#trying to think of dunks for the imaginary things she might say is a waste of my energy

[alatus-k]

lol I wonder how long it’ll take my mother to passive aggressively text me tomorrow

[darkfated-moved]

               * ― STEINS;GATE SENTENCE STARTERS.

❛ ... are you guys trolling me ? ❜

❛ don't you understand ? no, of course you don't. how could you, with impure thoughts clouding your eyes ! ❜

❛ allow me to explain. you called ___ here a weak and innocent girl. ❜

❛ are you okay ? you're not coming down with a fever, are you ? ❜

❛ honestly, i'm not surprised she disappeared from the lab. ❜

❛ you've made a grave error ! ❜

❛ at this rate, it will take some time before you can be useful. ❜

❛ don't try to comfort me. it just makes me feel worse. ❜

❛ i don't really ... like how i look ... ❜

❛ admitting your faults is the first step towards becoming stronger. you may one day become a splendid woman, ___. you're still young. ❜

❛ who the hell asked you ? ❜

❛ i take it back ! you're a stubborn fool who refuses to face the truth ! ❜

❛ shut up. i don't want to hear that from you. ❜

❛ umm ... sorry. i shouldn't have said anything. ❜

❛ that's ___ for you. a cute dumb girl. ❜

❛ ehh ? ___'s not dumb ! ❜

❛ is this that cosplay thing i've heard about ? it's part of japanimation culture, right ? ❜

❛ you ! what kind of person laughs at people's wishes !? ❜

❛ so basically, ___ saved your life ! ehehe ! ❜

❛ at this rate, it will take some time before you can be useful. ❜

❛ if you repeat your wish three times before a shooting star disappears, your wish will come true. did you know that ?❜

❛ well yeah, no wish is embrrassing compared to the idiotic wish for chaos to envelop the world or whatever. ❜

❛ you're very cute. ❜

❛ i'm fine. don't worry about a thing. ❜

❛ you can't let effort like that go to waste. ❜

❛ can you stop that vulgar laughter ? i can hear you from outside. it's embarrassing. ❜

❛ w- what ? that was just an act, right ? ❜

❛ i was so afraid that ___ might die. ❜

❛ but i'm clumsy, and i'm not good at science or engineering ... i'll probably just get in your way ... ❜

❛ why are you bringing this up ? ❜

❛ no, ___ ! s- stay away ! i don't ... want to hurt you ! ❜

❛ i- i'm okay ... this aching is normal ... it'll end soon ! ❜

❛ anyway ! you're the worst, toying with such a weak and innocent girl. aren't you ashamed of yourself ? ❜

❛ don't try to sneak in a photo-session, you perv ! ❜

❛ this reminds me of something i heard once. ❜

❛ i saw it once on the internet. ❜

❛ hey, do you think bananas count as vegetables ? ❜

❛ s- so that's how you reply ... well played. ❜

❛ it's like dunking your brain in a vat of pure moe. then you die. ❜

❛ ... he's messing with us, right ? ❜

❛ you know what they say. cuteness is justice. ❜

❛ c- c- cute ? no way ... ❜

❛ if i tell you ... promise not to laugh ? ❜

❛ hmph. i didn't ask for your opinion. ❜

❛ i think you're putting too much emphasis on appearances. ❜

❛ wh- why are you all staring at me ? don't look at me ! ❜

❛ what if it's all in your head ? ❜

❛ no you don't. i'm not a ' gentleman perv ' like you, creating imaginary relationships. ❜

❛ that's one hell of an acrobatic topic change. ❜

❛ it's only embarrassing because you think it is. ❜

❛ why are you crying ? you look perfect, so you should be more confident. ❜

❛ don't react to every little thing, you perv. ❜

❛ by the way, you should quit it with that name. it's stupid. ❜

>

[cemichaels]

New Beginnings

My niece is 10 years old. She is out here visiting in Colorado and it’s wonderful, and today I got to go with her to the pool.

