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holydragon2808 · 7 years ago

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Replaying Dragon Age II and Forgot How Much I Loved Bethany Hawke

It’s been quite some time since my last full run of the Dragon Age series. Finished my replay of Dragon Age Origins some time last week and I’m now replaying DAII for the umpteenth time lol. I used to see a lot of people say that Bethany is so one dimensional compared to Carver which I’ve always disagreed with that personally. Despite my preference for Bethany, I do find both twins to have a lot of depth to both their respective characters. However, here are the reasons why I’ve always enjoyed having Bethany around. I started a discussion a few months back on the Dragon Age Wiki site about which twin I preferred and why (as well as asking others about their preferences) so I just decided to copy/past what I said on that site. Gonna undercut because it’s pretty lengthy.

I personally always preferred Bethany over Carver. One, I don't care for playing mages in RPGs in general as I said before (just not my style personally. Usually into the sneaky rogue type most of the time or I'll play a warrior of some sort) two, I just can't get into a sibling rivalry type of relationship when it's already forced onto my character (my Hawke had enough to worry about with the other party members and their colossal issues as well as trying to look after Leandra and in my case trying to keep Bethany out of the Templar's radar in Act 1) without having a sibling who's basically a younger and even more annoying version of Gamlen in her ear constantly complaining about being overlooked and it being all her fault and blah blah blah) and three I just found Bethany's character to be more interesting and actually more plot relevant if she joins the Circle.

I see a lot of people in general believe that Bethany is one dimensional or doesn't develop like Carver does. I personally disagree with that entirely. I actually like how different the twins are in their developments. Carver wanted to be a famous swordsman and make a name for himself and feel like he's apart of something important (which is why he thrives and gets that stick out his butt when he joins the Grey Wardens). It's cool to see his development and all but it has very little plot relevance IMO with the mage/templar conflict in Kirkwall.

Even if he joined the Templars instead of the Wardens, I never felt any reason for my Hawke to sympathize with their side of the conflict at all (him joining the Templars seemed to be more about him trying to get back at his brother/sister and being desperate to escape their shadow than him genuinely believing in the cause, especially in Kirkwall's Circle) so for me personally, it was hard for me to get invested in the conflict even if I'm a mage considering how oblivious the Templars are of that fact. It makes sense that they can't touch you in Acts 2 and 3 but not so much in Act 1. You'd think they'd at least comment on it (though I'm aware the developers had to cut corners because of time constraints or whatever) and it just breaks the immersion for me when I'm a mage and Carver's alive despite his potential for character growth from whiny annoying brother with a massive chip on his shoulder due to his own insecurities (that he projects onto Hawke a bit unfairly at times) to a very mature, considerate and capable warrior. Where some people find sibling rivalries interesting, I find them cliche and overdone and I just couldn't get into this one. The game gave me no real reason to care about mending the relationship (or enforcing it) beyond role playing purposes. They just played up his jerk qualities a little too much in the first act without enough balance with his more virtuous qualities for me to care about him in general.

However, with Bethany, her arc is a bit more subtle compared to Carver’s, but subtle =/= one dimensional. All she's ever wanted was to feel a sense of normalcy and acceptance. Her character arc isn't about proving herself as some awesome warrior or making a name for herself (though she's definitely awesome in battle). It's about her reconciling her apostate status with (her initial) perception of the Maker's/Andraste's will regarding mages as well as her faith in the Maker as well as finding a place where she doesn't feel like a burden to her family.

I found Bethany to be surprisingly refreshing considering the majority of the cast has far too much to angst about. Throughout Act One, she confides in your character about her issues without immaturely casting blame at your feet (Carver) or dipping into wangst territory (Anders and Fenris come to mind though I do like Fenris overall and hate Anders in this game but that's another discussion entirely) which gets me far more willing to hear her out and indulge her personally rather than Carver and his massive chip on his shoulder and his petty insults to garner attention and a rise out of his elder sibling. All her life she's felt like a burden who's role as an apostate forced her family to go (in her eyes) way too far out their way to keep her with them. She brings it up a lot and it's clear that one of her flaws is that she's become too adjusted to being protected ("It [being an apostate] was something I never had to work for. Other people took the risks to keep me free") to really understand just how bad other mages had it and just how lucky she truly was to have a family that loved her ( As she says in the final goodbye on the mage path: "I always thought it was hard living outside the Circle. Always on the run. I never realized how free I was").

