he can’t breathe. This is it, it’s the end, suffocated by his own thoughts. He wasn’t alone, and yet he was. He was alone, and yet he wasn’t. Is this his own fault? Was he cursed?

What if the attack was supposed to go this way? They never intended on killing him straight up, they wanted him to suffer. Slowly accepting the darkness surrounding him.

Jungkook’s eyes had long been closed when a loud crash was heard. “Jungkook! Please listen to-” It didn’t matter anymore, he would die anyway. Namjoon’s voice slowly drifts away, the beating of his own heart slowly dims. It’s all too loud, but way too quiet.

And then it’s dead silent.

A low humming can be heard in the distance. Accompanied by feather light footsteps, the sound comes closer, stopping right beside him. He loves the sound, wants to keep listening to it. And so he does.

“It’s okay, you’re safe.”

All of a sudden Jungkook realizes how exhausted he feels. Slowly he lets himself go, calming down in the safe environment filled with their voice. Before he can completely fall into the deep slumber luring him in, he decides to take one more deep breath.

“Sweet..”

Namjoon looks down at the sleeping boy on his shoulder. For the second time that day he lets out a relieved sigh. At last, the younger one felt at peace.

Carefully he moves Jungkook to lay on the bed instead and stands up to take cleaning supplies from another room. “Strong negative emotions must result in a significant loss of magic control..” Namjoon mumbles to himself, watching the different sized shards on the ground.

As he opens the door to exit the room, he looks back at the smiling sleeping boy on the bed. Reflecting his friend, Namjoon takes on a smile of his own. Today had brought a rollercoaster of emotions to them both. Ending like this was probably the best possible outcome.

“Are you having good dreams?” It’s whispered into the awaiting air. The only reply given is Jungkook slowly curling into himself, clearly happy with the flower field he ended up in.

[fallout-drabbles-n-stuff]

“There is no me without a you.” (Paladin Danse x Reader)

(Au! Where Danse doesn’t read rivet city and the reader is a friend of his and Cutler’s. Also I guess the reader technically isn’t sole..so enjoy! It’s an idea I had brewing for a long time.)

The thought made your stomach turn. That was putting it lightly.

For years it had been just you, Cutler, and his weirdo buddy- Danse. You were family, the only one you’ve known or at least cared to consider as such. So many nights had passed where your friends laughter was the only thing that kept you willing to face the next day, both of their grins forever imprinted in your mind and usually serving as the only things you could trust in the life you led.

It was rough. You had came to the shelter of Rivet City seeking to make a fortune as a merchant, having left home and everything you once knew to do so. The first couple of weeks hadn’t been easy, you had barely even gotten by but..then, by some miracle, some flame-haired man with a seemingly permanent smug grin came strolling up to your stand, a tall- handsome fella with dark hair close behind him. That fucker that interrupted your business introduced himself and his bashful friend, Cutler and Danse were their names...and of course, you started the beautiful relationship off by asking them just where the hell they came up with such “crap-tastic” names. Indeed, it was the start of a beautiful friendship.

It was the recollection of memories such as these that made tears blur your vision, each step you took forward feeling more labored than the one before. Days ago those same goofy men you met all those years ago, the ones you’ve grown to love so much, had said they were going off to join some crazy ass organization in the capital- begging you to come along as well.

As much as you adored your friends, neither of them were all that bright. At least not if they couldn’t see just how dangerous this thing they wanted to run off and join was. You had an uncanny gift of being able to see when something was a catastrophically bad idea, and this was certainly one of them.

Shaking your head, you did the best you could to blink away the built up tears- having realized that you were at your desired location.

Danse’s rickety shack.

The poor man really needed to brush up on his building skills.

At least that made you laugh, even if it was choked up and sounded more pitiful than anything. Regardless, you carefully knocked on the door- unaware of where to begin. All you knew was that your time was limited to figure it out, the much expected rattling of metal being able to be heard from the other side within seconds, signaling that Danse was both indeed home and also on his way to answer the door.

Fuck.

Much too soon, the door opened up and revealed the man you once ridiculed for his unfortunate name. His stoic, yet lovely amber eyes softening as soon as they fixated upon your familiar form. Damn, he was such a sight to behold. Even wearing a red flannel with the sleeves rolled up and some ripped jeans, he was undeniably attractive. The acknowledgment of this fact made your heart skip a beat, your breath hitching in your throat as your eyes met his own.

Over the years you’ve known him, danse and yourself had became close- very close. You grew as people together, spent a couple nights out alone while Cutler reaped the spoils of being able to trick some person from the bar into bed with him, and even danced around the line of becoming a little more than friends every once in a while.

“(Y/n)..? What’s going on? Is something amiss? Nevermind that, please, come inside.” That deep, raspy voice tore you away from the invasive thoughts you were so deeply enthralled with. With a graceful like motion, the bulky man stepped to the side and allowed you to enter the his humble little home.

Of course you obliged, your knees growing week as you bumbled to his beaten up couch- sinking down into it’s plush as soon as you sat. However you weren’t alone long, Danse quickly following you, having no problem with sitting right beside you.

Funny, years ago when you first met, he barely seemed to be able to talk without Cutler doing the legwork of the conversation.

Now here he was, his arm resting on the back of the couch right behind your hunched over body. Practically beckoning you to just say “screw it” and cuddle right up into his side, hell, the man practically radiated warmth so there was very little holding you back at the moment. There were more important things to tend to now...

Steadying yourself, you tried your very best to put on a strong face. Straightening your back and giving him the “serious” look, or as Cutler called it, your “bitch face.” Whatever the look would be called, you just hoped he couldn’t see right through you. Because as it stood now, anxiety courses through your veins like a terrible icy brook- threatening to steal your spirit itself and make you retreat and forgo this plan of your’s.

For just a moment, it almost won. Your gaze shifted over to Danse’s coffee table, taking notice of the disassembled pistol that laid upon the horribly scratched wooden surface. Heh, he might’ve been a terrible architect but Danse sure as hell could modify guns. It was cute really, how invested he’d become in something so complex. Sometimes you’d come over in need of a friend and he’d keep you company by explaining how to modify a 10mm pistol’s barrel, all while doing so.

Your eyes fell close now, a hollowness in your chest. It was time. It was now or never. Later wouldn’t exist, especially since you refused to run off and join the brotherhood.

“D..danse..?” Your voice stammered out in a way that you despised, sounding so scared..like you truly were. That in its self was enough to make the relaxed look on danse’s face morph into one of concern, his weight shifting as he leaned more towards you.

Did he feel it too? Did he also want to embrace you as badly as you wanted to embrace him?

After a moment of waiting, he audibly gulped. Your obvious distress filled the poor man with worry, he..he didn’t like seeing you feel this way. “Yes?” Now even his own voice was demure as it urged you to continue.

The muscles in your legs clenched in response, adrenaline beginning to run its course.

Why was this so hard? All you had to do wa-

“I can’t stand it Danse.” Real Nice. Real good start. God you hated yourself already. “You two..you two asshats want to go play soldier and I can’t stand it..” oh yeah, only getting better, but the words just wouldn’t stop coming..and the affects of them wouldn’t heel either. “You-you’re Just going to leave me..and I..I get it because you want to find purpose b-but..”

Now you truly felt foolish, your face contorted and the anguish you felt deep inside made itself blatantly apparent by your expression. As though that wasn’t enough, those tears you thought were gone away came back with a vengeance. The longer you looked at the now confused man, the more your chest hurt and the more obvious the feeling a hot tears rolling down your cheeks became.

Everything just hit you all at once and it wasn’t fair. How could they just decide to leave what you all had together? Was it not good enough? Was it not what their purpose was? Better yet, how could he leave you like this? How was it right for him to swoop in one day, make you feel something and fall for the bastard, only to one day down the road decide that no, this isn’t what he wants? How was any of this fair?

“I..I um, I didn’t realize how much this affected you..” Danse’s shaky voice replied, his hands cautiously reaching out to pull you towards him. Countless times before when he felt emotional distress, you had grabbed him, embraced him without second thought and each time you did it, it crazily enough brought some degree of comfort to him. “I apologize but I’m not the-..oh (y/n)..” His chest heart seeing you cry.

In a way, as it stands now, you’re not the only one in need of a hug anyways- so as he pulled you close to him, the relief was felt on both ends.

For you, he’d try anything to help ease the sorrow you felt. However it was no secret Danse was absolutely terrible at these kinds of things, any extreme display of emotion generally made him uncomfortable..but seeing you like this? It made him feel a deep, sorrowful pain in his chest. Why? He didn’t entirely know the answer, at least not a straightforward and simple answer at that. You somehow always managed to elicit such passionate emotions in him, ones that he hardly understood- after all he was not by any means an overly emotional man.

As sobs wracked your body, he couldn’t help but feel the compulsion to shed a tear as well in response to your pain. A pain that he knew that ultimately, he caused. That hurt. That hurt really bad. Before he could even process what it exactly was he felt, a single tear slid down his cheek as well, his arms tightening and squeezing you the slightest bit in search for the comfort your embrace usually brought.

Time slowed down in an almost ethereal manner suddenly, all that pain you felt facing reality slowly began to subdue to a throbbing ache in your chest- sobs transforming to soft sniffles and a vivid embrasser blush as you hid your face in his form chest- his scent providing a minimal amount of comfort despite reminding you of how much of an idiot you probably seemed like.

Now there really wasn’t anything to say...except what you came to say anyways. Well..it was somewhat of a sad win/win situation. If you confess to your more than platonic feelings for the brooding man, he could either return the feeling and maybe, just maybe you could convince him to stay....or he doesn’t and then at least you won’t have to live with the shame of ruining your friendship for long seeing as he’d be leaving with Cutler soon.

Feeling as though your whole world was on the brink of shattering right before your eyes, you withdrew from the man- not daring to go back enough to break away from the comfort of his arms around you, instead only enough so that you could get a proper look at his dumbfounded- almost heartbroken looking face.

“Please..Danse, don’t..don’t leave me. I can’t take it. You- you mean the world to me..” your voice was barely over a whisper but you knew he heard you loud and clear, his eyebrows scrunching into a slanted, concerned look as guilt flashed in those beautiful puppy dog like eyes.

He cleared his throat, carefully contemplating his next words as he licked his lips- his eyes unconsciously gazing down to look at your own as he did so. “I’m sorry (y/n), I..I didn’t think I’d hurt you so badly..I should’ve been more considering..” for a second he paused, the next words sounding painful to even utter. “Especially considering how close of...friends..we are.”

That’s it. That’s fucking it.

Without better sense, you leaned forward right after his words- knowing words would get you nowhere with him. Actions. Actions worked. As such, you willed yourself not to scream as you finally connected your lips with his own- the very thing you’ve wanted to do since he first lowered his walls and let you get to know him all those years ago.

A muffled groan of surprise could be heard but you didn’t care, he wasn’t trying to push you off yet..so that was good. In fact, unbeknownst to yourself, Danse’s eyes fluttered closed as soon as the shock of the situation subsided and suddenly he found himself pressing back and trying his very best to let you know he returned the affection before it was too late.

Damn, he’s wanted to do that since he first laid eyes on you at your stand. How crazy..

As the kiss deepened, Danse could feel his heart pounding in his chest, all the feelings hitting him like a charging raider in power armour. Regardless of how confused he was, he couldn’t help but follow his instincts- which landed him laying back on his raggedy old couch with you laid lazily on top of his body, his legs on either side of your hips. For it being an entirely innocent moment, it surely was a provocative position and had he been in his right mind- he likely would’ve flipped out and had a heart attack.

Eventually you had to end the fantastical moment, the need to breath becoming too great to deny any longer. So, with a viciously bright red blush and pure terror in your eyes despite your watery grin, you gazed down upon him.

“A..actually, that’s what I wanted to..to um talk to you about.” It was about now, as you panted, you realized just how you were sitting. “Danse, I want to be something more than just your..your friend.”

The very second he processed what you said, his thick eyebrows practically ascended half his forehead, his jaw dropped and his eyes became the size of saucers.

Boy, his expressions never ceased to amuse you. Even now when shame should’ve been consuming you, he made you giggle.

“Are you...are you saying that you’re in love with me?” He asked in pure disbelief, his hands courageously settling upon your hips to rest despite his sudden urge to fidget and twitch his fingers. Nerves making his stomach tighten painfully even though you just plainly made your intentions clear.

“Yes Danse, I’m in love with you..you fucker, I wouldn’t act so crazy if I wasn’t..”

Once again, words usually didn’t suffice with Danse..so, you leaned in for another kiss. This time he was prepared and he sure as hell wasnt going to disappoint.

He loves you too, you truly are crazy if you think he’ll ever leave you now.

Who knows, maybe one day you and Danse will get to live the happily ever after. Run a decent stand, Get hitched, maybe even have a couple babies way down the road and be the parents you both wished you could’ve had. Cutler, that bastard, was just going to have to stay too if he liked it or not.

Besides...what fun would it be to be whatever the hell a Brotherhood of Steel soldier is? Pfft, what even is a Paladin?

[inviral-a]

Actually  wanna  talk  about  some  stuff  about  William’s  life  &  the  people  in  it  rn  so  I’m  going  to  smash  out  a  big  messy  post:  

In  my  hc  Williams  mother  was  pretty  awesome,  she  was  a  single  mum  but  she  did  everything  right,  up  until  Umbrella  got  rid  of  her  so  they  could  have  total  access  to  William  since  he  was  a  minor  (14) when  they  first  contacted  her  about  him  participating  in  the  training  facility.  It  wasn’t  anything  Linda  did  wrong,  she  was  a  good  person  & did  her  best.  William  has  extremely  fond  memories  of  her. &  maybe  it  was  this  positivity  &  warmth  in  William’s  early  life  that  ‘sheltered’  him  from  becoming  the  same  breed  of  monster  that  a  lot  of  his  collages  became.  

Anyway  we  also  have  his  wife  Annette.  She  was  smart  as  hell  &  also  apparently  a  bad  ass.  A  lot  of  people  judge  Annette &  make  fun  of  her  but  like  her  motive  for  behaving  as  she  did  in  RE2,  particularly  in  the  remake,  was  because  she  was  thinking  of  the  greater  good,  not  just  of  herself.  She  is  a  very  complex  character,  she  was  wracked  with  guilt &  took  it  upon  herself  to  try & stop  G/the  spread  of  G /  the  outbreak  in  the  city  herself,  which  though  seems  kind  of  silly  from  an  outside  perspective,  is  entirely  understandable  from  HER  perspective  given  how  closely  she  worked  with  William -  like  it  does  actually  make  sense  that  Annette  would  feel  full  responsibly  for  what  was  happening  & feel  driven  above  all  to  try & stop  it. I  also  think  she  was  a  huge  factor  in  William  being  motivated  to  leave  umbrella & take  G  elsewhere.   Annette  seemed  to  be  the  “voice  of  reason”  between  them  since  William  was  so  invested  in  his  work,  another  thing  that  made  sense  given  this  had  been  an  enormous  part  of  William’s  life  since  he  was  15-16.  William  needed  that  influence,  Annette  was  really  a  lot  of  William’s  connection  with  “reality”  or  with  the  world  outside  of  Umbrella  in  a  lot  of  ways. Makes  sense  for  them  both  though  given  it  seems  the  two  of  them  didn’t  actually  intend  for  G  to  be  a  weapon.  That  seems  to  be  very  much  in  line  with  Annette’s  character.  The  two  of  them  clearly  wanted  to  be  able  to  spend  more  time  with  their  daughter  as  well.  Annette  is  the  one  who  reminds  William  how  long  hes  spending  at  the  lab &  that  Sherry  misses  him.  Honestly  the  whole  letter  is  a  pretty  good  insight  into  the  Birkin  family  &  what  was  really  going  on  with  them.  I  think  it  really  shows  how  normal  they  were  outside  of  Umbrella. Honestly  it  doesn’t  make  sense  for  Annette  or  even  William,  to  be  genuinely  evil  people  with  this  in  mind -  I  mean  the  fact  Annette  &  William  ever  had  a  relationship  with  this  in  mind  indicates  that  William  wasn’t  the  same  breed  of  megalomaniac  sociopath  as  what  is  common  in  the  series.   Annette  seemed  to  love  William  because  he  wasn’t &  they  appeared  to  share  a  vision  of  improving  the  human  race,  genuinely,  genuinely  seems  they  had  the  idea  of  ultimately  helping  all  people,  rather  than  wiping  out  select  individuals  they  didn’t  agree  with  or  who  weren't  “worthy”  of  “evolution”  & putting  themselves  as  the  rulers  of  this  ‘new  world’.  That  wasn’t  at  all  the  Birkin’s  shtick.