She loves playing games and rough housing when she is at the pool, and we did a fair amount of that… until there was an downpour of rain that pushed us to the indoor kids area where there isn’t much room for dunking, tag, or Marco Polo. There she was in a play area with slides and buckets and all kinds of crazy fun things, yet all she wanted was to play tag in a pool we couldn’t go in.

This was when my mom made the suggestion that she play an imagination game instead and volunteered me as a good play partner, since that’s all I ever did as a kid and even a teenager at the pool. I was totally stoked, figured this was my time to shine. I’ve never been very athletic, I’m not a strong swimmer, and I struggle keeping up with her levels of energy. But imagination, that I can do.

Growing up, it wasn’t a game if there wasn’t some make-believe involved. Even for something as simple as going outside to ride our bikes, we would have our mom make us pretend drivers licenses. We would come up with driving tests to pass before we could get them. Imagination was in every single aspect of my childhood. And nowhere was I more imaginative than when I was in or around water.

For some reason, this type of game had never crossed my niece’s mind, but upon the suggestion she was totally stoked. She is a VERY imaginative kid as well, always writing stories or plays, so off we went. We imagined ourselves as water princesses who had to protect our castle (the jungle-gym-like water feature) from oncoming (invisible) enemies, and we had a great time. But there were a few moments where she stopped to say how weird it felt, or to wonder if people were looking at us funny for playing a game, just the two of us.

This left me reflecting. Because I, as a grown woman, had no issues with the other parents or lifeguards watching me kick at an imaginary enemy or pretend to water bend (because yes, I’m just that cool). But she did have that hesitation, that self-consciousness. And that was odd to me. She is a kid. Kids play and imagine. I’m sure tons of people around us were doing the same.

But I had to take a step back. As the youngest of 4, I had my older siblings to make playing that way feel normal and second-nature. We did it all the time both inside and outside the home. So of course it was natural for me to fall back into that with no hint of insecurity or discomfort. She, on the other hand, doesn’t have older siblings, and it likely doesn’t come as naturally due to lack of participating in games like that, with other people, consistently.

I have my areas like that, too. There are other types of creativity and imagination that I don’t have as much familiarity to come back to, that I have never had that inherent comfort in. I think this is probably true for everyone, and the only thing that changes your comfort level is repetition. For my niece, it was playing at a pool with tons of people nearby. For me, it’s my writing.

I love to write. I love to imagine people and places and to bring their stories to life on paper, but I haven’t done so with any type of consistency or dedication in 2 years now.

I want to write and make a living off of it someday. I love the power that writing has, that words have when shared. Yet I am more nervous and afraid when I share my writing than when I do almost anything else.

More than anything, I love to write fantasy, to be able to build a world with new rules from the ground up, and yet this is the writing I get most nervous about. This is the writing I am least likely to share. When I take the plunge and do send something out to be read, it’s never one of these stories, but rather, something tamer. Safer.

Like my niece today, I get preoccupied with who is looking at me, what they think, if they are judging, and I forget to do it for me. Because it makes me happy. Or simply because its FUN, and why shouldn’t I?

I have been toying with starting up a blog again for a while now. I am missing writing desperately, but also having such a hard time diving back in. Everything feels harder now than it did prior to my 2 year hiatus, and I thought this would be a good way to ease in. But even with this, I’ve dragged my heels.

I wasted time trying to decide what kind of blog this would need to be, because if it didn’t have a theme, people might think it is weird. Or lose interest.

I wasted time remembering my many (failed) attempts at consistent blogging in the past, and convincing myself people wouldn’t get invested again because I always, eventually, stop posting.

I wasted time being lazy, promising myself I’d “do it later,” or telling myself I wanted to wait because “it’s easier to write on the computer, and it isn’t available now,” or any other number of things.

And I kept going day after day without writing. Until today. Today, I had enough. Today, I want to do it even though I’m scared of it. Because it’s fun. Because it’s fulfilling. And because it doesn’t matter who is watching- I need to remind myself that I can.