#trying to post more of these wish me luck orz

[knaccblog]

If you really think about it, both Crowley and Aziraphale are basically confessing their love and asking the other to spend forever with them in that final scene but in such entirely different ways that they both ended up feeling rejected by that offer instead. It's kinda masterful to be able to write that tbh.

Crowley's offer is relatively open in it's romance even though he doesn't quite get all the way there. The intended message is somewhere along the lines of "We're an us and I would like to be that us forever" and "We can be just like that other Demon and Angel couple who were clearly in love, if you'd like."

I feel like before Aziraphale started talking about rejoining Heaven, his confession didn't necessarily involve running away even. After all, he'd wanted to go to an alcoholic breakfast at the Ritz just moments ago, he loves his plants and his car. He definitely loves Earth, he just loves Aziraphale more and he wants to keep him safe. And the thing he wants to keep him safest from is Heaven, who tried to destroy him and treated him poorly for years. Crowley knows with everything that he is that Heaven is cold and cruel and heartless but no matter how hard he tries to explain that to Aziraphale, he never understands. He'll never give up on them. So they literally have to leave behind everything else they both love to be together and safe but Crowley will do that without a second thought because he loves Aziraphale the most and he wants to spend forever with him.

And while it's possible? I personally feel like Aziraphale didn't entirely miss the romance of Crowley's proposal, but considering what Crowley is also rejecting with it (his own redemption, the goodness of Heaven, a chance to make the world a better place, the safety of not being outsiders, and trusting Aziraphale to make a good choice for the two of them), Aziraphale literally feels burned by it. How can Crowley not want these things? How can he not believe in these things? It breaks Aziraphale's heart.

Aziraphale's proposal, on the other hand, is more subtle in it's romance but it's definitely there. He frontloads it with what he's the most excited about which is Crowley being reinstated as an Angel. I wrote a whole thing about this here but basically, not only does Crowley being an Angel again really make everything about Aziraphale's worldview a lot cleaner, but he also feels like it's something Crowley desperately deserves. Aziraphale's true offer, once he gets the whole thing out, involves them together and safe as Angels in Heaven, doing Good, keeping the Earth safe and protected, forever. If you really pay attention, the longer Aziraphale talks about his "job offer" and tries to sell it to Crowley, the less he is being shy about what he's really, really asking for. It becomes all, "Come with me" and "*We* can make a difference" and "I need you." It's all trust and love and forever.

But unfortunately for Aziraphale, there is basically no way Crowley can hear this offer and not experience it as confirmation of his worst fears: That he's not good enough for Aziraphale. That Aziraphale can't love him how he is currently. That Aziraphale just needs his help, rather than cares about or wants him. That Aziraphale still doesn't, after all this time and evidence, understand how horrible Heaven is. That this whole time, they've just been an arrangement after all. It breaks Crowley's heart.

[fure-dcmk]

As one of my favourite and most inspiring artists on Tumblr, I wanted to ask you for advice about being an artist online

I'm a self-taught artist who mostly draws OCs for my own amusement but I also like trying to draw fan art and I had accounts before where I posted some of my art

But I'm very self-critical so I took down my art because I'm still learning and I hated finding mistakes in it. I also deleted my accounts due to personal life setbacks.

But I really want to get back to posting again one day hopefully after I practice digital art more.

So... do you have any advice for artists who are insecure about putting themselves out there and engaging with a public audience?

I really would appreciate your insight

Thank you

♥️

Aaaa anon i'm not sure if I can give any useful advice but i'll try T_T

personally I'm pretty lenient on myself, i prefer to prioritize productivity than quality. so im not sure how helpful my POV would be to a perfectionist. and i see myself as a 'fandom artist' where people follow me for a specific fandom rather than my own art. plus drawing is my way to consume and process my obsession, I have no inclination to do original stuff. in other word, i truly feel inept in providing an advice on this anon orz

but I'll try anyway, it depends on what you want from posting art online. do you want the dopamine from seeing others enjoying your work? do you want to make friends? are you frustrated a thing you like barely has any content so you decide to cook your own food? you should have a vauge idea of what you want from posting

in my opinion, new artist tend to be more insecure in posting, a lack of engagement can demotivate you from posting entirely. so, posting serious art that take days to make are the motivationally the riskiest. people usually struggle to give feedback to serious art. when these posts flop you'll end up feeling more insecure

my advice is to prioritize fun first. things like memes, funny or interesting ideas. sketchy comics are my go-to tbh. people usually have more things to say on things like that.

so you can try to balance low effort content so that it doesn't hurt as much when the stuff that you do spend a lot of time in flops. doesnt mean you should stop experimenting and improving, just do keep in mind posts like that usually don't do that well, you should set your expectations properly.