&  speaking  of  Sherry  herself.  Though  she  was  a  little  ‘neglected’  at  times  her  parents  clearly  both  loved  her  dearly.  Sherry  is  a  really  smart,  mature,  well  adjusted  kid  in  RE2.  I  mean  be  freshly  12   &  survive  what  Sherry  did.  She’s  not  a  child  who’s  ever  been  abused  or  who  has  not  been  treated  or  ‘raised’  right.  She  is  a  little  lonely  because  her  parents  worked  so  much  but  overall  she’s  credit  to  them &  you  don’t  often  have  a  kid  turning  out  that  way  if  you  don’t  love  it  &  nurture  it  to  some  extent.  Speaking  of  its  something  Annette  gets  mad  hate  for,  more  than  William  weirdly  enough  (  🙄 ),  this  idea  that  Annette  was  never  there  for  Sherry.  Not  true.  Out  of  the  two  of  them  shes  clearly  the  one  who  spent  most  of  the  time  with  Sherry.  Though  she  went  to  work  &  put  a  lot  of  time  into  her  work, out  of  the  two  of  them  its  obvious  Annette  is  the  one  who  went  home  at  the  end  of  the  day  &  cared  for  their  daughter.   William  was  the  one  who  worked  ridiculous  hours,  like  spending  almost  an  entire  week  at  the  NEST, without  coming  home.  He  was  also  noted  to  frequently  go  at  least  a  whole  day  without  sleep.  William  was  the  one  doing  all  the  hard  hours  at  the  lab,  away  from  Annette &  Sherry  who  were  obviously  at  home.  It  seems  Annette  only  worked  of  a  day  time &  came  home  during  the  end  of  the  day  to  obviously  look  after  Sherry.

I  also  find  it  super  funny/stupid  how  the  fandom  seems  to  pretend  that  the  Birkins  were  totally  cold  to  each  other,  with  William  being  totally  uninterested  in  Annette  who  was  just  there  because  she  couldn’t  take  a  hint  or  that   Annette  was  this  controlling  woman  &  William  was  just  her  dumb  bitch. Like  to  some  extent  maybe  but  overall  William  was  still  the  “breadwinner”  so  to  speak.  Like  what  I  think  was  common  for  most  families  during  this  time  period  William  was “the  man”  who  worked  stupid  long  hours  &  was  expected  to  handle  the  finances &  business  /  “important”  aspects  of  their  lives  &  Annette,  while  also  working  herself,  handled  the  family  aspect,  ie  raising  their  daughter  &  looking  out  for  the  welfare  of  all  of  them  ect.

Although  unlike  what  is  “expected”  of  such  a  family  I  think  Annette  did  have  a  big  influence  in  everything  because  William,  regardless  to  his  position  at  Umbrella,  respected  her  thoughts  & opinions  &  thought  she  was  fully  capable  of  making  decisions  for  them.  William  was  definitely  a  “ask  your  mother”  kind  of  guy  & I  don’t  think  he  was  doing  too  much  without  Annette’s  knowledge  or  approval  but  it  also  seems  that  was  actually  a  mutual  thing.  Annette,  apparently,  greatly  admired  William &  never  felt  he  was  incapable  of  anything  or  that  she  had  to  control  anything.  They  actually  read  to  me  as  equals  in  their  relationship,  not  one  dominating  too  extensively  over  the  other.

Also  been  meaning  to  talk  about  Wesker . .  .   I  think,  with  all  this  in  mind,  Wesker  was  probably  William’s  only &  strongest  “male”  role  model.  William  didn’t  know  his  father  &  never  really  bonded  with  any  of  his  mother’s  boyfriends.  He  doesn’t  remember  being  overly  fond  of  any  of  them  or  having  really  anything  in  common  with  any  one  of  them.   Keeping  in  mind  William  met  Albert  when  he  was  only  15  & Albert  was  17.  He  very  quickly  became  someone  William  admired  &  looked  up  to  because  he  was  just  that  ‘cool  older  guy’  that  William  was  so  alike  but  so  unalike  in  the  sense  that  while  William  was  a  little  shy  & timid,  Albert  was  confident  & collected  at  all  times,  they  were  completely  opposite  in  that  sense.  That  being  said,  its  probably  true  that  the  Albert  that  William  saw  &  who  lives  in  William’s  mind  isn’t  the  real  Albert  or  at  least  thats  not  who  he  remained.  Its  a  very  idealised  version  of  him.  One  that  was  born  of  William  knowing  him  since  they  were  basically  kids  &  being  so  close  to  him.

Which  is  why  he  does  have  trouble  believing  /  understanding  who  Albert  becomes  in  later  years.  Because  its  not  really  who  William  thought  he  was.  &  it  is  difficult  to  come  to  grips  with  that  or  understand  it  entirely.   William  &  Albert  started  to  ‘drift’  apart  during  the  “Alexia  incident”.  William  fell  into  his  depression  &  Albert  became  more  interested  in  Spencer  in  the  meantime  perhaps  as  a  distraction  for  the  ‘chaos’  Alexia’s  existence  had  caused  in  their  work  place  that  quickly  formed  into  its  own  obsession.  William  probably  always  assumed  Weskers  “odd”  behaviours  were  because  of  Alexia  as  well  as  he  didn’t  seem  too  pleased  by  her  either  but  regardless  if  Alexia  didn’t  happen  &  things  had  continued  at  the  Arkley  facility  its  possible  William  &  Annette  wouldn’t  have  happened  &  Wesker  never  would  have  became  as  focused  on  Spencer  as  he  did.  Just  seems  to  be  a  perfect  storm  of  events  to  me. 

This  is  the  time  where  everything  “changed”  between  them  &  they  began  going  “their  own”  ways.  Regardless,  William  never  stopped  thinking  of  Wesker  the  way  he  knew  him  so  knowing  Wesker  now  feels  like  an  entirely  different  person  &  it  feels  like  a  change  that  has  just  came  out  of  the  blue  for  William.  But  thats  one  of  William’s  problems.  He  doesn’t  notice  a  whole  lot  outside  of  his  little  bubble  so  when  he  does  notice  something  he  tends  to  feel  a  little  blindsided  by  it.  Again,  trying  not   to  speak  too  much  on  Weskers  POV.  I  am  majorly  speaking  about  my  own  take  on  Wesker  here  because  thats  my  default  as  I  don’t  have  one  I  write  with  or  anything.  I’ll  probably  make  a  HC  post  focused  on  him  on  my  multi  at  some  point  that  goes  into  things  a  little  more  too !  But  for  rn.  Wesker’s  probably  the  only  “negative”  influence  in  William’s  life  but  he  wasn’t  always.  Wesker  being  “evil”  is  kind  of  a  new  thing  for  William. 

[iconsumeheadcanons]

persona characters autism headcanons!

hi im autistic and i started my day with sun so now im !!!!!!!!! some of these headcanons are from elsewhere on tumbr, but i dont know where :(((  so i am hoping someone out there knows that n that everybody knows that i love them <3

(also go check out mollypaup and i think hypeswap if you havent already! they post some good stuff autism+adhd hc too!!! i think.. oh! and thieves-in-the-palace!!!)

P5

Joker

there was some artwork from someone on tublr..where they pointed out that he doesnt really talk outside the metaverse so--hes hyperverbal as joker and just near nonverbal as akiren

he stims ALL THE TIME. that phone thing, the pencil thing, the little tappy tap of his foot, pulling at his bangs when hes embarrassed/smug. someone get him a fidget spinner. he’ll prob learn to do tricks with it

he probably sucks at focusing in class, like i know its just the game design but hes always surprised out of his daily “star out the window at the nearby office building” when his teachers ask him questions

mona mentions when the pt is at Wilton for the first time (after they run into shido) that joker eats like shit, and that could have multiple causes at the start of the story of course, but when i first played i thought that joker was a picky eater and that the variety (and amount of food) at the buffet would be an Ordeal...

tho mona makes that comment bc joker looked pale after having a little ptsd moment from shidos voice, but i didnt know that the first time i played

maybe when joker makes a face at ryuji putting so much ginger in his gyudon? joker probably does not like pickled ginger lol

his favortive foods are all spicy, which is why the curry he makes for his friends is always ‘overly spicy’, and why kasumi makes him a curry bento and joker kept going “...?” .... “....?!”

overly reflective glasses have been a great plus for him bc now he never has to make real eye contact every again!

mona Soft. play with Ann hair. maybe Braid. nice

puns (Gorou the Goroumet)

he has so many options to be straight up rude sometimes in game. he probably no clue on his own, which is why he defaults to Not Talking. people probably mention his constant scary face, which is just him being nonexpressive, squinting at all the fucking bright lights, and Tired

executive function who? we do everything last minute folks

high pain tolerance, which is why he was the kid that was always climbing trees in elementary school to get basketballs unstuck from the branches

his sixth sense lets him see treasure and possible places to climb/crawl bc 1. Shiny? Steal it. Steal it Now. and 2. Could i fit in that? Time to Find Out

probalby a bit of a klepto too oops. he’ll return it tho!! but he has to do it dramatically or he’ll die

cant sit properly to save his life

smells and touch are Great, they can keep him grounded when his brain goes off to police or dead rivals or guilt or

if a friend hung out with him and gave him total reigns of the agenda, he would choose to nap on the floor while his friend does something off to the side quietly

hyperfocuses on handy tasks (i.e. lockpicks, coffee brewing, cleaning, his part time jobs) and some things like movies and books. everything else is a tossup

his (normal) navigation app is his most used app bc he still doesnt know where hes going, even though he only goes to the same few places in the city

hates being sweaty, literally cannot stand it. probably double exhausted during the summer

but Needs Compression so hes often Struggling

Futaba

paraphrase from p5d “i have no motor skills so i cant play rhythm games :(” need i say more? (i will regardless)

echolalia all the time, from anime, memes, the PT

those headphones she wears all the time? noise cancelling ear protectors babey

only talks about her interests, “normal” talking is Not Easy, but she is still communicative w others despite her worries. shes not “hard to understand” at all but she feels the anxiety nonetheless

only talks informally, cannot talk ‘politely’ with out imitating someone around her

shes had meltdowns and anxiety attacks in game :( i relate so hard

Technology. thats it

def had an egypt phase that pops up every few months. probably came from yu-gi-oh

has Immune to Bright Lights buff.  joker is very jealous

“Time to make like a tree and leave!” and 30 other iterations

video game metaphors are the only ones that makes sense to her

probably relates hard to robot characters in anime for their general androgyny and confusion about human emotions and connections

probably gets told that shes “too smart to be on the spectrum” by teachers >:( she fails their classes on purpose

wakaba’s autistic too that just how it is

the Connection that she establishes with Joker is so Warm. my life goals include adopting an older brother like futaba has lsdkfjslkfj

also eater of 5 foods only, i mean, she brings cup ramen to the beach. i just really admire her...

hides in small spaces for comfort

doesnt she have like uhhhhh hyperthymesia or something like that?

Yusuke

art

his entire social link is learning how humans work, which i relate

talks seriously all the time

“sarcasm? who is that? are you saying I was sarcastic?...how?”

cant remember to take care of his body, and madarame did not help with that either

lot of uncomfortable staring, hes overdoing the eye contact thingy

infodumps all the time, doesnt know hes doing it

needs a lot of support even if he doesnt think he deserves it. no one ever complains about helping him out tho

visual stims my friends

he didnt know that you could look up pictures on the internet but he does know you can stream live videos of waterfalls and fluffy animales!!

I am certainly in the mood

for something salty today.

he and joker are scared of math. numbers do not interact

Yusuke, futaba, and akiren are a trio and i know this bc their first day of non-thievery interacts is Akiren clearing Futabas room w/o permission, futaba hyperfocusing on destroying medjed, and yusuke rearranging futabas figurines so they are more visually appealing

morgana is a support friend for all of them bc igor knows they need it

P4

Souji/Yu

yes, he mostly wears gray semi formal clothes bc parents tell him to, no, he will not changes this

Schedule or Death

“sorry, could you repeat that?” “huh? oh yeah, i was saying that--” “yeah that’d be cool.”

cats, fishing, he just likes to be quiet. you can literally spend a day at the beach just to think if you want, and that is what yu want

has a lot of scripts for things (of which he shares with nanako!) but if he runs out he just stops talking..

inaba is a godsend bc its so fucking quiet and warm

he Yearns to hold his friends hands, but he shies away from a lot of touch (excepting yosuke, teddie, and nanako)

Cooking and Cleaning makes the world better. he and joker vibe together with this

unlike akiren, he strong arms any executive dysfunction into Be Productive or Else. his punishment is feeling the pure anxiety of having to make up for ‘lost time’. (another symptom of his workaholic parents)

writes everything down, notes are very neat, has pages dedicated for bad doodles when hes not feeling his usual Super Classroom Focus

Cannot handle secondhand embarrassment (most often caused by yosuke) and will quietly slip away to random cats or origami folding

hungry, crunch crunch folks. probably needs chewelry bc he used to chew on his shirt collars when he was younger.

cleans up after everyone in the food court, constantly worries about them accidently hurting themselves. likely spends half of group conversations watching peoples hands

he canonically eats expired food, nanako plz help your brother

really clumsy, but people only notice after they decide that he is a cool person

video games are too chaotic for him

exhausted every night from the pure amount of masking he does, if a friend spends the night (or is like yosuke) they will know his more comfortable weirdo self (tho everyone knows hes a weirdo eventually)

hyperempathetic, sometimes just understands animals and children better than peeople his age or older

Yukiko

her jokes

she and souji get in ‘trouble’ together, she and joker commit crimes together

she and chie have to coordinate outfits, its important

actually understands metaphors, but does not understand people

like me, had no clue that creepy kid was flirting with her

she is very angry when she has meltdowns that might involve slamming doors and shouting. her parents call these ‘tantrums’ and ‘unfitting for a polite daughter’ but really thats because her meltdowns tend to be caused by arguments w her family after a long day of school and TV world traipsing

the metronome meme, except hers goes between Loudest Person in the Room to Quietest Pin Drop in the Planet. she is completely unaware of this

her atmosphere brightens when chie appears. that is not only the lesbian energy within her, but also because chie is like her Favorite Person

Cannot wear Pants. No (tho she wants to try it! but she puts them on and her soul instantly squashes)

happy flappy lesbian! watch out!