By leaving her behind during the Deep Roads Expedition quest after she expresses she wants to go, in a way, Hawke is unintentionally reinforcing this idea that she a burden that needs protecting (which similarly to Carver, is why you gain rivalry points with her if you leave her behind). She also realizes that as long as she's with the family, Hawke will always prioritize keeping her safe above pursuing any dreams they might have which is exactly why she doesn't put up a fight (and begs Hawke not to basically stab Cullen to death) when she's apprehended by the Templars. For the first time in her life, she is the one making a sacrifice for her family instead of the other way around. I personally thought this was a good start to her character growth into a young independent woman who could learn to accept herself as a mage in a world (sans Tevinter) that despises magic (and with being forced on the other side of the fence, she would inevitably later gain a better understanding of what Anders meant with "You have no idea just how lucky you were. To have someone who loved and could help you. Most mages would kill for that").

With Bethany in the Circle, it gave my character a real reason to care about helping the mages in the city (and being pissed at the Templars for taking Bethany away and being angry at herself for not getting back in time to reclaim the estate) and a real reason why she couldn't do as much as she'd like for them (Knight-Commander Meredith practically holding Bethany as leverage to get Hawke to cooperate with her during the "On the Loose" side quest). Despite a lot of the mages being completely crazy in Kirkwall, Hawke (or mine anyway) would always stand by her sister (and was practically waiting for the moment to be able to openly defy Meredith and her zealotry.

Reuniting with Bethany again in the Gallows (if you side with the Mages in "The Last Straw") was actually one of my favorite moments about that ending. Seeing her as a confident young woman happily and (most importantly) proudly and unashamedly embracing her magical gift, willing to fight for her freedom as well as that of other mages (in a much healthier way than Anders/Justice) and gaining a much healthier perspective of the Maker's will and magic (that being locked away and living in fear and oppression just for being a mage just "cannot be the maker's will") spoke volumes about her willpower and development over the years. I also like to think that she found her personal understanding of what her father tried to teach her ("Magic will serve what is best in me, not that which is most base") and was able to use that and pass it along to her apprentices and I love in Legacy how she says she still finds strength in those words even while being locked away in the worst Circle in Thedas. It's a far cry from the insecure, scared, naive and ashamed of her gift (or rather ashamed of the difficulties it put on her family) little girl she was in the first act.

In other words, I loved that the hardships she endured in the Gallows for the past 6 years didn't break her spirit or resolve nor did it break her faith in the Maker. It served as a nice and unexpected contrast to my own character during my very first run as a warrior years ago. I was playing a sarcastic Hawke and during their final conversation about the Maker, I think sarcastic Hawke can say something like "He just loves watching us rip each other apart" where Bethany is like "I cannot believe that. The Maker is just and merciful. This injustice was created by men. A new age begins today. People will overcome their fears and find better ways to live with mages. Whether we live to see it or not, a new age is coming brother/sister. I wish mother had lived to see this. I hope she's found peace". It was just interesting to note that my character's challenges made her more cynical in her view of the Maker while Bethany's hardships only made her stronger in some ways. I was proud of her really.

As for Warden Bethany, I just didn't think it fit her personally. Just like Templar Carver, I personally felt it a step back from where they were in act one. They both each make peace with their fates in these scenarios too, but I find Warden Carver and Circle Bethany to be better. The latter in particular. I don't feel like a character has to always go from innocent and nice to bitter/resentful or to constantly angst about everything in order for it to be considered "deep" or "compelling" growth. I like that Bethany was still very much her sweet old self in the Circle but she's become far less naive and sheltered and unafraid to fight for what she truly believes in and embraces her prodigious magical talents (because face it she's pretty awesome in a fight and I loved having her as my mage throughout act one and was devastated that I was forced to use someone else).