^this is the most realistic advice i could give anon.

also im not sure if this would be helpful but everytime i get into a new thing, i will first only draw for myself. I'll only start to upload when i hoard too much and it start to feel ridiculous to not publish them

I'm wishing you luck on your art journey!

[fuckyeahkagepro]

( tiny non-Kagepro plot relevant tags ramble but relevant to blog kinda )

[seoafin]

jjk & tower of god chapter on the same day,,, i spent all of my brainjuice talking abt tog w some friends + working on my wip so this one might be incoherent LMAO but nsjdhfjd this my 2 cents for the chp (1) - 🐱

first of all, the zenins shld just eat shit 🥰 the bar is just nonexistant now 😭😭😭

also maki’s mother said sth that hits way too close to home for me too🥴

the maki & mai, megumi & tsumiki "make a place where they are happy” parallels...mai,, maki wanted a place where u'd be happy!!! 😭😭😭 good points abt any interesting nuances the original jpn might have had though

ALSO MUSCLE MAKI IS HERE

and lmao megumi's "ew no" face ,,, i didn't think he could make a face like that JDJJDJD ,, once again i think his outsider-insider status is interesting but the amount of ppl counting on him/leaning on him bc of strategic position is a lot. ig this is what kamo meant by supporting the 3 families,,,, gojou indeed is playing the long game. megumi in the meantime, very persistent in not getting more involved in clan politics, not using power that is offered to him, or leveraging it - in a way it is good, and it also makes sense with "stress is other ppl" but is interesting from a structural pov. megumi may not rly give a shit abt the rest of the jujutsu world. if the ppl close to him are affected, then he cares. otherwise, forget it.

also im interested in power implications here bcs it sound a little like there’s a slight split b/w leadership and everyday zenins and im curious what it's like if u have no connection to the top of the clan,, and again higher ups being unaffiliated with the 3 clans so they have to appeal to them. curious what other talents the gojou clan have and what they're known for bc clearly it's not just gojou, they still have power without him and still have a stake in the shifting power structure. kamo must be busy too...

MAKIIIIII ,,, honestly my heart hurts a little seeing her getting beat up in recent chapters. but i’m rly happy,, shes FINALLY getting the focus she deserves and i’m confident she will make a recovery and she IS in fact the one leading efforts on the zenin side. im rly hopeful she can take over the clan one day and no longer say she's not good enough

that stomach wound is bad news though so im wondering how she will come back from that,, that she didn't know her own father's abilities says a lot, too. i wonder if she could see the extension of his blade, or if she hasn't been able to see/understand many ppl abilities

im hopeful for next chp now. u can do it maki!!!!

flashing back on these bits, it makes more sense now why megumi wasn't melting down post-shibuya,, seems most information came to him in a sort of timely and calm way? also i rly have to wonder if gojou did not spend a decade plotting in front him bcs he's done it before,,,, like the whole clan head scene in megumi's middle school years....in a way i imagine he wouldve seen that gojou come out of the high school and watch him get more serious as he acquired even more skin in the game

all the time though i wonder abt megumi's tendency toward inertia and nonaction to things that would seemingly give him power and trying to understand it and that IS him being selfish and that IS,, imo the biggest indication of what he actually does or doesn't want. he wants it, he will act and work on it immediately himself. he doesn't like it? act like it doesn't exist. it make me want to shake him around like NO!! megumi pay attention!!! But his reaction to this clan stuff is a contrast to his behavior in recent chapters imo

and more mahjong references,,, between this and yuuji’s pachinko,, i wonder abt the undercurrent of gambling haha. a gamble for the shaman world and who will come out on top? a contrast to the flowy ocean imagery that connects shaman stuff out to the rest of the world

also this ,,,, there's that one jp tweet (i cant find it again😞) that talks about how toji, as the point of distortion, created megumi, who is currently playing a potential convergence/healing/uniting role (if he actually takes it on as a responsibility lol) and connects this back to the medicine buddha,,, whose mudra (hand sign) is used for chimera shadow garden. with the commentary abt ppl with heavenly restriction needing to know what to throw away in order to become strong or tap into their full strength and toji’s commentary at the end of fight with gojou,,  i actually always felt that toji died not having been entirely resolved with himself bc he talks abt going against the self that decided to forget abt self-respect, to live without thinking abt himself or others,,, in a way, living selfishly, for himself, by ignoring anything immediate and i think he succeeded for a while bc he didnt even remember megumi's name. he remembers it when he talks to getou abt him being thankful for toji not killing him bc of potential drawbacks