Naoto

the pouty face. all the time lskdfjlasdkf

hes really snappy sometimes and i love that for him. he and akechi should fight just to see what would happen (please read Bang Bang Shoot Shoot on AO3)

“do not touch me or my hat, thank you”

no one has ever seen him shutdown and no one ever will (except for his grandpa)(and kanji)(and rise)

probably likes certain food textures and will stand for nothing less, probably feels embarrassed about his preferences with friends

constantly jumps between ‘everybody hates me so i should act like them so they dont hate me’ to ‘i refuse to be anything but very comfortable as myself, and i dont care that im making you upset sir’

he and souji are the king and queen of subtle stims, but for unhappy reasons :(

does not make jokes. cannot joke around. understand? yes, do? no.

loose clothes are the only good clothes, but all tags and obtrusive seams will be obliterated by kanji tatsumi

not very empathetic so he probably comes off as an asshole to strangers (like when he throws away his classmates confession letters without reading them) but he tries so hard to sound comforting when his buds are struggling.

his understanding of others emotions/reactions come from his learning as a detective, which seems cold+clinical to others, especially compared to souji, whos completely unexpressive but very introverted people person

P3

Hamuko/Minako/Kotone

big personality!! very people-oriented!! koromaru and her are buddies!! when shes having a real bad time, shes very quiet and expressions turn off

interrupts herself in the middle of conversations all the time. no one knows where shes coming from. her brains is thousands of km ahead of her body

bouncey legs, swingin arms, twirlly skirt, little somersaults! when will she stop? never!

very obvious music stims with her hands and arms! people are like “oh there she goes! happy as usual!” shes listening to minatos heavy metal playlist

switches from exhausted to excited within milliseconds. no one can predict, not even her

SEES has to ask her for context all the time cuz she’ll just continue shit from 2 weeks ago without warning

professionals will assume shes very childish bc of how chipper she is, but she is beyond mature for her age and only feels comfortable enough to have serious conversations if a person has proved themself able to handle it

collects every little thing. her room is a mess and she has to get rid of most of it every time she moves :(

hates cleaning! smells bad, feels bad hhhhhgggg

dont let mitsuru-senpai see her bedroom

gets lost in the middle of conversations with others bc shes thinking about a story connected to one(1) word that was said earlier

 no sense of time and place, she just sees her friends and goes “ah, this is the right place, then” but junpei and akihiko are also lost so now theyre all screwed

Minato/Makoto/Sakuya

no talkies, no walkies

his story in the movies is him literally learning how to function around people he cares for

doesnt get jokes, expressions, body language, empathy, subtlety, metaphors, physical contact, or eye contact. aigis is probably the only person he truly understands right away

he is still nice to people because he doesnt see a reason not to be, but also he has very limited energy so only his senpai and old people get his most polite-kindnesses

cannot describe feelings for the life of him. the team wont know hes injured or sick until hes passed out

everything is too loud, time to drown it out with my loud ass music

rocking and chewing stims, ryoji is the first person to point him out for these subtle stims (not accusingly of course, just general pure curiosity and love for the uniqueness of humanity)

likes to cover his face with whatever is available, lives like a bat in a dark dry cave

will wear anything that has pockets and his blue/gray/black palette

sleepy at all times bc he never has much energy

when he was younger he probably needed a lot of support, especially after his parents died, because he wouldnt communicate like a neurotypical and would shutdown for hours in the middle of school without warning. probably missed a lot of lessons and field trips out of pure overstimulation

eating at all times. no preference, just whatevers closest

his meltdowns probalby include humming whining noises and curling up in a ball, which makes people want to touch him, but that is the LAST thing he wants. put a blanket on him! play some music! do not talk and do not expect him to speak

aigis is the only person who can touch him normally bc her hands are cold and he likes cold

never nude, feels mmmmmmmmm without clothes and probalby wears a full robe in the hotsprings

will not do things that take more than one step w/o someone else walking him thru it, which Same

[archerofthemists]

Althea Lynch SFW Alphabet

TW for under the cut: mentions of abuse and su*cide

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Affection is foreign to Althea, at least genuine  affection. It took her a long time to learn what real affection looked like and even longer for her to figure out how to show it properly to the people she cares about. 

She tends to show affection through gift giving, and acts of service and generally spending time with you.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

Althea has basically gone her whole life without friends. She grew up alone with her cold mother, and due to her Semblance she basically avoided people on a whole.

It takes a great deal of time and patience to get her to let someone in and become friends.

After joining Team WTCH you could say she became The Mom Friend. (Right up there with Hazel as The Dad Friend) 

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

  

Althea has always distanced herself from people, physically and emotionally, and her mother certainly wasn't a cuddly person with her, but once she began to allow others in, her touch starvation began to outweigh that. (Please please please cuddle that poor woman.) 

Likes to be the little spoon, it makes her feel protected. 

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Althea wouldn't mind settling down, she just doesn't see it as a possibility for her. Before, it was because of her Semblance,  but now it's more due to her situation working for Salem. 

However she is very good at cooking and cleaning, she keeps her living space in order and will sometimes cook for the others if they're around and hungry. 

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

 

Althea would probably leave a note and run away when she got the chance, and for her, that's the kind way. Confronting her partner would most picky lead to her Semblance slipping out of control and only hurting them even more.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

She doesn't really see much point getting engaged or married. If she and her partner are truly in love and committed to one another, she doesn't really see what the point of a ring and a legal document are, they just seem like complications.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Althea can go to the extremes in both ways. She'll gently braid your hair and sing you to sleep, or she can use her Semblance to make a whole room of people want to kill themselves. (And they'll do it too.) 

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

She isn't used to being hugged, but let me refer you to "Cuddling". Again I say: please please please hug this woman. She might be a little stiff when you do and might not hug you back, but she needs it, badly. 

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

If Althea says she loves you...go buy a lottery ticket. It's a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Over the years she's basically been conditioned to believe no one could love her, so she's learned to never admit to her feelings for others, and after some *ahem* incidents during her short time at Beacon, she feels unworthy of being loved.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

In her younger years at Beacon, Althea got jealous very easily, and would use her Semblance to manipulate people into "falling" for her. After a horrible incident that caused the death of two of her teammates at Beacon, she fled the school and promised herself to not even bother with love again.(kinda broke that promise after she joined WTCH but oh well)

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Althea's kisses are soft and gentle, like she's afraid her partner will shatter under her lips if she's too passionate. She loves kissing along necks and kissing hands/fingers and adores having her neck and spine kissed.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

Althea is alright around children, but refuses to be around them too much for the same reason she isolated herself from people in the first place. But she knows whatever her Semblance does to a child would be worse than its effects on a fellow adult. Her emotions are too strong and complex for a child to handle it properly if her Semblance slipped around them.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Althea tries to sleep in as long as possible, she is perpetually tired, but she would do her best to wake up before you and make breakfast for you both and maybe talk over coffee.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

Well if she's letting you sleep in the same bed as you, you best be cuddling her through the night. Try not to be too disturbed by her tossing and turning and when she wakes up with night terrors. 

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Althea learned at Beacon that opening up to her team then was a mistake. When she talked about her neglectful mother, her traumatic memories were laughed off like they were nothing. 

With WTCH it was almost impossible for Althea to open up about anything of her past. (Salem heard it all first, because I believe when she takes in a new member she needs to know as much about them as possible.)

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

She's much more easily angered than she looks, which is a lot more dangerous thanks to her Semblance, but hey, Salem keeps her around for a reason.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing or do they kind of forget everything?)

Althea is like an elephant, she never forgets anything. Tell her how you like your eggs and coffee once and she'll always remember. 

Did you mention you disliked a certain song? You'll never hear it again.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

When she began to realize that maybe this was real and that she was genuinely loved for once in her life and that maybe the world wouldn’t implode if she let herself love someone back.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

Althea is almost insanely protective, emotionally and physically. She's so used to everything being stripped from her, so used to having to go without, so when she finally has something she'll be loath to let it get hurt or taken from her, and she hopes you'd protect her the same way.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

Althea maybe tries a little TOO hard. She goes the extra mile even if she's assured that it isn't necessary, because she is so used to not being enough for the people around her and she's terrified that if she stops trying as much as she does that she'll be cast aside once again.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

Her worst habit was abusing her Semblance. It seemed to be the only way to get people to really notice her, to seem to care about her. Especially during her Beacon years she would use her Semblance to make people love her, because she felt they never would any other way.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

Althea is a bit concerned about her looks in the sense that she's insecure and not necessarily vain. 

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Absolutely. She has felt incomplete her whole life and having her partner, her real partner who genuinely loved her, would mean everything. 

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

   (Here have three)

Her birthday is August 24 (She's a Virgo ♍) She sings. She has made two attempts on her life. Once when she was still living with her mother and once at Beacon.)

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Being overly controlling. She dealt with that all her life growing up with her mother and she won't put up with it ever again

Z = Zzz (What are some sleep habits of theirs?)

She has a very hard time sleeping and will often wander around at night instead. (Watts has given her a prescription for a strong sleep aid to help her.)

(I'll be doing a ns/fw alphabet for her as well soon)

[act-addict-actors-matchups]

@kawaiiipandaa said,

Hello! I was wondering if I could request a matchup? This is my first time doing this, so please let me know if I'm doing something wrong! ^^; For starters, I'm a Cancer and I'm 157 cm [ 5'2 ]. I suppose you can say my most distinct physical features are my short hair and glasses. Some of my hobbies consist of reading/writing stories, sewing [ just learned last year but I'm pretty proud of the pillows I've crafted ], and occasionally sketching.

I dislike large crowds, most seafood and speaking out loud. Personality-wise, I can be pretty standoffish and aloof upon first meetings. As I grow more comfortable with an individual, I'm known to be easily-embarrassed, somewhat clingy but still very much awkward. I laugh at jokes even when they aren't funny and tend to space out at times. I have a hard time opening up about my feelings, so most say that it's hard to understand me.

I prefer for things to go how I've planned for them to and when they don't, I get anxious.

✧ Thank you so much for requesting a matchup. I literally have no idea when you send this and I’m genuinely sorry for the very long wait. Please look after yourself. I wish you good health and all the best! 💓

I’d match you with: . . .

➜ HOW YOU TWO FIRST MET ; The first time you met Kazunari was via a mutual friend of yours. It really wasn’t that surprising, considering the fact that he is someone who can talk to anyone without any discrimination. And when you guys did meet, there wasn't anything special between you two― you were just his friend’s friend which was also in the same year as him, and he was just your friend’s friend. He would smile at you whenever you were near each other, maybe strike up a conversation and out of politeness, you would give him a small smile back, weirdly enough, that was all and your friend was totally depressed about it. They wanted you guys to be friends too, or maybe more than friends but you don’t know that😌. Sometimes your friend group and his would have lunches together, which wasn't rare but also wasn't common either. And you would occasionally share a laugh and coversation with the others along with Kazunari, but you were always closer with your side of friends. But one day, you've gotten sick but you didn't want to burden and worry your friends because their classes were still ongoing so you had no choice but to try and walk home before you fainted but that day was said to have a rainy weather, and when you were about to leave to the school gates, not caring if you’d get soaked or not, a familiar voice called out for you, running up to you. You were confused, nevertheless stopped yourself as you saw Kazunari’s figure coming closer to you. “Oh, Kazunari.” your hoarse voice was evident, but you tried to clear your throat anyways. “I heard you were sick and you had to go home.” he started off, “Here,” he handed you an umbrella you didn't notice he held on his right hand. “I heard that it was going to rain today and saw that you didn't have an umbrella.” Not going to lie, you wasn’t expecting that. “No i could't i―” "What? Could it be that you are falling for me? I just made your heart flutter, didn’t I?” He asked excitedly, only to receive a blank look from you, the unfamiliar thumping on your chest, butterflies in your stomache being unknown to him. “Sorry, sorry. I just couldn’t pass the opportunity to tease ya you know?” He said with a smile and continued. “Your friends wouldn't be happy since you're already sick, and I still some classes and a spare umbrella. Get well soon ♪.” As you accepted his umbrella, you walked home with nothing but Kazunari wondering in the deepest cevices of your mind that you didn't know existed. After that day, something kinda changed between you guys. Don’t get me wrong, smiling at each other in the hallways were still a thing; but there were a bit newer accompanies, the peach on your cheeks, and the nervousness on both of your nerves. The two of you would have a small chit-chats with each other even if it's just the two of you inside a classroom, occasionally laughing at a joke one of you had up your sleeves. You and Kazunari would hold unusual, and long gazes at each other― the one would also look at the other when they aren't looking, and vice versa. You get the point. It was some time after that kdrama kinda thing that Kazunari invited you to watch him perform at Mankai.

➜ PERSONALITY COMPATIBILITY ; You two compliment each other perfectly! If I had to describe your relationship it would be introverted found its extroverted and I think it’s really cute skdhskdhkdhd. He loves how easily-embarrassed and clingy you are because hello??? he literally finds you the cutest thing ever. I headcanon him as the type of boyfriend who hugs you from behind as soon as he sees you or just closes your eyes with his hands and asks “Guess who, cutie~?”. I wouldn’t worry too much about having hard time opening up about your feelings or being hard to understand. He may not look like it but this boy is perspective. Very perspective. I feel like Kazunari is naturally observant of others' behavior due to being overly concerned about what other people think of him. This helps him notice the tiniest details of others, including their habits and personality. He’s not the type of person who would force you to spill everything inside your head. Instead, he would let you know that no matter what, he’s here to talk. That he’s here for you. After all, he knows how it feel like to not voice the things inside your head because you feel like it would only cause unnecessary trouble for the receiver. Kazunari teaches you that love should be fun and full of joy. There’s no reason that loving someone should be completely serious and perfect; imperfections make love real, they make love unique. His impulsive way of loving you is uniquely him; he loves you deeply, and diving into that pool of bottomless love he has for you from the highest diving board with no lifeguard near sparks more joy in him than should be humanly possible. He falls in love with how fun it is to love— with how fun it is to be in love with you. 

➜ SHARED ACTIVITIES ; Since you have a harder time with big crowds than him, who doesn't mind showy spectacles, he usually spends time inside for you because he doesn’t want you to become uncomfortable. But be sure to offer going on outside dates to him from time to time. Both of you are into crafting, so I can imagine you two making masks, drawing together or making collages. You just get together to hang out and decorate your masks. You can both do your own thing or have them based on a theme. Whatever works for both of you. Don’t worry if they turn out horrible, that’s part of the fun. Oh, and Kazunari will make sure to get some photos together after you finish and post them on his social media accounts. Also, you two have a fun drawing game, where one person draws one part, and then the other does the next part. Or if you want a really interesting picture, one person draws until a timer runs out and then the next person goes. Depending on how serious you are taking the game, the finished piece is usually either a masterpiece or something that neither of you can describe. Needless to say, you two get a good laugh on the later. Oh, also I hope you don’t mind PDA because Kazunari likes to show the world your good times. The conversation would never cease as you lay wrapped in his arms. One arm would be slung around your waist, and the other resting beneath your head. Usually cuddling with Kazunari would be playful, more tickling than actually laying around, but sometimes, like a lull in the storm, he would stop talking, choosing instead to bury his nose deep in the crook of your neck. The room would be cast in silence. As you laid beside him though his mind reeled. You were real. You were beside him, a goddess in a mortal world, and you were with him out of every person in this world. Of course you had faults, but they were what made you, you. “I love you.” He would say, breaking the silence of the room, and causing you to startle. He had to tell you though. For all he knew, you would disappear like the dream you seemed to be, when he opened his eyes again.

➜ ZODIAC COMPATIBILITY ; Kazunari’s birthday is on August 1, which makes him a Leo. Cancer and Leo both have a playful attitude and a desire for an epic, enduring romance. These two are neighbors on the zodiac wheel, and depending on the degree of their sun, they share many of the same cosmic energies. They are fun-loving and creative. Leo likes romantic gestures, and Cancer knows how and when to show sincere affection. Both are strongly loyal, even to the point of possessiveness, Cancer for safety’s sake, Leo for the sake of their self-confidence. They are also both committed to a enduring, rewarding connection. Since their desires are similar, a Cancer and a Leo may fill very important voids in each other’s lives. What’s the best aspect of the Cancer-Leo relationship? Their mutual commitment to a sincere relationship. Together this pair can share a supportive, positive and healthy vibe. People see them as a winning combination, and their mutual desire for a secure, loving relationship makes them strive for harmony.

[weirdochick56]

Mr. Evans II- Chris Evans AU

Teacher!Chris Evans x Student!Reader

Warnings: SMUT. Angst. Infidelity. Forbidden love.

Disclaimers: I don’t condone relationships of this kind, this is for entertainment purposes only.

Word Count: 3, 208 words

Read the Summary here!!

PROLOGUE-

“Oh for fuck’s sake.” Your hands tremble as you stare down at the small card in your hands. 

Your presence is kindly requested at the wedding of Y/f/n Y/f/l/n and Kennedy Capuano

On June 10th-

You inhale sharply, putting it aside with shaky fingers, unable to look at the tacky floral design of the shiny exterior any longer. 

“Your presence is kindly requested at the wedding of Y/f/n-” you cut yourself off with a roughish, humorless scoff-laugh, barely able to keep a lid on your anger. 

“Is he fucking serious right now?” Despite your greatest efforts, your voice trembles with raw outrage and you run your fingers through your hair, licking your lips frustratingly. 

A habit you wished you’d never picked up from your time with him because it reminded you of him every goddamn time you did it and the thing was, you did it anytime you were upset. And thinking of him every time you were upset...it wasn’t helpful. 

“This is bullshit,” you huff under your breath, screwing your eyes shut and pinching the bridge of your nose to keep the onslaught of tears currently prickling the backs of your eyes. “Fucking bullshit.”

You didn’t know what hurt more, the fact that your own goddamn father didn’t have the basic human decency to give this to you himself or the fact that he was getting married at all. 

Everything about it was wrong. The fact that you didn’t even know he had met someone new, most of all. Was a phone call that fucking hard? 

Granted, the last time you had talked things didn’t end too well. 

