#trying to weigh the pros and cons of available suicide methods on hand to see if they're worth a shot
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why is my life only doctor appointments. i hate it here
#4 this month 4 next month (might even have more. who knows)#and i hate this so much. every medical thing makes me shake and sweat up a storm and dissociate bc yknow. medical trauma 🫠#and so many of these are also just. unpleasant. like physically. with shitty preparations or hours of fasting etc#and through all that i have the fucking. recovery program stuff that i highkey hate.#bc i hate doing things man i hate being alive enough as is i hate this so much i wanna fucking die. anyway#vent#negative //#ask to tag#seriously tho i can't stop having suicidal thoughts rn. i got a pause from them earlier bc i was tipsy and now that's it. back to normal#trying to weigh the pros and cons of available suicide methods on hand to see if they're worth a shot#i can't handle anything. i was not built for this. i'm in pain and i hate being alive and everything sucks and nothing is ever good
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