and at the very end he thinks of megumi again and that last act does think of someone else, like a "life before your eyes" moment where toji thinks about how the zenin's treatment of him led him there or how his return to shibuya ends with him remembering how he gave megumi back to the zenin,,, i think atm of his death he was starting to think he did want to care, in a different way, or that he needed a different paradigm. or,, maybe he was just starting to realize how far the zenin thinking had set into him

so we dont rly talk abt that being an enlightenment moment for toji but i kind of think it was. that megumi has the potential to become a pivotal piece as a legacy of distortion is interesting. i dont actually think toji set up everything intentionally bc he didnt know megumi's ability, and i dont think he wouldve thought that far. i think a lot of the heir and inheritance stuff is sth naobito set in after seeing megumi's development under gojou. it's clear now everyone has been keeping eyes on everyone else

at some point there's some interesting discussion to be had abt megumi and privilege - i'm surprised the canon characters dont hate him more for having stuff just fall into his lap, and so i liked that maki pointed this out that he could use this and he shld bc theres a frustration there - and yet at the same time megumi himself seemingly feels very little attachment to the zenin and the shaman world still. he just cares abt his little circle of people, and it's a very intentional choice, based on his good/bad ppl thing

u cant really affect the entire world, but u can assert urself on the environment around u and decide what u do and dont act on. this part of megumi is more teenage boy and kind of toji-like, i think,,, hence the emphasis on action

u express ur effect and existence through action, who u kill or who u save. toji having very little, while so much falls into megumi's lap while he doesn't want it, doesn't want to acknowledge it, likely doesn't want to take part in a system he doesn't like or, having been raised under gojou's wing, resents or finds corrupt or useless, or doesn't even think on bc he thinks its above his pay grade and gojou's there - this is also megumi's moment to solidify his own direction and commit to working in the system or out of it

the "not caring" is a defensive measure in a way too, i think. i dont think megumi is Big Good and wants to save everyone and everything and the world to be good and pure, i tend to think of him as a resigned chaotic neutral, who wishes he could be good orz

ANYWAY i think there's some interesting juxtapositions with the whole toji > megumi thing, that someone who is born without, restricted, births and creates someone full of blessings. its very shaman-like, action then reaction

AND i wish u luck on ur final paper (bless ur eyes to see incels bc i’ll just log off for the day when i saw one (1) of them on the net) AND DONT FORGET TO TAKE A REST,, the self care is much needed me thinks <333 (2) - 🐱

i love u 🥺🥺😭😭😭 you take care of yourself too!!!

also ur right...all this political intrigue im so curious i need to know how the jujutsu world is structured in terms of the higher ups and the clans. like i assumed that the three clan elders WERE to some extent also part of the higher ups???? but now it seems that the higher ups are a separate entity altogether, so like checks and balances i suppose. except both the higher ups and the clans are corrupt so no balance there 😭

the chapter implied the zenins are losing when it comes to the power struggle between the three clans. im interested. i want to see them all rot!!! like i also said though it’s going to be interesting to see the state of the kamo clan though, considering “noritoshi kamo.” like what do you even say to that???? im going to be surprised if it doesn’t affect their standing in the jujutsu world but then again the kamo clan IS one of the big three.

megumi really is a character that was blessed in all regards but like. doesn’t want anything to do with it LOL he really said ‘this is a pain no thanks.’ like gojo like megumi i suppose. i agree with u the whole toji and megumi set up....genius....i also love their juxtaposition. it’s so interesting and another source of irony.

[lucerna-lunam]

On Requests and Hiatus till June

I’m currently in the last two months of my medical school entrance prep, so until the end of the first week of June I’ll be absolutely swamped with revision and practice exams! I’m trying to avoid drawing in the meantime, so anything I post was drawn in a moment of weakness orz

BUT!

I know a lot of you have sent me requests that are almost a year old by now, and I’m really grateful for the messages and I really want to draw them all for you! I can’t right now, but please feel free to send me more since if you’re okay with waiting till June to see it drawn I have absolutely nothing else to do until college starts and I plan to draw myself to oblivion lol

Thank you so so much for the support and lovely messages and putting up with my inconsistency! Please wish me luck for my exams! I’ll need every bit ᕦ(ò_óˇ)ᕤ