He’d been endlessly complaining about you leaving and how you were “abandoning him”. When you’d used that (completely rational) “I’m eighteen now and can do as I please” card with him, he’d screamed even louder. So you started screaming back and his screams only got louder from there, so yours did too until eventually, you were just screaming so loud, it blocked out any rationale in your argument. 

You just said fuck it, picked up your stuff, your mom’s journal and left because you were so fucking done honestly. 

You thought you’d be free of everything in that little town if you just picked up and moved. 

But here it was. Here it was. 

This fucking card. This fucking invitation to a wedding you should’ve been a part of from the very fucking beginning but weren’t. As to whose fault that was? Honestly, you gave up trying to figure that out the moment you stepped foot outside of your town. It wasn’t your responsibility to decipher the complex depths of your relationship with your father anymore. And of course, you tried avoiding thinking about him as much as possible.

It was time to look forward, not back. Looking back meant letting yourself sink and you sure as hell were not a goddamn sinker. 

Not anymore, anyways. 

Because when you sunk, your instinct was to claw your way to the surface as hard as you could. You clawed and clawed, hoping you could eventually feel the warmth of the sun on your skin again. 

Hoping, clawing, hoping, clawing...it was a vicious cycle but the truth was, the water was too much, too strong, too overwhelming, too consuming-- it’d swallow you whole inevitably. So no matter how hard you fought, clawed, hoped... it'd gobble you into its dark abyss. 

Eventually, you’d tire out. your muscles would ache with the weight of your hope resting so heavily on your shoulders and you’d give out. The water was infinitely insistent though, it never ceased to tug and each time, it’d get stronger and stronger. 

You decided to stay away from the water altogether. No sense in getting close to something so dangerous. The last time you dipped your toes in...look what it got you.

But now...the water was beckoning, calling you its depths. 

This fucking card. 

*

Margo twirls the card in her fingers, humming pensively. “And you’re not even a little tempted to go?”

“Nope,” your matter-of-fact response is muffled through your mouthful of cereal, as you perch another sock-clad foot on the stool you’re seated on.

Margo, looks at you, deadpanning. “Y/n, he’s your dad,” she starts and you already know where this is going. 

You quickly swallow your mouthful of cereal, shaking your head. “Doesn’t mean I have to go to his wedding with what’s-her-face.”

“Kennedy,” she corrects.

You roll your eyes. “Whatever. Point is, I could care less about his stupid wedding and Kennedy and I sure as hell have no burning desire to go back to that stupid little town.”

“Why?” she blurts suddenly. 

You look up at her incredulously. “What do you mean why?” 

She raises a brow. “No seriously. Why? You keep saying it’s because it didn’t let you reach your full potential but why do I get the feeling there’s more to it than just that?” she peers carefully at your face.

You never could keep anything from her.

Looking down, you pretend to be interested in your fuzzy Christmas-themed socks because you can’t face her right now, petrified that she’s going to pry the truth out of you. That she’ll eventually know the real reason you left. 

So you do what you do best; you deflect. “I was just tired of it. Tired of all the superficial gossip and small-minded people that lived there, you know?” you shrug, looking at her with a small smirk. “And you're going to tell me you don’t agree?”

She sighs, trying (and failing) to conceal a small grin tugging at her lips. “No, I’m not. But- I mean c’mon, Y/n! You seriously don’t want to see your dad get married?”

You think about it, your resolve faltering in the slightest because despite wanting to be selfish like he’s been, despite wanting so badly to be able to say ‘I don’t care’ with all certainty, you can’t. You fucking can’t, because just the thought of your dad possibly being happy--it warmed your heart. 

Because maybe he’s finally found someone that could fill that hole your mother’s death left. And you hated that.

“N-not really,” you hesitate only a little bit, but she notices. Of course she does. Sharp-eyed Margo, always on the hunt for the smallest tell-tale.

Snorting lightly, she takes a sip of her steaming mug of coffee. “Yeah? Well doesn’t sound like it, baby girl.” 

You look at her. “Margo,” you warn in a snarl. 

“Y/n,” she titters, smiling sweetly. 

You huff, as of to say ‘you’re impossible’ before wordlessly taking another spoonful of cereal into your mouth.

Her face flattens out into a serious expression, lips pursing in understanding. “I know you left that stupid little town to leave behind your past, but it’s about time someone told you that that’s pretty much impossible to do.” She waves her finger in your face jokingly. “It’ll always come back~” she sing-songs.

The weight of the truth in her words hit you like a ton of bricks. Still, you swallow harshly and try really hard to keep your composure with a raised brow because you knew she was right and it irked more than you were willing to admit. 

“No? Watch me.” 

You walk over to the kitchen sink, throwing your empty bowl inside to wash later. Just as you go to pull back, Margo ceases your wrist. 

Your eyes jump to hers instantly, brows furrowed. Her face is pulled into a tight expression; concern. 

“I’m worried about you, b. Ever since you left you’ve been weird. I just want to make sure you’re okay.”

You stare into her earnestly worried chocolate orbs for a second before breaking down. With a reassuring smile, you pat her arm. 

“Hey,” you mumble softly. “Don’t worry about me. I’ll figure it out eventually.” You don’t try to act like you’re okay, because you know she can see right through you and it would only hurt her more to see that you weren’t willing to admit even just that.

She looks at you for a second longer, as if debating whether to say anything to you before ultimately deciding not to. She smiles softly. “Okay.”

You hold back the overwhelming urge to let your shoulders sag in relief and go to move away before she stops you again. “And Y/n?”

“Hm?”

“At least promise me you’ll think about it. I know it’s been hard for you, but coming from someone who’s seen what grudges can do to a person firsthand, you might want to at least consider it.” 

You open your mouth to answer hear but are interrupted by a pair of strong, tanned arms grabbing you from behind and picking you up with ease. He twirls you around, hugging you close to his chest. “I fucking missed you.”

You immediately recognize the smooth, masculine voice and the familiarity of it makes you smile.

You yelp, gripping onto his arms for dear life. “Daniel, for fuck’s sake put me down!” 

His arms tighten around you, nearly crushing you to death. “Never!” he declares dramatically. 

Fits of laughter escape you as he puts you down. You clumsily stumble around to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck.

“Why are there two of you?” you slur slightly, dizzy from all the spinning. 

His arms instinctively wrap around your waist as he pecks your nose. “Why are there three of you?”

You both laugh, and he leans down to whisper. “Not that I mind, truthfully.” 

You snort, playfully shoving his face away. “You’re so stupid.” 

He winks, sweeping a long strand of blond hair away from his face. “Only for you, babe.” 

You go to retort something (let’s be truthful; probably as cheesy as him) when Margo interrupts with obnoxious and overly-dramatic gagging sounds. 

You turn to look at her and she sighs, “you guys are too cute. It’s disgusting.” 

Daniel smacks your ass as you walk over to her. You yelp, glaring up at him as he winks at Margo smugly. 

“Don’t hate on us just ‘cause you can’t get any, M,” he sing-songs.

Margo rolls her eyes, picking her keys off the kitchen counter. “I will have you know I get plenty, Addington,” she emphasizes the last name, smirking. 

Margo had picked the nickname the moment she laid eyes on Daniel, a reference to the move Surfer, Dude with Matthew McConaughey.

Because Daniel was, in all respects of life, a typical surfer dude. 

You couldn’t help but snort, using your hand to hide it (very poorly, by the way). 

Daniel turns to you, horrified. “Hey! Aren’t you supposed to be on my side, babe?”

You shrug at him, barely holding back a grin. 

Margo shakes her head at you two, a small smile tugging at her lips. “K, well I’m out bitches. See ya’ tomorrow.” She walks out of the apartment, closing the door behind her. 

“God, I hope not,” Daniel whispers under his breath. 

You immediately smack him on the arm, glaring daggers into him. “Daniel!”

He grunts, rubbing at the sore spot on his arm furiously. “Ow! What the hell, babe!? I was kidding!”

You smile with sickly sweetness, gripping his jaw in your hands firmly. “I sure hope so, because that girl is my best friend and I owe her a whole lot. I better not hear you talking about her like that again.” 

He rolls his eyes playfully, wrapping his arms around your waist and tugging you closer to him. “I fucking love when you get all bossy, you know that? You’re so hot.” 

You can’t help it when a devious smirk slips out. “Is that so?” You whisper, leaning to barely kiss him. Teasing, as you’d come to find out later, was something you enjoyed far too much. It was especially so with Daniel. 

His eyes grow dark and half-hooded with desire and you can already feel his hard-on pressing against your lower half.  

“It is,” he rasps, hands gently kneading at your hips. 

You moan lowly, leaning in to kiss him, slow and heavy. He kissed back immediately, hands wrapping around your ass to lift you up. You wrap your legs around him to steady yourself, hands gripping his strong tan shoulders. 

His hands find their way under your tank top and his fingers lightly trail over your stomach. You shiver under his watchful gaze, trying to get lost in his touch as it sneaks closer and closer to your breast.

“You’re so fucking beautiful,” he breathes huskily against you, kissing your chin, then your jaw before trailing down to your neck where he kisses you roughly. 

You try to make your body feel intoxicated with the mere brush of the pads of his fingers, rough from polishing boards all day, from being in salt water for too long. You try to get dizzy with the mere scent of his hair, which lightly smelt of saltwater and sweet shampoo, you try to get your heart to race with every caress of his hands on you, with every kiss he softly planted on your skin, but-

“Stop,” you rasp breathlessly, shoving him away.

He doesn’t stop though, only continues to kiss your neck. “Why? You smell so fucking good, all I wanna do-”

“Daniel, stop. Seriously.” You shove him again, a little harder this time.

This time he stops, thank God. But he’s clearly pissed. 

“Why?” he insists, this time with more conviction than before.

You purse your lips, rubbing your arm nervously. “I’m just not ready yet,” you mumble sheepishly, feeling kind of bad about leaving him high and dry when he was so clearly, um...excited.

Scoffing, he shakes his head. “Then when will you be ready, huh!? We’ve been together for a whole year now, for chrissake! You always do this to me, dammit. You always tease me and-”

“I know!” you yell. “Fuck, I know, Daniel okay? I don’t do it on fucking purpose, though. And I’m not going to give up my virginity if I’m not completely sure it’s what I want!”

He laughs humorlessly, stepping away from you as if you’ve burnt him. “Are you sure it’s not on purpose?”

Your anger sizzles low in your stomach and you raise your brow challengingly at him. “The hell is that supposed to mean?”

He purses his lips and shakes his head. “Nothing. You know what? Forget it, Y/n.” 

You reach out for him, guilt squeezing at your heart. “Dan-” you mumble softly.

He evades your touch, glaring at you. “I just need some air,” he mumbles, stalking away. 

He walks straight out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him. 

You jump at the sound, sighing tiredly. 

You hated to admit it, but he was right. You’d been together for a little over a year but every time you tried to have sex, you just couldn’t go through with it. 

Something about it just didn’t feel right. 

Daniel was nice enough, tall blonde and hot in that sun-kissed surfer dude kind of way. Plus he was charming and fun. 

And yet...

 And yet- funny phrase isn’t it? It implies that even though everything about someone may be everything you should want, it’s still not what you want. 

He’s virtually perfect and yet, you haven’t been able to fall in love with him. Haven’t been able to feel what he made you feel. Not even a little bit. 

Because fuck, that’s what it all came down to isn’t it? 

Daniel just wasn’t him. His touch was nice, but it wasn’t his. His personality was warm and friendly, but it wasn’t his.

He wasn’t Christopher Robert fucking Evans. 

And you hated yourself for comparing everything Daniel did to him. Detested yourself for thinking that his kiss could never heat your skin the way his did. That his gaze could never have the power over your very being that his did.

You absolutely abhorred yourself for not being able to forget him, not being able to erase his mark on your heart, no matter how hard you’d been fighting against it. How hard you continued to fight against it.

You constantly had to remind yourself that it wasn’t okay to keep holding onto the past. Every day, for the last two years, you’ve had to remind yourself that you chose this. That even if it was what was supposed to happen, you didn’t have a right to want more than you got. That moving on with your life was what was for the best. 

So then why didn’t it feel like it?

You had hope, though. You believed that if you wanted to love Daniel enough, you eventually would. You just needed time. 

More time and you’d be able to get Chris Evans out of your system. Forever.

You sigh again, deciding you weren’t going to think about that anymore. It wasn’t going to get you anywhere, anyway. 

You had no classes today, so you decided to get ahead on your work. Walking over to your couch, you pull out your laptop.

This was Daniel’s parents’ apartment. He was pretty well off as his dad was a software developer for some huge tech company you can’t remember the name of and his mother a successful criminal psychiatrist. 

They got him this apartment a while ago and when you’d started dating, he asked you to move in. Of course, you said no initially, that was insane. You explained this to him, conveying exactly why it’d be a bit too much to move in together after only just getting into a relationship.

But eventually, he'd managed to convince you. I mean, honestly, it wasn’t that hard. A huge apartment you didn’t have to pay a whole bunch of rent for and also get to share with your hot boyfriend wasn’t the worst deal.

You just wish you could love him as much as he loved you. You’d get there eventually, you had no doubt.

You try to work, you really do, but the words are blurring together, interlocking, becoming knotted with each one you tried to type. It was far too tedious to try to focus now and quite pointless too.

Your mind is so clogged with messy thoughts, you decide it’s better for you to go for a jog, let off some steam and come back with a clearer head to reassess. 

You change into your jogging clothes- sports shorts, bra, and a sweatshirt. You tie on your running shoes and tie your hair into a high pony, grabbing your bottle of water on your way out. 

You decide to take on a few laps around your local park, plugging your earbuds in. And because life just hates you like that, of course the first thing that comes up on shuffle is I Hate Myself For Loving You by Joan Jett & The Blackhearts. 

Despite the heaviness the mere initial cords bring to your heart, you don’t skip to the next song and the gritty rawness of Jett’s voice more or less setting the tempo of your jog. Your feet hit the pavement beneath your feet in sync with the beat of the song. 

Something in the lyrics hits a nerve a bit too close to home and you gasp for air, the words puncturing you straight in the heart. 

“I hate myself for loving you Can't break free from the things that you do I wanna walk but I run back to you That's why I hate myself for loving you” 

You run harder, trying to sweat off the heaviness in your chest. Running away from the haunting ache that resonates from deep within you or trying to regain control of yourself, you don’t know for sure. 

You do hardcore sprinting for a few more laps before eventually deciding to slow down to a light jog, rethinking what’d occurred today as you took a sip of your water bottle. 

That invitation jolted something in you, a container you’d spent a long time trying to keep a tight lid on, and popped it open, spilling about your goddam guts.

The past was rushing back to haunt you and now the ball was in your court. Were you going to let it in and have it disturb the present’s peace, or were you going to lock it out and lose the chance at closure?

The real question was; did you even have a choice?

Read Chapter One Here!!

***

Are you excited? Cause I sure as hell AMMMMMMM

A Special Thanks to:

@star-spangled-steve​

@tomoyaevaans​

@pepsicolailovedogs​

@whereeverythingisbetter​

@fallenoutofrose​

@plutonium-m​​

An of course my incredible forevers!

@jessikared97​

@ladyofletters67​

@lilypalmer1987​

@sammykb1994

[evien-stark]

✧I Need You✧ Chapter 173

It was terribly difficult to get a speech written for the press conference coming up in… three hours from now. You’d been lingering over it all morning. Rhodey had gotten the first phone call over it- one of appreciation for his efforts, of course, and to check on his status. And then to ask him if he’d like to make it official. Him agreeing set another feeling of relief in motion. Knowing you had so many good people taking your spots… that made the thought of stepping back easier. It was also terribly funny. The thought of appointing him as the Avengers’ military liaison. When the two of you had met… he’d been doing the same thing for Stark Industries. And round the circle went...

While you and Tony had gotten caught up in thoughts of retirement you knew this was far more likely to be a changing of positions. The Avengers still needed a lot of help, even if it wasn’t physically fighting battles. You still had your own title with the UN, forced on you or not. And after a catastrophe like Sokovia, it wouldn’t look good for anybody if you just walked away. You had to still do PR work for them, and they still needed to be funded. But that was a far cry from early morning phone calls and being on the frontlines of world-ending events. 

...of course, you hoped no more of those would come knocking at earth’s door. But. The probability of them showing up from time to time was higher than them not. And. In the event that the Avengers needed to recall Team Iron… yes. Absolutely. You and Tony would never turn your backs so completely. How could you? That was what had started all of this, after all. Tony’s proclivity to make things right. His need to protect people. Sometimes even from things he’d created himself. 