I enjoyed Dragon Age 2 despite it's many flaws and I always play rogue (my very first run was a 2 handed warrior though but after I did a duel wielding rogue and stuck with that) and Bethany always goes to the circle in my play throughs. See this post for a follow up on the Hawke Siblings Warden path.

#dragon age #dragon age ii #dragon age origins #daii #da2 #bethany hawke #rogue hawke #female hawke #carver hawke #hawke siblings #leandra hawke #malcolm hawke #dragon age inquisition #champion of kirkwall #marian hawke

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metatiki · 8 years ago

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Life ramblings

Speaking about my life in any kind of public forum has always been exceptionally difficult for me. Even though I know to the most absolute degree that no one will care what I have to say, talking about something as simple as a haircut can make me nervous and make me delete/rewrite/never bother with a post.

Case in point: the reason I've been pretty much only slightly ghosting on Tumblr and nonexistent on Dreamwidth: changes in my life.

It's one thing to endlessly research and learn and analyze and wonder, but it's always another to actually begin the journey, especially when you start it so much later than most. Self-discovery for me is a winding trail with several side paths that I always want to explore, and that makes it a road which can take me quite a while to traverse to the next important crossroads.

For the one or two of you who might actually read this, buckle up. This really is a ramble.

Coming to the realization that I was transgender was both easy and gradual. Easy, because once that bulb turned on, it explained a myriad of different behaviors, preferences, and ideations. Yet it was also gradual, because I literally had no framework to even think it might be a thing for me until I met and RP’d in a group with an FTM a while ago. I suppose to younger people it might be mind-boggling that I’d never even considered it a reality until then, but without any media presence (and I have a very narrow view of pop culture as it is anyway) or literary examples, the idea that I might actually be a man rather than masculine-leaning woman was a foreign one, and certainly not something I could apply to myself in any substantial sense. So I had to realize it was a thing, and then research gender dysphoria to see if it was just a wild idea, or if I fit the criteria. And boy, did I, to a T. *cough*

Once I figured that out, I then had to decide if I want to transition or simply accept the diagnosis and see if I could just live the rest of my life. After all, it's been over twenty years since I was in high school, after all, and I've gotten college degrees, married, divorced, and been an employee at multiple companies in that time. I’d obviously been able to live this way for a number of years as an adult, so could I simply continue and simply make small allowances here or there? Transitioning at any age is never easy, but the challenges differ from one age group to the next. I had to carefully weigh my choices and make the final decision - which was that I absolutely did not want to finish my life as a woman.

I've been absolutely fortunate to have a supportive network of family and friends, and work so far has been accepting (though it's not generally public knowledge there yet). Still, there's a lot I have to sort out, from inside my head to determining how I fit in the outside world (not that I ever figured that out in the first place).

And with that new male self-identity in place, other aspects of my life have shifted in fundamental but subtle ways. I'm a feminist, but not a woman. I'm questioning my sexuality (again), but it hasn't really changed so much as the POV to consider it has altered. I'm re-centering myself in the world in a way that I completely ignored before because everything was wrong so it didn't seem worth it to try. I'm actually working on my health seriously for the first time in my entire life - again, never a concern because my body was completely disconnected from me prior to acknowledging what I truly am. I'm analyzing my ASD and introvertism and a myriad of other things, wondering what will change and what won't, what was me and what was the result of my social and gender dysphoria. All this while my body is literally changing and my psyche shifts to the most calm and *right* it has ever felt since before puberty.

It's fucking amazing and fucking terrifying, all at once. And I don't regret the decision for an instant.

As for fandom, I certainly identify more closely with male protagonists and mlm romances now. To be fair, that was building as I came closer and closer to my decision to transition, but now that all that is settling into place, I understand so much more about my writing and my preferred POVs, why my favorite characters are who they are, and why I feel so distant from certain characters and ships. I had to put my playthrough of Andromeda completely on hold because I'm hoping (against hope) that the mlm romances will be improved as they promised. Ironically, I was finally able to complete a run-through of the original Mass Effect trilogy because I stopped trying to play as a woman and just gaymanced my way through with an M!Shenko story that, despite its flaws, I absolutely adored. I'm even going to go back and replay DA2 with a male Hawke and see if I connect better. Oh, and my former canon Hawke? Yup. Transgender man, always was. I just didn't realize that either.