A knock came on your home-office door, and Tony opened the door, standing half in the room. You looked up from your computer screen. He was already dressed. Smartly. Sharply, as always. Three piece suit. Dark silver slacks and a fitted suit jacket, black waist coat and button up shirt, and a maroon tie. His dark plaid pocket square was a little askew, but you’d have time to fix it before the two of you took the stage downstairs in the press room. 

You must have been staring, because his grin was a little knowing as he put one hand in his pocket and flicked his other arm up to make a show of checking his watch. “Thought I’d see how you were doing. It’s been an hour since you locked yourself in here. But. I can tell I’m distracting you.” 

“Immensely.” Smiling at him. You’d been caught. There was no need to hide your appreciation for just how incredibly handsome he was. “Who dressed you today? They did a fantastic job.” You hung your arm over the back of your computer chair, now putting your roving gaze on full display. 

“I dressed myself, thank you very much.” Hand to his chest for a moment, mocking the highest of offense. “Now- who picked out my suit- I can’t recall-” 

“Someone who has an eye for what you look good in, no doubt.” Grinning then. 

“Mn. She’s pretty good at it by now. Definitely has my unique flare locked down.” She being you. He moved out of the doorway to come closer to your desk, propping himself on the corner.

You made no attempts to hide your roving eyes yet again as you reached up to lightly pluck at one of the top buttons of his jacket. “I’ll have to send her a thank you card. You always look so good.” 

He leaned in as you tilted your head up to meet him, your noses brushing. “I’ll pass the message along.” Sealing the sentiment with a lingering, sweet kiss. A little hum traveling from his lips to yours. This was dangerous, and the two of you could very well end up being late for the press conference. You also ran a high risk of ruining his nicely tailored and finely picked out suit. The thing that was getting the both of you in trouble. When you found the strength to part he threatened it all over again as he wore a small smirk on the edge of his lips. “Oh. Honey. Got a message for you- there seems to be a secret admirer for your talents of fashion-” 

You silenced him with another kiss, one that half missed its mark as it was marred by his chuckling, but you put a stop to that pretty soon. Turning the laughter into some warm and breathy noise, replacing his ever-present sass with a more inherent need. It was hard to shut him up. 

That was yet another one of your unique talents where he was concerned. You were sure he knew. 

                                                               ---

The pair of you were a stylish yet somewhat dour match at the front of the Stark Industries media room. You matched his suit with a fitted, long sleeved houndstooth dress, with thick steel gray trim at the hem. Your pops of dark red came in the form of ruby drop earrings and a heart-shaped necklace you were overly fond of. 

The press had been buzzing for an hour waiting for your arrival. Most of your speech was not drafted, which was dangerous. But you couldn’t linger on it any longer. You had a base. The rest would have to come from somewhere deep inside you. ...just hopefully not too deep. 

“The loss of life that occurred in Sokovia forty-eight hours ago is a devastation unlike anything the earth has seen. And the loss of land is something that had previously been unfathomable.” Statistics came up on your prompter that you read over, trying not to wane while you called out the known casualties. The known injured. Even while the Avengers had tried their best to save lives… it was never a zero sum. Never. 

“The Stark Relief Foundation is on the scene currently, rehousing, rehoming- trying to find a place for every person that lost theirs in that terrible battle. In times like this it’s important to come together. It’s important to see through the fog of war and remember that we are one planet. We need to look out for each other. Take care of each other. That’s why I’m looking forward to discussions with the nations of the globe on a solution for the people of Sokovia. Sokovians didn’t have much, but I know they would have helped if it were anywhere else.” 

It was as important to mention that Stark Industries (and the Avengers by extension) were running clean up. And not so much mention it was clean up of a mess that maybe had been potentially caused by them. It was important to call out the need to come together, and to bring leaders into the narrative, so that they would have to call. So that they would have to do something. Otherwise be labeled as the ones who failed to act during an international crisis. You knew you couldn’t count on anyone’s blind charity. Forcing them was the only option. 

“The Sokovians have faced real horrors. It is going to take a lot of time to heal. While we are glad that the Avengers were there to assist them, I have to make special mention of Colonel James Rhodes. He is a highly decorated officer who has been a valuable asset to several missions as of late- this one especially. It’s why I’m pleased to appoint him our new military liaison. I know with his guidance and with his knowledge, we can build a much needed bridge between the authorities of the world and the Avengers- the Avengers who without fear and without hesitation charge into every catastrophe that calls upon them.” 

This speech might have been better given by someone that wasn’t part of the Avengers. But there was no one else to give it. Even if there was- your team wasn’t one person after all- they didn’t want to. This seemed to always be something that you had to do. And you’d still have to do it. Even when you and Tony announced that you’d be stepping away. ...which wouldn’t be a public affair. That would be a team discussion. And maybe even less of a discussion and more just… telling each individual. When the time was right. Which would be sooner than you were comfortable with. But you had to just do it. Or else you might not ever. 

                                                              ---

The next day, in your brand new office at the brand new Avengers Facility, while you were busy wading through damage reports and expense reports and emails and email reports- ...okay it was getting a little ridiculous. Like it always did after a huge incident- 

There came a hesitant knock at your door. And an even more hesitant man behind it. Clint, in fact. Who put his hands in his pockets and hung his head a little. “Do you have a minute?” 

Already you knew what this was about. This bastard was going to do it before you. Talk about guts. You stopped your keystrokes. “Sure. What’s up?” 

He shut the door behind him, only more confirmation of what was about to happen. And then he came to sit in front of your desk, putting his hands in front of him. Cloudy. Thinking. Thinking about how to- “You know. I rehearsed this a thousand times in my head. It was supposed to be really simple.” His smile was self deprecating. And a little sad. 

Yours suddenly matched. “You’re leaving, huh?” 

“That obvious?” He glanced up at you suddenly but his surprise faded quickly. “-yeah. Guess it would be.” To you, he meant. And meant nothing by it, either. 

“You have kids. And another one on the way. Something I had no idea about. I can’t imagine how Laura does it.” 

“She’s stronger than me, that’s for sure.” 

“I wouldn’t doubt it.” Grinning a little wryly. He seemed to appreciate the humor. “You tell anyone else yet?” 

“Nat knows.” Obviously she did. Nat knew everything about him. They were closer than you’d ever be with either of them. That was fine. “But. I wanted to come to you first.” 

“Why me?” Not that it mattered. But really, you hadn’t considered yourself high on the list of people Clint would tell that he was leaving. At least not the first after Natasha. 

He took a deep breath and let it out in a sigh as his head tilted. “Well… you kinda run things around here.” Part of you wanted to reject this. Wanted to also follow it up with not for long. But that wouldn’t even be true. “And. You look out for us. I know I haven’t said as much but. I really appreciate everything you’ve done for me. And for the team. I don’t think they appreciate it as much. How much you put yourself out there. So we don’t have to.” 

Someone like Clint would be the one to openly admire the benefits that came with something like that. It was true. For someone who hid almost all of his private life. Someone who wanted nothing to do with the fame that came with being a superhero. Someone who just wanted to do what was right- ...and then not get caught holding the aftermath the way you had to- 

His aforementioned appreciation was just that. And it was deep. 

“Tony and I are used to it.” Deflection came as a natural reflex. Out of everyone on your team, you and Tony were the most used to being media darlings. Or being the ones everyone loved to hate. Either way. It was a life you knew.

“Doesn’t mean you had to. Doesn’t mean you had to do any of what you’re doing right now.” 

You felt a little helpless as he looked at you. “Someone had to.” 

“And we’re lucky it was you.” 

You couldn’t recall a time Clint had ever been this candid with you. But, if he really was leaving, maybe this was the best time for it. To get out everything the two of you had never had the chance to. Your smile was small but you couldn’t help it. “Thanks, Clint. Will you at least send me some baby pictures?” 

At this he laughed. “Sure. Why not? Maybe it’ll give Stark some ideas.” 

Your hand came straight up. “Don’t start. Or I’ll rescind my blessing.” 

“I’ll still leave.” He grinned as he stood. 

“But it won’t be as nice as it just was.” You stood after him and offered your hand across the desk. 

He considered it. For almost too long a time. But finally he gave you a shake. And right in the middle of it he gave you a more serious look. “You and Stark consider going down that road yet?” Apparently before Clint left, he needed to be sure of this. 

“We’ve talked about it.” Not so much specifically having kids, but, about having a life. Which you were a few weeks out from attempting. And still not ready to tell anyone. 

“Don’t talk for too long.” He held your hand still then. “Opportunities don’t come often.” 

“No they don’t.” Agreeing with him. It certainly wasn’t now or never. But… That moment was getting awfully close. 

                                                              ---

Over the next handful of days, the Facility really started coming to life. Some of the team had gotten a little more settled in their personal private quarters. Damage Control also had their own host of barracks- which you weren’t sure how you felt about. The Avengers had never been about trying to recreate SHEILD. And the way they marched around campus wasn’t all that convincing that someone wasn’t pulling the strings while you had your back turned but…

You couldn’t control everything. You didn’t want to anymore, in fact. So you had to let that go. It helped to have experienced agents in the field, when you dispatched them. When you needed them. So. ...maybe it was a necessary evil. You tried hard not to think about it. 

Instead you focused on your meeting with legal that afternoon, and promptly afterwards you dropped down to the science labs. Alight with excitement and activity. There was one person you were there to see specifically, and she seemed to be hosting a mini-lecture, talking strongly about things that went right over your head in concerns to her research. You politely waited for her to finish and clear her assistants out, and once she did-

“Helen, can I have a word with you?” You felt a little nervous, but had no inclination to show it. 

That she even still wanted to be here after everything that had happened to her was a miracle. But… you suspected what you were offering- or about to- had a lot to do with it. “We’re running on borrowed time.” 

“Don’t I know it.” Joking. But it seemed to miss its mark. She gave you a polite smile and nothing more. So you quickly moved on. Plopping a hefty folder down, you pushed it her way over the table. “We’re done drawing up the documents to merge Stark Industries and U-GIN. It’s less about us and more about you. We’d like to offer you a permanent position here. As head of bio-organic sciences for the Avengers.” 

She made a play at not being so intrigued. It failed, but she probably had no idea. “Is that so? What are you offering?” 

“Your own labs. Your own funding. Public backing. We just ask that when the Avengers need help you give it.” That was really more what this was about. Her tech had been instrumental in helping the team. In keeping some of them alive even. It was useful. And they needed it. Not everyone was a Super Soldier. 

Opening the folder, she flipped through a few of the pages. She was an extremely smart woman, smarter than you would ever hope to be, but even you knew that telltale glaze of the eyes when faced with legalese. “What about housing?” 

This- ...this you hadn’t considered. “Uh- it’s not in the official documents. But, if you want something here, we’d be happy to accommodate you.” 

As suddenly as she’d opened it, she snapped the folder shut, putting her hand on top of it and looking directly at you. “I’ll be very straight with you. I need stability. If you offer that I’ll stay.” 

Seeing as how you had nothing to lose by doing so, you nodded. “Sure. Tell me what you need.” 

“I don’t want quarters here. I need a house. I have a son and… I’m sure you can imagine that life going back and forth from labs hasn’t been easy on him.” She softened then, and there was a sheen of guilt that ghosted her. Worried she was a bad mother, perhaps. 

“I had no idea.” 

“Not many people do. And I’d like to keep it that way, as well.” 

You almost shrugged. But this was a little bit more important than a casual conversation. This was everything to her. You had money to throw around that no one else on the planet did. Sometimes that slipped by you. Terrible though it was. “Sure. A house. And confidentiality. We can provide all that.” 

Hearing your agreement, and trusting you for that matter, she eased up. Her smile was a little more real. “Alright then. I’ll sign.” 

“Great. Glad to hear it.” The meeting was over. So you thought you probably should leave. She’d hand in the documents to Pepper or somebody else who would then hand them to legal for processing- but- “What’s your son’s name?” 

At this she really did brighten. It was easy to see- she loved her work. She loved being a scientist. But she loved him more. A feeling maybe one day you would know… “Amadeus. He’s twelve.” 

“I bet he takes after you.” 

Now she was grinning. “You have no idea.” 

                                                              ---

Tony had introduced you to your quarters that night. While you weren’t excited at the idea of living there, and clearly neither was he, it was still nice to have a home away from home away from… well, if the two of you could actually get it together enough to make an actual home… maybe that’s why it felt so bad. The penthouse suite of the Tower wasn’t supposed to be your home either. You didn’t want to get too attached to the lofty Facility living space that Tony had put aside for the two of you. And there was always the danger that you would. 

It was why you didn’t want to decorate it too much but it needed a little bit more personality than what he’d given it. Which was fine. Tony wasn’t really a homemaker. He seemed to give you credit where it was due, though, over the next three days around other more important things like meetings and press junkets of goodwill and hope, you did decorate it. Make it more cozy. And the night you decided you were done enough, he actually slept. 

And so did you. 

For a little while, at least. At five in the morning your mind stirred. It would have been so nice to sleep like a normal person. You were getting there. Close. Things were wrapping. You just had a few more personal things to do. But your head was clearer than it had been in a long time, and while the sun was lifting, you decided to go for a run around the campus. It meant leaving Tony asleep alone in that giant bed, but you did stop to admire his deeply sleeping form. Not held by terrors or worries. If only he could be like that all the time. 

The run was nice. Nobody else seemed to be up yet. But as you stopped just outside the living area again after a good five mile tour, breathing hard, hands on your knees, you spied Steve sitting outside on the patio. Alone. Cup of coffee wisping away. This was probably a sign. And no matter how hard this was going to be, it was now or never. 

You rounded the area and came over to the table, he seemed like he was a million miles away until you got close enough. He then looked up and his smile was warm. “Good morning.” 

“Good morning.” Huffed out a little, still gathering yourself up. “Mind if I sit with you?” 

He made a broad gesture with a sweep of his arm. “Please. Sit. You want some coffee?” 

Water would have been better, but while he was offering- “If you don’t mind making me a cup.” 

“Not at all.” Just like that he got up and went back into the kitchen. It left you sitting there, thinking about just how you were going to do this. How you were supposed to. What was the right way to break the news. When he came back he set down not only a cup but a shaker of sugar and a little carton of half and half. “-I don’t know how you take it. I should have asked.” 

“That’s okay. Thanks for making me some.” This was nice but it was also stilted. He probably sensed it. And even after you prepped your cup, the two of you sat in silence that was less than amicable. Finally you decided you just had to rip the bandaid off and get it over with. “So.” 

“So.” He was gazing at you. Just short of intensely. Almost like he was expecting you to talk about something. 

Your smile back was weak at best and brief. A flash and then gone as you looked down into your coffee. “So… uh. Tony and I…” The thought trailed off, not sure what to say even after all that thinking. 

“Are pregnant?” He tried to finish what you were trying to get out. 

And it completely stunned you. Your head whipped up- even stranger still- getting the sense of a small well of hopefulness from him. “No- no.” Denial was quick and easy. “What?” Your head reeled a little further back, almost in offense. “What? No. Why would you say that?” He looked completely caught. Eyes a little wide. Suddenly very, very nervous. “Steve why would you say that?” Your words were quick and clipped. 

He was very close to grimacing. “I- ...I don’t know what to say right now that won’t get me in more trouble.” 

“Do I look pregnant to you?” 

Quickly he shoved his hand out, palm up. “No! You look great! You look- you look how you always look!” 

“Then why would you say that?” You weren’t sure why but you found yourself a little disturbed that he’d just say something like that. 

“I don’t know- you-” He sighed, shoulders dropping from their tense position as he hung his head with a little shake. “I don’t know. You’ve seemed happier, I guess. These past couple of weeks. Despite everything that’s happened. And…” Another long breath pushed out of him and he looked up at you again. “Let’s be honest. You kinda seem like you’re getting your affairs together. At least that’s how it’s felt.” 

Had you made it that obvious? “Oh.” Now you felt terrible. “Yeah I… I guess I have been.” Letting him down finally from that anxious high. A little too soon actually, so you threw a look back at him. “Well I’m not pregnant.” 

“Okay. I won’t make that mistake again.” Grinning, testing the waters. 

Your grin back was not as full. “But. Tony and I… we’ve been thinking of taking some time away.” The way his heart just sank killed you. He tried not to show it. But you felt its quick drop. It propelled you into overcorrection. “Just- just for a little while.”

But he shook his head, and spoke through his sad smile. “Not for a little while.” 

“No. Not for a little while.” Echoing him, unable to look at him then. Guilty. “We want a lot of time. We want-” It sucked, that it hurt saying this. It shouldn’t have. You wanted a life with Tony. Why was that such a terrible thing to say? 

“If anyone deserves it, it’s you and Tony.” He was sure about this. A steady presence after all that initial stumbling. 

“Thanks.” But it all felt hopeless. 

He tipped his head a little. “Are you asking for my blessing?” Joking, just a little. It wasn’t really that funny. This exchange was familiar to both of you now. 

You gave a shrug and then decided to stop meandering, looking down. “I can’t leave unless you’re okay with it. And I don’t want that to back you into a corner- tell me- honestly- if you’re not-” 

“I’m okay with it.” He cut you off with a strength you did not possess right now. And then surprised you again as he set a hand over yours on the table. The way he said your name was strange yet familiar at the same time and you looked up at him. “We’ll be okay.” 

But it was like he’d stuck a knife into you with that. Like he’d actually denied you. It hurt all the same. “Will you?” You asking this seemed to stun him, for some reason. His gaze went a little more than foggy. Distant. Until eventually his eyes left yours. Something tangled inside him, though he was holding back. Knowing exactly who he was sitting with. His guilt poked you like a hot knife. And soon you worried… you worried you weren’t actually going to be able to leave. He didn’t want you to go. But it seemed he was feeling guilty- ashamed, too- of thinking of asking you to stay. Even for a little while longer. “Steve? You can talk to me. About anything. Whatever it is you wanna say. Just say it.” 

Getting his attention back finally he breathed a noise out, dropping his head in a nod. “Look… we’ve been through a lot. And… I’m gonna miss you.” 

“Come on.” Turning your hand over in his, giving him a wiggle. “I have an office upstairs- and a suite. Tony has labs here and projects he’s excited about. You’ll still see me. I’m not disappearing completely. I still have to do press for the Avengers. And do payroll and all that. I’m not leaving here. I’m not abandoning you guys.” 

“Good. I’m glad to hear it. But that’s not what I meant.” 

Steve meant… he’d miss fighting alongside you. He’d miss getting mission statements. Getting debriefings. Hell, even fighting with you about what direction was best. It wasn’t always fun, it was never easy. But… it was the basis for a lot of your relationship. And he would miss having you in that part of his life. 

The two of you were staring at each other. Before you knew it, a few tears had escaped down past the line of your lashes. “Yeah. I’m gonna miss you, too.” 

It was hard to tell who got up first. But the end result was still the same. He’d pulled you into a tight hug. He was letting you go. He was telling you this was okay. It was okay to leave. To start a life. He was letting you know he would take over. Without question. He would do his best. He would lead the Avengers. He would fight the fights. 

...and you’d miss each other. 

                                                              ---

Aside from all the usual work you had to put in after a crisis, nothing happened immediately after your talk with Steve for the next few days. It was why you suspected a storm was on its way. Especially if you kept putting off having a similar talk with the rest of your teammates. The one with Steve had been so emotionally taxing, it had put you off wanting to do it again. 

But the universe perhaps for once was on your side. And it forced your teammates to you instead. All at once. 

You’d just come out of a long meeting hosted at one of the conference rooms in the Facility. Once the air had cleared and everyone had left the area, you double checked your schedule. Clear for the rest of the night. It would be a nice time to reconvene with Tony. See if he’d done any similar talking yet- 

“Lady.” Thor called your attention from down the hall, heavy boots bringing him to you in just a few steps. “I would like to speak with you.” 

For one reason or another, anxiety flared tight in your chest. But you had no good reason not to. Feelings aside. “Sure, Thor. Why don’t we take a walk?” 

“I’d like that.” His smile tried to ease your fears. It missed its mark. Outside in the dying light of the sun the air was muggy and not at all as refreshing as you’d hoped. Still, you stuck your hands into your pockets and waited for him to say whatever it was he had to say. He didn’t take too long. Only waiting until you were far enough out of earshot of the compound. “Before the Vision was born, I visited a holy place called the Water of Sights.” 

Oh. So he was jumping right in. You had little time to react to this new information. “Is that on earth?” Or had he traveled somewhere else? 

“It is everywhere. In every realm. The Water of Sights is inhabited by a people called the Norns. They see what is to come.” 

Even though you really didn’t understand too much about this, you nodded. “That’s where you had your vision, right? About JARVIS- or- err- Vision- and the Infinity Stones?” 

“Yes.” He said this so resolutely it startled you momentarily. But much more so when he stopped walking. You turned, a little in front of him, but still close. His eyes watched yours. Deeply. “I saw you.” 

“Me?” Hand raising to not only gesture at yourself, but to press at your chest just a little. That anxiety was starting to get the better of you. You felt very tight. “Why me?” 

“That is what I would like to find out. In my vision I saw the Infinity Stones. Four of them.” 

“Four? I thought you said there were six?” 

“I saw the four I believe we know of. That we have had contact with, even if brief.” Really, though, what it sounded like was he was pitching you this information in the hopes that you knew something he didn’t. So he could tie it all together.

But not only did you know nothing about this. You also wanted nothing to do with it. You started shaking your head. It was too little too late now, though. You couldn’t deny this. Thor had seen you in a vision about the stones. All you could do was plead ignorant. Lie. ...it didn’t seem right. “My powers- whatever they are- come from a stone.” 

“Are you certain?” 

“Mostly?” Offering this with a raise of both your hands and a tight uptilt of your voice. “I don’t know. We’re still trying to figure it out. Nobody else knows. Tony had been doing some experiments with Bruce- having to do with gamma signatures and… stuff that’s way beyond me. But. They said that’s what they think. And if that’s what they think-” 

“Then the probability that it is correct is very high.” Thor’s gaze went a little foggy as he nodded. “But you know nothing of which stone? Or what happened?” 

You crossed your arms. “No. I’m sorry I can’t help you. When I know more you’re now the first I’ll check in with.” Aside Tony, of course. 

His attention returned fully to you and his smile was sure as he reached out to lay a hand on your shoulder. “I appreciate that, Lady. I mean to leave soon, to travel the realms and find out more about the stones. But. Whatever it meant- you in my vision- I believe it can only mean good things.” 

Your nose wrinkled and reluctance was easy. “Why?” 

“For the same reason that I trust the Vision. He possesses the Mind Stone, and means to do good with it. If you have anything to do with another stone, it will only help us. You are one of the most trustworthy people I know. And I know your heart is good.” 

His optimism was a little hard to take in all at once. You decided to focus on something else, “Wait- I mean- thank you- but… Tony thinks I was experimented on- or that I had some interaction with a stone when I was younger. Kind of like Wanda. And Pietro. But you didn’t see them. I don’t understand.” 

“Nor do I. But I’m hoping my travels will reveal more information.” 

This was an unsatisfactory answer. In fact it wasn’t an answer at all. And really now you felt worse. Thor was putting a lot on you all at once about these stones, not that he was doing it on purpose you were sure. But you really didn’t want anything to do with them. You’d almost mostly decided as long as Tony never brought it up again… maybe you’d just never talk about it. But now Thor was telling you he saw you in a vision- 

“Lady, everything will be alright. You have my word.” 

Your spiraling must have been a little too obvious. You forced a smile. “Sure.” Not really agreeing with or even believing him. “Can I just ask you that we keep this between us?” 

He nodded. “It was why I wanted to speak with you alone.” 

You were undecided if this was better or worse. That Thor’s instinct was to not let anyone else know, too. ...probably worse.                                                               ---

The talk with Thor had left you a little frazzled and worse for wear. Your immediate instinct was to find Tony. So you went back to the compound. And while your heart was already in the suite, your attention was stolen by two fingers on the ground level training floor. You could have easily passed them by, but- moving beyond the catwalk, one of them spotted you. 

And then in the next second Pietro was up there with you. “You’re a hard woman to get a hold of, you know that?” He leaned over the balcony, grinning. 

“Just busy.” Your nerves were too shot for this encounter. But it didn’t seem like you had much of a choice. “How are you feeling?” The least you could do was check in on him. Maybe he was right. Maybe you were extremely unavailable. Little did he know that was about to get worse. 

His head dropped, hands clasped together. “Fine.” Answer short and clipped. The air between you was tense. You thought about excusing yourself. “As far as I can tell, that’s because of you. I’ve asked around. No one seems to know what I’m talking about.” 

You found yourself a little too upset very quickly and you put a hand up to him to get his attention. When he looked at you, “What happened between us? Whatever I did for you? It needs to stay between us. Okay?” 

Turning the other way on the railing, he splayed his arms out, brows knit. “Why?” 

“Because I don’t know what I did.” You were being a little harsh, but you just didn’t have it in you to be gentle right now. Even if he seemed like he needed that. “All I know is you’re alive. That’s what’s important, right?” 

“I shouldn’t be alive.” That careless sarcastic facade reduced to ashes in mere seconds. And… for a moment, behind your eyes, you saw Tony. Collapsing into a chair in the lab. Looking at you with pained eyes. You had to shake yourself free. “I shouldn’t be but…” Pietro continued and you tried to yank yourself out of that memory. He put a hand on his chest. “But I am. And I’m trying to figure out what comes next.” 

Wanda had stopped what she was doing and was now standing just below. Listening in, no doubt. You took a deep breath. “Are you two staying? With the Avengers?” 

He shrugged. “Seems like we are.” 

“Then you need to work really hard. The world is going to be looking at you two. Sokovians who fought in its war. Who now stand for something greater. The media is already trying to take advantage of you for headlines.” 

The roll of his eyes- his carelessness- it bugged the hell out of you. “I don’t care about all that.” 

You got very close to putting your finger right into his chest as you pointed at him. “Well you have to. If you’re going to be part of this team you have to care. You and your sister. And they’ll look after you. They’ll protect you.” 

He seemed annoyed. “Who says we need protecting? We got by on our own. We can again.” 

“The world has seen you. They know you now. You are enhanced individuals. Not only that, but you’re now only under the protection of the Avengers. An American organization. You’re going to have to get your citizenship-” 

Wanda had stepped onto the catwalk. And she was interrupting you. “We are citizens of Sokovia.” 

You were about to flare. Burn them both up to a crisp. You didn’t want to deal with this right now. But a new energy had entered. Where Wanda had joined on the left, you heard pointed footsteps on your right. Tony had appeared. You didn’t know where from or how he knew to come get you. You just knew that you were grateful. He started waving his arm about. “Look. That’s great and all. I get it. The patriotic flare. But Sokovia is gone. And someone needs to take you in.” When he finally came to a stop you were seconds from sagging against him. His loving brush across your back kept you sane in that moment. 

Both of them stood together, almost opposite you and Tony purposefully. Wanda narrowed her eyes. “You cannot ask us to abandon our home.” 

Tony put a hand up. “Not abandon. Nobody said abandon. But, let’s get real here for a second. You’re enhanced. You’re on American soil. You don’t get smart about this, the President is gonna roll up here and make examples out of you. The guy’s been pretty twitchy these days. Don’t count on his mercy. He’s not like us.” 

“Not like you. Yet it sounds like you aren’t giving us another choice. So how are you different? One prison over another.” Wanda really seemed vehement about this. You weren’t sure why. 

So you tried to find some footing on her level. Every attempt was made to keep your tone gentle. “You fought. You understood the notion of helping people. Of righting what went wrong. You saw what the Avengers stood for. You see the work that’s going in now. We are not your enemies. We want what’s best for you. Sokovia is gone. I know nobody is more devastated about that than you two. All we can do now is rebuild. This team wants you as part of their family. Not as prisoners.” 

Pietro touched her hand with his and she seemed to soften. If only a little. He then looked up at the both of you. “If we agree… what does that mean?” 

You and Tony exchanged glances, and he fielded the question. “Nobody’s gonna babysit you. You wanna be here, you put in the time. Really. Citizenship first. I’d expedite but- given you’re the center of a media storm right now- might be good to do it the old fashioned way. It’s gonna take a while, so you gotta get on it. Other than that… show up, when somebody needs you. Fight the good fight. Doesn’t get simpler than that.” 

The two of them looked at each other. You were sure a million words passed between them. When they were finished, Wanda turned back. She seemed a little more subdued. And finally, “We will stay.” 

Tony’s relief that the two of you wouldn’t have to fight them anymore soaked you through. “Great. Glad to hear it.” 

And that was that.                                                               ---

While it would have been nice to just go back to your suite and maybe go to bed or decompress, you found Natasha waiting at your door. Today was really just going to keep going. Maybe that was on you. If you’d only spaced all these little talks out, they wouldn’t have piled together like this. She stopped in the middle of a knock when she heard you approaching, and when she turned you noted the big bottle she had in her hand. “Was wondering where you two were.” Grinning just a little. “Hoping I hadn’t missed you already.” 

Ah. So. That’s what this was about. Tony opened the door first and you went after him, motioning for her to come in. “You know, huh?” 

Her laugh was short. “These guys aren’t the best at keeping secrets. Honestly, my feelings are just hurt because you didn’t tell me first. Out of everyone here, I’ve known you both the longest.” She seemed like she was in a fantastic mood, but some of that was a little bit fake. 

She wanted something to do. Something to focus on. Bruce was gone. They’d been getting close. It wasn’t easy for anyone, but you expected she was having a tough time with it, too. You pulled a couple wine glasses out of the cabinet in the kitchen. “Well the only one I told was Steve. So unless Tony has been blabbing all over campus…” Turning back to look at the two of them, Tony looked guilty and Nat looked amused. “Ah. I see.” Turning away again. 

Tony started fumbling. “Some things just slip out.” 

Natasha wedged the cork out of the bottle as you came over and set glasses down. “Sure. Exciting times, it’s understandable.” You poured a fair amount into three glasses- she’d picked a rather expensive red wine. Always classy, that Natasha. “You gonna miss it?” 

You sat down opposite the two of them at the kitchen island. “Like I told Steve- we’ll still be here, you know? You know that more than anyone. Someone’s gotta do paperwork for the Avengers.” 

Tony sipped heavily at his glass and then shook his head. “Mn. Not me. You people don’t pay me enough.” 

Nat laughed a little. “You pay us.” 

“Don’t I know it.” He sipped even more. Exaggerated, putting on a show for the humor of it all. 

You shook your head. “You don’t know it, actually.” Caught, he hid a smile behind another sip. 

Once the mirth died down, Natasha looked at Tony first and then you. “So. What’s the plan? House in the hills? Big extravagant wedding? Kids? White picket fence?” 

Tony made a face. “I think you’re thinking of someone else.” 

Instead of letting them pick on Steve, you spoke up quickly. “We don’t know yet. We just… know that it’s time.” 

Nat smiled again. “Yeah. That’s more than fair, I think.” She was incredibly sad, but hiding it well. 

It was kind of getting to you, though. You didn’t want her to be sad. Not over the two of you- and not over Bruce, either. But you could only alleviate one of those things. “Really. You’ll probably see us all the time.” 

Tony seemed offended by the notion. “Well- not all the time-” Almost like he was realizing you two had a different perception of what starting a life looked like. But one look at him and he seemed to smarten up. Because he cast a sideways glance at Nat next. And- then- yes it clicked. “But. You know. Often enough.” 

Nat also seemed to get it and grinned. “You guys don’t feel bad for me, do you?” 

You put your chin in your palm. “No. Not at all.” Then you took a slow slip of your wine. “What’s your retirement plan look like?” 

At this she really did laugh. Something genuine. “Retirement? I don’t think so.” 

Tony leaned in on her side. “Why not? If we can do it, anyone can, I think.” 

Nat lifted a brow to him. “The question is can you do it?” Perhaps a little disbelieving. Which was valid. You and Tony were workaholics, after all… 

“Won’t know until we try.” You lifted your glass. “How about a toast. To trying.” 

Not a toast for goodbyes, which was why you guessed she’d brought the wine in the first place. She softened, looking at you. Then she lifted her glass. “To trying.” 

The soft clink of all three of your glasses made a nest in your memories. It kind of felt like the end cap you’d been looking for this entire time. A small moment, but by no means insignificant. 

And then, after a long sip, you broke the quietness. Feeling better now enough to joke. “Do you know when I tried to tell Steve, he asked if I was pregnant?” 