It has put a distance between me and Tumblr, though. It's subtle, but I notice it when I try to re-engage with fandom and utterly fail. I've distanced myself from my old blog and presence even further and pretty much abandoned the two sub-communities within the fandom that I tried haphazardly to belong to: writing and modding.

For writing, I have three major stories left open/unfinished: my Warden story, my Cullrian fic where Dorian becomes the Inquisitor, and my canon Inquisitor Martin Trevelyan story. I adore my Warden, but I feel so distant from her that I wonder if I'll ever pick that up again. I love my Inquisitor Dorian story as well - I had so much politics and fun with derailing the canon plot planned for that one - and of the three, it's the one I'm most likely to return to writing. The one I want to do the most is my Martin Trevelyan story, but I'm not sure I want to pour myself into writing that story when I'm feeling so distant from the fandom itself. I don't write for accolades, necessarily, but I do like to feel a connection between my readers and myself for fic, and the time for DAI has come and gone. It's hard to write when I feel that no one will read it.

As for modding, I now regret my involvement in that community. I don't have a suitable personality or a viable skillset to offer, and I should have just backed out early and let someone else take over and do what I did, but better. A couple of other blogs have stepped up to the plate, for which I am grateful, but it's a weekly debate with myself whether or not I should just delete that sideblog - heck, my whole Tumblr - and simply move on. The only reason I don't is that I know there are quite a few links to some of the tutorials and lists on the sideblog, and I feel it would be unfair to do so. Yet I tried and failed at Discord, and am completely disinterested in modding ME:A, so I think that ship will not sail again.

In addition to that, I've been in a constant re-evaluation of my online presence and what it means. The release of ME:A had me intrigued at first, but as time has progressed, I've come to realize that even though I enjoy and love the game itself, I feel no connection whatsoever to other fans of it. I don't like the fanart, I don't like the same characters as everyone else, and I simply don’t experience it in the same way I'm seeing it on my dash. People are leaving Dragon Age behind again (which is fine, fandoms are always circular), but I don't choose to move on. And it's getting harder and harder to find meaningful ways to interact with what remains of the parts of fandom I am interested in. Outside of my perennial RPs (which is still Dragon Age), I don't really maintain an online presence except for what little I've struggled to establish here on Tumblr - and the value is diminishing enough that I wonder how long I'll be around.

So. Anyway. Many ramblings later, I guess I just needed to get all that out and written down somewhere. My apologies if you actually read all this. And kudos, as well.

At least Tiki is a unisex name. That I don't have to change.

Tiki on Dreamwidth | AO3 | FF.net

#dw crosspost #Tiki rambles #dragon age #mass effect #transgender #writing #modding #life events

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thedosianexplorer · 8 years ago

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Eleven Question Meme

Tagged by @celeritassagittae. Original link here

1. You get the ability to deploy a save file once from this point forward in real life. Once deployed, you can reload from that save once before you die. How do you use your save, if at all?

Hm, if I could remember information from the previous save, I would save just before apprenticing myself to a time-consuming trade (metalworking, glassblowing, martial arts, etc), spend the requisite years mastering that skill, and then starting over and picking a different skill. Ideally I’d be able to learn two trades in the time it takes to learn one while retaining both, and hopefully not cause any horrible butterfly effects because I decided to go into stained glass making rather than learning the hammered dulcimer.

2. If you could choose to consume any piece of media completely unspoiled (including classics like Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde and Dracula), what would you pick?

Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein.

3. Mix me a drink? Coffee or bizarre soda combinations count if you don’t drink alcohol or don’t drink it in mixed form.

I tend to leave the alcoholic drinks to @askcapeddarkness, but I make a mean cup of coffee. If you’re of a mind, and you want to be up for the foreseeable future, I can be persuaded to make Special Coffee. It’s brewed in my stovetop cafecito (Cuban espresso maker), which lets me add spices to infuse the coffee as its being brewed. I make a cup of Cafe Bustelo infused with cocoa, cinnamon, clove, nutmeg, and cardamom, and pour it into a mug alongside warmed whole milk. I add a half teaspoon of dark brown sugar and garnish with whipped cream. It tastes like drinking a cinnamon bun and once kept my roommate up for twelve hours.