Tony looked shocked, Nat did too- but in an extremely tickled way that led to her stifled laughter. “No he did not. Tell me he didn’t.” 

“He did.” 

A little gossiping never hurt anyone. 

                                                              ---

It was the day before Tony’s birthday. May 28th. You knew because you had been counting it all down. Almost down to the minute in the last week. The two of you had gone back to the city, finding it easier to do pressers and meetings closer to that homebase, rather than keep going to and from the Facility. The early morning meeting that day had been that the ribbon cutting of the Facility was finalized. The Avengers had a new home. New teammates that they were excited to introduce to the public they so lovingly served over the next few months. And when asked where the Facility was… well. That was private. The Avengers deserved privacy, too, after all. 

May 28th was also the day you and Tony were officially stepping away. Everyone knew at that point. It was no longer a secret. It was out there. It was real. And you couldn’t wait to start. 

The drive back up from the city to the Facility was a couple of hours. Tony drove a little faster than he should have, more excited than you, in fact, to close everything out. He’d only been asking for this very thing for the last few years. You couldn’t hold it against him. His hand had found yours as soon as the two of you had gotten in the car- maybe a little bit before that, showing off for the media. 

And still the two of you were clutching to each other as you stepped out onto the Facility grounds that afternoon. After approaching the main compound you cast a look up his way. “You’re sure you’re ready to do this?” Grinning just a little. 

His own wide smile was very telling. “Me? Yeah. More than. What about you? It’s gettin’ a little late to turn back.” 

“Guess I’ll just have to go with it then, won’t I?” You were teasing, but saying this seemed to make him just a little unsure. Something you quickly eased away as you put a hand to his chest, leaning up on tiptoe to press a light kiss to his lips. He melted. Immediately. And you sensed he was seconds away from telling you to get back in the car and just send a note saying goodbye. When you tried to break, he followed you, so much so that you had to actually put a finger to his lips. “We still have to make some rounds.” 

“Mn.” Mumbling against your skin. “How many?” Whatever number you gave him it was going to be too high. 

A presence standing a few feet back from you caught your attention, and you half turned to see JARVIS standing there. Waiting. As if you two had a scheduled appointment. Tony’s gaze followed and then when he looked back at you, a small touch of understanding passed between the both of you. To ease him, you gave him just one more small kiss. And then, “I’ll meet you when I’m finished. I know Thor’s leaving, too. We’ll all say goodbye at the same time.” 

He just nodded. “Don’t be late.” His hands went into his pockets, and even as you turned and walked away, you felt him watching after you. 

JARVIS tilted his head upon your approach, his eyes glancing briefly at Tony. But when you got near enough he put his full attention on you. “It seems the time has come. You and Tony are leaving.” 

The past few weeks it had turned from an open secret to people actually knowing. Yet somehow still it was strange. To just have it out there. “Is that okay with you?” 

“With me?” It was a rare treat, to see JARVIS surprised about anything- whether in this body or as a disembodied voice watching over your lives. “What have I to do with it?” 

“Everything.” You smiled up at him. “You’ve looked after Tony and I for so long. And I know everything is still fresh and new. It’s going to be… strange. Not having you around. Having you here.” 

His expression grew contemplative and eventually he nodded. “Yes, I agree. But. I feel there is something enjoyable to new beginnings.” Rolling off him there was just the faintest sense of blue. He didn’t want you to go. But he wouldn’t say as much. He even threw his chances at doing so away when he gave you a little smile. “You two have talked about this for quite some time. Far longer than this. You deserve it.” 

Your shoulders came up in a pronounced shrug. “I don’t know about deserve-”

“I do.” His hand came out, fingers gentle as he touched over your arm. You stood very still. Just watching him. “For everything you and Tony have been through. Everything you have seen. Everything you have endured… and everything yet to come… enjoy this. Please. You’ve more than earned it.” His words were busy seeping deep into you- and it took you a little too long to answer. So he grasped you just a little tighter, “I will be alright.” 

That was the root of the issue. He knew it. He knew that’s what you were really worried about. You didn’t want to abandon him. This was all so new for him. And now you and Tony were leaving, too. “Promise?” It was almost sort of selfish, asking this of him. 

His smile then was one of admiration. And no less of love. “I promise.” 

You made the first move, reaching up to wrap your arms around him. Squeezing him tight. It was strangely rewarding. When he hugged you back just as hard. 

                                                              ---

It took you a little while searching the compounds, but you found your three favorite confidants roaming the eastern outer wing, shoulder-to-shoulder-to-shoulder with each other. Though they would have met you coming up the other way, you were alight with sudden nervous energy. It was starting to feel like now or never. As Thor, Tony, and Steve approached, you smiled at them. “You boys having a rousing discussion about something important?” 

Tony reached his hand out, putting it on your shoulder. “Terribly. I need your opinion. Vision. He’s not- he’s not human, right?” 

This blindsided you. “Uh- I guess- technically- no? Why?” 

Steve snapped with a point afterwards at Thor. “Ahah. See? It doesn’t count.” You were worried what you’d agreed to. They were all in a fantastic mood it seemed. 

Tony shook his head, putting his arm around you. “No. It’s not a person lifting the hammer.” 

“Right. It’s different rules for us.” 

Oh. ...were they serious? You nudged Tony just a little. “What’s the matter? Egos bruised a little?” You cast a look up Thor’s way although he was extremely amused. Clearly not upset by the talk at hand. “You gonna let them go on like this?” 

“It’s alright, Lady. As I’ve already said. If he can wield the hammer, he can keep the Mind Stone.” -ah, that was a little bit of a different discussion than the men worrying about who was more worthy. “It’s safe with the Vision. And these days safe is in short supply.” 

The four of you took up walking down the rest of the hall. You couldn’t help yourself. “Don’t say that. Please. Or else we’ll be here a few more weeks.” 

Tony raised his free hand in a sweeping wave. “Absolutely not. We’re safe. He said it. No takesy-backseys.” 

Steve spoke from your other side. “Let me just say this- if you put the hammer in an elevator…” 

A sharp and quick chuckle came from Tony. “Elevator would still go up. We can test that theory.” 

You shook your head, feigning exasperation. “You two really aren’t gonna let this go, huh?” 

Looking over at you Steve raised both his brows, “Now- see- the elevator isn’t worthy. That’s my point. But it’ll still go up.” 

There was another stinging edge you wanted to put in- men and their egos- but Thor’s laughter stopped you. He reached out, laying one of those heavy hands on Tony’s shoulder, giving him a small shake. “You know, I’m going to miss these talks of ours.” 

Tony grinned at him. “Not if you don’t leave.” 

Raising a finger, you had to ask, “Doesn’t Asgard have better communication tech? We need to have cellphones. Hell. Even pagers would be better than no contact.” 

After a slow blink, Thor asked, “What is a pager?” Steve seemed equally interested. 

Tony rolled his eyes. “Please. Let’s not step back. I can figure interstellar communication tech out. Give me a month.” A month of working. Of Thor staying here. And… the two of you not actually leaving to go on your own, too.

Something Thor understood very quickly. “Ah. Lady would not be too pleased with that, I fear. You will have to figure it out on your own time.” Your smile was gratitude enough, and the three of you followed him as he finally exited the hall to go onto the lawn. “The Mind Stone is the fourth of the Infinity Stones to show up in the last few years. That’s not a coincidence. Someone has been playing an intricate game and has made pawns of us. But once all the pieces are in position…” 

This was… this was not how you wanted a send off to go. He was speaking so darkly. Surmising about the future. And it didn’t sound great. Tony offered his usual sassy levity. “Triple Yahtzee?” 

The mood had turned. Steve put his hands on his belt. “You think you can find out what’s coming?” This was work. It was duty. 

Thor nodded. “I do.” But he eased the mood by breaking with a smile. Lifting his hand, he gave Tony a small pat to the chest. “Besides this one? There’s nothing that can’t be explained.” He stepped further back and the intent was clear. While he gave the group a nod, you raised your hand in a small wave. And while he lifted his hammer towards the sky- you got lucky. And he offered you a small wave in return. 

Right before he summoned that ridiculous rainbow lighting. And disappeared in the next flash. Leaving behind a burned patterned ring in your freshly laid and cut grass. 

Tony’s annoyance hit the mark first. “That man has no regard for lawn maintenance.” 

You just sighed. “I’ll send him a bill when he’s here next time.” 

“Yeah. And he’ll pay it with money we give him. Paying ourselves. What a scheme.” Reaching into his pocket he pulled his keys free with a little jangle, and then once he had his fob in hand, he called his car over. “I will miss him, though.”

“Me, too.” Echoing the sentiment easily. Thor often came and went whenever it suited him. But that didn't mean you liked him any less, or were any less attached. 

That fancy sports car made its way down the drive, and you and Tony went over to it. Steve followed at a lingering distance. The two of you looked at him, and Tony smiled. “Don’t tell me. You have the big we’ll miss you card that I’ve been asking for. I’m impressed. Where’ve you been hiding it?” 

Affectionately you rolled your eyes. “Oh please say you do. I don’t want to hear him whining about it.” 

Steve’s smile was soft. Something bittersweet. “I will miss the both of you. Even if I didn’t bring a card.”

The quipping mood seemed to die rather quick, and Tony nodded slowly. “Yeah. Well. ...it’s time for us to tap out. Barton’s kinda making us look bad. And…” He didn’t know how to say it exactly. Maybe it was his present audience. Tony had never had trouble explaining his desires about this to you. 

You twined your fingers with his, but kept your eyes on Steve. “We want a life.” Saying it just the way it was. As plainly as could be. You felt Tony looking at you, so you glanced up at him. “Together.” His smile then wrapped a warmth around you. 

Steve interrupted your gazing. “Hopefully a simple one.” 

Tony looked back at him. “You’ll get there one day.” 

You couldn’t help your grin. “Sharon’s welcome to come by any time, you know. Have you talked to her lately?” 

And this seemed to ruin his mood completely. He gave a heavy shrug and looked away. “She hasn’t answered my calls in weeks.” You wanted to offer maybe she’s just busy- you didn’t want this to be the thing that made him give up. But he kept talking. “I don’t know anymore. Family… stability…” He looked up at you and Tony again. “The guy who wanted all that went in the ice seventy-five years ago. I think someone else came out.” 

This broke your heart. Completely. To hear him say this. Yet despite the way he was talking, there was the burgeoning hopefulness welling up inside him. Maybe Tony had been right. Maybe this was the life Steve wanted. He seemed to be leaning that way, too. With a little nudge, Tony got you around the other side of the car, and he opened the door for you. Though before you moved to sit, the two of you looked at Steve one last time. Tony was the one to ask. “You alright?” 

Steve just smiled at the both of you. “Yeah. I’m home.” 

                                                              ---

The drive away was quiet. This wasn’t forever. You still worked for the Avengers. And like you’d told everyone else that you’d said it to, the both of you would still be around. Maybe not immediately, though. You thought perhaps a vacation was in order. A true celebration to kicking off this strange idea that the two of you could be on your own. Live a life. 

Your hand reached over to take his. Almost a little possessively. Tony Stark was yours. For now… for now the earth needed to back off. Stop laying claim to his genius. His efforts. His heroism. You wanted him. You needed him. 

You wanted to be with him. And finally… finally just live. 

His smile caught you sideways, and you felt like you might melt right onto the floor. He was clearly thinking the same thing as you, with a look like that. So warm and intense. So full of that deep love. You had to put a stop to it. Or you might have to pull over. “What do you wanna do for your birthday?” 

Tomorrow. Tomorrow was his birthday. He could do anything now. He was free. What did Tony Stark want to do? 

“Let’s find a house.” 

At this point you’d started smiling so hard it hurt. “A house, huh?” 

“Plot of land. House. Whatever. I want the present I’ve been asking for for years. As long as you’re ready to give it to me.” 

Shifting over you laid your lips on his cheek, felt the stretch there as his smile got the better of him. Your murmur was careful, but sweet. “I’m ready.” 

[atlas-of-a-human-soul]

The wrong girl (E.D.)

Summary: A year ago, Ethan made the wrong choice and he’s trying to rectify it.

Warnings: ANGST, swearing

The Wrong Girl - Masterlist

Ethan knew he has made a mistake. It had become abundantly clear that all he chased after was nothing short but a mistake when all the good he could have had was right before him all along.

Except, he took too long to realize the mistake he's made and he gambled away the one woman he should have cherished.

In desperate need to clear his head, he left town and traveled to New Jersey, seeking advice from the only two women he could trust in his life at the moment, leaving Grayson behind to hold down the fort.

"What did you do? Exactly?" Cameron asked, her right eye narrowing ever so slightly at her brother, clearly disappointed in him.

"I chose the wrong girl. What more do you need to know?" His voice is deep and gruff, dripping with sarcasm - his only defense mechanism.

It's hard enough to think about it, let alone talk about it and he definitely didn't want to explain how he broke his best friend's heart by choosing a girl who ended up playing his heart to its last beat. It's not even that he's hurt by what happened, because his now ex girlfriend had clearly betrayed his trust and showed him she was as real as Pamela Anderson's boobs, but hurting Y/N, the one who stood by him through everything...that's what made him hurt the most.

"How about if Y/N even likes you? Has she said anything or done anything about the fact you chose the other girl at all?" Cameron said with a 'duh' tone, watching her mother frown at her behind Ethan's back, silently ordering her to behave and be more mindful of her brother's feelings.

Ethan closed his eyes, sighing heavily and deeply, placing a cold hand over his chest as memories flooded him.

"Ethan, stop. Please, wait!" Y/N curled her fingers around Ethan's left wrist, unable to connect her fingertips as her fingers are much smaller than needed.

Ethan turned toward her reluctantly, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, wondering what he could say or do to get out of this mess. He had never once thought he and Y/N were a possibility, let alone that he'd find her teary eyed in his bedroom minutes before he was supposed to travel with Grayson and a few friends to a secluded cabin for 4th of July. Usually Y/N would have been invited, but the place could really only house five people and that included Bryant, Gray and his girl, himself and the girl he decided to make his that night.

"What? I don't understand why you're making such a big deal out of this! We couldn't bring you along for reasons we already told you and you said you had somewhere to be anyways." Ethan snapped at her, ripping his hand out her reach and his eyebrows knit together as he realized how harsh he's being. But he can hear the car horn outside and he knows if he gets the girl he wants in a bad mood, he'll never get into her pants and he really couldn't afford that to happen. Not when he had a whole pack of condoms in his bag and all he wanted was to relieve the tension the new girl caused.

"I said that because I didn't know you're planning on fucking her tonight! God, Ethan, did you ever even think about me? About how I'd feel?!" She barely spoke, her throat tight it barely produced enough air for her to let out what's sitting on her chest.

All the time she's known Ethan Dolan, Y/N was always his go-to girl for any problem he's had and she always came running because he needed her. She cared for him as more than a friend and she never lied to herself about it. Not once. She wanted more and after some soul-searching she even wrote him a letter about it.

The very letter that sat unopened on his desk right behind her shaky figure that she just wanted him to read.

"What about you? It's one trip, okay? We'll bring you for the next one." Ethan softens, unable to understand why she's making such a big deal out of this, partially feeling guilty because he knows she should be going with them as she goes above and beyond for him and she’s his best friend right after Grayson, but then he remembers that girl's ass and he just wants to go already.

"It's not about the fucking trip!" Y/N shouted, covering her lips immediately after, struggling to hold herself together and keep some pride.

"Then what is it about?" Speaking gently, Ethan couldn't say he didn't felt his heart drop at the way her lips quivered and her head turned away from him to hide the vulnerability she rarely showed anyone. She never cried in the past two years he's known her, ringing all his senses and blaring all his alarms that something isn't right.

"Whatever. Go. Enjoy. I'm leaving too." She pushed past him, walking so fast he could barely keep up.

However, once she walked out and got into her car, locking the door so he couldn't stop her from leaving, she truly decided to cut ties.

Ethan didn't know though, repeatedly knocking on her window asking her to open the door and talk to him even before ‘his precious girl’ that whined about how hot it is and how they should have left an hour ago.

"Just open the fucking door and talk to me!"

She drove away, still hearing him calling her name, not stopping for him to break her any longer.

"I didn't see her much after that. She pretty much disappeared on me and the letter she sent me. The fucking letter had her confession about how she loved me and I didn't even find it for the next ten months because it fell behind my desk and Grayson ended up finding it when he pranked me when he glued everything to the ceiling." Ethan finished, rubbing his forehead in frustration.

"But you stayed with miss fake ass for almost a year." Cameron groaned, shaking her head at him.

"What your sister is trying to say so delicately is that she doesn't understand why you didn't end it." Lisa smiled kindly, putting a comforting hand on her son's shoulder.

"Because she was confident, beautiful, funny and she was from the same industry so she understood me. I didn't realize she was using me this whole time. But I did end things the same night I read the letter. And two times after that because she convinced me to reconcile. And Y/N was already dating someone when I finally found the damn letter." Ethan leaned forth, putting his head down on the table as he continued, his voice now muffled.

"I never thought she'd ever like me like that and then I meet someone new and then I lose her. She avoided me, rarely ever hung out and I should have known something was up and I should have paid more attention, but like I said, I messed up and now that I got my head out of my ass I find her on a date with Jack Gilinsky and he's the one making her laugh now and I just want some clarity on what to do." Lifting his head just enough to look at his mom, eyes filled with tears as his heart constricts painfully.

"What the fuck do I do when the best person for me is the same person I could have had and I missed my chance? Mom, tell me what to do." Crying, Ethan nested his head into his mother's lap, feeling like a little boy lost in life as he is finally aware what he had done.

"Why don't you talk to her? Explain everything and pray she decides to take a chance on you?" Cameron suggests, seemingly unbothered by her brother's tears, slightly pissed at him for his lust clouded thinking.

"And what? She'll dump a great guy for the one who left her crying on 4th of July for the new girl?" Ethan sassed back, wiping his tears furiously as he bit his lower lip.

"Or do nothing. Seems it's your strong suit." Shrugging, Cameron walks away, hoping her brother finally does right by Y/N.

"She's just angry you thought with your other head." Lisa reassures, making Ethan groan in disgust as he sits up with a grimace.

"Lisa, don't!" He uses her name instead of mom, making her chuckle.

"I used to bathe you. I get to tall about your junk!" She states, making him groan even louder as he hides his face in his hands.

"But she's also right. When you go home, call her. Talk to her. Just be honest even if it hurts."

Nodding, Ethan agreed to try.

However, the very next day, Ethan waited for the driver to pick him up and drive him home from the airport and he found talking to Y/N would be rather difficult considering she stood before him.

And she wasn't alone.

"Heeey." He greeted her awkwardly, glancing at her companion with fake enthusiasm.

"Hey, E. Uh, you know Jack, right?" She smiled sweetly, her eyes lightened up as she looked toward Jack just as they used to when she looked at Ethan.

"Yeah. Yeah. What are you guys doing here?" Ethan was way too chipper, Y/N could tell. He was watching them closely, hoping for any signs of trouble in paradise. And he felt like a selfish fuck for thinking that.

"Going to take this beauty back home to meet the fam!" Jack states, placing an arm around Y/N quickly, pulling her into his side as he plants his lips on her temple for an affectionate kiss, overly enthusiastic just as Ethan is.

He saw her smile, but the action seemed forced, almost like she was embarrassed by the sudden public display of affection.

"Oh! That's...that's, uh, great!" Ethan searched for right words to say, coming up short every time he opens his mouth.

The amount of testosterone in the air was almost unbearable.

Thankfully, Jack excused himself, running off to check their flight information, leaving Y/N alone with her past heartbreak.

"He's not right for you." Ethan speaks faster than he thinks, but he couldn't make himself feel guilty about it. He meant what he said, even if he had no right to say it.

"You don't get to say that to me. Not anymore." Y/N's face fell as she contemplated what is happening, feeling her old feelings of rejection resurface.

"I know. But I was...I actually wanted to find you right after I left my suitcase at home. I found your letter a few months back and when I read it I realized I needed to break up with her. Took some time for it to stick, but I knew she wasn’t the right girl for me." Ethan didn't hold back, running a hand through his hair nervously because he had a rare chance to tell her what he needed to say because he didn't think he'd ever be brave enough again.

"That letter was sent over a year ago." Y/N states.

"My situation has changed." She adds, wrapping her arms around herself self consciously, averting her gaze to the side instead of him.

"I'm aware. But I want to say that I...I really fucked up and somewhere deep inside I knew it all along, I just didn't...I didn't know I had a chance with you and the moment I read the letter I ended things with her because you're the only one I want. You're the only girl I ever met that could ever be my endgame and if you need time to heal your heart from the hurt I caused...to find yourself, I will wait. I will wait because I fucking love everything about you and I am the biggest idiot in the world for not seeing it before." Stepping closer toward her, being bolder than he thought he could be, Ethan placed a hand on her right cheek lightly, letting it mold to her skin softly.

"You could be waiting forever, because Jack makes me happy. I actually like him." She warns, looking up at him with those big doe eyes he loved so much, finally seeing his reflection in them again after a year of missing them. Of missing her.

"Maybe. But the fact you're saying you like him and not love him gives me faith I will win your heart again." Ethan smiles despite the pain, watching her place a hand over the one he put on her cheek, letting her slide it down her face and fall by his side as she released it.

"Time to go, honey!" Jack calls, interrupting their moment and Y/N plastered a smile back on her face as she nodded.

"Goodbye Ethan." She managed to say as she passed him by, almost like a whisper in the wind as she left him behind.

He struggled to smile as he watched her wall away, hoping that's not a view he will have get used to. After all, he deserved pain, he just didn't know how much he could bear.

Tags: @accalialionheart @fallinginlove-16 @xalayx @heyits-claire @dolandolll @godlydolans @dolanstwintuesday @ethanhes

[imagine-loki]

Pride and Prejudice

TITLE: Pride and Prejudice CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 25 AUTHOR: wolfpawn

ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Loki was raised on Jotunheim as Laufey’s son after the war, but an agreement was then made that he would wed Odin’s daughter so Odin could secure the alliance of Jotunheim through the marriage. Loki, in turn, was raised to be king of Jotunheim, but how he views Asgard is far different from how Odin’s daughter is raised leading to a clash of cultures as well as uncertainty between the pair of betrothed youths.     RATING: Mature   NOTES/WARNINGS: Forced Marriage, not all fun and games. My first real step back into the Loki scene in over a year.

Tags - @skulliebythesea @asimovethroughthisworld @blackcherry26-blog @we-shadowhunter2901

Loki could not focus on everything that was being said after that. All he could focus on was the new information that Thor was a Berserker. At that moment, he realised that more than ever, alliances or simply not being against Asgard was all that mattered. He thought there would be a way to overcome Thor in a battle before on the basis of his frenzied approach, the fact the Aesir seemed to be without tact when fighting, a Berserker was not something you could factor for. They were something different entirely. They were not without thought, they simply were able to do so much more than others, they were without fatigue. While the Jotnar would naturally tire, Thor would feel as though a five-hour battle was merely warming up.  He was never more grateful for his father’s changing demeanour from the battle king before to the more pacifist nature now than at that moment. He recalled his father forcing him away from his plan to fight against Odin’s decision to end the alliance after everything with Ella. he did not know if his father was privy to Thor’s true nature and had said nothing or if it was good self-preservation that stopped Laufey from allowing him to go ahead with his foolhardy plan, but at that moment he was grateful for it.

When he felt a hand on his arm, he knew by its temperature that it was Ella, looking at her, still slightly startled, he noted concern in her eyes. With a small nod of his head, he looked to see Thor looked at him in confusion and the others with similar looks on their faces before the blonde Aesir and his allies turned and left, leaving the Jotnar and Ella by themselves.

“Arden, could you please alert the others to what we have just learned so we all are aware of the situation?”

“Of course, Princess.”

“Helbindi, I don’t have any request or right to tell you what you wish to do with your time, I merely ask you not allow yourself to be isolated by Nigel, for your own well being.” Ella smiled. “Loki and I will return to our rooms to discuss matters more, if you have no need of him at present.”

Helbindi looked at his brother for a moment while Loki gave a single nod in return. “If you need me, Brother.”

“Thank you, ‘Bind.”

Helbindi left, Ella and Loki watching him as he did. “We need to speak in private.” Loki looked over at her. “You seem to be missing some key information.”

They returned to their rooms in silence, not giving too much attention to any on their journey. When they arrived, Loki sat against a desk while Ella locked the door, specifically ensuring none could hear their interactions with a spell as she did. “You never knew?”

“Of what?”

“Thor. Is that why you thought you could fight all of this?” She asked curiously.

“Berserkers are not real. A myth.” He dismissed, not believing his own words

“In battle, my brother’s eyes glaze over, they are akin to some wild beast, he does not speak, only roars, nothing he sounds makes any recognisable words and none can get him to see sense. It is terrifying to witness. I tried with my seidr to assist once, to settle him, but his mind is blank of anything but the fight at those times. I can assure you, if there were myths before, there is none with regards to my brother. He is without reason and somehow, his strength increases ten-fold at such times. It is why my father must balance the line of coming down hard on him and understanding my brother is trying very hard to control it. The time I put into my seidr as I grew up, he has had to invest in controlling a part of his very self too, just not as I do.” She explained. “I would have thought you had known this, I apologise for shocking you with it.”

“Is it hereditary?” Loki did not know why he asked. There were, of yet, no concerns of Ella being with child, in the months since her illness, they had not even considered such things and she would be showing by now if she had conceived before her illness but that did not stop the worries for the future.

“No one knows. My parents tried to find out, but they could not find any history of it in the family. We simply do not know. There is little reason to suggest any child I would give you would have such traits. Berserkers are sometimes believed to be made more than they are born.”

Loki could not contest her words, he did not know anything on the subject matter to say otherwise. He could only worry privately on the matter until such time as he could discuss it with someone more knowledgeable than himself on the matter. It concerned him if there could be a genetic link. He felt angered if such had been kept from him willfully. Looking at Ella’s features, it was clear she had no intention of lying to him. “Why are you so honest?”

“This marriage has little else going for it, honesty is one of the cornerstones of a good marriage, if we can get that much right, maybe we stand a chance.”

“Most would not share your point of view.”

“Most are idiots out for personal gain, everything you do, everything I do, is for the betterment of those who must depend on our decisions. If we bicker amongst us, how can you tend to your people to the best of your ability? By preventing there from being many issues with me to toy with your mind and time so you can use it better elsewhere.”

Again, as with so many times, Loki found himself startled by her answer. He said nothing in response. There was little to say to her words. She did everything she did for Jotunheim, as she always did. When he walked to the balcony doors, they glowed green for a moment, then opened as she broke their seal that allowed them privacy and said nothing more as she went to read something rather than concern herself with Loki’s thoughts as he went to the balcony.

*

“What in the realms?”

Worried, Ella rushed to where Loki had been for the past half an hour on the balcony. He was standing close to it, looking over the gardens of the palace. “Is everything alright?” She asked, looking at his appalled face.

“That man is trying to eat that woman.” He indicated to the gardens below, causing Ella’s attention to be brought there. She scanned them to see if there had been such a happening taking place but only saw two youths, not much younger than herself kissing in the small maze that was being grown. She looked again to where Loki was pointing and realised he was referencing the pair. On her figuring out what he referenced as ‘eating’ she laughed slightly. “What is so funny?” Loki demanded indignantly.

“Your interpretation of their actions. I never realised you did not know what kissing was. Do you not have that on Jotunheim?”

“Kissing?”

“How did I never notice?” She admonished her lack of noting such. “Kissing, yes. Kissing is the act of pressing one’s lips to a partner’s as a sign of affection, or if done differently, as a form of greeting.” He looked at her blankly. Ella took a moment to think. “Do you recall last night, how some people pressed their cheek to another’s and made odd noises?” He nodded, having taken note of the peculiar ritual. “That is a kiss too. It’s an affectionate greeting.”

“You are joking?”

“Why would I?”

“Show me.”

“What?”

“Show me how they do it, please.” He recalled his manners after everything.

Ella turned to face him fully and leant up and kissed his cheek. Pulling back after, she studied his face.

“That is a terribly odd thing to do.”

That only caused her to laugh. “I suppose when you never knew of it before now, it would be. There is also another greeting, done by a man to a woman. He takes her hand.” Loki took hers. “No, you lift it like this.” She showed him how to place his under hers. “And you raise it to your lips and gently press them to the back of it. It is not as common these days, but some people love that manner of greeting if they are old fashioned, the Light Elves think it the greatest greeting.” She explained.

Loki took her words and saved them to memory, hoping that they were true, though he had little reason to doubt such, so that he could use such information in the future. “What is that form of it?” He pointed to the pair below, who had ceased their actions as another came closer to where they were.

“That,” Ella smiled wistfully as she spoke. “That is an entirely different matter altogether.”

“How so?”

“That is a lover’s kiss. One shared only by those with immense feelings for one another. There are different versions of that kiss also, but the type those young people partook in, that is very much amorous and lust-filled. They would rather have full privacy and be tearing off one another’s clothes, were the situation to arise.”

Loki frowned. “It seems almost animalistic.”

“Is not the act of sex? It is base instinct really, the kissing merely is an addition of such.”

“That is nothing like sex.”

“I do not think them overly dissimilar, personally.” Ella shrugged. “You are not used to it, so of course, to you, it is a foreign concept. Both seem incredibly alike to me.” She walked back inside, seeing there was nothing to be concerned about outside. She had barely reentered the living area and retrieved the book she had been reading when Loki rejoined her.

“How do you know the sensation of both?” He asked as soon as she looked at him.

“Because I have laid with you as my husband, which you are entirely aware of, but I have also know the sensation of kissing from another.”

Loki’s eyes widened. “In that fashion?” he pointed out the balcony door.

“Not in such a sloppy manner, but yes, in that fashion.”

“A lover’s kiss?”

“Yes,” she repeated.

“With whom?”

“Why does that matter?” She challenged. “I never once requested information on any of those who decided to share your time with before I came to Jotunheim, it was not my place to question what occurred before me, and the same can be said for your questions of me.”

“Liuilf?” Ella cocked her head slightly, wondering how Loki could even have heard his name. “That guard.” She nodded. “Did you care for him?”

“Of course. I would not have allowed the kiss otherwise. But I had a duty, as I told him, hence why I never allowed it further. Like you, Loki, I am willing to forego love for Jotunheim.”

Loki swallowed at her admission. He was startled that she would confess her feelings for another, a love for another. He had been so focused on the loss of his right to love another, he never thought if there was a chance that she too had suffered such. “You...loved him?”

“Is that so hard to believe? I am capable of love, all Aesir are, contrary to your opinion.” She scoffed. “What is it you wish to achieve from this conversation, may I ask? You clearly are not pleased with what you are hearing and I do not wish to discuss it either, so what is the point of this, I am curious?” Loki did not answer. “It is somewhat rich that you feel insulted by my caring for another from before you when you literally avoided my company to go to another and give out to her about me.”

Loki winced, knowing it was every word of the truth. Part of him was curious as to how she knew it, but he said nothing of that. “I’m sorry.”

“I have not even looked at another since the day I arrived here, I am not at risk of doing so any time soon. We agreed to try this, and I think even you have to agree, I am stubborn enough to go through with this.” She smiled.

Loki could not help to chuckle slightly in return at her comment. “I think you would do it out of spite and nothing more.”

“What?”

“Keep to the agreement.”

“I am the most stubborn creature you will ever meet. Though, you may come second.”

Loki scoffed at her remark and shook his head before frowning. “So, what does that form of this ‘kissing’ work?”

“Well, essentially, it includes placing your lips to a partner’s lips and pressing them together. When it gets more heated, tongues get involved.” She explained.

Loki frowned, not certain if he understood the meaning but not wishing to ask for a demonstration, not liking the idea of anyone else’s tongue in his mouth. His face told his horror at the idea, causing Ella to laugh.

“Here.” She walked forward, but immediately Loki took a step back. Ella laughed again. “No, I am not going to kiss you.” She promised. She walked forward again and though he leant back slightly, Loki did not step back. She used her seidr has she had before, showing him plays she had watched as a youth where the actors kissed as reference. When she pulled back again, he looked just as appalled as before though with a little more comprehension in his face also. “That is kissing.”

“It seems vile.”

“To you. To those of whom are more used to it and who consent to being kissed, it is a pleasant and yearned for experience,” She explained with a sad smile.

Loki watched as she brought her book to a far nook of the room and faced the wall, not engaging with him further, the idea of her kissing another as he had been shown in his head making him feel annoyed, though he knew her pressing her lips to another’s was nothing in comparison to his life before she came along.