4. If you could be fluent in any language you don’t currently know - living, fictional, or dead - what would it be?

Ahhhhh to just pick one! I would have to pick Spanish. It would help me communicate with more people and it is my family’s ancestral tongue. As far as fictional languages go, I do miss my fluency in Quenya.

5. If you were to win the Ig Nobel prize in something, which field would you be most likely to win, and for what accomplishment? (Assume unlimited grants if necessary.)

I’d be most likely to win for Psychology (since there’s no Sociology category) researching people’s attitudes towards the dead and whether or not they would consume food grown in a cemetery.

6. What is the title of the book nearest to you right now?

Dante’s Divine Comedy.

7. How long can you hold your breath?

About a minute, last I tried.

8. Which of the core Dungeons and Dragons classes suits you best? (I’m going 3.5, so: barbarian, bard, cleric, druid, fighter, monk, paladin, ranger, rogue, sorceror, wizard)

I am such a druid it hurts. It is almost physically impossible to imagine being a different class (though the argument could be made for cleric).

9. When trying out a new videogame for the first time, what difficulty do you normally pick?

I pick Normal, and if the game lets me I’ll scale up to Hard once I get the hang of things. If I’m replaying a Dragon Age game to try a new PC I’ll take it down to Easy for level grinding, since I’m really just replaying for the RP experience.

10. Favorite quest to play in the Dragon Age series?

Hm, let me go in order. Dragon Age: Origins - The Brecilian Forest. I absolutely love everything about it; the wistful melancholy of the enchanted forest, THE GRAND OAK, the Hermit, the Dalish lore (great as a Mahariel), the cursed campsite, every-fucking-thing. I adore this one.

Dragon Age: Awakening - Entering the Fade/recruiting Justice. Ah, Justice. I always had a fondness for him, and every time I go back to this after playing DAII it’s such a gutpunch. 10/10 recommend for the emotional wallop. Dragon Age II: The Deep Roads expedition. I admit I’m a sucker for the Deep Roads in all the games, but this one really shaped Evaine. The entirety of Act I ask the question, “How far will you go for your family?” and leads up to this doomed expedition. Evaine walked in with Fenris, Varric, and Carver. You can imagine how that went. Dragon Age: Inquisition: I really enjoyed In Hushed Whispers. I’m a sucker for darkest timelines and time travel, and Dorian ended up becoming such a huge person in Ladwyn’s life it adds an extra level of affection for it. This quest was a huge turning point for Ladwyn as a character, since she is forced to confront her childhood fear of people dying to protect her, and comes to realize that she cares as deeply for her newfound friends as she does members of her clan. Without this mission, she never would have accepted the role of Inquisitor.

11. If you and your family (assuming you like them well enough to take them with you) had to move to any fictional setting, which would you choose and why? STAR TREKKING ACROSS THE UNIVERSE. I mean, do I really need to explain why? I wanna boldly go.

--- Eleven New Questions for @askcapeddarkness, @alongcameacyborg, @redgalrapaladin, @whatthefawxblogs and anyone else who’s interested! 1) Who is your favorite video game PC that you’ve created (or favorite to play if you don’t do RPGS), and why? 2) What is one job you would love to have, and one job you would never want to have? 3) Would you rather take a road trip or a cruise? 4) Which animal do you think you most resemble? 5) If you could have someone custom-make an item of clothing for you, with no budget constraints, what would it be/be made of? 6) Where do you wish you had never visited?

7) What was the first book you learned to read?

8) What do you think of when you consider liminal spaces?

9) If you could be the one to write a pre-existing bestselling book, what would it be and what would you change?

10) What’s your favorite dinosaur?

11) If you were a song, what genre would you be? Bonus: Who would sing it?

#ask memes #what a lovely meme I like this one #Ladwyn Lavellan #Evaine Hawke #My OCs

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